- Becca: [to the camera] I can't sleep. I need Nana's cookies. I'm gonna turn a personal addiction into a positive cinematic moment.
- Grandma: Why are your pants so low?
- Tyler: I rap.
- Becca: It's a form of modern poetry... if you give him a topic, he'll extemporaneously rhyme on the subject. His stage nom de plume is T-Diamond Stylus. Go ahead, Nana, give him anything!
- Grandma: Is food okay? I like food.
- Becca: Yeah. Of course!
- Grandma: How about... pineapple upside-down cake?
- Tyler: Yeah... sure, why not? Okay... mmm-hmm! Okay! Got it. Okay... the girls, they like me, they think I'm sweet like candy! One girl looked at me like I was a Hershey bar! Her name was Angie, and a few tall girls, they just looked at me blankly! So here's the thing you got to understand about me, I got more rhymes than a beehive has bees! So it didn't surprise, confuse or make me say "For heaven's sake", when a Hawaiian girl with a balance disorder said "You remind me of a pineapple upside-down cake"! Ho!
- Grandpa: You're blind... you're blind. I am the exposer. I am a seer. I see the veiny, deformed... face of the world.
- Conductor: You a film prodigy? You know, I used to be a pretty good actor.
- Becca: Oh, my camera light's blinking!
- Conductor: I am disgraced, impeached and baffled here!
- Becca: Battery pack is low!
- Conductor: Pierced to the soul with slander's venomed spear!
- Becca: Oh, oh, unfortunately, I'm just going to have to shut the camera off!
- Tyler: [Tyler finds a fly-ridden heap of dirty diapers on a table in the shed] Holy *shit*! Holy Mother of Sarah McLachlan! Nana... what the *hell*?
- [first lines]
- Mom: At the end of high school, I fell in love with a substitute English teacher. It was quite a scandal. Corin didn't start out a bad guy, though. We were together about 10 years and we had two kids. And then he fell in love with someone in a Starbucks, and moved to Palo Alto, California. Kind of severed relations with the three of us. My parents, if I were defending them, which I'm not, had said, back in the day, that he had an "impatient eye." They didn't like him. Week I left, things escalated. My parents cursed at me, which was, like, crazy unusual. And it ended, one afternoon, very badly. I left at 19, haven't spoken to my parents in 15 years. Whatever. That's just the history.
- Mom: Recently, my parents looked me up on the Internet. Asked to meet their grandchildren. Spend a week with them. I looked my parents up. They have a counseling website. People love them. Ironically, they counsel people, which is a hoot. Whatever. I told the kids. They said they wanted to go. I told them I didn't want them to go. They said they were gonna go anyway. They're brats. What can I tell you? And my 15-year-old wants to make a documentary about this.
- Becca: [from off-screen] Wait, wait, wait. Go back. Um, describe the events on the day you left your parents' farm at 19.
- Mom: I did something I don't choose to tell you. If they choose to tell you, that's their right. Okay? I want to do this for you. Listen, they're good people. Ask them. Can I be done with my part? I still got to get you guys packed.