BajaJayhawk

In today's installment of "Movies Are Hard," we have the latest Star Trek movie. We're hard-core fans, so when we read the brutal reviews, we thought, "It can't be THAT bad, can it?" SPOILER: It can be.

Let us save you 95 minutes. This movie is terrible. Michelle Yeoh is a top-level talent. This script was bottom-of-the-barrel. It would have made a good comic book. It might have made a below-average Star Wars movie, but there was virtually nothing in it that conveyed Star Trek quality.

Sorry. "Movies are hard."

Let me say it again -- we are fans who have watched Star Trek episode and movies, good, bad, and indifferent, always finding something to like about them. There was NOTHING to like in this effort.

For the most part, this movie promises exactly what it delivers - talented, pretty actors in a clever rom-com where we all hope true love triumphs in the end. So in most ways, you know what you're gonna get.

BUT LET ME CAUTION YOU... the movie also promises a pivotal weekend in Sitka, Alaska, which is an utterly lovely location! But with the exception of some brief B-roll stock footage of eagles, spruce, mountains, and sea lions, THERE IS NO SITKA IN THIS MOVIE. All the "Alaska" scenes were shot in New England. "Movie Magic" (and the need to keep budgets reasonable) aside, this was a BIG disappointment to me.

If you've read any short synopsis of this movie, you don't need to see it. The story begins with an inexplicable set-up (some sort of privatized witness protection program?), kicks off with an unexplained plot twist (why are the bad guys after him NOW?), and proceeds through unbelievable series of public shootouts across the country (at no point across the country were the authorities alarmed or mobilized?). I wish I had these two hours back.

If you get tricked into sitting through this garbage, bring a good book. The story will not require more than about three percent of your attention to keep up with the action.