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The Prophecy (1995)
Sloppy story, but mesmerizing
Yes, the story was a bit goofy and could have used some work to eliminate/change/modify that part about the old Colonel, but Christopher Walken and Eric Stolz sold the thing solidly on all other fronts.
So it's not a masterpiece, but it's great entertainment and well worth watching. I seriously would have given it a 10 but the little girl who played Mary is possibly the worst child actor I've ever seen on screen and the director should have replaced her as soon as she opened her mouth. Hate to say it about a little kid, but she was really horrible.
The effects were good, visually it was good, and entertainment-wise it was stupendous.
I watch this every Halloween JUST to see Walken's performance as Gabriel.
There's No Such Thing as Vampires (2020)
I almost finished this
Nothing even remotely scary here and absolutely the stupidest script I've ever seen put to film. In the hope that something was going to happen, I hung with it until the last half hour and then decided life is too short. Just wish I had the first hour back.
The Most Dangerous Game (2022)
The worst acting I've ever seen... anywhere
Even Judd Nelson was horrible.
And that guy C. T. was so bad I thought my eyes were bleeding. How anyone ever cast him in a movie is beyond me.
The story was a re-hash (or an attempt at a re-hash) of the old movie of the same name, but the sheer stupidity of this thing distanced itself from the original by thousands of miles.
Avoid this like the plague. It's really that bad.
Eraser: Reborn (2022)
Not that it was bad... just unnecessary
The first thing you really need to do in ANY fiction, whether it's a book, TV show, movie, or play, is to make your audience care about at least one character. Didn't happen here. I didn't care about any of them; not the "hero," not his "ward," nobody. I didn't care who got killed because none of them mattered.
It was unnecessary to re-make this because the original was 100X better.
The one thing I did enjoy was watching a guy who absolutely HAS to be the worst actor in the entire industry: Kai Luke Brummer. This guy was hilariously bad. Stiff, lifeless, moronic--you name it, he was it.
Ricky Gervais: SuperNature (2022)
Classic Gervais
Hilarious, rapid-fire, and exactly what I expected. I especially liked the true stories of his school days and the parts short bit about Eddie Izzard (because Gervais borrows from Izzard's style quite a bit.) ALMOST as good as his Golden Globe appearances.
Vendetta (2022)
Not bad at all
This is getting a lot of bad slaps because of Bruce Willis and it really doesn't deserve them. Neither does Bruce Willis for trying to put some $$$ in the coffer before he was forced to call it quits.
It's not a bad little crime/action/thriller at all. Clive Standen is passable and does the best with a passable script. Thomas Jane was good but shoujld aim higher in the future. Mike Tyson was a kick to watch in a small role--he's got some phenomenal screen presence and might have found a new niche making cameos like this.
The story line was very good--nothing like a revenge tale to make you want to see the bad guys pay.
Overall, only a 6 out of 10, but still very watchable.
Firestarter (2022)
Absolutely horrible
I've got no idea how this dog ever got made. Or why it ever got made. Or who thought it'd be a good idea?
First of all, the lighting is so, so, so dark (maybe to hide cheesy special effects) that you'd think every character only has one eye--the other side of their faces are always in shadow. Even when the scene takes place in the middle of the day, the director manages to make it look like it's being filmed inside an Igloo cooler with the lid shut.
At least in the original, viewers cared about Charlie and her father. In this one you spend the entire film wishing somebody would off them and put an end to the nonsense.
These "new" directors seem to think that darkness = film noire = atmosphere. What they fail to get is that even in the heyday of film noire, you could still SEE THE FILM!!!
I remember when I was a kid and films were in color...
The Werewolf (1956)
Not bad at all
This is actually a pretty good little B-flick that merges the werewolf mythos with science.
Solid performance from a lot of actors you'll recognize but whose name you don't know--I've seen a lot of them in old TV shows.
It's only an hour and 20 minutes and it's well worth watching on a slow night.
And don't forget to check out the brows on the old lady who screams at the body in the alley--she looks like Andy Rooney.
Panama (2022)
Bush League
The one thing I can say about Mel Gibson is that unlike Bruce Willis, he still brings his "A" game when he's trying to make a buck, but the rest of these no-acting clowns wouldn't make it in a high school play.
Really amateurish acting, stupid effects in the fight scenes, and chock full of goofy, you should steer clear of this one.
Fallen (2022)
Complete Waste of Time
Seriously, I have no idea what I just watched.
The film is broken down into Chapters like it's some grand cinematic masterpiece, but not only was there no need in it, it was as senseless as the screenplay which is really saying something because it made absolutely no sense whatsoever.
Supposedly, this priest is recruited to rid the world of evil, but there's no indication as to why it would be him and also no indication of why he's "disgraced" as the synopsis indicates. No "exorcism gone wrong" and no "army of demonic creatures" he's supposed to be battling. Just a drunken ex-priest who kills his wife after she tries to cure their invalid daughter with some kind of ridiculous folklore spell.
And the ending was as ridiculous as the rest. In fact, even more so.
Burial Ground Massacre (2021)
"My family's been regulated to this..."
That's really all you need to know about this disaster.
The writer/director/actor didn't know the word is "relegated."
This was the most poorly acted piece of junk I've seen in a long, long time. How it ever got made is amazing to me. And how they ever made a sequel is doubly amazing.
Get 15 minutes in and then call it quits if you don't believe me.
You'll be as astounded as I was at the amateurish acting, story, and dialog.
Strangely enough, it was pretty well-directed for the stupid finished product.
WarHunt (2022)
Oh, I understand the need for money, but come on, Mickey...
Google WW2 soldiers, NCOs, and officers and let me know if you see somebody with hair down to their shoulders like Micky Rourke's spouting. In fact, Google ANY photos from the WW2 years and let me know if you see ANYBODY who looks like they're from 2022. I'm waiting.
American soldiers are calling German soldiers, "Limeys," for God's sake. A Limey is a Brit soldier--from the 1850's--they got the slang because they ate limes to prevent scurvy WAY back when.
Enlisted men calling their Sergeant, "Sir?" Vietnam era flashlights? Velcro?
I can forgive a lot but when you don't put a nickel into the budget for a military advisor, I'm not giving your idiotic movie more than half an hour.
The Hunting (2021)
Couldn't Find Real Actors??
Angela Cole was good, but she was the only actor in the entire cast. Peyton Hillis was so bad it was laughable and the rest of them would make better mimes than actors. Couple this up with a few scenes that were completely ridiculous (the gay guy and his sister sizing up Hillis would be insulting to anybody--gay or not) and you've got just a completely horrible attempt at making a film. I made it 45 minutes and just couldn't take anymore.
The Last Thing Mary Saw (2021)
Missed Opportunity
COULD have been a great film if they'd used some lighting, but they didn't. COULD have been a great film if they'd thrown in a bit of action instead of plodding along, but they didn't.
COULD have been a great film if they had kept the story clear instead of muddying it up, but they didn't.
What they DID do was manage to toss in the obligatory LGBTQ sub-theme in the hopes that would get them a few pats on the back and some great reviews. It didn't.
The Collection (2012)
Lasted 15 minutes...
Might be great; might even be a classic, but at the 7:30 mark, techno started blasting through the system and didn't stop until almost the 10 minute mark. Then it started again at the 11:00 mark and was accompanied by the most ridiculous camera work I've ever seen. Had to say, "Adios."
Red Notice (2021)
Likeable cast, lot of flaws in the plot
Even though Ryan Reynolds' shtick is getting a little bit old, Dwayne Johnson's about as believable an FBI agent as Al Capone, and Gal Gadot couldn't act her way out the door, they were all likeable in this thrown-together action flick. Hard to hate anybody when they look like they're having a good time doing their job.
Sure, the plot is goofy and makes absolutely no sense, but this isn't Scorsese, it's just a lark--a little escapism. So for what it is, it's okay.
Santet (2018)
Horrible, just horrible...
I got roped into this atrocity by one of those click-bait headlines promising to show you the "best horror movies you've never heard of." Wel, it certainly showed me several I'd never heard of, but none of them were anywhere close to "best," especially this clump.
Evidently, the very strangely put-together star, Kelley Brook, has been in a few TV shows or something, but I don't know how or why. She can't act. She can't even act like she can act. She was even more lame than the poor Indonesian dude who played her husband.
In fact, the only real actors in the film were the kids and I'm hoping being in this thing doesn't ruin their future.
There's seriously no scares, no story, no magic, nothing supernatural, or anything else that would make this be called a horror movie.
Avoid this at all cost.
Amusement (2008)
If it weren't for these reviews, I would never have figured out what was going on
For a while, I thought I'd gotten a faulty DVD because the first portion of this film didn't tie in with the rest--or at least, the character "involved" in it was so totally forgettable that I didn't add 2+2 and come up with 4.
The villain ("The Laugh") is a bit on the goofy side and the premise isn't much better. A kid got snubbed in grade school by 3 girls and now he's getting even with them as an adult. That's pretty much it.
Not scary, kind of cliche, and hardly worth the time.
I Spit on Your Grave: Deja Vu (2019)
Absolutely the worst film of all time.
This thing never deserved to make it onto celluloid, let alone digital video.
The acting is absolutely pathetic, the script was written by a moron, there wasn't a single likeable character, and the premise was completely ridiculous.
When I looked up the credentials of the lead actress (the daughter), I was shocked that she'd been in dozens of films and TV series. I wouldn't hire her to mulch the garden--she was that horrible. The constant shrieking, the odd look, the big mouth, the hideous bangs the pinched face; I'm talking bad. Bad acting, bad re-acting, and just gross-looking.
This POS is 2 and a half hours. at the one hour mark, I started fast forwarding like a madman just to get through it. And even that didn't help.
Steer clear.
Dog Years (2017)
This hurts...
Burt Reynolds is a great actor.
He took a few departures for the money during his career, but he's still one great actor.
Watching this thing hurt, because I'm in my mid-60's. This is coming... 5 years, 10 years, 15 years... I dunno, but it's coming.
And Burt pulled this off beautifully which is something most of us couldn't do at his age.
I'm glad I watched it and I hate that I watched it.
Get Out (2017)
Been Done and Done Better
It's as if nobody remembers 1975's "The Stepford Wives" which is precisely where this script came from. Ira Levine did a great job on the novel and William Goldman did a great job on the screenplay.
Jordan Peele may have never seen that film but what "Get Out" portrays about racism was already done--except with sexism.
Think about it...
All these husbands wanted their wives to be perfect little housewives in white, middle class suburbia so they "program" them to be exactly what they want them to be.
And in "Get Out," the people want to use black folks' bodies in white, middle class suburbia so they "transplant" their white brain into them to be exactly what they want to be in a different body.
I don't know--maybe it's me. Maybe I'm mis-reading the whole thing, but it sure looks like an obvious rip-off that's getting way too much acclaim for what it is.
Chris Rock: Tamborine (2018)
Pretty sad Carlin imitation
Chris Rock was one of the best in his time and his time is long gone.
"He invented Facebook after somebody smacked him in the face with a book!"
That's the kind of infantile shit this Netflix special is filled with - stuff the dumbass at your office comes up with and tells everyone trying to be funny.
There's still a bit of the old insight there, but his pauses waiting for laughs, his old facial expressions that used to kill but look goofy now, and his "Yeah, I said it" are really old.
The routines go on forever...you'll listen to "Bush was so bad he gave us Obama" for 10 minutes waiting for the laugh--and it never comes.
I'd rather watch the old ones. He didn't age well.
Detroit (2017)
It Hurts The PC Police, But It's On The Nose
Yes, I've read the reviews from the Gen Xers and the Millennials who all doubt the accuracy and want to believe this is some alternate universe, but this is it. This is what it was like. This is what it was like when I was activated during the riots when Martin Luther King, Jr. was assassinated. This was what it was like when I was activated during the Nashville prison riots. I hate to rain on your delicate sensibilities, but this is ~precisely~ what it was like. A disturbing look at the times, but an accurate look at the times. These actors and the director captured it PERFECTLY. I am blown away at how realistic and factual this film nailed it. Folks think it was only the South where racism existed and they're dead-ass wrong. Racism was worse in Detroit, Boston, and St. Louis than it ever was in the South. Want to argue about this? Unless you've got a time machine, don't waste your keystrokes because you don't know what you're talking about.
Hangman (2017)
An Al Pacino Look-a-Like Perhaps?
Somebody please tell me what kind of "accent" Al Pacino was going for in this movie--or if he's just given up and decided he needed a few bucks to tide him over for the winter. You know, when you see that Al Pacino's in a movie, you go in with expectations. And if he was looking to shatter these expectations, then he did it brilliantly because a high-school kid could have done a better job. Supposedly, Al quit drinking years ago but watching this performance you find yourself thinking, "He's off the wagon and thinks he's from Alabama..." "Yo guess is as good as maaaahn..." and all the normal "Al Pacino impersonator" posturing is there (sort of like watching Kevin Spacey do him on Letterman before Spacey became persona non gratis). The shame of this movie is that it could have been good. If Pacino had played it in something other than a sleepwalk and if the director had had his head out of his butt, it could have worked. Everything was there... except the acting and the directing.
Black Butterfly (2017)
Great Suspense Film
This was a really great, suspenseful film and I was very surprised I hadn't heard about it someplace. Weird how they'll spend all this dough on a movie and not publicize it at all. Antonio Banderas was amazingly powerful and showed a good range of skills. Jonathan Rhys Meyers was also very good, but a little ham-handed in the way he played the psycho. How do play a psycho overboard? Not sure, but he managed it. The atmosphere managed to be both claustrophobic AND cinematic at the same time thanks to the closeness of the cabin and the isolated surroundings. The location was beautiful, the story was believable, and it kept my attention for the entire 90 minutes which is becoming more and more difficult with the junk Hollywood's been putting out lately. I'd give this a solid 8 out of 10, this year especially.