Grief/Loss
GRIEF/LOSS- CINDY HOANG
ADVOCATE, PREPARE, RESPOND INFORMATION
Before they complete high school, nine in 10 children will experience the
Because of their rich understanding of students’ death of a family member or close friend. One in 20 will lose a parent.
academic and emotional lives, school counselors This means that in almost every class, every year, in every school, there’s
can act as leaders in preparing school staff to likely to be at least one grieving student, if not more. Grief is, indeed, a
support grieving students. You play a vital role in natural occurrence. We must not lose sight, however, of how
responding directly to a grieving student. extraordinarily painful grief is for children and the impact it can have on
students’ learning, school performance and social/emotional
development.
This could include checking in with the student on
multiple occasions over time, as children and teens School counselors and other educators have unique and essential roles
often have new questions or concerns as the grief to play in supporting grieving students. Fairly simple interventions can
process continues. help most students navigate their experience reasonably well and better
manage school, friends, family and emotions. When grief becomes
You can also prepare students for conversations in more challenging for a student, school counselors are well-positioned
the classroom that may trigger feelings of grief and to help schools identify the problem and suggest appropriate
solutions.
work with teachers to establish procedures for the
student to leave the classroom to talk with the
school counselor as necessary.
BIBILOTHERAPY
"35 Ways to Help a Grieving Child," The Dougy
Center What Can Schools Do?
There are three main steps school staff can take to support grieving
"Helping the Grieving Student: A Guide for students.
Teachers," The Dougy Center
Acknowledge the loss
"Helping Teens Cope with Death," The Dougy No one wants to give these sorts of hurtful, isolating messages to grieving
Center children. You can make a world of difference with a simple, straightforward
comment, such as, “I was so sorry to hear about your sister’s death. I’m
thinking about you and your family.” It can be as easy as that.
Offer support and information to children and their families
It’s important to be prepared to talk with families immediately after a
death. Often, families speak to school staff before they’ve been in touch
with other professionals such as pediatricians or mental health
professionals. You should be aware of community resources to support
grieving children and adults and share this information with families.
Take steps to ensure school is a safe place, not a source of
additional distress
It’s normal for grieving students to struggle with classwork or find it
challenging to manage extracurricular activities. But those students may be
facing academic setbacks or school failure for the first time in their lives.
This can create anxiety and frustration. Schools should be prepared to
adapt school work in a range of ways, and to let grieving students know this
is a reasonable and appropriate step, not a sign of failure.
CSP 512
Fact Sheet
Grief/Loss
GRIEF/LOSS - CINDY HOANG
Additionally, professional school counselors SOLUTION-FOCUSED GRIEF THERAPY
should adhere to the American School
Counselor Association (ASCA) National Model DIFFERENT SFBT SKILLS TO UTILIZE:
(2012), which promotes academic, career, and
social/emotional development of all students
(ASCA, 2012; Pérusse, 2009). Being with the Client
In a sense, it is as if we place ourselves in the same location or position as
the client in his or her process of dealing with the problem. The practical
expressions of this idea are the basic therapeutic techniques of listening,
mirroring, paraphrasing/reflecting, summarizing, and conveying empathy
through facial expressions, tone of voice, and so on.
Acknowledgment
By allowing clients to fully explain their feelings, giving them the time to
describe all their struggles, and validating their experience, the
conversation is able to shift towards their strength.
MORE SFBT SKILLS TO UTILIZE: Possibilities
Tasks This approach involves the basic assumption that clients have the resources
to change, that they can and do have goals, and that they will have a unique
Tasks are intended to carry the work of the therapy process of achieving their desired goals. The techniques of SFBT serve to
session into the client's real life. Tasks are usually facilitate this particular change process.
suggested at the end of the interview after the
therapist has taken a break. This is done by first Future-Orientated Questions
making a statement that acknowledges the client's
struggle. Then the therapist compliments the client Future-orientated questions are powerful tools that can help clients think
by mentioning the client's strengths and assets along about possibilities, because they take clients into the future when things
with any beneficial actions he or she may have taken. could be better. Often these techniques can remind clients that just as they
Finally, the therapist suggests the task and gives a have recovered from the other losses, recovery from present difficulties is
rationale for it. also inevitable. Ex: Miracle Question
Exceptions and Coping
Process and Pacing
Exceptions are times when the problem of concern is either absent, not as
When the issue is grief, it is especially important to
intense, or being handled in such a way that the client feels better. In grief
move at the client'space. Reinforcing behaviors--
work, the most common question is the coping question: How do you cope?
smiles, exclamations, and gestures-- need to be
How do you keep it from getting worse? These questions also acknowledge
toned down for the grieving client.
the client's struggle and add a focus on what the client actually does to
make his or her situation bear-able.
Scaling Questions
The most commonly used questions are used to measure progress, to search
for exceptions, to explore future steps, or to assess motivation and/or
willingness to take action. Using a numerical scale, ask the client to rate his
or her situation or experience with a number on the scale. Ex: One a scale
from one to ten, where one is the worst this has ever been, and ten is the
best things could ever be, where are things today?
CSP 512
Fact Sheet
