- Miss Meadows: You know marriage has a certain... ring to it. You know, a wedding ring, engagement ring... suffer-ring.
- Sheriff: Oh, you have a very strange sense of humour.
- Sheriff: What may I ask are you doing?
- Miss Meadows: I'm dancing to your accordion.
- Sheriff: I'm not that good. It's a work in progress.
- Miss Meadows: Isn't everything?
- Skylar: [to Miss Meadows as she attempts to rescue Heather in her wedding dress] No offense, Miss Meadows, but you do tend to over-accessorize.
- Miss Meadows: [to murderer at Weenie Stand] You're of no use to society. You'll waste innocent taxpayers' dollars, abuse the weak legal system and enter a cowardly plea of insanity to a morally bankrupt defense attorney. For what? Oh, and once incarcerated, you're gonna cost taxpayers approximately $47,000 per year. So you know what? Make sure you point the barrel of the gun to the back of the throat.
- Miss Meadows: Did you know that the accordion is the second least-appreciated musical instrument. Right ahead of the bagpipe, and right behind the dead-kitten flute?