The Truth about Lying

Lies. We hear them everywhere. Be it from the mouth of a politician glossing over the facts
or a desperate student trying to cover up not doing his homework, lies are being told all
over the place – everywhere and every time by just about everybody you can name.

What Is a Lie?
A lie is an untruth, a deviation, big or small, from what is known to be real. It is a false
statement deliberately presented as being true, giving a totally wrong impression about
something.

There are generally two types of lies - white lies, which do little or no damage, and black
lies, which can do detriment to the deceiver or the deceived when the truth is found out.

The People who Lie

Everybody lies. Admit it - you do as well. There is probably not a single person who has not
once in his life told a falsehood or misrepresented the truth, regardless of whether it was
unintentional or if he told it so that someone else's feelings would not be hurt - or if he did
it for more sinister reasons. It doesn’t madder what it is the reason, everybody lies.

According to Dr John J Busak, Professor of Psychiatry and Director of the Neuropsychiatry

Center at the University of New Delhi, the pathology of lying is not as simple as it may
seem. Investigations have shown that there are those who are genetically predisposed
towards lying and deceit. Studies of twins and extended families have suggested that these
genetic components are transmitted vertically. Biological conditions such as learning
disabilities and certain forms of non-specific cerebral dysfunction have also been associated
with pathological lying.

But biology is not the only factor behind lying. The environmental factor in childhood also
plays an important role in determining whether or not a person grows up to be a chronic
liar. Those who come from chaotic and dysfunctional families have a greater tendency to
lie than those who grew up in a caring household. Busak hypothesises that children from
such families lie to change or modify reality so as to make life more tolerable - that in this
case, lying becomes a strategy of coping with the hostile environment.

Discipline also seems to play a role in encouraging or discouraging lying. Severe punishment
for misdemeanours paradoxically encourage deception, as the child realises a need to get
out of punishment by any means possible. Inconsistent punishments for lying or the total
absence of punishment will also encourage the child to lie. And punishing a child for lying
and then getting caught lying yourself will do nothing to help the situation.

Interestingly, it is not only humans who lie - if 'lying' is synonymous with presenting
anything other than the truth, be it intentional or unintentional. In fact, lying seems to be
something every living creature in this world is familiar with. The bee orchid, for instance,
with its bee-like colouring and pattern, lures bees to mate with it, thus propagating its
seed to other bee orchids. The angler fish lies at the bottom of the sea, luring prey to it
with curious (and probably delicious-looking) protrusions hanging from its head. Butterflies
during the Industrial Revolution evolved to become soot-coloured so that they would blend
in nicely with their sooty surroundings, thus escaping the jaws of predators. Stick insects do
likewise, by appearing to be twigs.

Of course, for the sake of remaining faithful to this topic 1, we will stick to deliberate lies
told by people in a multitude of situations, and leave the animals alone.
How to Tell When Somebody is Lying
As we all know there is the polygraph machine that can detect lies, but It's not necessary to use the
polygraph machine to detect a liar. Careful observation of verbal and nonverbal signals is the most
important tool.

Nonverbal Signals That Indicate Lying

The eyes are the windows to the soul, we all heard that phrase in many situations, and there is no better
place to start when attempting to uncover deception than eyes. Eye contact is a skill that compulsive
liars will take lots of time to perfect, and for them, it may be fairly easy to deceive others.

In contrast, for those who are less experienced at lying, eye contact can be a tricky thing. Individuals
who lie but know they won't be caught tend hold the gaze of the interrogator far too long, as if staring
into the eyes will break the concentration and convince the examiner of his or her innocence. Liars who
are ashamed of their falsehoods will not make eye contact at all.

When a person lies and feels badly about it, or believes that he or she will be caught, there will be some
noticeable physiological responses. The body will have an increased heart rate, elevated blood pressure
and heightened respiration, all of which are reactions to fear. This physical change dates back to when
early humans were hiding from large predators. How do the eyes come into play? To make the vision as
sharp as possible, the pupils will dilate during times of stress. Liars may have massive pupils when they
make eye contact.

Here are other nonverbal signs that, when performed in groups, suggest that an individual is hiding the
truth = lie:

 Bodily gestures will be limited and strong.

 Subjects will subconsciously place objects like books or pens between themselves and the
accuser.
 Smiles will be forced.
 He or she will touch the mouth as if trying to prevent a lie from slipping out.
 Subjects will constantly glance towards doorways as a way of saying they want out.

Verbal Cues that Indicate Lying

When somebody lies and doesn't want to get caught, these are the thoughts that would be
going the mind simultaneously.

1) the real truth must be remembered.

2) any previous lies that have already been told must be remembered.
3) new lies must be consistent with previous lies.
4) the new lie should be easy to recall so it will be easier to lie down the road.

That's a lot of minds to be remembered at once. Failure to handle all of these

mental tasks is frequently revealed in the clarity of verbal messages.

When the heat's on, inexperienced liars will not have the ability to make up a logical story that fast. Here
are some things to watch for:

 Using distancing language. For example: omitting first person pronouns and only using the
third person.
 Adding too few details because it's hard to keep inconsistencies together.
  Providing lots of unnecessary details to deflect attention away from the subject.
 Using sarcastic humor to avoid talking about the subject.
 Taking an unnaturally long time to answer questions.

There will always be those who have perfected their deception skills, and they are not easy to catch.
Recognizing a liar will take some time, but once somebody is trained to look for important facial clues,
changes in speech and breathing patterns, lie detecting will be second nature.
Who Are Pathological Liars?
Are they Different from Compulsive Liars?

Pathological lying is a criterion for other psychiatric disorders, not one in itself. How does a person
recognize and deal with pathological liars?

The DSM-IV TR, Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, Fourth Edition, Revised Text, used by mental health
professionals to diagnose for billing purposes, fails to have a specific definition of pathological lying as a
psychiatric disorder, so a clear treatment for pathological lying in itself has not been defined.

Pathological Liar Verses Compulsive Liar

This refers to people who lie constantly to get their way and do so with little concern, regard or respect
for the feelings and rights of others. It’s often associated another psychiatric disorder. Pathological liars
are often goal-oriented as long as they get their own way. They are usually seen as manipulative,
cunning and egotistical.

Many people confuse a pathological liar with a compulsive or habitual liar. These liars lie out of habit.
They might bend the truth about everything. Telling the truth feels awkward; lying feels good. Most
compulsive liars are not overly manipulative.

Warning Signs of Pathological Liars

A pathological liar might exhibit the following behaviors:

 Lie to control and get their own way

 Often change stories
 Exaggerate, lying about almost everything, but tell the truth about major ones
 Not value truth
 Live in their own reality most of the time
 Behave defensively when questioned or challenged
 Lie for sympathy
 Don’t admit they lie
 Contradict what they say because they don’t remember their lies, although there are
exceptions

Pathological Liars with APD and NPD

While this type of lying can be present in other psychiatric disorders, they are most prevalent in the APD
and the NPD. The hallmark of the APD is lacking conscience. They’re exploitive, have no regard for
others’ feelings and lie repeatedly. The hallmarks of the NPD are a sense of entitlement and grandiosity.
They exaggerate their achievements, lack empathy and exploit others.

Treatment for these types of liars must begin with addressing the personality disorders. This includes
psychotropic medications and therapy which usually is behavioral and cognitive behavioral. Both
therapies focus on changing the behavior of the patient with APD or NPD. Cognitive therapy also
identifies and changes dysfunctional thinking and emotional responses.

Therapy requires cooperation from the patient. The problem with this is that treating people with APD
and NPD can be difficult because these individuals generally lie to the therapist about taking
medications and their behavior. Many people with these conditions routinely fail to recognize their
behavior as problematic and are therefore unlikely to seek psychological help. They seem content to
continue to lie as long as their egocentric needs are being satisfied. Some NPDs, if committed to
changing, can be helped. There is no known effective treatment for the APD.

How to Deal with Liars

Tips for Coping when Friends and Family Members Lie
When close friends and family members continue to lie, it can be devastating. Here are some tips on
how to deal with liars, as well as how to help them.

There’s nothing more frustrating than knowing someone is habitually lying to you. When it’s a small child, it’s
considered immaturity. But after a parent has tried to teach basic honesty and the child grows up and continues
to lie, creating a fantasy world that you know isn’t real, the lying surpasses immaturity, becoming a serious
problem. Both the liar and those close to him (or her) suffer if the lying persists.

Hold Your Tongue

Although you’re tempted to lash back, letting the liar know you don’t believe a word he says, it’s better to hold
your tongue. Of course, you do  want to let him know you don’t believe the lies, but try to keep your words soft
and few, although it’s not easy. Calmly state (resisting the urge to use harsh words) what you know to be true.

State Only the Truth

Be sure you  tell only the truth. If you’re known for being an honest person, then others can see the lie for what it
is. Also, weigh your words carefully, as you don’t want to be accused of telling any untruths yourself.

Share Your Concerns with the Liar

In a gentle way, meet with the liar to share that you’re concerned about him. Tell him that you have proof of his
lying and that you’re concerned for his welfare if he doesn’t change. If you know this approach probably won’t
work, then maybe you’ll need to plan a confrontation where other friends and family members confront him in a
surprise meeting, urging him to get professional help. Explain how it’s possible he may have a mental illness and
need therapy. Be sure to convey that you really care about his welfare.

Seek Counseling Yourself

If your friend or loved one refuses to get professional help, or a confrontation doesn’t work, then you get help
yourself, either professional counseling, or with a trusted friend, church elder, or minister with whom you can
confide. Often when you associate with a liar, you can feel like you’re losing your mind, so to protect your own
sanity, seek help.

Pathological Lying

A pathological liar is someone who exaggerates his stories to impress people. While a normal liar knows he’s
lying, a pathological liar may actually come to believe his own lies. This is a serious mental disorder that needs to
be corrected. On the other hand, some pathological liars know they’re lying, but continue to do so, as they get
rewards in the form of sympathy, attention, etc.

How do you know if someone is a pathological liar? There are several red flags. For example, the liar….

 Changes his stories

 Acts defensively when questioned
 Lies about minor things
 Often actually believes his own lies
 Exaggerates to an extreme degree about everything
 Uses manipulation
 Never admits he’s wrong

If all Else Fails, Disassociate

If the liar persists in telling untruths, then you may have break off all ties with him until he realizes the
seriousness of his problem. Don’t give up on him, but when the opportunities arise, continue to let him
know you’re concerned about his mental health. Meanwhile, pray for him, as you go on with your own
life.
‫בביליוגרפיה‬
The Everything Body Language Book: Decipher Signals, See the Signs and Read People's Emotions -
Without a Word! by Shelly Hagen, Adams Media, 2008.
The Truth About Lying: How to Spot a Lie and Protect Yourself from Deception by Stan B. Walters,
Sourcebooks, Inc., 2000.