The ABERRANT world through a gonzo lensTe: James Abbot, E&D Fr Roger Graves, New Projects Division, Simon & Shuster Re: Rollo Dear Jim, After the brainstorming session for the new book-a-zine project, | got on the Op and checked out that Rollo guy from Flare that they were talking about. | agree that this guy has the rebel appeal that we're going for. | think the name recognition factor would probably be a significant boost to readership 2a well, but Ihave some definite concerns that I'd like to voice before we go any further with this. Frankly, he sounds like a loose cannon to me. Can we control this guy? His rebellious style is great, but we have to set clear limits for him, Moke sure he realizes that there are certain topics that he is not allowed to parody. I'm enclosing » few of his recent articles so you can get a feel for what I mean ike this guy, but I'm alittle hesitant. What do you think? Roger ‘To: Roger Graves, New Projects Division, Simon & Schuster Fr: James Abbot, E&D Re: Re: Rollo HiRoger, Thanks for keeping me in the loop. You talked to the right quy. Rollo’ editor at Flareis a friend of mine from Meadil. You're right about his rebel appeal. Only novas get higher popularity ratings from the male 18~ 28 demographic. And you're right: Cannons don't come any looser than Rell. If you think he's going to use ‘your “Do Not Parody" list for anything but a catalog of targets, you're on crack, Thanks for the collection of Rollo articles, though. laughed my ass off. JTRE | pointless redneck brawl between these | two atavisms from the highway onto the landing tarmac. The pilot, in an unwar- ANN ranted fit of compassion, jerked the plane back up to avoid the shiglesting dimorts in the landing path. Now, I'm no aerospace engineer, ficeveat] bave dhesararta know Oat 797 isn’t designed for vertical takeoff and landing, and the pilots swerve | served only to snap the wings off the plane. , AGAIN. Which fell the remaining, jh, 30 feet to the hot, hot Anytime anyone with any- where to be at any point during the day needs to visit Miami, their plane crashes on the damn runway. Now don’t get me wrong — I know that no one in the world needs to be in Miami unless they're Cuban or waiting to die — but some- times work takes you there, or you have to see a terminally ill relative. Neither of these are often the case, however, and Miamian asphalt. ‘The Miami news crews shot a haphazard gig of hi-res digital of the gracelessly belly- flopping plane before scuttling over each. other to retum to the “action,” which | consisted of Mefistofaleez choking the eae eee eg Boring, Boring! Here’ a plane full of once- valuable human lives, dangling on a thread . knows thar. over the yawning, gaping chasm of mortal- aie te ; {oy riding theginnecle of rnepoctational So why was the | technology only a hair's breadth from plone crashing |eTUPting into ry pinwheel of death. So the damn And whatdocs the camera crew commit to runway again? | Video! A high-school-wresting-grade From Flare’s “Normal submission hold. an ” N a Lives” column by Dr. ae ‘As I found out later, Mefistofalees was Duke Rollo fighting and the | fined $900,000 American, about half punching and. | of which was used to buy another set of ! wings for the plane. The other half hurry, someone snap Mefistofalees’ picture, and we'll sell itto Nike! Luckily, [had my digital camera at the ready and clicked a quick pic of everyone's favorite militant Muslim black nova wrapping a trans- former cowling around the head of Miami's “private police nova,” the Miami Streak. At the time, I think the current Streak was one of those freaks from that berserk Argentine family who had practically every third child erupt with an MR node. The Gracies or something. Anyway, it’s irrelevant. Our plane's descent had been rudely interrupted by the overflow of another rolled into a 60-second loan toa Californian venture capital company at seven points above the vig — oh, did I say vig? I meant prime — and then rolled into United's insurance kitty at 12 minutes before closing the day after the plane crash. I have no idea what the individual payouts to passengers were, but I'll bet ViaSoft can tell you — I was a guest host for MTV3’s “Teenagers Hump Each Other on the Beach 2007!” Halloween special or | some such lunacy. The show drew 18 million viewers, if remember my figures correctly.