Bill357
Joined Mar 2009
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Bill357's rating
In 1994, while working as a waiter in a trendy Hollywood restaurant, aspiring filmmaker K.C. Bascombe was retrieving a frozen dish from the walk-in freezer, when the place was raided and shut down by the city of Los Angeles, after apparently making the mistake of serving Barbara Streisand her main entrée before she was finished with the teaser. (Babs hates that.)
Accidentally locked in the freezer, he's trapped in a state of suspended animation for fourteen long years. Miraculously, when K.C. is thawed out, he's still alive and full of movie ideas.
After a quickie lawsuit against the city, he obtains the funds to finance the quintessential early-nineties independent film, the story of a murderous, philosophical dirt-bag who take off in his 1960's convertible, on a nicotine fueled crime-spree across the truck-stops and greasy-spoon diners of the southwest, with his loud, over-sexed hick girlfriend, who likes to shout, "You sweet on me!" to greasy, fat rednecks before flipping out and offing them.
The problem with KC's script was that time had passed him bye. His ideas, that were once so hip and fresh, had been squeezed of all their potential in the years that he'd been away.
At his wits end, he summoned the help of others, writers more experienced in the modern ways of screen-writing. Those men helped KC a lot, introducing new concepts to the hopelessly behind-the-times filmmaker, modern concepts like having no real action or suspense in the film and adding mindless torture in order to give pimply-faced geeks a chubby.
With the screenplay finished, KC was quite excited. He immediately suggested to the casting director that the two leads should be filled by Woody Harrelson (that funny guy from "Cheers") and Juliette Lewis (whom he loved in Kalifornia), only to be nervously told that those two already made a film together and besides, they're both a bit too old these days. After all, it's been fourteen years!
KC then suggested Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette, prompting the casting director to quit.
With no famous actors in the leading roles, KC soldiered forward with an actor and actress who mimicked Woody and Juliette quite nicely, filming his movie, which he called Hide, and eventually releasing it on DVD.
"What's a DVB?", asked KC, who's last memories of home video were of 1994, videocassettes, and Blockbuster Video.
"It's called a DV-D.", replied the distributor. "It's like a tiny laser-disc!"
And so it was released, prompting sarcastic a--holes like myself much merriment, as it was just too derivative of about a million other movies (Wild At Heart, Kalifornia, True Romance, Pulp Fiction, Natural Born Killers, The Road Killers, Love And A .45, Freeway) from the early to mid-nineties.
However, it's mindless scenes of torture, as well as it's excessive heavy-petting, did give pimply-faced geeks across America plenty of Chubbies!
THE END
Accidentally locked in the freezer, he's trapped in a state of suspended animation for fourteen long years. Miraculously, when K.C. is thawed out, he's still alive and full of movie ideas.
After a quickie lawsuit against the city, he obtains the funds to finance the quintessential early-nineties independent film, the story of a murderous, philosophical dirt-bag who take off in his 1960's convertible, on a nicotine fueled crime-spree across the truck-stops and greasy-spoon diners of the southwest, with his loud, over-sexed hick girlfriend, who likes to shout, "You sweet on me!" to greasy, fat rednecks before flipping out and offing them.
The problem with KC's script was that time had passed him bye. His ideas, that were once so hip and fresh, had been squeezed of all their potential in the years that he'd been away.
At his wits end, he summoned the help of others, writers more experienced in the modern ways of screen-writing. Those men helped KC a lot, introducing new concepts to the hopelessly behind-the-times filmmaker, modern concepts like having no real action or suspense in the film and adding mindless torture in order to give pimply-faced geeks a chubby.
With the screenplay finished, KC was quite excited. He immediately suggested to the casting director that the two leads should be filled by Woody Harrelson (that funny guy from "Cheers") and Juliette Lewis (whom he loved in Kalifornia), only to be nervously told that those two already made a film together and besides, they're both a bit too old these days. After all, it's been fourteen years!
KC then suggested Christian Slater and Patricia Arquette, prompting the casting director to quit.
With no famous actors in the leading roles, KC soldiered forward with an actor and actress who mimicked Woody and Juliette quite nicely, filming his movie, which he called Hide, and eventually releasing it on DVD.
"What's a DVB?", asked KC, who's last memories of home video were of 1994, videocassettes, and Blockbuster Video.
"It's called a DV-D.", replied the distributor. "It's like a tiny laser-disc!"
And so it was released, prompting sarcastic a--holes like myself much merriment, as it was just too derivative of about a million other movies (Wild At Heart, Kalifornia, True Romance, Pulp Fiction, Natural Born Killers, The Road Killers, Love And A .45, Freeway) from the early to mid-nineties.
However, it's mindless scenes of torture, as well as it's excessive heavy-petting, did give pimply-faced geeks across America plenty of Chubbies!
THE END
