Alzarfa: Escape from Hanhounia Hell

If you've ever wondered what would happen if a Snapchat ad was stretched into a full-length feature film, look no further (Al Zarfa) is here to answer that. A movie that somehow thinks adding TikTok and Snapchat influencers equals star power. The cast? A collection of social media personalities trying (and failing) to act. It's like watching a long, painfully awkward skit on Instagram Live, but in a cinema.

The plot? If you can even call it that. Gold gets stolen. That's it. That's the whole "twist." And what do they name this oh-so-mysterious treasure? "The Legendary." That's right, zero creativity, zero depth, and zero effort.

And then, as if that wasn't enough, they throw in Robert Knepper. Yes, that Robert Knepper.. famous for one role two decades ago and completely irrelevant now. Bringing him in and pretending the movie is "international" is like Al Hilal signing a retired international footballer who hasn't played a game in 20 years and calling him a "world-class" star.

I genuinely don't know what I did to deserve the experience that is Al Zarfa. Maybe I wronged someone in a past life? Maybe the universe simply hates me? Because there is NO other explanation for how this movie - if we can even call it that - managed to crawl its way onto a screen in front of me.

The plot? Nonexistent. The acting? I've seen more emotion from a bag of cement. The "zarfa" itself? What even IS that? A discount giraffe? A CGI monstrosity? A poorly made plush toy possessed by the spirit of bad filmmaking? I still have nightmares.

Every scene feels like it was shot in one take, with a director who was either asleep or actively trying to sabotage the project. The dialogue? I've heard more realistic conversations in automated phone menus. And don't get me started on the editing - jump cuts, awkward pauses, random zoom-ins - it's as if the editor spilled coffee on the keyboard and just rolled with the chaos.

Watching Al Zarfa felt like an endurance test. By the 30-minute mark, I was rooting for the zarfa to go full monster mode and just end it all - for the characters, for me, for everyone involved.

In short, this movie shouldn't just be avoided - it should be locked in a vault, buried deep underground, and never spoken of again. If you're considering watching Al Zarfa, do yourself a favor: stare at a wall for two hours instead. It'll be a more fulfilling, coherent, and entertaining experience.

This isn't a film - it's an insult to cinema itself. A shameless waste of money and resources on brain-dead trash that degrades both the audience's intelligence and the industry's standards. Supporting garbage like this is a direct betrayal of real talent and meaningful storytelling. Those in charge are either blind, incompetent, or simply don't care. The result? Fake prestige, zero substance, and a market drowning in manufactured mediocrity.

Continuing to pump money into projects like this is proof that decision-makers either lack basic taste or have no respect for the audience. It's surface-level PR, empty exposure, and a constant cycle of hollow productions, while genuine, thought-provoking cinema gets ignored and buried under waves of forgettable trash.

Without a doubt, Telfaz is one of the greatest film producers.

What I noticed about Al-Zarfa, despite my keenness to understand that it's a comedy, is its lack of originality. For example, the music (they used the theme song from the TV series Prison Break, although creating something unique for the film would have made it a smash hit, even after a while) The use of common sounds, such as the recording of a child police officer! This is the scene I saw the most, and I said, "What's wrong with that?!" I have no comment on it.

The appearance of famous characters was a great idea, but the scenario for featuring them wasn't successful. It could have been better.

In my opinion, the work was subjected to obstacles that forced the producers to try to smooth out the scene.

The appearance of new actors is a successful step in its place, but the actor remains a prisoner of the director's artistic vision.

We look forward to more amazing works in the future. All the best 🙏

The movie is bad in terms of the idea and dialogue. It has no goal and I didn't understand what he meant exactly!! It was just famous characters that were gathered and filmed without a clear scenario. I really regretted the price of the ticket and the time I spent waiting for this movie and watching it. I wished I had seen another movie and not seen this shameful work that does not live up to the taste of the Arab viewer.

To be fair, the scenes with the actor Arouj were the best I found in this film. The man has a popular and simple charisma that any viewer can accept.

I hope the production company learns from their mistakes in the future and produces films worth watching and works harder in writing them.