dannybonler

'Exploitica' is the show where the most obscure films you could imagine are both celebrated and scorned, via witty thought bubbles, painfully accurate captions, hilarious sound effects and some very cunning edits..

Watch as 'The Exploitica Team' turn previously unwatchable films such as Microwave Massacre, Terror in The Haunted House, Wild Guitar and What's Up Front? into side-splittingly hilarious works of comedy genius.

Unfortunately, many will never get a chance to view this little gem, as those fools at Channel 4 are considering axing the show, probably to make way for more repeats of Banzai or something... I don't know.

In the meantime, check out the Exploitica fan-site, Scrabbulars.co.uk , for more about the wonderful Exploitica.

"Count the bodies!"

Yes... it's another one of those "I can't believe somebody actually thought this would be a good film" movies. Admittedly, the premise is deliciously ludicrous (clean cut Americans menaced on godforsaken island by mutant killer baboons!) but once the film starts you realise that 'Primal Force' is BEYOND bad. The characters are ridiculous simpering idiots... their actions are completely schitzophrenic. One minute they are running frantically from a location in fear for their lives, another they are sitting calmly back in the same spot they were running from beforehand. Who wrote the script to this thing? One of the characters knows about the killer baboons, but rather than warning anybody else ("Um, did I mention this island is populated by mutant killer baboons?") he decides to keep quiet and occasionally deliver gruff hints at the carnage to follow ("They've shent you on a shooicide mission"). And the baboons themselves? Well, you'de think they would make them look mutant... indeed, some good costume design and effects work could possibly have saved the movie... but instead they simply make the baboons look like, well, your every day baboon. All in all, Primal Force is clearly an attempt at Jurrassic Park, only with men in monkey suits. It's irredeemably inept scripting and it's dull and predictable plot developments make it one of the worst of the generally dire 'evil creatures' films. Please don't waste your life watching this. Unless your an acute masochist with a penchant for bog standard nature gone wrong flicks. In which case it might be exactly your kind of thing. Worse than Deep Rising. And that's saying something.

One of those old films which has lots of sex, but always reminds you how disgusting and perverted and bad it is. A very, very grimy and slimy and greasy old film, impossible to find anywhere anymore, thankfully... It has several sleazy tales, all narrated by a slightly frightening, heavily-made up man who calls himself 'The Smut Peddler'. The premise of the film is by going to the cinema you are entering the Smut Peddler's lair, where he will show you some films from his private collection. The cast all evidently need a nice bath. Fun viewing, provided you like films that are so bad that they are good.