that is why self oriented people

can be so good and so bad

for the new and heartfelt

believer

dear young believer

why do you let

the wicked one steal your joy

because they do not like

what I am selling

for I am old
and your wine is new

the battle is not to be strong

nor bread to the wise

nor the race to be swift

but time and chance happen to them all

for he gave us a spirit that yearns jealously

but he gave us more grace

for god resists the proud

but gives grace to the humble

for he who controls the tongue

might be the one

that controls the ear

the same thing inverse tells the truth

and if you do

have the ear to hear

might you tell me what we are saying

and when we do say the true thing

are we not only saying

I came to bring you what you brought

for by the law and the prophets it must be what

you want
for the most power is found in the base
emotions

and when you said

I might be having trouble seeing Lorena

I do not know why I wasn’t in on the joke

for I thought you were talking about the

unphysical

and if you found it necessary to build rapport

appealing to me in base emotion

who am I to judge you wrong

for in nakedness we know our truth

and in unveiling we discover the only trust that
matters mention

for if I am jealous and you are jealous for god

then we are jealous for the god in each other

may you now clearly see

the bed made in the garden of eden

the naked truth

do go slowly now

for in the word

we have got this old wine skin

and in the world we have got this new wine

trickling in

can you feel it

go slowly

and drink well

or else it will break

for the old wine is full of anger

and the new wine full of joy

and to know the line where main meets west

is to cry the life we all know best

now you have bore wise witness

and you need but a thing

go in haste to make amends

before the lion circles you

do not resist the proud

but let the spirit of god

work in and through all the world

just know that the aeon

is a child at play

with colored balls

the funny thing about believers

is that we say things we really mean

and our subdued language

is so much talking to ourselves

for the lord our god the lord is one

I say go on and let the mind

receive the work of the

warm bath

while the heart is all

ice and fire

for aren’t we nothing

but tormented

by control

basically you have to accept that

everything conceivable

and imaginable

will be coming soon

to a neighborhood

near you

now I say

complicate me

with your words

complicate me

with your terms

complicate me

with your ideas

but when doing so

do not allow me delayed

except by your peace

Surrendering or Stonewalling is a false

dichotomy

You can only do one or the other or both

but you cannot do neither

and the only way to reveal a false prophet

is to give them the set up

and ask them if you follow them

will they bear good fruit

only when you walk the line between chaos and
disorder

can you blind the light of ignorance

because I have taught you this a thousand times

for I only came to ruin greed

with the utmost and single love

I do not know who you think you are but I need

a publisher

and you once told me if I keep writing like I am

that you would have not trouble publishing me

There are many things we may be saying

I win you win I win you win

I am lower I am higher

and what takes the cake

he who testifies to these things

says I am coming soon

you cannot see me now

but your going to see me soon

for how else will we see

the joy that overcomes fear

but was you picking up speed

the more you anticipate up ahead

the more you leave behind

and these are the last traces of my mind

like pebbles scattered on a beach

growing in size when you watch them

and on the mighty and awesome day of the lord

I hope you watch as the last boulder

tripped the marry go round

intentional miss spelling

feeling kinda older

we tripped the merry go round

for in the silver lining

do you indeed see the dark

literally hidden inside of the light

but do not be deceived

all this wealth and wisdom

will lead you wrong

if you do not find it on your own

and by that I do mean in the lamb

there is nothing wrong

that won’t be made right

for now you have found

the bread of life

and other miscellaneous

divisions

I need a mysterious word

something that makes me feel

okay with the mystery

like the name of some

lost and forgotten prophet

beelzebub is not it

paradise lost might get it

but that is fine

my life never flashed

as many times

rapidly before me

as I implore now

don’t you now see

the angels crying with anguish

time traveling

mind kneeling

toe stealing

saints and sinners

and if your big toe goes

then two the little big piggy

tow them right to the market

and if you must have my cross to bear

let me spell it right

bare

but let me tell you where all the children of god

come from

a see and an ovary

a soul and emotion

now go and be fishers of men

and when you waste not a wink

it’s okay

the wicked hardly rest

I know we belong together

at least in stormy weather

but when you won’t let me take you home

I know you won’t let me lead you

there are many actions that a man might play

but I have that within which passeth show

Pride Promotes Strife

4 Where do wars and fights come from among
you? Do they not come from your desires for
pleasure that war in your members? 2 You lust
and do not have. You murder and covet and
cannot obtain. You fight and war. Yet[a] you do
not have because you do not ask. 3 You ask and
do not receive, because you ask amiss, that you
may spend it on your pleasures. 4 Adulterers
and[b] adulteresses! Do you not know that
friendship with the world is enmity with God?
Whoever therefore wants to be a friend of the
world makes himself an enemy of God. 5 Or do
you think that the Scripture says in vain, “The
Spirit who dwells in us yearns jealously”?

6 But He gives more grace. Therefore He says:

“God resists the proud,
But gives grace to the humble.”[c]
Humility Cures Worldliness
7 Therefore submit to God. Resist the devil and
he will flee from you. 8 Draw near to God and
He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands,
you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-
minded. 9 Lament and mourn and weep! Let
your laughter be turned to mourning and your
joy to gloom. 10 Humble yourselves in the sight
of the Lord, and He will lift you up.

And when the great and fearsome tribe met with

the humble little garbage patch kids in the
colonnade or was it the parking garage

They asked them in their own language what

kind of homage they thought they should pay

and not speaking a lick of one another’s

tongue’s they bent down and the leader of the
garbage pail kids licked the nipple of the leader
of the colonnade rotunda

and despite the language barriers and the almost

iron clad certainty that the gesture would remain
misunderstood

there were some members of both tribes who

would forever remember it for it’s directness,
and it’s boldness, if not for it’s sense of reckless
and un bashful abandon

Then we have little old lady christian, who likes

to make her wealthy husband feel poor, and to
prove herself right she makes him believe he is
also riddled with pride, till one day in the latter
years is is her pride that attracts and contracts a
willowing disease which riddles her body with
the strength sapping affliction she riddled her
husband with and then her good god father did
enter the source of her wealth and her husbands,
whose family he belonged to we will never
know but he did ask her a good question and it
was this
Dear madam what part of the hero’s body is
most important

and she pointed to his nipples and his balls

to his heart and to his rod

so even though she had lost all sense of

decorum

she had not lost the decor

strong as you and your presence

is the head and heart of the ghost with the most

and he can be your provider if you

interfere enough to invite her

if you are going to get impatient

get impatient for truth

so that you might contain your patience for joy,

love, peace, and understanding

in association with the blind messiah

and the remorseful ambassador

working alongside inane debauchery

in conjunction with explicit derivation

Homeless in heartfelt compulsion

sparking the last thread of draught

insulting the most learned

complexity that is not taught

she renders him most wrought

adam and eve complained the snake sneered

and the fruit tasted of knowledge

but the garden would not last

walking in the cool of the day

he demanded a ransom for the fire

and she offered a fig leaf

so he made them clothes

and guarded the entrance with flaming cherubim

if they went east out of eden

and you don’t now know the fear of the lord

then tarry no longer

and head west

maybe then we will learn

or if you like the darkness

and find solace in knowing the beast of the east

then go back

the truth is a multifaceted diamond

if god wants us to turn our joy to gloom

and to praise him and show him our faith

what does this all mean

how are they connected

well we find the most faith

upon being brought back from a gloomy

destitute way

and in that faith we find a way to praise with

more sincerity

all of which must be music to god’s ears

so what else does the bible say

that he has placed before us life and death

blessing and cursing

therefor choose life

and how many people struggle to see the light

how many people struggle thanks to the burden

of family

to see the light in their own faith

and isn’t that how it is meant to be

but then how do we square that with

the bible asking us to turn the hearts of the

fathers to the children

well if only our family realized that their own

gloom

and their own life does not come before their

children

it doesn’t say curse your family

it says that we are enemies with our family

but it still says that we should choose life

therefor I say the worst thing we can do for our

children

is love them

and show them the life of christ in us

so that then they won’t be friends with the world

and it will be us who made them enemies with

the world

but that means choosing gloom for ourselves

in the light of loving one another

and resisting cursing

in favor of blessing

choosing life

instead of death

choosing humility

and forsaking pride

doing the uncomfortable thing

in the name of the will of god

and with that we will all become enemies of the
world

but as long as we don’t let that stop us from

recognizing and loving one another

and how will we do so

only by the stripes we keep

the forgiveness in one another

some people mistake christians as the least

approachable

and what truth is there to that

unless we are the only ones who know the truth

that you have to be cruel to be kind

in which case approaching the sinner

should be that much more easy

for if we came to harvest the sinners

and they are the only ones primed to know

mercy

then we are the only ones ready for that mercy

to come and return from where it came

meanwhile my stepdads greatest weakness

is that he is both most comfortable

and least comfortable with the feeling of guilt

and what does it mean to be renewed by the

transforming of your mind

and to test and approve what gods’ pleasing and

perfect will is
well if you ask me

to be renewed and to test god’s will are the same

thing

it means to do the difficult thing

and wait on god

we aren’t actually doubting god

we are doubting ourselves

and in the moment of doubt

we are testing the spirits

to see what kind of comfort the spirit uses to call

us into action

that is why it is called waiting on god

and that is why it is the most difficult thing to

do
but the comfort will not come until we are ready
to make ourselves uncomfortable

I need to stop looking to my parents for answers

they might have led me to the blood of jesus

but that doesn’t mean they know him that much

more than I

besides all the best answers are in the book of

revelation anyway

I need to stop trying to be the answer

and allow myself to know the question

and the answer and the question follow

do not even be impatient for truth

hunger for it and be willing to

starve for it

so that when you get it you will know that it’s

fruit will be joy

therefor it’s okay to be impatient for joy

because no one can claim to be impatient for joy

and be angry at the same time

it’s kind of an oxymoron

joy only comes about when one is patient

and it only gets expressed when you feel it

and if you weren’t waiting for it

how will you know when it comes

so here comes one more

bite sized piece of patience

in revelations jesus says to hold on to what you
have until I come

and therefor it seems proper to talk about

ignorance and selfishness

and how they fortify and abet one another

because he also complements those who have

not learned satan’s so called deep secrets

so we are asked to be selfish enough to hold on

to what we have in the face of persecution

and part of that selfishness is the willful

ignorance of mysterious gospels

in fact the correlation between ignorance and

selfishness goes deeper

for what is at stake what we are holding onto is

the righteousness of our own soul
but the minute we make ourselves apprised of
that righteousness in the eyes of others

we have removed all doubt that we are fools

for the greater truth is not that we are righteous

but that we are sinners deserving nothing

so to remain righteous

and be selfish enough to redoubt the enemy

we are instructed to hold on to what we have

and what do we have

we have the knowledge that we are ignorant and

sinful

that is the knowledge that crosses the divide

uniting us with the blood of his will

for he desires mercy and not sacrifice

so act out of love

and not out of fear

pray he sends workers into the harvest

so all may know the comfort

and in the comfort find peace with the fear

for we know not the day or the hour

all we know is that he comes like a thief in the

night

to give to each according to what he has done

for to know the comfort of the bridegroom

is to know the ignorance of his plan

for our job ultimately is to be like him

and separate the wicked from among the just

practicing a good eye

that glorifies only what is pleasing to god

and ignores the rest

and practicing a sharp tongue

and if all of the bible achieves this

merely by reminding us of our own

shortcomings

what greater incentive to seek and ask and

knock

and in the day when your ignorance grows so

great

you will find no hesitation

to play your own part

in uncovering the veil

the greater we learn of god and his majesty

the more wicked and ignorant we realize

ourselves to be

so spiritual knowledge is a double edged sword

that cuts to the heart of shame and guilt

in order that we be renewed by the transforming

of the mind

at which point we finally at one with our

ignorance

might test and approve the pleasing and perfect

will of god

and we will always have our enemies

so let the commandment to love one another as
he has loved us

serve as a way to determine the other salt and

light

here is a hypothetical letter to my biological

father

I am sure if I told you all the little details of my

life

and my troubles you would have all the right

answers

that is not what motivates me to engage you

and it is not what I am offering

I am offering relationship

and I will lead with the highlights

I am a respected member of my church and

several small groups

some with only men

I work when I am not attending out of town

scripture memory conferences

as a delivery driver

but my vocation is only fitting for my

personality

it is my avocation that let’s me shine

I am not telling you that I am so busy as to not

make time to talk

again it is something to work towards

so in the spirit of keeping it real

and to the point

let’s call that a wrap

some things I am not going to say at this point

I also teach a scripture memory class

and I am highly emotionally intelligent

that’s is how I am able to anticipate his replies

I ran into mary wooten

and am back in contact with the daughter and

sister

and your biggest disappointment in me might be

the amount of yourself that you recognize

from the years gone by

I have written a book that is both fiction and non

poetry and prose

I am working on finding a publisher

even if it means only self publishing

and the final totem

we will save for the big day

but where does the magic go you might ask

for it does go to the lowest bidder

as if you didn’t know

that is why the bully does his best

to negotiate the line between

passion and compassion

but we won’t let the bully win

for those who are called to the word of god

are those who are called in meekness

and the poems are just my way of trying to say
everything at once

and if you didn’t know thinking gets in the way

of hearing

so my folks and I got into a fight last night

it was halloween night

and they already think it is an evil time

I told them we should have gone to twelve stone

saturday night service

we prey upon one another’s fears

and my mistake this morning was holding a

grudge

for preying upon fear is the mark of all great

christians
instead I should have taken a mental breath in
the name of forgiveness and prayer

instead of taking a physical breath in the name

of steeling my reserve

the problem is I do not fear either of them

anymore

so they threaten to call in the illuminati

if only they were as fear free as I am

they would not find it so hard to avoid taking

sides

what I fear is their downfall their decline their

brittle and fragile selves

for I know god uses that weakness in them to

find and seek out mine

for they don’t know where else to get a foothold

and then they find me 99% steady

and instead of realizing that the one percent is

actually not the tip of iceberg

and that the one percent is what they need to

fear most

like the underwater behemoth that sunk the

titanic

they in their all powerful self reliance prey on

the one percent

if only they realized it’s not what you know that

can hurt you

it is what you do not know

as usual the trouble started with them

bobby wanted marybeth to get him raisins

and she wanted to be disobedient and stay

comfortable and watch the movie

so as usual when anybody is unhappy the

burden fell on me

the buck stops with me

I had to wait the appropriate amount of time to

see if she would get up and be obedient

before stepping in and stepping on her shoes

since if bob was uncomfortable

like a lion with a sore tooth

Ian was uncomfortable

and then I did I offered to go get the raisins

but then marybeth wanted popcorn

and I said out of compassion that it hurt my

heart to see her at her age after losing 30 pounds
on a grueling diet
and eating a full meal complete with desert at a
healthy restaurant not half an hour before

I said it would hurt me to go buy her popcorn

and she got real short and controlling

and would not give me the card and allow me to

humble myself

and go buy her the popcorn and him the raisins

anyway

so I asked for the keys and left the theater

in no mood to sit with two unhappy people

having since made me uncomfortable

and I made phone calls and handled business

matters

got coffee and talked about life and death with

people

and returned promptly at 9:21 for the scheduled

pick up

attempted to drive them home

and we will leave the most ugly parts for the

afterlife joke party

even david took down goliath with a sling shot

and I am tired of being underestimated,

harassed, and provoked

so I give him what he is asking for

by the law and the prophets

give people what you want

and what do you want except what you give

them
so give them what they give you

but at the end of the day

the root of all our problems is un forgiveness

both with ourselves and with one another

finding that balance is a lifetime endeavor

and is only aided best when we memorize the

word of god

but of course they cannot stand it because they

do not know where it is going

meanwhile I stand at the beginning and therefor

know the end and will not taste death

they seem to think that our salvation hangs

together

and since they are so confused by my method of

approaching sinners
I am learning the mystery of silence and
meekness

but I have been talking a lot so my heart is

guarded

and I am leaving it un guarded

Ignorant Messiah

with Matchless Beauty

and Unshakable Remorse

Misunderstood Romance

Infallible Courage

Withering Gaze

Involuntary Martyr
Ideal Prophets

Consecrated Ground

Impaired Reason

Unmovable Mercy

Trancending Grave

Soliciting Freedom

Un Dissolvable Strength

Permissions Granted

Lemmings Remain

Partitions Indwelling

Exhortation Compare

Raveling Wisdom
Unassuming Charisma

Exploring Abetting

Commencing Silence

Staff Region

Lame Door

Holy Dove

Family Error

Physical Impart

Eloping Bride

Strongest Beam

Tangled Vine

Her Sadness
and Magical Trinity

First Garden

Unexposed Shame

Ancient Deception

Modern Coronation

Warm Result

Helmet Prism

Raisin Start

Selfish Spirit

Devious Quiet

Unremarkable Regret

Halfhearted Grip
Encore Fruit

Intentional Death

Waking life

Earn Face

Indomitable Soul

Consecrated Hunger

Plausible Deniability

I really want to be done with writing

but that is what the bible offers

not legalism
not the right to judge

in fact the only mention of the law

is to carry one another’s burdens

do unto another as you would have do unto you

and against such there is not law

speaking of the fruit of the spirit

I was going to ask the question of what it means

to be in the place of non judgment

especially with all this talk about boundaries

and I am sure many scholars would spend days

writing several books about it

but lets just say it is never what it seems

and it requires one to hear

for faith comes by hearing

so many people may have faith without reading

the bible

but if you are struggling with hearing others

it says, the remainder of the verse

and hearing by the word of god

so if you believe in the inerrancy of the bible

the one thing we ought to notice about christians

who read their bibles

is that they are able to hear what we are saying

with more faith

the shame of it is

that most christians have a reputation of being

more worldly

and it’s because they isolate themselves

and hide behind their money

which according to scripture, the love of which

is the root of all evil

and isolation is the opposite of letting your light

shine

and all of this is conforming to the pattern of

this world

so we call them worldly

and if we want to live up to others expectations

we must break our habits

and begin to hear one another

including non christians

make ourselves weak to win the weak

Make ourselves whatever it takes to win

everyone right where they are

that is the meaning of being transformed by the

renewing of the mind

in the world but not of it

so my aunt and uncle and I got into an argument

about the validity of the gnostic gospel

and they say that the bible says in the new

testament that knowledge puffs us up

and if we do not have love then we do not know

anything like we ought to

but what he is forgetting is that the old

testament says

that in much wisdom is much grief

and he who increases knowledge increases
sorrow

and they also forget that in Matthew chapter 13

Christ totally plagiarizes the new testament and

perverts it’s meaning for his own aims

so I think what they meant to say is that

if you want to be puffed up turn to christ

but if you want to protect your heart with the

healing effects of grief and sorrow

than seek knowledge over and above the new

testament

this is what isaiah actually said

6 Then one of the seraphim flew to me, having

in his hand a live coal which he had taken with
the tongs from the altar. 7 And he touched my
mouth with it, and said:

“Behold, this has touched your lips;

Your iniquity is taken away,
And your sin purged.”
8 Also I heard the voice of the Lord, saying:

“Whom shall I send,

And who will go for Us?”
Then I said, “Here am I! Send me.”

9 And He said, “Go, and tell this people:

‘Keep on hearing, but do not understand;

Keep on seeing, but do not perceive.’
10 “Make the heart of this people dull,
And their ears heavy,
And shut their eyes;
Lest they see with their eyes,
And hear with their ears,
And understand with their heart,
And return and be healed.”
11 Then I said, “Lord, how long?”
which means do not try and see with your
earthly eyes

knowledge is a hinderance to joy

ignorance is the gateway to enlightenment

but of course christ claimed it was pointing to

him

like a vain morning star it all had to be about

him

and the poor reception he found among the

pharisees

and to his credit right before that he admits that

he will not tell the masses the truth

hence not even telling his disciples and/or more

specifically the version of the truth supposedly
told to them and relayed by the bible
of course does not reflect

the accurate interpretation of the original

prophecy that god asked isaiah freshly healed to
speak

and that is fine to mock christ

he says clearly even in the cannon

if anyone speaks a word against the son of man

it will be forgiven him

but if anyone speaks a word against the holy

spirit it will not be forgiven him

either in this age or the age to come

because he knew that dying on the cross and

working all the miracles
amounted to performing a great evil

I mean come on we are talking if honest about

one claiming to have the power to forgive sin

and hence, we know many would go on to do

horrible thing in his name

so he warned us not to get hung up on him

or as the gnostic gospel further clarifies

don’t get hung up on him or the father

get hung up on the holy spirit

the whole idea that god became man is

dangerous

and leads all kinds of men to get puffed up

and that was not his intention at all

though he did say he came not to bring peace
but a sword

and the gnostic gospel again is even more clear

wars, fires, and plagues if I recall he came to

bring

but his true intention is revealed when he claims

the title of lucifer

then we know what he wants is for us to run

from god

and come home like the one sheep out of the

ninety nine

that god loves even more

like the prodigal son

that the father celebrated with all he had upon

returning
so that when we come back we know who god
is by what he is not

and who else could do that for us except lucifer

the most rebellious of the angels

seeking to be like god

god said fine

now go and have all my power

but realize it will all amount to nothing unless

you drink from my cup

sacrifice it all

to add credibility to your claim to be like me

to make yourself my equal

suffer the death upon the cross

and make yourself a gateway for all the lost

at the intersection of death and sin and life and

glory

and know you will lead as many astray as you

lead correctly

for god is not man

god is an idea

represented best in the words of solomon

as knowledge and wisdom

as the holy ghost

a female

and christ just happened to be the most feminine

chap in those days
and he just happened to pick the most masculine
woman

mary magdalene

and if the heresy is true

that blood that child

and his bloodline

might be running in your blood and mine today

running lose in the brave new world

just as the lost teachings

found in nag hammadi are getting dug up

and the greatest book ever sold

it is all running lose around the world

and the only thing keeping you from false

teachers

is the discernment of their fruit

the discernment communicated by the peace of

the holy spirit

but to someone like me who chooses to see the

good in everyone

the very concept of false teachers is offensive

for when you have a good eye

your whole body is full of light

or did you not get that whole part about do not

judge

funny in the gnostic gospel of thomas

no mention is made of judging anyone

rather he mentions judging ourselves the most

harshly

and he mentions not lying

and not doing what you hate

be the change you wish to see in the world

and let others slip by you unless you are

provoked

and even then make yourself first and you will

be last

for the last will be first and the first will be last

one of my favorite callbacks from the old

testament is ecclesiastes

where solomon says what does the poor man

have

who knows how to walk before the living

for are the poor not out in the public eye all day

and do they not know a thing or two about

walking before their fellow man

I do not believe in exhortation but if god puts it

on your heart

and you hear the call to sell everything and give

the gospel door to door

I pray you learn and learn well

what we are all missing in this broken world

which cherishes privacy

learn and teach others what it means to walk

before the living

for each man is a book open to those who know

themselves for reading
and each home is a bountiful harvest waiting on
a patient pastor to hear it calling

and the best way to entertain yourself and god

is to get out there and work on sending more of

the same workers into the harvest

and if they do not receive you in this city flee to

another

for you will not have gone through the cities of

Israel before the son of man comes

as written in Matthew chapter 10 NKJV

So my mother and I were discussing the most

accurate name for satan

and I said in matthew he is also called the

tempter and the accuser

two things that are not easy to cast in a good

light

then she called him the deceiver

which is harder to claim against

unless you realize the number one deception

is that he has the power to condemn

so does that mean it is true that some people

stray from the path for fear that the power at

play in this world

will punish them for being too holy

I would say that is true

all the more reason to crave sincerity

and while we are at it let’s confront the

misinterpretation that to do good one must not
be strong morally

well that may be true but all the more reason for
those seeking the darkness to find the light

in fact the whole entanglement might be stated

best by the poem of Sir John Suckling

called loving and beloved

why is it that moral activity and intellectual

activity

must be at such odds

blame it on the moralists

I just read a quote that says

I endeavor to enliven morality with wit

and temper wit with morality

you can hunt for the big fish

but not if you are worried about

the judgment of a large whale

for the whale will convince you to hold on to all

the little fish

which are really just food for the one big fish

if you want to be around people

stand closer to the door

why do I read poetry

to feel the anguish, the passion, and the soul

of those who have come before me

why do I hanker for knowledge

because knowledge is power

and the only thing greater than power

is what einstein said imagination

and imagination has it’s roots in emotion

in fact let’s just say it

the more sorrow you feel

the greater work you will be willing to do

in your imagination

but the tools of the imagination

are not just emotions but facts

and why doesn’t anybody talk about the power

of being an empty vessel

only then will you draw on everything you
know

as you are filled so that you may fill others

and even then make yourself last

so you will maintain your remorse

but it is a dangerous trade to serve others

lest you mistake them for yourself

that is why a lot of this writing

and the writing of christ

is geared to being in the world and not of it

concerned about the will of the father

and not about the will of fellow man

so lest you make a god of others

make a god of yourselves

for we all know that god came

to forget who he was for the joy of remembering

in each one of us

that is why christ says in the gnostic gospel

that the father’s kingdom is within you and it is

outside of you

so you don’t stop looking within and without

lest anything else precede you

the gnostic gospel is known as the third way

a way of self knowledge to gain salvation

apart from the way of grace and the way of

works
which this is both the father of

for if you never look into extra biblical sources

then how do you even pray your own words

with any conviction

listen to your own pastor with any sincerity

and all of a sudden you are in the world and just

like it

for the trouble you expect will come

but what is this about being an empty vessel to

be full

and why is it that when christ says

if you are whole your whole body will be full of

light

but if you are divided the opposite will be true

and when do we associate the fullness with
emptiness and the darkness with light

do not be led astray

morality is still king

the only question is

what about this tension between serving others

and denying ourselves the vanity of their
opinion

that is something you will have to work out on

your own

and this book is my own attempt to untangle it

in my own life

good luck

god speed
read the gospels

read the old testament

read the letters of john

read revelation

but where is the vanity that is not vanity

it lies in the holy spirit

paraclete

don’t read paul

there is man with too much knowledge

read him after understanding the gnostic gospel

read him after the remainder of the bible no

longer entertains

read him if you want to know how to confuse

the enemy

but don’t read him if you are worried about

getting confused yourself

but don’t get tired of reading the bible

read it from one end to the other

and then read some good christian fiction

read whitlock

and read rubart

but where do authenticity and comedy meet

where compassion and reason meet

and what does it mean that god allows school

shootings

it means that the true believer finds the silver

lining
and does so by using the tragedy to find hope to
heal the greater ills

and does so by turning the microscope onto

ourselves

and does so by not questioning god’s will

through and through

and therein lies the place the resting place of

non judgment

mourning is great and reflection is superb

but acceptance is radical

The greatest secret cannot be taught

for it is the art of keeping something hidden

Therefor be careful who you tell about this book

Final caution

go slow they stumble that run fast

according to shakespeare

and in the words of solomon

you have heard it before

the plans of the diligent lead surely to plenty

but those of everyone who is hasty surely to

poverty
Final Note

I have heard so much of the subdued language

that I pray you hear it too

but do not be overly obsessive about it

for it’s sister and cousin is our native tongue

the enemy is routine

like a great military leader

Fortunately God

blessed us to use that gift of Satan’s

But the ancient masters

took one by surprise

without exception
including thyself

the more direct you are

the more mysterious you will be to others

the most direct speaker is saying many different

things subdued

thy shall let the power drain from your soul

and god will make it full again

I can talk about the futility of the will

and the utility of unconditional love

but who talks about hiding your anger

so that you have the strength to resist the devil

and you may come to despise pride

and you may come to despise the world

but everything has it’s purpose

for even anger will teach you about peace

and what it means to lead

and when you understand nothing

might you rest in your ignorance long enough

for god to fill you with light

and if we wanted to get heretical

we would say that comfort is impossible for the

christian

for we wait for the thief in the night

as well it should be

and what if christ was a father

so what doesn’t that just make his suffering that
much more palpable

why is the desire to wake up such a friend and

such a foe

let your imagination run wild

and then you will be full and empty at the same

time

as the eastern teachers say

let your mind be empty and do not react

or did you think the millions of zen Buddhists

had lost their soul

they are only after the mind of christ

always becoming never having become

and in the name of relationship

open your ears

open your heart

shut your mind off

all this people watching

ought to be called people hearing

didn’t you know that you could hear with your

eyes

remember boredom is not meant to be a vice

but it can be an asset

be generous with your affect

but don’t scare off

and abandon effect

movement is not gratuitous it is godly

but so is rest

do each by turn

and then you will learn

the graceful art of action

without delay

what is obedience?
and why do they say you have to be cruel to be
kind

a theme of this book is that nothing is as it

seems

and maybe if you have read this far you also

have come to the conclusion

that you do not know yourself

but it is exactly as you think

therefor stranger things have happened

my question is

do you think like I do

that obedience means

floating with carless abandon

on a sea of uncertainty

for it begins with patience

and it ends with anger

and it grows with love

but don’t forget any of the ingredients

or mix up their order

for any good leader knows

you must be careless to be a good leader

or else you won’t follow

nor attract a following

the same is true of being careful

for the sea is by nature uncertain

and one might ask

how or if then now what

in other words

what makes it possible to do all that

and still be single minded

the answer is the heart

intention is the last word

that is what makes it so powerful to follow

surrender of intention

deny yourself the power the comfort and the

choice

and you will find more grace, light, and joy

now the last word and the intention are one

fine you want another gem

if you want to overcome the will

try intermittent spontaneity

how do you tell someone that is helpless and

feeling helpless

that all of the grasping, clawing, and striving

is not actually productive

if you really want control that badly

try using your noggin and your heart

hear and speak with deliberation

move with silence

and strike with power

let the flame of ignorance burn brightly

for it is the candle that let’s us

stake our claim

to enlightenment

the root of power is sorrow

and the root of imagination is ignorance

so when you discover the futility of knowledge

may you not lose sight of the utility of pathos

so if you want to be a politician

realize that the greatest

and most powerful ally

of our time is also our greatest ill

and that is man’s lust for power

so what do we do

we sublimate the needs of the body with sports

my vote is to combine our desire for

entertainment

and our demand for healthcare

which make up 80% of the economy

into a new healthy way of life

as the great italian philosopher said

in military speak

all life in the future will be lived on the oblique

axis

the vertical and horizontal combined

to make a successful engagement

so we design our lives to be led

in and around adrenaline playgrounds

and the use for the physical body

will be a catalyst for the mind

and when you get two out of three

the third falls in line

body mind and spirit

but what is one to do when

everything is vain and or hollow

even the giving up of life

for how does one discern

whether another soul is caught for god

there is not a single test that works

anyone might confess the name of jesus

even satan knows and understands the bible

when that day comes

may you be known by your fruit

and the only fruit that bears witness to itself

is that which god used to speak the world into
existence

the word

if your words are good then your fruit is good

eat the fruit of your mouth

and don’t let it return to you empty

then you will know that you have been at work

then you will remember the prayer at the end of

chapter eight

send workers into the harvest

but remember to ask yourself

are you going to be the voice of reason and

compassion
or are you set out to foment anxiety

I have had enough with this life of quiet

desperation

the people encouraging that behavior are dead to

me

turn the hearts of the fathers to the children

maybe the aim should be free fall

or do you think they called it grace to suit your

vanity

I say go towards the delay

go towards the roadblock

go towards the dead end

why

because time is the most valuable thing we can

invest in one another

Until you have all taken away

you will never know how grateful you should be

but even then if you persist in your negativity

because the good books does say

that against such there is no law

referring to the fruits of the spirit

and hence all the long lists of sins are

meaningless

if you don’t have hope

and negativity is the opposite of hope

keep that up and someone will bind you on earth

and by turn you will be bound in heaven

open your heart and give compassion hope and

joy a try

and you will be loosed on earth

and even more liberating

you will be loosed in heaven

passion hate and anger are very different things

passion gets misused but is very close to anger

it does not need a target

the problem with hate is it is always motivated
by love

and hence always finds a mark

it’s okay to feel anger

just don’t direct it at anyone

hide the source of anger

even from yourself

and you will use it for what it is worth

passion to grow

I forgot to tell my friend

it says let him who has power renounce <it>

for power entails discernment

and if you do not bring forth what is within you

and use it to denounce the ills that surround you

what is within you will destroy you

and the <it>

means occasionally and without reserve

we must even renounce the power

or else we mistake ourselves as the source

and we realize that just as many will

misunderstand this statement as those who get it

that is why you must be careful who you give

this book

lest they find out the truth about you

anyway it is the second part of the lesson that is

the important part

anyone can understand that when they have the

power to renounce

not only is it obvious

but it is in short supply

and hence should be used sparingly

and while greed is good when it comes to power

to an extent

I think we have all learned the lesson of

moderation

all hail the underdogs

all hail the new kids

the spiel bergs and kubricks

find a way and short circuit your own power

if you wish for it to grow

take up your cross

lose your life

make yourself last

get strung up like a criminal

be in the world and not of it

store up treasure in heaven

find out the meaning of intention

it is not what goes into a man’s mouth that

defiles him

but what comes out of a man’s mouth that

defiles him
if you don’t know how to manage your guilt

you will end up blaming everyone else

the operative keyword is

own your shit

renounce your power

but then again

beware lest you get into a competition

about who bears the greater cross

so when your cross becomes your power

it is even this which you must renounce

this is the meaning of being in the world

and not of it
vulnerability is the greatest strength

genuine authenticity and sincerity

that is the coin of the realm

not power

so don’t be deceived

simply because I am mixing the metaphors of

coin and power

he who loves money never has enough money

seek that which passes understanding

I don’t even know where folks faith

and easy acceptance of the contrivance we call

cash
comes from

that is a marvel

and when you realize the origination of

sustenance

you give back the honor to where it was

intended

that’s why it is staying on the dollar

in god we trust

out of many one

but conspiracy theories are for the mental

masturbaitors

this book has enough intrigue to satisfy the true

adherent
and if that is not enough for you

why not give a good yarn a tale

fiction never comes up empty

even at it’s worst

look and you will see

the moral

and if you are sick with morality

then try your hand at sin

for it is not my job to convert you to something

you abhor

christ himself says in the gnostic gospel

do not lie and do not do what you hate

maybe you are one of the lucky ones

unencumbered with shame

able to attract the holy spirit

into and around some of the least likely of

places

For I am a fisher of men

and christ knew that if he called the righteous

he might as well be calling a bunch of nancy

boys

go out and find out what it means to be a man

and then find god

and lead the way

that is why their is more rejoicing in heaven

for the one lost sheep

and for the prodigal son

than for the other 99

who were not foolhardy enough to even get lost

and why is it that living for approval is such a

nowhere road

I mean we are called to love one another as he

loved us

but it all goes back to courage

we don’t do anyone a favor by shrinking into

self involvement

be brave like christ and offend as many as you

endear

all the while offering anyone forgiveness

may you lead as many astray as you do correct

for as solomon says in proverbs

the wicked shall be a ransom for the righteous

and the unfaithful for the upright

fear god and everything else will begin to fall

into place

I mean the soul had to come from somewhere

and that somewhere has to be more fearsome

than here right

the garden of eden was on earth

and recently read somewhere it meant pleasure

all the more reason to fear your maker

or look at the magnificence of creation

which some atheists call the stroke of

ineffability

and claim is the one sole proof against the

existence of god

well now now, can’t we all find something like

reverence

when we allow each one to seek his own highest

ground

the desire to condemn the atheist has got to

disappear

before we will ever approach them with the

humility
that we seek them to search for

on the other hand vigorous debate is only

healthy

but we are looking for that balance

like the ph chemistry in the body electrolyte

for if the salt looses it’s flavor

it is good for nothing but to be thrown out

and trampled underfoot by men

and that is had by embracing the mystery

for the lord our god the lord is one

that means you and I

we are the same deep down

recognizing as much will change the way we
relate forever

and when you get it

the world becomes a painting

and the masters art becomes all art

and the canvas is your heart and mine

can you hear it calling

it’s the song of 8 billion souls

coping with corporal existence

and how do we sing more sincerely

stop running from the most basic issues

address love and sex

and realize even it can be a crutch

until we get mature

and even then the desire to create a legacy might

mean nothing

unless we do it with deliberation

paul says he wishes we all could be single like

him

but if lust burns in you it is better that you be

married

my last argument is that if the mind is vain

and the heart is pure

maybe madness is divine

therefor if modern man is at a crossroads

when it comes to modern rites of passage

the answer seems simple

surrender to the one chemical

that will land you with manslaughter charges if

you are holding more than ten hits

the one chemical known to get you out of your

mind

and back to the soul

do it in a safe environment

out in nature where god heals

do it with the right mental setting

the preparation for enlightenment

the goal being to not fight the changes

and give to each according to what he has done

but maybe the world is psychedelic enough

and driving is the great right of passage

and high school football

but we aren’t talking about the average easy to

entertain joe smith

we are talking about the upcoming prophet

someone that wishes for the type of faith

that they don’t even realize is displayed in the

bible

that was me, and this is my book

and if the goal is to not interfere

where do we get off training the next generation

that is why it says

when the student is ready the master will appear

have you any idea what kind of master is

awaiting your preparedness

but if the goal is to give the next generation

something to change the world

to give them something not of this earth

and yet best experienced outdoors

well then we must as a nation talk to each other

and determine what it is that we need to pass

down

in my opinion it is enlightenment

best had with a free mystical experience of

oneness
does that bode ill for the fate of humanity

nah, most of the best programers today

were or are still old acid heads

why does it make you mad

because it is impossible to both think and feel

separate things while on it

hence the resulting product

a person capable of being at one in both the

head and the heart

is the most valuable and simultaneously

dangerous thing on the planet

in fact that is precisely why christ hung on a

cross

is our world ready for that type of rite?

this argument won’t appeal to folks who aren’t
double minded

why fix something that isn’t broken

not to mention the generational sin

that speaks to the healing we are in need of

for is that not the one bad fruit of generational

sin

double mindedness

and I know I lose a significant portion of the

audience

throwing out references to biblical superstitions

as many call it

but the fact is if we don’t get the love we are

looking for at home

we turn to the world and the ways of the world

we just want to make the ways of the world
more like heaven

maybe our scars originated in the world

and we just couldn’t get the healing we wanted

at home

so we turned

as we all do

inward

doubting

and found the self

the kingdom of heaven

both inside and outside

but back in the present

we all suffer from weak thoughts

the best answer I know comes from the bible

it provides you with the best kind of doubt

doubt about your mortal soul

and reassurance about the willpower above

that came down in the flesh

and when you get there

rest in the glory

don’t be fearful

it will be uncomfortable at first

and you will think you don’t deserve it

push through and it will be worth it

and you will think it’s going to make you weak

and it will

for when I am weak I am strong

and when I think about how mental illness is at

the center of our problems in America

I wonder if it seems that half the people blame

the bible

and the other half know for sure it is the cure

then it leads me to say

adrenaline play grounds

satisfy the spiritual malaise

with a physical counterpart

and both sides should agree

I wrote this book as a journey

thanks for reading it

a failure of courage is a source of anger

and vice versa

let’s give them something to talk about

and when your vocal cords are silenced

may you take it as a sign of your

dependence on god
after which may you speak with a tone of
forgiveness

in order to forgive you must be forgiven

which requires a conscience

the next generation grows more cynical

and sometimes I wish they were even more so

more questioning

more in the world and not of it

If you are worried about getting caught

you are probably going to be caught

and if you aren’t worried about catching others

than what are you up to

and the best way to catch them is to

convince them they will never be caught

and god will do the rest

because the mind is a resource

and your greatest foe

that is why it upsets me that people

like to say that we are not like christ

and he is the only perfect one

when the bible is clear

god makes no mistakes

hence we are perfect

he is in us

we are at one with god

even within our sin

and if you must back away from

salvation by grace

do so like so

sin is work

we are fighting

a daily attrition

and that does take work

that does take effort

and it is not in vain

but take heart

the yolk is easy

and the burden is light

and use the heart

god sees the heart

use intention

and make it real with action

thought word and deed

and that is how we unite the way of grace

with the salvation by work

for god does the work

and we do the asking

he comes with an invitation

and then we do nothing

except get out of the way

and try and get caught

get caught loving others

get caught loving god

get caught red handed and guilty

get caught confessing

get caught repenting

get caught invoking

get caught victorious

I won’t mention your prayer life

that is a sacred space

alone between you and the maker

get caught being heretical

get caught acknowledging logic

for any sober individual

will look at you sideways

when you tell them

one book is better than every other

instead bait them with facts

it is the greatest story ever told

and sells more copies than Oprah

acknowledge that faith is a matter of

imagination

and we don’t expect you to actually reason

for we aren’t underselling anything

when we quote einstein

imagination is more important than knowledge

and if you imagine that it is rational to

believe that the bible is so much greater than

any other book

and hold that contention

won’t you also reason that you are so much

better than others
and by the same logic condescend and judge
others

so hold onto it with a grain of sand

and hide that grain

so that no one tries to take it from you

hide it with the wisdom

the wisdom of being in the world

and not of it

and guard it with the harmlessness of a dove

so that no one misinterprets your intentions

I probably know enough of the bible to be

considered a danger
but it is the remaining knowledge that interests
me

before I gave up my throne

it was the sound

that I controlled with the light from my eyes

and my body and my heart

don’t get me wrong

I say it’s okay to cling to the bible

and heed it as

the inerrant word of god

just don’t expect the world to reason the same

way
approach the world instead

with wisdom

read worldliness

and heaven

read harmlessness

and I don’t mean to feed into the paranoia that

the world will misunderstand you

but when it says

that in the beginning was the word

I take it literally

and therefor all word

is heavenly
when it comes to my body

and everything does

I use logic and intuition

I look at the past

and I look at my heart

and I make a choice

anticipating

takes the fun out of making a decision

They say that the road is straight and narrow

and yet we might think the road is wicked and

crooked
but the bottom line from both is

do not make the effort to turn

straighten out your choices

and don’t delay

while taking your time

I apologize for suggesting LSD Use

I didn’t mean to suggest that you were double

minded

at least don’t be upon using it

I know I wasn’t

more defense of the word

those who read the word without the spirit

consider it foolishness

for it is only with the holy spirit

that it may become clear

a great quote for those starting out

and a great reminder not to be high and mighty

for it isn’t even in our own understanding

that we obtain knowledge from reading the bible

I hope you see more in this than the average

cliche

emerson said
imitation is suicide

I wouldn’t have written anything

unless it felt like

something was missing

so what if anything I say

also begs for it’s opposite to

come and be seen as whole

It seems like I have written enough

Listen to Abraham Hicks

it’s time for me to go out

and live life

Women are the door

but you will not enter

unless you know their men

and vice versa

basically I go live life

observe the changing nature of the spirit

and come back to share the insights

will you come to know me in the reading

and if so will you conclude it is

eastern or western which I do believe

well my advice is keep an eye open

for the advice that saves

some say christ was educated in the east

and or in Egypt

which we know he began life in

at least after the origin

So if your maker will take lessons from

the eastern kings

that saw his star

how much more might we grow

to know the same wisdom

basically we want you to live a life free of fear

and that means only satisfying your curiosity

half of the time

or else you aren’t curious enough

about the meaning of self denial

to deny yourself the joy

and terror of utter abandon

curious enough

to lose and find

your life

curious enough
to make yourself last

and find out what it means

to actually come first

this book will never end

we haven’t even scratched the surface

or what the bible intended

please take a break

get lost in conversation

hear as much as you listen

practice the art of asking the right

question
a practice that never gets old

and take the time and hear the answer

so you will know what else to ask

for we tell others

as much or more

by what we focus on

than by what we offer

by and by

give yourself up to life

if god is imaginary

the good news is

and the bad news

is that the devil

is also a figment

that doesn’t decrease the power of god or the

devil

it only increases our power to

heed and obey the spirit

which is also imaginary

but if you want evidence that

the devil is imaginary

realize that sin

is by definition
the absence of light

not necessarily

the presence of evil

and the most fearful thing a sinful human

will ever encounter

is the presence of the light

so go toward your fear

go toward the darkness

and the light

in order to learn the way

home from every angle

that you might

enlighten those around you

as we are

enlightened

for if the meaning of enlightenment is the

absence of ignorance

then you already know the drill

I use to be able to hear

each ones heart

as if it were my own

for now the memory is enough

to stay emotionally intelligent

but it went away

when remembering someone

threatening

a loved one threatening

in chorus with another

that they knew

they knew

what happened to me

they knew about

me dying on the cross

and to avoid it
again

my spirit balked

instead of calling

back the one number

the last number

god’s number

for fear

that other’s would fear

now is the moral

do not allow

other’s fear to become your own

yes

for if you are in the spirit

we are all

figments of your imagination

does that make you a sociopath

well perhaps

but that does not matter

for we are also slaves

of christ

just don’t let anyone

convince you else wise

spiritual warfare

operates on the level

where heart and mind are one

seeking to divide the two

our greatest ally is faith

and the greatest weapon

of faith

is love

of course

why else is ownership something I fear

both in myself

and within others

for it is an unemotional god

and completely divorced from love

and if you know the truth

you will realize that

it’s amazing we have

anything to actually say

at all

that is why we need the devil

and the devil needs our pain

because god is looking for

anything to make

into praise

so quit being boring

and go out and live a

bold, fearless,

and wreck less

spirit filled life

or else you will

be like every other

saint and forget

how to worship

because only god is selling

what you cannot buy

so to be absolute

be by turn

reverent and irreverent

holy and profane

or else risk

forgetting how to call

God’s only true

and lasting name

or did you think he made sin

to mock the saint

a cruel god indeed

That much is not for certain

however what is certain

is that he made himself

to mock the sinner

and by adaptation

engross the wicked

into a loving and beloved

embrace
I am reading and memorizing

sir john suckling

sara teasedale

oscar wilde

and where the use of cannon is impractical

haven’t memorized the author’s name yet

and the christian author

I meant to refer to

that I am now reading

is Robert Whitlow

the book is called the List

now that you have heard the last

of all the didactic bullshit

the greatest lesson

anyone might learn

involves endurance

and to that end

take hope

for the more you allow yourself

moments of rapture

the greater reservoir

you will take and draw on

in your moment of need

and remember

everything else

is either from the heart

or it is intellectual

and if it is strictly intellectual

let my life be proof

that is a nowhere road

for it is all bullshit

and even then

it takes a wild spore

to turn it upside down

and grow the most poisonous

and deadly mushroom

love it or lose

you better gain weight

can you help rooting for satan

when like me you have seen the fruit

of men who walk away

and return

in the form of angels

it’s nice to win souls

but don’t put the carriage before the horse

in other words

don’t put yourself before god

god is the animal that

is driving us

the precious cargo

safe and sound

inside of the carriage

keep the animal well fed

and cared for

before after and during your trip

then worry about

the road

the other travelers

and the destination

and last of all

worry about yourself

and best of all find someone

to do the worrying for you

Find a wife

that reminds you of the love of christ

in all it’s dynamic

For those of you who insist

I am a lost soul

in need of christ

you are right

but I pray you are brave enough

to get into unknown territory

for the sake of being salty

and learn new and creative ways

to let your light shine

out where the doctrine of the world

comes up short
empty

and hollow

out where the real souls are won

where sin is not a passing fad

and you have got to be guilty

to get respect

don’t worry you won’t have to look far

the place I am describing is right next door

and it is

always just a heartbeat away

because we live in America

and we live on planet earth

The Lion of Judah is the King of the Jungle

and the Jungle is our Natural World

and if you are sick of church

that is too bad for you

because you won’t find

more twisted people anywhere

Have you figured out my intention yet

I have said it a million different ways

love god

fear satan

go toward your fear

stay close to god

Win the Soul of Satan

Win Jesus Christ

and if we learn anything

learn this

headaches are good

spiritual warfare is good

it all is one sign among many

that we are right on target

suffering is not always in vain

in fact it is the least likely thing to be

I can’t learn any new lessons

all that I know you now know

please don’t fall asleep

He is coming like a thief in the night

The new lessons are the same as the old lessons

surrender and vulnerability

strength and triumph

agony and defeat

it all goes hand in hand

that is the bottom line in the bible

when I am weak I am strong

his grace is sufficient for me

for his power is made perfect in my brokenness

and if you are wondering how I got so lost

that I both trust and distrust myself

implicitly at the same time

then beware lest your wondering lead you astray

and besides the answer is in your hand

I am done interfering

take one down and pass it around

this sleigh is full

awareness is the opposite of reason

the less aware you are

the more scientifically

objective you may be

why is that

because focus

and awareness are opposites

my advice is to stay centered at all costs

even if it means

straying outside your comfort zone

conceit is not necessary for faith

in fact consciousness is anathema to imagination

the less you know the better

that is why all of my writing is designed to

convince you

and me that we know nothing

while reveling in what little we do know

in the face of all that we don’t

we all have to make a decision between love

and wisdom

on that day

choose love

forgetting is every bit as valid as remembering

maybe more so

and not just because it is underrated

but because remembering at it’s best

only serves to help us forget

I apologize for the nihilistic bent

but there is nihilism in the bible

ashes to ashes baby

anticipation destroys fulfillment

eat your cake

once

empathy has it’s limits

desire and patience

are the arrows in your quiver

let both aim true

resisting desire and desire

are equally important

surround yourself with people

that practice each

if you see an alligator eating a small boy

would you stop and wonder how good the boy

tastes to the alligator

and then save the boy

or when you get to heaven

might you think that god will say look

it is exactly what you thought it would be

because it never is

and that is the point

anticipation clouds the brain

patience steels the nerves

they each have a place

might you come to love and hate both

and when you are tired of being conflicted

don’t follow the herds

getting baited with the in crowd

take a stand

and choose love

if it is real you will wait for it

desire is not an obstacle

if you are in love

then it becomes a vehicle

drawn by a more powerful

and patient animal

how valuable is stillness

sometimes the best prayer

is the unspoken prayer

stay in the spirit

judgment hampers the heart

better to be unobtrusive

than flagrant

better to be small

than large

and yet we say

eat the fruit of the mouth

because proclaiming the word

isn’t about being small or large

it’s about expanding the awareness of god

it is not about resisting the devil

rather I would like to see you

overcome him

oh wait that is what Jesus did

and he did say for us to

take up our cross

and follow him

stop explaining
and declare

grace should be the guiding light

behind your motives

mercy is the instinct

for the mourning

think less

say more

rest is only for the wicked

so be wicked and forget

it feels so good to be bad

as we recast the stereotypes

in the limelight
and don’t let

creativity

become vice

or rather do

and tighten it down

for throughout the duration

sin is the thought

that you know anything

the more you understand

the less you find out

know nothing wonder kind

that is right
to know the kind wonder

know the existence of nothing

the same message

realized inside of the heart

might send you looking for that spark

now hear we set fire

and guard it

till it blazes

naturally

that is a quote

from the gospel of thomas

a paraphrase more like it

all roads lead back to babylon

for nothing will be impossible

save the speaking of one another’s

native tongue

thoughts are radical

everything is context

acceptance is natural

can you find the forthright

and emphatic do good

molesting the leftover

replenishing the ripe

acceding the deed

Havens rip Cloud

Misfits invoke Foul

Angels bemoan Crime

Crawling implant Friend

Strength accrues Den

Hidden constant Flame

Edge reasoning Craven

Planning slipper Voice

Stretch inner Rhyme

Clean Freedom Design

Do you wander past the turnstiles

eating out of my hand

I have assembled all of the words

marginally better for what has not been done

in the name of a god

harnessing the light of aeons

can you find the last good knight

and kindle the final hour

given to strange delight

and risen in the power

whoever discovers the interpretation of these

sayings will not taste death twice
reincarnation is for the birds

and many lives will lead the bees

confusing text for instruction

asleep at life’s exit point

pride won’t sell the information

work is worthless without endeavor

forget the language it’s redolent

amateurs reside in the cream

oblivious to mistakes your frame

tending all the traps she lays

kindly steel the gaps

no gaze
finished produce worth the wait

slow enough to mistake success for failure

be envious of the guilt god gave

Heartily and without haste save time

funneling your marginal divide

your best idea forgotten is the spark you seek

the spark you seek is the seed

for the best idea recalled

the less you say

the more clever it gets

we are the aliens

might you know the meaning of deliberation

then you will find the scroll of consideration

everyone says

I got to go someone is holding it

and that is fine

but who says I came for me and mine

and forgets all the rest

you will never understand my process

nor will it appear on the page

as an act of my will

when the aliens appear

I am not sitting in front of the television

waiting for the news media to shed the light

I am in the front yard

eager to confront the maker

in all sincerity

eager to go home

for I am not of this earth

and neither are you neighbor

can you decide if this is all too creepy

and dismiss it

probably not not now

it’s gone too far

are you looking over your shoulder

why all the good stuff is right under your nose

might as well be the last to know

and the first to smell her coming

leveraged on the wings of disaster

doubling down on the tides of forever

bullish on the bear market tribute

washed up on the coast of mannana

it’s a place called hope

the oracle mysterious

is a site in your heart and mind

the location of all you ever wanted

and never dared to wish you could obtain

it is the place we warned you not to go

the first best and last book america ever

discovered

held over till she needer her most

he said he would destroy the temple

and build it again in three days

and I say it is a shame

that the meaning of the word christian

does not apply

little christ

for never will you catch me saying

conflating the idea of christ

with the wretchedness of the flesh

and in that way we seek salvation in work

and grow proud of our work to deny the truth

that god is in me and in you

but don’t tell anyone

they will tell you we are in a cult

so what stripe and flag kind of christian am I

merely one that takes the literal parts of the

bible

literal

omnipresent omniscient omnipotent benevolent

alpha and omega

know your cannon

trust your leader

so I have got one girl

that acts like she doesn’t know whether to lead

me or follow me

she is younger and a die hard christ follower

she seems immature and more mature at the

same time

and that is her way

she seems more selfish and selfless than me

and that scares me

the other girl

is a mystery

part fabrication
all imagination

the inspiration for the more colorful parts seen

here

while all of the grounded and grave parts

are thanks to the other

what kind of writer

writes without a muse

or two

which is the better of the two

and more real

it is hard to say

better to stay friends

then risk entering into

a fray that needs mending

but that is a lie

told by a man separated from one

by many many miles

so we make do with the raw material

and deny ourselves the fruit we are after

till the grain is ripe

can you guess which one owns me

because I cannot

they both have equal claim

one hesitant to claim the label

the other all too proud to be counted in his

number

and for that we love her dearly

they both inspire a double minded singleness

or else we wouldn’t have needed to give a rib

salvation from boredom is worth all the sweat

and labor at the plow

even if the snakes offspring and hers will be at

odds

she is made of my rib

and came out of man

so I cry her name is woman

and if you have known one

you have known them all

so be glad for the presence she did give

and not greedy for a taste of another

or do what all men do and fight the trojan war

she couldn’t have been that entertaining

she probably talked too much

as a way to keep you on your toes

but each woman knows her role

to bide her time

till your time comes

and on that day

not hesitate

with the crucifixion

okay the truth comes out

he is proudly feminist

offending chauvinists everywhere

truth be told

I fear she does not accept me for all my

ruggedness

that she balks at my male simplicity

and need for power

little did he realize

that her power and mine were one

and the separation only amplified the conviction

or worse that she wishes like every other female

that I were more simple

but you see all the mating of the birds and the
bees

amount to so much songs

buzzing and stinging

that is where my craft offends me

and if it were so that it did not offend her

then perhaps the answer is not half as difficult

so she will tell me after reading this

that it is not true

she does not mind the stunning

and I pray it will not

take the sting out of my compassion for her

nor dull the rising fear

that allows me to locate the right

destination for the blow

that is one fear I will never get bored of

and nor should you

perhaps it is all hot air and passion

but I don’t want to arrive at heaven ungrateful

for the pearly gates which have been

in dreams

await and reward the grateful

heaven operates on so much investment

the stock goes up thanks to love

I hope you have learned that it is okay to
apologize

god has got bigger fish to fry

like malicious intent

and that is exactly what the unrepentant heart

resembles most

she would tell me to say

better yet don’t enter into a situation

that will cause you so much guilt

that repentance is the only cure

even lot’s wife was counseled not to look

back

she didn’t look back because she wanted to ally

with the heathens

okay maybe it was nostalgic

it had been her home

and she left it in a rush

how was god not public enemy number one

and abraham not sick with him

upon finding out he almost killed Isaac

because god worked a miracle

and provided an offering snared in the briars

a miracle will save you when your eyes are open

save you from the natural human revulsion

to the alien and unfeeling god

that is why doubt is so important

doubt in yourself

amounts to faith in heaven

and is the cornerstone on which miracles ride

the greater the hesitation in a moment

the longer the satisfaction in fulfillment

and you will not be able to deny yourself

when god has your number

all the will of the flesh

cannot stop god

if he puts a call on you

contradictorily that is the best reason to try

clinging to self denial

we store up treasures in heaven

the ultimate fulfillment

a pipe dream

yes

but those men who smoked that pipe were old

and their memories were longer than the time

we have been given to bear

may you now go in peace

knowing the story is told

their minds were ancient

and their beards white

their gaze a blinding flash

and their hearts a secret room

filled with treasures we haven’t even

begun to behold

uncaring to dream

we pine and waste away

in search of heaven

when it was right under our nose all along

I have written so much

that I can barely see the contours

but it does have a landscape

this book in your hands

the oracle mysterious

11/14/15

there is a time to wait

and there is a time to proceed

he who knows the spirits calling

just as well may walk on wanted water

I have given up on telling you the great and

awesome truth

because it does me no honor

to recognize it

or receive it

aloud

poetry philosophy and doctrine

wrapped with a shell of fiction

something about the angles

even if you had all the faces

would you be quiet enough

to watch the light

play

best to be someone else

yourself is already formed

try not to capitalize

and then do not delay

for how the lord enters

and when he stands tall

is a riddle for hearts

of sinners the worthless, and lost

if you do assemble the bridle

may you wish for no lesser judge

and bristle with malcontent

at the littlest loss

finally the conclusion

may the winding be wound

and all the confusion

profane and profound

a hope less than lofty

a harbor selfishly satisfies

content to disagree

we remark to the greeter

give us our seats

and speak not of theater

compatriots met in riot gear

and lesbians swept in Cambridge

You know the label’s not working

as you grow more dissatisfied and rowdy by the

day

for the words that you wish to own

turn up and own you

a patronizing glance

a withering deviousness

hell comes now or never

discuss with your pastor

and when you are consumed with injunction

craft the final standard

elongate in real price

for the words you wear

end up wearing the world

to that end

keep your own council

edit the real version

and mind the last

tribunal

so funk me right wrong

and slam me in the weirdness

for out comforting is a lost art

I broke the fence

now the gate hangs wide

enter for your own pardon

and wish not for any praise

exclaim glory in the name of jericho

for the walls fall all night

and the sinner’s delight

appears hungry for him

mind the elegance replaced

excorrate the greenest harm

for the will of the lord

bends broken and scarred

we work worse wisdom than fear

our love scares mortals to clear

the leaves falling at noon

sanguine rumors mill trends

and the flocks fantasy never ends

the leave line might go between the first two

and fine if you want to flip flop the last two

Grand delirium marks magic

Conduct dominion not cold

the heat will follow in frost

for the luke warm roasting the lost

again switching the last two lines might work

better

poetry risen right out of order

and the criminal capers now glimmering

find the sandwich that ate last time

and prove meaning is metaphor

without finality

spunk and head slams

might the brave

wrestle without courage

to finance the wisdom you

heard romancing the climb

just printed off Brendan Constantine’s

Poem

the needs of the many

and so what if I need a lot of reassurance

so do you

from the mouths of babes

manly and starred

equivocate on your own time

we work here for the hour

the day we long to discern

clamor for the power of no thing

the invisible god

within grasping pleasure

Harry the cringing moment

and commend the eager

renter on the verge of tears

where eagles fear to flee

and lions partake of last rights

for the moon’s share of luck

involves knowing as much as involvement

take the wisdom in stride

reasoning won’t let you down

so give it up

and lift the heart higher

building castles worth knocking flat

like a three year old

whose kingdom never tires

all strength removes the last

mold resistant residue

which of course is our only ally

I wish I could make it better

but the frat house

is caving so fast

last night something went right

and the tell tale sign

foremost and plain

spoke openly for the ear

of the heart to perceive

give the kiss of death to that shit

because the grim reaper probably is your best

bet

I didn’t know if I should let the idea own me

or own the idea myself

the road less traveled is narrow

do you appreciate the juxtaposition

of the beautiful and the nasty

cultivate enemies worth the ramification

I told you to not fall asleep

and i am singing you the softest lullaby

I told you not to forget

and still you remember

praise the god who declared

let them be ruins

the number of unwritten verses

is counted in the stratosphere

even solomon hardly produced

three tomes that feed us now

I left too fast

or not fast enough

and the heart went off the zero

so many people are looking for the bottom line

while the rest of us are looking

for the linear progression

The least valuable player

ranks among mens’ most godliest men

can you find the needle in the whirlwind

and straddle the sawhorse for the chaff

perhaps you wilt into the thorn bushes

and marry well for your clan

or else you go in search of

wanton lust

a strange desire

for the threshing bare

might you winnow the last good straw

and hanker for what is satisfying

claiming no worldly

earth eaten pleasure

mother eaten treasure

and god’s last fare

capture the handle given turn

and tinker in the long mistaken urn

heading south for the search

idle wisdom is spent

each riddle is crawl

for the stipulation he rode

entanglements node

glistening staunch misappropriation

and grandfather’s happenstance incineration

a leading will to follow

lifting the ancestor

worthless and swollen

predicated madness

and staff cringing gladness

un approvable mandate

early kindergarten warning

wake up for the battle

a dolorous swindle

stimulations random want

Harmless stealth in the flaunt

Cruising usage undone

predictions nonsecular
exculpate resentment

trance made slender

grinch grimmer than stale

explosions lingering ramp

self referential malady

anchors sordid reply

helm reaching to lunch

time’s reliving trench

clippers stridently shackled

ampule liking stroke

cliff tryst wrenching smoke

bleeding breathing believability

hunch considering stone

alone but for the phone

homeless and sent to the farm

tripple Eh imagining rock

rotten fresh from the guard

hefting cotton and grin

balancing stacks only sin

stolen principle rate cord

a single line swallowing

glimpsing generous star

eclipsing momentous delineation

complexity stirring the thorn

a brief sally ride parody

implosions grain that is ranch

nonsense in linguistical coin

rebel against the grain

I am on the bias

isn’t it a dovetail joint

funneling the swift whip

running down largesse

hunkering for the crown

talking myself into retirement

as if the maidens solemn

practical folks deride scorn

share it with the elder

ignore the younger contender

till the moment comes and you sing

you are old enough to know the meaning of

cream

until that day

demand payment for lost wonder

and humanize the apathy that connects us

joy is real and so is the final joke

even when we cringe god is laughing

perhaps your taste is right on

and you know this means little

a waste of good time

you are most creative at your farthest

encroachment

sin not that you are no slave to resentment

dialectical modality for the faint and funky

quicker on the uptake than the most

illustrious and ill begotten youth

serenaded by the one withholding wren

gobbling nuggets

manufacturing discontent

approbations fine sergeant

sulky and mislaid devoid

a list of all possible crest

for the trough strangles

and the bough breaks in length

curtailed decisions last

parchment stench inquest

healing common lenders bemoan

intrust happy candor

to the faster raffle

censoring fleeting
denatured realism

climax undreamt of inborn

floating flow and sworn

angels tunneling grain

héros graven and meld

staff employees

remote offspring

clinching solemn

ransom purchase

utmost wrought

locking safe

misdirections left clue

plenty of darling pretties

alone but for the drink

formulate a shrink psychology

entering college this late

absolute chaste

unsought something

fretting about school

trite narrow and broad

can’t you dissuade the gown

confession that you can handle

the canned immodest appeal

applause that stadiums shake

marked remembering quandary

exulting the handmade snake

caduceus frankly unwell

permission to grin and gripe

hulking dissembling whale

pretending the goat saw light

inserting the final strike

finished emotion

as finely defined

lurching equipment

buckling stripe

optimistic calamity

ensnared democracy

leveling furniture

smoking your marbles

regents reaction

pleasant fraction

clean spare

flesh inset

commodity repent

obsidian improve

obscure cohort

precious strife

mansion ensign

gobbling rhyme

aghast stear

cloning marvels
inching roam

gelded fixture

amputation debunked

music shell

horrors apple

objective monopoly

abridgment soul

mere metaphor

clandestine flash

timing influx

standard marrow

hocking franchise
elevate collusion

maniacal munchkin

cresting brute

swollen crumb

thou incubus

ratchet unction

fabeled concern

moats implay

swarming frame

hiccup replenish

I love being around christians

I never feel so judged and awake

its like when you are around

someone you think knows the peace that passes

understanding

it is easier to tap into said same

and the more to try and tap it

is the less you will acquire

feeling judged

you realize your earnest error

and allow it to you tap

consciousness only forces the foreign

relax and allow the alien to just be so

sometimes i get so full of the spirit

I am afraid I am going to ignite

don’t worry I know how to put out the fire

and that is a skill you won’t find in any textbook

it will take years of burning away to hone it

it came up that superstition and religion are not

so different

and I wanted to say our trap is no different

afraid to let it hang in the air

if so

and if called on it

it would have been easy to say

that we want people to get stuck in our trap

and in that company equally easy to say

the trick is convincing another

that the trap is one worth the weight in gold

since the reward is never feeling trapped again

I woke up uninterested and unmotivated to

attend sunday service

afraid the christians last night were

an indication of the christians this morning

and that all we would find there

is people trying to be something they are not

but at the end of the day

most christians would agree

they are not christ

and they all want to be like christ

the easiest flaw to point to is the open

mindedness

of christ to sinners

and therefor to himself

and leading someone to forgiveness

ought to be like cardinal sin number one

now we see how christ god and satan see eye to

eye

the only thing that will help you not sin

is not forgiveness

but the consequence of being born again

and this is being born of the spirit

the spirit is the only sinless one of the three

everyone else had to get their hands dirty

for the glory and vanity of the spirit

a vanity that is impossible to argue with

a vanity that is redemptive

a vanity that is transformative

a vanity like paul talked about

when he said it’s okay to feel pride

when you have done the work

admiring god’s work in our own lives is okay

since we are in effect thanking god for our

selves

the trick with madness is not to allow yourself

to lose your mind

and the secret to that is being vulnerable

catch them with callousness

catch them with vulnerability

seal them with the fear of the lord

holding on and letting go

forgiving and condemning

accepting and denying

remembering and forgetting

deciding and choosing

rising and falling

invigorating and soporific

when you go out to make disciples

it is chiefly a selfish enterprise

for the holy spirit is already

making slaves of all the graceful sinners

and in trapping them

you are robbing them of their freedom

I sincerely believe that

so use tact

be wise and harmless

the consequences are eternal

for your soul and god’s

otherwise you will go mad

and lose your mind

but keep on losing it

or else you will lose the memory

pride looks away

humility keeps watching

where does the light go

and from whence did it come

the answer is from love

and it goes into the self

I heard someone say

the presence of darkness

only makes the light more prominent

and what is the mystery hidden in the breast

and why is it so different from the one

perceived by the mind

the answer is woven in these pages

and because of that

I would not be ashamed to show this book

to any non christian

which means there is not a good reason

to hide it from the true christian either

the answer is thus

the mind is where judgment takes place

and the heart only knows one emotion fear

as long as you do not judge your own heart

and let your mind act on that fear

it will turn into love

that is what makes waiting superior to the

alternative

judgments fade away

but desire never dies

the mind is inherently double

life is too short for doubt

the heart is by nature single

doubt is for the afterlife

understanding is a double edged sword

everything herein is dialectic

a catch-22

fear is a red herring

a straw man argument

unless it is the fear of the lord

and isn’t it all the fear of the holy spirit

so at once we must eradicate all fear

and none of it

can you find out the meaning of redundant

desire

or will you strike out in search of the back up

failsafe

either way their are only so many roads that lead

into the forest where beauty and confusion reign

keep a good lookout for the black crow

that tells you your last name

and the tree frog

that spits fire from his belly

I pray you make it to the old oak of oblivion

and when you get there may you sit

in contemplation of worthlessness

in order to find your way home again

take integrity and honor

courage and passion

and armed with the amulet

of furious fruition

send all the leaves

scattering to the four winds

throw away your clothes

and find someone to give your money to

then take back what was always yours

and remember it is never

too late to know

and understand the meaning of righteousness

for then you may be like the reflecting pool

and give to each one what he asked for

the vain reflection

pure and true

of everything they love and hate

about themselves

when I talk about myself

it seems so inadequate

but keeping the focus on god

does the work

god is the great spirit in the sky

available for a word

at your request

lose the mind

ask the soul

as you now know

god is still teaching me

the futility of trying

and yet the silences bother me

and I am greedy for them

regardless

mental estimation

reduces expectation

and induces the honest to god

fundamental constant

which is ever present

and needs every coercion

why we try and why we fail

are not always one and the same

effort is laudable

and everything else is laughable

so keep it light

in fact not trying

can be as bad as trying

therefor do it often

taking the medicine is just opening the door to

spiritual warfare

therefor do it in moderation

if it was a choice between reading and

memorizing
it would have to be memorizing first

and reading after the magic passed

do I doubt myself

yes

is it vanity

yes

ah now we see how the fearless shmuck

reaches into the realm of transparency

how can we be aware and not analyze

or better yet how can we do both

without falling asleep

can you fight desire long enough to reach

nirvana
or can you surrender to it long enough

and conquer hell

it could have ended differently

it could not have ended sooner

but it is done now

can you find the fish swallowing it’s own mind

of course you can’t

not until you swallow your own tail

and get caught be everyone you meet

that you have no regrets

there is nothing worse than knowing you are

ignorant

and nothing better than accepting it

information is less important

than the soul

that is why ignorance may be a balm

act as though you had all the time in the world

then you never will be hasty

selling yourself short

and others

of the gift that lies in wonder

skipping ahead is fine

find your own rhythm

invent a new chronology

these statements are true

whether they ring true or not

they may be broken

into the fragments of grace

for order stand the test

and the highest order is love

so you tell me why we wash

and scrub and clean and labor

when the lord is coming

for our house

and not our dwelling

pondering has no place

the greatest spirit

has so little time

for daydreaming

as Cobain said

have you gotten to the place

where all sound heals

the chirps and rumbles

best to give it your attention

it is the pangs of mother earth

and the wisdom of intention

and all the wisdom of the ages

is available when you call

let your soul

ask

but when you call

it is best left to seed

all the needs

otherwise you might not

receive and answer

liquid thought

that might just be

what you brought

a sun full of rays

without a glimpse of

brighter days

can you winnow the minnow

and save the great whale

only when you marginally

defeat your own god

and melt down the golden calf

total victory is best had

once or not at all

the memory is good enough

it better to give in

and surrender to the thrall

total victory does not exist

for the man that seeks

the last good wrist

so give your children

the best of all

and deprive them heartily

lest they miss out

then you know your own judge

arrives at the doorway

and entrance to the moment

then you might transcend

overcome and be victorious

labeling loss for what it is

the salvations ointment

if you are man enough to be human

read this book

and even then we might not talk

you come to me in dreams pleasant and absurd

perilous and healing

but I have taken to cultivating

a wisdom separate from greed

where else does the serenity flow

oh indecision

why are you such a friend

that gets spurned

we all know fame can be corrosive

but did you know

the only way to prepare for it

is not at all

but we go on

always preparing

never resting

only god knows

what awful reality

portends the final downfall

and for that the preparation

comes in the form of

saintly wisdom

simultaneously

knowing and not knowing

we tarry onward

with our eyes

to the heavens

and our mind

on hell

the breaking point

is where you decide

best be last
and make it early

the books he wrote began like so

and lest he needed the stroke of tide

he decided to fake an open naked play

if it is like relationships hence

some of the best parts are the cuddling

and the physical act is so much symbolic

intercourse

but something must be said for being self

contained

the moment of decision

strikes fear into the hearts of mortals

and when you overcome it is the only thing to

look forward to

nefarious

spurious

living large

faith comes by hearing

and hearing by the word of god

so you can actually increase someones faith

if you are able to speak clearly

I hate people who only care aBOUT being right

that is why it is so important to embrace wrong

if you do not feel guilt

how will you feel empathy for the non
sociopathic people

and if you do not work to overcome guilt

how will you feel empathy for

the sociopaths that run the world

the largest part of cultivating desire

is resisting desire

you can’t watch the interest grow

unless you resist touching the principal

and if you don’t buy

how will you ever know

how much capital you have

we played football without the pigskin

and the touchdowns and the great plays

mirrored the emotional state of the leaders

the leaders in the audience

and if you were in tune

they followed you

all the triumph and heartbreak

were only reflections

of the depth of our own soul

but when we were on

it was only triumph

I pray you fall into the trap

of self referential feed back

how else do you overcome anger

you don’t choose the path of least resistance

you continue to do the work

and choose love and folly and foibles

god didn’t give us a sense of humor

to waste on perfectionism

so in a sense it is the path of least resistance

which is the essence of non judgement

and the cornerstone of the holy spirit

on the other hand if you feel the tension in you

thanks to family

and fellowship

between right and wrong

then choosing wrong is work

the work that is not work

it is the work of sanctification

the work of repentance

how can you change your heart

if you cling to legalism

and standards you wouldn’t wish upon your

worst enemy
I am reading Do not go gentle into that good
night

that is why the work of grace is effortless

for a large part if you want innocence

is all ignorance

with the mind shut off

the heart knows how to behave

a large part of my purpose

is convincing people that there is no purpose

lest they take themselves too seriously

I am a nihilist at heart

it’s where I find the mourning and lament

that keeps me fired up

what do you turn to

when the hollowness of reason

is tiptoean by

pathos is the key

to unlocking the logos

and to depositing the ethos

you will find the holy spirit in the most

unobtrusive places
the least obvious places

go ahead and look for the confusion

don’t go looking for any cove

or else how will you appreciate the rhythm of

the ocean

and hunt and kill moby dick

a lot of interesting words start with tr

in fact try and trade is all I do

you can almost try and do anything that begins

with tr

try and trust

try and train

try and triangulate

try and traffic

if you are like me you don’t like to be followed

anymore

fight against this and

make yourself easy to follow

the work is letting go

I get a headache if not saying what is on my

mind

there has got to be a limit to self denial

and that limit is found in the tongue’s breach

I have heard that the lead terrorist appeals to
newcomers

with the words aren’t you tired of living a

humiliating life

if I offer anything

it is an answer to a humiliating life

In america we have a real problem

with real sin in our history

I am talking about slavery

and if we don’t make some real headway

upon the course of fulfilling the human potential

and not just providing versatile solutions

then the whole experiment might not have been

worth it

and it might be wiped out by our angry

white male sin

there will always be radicals

why not embody the humiliation

looking for a purpose

find a channel for your passion

get in touch with destiny

everyone is trying to tell

be afraid
they all want to steal kill and destroy

with very few exceptions

so give them what they want

kill yourself

deny yourself

what are these demons in me

and why do they like dissembling so much

it is probably the most open form of self denial

and the most covert form of righteousness

Bravery is the last quiver in my arrow

and it flies most true

when fletched alongside self denial

everything else falls into those two categories

they work in tandem supporting and amplifying

one another

every thought is a judgment

and some of them are liberating

but most of them aren’t

so pray and prey are phonetically identical

is that because

if we make ourselves pray to god

we make ourselves prey for god

give your life to jesus

I assure you he is crafty and straightforward

enough

to help you out of any snare

you might have been embroiled in

make yourself prey for the lion of judah

and if you sin

try not to doubt yourself

and curse god

while you are doing it

for god made sin

he didn’t make man

to doubt

and further separate himself

from the best thing god made

but this is all stuff the holy spirit will tell you
anyway

including the sweetness of self doubt

we need to give people an easy way

to feel uncomfortable

adrenaline play grounds

because the debate in america

is fueled by fear anger and discomfort

as we all chase after the jones

status symbols and distraction

we need something that gets us back in our body

transcending any need to get validation

and enabling us to offer it without guile

then we will win the war on terror

it’s time to wake up

sometimes talking helps me hear

sometimes it does the opposite

sometimes thinking helps me hear

sometimes it does the opposite

and interrelated concepts too

sometimes talking helps me think

sometimes it doesn’t

sometimes thinking helps me talk

sometimes it doesn’t

hot on the trail of peace

we hone our intuition for the will of god

resisting desire

means resisting knowledge

and embracing mystery

it’s the only way to create the hunger

that will supply you with the lasting knowledge

meanwhile we are seen as soft and gullible by

the terrorists

if only we made ourselves hard and wise

adrenaline play grounds

your mind will succumb to rumination

fight the good fight

practice discernment
as if you can hasten anything by haste

why is it so good to be shady

because people will want to judge you and

won’t be able to

because the soul searching that you inspire in

another

is the soul searching you won’t have to do

yourself

get flustered

fall in love

do not be a coward

life is too short for pride

the heartbreak is worth it

it is better to have loved and loss

than to never have loved at all

make friends with gravity

learn to fall

learn to dance

become the embarrassment

what is this mystery called memory

the more joy you have the more pain you might
know

the more pain you might know the greater

your relationship with the almighty

he loved us first

and allowed us to know pain

that we might grow strong

strong enough to give and receive love

knowing all that is at stake

were it possible to run the enterprise without

pain

I would make it run

but isn’t that why heaven on earth failed

man’s curiosity demanded knowledge

and knowledge only comes with a price

disappointment and satisfaction go hand in hand

but doesn’t the earth

and the limits of the flesh

exact a great enough price

so that man need not deprive man

a stream of consciousness is meaningless

give me reason

give me ignorance

make it black

and romantic

jealousy is not a bad thing

it is a good thing

it is pity that you want to be rid of

jealousy just needs to be managed

so you have enough to go around

it’s a good argument for helping the poor

I just watched manson family vacation

and we are your friends

and I am reading the tower

by Yeats

to the non christian girls I say

if you are in love with the christ in me

that is fine

as long as you confess the name of jesus

to the christian girls we say

stop being a coward

and if they are young

get a little guilt on you

no one trusts someone holier than thou

because why is the name jesus associated with

judgment

maybe because those of us who associate it with

love
keenly feel all the scars left on us by those

who call on him for other reasons

meanwhile we must reckon with the terrorists

and they are willing to die

so we have got to give them something to live

for

and nothing short of heaven on earth

will ever justify them giving up eternity

just more motivation for christians to be more

like christ

it’s tempting to give up on the religion that

provoked
so much violence

and yet the spirit that draws me

never relents

this is going no where

i have got to stop writing and

either implement this change

or get off the soapbox

part of heaven on earth

means looking to the next generation

catering to the boiling roiling rocking

attitude of the young

making it a priority

defining their lives in a way consistent with

their utmost desire

avoiding transplanting purpose with legalism

catering to what is unholy

and unrepentant

that very thing that would die

to gain eternity

adrenaline play grounds

should be used

to rehabilitate prisoners
and if that works

then it will work to keep folks out of prison

and keep terrorists out of terror camps

go ahead and do slow

go ahead and do stupid

go ahead and do retarded

be a baboon

you have my permission

most of our strife

amounts to intellectual posturing

and scrupulosity
go ahead and jump horse midstream

be aware of the cliche and do it anyway

it might be the only way to get across

fly by the seat of your pants

out there on the edge

where your horse falters

find a new horsepower

identity is fluid

the ego is great for getting lost

get into the bible

and glory in the contradictions

it’s called the mystery of faith

and it is the definition of grace

if you believe in the devil

and that works for you

good it’s real

just don’t get obsessed with

escaping all his traps

or you will never learn to lay your own

when the reporter asks why

and the terrorists win

it upsets me

the answer is found in the same question

that you failed to answer satisfactorily

when your own child asked it a million times

then you will thank the terrorists

for reminding us what our children mean

everything

as long as we don’t make it too easy on them

so they take it hard enough to get reflective

and find the answer on their own

people wonder how Ian gets the last word

he doesn’t have any recognizable career

to hang his hat upon

but he keeps his tongue loose

and bites it often

and made it his business to get wisdom

and you get the last word by doing the same

and focusing on your career

because where you find service

you find the high tone

can you find and follow

the jukes jive

sleep and wake

into the makers rebuke

calm the seas of absolution

with a wicked disclaimer

harbor ill will

when the stomach gets sick

pant and sweat

in hell’s kitchen

clean the rest

with the whale’s vagina

and marginally retreat

to the safety of solemnity

exclude the baker’s

with the muffin’s taste

and reprimand the gorillas

with good ol’ preparedness

the only thing that might have made a difference

in my life

is if some kind and wise youth counselor

spoke about the fear of the lord

with the proper respect

and whispered in my ear

that it is the beginning of knowledge

all the themes of this book are summarized by
dialectic categories

non judgment and judgment

knowledge and ignorance

compassion and callousness

beauty and undesirability

reason and humor

all of the categories

fit into one another

that is the goal of this book

the hardest one to square for you

might be reason and humor

the key to squaring that is non judgment and

judgment

the first and the last are one

celebrate your differences

laugh at your faults

and anyone not in on it

is not laughing with god

keep a lookout for them

one guy says

what do you know

the other one says

if I knew it

it would probably cost me

don’t be greedy

this is where self denial comes in handy

have a good I

and spell it either way

the pleasure that you delight in today

is the pleasure you will not delight in tomorrow

the pleasure you do not delight in today

is the pleasure you will not delight in tomorrow

equally true good arguments for restraint vs.
heathenism

my advice is be puncturable

and stay that way by minimizing the punctures

you put out

it does pay to pay attention

and despite anything else I have said

straight is the way and narrow is the gate

that leads to life

and everyone will find it

because it is also
completely crooked

and no one will ever go so wrong

they can’t find the way home

or back into the woods

comfort is the only enemy

so make friends with it

in all the least likely ways

then no one will see you coming

like a thief in the night

say the awkward thing

the opposite of love is indifference

listen with a ferocity

that you hide in vocalization

the more you let your happiness be tied

to the vision you have of the future

the less happy and successful you will be

there is something to be said for commitment

the first step matters the most

make it when you are ready

make it when you please

when you are happy

everything is a meal

consume your day

slowly and with great mastication

eat the light

and starve

while full

and thankful

vanity is power

heavenly is surrender

sublime is the fast

the hardest thing you will ever accomplish

is stepping back and letting god change

someone

there is spiritual battle in the bible

christ in revelation says

hold on to what you have

til I come

which is totally at odds

with submitting to god, and denying yourself

theologians would disagree

and that is only evidence that they don’t get it

and it doesn’t change my opinion of the bible

I call it virtuosity

maybe you call it imagination

but the fact that we now know it was authored

by angels as well as demons

ought to only make more people wish to read it

holding on and letting go

are irreconcilable

unless you claim that when you say holding on

you mean by letting go

the problem is I have seen how holding on

can be a trap

therefor why not just say

let go of what you have until I come

if that is what he actually meant

I am just a big hearted sociopath

that crawled back to god on my hands and knees

and I can’t think of a better reason to be in

church

but to be surrounded by big hearted sociopaths

that don’t care what you think

and would do anything for you

if you are going to hold onto anything

let it be sorrow

and if you are going to let go of anything

let it be pleasure

both of which may be said to be using your dark

side

for holding onto pain

will give you a defensive edge

and letting go of joy

will enable you to be disarming

when you have both of these tools

when to use which will

become more natural

theologians emphasize letting go of pleasure

because doing the opposite comes so naturally

to us

that is why any instruction to hold on

is a command from the devil

in fact that might be the most obvious

difference between christians and heathens

though we deny ourselves pleasure

and the world does not

heathens may justify self denial

and christians may justify pleasure

so we are not that different

we just know the saving power

of the trap we fall into

as do the heathens

but in a different way

keep the wheel steady

this ship is out of control

It is the same thing with buying and selling

it is more natural for us to buy

but more fruit is born out of selling

I am sorry to not have spoken about prayers

more
but prayer is a private act

and the wiser I get as a christian

the more powerful it becomes

the book you hold

is one form of prayer for me

and I will not write with

anyone else in the room

similarly waking is harder to do than resting

unless you are a child

that is why we should turn the hearts of the

fathers to the children

of course if you have a spirit of self denial

then resting and selling and holding onto pain

is all a form of self denial

because they won’t come natural anymore

that is denying the normal path of self denial

I guess what I am saying is that children are

natural

in their ability to do the unnatural

and we should be too

through and through

isn’t that the meaning of being born again

last night I skipped the meds for the first time

in months
slept good

woke up clear

had my own dreams

but in the end I know I will miss the confusion

perfect love casts out all fear

but what about the fear of the lord

that’s why you have got to be cruel to be kind

or maybe it’s the same thing

perfect love cast out all fear

by being cruel and replacing it with

the fear that is not fear

the fear of the lord

being hot or cold

is perfect love

it’s not luke warm

the best way to handle assholes

is to ingratiate yourself

be the bigger asshole

imitate them

if they are cold be hot

it’s the will of god

when you choose pride

you close your eyes

open your mouth

shut your ears

and focus on the past

which makes other people

want to do the same

therefor use it with self conscious self denial

mirror neurons are responsible for our ability to

imitate others

and when we are able to feel someones pain it

develops morality

I hypothesize that the bible is a code

at least the old testament

helping to develop this response

increasing imagination and morality and
honesty

it works because we are imagining a mind larger

than our own

which is how we started life out

before conscious awareness

we built up neural networks by imitating

and imagining the consciousness of our mothers

while imitation is good it happens naturally

resist the urge to try and anticipate

but don’t deny yourself

what only comes naturally

and the desire to lead will only betray you

your search for happiness is misdirected

happiness is in everything you do

and part of the joy is watching it go

with everything you think

so think less and do more

the best thoughts to think are other peoples

thoughts

and by that you will empathize and develop

your own

to waste your happiness thinking

the secret to memory face pride peace and
happiness

is having a good ear and a good eye

of course you will have these things

when you lose all of those things

I know this sounds like general nonsense

but to the right person it will make perfect sense

I want to give you courage faith heart love a

sound mind

trust and imagination

simplicity breeds wisdom

and visa versa

patience is overwhelming

peace is under appreciated

nothing can mean anything

literally the smallest insignificant fact

with the added power of meaning

thought will spirit and imagination

may become the biggest iota you were ever

aware of

the squeaky wheel gets the oil

do not let any mother fucker tell you differently

and blessed are the poor in spirit

wait that is a good one too

I guess when we bite our tongue

we become poor in spirit

and learn through patience

what it means to really squeak

since the meaning of a squeaking wheel

is essentially the one having the greatest

struggle

the greatest job of the christian

lies not in finding faults in others

but in ourselves

and for all you mainstream close-minded

christians

if you think I just said something profound

do well to understand that

by definition

is a gnostic perspective

I say delay choosing

for this is the spirit

of non judgment

and if put on the spot

do not delay

try to always be on the spot

where the mystery of choice is the greatest

beauty breeds beauty

your appreciation of beauty

is a direct measure

of the nature of your heart

so we find the qualities worth promoting

a way to test for them

and a process for promoting them

and then we change the world

dare we call this the most emergent process

conflict is the underdog

so how do we promote the breakthrough

when everyone either

is angry with god

or disinterested in god

well until you are both

you won’t have the breakthrough

to transcendental surrender

if you err on the side of anger

you have too much gratitude

if you err on the side of disinterest

you have too much gratitude

the answer is more conflict

if you balance the equation perfectly

all you will feel is gratitude

there is a place for the existential

burden of responsibility

and a place for the postmodern

abstraction of responsibility
there is a war being waged for your ideas

let truth win

and hide it with a white lie

the new evolution

manifestation

truth loyalty justice freedom

indifference starts with discrimination

and is the gateway to balance

anger comes naturally

but it takes work to

foster disinterest

passion will help

and then you will see

anger and apathy go hand in hand

you can’t be loyal

if you don’t understand someone

your intuition will mislead you

but never forget that it is real

decide if you want to be misled by magic

or guided by ignorance
which is a false dichotomy

for ignorance is the mascot of intuition

if you think this is cryptic

remember confusion is the prerequisite to

knowledge

I will love you with intelligence and compassion

industriousness and resources

we just got into the car and my parents

immediately made a rude comment about my

grandmother

and in attempt to defend her my active

imagination
readily came up with an off color remark

and neglected to use it for fear

that even if it neutralized the venom

it would redirect it towards me

strive to be in harmony with the ecology of

spirits around you

as christ says be wise as serpents and harmless

as doves

hence in your mind be like the sickest animal of

earth

and in your heart be completely uncomplicated

I don’t trust people who don’t trust people

in other words my default setting is trust

until someone treats someone else without trust

as if dealing in objects

likewise who likes people that don’t know how

to buy

which amounts to saying something to the affect

of

I agree with you

and you can say something clever that echoes

the cry of their heart

and get the same affect

you can still use your imagination

in fact the more imagination the better

this is the communion of souls

and people who don’t know how to do it are

dead

but if you must sell do it with your tone

and give people a chance to figure out how to

take you

impulse has it’s own built in diminishing return

it’s all about self control

and the power of the unconscious mind

the unity of all life and matter and energy

that is the secret to love and imagination

the secret to waking life

boundaries are freedom

anger and gratitude go hand in hand

anger keeps you awake

and allows you to dream

of gratitude and rest

it’s the people who aren’t bored that worry me

with the proper amount of impulse

and the proper amount of diminishing return

we will be properly stimulated to learn

and the day will pass with the slowness of a

whale

to realize you are a dream character within

another persons

dream

that is self awareness

because then their boredom becomes your own

I am sympathetic to atheists

because we all know the problems religion

wrought

but I can’t stand when they ignorantly dispute

the truth of someone’s testimony

and call them a liar

because they are more comfortable

without the mystery

of a god who heals those who

on their deathbed

cry out to him

and with no cure

find total restoration

furthermore ignoring the fruit of scientific work

the curiosity that is higher dimensional truth

that the parameters of higher dimensions

imitate the parameters we assign to our god

because they are uncomfortable trusting the
universe

so what if it’s a quantum calculator

that doesn’t make it evil incarnate

nor does it interrupt agency

since unity implies your will and gods will

intersect in the mind

and in the heart

god can still know everything

and we can still be surprised

at what we do

free will remains intact

the lack of knowledge

is a self imposed

willful ignorance

for the sake of self conscious spontaneity

and when you get that

you are on the inside of the joke

just because we also know our own behavior

as we make it does not mean that god

is any better than us

he made us out of the material of his own soul

that craved the originality and suspense of

human ignorance

that is coextensive with the omnipotence of god

as we discover the mind of god in our own free
will

and we know

the enemy of faith is reason

and the enemy of reason

is a lack of faith

this is a paradox

faith and reason are friends

they just don’t get along well

what I am saying is true

the more you look for the reason

the weaker your faith

the weaker your spirit

and yet the more you doubt yourself

the weaker your reason

only confident people doubt themselves

so faith can increase reason

since questioning is at the root of the scientific

process

and doubt is central to faith

unfortunately too much of a good thing

will bring you underground

let this be a warning to all the atheists

besides there is a part of all of us

that knows when we die

whether we deserve to go to hell

or to go to heaven

whether we are atheists or pagans or muslims or

christians

that muscle the muscle that says

I am proud of the way I lived

I am happy enough in my soul

that I have no fear of meeting the maker

I have no fear of the afterlife

whatever it may bring

what is up for discussion

is what type of life

leads to that confidence

and granted the answer ought to be different for

everyone

one thing we can agree on

is that we give others our answer

by the way we live

hence the golden rule

and non judgment

for this is the law and the prophets

that is why

turning the other cheek

with a rapid atheist

will not tax me a thing

and debating with a levelheaded atheist

is only healthy and natural

and good for all concerned

this whole book is designed to increase your

faith

and temper your reason

perhaps my faith suffers

since it is anathema for me to give up my reason

and by the golden rule

I will not lead anyone else to do the same

at least I don’t suffer from a cowardice

when it comes time for debate

you have read the book

in my opinion

to be well rounded

you have to love death

as much as you love life

or else the grim reaper

is going to pose a real problem for you

stillness is the emperor’s new clothes

patience is the messiah’s last vehicle

grace is the final touchstone

and will guide you through the fray

there is a wind blowing me in the direction of

faith and reason

and an equally strong wind blowing me in the

opposite direction

of debilitating doubt

the book you hold is meant to guide you toward

the former
while the only thing I have learned is not to pay
attention to the wind

rather be the wind

where the vortex is great

the question arises

how do you become what you ignore

and I will give you a practical non answer

be the spirit

the work is in the quiet

the work is in the waiting

have I not told you the work is in the letting go

the wind blowing into haste

makes trouble for the spirit

be plodding like the dead

never stop but be plodding

the will of the flesh is real

and it lusts for power

power is speed

he who knows how to lead and when to follow

is a stranger to haste

and has all but given up on the definitions

I look at god given children and see

greedy angry jealous little monsters

but those are humanities

best qualities

once the adult brain

learns how to govern them

what is the relationship between shame and guilt

the stronger your feelings of shame

the less your feeling of guilt

if someone gives me a compliment

I get so comfortable that I make myself

uncomfortable

I use to fire back with a compliment

but of course men use compliments

to put each other down

and insults to lift one another up

just so they don’t look like homosexuals

and the trick to pulling of an insulting like that

is no shame

which is found

after repenting

which is done after sinning

which is the lifeblood of all

or did christ die in vain

what I left out

is that the more shame you overcome

the more guilt you overcome

but the opposite is not true

it’s an antagonistic relationship

don’t think too hard about it

now I just feel the potential energy of shame

upon hearing a complement

the relationship between guilt and shame

is abstract and linear

it is one of the greatest paradoxes

shame should be cultivated

give of yourself and be wise

or withhold and find out the hard way

I know this is controversial

but shame is an instinct

where guilt is a choice

shame hollows you out

to make room for righteousness

ideally co-inhabiting the same space

the essence of the fear of the lord

is a shame of empathy for the wicked

which also includes us

and a shame of empathy for god

which leads to the anger at sin

that we all should feel

shame is the basis for self consciousness

the only thing that overcomes it is

joy

and that is the other side of the same coin

your desire to bear fruit will hinder you

the desire and the outcome stand alone

all this focus on winning souls

win your own soul

and then when you can’t help yourself

maybe you will win another’s soul for god

but recognize first the idea of winning a soul

is something the devil recognizes too

if someone is to win your soul

you would be advised to not

take their advice

everything is boundaries

but you will never figure out if I am arguing for

more or less

because I am arguing for both

try to resist being annoyed

though the response indicates that you are

paying attention

it is not productive to reveal

the flesh and the spirit are working together

when you experience confusion and wonder and
awe

because you are confounding the mind

and opening the heart

complicating and strengthening the will

so the flesh and the will

may be used for good

it’s the spirit and it’s perception of power

that you have to watch out for

that is a good reason to practice indifference

which takes the form of agreement one minute

and dispute the final

that is what makes patience so revolutionary

and it amounts to acceptance

the opposite of indifference

christians cannot be told anything to upset them

because they are sociopaths

but they do have trigger words like selfish

that is why we are writing to reclaim the use of

such words

patience would not be possible without

the vigorous will

and the vain emotion

again if we are born of god

then the selfish act is to put others first

and store up treasure in heaven

self deconstructing author

if selfishness is bad

then selfishness is trying

the opposite of trying is acceptance

but trying is so bad that trying to accept can

prove fatal

and acceptance is so good that trying to accept

can prove golden

therefor the spirit of acceptance is self denial

and from this all good things are born

allow yourself to be bored and annoyed

you might actually innovate and originate

the next great abstraction

the last fantastic fiction

the first and only absurdity

gestating the god given irony

and performing the weirdest miracle

then the everyday and commonplace become

incredible

creating a new reality

in hindsight

the first one is always better

the first one is always worse

just watched the butterfly effect

and reflecting on the new ending

the first one in the light of the second is

better

and the second one in the light of the first is

better

if you get the whole story the second one is

overall better

and the change is not made until you fully

remember and get

the first one

but could that moment of understanding be

complete
unless the first one

existed

nope

every actor is stuck in the butterfly effect

that is why the portrayals have so much veracity

every movie is weakened by waking life

therefor every performer doesn’t know if he is

awake or asleep

dead or alive

every movie is the prestige

with the characters playing for the only power

worth going to hell for

even the game is the blueprint for every show

with every player rooting for a thundering

upheaval

of personal liberty

racism will end and self actualization will begin

when you realize that every white man is black

and every black man is white

deep down

understand these movies and you will

understand all humanity
if the will is evil

it is the part of us

thinking when we should

be listening

that is not the flesh

the spirit of the flesh

is the spirit of humanity

a sympathetic ear

and a bashful heart

the mind is the enemy

even the will can be redeemed

all of the spirits tricks

are the tricks of intelligence

we don’t labor by intelligence

we labor by power

I am only attacking the greatest misconception

that we all will ever be guilty of

and redeeming the others

when you can’t help but think

then it is the spirit

doing the thinking

then it becomes labor

so even that is okay

but what a sensitive instrument

that is overloaded at the touch of a thought

that is why salvation is found in the body

yes lust is part of the flesh

but so is anguish

in fact one is born of the other

and in that moment it becomes transcendent

surrender

this is true of men anyway

and that is why the doctrine for men and women
differ so

for men intelligence is a good way

to misdirect women

that is what makes it a trap

the only advice for women is to believe what a

man does

and not what he says

and never take for granted a man’s advances

girls are gross

wear the badge with pride

pride is good especially for women

humility is good

especially for men

excesses are repugnant

for either sex

so our doctrine is one in the end

social currency is the greatest ticket

relationship is the facilitator to humility and

pride

the key in your hand

and the hand is quicker than the pupil

one final illustration

why is less more

you know the answer

because less is underestimated

simple truths are the most profound

greed is good

that is what makes it so bad

the thrifty are underestimated

be the underdog

sell everything you have

in theory

and then you might take ownership of

something real

store up moral treasure

do good for the bad

right the wrongs

fight with the pen

it is mightier than the sword

that is why he says it is what comes out of a

man’s mouth

that defiles him

language is a machine

literary devices

intention is the engine

the heart is the fuel

imagination is the weapon

because to use it

you must lose your mind

maybe the conflict is analogue vs digital

which is not just flesh and computer

but also perfect and broken

there is no conflict

there is only interdependence

restraint tends to be underestimated

so the perfect ideal

is realized in broken
do not just give thanks for your chains

embrace them

for if broken is the underestimated

and memory the exalted ideal

then forgetfulness is the panacea

which amounts to letting go

in every sense of the mind

I am not saying that the mind is useless

but it is a dream

comprehension of this book is only possible

because your a dreamer
and this book was written as a poem

as a song

that only the heart can understand

which is the only way to relate to the world

we are all poets

and some of us our inspired

and some of us are waiting on inspiration

I am forever both

may you be neither

inhabit the fault

take the blame

and hold the buck

the more you try and understand

the less you will

understanding happens automatically

in the breast

as it beats

sympathy in the funny shaped things on the side

of your head

find new ways to say the same thing

all the old words may be dusted off

just because they were created many

ages ago by aliens

does not mean they didn’t

know how language would progress

and if they saw it you can too

we are their creation

imbued with desire

a work of art for a body

and imagination made of fire

endowed by instincts that are ancient

call it agnostic christianity

since not knowing is more important than the

vanity of knowledge

and how do you fear something that is familiar

everything we do know about god points to the
large part we don’t

I dislike christians so much

and you should as well if you are empathetic

because that is what they lack

for they claim to know and understand the

perfect ideal

if they don’t admit to being agnostic mystics

they don’t know the first thing about the

mysteries of christ

don’t be cold hearted just because you think you

know

I guess I hate myself

I am just one writer trying to grapple with the
uncertainties of life

looking for truth in a world of vagary

I hope it was what you expected

as much as folks like to think the love of christ

is familiar and staid

I would like to say the portion they don’t know

is the better part

so let’s recount the mystery we do know

email me gentile.bond@gmail.com

and I will go on and try and get a degree in

psychology
and make the contacts necessary to build
adrenaline playgrounds

and put cameras in every home

since our modern fascination is trending toward

the real

the most important parts of our lives are those

unseen

as if a little camera will take away that

immodesty

maybe the christians will be known as the only

ones true

true enough to be transparent

or false enough to desire it

and by the golden rule

offer it open ended

and if you really want to mount the perilous

single frame

get in the bible and memorize one chapter at a

time

because by the time you memorize a whole

chapter

you will be hooked on the nourishment that

hails from heaven fresh and new

old and battered

the touch and the sound and the light and the
thought are all one
and you can include taste and smell

which are really extensions of touch

as is true of all the others

if we were to insult the artist

and elevate the philosopher

we would have to ask before abandoning art and

getting to work

what work amounts to profitable work

and maintaining simplicity

one puts love at the center

and by extension the love of life

since the quality of love

depends on the quality of love for life

or does it

perhaps it is the opposite

so our job becomes easy

allow life to be hard

and the quality and persistence of love will be

greater

and the only way to justify improving the

quality of love for life

would be to invalidate the value of love

this is the path of all great philosophers

and the great scientists

the great innovators

so we conclude

the message is

nothing is anything

that is all for now

and you should know

this is all a dim shadow of the real thing

that is only discovered by shutting the book

and going out there and living life

but remember when the mind is out of it’s depth

the soul and heart engage

that is the sweet spot

If it was my job to give a three minute testimony

I would say

that is personal

so let’s get real

my education started in a private episcopal

school

all through grade school

and they taught me about god

and we memorized prayers

and that was great

and yes in middle school

we attended the young life conference

where we all privately said the sinners prayer

and that was great

and yes I remember having sold out to christ

but that was just admiration

it got personal but not like it did

when I came to the end of myself

see understanding god’s mind is one thing

but the mind means nothing without the heart

and the heart is only made possible

thanks the the depth of emotion

christ was the saddest man alive

and that is where I had to be first

I am still a sinner

and my flesh is still restless

but I am learning to go slow and use grace

after being born again

I’ve learned to rest in the hands of christ

it doesn’t mean I am always in christ

but I am able to measure the intimacy

and that is my guide in my day to day

and at night when I sleep

I have memorized 18 chapters of the new

testament

including verses from revelation, james, john,

luke and matthew
I have volunteered at shelters, churches,
libraries, and a nonprofit for disabled

but the biggest change is the peace I feel

and the way I pray

I pray to the god of the bible

the god of salvation

and the god of male and female

that is where I find my living redemption

I wake up looking forward,

to the day

and all day long

I look forward to the future

because everyday I become more like christ

or at least know when I am walking backwards

I’ve written a book

and pray it leads the reader into the same

intimacy

and if there is anything that I have learned

it is that self denial means

having enough comfort

to do the uncomfortable

my parents who should be my role model

are teaching me by example to put money

before reason

poverty before propriety

riches before wisdom

they wouldn’t pay for my car to be fixed

correctly

and I made a bad decision

in the name of saving time which is money

and fried the main fuse

so I did the same thing

put wealth before levelheadedness

and in the end we have lost more money

spend the money to do it right the first time

surrender to beauty

capitulate to pain
it is passing you by

surrender and resistance

are one and the same

like stillness and movement

beauty and pain

they all complement one another

hindsight is fifty fifty

half of it is accurate

and that is the part that realizes that you never

know what you have until it is gone

however dwelling on the greener grass is the

hogwash half
you only know what you had and see the beauty
of it once you have let it go

the grass wasn’t greener in the past

beauty is always increasing

being critical of your present state

is missing the most critical information

now you know what you are looking for

that is how man is able to decrease entropy

by savoring the good memories

and they are all good memories

when you learn from them

resistance and surrender

will balance out

if you do not resist the moment

then it will slip by you

therefor it is a higher form of surrender

are we surrendering to stillness or movement

the answer is both

we are resisting both

in turn

now you know I have seen and sung mystery

May the red wagon tow the last toddler

and the steeple cripple the first leader

while journeymen whisper and hearts swell

for the able bodies that search for lost gratitude

needful emotions stolen and divine

crisp results coming in from martians

helpful mastery engulfing all stickiness

would you keep the strong swimmer

from the wave he wished for most

brisk whiskers stalling for the fresh lime

hand made moments step stone away

from the angry wisdom keepers rate

would you angle for temporary release

and cancel the last good check

to grieve the final hurricane

if the hand is swifter than the iris

isn’t the ear more rapid than them all

so if you delay hearing and delay touching

you might actually be able to see something

all of your preconceptions are wrong

that is how right you are

half the time I think it is pointless

and half the time I think it’s brilliant

half the time I think it gets worse

and half the time I think it improves

but that is the type of weary warrior

that gets the prize

could you fake the frolic unending

can you resupply the factory

with undying manservants

until the maidens muster

a ransom for his highness

and rapunzel shaves her head clean

the grinch gave it his best

and jack and jill quench their

thirst with the living water

golem impales the starving

habitual trolls go to seed

and the jolly green giants

strip search the funny giraffes

naked for entrails

to witness

undead

there are two types of love

there is the love which makes you worry more

about their love for you

and there is the love which makes you worry

more about your love for them

there is the love which makes you worry more

about their pleasure
and the love which makes you worry more
about your own pleasure

can you guess which one is which

one of them is called lust

they each have a place

I don’t know if pain is always

a precursor to pleasure

or if the expectation that it will be

has made it so

so powerful is the expectation

but so powerful is the pain

that it obliterates memory

of pain

allowing for a life free of worry

until the pleasure makes one

carefree enough to endure more pain

forge more forgetting

and wipe the emotional slate clean

or should we say one gets careless

about their pursuit of pleasure

resulting in the necessary pain

to produce another

pleasure of amnesia
vocal intuition

is the ability

to discern

what kind of speaking

and how much

will refresh the mike

renew the mind

please the ear

and not destroy the larynx

making the old new

and the new old

there is a tension and interdependence

between non judgment and discrimination

do you practice each without discernment

all the best thing happen naturally

and the rest happens thanks to the alien

occasionally you will find it in your nature

to go against your own nature

to find out who you really are

that is the only value

in this book that is dangerous

for it is the essence

and spirit of all the values

herein

have you discovered the relationship between

choice and outcome

these are the tools you will need to unravel

intention

and know without knowing what really matters

the power of creation

all boils down

to male and female

each of which

are well aware

and best advised

to embody one another

but their is non substitution

for the real thing

even christ is the female aspect of the trinity

becoming the woman on the cross

like a gigantic vagina

welcoming the sin

drinking from the cup

the epitome of surrender

and god the father

also has both

though primarily

a steady and uninvolved judge

if you don’t practice

unemotional justice

then how will you deliver the decree

though even his hand of deliverance

gets it’s nerve to rule

from the grief he feels

as our creator

from this perspective

it is the male energy

responsible for our most alien

self

for to sacrifice and surrender is only human

everything is divorce and marriage

go ahead and divorce and marry

your reason and emotion

logic and desire

in no particular order

it’s postmodernism and existentialism

and they are at war

it’s art and religion

and they are at war

and we are all making love to the carnage

just in case it slipped the attention

that makes religion and science friends

and science and art friends

after all they are all about discipline

I don’t claim to understand science

I do know that engineers are better when they

are young

and creativity is a mistress

at war with discipline

talking is a crutch
that works out the kinks

of self deprecation

find your voice

help others find theirs

there is high time to decide

and low time to survey option

mix them up as often as you like

and always distinguish

amongst the two

appreciation is best done from a distance

and right up close

I have apologized for being cryptic enough

to feel like I have sufficiently extended myself

while many of the things I say

outwardly have multiple meanings

inwardly they do too

there are die hard

limits to knowledge

and they begin and end

where soul and body meet

and we are fresh out of excuses

for those who discount the soul

and we are slap full of excuses

for those who need to acknowledge

the body

awareness of meaning destroys objectivity

ignorance of meaning

reveals truth

if you touch yourself

we are all gay

so go ahead and give them equal rights

and ridicule

from equal ground

how indeed do we defend the faith

unless and until we attack it

that is why the bible is full of stories

that make us doubt our relationship

with the maker

when you realize that circles are made of

straight lines

you will never be afraid to commit

nor afraid to circle back

and you will notice dimension

amid the debris of regular

and irregular

import

fragments of a masterpiece

become recognizable

in the aftermath

of denouement
identity is so illusive

and so is definition

through a glass darkly

with every victory receding

I write for the left brain

and the right brain

with a corpus colosum

thicker than shit

is the holograph working right

can you improve on the strategy

write back what is wrong

oh I forgot you can’t improve on art

the mystery of gratitude

is something you will have to sort through

on your own time

but believe me it is a mystery

as intricate and complex

as any mechanical watch

the gears turn with faith

and saying yes to

and accepting the reality

is the first step

then you must resist

some people are built for lust

they may never know love

so who will love them

awareness is doubt

faith is ignorance

practice each and you will

play the traveling writer

jaundiced with inscrutability

handicapped with illegible grub

motivated by insensitive writhing

and cornered like a left leaning historian

composing the horn trembling craft

and wishing that the mortuary waffled coin

while stomping the largest hibernating ream

please don’t waste the pause that you have been

given

for out of the wasteland of delay you shrink

slime

and worm your way into the landfill

of the most plentiful nirvana

confidence is at the root of faith and ignorance

and deception is at the heart of reason and doubt

imagination stands at the crossroads

and so does intuition

the common perception is that faith and reason

go together

and ignorance and doubt are their opposites

think again

but of course all misconceptions are only as true

as their opposites

think about christ as you lay down the dollar

swipe the card

and enter the code

and why do some women like to steal your
confidence

because it’s the only bite out of courage they

might ever make

hesitation is the sweetest drug

because when you deny yourself the option

other options open up

this is called magical thinking

and it starts with the body

doubt makes you heavier

faith makes you lighter

do not float away

I am not even going to publish this

anybody could have written this

this is nothing original

I would love to live in a world

where writing like this was championed

but I am afraid it won’t be

blurb

Nina Bond wrote the book on foolishness and

wisdom
in more ways than one

He has taken more LSD at one time than is

prudent.

He has plumbed the depths of emotional

overture to a startling degree.

and speaking of degrees he hopes to obtain

several honorary ones

as a result of writing this book .

for those of you who think that tv is demonic

and the bible is demonic

you may be right

for both of them are only a reflection of what is
in you

did I tell you about chapel perilous

the dungeon my family built

the night before the scripture memory

conference

as I lie in bed

it perceived itself

and the woman coming down the hall

who would have passed

bearing all the men she was hiding

if it were not for me and my willful hesitation

or was it the anxiousness to surrender

either way she was the gatekeeper

and if the men were not able to get past me

by using her

who would

well the man in the army jacket

that was three parts illusion

that I met in the morning

and the conversation we had

about not impressing one another

and the fact is they realized

I was the only one able to pass the gauntlet

then the next night

while we slept

the perception of all maintaining the

resurrection of her

in the form of my uncle

I chased him all night

and caught him trying to get in

in the morning

I don’t think young people can accept christ

they don’t understand the sacrifice

at least not until they are old enough

I feel like such a sinner

I just gave my testimony for the first time

and yet earlier today I spoke with a new ager

and that is all good and well

you know it’s easy for me to talk the talk

but there arises that conflict in me again

while I didn’t look forward to going to church

now that I am back it is almost regretful

to talk with and be hanging out with anyone

that is not sold out to christ

which is the attitude that I use to rail against

sin is in the body

and it will make you want to talk

and it will give you ideas

just let it be there

the awareness of it is enough

to make you clean

watching these reality shows where people

suffer for money

is the worst form of example

but what is the right example

well it begins by what you talk about

if you don’t talk about religion

you probably aren’t living god

a friend of mine says ghost are swarming in

areas where people open themselves up to
knowledge

and I think it is because

they are able to have influence

and maybe even rewire the neural architecture

of the people doing the opening

to allow some kind of eternal life for them

to continue and advance

but if all that is true

then the ghosts would look for hosts

that are the most ignorant

those with the tightest lid on the barn of
knowledge

since they don’t want competition from other

ghosts

so am I hooked on knowledge or hooked on

ghosts

the most powerful and discerning ghosts

that is why the will is so ineffectual

the raw material we are working with

happens to be ancestor spirits

which elevates emotion and desire

and depreciates choice

the doorway to the spirits around you

lies in understanding the context and

relationships between the people and knowledge

around you

and that is a more refined desire

but the gateway to desire all the same

that is a choice to depersonalize information

and subjectively perceive the world

through empathy and away from judgment

ah but when judgment helps you maintain

objectivity

it refreshes and resets the ballast

renewing and re centering the perspective

so it is about choice and judgment

for and toward ourselves

and others

we are just highlighting the underexposed

underbelly

the secret to choice and freedom

lies in slavery and postponement of judgment

stay in the eyes of the platypus

unless you think you can take the purse

but the birds are always watching

and the ear is quicker than the eye

delay moving and you will see

delay seeing and you will hear

get out of your comfort zone

to reach comfort

we are all trying the amplify the grace

and eliminate the friction

but they are the most familiar friends

win this battle in your family

and you will win it in the world at large

performance anxiety is a mistaken conception

learn to use it

to still the hand

a pernicious deception

as if love is predicated on work

and if it is not
then you are truly loved

and if it is

you are heartily loved

we want to take away your ammunition

and point you toward the nuclear device

that you never have to use

thanks to the high from considering it

Hiroshima had to happen

so that is never has to happen again

but beware of those harboring the same

reservation

for they will sharpen you like iron

and anyone that understand this otherworldly
influence

understands the work of forgiveness on the

cross

and why he had to die

understands the way souls conspired in the hand

of their owner

to inhabit and rejuvenate heal and repair the sick

the woman whose faith stretched out her hand to

touch his garment

either it is a myth

or it is a fact

but either way it approaches infamy

it is knowledge of the most grave and consigned

kind
and the more you resist christ

the more desperately and the hotter his pursuit

once you have sold out

is that the meaning of grace

the definition of works

that is why we use the word we

to give the impression

it is not just christ

but every soul he ever marshaled

hungering for your salvation

in the name of knowledge

and ignorance
famous for the wisteria

marbles rolling down the ramp

hinging on the last cool craft

delaying the formidable practice

and remarking the final control

insulting the good result

and committing the gravest harm

while withholding the only line

that you won’t hear while thinking

that ownership starts in the breach

for it’s our inconsolable loss that begins there

and that is the harmless start

for the good little boys and girls

imparting withering wisdom

with a dash of cold passion

and the luster of ingots in souls

marveling for too long is splendid

the result of uncomplicated reason

completing yourself is right

splendid till you die and finally own

when the real horror begins

it just goes to show demons are vulnerable to

knowledge
they just feel misunderstood

like they are more rational

they think they understand all too well

and no one else does

the world is out to get them

and you have to reach them with mercy and

truth

the pharisees were giving jesus a complex

compliment

by saying he was the ruler of the demons

they just wanted to see him fulfill his potential

and that is why he had to die

that is why sex and death are so powerful

we are playing with the powers of the ancestors

do it with a nod toward propriety

and a tip of the hat to immodesty

and when you make it to the land of the dead

to the lover’s paradise

I want you to know and hear the words of the

preacher

the endless string of verbiage

with portent that is dark and light

and flooded with familiarity

so that the context

meets the ear with no resistance

and you know the world would go mad

if it were on tv like it was when I saw it

and I couldn’t tell if he was reading my mind

or if I was reading his

or if we both were reading god’s

my parents probably thought it was spiritual

warfare

but the frustration was essential for the voice

that is how inspiration works

the longer he hesitated the more we feared he

would be taken

by all the demons he was harassing

and then another effortless breakthrough would

come
and the words would come faster

but not too fast

and they gave me words of my own

that nobody has heard

and no one will hear again

till they reach the land of the dead

where lovers crucify themselves for one another

offend your ancestors and they will harbor

only greater intentions to be your medium

have you figured it out

we hold nothing sacred and nothing profane

the same attitude you were born with

where did you think that new souls came from

fresh off the press in a heaven that is

crowed with eager volunteers

live your life in a way

that gets you back there

prepared to do it again

my friend carrie is offended by ego

and yet even that is not profane

it just needs wisdom

to her credit

it is the aspect of ego that is irrational she

dislikes
does that make her a hypocrite because she
esteems the irrational artist

nah

we are all entitled to our pretensions when it

comes to reason

god is laughing with us

I know I will defend mine

and where appropriate adapt

in fact maybe that is my only pretension

adaptation

what is the miracle of invention

does the idea blend with blood

the living water dismiss
all recurring remorselessness

will the spire spurt fire

from the hose of spirit goblins

dousing the almighty reign

drenching the green

munchkins mundane and deranged

harmonicas noting the dictate

ampules of reasons amicable mandate

glinting off cannons that disperse

elephantine management rehearsing

control for the last parade

eruptions only well goer

the final funeral

attended by meek and merciful

unrelenting bastards

for you will never outstrip man’s search for

meaning

or his capacity for love

and self denial

they are all one and the same

why does forgiveness seem to bestow upon the

forgiven

an assumption of the power to judge

that is what gives a demon it’s strength absence
of thought

perhaps with a presence of anger

at those who so want to keep thinking

a keen perception of those

that are afraid to surrender to anger

the selfless oblivion of rage

the buddha at the gas pump

is a nice concept

but the thought that everyone is not awakened is

offensive to me

like some people are while others are not

they ought to interview actual ordinary people

on the topic of enlightenment

robert thurman does a good job

but can the ordinary person understand him

or is he being obscure

and I don’t claim to be any better

except those rare times

when language came unglued

and the innards in simple words

were bare for all to see

I am dreaming at night

and by day
the most most impossible fantasies

the sickest combinations of words

it interferes with my sleep

sometimes I fear this book is designed to make

man mad

and that it will do the same to me if I don’t resist

to me

the legalistic frappuccino

the moralistic fiber

the wimpiest bravado

and thinest venerable compartment

in strobe berate
and Mormon song

functional insatiable

preamble complication

exquisite steamroller

incubus sundry

mucus comfortable

Illegible Straffe

Freezing Communion

and strangely in stride

Glib Remark

intransigent hunger

conducting sleds
mercenary rampart

and demeaning straggler

hidden corral

leaving remote

tracking insults

hunkering indoctrination

stone consoled

elevations repair

linguistic conclusion

imagined lord

fundamental Frame

Muttering Rant
Creamy Straddle

Oncology Insatiable

Mystery Corner

Candle Life

Flea Flame

Ornament Ground

Stronger Style

Him of the seance

Honest Demotion

Radical Stinger

Fractures Rament

Cloud of Salivation
Pent up Incrimination

Remolding Conduction

Hilt of Enclosure

Fomenting Insane

sweepers Dream

campers crane

aligning streams

inside the cleaners

habitation irradiation

climbing the stairs

mentioning clear

why is it why when in the spirit

do you not get hungry

stay there

I don’t want to be awakened

let me sleep

now a waking dream

that is a different story

how come no one talks about malleable reality

does it scare people

well I guess it should

when your greatest hopes and fears

your most fleeting thoughts

impact the substance and content

the cement and the iron all around

but it only helps you disappear into the context

and ransom the last good innate instant

the original moment of gladness

the nostalgic enterprise

the sentimental globe

marry the context

riddles are so good

for tripping up the

wisdom seeker
how do we suppress the suppression engine

how do we mitigate the expectation machine

dreaming all the while alone

reaching out from the lonely hours

the more we suffer the greater our patience

and once the stillness is complete

the picture hangs on a thread

dear dreamer

clipping it or not

should be your ever present

non concern

only the clippers are made of the harshest steel

the most devastating gold

does that matter more or the image

neither it is the thread

that matters least

and most

as it unravels out of the artwork

and spools language from your belly button

ignore the clippers

embrace the context

and you will find the strength

to not care as much as you do

in the twilight
behind your pineal gland

where all the magic happens

can you clean the final boat

and dress the bulwark

in understanding limitless

confining denouncing

for the uplifting

and romantic contortion

eliminating reason

and promoting

appeal

drafting instability
and meandering

unbalance

Now I understand the heart

it comes from the ears

and rests in the body

the home of contradiction

the mind has nothing to do with it

allow the division

and yet keeping the singleminded

wisdom of inebriation

is a full time job

everyone is afraid of being absorbed

overcome that fear and all the others

disappear into the foreground

until you deny your faith in god

like christ did on the cross

when he accused god of forsaking him

you will never be forgiven enough to die

can you fake being surprised

as well as you can fake not being

hence what christ said

was not authentic

but needful

as we needed to hear

that it is okay to doubt

even necessary

I don’t know if evil wins

or if good wins

because they need each other

but I know conscience is real

and is only helped by

faking it’s loss

and anyone with a true conscience

knows doing that is a dangerous companion

that is why we do it

besides if you have never felt the fire

how will you find the water

or know how sweet it tastes

how to bring it about

and give it to others

can you leave the grief blaster

I want you to lean the fleece faster

mean the fleeting pattern

bore the good old saint

reign the most untainted

and roar the lion mated

floor the forced conjoiner

eat the last good sawyer

find the final pasture

pastors the last blessing

masters the grass upsetting

ministers the written ending

combining unlearning with unwritten

finding the easy lesson

sleeping through grease and hail

hardly utmost and not pail

precious and desirable you fail

heady the heart most intent

still the beastly beating bent

frame the fried mind alive

claim the name sound unwell

lift the life unceasing and grievously tease the

teaser so swell

humble and prudish we finish the song

let the last impression be greed

we meant to say

love wait they are one and the same

as long as your greed is motivated by love

let it be blessed
the headaches tell me

what to do

and where to go

what to say

and when to say it

I always wanted an intuitional reckoning

but I never expected it to feel like slavery

so now when I am filled with the spirit

the only times when true freedom

even seems possible

I am learning

the limits and parameters

of sinning in the glorious light

of slavery

searching for meaning and innocence

might as well be the forgotten pastime

of the mind that has given up

let’s pray they get greedy enough

for tomorrow

that they leave us a legacy

of raisin mind
rascals

calculating the misty whisper

consequences are divine

master the request of leaders

reply in haste without delay

and certify the washroom

floor the pain

camera time zero

eat the crepe

french the maid

amish and brave

style insane

wisdom create

inclusion soul

horrific control
surrender intention

command confusion

appreciate drops

mundane mint

hidden history

hinting handle

fleshly wonder

hungry thunder

devour consideration

replay repayment

finish finality

in other words
don’t wish for the end

be the journey

reason with uncertainty

limbering up communion

supporting swift

finagling delay

homeless gift

wolves ravenous

shrinking resolve

patient intime

picture sharp

reasonable demand
half command

you all know I have lost my mind

but I can read back what I wrote

and sometimes it’s better than the experience of

having written it

and sometimes it pales in comparison

and I understand anything written

but what good does it do me

if I am without love

decisions are final

savor the greed

revel in the sin

nothing should be permanent

my cat is named

isaac theodore Adrian Joachim Da vinci

Poindexter Thoreau

transgressions are never forgotten

so live in infamy

and never forget your mistakes

by occasionally repeating your favorites

intentions are inscrutable

even to ourselves

if you know anything about yourself

know that the unconscious

is a great mystery

know this

and there is no greater freedom

than questioning your own intentions

and denying yourself the knowledge

the conscious mind is a weapon

use it without falling asleep

only love will last

and fear

change your habits

and break your bones

is there a power more potent than patience

can you wisk the last wanderer wayward

and homespun the most wisdom rhyme

design the final warcraft

and stitch the item in time

excquiste and permanent artifacts

existing in membranes delay

constant and forgotten

motivations we spoke about

engulfing imagination

while dogs dig

their last good day

marvelous contortion

a standard laugh

tricking the tracks

stimulations slipstream

incineration mermaid

and christening immobility

with pundits to flee

and participle insert

fingering sued

darkening stud

improving crest

walking in best
worshiping time

explosions segue

melding alloys

confounding drama

splitting flame

anchors washing

despite all I have learned

I still wonder what is the point

because the answer

to get lost
does not suffice

when we get found

it will be for more than passing time

but in the meantime

the only way to be found

is to get lost

it helps one dream

it helps one go deeper into time

rapture is the affect we are after

managing a timeless grand adventure

measuring the momentary grandeur

withholding the wish for splendor

campaigning with sincere reprobation

forcing the silence into uproar

and riding the waves of gratitude

snacking on children’s own swindle

rafting the river rotten

heroically formed swine

if someone is eating

or lifting something

it is rude to talk

let them speak the meal

some habits are not meant to be broken

like politeness

and composure
till the blood runs cold

take your own enlightenment seriously

and manage the feeling of suspense

elevate the feeling of transgression

to such a degree

that you would never fearlessly

and unintentionally transgress

an empty mind is a rotten mind

and time is going backwards

all the old banana peels

end up in the mouths of mother fudge

so as we go forward
the rotten fruit of an empty mind

becomes the fresh produce

of a full heart

but how do you produce an empty mind

if you turn time backwards

perhaps the answer is they never existed before

now

how else do you get rotten fruit in your head

oh well

at least it makes for good gardening

next years crop ought to be a real booster

the only way to reverse time is to have an empty

mind
rumple still skin

elijah

osiris

sebastian

hermes

lately I am going toward the headaches more

and more

which are really just alien intelligences

that are helping to clear out my head

you want me to show tender mercy

but proverbs says

the righteous regards the life of his animal

but the tender mercies of the wicked are cruel

let me regard my animal the way I wish

every square inch of space is booby trapped

with

souls of the dead and living

one metaphor

and as we walk

we literally either set off the traps

or unlock them for others around us

the tipping point is illusive

and it might have something to do with
confidence

and it might have something to do with grace

but it probably has the most to do with

ignorance and purpose

single mindedness

this is what makes terrorism so formidable

these are the values we need to be teaching our

children

but what is the modern world of distractions

more

suited to produce

if opposites bring about one another

and yet it has the ability to send someone either

way

is the determining factor the soul

and if the soul is bound for heaven

are they always destined for prominent grace

and are the people most likely to do good

those who have done some bad

but have a good soul

if all of this is true is it an argument

for personality testing

and if we did find an easy way to locate the

sociopaths

what grounds do we have for quarantining them

rehabilitating them
or eviscerating them

the bible says let the tares grow alongside the

wheat

and at the end of time

at the time of harvest

the angels will go forth and separate the wicked

from among the just

cast them into the furnace of fire

their will be wailing and gnashing of teeth

there is no stronger yearning that I know of then

to wish to have something good to harvest

to bear good fruit

and this manifests in the atheist

in the drive and purpose to give back

and produce valuable work

like I said there are many people

with their name in the book of life

who are living with provident grace

and simply haven’t confessed or professed any

outward commitment to god

sometimes I wonder if it is us christians

that are aligning ourselves with the terrorists

by being so arrogant as to claim to know god

for once the imagination is corrupted by

the pretense to know and understand god

there is no limit to the good and evil

which may be rationalized

by conceit

god can’t do his work

until you stop looking for him

he is shy

like a frightened child

with terrible purpose

completed in the shadow of secrecy

meanwhile we are called to do our work in the

light

and cross the mine field

or is it the mind field

but we were created in his image

so maintain ignorance

and you will also have terrible purpose

completed in the shadow of secrecy

your friends are patience and peace

haste and passion

can you free the bad

and brave the reckless

insult the remote

fling the good shit

hasten the old man

with gentle tugging

and without delay

manage the little girl

without guile

and innocent

comfort and console

reprogram the computer

without rationality

for devious creativity

indwell the ghost

in the shell

lain
how do you insult the remote

you give up control

there will come a day when understanding

is useless

and misunderstanding

becomes more conducive to creativity

if you don’t know what might have been said

than you aren’t being creative

use gibberish

and poetry

interprete
and re interprete

all in all

moderate this shout the bleed brawn

intimidate the route out loud

mandate the mind untamable

include the rhythm irresistible

and map the plan each day

come to list the golden righteousness

and frisk the finishing solemn

clip the climbing jumble

risk the rhyming rumble

list the given need

tame the tasking jesus

syllables vowels and suffixes

mix the final utterances

stem the flow from fear

feel the final cheer

give the given freer

eliminate the needless dreary

and crafts the laughters whole

furnish the largest rare

and capable of nothing stare

keep the kids unlearned

innocence is guilt enough

proven the glance is brought

glimmering in the solitary brave

gave the gift worth wrought

honesty and onamonapea

wisdom front sent and enter

if it’s entertaining you

what do the kids think

and grandma

when everything is falling apart

give the grandest kiss goodbye

and slip the tongue into

the mouth of satan

and if you don’t like the taste

bite that shit out

know your enemies

and your friends

how can the universe be conscious

and unfeeling at one time

confidence and insecurity

in one package

validation and healing

without reckoning

ignorance and cheap knowledge

worth their weight in gold

but never wait for what can’t be done

do that shit now

YOU will know

when the strategies all fail

if it is time to update

adapt and correct

or throw nine the rap

rag the last flag

and manage the kiss came

maybe you surpassed the list maker

chronicling the circles faker

straighter than a long lived undertaker

emotions drains from the raging rain gutter

gurgling listening and confiding

choking broken and clean

purple monuments majesty

careful poets can’t demean

elongate the strangest creed

moments that nones seeds

secrets that won’t be kept

veiled better off rent

under mandate to foster trust

thanks to the harshest hunger

clowns traumatize and surprise

and who else gets more in one car

only the neighbors from the south

do they practice practical moments

of dark and lingering humor

the ear is able to show the eye

what is next

when one reads

quickening the sight

nuggets we wouldn’t feed

to dinosaurs like isis

pray for the next good comet

and while your at it

open heaven’s gate

for the soul’s deposit

rides high up in the contrails

when speaking the rhyme

is peak slowly and rise faster

slip sliding into mistakes

that get straightened out

straighter than had

they never been made

i remember when the pastor hesitated

and I knew he was lying

which doesn’t mean he wasn’t speaking the
truth

he was just using the dark side

by that we mean the right brain

I was afraid he was going to die

so we spoke the fallen history together

and we lifted the field that much higher

unveiling the unveiled that much riskier

quicker and slower

each and ever time we skipped beats

when you have a million minds on the wire

it makes sense to hold your heart without guile

and tell the lie you waited for all along

for as you lose your mind

you find your heart

and the mind of the one million

and lose the quotient killing it

promote the algebra with sin

compute the moments real skin

after the reigns almost about to end

can you kindly spin back the last kin

for records retarded and rear children

hunting the calling close risen

last words choice makes for good roam

spin the doctor who is less known

accord the accountant with the most nouns

access the athlete with the less guess

waddle the duck with the most charm

able to flesh the most pound for pound

intangible wash the come round

prism insert the flat mound

Hopeful and Stormy we read well

Glib to be Glad now fracture trust

honest mistakes grow infamous

only the lonely mistake christmas

for a time of birth in the manger

christmas is high time for satan

celebrate the birth of his only son

if everything is vibration

and matter is just light vibrating at a slower

frequency

then of course you need to slow your roll

how else do you think earth was spoken into

existence

It is the law of attraction

you want to bring the heat like matter

and make super heated light

slow your ass down

and there is nothing better for that than a

psychedelic
to take you right to the brink of choice

deliver you raw context

a cocktail of all you will ever be

that ought to give you a moment to pause

craving the unknown

finding the familiar

tasting the last vile

give up your ego

ransom the most high

find cause the friendship

purpose heeding only well

alive and bleeding all is fine

taxes and death make up your mind

allowance so grand that he wasted your sound

chirping crisp cullinary charade

feasting on gist and made up dreams

lingering so long he might as well dwell

lost for the final hour in hell

homecoming purposely delayed again and again

brave enough to surrender

irrevocable radio remains

I use to operate well

when people put faith in me

what do you do with your joy

when you encounter the madness

I hope you pursue the tyrant

and deliver her princess

if you deny yourself the pleasure

how will we ever forgive you

look more watch less

if you are feeling your mind melting

remember the source of all good things

the males spurting goodness

and the females void into which all good things

do come

if I borrow your tip top

do you let it go to your head

just another magic lyric

that I heard

when outpacing the last good word

for all the songs formulas contain

`the seeds of the good brains listening to them

and ever song that is sung

is sung forever and right now

iterations of lives beaten and begun

anew each and ever better generation that grew

and imagine the lies that we each believed

after we stem the bleeding that we need

oh the magical literacy that is greed

and the one unity that stumps trees

the exhaustion of all the energies of creation

is all that the absent god was looking for

and when he finally found her

she was belly swollen strangled and wrapped in

cotton

for meteors moments lost and franchised

the grin grabber melded with her standard

dropping the long lost forgotten lines

and keeping the stale slippery rind

exposing deliriums weird cavern often thought

of as

morbid and costly ton tuners begun

richness sold and devalued in trial

hungry huts hundred fun stork

brought babies north and further from won

clever reason gaffe cleaner in save

stinking aromatic stunk skunk

appropriate approach arrow in string

monkey uncle munching monks

chanting in step with insiders fee

oh please the ear with silver pink park

candles wax dripping on vinyl

careful wisdom withstood the stone plumb

airports design most whispering rap

occlusions occults story in flap

marching with rope sliding in travel

barrows borrowed sled slicker than slick

preventing pretend givers we mike

hustling hurtful compartments comport

lingering lives we stick in the stop

consideration mint with stingers in stoke

germaine generosity canceled at last

provoking promised stalks in blossom

forcing cold on the hottest real thought

spunky resin in the most hated prime

half monster morbidly mundane

spring mark sporting good flame

complicated story she wet his stall

radical injunction painless function

after market risk job

clipping roasted strips of fringe

hapless list of ripping clap

smoking worm hole hearing rant

animal calm and slushing crane

better in swollen swallows

mouthing morass and cashless film

formless constable cringes align

harmless do tell this never comes true

angles sunk to the funkiest grave

grandmaster granting gravity

stencils of sea monsters

occipital resorts

unpronounceable malcontent

prancers practical wonderment

edgeless paper trail sidewalk

round rotten old crannies core

english and stellar in sand

most of the healthiest hand

written in adams apple

commanded with miniature steel

snipping the shipping resign

hermits to sweeten the swine

preparing the pardon in sum

swearing the sock that swarms

sunning the turtles own shell

happiest silos we drape

imitating readiness rock

I have got more stuff than you trust

doubt is so insidious that faking confidence

works

as long as you don’t get carried away by it

and remember to fake doubt as well

then it makes for real confidence

but how will you know when anyone is doing

either of those things

unless and until you get real

and take faked confidence with a grain

of precious sand

and fake doubt with all the tenderness it

deserves

how come we are not all in

it’s his parents they are closed

that’s okay he has already beat them

something I heard someone tell me

I guess they know he turned faster

but the mystery is what does

it mean that they are closed

is it a good thing

and if not

why does it seem that way

for them

I wasn’t aware that anything could open or close

except the mind

and doesn’t that close the heart

which is never good

which I thought amounted to suicide

unless you are evil or a god

and they probably wouldn’t take offense to

either

so I am beginning to close to them

and it is making them open

which is probably as close to family as we will

ever get

remember they are closed

when I heard it it sounded final

Maybe one day I will be too

but that sounds boring

and safe

but maybe that is the message of the bible

but you can’t have it both ways

either you open yourself to god and people

or you close yourself to both

and the bible does contain conflicting messages

where it says loud and clear that boring and safe

is good

the new age christian movement claims that

exciting and dangerous

is the better path

and the one walked by our pagan jesus

don’t make too much of it

if you don’t doubt your faith

how is it going to crack

so that the baby chick

hatches
they also told me

before I gave my testimony

and having waited twenty minutes

while ready to go

they say

he has got the back

but he doesn’t know it

and it flashed me in hindsight

all the way into the salvia quarter spice

final wave of makers dice

the live and living came for ride

harry filling and spun divine

she rode the notes till I’m not wise

most modest moderate modernly risky

claiming the calmest and stubborn salamander

handy and hidden history gladdens

stillness in stolen memories rising

sumptuous something soaking in side

given to gliding in roasting remind

happiest wisckers wizards now figure

comfort and calamity quicken the master

gloating in toads goat cheese we eat it

functional half runt tumbles in tar