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Leon and Joey
by Keith Huff
Ley dr ory by Keith Huff. ©1993 by Keith Hoffa an unpublsied manurp in
Dog Stories and Other One Act Plays Al tights reserved. Reprinted by permission af
author. All inguiris concerning tights should be addressed to Jennifer Lynsie,
international Creative Management, Inc, 8942 Wilshire Blvd,.Bevetly Hills: CA:
90211, (310) 550-4423. For complete caution notice, please refer to copyright page.
91.BIOGRAPHY
Keith's play Nightlight was fist performed in Chicago and gamered thee
Joseph Jefferson Award Citation Wing Recommendations including one for
‘Outstanding New Work. Nightlight was workshopped at The Minneapolis
Playwrights’ Center Midwest PlayLabs and received is professional premiere at
‘The Eureka Theatre Company in San Francisco. His plays Birdend and Mud
People were both developed at the Eugene O'Neill Theatre Center's National
Playwtights Conference. Birdsend premiered at the Cricket Theatre in
‘Minneapolis, was produced at Studio Arena Theatre in Buffalo and Arc and
‘Work Ensemble in New York City and earned Keith an Ilinois Arts Council
Playwriting Fellowship. It as since been produced by Artist Repertory Theatre
in Oregon; Theatre By Design in Chicago; and Fourth of July Creek
Productions in Los Angeles. For Birdiend Keith was awatded a playwriting grant
from the Pilgrim Project in New York. Mud People received a production
‘workshop at the East Coast Arts Theatre in New Rochelle and was included in
Florida Studio Theatre's National Playwrights Festival of New Plays. It then
received concurrent productions at the International City Theatre in Long
Beach, California, and at the Woolly Mammoth Theatre in Washington, DC.
For Mud People Keith was awarded the Cunningham Prize for Playwriting and
his second Illinois Arts Council Fellowship for Playwriting. In addition, Mud
People won seven Drama-Logue Awards, including one for Best New Writing,
‘Dog Stores a prizewinner in the Drury College One-Act Play Competition, was
produced in New York City as part of the Love Creek Annual Short Play
Festival and went on to be included in the Best-Of The-Fest Weckend. Dog
Stories was then selected as the winner of the John Gassner Playwriting Award,
‘and was produced by Phoenix Theatre in Chicago's OfF-Off Loop Theatre
Festival, It has since been produced in the Unjversty of lowa’s Spring Play
Festival; by the Public Trust Theatre Company at the Organic Theatre in
‘Chicago: by Eye-of-the-Storm Theatre in Minneapolis; and as part of the Key
‘West Theatre Festival. For Dog Stories Keith was awarded 2 $15,000 Bersilla
Kerr Award. Other plays include Harry's Way, The Actor, The Chances of,
Surviving Death, A Steady Rain and Pitchman. Wis screenplay The Man In the
Window was optioned for production by True Piceures. His stage play Cresing
the Line was commissioned by the New York Shakespeare Festival. Additionally,
Keith was commissioned to do story development for Bokchay Variations, anew
‘opera that premiered at Minnesota Opera directed by Eric Simonson. Keith isa
frequent collaborator with director Mark Hunter. Their fifth project together, A
Greater Good, was recently produced in New York by the Miranda Theatre
‘Company. Keith lives in Chicago with his wife, Georgette
AUTHOR'S NOTE,
Many years ago, with a handful of friends, I cofounded a theatre
company in Chicago called The Biueprine Theatre Group. We came up with
this name because we belived a written script is simply that: a blueprint che
vision init incomplete until fleshed out by actors, directors, designers and
92 KEITH HUFF
audiences, | still believe this to be true. The script of Leom and Joey that
appears in this collection is barely half the story of what appears on stage. Fot
that reason, Yd like to thank those who helped bring this tale of magic and
human imagination to life. 1 want’to thank-Paul McCrane for his inspired
direction; Mary O'Sullivan for her spirited assistance; Ben Meyerson for
‘convincingly recapturing innocence (and for the déja va); Annie O'Sullivan
for an inner light that outshines adversity; Wayne Péré for taking the plunge
‘on such short notice; Barry Del Sherman for daring to give a wood-nymph
soul; Risa, Jery, Kate, Michael and Judy for believing in the play's magic; and
most of ail, my wife, Georgette, for her support, encouragement and
‘unflappable willingness to lee imagination make of our lives whatever it wil
CHARACTERS
LEON, a simple man with a complicated fantasy life
JOEY, his brother
MO-BILLY, a wood-nymph*
‘GINA, a deformed woman"*
*Mo-Billy may be a puppet or a live actor; whichever, tis erucial that he have
something of the fantastic about him.
“latex masking should be used to suggest Gina's facial deformation.
ORIGINAL PRODUCTION
Leon and Joey was produced by Act One in association with
Showtime Networks Inc., Paramount Network Television, Viacom
Productions and Grammnet Productions for Act One ‘95: A Festival of
‘New One-Act Plays, at The Met Theatre in Los Arigeles, CA in April
1995, Itwas directed by Paul McCrane with the following cast:
Leo Ben Meyerson
Wayne Péré
ry Sherman
w-Anne O'Sullivan
‘The present ~ and variations thereon.
‘THE PLACE
Locations alternate among: Leon and Joey’s house in southeastern
‘Wisconsin; the woods nearby; and an Italian restaurant in a neatby city
‘THE SET
‘A bare stage with simple properties that allows smooth transition from
fone scene to the next. Essentials are called for in the text. Variations in
lighting and music should create atmosphere and carry the weight of scene
twansitions—not walls or as
LEON AND Jory 93Leon And Joey
Joey frothing with shaving cream, glares hatefully at bathroom mirror
‘while Leon happily sets the table for breakfst. As music erecendos, Joey
punches the mirror A huge echoing crash, Blackout.
SCENE 1
Lights up on Leon dropping flower petals into a bowl of oatmeal,
humming ‘Guess [ll Go Eat Worms.’ He wears an apron, Joey bursts
in, his hand bleeding. Joey snatches apron from Leon, wraps hand with
it 5
Jo8%: I'm gonna kill myself, Leon.
LEON: You always say that, Joey.
JOEY: This time I mean it.
LEON: Mo-Billy eats eight flowers a day, Joey. Petunias, bluebells,
marigolds. Roses if he can get ‘em. He even eats dandelions, even.
though they got somewhat of a peed-on taste to "em. Guess why.
Give up?
ony: Leon, I could care less why your imaginary wood-nymph friend
cats flowers. ;
LEON: Mo-Billy ign’t imaginary, Joey.
JOEY: Then why does nobody see him but you?
LEON: (Sumped.) He's anti-social?
08: Before I do this, I'm gonna find someone to take over my place.
LEON: You should eat more flowers, Jocy. i ,
JOEY: You got your retard disability check. Plenty for two to live on. T'll:
find you somebody. You're not too particular about looks, maybe
even a girl, Lee.
94 KEITH HUFF
LEON: A gicly?
soEv: (Hits Leon.) T'll make ic look accidental. Insurance money, you
two can take a honeymoon to Hawaii, maybe even open that
burrito stand we always wanted.
LEON: Girls make me nervous, Joey.
JO5Y: The world needs the female principle, Leon. Woman, she’s got
this cleansing aura disintegrates bullshit as she walks. You walk
hand-in-hand with thar, you do better than most.
LEON: But, Joey —
JOEY: This is not open to debate. I find you a friend, I'm history. This is
a decided thing.
(Blackout)
SCENE 2
‘Mo-Billys Secluded Retreat in the Woods. Late night, woods.
Grickes, hooting owh, moonlight through leaves, Leon enters with
Slashlight, whisiles secres whistle sofily. Mo-Billy appears eating
flowers. Leon sits, takes a flower. They look out into the woods as
they eat.
LEON: Know what Joey said, Mo-Billy?
‘o-piLty: Now how would I know that? Am 1 a mind reader? T read
eyes. I read foreheads. "Less I got the man himself open-eyed and
face fronta me, how'm I sposed to read him? Answer is “I cant.”
(Eats flover)
L0N: He's gonna kill himself
MO-BILLY: Brave man. Tried to kill myself a lotta times, Lee-boy.
LEON: Did you, Mo-Billy?
MO-BILLY: HalF-assed it. Hung myself with a rope from a steeple in
Platwville, Wisconsin. ‘The year was 1946, First che steeple broke.
Then the rope broke. Church come tumbling down top of me
thundera God. I svolled off, not a scratch, bump nor diddly squat
of a bruise on me. Litde dazed but none che worse for it, knock
wood. (Sound of woodblock as he taps his head.) None the better.
Lz0N: No?
‘MO-BILLY: Man needs a more appropriate means of suicide. If he's
serious.
LEON: Joey's serious allright.
‘Mo-BILLY: That case, I advise an elephant gun to the uvula. Hollow you
out like a scoop to a pumpkin. But you gotta be brave to suck
LEON AND JOEY 95buckshot through 3 feet of steel. Conquering human nacure ain't
cake.
LEON: T don't want Joey to die, Mo-Billy
‘Mo-BILLY: Did you suggest eating a flower or two?
1£0N: Yeah.
Mo-BILLY: Begonias are just the ching for depression
LEON: He thinks you're my imaginary friend.
Mo-sitty: Well if his mind’s that dead-set and he wont take the cure,
there's not much you or anybody can do. (Beat, singing.) Nobody
likes me. Everybody hates me. Guess I'll go eat worms. Long
sleemy, slimy ones. Gross greemy, griiny ones. Guess I'll go eat ~
(Stops abruptly.) Ever eat worms, Leon?
iBON: No.
Mo-biLty: I advise against it.
(Crossfade to})
SCENE 3
‘An Inalian Ressaurant. Red-checkered tablecloth, candle, Italian
restaurant music. Joy and Gina seated.
J08%: T've read of instances ~ documented cases in medical journals,
mind you, in which — and this I tell you act to spoil your mical but
by way of making the case that all of nature, though ostensibly
freakish, is essentially natural ~ instances in which there has been
cannibalism in the womb. Yes, babies haye been born with an extra
set of skin. An extra mouth in place of a navel. Having devoured
the other, sucked up the others life-blood, babies have been born
with stomachs full of picked-clean bone. As if — What's your name?
GINA: Gina
JOE: As if, Gina, che one ingested the other one whole. Only remnant
we see of the dark battle are the tips of five tiny fingers protruding
ciut the forehead. And you thought the womb was a safe place.
How's the calamari?
‘Gina: Good.
JO8Y: They inake it with canola oil.
GINA: Do they?
JOY: Very low in saturaced fa.
ina: Is ie?
JOR: The lowest. (Dipping and eating) Leon and me are swins. Not
identical twins. Nor are we fraternal. We are, as our mother
96 KEITH HUFF
hatched this predicament, of one egg. What transpired between
Leon and me in the womb, I have no way of knowing. The result?
Leon got the-goodness. Igor the evil. I am the evil ewin Joe. Jocy i
you prefer. ¥ answer to both though not always politely. But
enough about Leon and me, ub, what was your name, again? Lisa?
ina: Gina
Jos¥: Gina, right. God. (Pounds heed) Gina, Gina, Gina. (With a
Jaugh.) What about you, Gina?
cana: Thad a fairly uneventful childhood. Dad abusive, Mom abused.
Dad cheats, Mom goes insane. Usual turn of events.
J08Y: Sure.
GINA: T eventually left home and was raped at college while I was
handing out leaflets in front of the student union. Um ... I believe
in love and solidarity. I despise money and competitive hatreds. I
believe in a kingdom of social justice. I despise man's inhumanity
toward man. I believe in a clasless fraternity on earth. I despise
inequality. I believe in communal rationality and self sacrificial
austerity I despise human egotism, man’s competitive pulse and his
lust for waste. In spite of the fact chat I believe wholeheartedly in
forgiveness, my comrades at the university urged me to ideatify the
rapist. For the sake of the raped of the fucure.
Jor¥: Did you?
(Nod) He was released from prison three months later due to
overcrowding. He found me, raped me again and poured lime on
my face. I felt sorry for myself for a long time.
sory: Which, needless to say, goes without saying.
GINA: After unsuccessfully practicing witchcraft for 2 years, I placed the
ad in the personals you called on. I lost sight in one eye, but not
my hope. T don't dwell on the past. I lost my, beauty, but not my
utopian drive. There's always the future. In the fueare I see the
resplendent sunburst of the messianic.
JOEY: That’ easy for you to say. You still have plastic surgery as an option.
‘GINA: I've had plastic surgery
JOEY: And still youtre ~
GINA: Ugly.
JOEY: I didn't say ugly. Did I say ugly?
GINA: I have to wait 15 co 20 years for more scar tissue to build up
before the docrors can do anything else.
J08%: Which in and of itself is reason for hope. Me, conversely, can I
LEON AND Jory 97have plastic surgery performed on my ugly soul in 15 years? 20
years? Ever? ;
GINA: Hope can be transformative.
JOEY: That's debatable. I can, pethaps, when and if one has a glimmer of
hope to begin with. I, however, am darkness through and through. It
rears its ugly head at me daily in the mirror. I know the ugly face of
impossibility. I see it every day when T shave. Which is why, on
‘occasion, this occasion for instance, I appear in pubic unshaven.
ina: I don't think you're ugly or evil, Joey. I think you're a good
person deep down. And if you're not too particular ... I mean, if
my looks dont disgust you too much ... well... I'm having a good
time. I wouldn't mind going out with you again.
J08¥: Whatta you, dense? Not me. My brother.
GINA: Your brother?
JOBY: My brother Leon.
GINA: You answered my ad for him?
JO8%: What, my looks, you think I gotta go hunting up desperate, ugly
‘women in the personals? me
Gia: (Hurt, aving) Thanks everlastingly for the lovely meal.
JOEY: Whoa one horsy minute, Gina. You eat like a garbage truck, shoo
ime the blow-off, you pay.
(Gina throws $20 and turns to leave. Joey stops her — sheir consequent
sug and pull on the dance floor inadvertently becomes a dance)
j0=% Hey, Gina. Wait. At least meet him.
iva: After you humiliate me like this? You're poop that’s been stepped
in, On top of thac, you're vain,
JoEv: Look, reason I said nothing, my brother, Leon, he's a good guy.
He's shore a few bricks, but nonetheless I do not fix him up with
any syphilitic-ridden scumbag out the stinkfinger pages of Miss
Lonely Hearts.
(Gina starts to leave. Joey spins her back tothe table grabs napkin and
shows ber)
JOEY: Gina, wait. I gor a checklist. Lookit. 45 minutes you kept me
waiting I etched it out on my napkin. Lookit that: Every
qualification dotted by a blot of shrimp dip. You passed with flying
colors. You're the one.
Joey dips Gina. They are very close)
JOBY: Look, you're not particular, he's not particilar. I need someone to
take cate of him after I kill myself,
GINA: After you what?
98 KEITH HUFF
JOEY: A formality. Just meet him, okay?
(Gina looks at Joey, obviously in love with him. The: lights fade to
black) :
‘SCENE 4
Leon and Joey Hise. Joy singing to himself, setting table. Leon
centers sts. Joey serves Leon oatmeal with a flourish. Leon eats.
Joey sts, smiling. Lean looks up.
JOEY: So?
LEON: So what, Joe?
JOEY: How was it?
LEON: Fine.
Jory: Fine? Just fine?!
LEON: Are we talking about oatmeal, Joey?
JOEY: (Swats Leon.) The girl, numskull,
LEON: What girl, Joey?
JOBY: The girl. Gina.
LEON: (Looks around, beat.) Who's Gina, Joey?
JOEY: The girl you slepe with last night, dimwit.
LEON: You put a girl in my bed? i
JOEY: We're gonna do this, Leon, you gotta show some initiative. I
promised Ma on her deathbed I'd take care of you. How'm I
supposed to 86 myself you don't cooperate? -
LEON: You were gone out late, Joey. I was scared alone. I took a extra
medication. You know how I sleep when I take a extra medication.
Jozv: You're a real ladies’ man, Leon. Christ, I had to wine and dine this
‘one for two hours to hook her.
LEON: She was a hooker?
JOE: (Hits Leon.) Shame you let this one get away. She was nice. Ugly
but nice. She had this glow from down deep.
LEON: Women scare me, Joey. They're so beautiful I get my nervous
stomach like I gotta go pee and throw up both the same time.
(Gina enters in Joeys bathrobe, towel wrapped turban-like around her
wet hair)
sina: (To Leon with a kis.) Morning, Leon. (Sits.) What's for breakfast?
(Leon, nervous and sick, runs out)
GINA: Mmmmm. Haven't had oatmeal in'ages. Any coffee?
LEON AND Jory 99JOEY: Sure, (Pours coffee.) So. How'd things go last night?
Gina: Wonderfully, hank you.
JOEY: We thought you left.
INA: I didn't
JOEY: Bouncy-bouncy?
Gina: Pardon me?
JOEY: Way Leon talked he didn’t know you were in his bed at all,
Gina: Leon's reticence is entirely understandable, Joseph. When
spiritual communion enables two. souls to transcend the temporal
confines of mete sexuality, talking about it is virtually impossible.
T'll look after Leon, now. Don't you have something to do?
(Beat. Joey exits. Leon re-enters)
LEON: Hi.
ina: Hi,
LEON: Sorry, I ran out like that.
Tim used to it
LEON: I got a nervous stomach.
tna I have that effect on people.
LEON: You're Gina?
(Gina nods)
.zoN: What happened to your face?
GINA: Lime.
LEON: Fruit juice?
Na: Calcium oxide.
LEON: Were you really in my bed last night?
«ain: I slept on the floor. 7
LEON: I sleep like a rock. (Beat) You like him, don’t you?
(Gina looks away)
LEON: He's not a bad guy, Joey. He just doesn't have any vocation. He's
got a problem with sugar, to0, I noticed. And he never eats enough
flowers. Maybe exercise'd make a difference. Or good luck. Or
psychotherapy. (Beat) I could help you.
GINA: (Leaving) I becter go.
LEON: I'l just ell him whae I see.
GINA: Do that hell run off and toss his cookies, too.
“LEON: What i really see. How I see your eyes so open-brown and deep,
T could disappear inside them, fall forever slow like flight.
GINA: Stop ic.
LEON: And how your voice gurgles in my chest like warm bath water.
(Gina laughs)
100 KEITH HUFF
LEON: And how your laugh tingles the hair at the back of my neck.
ina: Donte make fun,
LEON: And how your skin breathes warmth like fresh bread from the
(Gina sres not to smile)
LON: And your smile is a candlelit window on a lightless night.
GINA: You can't make him sce what's not there.
LEON: It’s what anyone would see if he'd just close his eyes and look at
you. Mo-Billy says its the only way to travel
Gina: How?
LEON: Eyes closed. Close our eyes, we go all over, me and Mo-Billy.
Venice las night, Elysian Fields night before.
‘GINA: Elysian Fields isnt a real place.
LEON: It is while me and Mo-Billy are there. They got all-you-can-eat
grapes big as ping-pong balls fresh off che vine.
GINA: (Amused.) Do they?
LEON: One in your mouth, its like an explosion of ice cold Kool-Aid.
Mo-Billy made us leave because I was laughing so much I was
disturbing the peace. Grapes ferment on the vine in Elysian Fields.
cant handle liquor too well.
GINA: Who's Mo-Billy?
LEON: My best friend. Beside Joey. Joey doesn't believe in Mo-Billy.
Mo-Billy cold me that’s precisely the kinda skepticism that, in a
different world, coulda spelled the untimely demise of Tinkerbell.
(Beat) He said you were nice.
Gina: Jocy did? :
LEON: He said you have this glow from down deep.
ina: He did not. Did he?
Leon: Just this morning. Listen, you twoid make a great couple. Jocy’s
‘dark. You're light. Mo-Billy says put the two together, dark doesn’t
have a chance in ~
(Short
LEON: Joey ... ?
(Blackout)
SCENE 5
Mo-Billys Secluded Retreat in the Woods. Mo-Billy Leon eating
flowers.
‘Mo-BILLY: Dead? Don't fret, Lee-boy. When I was last in analysis with
LEON AND jozy 101Sigmund Freud, Siggy told me in his Vistful Wiennese way: “Mo-
Billy, in my considered opinion I have found little that is good
about human beings as a whole. In my experience most of them are
trash.” The year was 1915. Or thereabouts. My Wiennese is rusty.
‘Thats a rough translation. Still and all, if | had a choice between
suicide and the gitl, 'd take the girl hands down.
LLON: 1915 was before you were born, Mo-Billy, wasn't it?
MO-BILLY: Yes, Leon, it was. But in the expended days of my youth I
had a time machine. Went everywhere. Which only goes
to show you: a man’s world view depends very much upon where
and not where he stops or don't stop while traveling through
time.
LEON: Do you still have that time machine, Mo-Billy?
Mo-BILLY: Donated ic for scrap metal during the Good War.
I could travel through time. I miss Joey so much.
ipping through time and space can be a dangerously
discombobulating business, Lee-Boy.
Le0N: T don't care. If could go back I'd change everything:
Mo-siLty: Well, the machine may be long gone, but the technology
remains. (Taps head: a woodblock sound.) When you've traveled
extensively through time the technology stays with you always.
~ Where to? Gimme your head, I'l send you.
LEON: Really?
~ MO-BILLY: Name your destination,
1BON: Yesterday morning. Breakfast.
ee,
reverse rack music, gradually louder)
BON: Something's happening, Mo-Billy!I can feel it!
‘Mo-aILLY: Lec ic happen!
(Music very loud. Lights sputter and Blackout.)
SCENE 6 -
‘Leon and Jo): House. Joey singing to himself, setting table. Leon
enters, sts. Joey serves Leon oatmeal wish a flourish. Leon eats
Joy sits, smiling. Leon laoks up.
JOEY: So?
10N: So what, Joc?
Jory: How was it?
LEON: Fine.
102 KEITH HUFF
JOEt Fine? Just fine?!
Leon: Are we talking about oatmeal, Joey?
JOEY: (Swats Leom) The giel, numskuil
LON: Oh, the giel. Gina, you mean.
JOEY: Yes, Gina, So?
LEON: She slept on the floor.
J0Er Youte a real ladies’ man, Leon. We're gonna do this, you gotea
show some initiative. I promised Ma on her deathbed I'd take care
of you. How'm I supposed to 86 myself you dorit cooperate?
LEON: Gina’s not interested in me, Joey. Gina’ in love with you.
JOEX: What?
LEON: It’s you she loves.
JOEY: She told you this?
LEON: You can tell just by looking at her.
Joey: Yeah, right.
L0N: You told me yourself, you thought she's nice,
JOEY: I never said that.
LeoN: You told me she has this glow from down deep.
sozv: When did I say this?
Leon: Yesterday.
JOEY I met her for the first time last night, moron!
LEON: I know but Mo-Billy, he sent me back in time to change things
JOEY: The wood-nymph again! .
L60N: Don't kill yourself, Joey. Youll see.
(Gina enters in Jog bathrobe, towel wrapped turban-like around her
wet hair)
GINA. (To Leon with a kiss) Morning, Leon. (Sits) What's for breakfast?
(Leon runs out) ,
GINA: Mmmmm, Haven't had oatmeal in ages. Any coffee?
JOEY Sure. (Pours coffe) So. How'd things go last night?
Gina: Wonderfully, ee you. aa
JOEY: We thought you left.
ina: didnt.
JOEY: Bouncy-bouncy?
GINA: Pardon me?
JOEY: Way Leon talked he didn’t know you were in his bed at all.
ina: Leon's reticence is entirely understandable, Joseph. When
spiritual communion enables two souls to transcend the temporal
confines of mere sexuality, ealking about it is virtually impossible.
Tiilook after Leon, now. Don't you have something to do?
LEON AND JorY 103,(Beat, Joey exits. Leon re-enters concealing something in robe pocket)
LEON: Hi.
LEON: Sorry, I ran oue like that.
GINA: Tim used (0 it
1.20N: Thad to get Joey's gun.
GINA: He's not serious about killing himself,
LGN: Oh, yeah. (Beat) You like him, don't you?
(Gina looks away)
1£0N: Tell him,
GINA: (Leaving. I better go.
LEON: Know what Jocy told me? He sees a glow from deep inside you.
‘Gina: (Turning back) Joey told you tha?
LEON: Yesterday at breakfast.
GGINA: I just met him for the firs rime last night.
LEON: I've got this friend Mo-Billy, he used to travel through time. And
even though he donated his time machine for scrap metal during
the Good War he put his hands on my head’ and there was this
music and he sent me back because Joey killed himself yesterday.
So 1 took Joey's gun and now if I can get you two together,
everything'll work out just fine
«ainca: God, you really are retarded
LEON: You don't remember because Mo-Billy sent me back from
tomorrow. Joey really needs someone like you. He’ all darke and
youre all light, and Mo-Billy says put the two together and dark
doesn’t have a chance in — 7
(Shot)
LEON: He couldn't. He wouldn't. Joey!?
(Blackout)
SCENE 7
‘Mo-Billys Secluded Retreat in the Woods. Leon enters breathlesly
with flashlight. Mo-Billy eating flowers
LEON: I need you to send me back in time, Mo-Billy!
Mo-BiLty: Back in time?
LEON: Joey killed himself, again! I forgot my dad’s shotgun in the attic!
Mo-BILL¥: There’s an efficient way to go.
Leon: Can you send me?!
‘Mo-mute: Fact-o-the matter is —
104 KEITH HUFF
LEON: You donated your time machine for scrap metal during the
Good War!
‘Mo-BiLLY: You are turning into one expert of a mind-reader, Leon.
LEON: Can you do it again?!
MO-BILLY: Again?!
LON: You sent me yesterday!
Mo-piuty: I did?
LGON: You don't remember because it was the present when you sent
‘me! Now the present is the future and yesterday is today and today
is tomorrow and ...!'m confused, Mo-Billy.
Mo-siL: Exactly the reason T gave up time-travel to begin with, Never
did particularly enjoy being discombobulated.
LEON: Al know, I gorta go back and save Jocy!
Mo-uiLLy: Second chance, same outcome? Seems fates dead set against
LEON: Send nie anyway!
Mo-aitiy: Well, seeing I already sent you, seems I got no choice in the
‘matter, do 1? Gimme your head and lets get skipping.
(Mo-Billy preses Leon's head as before. Reverse track riusic again as
ghts sputter and Blackout)
SCENE 8
Leon and Joeys House. Jory and Leon at breakfist as before. Gina
‘enters in Joey bathrobe, towel wrapped turban-like around her
swet hair Joey and Gina's inisial interchange thick with déjd eu.
Gina: (To Leon, with a hist) Morning, Leon. (Sits) What's for breakfast?
(Leon runs out)
GINA: Mmmmm. Haven't had oatmeal in ages.
(Joey pours coffee)
GINA: Any ... coffee?
s08Y: (Realizing het already pouring.) Sure.
ocy and Gina look as one another, confused, connecting in a way they
never have ~ as if they've done this all before)
JOBY: So. How'd things go last night?
GINA: Wonderfully, thank you. :
JOBY: We thought you ...
‘Gina: I didnt.
JOEY: ... lef
(Beat. This is weird)
LEON AND JOEY 105JOBY: Bouncy-bouncy?
GINA: Pardon me?
JO8Y: Way Leon talked he didn't know you were in his
JOEY AND GINA... bed at all.
GINA: Leon's reticence is entirely understandable, Joseph. When
spirieual communion enables two souls to transcend the temporal
confines of mere sexuality, calking about itis ..
GINA AND JOBY:... virtually impossible.
(Déja vw again. Gina and Joey take a double beat to shake it off Joey
begins to exit)
ina: I'lllook after Leon, now. Don't you have something to ... do?
(Beat. Joey halts, looks back and, shaking off that strange sensation,
exits. Leon re-enters concealing handgun in robe pocket as well as
shotgun under bis robe)
LEON: Got’em both this time,
J08%: (Offitage) Leon!
LEON: (Inadvertently brandishing guns) Now, Gina, you march in there
and tell Joey how you feel about him before he finds. something
else co kill himself wich!
JOEY: (Entering angrily) Have you been messing in my.chings?
Lz0N: (Badly concealing shotgun and handgun.) No. (Drops gun.) 1 don't
want you to kill yourself, Jocy! :
ina: (To Joey) You're not really going to do it.
Jory: (To Gina) Please. This is a family matter: (To Leom.) Gimme, the
gun, Leon. ‘
LEON: But she loves you, Joey! And you love her!
JOEY: (Zo Gina) From the mouths of retards.
LEON: Close your eyes and see, Joey! She's beautiful! You need her!
JOEY: (To Gina.) He gets like this, give him a double-dose of his
medication. (Advancing on Leon) That don’ work, a swift crack in
the head does wonders. ‘
LEON: (Backing away) I traveled through time «wice to save you! You
cant do it again! I wor't let you!
JO8¥: Just gimme one of the guns.
10N: This story's gonna have a happy ending if ic kills me!
JOEY: Have it your way, ltee brother.
(Joey bolts aftr Leon. They wrestle A shat! Leon falls to the floor)
JOEY: Leon?
LEON: I'm bleeding, Joe. Jocy?
JOEY: Oh, Christ. [killed him. (7> Gina) Do you know first aid?
106 KEITH HUFF
(Gina, calmly kneeling, removes towel from hain, presses it to Leon's
chest)
GINA: (To Joey) Do you have any candles?
JOE: (Runs offin a panic, stops short) For a gunshot wound?!
int: know what I'm doing. Get one,
oey runs out. Leon fades fast.)
10s: (Weakly) Am I dying, Git
Cocy enters with candle. Music begins as lights change and Gina begins
to perform a ritualized dance)
ina: (To Joep)
(ogy lights candle. Gina positions Leonis body on floor and circles with
candle around him)
GiNt:.(To Leon) Leon, concentrate on the light. Don't let go of the
light.
(Gina performs a dance, perhaps a song, around Leon's rapidly
expiring body)
Jory: He's bleeding to death and you do a candlelight hootchie-
cootchie' dance?!
(Gina goes to Joey, touches her palmio his lips to silence hiv)
ina: (With great authority) | know what I'm doing. .
(Gina ceremonial songldance continues. Music swells, lights fluctuate,
something is most definitely happening. Gina concludes by blowing ous
the candle at Joey she expiring smoke puffing into bis face. The music
‘nds and lights return to normal. Joey approaches Leon cautiously. He
‘feels down and fees for a pulve)
JOEY: Ob, great. You know what you're doing and he's dead.
(Leoni voice echoes over PA sytem)
BOK: (Over PA) I'm not dead, Joey.
JOEY: (Frightened, looking around) Leon?
GINA: (Unable to hear Leon.) Can you hear him?
Jor: Can't you?
(Gina shakes her bead ‘no,’)
10K: (Over PA) Of course, she cant; Joey. I'm in here.
JOEY: In where?
Gina: Leon is inside you, now. You ewo are now one as you should have
‘been from the beginning. Courtesy of thé Tibetan Soul Meld.
(Exhausted, sts) Whew.
J08¥: You pur thar rerard inside mel?
LEON: (Over PA.) God, it’s dark in here, Joey.
JOE%: Get him out, you witch! Get him outa me!
LEON AND Joey 1071B0N: (Over PA.) How can you stand it?
JO8Y: (Zo Leon) I can't, you idiot Why do you think I want to diet!
LEON: (Over PA.) Well, le’ let some light in,
JOEY: (To Leon, Ul let some light in, allright!
(Joey goes for gun. He points it ax bis own head. As‘Leon talks Joey
stares at Gina strangely)
LEON: (Over PA, A litte light, Joey. Right there in front of you. Lookit
how her eyes are so open-brown and deep. You could disappear
inside them, couldn’ you? Just fall forever slow like light,
Gina: (In response to Joey: tare.) What?
LEON: (Over PA.) And how her voice gurgles in your, chest like warm
bath water. ;
JOEY: (To Leon in bis beast) Shut up, Leon! Shut up or I'l pop you!
GINA: (With a laugh.) What's he saying?
LEON: (Over PA.) And how her laugh tingles the hair ar the back of
your neck,
(ees slowly lowers the gun.)
LEON: And how her skin, Jory, if you just get a lire closer, breathes,
warmth like fresh bread from the oven.
(ey approaches Gina. She smiles)
JO8¥: Did anyone ever tell you your smiles a ~ (To Leon inside.) A what?
LEON: (Coaching Joey) A candle-ln window on a lightless night.
JOEY: (Overlaps as he repeats along with Leon) ... a candle-lit window on
a lightless nigh?
coins Is that what you see?
oN: (Over PA.) Lite light makes a world of difference, didn’t I say,
Joey?
so8y; I's what anybody see if he'd just close his eyes and .
(Joey and Gina close sheir eyes and kiss. Music. Leon is heard
throughout the kiss and as lights fade to black)
LEON: (Over PA.) You know what you and Gina could do, Joe?
JOEY: (ln she midst of kiss) Shuc up, Leon.
‘LEON: Tell the police an accident. Insurance money, Hawaii honeymoon.
aun (dn she mid‘ of kiss) Shu up, Leon,
LEON: Hey, we could open that burrito stand we always wanted! (Beat,
in darkness) Joey...
ENp OF PLay
yt
108 KEITH HUFF