walkingwithprimeval

Welp, here we go again. Yet another Jurassic sequel, the 7th instalment I believe. What's there even left to say about this series? In my opinion, the original Jurassic Park is a movie that never needed to be turned into a franchise. It worked perfectly fine as a single standalone film with a self-contained story, paid-off the things it setup and tied-up loose ends. This isn't to say the sequels can't be enjoyable in their own ways, as they have entertainment value (unintentional laughs, mostly). The sequels definitely lean more heavily into creature feature/action-adventure territory, straying away from the original's natural horror/techno-thriller aura. They're alright for what they set out to be, easily-digestible mainstream flicks produced for the masses. But let's try to put things in perspective; doing sequels to Jurassic Park would be like doing sequels to E. T., meaning follow-on entries just aren't all that required because the story has already been nicely wrapped up. I feel this way with many Hollywood IPs nowadays, such as Halloween and Ghostbusters. Personally, I equate any unnecessary sequels to unwanted pets, where you go "Well, I didn't want you. But you're here now, so looks like we'll have to make do."

Initially, I wasn't even going to bother with this new one. Only thing that got my interest was that the trailers for it were somewhat reminiscent of Kong: Skull Island, which is one of my all-time favourite kaiju films ever made. This felt very Skull Island-y, to me. It's not just the fact that they're going back to an island (again), but its plot being eerily similar to Skull Island's early script (in both instances, finding some miracle remedy to heal mankind's ailments) is what made me curious enough to want to check it out. The made-up, "mutated" dinosaur monsters were the chocolate sauce on top of the ice cream sundae, for me. I'm real glad they've finally dropped the pretence that these things are supposed to be actual animals because they're not, and they haven't been since the original trilogy. In the Jurassic World films, the ugly-designed creatures (mainly the edgelord-stylised carnivores) often acted too unrealistically in several situations with their monstrous mannerisms (attacking unprovoked) and indestructible hides (surviving hazards) and not with the natural behaviours and practical vulnerabilities of what I would class as a real animal. However, with Rebirth's dino-mutants being failed experiments, I'd say they've found an excusable reason to be portrayed all freaky-looking and hyper-exaggerated.

I'm not going to bring up how Rebirth relates to past films or where it canonically fits in with the rest of the convoluted Jurassic lore, or anything like that (not an obsessive fanatic). At this point, I'm done pretending any of these disjointed sequels have solid continuity because they always play so fast-&-loose with retcons that it makes their inconsistent world-building not worth getting invested in (I genuinely don't have the energy to care anymore). No, I went into Rebirth with the mindset that it's just a completely unrelated, original film altogether and I viewed it as such. My advice is to ignore the "Jurassic World" portion of the title and think of Rebirth as entirely its own separate thing, essentially disconnecting it from the brand. As simply a film on its own merits, what did I think? Though I had no expectations whatsoever, I'll admit it was OK. It offered up some pretty cool summer spectacle as a big-budget creature feature, a satisfactory experience for thrill-seeking moviegoers of all ages. There're some decent atmospheric scares and moments of intensity and suspense, but they're few and far between and fairly tame. Plus, the schmaltzy "awestruck" stuff doesn't hit right when given the full context and was outright emotional manipulation done in an attempt to make the audience feel something (and it did it's job). Although I compared the movie to Skull Island, Rebirth lacks that film's self-awareness.

Mahershala Ali, probably one of the best actors working in the film industry right now, was charismatic as the team leader, along with leading action lady ScarJo acting as his trusted right-hand woman on their covert mission. Jonathan Bailey, an actor I'd honestly never heard of before this, did a half-baked job as the film's supposed palaeo "aficionado" (he's certainly no Nigel Marven). And then there's Rupert Friend as the unscrupulous "all I love is money" archetype, the same stock trope you see in every other monster movie. The rest of their teammates aren't important as they're there for one purpose, to be gobbled up as dino chow. Their dialogue stating-the-obvious was about as blasé as it gets, but they at least delivered their lines with confidence. The story was serviceably adequate for the calibre of writing material in a genre film of this ilk. It was an alright quest narrative, but did there really need to be a shipwrecked family subplot intermingled with the main storyline? What function did they have, other than to evoke the same tragic family dynamic of Jurassic Park III? The father and youngest daughter I thought were tolerable, but the eldest daughter, along with her boyfriend, were two of the most annoying characters in the whole movie, for me (their inclusion felt pointless). Honestly, the family were in here so that Universal could market the little girl's adorable pet dino as the must-have toy this Christmas (can't say I blame them).

The CGI creatures themselves were topnotch VFX. I won't point out inaccuracies because, as I already stated, these are meant to be failed monstrosities, not legit animals. Criticising their designs accuracy-wise, after what I said, would be kind of petty and downright hypocritical of me. If I want to see proper dinosaurs being treated like normal animals, I'd honestly just stick to rewatching the wonderful Walking With... documentaries (early 2000s). That said, the monster dinos in Rebirth are interesting. It goes without saying but just to clarify, they aren't genetic mutations in the traditional real-world sense of the term (e.g. Health complications), instead taking the more fanciful Hollywood approach, sort of akin to Rampage (i.e. Pure pseudoscience). The bulbous T. Rex deformity had a striking resemblance to some of the Pacific Rim kaiju designs, while the scraggly winged raptors were like mini versions of the MonsterVerse Rodan (very inspired). The high-octane set-pieces were entertaining to watch, even if they'd already been spoiled in the trailers; from a lanky arrow-beaked pterosaur protecting its nest, to the croc-like spinosaurs in a symbiotic relationship with one mammoth of a mosasaur, all of them were utilised well enough for their respective segments. Even the swimming T. Rex, which had some seriously mad stealth skills, was sufficiently built-up. Though for most of these scenes to work, they operate on cliche slasher logic (A. K. A. Characters making unintelligible decisions).

Rebirth is a visually-pleasing romp that'll help pass a couple of hours, but it's nothing exceptional to write home about. I won't recommend the film to truly diehard dinosaur enthusiasts, but rather I'm advising they skip this one, since my gut instinct is telling me they might end up disgruntled on account of its egregious scientific inaccuracies, of which there are numerous (I'm sparing them the misery). The film is really made more for general monster movie enjoyers, children that like playing with dinosaur toys, and the avid film buffs of B-movie cult cinema, than anyone else. Take it or leave it, it's up to you. When they do make the inevitable sequel to Rebirth, I hope they stick with this monster-centric direction and keep embracing the schlockier elements, and that they won't be afraid to include many, many more original creature creations (maybe give them some ridiculous kaiju-esque abilities, please!). It may not be nowhere near as epic as something like GxK: The New Empire (subjective), but it's leaps and bounds better than Meg 2: The Trench (objective).

Literally, one of the biggest tragedies in recent Hollywood history. We all know the story by now, don't we? The filmmakers set out to do a faithful big-screen adaption of one of the most famous and influential dino documentaries on the face of the planet, and you'd think they'd want to treat the beloved IP with as much gosh darn respect as they possibly could've (right?). But alas, as in any situation that seems too good to be true, the higher ups did what they always do best... dreaded studio interference! The out-of-touch execs demanded there be "voices" given to the dinosaur characters instead of, you know, your typical narration done by a celebrity voiceover. Not to mention, they also must've told the co-directors to "include hip and trendy pop songs and add in stupid editing gags to the more lighter scenes, cos we gotta keep 'em kiddies (and simpletons) entertained." Well, I'm very glad to say this tactic backfired on them big time, with 20th Century Fox having lost a boat load of money in the process which in turn ultimately led to the film bombing not just financially but also with professional critics and casual moviegoing audiences alike (this was all positive news that made me extremely happy!). This rubbish only serves to confuse the clueless middle-aged parents that mistakenly pick it up for their kids instead of the classic show.

So, years go by and people soon forget this travesty of a product ever happened at all in the first place, disappearing from everyone's collective consciousness as fast as it arrived. Oh, I'm not kidding, it's almost eerie how everyone in the whole world doesn't seem to remember that this film was ever even a thing. And yet, over 10 years since it came out, I (for some odd reason) decided to check out the Blu-ray edition of this movie (might've just been out of complete boredom). As I was flicking through the bonus extras on the disc to see if there were any interesting "behind-the-scenes" or "making of... " featurettes (of which there were zero), I quickly discovered something that would suddenly change my whole perception of this film forever, and that would be the "Cretaceous Cut." No joke, I'd literally no idea that something like this actually existed prior to my random searchings on its physical media release. I was in total shock! This vastly-superior director's cut of the film entirely does away with the obnoxiously babyish talking altogether (YIPPEE!! No more John Leguizamo!) and fully removes the opening and ending segments involving the unnecessary human cast (referring to Karl Urban and his character's niece and nephew), as well as completely omitting the end credits. Even the informative dino stats that occasionally appear onscreen from time to time have been muted.

Don't get me wrong, the movie still retains many of the bad elements as seen in the theatrical cut, too; such as the cartoony sound-effects and contrived pop songs which, given there's no voices now, somehow makes them feel even more out-of-place than before (I would've preferred a traditional film score all throughout). Even some of the dumb, unfunny editing gags are left in. I can't tell if this is what the filmmakers were originally going for or if they were forced to include those parts and were unable to edit them out for whatever reason, but either way it's still quite jarring. Anyways, far from being a 5-star masterpiece, this Cretaceous Cut of Walking With Dinosaurs: The 3D Movie makes the film overall a sight more tolerable and I honestly believe it's on-par with Disney's Dinosaur, in the sense that while they're not 10/10 movies, both ARE at least all-around solid dinosaur-themed films with decent stories and quality VFX work for their respective times (although, I think we can all agree that Dinosaur has the better music). If you're a lifelong palaeo-fan and you'd wished that the Walking With Dinosaurs movie stayed true to the spirit of the original docu-miniseries and had some semblance of creative integrity, then you really ought to do yourself a favour and try to obtain the Blu-ray (that is, if you can even find a physical copy, these days).

If the theatrical cut felt like pure torture to you, then the director's cut is sheer bliss (hopefully). At the very least, I bet you'll have a much more pleasant viewing experience with it than the standard version. Just pop that disc in and head straight for the Cretaceous Cut on its special features.