HOW TO COMMUNICATE EFFECTIVELY
Compiled by
Zaid Khalid
Source
THE COMPENDIUM OF KNOWLEDGE AND WISDOM
IBN RAJAB AL-HAMBALI
TRANSLATED BY
Abduassamad Clarke
Allah created man with a basic function to communicate. Allah says in the Qur’ān, “He has taught
him to talk (and understand)” (Qur’ān 55:4). Speech is a miraculous gift from Allah. We should only
use it for the noble purpose of gaining love and blessings of Allah in our personal and collective
lives. Prophet Muhammad ﷺused both written and oral communication as per the need and
requirement. He used written communication where information had to be recorded for future
reference and oral communication where information had to be communicated to people
immediately. The way you express yourself affects whether your message is received positively or
negatively. This has a huge influence on the response you are likely to get. Even when you are
conveying unwelcome news, the impact can be softened by using positive language.
Through positive communication, we enact positive psychology and it can result in improvements
in health, wellness and relationships. We can manipulate our environment in very small ways to
enhance an experience with positive communication. Anas ibn Malik narrated that the Prophet
ﷺsaid, ".... I prefer optimism." They (the companions) said, "What is optimism?" He replied, "A
good word" [Muslim and Bukhari].
EFFECTIVE COMMUNICATION PRINCIPLES
1. Intention
Every action not intended for the sake of the face of Allah is invalid and fruitless in the world and in
the next world. Ibn Masud said, ‘seek from your words that which is with Allah because it endures’.
If we communicate with the intention of pleasing Allah, intended results and blessings will follow.
Generally, from our communication we seek control, honor and wealth. Allah is the owner of
wealth, honor and control, He grants wealth, honor and control to whoever He pleases.
"O Allah, Holder of control! You give control to anyone You wish and snatch control from anyone
You wish. You exalt anyone You wish and humble anyone You wish. Good lies within Your hand;
You are Capable of everything! (Al-Imran 3:26)
Always wish good welfare of another person as this is the essence of our deen, Prophet ﷺsaid,
‘The deen is sincerity to leaders of the Muslisms and the generality of them.’ Umar ibn Al-Khattab
said, “When one’s intention is sincere, Allah will suffice his needs, protect him, and guide him in his
hen Allah guides us in our dealing, we must always succeed.
dealings with the people”. W
2. Smile
The Prophet ﷺsaid, “Your smile on the face of your brother is charity” [Jami` at-Tirmidhi]. Before
you start talking, smile. This is an instant ingredient to start any conversation positively and to
remove any past ill feelings that could be present.
3. Pay attention to the tone and volume
Beware of your tone and the volume of your voice. Your tone determines whether you will make
your relationship or break it. Any undesirable loudness in your voice could put people off and make
any further attempts to communicate futile.
“And be moderate in your pace and lower your voice; indeed, the most disagreeable of sounds is
the voice of donkeys.” [Qur’an: Chapter 31, Verse 19]
4. Positive Thinking
Allah the Most High says in hadith qudsi, ‘I am as My servant thinks (expects) I am’. A believer
must be positive and the Prophet ﷺforbade for a believer to be pessimistic. When we think
positive Allah creates a positive outcome for us. The Prophet ﷺsaid, ‘...(it is prohibited) for one
to think negatively of another’. [Muslim]
Examples of positive phrasing and language
Highlight what can be done
Example: “If you can send us (whatever), we can complete the process for you.”
Suggest alternatives and choices
Example: “One option open to you is (option)”
Sound helpful and encouraging rather than bureaucratic
Example: “Might we suggest that you (whatever)”
Examples of negative phrasing and language
State what cannot be done.
Example: “We regret to inform you that it is not possible to (whatever)”
Include negative words
Example: “Unfortunately, we cannot do (whatever)”
Introduce a subtle tone of blame.
Example: “You claim/state that (whatever)”
Tips for communicating bad news in a more positive way:
Don’t say: “You cannot get the delivery for one week.”
Say: “You can get your delivery next week.”
Don’t say: “The enclosed statement is wrong.”
Say: “Please recheck the enclosed statement.”
Avoid negative words – use positive words in a negative form instead
Don’t say: “I think that’s a bad idea.”
Say: “I don’t think that’s such a good idea.”
Don’t say: “It’s too expensive for us.”
Say: “It’s not as reasonable as we had hoped.”
Use negative questions to make suggestions to improve the situation
Don’t say: “We should do (whatever)”
Say: “Wouldn’t it be better to…….?” Or “Couldn’t we……..?”
These questions carry the speaker’s opinion in a diplomatic way and ask for a reaction.
When confronted with a negative accusation or statement the response should be made
only in positive:
Negative response: “No, the project won’t run at a loss.”
Positive response: “The project is still scheduled to run on time and on budget.”
Negative response: “It won’t have a detrimental impact on the environment…”
Positive response: “The environmental impact will be minimal [zero?].”
Negative response: “That’s wrong. We didn’t pay less than the amount claimed.”
Positive response: “If you check the facts, you’ll find we paid the full amount.”
Negative response: “We didn’t do that”
Positive response: “Here’s what we actually did.”
5. Ask questions instead of giving commands
People don’t like to be told what to do. Instead of telling your assistant, “Get me some tea on your
way back.” You may ask, “Would you mind getting me some tea on your way back?” You can be
sure he will feel respected with the question than the command and you would still get your tea.
6. Listen More Than You Talk
Listening is one of the most powerful forms of communication. You should put your phone down
and engage fully and listen attentively to people to create a lasting relationship and build your
respect in their heart.
Umar ibn Al-Khattab said, “I have never regretted my silence, as for my speech I’ve regretted it
many times.”
7. Stay Away From Arguments
Arguments affect our hearts adversely, if we do sabr Allah rewards us with many favours. If you
realize you are already in a dispute, be wise and argue with that which is better. Allah says: “And
not equal are the good deeds and the bad. Repel [evil] by that [deed] which is better; and
thereupon the one whom between you and him is enmity [will become] as though he was a
devoted friend.” [ Qur’an: Chapter 41, Verse 34]
“And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not dispute (with one another)....... Surely, Allah is
with those who are As-Sabirin (the patient ones, etc.). ” [Qur’an: Chapter 8, Verse 46]
Umar ibn Al-Khattab said, “The best way to defeat someone is to beat him at politeness.”
8. Trust People
People say ‘yes’ to people they like and people always respond to trust. We can produce powerful
results by saying, ‘I trust that you care about my interests and will work to help and protect me’ or ‘I
trust that you will make the correct decisions’.
Allah says in Quran, ‘We have certainly created man in the best of stature’ [At-Tin 95:5]. If human
beings do not have external influences, all they will do will be perfect.Since Allah created people
with good nature we must trust people to bring out that natural goodness.
PILLARS OF COMMUNICATION
1. VERIFY INFORMATION BEFORE COMMUNICATION
● Step 1 - Information received
● Step 2 - Verify the information from reliable sources
● Step 3 - Reflect if this information should be communicated
● Step 4 - Communicate the information to concerned people
Allah says in the Qur’ān, “O you who have believed, if there comes to you a disobedient one with
information, investigate, lest you harm a people out of ignorance and become, over what you have
done, regretful.” (Qur’ān 49:6)
In this ayah Allah makes it clear that when someone comes to you with some information, whom
you feel is disobedient, confirm the information before sharing it with others because if wrong
information is shared, it will lead to misunderstanding, conflict and will disrupt the peace in the
society.
2. SPEAK GOOD OR KEEP SILENT
● Step 1 - Think before you speak
● Step 2 - Ask yourself if this can hurt or harm others
● Step 3 - Make sure what you are going to say is factual and verified information
● Step 4 - Even if what you will say is truth and factual, consider if now is the right moment
to convey it
● Step 5 - If you are confident that it is wise to communicate, you may communicate
otherwise keep silent.
The Prophet ﷺsaid, “He who truly believes in Allah and the Last Day should speak good or
keep silent” (Bukhari and Muslim). He ﷺalso said, “Whoever gives me surety to safeguard what is
between his jaws, I guarantee for him (entrance into) Paradise” (Bukhari and Muslim).
Application Of Good Words
● Avoid negative words: This is the simplest tip to talk about but hardest to achieve. But, it
can be done with practice. Try to avoid words like cannot, will not, unable to etc in your
conversation. Try to phrase your sentences in a manner that avoids negative words but
conveys the same meaning. For example, instead of saying “This cannot be done if you do
not provide ABC”, say “if you can provide ABC, we can complete XYZ in record time”.
● Look at the positive aspects: Try to find positive aspects and include them in your
conversation. Also, having a positive attitude and outlook is important. For example, if
someone comes to you with a job that you do not have the time to take up just then,
instead of refusing outright, tell the person that you are busy right now and will take it up
as soon as you get free.
● Sound helpful: Nothing can sound more positive than the voice that ensures help.
However negative the situation, tell the recipient that you are ready to do whatever is
required to get good results. Sounding helpful not only gives assurance to the recipients,
but also makes them look up to you as a helpful person.
3. LENIENCY AND KIND WORDS
“So by mercy from Allah, [O Muhammad], you were lenient with them. And if you had been rude [in
speech] and harsh in heart, they would have disbanded from you. So pardon them and ask
forgiveness for them and consult them in the matter. And when you have decided, then rely upon
Allah. Indeed, Allah loves those who rely [upon Him].” (Al-Imran Ayah 159)
Application Of Leniency
● Avoid force and coercion: When asking someone to do a task or refusing a task, try to
sound as polite as possible. Sentences that use words like ‘you should’ or ‘you shouldn’t’,
‘you must’ or ‘you mustn’t’ sound impolite and forceful. No one likes being forced to do
anything. Try to tone it down a bit and use phrases like ‘can we’ etc. This does not only
sound positive but is also motivating for the recipients.
● Suggest alternatives and solutions: For things that cannot be done due to some reasons,
try to analyse the situation and suggest alternatives and solutions. An outright rejection is
comparatively easier, but does not solve the purpose. Suggesting alternatives and
solutions establishes you as a person who is willing to go that extra mile to get things
done.
4. GENTLENESS
In Madinah, a group of people from a Jewish tribe entered upon the Prophet ﷺand said,
“As-Sâmu ‘alayk (Death be upon you).” He ﷺreplied, “And upon you,” but ‘Â’isha (ra) felt
compelled to add, “Death be upon you, along with the curse of Allah and His wrath!” The
Messenger of Allah ﷺsaid, "O Aisha! Indeed Allah is gentle and He loves gentleness, and He
gives due to gentleness and He does not give due to harshness, and He does not give due to
anything else besides it."
Remarkably, even being in a position of power did not tempt him to retaliate, or repeat back the
same words; he did not even let his wife respond harshly to those who insulted him ﷺ.
Abdullah bin Mas'ud narrated that the Prophet ﷺsaid, "Shall I not inform you of who is forbidden
upon the (Hell) Fire or whom the fire is forbidden upon? A man who is always accessible, gentle
and easy going." Our mother Aisha narrated that, "Whenever gentleness is added to something, it
adorns it and whenever it is withdrawn from something, it leaves it defective”. We should learn to
beautify our communication with gentleness.
5. MAINTAIN YOUR PROMISE
Prior to the Battle of Badr, Hudhayfa b. al-Yamân (ra) came to the Prophet ﷺwith an ethical
dilemma. The Quraysh had just freed him and his father on the condition that he would not fight
Quraysh alongside the Messenger of Allah ﷺ. Despite the Muslim army being disadvantaged
and about to face an army three times its size, the Prophet ﷺsaid, “Then go [to Madinah]. We
will keep our promise to them, and we will seek aid from Allah against them.” His prophetic morals
did not allow him ﷺ, even in an extremely vulnerable position, to compromise his principles.
6. DO NOT STOP COMMUNICATION
Generally people stop communicating with one another in order to display their anger. But Prophet
Muhammad ﷺhas strictly commanded people not to stop talking with his brother. “It is not
lawful
for a Muslim to forsake his (Muslim) brother beyond three days; and whosoever does so for more
than three days, and then dies, will certainly enter the Hell.” (Abu Dawud)
Thus in Islam communication has a very significant role, not speaking to a brother and dying in
that state may lead a person to Hell. Communication is not only the tool to share ideas but also the
best way to bridge ties and strengthen relationships.
7. PROHIBITED COMMUNICATION
7.1 - BACKBITING
Among all the prohibitions with respect to communication, the greatest is with respect to backbiting
which the Qur’ān strongly condemns and also Prophet Muhammad ﷺdisliked it. “It is to
mention your brother that which he detests. when you mention that which is in him, you have
committed his gheebah, and when you mention that which is not in him, then you have slandered
him.”
The Prophet ﷺonce gave counsel to Abu Dharr (r) , saying: “O Abu Dharr! Beware of
backbiting, for backbiting is graver than adultery (zina’).” Abu Dharr (r) said: “Why is that so, O
Messenger of Allah?” He (s) replied: “That is because when a man commits adultery and then
repents to Allah, Allah accepts his repentance. However, backbiting is not forgiven until forgiven by
its victim.”
There are very few situations where it is permissible to speak about the faults of another person.
One must be very careful not to let the existence of these exceptions allow transgression into sin.
● To protect Muslims from the evil of another person
● To report security, safety and policy violations to protect the life, health and assets
● To save company from significant financial losses
● To report unjust behavior to establish justice and protect the honor of people
● To testify when one is required to speak as a witness for injustice
If we know a wrong action of our brother and that is not in the above exceptions, it is a virtue to
hide it as the Prophet ﷺsaid, ‘‘W hoever conceals [the wrong action of] a Muslim, Allah will
conceal his [wrong action] in the world and the Next Life.’ Muslim
People of knowledge say that for someone who is well-known for acts of disobedience and who
does them openly not caring which of them he does or what is said about him for doing them.This
is the openly wicked person, and it it is not backbiting [to talk about him] as al-Hasan al-Basri and
others stated [Ibn Rajab Al-Hanbali wrote in ‘The compendium of Knowledge and Wisdom’]
7.2 - NEGATIVE ASSUMPTIONS
.
Allah says in the Qur’ān, “O you who have believed, avoid much (negative) assumption. Indeed,
some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the
flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is accepting of
repentance and Merciful.” ( Qur’ān 49:12).
7.3 - HATE SPEECH
Hate speech can motivate someone to cause unjust harm to an individual or a group. Only
government authorities should take legal actions and we must not take law in our hands. The
Prophet ﷺcommanded that “There should be neither harming nor reciprocating harm.” Any act
that causes harm to others, whether individually or as a community and whether it is beneficial or
not beneficial to the one who causes it, is prohibited in Islam. It should not exist in the first place
and if it did, then a deliberate effort should be made to remove or minimize it. The scholars point
out that those in authority should interfere and prevent such harmful acts.
