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Long Distance (2024)
Was the script written by a 12 year old or a free version of ChatGPT?
I just don't get, from the very start until the very end of the movie the lines are horrendous, the dialogues, they are extremely cringe and not well done. Movie is also extremely boring. I fast forwaded most of it, I just couldn't care less, at one point I wanted our main guy, who by the way is very annoying in this role (or just in general, I'm not sure), so I wanted him to get shredded to little pieces by the spiders. Deep within myself I justified that this would be a proper punishment for his acting, behaviour, cringe faces, childish lines, silly interaction with every single thing he encounters. Unfortuantely, he's still alive until the very end.
Naomi is the only decent actor here and she did try her best, however given the entire script and the lines, she's just helpess, she has to follow the script thus turning herself into an annoying constantly babbling little brat, of course along with Anthony Ramos, but I have a feeling that mr. Ramos is going to be annoying irregardless of the movie, there's something off about this guy.
Anyway, enjoy your movie, don't forget to get your mobile phone with you so you can be constantly busy with something, while you have the movie playing on background, this would be the best way to watch it. It doesn't deserve full attention, you need 20% of your brain to understand everything about this movie.
Ya Klap Ban (2024)
I'm sorry, but what were they thinking ?
The movie doesn't make sense in a purely logical manner, there are so many plot holes that it's going to take another movie just to cover them all.
Also, this is NOT a horror movie, it does start like one, but it quickly turns into a nonsensical time travel drama where everyone does the silliest thing possible. I actually gradually started hating the main characters one by one until I was just waiting for this painful attempt of a movie to finish.
Also, the tall scary character with the glowing eyes remains absolutely UNEXPLAINED! What and who even is that, did they just put it there for fun?
Also, please give me a break, the main adult heroine travels in the car with her own self version as a child but the cameras can see only the adult and the child is invisible ? But at the same time the child is visible to the father? This is just offensive to the audience.
Also in the end the main police girl heroine gives the cringiest nonsensical speech in the world, agh, my stomach turned upside down.
Hardskip for anyone who values their time.
It's What's Inside (2024)
Creative and innovative but falls short on story and character development
I mean it's new, innovative, has a quirky style of storytelling but these things can only carry the movie to a certain point. The real substance, depth, character's stories and development is simply missing. The actors themselves are really good and did well, however the script isn't their fault, they did their best.
Overall I couldn't get to feel much or feel any connection to them. Few of them are also very toxic and make absurdly criminal decisions based on an absurd morality, just like the ending scene for example. This further detaches the audience from them, I felt most sorry for the ones that were supposed to be "bad".
The Fall of the House of Usher (2023)
A short review from the point of view of an average simpleton who never read Edgar Poe
The movie is brilliant, mysterious, esthetic, poetic, artistic, the soundtrack is beautiful.
Carla Gugino is an extremely enigmatic actor with soothing voice and strong presence, she is the perfect choice for this role!
If you are an average person like me, who loves movies that grab you by the throat and don't let go until you watch the last episode, you'll love it.
I have nothing to compare it to, good story, great visuals, good actor play.
You can't stop sympathizing with 'Death' in this movie. She seems evil in the begging but as the story unfolds she becomes your favourite trickster.
One of the cry worthy moments for me was when she took his niece - Lenore. A touching and sad moment, it impressed me how Death cried when saying how many lives her mother will save. Never once in the movie did Death do something unethical or something that can be considered truly evil. It was all fair and square, the deal was done beforehand.
This masterpiece definitely goes in my top 10 all time favourite series!
Vortex (2022)
It's binge watch worthy detective series with a time travel twist but don't analyze it too much!
From a purely scientific and time-travel related aspect, even logical if you will the movie has so many plot holes that you can make a separate movie just analysing the nonsensical stuff, honestly it's a lot. That's why I realised I shouldn't think too much and just have to enjoy the emotional side of things and the suspense in the constant butterfly effects, oh yeah and also to figure out who's the killer.
It's not a movie for time travel geeks, many things don't add up or make sense, they're just there because the movie can't continue without them.
The script is mostly focused on the drama and the detective side of things. About that I want to say something to the script writers, guys, I get it, it's nice to have a massive plot twist and to constantly direct the audience to all the wrong suspects, however it's not really a plot twist if you showed the actual killer in a total of 3 scenes 15 sec each. It's almost like you had to pick him because no one would suspect that the guy who brought coffee in the office in the second episode and had 2 lines to say is the killer. The good plot twists happen when all the suspects are given equal screen time and lots of communication, you can't just pick the secretary who picked up the phone in the background and voila, that's our killer lol.
Personally I loved all the butterfly effects, that was the real surprise for me.
Los renglones torcidos de Dios (2022)
Brilliant movie, 10 out of 10 for script, actors, soundtrack and overall depth!
Contrary to the book where the ending is clear and explained in detail the movie left us with an open ended ending open to interpretations. It still left both options on the table and both scenarios are entirely possible.
The movie left me feeling completely satisfied (mentally) and scratched all my itches , with zero CGI in 2022 carried only by the brilliant script and the amazing actors it is easily in top 3 best movies of 2022 and also instantly goes in Top 10 my personal favorites.
I can easily recommend this movie to everyone, even the hardest critics will find something good in the movie.
Troll (2022)
I cringed more times than the number of bullets fired at the Troll
Cringe list:
1. They all see a big ugly troll with their eyes, all of them, but for 30 min they refuse to even remotely accept that it may bea troll because it's against science.
2. 100% certainty that a nuclear warhead will destroy it to pieces when tanks didn't even make a dent.
3. Hacker girl hacks the jet fighter nav/computer system 1 sec before rocket launch.
4. Star Trek references were ok but Hackergirl's 'You Shall Not Pass' turned my stomach upside down.
5. The army squad has 10 min ETA to prepare, brave army guy keeps repeating not enough time - gives a 2 minute lame inspiring speech from a Hollywood movie. Nice time management sergeant.
6. Scince girl decides to stop the light projectors risking her life and many other lives just to save the Troll. Why? - Because it's cruel to kill it like this. Total disregard of human life, completely unnatural reaction. It's not a bloody cat or a dog, it's a monster that already killed many people and ate one soldier because he was a Christian.
7. All the figures in command and high power positions were mega cringe. Like top top. It can't go further than this.
These were just the ones on top of my head...
Something positive:
CGI was very ok, top notch.
Inside the Mind of a Cat (2022)
I was a dog person, after this documentary I'm getting a cat 😸
I somehow started loving these magical creatures much more than before. I thought dogs were smarter but now I think they are pretty equal or even more.
Purple Hearts (2022)
Kind of boring, predictable, cliche movie but it's somehow worth watching, Sofia Carson is also world class hot :)
There are literally 0 elements of surprise or plot twist or anything in the movie. It's a straightforward extremely predictable scene by scene love story. Humor is non-existent as well. From time to time it also gives off a fake vibe, can't really explain it. Don't want to sound like a jerk but what kept me watching is the hotness of Sofia Carson.
Also I did cry a bit (2 times) on some strong scenes, so this has to mean something, right?
The Gray Man (2022)
Most childish, illogical and annoying movie for 2022, reviews here have to be fake.
I will just randomly spit out scenes that come to my mind:
Lone Wolf , probably lifetime hitman, killed hundreds of people, killed many innocent people(policeman) to get the drive, finally has it, gives it to Ana de Armas with the line : Take it, these people aren't decent people, and leaves. I laughed like a minute straight with just two pauses to breathe.
Final fight : Ana de Armas has Chris Evans in sight with a sniper but Ryan Gosling decides to take him up for a fist fight and tells her not to shoot. LMAO. Ryan takes multiple , I mean around 7-8 deep knife cuts 90 degree angle in his body and moves like it's nothing. Still manages to grab Chris and strangle him, but wait the CIA asian lady comes and shoot Chris. After that asian CIA lady lists a bunch of threats to Ryan including lifetime prison and also threatens to keep the girl in her custody. Ryan instead of giving Ana de Armas a green light for the sniper shot he tells her to stand down with a hand gesture. LMAO. LOGIC.
Final scenes : Ryan the magician escapes on of the most guarded buildings on the planet, kills everyone and saves the girl. LMAO. I just can't.....
I'm still laughing by the way...
If you're a above 14 years old , don't watch this movie, if you are 13 and under, it's ok, it's amazing!
The Orville: Midnight Blue (2022)
First episode from this season to make me cry couple of times
Very powerful, very touching episode, for the sci-fi fans, there's some amazing space chase/battles.
This episode also makes me very curious about further episodes in regards to the Union safety/strength and how will they proceed to reinforce against the Kaylons.
The Orville: Twice in a Lifetime (2022)
Quite interesting indeed, an excellent episode! Let me tell you what I liked and didn't like!
What I liked:
1. The Isaac actor (Mark Jackson) is actually quite an amazing actor for the way he played in this episode. Loved the reveal and that he finally had a chance to play without the robo-costume! :)
2. There was a lot more subtle humor in this episode, I laughed out loud quite few times! - First with the selfie when Klyden tried to smile! Actor did it brilliantly hahaha! Then the entire set of Isaac convos with all humans was hilarious, esp the insemination part. There were also few more funny moment that I can't remember... But defo much better than other episodes! Thank you for the humour dose!
What I didn't like :
1. The science how they made a material object filled with humans inside(the Orville) reach 99.9% the speed of light is not only questionable, it's outright outrageous and borderline hilarious. But that's what you get with time travel episodes :D But they could have thought of it better!
2. I'm simply shocked they could not understand Malloy's point of view after 10 years have passed for him. Their behaviour and humanity was rude, inconsiderate and mostly just barbaric. I actually felt hate towards them. You can't remove a human from his family after 10 years, you just can't , you will mess up his entire life until he's alive, he will be a wreck. And they almost took him by force! Good he had a gun to scare them away!
After they initially heard that he wanted to stay, they should've just worked with the plan to go to the correct year right away, instead of torturing him.
3. Time travel could have helped to figure out who created the Kaylons and ultimately could have led to figuring out how to destroy them. Time travel is a huge opportunity for so many things! It's super annoying they destroyed the device, but he said it still could be repaired so that gives us hope.
The Orville: A Tale of Two Topas (2022)
A nice celebration of femininity and being a woman! May be not the sci-fi, space battles, exploration episode you were looking for but it's really splendid!
The episode clearly shows traditions, religions and how harmful some of them may be when they interfere with something as important as the human gender and identity.
An episode with zero jokes and zero suspense and zero battles and zero exploration. An episode entirely devoted to being a woman and a celebration of femininity !
Very nice indeed!
The Orville: Gently Falling Rain (2022)
I appreciate the super seriousness of it all but HOLY MOLY SETH, MAKE A JOKE MAN, what did they do to you?
We are having a comedic genius not being let to make 2-3 joke per show. What is happening? Did they approve Season 3 only if it's strictly 1 joke per episode?? I literally counter them each episode.
This episode the only and only joke was when Seth offered - A coffee ? To the Krill guard. And I laughed about it, coz it's hilarious.
Whoever is the big boss there, please let Seth make his regular jokes, that's how we know him from the first two seasons that's how we'll always know him in Orville. Humour just made the show even better!
The Orville: Mortality Paradox (2022)
I guess it's official, Orville takes the serious road from now on, 1 joke per episode is enough :)
It's fine, follow the road of Star Trek, go full serious, it's okay, you can pull it off! I still liked the episode, however...
Logical criticism :
Why didn't you ask the blue avatar lady more important questions that you currently simply don't know the answer of, it's a one in a billion chance !
Question such as :
1. Is time travel possible, if yes how is it achievable?
2. Are there multiple Universes or it's only our Universe?
3. She mentioned something about creating a Universe is easy? Ask her more about this
4. Can she teach you something advanced that you don't know? Help the current civilization with some withstanding problems?
5. Is there free will or Is everything predetermined?
6. How was our Universe exactly created? By whom?
I mean, come on!!! You have the most advanced creature in the Universe and you ask her literally nothing!! This is so not Orville like! All you give us is some 'You can't imagine your own death' thing. I was so disappointed.
At least ask the questions and then she won't answer or something, but just ask them away! Obviously these questions don't have an answer but she can always say something like - You still can't know the answer blabla.
The Orville: Shadow Realms (2022)
As much as I love Orville this episode was kind of a let down....
Previous Orville seasons were serious/comedy 50/50 ratio, now they are trying to be 90% serious, entire episode there was only 2 jokes, very light jokes. They are trying to go full serious star trek clone or something.
Specifically this episode was kind of childish. They made quite a few questionable decisions. Script had quite a few plot holes.
I wish Seth kept the Season 1 comedy/seriousness ratio.
The Orville: Electric Sheep (2022)
Orville is here once again to satisfy sci-fi fans who were already disappointed by all Star Trek, Star Wars (Obi Wan) series!
I'm just feeling so much enjoyment watching every single scene, boredom never hits me, I'm glued to the screen from start to finish! I love this show!!!
Obi-Wan Kenobi: Part III (2022)
I'm in physical pain, please change the script writers.
Obi Wan - confused old man making a series of bad decisions another after another. Decision that anyone with an average IQ wouldn't make. Also Obi seems scared and weird all the time.
Vader feels the need to demonstrate his force on random peasants to further show his insecurities lol.
Funniest and lamest fight vs Obi Wan ever. Like Ever. I was literally cringing in pain while watching it. Vader could have killed him in less than 5 seconds with the force since Obi Wan doesn't use it or forgot how to.... But no, Vader wanted some lightsaber sparring before that. Finally there's just few meters of fire between them and Vader just sits and stares like a pigeon while a robot carried Obi Wan away.
Also random members of team Vader keep using the force to move random shelves left to right and open up doors lmao. It just seems funny dunno...
This script is nothing short of offensive to anyone with an average IQ (even below average). Was it written by a 12 year old? Who knows?
Please, do not let another such episode air, rewrite everything, pause the show for 5 months, just don't air another such episode please.
Personally for me, I'm out.
The Time Traveler's Wife: Episode #1.2 (2022)
I'm just here to comment one scene :D
I'm just here to comment on the scene where he was 16 giving a bj to himself. I experienced shock, laugh, a bit of disgust and a genuine surprise they included this in the episode. Wow, wow, wow, just wow. HA-HA-HA!
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)
Best film of 2022 indeed
I just want to say so many things but other reviewers already said everything everywhere all at once. It really has everything! Just watch it!
P.s.
Asian humor never fails to get me, it has one of the most hilarious scenes ever!
Bullsh*t: The Game Show (2022)
Fun, educating and novel but there's one weird thing...
Is it fun - YES
Do you learn new stuff - YES
Is it a novel idea - YES
Does it keep your attention - YES
Is it entertaining to keep guessing if the person is lying or not - YES
What's weird about it:
Basically if all three of them always say she's lying it's the best strategy and the fastest way for the contestant to leave. Because if she gets only ONE wrong answer, she's gone. Thus the 'guessers' will also get equal points. In that case, not sure how the next person is decided, may be it's random.
The only motivation of them to say she's telling the truth is that they will get more points so they can be the next contestant.
But what doesn't make sense is that if ONLY ONE PERSON every single time says YES, SHE'S TELLING THE TRUTH she will get a MILLION DOLLARS. And that's that! There's no way around it! How easy is to scam this show? How hard can it be for someone to strike a secret deal backstage, they just need 5 min alone. One of them gives a promise that he/she will always say the contestant is telling the truth and they will share 500k after. There's the trust element here of course, but it's worth a try if you ask me...
It's kind of weird to be honest, not sure how the show producers can prevent such a thing from happening.
The Bubble (2022)
I felt so bored I had to fast forward a lot and eventually turn it off!
I just couldn't finish it. I was in physical pain.
I would have much more fun cooking or taking a shower. Or thinking about life while sitting on a chair.
This movie hits new lows of unfunny and boring.
Deep Water (2022)
Sexy, shallow and a bit annoying!
She is a girl with cheap moral values who wants to be controlled and restricted when she cheats because she doesn't have enough decency in the first place not to do it out of respect and love for her partner.
Her partner on the other hand, restricts her in his own psycho way by killing her lovers. He tried few times to tell her not to meet them , but she refused. She thinks he enjoys this and it gets him excited. Go figure.
In the end, the amazing plot twist is that she actually loved someone killing for her, she did cover for him in the end. So who is the real villain here, she kept dating them while knowing he would kill them.
It's a weird movie with many open ended paths. Feels unfinished, undefined, a bit shallow.
The Adam Project (2022)
An Honest Review - The Amazing and The Bad!
What was AMAZING:
1. CGI
2. Sound effects
3. The fighter jets' fight on Earth (I love it that sometimes when they fly by they make sounds similar to Star Wars TIE fighters)
4. The jokes were good actually, nothing cliche, all pretty original material.
5. Actors actually did pretty amazing job with the script they were given. (except Sorian)
6. Great time waster, wasn't bored even for a minute, time passes very fast with this movie.
What was BAD:
1. Plot holes and especially Time Travel plot holes!
2. Script development is pretty pretty childish, if I was 10-13y old this movie would be 9/10 for me.
3. The bad guys in the metal suits are just as worse as Imperial Stormtroopers. They are just like an annoying background, helpless and easy dying and never causing any real damage 😅
4. The main antagonist is like...not very smart, not very determined, makes questionable moves. Her methods are best suited for a child movie. I mean...even the actress playing her...I just can't take her as evil. It's like an average business woman in her 50s who decides to take over the world, yey.
This movie could have been something really big, it just needed a more mature script, a deeper one, a more engaging one.
It's just feels shallow and rushed. My analytical side, my scientific side, my mature side, they all were quite disappointed.
My childish side, my big boom effects side, my I don't care whatever side were super happy!
BigBug (2022)
Switch off your logical brain, don't analyze too much and enjoy the movie :)
Imagine you are watching a theatre spectacle! Quite an eccentric and Frenchy movie! :)
It's a parody of what can happen if the AI and robots take over one day. Didn't enjoy the humor too much but visually it's very well done! Some of the actors are brilliant and play as if they are performing in a theatre rather than a movie set, which I love:))
Otherwise on a more serious note, movie is: full of plot holes, illogical, quite shallow etc. But I don't think it was ever meant to be strong in these areas!
It's a great time waster! Definitely brings up the mood, it cheered me up:))