Fiona’s monologue from Shrek the Musical.

Oh, hello…sorry I am late. Welcome to Fiona - The musical. Yea – let’s talk about

me. Once upon a time there was a little princess named Fiona, who lived in a

kingdom far, far away. One day her parents told her that it would be time for her

to be locked away in a desolate tower guarded by a fire breathing dragon, as so

many princesses had done for years before. So, her Momma packed her dolly and

Poppa packed her books and they sent her on her way. They told her don’t be sad,

just keep waiting and someday your prince will come. A poor little princess hidden

away from the world in a high tower awaiting her one true love. And, as if it

couldn’t get worse, a wicked witch cast a spell on her. ‘By day one way, by night

another- this shall be the norm, until you find true love’s first kiss and then take

love’s true form.’ So, every night when the sun went down, she became a horrible

ugly beast. She is a princess after all and looking for her one true love, I mean who

could ever love a beast so hideous and ugly. Princess and ugly don’t even go

together. Isn’t that the saddest thing you have ever heard?
Lysistrata

Surely I am bound to give my best advice to Athens. What matters that I was born
a woman, if I can cure your misfortunes? I pay my share of tolls and taxes, by
giving men to the State. But you, you miserable greybeards…You contribute
nothing to the public charges. On the contrary, you have wasted the treasure of
our forefathers, as it was called, the treasure amassed in the days of the Persian
Wars. You pay nothing at all in return; and into the bargain you endanger our lives
and liberties by your mistakes. Have you one word to say for yourselves?... Ah!
Don’t irritate me, you there, or I’ll lay my slipper across your jaws; and it’s pretty
heavy.
Why I would make an excellent production member.

By: Avery Martin

People say there is no “I” in TEAM. They are right. A team is a group of people
organized to work together and cooperate to accomplish a purpose or a goal.

I think being a good team member is one of the most important things you can do
when you are involved in theater. You need many people on your team that are
and committed to form a cast and put on a show. I would make a good production
team member because I can work with groups and on my own. I am responsible
and helpful and respectful to others. I believe that I am motivated, creative, have
a positive attitude, reliable and a hard worker. I have had experience in theater
outside of school that I could bring to the production team. I would like to work
with others that are serious about acting and want to have fun and work hard to
create shows for the school. To me, theater is a place that a cast works as a team
and becomes a family to trust each other on stage.

“All the world’s a stage, and all the men and women are merely actors.”

- William Shakespeare
It's Terrible Being Nice
From the play Goodbye Charles

Don’t do it! Don’t open that little box one more crack! Don’t ask me to marry you. Shh,
shh, shh. Don’t say another word. Just listen.

I can’t let you do this to me. I mean, before I met you I used be so mean. Like, seriously,
everyone at work thought I was so rude. No one actually liked me. Those people I
introduced to you as my friends. They're not my friends. They're scared of me. Or they
were...before I met you.

Before you, I never said please or thank you at restaurants. I never smiled or laughed at
anyone's jokes but mine. I never used to tip more than 10%. I was quick with insults. I
was cold, cross and crass.

But since being with you, I’ve begun to feel all...warm inside. Fuzzy. I find myself
wanting to stroll in the park and whistle!

I have these thoughts, these urges to donate to charities and help out in soup kitchens,
and hug people. Since being with you, I’ve given nearly ten dollars to homeless men,
helped three old ladies cross the street, and I bought one of my so called "friends" a
present at full price. And it was something I knew she'd like.

Don’t you see? Don’t you see you’ve made me NICE!? And what really scares me is that
you’ll open that box and ask me to marry you, and I’ll...I’ll just nicely say “yes,” and then
I’ll be nice for life.

I’ll be singing “cumbaya” for the rest of my days. I’ll give back to the community, to the
Salvation Army, to The MAKE A WISH FOUNDATION! And I'll do it annonymously.

And then one day, years from now, I’ll wake up and I’ll have the horrible realization that
I lived a good life—that I contributed.

Please, for the love of God, put that box away. I mean, the planet already has millions of
nice people. It doesn’t need me too. I am mean! And I want to stay that way! Please,
stop, don’t—I’m asking you – No, I’m begging you – I’m getting down on my knees.

Will you please, please not marry me?

Suppose all ya ever had for breakfast was onion rolls. Then one day, in walks

(gasp) a bagel! You'd say, 'Ugh, what's that?' Until you tried it! That's my problem -

I'm a bagel on a plate full of onion rolls. Nobody recognizes me! Listen, I got 36

expressions. Sweet as pie and tough as leather. And that's six expressions more

than all those...Barrymores put together. Instead of just kicking me, why don't

they give me a lift? Well, it must be a plot, 'cause they're scared that I got...such a

gift! 'Cause I'm the greatest star, I am by far, but no one knows it. Wait - they're

gonna hear a voice, a silver flute. They'll cheer each toot, hey, she's terrific!, when

I expose it. Now can't you see to look at me that I'm a natural Camille, and as

Camille, I just feel, I've so much to offer. Kid, I know I'd be divine because I'm a

natural cougher (coughs) - some ain't got it, not a lump. I'm a great big clump of

talent! Laugh, they'll bend in half. Did you ever hear the story about the travelling

salesman? A thousand jokes, stick around for the jokes. A thousand faces. I

reiterate. When you're gifted, then you're gifted. These are facts, I've got no axe to

grind. Ay! What are ya, blind? In all of the world so far, I'm the greatest star! No

autographs, please. What? You think beautiful girls are gonna stay in style forever?
I should say not! Any minute now they're gonna be out! FINISHED! Then it'll be my

turn!
Thoroughly Modern Millie

Hey, I’m broke, not poor, There’s a big difference. Poor sounds permanent, broke

can be fixed. I have a plan so far ahead of its time that it’s almost to bold, too daring,

too new woman! I’s going to mary my boss. I don’t know when. As a matter of fact,

I haven’t gotten one yet. Love has nothing to do with it! Don’t you read Vogue?

This month’s issue clearly states that marriage is a business arrangement. Love

comes later, occasionally with the man you’re actually married toI’m looking for him

in the classifieds. I’ve been interviewing boss after boss, but so far, married,

married, married, engaged, married, single – and I can see why…..I even read in the

tabloids – “Manhattan’s most eligible bachelors, the movers and shakers that make

Manhattan tick!”…all of them need wives…and at least one of them must need a

stenographer!
You’re a Good Man, Charlie Brown

Do you know what I intend? I intend to be a queen. When I grow up I’m

going to be the biggest queen there ever was, and I’ll live in a big palace

and when I go out in my coach, all the people will wave and I will shout at

them, and...and...in the summertime I will go to my summer palace and I’ll

wear my crown in swimming and everything, and all the people will cheer

and I will shout at them... What do you mean I can’t be queen? Nobody

should be kept from being a queen if she wants to be one. It’s usually just a

matter of knowing the right people....well.... if I can’t be a queen, then I’ll be

very rich then I will buy myself a queendom. Yes, I will buy myself a

queendom and then I’ll kick out the old queen and take over the whole

operation myself. I will be head queen.

"I thought you did it for me, Momma." "I thought you did it for me, Momma..."

I though you made a no-talent ox into a star because you like doing things

the hard way, Momma. (Louder) And you haven't got any talent! Not

what I call talent, Miss Gypsy Rose Lee! I made you! And you wanna know

why? You wanna know what I did it for?! Because I was born too soon and

started too late, that's why! With what I have in me, I could've been better

than ANY OF YOU! What I got in me--what I been holding down inside of

me--if I ever let it out, there wouldn't be signs big enough! There wouldn't

have been lights bright enough! HERE SHE IS, BOYS! HERE SHE IS,

WORLD! HERE'S ROSE!

ANTIGONE is talking to her sister ISMENE who is afraid of breaking the law.

What further dishonor could I bring upon our family? We pay for our parents’ sins.

I am not afraid to die by honoring the greater law of the gods. You fear

punishment for disobeying the laws of man. I fear punishment for violating the

laws of heaven. Polyneices, our brother, lies unburied on the battlefield. Birds and

animals ravage his body. I will obey the higher law and give him the honor and

rites decreed by the gods. I will not insist that you help me bury Polyneices. If you

do not have the mind and strength to aid me, I will act alone. Your choice is to live;

mine is to die, for I have no illusions that this act will go unpunished. My tomb will

be my bridal bed. I will not know the joys of marriage and children. I will die before

my time, but I will die unafraid and unashamed.