1

THE FLICK
 2

“The impact of movies is too massive, too out of proportion with the individual worth of
ordinary movies, to speak politely of involvement. We involve the movies in us. They
become further fragments of what happens to me, further cards in the shuffle of my
memory, with no telling what place in the future.”

“My way of studying films has been mostly through remembering them, like dreams.”

-Stanley Cavell, The World Viewed

 3

the setting:

A falling-apart movie theater in Worcester County, MA. The set is the raked movie
theater audience, fifteen rows of red seats with a dingy carpeted aisle running through the
center. The upstage wall is the back wall of movie theater, with a window into the
projection booth. There is a set of heavy double doors around a corner leading out into
the movie theater lobby. We, the theater audience, are the movie screen. The beam of
light from the projector radiates out over our heads.

Summer, 2012.

the characters:

SAM, 35

shaved head. Caucasian.

he often wears a beat-up Red Sox cap.
he used to be very into Heavy Metal.

AVERY, 20

African-American. bespectacled.
he wears red slightly European-looking sneakers.
in love with the movies.

ROSE, 24

Caucasian. sexually magnetic, despite the fact that (or partly because?) her clothes are
baggy, she never wears makeup and her hair is dyed forest-green.

SKYLAR, 26/THE DREAMING MAN

note on costumes:

Sam and Avery wear the same degrading movie theater uniform in every scene. It is a
polo shirt (probably dark blue or purple or maroon) with a little name tag/pin, and black
pants. Maybe the polo has “The Flick” embroidered in yellow or white on its chest
pocket? Because Rose is the projectionist she doesn’t have to wear a uniform. But maybe
she wears the black pants anyway. Or the same pair of jeans every day.

“/” indicates where the next line of dialogue begins.

 4

PRE-SHOW

After the theater audience has filed in, the house lights slowly dim (onstage in the movie
audience and also in the theater audience). Bernard Herrmann’s intro sequence to “The
Naked and the Dead” starts playing, and the light from the projector beams out over our
heads. Images that we cannot decipher are being projected. Dust motes are illuminated
by the light.

This lasts 2 minutes (from beginning to end of the song) and all we can see are
abstracted dancing images shooting out of the film projector.

Then the song ends, and the unknown movie ends, and there is a bright flash of green,
and then white, and then the sound of the film reaching the end of its spool in the
projector. The movie theater lights automatically flicker on, and after about 5 seconds…
 5

ACT ONE
SCENE ONE

The door at the back of the movie theater is thrown open.

Sam peeks his head in, looks around, and then closes the door.
A second later, the door opens again and Sam drags in a large trashcan that he uses to
keep the door propped open. Then he exits again and re-enters carrying a push broom
and dustpan. Avery follows him in, carrying a push broom and dustpan of his own.

SAM
We call this the walkthrough.

Pause.

SAM
Pretty simple.
You just ah…

Avery watches as Sam walks down the last row of seats with his broom, sweeping up
popcorn kernels, etc, and pushing them into the dustpan. When Sam finishes the last row
and moves to the second-to-last row, Avery awkwardly begins sweeping the last row on
his side of the aisle. They continue this way, Sam always one row ahead of Avery, each of
them on their own side of the aisle. Avery is trying to figure out the best way to sweep;
it’s harder than it looks. In the third-to-last row, Avery encounters something we cannot
see on the floor. He frowns with distaste, then bends over and gingerly picks up a Subway
sandwich wrapper. Tiny pieces of shredded lettuce flutter to the ground.
Sam looks over, stops what he’s doing, and watches Avery, without offering any
suggestions.
Avery walks up the aisle, throws the Subway wrapper in the large trash can, along with
the contents of his dust pan, then walks back and goes back to sweeping. For some
reason it’s not working—the tiny pieces of lettuce that we can’t see are sticking to the
ground. Sam is still watching him. After a while:

SAM
Yeah. With the little pieces of lettuce you kind of have to—

Avery interrupts him by bending down to hand-pick the pieces of lettuce off the floor. He
mostly disappears from our view.
Sam watches. then goes back to sweeping. He’s about three rows ahead of Avery when
Avery finishes picking up the tiny pieces of lettuce. Cradling them in his palm, Avery
walks up the aisle again to the trashcan and shakes his palm off into it. Then he goes
back to sweeping. After moving on to the next aisle:

AVERY
What do you do about spilled soda?
 6

SAM
We do one big mop at the end of the night.

Avery nods. They go back to sweeping. After about twenty seconds:

AVERY
What if people are still here?

A pause.

SAM
Like—

AVERY
Have you ever had anyone like just sit here and refuse /to—

SAM
Sometimes people stay until the end of the credits. But then they go.

Avery nods.

SAM
And they’ll get the message when you start sweeping.

Avery goes back to sweeping. After a pause:

SAM
Roberto told me that he once…that one time this couple was like having sex, like fully
fucking on the seats when he came in.

AVERY
Whoa.

SAM
But he just like ignored them and like went about his business.

They continue sweeping. After a pause:

AVERY
Who’s Roberto?

SAM
Oh. He doesn’t work here anymore.

Pause.
 7

SAM
He joined the Marines.

Pause.

AVERY
And who was the guy with the /big—

SAM
That was Brian.
Sundays and Mondays is Brian and Rebecca.
But you’ll never meet them because you’ll never work Sundays and Mondays.

Avery nods, a little uncomfortable. They go back to sweeping. They’re almost done. Sam
is in the second row and Avery is in the fourth row.
When Sam finishes he just watches Avery.

SAM
Did Steve tell you about the soda machines?

AVERY
Uh…like…

SAM
How to clean them? About the seltzer?

AVERY
…No…

SAM
You gotta soak the spouts in seltzer overnight.

AVERY
Oh. Okay. Cool.

SAM
I’ll show you.
In a minute.

About ten more seconds, then Avery finishes sweeping. They head up the aisle together,
and dump their dustpans in the garbage. Then Sam takes the garbage can and starts
rolling it out the door. They are almost out the door when Sam says:

SAM
So you’re into movies?
 8

AVERY
What? I mean yeah! I love movies.

And they’re gone. The doors swing shut behind them. Blackout.
 9

SCENE TWO

Sam, alone in the middle of the theater, sweeping. After a few seconds, Avery runs in,
fastening his little pin and holding his broom.

AVERY
Hey!

SAM
Hi Avery.

Pause.

AVERY
Sorry / I’m—

SAM
You’re late.

AVERY
Yeah. I was just about to…yeah. I’m really sorry.

SAM
Yeah. Uh-huh. I /just—

AVERY
My dad was supposed to give me a ride but then he couldn’t and I had to take like three
different buses to get here and I’m still trying to figure /out the whole—

SAM
Uh-huh, yeah, I don’t really need an explana/tion, it’s just—

AVERY
No, no, of course, I just feel bad and I can totally reassure you that it won’t happen again.

Pause.

SAM
It just puts me in an awkward position because /I’m—

AVERY
The thing is, I’m actually like…I’m actually like this obsessively punctual person and
I’m like never ever late and this was just like a crazy um anomaly with the buses and now
I know and I can promise you it will never happen again.
 10

Pause.

SAM
Fine. Fine.

Pause.

SAM
I mean, it’s no big deal.
But I’m sort of defacto in charge on Saturdays/ and—

AVERY
No, I know.

SAM
It just puts me in an awkward position. That’s all. Steve’s never here so it was it was just
me and I /had to—

AVERY
I can promise you that it won’t happen again.

Pause.

SAM
I had to do soda and make a whole batch of popcorn by /myself.

AVERY
I’m so sorry.

SAM
No. It’s cool.

Pause. They start sweeping. Then, unable to help himself:

SAM
I’m just like—I don’t know why Steve doesn’t fucking promote me. I’m so sick of this
shit.

Avery nods, a little confused.

SAM
I should be a fucking projectionist by now!

AVERY
Oh. Yeah. I’d love to do that.
 11

SAM
Well, he’ll probably promote you before he promotes me. He like clearly thinks I’m
diseased or something.

Pause.

SAM
He promoted Rose and I’ve worked here five months longer than her.

They go back to sweeping.

SAM
(looking down at the floor in his row)
Aw fuck.
What is this.

Avery stops and peers over from his side of the aisle.

SAM
Someone spilled like chocolate pudding or something. Are you fucking kidding me?

AVERY
Are you sure it’s not, like…shit?

A pause. Sam bends down and inspects it.

AVERY
Oh god.

SAM
…Definitely not shit.

AVERY
Are you sure?

SAM
Uh-huh.

AVERY
Because I’m kind of um…I’m kind of shit-phobic.

SAM
There are like weird little balls in it.
It’s like chocolate tapioca pudding.
Who brings pudding into a movie theater??!!
 12

Sam gazes at it for a while, then straightens up, steps around it, and goes back to
sweeping. Sam notices Avery watching him and gets a little self-conscious.

SAM
…I’ll take care of it later.

They sweep for a while. Then:

SAM
What does that mean, shit-phobic?

AVERY
Like other people’s shit makes me like…it like makes me want to puke.

SAM
Well sure.

AVERY
Yeah. But with me it’s like really…like if I go into the stall and someone has, um, like if
someone’s left something there I actually sometimes like…I actually need to puke.
Like sometimes I actually puke.

SAM
Huh.

Pause.

SAM
Have you heard of that website where people send in pictures of their shit and other then
people rate it?

AVERY
Yes I have heard of that website. That website is like my worst nightmare.

Sam giggles.

SAM
So if I wanted to be really like cruel I could like leave my laptop open with that website
up and you /would—

AVERY
I would literally puke all over your laptop.

Sam giggles.
 13

SAM
Oh man.

A happy pause in which they realize they’ve broken the tension, and then awkward pause
following that happy pause. They go back to sweeping. A minute later, someone appears
in the window of the projection booth. It is a girl. She is moving around, changing film,
appearing in and out of view.
Sam notices her.

SAM
Oh. Hey. That’s Rose.

Avery looks up.

SAM
HEY ROSE!

She doesn’t hear him. After a little while:

SAM
Huh.
I guess she like hates me or something.
ROSE!
(pause)
ROSE!!
Wow.
She really hates me.

AVERY
Maybe she can’t hear you.

SAM
She can hear me.
Rose!
I want to introduce you to her. She’s cool.
ROSE!!!!!!!!!

Rose continues moving around in the projection booth, oblivious.

SAM
(a cry of pure agony/unrequited love)
ROOOOSSSSSE!!!!!!!

Rose remains oblivious.

 14

SAM
Well.
She officially hates me.

Sam and Avery gaze up the projection booth while Rose moves around, then disappears
from view. Avery goes back to sweeping. Sam keeps watching the windows as if he hopes
she might appear again. This goes on for about twenty seconds, then:
Blackout.
 15

SCENE THREE

A few days later. Sam and Avery are in the middle of sweeping, still on their own
separate sides of the aisle.

SAM
Jack Nicholson.
Jack Nicholson and uh…
And uh…
Renee—no.
Dakota Fanning.
Jack Nicholson and Dakota Fanning.

A short pause.

AVERY
That’s too easy.

SAM
Well just do it then.

AVERY
…Jack Nicholson to Tom Cruise in a Few Good Men.
Tom Cruise to Dakota Fanning in War of the Worlds.

SAM
Huh.

AVERY
Come up with a better one.

SAM
Fine. Fine.
Uh….
Pauly Shore.
Pauly Shore and uh…
Ian Holm.

AVERY
Okay.

Avery thinks. He squints and raises his index finger slightly, as if drawing complicated
algebraic equations in the air. After about six seconds…
 16

AVERY
Pauly Shore to Stephen Baldwin in Biodome.

SAM
You have it already?

AVERY
Stephen Baldwin to Kevin Pollack in The Usual Suspects.
Uh…uh…Kevin Pollack to Bruce Willis in…uh…let’s say…The Whole Nine Yards.

SAM
What do you mean “let’s say”?

AVERY
They were also in The Whole Ten Yards together and—I think—Hostage.
And then Bruce Willis to Ian Holm in The Fifth Element.

SAM
Jesus.

AVERY
Make it harder.

SAM
Uh…uh…uh…
Uh…
Michael J Fox! Michael J Fox and uh…
Ooh. Okay.
Michael J Fox and Britney Spears.

Avery nods.

AVERY
Okay.

He closes his eyes. About ten seconds pass.

SAM
Ooh-hooh. This one is hard.

Avery’s mouth moves slightly and his eyes do strange things as he does his calculations.

SAM
This is a doozie.
 17

His mouth still moving a little, his index finger moving, Avery’s eyebrows raise—it seems
like he is getting somewhere—but then he clearly reaches a roadblock.

SAM
Ooooo boy.
Uh-oh.

About twenty more seconds of silent calculations on Avery’s part. Eventually Avery
unties some kind of complicated mental knot, opens his eyes, and grins.

SAM
No.
NO!

AVERY
This one takes a full six degrees but I’m happy with it.
(pause)
Britney to Kim Cattrall in “Crossroads.”

SAM
Okay.

AVERY
Kim Cattrall to Estelle Geddy in “Mannequin.”

SAM
“Mannequin”!
My first sexual fantasy EVER was about Kim Cattrall in “Mannequin”!

AVERY
I’ve actually never seen it.

SAM
It’s the best. It’s the best. Cattrall is this mannequin who comes to life and Andrew
McCarthy is the department store worker window guy who falls in love with her. And
Estelle Geddy is the store manager.

SAM
I don’t remember why exactly Kim Cattrall comes to life. There’s some sort of magic
Egyptian-y reason behind it. And then she /like—
 18

AVERY
Estelle Geddy to Sylvester Stallone in Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot.
Sylvester Stallone to John Lithgow in Cliffhanger.
Lithgow to Christopher Lloyd in…uh…okay…I’m pretty sure this is the title:
“Adventures of Buckaroo Bonsai Across the Eighth Dim/ension.”

SAM
WHOA!!
WHAT THE FUCK!!!
YES!!
I LOVE THAT MOVIE!

AVERY
Christopher Lloyd to Michael J Fox in, of course…

SAM AVERY
Back to the Future. Back to the Future.
Parts One through Three.

A pause. Sam stares at Avery, in awe. They don’t notice Rose enter the projection booth.

SAM
You have like a…that’s like almost like a disability.

AVERY
It’s actually like the opposite of a disability.

Rose knocks on the window of the projection booth and waves at them.

SAM
Oh! Jesus!
(to Avery)
That’s Rose.

AVERY
I know.

They both wave back. Rose breathes on the window, making a little foggy area, and then
draws a cartoon penis in the fog with her finger. It may or may not be decipherable.

AVERY
What is that.

SAM
…I think it’s a penis.
 19

Rose draws a heart in the fog around the penis.

AVERY
Whoa.

SAM
Yeah.
She’s a lesbian.

AVERY
Really?

SAM
Yep.

Rose is unthreading the projector now, mostly obscured from view.

AVERY
Does she have a girlfriend?

SAM
Shhh. Uh. No. I don’t think so.

They go back to sweeping. They don’t see Rose leave the projection booth. They keep
sweeping. Rose appears in the doorway. She regards Sam and Avery, then:

ROSE
Hi. I’m Rose.

AVERY ROSE
I’m Avery. Avery, right?

AVERY
Yeah.

Pause.

ROSE
How old are you?

AVERY
20.

ROSE
Huh.
 20

Pause.

ROSE
I like your shoes.

Avery looks down at his shoes.

ROSE
Red.

Pause.

AVERY
…Thanks.

Another pause.

ROSE
Hi Sam.

SAM
Hello Rose.

Pause.

ROSE
I’m really hungover so you guys will have to excuse me if I’m like a little low-energy
tonight.

Avery goes back to cleaning. Rose leans sleepily against the wall. Sam seems eager to
talk to her.

SAM
Who were you out with?

ROSE
(fake-spaced-out)
What?

SAM
Oh. Uh. Who were you partying with last night?

ROSE
Just a couple of friends.
 21

SAM
Katie?

ROSE
Oh my god. Katie is like…no.
Reiko. And this other guy.
We all drank moonshine…have you guys ever had moonshine?

SAM AVERY
Uh-huh. No.

ROSE
Anyway. I’m just like…I totally have a drinking problem.

She fake yawns. Avery accidentally drops his broom, making a loud noise, and then
quickly picks it up.

ROSE
I’m gonna go take a nap. When does the next show start?

SAM
6:20.
Do you need anything? I could like run out and get you something.

ROSE
Oh my god no. I’m totally fine.

She starts to leave, then pauses.

ROSE
It was nice meeting you Avery.

AVERY
Yeah. You too.

ROSE
Those shoes rock.

Rose exits. Sam stands there. Avery continues cleaning. After a safe amount of time has
gone by:

SAM
…So?

AVERY
What?
 22

SAM
What’d you think?

AVERY
She was—

Rose reenters.

ROSE
(to Sam)
Did you tell him about Dinner Money?

Sam gets weird.

SAM
Uh—what? No. Wait—

ROSE
What did you do last night?
Did you take it all?

SAM
I thought that—he just started working here, /so—

ROSE
Well. Exactly, dumbass. You have to explain it to him.

SAM
It’s just—we have no idea if he’s going to be cool with /it and—

ROSE
He has to be cool with it.

Avery is trying to look like he’s not listening.

SAM
Hey. Avery.

Avery turns around.

AVERY
Yeah.
 23

SAM
At the end of every shift you’re gonna get Dinner Money. It’s just a little extra cash. We
always split it three ways or two ways if there’s just two of us. It can be anywhere from
you know ten bucks on a weeknight to like thirty bucks on the weekend.

AVERY
Oh. Cool.

Short pause.

ROSE
(to Sam) AVERY
See? It’s fine. So it’s like a per diem?

ROSE
A what?

SAM
No. Uh. Well. Kind of. It’s kind of like a per diem. It’s just…
Steve doesn’t know about it.

A weird pause.

AVERY
Steve doesn’t give it to us?

Rose looks at Sam. Sam struggles to find the right way to say it.

SAM
When we…when we take the tickets, we just kind of…you know when you tear them in
half and put the other half in the /bin, well—

AVERY
Yeah. Sure.

SAM
Well, sometimes we take like, uh, like 10 percent of those stubs, and we, uh, we, uh, we,
uh, resell them.

A pause.

SAM
And then we take 10 percent of the, uh, the, uh…
Cash for night.
 24

ROSE
As Dinner Money.

SAM
We call it Dinner Money.

ROSE
Well, it is kind of dinner money, because we’re so vastly underpaid and because Steve is
a total douchebag and doesn’t have a credit card machine and is like totally fishy anyway
with his finances and basically has like no idea how to run a movie theater.

A pause.

ROSE
So actually it like, it is dinner money.
Because 8.25 an hour is not enough to live on.

AVERY
You’ve never been caught?

ROSE
No, it’s like a like a like an employee tradition? Roberto—the guy who trained me—he
told me about it and the people who worked here before him told him about it and like
nobody has ever been caught or like even been close to being caught.
Because Steve is just like…he’s an idiot.
He can like suck my cock.

Avery looks at Sam. Sam is embarrassed.

AVERY
Uh…so what are you guys asking me?

ROSE AVERY
I guess we’re not asking you anything. Because I don’t really want to do it.

ROSE SAM
But you can’t… it’s not up to you to decide! You don’t have to do anything! I’ll
deal with the tickets! You just get
half the money!
AVERY
I don’t want to take Steve’s money.

ROSE
Okay, see, I don’t think of it as Steve’s money. Steve is like a compulsive gambler who
doesn’t pay child support. He has like five kids somewhere in like Maine and his ex-wife
is always taking him to court.
 25

A long pause.

AVERY
I don’t want the money. I’m not gonna like rat you guys out but, no, I’m sorry, I could
tell he didn’t really want to hire a black kid anyway and /I’m not gonna—

SAM
WHOA! Really?! Steve is a racist?!!

AVERY
I don’t know, okay? That’s /what I’m—

ROSE
That’s so lame. That’s so lame. He’s such a fucking racist.

AVERY
I’m not saying…I’m just…he’s like an older angry white dude with a truck and like…it’s
just one of those things…trust me…where like if something goes wrong, everyone’s
gonna be like: you know: that guy did it.

A very long, uncomfortable pause.

ROSE
I don’t feel that way.

Pause.

AVERY
Wait, what?

Another weird pause.

SAM
Can I just say…I guess I just want to say that, uh, Roberto…Roberto was Hispa—Latino?
And uh nothing ever happened.
Nothing bad ever happened to him.

Silence. Avery walks down the aisle, sits in the front row of the theater, and puts his head
in his hands. They watch him.
After a second, he takes off his glasses, wipes them off on his polo, puts them back on,
and then puts his head in his hands again.
Sam and Rose watch him do this, and then start mouthing panicky silent things to each
other. Maybe Rose is mouthing stuff like WHAT DO WE DO??!! HE’S GONNA TELL
ON US!! and Sam is mouthing stuff like IT’S COOL IT’S COOL I’LL TALK TO HIM IT’S
 26

GONNA BE COOL but we shouldn’t really be able to read their lips and maybe they
can’t either, it’s more just like mutual gestures of panic.
Then they go back to watching Avery, who is unmoving in his seat.

SAM
If you have like—
If it’s like an ethical you know—
You could always uh…

He trails off. Avery is still unmoving. Another silence.

ROSE
Listen.
Avery.
I don’t want to be like a total cunt about this and I don’t want to put you in a crappy
position.
But if me and Sam are doing it and you’re not it’s like…it’s like not fair to anybody. Like
it’s like really bad for everyone involved.

A few seconds later, Avery stands up, shakes his head as if to clear it, puts his hands on
his hips.

AVERY
Yeah.
Okay.
Fine.

Pause.

ROSE
Wait, what does /that—

AVERY
It’s fine.
I’ll take—I’ll do whatever.
It’s cool.
Sorry.
I didn’t mean to like…
I didn’t mean to freak you guys out.
Or be judgmental.
(pause)
Sorry. Yeah.
I’m okay with it.

They stare at him.

He laughs nervously.
 27

AVERY
Seriously!!
I’m fine.
Sorry.

Rose and Sam exchange a long look. Then:

ROSE
…All right, boys.
I’m gonna go take a nap in the booth.
Wake me up at five till.

She leaves. Sam looks at Avery. Avery finally gets up. They resume sweeping. After a
little while:

SAM
Richard Pryor and Angelina Jolie.

Blackout.
 28

SCENE FOUR

Sam and Avery are in the middle of sweeping. Avery is whistling to himself (“Le
Tourbillon” from “Jules and Jim”). After about a minute:

SAM
You know what I hate the most?

Avery stops whistling.

SAM
It’s one thing if I sold you the food. It’s one thing if you you know legitimately purchased
the food from me and then leave it like scattered across the floor.
But to SNEAK FOOD IN…
To sneak outside food in and THEN to like scatter it across the floor and leave empty
bags of…
(he lifts up the bag)
…Sun Chips on your seat.
That I do not understand.

AVERY
I feel the opposite.

SAM
What do you mean?

AVERY
It feels so weird when I sold it to them. It’s like, I gave you that popcorn. I like scooped it
out myself and put it in the bag and handed it to you and you paid me and said thank you.
And now it’s all over the floor.

SAM
Huh.

AVERY
With the Sun Chips it’s like…it’s just regular litter.

SAM
Interesting.
Interesting perspective.

They continue sweeping. Avery resumes his whistling.

After a while:
 29

SAM
(incredulous)
Someone left a shoe.

He lifts a shoe up in the air disdainfully.

SAM
Someone left a nasty nasty old New Balance shoe.

AVERY
Do you think it was intentional?

SAM
Like is it a sign of gang warfare or something?

AVERY
No. Like do you think someone forgot it and left here with one shoe on…
Or do you think they like meant to throw it away?
(a short pause)
Like do we put it in the lost and found?

SAM
Fuck no.
Fuck no.
It smells disgusting.

Sam walks up the aisle to the trashcan, holding the shoe by its lace.

SAM
Uch. Uch. Uch. Uch.
UchUchUchUchUchUchUch.

He throws the shoe in the trash.

Then Sam reaches under his polo and scratches his collarbone.

SAM
My neck itches.

They continue cleaning. After about twenty seconds:

AVERY
Hey.
What do you wanna, like…
What do you wanna like be when you grow up?

Pause.
 30

SAM
…I am grown up.

AVERY
Oh.
Yeah. I guess I just mean /like—

SAM
That’s like the most depressing thing anyone’s ever said to me.

AVERY
Sorry.

They finish sweeping. They dump their dustpans into the trashcan. On their way out the
door:

SAM
A chef.

Blackout.
 31

SCENE FIVE

Darkness. The final credits of a movie are rolling. Swelling music. Light from the
projector.
A DREAMING MAN has stayed till the end of the credits.
The music ends. A flash of green. A flash of white. The lights in the theater automatically
flicker on. A few seconds later, Avery and Sam come in through the double doors, in the
middle of a conversation. This time they have mops and a large yellow mop bucket on
wheels. It is the end of the night.

SAM
(not noticing there is still someone in the theater)
I disagree.
I strongly disagree.

AVERY
Name one. Name one great American movie made in the—

Avery notices the man and stops talking.

The man is in the fifth or sixth row, lightly sleeping, facing forward. Maybe his head is
subtly listing to one side as he sleeps.
Sam and Avery start to clean, waiting for him to go. The man is on Avery’s side of the
aisle (stage left). Avery eventually walks over, looks at the man, and sees that he’s asleep.
Avery isn’t sure what to do. He gesticulates for Sam to come over. Sam comes over.

AVERY
(to the man)
Excuse me.

The man doesn’t move or wake up.

Sam pokes his shoulder, a little too aggressively.
The man jolts awake and stares at them, bewildered.

SAM
The movie is over.

THE DREAMING MAN

Oh. Sorry.

Sam walks away back to his side of the theater and resumes cleaning. Avery remains
standing in the aisle, holding his broom, unsure of what to do. The man wipes the sleep
from his eyes, maybe searches for something on the floor, gathers his things, and then
departs, not making eye contact. He walks up the aisle, head bowed, and out the door. It
slams behind him.
A pause, then:
 32

SAM
Avatar! Avatar was a great movie made in the last ten years.

AVERY
I….what?!

More incredulous pausing.

AVERY
Okay. Uh. If you think that, if you actually think that, I can’t even like…I can’t even like
continue to have this conversation.
If you actually think that I need to like quit this job.

SAM
Avatar was a great movie.

Pause.

SAM
Avatar was a work of genius!

AVERY
I can’t even…I can’t even…
Words are failing me.

SAM
Oh so like oh so you think you’re like better than Avatar. Like you’re above Avatar.

AVERY
No. I /just—

SAM
Because I bet you really fucking enjoyed Avatar. I bet you had a blast at Avatar. And
now you’re like looking down your nose at Avatar because it didn’t have like German
subtitles or whatever.

AVERY
I repeat: I don’t think it’s possible for me to engage in like a rational debate with you
about it.

SAM
Oh come on.

AVERY
It’s like if I said: I love killing babies. Let me like try to convince you why killing babies
is fun and you should enjoy killing babies.
 33

They go back to mopping. Unnoticed by them, Rose appears in the projection booth,
cleaning up, unwinding the film.
Silence for a while, then finally, unable to help himself:

AVERY
It was a video game.

SAM
Excuse me?

AVERY
Avatar was basically like a video game.

SAM
It was not a video game.
A video game is interactive.
A video game is defined by the fact that you’re…that you’re…
(moving on)
It was 3-D. That was fucking awesome. Did you see it in 3-D?

AVERY
Uh-huh.

SAM
It’s just like different and that like scares you. People always freak out when like you
know when like art forms move forward.

AVERY
That’s not the art form moving forward. That’s the art form moving backwards. 3-D was
around in like the 50s.

Rose leaves the projection booth.

SAM
I thought it was totally awesome-looking.

AVERY
I don’t like digital. Period.

SAM
It’s where film is going.

AVERY
Well then it won’t be film anymore. It’ll be computer-generated crap.
 34

Rose enters through the double doors, holding a book.

ROSE
Hey. Look what I found on the street.

Sam walks over to her and reads the title out loud:

SAM
“Astrology and Your Love Life: How to Find True Compatibility and Long Lasting
Relationships.”

ROSE
What’s your sign?

SAM
Uh…Leo.

ROSE
Oh my god me too.

Rose flips through the book.

ROSE
What about you, Avery?

After a short pause:

AVERY
I don’t know.

ROSE
Excuse me?

AVERY
I don’t remember.
I don’t really care about that kind of thing.

ROSE
Oh my god. Oh my god.
You are so full of shit!

AVERY
I don’t believe in astrology.
 35

ROSE
Okay, that’s fine, but you know what your sign is. I don’t buy for a second that you don’t
know what your sign is.

Pause.

ROSE
Oh my god Avery!
Don’t even try to pretend with me that you don’t know what /your—

AVERY
Capricorn.

ROSE
…Thank you.

She flips through the book again.

SAM
Hey Rose.

ROSE
(still looking through the book)
Ye-es…

SAM
Avery thinks there hasn’t been a single great movie made in the past ten years.

AVERY
Single great American movie.

ROSE
(still flipping)
Uh-huh.

SAM
And I think he’s wrong.

AVERY
(to Sam)
Pulp Fiction was the last truly great American movie and that was 94.

SAM
You have to do some of it for Rose.
 36

AVERY
No.

ROSE
Do what?

SAM
He has like all of Pulp Fiction memorized and he can /like—

AVERY
Nope.

SAM
Do Ezekiel 25:17!

AVERY
No way.

SAM
(to Rose)
He does the most like incredible Samuel L. Jackson imitation.
(in a bad bordering-on-offensive Samuel L. Jackson voice)
“THE PATH OF THE RIGHTEOUS BROTHER IS BESET ON ALL SIDES BY THE
TYRANNY OF THE WEAK”!

Rose eyes Avery dubiously.

AVERY
That’s not how it goes.

A pause.

ROSE
What about Million Dollar Baby?

AVERY
What about it.

ROSE
That’s a great movie.

AVERY
That is not a great movie.

SAM
Avery is like a film snob.
 37

ROSE
Tree of Life?

A grim silence. Sam shakes his head, embarrassed.

ROSE
Oh boy. You both hate Tree of Life.
Okay.
Sam and Avery, I’m gonna read you your compatibility.
It’s me and Avery’s compatibility too because I’m also a Leo.

SAM
Magnolia!
There Will Be Blood.

AVERY
Those are good movies. Very good movies.
But ultimately disappointing.

SAM
Lord of Rings! Return of the King!

AVERY
Are you kidding me?

SAM
Uh uh uh uh…
The third Bourne movie!
The Bourne Ultimatum!

AVERY
This is a pointless debate.

SAM
Oh come on!
Those Bourne movies are like like like fine wines!

Avery shakes his head.

SAM
Uh…The Aviator! Wait. Never mind.
 38

ROSE
(reading loudly)
“Leo and Capricorn.”
“It’s hard to make this combination of personalities work in a long-term love
relationship.”
Ooh. Sorry guys.

SAM
(rolling his eyes)
Ha ha.

ROSE
“Orderly and organized Capricorn is likely to disapprove of Leo’s exuberance and
spontaneity. Leo has a bad temper but is quick to forgive and forget; Capricorn is more
even-tempered but can hold a grudge for years. Capricorn is also the more devoted
partner and Leos tend to have a wandering eye. Most of all, Capricorn and Leo are not
sexually compatible. They are both dominators and yet almost complete opposites.
Prudent practical Capricorn is often a bit of a snob and fairly /conservative—

SAM
OH MY GOD! I JUST SAID HE WAS A SNOB!
AVERY I JUST CALLED YOU A SNOB!

AVERY
Uh-huh.

ROSE
“…often a bit of a snob and fairly conservative, and will probably try to tamp down
Leo’s adventurous and impetuous personality.”
Uh…what else…blah blah blah…
“Capricorn is an Earth sign and Leo is a fire sign…it can take Capricorn a while to open
up his/her heart but once Capricorn opens it he/she is extremely loyal…but it will be very
hard to make this marriage work…”
Ooh!
Wait. There’s a “Business and Career section”!

AVERY
That’s probably more relevant.

ROSE
“Business and Career.”
Hey!
“The career connection between Leo and Capricorn is fantastic”!
“They are both excited to learn from one another. Usually one partner has more
experience and will show the other the ropes.”
 39

She looks up and grins.

SAM
…Whoa.
That’s weird.
That’s…Actually Weird.

ROSE
“As long as there is not a power struggle there can be an incredible and fruitful
collaboration.”
Uh…
“Connections with the arts are favored”!

SAM
No!!

He looks over her shoulder.

SAM
(to Avery)
It actually says that!!

ROSE
(shutting the book)
That is awesome, you guys.

Sam stands there, stunned.

SAM
So weird.
So weird.
(pause)
I mean I don’t believe in that stuff but that is SO WEIRD.

Avery goes back to mopping.

SAM
You don’t think that’s weird??!!

ROSE
He’s just being a typical Capricorn.

SAM
Ha ha! Yes! Prudent and practical!

Avery cracks a smile.

 40

SAM
(to Rose, summoning up the courage)
What about us?

ROSE
What about us?

SAM
Leo on Leo.
I mean, Leo with Leo.

ROSE
Oh.

She flips through the book nonchalantly.

ROSE
Hmmm…I think the same sign together is usually a bad thing…let’s see…
“Leo and Leo.”
“When this relationship is good it is very good, but when it is bad it is terrible. Leos have
a very strong sex drive, so this couple will be highly compatible in bed. This is a kinky,
passionate connection, but can sometimes be hard to sustain in a long-term way. These
two Leos are King and Queen of the jungle. It will either be a great love or a great
rivalry. The big question is: who’s the boss? There will be heartfelt embraces but also
egos butting heads. Compromise is key in the fiery relationship between two Leos.”

Pause. Sam is blushing.

SAM
(trying to sound unimpressed)
Huh.

Rose closes the book.

ROSE
I wonder what sign Reiko is.

SAM
What’s our career connection?

ROSE
Yeah. I’m bored.

She gets up.

 41

ROSE
(to Avery)
See ya later, Capricorn.

AVERY
Uh-huh.

She leaves.

SAM
Wes Anderson.
Rushmore.

AVERY
That was 98.
And that is a good movie, but not a Pulp Fiction level good movie.

They mop for a while.

SAM
I think he has a new one coming out this winter.
(short pause)
Tarantino.

AVERY
Django Unchained.

SAM
What?

AVERY
It’s called Django Unchained.

More mopping.

SAM
The Coen Brothers!
All the Coen Brothers movies.
No Country for Old Men.
A Single…what’s it called.

AVERY
A Serious Man.
 42

SAM
Fargo!! Fargo.

AVERY
First of all, Fargo was 96.
Second of all, those are all pretty good movies. Those are interesting movies.
But those are not like like like like…profound commentaries on /like—

SAM
Do you find Rose attractive?

Pause.

AVERY
Wait—do I find—
Rose?

SAM
Yes. Rose.
I feel like you guys have kind of a flirty antagonistic banter thing going on.

AVERY
I mean uh—I don’t know. No. Not really.

SAM
Not really?

AVERY
No. I mean no.
She’s…she kind of makes me uncomfortable.

SAM
…Huh.

AVERY
She’s a lesbian anyway, so /it—

SAM
Yeah.
Yeah.

AVERY
Do you find Rose /attr—

SAM
Shhhhhhh.
 43

They clean for a while.

SAM
Hey. Will you come over here and look at my neck?

Avery puts down his mop and walks over to Sam.

SAM
Does it look weird?

AVERY
Well there are all these red blotches but I can’t tell if that’s because you’ve been
scratching it.

SAM
What about my back.
My back itches too.

Sam turns around and lifts up the bottom of his shirt.

AVERY
Oh. Yeah.

SAM
Yeah what?

AVERY
Yeah. There are a bunch of red like…
They’re like little red lesions or something.

SAM
Lesions??

AVERY
Like they’re kind of red oval shaped…
Auggh!

Avery pulls Sam’s shirt down.

SAM
What? What?

AVERY
They started freaking me out.
 44

SAM
Great.
Fucking great.
I’m gonna go look in the bathroom.

Sam exits. Avery keeps mopping, by himself. He reaches the front row. Rose knocks on
the window of the projection booth. Avery looks up. Rose smiles and mouths something
he (and we) can’t understand.

AVERY
What?

She mouths it again.

AVERY
Wait, what?

She flaps her hand in the air, as if to say “forget about it,” and then goes back to de-
threading the projector. Avery continues mopping.
Sam walks back in.

SAM
Weird.
Some of them are like scaly.
What the fuck.

AVERY
Have you ever had chicken pox?

SAM
Yeah. Twice.
When I was a kid.
It’s definitely not chicken pox.

A pause.

SAM
…Repulsive.

Avery doesn’t really know how to respond to this so he finishes mopping his first row and
then moves on to Sam’s side and keeps mopping. Sam just stands there.
Blackout.
 45

SCENE SIX

Avery, alone in the theater, squatting on the back of one of the seats, talking on his cell
phone.

AVERY
Yeah.
Well.
How do you like do that? How do you like ask someone to be friends with—

A long pause.

AVERY
Uh-huh.
And…
Yeah.
Well that makes me feel insecure too.

Pause.

AVERY
Oh!
I finally remembered one of my dreams.
(pause)
Yeah.
(smiling)
I thought you’d be happy about that.
(pause, glancing at the door)
We’re on a break.
Everyone went to Subway.
(pause)
Okay. So in the dream I’m dead. I mean, I’ve just died. And I’m in this weird room.
Which is basically like purgatory. And there’s a whole bunch of us, a bunch of people
who just died, and we’re all waiting to see if we can, you know, move on. To the next
level. Oh. And my dad is there. Because he just died too. And then the room suddenly
turns into my dad’s study. And this person starts scanning all the books on my Dad’s
bookshelves with this ISBN-type scanner thing and they run the scanner over all of his
books and eventually one of the books goes like BEEP BEEP BEEP and the scanner
recognizes it and that means my dad is going on to heaven.
And then it’s my turn.
(pause)
Um. Wait. Sorry.
Are you bored?
I just got scared you were bored again.
Like I don’t know how you could possibly be interested in this.
(pause)
 46

Because that doesn’t make sense to me.

(pause)
Uh-huh.
(pause)
Okay.
Um.
So I’m up next. And suddenly I’m surrounded by all these shelves and on every shelf is
every movie I’ve ever seen. And like some are like DVDs and other are like old VHS
tapes from like the 90s and some are even like old 35 millimeter reels, like movies I saw
in the theater. And like—yeah. Everything is there. Like The Wizard of Oz, which is the
first movie I ever saw. And like old Jim Carrey movies and the entire Criterion
Collection…. and then they hand me the ISBN scanner and I realize, like, I realize that
the way they decide whether or not you get into heaven is through, like, looking at all the
movies you’ve ever watched or all the books you’ve ever read and figuring out whether
there was one book or movie that you truly truly loved. Like one movie that like
symbolizes your entire life.
And I think, okay, I’m gonna be fine. I love movies and I’ve seen all these like awesome
movies, this is gonna be no problem, and I start running the scanner across the shelves. I
run it across all these Kung Fu movies I watched in high school, I run it across all the
Truffaut movies, and the scanner isn’t beeping. It’s weird. It’s not recognizing anything.
And then I run it over Pierrot Le Fou and Barry Lyndon, and I’ve seen those movies like
literally dozens of times, and it doesn’t beep. And we’re going past hundreds of movies.
Really good movies. Movies I like really really love. And I start getting nervous. There’s
only a couple shelves to go. And I run the scanner over Andrei Rublev and nothing
happens. And then I run it over Fanny and Alexander and I can’t believe it, but…nothing
happens.
And then I think to myself: I’m going to hell.
I haven’t truly like, loved or whatever in the right way, I thought I did, but I didn’t, and
I’m gonna go to hell. And then I’m on the last shelf of movies and I’ve already like
completely lost lost hope at this point but then suddenly the scanner starts beeping and
beeping and I look at the movie that made it beep and it’s this like old cruddy VHS tape
of “Honeymoon in Vegas.”
(pause)
“Honeymoon in Vegas”?
(pause)
It’s like this terrible movie with Nicholas Cage and Sarah Jessica Parker from like 1989. I
was obsessed with it when I was like four. I watched it at my cousin’s birthday party.
It’s like a really really bad movie.
(pause)
And at first I’m like: what? My entire life can be represented by “Honeymoon in Vegas”?
“Honeymoon in Vegas” is like the one movie I truly truly loved? But then I’m like, wait,
it doesn’t matter, I’m going to heaven. I must have done something right in my life
because I’m going to heaven.
And that feeling of like…of like knowing that I made the right choices, was like the best
feeling I’ve ever had.
(a long pause)
 47

Yeah.
(pause)
Yeah.

A long pause.

AVERY
…Okay.
I guess like…
Well, yesterday I had this thought.
I was like: okay.
Maybe it’s never gonna get better.
Maybe I’m gonna live with my Dad for the rest of my life and like the actual problem is
just that I’m waiting for things to change.
Like maybe I’m just gonna be that weird depressed guy and I should just like accept it.
And that’ll be the life I get.
And that’ll be okay.
(a long pause)
Yeah.
(he laughs and rubs a few tears out of his eyes)
Yeah.
(pause)
No. That’s okay. I think I can wait until Tuesday. I just wanted one more phone—
(pause)
Uh-huh.
Well, I hope you’re having a good vacation.
Sorry that you have to talk to me during it.
(he winces, pause)
No, I didn’t…sorry. Yeah. I know that.
I was just—
It was like a stupid joke.
(pause)
Yeah.
I know that.
Yeah.

He listens intently. Blackout.

 48

SCENE SEVEN

A day later. Sam and Avery are standing, holding their brooms, in the middle of the aisle.
They are gazing up at the tile ceiling, which now has an ominous gap in it.

SAM
…It happened on Sunday.

They stare at it for a while.

SAM
Brian and Rebecca are working, it’s the matinee, ho hum, ho hum, there’s just a few
people in the audience, and out of nowhere this huge chunk of tile…
(he points to the gap in the ceiling)
…comes crashing down and LANDS ON THE SEAT NEXT TO SOME OLD LADY.
Like two more inches to the right and she’d be dead.
Apparently there was plaster all over her old lady sweater.

AVERY
Did she—she could sue, right?
Could you sue over that kind of thing?

SAM
Probably. Probably. But Brian is like this huge charmer, apparently Brian just like turned
on the charm and calmed her down and gave her a voucher for like six free popcorns and
six free sodas which by the way he just like drew himself on a receipt or something so if
an old lady comes in with a weird cartoon that says she gets a free popcorn or soda give it
to her no questions asked.

AVERY
He didn’t even give her free tickets?

SAM
He didn’t even do that.

They gaze up at the ceiling for a long time.

SAM
It’s a liability.
It’s a huge liability.
It’s—someone’s gonna get killed and then what.

AVERY
Can’t he just put in a new ceiling?
 49

SAM
Well.
These are the questions a normal person would ask.
But we’re talking about Steve.
Steve will never spend a dime on anything.
Steve would rather this place burn down than he like spend a little money to make it safe
or have a nacho machine at concessions.
Wouldn’t that be nice?
If we could make those nachos with the little cheese squirter thing?
I keep telling him to get one of those.

They go back to sweeping.

Avery nods grimly.

SAM
We haven’t sold out a single show since Slumdog Millionaire.
It’s pathetic.

They sweep for a while. Silence.

AVERY
Oh.
So. Uh.
I went up to the booth the other day and I, uh…
I didn’t realize there were so many old reels up there.

SAM
Oh yeah. Steve’s such a sketchball. He’s supposed to send them back to the distributor.
And they’re all like sitting up there collecting dust. Some of them are really old.

AVERY
There’s a lot of good stuff up there.

SAM
I guess.

AVERY
I uh…
This is probably a stupid idea.
But.
Uh.
I was thinking that on uh…
I was thinking on Friday it might be fun to like…we could like just stay here after the last
show and watch one or two of em.
(short pause)
Like I saw Goodfellas and Boogie Nights and a couple other—
 50

(nervously)
It would just be awesome to see them on like the big screen. I’ve only watched
Goodfellas on my computer which is pretty like blasphemous when you think about it.
(pause)
It’s fine if like you’re busy or not interested or whatever.

Sam is still sweeping.

SAM
No. No. That sounds…that sounds cool. I just uh…I’m not gonna be here this weekend.

AVERY
Oh.

SAM
Yeah. Rose will be here if you need help with anything…Steve didn’t tell you?

AVERY
No.

SAM
Uch. He’s an idiot.
(a short pause)
Yeah. It’s not that hard with two people. Rose will come early and help you with set-up
and box office and stuff and then you’ll just do clean-up on your own.

AVERY
Oh. Yeah. /Okay—

SAM
You’ve been here three weeks so I assumed you felt comfortable with everything /and—

AVERY
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Sure.

SAM
Steve should pay you double but of course he won’t. So you’ll just get my dinner money.

AVERY
You don’t need /to—

SAM
No, that’s the way it works.

Pause.
 51

AVERY
Where are you going?

A short and unnecessarily weird pause.

SAM
…My brother is getting married.

AVERY
Oh! Wow.

SAM
Yeah.
In Connecticut.
Right outside Bridgeport.

AVERY
Congratulations.

SAM
Yeah.

AVERY
And your whole family is going?

SAM
Yeah. Yeah.

AVERY
Cool.
(pause)
Older or younger?

SAM
What?

AVERY
Older or younger?

SAM
Oh. Um. Older.
Yeah.
He’s 39.

Pause.
 52

AVERY
Do you like the woman?

SAM
What?

AVERY
Do you like the woman he’s marrying?

SAM
Uh. Yeah. I mean, I don’t know. I’ve never met her.

AVERY
Oh.

A long silence, during which they go back to cleaning.

AVERY
What’s your brother’s name?

SAM
Jesse.

A long pause.

SAM
(casually)
He’s retarded.

A short, confused pause.

AVERY
Do you mean /like he’s—

SAM
Like in the actual definition of the word.

AVERY
Oh! Okay.

SAM
She’s retarded too.
The woman he’s marrying.

AVERY
…Okay.
 53

SAM
They met at this uh residential uh facility in Connecticut.

AVERY
Cool. Cool.

SAM
Yeah.

AVERY
Um. They must like each other a lot.

SAM
I guess.

Pause.

AVERY
Is it…does he have Downs /Syndrome?

SAM
No.
He’s just uh—
He’s basically like the—he’s basically like a third grader.

AVERY
Oh.

Pause. More sweeping.

SAM
(a confession)
I don’t know him all that well.

Rose enters with a yo-yo.

AVERY
(trying to politely end the conversation)
Well!
Next weekend maybe.

ROSE
Next weekend maybe what?
 54

AVERY
Uh.
We were thinking of staying past closing on Friday and watching Goodfellas.

ROSE
Oh yeah. We have that upstairs.

AVERY
But Sam’s gonna be away so I was saying maybe /next—

ROSE
I’ll stay and watch it with you.

Sam, who has been standing in the second row, house right (stage left), sits down heavily
in one of the seats and closes his eyes.

AVERY
(glancing over at Sam)
Oh…Uh—

AVERY
I don’t know…maybe we should wait for Sam and then we can /all—

ROSE
Well we don’t have to watch Goodfellas. We could watch something else. There’s
Mulholland Drive. That movie is hot. And some older ones too from before it was The
Flick.
I’m totally free on Friday. Let’s do it.

Sam’s face is no longer visible to Rose and Avery; he faces the movie screen and stares
up at it, beseechingly.

AVERY
Uh. Yeah. Sure. Okay.

ROSE
Awesome.
Yes.
We should like bring music and have like a rockin’ dance party.

Sam closes his eyes.

ROSE
Hey. Look what I like unearthed from my closet.

She holds up the yo-yo.

 55

ROSE
I’m totally gonna bring the yo-yo back in style.

She yo-yos for a while, a simple up and down.

ROSE
I only know how to do this, though.

AVERY
Here. Let me try.

Rose gives Avery the yo-yo and he does something pseudo-impressive…maybe he Walks
the Dog? Or flips it around and catches it.

ROSE
YES!! OH MY GOD!! I love it.

Avery hands it back to her, blushing.

ROSE
Where are you gonna be this weekend, Sam?

SAM
(flatly, still facing forward)
…My brother’s wedding.

ROSE
Where?

SAM
Bridgeport.

ROSE
Cool.

Rose glances at the back of Sam’s head, clocking that he’s being a little weird, and then
exits. Avery starts to gather up his broom and dustpan and heads towards the door.

AVERY
Hey. Uh. I keep meaning to ask. Did you ever find out what was going on with your
skin?

Sam is still sitting and facing forward during the next speech.
 56

SAM
Yeah.
I went to the doctor.
(a short pause)
It’s called “Pityriasis Rosea.”
(a short pause)
It’s not contagious.
(a short pause)
It looks like a fungus but it’s not.
(a short pause)
They don’t know what causes it but you get it all over your torso and it itches like fuck
and it lasts 6-8 weeks.

AVERY
Ah man.

SAM
The good news is you only get it once in your life.

He stands up and lifts up the back of shirt so Avery can see it.

AVERY
Whoa!

SAM
The spots make like a—if the spots are in a distinctive Christmas Tree Formation you
know it’s Pityriasis Rosea.

AVERY
Wow. Wow. That looks pretty bad.

Sam lowers his shirt.

SAM
(deeply depressed)
Yeah. It’s not though.

AVERY
You want box office or refreshments?

A long pause while Sam contemplates this.

SAM
Box office.
 57

After a few seconds, Sam slowly gets up and they start to exit together. Rose enters the
projection booth and we see her moving around in the window.
Sam stands in the aisle and looks up at her.
Avery waits by the door.
Eventually Sam tears his gaze away from the projection booth, and they leave together.
The doors slam shut.
Blackout.
 58

SCENE EIGHT

Friday night. Darkness. The last movie is ending. The very end of the credits. A flash of
green. A flash of white. Then the lights come on automatically. We see Rose in the
projection booth.
After a few seconds Avery comes in through the double doors, dragging the yellow mop
bucket and mop.
He starts cleaning.
He starts on his side of the aisle and mops. He encounters a large popcorn bag and
disposes of it. He mops more.
He glances up at the projection booth. Rose is moving around, doing something. She sees
him and pumps her fist in the air in a “we’re gonna party” gesture. Avery tries to smile.
He moves to the left side of the theater and starts cleaning.
Rose knocks on the window and holds up a CD, wiggling her eyebrows. Avery shrugs and
shakes his head, like, “what are you saying?”
Inside the projection booth (we probably can’t see this), Rose inserts the CD into the
sound system.
An extremely danceable hip-hop classic from the past decade comes blasting into the
theater. Maybe Lil Wayne’s “6 foot 7 foot.” Maybe Jay-Z’s “I Just Wanna Love U.”
Avery is startled. He tries to keep sweeping. He’s not sure what is happening.
Rose leaves the projection booth, and 10 seconds later kicks through the double doors,
grooving to the music.

ROSE
Dance Party!!

Avery laughs anxiously.

Rose grooves down the aisle. Avery bobs his head up and down, trying to look supportive.

ROSE
Come on!!

Avery shakes his head no, still bobbing supportively.

Rose rolls her eyes, disappointed, but then proceeds to do a totally awesome improvised
dance in the aisle and maybe even in some of the rows. She’s really wild and weird and
uninhibited. It’s pretty cathartic. It should be different every night. Maybe she
incorporates a couple moves from bhangra and/or hip hop and/or West African dance
classes in her past. This lasts about two minutes. Avery stands in his row, bobbing his
head the whole time.
Finally Rose tuckers herself out. The song is still blasting.

ROSE
WHEW!

She runs out of the room, through the double doors, and up to the projection booth,
where she turns the music off. Then she comes back down and reenters.
 59

ROSE
…Aaaanyway.

AVERY
That was great.

ROSE
Yeah.
Whatever.
I feel like an idiot now.

AVERY
No, no.
Sorry I didn’t like—
Sorry I didn’t like join in.

A weird pause.

ROSE
So what do you wanna do?

AVERY
Oh.
Ah.
We could watch a movie?
Or—

ROSE
You wanna get stoned?

AVERY
Ah…no. Thank you.

ROSE
You sure?

AVERY
Yes.
I get really…I get really freaked out. I get really angry.

ROSE
Awesome.

AVERY
No. Not awesome. I like sit in a corner and refuse to talk to anyone.
(a short pause)
 60

The last time I smoked pot it was the end of freshman year at this like huge party and I
like found this guy’s collection of Calvin and Hobbes and sat in his closet and read them
all night and if people tried to talk to me I was like: LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!!

ROSE
You go to Clark, right?

AVERY
Yeah. Well. I took this past semester off. But yeah.

ROSE
Expensive.

AVERY
I actually have a free ride.

ROSE
Really?

AVERY
My dad teaches there. He’s head of his department, so—

ROSE
What does he teach?

AVERY
Uh. Linguistics…Semiotics…

ROSE
I have no idea what that is.

AVERY
(trying to laugh)
Yeah.

ROSE
I went to Fitchburg State.

AVERY
Cool.
Cool.

ROSE
You still live at home?
 61

AVERY
Oh. Well. Yeah. For now, while I’m taking time off from Clark, but when I go back
/I’ll—

ROSE
I’m not judging. I lived at home until I was twenty-one.
(pause)
Sam still lives at home.

AVERY
He does?

ROSE
Yeah.

AVERY
Huh.

ROSE
When he first started working here he had this like super-controlling girlfriend and I think
he lived with her in like Athol or something? She would like show up and like give me
these insane paranoid looks. You know, like one of those women who’s always like: “are
you gonna steal my boyfriend?!”
And then they broke up—I think he broke up with her?—and he moved back in with his
parents. He lives in the attic or something.

AVERY
Huh.
I guess he like…he doesn’t tell me a lot. He seems pretty private.

ROSE
Yeah. He’s weird.

AVERY
I mean, I like him a lot.

ROSE
Yeah. I mean, me too.

Pause.

AVERY
Did you know that his brother is retarded?

ROSE
WHAT?!!
 62

AVERY
Yeah. Oh. Maybe I shouldn’t have told you that.

ROSE
REALLY?!

AVERY
I mean it’s not a big deal.

ROSE
I did not know that.

Pause.

ROSE
Like how is he retarded?

AVERY
I don’t know.
I mean, I think he’s just um…
(a pause)
I think he’s just retarded.

Pause.

ROSE
My ex-boyfriend had a cousin with Downs Syndrome and she always liked to flash
people her tits.
Like I went to their family reunion this one summer and she like flashed me her tits like
seventeen times.
And I would be like: “Awesome, Ruth, thank you” and I would try not to like stare at her
like weird nipples.

A long pause, in which Avery does a number of mental calculations.

AVERY
Your ex-boyfriend?

ROSE
Yeah.

AVERY
Huh.
 63

AVERY
For some reason I uh…

Pause.

AVERY
I think someone told me that you were, uh…
I think someone told me that you were gay.

ROSE
Oh.
No.
I mean, whatever, I’ve been with girls a couple times.
But no.

Long weird pause.

ROSE
You wanna watch a movie?

AVERY
(relieved)
Yeah! Yes. Definitely.

She stands up.

AVERY
Hey. Uh. Would you ever show me how to use the projector?

ROSE
It’s just like a shitty old 35 mill.

AVERY
No, no…I’m like…that’s why I wanted to work here. This is one of the only theaters left
in Worcester County that has—yeah. I’m obsessed with film, and like old…
I actually refused to work at any of the theaters that just do digital.

ROSE
But everything’s gonna be digital. In like six months. Seriously. Steve is an idiot. If he
doesn’t go digital or sell this place in the next year it’ll shut down.

AVERY
Yeah, I like…I guess I disagree. Or like, I think that’s really immoral.

ROSE
What is?
 64

AVERY
Projecting a movie made on film through a digital projector.

ROSE
I dunno.
(short pause)
I mean, I guess I personally like…like apart from this job I never go to the movies.
(short pause)
I’m kind of over movies.
(short pause)
I used to be super-into them but now I’m over them.

This is all really depressing Avery.

ROSE
You’re totally obsessed with them, aren’t you?

AVERY
Yeah.
I mean.
They’re like my life.

ROSE
Huh.

Pause.

ROSE
Well, I’ll show you how to do it. You can fill in for me when I’m sick or whatever and
then eventually Steve’ll promote you.

AVERY
Seriously?

ROSE
Yeah. Sure. Sam keeps bugging me to show him how to do it but I bet you’d be better
cuz you’re so obsessed with it.

Rose starts walking up the aisle. Avery stays back, guiltily, thinking of Sam.
She turns around.

ROSE
Come on!
 65

He follows. They leave the theater, disappear for about 15 seconds, and then reappear in
the window of the projection booth. They move around, then disappear (looking in
storage closet?), then reappear with a giant reel of film.
Through the window, we watch Rose teach Avery how to thread the projector. He
probably does it himself while she watches and provides instructions. He is smiling. They
finish threading the projector. They turn the beam of light on. A movie begins; we see the
green light, then blackness, then the opening credit sequence, music. It is the 6-minute-
long opening credit sequence music from “The Wild Bunch.”
Avery watches the beginning of the movie, his face almost pressed up against the
projection booth window, and then he and Rose exit and come through the theater doors
again.
Avery doesn’t take his eyes off the screen as he walks down the aisle. He finds the third
row, stage left, and sits in the center.
Rose follows him and sits next to him.
They watch the movie for about 45 seconds.
Then Rose very slowly turns her face and looks at Avery. He notices this but continues
watching the screen, attempting to appear nonchalant.
Rose keeps looking at Avery. Avery keeps looking at the screen.
After a while, Rose leans over and kisses Avery’s neck.
Avery is frozen, still watching the movie. He does not move away.
Rose keeps kissing Avery’s neck, contemplates nibbling his ear, decides against it, and
goes back to looking at him.
Avery keeps watching the movie.
Rose takes her index finger and traces little stripes and circles on Avery’s neck. Then she
takes her finger and runs it in a straight line down Avery’s shirt (or maybe she stops to
make tiny circles around his nipples?). Then her hand disappears from our view.
Avery is still watching the screen.
Rose unzips his pants and begins to touch him. Avery lets her touch him and does not take
his eyes off the screen.
This goes on for a minute or so but then something is clearly off and eventually Rose
slowly takes her hand away, and, mortified, goes back to watching the movie.
Avery keeps watching the movie. He might start crying. He doesn’t.
Eventually Rose gets up, walks up the aisle (Avery does not turn around), and ten
seconds later we see her in the projection booth. She shuts off the movie and the lights in
the theater automatically go on.
As if released from a spell, Avery bends over, elbows on knees, and covers his face in
shame.
He stays this way while Rose comes back downstairs, enters through the double doors,
walks down the aisle, and sits in the row across from him, in the aisle seat.
A long silence.

ROSE
Sorry.
 66

AVERY
No.
I’m sorry.

Short pause.

AVERY
Oh my god.
I wanna kill myself.

ROSE
Wow.
Thanks.

Avery removes his face from his hands and looks at Rose. Another long silence.

ROSE
I um…
Yeah.
Wow.
We can just forget that this ever happened, okay?

Pause.

ROSE
I feel like I like molested you or something.

AVERY
You didn’t molest me.

ROSE
Yeah.
I’m an idiot.
(a short pause)
Honestly, I don’t know why I even like did that.
I wasn’t planning on doing that.
I swear to god.
(a short pause)
There’s something wrong with me.

AVERY
No, there’s something wrong with me.

A long silence.
 67

ROSE
Well are we just gonna like sit here and like freak out together in silence?
Because then I’d /rather—

AVERY
It’s just.
This has happened to me.
Before.

Pause.

AVERY
So don’t feel—please don’t feel /like—

ROSE
Yeah, but you weren’t giving me the vibe and I went for it anyway.

A long pause.

ROSE
…So you /like—

AVERY
I just have a hard time.
Sometimes.
When like—my mind goes blank and I like…
I always just think: I’d rather be watching a movie.

His elbows go onto his knees and his face goes into his hands again.

ROSE
It’s okay, Avery.

She moves across the aisle and sits next to him again.

ROSE
What do you think about when you, like, fantasize?

No response. After a pause:

ROSE
Do you ever think about /guys?

AVERY
I really don’t want to answer these questions.
 68

ROSE
Okay.
That’s okay.

His face is still in his hands. Rose leans back in her seat, almost relaxed now, and props
her feet up on the seat in front of her.

ROSE
Well, I’m fucked up too.

AVERY
(muffled)
Yeah?

Short pause.

ROSE
I can’t stay attracted to anyone for longer than four months.

AVERY
…Huh.

ROSE
At first I’m like this like crazy nymphomaniac. All I want do is like have sex all the time.
Like eight, nine times a day.

AVERY
Whoa.

ROSE
And then it like totally goes away and I turn into like this like dead fish.
And then I like fake it until we break up.

AVERY
Huh.

A long pause.

ROSE
And you know what’s even weirder?

AVERY
What.

ROSE
When I like fantasize I just like think about myself.
 69

A short pause.

AVERY
Really?

ROSE
Yeah. Like everyone else is blurry except for me.
I’m like totally in focus.
And I like look amazing.
And everyone is like: holy shit.
That girl looks so amazing.

Pause.

ROSE
It’s really embarrassing.

AVERY
I don’t think it’s embarrassing at all.

Silence. They both are leaning back in their seats now, facing the blank screen, peaceful,
arms touching.

AVERY
Can we just sit here for a little while?

ROSE
Yeah.
Yeah.
Of course.

A long, much more comfortable silence.

AVERY
Today is the one-year anniversary of the day I tried to kill myself.

After a pause:

ROSE
Really?

AVERY
Uh-huh.

Pause.
 70

ROSE
How did you do it?

AVERY
I swallowed a bunch of pins.

ROSE
Oh my god.

Pause.

ROSE
That works?

AVERY
Well.
(short pause)
I didn’t plan on doing it.
(short pause)
It was a weird day.

A long pause.

ROSE
It’s weird. I’ve been like super super sad before but I’ve never wanted to commit suicide.
I just like don’t get it.
I don’t get suicide.
It’s like: aren’t you curious what’s gonna like happen to you? In like the future? I’m just
like so curious about my future.

AVERY
Yeah.
You’ve probably never…

He decides not to say it.

AVERY
…You know what I don’t get?

ROSE
What?

AVERY
Bulimia.
 71

ROSE
Oh my god!! I know, right?!

AVERY
Barfing is so horrible.

ROSE
I know!! It’s like /the—

AVERY
It’s like the worst feeling in the world. It’s like being in hell.

ROSE
I know! Like why would you like voluntarily…like if you’re gonna like have an eating
disorder just be anorexic.

Pause.

ROSE
This is an awesome conversation.

Pause.

AVERY
I almost quit my second day working here.

ROSE
Why?

AVERY
I just like…I couldn’t get out of bed. The first day was just like really awkward and I
couldn’t remember anything and I like… I had no idea how to hold the broom—

She laughs.

AVERY
-I’m serious. And then I woke up the next day and just like freaked out. I was like: I can’t
have a job. I’m way too depressed. And I didn’t get out of bed and I like lay there under
the covers staring up at the ceiling and 4 pm rolled around, I like watched the numbers on
my alarm clock, and I was like, I should be at The Flick by now, but I couldn’t even bring
myself to call in sick. And then it was like 4:05, and then it was 4:10, and I was like
that’s it, I just lost my first job, I give up. And then—it’s weird—I didn’t even make the
decision—but it was like—the second I thought, like—I give up—my body started
moving and I like pushed the blanket off and like stood up and put on my uniform and
like walked outside and walked to the bus and took the bus and walked in here and made
up some like lie to Sam about why I was late and that was it.
 72

A long pause.

ROSE
So why are you depressed?

Beat.

AVERY
Are you serious?

ROSE
Yeah.

AVERY
Um. Because everything is horrible? And sad?
(a short pause)
And the answer to every terrible situation always seems to be like, Be Yourself, but I
have no idea what that fucking means. Who’s Myself? Apparently there’s some like
amazing awesome person deep down inside of me or something? I have no idea who that
guy is. I’m always faking it. And it looks to me like everyone else is faking it too. All the
black people I meet are like acting out some stereotype of what a black person is
supposed to be like and all the white people I meet are acting out some stereotype of what
a white person is supposed to be like and all the gay people are like walking stereotypes
of gay people. Everyone’s acting like they’re on a sitcom or something. All the time. And
I had one friend, one friend, at Clark, this guy from Bangladesh who was really into
sculpture, and then he transferred to RISD at the end of freshman year.

After a pause:

AVERY
And my mom like…

AVERY
Actually never mind.

A long pause.

ROSE
Do you think I’m a stereotype?

AVERY
Of like—

ROSE
Of like—whatever.
 73

Of like what I am.

AVERY
…Yeah.

ROSE
You do?!

AVERY
Yeah.

Pause.

ROSE
I guess you’re right.

Pause.

ROSE
Uch.

Pause.

ROSE
Wait.
Were you being fake? Just now?

AVERY
When?

ROSE
When you were like…when you were going off about how everyone is so fake. Were you
faking it then?

AVERY
I mean yes and no.
It’s hard to tell, I guess.

ROSE
Yeah.

They look up at the blank screen, prop their legs up on the seats in front of them. Maybe
Rose puts her head on Avery’s shoulder.
Blackout.
Jeanne Moreau singing “Le Tourbillon” plays.
End of Act One.
 74

ACT TWO
SCENE ONE

Three days later. Sam and Avery, each on their side of the aisle, sweeping. Sam is in the
middle of a seemingly big dramatic story.

SAM
-so the next day we all went to see a movie. I mean minus my brother and his girlfriend.
Wife. We went to this huge like multiplex outside of Bridgeport.

AVERY
What movie?

SAM
The new Daniel Craig thing—/“State of”—

AVERY
Was it good?

SAM
It was okay.
It was okay.
Anyway. On the way there I stopped at this Mexican takeout place that I read about
online. It’s like this famous Bridgeport tamale place. And then...
I brought the tamales into the theater.

AVERY
You hate when /people—

SAM
I know. I know. This is the point of—I know. But we were in a huge hurry and I didn’t
want to eat them in my aunt’s car cause she has this like pristine like fucking Passat that
she’s all obsessive about and I wanted to like you know you know pour the little cups of
red and green salsa all over the tamales etcetera etcetera. So I decide to bring the bag of
tamales with me into the movie theater. But then we can’t find parking and we’re you
know late and there’s a weirdly long line for tickets. And we don’t actually sit down in
the theater until halfway through the previews. So after we sit down I open my like
Styrofoam container and get in a few delicious bites of tamale before the movie starts.
But then I put it away. Because I’m like you know like philosophically opposed to
rustling your plastic bags and like squeaking your Styrofoam container during the actual
movie. So I put the tamales back in the plastic bag and I put the plastic bag on the floor.
And we’re like five minutes into the movie when this woman comes like uh like
waddling down the aisle into the theater. And this is gonna sound horrible but she’s
uh…she’s like really really smelly. Like one of the smelliest people I’ve ever…uh,
smelled. Like she’s not homeless or anything, it’s not like the homeless pee smell, it’s
more like a…a kind of like…it’s kind of like a chunky cheesy kind of smell?
 75

AVERY
Oh god. Okay. I get it.

SAM
And she sits right in front of us.
And I am….I am like incredibly sensitive to people’s smells.
When I was a kid my dad had this friend who had halitosis and I couldn’t even like be in
the same room as him.

AVERY
Wait. Do you—
Have I ever smelled bad to you?

SAM
You have never smelled bad to me.

AVERY
You promise?

SAM
I promise.
I mean a couple of times I smelled your very pleasant smelling shampoo but that’s it.

AVERY
Okay.

SAM
Anyway, this lady sits down right in front of us and her cheesy smell keeps coming at me
in like waves and I can’t focus on the movie and I start going crazy. And my mom and I
are whispering about it and then we convince my dad and my aunt and my cousins that
we should move seats. And so we all get up like a bunch of assholes and move five rows
back.

AVERY
Did you bring the tamales with you?

SAM
That’s the—no. I didn’t. The point is that I was so freaked out by not being able to pay
attention to Daniel Craig and getting away from the smelly woman that I totally forgot all
about the tamales. And then we watch the movie and then it ends and the credits are
rolling. And we’re all collecting our coats and getting ready to go when I notice these
middle-aged ladies five rows in front of me, not the smelly lady, the ladies who were
sitting to the left of us originally, and they’re all getting ready to go.
 76

And they start walking towards the aisle and then one of them goes: “Linda, are these
yours?” And the other one goes, “No. Trish, are they yours?” And Trish or whoever is
like “No I didn’t bring anything in” and I look and I see they’re holding up my bag of
tamales.
And then I realize: I’m that douchebag.
I’m that douchebag who brings like random weird ethnic food into a movie theater and
then forgets about it and leaves it there!
I am my own worst nightmare!
And I sit there paralyzed, watching them ask each other, is this yours? is this yours? and
I’m too scared to say anything and then eventually Linda or whoever just takes the bag
and they all walk up the aisle together and when they get to the doors she throws it in the
trash.
She throws it away for me.

Pause.

AVERY
Okay…

Pause.

SAM
That’s the story.

AVERY
I don’t get it.

SAM
It’s like…it’s like I was dead or something. I was watching the world like go on without
me.

AVERY
But if you were dead you wouldn’t have left the bag of tamales /on the—

SAM
No. But I was like…

A long pause.

SAM
It all made more sense in my head.

Pause.

SAM
It was like a really good story in my head.
 77

Pause.

SAM
It felt like some profound like realization and now I can’t remember what the realization
was.

Rose enters.

ROSE
How was the wedding?

SAM
Oh.
It was okay.

ROSE
What’d you wear?

SAM
Uh…a suit.

Pause.

ROSE
Soooo…
I think Steve’s trying to sell it.

They look at her.

ROSE
The Flick.
I think he’s trying to sell it.

AVERY
…No.

ROSE
I came in early yesterday and he was here with some like businessy guy talking about
how the lobby had “promise.” Then after the guy left I was like what the fuck is going on
and Steve was like “I might be moving to Tucson.”

SAM
Whoa.

ROSE
I bet he’s selling it cause he can’t get any distributors to send him stuff anymore.
 78

AVERY
Who would he sell it to?

ROSE
I don’t know. Probably Fuckface 500.

AVERY
You mean Loews? AMC?

ROSE
I have no idea.

SAM
Huh.

AVERY
He can’t sell it.
That would be like one of the saddest things of all time.

SAM
Uh…
I think the Holocaust is one of the saddest things of all time.

Pause.

AVERY
The big guys wouldn’t buy it. It’s just one screen. It wouldn’t make financial sense.
It must be a smaller chain.
It was just one guy with him in the lobby?

ROSE
Yeah.

AVERY
Did he say anything about going digital?

ROSE
Nope.
I didn’t ask.

AVERY
If he goes digital your job will be obsolete.

ROSE
I’ll be happy if he sells it.
 79

AVERY
Why?

ROSE
Because this place is a piece of shit. And Steve is a retard.

Then she catches herself and blushes.

ROSE
(to Sam)
Sorry.

Pause.

ROSE
I’m gonna go upstairs.
(to Sam)
I’m glad you had a nice time with your family.

She leaves. Sam clocks all of this, frowns, then dumps something in the trash.

AVERY
That’s unbelievable. If they go digital I might have to like…I might have to quit.

Pause.

SAM
Did you tell Rose about my brother?

Pause.

AVERY
You /mean—

SAM
You know what I mean.

Pause.

AVERY
Uh—

SAM
Yeah. It’s cool. It’s cool. I just like mentioned that to you in confidence, you know?

Pause.
 80

AVERY
Sorry.
I didn’t know.

SAM
You didn’t know what?

Pause.

SAM
Did you tell her like—what did you tell her?

AVERY
I just said that he was um…
(pause)
I’m really sorry.

Pause.

SAM
Yeah. Whatever.
Who cares.
I just had like a fucking shitty weekend.
I hate weddings, anyway, so.

Pause.

SAM
My mother went like way over the top. It was disgusting.
It was like—you’re the one who fucking sent him away and then there were like—there
were like cookies in little cloth bags with like my brother and his wife’s like fucking
initials stenciled on them.
And it’s like, great, Mom. Now you have even more fucking credit card debt.

Pause.

SAM
And it was like—everyone was acting so happy.
Like trying so hard.
Like oh this whole fucking charade is so fucking joyful.
(pause)
And it’s like the only actually happy people here are retarded!
The rest of you are just miserable fucks.

Long pause.
 81

SAM
And everyone always pretends like the catering is so good!
Like oh my god the food is so good, isn’t it?
And I’m like: it was shitty!
It was shitty lukewarm food cooked for 115 people!
Can’t we just admit that wedding food is always a little shitty?
Pause.

SAM
If I ever have a wedding I’m gonna like have food trucks come and like set up outside the
wedding tent and people can line up one by one and order tacos.

AVERY
That sounds good.

SAM
Maybe like one taco truck and then one shawarma truck.

AVERY
I would do massive amounts of take-out Chinese.

SAM
Huh.

Pause.

SAM
Did you have a good time with Rose?

AVERY
Yeah. Sure.

SAM
What’d you watch?

AVERY
Oh. Uh.
The Wild Bunch.
Yeah.
She’d never seen it before.
Jesus.
If Steve sells this place to some like chain that’ll be so depressing.

SAM
Did you guys like hang out afterwards?
 82

AVERY
Uh. A little.

SAM
Why are you being weird?
Did you guys like give each other like handjobs or something?

AVERY
(laughing)
No! God, no.
Jesus.
Sam.
We just talked.

SAM
What’d you talk about?

AVERY
Nothing.

A pause. More sweeping.

AVERY
Oh.
I thought you might be—
It turns out she’s straight? Or bi. I’m not sure.

SAM
Excuse me?

AVERY
I mean, not that it matters.
But she told me that she’s not a lesbian.
Didn’t you say she—

Rose enters.

ROSE
Avery. I forgot.
Can you cover for me for the first hour on Thursday?
I know, I’m already taking advantage of you.

AVERY
(quick paranoid glance at Sam)
Uh. Sure. Yeah. Of course.
 83

ROSE
Cool.
Oh, and I Netflixed that Four Nights of a Dreamer movie.
You’re right.
It was amazing.

She leaves.
A long silence. Sam stares after her, then turns to Avery and stares at him.
Avery tries to say something but is too terrified.

SAM
Did she show you how to use the projector?

Pause.

AVERY
Well. I was really curious. I mean. I was actually just interested in how it worked, not um
in um getting promoted or anything but then she said she could train me to be the uh the
uh alternate and I didn’t feel like I could—

Sam picks up a half-eaten bag of popcorn off his side of the theater, walks slowly across
the aisle to Avery’s side of the theater, rips the bag open and flings it gloriously into
Avery’s area, popcorn showering everywhere.
Then he stalks out of the theater and slams the door behind him.
Avery stands there for a while.
Rose moves around in the projection booth, threading the next film into the projector.
Blackout.
 84

SCENE TWO

The end of the night.

Sam and Avery are in the middle of mopping.
Sam is giving Avery the silent treatment.
They mop in terrible silence together.
Occasionally they each have to go squeeze out their mop in the yellow bucket and listen
to the horrible squeezing dripping sound.
Then the sound of the mop slopping down against the floor.
This goes on for a while.
Rose is in the projection booth, moving around, unwinding the film.
She comes downstairs.
She sits on the edge of a seat in the last row, Avery’s row.
She takes some money out and counts it underneath her breath.

ROSE
10, 20, 30, 33 …
God.
(pause)
11 each.

She hands money to Avery. She walks over to Sam and tries to hand him money, but he is
furiously mopping. She puts the money down on the armrest of the seat nearest to him.

ROSE
Could one of you give me a ride home tonight?
My sister borrowed my car.

Sam continues mopping. After a pause:

AVERY
Oh. Um. My dad is picking me up.

ROSE
Sam?

He doesn’t respond. He continues mopping.

ROSE
Sam.

No response. A horrible pause.

AVERY
But.
Um.
 85

I guess I could ask him if he’d take you back to Boylston.

ROSE
Sam.
What the fuck.

Sam mops some more. Then he walks over to the mop bucket, He squeezes the mop in the
mop bucket with tremendous power. Then he dips it in the water and squeezes it again.
Rose and Avery watch him do this. He does not take his eyes off the mop when he finally
says:

SAM
(quietly)
Why’d you show Avery how to do the projector.

Pause.

SAM
What the fuck is wrong with you.

AVERY
Uh.
I’m gonna go to the bathroom.

A pause. Then Avery walks up the aisle and then leaves. Rose is looking at Sam. Sam is
staring at the dirty mop water.

ROSE
I didn’t know you /wanted—

SAM
Yes. Yes you did.
I’ve been working here for almost twice as long as you and you know Steve only
promoted you first because he thinks you’re hot.
And three months ago I asked you if you would train /me and you said—

ROSE
Okay. Okay.
You’re right.
I’m sorry.

SAM
Do you know how humiliating it is to be working with like twenty-somethings who are
rising in the ranks of your shitty job faster than you are?

Pause.
 86

ROSE
I’m sorry.
It’s—
I was stupid. I wasn’t thinking.
I just—
I can train you too. Then if I get sick you can /take turns—

SAM
No. No way.
I’m not interested anymore.

Pause.

SAM
No fucking way.

ROSE
Okay.

Pause. Sam is starting to look ill.

ROSE
So. What.
Are you gonna like hate my guts now?

After a long pause:

SAM
(quietly)
Oh god.

ROSE
What’s going on?

SAM
I feel sick.
I feel like I’m gonna…
Oh my god.

He sits down in one of the front rows and faces the movie screen, away from Rose.

ROSE
Sam.

Silence.
 87

SAM
I just…I can’t stand it. I can’t do it anymore.

Pause.

SAM
It’s making me nauseous. It’s making me sick.
(a short pause)
I’m like breaking out in fucking rashes.

ROSE
I have no idea what you’re talking about.

SAM
You don’t?

Pause.

SAM
Really?

A long silence.

SAM
I like—I fucking love you.

Pause. Sam is still looking out at the movie screen.

SAM
I don’t even know why.
You’re like…
I see all these things that are wrong with you.
But it’s like—

Pause.

SAM
It’s really bad.
It’s really bad.
It’s not like a—
It goes way beyond the word “crush,” or like—
I want to like—
I can’t sleep.
I mean, I haven’t really slept for like the past year and a half.
 88

And then when I do sleep I dream about you. And you’re like talking to me. Or like
fucking some other guy. Or standing in front of me in like a motel room like brushing
your teeth.
(a short pause)
It’s never been like this before.
I walk down the street and all I’m thinking is:
Rose.
Rose.
Rose.
It’s like the fucking soundtrack to my life.
Just your name makes me like…

Silence.

SAM
I’ve pictured saying this to you.
I’ve pictured saying it so many times.

Pause. He does not turn around. They are both very still.

ROSE
So what do you want?

Pause. He is still facing forward.

SAM
What do you mean?

ROSE
Like what do you think is gonna happen now?

Pause.

SAM
I don’t know.

Pause.

SAM
I guess I just…
I guess I needed to get it off my chest.

ROSE
But is this the kind of thing where you want the person to love you back or you actually
secretly don’t want them to love you back?
 89

Pause.

SAM
That’s a good question.

ROSE
Because it sort of seems like it has nothing to do with me.
Like me me.
You know?

Pause. Sam’s heart breaks.

SAM
That’s not how I wanted it to seem.
Be.
That’s not how I wanted it to be.

Rose sighs a long, sad sigh.

ROSE
Like—
Like even right now. It’s like you’re performing or something.

Pause.

SAM
I’m not performing.

Pause.

SAM
I’m not performing.

ROSE
So turn around and look at me.

Pause.

SAM
(tears starting to brim in his eyes)
Do you like me back?

ROSE
Oh my god.

Pause.
 90

ROSE
Would you please just turn around?

Sam shakes his head no.

ROSE
Sam.

He shakes his head no again.

ROSE
You’re seriously not going to turn around and look at me?

He does not turn around.

ROSE
You don’t know me.
Like for whatever reason you like me…I’m not like…I’m not like like that at all.
(a short pause)
Trust me.
(a short pause)
Okay?

Avery bursts through the double doors, hyperventilating and trying not to dry-heave.
Rose and Sam stand up.

AVERY
Oh my god.

They stare at him.

AVERY
Someone took a…
Someone took a shit on the floor of the men’s bathroom and they—

He is bent over.

AVERY
And they spread it all over the—
It’s all over the walls and it—

He tries to breathe.

AVERY
I just puked. I just puked on the floor of the bathroom. I feel like I’m gonna—
 91

Sam walks up the aisle and takes Avery’s arm.

SAM
You gotta sit down.
You gotta sit down and put your head between your knees.

Avery sits down and puts his head between his knees.

SAM
You gotta breathe.
Take deep breaths.

AVERY
Oh god.

SAM
I’m gonna take care of it.

He grabs the mop.

SAM
You just take it easy.

ROSE
I’ll help.

SAM
No. No.
(firmly)
You stay here and you watch him and you get him water. I’m gonna take care of it.

AVERY
You’re gonna have to—
Now my puke is all over the place.
(his head swimming)
I’m so sorry.
Are you still mad at me?

SAM
It’s fine. I’m not mad at you.

AVERY
It’s everywhere.
Why would somebody do that?
 92

SAM
This happens.
This kind of thing happens in movie theaters.
I’m gonna deal with it.

AVERY
But you have such a sensitive sense of smell!

SAM
Avery.
Don’t worry about it.
I’m totally cool with puke.
I’m totally cool with shit.
I’m gonna take care of it.

Sam walks up the aisle towards the double doors. Before exiting he stoically thrusts the
mop up into the air like a sword.

SAM
I’m taking care of it!

And he exits.
Avery bends over and breathes.
Rose watches him.

ROSE
You want a cup of water?

AVERY
Yeah.
(he breathes)
That would be great.

She watches him for a while.

ROSE
Avery.

ROSE
Please don’t tell Sam about what happened the other night.

AVERY
Yeah.
Of course.
I mean.
You don’t either.
 93

ROSE
I won’t.

Pause.

AVERY
Can I still fill in for you on Thursday night?

She considers this.

ROSE
I’ll make it work.

Pause.

ROSE
Sometimes I worry that there’s something really, really wrong with me.
But that I’ll never know exactly what it is.

AVERY
Uh.
No. You’re fine.

ROSE
Really?

AVERY
Yeah.

Pause.

ROSE
I’ll get you some water.

Rose walks out of the theater to get water. Blackout.

 94

SCENE THREE

Sam and Avery, mid-walkthrough. Rose is in the projection booth, moving around,
threading the projector. Occasionally she stops and tries to casually peer out at them.

SAM
Have you seen this video everyone is putting up on Facebook?
The one where the water bottle starts talking back to the woman?

AVERY
Uh…no.
I’m not on Facebook.

SAM
Oh.

Pause.

SAM
That’s funny. I looked for you once and couldn’t find you. But then I thought that maybe
you were “invisible.”

AVERY
I mean, if I was on Facebook we would be Facebook friends. I mean, I would’ve friended
you by now.

SAM
Sure. Sure.

Pause.

SAM
What’s the objection to Facebook?
Actually. Never mind. I’m tired of hearing the objections to Facebook.

They go back to sweeping. Then:

AVERY
I was on it. For a little while. When I was a freshman. But then my mom got on it
because I was on it and she started reconnecting with all her friends from high school and
then she reconnected with her high school boyfriend and they started writing each other
letters and then she left my Dad for him.

Pause.
 95

SAM
Wait, seriously?

AVERY
Yeah.
She moved to Atlanta a year and a half ago.
To be with him.

SAM
To be with her high school sweetheart??!!

AVERY
Yup.

A short pause.

SAM
How do you feel about that?!

AVERY
I mean. She’s like…she’s like a terrible person.
That’s how I feel about it.

SAM
Have you visited her there?

AVERY
Nope.

SAM
You haven’t see your mother for a year and a half?!

AVERY
She came back. A year ago. To visit. When I like…when a bunch of stuff happened in
our family. But I didn’t want to talk to her. I didn’t even want to like look at her.

Pause.

SAM
Whoa.
Whoa.

Pause. They sweep.

 96

SAM
For some reason I pictured that you came from a like perfect family. That like everyone
in your family is super-close and happy and that you all like wear the same glasses.

AVERY
Uh. No.
I’m the only one with glasses.

Pause.

SAM
You probably should go visit her at some point.

AVERY
I’m not interested.

They sweep for a while. Then Sam takes his iPhone out of his back pocket and fiddles
with it. Then he looks over at Avery.

SAM
So you wanna see this?

Avery nods, then walks over to Sam. Sam holds the phone out in front of Avery and
presses play. We hear the faint noises of the video but cannot make out anything
concrete.

SAM
Okay.
Just…
Keep watching.
It gets funny in like fifteen seconds.

Fifteen seconds pass. A grin spreads across Avery’s face. Sam starts to giggle.

SAM
Right?
Ah ha ha ha!

Avery nods and grins and maybe silently shakes with a little laughter.
The video continues.
They watch for a few more seconds and then Sam heaves a satisfied sigh, takes the phone,
and puts it back in his pocket.
They head to their separate sides of the aisle.
Rose knocks on the window of the projection booth. Avery looks up. Sam does not. Rose
waves. Avery waves back and goes back to sweeping. Rose looks at Sam. She knocks on
the window again. Sam does not look up. Blackout.
 97

SCENE FOUR

Sam and Avery, standing with brooms on either side of the aisle. Avery has a neatly
folded letter in his hand that he is about to read out loud.

SAM
Okay.
Ready.
Actually. Wait.

AVERY
What?

SAM
If I listen to this you have to do Ezekiel 25:17 for me once it’s over.

AVERY
Uch. Fine.

SAM
Great. I’m ready.

AVERY
“Dear Mr. Saranac,
My name is Avery Sharpe and I am an employee at the North Brookfield Flick.
I recently learned of your plans to buy the Flick and turn it into the North Brookfield
“Venue.” I commend you on your keen business sense and your entrepreneurial. I’m still
trying to figure out the right word to use. Entrepreneurial…

SAM
Embarkings? Entrepreneurial embarkings?

AVERY
That doesn’t make sense.

SAM
Spirit?

AVERY
“I commend you on your keen business sense and your entrepreneurial spirit.”

SAM
I like that.

AVERY
I don’t know. I just want to be you know, nice /before I—
 98

SAM
Sure. Sure.

AVERY
I commend you on your etcetera etcetera. Steve Bosco also informed me and the rest of
the Flick employees that you intend to keep us on if we so desire and that you—

SAM
Wait. “If we so desire” sounds a little gay.

AVERY
What does that mean?

SAM
It sounds gay.
(in a British accent)
“If we so desire.”

AVERY
That’s a British accent.
Do you mean it sounds British?

SAM
Same thing.

Pause.

AVERY
“—And that you also plan on replacing our 35 millimeter Century projector with a digital
projector. I understand you may have many good reasons behind this decision—fewer
maintenance fees, simpler training for new projectionists, the unavoidable fact that many
movies are now shot digitally, and, of course, the desire to keep working with companies
like 20th Century Fox who starting in January will refuse to distribute any on their movies
on 35-millimeter film.

Pause.

AVERY
However.

SAM
Ha-ha!
 99

AVERY
However. I urge you to think twice about this decision. You are the only theater in
Worcester County, and one of only eight theater in entire state of Massachusetts, that still
use a film projector. This is an honor, Mr. Saranac. You are carrying a torch and I
strongly encourage you not to extinguish it.

SAM
Nice.

AVERY
Movie aficionados like myself come to this theater because of your film projector. And as
more and more movie theaters in the United States convert to digital projections I predict
that the brave few that continue to use film will become highly valued. You see, Mr.
Saranac, the word “film” refers to celluloid. So if you say “Wanna see the new Spielberg
film?” you are by definition saying “Wanna see the new Spielberg movie” on celluloid.
By the way, people like Steven Spielberg have spoken out about this very issue and he is
on the record as saying that he will continue to shoot on 35 millimeter until they pry the
camera out of his cold, dead hands.

SAM
Wait.
He said that?

AVERY
Well, not the cold dead hands part. That’s a /joke.

SAM
Too much. Take it out.

AVERY
Really?

SAM
Yeah. It just makes you sound crazy.

AVERY
Okay. He will continue to shoot on 35 millimeter blahblahblah. Because of people like
Mr. Spielberg and many others who WILL continue to shoot on film, it’s important that
there still be a few remaining theaters that uses film projectors. When you digitally
project a movie that was shot on film, you are not actually showing that movie. You are
not giving the audience what they paid for.

SAM
Nice. Powerful.
 100

AVERY
Film can express things that computers never will. Film is a series of photographs
separated by split seconds of darkness. Film is light and shadow and it is the light and
shadow that were there on the day you shot the film.

Pause.

AVERY
Digital movies—I think the phrase digital film is an oxymoron—are actually just millions
of tiny dots. These dots, or pixels, cannot express the variation in color and texture that
film can. All the dots are exactly the same size and the same distance apart.
Mr. Saranac, projecting a 35 millimeter film digitally is like looking at a postcard of the
Mona Lisa instead of the Mona Lisa itself.
I urge you to keep our beloved Century Projector and to take a stand against the digital
takeover of American movies and movie theaters.
Sincerely,
Avery Newton Sharpe.

Pause.

SAM
Middle name Newton.

AVERY
Yup. Don’t make fun of me.

SAM
I would never.
My middle name is Gruber.

Pause.

SAM
I think it’s a good letter.

AVERY
You do?

SAM
I do. Something about it is really…

AVERY
What.
 101

SAM
I don’t know. It’s like something someone would write in a movie. I mean, like the hero
of the movie. He’d like bring it to Washington and go like running down the corridor of
the courthouse and like stop to kiss the love of his life and she’d say, like, you know, GO
FOR IT and then he’d run into the courtroom and read this letter in front of the judge.

AVERY
And what would the judge say?

SAM
You know.
“On this day of all other days…”
“We have learned…”
“I am humbled to admit that even in my old age I can…”
You know:
“This young man has taught us the true meaning of Christmas.”

AVERY
Okay. Cool.

Pause.

AVERY
Did I convince you?

Pause.

SAM
Oh. Hm. Good question.

Pause.

SAM
You know, I guess I don’t really care either way.

Blackout.
 102

SCENE FIVE

The lights in the theater are completely different. It’s as if all the bulbs have changed
their wattage, or gone fluorescent, or switched location.
Sam and Rose are sitting on different sides of the aisle. They are both wearing new
uniforms. A yellow polo shirt instead of a maroon one, or vice versa. Now the words
“The Venue” are stitched on their pockets.
Rose and Sam are waiting for something. After a silence:

SAM
He said I couldn’t wear my Red Sox cap anymore.

ROSE
Seriously?

SAM
Uh-huh. And I was like, Paul, we live in Massachusetts. It isn’t like a…like a
controversial hat.

ROSE
And?

SAM
He didn’t go for it.

After a silence:

SAM
So how are you?

ROSE
I’m okay.

Pause.

ROSE
My roommate left this like long passive-aggressive note on my bedroom door this
morning. It was like seven Post-Its long.
And she has this really annoying handwriting.
Anyway, whatever.

After a pause:

ROSE
How are you? I have no idea how you’re /like—
 103

SAM
I’m okay.

Pause.

ROSE
What’s—what’s new?

Pause.

SAM
Not much.

Pause.

SAM
I went on a date last night.

ROSE
Oh yeah?
With like—
Was it a first date?

SAM
It was a first date.

ROSE
Was it an internet date?

SAM
It was an internet date.

ROSE
And?

SAM
I liked her.
She was actually pretty cool.

Pause.

SAM
Tiler.
With an i.
 104

ROSE
Huh.

Pause.

ROSE
What does she do?

SAM
Well.
At the moment she is a barista—

ROSE
Okay.

SAM
--but she’s also sort of a um part-time low-flying trapeze artist.

ROSE
Oh wow.

Pause.

ROSE
So she must have like a really great body.

Pause.

ROSE
If she’s like a trapeze artist.

Sam sighs. After a short pause:

SAM
Why do you have to be so crude?

ROSE
What do /you—

SAM
Like, you’re always like, you know, talking about you know, oh, yeah, he had a huge
cock, or like, or like, she’s like she’s like—wow she must have a nice pussy or
something.

ROSE
I have never said anything about anyone having a nice pussy in front of you.
 105

SAM
You know. You know what I mean.

ROSE
You must be thinking about Tiler and her nice pussy because I never said /anything
about—

SAM
I have been on one date with Tiler!
I have never even kissed Tiler!

Pause.

ROSE
Whatever.

SAM
Look, you…you’ve made it clear that you’re not interested. So I don’t understand why
you can’t have a little like you know pity on me and /like—

ROSE
You wouldn’t look at me!

SAM
What does—what does—why does—wait—what does that have to do with—why are
you—that is like /completely—

ROSE
You didn’t even give me a /chance to—

SAM
You said that I didn’t know you! And that…that you were nothing like the person I
thought you were! So—

ROSE
So that’s true!

Pause.

SAM
So—

ROSE
So that’s a fact!

Pause.
 106

ROSE
But like…that doesn’t mean you have to run out and start like internet dating and like
forget all about me.
Like oh yeah, you must be really in love with someone if you like do that.

SAM
So—so—so—so what are you—
Do you like want to go out on a date or something?

Pause.

ROSE
No!

SAM
SO WHAT ARE YOU SAYING?!

Pause.

ROSE
I’m just saying that I was right. That it was like a…that it was like a big performance.
That’s all.

Pause.

SAM
I can’t believe this.
I can’t believe this.
This doesn’t make any sense.

Pause.

SAM
You want me to /like—

ROSE
Just like GET TO KNOW ME!

SAM
I can’t get to know you if you keep acting like a…like a…like a…like a—

ROSE
What? Say it.
Say it.
 107

SAM
Never mind.

ROSE
You think I’m like a total bitch.

Pause.

ROSE
Right?!

He doesn’t respond.

ROSE
You like totally hate me now.
So just say it!

Avery walks in, also in a new uniform. He looks deeply shaken. They fall silent.

AVERY
Hey.

ROSE
How’d it go?

AVERY
Uh—
Well—

SAM
He told me I couldn’t wear my Red Sox cap anymore.

AVERY
Oh. That sucks.

ROSE
He’s got a weird face, right?

Pause.

SAM
Did he say anything about your letter?

AVERY
He figured out Dinner Money.
 108

ROSE
Wait, what?

AVERY
He figured it out.
He looked at the books and looked at the receipts and like—apparently there was like too
much money in the register from like last month and that’s like a sign that people are
stealing and then he found the shoebox with the stubs underneath /the—

SAM
Fuck.
Fuck!

ROSE
Wait, why was he looking at the books from last month? What does he care? He has like
a whole new system and a credit card machine! We’re not gonna steal from him!

AVERY
I guess he like… he wanted to make sure we were good employees, or /like—

SAM
So—so what was…

AVERY
He was mad.

Pause.

ROSE
Well, yeah. But what /was—

AVERY
And he thinks it’s me.

Pause.

AVERY
I mean, he thinks it’s all me.

Pause.

ROSE
Because of your letter?
 109

AVERY
There was a note for Sam in the box. In my handwriting.
(to Sam)
From the weekend you were gone.
I guess he recognized my handwriting?
I don’t know how he recognized it.
I think he also…

Pause.

ROSE
So what did you…

AVERY
I mean, I didn’t rat you guys out.

Rose and Sam both try not to show that they are letting out sighs of relief.

SAM
Well.
Okay.
So we just need to uh. To uh.
To uh—

AVERY
Well, I was thinking that you guys could go to him and like fess up to your side of it too
and like tell him that you were the ones who told me to do it in the first place and /then
like—

ROSE
Wait.
What?

AVERY
--and then maybe he won’t /like—

ROSE
Waitwaitwaitwaitwait.
Hold on hold on hold on.
Let’s all like stop and take a deep breath.
(pause)
Why should we tell him we were the ones who told you to do it in the first place?

Pause.
 110

ROSE
Which by the way is kind of a um whatsitcalled revised way of looking at it. If I recall
correctly you were pretty happy to take fifteen bucks from us every night.

AVERY
Because if we say that all of us were doing it and it was like an employee tradition like
you said and that everyone did it maybe he’ll understand and like…not fire me.

ROSE
He’ll fire all of us.

AVERY
I mean, or he’ll like let it go.

Pause.

ROSE
Whoa.
Okay.
That’s really intense.
That’s a really intense thing to ask of…to ask us to do.

AVERY
…I didn’t tell on you.

ROSE
Yeah, well, that would have been like evil.

Sam is still silent. They all stand there.

ROSE
Sam?

SAM
Uh-huh.

ROSE
Do you have anything to say about this?

He shakes his head no, averting his eyes.

ROSE
No?

He shakes his head no again. Both Avery and Rose look at him, betrayed.
 111

ROSE
Okay. Great.

A horrible, horrible silence.

ROSE
(politely, to Avery)
I’m just um…
How much money does your dad make?

AVERY
Excuse me?

ROSE
I’m just curious. Your dad teaches semantics at Clark, right?

AVERY
Yeah. Semi—
Yeah. I told you that.

ROSE
How much does he make?

AVERY
That’s none of your business.

ROSE
And you have a free ride, right?

Pause.

AVERY
I don’t see how—

ROSE
Because I still have like 10,000 dollars in student loans to pay off and my mom is a
secretary.
And I don’t have a rich dad.

AVERY
My dad isn’t rich.

ROSE
And Sam is 35 and he lives in a shitty attic above his crazy parents.
 112

Sam winces but does not say anything. Pause.

ROSE
And this is our like—this isn’t like a job we have while we go to college.
This is what we like—feed ourselves with.
(pause)
So I just think that…

AVERY
Wow. Okay.

ROSE
I just think that you should think about that.

A long pause.

ROSE
It’s just a like really really intense thing to do to ask someone who’s super in-debt and
someone who didn’t even go to /college—

SAM
(quietly)
Okay, Rose—

ROSE
--To like give up their jobs to like defend you.

Pause.

ROSE
It just makes me feel like you don’t really get it.

Pause. Avery just stands there.

ROSE
And I mean, I’m really sorry that Paul is blaming you.
That’s really fucked up.

Another pause. Avery takes off his glasses, polishes them on his shirt, and puts them back
on again.
He puts his hands on his hips. He seems to be waiting for something.
Finally:

SAM
What did he say about the projector?
 113

Pause.

AVERY
He’s getting rid of it.
He’s going digital.

Pause.

SAM
(small, hopeful)
So maybe you wouldn’t have wanted to stay?

Pause.

SAM
(even more tiny and feeble)
I mean, maybe you would have wanted to quit anyway.
I remember you saying that.

Avery looks at Sam for a long time, then nods. Then he slowly walks up the aisle towards
the double doors. Then he stops.

AVERY
Hey Sam.

Pause. Sam looks at him.

AVERY
You want me to do Ezekiel 25:17?

SAM
Huh?

AVERY
You want me to do Ezekiel 25:17 for Rose?

Pause.

SAM
Uh…maybe…
I’m not sure if now is the right /time to—

AVERY
(in a Samuel L. Jackson voice)
EZEKIEL 25:17.
 114

THE PATH OF THE RIGHTEOUS MAN IS BESET ON ALL SIDES BY THE

INEQUITIES OF THE SELFISH AND THE TYRANNY OF EVIL MEN.
BLESSED IS HE WHO, IN THE NAME OF CHARITY AND GOOD WILL,
SHEPHERDS THE WEAK THROUGH THE VALLEY OF THE DARKNESS. FOR
HE IS TRULY HIS BROTHER’S KEEPER AND THE FINDER OF LOST
CHILDREN.
AND I WILL STRIKE DOWN WITH GREAT VENGEANCE AND FURIOUS
ANGER THOSE WHO ATTEMPT TO POISON AND DESTROY MY BROTHERS.
AND YOU WILL KNOW I AM THE LORD WHEN I LAY MY VENGEANCE UPON
YOU.

Pause. Avery drops back to his own voice. He speaks thoughtfully, sadly.

AVERY
…I been sayin’ that shit for years.
And if you ever heard it, it meant your ass.
I never really questioned what it meant. I thought it was just some cold-blooded shit to
say to a motherfucker before you popped a cap in his ass.
But I saw some shit this morning that made me think twice.
(after a pause)
Now I’m thinking: it could mean you’re the evil man. And I’m the righteous man. And
Mr. 9 millimeter here…he’s the shepherd protecting my righteous ass in the valley of
darkness.
Or it could be, you’re the righteous man and I’m the shepherd and it’s the world that’s
evil and selfish. I’d like that.
But that shit ain’t the truth.
The truth is, you’re the weak.
And I’m the tyranny of evil men.
But I’m tryin’, Ringo.
I’m tryin’ real hard to be the shepherd.

He is looking at Sam. Sam looks like he might cry. After a long pause:

ROSE
…That was awesome.

Avery leaves.
Blackout.
 115

SCENE SIX

The theater is dark and empty, The film projector is on. We hear the sound of its platters
whirring. It flashes green, then white, then it goes off.
We see Rose and Sam enter the projection booth and turn on its lights. They are wearing
their new uniforms. They are talking and moving around in the little lit-up window. They
seem to be getting along. Maybe at one point Rose laughs and hits Sam on the arm. The
theater is still dark.
Then we watch Sam and Rose slowly and methodically disassemble the film projector.
They remove the reels and then, piece by piece, they remove the film projector from the
window and put it on the floor of the projection booth. This might take a little while.
Then we watch them install the new projector. It doesn’t take very long. They turn it on
for a second to try it out. It emits a tiny feebly glowing square of white light and then
begins to project images. It is on for a while, projecting images we can’t see. Sam and
Rose leave the booth.
Then the projector goes to green, then white, then darkness. The lights in the movie
theater flicker on, and after about five seconds:
 116

SCENE SEVEN

One door at the back of the movie theater is thrown open.

Sam peeks his head in, looks around, then closes the door.
A second later, the door opens again and Sam drags in a large trashcan that he uses to
keep the door propped open. Then he exits again and re-enters carrying a large push
broom and dustpan.
SKYLAR follows him, carrying a broom of his own.

SAM
So this is the walkthrough.

SKYLAR
Cool.

SAM
Pretty easy.

Sam goes over to his side of the aisle and starts sweeping. Skylar goes over to the other
side of the aisle and starts sweeping. He’s a good sweeper. He accidentally kicks a
plastic Coke bottle and sends it rolling down the aisle. Then he chases after it, picks it up,
and runs it back to the trashcan next to the door. He is speedy. He sweeps faster than
Sam. Sam watches him, impressed.

SAM
Have you worked at a movie theater before?

SKYLAR
Yeah. At Cinema World.
In Leominster.

SAM
Oh yeah. I know that one.

After a pause:

SAM
(trying to make a joke)
So you’re used to the oversized polo shirt.

SKYLAR
Uh-huh.

They clean in silence for a while.

 117

SAM
Did Paul or someone else go over the soda machines with you?

SKYLAR
Yeah. Paul did.
I think I got it.

SAM
Cool.
Cool.
(pause)
Did he talk to you about how to clean the butter dispenser?

SKYLAR
Uh—

SAM
I do Windex and then I use the almond hand soap in the bathroom.

SKYLAR
Oh. Okay.
At my old job we just Windexed and then rinsed it off.

After a short pause:

SAM
Yeah.
I would try the almond hand soap too.

SKYLAR
Okay. Cool.

They keep cleaning.

SAM
What else.
What else.

After a pause:

SAM
For some reason people don’t see the garbage can underneath the island…the butter and
straws island…it’s just…it’s like constructed badly. It didn’t used to—
Anyway, people think there’s no garbage so they like leave all their straw wrappers and
stuff on the island so I try to you know swing by there a few times before the movie starts
and like brush all the wrappers and like popcorn kernels or whatever into the trash.
 118

SKYLAR
Okay.

Pause.

SAM
There used to be three of us working at a time including the projectionist but now it’s just
two. One of us goes up and presses play when it’s time for the movie to start. It’s pretty
easy.

SKYLAR
Cool.

SAM
If you’re working at the same time as Rose you should probably let her do it.

SKYLAR
Okay.

Pause.

SAM
We used to…Rose used to like splice together the previews.

SKYLAR
Wow.

SAM
Yeah.

They sweep for a while. About twenty seconds of sweeping pass. Skylar finishes sweeping
before Sam. He waits patiently in front of the first row. He looks out at the movie screen.
After a little while, he walks up to the movie screen, at the lip of the stage, and then
reaches out and lightly touches the invisible movie screen. Sam notices immediately.

SAM
Whoa. What are you doing?

SKYLAR
(backing away)
Oh. Sorry.

SAM
No. Just—why did you do that?
 119

SKYLAR
…I don’t know.
Sorry.

After a pause:

SKYLAR
I always have this urge to like…
I always just kind of want to touch it.
Don’t you?

SAM
(disturbed)
Uh…no.

SKYLAR
Oh. Okay. Sorry.

Skylar waits for Sam to finish sweeping. Sam finishes, somewhat hurriedly. They head up
the aisle. They dump their dustbins in the trashcan. They exit. The door shuts behind
them.
Blackout.
 120

SCENE EIGHT

Avery, in street clothes. is standing in the middle of the aisle, waiting. Sam, also in street
clothes, is up in the projection booth moving around.

AVERY
(calling out)
Are you sure he’s not here?

Sam doesn’t hear him. He leaves the booth and a few seconds later he comes through the
double doors with a strange-looking piece of metal equipment. He heaves it down onto
the floor.

AVERY
Are you sure he isn’t gonna like come in all of a sudden?

SAM
Yeah, yeah. He’s away for the weekend.
Trust me.

Sam disappears again. A few seconds later we see him in the booth, moving around. He
leaves and then comes through the double doors with another piece of equipment. He
puts it down in the aisle next to the first piece.

AVERY
He’s not gonna notice it’s gone?

SAM
He tried to sell it on eBay and nobody wanted it. So he told me to donate it as scrap
metal.
I’ve been saving it for you.

Sam disappears again. Avery waits. He looks at the movie screen for a little while. Then
Avery bends down, picks up the first piece of equipment, and leaves through the double
doors. A few seconds later, Sam comes down again with another piece of equipment. It’s
becoming clear that he is bringing down pieces of the dissembled film projector. He looks
around for Avery, confused. A few seconds later, Avery comes through the double doors.

SAM
Where’d you go?

AVERY
My dad is waiting out front. In his car. I was carrying it/out to—

SAM
Oh. Okay.
 121

Sam disappears again. Avery picks up two pieces and disappears again. Sam comes
down again with the last piece of the projector. A few seconds later, Avery comes in
again, wiping his hands on his pants.

SAM
This is it.

AVERY
Okay. Cool.

They stand there for a second.

SAM
Oh. Wait.

Sam runs back up to the projection booth. We see him grab some octagonal tins. He
comes back down with them.

SAM
Some of Steve’s old reels. He took most of the good ones. But there are a couple left.

AVERY
Oh. Okay.

Sam puts each one down on the floor, reading its label out loud while he does this.

SAM
Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon…
Rugrats in Paris…
The Fifth Element…

He runs back up to the booth, then comes back down with two more tins, heaving them
down on the ground.

SAM
Star Trek Insurrection…
…and Honey I Shrunk The Kids
That’s actually a pretty good find.
You want them?
We were just gonna throw these out too.

AVERY
Um.
Yeah. Sure.
Hold on.
 122

He picks up a stack of three of them, walks up the aisle, leaves the theater, and then
returns 30 seconds later. He picks up the last two containers and holds them, one in each
hand.

SAM
So what are you gonna do with the projector?

AVERY
I don’t know. Start some kind of underground basement cinema movement?

Sam laughs.

AVERY
I’m sort of serious.

SAM
Oh. Okay. Cool.

AVERY
Maybe when I go back to Clark in the fall I’ll form a 35 millimeter film society. I don’t
know.
Own my own theater some day.

SAM
Awesome.

A long pause.

SAM
Look.
I uh—

Another pause.

SAM
I’m sorry, Avery.

A pause.

AVERY
No. I mean. Whatever. It was good for me.

A pause.

AVERY
I had some kind of stupid idea that we were friends. /And then—
 123

SAM
(in pain)
Oh god.

AVERY
Let me finish. And then it became like very clear that we…
Look, everything that’s…everything that’s like ever happened to me has disappointed
me. The world keeps…
So clearly I’m like…clearly I’m like putting too much faith in stuff.

Pause.

AVERY
I mean, I think the truth is that you can’t trust anybody.

SAM
That’s not true.

AVERY
No, I don’t mean that in a bad way. Not like everyone is untrustworthy or something. Just
like, don’t expect anything. Don’t expect things to turn out well in the end.

SAM
Uh…I don’t know if I agree with that world view.

AVERY
Look, realizing that has helped me.
It’s actually made me feel okay for the first time in a while. I like let go of...

Pause.

AVERY
I’m not saying I want to be friends with you or anything. I don’t.
(after a short pause)
And you know, we were never really friends in the first place. I let Rose show me how to
use the projector.
Every man for himself, you know?

SAM
Jesus, Avery.

AVERY
I think that’s the way it goes.
(unable to help himself)
 124

And the truth is, one day I’ll come back to visit Massachusetts and you’ll still be here
sweeping up popcorn. Working for some like bigot from Nashua. And I’ll be like…I’ll be
living in Paris or something. So…you know.

Pause.

AVERY
Thanks for thinking of me. And for saving the projector. And the film.

Pause. Avery bends down and the last piece of equipment.

AVERY
Do you remember the end of the movie Manhattan?

SAM
Uh—

AVERY
Woody Allen like realizes he’s still in love with Mariel Hemingway and he like runs
down the street and like finds her in her doorway and she’s getting ready to go to London
and she’s brushing her hair and he’s like stay here with me or whatever, and she’s like,
no, I’m leaving, and he’s like, but what’s gonna happen? and she’s like:
“You gotta have a little faith in people” and the music swells up?

SAM
Oh.
Yeah.

AVERY
This is like the opposite of that ending.

Avery turns to go and starts walking up the aisle towards the doors.

SAM
Look. Avery. Just—before you go. I know my life might seem kind of depressing to you,
and you know, in a lot of ways it is.
But there’s some good stuff in it.
Maybe I never told you about it, but there’s some really good stuff in my life.

Pause.

SAM
And sometimes the people you fall in love with fall in love with you back.

Pause.
 125

SAM
Sometimes they don’t. But sometimes they do. And it’s awesome.

Pause.

SAM
And I feel like once that happens to /you—

AVERY
Okay. Thanks for the advice, Sam.

Avery walks towards the doors. As he opens them to exit:

SAM
Macaulay Culkin to Michael Caine.

Avery stops and shakes his head no.

SAM
Macaulay Culkin to Michael Caine.

AVERY
See ya, Sam.

Avery walks out the double doors. They close behind him. Sam stands in the aisle of the
movie theater, his hands stuffed in the pockets of his pants. He stares at the doors,
waiting. A very very long amount of time passes.
Maybe a minute and a half.
Sam stands there patiently.
Suddenly Avery comes back in through the doors, unsmiling.

AVERY
Macaulay Culkin to Mandy Moore in “Saved.”

Sam bursts into a beatific grin.

AVERY
Mandy Moore to Robin Williams in “License to Wed.”
Robin Williams to Jude Law in “A.I.”

SAM
Robin Williams was /in—?

AVERY
I think it was uncredited.
He was like the voice of the computer robot guy.
 126

Trust me.

SAM
Okay.

AVERY
…Jude Law to Michael Caine in Sleuth.

They look at each other. Avery is still unsmiling.

AVERY
Easy.

And with that, Avery leaves. The doors shut behind him. Sam sits down in one of the
seats, smiling to himself.
The orchestral theme from “Jules and Jim” (“Vacances” by Georges Delerue) starts
playing, underscoring Sam’s movements.
Sam puts his feet up on the seat in front of him and looks up at the ceiling of the movie
theater for a while. Then he gets up, still smiling, and walks up the aisle. Right before he
exits, he flicks off the lights. The theater is plunged into darkness. The sound of the
double doors closing.
The music swells.
Blackout.
End of play.