NICK PAYNE

Incognito
 Contents

Title Page
Acknowledgements
Epigraphs
Characters
Dedication
Incognito
Encoding
Storing
Retrieving

About the Author

By the Same Author
Copyright
First Performance
 Acknowledgements

Steven Atkinson, Remy Beasley, British Association for

Adoption and Fostering, British Neuropsychological Society,
Gez Bond, Paul Broks, Lisa Claydon, Paul Hickey, Paul Jellis,
Miranda Julia, Professor Narinder Kapur, Amelia Lowdell,
Denise McCartan, Joe Murphy, Alison O’Donnell, David
Ormerod, Max Roberts, John Rumbold, Karen Shaw and Susan
Stoneham of the Queen Square Brain Bank for Neurological
Disorders, Professor Barbara Wilson and Sargon Yelda

Ben Hall and Lily Williams at Curtis Brown, and John Buzzetti
at WME

Minna

Mum

Lastly, I would like to acknowledge the following books and

their authors: Possessing Genius: The Bizarre Odyssey of
Einstein’s Brain by Carolyn Abraham, Into the Silent Land by
Paul Broks, Permanent Present Tense by Suzanne Corkin,
Incognito by David Eagleman, Moonwalking with Einstein: The
Art and Science of Remembering Everything by Joshua Foer, The
Paradoxical Brain edited by Narinder Kapur, The Time Traveller
by Ronald L. Mallett, Driving Mr Albert: A Trip Across
American with Einstein’s Brain by Michael Paterniti, The
Making of Memory: From Molecules to Mind by Steven Rose,
Forever Today: A Memoir of Love and Amnesia by Deborah
Wearing and Case Studies in Neuropsychological Rehabilitation
by Barbara Wilson.
Despite being based, albeit very loosely, on several true stories,
this play is a work of fiction. But then isn’t everything.
What binds that me to this me, and allows me to maintain the
illusion that there is continuity from moment to moment and
year to year, is some relatively stable but gradually evolving
thing at the nucleus of my being. Call it a soul, or a self, or an
emergent by-product of a neural network, but whatever you want
to call it, that element of continuity is entirely dependent on
memory.

Joshua Foer, Moonwalking with Einstein: The Art and Science of

Remembering Everything
(London: Penguin Books, 2011), p. 86

In order to survive, humans have invented science. Pursued

consistently, scientific enquiry acts to undermine myth. But life
without myth is impossible, so science has become a channel for
myths – chief among them, a myth of salvation through science.

John Gray, The Silence of Animals

(London: Allen Lane, 2013), p. 82

Who tells the story of the self? That’s like asking who thunders
the thunder or rains the rain. It is not so much a question of us
telling the story as the story telling us.

Paul Broks, Into the Silent Land

(London: Atlantic Books, 2004), p. 41
 Characters

Thomas Stoltz Harvey

born in Kansas, USA, 1912

Elouise Harvey
born in New York, USA, 1912

Hans Albert Einstein

born in Bern, Switzerland, 1904

Lisa-Scott Hannigan
born in Sydney, Australia, c. 1941

Freddy Myers
twenties

Anna Vann
thirties

Michael Wolf
born in Maine, USA, c. 1965

Otto Nathan
born in Bigen, Germany, 1893

Evelyn Einstein
born in Chicago, USA, 1941
 Henry Maison
born in Bath, UK, 1933

Margaret Thomson
born in Bath, UK, 1933

Victor Milner
born in Hertfordshire, UK, c. 1913

Jon Williams
born in Cardiff, UK, forties

Sharon Shaw
forties

Martha Murphy
born in London, UK, 1971

Patricia Thorn
born in London, UK, c. 1978

‘Anthony’
forties

Richard Walsh
fifties

Brenda Walsh
fifties

Ben Murphy
early twenties
 Greg Barraclough
thirties

Doubling

Male, forties: Thomas Harvey, Victor Milner, ‘Anthony’,

Richard Walsh, Jon Williams, Otto Nathan

Female, forties: Martha Murphy, Elouise Harvey, Brenda Walsh,

Anna Vann, Evelyn Einstein

Female, twenties to thirties: Margaret Thomson, Lisa-Scott

Hannigan, Patricia Thorn, Sharon Shaw

Male, twenties to thirties: Henry Maison, Michael Wolf, Hans

Albert Einstein, Ben Murphy, Freddy Myers, Greg Barraclough
For Dad
INCOGNITO
 Encoding

Michael Evelyn?

Evelyn Excuse me?

Michael Michael.
Evelyn Well hello there, Michael.

Michael Oh my God, it is, like, wow, it is like so great to meet you.

Evelyn Pleasure meeting you too. You picked a busy place?
Michael I kinda did. Huh. There’s a place right across the street, we
could totally –
Evelyn No.

Michael It is kinda loud in here, though, huh?

Evelyn What’s that?

Michael I was saying it’s kinda loud in here!

Evelyn (she was joking) I know.
Michael Got it.

Evelyn I’m more of an indoor typa person anyhow.

Michael Oh, okay.

Evelyn Which is why I asked –

Michael You asked me to choose a place to meet.

Evelyn That’s right. I’m normally more of an indoor kinda gal.

Michael Are we, are we not indoors?
Evelyn Meaning my apartment.

Michael Got it.

Evelyn Agoraphobic.
Michael Got it.

Evelyn Maybe, I dunno. Do you know what I mean by that?

Michael Sure. You kinda, you kinda don’t like goin’ outdoors, right?
Evelyn Exactly. I don’t particularly like going anywhere, tell you the
truth. I kinda like my apartment and my apartment kinda likes me.

Michael You wanna go there? We can totally do that. My car is right

out front.

Evelyn No, I don’t think so. But thank you.

Michael Evelyn, we can totally go to your apartment.

Evelyn Let’s start.

Michael Yes.

Evelyn Let’s get this thing started –

Michael Yes.

Evelyn And I dunno, if I start to feel –

Michael You kinda start feeling –

Evelyn Then maybe we can –

Michael We can totally –

Evelyn So as I mentioned to you in my letter –

Michael Okay.

Evelyn Two months ago –

Michael Yes.

Evelyn Give or take –

Michael Okay.

Evelyn I had a telephone call –

Michael Got it.

Evelyn I’m sorry, would you … would you mind not interrupting me.

Michael Oh my God I am sorry.

Evelyn It’s okay.

Michael I’m so sorry, it’s like a tic, it’s like some tic. But I’ll totally, I
can totally – (Zips his mouth, for instance.)

Evelyn Two months ago, give or take, I had a telephone call from a
gentleman named Brian Schulman.

Michael The biographer? Dammit, sorry.

Evelyn It’s okay. The biographer, yes.

Michael He’s writing about your grandfather?

Evelyn You know ’bout that?

Michael I know about that.

Evelyn Oh really?

Michael I wanted to write about your grandfather too.

Evelyn Oh, really.
Michael Yeah, I had this whole idea for these, like, three separate
books, these like three separate anthologies or whatever, each, you
know, each kinda focusing on a totally different – Anyway, when I
spoke to my publisher about it, they were like, too late; this other guy,
this Brian Schulman, he’s already doin’ it. I mean he’s not doing the
whole three book thing, but my publisher was like, he’s tryina write the
definitive, I mean whatever that is, right?
Evelyn I didn’t realise your passion ran quite so deep, Michael.

Michael So, okay, I’m just gonna say it and then we can, like – I am
obsessed with your grandfather. I mean literally obsessed. My dad was
a science nut and when he died, and I mean I was a mess, he had all
these books about your grandfather, and I gotta tell you, I just, I totally
just dived right in. And I was like this totally, like, grieving mess and
reading about your grandfather was, like, the thing that got me through
an otherwise ridiculously awful period in my life. Anyway, God, I
interrupted you, I totally interrupted you.

Evelyn Well. Mr Schulman put it to me that I had not been told the
entire truth about my lineage. He put it to me that the man I thought to
be my father, Hans Albert, was in fact my brother. According to Mr
Schulman, when Albie was sixty-two years of age, he had an affair with
a ballet dancer. The New York Ballet. The reason I never knew about it
was because Albie’s executor –

Michael Otto?
Evelyn Otto Nathan.
Michael Incredible name. Sorry.

Evelyn Mr Nathan kept my … kept Albie’s indiscretion a secret.

Michael But oh my God, when he died – Sorry.

Evelyn So that’s correct, when Otto died and Mr Schulman decided he

wanted to write his book, the first place he went was the estate and, as
he put it to me, there were reams and reams of letters and
correspondences, and journals, and so on and so forth. But the problem
is, the only way, the only way to know for sure –
Michael Uh-huh.
Evelyn – would be to do some kinda DNA test.

Michael DNA test?

Evelyn So they tell me.

Michael (sudden realisation) Oh my God: the brain.

Evelyn You really are obsessed.

Michael Thomas Harvey, right, he’s the guy, Thomas Harvey, he’s the
guy with the brain, right?
Evelyn Do you know him, Michael?

Michael Me? No.

Evelyn Is he still alive do you know?
Michael He’s gotta be.

Evelyn Albie died in 1955, Michael, I’m not so sure.

Michael You’d know if he was dead.

Evelyn Michael, can I trust you?

Michael Hundred and ten per cent.

Evelyn There’s no such thing.

Michael No, I know, I was … it’s just a thing people say.
Evelyn Relax, I know.

Michael You got me; that was a good one.

Evelyn Do you think you can find him?

Michael I might have to write about it, but yeah.

Evelyn Write about it?

Michael Speak to my editor about it – I mean it might just make it

easier to find him if I’m not just doing it on my own, you know?
Evelyn Understood.

Michael Hey, I think that couple are about to leave, you wanna take
their table, maybe grab a bite to eat?

Victor Hello Henry.

Henry Hello.
Margaret Hello Henry.
Henry Hello my love, where have you been?

Margaret Right here. I’ve been right here.

Henry I thought you’d left?

Margaret No.
Henry Where have you been?

Margaret I’ve been right here.

Henry Well, it’s good to see you.
Margaret You too.

Victor Did you have a good night’s sleep, Henry?

Henry Tell you the truth, I didn’t stay awake to find out.
Victor Now, Henry, Margaret tells me you’re quite the piano player?
Margaret tells me you’re a bit of a dab hand.
Henry I don’t know …

Victor What do you think, Henry; would you like to give it a go?
Victor gestures to a piano. Henry moves to the piano and takes a seat.

Henry What do you want me to play?

Margaret Whatever you want.
Henry (beat) I’m not sure I know how to?

Margaret You do. I promise you.

She takes a seat beside Henry.
Victor We have to let him –

Margaret I know. (Beat.) Ready?

Henry As I’ll ever be.
Margaret plays a note. Beat, then:
Henry plays the same note but not quite as well.

Victor The idea is to let him –

Margaret I know.

Victor Margaret, I understand this is difficult for you –

Margaret Please.
Beat. Margaret plays a different note. Henry mimics.
Margaret plays a different note. Henry mimics.
Margaret plays a very brief, straightforward melody.

Henry …

Margaret Henry?
Henry Hello my love, where have you been?
Margaret (beat, then) Here. I’ve been right here.

Victor Perhaps we ought to stop?

Patricia Martha?

Martha Yes.
Patricia Patricia.

Martha How’s it going?

Patricia I’m sorry I’m so late.

Martha You’re not that late.

Patricia I’m pretty late.

Martha You are pretty late, but that’s alright.

Patricia Are you angry?

Martha No.

Patricia You sound sort of angry?

Martha This is how I normally sound.

Patricia Then we ought to get you a drink, angry lady.

Martha The bar was pretty busy.

Patricia They normally come and take your order.

Martha There weren’t any tables.

Patricia I’m still getting the angry voice, gotta be honest.

Martha Sorry – You’re right. I am annoyed. I’m sorry. I got here, on

time, about half an hour ago, and the place was rammed, full of fucking
hipsters, no seats, and when I tried getting served, tried to actually order
a drink, nobody seemed remotely interested, so I stood around for a
while, pretending to check my emails, then I went to the loo, then, for
no discernible reason whatsoever, I listened to a load of old voicemails,
and then I came outside for a cigarette even though I’m trying to quit.
Patricia And then I arrived – ‘Yay’. I am really fucking sorry. I’m
serious.

Martha It’s okay.

Patricia It’s not.

Martha It’s not, but in the grand scheme of things it is.

Patricia I got made redundant. Like, a week ago. And I went in,
today, to see a colleague, and I had like this total fucking meltdown. I
got really sad, I went home, I smoked a joint and I may or may not have
had a small helping of Bombay Sapphire after which I may or may not
have fallen asleep, woken up, looked at my watch and gone –
(whispers) ‘Fuuuuck’.

Martha I’m sorry to hear about your job.

Patricia Yeah well, you know what? Fuck ’em. But enough about me,
let’s talk about me. D’you wanna go somewhere else?

Martha I really don’t mind either way.

Patricia Be honest.

Martha I really am sorry to hear about your job.

Patricia Thank you.

Martha But yes, this place is my idea of hell.

Patricia Then let’s ditch these fucking hipsters and go and eat some
burgers.

Martha I’m vegan.

Patricia Then let’s ditch these fucking hipsters and go and eat some
tofu and mung beans.

Martha Am I allowed to have one more cigarette?

Patricia How serious are you about tryina quit?
Beat.

I’m s’posed to be doing this five–two diet?

Martha How’s that going?

Patricia On the two days, I literally fucking wanna kill myself, but on
the five days, I just eat cake on the hour every hour. In many ways it’s
the perfect balance.
Martha offers Patricia a cigarette.
No thank you. So how long have you been vegan, Martha?

Martha Since I was a teenager. My parents, adoptive parents, were

vegans.
Patricia Have you ever cracked?

Martha I had bacon once.

Patricia That’s it?

Martha That’s it.

Patricia That’s a pretty fucking solid track record.

Martha I went through a phase of eating fish when I was at university.

Patricia I knew it.

Martha Why are you on a diet?

Patricia Because, well, here’s the thing: I registered with a new GP, I
moved flats recently, and when you register you have to do the whole
nurse thing where they weigh you, right? And the nurse said I was
seven kilograms overweight and I was like: could it be my shoes?
Martha And she said …

Patricia ‘Young lady, those shoes are the least of your worries.’ Can I
make a confession?
Martha Okay.

Patricia Even though I pretended I understood your job, when we

were emailing, I actually didn’t. And I googled UCL and everything.
Martha I’m a clinical neuropsychologist.

Patricia Brilliant, because, I was just saying to a friend last week, if

there is one thing we are short of in this world …
Martha I run the Neuropsychology Department.

Patricia Wow, you’re proper.

Martha I wish.
Patricia (cigarette) Don’t feel you have to rush that, by the way.

Martha Okay. (Finishes her cigarette. Beat.) Done.

Patricia Ready?

Elouise Where on earth have you been?

Harvey Elouise –
Elouise I called the hospital –

Harvey Honey –

Elouise The boys and I have been –

Harvey Honey, something real big happened at work today.

Elouise Well, I should hope so –

Harvey No, I mean real big.

Elouise (beat) Well, are you gonna tell me or am I gonna have to –

Harvey Albert Einstein passed away.

Elouise What?

Harvey You remember I told you he came inna the hospital a couple
of weeks back and we took some blood and urine?
Elouise Yuh-huh.

Harvey This morning I got a call from Jack who just got off the phone
with Guy Dean. The professor suffered an aneurysm overnight and they
couldn’t stop the bleeding. The professor’s son, a fella named Hans
Albert –

Elouise Beautiful name.

Harvey You think?

Elouise I really do.

Harvey I think it’s kinda austere.

Elouise It’s a beautiful name.

Harvey Anyway: Hans Albert wants Jack to perform the autopsy, but
Jack’s away in –
Elouise Vermont.

Harvey Right. So Jack calls me and he says: ‘Harve, you gotta do

this.’

Elouise Oh. My. God.

Harvey So I get outta bed –
Elouise Why didn’t you mention none of this this morning?

Harvey There wasn’t time to get into it.

Elouise So what happened when you made it to the hospital?

Harvey When I get there, I’m introduced to this fella named Otto
Nathan.
Elouise German?

Harvey Maybe.

Elouise Otto.

Harvey Right.
Elouise Otto Nathan.

Harvey He’s the professor’s executor. Wants to meet me. Says he

wants to watch.
Elouise Watch?

Harvey The autopsy.

Elouise That is not normal.

Harvey Fella seems kinda normal to me.

Elouise Who watches autopsies?

Harvey He’s distraught.
Elouise It ain’t right.

Harvey Honey, honey: here’s the thing.

Elouise What’s the thing?
Harvey He –
Elouise Tell me what the thing is.

Harvey He wants me to speak to the press first thing tomorrow

morning.

Elouise Oh. My. God.

Harvey Could be a helluva crowd.
Elouise I gotta call Ma.

Harvey No.
Elouise What?

Harvey She hasta read about it in the news like everybody else.
Elouise When she reads about it in the news, you know what she’s
gonna think? She’s gonna think how come I ain’t heard about this
already. And you know what she’s gonna do then?
Harvey There’s something else.
Elouise What?

Harvey Something else I gotta tell ya.

Elouise (beat) What’d you do?
Harvey I was, I was looking at this fella, right? One of the greatest
minds of the twentieth century, right, no question. And he’s pale. And
he’s kinda small. Fragile-looking, okay, kinda small and kinda fragile-
looking. And I say to Otto, I say: you got any kinda studies lined up?
And he looks at me and I say: studies, you know, scientific? This is the
brain of a genius, right, it oughta be studied.

Elouise Thomas Harvey –

Harvey Just lemme …! So I ask about the will. I say there’s gotta be
something in the professor’s will, right? The fella’s clueless. Anyway,
the point – I got the professor in fronta me, I already opened him up and
I’m looking at this … brain, and I’m thinking to myself: this could be
the biggest moment of my life. So I took it.

Elouise The moment?

Harvey The brain.
Elouise What?

Harvey I took the brain.

Elouise You took Albert Einstein’s brain –
Harvey Exactly.

Elouise You took Albert Einstein’s brain, are you kidding me?!
Harvey Honey –

Elouise Is that even legal?

Harvey Of course it is. I’m a pathologist.
Elouise You’re seriously tryina tell me –

Harvey I took the brain.

Elouise What’d you do with it?
Harvey It’s in the trunk of the car.

Elouise Sweet mother of –

Harvey Elouise, you gotta calm down.
Elouise In the trunk of the car, are you kidding me?

Harvey I didn’t wanna leave it at the hospital.

Elouise Well, you gotta give it back.
Harvey I’m gonna speak to Hans Albert.
Elouise Thomas Harvey –
Harvey Listen: I’m gonna speak to Hans Albert and I’m gonna
straighten this whole thing out.
Elouise I need a drink.

Victor Hello Henry.

Margaret Hello Henry.

Henry Hello my love, where have you been?

Margaret Right here. I’ve been right here.
Henry I thought you’d left?

Margaret No.
Henry Well, it’s good to see you.
Margaret You too.

Victor Did you have a good night’s sleep, Henry?

Henry Tell you the truth, I didn’t stay awake to find out.
Margaret Henry?

Henry Yes, my love.

Margaret I was wondering if you might be able to play something on
the piano for Dr Milner?
Henry …

Margaret Henry.
Henry Hello my love, where have you been?
Margaret Here, I am always here.
Henry I thought you’d left?
Margaret Henry, please listen to me.

Henry It’s good to see you, my love.

Margaret Henry, please!
Victor Perhaps we ought to leave it there?

Margaret Henry, Dr Milner and I would like to hear you play the
piano.
Henry Alright.
Margaret Now, Henry.

Henry I might be a bit rusty.

Margaret It doesn’t matter.
Henry moves to the piano and takes a seat.

Henry (beat) I’m not sure I know how to?

Margaret You do. I promise you.
Beat. Margaret takes a seat beside Henry.
Victor Margaret, I know this is difficult, but we –
Margaret (to Henry) Ready?

Henry As I’ll ever be.

Margaret (beat) Henry, please.
Henry plays a note.

Margaret That’s it.

Henry plays a different note.

That’s it.
Henry plays a different note. Beat. Plays a few more notes; he’s nearly playing a melody. Beat.
Henry?

Henry Hello my love, where have you been?

Margaret shoves or pushes Henry out of sheer frustration. This frightens Henry.

I don’t understand?
Margaret I’m sorry. I’m sorry, I …
Margaret kisses Henry softly on the lips.

Victor Thank you, Henry. I’ll think we’ll stop there.

Martha Morning.
Patricia Hello Martha.

Martha How are you?

Patricia I think I’m pretty terrifically hungover.

Martha Same. (Beat.) Was I sick?

Patricia A little bit.
Martha You can say.

Patricia You were pretty sick.

Martha Sick-in-here sick, or sick-somewhere-else sick?
Patricia A mix of outside and in.

Martha I’m so sorry. Did you have to clean up?

Patricia I thought it was the ladylike thing to do.
Martha What did you use?

Patricia I used some towels.

Martha Towels plural?
Patricia Yeah.
Martha How many towels plural?
Patricia Three.

Martha I was sick on three towels?

Patricia You weren’t strictly speaking sick on the towels, no. But, yes,
the towels were the main cleaning implement used to dispense of the
sick.
Martha Whereabouts?
Patricia A combination of the bathroom and ze landing.

Martha Christ. I am so –
Patricia It’s totally fine.
Martha It’s not.

Patricia It really is.

Martha Thank you for looking after me. In my own home no less.
(Beat.) I have to go to work now.
Patricia Okay – When d’you, when d’you need to – Can I have, like,
ten minutes –
Martha You can stay. If you wanted.

Patricia Oh.
Martha Help yourself to some. Bran Flakes. If you like.

Patricia Oh, okay.

Martha Or go. If you – I can –
Patricia No, it’s a two-day, so Bran Flakes would be, fucking, bang
on.
Martha There’s a spare key, also, if you wanted to come and go.
Patricia Wow.

Martha Or not.
Patricia No, that’s –
Martha I’ll be back around sevenish.

Patricia Okay.
Martha But if you need to go –
Patricia I’m redundant, so.

Martha I have Netflix.

Patricia Nice.
Martha If you – I don’t know – If you didn’t feel like – If you felt like
a day in front of the –

Patricia Netflix sounds epic.

Martha I ought to go.
Patricia I ought to have some Bran Flakes.

Martha There’s my mobile and my direct line, just in case.

Patricia Okay.
Martha Only just in case.

Patricia Your secret’s safe with me.

Martha What?
Patricia Have a really good day at work.

Martha Yes. I’m really sorry again you had to clear up my sick.
Patricia It’s the towels you ought to be apologising to.
Martha Have a good day.

Patricia Yes.
Martha Bye.

Patricia Bye.
Martha Bye.

Harvey (to Hans Albert) It’s a real pleasure to meet you, sir. This is
my wife, Elouise.

Elouise Pleased to meet you, Mr … Einstein?

Hans A. You can call me Hans, if you like; it’s a bit more
straightforward.
Elouise Hans. I gotta tell you, you got a great name.
Hans A. Thank you, Mrs Harvey.

Elouise Will you be staying for dinner, Hans?

Hans A. No thank you, Mrs Harvey, I don’t think so.

Elouise There’s meatloaf.

Hans A. I wish I could oblige but my appetite has been somewhat
diminished of late.
Elouise I can’t begin to imagine what you must have been through. I
was very sorry to hear of your father’s passing.
Hans A. Thank you.

Elouise Can we offer you something to drink?

Hans A. Oh, no thank you.
Harvey How was the journey from California, Mr Einstein?

Elouise Hans.
Hans A. Long, sadly.
Harvey I’m sorry to hear that. (Beat.) Well. Thank you for coming to
see us this evening. (Beat, nervously kicking things off.) Sir, I wish to
study your father’s brain. I believe there could be great, untold
scientific value in doing so. Furthermore, if you entrust your father’s
brain to me, not only will I take great care of it, I will ensure that it will
be neither exploited or exposed to adverse publicity. Any research
findings will appear only in accredited, scientific journals. (Beat.)
That’s it. That’s my pitch.
Elouise Honey, don’t call it a pitch.

Hans A. I can’t pretend I wasn’t a little distressed when I heard that

you had removed my father’s brain, Mr Harvey.
Harvey And I –
Elouise Let the man speak.

Harvey Sorry.
Hans A. (‘thank you’) Mrs Harvey. I have spent my life living in my
father’s shadow, Mr Harvey. Perhaps I ought to feel outraged, as some
do, at what you have done. But I don’t. My father was a strange, often
cruel individual and I –
Harvey I’m sorry to hear that.
Elouise Honey.

Harvey Sorry.
Hans A. If you truly wish to study my father’s brain then I am happy
to grant you permission to do so. But I wish to have no part in it.
Harvey I understand. Thank you. I think this could be the start of
something really spectacular, real important.

Elouise How long will you be in New Jersey for, Hans?

Hans A. A week or so.

Elouise Do you have your family with you?

Hans A. Yes.
Elouise Two boys, is that right?

Hans A. And a daughter, that’s correct. Bernhard, Klaus and Evelyn.

Elouise Beautiful names.
Hans A. We like to think so.

Elouise Sure you don’t wanna take a little meatloaf for the family? I
make a helluva meatloaf.

Hans A. I don’t doubt it.

Harvey I can vouch for that.

Hans A. That’s very kind of you, Mrs Harvey, but no thank you.
Elouise Call me Elouise.
Hans A. Mr Harvey, may I ask you a question?

Harvey Shoot.
Hans A. Do you have it here?
Harvey The brain?

Hans A. That’s correct.

Harvey It’s in the basement.
Hans A. The basement?
Harvey It’s a matter of temperature. Not to mention safety.

Hans A. You’re preserving it in some kind of solution, I presume?

Harvey You bet. I dissected the brain into two hundred and forty-two
pieces –
Elouise Honey.

Harvey What?
Elouise Too much.
Hans A. I don’t mind.

Harvey You wanna see it?

Elouise Of course he doesn’t wanna –
Hans A. No thank you.

Harvey Lemme give you my card. You change your mind, maybe
you, uh, maybe you wanna see it, anything, you just call that number
right there. Anytime.

Hans A. Thank you.

Victor Hello Henry.

Henry Hello.
Margaret Hello Henry.
Henry Hello my love, where have you been?

Margaret I’ve been right here, Henry.

Henry It’s good to see you.
Victor Henry, may I ask you a question?

Henry Please.
Victor Have we met before?
Henry Have …

Victor We met before.

Henry Not … not that I can recall. No.
Victor Henry, do you know where you are?

Henry I’m on my way home … Margaret and I went to … London. I

am due to receive an operation, to alleviate my … seizures. And, then,
once that’s all done and dusted, Margaret and I will be able to take our
… honeymoon.
Margaret Henry.

Henry Yes, my love.

Margaret Dr Milner and I were wondering if you might play us
something on the piano?
Henry Alright.

Margaret Thank you, Henry.

Henry I might be a bit rusty.
Margaret You won’t.
Henry moves to the piano and takes a seat. Beat.

Henry I’m not sure I know how to?

Margaret You do.

Beat.
Margaret (takes a seat beside Henry) I’ll start you off.
 She plays a note. Henry mimics, quickly and accurately. Henry now plays one or two more
notes without Margaret’s assistance.

That’s it, Henry.

Henry plays a melody. It’s a bit slow and bit ropey here and there, but nonetheless it’s a
complete melody for the first time. Henry falters and stops. Beat.
Henry, that was wonderful. Wasn’t it?

Victor Yes. Thank you, Henry.

Margaret You see, he’s –
Victor Yes.
Margaret He’s improving.

Victor He is.
Margaret He’s improving. You’re improving.

Anthony Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge

is limited. Imagination encircles the world, do you know who said that?
Martha Who?
Anthony Einstein.
Martha I didn’t know that.

Anthony Have I told you about Deborah?

Martha Anthony, would you mind if I ask you some questions?
Anthony Of course not.
Martha Great.
Anthony Have I told you about Deborah?

Martha …
Anthony I’m going to ask her to marry me. D’you wanna see the
ring?
Martha If you want.

Anthony Must’ve left it somewhere.

Martha Anthony. Anthony –
Anthony Deborah’s a physicist, have I told you about Deborah?
Martha You have.
Anthony D’you know how we met?

Martha I don’t, no.

Anthony We met at York. Have you been to York?
Martha I haven’t, no.
Anthony We met at a party. That’s the good thing about the first year
of undergraduate study, you get to interact with students from other
subjects. I guess maybe later on there’s no need to, to interact with other
subjects. Deborah was at the party, I went outside because I’m not, I’m
not really a fan of small spaces. I was with everyone, in the kitchen. I
went outside to smoke. Deborah was outside and there were starlings.
It was a beautifully clear evening. We watched the starlings. I love how
they come together and move away and then come back together. They
sometimes look like half a shape. It’s beautiful.
Martha Anthony, can I ask you to do something for me, please?

Anthony Absolutely.
Martha I’m going to time you, I’m going to give you one minute, and
in that minute I’d like you to list as many animals as you possibly can
beginning with the letter S. Is that clear?
Anthony Okay, alright.
Martha As many animals as you can beginning with the letter S.
Ready …? Go.
Anthony Ss … Ss … Sausage dog … Hedgehog … Ss … Shoe …
Martha (beat, then) Anthony?
Anthony Yes.

Martha Everything alright?

Anthony Everything’s fine; are you alright?
Martha I’m very well thank you.
Anthony Would you like me to get you something to drink?
Martha No thank you.

Anthony Have I told you about Deborah?

Martha A little.
Anthony She’s extraordinary, really an extraordinary person; do you
know about her father?
Martha I don’t.
Anthony He died when she was very young.
Martha I’m sorry to hear that.
Anthony He had a heart attack. She told me he used to drink a lot. She
read The Time Machine and committed to the idea that she could build a
time machine and go back to him. She described seeing him in an open
casket; he was wearing a blue suit, and she cried and she said ‘I’m, I’m
sorry. I’m sorry.’
Martha Anthony I wonder –
Anthony Am I talking too much?
Martha No, I want you to talk.
Anthony Do you know what a wormhole is?
Martha I don’t. No.
Anthony It’s alright, neither did I, why would you? A wormhole used
to be called an Einstein–Rosenburg bridge, but it’s a tunnel, really,
basically. It’s a tunnel. It’s a tunnel between two parts of the cosmos. If
you … If you had a bouncy ball and you marked two points on the ball
point A and point B on either side of the ball and you drilled a hole you
now have two ways to get from A to B. The tunnel in the middle is a
wormhole. You could still travel on the surface but you can also use the
funnel.
Martha Did you study physics, Anthony?
Anthony Me? No.
Martha What was your subject?
Anthony I’m studying history.
Martha How are you finding it?

Anthony Finding what?

Martha Studying for your degree?
Anthony Have I told you about Deborah?
Martha You know what, Anthony? Let’s stop.
Anthony Am I doing alright?
Martha I think we should pick up this conversation another time.

Anthony I love how they come together and move away and then
come back together.
Elouise I had a telephone call from Jack Kauffman today.
Harvey Honey –

Elouise You let me finish, you son of a bitch. I had a telephone call
from Jack Kauffman, who … who wanted to inform me …
Harvey Honey –
Elouise How could you, Thomas?
Harvey None of what Jack is –
Elouise Right underneath –
Harvey Jack is spreading a load of baloney –

Elouise You need to leave.

Harvey Honey –
Elouise You need go upstairs and get your things and you need –
Harvey Honey, none of what Jack is saying to you is true. I swear to
you. They are – The hospital – They wanna discredit me because o’ the
brain.
Elouise If I hear one more word about that goddam brain, I swear to
God –
Harvey Elouise, honey, listen to me: Jack Kauffman is trying to
poison –
Elouise The kids, Thom, what in the hell –
Harvey This whole thing – This whole story – It is a whole heap of
baloney –

Elouise Who is she.

Harvey What?
Elouise You heard what I said, you son of a –
Harvey Honey –
Elouise Who is she. (Beat.) You tell me who she is right now or –
Harvey Caroline, her name is Caroline Fitzgerald.

Elouise What does she do.

Harvey She’s a, she’s a nurse. She’s one of the assistants.
Elouise She that young girl?
Harvey She is.
Elouise That young girl with the eyebrows?
Harvey I don’t know?

Elouise Whaddaya mean, you don’t know?

Harvey I mean I don’t know, I don’t pay attention –
Elouise Oh you wouldn’t know about that.
Harvey Honey –
Elouise You wouldn’t know about that ’cause you’re too damn busy –

Harvey Honey, you need to calm down.

Elouise Don’t you –
Harvey Honey, honey, I can see the vein, okay? (A vein on Elouise’s
forehead.) I can see the vein.
Elouise Maybe I wanna burst it, maybe I wanna burst it and maybe I
wanna have you clean it up.
Harvey I don’t know what that means, okay?
Elouise (beat) How long?
Beat.

Elouise How. Long.

Harvey Start of the Fall. Give or take.
Elouise You sleepin’ together?

Beat.
Elouise Okay. Here’s what I need you to do. I need you to leave, right
now, and I need you to not come back. I will telephone you at the
hospital with a time when the house will be empty and then, and only
then, will I allow you back into our home to collect your things. And if
you wanna see your children again, you need to stop with this brain.

Harvey I wanna see the boys.

Elouise Do you understand?
Harvey I wanna see the boys, Elouise.
Elouise Then you need to stop with the brain.
Harvey I love you, okay, I swear to you, okay, but listen, the brain, the
work with the brain is something that I cannot stop now, you know that.
But this thing, this thing with Caroline, it barely even got started, I
swear to you. Things at the hospital are tense right now, okay, things are
intense and I’m havina deal with a lot of –
Elouise Things’re intense.
Harvey Exactly.
Elouise Oh, they’re intense, okay, my apologies, I didn’t realise –

Harvey There is a lot of opposition to the work I’m tryina do, and I
can’t talk to you about it because you’re so goddam …!
Elouise What. So God damn what.
Harvey Every breakthrough is a struggle, okay. And maybe if you
supported me, ’steada –
Elouise Supported you, supported you, are you kidding me?

Harvey Einstein didn’t come Elouise (on ‘with’) It’s

up with relativity overnight, a distraction, it’s an
okay, it took, it took, years, obsession, and I’m sicka
it took decades, and at the hearin’ about it. It’s a
moment, at this particular pastime –
moment, the work I’m doing,
the research I’m tryina do –

Elouise Get out.

Harvey Now I cannot tell you

what we might be able to Elouise (on ‘know’) That
uncover, that I cannot tell you. doesn’t mean anything.
But what I can tell you, is that
there is a helluva lot we still Elouise Stop talking.
don’t know. We used to believe Elouise You’re a maniac.
we were the centre of the Enough. Enough.
universe and look how that
turned out. Progress is a
destination. ‘Chance favours
the prepared mind’, you
know who said that?

Harvey Listen to me, I love you, I swear to God.

Elouise You don’t get to say that … You do not get to say that … You
have broken my heart.
Brenda (groggy) Richard, what are you doing? It’s really late,
sweetheart. Trouble sleeping again, what’s the matter?
Richard stabs Brenda twice in very quick succession.

Richard!
Richard stabs Brenda nine times in very quick succession.
 Storing

Margaret Henry, I have something that I would very much like to ask
you.

Henry You sound very serious.

Margaret That’s because I have something serious that I want to
speak to you about.
Henry Alright.
Beat.
My love …?

Margaret I’m all of a sudden very nervous. I might try closing my

eyes?
Henry Good idea.

Margaret (closes eyes; beat) Here we go. Henry, I love you and I
would like for us to become engaged. But I don’t know if that is what
you want because you are yet to not only ask me but yet to even broach
this particular subject in conversation –
Henry Margaret –

Margaret And if the reason you have not yet broached this particular
subject in conversation is because you’ve no desire to –
Henry Margaret –

Margaret But I think it is important that we at least enter into a

discussion –

Henry I agree –
Margaret Because we have been in a relationship now –
Henry I know, I’m sorry –
Margaret And if there is a problem regarding –

Henry There is not –

Margaret And as time has gone on, I have struggled with the idea that
my role in our engagement is to simply await –
Henry I will ask, I will –

Margaret I think it’s all a bit outdated, the idea –

Henry Margaret, I am scared of your father. (Beat.) I’m scared of your

father.
Margaret opens her eyes.

That’s why I haven’t asked. Because I have been too scared to seek his
permission. That is the reason you have not been asked this particular
question.

Margaret Scared?

Henry Yes.

Margaret In what way?

Henry Because I find him to be an intimidating man.

Margaret I had no idea.

Henry Good, because I have worked very hard to conceal my fear.

Margaret But why?

Henry goes blank. Beat.
Henry?
Henry is mentally absent for a few seconds more.

Henry – Henry.
Henry Yes.

Margaret You disappeared.

Henry For how long?

Margaret Only a moment or so.

Henry Oh.

Margaret How do you feel?

Henry I feel ridiculous for having been afraid of your father.

Margaret Don’t.

Henry His hands, he has very large hands.

Margaret He’s a carpenter.

Henry I worry sometimes that he might … I don’t know … I worry

that he already feels you have disadvantaged yourself in light of my
seizures –

Margaret I don’t care. And he doesn’t feel that way.

Henry I also, to speak frankly, I also find his moustache quite

intimidating. The hands and the moustache are a particularly
intimidating combination.
Margaret I understand. What should we do?

Henry Well. If I may, I think, I think if you were to ask me, then, in
my eyes, that would remove the concern I have about the reaction of
your father.
Margaret kneels.

But may I, may I ask you a question regarding your father?

Margaret stands.
Henry Does he scare you?
Margaret No.
Henry Not at all?

Margaret No.

Henry Your father does not scare you?

Margaret No.
Henry The hands?

Margaret Henry.
Henry Sorry.

Margaret (kneels, beat) Henry Maison, will you marry me?

Henry Yes.
Henry has a seizure, a ‘grand mal’: a stiffening of the limbs followed by rhythmic convulsions.

Margaret Henry – Henry – Henry!

Henry (suddenly ‘back to normal’) Hello my love, where have you
been?
Margaret Right here. I’ve been right here.

Henry I thought you’d left?

Margaret No.
Henry Where have you been?

Margaret I’ve been right here.

Henry I thought you’d left.

Margaret Never.

Martha The police found him on the underground.

Patricia Shit, really?

Martha He says his name’s Anthony but we’ve no way of knowing.

At least not yet anyway.
Patricia And, what, he just has no idea who he is?

Martha It’s not that he doesn’t know who he is but – I don’t s’pose
you’ve heard of something called confabulation, have you?

Patricia Is it a dance?
Martha No.
Patricia Is it a board game?

Martha No.
Patricia Then no, I’ve never heard of it. But it sounds fucking cool
whatever it is.

Martha It’s not that cool.

Patricia I bet it’s gonna be pretty cool.

Martha It’s, it’s basically a process whereby the brain produces

spontaneous, partly made-up, maybe partly not, memories. It’s so
people with certain disorders or syndromes can continue to function. A
damaged brain can continue to make sense of the world even if the
patient can’t.
Patricia And so what he literally can’t remember anything?

Martha My instinct would be that he’s wiped out his long-term – or

rather it’s been wiped out. I think. Maybe.
Patricia How come?

Martha Could be substance abuse, might be an injury, a traumatic

event – Could be any number of things.
Patricia Fuck. And so what he’s just sort of stuck, saying and doing
and thinking the same things over and over?
Martha It’s a bit more complicated than that but, in effect, yes.

Patricia That is fucking tragic.

Martha Interesting.
Patricia What, you don’t think so?

Martha I think I probably used to, but, no, I don’t feel that way now.
Patricia Well, that is the darkest thing I’ve ever heard in my life. Like,
ever.

Martha But – I mean – Imagine if you could, if you could forget all
the embarrassing things you’d ever done, all the people you loved who
are dead and who you desperately miss – Imagine if you could forget all
that trauma and all that pain. Having to remember keeps us locked into
a particular mode of behaviour – It makes us a certain person. Imagine
how liberating it would be to not know who you are. To feel free to
behave however you want. To not be sad or self-conscious or afraid of
what might be round the corner. Most of the amnesiacs I get to see or
work with make a full recovery. More often than not their amnesia is
temporary. But for a couple of minutes or a couple of hours, I feel like
saying to them: enjoy it while it lasts. I envy the freedom they have to
be anyone they want.
Patricia Okay so wait that’s different; you’re still saying they’re in
there somewhere, their personality or whatever is still –

Martha No, that’s not what I’m saying. If you can’t remember who
you are then in a way you aren’t really anyone.
Patricia Shit the bed, Martha.

Martha I’m sorry?

Patricia What. The. Fuck.
Martha There isn’t a, the brain doesn’t have some kind of central
region that unites all the elements of us. Our brains are constantly,
exhaustively working overtime to deliver the illusion that we’re in
control, but we’re not. The brain builds a narrative to steady us from
moment to moment, but it’s ultimately an illusion. There is no me, there
is no you, and there is certainly no self; we are divided and
discontinuous and constantly being duped. The brain is a storytelling
machine and it’s really, really good at fooling us.

Patricia I take it back, that, that is the literally the darkest most
bleakest thing I’ve ever heard in my life.
Martha Or it’s liberating. Realising I’m just a brain doesn’t mean I
can’t live a meaningful life, it just means my life is without meaning.

Patricia No, you’re right, that’s not bleak at all.

Martha I know it feels like an appalling revelation, but – The moment
I stopped seeing my patients as human beings and started seeing them
for what they really are – My, my mum, my adoptive mum, she … I
s’pose what I’m trying to say is, when you, when you, when you look at
a brain, say –
Patricia Every other day of the week.

Martha When you really, really look it, you realise, or at least I did:
there’s nothing. There is nothing there – Nothing in there. You can poke
it, you can prod it, you can weigh it, you can chop it up –

Patricia Oh my God, did you poke a brain?

Martha What? No.

Patricia I woulda totally fucking poked it.

Martha I didn’t poke it.

Patricia How many brains have you seen?

Martha Only a couple.

Patricia You’re so blasé. (A French accent for some reason.) ‘Yeah,
sure, I’ve seen a couple of brains, so what?’

Martha I might need to start thinking about making a move.

Patricia What?

Martha Wanted to try and catch the last tube.

Patricia Stay.
Martha What?

Patricia Stay.

Martha Really?

Patricia You should totally stay. If you want. But I mean if you need
to get back –

Martha No – I – That would – Staying sounds … I would love that.

Patricia Great. I’ll go and make up the spare bedroom. Jokes.

Martha Can I tell you something?

Patricia You definitely can.

Martha I was married.

Patricia (longish beat) Okay.

Martha For twenty-one years.

Patricia Okay.

Martha His name is Paul. (Beat.) I’m sorry. For not telling you.
Sooner. This is all quite new. To me.

Patricia You’re divorced, right?

Martha Yes – God – Yes – Absolutely done and dusted.

Patricia Okay.

Martha Patricia, I’m really sorry.

Patricia It’s okay. Um, it’s a bit … odd, but.

Martha If you want to change your mind about me spending the night
–
Patricia I might. If that’s okay? But not – not for any particularly
negative reason – But just because –

Martha I understand.
Patricia Okay.
Beat.

Martha (perhaps growing a little upset, but not too much) I really am
sorry.

Lisa-Scott Hi, how’s it goin’, my names’s Lisa-Scott; I’m gonna be

your waitress.
Harvey Hello Lisa-Scott; I’m Thom.

Lisa-Scott Hi Thom.

Harvey Great accent.

Lisa-Scott Oh yeah, you like my accent?

Harvey What is that, British?

Lisa-Scott I’m from Sydney. Australia.

Harvey Huh.
Lisa-Scott Ever been to Australia, Thom?

Harvey You know, I have not.

Lisa-Scott It’s great; you should check it out.

Harvey I will be sure to do that.

Lisa-Scott What about you, where’bouts you from, Thom?

Harvey I’m from Kansas.

Lisa-Scott Local boy.

Harvey You bet. I was in New Jersey. But.

Lisa-Scott What brings you back, Thom?

Harvey Uh, it’s kinda complicated, but –

Lisa-Scott Oh, okay.

Harvey I, uh, I kinda went through – I’m kinda recently separated, uh,
divorced. I’m kinda recently divorced.

Lisa-Scott I’m sorry to hear that, Thom.

Harvey Thank you, ’preciate that.

Lisa-Scott If it helps, I’m in exactly the same boat.

Harvey What? No. You gotta be … kidding me, right?

Lisa-Scott ’Fraid not, Thom.

Harvey You mind if I ask your age?

Lisa-Scott Top secret information I’m afraid, Thom.

Harvey No, I get that. That was rude.

Lisa-Scott I’m yanking ya chain, Thom, relax.

Harvey Got it.

Lisa-Scott So what can I get for you, Thom?

Harvey Lisa-Scott, I would love a short stack o’ pancakes with a side
o’ bacon.
Lisa-Scott Bad news I’m afraid, Thom; we finished servin’ breakfast
’bout an hour ago.

Harvey You make an exception for a local boy?

Lisa-Scott ’Fraid not.

Harvey What time is it?

Lisa-Scott It’s a quarter after three.

Harvey What?

Lisa-Scott A quarter after three.

Harvey My watch has stopped.

Lisa-Scott Guess that explains it.

Harvey Dammit.

Lisa-Scott Interest you in a cheeseburger, Thom?

Harvey Sure, maybe.

Lisa-Scott Whaddaya say?

Harvey Sure.

Lisa-Scott You want fries?

Harvey You bet.

Lisa-Scott Any sides with that?

Harvey Kinda sides you got?

Lisa-Scott We got every kinda side.

Harvey Oh yeah?

Lisa-Scott Coleslaw, potato salad, whipped potatoes, baked potato,

homemade potato chips, cottage fries, fried okra, fried cornmeal mush,
fried apples, apple sauce, soup o’ the day, fried cheese sticks, onion
rings … you name it.

Harvey Wow. Well. May I please have a side of cottage fries … and a
side of fried cornmeal mush?

Lisa-Scott Coming right up.

Harvey Actually, sorry, you know what? I might see if I can find
somewhere else open that’s still serving pancakes.

Lisa-Scott Thom, ya breaking my heart right now.

Harvey I didn’t mean to cause any offence –

Lisa-Scott Tell you what? You wait around maybe an hour or so, and
I’ll be done.

Harvey Oh, okay.

Lisa-Scott And if you wanna come back to my place, I’ll make you a
short stack myself.

Harvey Is this – Are you – Is my chain being – Earlier on –

Lisa-Scott No yanking involved whatsoever this time. Cross my heart.

Harvey Okay, well, wow. Sold.

Margaret Hello Henry.

Henry Hello my love.

Margaret Hello.

Henry It’s good to see you.

Margaret You too.

Henry I’ve been feeling a bit under the weather.

Margaret In what way?

Henry I’m not sure, tell you the truth.

Margaret How have you been sleeping?

Henry Not too bad.

Margaret What about last night?

Henry Tell you the truth, I didn’t stay awake to find out.

Margaret (smiles, then) Henry?

Henry Yes, my love.

Margaret I need you to really listen to me. I … I have to go away for

a day or two. Perhaps longer.
Henry Can I come with you?

Margaret Not this time.

Henry That’s a shame.

Margaret It won’t be very long.

Henry I understand.
Margaret I’m going to leave you with a book of crossword puzzles.

Henry That’s very kind of you.

Margaret When I see you again, you can read me the answers.

Henry Are you sure you don’t need me to come with you?
Margaret I’m sure. (Beat.) Henry?
Henry Hello my love.

Margaret Hello Henry.

Henry Where have you been?
Margaret Henry, I need you to really listen to me. I have to go away.
For a day or two. Perhaps longer.
Henry Can I come with you?

Margaret Not this time.

Henry That’s a shame.

Margaret I’m going to leave you with a book of crossword puzzles.

Henry That’s very kind of you.
Margaret When I see you again, you can read me the answers.

Henry Are you sure you don’t need me to come with you?
Margaret I’m sure. (Beat.) Henry?
Henry Yes, my love.

Margaret I love you.

Henry I know.
Margaret Good. (Kisses Henry, then:) Goodbye, Henry.

Martha (a little drunk) Her name’s Patricia.

Ben How’d you meet?

Martha You’re not allowed to laugh at me. Guardian Soulmates.

Ben That’s great.
Martha You’re not gonna call me a loser?
Ben I’m not gonna call you a loser, no, because it’s not the eighties
and people don’t use that word any more.
Martha Don’t be ironic. It isn’t clever or interesting.
Ben Nor is turning up drunk at –

Martha I am not drunk.

Ben Aren’t you?
Martha I am not drunk.

Ben Fine. What d’you want?

Martha I thought we ought to catch up.

Ben What?
Martha How are you, Ben? Thank you for the CD; I enjoyed it very
much.
Ben I’m gonna be doing a couple of gigs, actually
Martha When?

Ben Couple of weeks’ time.

Martha Why didn’t you tell me?
Ben I only just found out.

Martha You need to keep me better informed.

Ben Mum, I only just found out.

Martha Where?
Ben Borderline, Union Chapel, couple of others.
Martha I don’t know those places but I feel confident that both they
and you will be brilliant.
Ben Thanks.
Martha Will you email me the dates?

Ben I will.
Martha How’s Claire?
Ben She’s good.

Martha Good, is that all I get?

Ben Mum, what’re you doing here?
Martha What?

Ben What d’you want? It’s late.

Martha Tough.

Ben What?
Martha Tough shit. How – Do you have any idea how many times –
Well, you know what, it’s about time we turn the tables, my friend –
Ben I have no idea what you’re talking about.
Martha When you used to pitch up at the house, middle of the
morning, wailing about some girl or some something-or-other, I never –
Can you imagine –
Ben I was –

Martha ’Magine if I’d turned you away –

Ben I was a –
Martha I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sorry.
Ben What does she do?
Martha Who?

Ben I’ve forgotten her name already, sorry?

Martha Patricia. Solicitor. Was.
Ben How many dates’ve you been on?

Martha Two. Three.

Ben You really like her?
Martha nods.

(Beat.) Do you want something to eat?

Martha What’ve you got?

Ben What d’you fancy?
Martha Have you got any Nutella?

Ben No.
Martha Call yourself a host …
Ben Does she know about me?

Martha No. The straight marriage was enough of a bombshell.

Ben laughs a little.
Do you wish I hadn’t left your father?

Ben Mum.
Martha What?
Ben Don’t ask me things like that.

Martha Sorry.
Ben I saw Dad last week.

Martha And?
Ben D’you really wanna know?
Martha Was he good or bad?

Ben He was good.

Martha Then, no, I don’t want to know.
Ben Got it.

Martha Fuck him.

Ben Understood.

Martha Did I fuck up our family?

Ben No.
Martha Okay. Can I go to sleep now?

Freddy (stoned) Oh my God, you’re the guy?

Lisa-Scott (stoned) He’s the guy.
Anna (stoned) No way?

Freddy You’re the guy?

Harvey I am.

Freddy Fuckin’ A, man, fuckin’ A.

Anna My mom was obsessed with that story.
Lisa-Scott Right?

Freddy You totally took that guy’s brain, man. Fuckin’ stole it.
Harvey I didn’t steal it.
Freddy Fuckin’ brain thief.
Harvey I didn’t steal it.

Anna (laughs) He didn’t steal it …!

Freddy Oh my God, I don’t even know where to begin with this guy
…
Harvey I obtained the brain entirely legitimately.

Anna How’d you do it?

Harvey I’m a pathologist.
Lisa-Scott Thom, you sure you don’t wanna smoke some pot?

Harvey No thank you.

Freddy I wanna fuckin’ salute you, man. Fuckin’ royalty right here!
Lisa-Scott Tell ’em how you did it.

Anna How’d he die?

Freddy This shit is so fucked up.
Harvey How did the professor die?

Anna Yes.
Harvey Internal bleeding.
Anna That is so sad.

Freddy (reflective) Internal bleeding, God damn.

Lisa-Scott Tell ’em ’bout the brain.
Freddy Hold up: you mean you still got it?
Harvey Sure.
Anna You still got the brain?

Harvey Sure.
Lisa-Scott He keeps it in these little jars?
Freddy I swear to God, if you’re lyin’ to me –

Lisa-Scott Tell ’em.

Harvey I … still have the brain, yes.
Freddy Sir, you are a god damn legend.

Anna What’s it look like?

Harvey Well. Kinda like a brain.
Freddy I knew it.

Anna Do brains rot?

Harvey Excuse me?
Anna Does it rot, you know, decompose?

Harvey Well, it’s preserved.

Anna Oh yeah?

Harvey Sure.
Freddy ‘Preserved’.
Harvey You gotta … I used a paraformaldehyde solution. Freddy
Exactly.
Harvey You have to work quickly. By submerging the brain in the
formaldehyde, you capture it, you freeze it, midstream. You capture the
brain cells almost as if in mid-thought, so that when it comes to slicing
the brain up, what you’re lookin’ at is as close to a living brain as –
Anna You sliced it up?

Harvey Sure.
Anna You actually sliced up the brain?
Freddy Salami, man, I’m tellin’ you.

Harvey Well, it’s not quite salami, but I, uh, I take your point.
Anna Then what? Once you sliced it up.
Harvey We sealed each of the slices in a mixture of paraffin and water
… then we, uh, we photographed the various, uh, slices.

Freddy I gotta shake your hand.

Anna Can we see it?
Harvey Way-ell …

Lisa-Scott He’s pretty protective. I haven’t even seen it.

Anna What’re you, I mean whattayou even gonna do with it?
Harvey Well. We’re gonna study it. We are studying it.

Freddy Exactly.
Harvey And let me tell you, it has not been easy. You know when
Einstein first submitted the, uh, his Special Theory of Relativity as his
doctoral thesis, it was rejected. There was a lot of animosity around that
whole area.
Freddy God damn it.
Harvey But you know he worked at it, and he worked at it, and he
changed our understanding of the entire universe. But it did not happen
overnight.

Freddy Amen to that.

Anna But what’re you actually doing?
Freddy Exactly.

Harvey Excuse me?

Anna You, you, what are you actually doing?

Freddy Exactly.
Harvey Well. I’m in charge. I’m in charge of the research.
Anna But I mean, who gives a shit?

Freddy Exactly my point.

Harvey I’m not sure I understand the question?
Lisa-Scott Leave him alone. Ignore ’em, Thom.

Harvey I don’t mind.

Anna Science, fuckin’ science, I mean enough already, right?
Freddy Kansas has more rainbows than any other US state. Fact.
Science.

Harvey Would you like me to respond to your –

Anna Sure. Go right ahead.
Harvey But are you actually going to listen to me?

Anna I am all of my ears.

Freddy ‘Ears’.
Harvey A hundred years ago, okay –
Anna I’m listening.
Harvey A hundred years ago we thought the universe was static. We
had no idea of its scale, its extraordinary scope. We used to believe that
our galaxy was the only galaxy. And then all of a sudden we realised we
were simply one of hundreds, thousands, just hanging there. We went
from being the centre of the universe to just some little piece. But it
sure as hell didn’t happen overnight. Science confounds and enlightens
through its continued and systematic observation of our world, exactly
as it is.
Freddy Exactly.
Harvey I believe the next great endeavour is the mapping of the brain.
Exactly as we have mapped the cosmos, we now need to map out the
human brain. Because if you can understand the ingredients, the
components, that make us who we are, then my God you can
understand everything. And there is no bit of the brain that can’t be
studied, or weighed, or measured, or cut open; there isn’t a gland or a
ventricle inaccessible to the surgeon’s knife. And what better place to
start, what better place to begin, than by examining the brain of one of
the greatest scientific minds of the twentieth century. ‘Chance favours
the prepared mind’, you know who said that?
Beat. Then Anna bursts out laughing.
Freddy bursts out laughing.

Why are they laughing?

Anna Oh my God, where did you find this guy?

Harvey I don’t understand?

Lisa-Scott Guys, come on.
Freddy ‘Chance favours the prepared mind’!

Lisa-Scott Leave him alone.

Anna Where did you find this guy?
Freddy Man, you are some kinda freak. Mean I like you, but you are
like … (Beginning to calm down, beginning to stop laughing.) I gotta
eat.
Anna Yes.
Freddy Doc, you hungry?
Harvey doesn’t respond.

Lisa-Scott I think he’s ignoring you.

Freddy What’d we do?

Harvey I would like to leave now.
Freddy Hey, Doc, come on, siddown.

Harvey Don’t you tell me what to do, you little, you little prick.
Anna Whoa –
Freddy Hey –

Anna That is uncalled for.

Freddy Like, so uncalled for.
Anna Like, oh my God so uncalled for.

Harvey (crestfallen) This is my … life, it is my …

Lisa-Scott (beat) Guys, I think we’re gonna shoot.

Victor Henry, we have already spoken about this. Margaret won’t be

coming to see you again. I’m sorry.

Henry Does she know where I am?

Victor It’s … It’s all rather complicated, I’m afraid, Henry.

Henry She will only worry if we don’t tell her where I am, you see.
Victor I understand, but –

Henry I hope you’re not misinforming me?

Victor Most certainly not. Henry, I don’t wish to speak to you about
Margaret again, I wish to speak to you about something else entirely.
I’m … Concerns have recently been raised about my health and, as such
–

Henry I’m very sorry to hear that.

Victor Yes. As such –
Henry Is there anything I can do?

Victor Henry, will you listen to me for goodness sake! I need to stop
working, for a short while. You will be left in very good hands, I’ve no
doubt. Indeed, I will make sure of it. Do you understand? Henry?

Henry …
Victor Henry?
Henry Hello.

Victor Hello Henry.

Henry I’m sorry I don’t think we’ve met?

Victor …
Henry You’re not related to Janet Fletcher are you?
Victor I’m afraid I’m not.

Henry I wonder if you might be able to help me find my wife?

Margaret?

Victor Henry, my name is Dr Milner. Dr Victor Milner. I –

Henry Doctor …?
Victor Milner. Dr Victor Milner.

Henry I wonder if you might have your wires crossed?

Victor Henry: Margaret won’t be coming to see you.

Henry We’re supposed to travelling to London?

Victor Margaret … Margaret isn’t coming to see you, Henry. Nor –
Indeed nor can I. I am hopeful my absence will be temporary. But I am
sorry that I cannot say the same for Margaret.
Henry I’m a bit confused?

Victor You will be extremely well looked after, Henry, do you

understand? That much I can promise you.
Henry …
Victor Henry …?
Henry Hello.
Victor Hello Henry.
Henry I’m sorry I don’t think we’ve met?

Victor As a matter of fact, we have.

Henry Oh. My apologies.
Victor You mustn’t apologise. Take care of yourself, Henry.

Patricia Hi.
Martha Hi.

Patricia (beat) How’s it going?

Martha Good. Thanks. You?
Patricia Okay.

Martha Do you want to come inside?

Patricia No thanks. Haven’t got long. Meeting some friends. Nearby.
So thought I’d.
Martha Where are you meeting them?
Patricia That was a lie. I was tryina play it cool. Which, clearly …
Martha Why don’t you come in?
Patricia I have two things to say. The first one is unrelated to us and
the second is entirely about us.
Martha Why don’t you start with the first thing?

Patricia A guy I went to law school with is looking for an expert

witness and I was talking to him about you and – Anyway you can
prob’ly guess where this is going: I was wondering if I could put you
two in touch?
Martha Of course.

Patricia Great.
Martha Email is probably best.
Patricia The second thing is obviously about the fact that you used to
be married and that, upon learning this, I perhaps flipped out and lost
my shit a little unnecessarily.
Martha You didn’t –
Patricia I sort of did and I sort of didn’t; it’s a moot point. But the bit
that’s un-moot, or whatever the opposite of moot is – What is the
opposite of moot?
Martha I don’t know.
Patricia Point being I’m sorry if I overreacted.
Martha You’d –
Patricia But what I don’t get, sorry, is why you didn’t just put
‘divorced’ on your profile? If you’d done that, I probably wouldn’t
have been that bothered, but the fact that you didn’t and you held off
telling me –
Martha I didn’t tell you –
Patricia I’m just saying as long as there’s nothing else like major that
I ought to know about then, you know, I would like to come back and
see you another time when I’m not pretending I’m meeting friends.
Beat. Patricia moves to Martha and kisses her; soft, tender. Beat.

Patricia I am going to go now.

Martha Yes.
Patricia You alright?
Martha Yeah, no. I’m fine. Thank you. For coming to see me.
Patricia See you, Martha.

Otto Dear Dr Harvey, You may be surprised hearing from me after

such a long time during which there has been no correspondences. A
friend sent me recently an article which was published in the Kansas
City Times under the title ‘Einstein’s Brain Still a Convoluted Puzzle’. I
am writing you to renew our acquaintance of almost thirty years, but
also to enquire about your present intention to describe and publish
your work on Einstein’s brain. So far as I know, you have never
published the results of the research you did over a number of years. As
we expressed to you a number of times, we are of the opinion that the
results of your work should be made accessible to a larger audience. I
believe we owe the scientific world and also laymen some – positive or
negative – results of the research on Einstein’s brain. I hope that all has
been well with your family and yourself and wish you would be kind
enough to remember me to your wife whose acquaintance I was so
happy to make when you were living in New Jersey. With kind regards,
Otto Nathan, Executor and Trustee.
 Retrieving

Michael Morning.

Harvey Good morning.

Michael My name’s Michael. I just moved in to number forty-three.

Harvey Way-ell, welcome to the neighbourhood, Michael.

Michael Thank you; ’preciate that.

Harvey Good to have you.
Michael And sorry, your name is …?
Harvey Thom. Thom Harvey.

Michael Good to meet you, Thom.

Harvey Settlin’ in okay?

Michael Yes, sir. So far.

Harvey You take care now.
Michael Sorry, Thom?

Harvey Yessir.

Michael It’s not … Dr Harvey, is it, Dr Thomas Harvey?

Harvey …

Michael Pathologist Dr Thomas Harvey?

Harvey Can I help you with something?

Michael Okay, full disclosure: my wife and I are science nuts and we
would love to take you out for dinner some time.
Harvey That right.

Michael You like sushi?

Harvey Sushi?
Michael Raw fish. It’s a –

Harvey I, uh, I know what kinda food sushi is.

Michael We know a great place.

Harvey You lemme think about it?

Michael Absolutely.

Harvey Good meetin’ you, Michael.

Michael You’ll let me know.

Harvey You bet.

Michael Pleasure meeting you, sir.

Jon Hello Henry, how are you this morning?

Henry I can’t seem to find my cigarettes.

Jon I thought you’d given up?

Henry Oh.
Jon You’re not allowed to smoke in here, anyway.

Henry I was almost certain …

Jon How did you sleep, Henry?

Henry Tell you the truth, I didn’t stay awake to find out.

Jon Henry, do you know who I am?

Henry You’re not related to Janet Fletcher are you?

Jon I am definitely not related to Janet Fletcher, no. But what if I told
you my first name was Jon …?

Henry Um …

Jon Take your time.

Henry Williams …?

Jon (genuinely excited) Henry, you clever bugger, well done. And
what do you think it is that I do, Henry? What’s my job?

Henry Surgeon …?

Jon Ooh, not quite, but you’re very close. I’m a doctor; a professor,
Henry.
Henry I’m sorry if I get a little mixed up.

Jon It’s not a problem.

Henry I have trouble remembering things, you see.

Jon Henry, I wondered if I might be able to ask you a couple of

questions?

Henry Certainly.

Jon Some of these questions might seem a bit bizarre, but bear with
me, alright?
Henry I will do my best.

Jon I’d like you to count to twenty please, Henry.

Henry Certainly. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine,
ten, eleven … eleven …

Jon (beat) Henry?

Henry I’m sorry?

Jon Hello Henry, I’m Jon.

Henry Hello Jon.

Jon Henry, I was wondering if I might be able to ask you some

questions?
Henry I wonder if you might be able to help me find my wife? Her
name is Margaret.
Jon Henry –
Henry I’m starting to worry about her …

Jon Henry, I’m going to read you a series of numbers, out loud, and
what I’d like you to do, Henry, is to repeat each one in turn back to me,
alright?

Henry Yes.
Jon Alright, here we go. Four six nine.

Henry Four six nine.

Jon Eight two six five.
Henry Eight two six five.

Jon Brilliant. Here’s the next one: ten three five seven two.
Henry Ten three five seven two.

Jon Yes, Henry. Okay. Nine seven three ten one six.
Henry Nine …
Jon Would you like me to give you the number one more time?

Henry I think so.

Jon Nine seven three ten one six.

Henry Nine seven three ten one … six.

Jon Henry: really well done. How do we feel about one more?
Henry …

Jon Henry?
Henry I’m trying to think!

Jon Alright, fair enough.

Beat.

Henry, is everything alright?

Henry shakes his head, growing upset.
Jon Alright, I think we should call it a day. Henry: you’ve done
brilliantly. Alright? Bloody brilliantly.

Henry I’m worried about Margaret …

Martha Greg?
Greg Yes. Martha?

Martha I’m so sorry I’m late.

Greg Don’t worry about it.
Martha I had a call from my son just as I was about to leave.

Greg Nice coat.

Martha Thank you.
Greg Looks great on you.

Martha Thank you.

Greg Think you’ve got something in your –
He picks something from Martha’s hair.

Martha Oh.

Greg Fly or summin’.

Martha Odd.
Greg What conditioner d’you use?

Martha Sorry?
Greg Conditioner.

Martha John Frieda?

Greg Nice. Listen I hope you don’t mind standing?

Martha It was like this last time I was here.

Greg You’ve been here before?
Martha With Patricia, Pat, yes.

Greg Great place, right?

Martha Mmm.

Greg So thanks for meeting with me, Martha. Pat speaks very highly
of you.
Martha How do you know Patricia?

Greg We were at law school together.

Martha Yes.
Greg Back in the day.

Martha Right.
Greg Pat’s so great.

Martha She is.

Greg We used to go out. Put that out there.

Martha Oh, okay.

Greg Those were fuckin’ wild days.

Martha Really.
Greg I fuckin’ love Pat. Mean she fuckin’, she was fuckin’. Up for it.
D’you know what I mean? And I mean not in a slutty way or anything.

Martha No.
Greg Not in a slutty way At All. Mean that’s what I like about the
whole bisexual movement. Mean I’m straight, don’t get me wrong. But.
Honestly some of the nicest people I’ve spent time with often swing
both ways.

Martha Interesting.

Greg So look, Martha, obviously I don’t need to tell you that anything
you and I discuss this afternoon is –

Martha No, of course, I understand.

Greg It’s a juicy case, Martha, I’ll tell you that much. Married couple,
mid-fifties, husband is on anti-depressants, has been for the best part of
twenty years. It’s their thirtieth anniversary so they decide to go away.
Only problem is, y’man’s medication has one particularly unfortunate
side effect. Kills his libido, dead. Dick’s as limp as roadkill. Has been
for best part of ten years. So he comes off.

Martha Comes off the anti-depressants?

Greg Comes off the anti-depressants so him and his wife can have a
right good session, if y’see what I’m saying?

Martha Loud and clear.

Greg So off they go. They drive for I don’t even know what, four
hundred miles, ’cross the country, and they stay in some remote bit of
Scotland. At this point, y’man’s been off his medication for
approximately a week.

Martha A week?

Greg A week. And as far as we know, so far no issues. After two days,
he starts having trouble sleeping. On the third night, he wakes up, early
hours of the morning, and stabs his wife of exactly thirty years eleven
times. Next morning, he wakes up and he’s fucking horrified;
devastated. Calls the police and says his wife’s been attacked.

Martha Jesus.

Greg He’s been on remand for six months since the arrest. Crucially,
he has no memory whatsoever of the attack.

Martha Wow.

Greg So bringing it up to date, we’re looking to plead automatism and

we’re after an expert witness to help us with an MRI, EEG and a full
written assessment. So look –

Martha I’m … I’m sorry but I don’t think I’m the right person for the
job.

Greg Oh no?

Martha No, I’m sorry.

Greg From what Pat tells me –

Martha I – I suppose the problem is I disagree with the basic –

Greg Sorry, I didn’t quite catch that?

Martha I’m not sure that I could say with any great confidence that
this man was any more or less in control of his actions than he
ordinarily –
Greg Let’s track this back for a moment.

Martha If I could finish –

Greg Course.

Martha I don’t – I don’t necessarily agree with the legal view of

responsibility.

Greg Get you.

Martha I’m sorry?

Greg I’m windin’ you up.

Martha Why would you do that?

Greg Do what?

Martha I thought we were having a serious conversation.

Greg We are.

Martha Then why are you making jokes?

Greg Okay. Wow. Sorry, okay; my bad. Why don’t we

talk about fee?

Martha I’m not interested in money –

Greg You’re not?

Martha I don’t want money.

Greg D’you not believe in money either?

Martha I’m – I’m sorry; I don’t know what Patricia told you –

Greg Martha: calm it down. Just hear me out. That’s all I’m asking.

Martha I understand that, but I don’t want to waste your time, that’s
all.

Greg Maybe we should head somewhere else?

Martha What?

Greg I know a great Mexican place literally hundred yards away.

Martha I don’t want to eat Mexican food with you.

Greg Why not?

Martha Because I don’t want to.

Greg It’s on the firm.

Martha I’m not hungry.

Greg Coffee then.

Martha I find you strange and I don’t like the way you talk about
Patricia.

Greg What?

Martha You’re strange, you’re weird – You touched my hair when I

arrived which was a strange thing to do –

Greg Martha, mate.

He takes a hold of Martha.

Martha Please don’t touch me.

Greg Martha – Martha – Seriously –

Martha If you touch me again I’ll break your fingers. I’m serious, I’ll
break your fingers and then I’ll walk off, I’ll walk off and no one will
know it was me who did it.

Greg Mate, fuck’s sake, calm it down.

Martha No, you calm it down. Goodbye, Greg. I hope we never see
each other again.

Greg Jesus, what a cunt.

Harvey Come again?

Michael A road trip.

Harvey Okay.

Michael You and me. You and me, we go see Evelyn, and we show
her the brain.
Harvey Evelyn Einstein?

Michael Evelyn Einstein.

Harvey You wanna show –

Michael I wanna show Evelyn Einstein the brain. I called her, Doc. I
called her up and I told her ’bout you, ’bout the conversations you and I
had been having, and she said, ‘Okay: tell me more.’ So I did, I said, I
said, I said, ‘Look: it’s all bullshit. All of it. You wanna know the truth?
Thomas Harvey is a decent guy. Now how do I know that? Because I
met the guy and we ate sushi together, that’s how I know.’
Harvey Michael –

Michael I wanna write about the whole history. Not some shitty, tell-
all bullshit piece o’ junk; we’re talking reportage, Doc.
Harvey You curse too much.
Michael I wanna write about family, about heritage; about science.

Harvey You wanna innerview me?

Michael In part, sure. I wan’ us to spend some time together. I wanna

get to know you, Doc.

Harvey What you see is what you get, Michael.

Michael Bullshit.

Harvey We oughta get you some soap.

Michael Listen. I know you don’t like talkin’ about it, and I respect
that. I do. But, okay, look, here’s the thing: next year is gonna be the
fortieth anniversary of the professor’s death.
Harvey (beat) Huh.

Michael Y’see what I’m sayin’? It’s a great time, Doc.

Harvey You spoke to Evelyn?

Michael You better believe it.

Harvey Called her up?

Michael Called her up.

Harvey She still livin’ in Albany?

Michael Berkeley.

Harvey Berkeley?

Michael Exactly.
Harvey Hell of a distance.

Michael Exactly.

Harvey Lotta gas.

Michael Well –

Harvey That’s some expenditure.

Michael The magazine’ll cover it.

Harvey The magazine …?

Michael Sure. I gotta run it past my editor, but sure.

Harvey Huh.
Michael Y’see what I’m saying? Harper’s, Doc; we’re talking quality.

Harvey Huh.

Michael Listen, take some time to think about it.

Jon Henry, I’d like to introduce you to someone. This is Sharon.

Henry I’m not …

Sharon Hello Henry.

Jon Henry –

Henry I’m sick of having this argument with myself.

Jon Henry, Sharon works at Queen’s Square. In London.
Sharon I’m a brain donation nurse.

Henry I am sick and tired of having this same argument over and over
–
Jon Okay, Henry –
Henry I am asking you to stay out of my way.

Jon Understood.
Jon moves himself and Sharon out of Henry’s eyeline.
 Jon and Sharon deliberately wait … and then re-engage with Henry.

Hello Henry. Henry, I’d like to introduce you to someone.

Sharon Hello Henry, I’m Sharon.

Henry We haven’t met before, have we?

Sharon No.
Henry I have trouble remembering things you see.

Sharon I know. It’s why I wanted to come and speak to you.

Jon You’re famous, Henry.
Henry I’m …

Sharon Neurological royalty.

Henry No, I’m …
Sharon You’re a very important person, Henry.

Jon VIP.
Henry I’m no good to anyone.
Jon Don’t be ridiculous; we’d all be out of a job if it weren’t for you.

Sharon Which is why I wanted to come and talk to you about tissue
donation. Do you –
Henry No, I’m no good to … I’m in the way. I’m in the way. I’m in
the way.
Jon Okay –
Henry suddenly shoves Jon, a burst of raw aggression; Jon is understandably taken aback.

Henry Where is she? WHERE IS SHE? You’re lying to me –

Jon Nobody is –
Henry You are lying to me, you are, you are lying, and you are –
Jon Henry, I need you to try and –
Henry again shoves Jon.

Henry Stay out of my way.

Jon Understood.

Henry Stay out of my way.

Jon raises his hands; a peaceful gesture.
Henry is very upset all of a sudden. The following might not be entirely audible.

I’m going to kill myself I’m going to kill myself if I, if I …

Jon …
Henry (to Sharon) Margaret.

Jon Henry, this is Sharon.

Sharon Hello Henry.
Henry Hello my love …

Jon No, Henry, this is Sharon.

Martha Anthony?

Anthony We met at a party. That’s the good thing about the first year
of undergraduate study, you get to interact with students from other
subjects. I went outside to have a cigarette. I asked her what her subject
was and she said physics. She was quite drunk, we both were.
Martha Anything else?

Anthony I remember she told me her father had died when she was
very young. He had a heart attack. She told me he used to read to her
from The Time Machine. She said to me that she was obsessed with that
book and that that was what drew her to physics. She committed to the
idea that she could build a time machine and go back to him. And she
loved Albert Einstein.
Martha Did she?
Anthony Oh yeah. She fell in love with him because of how he
changed our understanding of time. Deborah told me that before
Einstein, time seemed like a river, flowing in one direction; yesterday
the past is upstream and we can never get back to it, and tomorrow is
downstream and we’re constantly being swept along by the tide. But
Einstein said no, it isn’t like that.

Martha Anything else?

Anthony I can remember our first night together.
Martha You do?

Anthony Oh yeah. I was sick. I’d had too much to drink. I threw up
all over her bathroom. I blocked the sink. It was so embarrassing.
Martha What did Deborah say?
Anthony She … Do you know, I’m not quite sure.

Martha Don’t worry.

Anthony She made a pot of coffee, I remember that. The morning
after. We ended up talking about Einstein. He died when he was
seventy-six. I can’t remember what it was that killed him, but it had the
most extraordinary name. She told me that the person who did the …
I’m not sure what you call it? You examine the, to try and work out
what the problems were …
Martha Don’t worry.

Anthony The bloke who did the thing on Einstein took his brain. And
his eyes. And Einstein was cremated. He was cremated without his
brain and without his eyes. Awful. The bloke was a lunatic; he threw
himself off the Brooklyn Bridge. We’re only aware of a tiny amount of
what’s happening was what she said.
Martha What do you mean?

Anthony …
Martha Anthony? Anthony.
Anthony Yes.

Martha Alright?
Anthony I think so.
Martha Anthony, I don’t know if I can help you, do you understand?
You’re not going to see Deborah again. And I, I don’t know what to do
with you. (Beat.) Maybe we ought to stop …
Anthony Margaret, can I ask you a question?

Martha Martha.
Anthony What?
Martha My name is Martha.

Anthony What did I say?

Martha Margaret.
Anthony Have I told you about Deborah?

Martha You have.

Anthony Is she on her way, do you think?

Martha No.
Anthony I’m starting to get a bit worried about her.
Martha I know.
Anthony Imagination is more important than knowledge. Knowledge
is limited. Imagination encircles the world – do you know who said
that?
Martha Who?

Harvey It’s a real honour to make your acquaintance.

Evelyn Well aren’t you a peach. Evelyn; it’s a pleasure. Get you fellas
something to drink?

Evelyn Then let’s talk brains.

Harvey You bet. Well. I brought some photographs with me, if you
would like to see some of those.
Evelyn Alright.
Harvey (shows Evelyn photographs) The majority of these were taken
way back when – 1955. We took over two hundred photographs of the
professor’s brain. From a variety of different angles, different aspects.
That one right there (photograph) is the olfactory nerve, I believe.
Evelyn You performed the whole autopsy single-handedly, Dr Harvey,
correct?
Harvey You bet.

Evelyn May I see it?

Harvey Yes ma’am.
Evelyn What was that like?

Harvey Humbling.
Evelyn Albie loved goose.
Harvey Is that right?
Evelyn He loved the fat of the goose. He loved fat. Whenever we ate
ham, he would cut off the fat and fry it.
Harvey Coupla weeks before he died, professor came to see us. His,
uh, his cholesterol was through the roof.
Evelyn He was a real drinker too.

Harvey Huh.
Evelyn Cheese, and wine, you name it … You weigh the brain?
Harvey You bet.

Evelyn How much’d it weigh?

Harvey Just over two and half pounds.
Evelyn That it?

Harvey That’s a pretty normal weight for a brain.

Evelyn Oh yeah?
Harvey You bet.

Evelyn May I see it?

Harvey Absolutely.
Michael passes Harvey a small, brown cardboard box. Harvey removes from the box a
smallish bell jar, filled with liquid, and home to several pieces of Albert Einstein’s brain.
Harvey passes the bell jar to Evelyn.

Careful now.
Evelyn takes the bell jar and, gazing at it, inspects its contents.
Those are, I believe, from the professor’s hippocampus. We attribute
short- and long-term memory to this particular region of the brain.
 Evelyn grows upset. Harvey takes the bell jar from Evelyn and returns it to Michael, who
returns it to the box. Harvey offers Evelyn a handkerchief.

Ma’am?
Evelyn No thank you.
Evelyn takes out her own handkerchief, blows her nose; perhaps she also coughs.
Dr Harvey, may I share something with you?
Harvey Please. And call me Thom.
Evelyn Two months ago now, I had a telephone call from a gentleman
working on a book. About Albie. The gentleman, a fella named Brian
Schulman, put it to me that I had not been told the whole truth about my
lineage. He put it to me that the man I thought to be my father, Hans
Albert, was in fact my brother. The theory goes, when Albie was sixty-
two, he had an affair with a ballet dancer. When he was alive, Albie’s
executor did everything he could to keep my … father’s indiscretions
well and truly buried. But as soon as he died, Thom … Well, you get
the picture. Dr Harvey, I wonder if you might be kind enough to bring
your research to a close? I fear there is nothing whatsoever remarkable
about Albie’s brain. But, more importantly, I would greatly appreciate it
if you would be so kind as to return the brain. To me. In its entirety.

Harvey I, uh … I’m sorry, I’m, I’m not quite sure I … quite …

Evelyn My hope is that the brain can be used to perform a DNA test. I
hope you will understand.
Harvey I can … I can certainly give you a portion of the … But I’m,
I’m sorry, there is still a great deal of work still to be done, that needs to
be done.
Evelyn How so?

Harvey Studies, there are still … We have, we have portions of … all

over the world. Some of the, some of the top guys in … We have guys
in, in Tokyo, Germany, Canada –
Evelyn Dr Harvey –
Harvey And, and, and recently, I’ve been working with a gentleman
named Britt Abraham from the University of Alabama and, and Britt
and I, we, we have a paper coming out. We have a paper coming out.
Alterations in cortical thickness and neuronal density in the frontal
cortex of –

Harvey And, and, and Steven Pinker, you know Steven Pinker? He’s
going to be –

Evelyn Dr Harvey –
Harvey In the New York Times, he’s going to be writing about –
Evelyn Thom, I think you and I both know that there is nothing
whatsoever remarkable about Albie’s brain.
Harvey No.

Evelyn Albie worked like a dog and he treated his family like crap.
Harvey No.
Evelyn He worked and he worked and he worked day after day after
day and he found the time and the energy required to do so through
sheer neglect. Most of my family, Dr Harvey, they hated Albie. They
loathed him. They found him to be arrogant, selfish –
Harvey No. Your grandfather –

Evelyn Albie was not a genius because of his brain; he was a genius
because he worked himself to death.

Harvey A hundred years ago we thought the universe was static. We

had no idea of its scale, its extraordinary scope. But he changed all that,
your –
Michael Doc –

Harvey No, we, we went from being the centre of the universe to just
some little piece. But it sure as hell didn’t happen overnight. Science
proceeds and confounds and enlightens through its continued and
systematic observation of our world, exactly as it is.

Evelyn Dr Harvey, please stop.

Harvey Favours – You know – ‘Chance favours the prepared mind’,
you know who said that?
Evelyn It’s time to stop, Thom.
Harvey I’m … I’m sorry, but I, I cannot do that. I’m sorry.

Evelyn That’s okay.

Harvey I disagree. I’m sorry.
Evelyn Don’t apologise.

Harvey I cannot share your point of view. (He is growing upset.) I’m
sorry. That I cannot do. I wanna help you, Evelyn, but stopping is
something that I cannot … I’m sorry.

Evelyn I understand.

Jon Martha?

Martha Yes.
Jon Jon.
Martha Jon, hi.

Jon Thank you for meeting with me; I know you must be very busy.
Martha Occasionally.
Jon Occasionally; I like that. So … I have absolutely no idea where to
begin. So I’ll start at the start and you just tell me if you want me to
hurry the hell up and get to the end. Now, and this is going back, God,
donkey’s years, I was given the opportunity to meet a patient named
HM.
Martha Wow.

Jon I know; turned out this bloke I’d read about during my PhD was
in a home half an hour down the road. Since that first meeting, I’ve met
with Henry, on and off, once or twice a month across virtually the
whole of my career. Some months I see more of Henry than I do my
own wife. Henry recently turned eighty and, as such, one thing I am
very personally keen to do is ensure that we are given the opportunity to
study Henry’s brain following his death.

Martha Of course.
Jon In order to secure a donation, we’ve had to explore various, how
do I put this, ‘avenues’. One of which, of course, was whether or not
Henry has any living relatives. Now I have to be honest with you,
Martha, I have agonised over the appropriate – Let alone – Anyway, the
best thing might be to just …
Jon hands Martha a sheet or two of paper. Beat.

Henry was married to a lady named Margaret who very sadly died giving
birth to their first, well, only I suppose, daughter. Henry’s pre- and post-
operative consultant, a bloke named Victor Milner, made various
attempts, according to his notes this is, to break the bad news to Henry.
But of course Henry’s condition meant that he couldn’t even remember
to forget. He asks for her even now.
Martha Jesus.
Jon Henry and Margaret’s daughter was adopted and, in 1971, at the
age of eighteen, she gave birth herself … Well, you can, you can read
the rest for yourself I’m sure.
Martha (beat) Can I hang on to this?
Jon My God – please. I thought for the sake of clarity I’d try and
condense everything into a single document.
Martha No – Thank you – It’s very … Clear. Christ, I – (Laughs a
little perhaps.)

Jon I hope it’s not too much of a bombardment?

Martha I don’t suppose you have any cigarettes do you?
Jon takes out a packet of cigarettes, offers one to Martha. Martha takes a cigarette and Jon
lights it. Beat.

Do you mind?

Jon Not only do I not mind, I might even join you.

Martha and Jon smoke.
Martha I’m trying to give up.

Jon Have you tried those e-cigarettes?

Martha I haven’t.
Jon Are you alright, Martha?

Martha I think so.

Patricia You have a son.

Martha (bit drunk) What?

Patricia You. You have a son.
Martha Who says?

Patricia Don’t fuck around.

Martha I’m sorry.
Patricia Don’t fuck around and make jokes.

Martha I’m sorry, I’m sorry. Yes. I have a son. I am mother.

Patricia Fuck’s sake, Martha.
Martha His name’s Ben.

Patricia How old is he?

Martha Who – how do you know?
Patricia How old is he?

Martha Why does that matter?

Patricia I don’t know but for some reason it does.
Martha Is it better if he’s younger or older?

Patricia Nothing makes it better.

Martha How do you know?
Patricia Greg.

Martha Who the fuck is Greg …?

Patricia The guy who you told you were gonna break his legs, ring
any bells?
Martha Actually it was his fingers, it was his fiddly fucking fingers.

Patricia Are you drunk?

Martha A bit.
Patricia Greg is a friend, do you understand?

Martha Greg is a misogynist.

Patricia I think you have a problem. I think you have a problem with
drink and I think you have a problem with telling the truth.

Martha What?
Patricia And I know you don’t believe in free will, but I think you
seriously need to exercise a bit of, like, self-fucking-control.
Martha I’m sorry, I’m sorry, ‘self-control’? Do you have any idea –
No, you know what, when you’ve – When you’ve actually – Because I
can’t imagine what it must be like being you, how hard it must be being
young, and brilliant, and funny, and fucking, with things actually ahead
– So I’m sorry if I’ve had a bit to drink and I’m sorry if I lied to you but
I’m afraid the truth is, the real truth is, I don’t know anything about it, I
don’t know anything about anything, and I have to look at these patients
and these people and their families, while they babble on and on and on,
I have to look at them, in the eyes, in the eyes, and I have to tell them
it’s going to be alright – But really what I wanna say is, what I really
wanna say is: we’re pointless. We are pointless. We’re a blip. A blip
within a blip within an abyss. So, yes, I have had a bit to drink because,
otherwise, frankly, I think I’d be tempted to drive a fucking hammer
through my head.
Patricia (beat) I literally don’t even know what to say to that.
Martha …
Patricia I’d like you to leave.

Martha That’s fair enough. That was probably a bit much.

Patricia It was.
Martha I think you’re amazing, Patricia, and I’m sorry I lied to you.
Patricia Yeah.
Martha I mean it, I think you’re amazing.
Michael Hey, buddy, how’s it going? Good news –

Harvey Not too good, actually.

Michael Oh.
Harvey I read your article.
Michael What’d you think?
Harvey Who the hell do you think you are –
Michael Whoa, Doc –

Harvey Reportage; are you kidding me?!

Michael Doc, take it easy.
Harvey You have embarrassed me – You have embarrassed my family
–
Michael Okay, Doc, you need to –
Harvey I had a call, I had a call from my son, my son Robert –
Michael Doc –

Harvey Elouise is, is, is, inconsolable –

Michael I’m sorry to –
Harvey What does any of what happened between –
Michael Okay, look –
Harvey What does any of what happened with me and you have to do
with Elouise?
Michael Doc, you’re missing the p—

Harvey She is an extraordinary human being, whom I loved, whom I

loved, Michael, you understand that, and you have reduced her to –
Harvey Can you please stop shouting at me for, like –
Harvey It is BS, Michael. It is a joke. A joke. You’ve turned this
whole, this whole thing into a, into a –
Michael Can I please –
Harvey A freak show, you turned it into a freak show.

Michael In what universe is you carting around some dead guy’s brain
in the trunk of your car not –
Harvey You son of a bitch, it is my life!
Michael Oh gimme a – Where’s the proof? Huh, Doc? Where’s the
evidence, where’s this hallowed research –
Harvey The reason … The reason we haven’t published, yet, is
because –
Michael Doc, Jesus Christ, admit it: you got it wrong. You made –
You took some guy’s brain – You went, okay, gee, maybe there’s
something in this –
Harvey You are a liar.
Michael Yeah, well, you’re deluded, so.
Harvey There is not one ounce of truth –

Michael Truth, you wanna talk about truth? How about the fact you
met some guy once, once, Doc – you drained his piss and then you cut
him open and you stole his fuckin’ brain, and then, then, you had the
nerve to act like some –
Harvey I did not –

Michael Evelyn was right, Doc: leave it the hell alone.

Harvey You have –
Michael Move on.
Harvey The goal –
Michael Are we done here?
Harvey The goal of science is to eliminate the subjective viewpoint in
order to reach an objective –
Michael What in God’s –
Harvey We had a deal!

Michael Yes, we did. And I stuck to that deal. I paid for the gas and I
got you a meetin’ with Evelyn. Oh, and by the way, a little company
you mighta heard of called Paramount Pictures might have a little
something to say about my –
Harvey You, sir –

Michael Paul Newman, Doc, hearda him?

Harvey I’m not interested –
Michael You know how much money they wanna throw at this thing?
Harvey You lied. You lied to me.
Michael Yeah, well, maybe I did. Maybe I did. But you lied to
yourself, and I dunno which is worse.
Beat.

You shoulda just let the fucking thing be cremated.

Martha Hello Henry.

Henry Hello.
Martha I’m Martha.
Henry Hello Martha.
Martha How are you?

Henry I’m waiting for Margaret. Margaret and I are newlyweds.

Martha Congratulations.
Henry Thank you. We’re going to London.
Martha I’m from London.
Henry We haven’t met before have we?

Martha We’ve not, no.

Henry I wasn’t sure. I have trouble remembering things, you see.
Martha I see.
Henry I’m waiting for an operation. Once that’s all done and dusted,
Margaret and I will be able to take our honeymoon.
Martha Do you know where?
Henry Brighton. Margaret wants to visit the West Pier. She wants to
see the starlings. The formations. I don’t suppose I might be able to
trouble you for a cigarette?
Martha Is that allowed?
Henry I think so.
Martha lights a cigarette for Henry; lights a cigarette for herself.

(Beat.) Hello. Martha?

Jon He’s, um. Henry, I’d like to introduce you to someone: this is
Martha.
Henry Hello Martha.
Martha Hello Henry.
Henry I’m waiting for Margaret.
Martha Yes.
Henry Margaret and I are newlyweds.

Martha Congratulations.
Henry Thank you. We’re going to London.
Martha Yes.
Henry We haven’t met before have we?
Martha Um, we have. Actually we have.
Henry I’m sorry. I have trouble remembering things, you see.

Martha Yes.
Henry I’m waiting for an operation. Once that’s all done and dusted,
Margaret and I will be able to take our honeymoon.
Martha Do you know where?
Henry Brighton. Margaret wants to visit the West Pier. She wants to
see the starlings. The formations.
Martha Henry, um. There’s something I wanted to speak to you
about, if that’s alright.
Henry Please.
Martha Okay.
Beat. Martha can’t quite manage to say it, to explain why she’s here to see Henry. She grows
upset.

Henry Hello.
Martha (beginning to pull herself together, as it were) Hello Henry.
Henry Here –
He offers Martha his handkerchief.

Martha Thank you, Henry.

Henry We haven’t met before have we?
Martha We have. But don’t worry.

Henry I have trouble remembering things, you see.

Martha Don’t worry. Henry?
Henry Yes.
Martha Jon tells me you’re a bit of a pianist?
Henry I don’t know.
Martha My son’s a musician. I’d love to hear you play. If you didn’t
mind.

Henry Alright.
He moves to the piano and takes a seat. Beat.
What do you want me to play?
Martha I don’t mind. Whatever you want.
Beat. Henry plays the melody taught to him by Margaret. He plays with great confidence and
fluidity; it’s fucking brilliant.
 About the Author

Nick Payne’s If There Is I Haven’t Found It Yet was staged at the

Bush Theatre in 2009 and went on to receive that year’s George
Devine Award. His next play, Wanderlust, opened at the Royal
Court in 2010. One Day When We Were Young, in a Paines
Plough and Sheffield Theatres co-production, was staged at the
Crucible Studio Theatre, Sheffield, in 2011, and later transferred
to Shoreditch Town Hall. Constellations, which opened at the
Royal Court in 2012 and transferred to the Duke of York’s
Theatre, won the Evening Standard Theatre Award for Best Play.
The Same Deep Water As Me was staged at the Donmar
Warehouse in 2013 and received an Olivier Award nomination
for Best New Comedy.
 By the Same Author

also by Nick Payne from Faber

IF THERE IS I HAVEN’T FOUND IT YET

WANDERLUST
ONE DAY WHEN WE WERE YOUNG
CONSTELLATIONS
THE SAME DEEP WATER AS ME
 Copyright

First published in 2014

by Faber and Faber Ltd
Bloomsbury House
74–77 Great Russell Street
London WC1B 3DA
This ebook edition first published in 2014
All rights reserved
© Nick Payne, 2014
The right of Nick Payne to be identified as author of this work has been
asserted in accordance with Section 77 of the Copyright, Designs and
Patents Act 1988
All rights whatsoever in this work are strictly reserved. Applications for
permission for any use whatsoever, including performance rights, must
be made in advance, prior to any such proposed use, to Curtis Brown
Group Ltd, 5th Floor, Haymarket House, 28–29 Haymarket, London
SW1Y 4SP. No performance may be given unless a licence has first been
obtained
This ebook is copyright material and must not be copied, reproduced,
transferred, distributed, leased, licensed or publicly performed or used in
any way except as specifically permitted in writing by the publishers, as
allowed under the terms and conditions under which it was purchased or
as strictly permitted by applicable copyright law. Any unauthorised
distribution or use of this text may be a direct infringement of the
author’s and publisher’s rights, and those responsible may be liable in
law accordingly
ISBN 978–0–571–31708–0
 nabokov
Live Theatre
HighTide Festival Theatre
in association with The North Wall
present the world premiere of

INCOGNITO
by Nick Payne

Incognito had its world premiere

on 12 April 2014 at the HighTide Festival, Suffolk,
with original cast Paul Hickey, Amelia Lowdell,
Alison O’Donnell and Sargon Yelda.

Incognito was originally commissioned

by Live Theatre and nabokov.

This production was supported by Arts Council England.