"The single biggest problem in communication is the
illusion that it has taken place." ~ George Bernard
Shaw
Communication is one of the biggest success factors in any relationship
with employees, team members, co-workers, customers, and even friends
or family members. How to communicate effectively determines your
professional success and defines your personal relationships.
“Listening requires giving up our favorite human
pastime—involvement in ourselves and our own self-
interest. It’s our primary, entirely human focus. And it’s
where our motivation to do anything comes from. With
this as a base, can you see what a problem is created
when we’re asked to listen to someone else?” ~ Sonya
Hamlin
One of the most requested onsite development programs that Ria and I offer
our clients is The Power of Effective Communication which includes, but is not
limited to, an overview of one John C. Maxwell's best-selling books on
communication: Everyone Communicates, Few Connect.
We are also certified to teach and speak on much of John Maxwell's
content, I thought it would be great to share an overview of these 10 basic
principles and practices from John's book in an effort to serve and support
others in a small way while also introducing them to the content. Feel free
to contact me if you're interested in an onsite 4 to 8 hour The Power of
Effective Communicationsworkshop for your team.
5 CONNECTING PRINCIPLES
1) Connecting Increases Your Influence in Every Situation
“The #1 criteria for advancement and promotion for
professionals is an ability to communicate effectively.”
~ Ralph G. Nichols
Connecting is the ability to identify with people and relate to them in such a
way that it increases our influence with them. Leadership is influence.
Nothing more, nothing less.
2) Connecting is All about Others
“If you first help people get what they want, they will
help you get what you want.” ~ Zig Ziglar
3 connecting questions others will ask themselves when we attempt to
connect:
1. Do you care for me?
2. Can you help me?
3. Can I trust you?
3) Connecting Goes Beyond Words
When many people try to communicate with others, they believe the
message is all that matters. But the reality is that communication goes way
beyond words. In an important study, UCLA psychology professor emeritus
Albert Mehrabian discovered that face-to-face communications can be
broken down into three components:
1. Words
2. Tone of Voice
3. Body Language
What may come as a surprise is that in some situations, what people see us
do and the tone we use can far outweigh any words we say while trying to
communicate. In situations where feelings and attitudes are being
communicated,
What we say accounts for only 7 % of what is believed.
The way we say it accounts for 38 %.
What others see accounts for 55 %.
Amazingly, more than 90 percent of the impression we often convey has
nothing to do with what we actually say.
4) Connecting Always Requires Energy
“The wise does at once what the fool does at last.” ~
Jewish Proverb
Think of 3 communicators that you enjoy watching and listening to. One
thing that they most likely all have in common is energy.
The 4 Unpardonable Sins of a Communicator is being…
1. Unprepared
2. Uncommitted
3. Uninteresting
4. Uncomfortable
5) Connecting Is More Skill than Natural Talent
“All great speakers were bad speakers first.” -Ralph
Waldo Emerson
What Makes People Listen?
If you want to be a better communicator or a better leader, you can’t
depend on dumb luck. You must learn to connect with others by making the
most of whatever skills and experience you have. When you listen to great
communicators, you will notice that there are a handful of factors they
seem to draw upon that cause people to listen to them. As you read about
them, think about which of them you could use to connect with others:
1. Relationships – who we know
2. Sacrifice – how we have lived
3. Insight – what we know
4. Success – what we have done
5. Ability – what we can do
5 CONNECTING PRACTICES
6) Connectors Connect on Common Ground
It is difficult to find common ground with others when the only person you
are focused on is yourself!
"It is well to remember that the entire universe, with
one trifling exception, is composed of others." ~ John
Holmes
4 Barriers to Finding Common Ground:
1. Assumption – I already know what others know, feel, and want.
2. Arrogance – I don’t need to know what others know, feel, or want.
3. Indifference – I don’t care to know what others know, feel, or want.
4. Control – I don’t want others to know what I know, feel, or think.
7) Connectors Do the Difficult Work of Keeping It Simple
“To be simple is to be great.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
The Art of Simplicity:
1. Talk to people, not above them.
2. Get to the point.
8) Connectors Create an Experience Everyone Enjoys
How to be interesting:
1. Take responsibility for your listeners. In general, there are no bad audiences, only
bad communicators.
2. Communicate in their world. People don’t remember what we think is important;
they remember what they think is important.
3. Capture people’s attention from the start.
4. Say it so it sticks.
9) Connectors Inspire People
The Inspiration Equation
What People Know + What People See + What People Feel = Inspiration
“Management is about persuading people to do things
they do not want to do, while leadership is about
inspiring people to do things they never thought they
could.” ~ Steve Jobs
What People Need to Know:
1. That you understand them and are focused on them.
2. That you have high expectations of them.
What people need to See:
1. People need to see your conviction/passion.
2. People need to see your example.
What People Need to Feel:
1. They need to feel your confidence in yourself and them.
2. They need to feel your gratitude for them.
10) Connectors Live What They Communicate
Credibility is currency for leaders and communicators. With it, they are
solvent; without it, they are bankrupt.
The first six months – communication overrides credibility.
After six months – credibility overrides communication.
