FleshAndTheFiends's reviews

If you're among the many B-movie fans who think Fred Olen Ray, Jim Wynorski and David DeCoteau lack talent, then you need to take a look at one of Chris Seaver's 'films.' This guy is a complete pinhead with the mentality of an 8-year-old and zero talent at directing, writing OR acting. In short, he could drop off the face of the Earth tomorrow and entertainment community would not know the difference. Anyway, this supposed movie (shot on video, of course!) is a horror-comedy about a bad vampire who wants to steal the large-breasted girlfriend of a nice-guy vampire. That's about it for the story, unless you count one lame attempt at a gross-out gag involving an exaggerated amount of a certain bodily fluid. I could go on for days about how lame, unfunny, irritating and trite this thing is... but I'll pass except to say I got it off Netflix and Netflix has received multiple complaints from renters complaining they feel ripped off by this or other Chris Seaver 'films' and they should stop stocking them. I agree.

So maybe they should keep these glorified home movies in their own video cabinets and not torture the rest of the world with them. I stumbled onto this mess by complete accident and decided to watch it because I like Brinke Stevens. Well, it's the absolute worst thing I've ever laid my eyes on (and I watch a lot of B-movies myself) - Pathetic minimal 'plot', poorly made, excruciatingly boring, endlessly padded out with anything to stretch the running time to a measly 50-some minutes, AWFUL acting... I could go on and on. This video just does not merit any kind of deep analysis. All I can say is DO NOT waste your time or money on it.

I feel compelled to add just one more thing... I cannot believe one of the actresses who starred in this atrocity actually had the gaul to get on here and criticize someone for not liking HER movie. Well sorry about your luck, sister. Come back to reality. People are entitled to their own opinion. I happen to fully agree with him that everything about 'Expendable' is terrible, including your abysmal performance. Brinke Stevens certainly deserves better material than this. You do not.

I was roped into this travesty because... 1) I enjoy zombie films 2) I usually enjoy both Debbie Rochon and Trent Haaga and 3) For some reason I still think there's hope out there for Full Moon, who have lost most of my respect over the years with a succession of incredibly bad releases.

This is easily the most appalling release from Full Moon yet. Words cannot express how lousy (and irritating) this load of excrement is. Frankly, it's insulting that it received ANY kind of release and that anyone has to be tricked into suffering through someone else's home movie. I could even forgive the nonexistent budget, amateurism and awful make-up if there was something else of merit going on here (no such luck!). What I cannot forgive is the completely unfunny 'script' (granted it had one), the migraine-inducing overacting and the pitiful name dropping at each and every turn (I could list fifty other major annoyances, but I won't...) Chris Seaver has absolutely no discernible talent, but HE obviously disagrees with me. Listen to the commentary track and you'll hear the rantings of one of the most misguided, idiotic and delusional people on the planet. He seems to fancy himself as such an original talent. So Chris, I'm glad you find yourself to be so very witty and talented. I found you to be a smug, annoying, juvenile and irrelevant moron whose only possible fan base would have to consist of not-so-bright 10 year olds or someone borderline retarded.

But anyway, since you seem to be such a big fan of yourself and your own work, maybe YOU should keep your crappy movies to yourself, eh? 1/10 (If there was a zero, this 'film' would get it)

Just posting a slight warning about this Full Moon release to all you zombie movie lovers. Although it somehow doesn't quite reach the depths of awfulness as such stink bombs as Zombie Lake and Oasis of the Zombies, this zero budget videotaped horror effort (shot somewhere in the bowels of rural Ohio) is definitely one to avoid. The story is silly (and full of VERY obvious lapses in logic and general coherence), the photography is terrible, the direction is bland and devoid of imagination and the make-up is pretty average. What's even worse? The acting! What an insultingly untalented group of 'thespians' they gathered up here!

Here is a typical Skinamax movie with the expected mixture of soft-core sex and lame comic gags. The plot is a bit like 'Bikini Carwash Company', but while Bikini Carwash was a very fun T&A romp, this one is just boring and the sex scenes don't even really deliver. The best moments are easily provided by Michelle Bauer, the veteran horror movie queen, who actually is very funny as a prudish teacher. Fellow vet Jay Richardson is also in it.

Beverly Lynne is a bit refreshing as well. She's all-natural and has a great body. The other two blondes (Stacy Burke and Cailey Taylor) are not memorable in the least and pumped full of silicone. 3/10

A friend of mine sent this to me for evaluation because I watch a lot of cheap horror films like he does. This is by far the worst 'horror' movie I have seen so far this year. It is like someone strung together their boring home movies and forced them upon the general movie-going public. It is cheap - stupid - annoying - lifeless and drags along at a snail's pace. There is not one single decent acting performance in this film, no interesting characters, no suspense and it seriously lacks in the gore department, which could have been a redeeming factor for movies like this one.

It was produced by a B-movie website and I went to said site and saw the 'reviewer' praising many movies I've seen that are beyond terrible. I know it was just his/her opinion, but hell - BAD IS BAD - Anyone giving a thumbs up to some of those bombs is obviously just trying to get free screener copies and thus is a worthless, biased 'critic'...

Speaking of the 'B' horror industry - I have noticed that it generally consists of people with little to no talent who just sit around praising each other's unoriginal home video crap. I hope THEY enjoy their OWN films, because no one else does. When this one gets out to DVD, it wish it a quick death at the bottom of the Blockbuster bargain bin. Sadly, this movie will probably make money... but how could it not? It obviously didn't cost anything! The people involved with this show complete disregard for their audience and that in itself is appalling enough not to drop a dime on this junk. End of story.