JBHeinous

From the opening scene I broke my jaw laughing and creamed my Levi's (the first of many times throughout this achievement to the world of cinema and quite possibly humanity). Chris Tucker, newly married, and Kevin Hart, sporting a bulbous face prosthetic, are back as everyone's favorite wiseacre detectives (I actually have no idea what their official titles are as cops, like no idea) and their captain is being framed...But this time he's dead...WOOOOAH (just popped off in my Hilfiger's again writing about how well crafted the story is). Lethal Weapon and Rush Hour have to clear the captain's name cause his cranky ghost keeps following them around during their investigation. While following a lead that sees them off to New York, Ride Along and Money Talks pick up the B-team Ghostbusters from Afterlife to help with the case that they fear involves a sinister Bughuul. The Ghostbusters and 48 Hours visit a haunted Blumhouse that's filled with a whole gang of the fattest DJ Khaleds you've ever seen (think of the mini marshmallows in Afterlife and Frozen Empire but they're all the size of the original Stay Puft marshmallow man but have the skills of a talentless cry baby; this scene also made me frost my Wranglers). During the shoot out with the Stay Puft Khaleds, the ghost captain gets his brains blown out by ANOTHER ONE...which is a mistake because now it's personal. The Blues Brothers ditch the Ghostbusters, who just hung around and kept dancing to ANOTHER ONE, before following a clue left in one of Stay Puft Khaleds wretched ass songs. They must infiltrate a prison to retrieve a former British spy and a wrongfully accused army ranger...and you guessed it, the prison is Alcatraz. When Miami Vice arrives they pretend to be lawyers (again, I don't know what their titles are as cops, they may be actual lawyers at this point) when all of a sudden their gigantic, metal, magnetic boots they've been wearing the entire film lock them in place. All the doors of the cells open and a riot ensues, but through all of the chaos, in walks Castor Troy (already wearing John Travolta's face). "OOOO WEE YOU GOOD LOOKIN," he exclaims as he begins throwing green balls filled with a toxic nerve gas, Blue Streak and Ali remember they're wearing bazooka powered jet packs that allow them to explode out of their boots and through the roof of Alcatraz into the sky and hurling toward an oncoming plane. Out of bazooka juice and free falling they manage to get onboard the plane, which just so happens to be carrying some of the most dangerous criminals this side of the Mason Dixon. Someone says "OH HELL NAW", but I don't want to spoil who, and someone else says "WOO WOO WOO", again no spoilers here as Big Momma and Hancock approache the cockpit Cyrus the Virus turns and says "Thank you for flying Con Air, unfortunately this flight is for prisoners only unless your Dave Chapelle, and lets face it, you guys aren't Dave Chapelle." Fortunately for the Rush Hour 2, a couple of these prisoners are innocent and willing to help, they include Stephen Baldwin and Laurence Fishbourne reprising their roles from FLED and Richard Kimble from The Fugitive, replacing Harrison Ford in the role is Mark Hamill, which I found to be inspired casting. As all the convicts on the plane surround them The Bad Grandpas, Fled and the Fugitive must share one parachute and jump off the plane. A mid air fight ensues with all the men punching and quipping like mad as they plummet to the earth, real obnoxious like. Thankfully a group of bank robbing surfers were sky diving that day, Johnny Utah and Bodhi give The Fresh Prince and MAHHHRTIN a chance to steal their parachute, as they were also fighting in mid air at the moment. With the chute deployed Big Mommas House and King Richard land safely in Gaza.

10 Stars.

Everyone from the Dinglers to Gamdarfon have been spot on in this very literal adaptation, as a competently made, acted, cast and written streaming show for new and old fans of JK Tolkiens work. I've never seen God, but I imagine it looks like Amazon's Rings of Power in this episode. Not only is the story moving so fast it will make your head spin like a Miltanite diving off the cliffs of Nimbobusa, it's getting alot of mileage out of the Condosordian-Hulmapper conflict set up in the original book for which this is based on. Jim Tolkien himself said, "this show is so hip and sexy, so throw some flap jacks on the bumper dun, buckle up and YEE HAW! Those crazy nutters at Amazon DID IT! Now if they only include my Harfootin Boogie song I wrote, I can die even happier! Janice! (JKs wife) go get me another butterbeer you delicious peach, and put some stank on it!" If it's good enough for Ol' Tokester, it's good for all mankind.

Game Changer is a new classic, in the vein of The Sandlot, Little Big Leauge, Rookie of the Year, The Rookie, Major League and Major League 2 except this is the only baseball film to show you that a little (or sometimes ALOT) of faith is all you need to overcome your ego, clumsiness, diabetes and a pending court case in which the judge sentences you to 90 days in jail for speeding unless you can teach a motley crew of middle schoolers how to win on the field...and off...or are they teaching him?

A very funny and heartwarming film with a wonderful comedic turn from Joel DeVisser as Jordan Gabriel, a meat head hunk of a quarterback whose on the verge of signing his biggest contract ever. That is until he speeds and the judge offers him an ultimatum, go to jail for 90 days and lose his new contract signing or coach a team of middle schoolers to the championship baseball game! What would you do?

With the help of his team of underachievers, the diabetic kid's mom, the evil judge (or is he?) and Tim, Jordan just might hit a home run with what little faith remains in him after his dad (Cobb International Film Fest Award Winner Corbin Bernsen) walked out on him as a kid to become one of the greatest pitchers of all time. If he could only avoid falling off tables, walking into wooden posts and getting hit in the groin with helmets, and realize it's not what's in front of him, but what he's forgotten above him that will guide him home and keep him out of jail for 90 days for speeding.