Proverbs and Maxims of the 21st Century
If you want your spouse to listen
and pay strict attention to every
word you say, talk in your sleep.
The common cold, if left untreated,
lasts about two weeks. If treated
with medication and rest, it lasts
about fourteen days only.
Women who seek to be equal to men
lack ambition.
It doesn't make any difference how
much money you make, your wife
can spend it all.
Appear weak when you are strong,
and strong when you are weak.
Opportunities are never lost;
someone will take the one you miss.
I am not a vegetarian because
I love animals; I am a vegetarian
because I hate plants.
Time you enjoy wasting
was not wasted.
If you think you are too small to
make a difference, try sleeping in
a closed room with a mosquito.
Men and nations will act rationally
when all other possibilities have
been exhausted.
Help a man when he is in trouble
and he will remember you when
he is in trouble again.
Lead me not into temptation,
I can find it myself.
Good girls go to heaven,
bad girls go everywhere.
1
Man who sneezes without tissues
takes matters into his own hands.
I'm the man of this house
and I have my wife's permission
Having a smoking section in
a restaurant is like having
a peeing section in a pool.
If you want people to know
where you stand, wear the same
socks for two weeks.
The length of a marriage is
inversely proportional to the
amount spent on the wedding.
I can resist everything
except temptation.
Early to rise, early to bed,
makes a man healthy but
socially dead.
It is silly for a woman to go to
a male gynecologist. It is like
going to an auto mechanic who has
never owned his own car.
If you think nobody cares
if you're alive, try missing
a couple of car payments.
Never argue with a woman
when she's tired. Or rested.
Never test the depth of
the water with both feet.
Sex is like air; it's not
important unless you aren't
getting any.
A man is not complete until
he is married. Then he is finished.
Before you criticize someone,
walk a mile in their shoes.
That way you're a mile away,
and you have their shoes too.
2
Teamwork is essential.
It allows you to blame someone else.
Rule for precision:
Measure with a micrometer,
mark with chalk,
cut with an axe.
An expert is anyone from out of town.
I took an IQ test: the results were negative.
You can always find
what you're not looking for.
Whenever you cut your fingernails,
you will need them an hour later.
In an organization there is always
one person who knows what is going
on. This person must get fired.
Confidence is the feeling you
sometimes have before you fully
understand the situation.
One definition of insanity is doing
the same thing over and over again
expecting different results.
You can't have everything.
Where would you put it?
It's a widely accepted fact that
if your parents didn't have any
children, you won't either.
Many trees could be saved if the
government stopped printing
tax forms.
You can't make a baby in a month
by getting nine women pregnant.
Discoveries are often made
by not following instructions.
Many trees could be saved if the
government stopped printing
tax forms.
3
If you tell the truth, you don't
have to remember anything.
There is always free cheese
in a mousetrap.
One of the oldest human needs is
having someone wonder where you are
when you don't come home at night.
The supreme irony of life is hardly
anyone ever gets out of it alive.
There are two rules for success:
1) Never tell everything you know.
Never wrestle a pig. You both
get dirty and the pig likes it.
We are not retreating, we are
advancing in another direction.
Nothing is as easy as it looks.
Always keep a record of data.
It indicates you've been working.
Nothing motivates a man more
than to see his boss putting in
an honest day's work.
If you have to travel on a Titanic,
why not go first class?
Nostalgia isn't what it used to be.
He who always finds fault with
his friends has faulty friends.
Money is the root of all evil
and man needs roots.
It takes one woman nine months to
have a baby, no matter how many men you put on the job.
Never put off till tomorrow
what you can avoid all together.
Frequent naps will keep you from
getting old, especially when taken
while driving.
4
You must rest during the day
so you can sleep at night.
The person who snores the loudest
will fall asleep first.
One should always play fair
when he has the winning cards.
Always remember that you are
absolutely unique. Just like
everyone else.
The intensity of movie publicity
is in inverse ratio to the quality
of the movie.
Those who are against the freedom
of speech must be silenced!
It's hard to be nostalgic
when you can't remember anything.
In order to get a loan, you must
first prove you don't need it.
The beauty of most women is
inversely proportional to the
distance of the observer.
An optimist is a guy that
has never had much experience.
You can fool some of the people all
of the time and all of the people some
of the time, and that's sufficient.
The world is full of apathy,
but I don't care.
Complex problems have simple,
easy to understand, wrong answers.
Never get into fights with ugly
people. They have nothing to lose.
The secret of managing is to keep
the guys who hate you away from the
guys who are undecided.
5
All things are possible except
skiing through a revolving door.
If you tell the truth once,
they will never believe you again,
no matter how much you lie.
To find a policeman in a hurry,
double-park.
No wonder the country is in a mess;
half the people are below median
intelligence.
Just remember: when you go to court,
you are trusting your fate to twelve
people that weren't smart enough
to get out of jury duty!
Be nice to people until you have
made your first million bucks.
After that people will be nice to
you.
The worst or stupidest ideas
are always the most popular.
A stingy man is ready to spend
all his life in saving money.
Never say „NO‟ to supervisors who
know nothing of supervision.
Ladies first, even to hell.
Don‟t teach your grandmother to
suck eggs.
If you are poor, buy expensive things.
They will hold too long.
Flattery is the best policy.
Hunger begets anger.
Fuddy-duddy teachers have
students who never put on their
thinking caps.
6
If you want to be loved by everyone, hate
no one.
It is easy to criticize, but it is difficult to devise
what things really are.
As a rule, man is a fool. When it‟s hot
he wants it cool; when it‟s cool, he wants
it hot, always wanting what is not.
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Killing is unlawful in all religions, but we
are all killing our time.
If all guys were born equal, it must be their
cars that would help women choose the right guy.
Famous teachers are unknown soldiers.
Materialism and idealism are two rackets hitting
the same ball, which is our life.
Happiness is like a ball after which we keep
running, but when it stops ,we start kicking it around.
Money is not the main source of happiness, but
poverty is the main source of all misery.
We are always available at:
www. nowhere. don‟t come
Preserving wildlife is an international concern about which few are concerned.
There is no racial discrimination in injustice.
Cheating enemy is sincerity to our faith towards God.
A teacher of English is not always an English teacher.
A good way of saving money is to spend it in the cause of God.
Fierce dogs are less dangerous than sleeping dogs.
The more we progress in science, the more we come
close to the truth and the more we come to the truth, the
more our life turns to be tedious and boring‟ cause there
is no comfort in the truth.
7
Man of the 21st Century has become another Frank stein.
He has created what is killing him.
Heartless commercialism has a big heart for making money.
A teacher of grammar is an astute thinker.
A teacher of literature is a day- dreamer.
A teacher of sports is a good, fast runner.
A teacher of chemistry is a dab at any reactor.
A teacher of history is a good story narrator.
A teacher of geography is a good cartographer.
A teacher of physics is a good experiment processor.
A teacher of Art is experienced in using the color.
A teacher of maths is a quick calculator.
A teacher of biology knows why each
human body is fatter than the other.
All of them are much poorer than any
unknown singer or footballer playing
in Qatar.
Engagement is a semi- final; marriage is a final
match. There must be a loser and a winner. Nearly
most women are never losers.
No smoke, without smoking cigarettes or cigars.
The wishful thinking of nearly all women is not to
be called widows. The wishful thinking of most men
is to be called widowers.
The deaf can‟t be deprived of speech freedom.
An ugly lady dies for anything that looks like a man.
The blind can‟t be deprived of seeing the truth.
A honey-tongued man is a double-faced man.
Mad men are sane in a crazy society.
Ad: Female applicants are more preferable
to male applicants, simply because only
the former will be appointed.
The world is full of hatred. Any way,
I love but myself.
If you have the guts to say, I don‟t need a hair-drier,
I don‟t need to go to a barber,
8
I am not a combs or scissors buyer,
You are bolder enough to be called balder than others.
Live and let others die.
Teachers can get heuristics by avoiding some
of their “armchair” supervisors‟ strict instructions.
Tell me how much you have; I tell
you what kind of life you are leading and
and what kind of person you are.
An unveiled woman is like a house without a roof.
When we say love is blind, all men become
unable to see clearly.
Choosers can be beggars.
A beautiful working wife wears the trousers in the house.
Entering the arena of politics entails swallowing one‟s pride
politics is a leap-frog in which one politician bends down and
another jumps over him from behind.
Ambition without knowledge is like a boat on dry land.
Love is universal, for both love and the universe are infinite.
All equations of maths are incapable of understanding the logicality in love.
Prepared and compiled by. Muhammad Combaz
