The_moan_of_all_moans

Unbreakable: One of my favourite films. Masterful example of subtlety within a favourable genre. Well executed twist.

Split: Great film, with a Masterful example of acting, and how to use a character outwith the boundaries of just one personality. Unexpected twist.

Now, before I start on Glass, I would like to try understand why anyone would like this film...genuinely. I shall now take that moment as I recap the film in my head...

....

Nope, sorry. Not one reason popped into my head.

The masterful subtlety from Unbreakable smashed to smithereens; comic book this, superhero that, superhero this, comic book that. You would think they had filmed this for those who are oblivious to the obvious. Spelling it out for us at every opportunity.

The masterful acting whittled into a dogfight for who can seem The most estranged. And Sarah Paulson. A fine actress but this character was the major problem with the film. Every time she was on the screen, it felt like an eternity.

Can't even be bothere talking about it anymore. So bad. So so bad.

There have been a lot of times in my life where, by the end of a film, I have shook my head in dismay, at the thought of wasting my time watching garbage. Yes, this was another one of those occasions. This was one of the worst films I have ever seen; I say that with absolute clarity, without so much of a hint of over-exaggeration. To give you an idea of what the experience of watching this movie is like, I would like you to play out a certain iconic scene in your head. This scene is from the classic "GoodFellas" where Joe Pesci's character Tommy has been sent for. To be "Made". Imagine Tommy's surprise when that isn't the case and instead he has a grave marking his impending doom awaiting him. That (although slightly more intense..) is the feeling your left with by the time the credits roll. The trailer promises action, and car chases and cool deaths. By the end you feel like Tommy, wondering what would've happened if you hadn't been duped.

All i can remember from this film, is Ben Affleck sitting across from someone at a desk or cuddling a female. Action scenes are that of extreme rarity and any "shocking" moments are so recklessly placed, that they lose all impact. 45 minutes, boring the viewer to tears, followed by 1 minute of intensity doesn't cut it. It's simply not good enough. The countless trailers leading up to the release, the positive reviews, the cast and this is what we get? Walking out, I felt really bad for anyone who paid around £10 to see it. In a script that includes the Irish and Italian mob and the KKK all intertwined, I find it unacceptable that this is the best they could come up with. At some points I felt this whole film was made, just so Affleck could do his Boston accent again. It is drab, and I can't help but feel extremely disappointed. Everything about the film screams desperation. Each scene, outfit, the dialogue. Trying its very best to convince you that you're watching a genuine gangsters life. And yes that is the whole point of acting and films, but it supposed to flow, to be natural. This is anything but natural. It's...well...Fugazzi. I can only hope that this is a small bump in the road in relation to Affleck and his work as a director, as a mountain of a project awaits him and this is one he cannot afford to mess up. If Bruce Wayne is suddenly from Boston i'll lose my ....

Bloody knew I should have opted for La La Land instead...

After witnessing such a horrific film, I can't help but feel that we are barrelling towards a comedic apocalypse. Dramatic as that may sound, it is exactly where we're headed.

To a world where jokes are outlawed and laughing is punishable by death. Where rebels hide away watching true comedies such as "Airplane","Naked Gun"," Stir Crazy"; the list could go on. Hunted down by the dim, those who have had their funny bones broken, whose tears of laughter have been sucked back into their humourless eyes. Too much?

In an ironic twist, you may state that it is my inability to find comedy in this film, therefore my logic of impending doom on the Worlds laughter would be to blame on me and those who agree with me. Here's the thing. If you continue to make films like this and label it as comedy, eventually no-one will want comedies anymore, because what's the point in paying money to see a film, that's main purpose is to make you laugh, make you depressed? I mean, the four lead dweebs in this film are quite possibly the future of comedy films, take a second to let that sink in......the future! The likes of Richard Pryor, Gene Wilder, John Candy, Leslie Nielson, Robin Williams (I apologise for stopping here, the list is long) are no longer with us. It really is sad to see what comedy has now become, that people are out there that actually laugh at films like these.

Fortunately I didn't fork out any money to watch this garbage, I witnessed it at home and (naively) put this on in an attempt to brighten my uneventful day. Oh how it failed. There was not one silver lining, not even the credits (like most people may say in a negative way) because then a long list of people's names who contributed to such a disastrous attempt at humour proceeded to make their way up my screen and that depressed me more. Why did I watch the entire film? I did turn it off 20 minutes in, but went back in because you have to give comedy a chance, it's easy to make someone laugh if you know how. None of these nitwits knew how.