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Halloween Kills (2021)
Make it stop.
This IS one of the worst movies I've ever seen. Dreadful. There's no suspense whatsoever. Dumb acting, dumb script, dumb characters. Underuse of characters. Jamie Lee does absolutely nothing this whole film. Characters cant seem to shoot a gun for their lives, literally. Every single choice this film made was dumb. It defies belief to the degree of dumb dumb dumb. And the ending is blasphemy to the whole franchise. They really should stop. But wait, there's another on the way. I can't wait to see what new extraordinary heights they go to with the next one. Maybe Michael will fly in the sky. DERP.
The Walking Dead: On the Inside (2021)
Are you serious?
Again, one of the worst episodes yet! Wow, okay, so lets get this right, the timeline of this apocalypse is what? 10-15 years? And apparently that's enough time to turn people, actual people into people that live inside the walls of a house and walk on all fours and have basic English. Are you kidding me? The group we follow in this show have seen some gnarly stuff over the years! They're still doing okay, so what kind of things made this group go this way? Must have been a hell of a ride. Holy Moly this was just so bad! And I thought the season started off well. Still questioning why I'm still watching, I guess I'm just too committed?
Gerald's Game (2017)
Painful to sit through.
I'm sitting in bed (how fitting) relaxing on a Saturday, and I just finished watching Gerald's Game, wishing I could get those 2 hours back. Let me just say that this film was diabolical, actually painful to sit through so much so that I should have turned it off. If you decide to watch it and think maybe it will get better don't. It gets worse. Also this may come as a surprise, because the first 10 minutes of the film are actually quite promising, I was thinking it was going to be great. But it is after the first 10 minutes (not long) where you will understand why this story has been deemed one that would be impossible to translate to film. No spoilers but a concept is introduced which just does not work for film and is actually very tedious. Anyway I'm just glad its over, I hope to never think about it again, and neither should you!
Blair Witch (2016)
As a huge fan of the original this is really disappointing.
The original Blair Witch movie was one of the only films ever that genuinely scared me and made me feel uneasy. It was full of innovation and was unlike anything we had ever seen in a movie before.
When I heard about this movie and saw there was some very good reviews I started to get very excited. I thought they could push it and do so many great things..... Not the case. Lets begin...
Characters: An incredibly bland bunch. Not really characters at all, save for the trait of one of them being angry, or one girl hurt her foot, that's literally everything you can say about her! The main actor is so unbelievably bland, you just have to wonder how he convinced all of these generic characters to go to the woods investigating in the first place.
Jump scares: Oh boy, nothing spells out unoriginal generic horror quite like an abundance of over the top jumps scares at any possible moment.
No originality: whatsoever... Nothing new of any substance was brought to the movie. There was so much room for development with the Blair Witch and yet it brought nothing new to the table.
The only thing in the film I really did appreciate was the sound design, which sounded alien and unfamiliar, kudos to whoever was in charge of that, that upped the tension a bit.
As a fan of the original I was really let down by this movie and if you were as well I'd wager a good bet that you will be let down as well. Younger people who missed the original may find it terrifying, or those who think lots of jump scares equate to a decent horror. For anyone else it's just a vastly inferior copy.
Fa yeung nin wah (2000)
Boring.
I don't think I've been so shocked by a high rating on IMDb before. There are so many glowing reviews here I was expecting some kind of masterpiece but for me this was the biggest yawn fest I've seen in some time.
For one thing, I absolutely love foreign films and watch world cinema far more than Hollywood movies... I'd also seen Chungking Express from the same director as this movie and I quite enjoyed that..
While technically well made, with some beautiful cinematography, good cinematography does not a good film make.. You could equate it to a photo realistic painting of a stone wall, while the skill is impressive in doing that, it would still be a boring painting.
The dialogue was boring, and the plot was thin to say the least! I just couldn't get invested in these characters enough to care.. It became dull and tiresome very fast. Then the same music was used over and over which became very repetitive. I also noted this in Chunking Express which is making me rethink that film and the director...
Overall: I'm giving this film a 5 mainly for the cinematography, but I really feel like I wasted what was left of my night watching this instead of something better..
Bom yeoreum gaeul gyeoul geurigo bom (2003)
The greatest movie experience I have had. Stop everything! Watch it now!
There is no film I have seen that was quite like this. It was rather extraordinary.
The film opens with the opening of a doorway, and through this doorway you are brought into another world. A world that exists on the films terms, there is no explanation for anything, it just is. You are much akin to a fly on the wall just lucky enough to be along for the ride, and what a ride....
The film mainly features two characters; a boy, and his master. They live on a floating temple in an isolated lake, training in the ways of a monk. It follows their course through the seasons, learning life's lessons throughout.
There is very little dialogue in the film, but magically, it is hardly needed. Every single shot of this film is strikingly beautiful and tells the story all by itself. I must express that the cinematography here is some of the best I have seen, it was absolutely exquisite! The changing seasons made this even more so, the film actually becomes more beautiful to look at as it develops.
I can assure you that you have most likely never seen a film like this before. I hadn't. More than just watching a film this was like having an otherworldly experience. It is an absolute masterpiece and is actually the best I have ever seen.
You know what to do!
El espíritu de la colmena (1973)
Apparently voted one of the great Spanish films...
As you can see on IMDb there is a lot of praise for this film. It is my understanding that it was voted within the third greatest Spanish films ever made. It's good but I wouldn't go that far..
Many people here have mentioned the historical metaphors within the film but I won't delve into that, I thought the story was completely about the main character Ana.
First off, the actress who played Ana was very authentic, with a striking face full of emotion. She genuinely believed a lot of what was happening in the film including the Frankenstein monster being real! Such authenticity means it's worth seeing it for that alone and that is where the films true beauty lies...
For all this though, for what is essentially a beautifully shot film with great cinematography and performances, the film was a bit dull! It was only after the first 45 minutes or so that I started to wake up. There was a whole sub-plot between the parents marriage which I felt added little weight to the rest of the story.. There just wasn't a whole lot I felt I hadn't seen before.
So for me, I can see the film for what it was worth and why it received such accolades. But it was a little too dull for me to consider it "Great"
I recall one of my absolute favourite films ever The Fall, which also included a little girl who believed so much of the movie around her, that film was gripping from start to finish and never dull for a moment. Strange it hasn't gotten the praise it so deserved..
The Virgin Suicides (1999)
Retrospective Review: Lingered with me afterwards... the power of a great soundtrack.
I came to this film being a huge fan of Sofia Coppola's other film Lost in Translation. Lost in Translation is a 10/10 picture for me and one of my favourite films ever, so I went into her first film The Virgin Suicides with high hopes..
It's about a year or so since I have seen it, and while writing this review, I must express that I was initially disappointed expecting more, even dismissing the film as a little boring....
However, the film kept coming back into my thoughts afterwards and I can still recall vividly the opening shots of the film accompanied by what I now consider to be one of the greatest soundtracks ever made, by the French duo: AIR. Using their music for the film was in my view, a genius choice from Coppola.
I will never underestimate the power of a soundtrack in a movie and neither should you. Take for Example: John Caprenter's Halloween. The film test screened to audiences without the infamous score and the test audiences thought it was a bad film, you know what it became with the score in place, an outright classic. Music can be just important as great cinematography..
I certainly took away the soundtrack from the Virgin Suicides, I was listening to the whole album regularly. Then slowly but surely parts of the film crept back in to my thoughts, the beautiful cinematography, the great performances, the wonder. The soundtrack and the film are intrinsically linked.
I look forward to seeing it again, knowing I will definitely enjoy it more than the first time round.. It's definitely a grower...
Terminator Genisys (2015)
Though flawed, it was better than I expected...
The new Terminator wasn't terrible! I'm surprised. Though it had its flaws it was much better then Terminator 3 and Salvation... and I actually enjoyed it mostly. I probably won't be watching it like 30 times like Judgement Day, but its not like I expected it to ever live up to Cameron's work....
First off, the action was good and so was the pace, the film never became boring even with how complex the story was so it certainly gets points for that.
The film itself runs like the greatest hits of the the franchise which is both good and bad.
The pros: Revisiting 1984 (the first terminator timeline) was a lot of fun for obvious reasons.. You get more things like crazy manoeuvres from the T1000 etc and Arnie gets to kick some ass and even be funny at times....
The cons: How many times do they have to repeat lines from the previous films? Sarah Conner says: "Come with me if you want to live" Really? Again? Really? Come on, having that as an obligatory line in each movie is actually annoying. "I'll be back" is just like an obligatory oh, we'll just squeeze that in there, the audience will love that! Nope, not really, see in the first Terminator that had impact! Like the impact of a car coming through the wall! This is there just for the sake of it...
Aside from that, I think JK Simmons character was borderline pointless, you could nearly have cut him out of the movie and barely noticed! A crying shame for such an excellent actor.. Generally the script could have done with more tweaking, some plot towards the end just seemed outright silly, but I will say the chemistry between Arnie and Emilia was actually pretty good!
Overall: It's no Judgement day but you know what, it was actually a decent film and it was great to see Arnie as the Terminator again, and not saying "talk to the hand" . I can see why James Cameron endorsed this as the true sequel to T2...
Jigoku de naze warui (2013)
A Japanese love letter to cinema.
This was a movie made with great love for cinema. If you are a true lover of film you'll greatly enjoy this film. The film has many references, parodies and praise for other films you'll recognise which adds to the fun. The music is excellent, a lot of it original, some you'll recognise...
If you liked Kill Bill, your sure to like this, where as Kill Bill was like a love letter to Japanese cinema and culture coming from Tarantino, this is one coming right out of Japan....
The main appeal for this film is that it is lots of fun and you'll get the tone of the film very early on, which is the crazy off the wall humour which Japan specialises in. Its gloriously over the top, gory and funny and I was smiling the whole way through! Check it out!
Nurse 3-D (2013)
Great drinking game;
I'll start off by saying that for a B movie, (seems like a B movie, quite surprised it was in cinemas!) this film had a decent budget and mostly all good actors, except for the main actress Paz De Le Heurta who's acting is just, well.....odd.
The dialogue and her acting are just ludicrous but as a result I found the movie to be quite funny (possibly unintentionally. I couldn't tell)
You could actually play a drinking game with this movie, taking a drink any time there is a butt shot or some nudity in this film, which there is tons of, its actually ridiculous. The main actress is nude probably 50% of the film so you'd be pretty drunk by the end!
Overall: The whole thing is ridiculous, but its worth one watch.. I've seen far worse....
Recommendation: Watch Enter The Void, by Gaspar Noe, Paz is better in that but the film is also a work of genius.
Exists (2014)
Fast paced and enjoyable,but with some flaws.
This film comes from the director of the Blair With Project, who pioneered the found footage format, and uses it here once again to make a horror movie involving none other than Bigfoot. I think the Blair Witch was genuinely scary and absolutely innovative so I was expecting this one to be good, and I must say I enjoyed it.
The director was wise to make a shorter running time for this movie as it makes it gloriously fast paced so it never becomes dull for a moment. The tension builds rather quickly and carries on doing so.
The faults in this movie are in the decisions the characters make, some of which are absolutely idiotic and unforgivable. (Slight spoiler ahead) Lets say you have a shotgun for protection and you have 5 cartridges but you waste most of them giving your (hidden) location away shooting into the air... Unforgivable.
If it wasn't for some of the idiocy of the characters I may have actually given this a 7/10 or an 8/10. It was actually pretty good, and extra kudos for the makeup and stunts which were surprisingly very good.
Overall opinion: Fast paced and enjoyable (mostly)
Recommendation: Willow Creek (2013) by Bobcat Goldthwait is another found footage Bigfoot horror which I also enjoyed..
Truth or Dare (2013)
Idiotic
What shocks me the most about this film is the universally positive reviews for it on IMDb! The user rating is closer to the truth. This was diabolical.If this is a shocking movie to people they must be quite sheltered from what movies they have seen.
First of all, all these characters were painful to watch, perhaps that's kind of the point but god I didn't wanna see them live, not one of them was likable.
Secondly some of the decisions these characters made are mind boggling, like I actually couldn't believe!
Overall opinion: BAD!
Recommendation: Watch a French film called Inside. Now that will bloody well shock you!
Mama (2013)
Bottom of the Barrel
Make no mistake about it, this film was horrendous. Not even Jessica Chastain or Nikolaj Coaster-Waldau could save this stinker. Though they were good in their roles, (particularly Jessica Chastain) there was nothing they good do to save this stinker. To be honest I can't figure out why they took part in a movie with such a nonsensical script. Then there was the CGI, oh my god it looked terrible, scary? Jesus it was almost laughable, on top of that it relied almost entirely on generic jump scares with that stingy sound that you have seen hundreds of times before, instead of jumping I just cringed. Every time. I would have actually turned it off but I watched it in a friends house so I didn't wanna be rude.
But then I wouldn't have seen the grand finale! I was almost speechless at yet even more completely nonsensical decisions and more dire CGI, and more outrageous things that made me question; are they actually serious? Scary? Stop, it was laughable almost, almost. I couldn't laugh, I was just disgusted.
I'll give it 2/10 instead of 1 for Jessica Chastain, she gave a good performance with what she had to work with. And she had a MIsfits t-shirt.
Overall opinion: Avoid this! Seriously, please do.
Recommendation: Watch The entity (1982) instead if you want a scary ghost story...
Girlhouse (2014)
Decent throwback to classic slashers with a modern concept.
As a slasher fan, I quite enjoyed this directorial debut. The first time director Trevor Matthews shows promise and delivers a satisfying horror movie that ticks all the boxes one comes to expect from a slasher film. It's fun, bloody, gratuitous and inventive.
The setting of a house that broadcasts x rated content online works perfectly for horror, much like the Sorority House Slasher movies from the 80s but with a modern twist.
The film is nicely setup and allows you to get to know the characters quite well before they are dispatched! (and they are all quite likable and not annoying!) And it must be said; the dialogue and acting from everyone is quite good. Especially from the main actress Ali Cobrin. Therefore the film never drags....
The kills and makeup were also quite good, with one kill in particular being quite amusing..
The only problem I'd have with the movie is that it was a little tame for my standards, probably cause I'm used to seeing crazy films from the French Extreme Horror movement like Martyrs and Inside! But for me it just wasn't all that scary.
Overall opinion: Satisfying horror movie and a promising debut.
Mientras duermes (2011)
Creepy!
This is a seriously creepy film. It's a very interesting character study of a stalker. The film builds slowly, but as the story develops you start to see the workings of a despicable man, all while you'll start thinking that this could actually happen!
The film comes from the same director who mad REC (which was great) and it is also set in an apartment block which makes for a great setting and provides a good place for character development. What a disturbing character this man is. A very memorable one. Great performances form the two leads.
Overall opinion: A great character study, much more disturbing than most horror movies.
Also reminded me of another Spanish classic: The skin I live in..
Wrong Turn 2: Dead End (2007)
Diabolical. Worst film ever.
Oh my God, where to begin with this one. It actually had a decent concept to begin with but had the worst execution possible. The idea of this one was to have the victims on a survivor type show. This idea could have given a wealth of ideas and concepts but everything was absolutely terrible. I cannot believe there are people here rating the film so highly. I've seen almost 1600 films and this is probably the worst I have seen out of all of those! (the only film I can think coming close to it is Tusk)
It had: TERRIBLE actors, TERRIBLE characters. TERRIBLE makeup, TERRIBLE dialogue, TERRIBLE music, TERRIBLE ideas.
Its F'n TERRIBLE MURIAL!
Overall Opinion: Avoid this like the plague! Oh my good God.
Wrong Turn (2003)
Enoyable horror movie.
Just seen this for the second time since it came out long ago, and its still a pretty decent horror movie. It doesn't break the mold but its definitely enjoyable.
It features a pretty good cast, many of whom went on to become relatively big stars later on.. They are all good actors, none of which were annoying, so you weren't craving for them to be killed sooner rather than later!
There is quite a few memorable nail-biting scenes and the tension is good, with some decent kills.
Overall opinion: An above average horror film.
Advice: Stay well clear of the sequel, and most likely the other ones too!
Extraterrestre (2011)
Not really Sci-Fi but quite good!
This was quite a good film, I enjoyed it for what it was. A low budget film using a sci-fi template to tell another story. There are only about 4 or 5 actors in the film, meaning its much like a play, with most of the film taking place inside of an apartment.
There were some interesting characters in this, with some funny moments and I liked all of the actors, especially the main two. The plot moved along well and surprised me a little. Most importantly, I was never bored.
I must also mention that I became aware of this film from watching the director Nacho Vigalondo's other film Timecrimes, which I enjoyed even more so. He is a good writer/director and very original. (I must seek out his next film: Open Windows next.)
Overall Opinion: Good low budget film, certainly worth a watch, and make sure to seek out Timecrimes also.
Minuscule: La vallée des fourmis perdues (2013)
Perfect. Absolutely brilliant.
This film is simply wonderful! I loved it, and I'm certain you will too...
The animation is done via a technique I haven't seen before, whereby animation is used over real backdrops and though it is done simply, it looks fantastic, absolutely gorgeous.
There is no dialogue at all, only sounds and music. But how cute these characters are and how smart this movie is. It really has everything from heartfelt, sad moments and dreams, to very funny laugh out loud moments. I actually smiled and laughed my way through this movie form the very beginning. I actually can't remember the last time I saw a movie which made my smile so much.
The story is very simple and as mentioned, there is no dialogue, but the film is so captivating and fast moving and full to the brim with so many beautiful and funny scenes.. and the greatest thing about it all is any age group will love it. You could watch this with everyone in your family, regardless of age. They will all love it.
Overall Opinion: An absolute joy to watch! Faultless. You need to get on it asap!
Il buono, il brutto, il cattivo (1966)
We all know this is great, but here's my 2 cents..
Well first off, having seen so many films, I'm not sure why I waited so long to watch this but I'm glad I finally did, and you should too! It's unbelievably clear to me now where Tarantino borrowed his camera shots and editing techniques from in the likes of KIll Bill and Inglorious Basterds! (I knew about Morricone)
The film was years ahead of its time, but I have two gripes with this movie that stopped me from giving it the full 10/10.
1: The dubbing- All the foreign actors acted their roles in their native tongues which were dubbed over afterwards. It was quite noticeable and threw me off a bit, I'd much rather a foreign film with subtitles than dubbing any day.
2: A tad too long. I do feel the running time could have been shaved byt 20 mins.
Having said all that, it's a great film! Ennio Morricone's soundtrack is outstanding and the ending is spectacular.
Overall opinion: Milestone!
Other films from the time I rated 9/10: Cool Hand Luke. Bicycle Thieves. The Italian Job
Paddington (2014)
More for the kids..
Well first off, this film was very charming, Paddington bear was very cute and likable and made me smile a few times. In the beginning of the movie I thought I would love it but it's not without it's shortcomings..
Basically the balance of this movie is off a little, the story elements will keep kids very happy but at the same time, the story just isn't realistic enough for adults. That's not to say this is a bad film, its not, but you might lose attention after a while..
Overall opinion: Put this on for the kids and they will be delighted, and you'll have a good time, just not a great one...
Dobermann (1997)
Terrible.
Cult is a word that's being thrown around these days rather hastily for violent movies like this, the same goes for silly Tarantino comparison's, when such films are not even close... It can be quite annoying and foolishly I believed the hype for this.. Perhaps it's my love for French film...
The biggest problem with this movie is the characters. They are all deplorable. Not one character has a redeemable, likable feature, they are actually all really annoying in fact, even down to their wardrobe. Even Vincent Cassel's characters implied charisma just isn't there.. It's almost laughable.
Beyond annoying characters you just have a boring movie and one that's far too long. It could have been far shorter. I'm glad it's over.
Overall opinion: Bottom of the barrel. Stay away from it! If you wanna see another movie with Vincent Cassel and Monica Belluci watch L'appartement, it will be a much more valuable 2 hours of your life.
In comparison, other duds I rated 3/10: Barb Wire Judge Dredd (1995) Dude Where's my car?
Interstellar (2014)
Everything great Sci Fi should be... A Masterpiece.
I saw a film tonight, and what a film. Sci Fi would be my absolute favourite genre, and this is easily the best of that genre, as well as being one of the best films I have ever seen. I was literally speechless when the credits rolled. (I selected some great films to watch this week) The dialogue and the science of the film are fantastic, and I was captivated from the beginning. The cast were all excellent with Matthew McConaughey adding yet another brilliant performance to his ever growing list.. Perhaps the best performance of all was that of Hans Zimmer, maybe one of the composers best soundtracks yet. (from his ever growing list) The music really draws you into this movie and in moments nearly brings tears to your eyes...
The effects of the movie were mind blowing, and real models were used for the spacecraft's giving it more authenticity and depth.
The film is very much influenced by 2001 A Space Odyssey and as such, has generated a bit of hatred for the film, with people saying it goes too spiritual, but I do not fathom that for a second, rather I think many people just couldn't take it all in and understand it...
Overall: Its AMAZING. Jump at it!
Comparatively, other movies I rated the full 10; Akira, Open your eyes, Malèna, Whiplash, The Fall, The SKin I live in....
Malèna (2000)
A masterpiece.
Wow, just finished this, totally blown away. This is a shining example of European film. You just do not get movies like this from Hollywood. It must easily be one of the best films I have ever seen. (and I have seen a lot!)
This is a deeply sad movie which you could actually compare to the Elephant Man, albeit for beauty, not ugliness, I won't say any more about the story than that.
The direction, cinematography and the score here are all flawless but the most amazing thing about this film was Monica Belluci, her subtle performance is beautiful and I could not imagine another actress in the role..
The thing that is so poignant about the performance she gave is that she has very little dialogue at all, but the deep sorrow you could see on her face and in her eyes was astonishing.
Overall: You'd be hard pressed to find a better film today so watch this one. It's an unforgettable masterpiece and I'm speechless.