A Journey
A life can be seen as a journey. We make choices from the day we are born; each choice leading us
down a different path. From bumpy gravel roads to streamlined highways all of these roads have an
effect on the person we become in the end.
“A journey” is also a short story by Colm Toíbín from his collection by the name Mothers and
Sons. Much like the former example the story is about a mother, by the name Mary, travelling down
the road of her life. It is both a metaphorical road as it is a real road. In the real world she is picking
up her son, David, who has just been released from a hospital for the mentally ill. They are to travel
back home where his father Seamus waits in bed unable to meet up because he is paralyzed due to
illness1. In the metaphor she is reflecting upon past events and trying to rationalise her previous
actions. As such it could also be said to be an unconscious road. A clear example of such is when
she turns the car down past “…the modest square of the protestant cathedral in Ferns.”2 After which
she immediately reminisces about the time in Fern where her husband was still physically well, a
time of happiness and joy. But alas the past stands in juxtaposition with the present as deep
contrasts, as his right side is now paralysed and it generally is a sad time for both her husband and
herself. From page 1 line 22 the road is described to us:
“…she was not used to driving long distances in the dark. She found it difficult to concentrate…
had to drive slowly …”
This further proves that it can be an unconscious problem emerging to the surface as it is both dark,
difficult to concentrate and a thing which demands slow progress. The road is also described
through contrasts between the past and present. Before there were old ditches and the former road is
described as being hidden, guilty and narrow.3 Now the road is seen by her as being wide, with
wooden fences and she even supposes there are fewer accidents. This could both be seen as her way
of dealing with the past through a sort of repression of bad memories as opposed to the good. She
brings forth a nice wide road with wooden fences to guard her from the bad memories. It can also
1
Page 2 l. 59
2
Page 2 l. 112
3
Page 1 l. 25 - 28
be seen as a hope for the future as she supposes no more accidents will happen on this new guarded
road.
In the beginning of the story we are introduced to the main characters, the mother and her son,
through a flashback in which the son asks about God and death. The flashback is here used to offer
background exposition as well as being a “hook” into the story. By starting in another time the
reader is thrown off balance and has to read further to gain balance and thus understanding. The
child is described as being very curious about the world and eager to learn about it, this also stands
in contrast with David’s later depression. But when Mary tries to explain the connection between
God and Death, she is hesitant. This stands in parallel to the next few lines,4 in which it’s described
how she was reluctant; when she found out she was having a child. At this point she was frightened
because she believed; that she might be too old to raise a child. Mary is not sure if she’s being a
good mother. This hesitance carries over as David meets Mrs Redmond, who becomes like a
surrogate mother to him. When David grows older he spends more time with Mrs Redmond and the
mother slowly loses touch with her son, as seen through the line:
“…he did not want to come home”5
Their differences are clear in the driving sequence. First David refuses to sit in the front seat beside
her6, secondly he lights up cigarette upon cigarette creating a barrier of smoke between them. This
emotional barrier creates further distance between them, furthering even more as he also refuses to
talk to her, responding only with: “I don’t know”7. After having asked him a second time about
sitting in the front seat she decides to pull over and look at her son. As she gazes upon her son, she
determines that he has her hair but not her face structure. This can be seen as the final exclamation
point pointing out how they despite being related in blood are still two completely different persons.
Despite their differences she still loves her son or rather him in the role as her son. As seen through
the “guilty things” in her past road, she feels as if she might not have done the right things for
David as he grew up. Therefore she seeks acceptance from David, by asking him about the hospital,
4
Page 1 l. 6 - 14
5
Page 1 l. 19
6
Page 1 l. 33
7
Page 2 line 76
David reluctantly agrees that it was the only choice despite him describing the hospital as a lousy
place.8 She wants to make things right, therefore she tries to perceive his illness as a gift:
“…a special dark gift… Something which comforted him and which he had accepted.”
She also calls it silence instead of referring to it as a depression.9 By doing this it becomes an
opportunity rather than a setback. This creates a window of opportunity where she can once again
assume the mother role as she had not done in the past. This mother role is seen through a desire to
control the future life of David. She imagines him and her husband for company in the future:10
“…she wanted David to stay at home, no matter how grim his silences, no matter how many days
he spent with his curtains drawn”
This truly isn’t about reaching for her lost child, but rather about assuming control. In the last
flashback she even imagines her father’s old shop, and how she wished they had not sold it.11 After
which she dreams about overseeing David working there, comparing him to her when she was a
little girl. This constant need of control is seen through her asking him to sit in the front seat. In the
end they arrive and she gives a final plea, to which he answers no.
In the end she sees David standing in the kitchen with his bag held firmly “as though he were on his
way somewhere else”. This is the point she realises that he has grown up and no longer is in need of
her help. The realisation is shown as she notices her hair, the last connection between her and her
son, and how strange it looks on her:
“It was time … to let the grey appear.”
The last quote almost says it all. It is time for her to let go, therefore she must think of herself now
as David has already moved on:
“… she was struck for a moment by a glimpse of a future in which she would need to muster every
ounce of selfishness she had. She shut her eyes before she turned around to face him.”
8
Page 3 l. 98 - 102
9
Page 1 l. 32 - 33
10
Page 3 l. 84
11
Page 3 – 4 l. 121 - 125
- Rasmus Oskar Thorsen
