Richard the Lionheart: Rebellion

I literally quit after 5 minutes it was that bad - and I've watched some pretty crappy movies. It felt like a high school drama production with boobs.

Bad direction, bad script, bad production, bad research and acting. This is very low budget (nothing wrong with that) but it shows. According to this the Battle of Devil's Bridge was fought by about ten people. The scenery around the North West of France is snow capped mountains (it isn't) and the first castle they battled in was defended by one knight.

Had to give up after just fifteen minutes (if that but it felt like longer) and walk out. Felt to me like they were just mugging me off.

Apparently I need ten lines of text for the review. Which is ten more than the film merits. Originally, all I wanted to say was "Oh dear. Why?"

All the reviews fail to mention that for all its short-comings, there are a couple of redeeming features, in the first 5 minutes anyway, I didn't make it past the 2 man battle for the castle sheltering Queen Elinor of Aquitaine.

But in that 5 minutes the featured character is Queen Elinor. She does have a nice set of tits (they look natural, because they have a lot of natural sag, but good heft and healthy sized nipples that point in the correct directions, unlike a lot of fake ones).

Other than that, the movie is pretty much a waste of time. When she puts on some clothes it's time to close the VLC window and move on to something with better acting, plot and production values (and better nudity), like say The Room or The Canyons.

One of the worst films I've had the misfortune to watch. Two minutes in found me fiddling around in my handbag for entertainment.

There were a few minutes when the princes were introduced where I thought it might be worth watching just for the eye candy but they turned out to be corny and just as naff as everything else.

If a knight urgently knocks on a 6 inch thick internal castle door you don't expect it to sound as if its being done on a Formica topped school desk by a 5-year-old .... and when one of the princes need to escape instead of showing him doing it he is told 'there's a tunnel my father told me about' and then they are out! No budget for a tunnel - I like a good tunnel in a medieval drama.

Costumes were dreadful and although the Queens gratuitous nakedness was quite entertaining full frontal breast enhancements in 1173 is just wrong!

Rarely are low budget films great...but sometimes they can be good. This offering is neither.

A script that was surely written by an able 10 year old, acting that will embarrass the actors for years to come and locations chosen by a blind illiterate moron with no sense of History or Geography. Where are the bloody mountains in Northern France? What were they thinking...Or were they?

(Just watched Vikings Season 4. They sail up the Seine and haul their longboats up cliffs and then pull them over 'the mountains' - WHAT cliffs, WHAT mountains!)

I managed just under 30 mins. There is a simple obvious rule. If you have a low budget, stick to themes that you can afford. Mass battle scenes are clearly out. Spend the money on the script...Or did the actors just make it up as they went along?

They did manage to save some money by not having a Director, well it appears that way.

All in all - a shame. A great idea for a movie...It just needed a budget, a director, a script, actors and basic intelligence choosing locations.