- Bad Guy: [armed robber enters Corner Gas brandishing a shotgun] Open the till! Put the money in a bag--Now!
- Brent Leroy: OK. Did you bring your own bag? Or I'll have to charge you a nickel.
- Bad Guy: How about I blow your head off and charge you 50 cents for the shell?
- Brent Leroy: That's not a fair comparison at all.
- Hank Yarbo: [opening lines] How long has it been?
- Brent Leroy: [immediately without looking up from comic book] April 13, 2009.
- Hank Yarbo: No way! You sure?
- Brent Leroy: Well I can't be 100% sure since I don't know what you're talking about.
- [April 13, 2009 was the last broadcast of a new episode of the TV series]
- Oscar Leroy: Are you questioning my abilities?
- Brent Leroy: No, Dad. When it comes to your abilities none of us has any question.
- Oscar Leroy: Sure, laugh it up! You won't be so smart when the Four Norsemen of the Apocalypse come riding down Main Street.
- [after seeing Brent and Lacey kiss affectionately]
- Oscar Leroy: She likes you. Ask her out, ya jackass!
- Brent Leroy: I did ask her out. Two years ago.
- Lacey Burrows: [everyone is stunned] I said yes, in case this isn't clear.
- [Brent and Lacey have been an official for two years]
- [last lines]
- Emma Leroy: This is great! I can finally have grandchildren.
- Lacey Burrows: Oh, no. We discussed it. We're not going to have kids.
- Brent Leroy: [Emma is shocked] What? I'm not sharing my comic books with a grubby little jam-hands.
- Emma Leroy: Son of a...
- [cut to closing credits]
- Brent Leroy: Alright buddy here's your tab - time to go
- Jerome: I'm not ready to go
- Brent Leroy: Well I'm ready for you to go - you're getting a little sloppy. So vamoose!
- Jerome: Or?
- Brent Leroy: Or... skeddadle, scurry, scoot...
- Jerome: I'll go when I'm good and ready
- [Brent rolls up his sleeve showing his arm]
- Jerome: As it turns out, I'm ready now
- [and he turns to leave]
- Mayor Fitzy: We can get water and power back and solve all our financial problems...
- [beat]
- Mayor Fitzy: --if we agree to be annexed by Wullerton!
- [everyone spits]
- Hank Yarbo: Annexed? ANNEXED?
- [to Wanda]
- Hank Yarbo: What does "annexed" mean?
- Wanda Dollard: Oh, it's Latin for "Fitzy's an IDIOT!"
- [everyone boos and jeers]
- Oscar Leroy: NO ONE'S ANNEXING ANYONE, BUDDY BOY!
- [a very pregnant Karen has just shut down Wanda's illegal casino]
- Wanda Dollard: All right. Just write me up a parking ticket.
- Karen Pelly: [angrily] Don't push me, Wanda!
- Wanda Dollard: Oh, yeah. Real tough talk when your only backup is a baby!
- Hank Yarbo: I'm focusing my energies on money-making ideas. Big ideas. Like a petting zoo, or a dude ranch, or maybe a zoo where you pet dudes.
- Lacey Burrows: I think that is more of a big-city idea.
- Hank Yarbo: I can't believe those Wullerton weirdos...
- [Hank and Brent spit]
- Hank Yarbo: --raised all that money to bail us out.
- Brent Leroy: Yeah, all those lemonade stands and choir recitals...
- Brent Leroy: Hmph. Those self-serving *bastards*.
- [after seeing Brent and Lacey kiss]
- Hank Yarbo: They did a, a lippy kissy thing.
- Wanda Dollard: Brent. You just kissed an actual human female!
- Oscar Leroy: [Oscar has traded their car in for a horse] You may as well accept it, Emma. You can't stand in the way of progress.
- Emma Leroy: Only you would think buying a horse and buggy is progress.
- Hank Yarbo: I got tons of ideas on how to capitalize on this. And with my brains and your money, we can't miss.
- Brent Leroy: But you don't have my money. Or much of the other stuff.
- Brent Leroy: I'm sorry, my head is in a million places. I'm up to my keister in debt--Maybe more. My keister's pretty low.
- Lacey Burrows: Hey, you wanna doodle, do it in a notebook. Napkins cost money.
- Hank Yarbo: Lacey, Lacey, Lacey. Always worrying about the pennies.
- Lacey Burrows: That's why I have more pennies than you.