Depression As A “Trend”

Nothing about depression is easy. But the way it affects a person’s daily life is arguably the most difficult part of the disorder.
The reality is that these symptoms all have a significant effect on routines, from running errands to social situations to even just going
to sleep. As with any medical issue, the more knowledge you’re armed with, the better. That’s why we rounded up just some of the
ways depression influences a person’s day-to-day life.

Depression... it just eats you up from the inside out. It’s like a monster inside your head that takes over. The worst thing is to
know that my family and friends were doing all they could yet I still felt so lonely. Anything that was said to me, I managed to turn into
a bad thing. I was literally my own worst enemy. I would come home and feel so exhausted from all of the voices in my head that I
would just sleep to block it all out. I didn’t want to wake up because living was a nightmare. I felt sick with the fear of night time
because that’s when the voices got even louder. I would get so frustrated because it seemed impossible to sleep, as if insomnia and
depression go hand in hand. I knew I needed help but asking for it just made me feel like a burden. I felt as if I had lost myself and
wouldn’t ever be the same again. I had no motivation to do anything because I couldn't see a future for myself. Anxiety caused me to
believe everyone was faking their love for me. ‘Cheer up’ was the worst thing anyone said to me. Those two words triggered thousands
of horrible thoughts and I was beating myself up for not hiding how I felt well enough from everyone around me. I wanted everyone
to know how I felt but I didn’t dare tell them. Eventually I just isolated myself in my room because no contact with people meant
nothing could go wrong, surely?

I've suffered of how ruthless depression is, depression has a way of replacing your confidence with pure anxiety and self-
hatred. The scariest thing I found about suffering from a mental illness is the effect it has on every aspect of your life; it’s not just
what’s inside your head. For me, suffering from depression became debilitating as I couldn't find happiness in the little things I used
to enjoy doing. More often than not, depression would cause me to sit in my room and cry, usually for no reason at all. I was told a lot
that 'I had nothing to be depressed about' and that 'I’ll get over it’ because I have a great group of friends and no enemies to worry
about, but the real enemy I had made was with myself.

Depression is something that cannot be healed simply, and I wish I had been told just how easy it can be to fall back into a
spiral of severe isolation and anxiety. It's so typical to believe that depression is nothing more than being sad. Depression isn’t feeling
sad; if it were, it would be so much easier to deal with. Every time I'd let depression affect me, my body would go into shut down as
I'd hardly sleep, I'd be sick: I had no energy to fight how I felt. I’d be asked what triggered me to feel ‘sad’, and I felt so humiliated that
I didn’t h ave a ‘trigger’; depression hits you when you least expect it, and it comes in frequent waves. As well as being physically
fatigued, my depression led to paranoia, which had a huge impact on my life, causing me to fret and become severely overwhelmed,
and so, the cycle continued between being paranoid, which made me panic, which made me depressed. I wish I had been told that
depression isn't something to be ashamed of, as telling people I had depression was a task I still struggle to achieve.

Sadly, I’ve found that depression (as well as other mental illnesses) are romanticized, especially in the media. There really
isn’t anything glamorous about suffering from depression, and it’s important that this trend is stopped before it gets out of hand. It’s
so true when you hear that support is always available, whether it be from friends, families, charities or organisations, but seeking this
kind of support made me feel uncomfortable at first. Depression isolates you, making you believe your importance matters less than
those around you. Depression pushed so many people out of my life to the point where I feared forming friendships, because the pain
of losing the people I loved was too much to bear. It was important that my friends would embrace my depression rather than see it
as a flaw of mine, so I began openly talking about it to those around me, and by raising awareness, quite a few of my friends stepped
forward to say they had been through the same, or at least knew somebody who did. By accepting my depression and openly discussing
it with others, I didn't feel as ashamed anymore. I realised for the first time that I wasn’t alone, and mental illness is actually far more
common than we’re led to believe.

Mental illness isn’t a trend, but it shouldn’t be a taboo either. One day, we’ll find the middle ground. A t that moment I rely
on my faith and I am grateful to have it because I know it has really helped me. At the same time, I balance the wish that I could be
free of it with the fear that it might lead to a relapse. The scariest thing about my whole recovery process is that the only person who
can truly help me is me. I have learnt to change my thought processes and stop bullying myself, it's a habbit that's been hard to break
but I know I've made some positive changes.
 2017 till 2019 was a rollercoaster ride and admittedly one with more lows than highs. I feel I have been to hell and back but
would I change what I have been through? If I was to be totally honest I don’t think I would. That doesn’t mean that depression is a
good thing because it definitely isn’t, but I believe you must turn your negative experiences into positive ones if you can. If I hadn't
been

through these things I wouldn’t have learnt that the most important thing in life is to be happy. I hope to build myself in
something that I love, something that will make ME happy, not focusing on what others want from me. If I was to give one piece of
advice to others who are struggling, it would be not to suffer in silence. There are people out there who have been through everything
that you are experiencing and have come out on the other side. In fact, their experiences have made them who they are today. It may
seem impossible to overcome but believe me, you will get there. You shouldn't feel guilty for feeling the way you do because
depression is an illness like any other, it isn’t any more self centred than having a broken leg. I was always told to show myself the
same respect and concern that I would show for others. We are so accepting of other parts of our bodies breaking, why can't we be
that way about our minds too?

JANSEN RAMOS
11- OPTIMISTIC