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Reviews
Yu mian tao hua zong xiang feng (2022)
Nah.
I didn't find the main gal physically abusing her husband romantic at all. She seemed to constantly hit him whenever he happened to say something she didn't like. The husband was also too soft to be the hero of the story. He also kept self deprecating, way beyond the culturally expected level. They both had some redeeming qualities of course and there were some warm moments but these were rather few and far between. The storyline outside of the main couple was so uninteresting that I skipped most of it. All I know is they distributed some much needed justice to degenerates. Overall can't recommend this title at all.
The Woman in the House Across the Street from the Girl in the Window (2022)
Disappointing
I expected more from this series. It's supposed to be thriller comedy but it's not funny enough to be a comedy and not realistic enough to be a thriller. There's no thread of something solid to hold on to one way or the other throughout the episodes, just wide swings between yeah she's definitely insane and she's definitely right. And since the murder mystery part is fruitless, one would hope there'd be some humor, but no. And what quality of entertainment is promised in episode 1 is long gone by episode 8. So yeah I didn't like it but thought it deserved half the possible stars since I did watch it till the end.
Black Friday (2021)
Avoid avoid avoid
Can't believe i paid money to see that. Such a waste of time. The characters don't make sense, their conflicts don't make sense, and you can't get yourself to root for any of them. The plot is also full of holes, and frankly stupid. You might think you'll at least see some zombies eating a bunch of people, but they don't get even that right. The effects are laughable and the whole thing is just an unexplained mess. In short, just don't waste your precious time on this movie. It'd be very easy to find something better.
Malignant (2021)
Seriously bad.
This movie is such a huge waste of time. It's so bad and boring that I'm writing this review while the movie is still playing. Terrible use of music, bad acting, ridiculous premise. Be a supernatural movie or be a medical movie. This is just BAD.
Kingdom: Ashin-jeon (2021)
More drama than horror
Like the series itself, the movie draws heavily on the human condition. Horror fans expecting serious zombie action may be disappointed. Zombies are not the focus at all; they are a detail. All in all it's worth your while if you've seen the series, but you may want to keep your horror expectations to a minimum.
The Sinner (2017)
Excellent first season, unwatchable third season
The first season of this show was one of the best nail biter thrillers I've ever seen. Unexpected brilliant twists at every turn made me never wanna stop watching. Second season was considerably worse, but with season 1 still fresh on my mind, I gave it a chance. It was eh. The third season however was actual garbage. It's so stupid I couldn't even fathom how on earth it could be under the same umbrella as season one. I finally stopped watching halfway through. It's been such a steep decline from the excellent first season that I don't think I'll watch season 4 when it comes out.
The Netflix Afterparty (2020)
Hard to mess up concept yet here we are
They had a simple job: Be the DVD extras that we don't get to see with Netflix originals. Show some bts footage, do some interviews, give the audience some fun "making of" tidbits. Foolproof. Failsafe. How they got from that to the unbearable pile of trash they have right now is beyond me. They messed it up so badly that you can't even skip forward to where they talk to the actors. It's all blended in the garbage. Ugh.
Man Vs. (2015)
Very average movie
The most interesting thing about this movie is how the mummy-like creature on the cover has absolutely nothing to do with the movie and hence doesn't appear anywhere in it.
On an unrelated note, I would have liked this movie a lot better without the sci-fi twist for sure.
Dark Was the Night (2014)
This movie is so bad its rating makes me believe in fake reviews
Don't believe the 10-star reviews! This movie is just incredibly badly made. The first 40 minutes or so all we get is villagers fearing a supernatural entity and the sheriff scoffing at them. Then the next 40 minutes is more nothing. Just when they finally start to make a point (however badly), the last 10 minutes turn just ridiculous.
Then there's the general freaking blueness of the movie, ugh.
So I'd normally wanna give this boring time thief zero stars but I'm giving it three stars because yes, deforestation is bad, Kevin Durand is awesome, and I feel for the family's problems.
Desperados (2020)
Mostly disgusting
You see how the movie is gonna play out in about the first five minutes, but i thought you know nothing wrong with that, i enjoy a cliche romcom every now and then; plus I'm a New Girl fan so I've been looking forward to this movie. Boy was I disappointed.
This movie is mostly just disgusting. What they think is comedy is pure, gross, unadulterated trash. How on earth is a storyline involving pedophilia funny? In what world? Why would anyone wanna watch a 9-year-old get it on for grown-a** woman over and over and over? They just wouldn't stop with it! Also, barfing on someone's face? Being humped by a dolphin? Being slapped in the face by its dick? Ew, ew, ew, and ew.
Also, nothing about Wes's character was endearing, and she didn't really grow by the end, either. What all of a sudden she's going to stop being a self-absorbed crazy loser because her friends got mad once?
One star because I still watched it to the end. One star for the actors, and the third one for the old but important overall message.
I See You (2019)
They almost made the perfect thriller. Almost.
They almost made the perfect edge-of your seat nail biter thriller, but fell just short. There were like 5 twists which were about 2-3 too many, which brings me down to 9/10 stars. Then I'm taking away 2 stars just for the torturous noise they subjected me to in the background. And then one more star off because that's how much I disliked that industrial grinding/whale song noise that just would not let up.
Askeladden: I Dovregubbens hall (2017)
Classic tale from Norwegian folklore
It's the old 'fight the monster to save the princess' storyline but it's based on Norwegian folktales. It feels a little too simplistic at times but the scenery is breathtaking and the cultural differences interesting, which leads to quite an entertaining movie overall.
Askeladden i Soria Moria slott (2019)
Worth a watch
If you like beautiful scenery and fairy tales, this sequel is definitely worth a watch. The storytelling is markedly different from mainstream Hollywood movies but it's interesting and can be viewed as insight into Norwegian culture.
Black Summer (2019)
Watchable but not too good
The cons: The black screen episode titles every few scenes are annoying; you don't relate to the characters because they don't get introduced properly and get killed off like flies; some stuff only happens to move the plot along without any viable explanations; and there's very limited dialogue.
The pros: the zombies are decent and the acting is good. Characters respond to the zombie apocalypse like I imagine a normal, real person would, like a character literally running away (like on foot with the zombie chasing) from a zombie for minutes and minutes was so realistic it scared me more than any other zombie show has.
The Possession of Hannah Grace (2018)
Best horror movie I've seen in a while
I'm a horror movie buff and I don't scare easy, but at this movie I actually screamed! Over the years I've learned to anticipate the jump scares and what not so the fact that his movie could still catch me off guard says a lot. The plot, the acting, the atmosphere, etc. were all also quite good. Good job well done; so go see it in theaters as it's not gonna be as good watching at home.
Sleep No More (2017)
I actually liked it.
I started watching this movie with low expectations but it is actually pretty neat. There are only a few things that don't quite make sense, and they're minor. The acting isn't the best, but the effects aren't half bad. What really impressed me is that the plot is as solid as it gets for a movie of this caliber, and the story is belieavable. I would even call this a better alternative to the remake of Flatliners. Good job, guys!
Venom (2018)
Leaves you wanting more!
I'm still in the theater waiting for the second after-credits scene as I write this, and I can safely say it was a fun ride. Tom Hardy was his awesome self sans the British accent (save for one moment when he says "scared" and the Brit can't be reigned in) and I loved it. The action, the humor, the plot, everything fell right into place and gave way to a very entertaining movie. If I have to mention any cons, it'd be the change of heart that Venom has toward the end that's not sufficiently explained. Can't tell what it is without spoilers, though, so I'm gonna leave it at that. Oh and CGI fights suck, but I liked the incorporation of the actors to the scene here!
If you like superhero movies, you're going to like this movie. If you don't like superhero movies, you're still going to like this movie.
Our House (2018)
not scary but not bad either
This is more a story about loss and coping, so the drama component is stronger than horror. It's really not bad for its kind and deserves credit for avoiding jump scares. Could be watched if you aren't expecting something truly scary.
It Comes at Night (2017)
It doesn't come at night, or any time of the day for that matter
This movie doesn't fail to scare; worse, it blatantly doesn't even try.
I don't know if I'm more disappointed by movies that you can tell will be crap just by looking at the lighting and camera-work, or a movie that's actually pretty decent in terms of techy stuff and casting and acting and atmosphere and yet miserably fails to deliver. Yeah I think it's the latter. At least with cheap looking movies you know the risk.
If you look at this as a movie that explores "the human condition" or something like that, you might find some merit in it. However, it's advertised as a horror movie, which, by definition, needs to at least TRY to scare audiences. Such a disappointment.
All in all I'm just left wondering what the critics must have watched to give this such high scores. I'll think twice in the future before I watch something trusting Joel Edgerton's name.
The Mummy (2017)
Not bad if you don't think about it too much
It may be because my expectations were seriously low thanks to critics' reviews, but I enjoyed the movie. The horror aspect was surprisingly good; I wasn't prepared to feel scared, which is always a nice surprise. Although there were some pretty lame scenes where even I could have delivered the lines better, the story, the visual effects, and some really funny dialogue made up for it.
That being said, I don't know why Chris ended up as a ghost/zombie when every other undead being was physically touchable, beatable, visible, and non-omnipresent. Besides, why did he start out as a mindless zombie that tried to kill even Nick, if his sole purpose was to serve Ahmanet and he knew Nick was her chosen one? And if he was going to be a mindless zombie, why did he change into a ghost that was all BFFs with Nick again? Also, I don't think it made sense for Nick to make a sacrifice of that magnitude for Jenny given how his character was portrayed and their ridiculously short relationship history. And I'm sorry, but you can't have a money crazed crook take back control of his body and mental facilities from "Satan himself" (Dr. Jekyll's words, not mine). Is Nick gonna turn out to be the bastard son of a Celestial as well? Please.
As for the acting, I think Tom Cruise had no chemistry whatsoever with any of the other cast members, and -maybe because of that- he looked like he was trying too hard. Annabelle Wallis looked like someone had dropped her into the scene and she'd barely had time to look at her lines; she sounded that fake and out of place. Luckily, she was somehow wayyy better in the second half of the movie than she was in the first half. Russell Crowe looked like he was wearing someone else's clothes, figuratively speaking, so I hope he grows into the role more in the upcoming movies. Sadly, I thought Jake Johnson's role as the comic relief failed miserably, despite his great, natural performance.
I hope the failure of this movie doesn't mark the end of the Dark Universe as I'm still kind of looking forward to seeing it explored, but this should be a lesson learned for everyone involved in the upcoming productions. It's no easy feat messing up a movie this badly when you have all the time, money, and resources in the world not to mention great actors.
Opening Night (2016)
Awesomeness
Well color me happy there's a sofa in here for two! This must be one of the most entertaining movies I've seen in a long time. Such an amazing script (all those hilarious lines, all the pop culture references in every other sentence, the light-hearted self deprecating humor...), and such fantastic delivery, I tried to will it not to end. Excluding the cheesy AF unrealistic ending, I loved every scene. One has to be well-versed in the music and celebrity tidbits of the past three decades to get everything, to say the least, though.
There was also quite a bit of soul-searching for quite a few characters, and amazingly, it was all done smoothly and with just the right amount of depth. That's a tough thing to accomplish in such a short time, but they nailed it!
So yeah, I definitely recommend it. "Treat yo self".
The Hunter's Prayer (2017)
below average drama
Another gun-for-hire-with-a-conscience movie, but I'm afraid not a good one. There are a lot of disturbing scenes or plot arcs involving minors for no apparent reason, and the head honcho's emotional journey doesn't make much sense. He's had a rough military past, for instance, but the emotional scars brought to the foreground don't involve killing human beings. He does a lot for the girl he's trying to save, which is great, except they are things he hasn't done even for his own daughter even though she's supposedly his everything. Hello? Oh and the girl's another story. She has serious problems, except she doesn't act on them. She has serious doubts, except she doesn't act on them, either. All in all, things don't quite add up.
It's a good watch for a virtual tour of Europe and some average action sequences if you're into that kind of thing, though.
Grave (2016)
average
As far as French movies go, which I'm not a fan of save for a few classics, it was okay. Not scary, but suspenseful enough to keep watching. It helps that it's quite funny at times. However, I'm not a fan of gory flicks either, and I don't enjoy watching a movie when I can't look at the screen half the time because what's shown is too disgusting and then I'm missing the dialogue because it's French.
I didn't bother doing any research, so I'm not sure what the message is. Could be vegetarian propaganda or anti-vegetarian propaganda, or it could be nothing; I really couldn't say. My takeaway is if you're a vegetarian, better stay vegetarian.
Ghostbusters (2016)
great comedy
It was great to see McCarthy depicting a smart yet funny character; I find her over-the-top, grotesque roles in some other movies truly off- putting. McKinnon gave a refreshing performance, and Wiig, though downright typecast at this point, was still good.
As of today, this title has an average rating of 5.3/10, which really baffles me because I think it's a great comedy. Sure, some scenes feel more like SNL skits than movie scenes, but they are hilarious so I don't mind. The humor, both verbal and visual, is mostly smart and tasteful except where Kevin is involved. Then again, I don't mind that that either because Chris Hemsworth.
Definitely recommended.
Berlin Syndrome (2017)
definitely worth seeing
It looks every bit like the clichéd woman-held-captive movie, but there's nothing clichéd about it that I could see. I don't know how you make a fresh movie using an old plot line, but they did it. The characters were a bit flat, but they surprised me at almost every turn, and I loved that there were only two scenes where I face- palmed with frustration (I normally end up doing that a whole lot watching this kind of movie). Can't really give examples of what I mean so as to keep this spoiler-free, which is a bummer, but take my word for it if you will and give it a shot.
Oh and be warned: There's quite a bit of German dialogue.
Edit: The filmmakers should have done their linguistic research better. Andi forgets the word "contemplate" in English twice, and says "complicate" (the first time) and "compensate" (the second time) instead. Apart from the fact that it's a fairly unlikely mistake for an English teacher to make, it's pretty much impossible for a native speaker of German. You see, "complicate" and "compensate" both have cognates in German, "(ver)komplizieren" and "kompensieren" respectively. They're not even false cognates like the German "lernen" and English "learn", where "lernen" also corresponds to "study", leading non-fluent German speakers to say stuff like "I have learned at Cambridge for two years". So even if Andi could forget how to say "contemplate" in English, he wouldn't have confused it with words that are almost identical in German.
There you have it. Phew. Glad we could sort this out.