biscutbuu69

Having suffered through every single feature film from rapist/manipulator/abuser/all around bad person/director Lucifer Valentine and despising all of them other than the pseudo-documentary Black Metal Veins which is a horrifying film about heroin addiction and not Valentine's vomit/rape home movies edited into a feature. I figured I would give his one short film, which is also his second highest rated film, a watch because I hate myself and well...

It's predictable and kind of uninteresting but I was never really bored by it, I think the fact that it is a short film really helps in keeping it watchable. As an added plus it doesn't have any vomit or super explicit on screen violence. It actually has a plot to it and tries to develop the main character. The acting ain't too good but to be completely honest, I still found the last 5 or so minutes to be very uncomfortable and, dare I say, disturbing.

Basically the film is about a woman who is a prostitute meeting a guy online and believing he is the man of her dreams and you can tell where it goes from there.

This film and Black Metal Veins are proof that Valentine can make an interesting film without just making fetish gore out of his home movies of rape and vomit.

The man is still a monster mind you and I will never purchase or support his work directly so I'm not gonna recommend this film but If you REALLY want to seek it out just find it somewhere online for free.

The original Jacob's Ladder is a pretty good, spooky, depressing, gloomy, hallucinogenic horror film and I really like it, its like a 8-9/10 for me! Being someone who is open minded and hates to see a film that actually tries get trashed I decided to watch the remake just so see what we had on our hands. And sure its not a great movie, even on its own when not compared to the original, but when compared to the original its a bad movie, but even then there are elements to it that are pretty interesting and I would say keep the film from being "THE WORST MOVIE I'VE EVER SEEN IN MY ENTIRE LIFE! IT RUINED THE ORIGINAL! AVOID AT ALL COSTS!" like everyone else seems to think.

So instead of doing what everyone else is doing and writing a 2-3 sentence long review in all caps calling it the worst garbage since a caveman dropped fecal matter on the ground thereby creating the concept of garbage. I am gonna talk about the movie on its own..

Jacob's Ladder (2019) is about Jacob Singer a veteran of the war in Afghanistan who suffers from PTSD after his brother dies in combat. But once his bother shows up alive in the States Jacob's world is turned upside down and things get nightmarish.

While not as dark and consistently crazy as the original this film does manage to have some powerful moments and scares. Unlike the original I would say this film is far less surreal, no demons, eyeless surgeons, brain parasites or constant imagery of chain link fences. There are weird surreal head banging moments and people suddenly disappearing and some blood on the floor but no crazy monster effects or shaky surreal 35mm camera work (at least not until the final 10 minutes). This film is pretty grounded in reality even in its surreal moments.

Honestly the acting isn't bad and neither is the writing, they tried to do something different here without completely rehashing the original and they did an alright job. I don't think I'll ever watch this film again to be completely honest, but that doesn't mean its not worth a shot if you've got like 90 minutes to kill.

This film isn't as good as the original and the original film isn't as good as Buddy G's American Nightmares (AKA Combat Shock) which is the best surreal horror/drama about Vietnam, PTSD, life, death and existentialism.

Its not a good film and honestly it isn't that recommendable either but it most definitely isn't a 3.2/10 average bad, its competently made and does interesting things despite its flaws. Also if it wasn't titled Jacob's Ladder none of y'all would be mad or calling it the worst movie ever so please, shut up.

I've been a fan of the Critters series since I was in my early teens, now in my 20s we have a new one and I was pretty excited, especially after The New Binge series came out on Shudder and was bad but pretty enjoyable. I had hopes that this would be a bit better considering its a film rather than a web series. And it is pretty decent, not great, but lets not lie here after the first Critters film the series went downhill pretty quickly but they were still fun and tons of people are just as nostalgic for the sequels as they are for the original. After seeing the average rating and high number of negative reviews on here I expected it to be as bad, maybe even worse than The New Binge, well I'm here to tell ya, this is nowhere near bad especially when compared to the original sequels or The New Binge. Either way, lets actually talk about this.

So as an entry in the series Critters 5 is about on par with the first or second sequel, its pretty much a standalone film though, you can watch and enjoy this film without any prior knowledge of the series and enjoy it just as much. The film is decently acted and has some good effects and practical puppetry and gore. The writing is fine, it kinda feels like a fan fiction with a sequel this late in the series trying to add more lore but its not as bad as the fan fiction feeling of The New Binge, if you have watched that series you will know why.

Judging the film on its own, its a pretty fun and entertaining direct to video/TV movie that is worth a shot if you got time to kill and are a fan of the series. Compared to the rest of the series, especially if you include everything, including The New Binge its a welcome entry to the series.

Is it bad? Sure from a serious critical stance it is, but that doesn't mean it isn't of quality in some ways and doesn't mean its not enjoyable. See it for yourself before letting the intensely negative, all caps, three sentence long reviews calling it "THE WORST MOVIE EVER MADE!! PLEASE STAY AWAY!" discourage you.

I give it a 6.5/10