Shiver Me Timbers

This film knows exactly knows what it wants to be - a sincere homage to the low-budget horror movies of the '80s - and director, Paul Stephen Mann, has assembled a crew and cast more than capable of helping him achieve this vision.

With references to the video nasties of Raimi, Craven throughout and gore aplenty, the film follows in the tradition of 'good time' horror films, made on a shoestring by fans and for fans. This could be something made by Troma, minus the unnecessary nudity and misogyny.

Mostly practical effects, augmented by some decent CG (especially for the money - the Jurassic World films still can't get anywhere close to what the original film did with a couple puppeteers in veloceraptor leggings), this akin to something made by a young Peter Jackson. Filmed in Scotland in September, mostly during the night, I'm surprised none of the actors died of hypothermia from the no-doubt freezing blood they are frequently drenched in.

The actors all around nail their assignment and the crew are clearly top of their game, particularly the make up and practical effects, recreating both a believable nostalgia for the 80s as well as the numerous injuries and bloody deaths incurred almost every character.

I suppose the question might be, why would people so talented make a 'Popeye' film and not something more 'original'? Particularly when many of the negative reviews seem fixated on this, focussing on what they misunderstand to be flaws in the film (rather than deliberate referential codes) to reinforce an opinion formed before they even saw it.

The answer would be, well, why not? This is clearly the film that Mann wanted to make and the cast and crew have achieved this 100%. Any review that takes the premise of 'why can't this thing be a different thing?' doesn't hold any weight, and perhaps said reviewers would benefit from rewatching the end of Ratatouille. It is always easier to complain from a distance; creating something is hard and making a film is among the hardest. So well done to all involved.

So, if you're looking for knowingly cheesy and bloody (haha) good riff on 80s shlock classics, check this out. It is considerably better than many of the films that followed in the wake of Grindhouse and, at just over an hour, it even excises much of the tedious first acts of too many of the films it homages, so you can get straight to the good stuff. Get the beers in and watch with friends.

Man, is this one a stinker. But I think it is supposed to be intentionally bad in a money laundering scheme by a nefarious criminal organization that loathes us.

It's Uwe Boll bad. It's bow-chicka-wow-wow level of acting. One of the cops clearly just come from a circuit party with his earrings and yellow pseudo-Aviators.

Bernice was okay. But the rest of this trash fire of a movie is just all wrong and not in a remotely so-bad-it's-good-and-comes-back-around-to-bad-and-settles-on-watchable way.

It also fails at capturing the mid-80s.

It's a quick cash grab on expired copyright. Although it really fails to even emphasize the Popeye thing.

Do not pay to see this.

Comets are nothing to mess around with.

I must admit that Popeye the Sailor Man is just about the last character I'd ever associate with the horror genre, so I was intrigued to see what the writers and director were going to do to make him scary. It was funny to see how they used his catchphrases and habits in news ways to keep the audience entertained. He made me laugh and shrink back in fear at the same time which is exactly the reaction I hoped I would have.

While I didn't need a lengthy explanation of why Popeye appeared, I did find myself wishing for more plot development here. The reason given for his murderous escapades never quite made sense to me, and trying to figure it out was a distraction from both the horrifying and the comical moments in this film. I would have chosen a higher rating if this wasn't the case.

It isn't necessary to be familiar with 1980s slasher flicks in order to enjoy this homage to them, but viewers who have seen at least one or two horror films from that decade may notice some cool throwbacks to the way things were filmed a few decades ago. Without giving away spoilers, I'm specifically thinking of the way rural settings were sometimes used to amp up the suspense back then and how isolation and fear could lead a character to make impulsive decisions that they might not have chosen if, say, they'd been in a city surrounded by other people.

Shiver Me Timbers was creative.

Shiver Me Timbers is the third (and hopefully last) Popeye horror film I have seen this year, after Popeye's Revenge and Popeye The Slayer Man. This one isn't the worst (That would be Popeye's Revenge), but it's close. Shiver Me Timbers' heart is in the right place, I suppose, with a suitably ridiculous plot and a decent amount of OTT violence, but the execution is extremely weak: the direction is basic, the script is terrible, the acting is amateurish, and there is an over-reliance on bad digital special effects. Even Popeye is CGI at times.

Set in 1986, the dumb plot sees a group of friends camping out so that they can witness Halley's Comet and the accompanying meteor shower. In the film's cleverest moment (make that the ONLY clever moment), a meteor is seen plummeting to Earth, but instead of causing a cataclysmic impact, the flaming rock is revealed to be minuscule, landing in an elderly sailor's pipe. The tiny rock causes the sailor to mutate, the man becoming a murderous, muscular maniac who goes on a killing spree, targeting the teenagers.

With a bigger budget and a lot more talent involved, this could have been very entertaining, but with incredibly unlikeable characters, a pathetic Popeye (he doesn't even have the character's massive forearms), an annoying use of horror movie quotes and references, and a finalé that is laughably bad, the film fails on almost every level. On paper, the ending must've sounded awesome, with final girl Olive (Amy Mackie) arming herself with a massive meteor-powered rotary saw to battle Popeye, but the reality is an ineptly handled mess, with some truly awful CGI.

2.5/10, rounded down to 2 for the lame Evil Dead inspired final scene. Not groovy.

This movie isn't your usual horror-it's more about having fun than being scary. It's over-the-top, playful, and designed to entertain. The filmmakers did a great job capturing the 80s vibe, and their Popeye character was surprisingly solid. The deaths were definitely the highlight-bloody, creative, and full of dark humor. The final scene brought a lot of energy. I'd recommend this movie if you're just looking for something light and enjoyable, without expecting any serious scares. It's not trying to be serious, but it's a blast to watch. I had a great time, and it left me smiling. It's the kind of movie you watch for fun, not scares.