In 2015, more than 44,000 Americans died by suicide—one death every 12 minutes, as the Department of Health and

Human Services put it. The overall suicide rate has grown by nearly 30 percent over the past 15 years, prompting some to
call it a new public health crisis.

Al Hsu knows this reality personally. Nine months after the InterVaristy Press senior editor got married, he received a
phone call from his mother. “Daddy killed himself,” she told him. When he heard the news, Hsu and his wife already had
plans to visit his parents. His 58-year-old father was in rough condition after a stroke had left him partially debilitated
and gravely depressed. The aftermath of his father’s death sparked Hsu to reflect and research, the results of which found
their way into Grieving a Suicide: A Loved One’s Search for Comfort, Answers, and Hope (InterVarsity Press), first
published in 2002 and re-released this year.
Hsu spoke with assistant editor Morgan Lee about the inner conflict of grieving a suicide, the best and worst ways his
community responded to his pain, and whether ending one’s own life condemns a Christian to hell.

What is it like to lose someone you love to suicide?

Counselors call this kind of grief a complicated grief or a complicated bereavement because grievers are actually dealing
with two realities: grief and trauma. The grief of losing a loved one is normal and expected, but with suicide comes
trauma. In processing a suicide, there is no easy path to peace and the grief journey cycles through all sorts of different
feelings and emotions.

LifeWay Research: 1 in 3 Protestant Churchgoers Personally Affected by Suicide

So it’s important to realize that this grief will strike you in many different ways.

Right. For grievers, there are any number of emotions that are common, whether it’s anguish, pain, or survivor’s guilt and
shame. Those who have lost a loved one to suicide often feel at fault. Why didn’t I see this coming? Why didn’t I do
something to prevent it? So they feel guilty that they weren’t able to stop it. This is something wrong about my family,
something wrong about my loved one, and I don’t want to talk about it because it’s shameful.
We also feel conflicted because if it had been a murder we could rage against the murderer. But in this case, the murderer
is the loved one, so we grieve him and rage against him at the same time, leaving us conflicted and exhausted. This anger
is normal, and we shouldn’t try to shut it down. But we have to beware more self-destructive responses to a loss. Some
grievers turn to alcohol or drug use, while others may actually try to reenact their loved one’s steps. They may stand
holding a gun looking in the mirror or on a balcony ledge, trying to figure out what was going on in their mind. We need
to be careful of these self-destructive responses and have our community keep an eye on us.

How did your community reach out to you after your father’s suicide?

We had only been attending our church less than a year, but my pastor at the time and his wife drove seven hours to
Minnesota (from Illinois) to come to the funeral. That was a tremendous statement of mourning with those who mourn and
grieving with those who grieve.

The most helpful people were those present with us who didn’t seek to give us pat answers and quick fixes. Statements
and questions like “Tell me about your father” or “What do you want to remember about him?” help the griever reflect on
the life and—not just the death—of the loved one.

Those who offered verses like Romans 8:28 or said that “God has a plan,” while well-intentioned, felt painful. One
relative gave the “If it doesn’t kill you, it makes you stronger” line. However, what I heard was, “Your dad wasn’t strong
enough to handle his stroke and depression, so he took his own life.” What was meant as a well-intentioned “You can
handle this” sounded more like “Your dad couldn’t handle it.”

Do Christians who die by suicide go to hell?

Christians often assume that suicide is an unforgivable sin and that those who die by suicide automatically go to hell.
That’s a misconception that believes in a transactional view of sin and forgiveness, where if we don’t confess the sin of
suicide after it takes place, it can’t be forgiven. But that idea comes more from Augustine and medieval theology than the
Bible. Scripture doesn’t actually say that suicide separates us from God for eternity. The unforgivable sin is never equated
with suicide in Scripture. Somebody like Samson died at his own hand, but he’s still included in Hebrews 11 among the
Hall of the Faithful. And there’s the promise in Romans 8 that “neither life nor death,” not even death by suicide, could
“separate us from the love of God in Christ.”

I was on a radio show recently where one caller said, “I’ve always believed that suicide automatically sends you to hell,
and that has prevented me from killing myself. Now I’m confused because if you tell me that suicide doesn’t automatically
send you to hell, doesn’t that let people off the hook?”

I said something along the lines of, “Well, suicide is never held up positively in Scripture. There are seven suicides in
Scripture from King Saul to Judas, and they’re always depicted negatively. They are never God’s plan for anybody’s life.
But it’s also not the unforgivable sin that automatically condemns somebody for eternity.”

I put suicide in the literary category of tragedy. In Greek or Shakespearean tragedy, somebody is undone by an internal
fatal flaw, and the tragic hero dies because something has gone wrong in their story. When we think of that and our loved
ones that we lost in suicide, that helps us understand them. It doesn’t excuse their action, but it helps us have compassion
on and empathy for them.

What’s your advice for talking to children when a loved one dies by suicide?

In many cases, families try to cover up the truth to “protect” the children. Young kids may not understand why a parent
has taken their own life, and so the temptation is to couch it in terms like, “Oh, there was an accident” or “Mommy didn’t
mean to take those pills.” That might work for a little while, but inevitably the kids grow up and hear the full story from
somebody who doesn’t know that they weren’t supposed to talk about it. Not only does this launch them into grieving the
loss of their parent dying in this way, they also feel betrayed by those who have covered it up. It’s better to speak candidly
but in age-appropriate ways to kids to help them understand: Mommy felt that she could not go on living. Her feeling was
like an illness or disease that prevented her from seeing hope for the future. She felt like she couldn’t go on.

We should reassure children that they are not at fault. Young children are particularly egocentric, and they often think they
caused something. So we need to reinforce: “It was not your fault that Mommy or Daddy did this. They are responsible for
their own actions.”

Since this book’s first release, how have your own beliefs, thoughts, and feelings about suicide changed?

I grieve a little differently now as a 40-something than I did as a 20-something. I experienced the initial grief as a 20-
something losing his dad. Now, almost 20 years later, the grief changes, and I grieve him as the grandfather that my sons
have never known. I regret all the conversations we didn’t have over the years.

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What strikes me is that suicide is so common. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said last year that suicide
rates have increased by some 24 percent over the last 15 years in almost every demographic category. Each suicide leaves
behind, on average, 6 to 10 people—children, parents, spouses. That’s hundreds of thousands of people that are going
through this loss every year.

Suicide has touched lots of people, and we’re not always aware of its prevalence until it happens. Unfortunately, then
people are surprised by it and feel like they’re alone. They need to know there are others that have gone through the same
experience.

Many people who die by suicide are middle-aged white men. What do you make of that?
As far as middle age goes, studies show that the loss of economic productivity is a big factor in suicide. However,
untreated depression is the number one cause of suicide. Some studies say that about two-thirds of suicides involve
depression.

There’s almost always a multiplicity of factors that lead to a suicide. For middle-aged people who face limitations in
career, health, or economic opportunity, these struggles can compound on each other. It can lead people to a place where
they think their best days are behind them and don’t see hope for the future, leaving them at greater risk for suicide.

When it comes to suicide, are there preventative measures we can take?

Karen Mason’s book Preventing Suicide argues that people who are thinking about suicide want to be rescued. They may
not always articulate it, but the people experiencing suicidal ideation are often torn between the desire to die and the desire
to live. When the desire to die outweighs the desire to live or exceeds their capacity for coping mechanisms to handle their
pain, that’s when suicide takes place.
But suicide can be prevented with resources, communities, support, and counseling. Therapists and counselors say you can
either reduce the pain or increase the capacity to cope with pain. This can be done through counseling, therapy, medicine,
or antidepressants.

The church should not be afraid of psychology or medicine. Sometimes Christians think, Oh, that’s unspiritual. If we just
believe or pray more, then we’d be able to heal this. But, no, these are ways that the church can minister to one another.
God gave us people who are researchers and understand medicine, brain chemistry, and neuroscience. The better we
understand these things, the better we can help one another. Just as we would not think it unspiritual to medically heal
somebody for cancer or leukemia, it’s okay to provide treatment for depression and mental illness.
What brings you hope in this dark conversation?

Suicide rates are increasing. The trends are all heading in the wrong direction for almost every demographic. But if there is
a silver lining, it is that the church is now more aware of mental health issues than it was 15 years ago.

In 2013, Saddleback Church pastor Rick Warren and his wife, Kay, lost their son Matthew to suicide. He had had a long
history of mental illness, and it was a devastating experience for them. But Kay has since launched Saddleback’s mental
health ministry and has done a lot of training for the church to be more aware of these issues. And so as a result, people
have been saved from suicide because of their story and helping people be aware of the realities of mental illness.

I’m grateful for the work of people like Kay and Amy Simpson and her book Troubled Minds. There are resources
available for the church that did not exist 15 years ago. To the extent that people are more public about the realities of
mental illness and suicide, the more we can help those who struggle and save those at risk.
ARTICLE

Suicide from a Christian perspective

Definition: Suicide is to purposefully take one’s own life out of misdirected self-love. The term “suicide”
was coined in 1651 and literally means “self” (sui) “to kill” (cide).

There is a moral difference between volitional suicide and suicide due to psychological or physiological
factors such as a chemical imbalance, clinical depression, an altered mental state, etc.

A distinction should be made between suicide and willful self-sacrifice of one’s own life.

Examples of self-sacrifice include: military service, dying in defense of a friend (cf. John 15:13),
ministering to the infectious sick, dangerous missions work (cf. 2 Cor. 4:7–18; 11:16–23).

In regard to his own self-sacrifice Jesus declared, “No one takes [my life] from me, but I lay it down of
my own accord. I have authority to lay it down, and I have authority to take it up again. This charge I
have received from my Father” (John 10:18).

There are roughly 29,000 successful suicides in the United States each year; compared to 19,000
murders and 13,000 AIDS related deaths.

Roughly 500,000 people will attempt suicide each year.

Suicide is the third leading cause of death for people ages 15 to 25.

72% of successful suicides are white males.

Females are more likely to attempt suicide; however, males are four times more likely to successfully
commit suicide.

Suicide almost always occurs in response to suffering or anticipated suffering.

Suffering could be physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual in nature.

Major reasons for suicide include: depression, financial trouble, dissolution of a relationship, a form of
protest, sexual gender confusion, religious ritual, escape from punishment, and escape from pain.
Some may wrongly argue that suicide ought to be allowed, as a right, if one’s body is viewed as one’s
own property.

The body is not our own (cf. 1 Cor. 6:19–20).

As image bearers, human beings live in community. As such, suicide grieves those left behind, as well as
producing guilt and strained relationships.

Encouraging suicide communicates that there is no answer to despair and no comfort in affliction. This is
the opposite of what the gospel promises.

Church History

The Christian church has always viewed suicide as a grave sin.

The church has viewed suicide to be the prime example of self-idolatry.

The difference between suicide and other sins is that successful suicide allows no time for repentance.

Early church councils denied Christian burial to those guilty of suicide.

Southern Baptists have passed resolutions expressing concern about suicide in 1972, 1983, 1992, 1996,
and 2001; yet, all of these statements are tangentially related to suicide, focusing upon things such as
euthanasia, alcohol and drug use, and assisted suicide.

Suicide in the Bible;

General Scripture references;

Satan tempted Jesus to commit suicide (cf. Matt. 4:5–6; Luke 4:9–11).

The Philippian jailor purposed to commit suicide (cf. Acts 16:27–28).

Some of God’s ministers, especially his prophets, became so frustrated with their ministry that they
asked God to kill them, including: Moses (cf. Num. 11:12–15), Elijah (cf. 1 Ki. 19:4), and Jonah (cf. Jonah
4:1–11).

During the Great Tribulation many will attempt to commit suicide, but will be unable to find death (cf.
Rev. 9:6).

Examples of suicide in the Bible;

Saul (cf. 1 Sam. 31:1–6; 1 Chron. 10:4–5)

The first king of Israel.

Suicide by falling on his sword once wounded.

1 Chron. 10:14 says that the Lord killed Saul.

2 Sam. 1:10 says an Amalekite killed Saul.

2 Sam. 21:12 says the Philistines killed Saul.

Saul’s armor–bearer (cf. 1 Sam. 31:1–6; 1 Chron. 10:4–5)

Suicide by falling on his sword.

Ahithophel (cf. 2 Sam. 17:23)

A counselor to David and Absalom.

Suicide by hanging when his advice was spurned.

Zimri (cf. 1 Ki. 16:15–19)

The fifth king of Israel.

Suicide when deposed, after a week, by structural fire.

Judas Iscariot (cf. Matt. 27:3–5; Acts 1:15–19)

One of the twelve apostles.

Suicide by hanging after betrayal of Jesus.

Disputed examples;

Abimelech (Judg. 9:52–54)

The son of Gideon and sixth judge of Israel.

Killed by armor-bearer at his request once wounded.

Perhaps an example of assisted suicide

Samson (cf. Judg. 16:23–31)

The thirteenth and final judge of Israel.

Suicide by building collapse.

Cited as a hero of faith in Heb. 11:32.

An example of divinely-enabled self-sacrifice after repentance.

Observations;

All of the biblical examples of successful suicide are men.

All of the biblical examples are dubious characters and none are personally praised for their actions.

All were spiritually bankrupt or went through a period of spiritual collapse before their suicide.

Many of the biblical examples were in pain and/or afraid before suicide.

Scripture generally presents these examples of suicide as a fitting end to a wicked and unrepentant life
(cf. Judg. 9:56; 1 Ki. 16:19).

Toward a Christian Perspective;

Suicide is not the unpardonable sin, however suicide is sinful (cf. Matt. 12:31–32; Mark 3:28–29).

Reasons why suicide is wrong;

Suicide is a sin against God as the creator and sustainer of life. It rejects God’s sovereignty and usurps
his prerogative in regard to life and death (cf. Job 12:10).

Suicide is a violation of the sixth commandment (cf. Ex. 20:13; Deut. 5:17).

Suicide disregards the image of God and the sanctity of human life (cf. Gen. 1:26–27; 9:5–6).

Suicide is poor stewardship of one’s body (cf. 1 Cor. 6:19–20).

Suicide demonstrates misdirected love and is injurious to others (cf. Matt. 22:36–39; Eph. 5:29).
Suicide overlooks the value of human suffering (cf. Rom. 5:3–5; 8:28; 2 Cor. 4:17–18; 12:10).

Believers are called to suffer with Christ (cf. Rom. 8:17).

The present life is not one of earthly glory and conquest. Believers are called to have joy and hope in the
midst of current trials, looking forward to the age to come.

Suicide fails to recognize the unnatural nature of death (cf. Rom. 5:12; 1 Cor. 15:26; 1 Thess. 4:13–18).

Jesus refused to commit suicide and Paul prevented it (cf. Matt. 4:5–6; Luke 4:9–11; Acts 16:27–28).

Ministry

To those contemplating suicide;

Recognize signs of suicide, which include: talking about suicide; statements about hopelessness,
helplessness, worthlessness; preoccupation with death; sudden happiness and calm; loss of interest in
material things; disposal of material things; visiting loved ones; setting one’s affairs in order.

Practical response;

Ask pointed questions if you suspect someone is suicidal.

Persuade them—even take them—to get help (e.g., crisis hotline, emergency room, family, counseling,
etc.).

Refer them to available resources and stay involved in their life (e.g., support group, church, etc.).

Gospel

The gospel itself is a response to the conditions that lead many people to consider or to attempt suicide.

Christianity acknowledges the emptiness and brokenness of the world and offers hope, newness, and
abundant life. Jesus shared in man’s pain and suffering and provides redemption and restoration.

To those who have been affected by suicide;

Treat as normal death.

Grieve

Listen

Pray

Meet material needs.