A Reflection of My Experiences

1. Cite one pressing situation that you experience in the past.

The situation is when I'm still not shy, but not totally neither socially confident
before. I regret experiencing to enjoy life and pursue everything I want without
feeling shy and being embarrassed and without listening to a judgemental and
down words of people. I was so happy back then without thinking stressful things.
Now I always feel bad and being sensitive with things even with my family
members especially my relationship with my parents. I often fight with my
parents though not always. I still can't I hate or dislike them for disrespecting my
feelings and for saying hurtful words in me. I'm I'm not that close to them as they
think. And it kind of suck, because I don't even let my parents know what I think
but I really love my parents even though I love of things happening to me that I
don't know why can't open up to them. I experienced being alone and left out.
People whom I care the most left me and still can manage to help them and be
with them. Every bad things happened because of my bad past. I became an
introvert and hard to communicate with other people. It's hard for me to adapt in
a new society or new friends. I kept thinking "Did i do it right?" or "Did i say
somethings wrong?". I was scared i will annoyed some people with my words or
my actions. I got anxiety when some people suddenly act cold towards me. I can't
speak freely since all of that negative thoughts running around my mind and i
don't know how to get rid of it. I can't blame my parents when they said harsh
words that very hurts my feelings. They have their own problems. I sometimes
feel like a burden to everyone all around me. I want to help them but at the same
time i'm scared i'll do it in the wrong way. I don't want to dissapoint them. I keep
searching for answer for what purpose i should do in my life. I'm doubting my
future. I'm scared i will fail because i keep making the same mistakes over and
over without taking any lessons on it. I don't want to give up because i need to
keep fighting so i can make both of my parents proud but at the same time i want
to give up because i'm so tired handling everything. The tasks, responbilities,
pressure, expectations from others, and life problems. All of them making me
stressed and tired everyday. I keep blaming myself for everything i can't do. I
ended up dissapoint in myself. All of the mistakes and failures, i blamed it on
myself even thought it's not 100% my fault. I'm lack of self-love. I love everybody
except myself. I'm kind to everyone except myself. If i am somebody else except
myself, maybe i'll disgust on myself. I feel like i am so untalented, a burden,
useless, and everything negatives is inside me. Nothing is good in me. Like it's only
bad luck and bad things running in my blood. I compared myself to my friends, to
popular students, to pretty students, to talented students, and it makes me hate
myself even more. I became very sensitive to everything. Even when somebody
just joking on me, i take that as a serious insult even thought they didn't mean it. I
found it hard to trust other people again. And then i had a serious trust issues.

2. How did you respond to it initially (positively or negatively)? Briefly Explain.

At first, it had a huge impact on me which is why I first responded to it negatively.
But, afterwards, I accepted it and responded to it positively. I can still think
negative thoughts about for I’m not that strong to handle all of the problems that
I’m facing but now, as I continue to live on it I realize that I just need to
understand people and focus on the positive side. I used to be sad about it and
cry all night long. Telling myself i can't do anything, that i'm just nobody. I hurted
myself more than anyone ever did to me. I gave up even before i tried to do
things. Especially when i needed someone to help me but no one is there. I felt
like i'm not important to anybody even to my parents. I responded very negatively
to that experience. I became so moody, mad at someone for something they
didn't do, misunderstand everything, judging without knowing and even hating
someone who doesn't do anything bad to me. I became a person that i don't want
to be. But now, i realized i need to love myself more. Close my ears to all of the
insults and everything that hurts me. I realized i need myself. I should not give up.
I keep hoping for a better days, a better future. I believe in myself i can do things
that i thought impossible for me. Instead of blaming myself for mistakes i did, i
learnt from my mistakes. I keep looking for any chances to do better for my
ownself. I'm starting to do somethings for myself. Not for anybody. So i stop
thinking that i will dissapoint everybody. Because i do it for myself. Now, i
responded to it positively, because things happened for a reason. And it makes
me stronger, brave, and happy. Loving myself actually isn't that bad. I realized
people all around me not making me down or insults, i used to see them in a
different point of view. But now i'm not. I see everything positively. I'm being
optimist and kinder. They did it to make me stronger. And here i am, i never
realized i can be this better than before. I can be somebody. I can be everything i
want to be. I free myself from the negative thoughts and the anxiety. I may be fall
a lot of times, but i'll keep rise a lot of times too. I have a purpose in this life. Even
thought i haven't found it yet, but i know why i should keep fighting. I wake up
every morning, look in front of the mirror, saying to myself, "You can do this. You
spent a lot of times, hardwork, sweat, and tears. You're not going to give up for a
little tiny thing. You won't get affect with all of those bad thoughts anymore. You
can do tand it really helps me. Supporting myself are better than get support by
others. That's why i decide to let go of my past, of my bad experience, and start to
moving on.
3. Looking back now at the experience, what meaning did it have in your life?
No one is perfect so people tend to make mistakes, so that’s why understanding
them is so important. Understanding is one of the most important thing in our
life, we need to apply it everyday so in that way we can avoid misunderstandings
and also negative feeling and since no one is perfect also people will come and go,
and that, there is nothing permanent in this world. So whoever I have right now, I
just need to enjoy being with them at the fullest.

ABIGAIL B. VILLALUNA
BSBA- HRM 1202
MAY 14, 2019