The Proposal

By

Pete Chiarelli

June 16, 2006

FADE IN:
INT. MARGARET’S APARTMENT - EARLY MORNING

The sun peeks over the horizon. There’s a stunning view of

Central Park from this apartment, but whoever lives here isn’t
watching.
As we wander through expensive furniture, a steady THUMP, THUMP,
THUMP echoes through the apartment. Eventually, we see MARGARET
MILLS (37) running on a treadmill, watching “The O.C.” on Tivo,
and reading a manuscript.
She sprints as the clock on her treadmill goes to zero. As she
hits a button to stop the treadmill...
INT. WOMAN’S APARTMENT - EARLY MORNING

A hand knocks an alarm clock off a table to shut it up. RICHARD

PAXTON (26) wakes up on pink sheets and looks around to figure
out where he is. There are multiple framed pictures of the same
model on the walls.

Richard looks at the clock and gets up quickly when he sees it is

6:16 AM. Unfortunately for him, he is very hung over.
RICHARD
Where are my clothes?

A blob beneath the sheets next to him answers. SIMONE is the

model on the walls and is really, really hot.

SIMONE
In the kitchen. I think. Can I make you
some coffee?
RICHARD
Sorry, I gotta go. I’m late.
Richard hurries to the kitchen. Socks are on the butcher block
next to an empty champagne bottle. Shoes in the sink. He finds
his pants on the floor and puts them on.
RICHARD (cont’d)
Have you seen my belt?
Simone looks around and sees it tied to her headboard.

SIMONE
In here.
She unties the complicated knot. Richard comes back half
dressed. He swallows a little throwup.
RICHARD
Baby, I just can’t do this anymore.
 2.

INT. MARGARET’S APARTMENT - EARLY MORNING

Margaret puts on a black suit jacket. Definitely not off the
rack. She makes sure she looks perfect in the mirror, and moves
off.
INT. WOMAN’S APARTMENT - EARLY MORNING
Reflected in the mirror above Simone’s bed, Richard hurriedly
gets dressed as he talks.

RICHARD
You’re just too much for me. And I’m just
another guy too wrapped up in his job.
SIMONE
Fine. Whatever. Just go.

Richard sits down on the bed and locks eyes with Simone.
RICHARD
Let’s not end it like that. It’s been an
amazing three and a half weeks. Thank you.
And you should know that you have the nicest
ass I’ve ever been with.
SIMONE
(touched)
You mean it?
RICHARD
I do. It's magnificent.
SIMONE
I work really hard on it.
RICHARD
I know you do.
Simone smiles and begins to seductively pull the sheets off her
naked body. Richard shakes his head “no” and smiles.
RICHARD (cont'd)
I really gotta go.

INT. MARGARET’S KITCHEN - EARLY MORNING

CRUNCH. Margaret eats a bowl of Kashi and soy milk while

standing and reading a manuscript. Her eyes remain glued to her
reading as she rinses out her bowl and puts it in the dishwasher.
Her apartment is very quiet.
EXT. NEW YORK STREET - MORNING
HONK! A cab blares its horn at Richard as he runs across the
street. His suit is rumpled and he checks his watch.
 3.

INT. MARGARET’S LOBBY - MORNING

DING! The elevator opens and Margaret strides towards the exit
and the DOORMAN (60). Before Margaret gets to the door, her CELL
PHONE RINGS. She checks the caller ID and excitedly points at
her phone as she lets it ring.
MARGARET
(to phone)
I knew you would call! Now come on, tell me
what I want to hear. Give it to me.
DOORMAN
You have to put it by your mouth so people
can hear you.
MARGARET
You should get paid extra for being so darn
funny.
Margaret straightens her jacket, answers the phone, and walks out
the door.

MARGARET (cont'd)
This is Margaret.
INT. SKYSCRAPER LOBBY - MORNING

Richard bursts into the skyscraper and runs into a Starbucks.

INT. STARBUCKS - MORNING - CONTINUOUS

Two coffees lie in wait for Richard. JILLIAN, a lovely Barista,

smiles as he hurries to the counter.

JILLIAN
You’re running late today.

RICHARD
Jillian, you are the best.
JILLIAN
If you think I’m good at this, you should
use that coffee cup sometime.

As he runs out the door, Richard glances at his cup and smiles at
Jillian’s name and phone number written in Sharpie.

RICHARD
See ya tomorrow.
INT. SKYSCRAPER LOBBY - MORNING - CONTINUOUS
The elevator doors ahead of Richard begin to close.

RICHARD
 4.

Mercifully, a hand reaches out and stops the doors. Inside the
packed elevator, Richard’s CO-WORKERS look sleepy. One
particularly frustrated co-worker confronts Richard.

CO-WORKER #1
How long is she gonna make us come in by
seven?
RICHARD
She doesn’t exactly consult with me on these
things.
CO-WORKER #1
Well this sucks ass.
RICHARD
Welcome to my nightmare.

The doors close as...

EXT. NEW YORK STREET - MORNING

Margaret crosses the street and talks on the phone.

MARGARET
You’ve been thinking about our talk because
I’m right. Everyone does publicity. Roth,
McCourt, Russo. Hell, Chabon practically
whores himself. Know what they have in
common? A Pulitzer.
(off answer)
Yes, I know you haven’t done it in twenty
years, but that’s how long it’s been since
you’ve written a book this good.

INT. ROYCE PUBLISHING - MORNING

Richard bursts out of the elevator and passes a clock reading

6:56 and a sign that announces “Royce Publishing.” He hauls ass
through a sea of cubicles. Along the way, grumpy employees
begrudgingly nod their good mornings.
At his desk, he pulls a tie out of a drawer and puts it on
without looking in the mirror. Noticing his wrinkled suit, he
pulls out a SPRAY BOTTLE out of the same drawer, sprays it all
over his body, and then on his head to help mat down a tricky
cowlick. Satisfied, he hurries into a nearby corner office.

INT. SKYSCRAPER LOBBY - MORNING

Margaret walks into the lobby and continues talking. Employees
avoid her and pile into the elevator.
 5.

MARGARET
I’m not pushing so you’ll sell more books,
I’m pushing because it’ll be a crime if the
world doesn’t hear that you wrote a genius
piece of literature. Do the publicity.
Margaret waits for an answer and smiles when she hears “yes.”
MARGARET (cont'd)
You’re making the right decision! Great
news. Going into an elevator, think I’m
going to lose you...
Margaret hangs up. Never give them a chance to change their
mind.
INT. MARGARET’S OFFICE - MORNING

Richard races to Margaret’s computer and turns it on. He picks

up papers strewn about the room. He goes back to the computer,
and opens computer programs.

INT. ROYCE PUBLISHING - RECEPTION - MORNING

Margaret exits the elevator and receives an enthusiastic...

RECEPTIONIST
Good morning!

Margaret quickly walks by and gives only the slightest nod.

INT. ROYCE PUBLISHING - MORNING

Margaret walks through the cubicles and nods hello to her staff,
who all look busy on the phone. When she turns the corner, they
stop their “conversations” in mid sentence and hang up.

INT. MARGARET’S OFFICE - MORNING

Richard stares at the printer as a sheet of paper comes out. A
clock above the door reads 7:00 AM. The paper clears the printer
and Richard grabs it quickly.
INT. ROYCE PUBLISHING - MORNING

Margaret opens the door to her office, and finds Richard standing
at attention with papers in one hand and coffee in the other.
Her office looks perfect.

RICHARD
You’ve got a conference call in thirty, a
staff meeting at nine, and your immigration
lawyer sent some papers for you to sign.
MARGARET
Cancel the call, move the meeting to eight,
(MORE)
 6.

MARGARET (cont’d)
(big news)
I got Frank to do publicity.
RICHARD
Nice job.
MARGARET
When I want your praise, I’ll ask for it.
Is Bob here?

RICHARD
I’m sure. You want him on the phone?
MARGARET
We’re going to his office. Grab your pad.
Richard calmly backs out of the office...

INT. RICHARD’S DESK - CONTINUOUS

... but once he’s out of Margaret’s sight he runs to his computer
and sends an instant message to the office “The Banshee is headed
to Bob’s office.”

INT. ROYCE PUBLISHING - MORNING

As the message pops up on computers, the quiet office jumps to
life as everyone in a cubicle picks up their phone and resumes
their imaginary conversations.
INT. RICHARD’S DESK - MORNING

Margaret comes out to Richard’s desk. She notices his coffee cup
with Jillian’s number on it. She takes special notice of the
hearts that dot the “I’s” in Jillian.
MARGARET
That’s cute. You gonna call her today?
RICHARD
What?
Richard doesn’t know what Margaret is talking about, until she
nods at the cup. He’s embarrassed.

MARGARET
Are you bored here? Do you need little
distractions like that to get you through
the day?
RICHARD
Uh...
MARGARET
You have another late night out?

RICHARD
 7.

Margaret starts walking. Richard quickly catches up, worried

because he doesn’t know where she’s going with this.
MARGARET
I’m firing on all cylinders and you’ve got
hearts on your coffee cup, wicked bed head,
and a wrinkled suit that you wore yesterday.
RICHARD
Oh. Well, it won’t be wrinkled for long.

MARGARET
You’ll magically unwrinkle?
RICHARD
Yes.

MARGARET
You have magic pants?
RICHARD
No. I’ve sprayed them with stuff that will
take care of the wrinkles.

MARGARET
Does this work on more than just your pants?
RICHARD
Anything that’s wrinkled.
MARGARET
Buy me some.
RICHARD
Will do.
Richard makes a note. Margaret stops to make her point.

MARGARET
I don’t care what or who you do on your own
time, but when you walk through that door
you represent me, and I will not have your
personal life affect you at work. If you
want me to think of promoting you to editor,
I need you sharp, focused and professional.
Got it?

RICHARD
Got it.
MARGARET
Great. Now you’re just a prop in here, so
don’t say a word.
 8.

INT. BOB’S OFFICE - CONTINUOUS

Margaret and Richard enter Bob’s office, which is decorated with
beautiful antiques and first edition books. But unlike
Margaret’s office, this one isn’t in the corner.
Margaret nods at Richard to shut the door. BOB (42) wears a prim
bow tie, circular tortoise shell glasses, and the air of
superiority.

MARGARET
Hey, Bob.
BOB
Ah. Our fearless leader and her liege.
Margaret smiles.

MARGARET
I’m lettin’ you go, Bob.
BOB
Pardon?

MARGARET
You’re fired.
BOB
What? What are you talking about?
MARGARET
This isn’t working out.
BOB
You can’t...
MARGARET
I asked you repeatedly to get Frank to do
publicity. You said it was impossible.
BOB
It is. He doesn’t do publicity.
MARGARET
I just talked to him. He’s in.
BOB
But...

MARGARET
No more buts, Bob. I’ve been chief for a
month and a half, and this is the third time
you’ve dropped the ball. You didn’t even
call to ask him.

BOB
 9.

MARGARET
All you had to do to was pick up the phone.
That’s it. Now I’ll give you two months to
find a new job, and then you can say you
resigned. I won’t tell a soul, my lips are
sealed.
Margaret nods at Richard and he opens the door.
INT. ROYCE PUBLISHING - CONTINUOUS

Margaret and Richard walk a few steps. Margaret looks straight

ahead and whispers to Richard.
MARGARET
What’s he doing?

Richard turns around and takes a peek. Bob gets out of his chair
and comes to his door.
RICHARD
He’s up and about to pop.

MARGARET
Oh Bob, don’t do it...
BOB
YOU POISONOUS BITCH! YOU CAN’T FIRE ME!

The office stops. This is going to be good. Margaret turns

around with a disappointed look on her face. She’s deadly calm.

MARGARET
What are you doing? I gave you a civilized
way out of this.
BOB
This is because I’m your competition.
Because I threaten you!
MARGARET
Oh, Bob. You could never threaten me. I’m
firing you because you’re lazy, entitled and
incompetent. I’m firing you because you
don’t work hard. So if you know what’s good
for you, you’ll shut up, take off that
ridiculous bow tie, find a bar and get
drunk. Because if you say one more word,
Richard here is going to call security and
have you thrown out on your ass. Are we
perfectly clear?
Bob nods.
MARGARET (cont'd)
Good. Now I’ve got work to do, so if you’ll
 10.

Margaret and Richard walk away and speak in hushed tones.

MARGARET (cont'd)
We need to call his authors and explain what
happened. And get Frank’s publicity
schedule figured out pronto.
RICHARD
No problem. I’ll just cancel my trip this
weekend.

MARGARET
I gave you the weekend off?
RICHARD
It was my Grandma’s ninetieth birthday.
But no big deal. You were right before, I
need to stay focused. Professional.
INT. RICHARD’S DESK - DAY
Richard is on the phone with his mom explaining why he can’t come
home this weekend. He sounds like an annoyed teenager.

RICHARD
Well tell gammy that I’m sorry.
(waiting to speak)
Mom, she’s making me work this weekend.
It’s not like I volunteered.
(waiting to speak)
I’m sure dad is pissed.

Margaret comes to Richard’s desk. He tries to wrap it up.

RICHARD (cont’d)
I have to go. Yeah. No, I’m not going to
do that! No. Sorta. Mom! No. Bye.
Richard hangs up the phone.
RICHARD (cont’d)
Sorry about that. Damage control.
MARGARET
She tell you to quit?

RICHARD
No. No.
(off Margaret’s look)
Um. Yes? But as I’ve explained to them,
after three years together, you’re the only
person on the planet who can make me editor,
so that’s the way it is.

Richard’s phone rings and he picks it up.

 11.

RICHARD (cont'd)
Your 10:55 is here. Mr. Gilbertson?
MARGARET
Who is this guy?
RICHARD
He said you knew each other. You weren’t
sure so you told me to set a meeting. We
rescheduled on him four times.

MARGARET
Go get him. But he’s out of here in five
minutes, we’ve got work to do.
Margaret leaves and goes into her office.

RICHARD
(to himself)
I’ll charge up the cattle prod.
INT. MARGARET’S OFFICE - DAY

Margaret reads as MR. GILBERTSON (48) sits down. He’s an intense

man in a bad suit. He sits in silence until Margaret looks up.
MR. GILBERTSON
Margaret. Good to see you. I know how busy
you are. Congrats on the promotion. Read
about it in P-W.

MARGARET
Yeah. Well, those announcements are silly,
aren’t they? Like everyone who needs to
know doesn’t know already.
Margaret has been trying to figure out how she knows this man,
but now gives up.
MARGARET (cont'd)
Have to admit, I can’t place where we know
each other from.
Gilbertson smiles. He didn’t expect her to remember.

MR. GILBERTSON
Three years ago? We worked together.

MARGARET
Don’t have it...
MR. GILBERTSON
Remember “Dandelion’s Desire?”
Margaret gets excited.
 12.

MARGARET
Oh my God, you read that manuscript with me?
That book is legend. Without a doubt the
worst ever written.

MR. GILBERTSON
You think?
MARGARET
It was a fever dream! 900 offensive and
pointless pages, with like 30 characters,
who all had some weird disability. The
paraplegic pornographer, and the stuttering
scientist? Oh! And there was the asthmatic
alien chapter -- written entirely in his
alien language.

MR. GILBERTSON
I believe there was a glossary...
Margaret laughs, caught up in the memory.

MARGARET
Did you see the pass letter I wrote him?

MR. GILBERTSON
(quoting)
“Your grammar is impeccable, but please do
not confuse superior form with writing
ability. Save your skills for the office
newsletter, you sir, are no writer.”

A beat. Margaret says matter of fact...

MARGARET
You wrote the book.

MR. GILBERTSON
I did.
MARGARET
You’re Dante Dickens?
MR. GILBERTSON
One of my nom de plumes.
Gilbertson paces. Margaret stays seated, at a loss.

MARGARET
I’m sorry if I hurt your feelings. You
obviously were spending a lot of time
writing, I just thought you should channel
all that passion into something else.
Gilbertson smiles as he pulls a BADGE from his coat pocket.
 13.

MR. GILBERTSON
Ms. Mills, I’m with U.S. Citizenship and
Immigration Services, and I’m deporting you
to Canada.

MARGARET
Excuse me? What? This is a mistake. I’ve
lived here since 1981. I’m applying for
citizenship.

MR. GILBERTSON
You need citizenship now? After the big
promotion?
MARGARET
Yes. And all the papers are in.

Gilbertson pulls out a stack of papers and throws them down.

MR. GILBERTSON
Well, my office is going to reject your
paperwork on Monday, while we investigate
whether your behavior is well disposed to
the good order and happiness of the United
States. We must protect our sovereignty.
MARGARET
I’m a threat to the sovereignty of the
United States?
MR. GILBERTSON
Yes, and unfortunately my investigation will
take awhile, so you’ll be deported while
your case winds through the system.
(as if he doesn’t know)
Will it affect you at work if you aren’t
allowed to enter the U.S. for the next two
to three years?
MARGARET
“Affect me at work?” I’ll lose my job!
MR. GILBERTSON
(mock sympathy)
Ahhhh. That’s a shame. Too bad we can’t
work something out.
Margaret stops looking at her file. It all becomes clear.

MARGARET
Oh, no. No, no, no. I won’t do it.
MR. GILBERTSON
Do what, Ms. Mills?

MARGARET
 14.

Gilbertson smiles. She’s quick.

MR. GILBERTSON
I’ve edited it down. It’s better.

MARGARET
Well then, get it published at another
house.
MR. GILBERTSON
They all just don’t get me.
MARGARET
All?
MR. GILBERTSON
Well not all. Two hundred fifty, two
hundred sixty-one. Ish.
MARGARET
I’ll be fired and laughed out of the
industry if I publish that book.

MR. GILBERTSON
I’m at the end of my rope, Ms. Mills. I’m
an author. Not some bureaucrat who brings a
lunchable to work everyday and lives in his
brother’s garage. You’re the last stop, and
I’m desperate.

MARGARET
I will never publish your book. Ever.
MR. GILBERTSON
There’s no need to make this difficult. I
don’t turn in your file until Monday...

MARGARET
This is blackmail. I’ll go to your boss.
MR. GILBERTSON
I’ve spent two years preparing for this day.
Don’t you think I’ve thought of that?

Now Margaret is pacing, while Gilbertson happily looks on.

Suddenly, the door opens and Richard bursts in, acting like there
is an “emergency” so Margaret can end the meeting.

RICHARD
Excuse me, Ms. Mills, risk management needs
you right away.
The sight of Richard inspires Margaret. She turns to Gilbertson
with a wicked grin on her face.
 15.

MARGARET
Know what, Dante? I’m not going anywhere!
We’re getting married!
Richard has no idea what Margaret is talking about.

RICHARD
Who’s getting married?
MARGARET
We are!
RICHARD
You and him?
MARGARET
Stop playing around, honey.

Margaret is all smiles. Richard is very confused.

MARGARET (cont'd)
Mr. Gilbertson is from the INS. I told him
about us. About us getting married.

MR. GILBERTSON
You are marrying your male secretary?

RICHARD
Assistant.

MR. GILBERTSON
You are marrying your male assistant?

MARGARET
(matter of fact)
We’re in love. We tried to fight it. When
it’s right, it’s right.
MR. GILBERTSON
And this has nothing to do with my visit
here today?

MARGARET
Nope. True love. Got it bad.
MR. GILBERTSON
(to Richard)
You. Is this true? Are you marrying
this... woman?
Margaret comes over to Richard and holds his hand.
MARGARET
Of course we are.

MR. GILBERTSON
 16.

Painfully long beat where Richard doesn’t answer. Margaret

squeezes Richard’s hand hard.
RICHARD
Uh-huh.
Margaret smiles and snuggles up to Richard so he can put his arm
around her. Richard is truly afraid.
RICHARD (cont'd)
(more of a question)
I’m, uh, marrying my boss?
Margaret turns and puckers her lips to let Richard know that
she’s ready for a kiss. The two slowly begin to come together.
Just as their dry lips are about to touch, Richard chickens out
and kisses the hair on the top of her head.

MR. GILBERTSON
Five years in prison and a two hundred and
fifty thousand dollar fine.

MARGARET
What?

MR. GILBERTSON
If I prove you’re lying, you go to federal
prison for five years.

Gilbertson takes out a pad and takes notes.

MR. GILBERTSON (cont'd)

(to Richard)
You. Do you know what you’re getting
yourself into? We’re going to put you in a
room and ask you every detail that a real
couple would know about each other. Do you
even know her favorite color?
Richard doesn’t answer. Margaret encourages him on with a thinly
veiled threat.

MARGARET
C’mon. Answer. You don’t have a choice.

Richard doesn’t want to do this, but relents.

RICHARD
Plum.
MR. GILBERTSON
You mean purple?

RICHARD
No. Plum is “smokier” than purple.
 17.

MR. GILBERTSON
Favorite flower?
RICHARD
Tulips. But only when they’re in season.
MR. GILBERTSON
Childhood pet name?
RICHARD
Miss Mittens.
MARGARET
Are we done here?
MR. GILBERTSON
Who knows you’re getting married?

Margaret interrupts.
MARGARET
No one. With us working together we decided
it would be too much of a scandal if anyone
knew.

MR. GILBERTSON
Have you at least told your family?

MARGARET
(excited)
My parents are dead!

MR. GILBERTSON
How convenient. So you’re not telling
anyone that you are getting married?

RICHARD
Nope.
Gilbertson smiles and puts down his pad.
MR. GILBERTSON
Pathetic. Four questions and I’ve got
enough to send you to prison...
MARGARET
We’re telling his family this weekend.
RICHARD
We are?
MARGARET
Yes. We are. We’re surprising them...
(trying to remember)
...at his Grandma’s 90th birthday party.
 18.

MR. GILBERTSON
And where’s that going to be?
MARGARET
(no idea)
At Richard’s parent’s house.
MR. GILBERTSON
And where’s that located?

MARGARET
(still no idea)
In his hometown.
RICHARD
Sitka.

MR. GILBERTSON
Is that on Long Island?
Only Richard has the answer. Margaret tries to cover.

MARGARET
Why don’t you tell him?

RICHARD
Alaska.

MR. GILBERTSON
You’re going to Alaska this weekend?

MARGARET
(Alaska???)
Yes. Of course we’re going to Alaska.
That’s where Richard is from.
Gilbertson begins to walk around. He’s getting worked up.

MR. GILBERTSON
You think you can beat me with this B-S
story? Forcing your secretary...
RICHARD
Assistant.

MR. GILBERTSON
...assistant to marry you and then
conveniently telling his family for the
first time this weekend?
MARGARET
I’m sorry, Dante. Did you not prepare for
that?
Margaret puts her arm around Richard and waits in silence.
 19.

Enraged, but with no recourse for now, Gilbertson checks his

appointment book and writes down some information.
MR. GILBERTSON
The INS will see you both in ten days for
your official interview. Your stories
better match up on every account.
Mr. Gilbertson gets right up in Margaret’s face as he gives her
the piece of paper.

MR. GILBERTSON (cont'd)

Cross all your T’s and dot your I’s with
this ruse, Ms. Mills.
MARGARET
There are no “T’s” or “I’s” in “Love” Mr.
Gilbertson.
Gilbertson leaves and shuts the door hard. Margaret goes back to
her desk like this is all in a days work.

MARGARET (cont'd)
Why are you from Alaska? Sweet Jesus,
that’s inconvenient. So here’s what’s going
to happen. We’ll play boyfriend and
girlfriend this weekend for your parents and
that should be enough for this INS
interview.
Richard doesn’t react. Margaret doesn’t notice.

MARGARET (cont'd)
So you need to figure out the travel,
schedule a justice of the peace for next
week, and get my lawyer on the phone.

Margaret takes a sip of her coffee and makes a face.

MARGARET (cont'd)
But first, run down and get me another
coffee from your girlfriend, this is cold.
Margaret holds out her coffee cup. Richard doesn’t move.

MARGARET (cont'd)
Hello? Richard? Richard!

Richard says his first words since Gilbertson left.

RICHARD
I quit.
Richard leaves Margaret’s office. She still has her coffee cup
outstretched in her hand.
 20.

INT. ROYCE PUBLISHING - CONTINUOUS

Richard powers through the office. Co-workers take notice that
Margaret is following him.

MARGARET
Richard, come back here.
Margaret tries not to make a scene.

MARGARET (cont'd)
Richard. Richard.
Richard pushes the elevator button in front of reception.
MARGARET (cont'd)
Come back to the office!

Richard can’t take it. He gets up in Margaret’s face.

RICHARD
You shut up. You just lost your “I get to
tell Richard what to do” privileges.

MARGARET
Well, we need to talk.
RICHARD
You want to talk with me? Fine. Grab your
broom and let’s go.

Margaret is dumbstruck. The receptionist is shocked. The

elevator arrives and Richard gets in. Margaret follows. As the
doors close, Richard shouts out to the receptionist.

RICHARD (cont'd)
Watch my phones!

EXT. CENTRAL PARK - DAY

Richard and Margaret walk in silence through the park. Richard
finally speaks.
RICHARD
Your plan is psychotic.
MARGARET
Well I’d rather poke my eyes out than play
pretend girlfriend, but this is the big
time. Sometimes you need to sack up.
RICHARD
Aren’t Canadians supposed to be nice?
MARGARET
You wanna be an editor? You need to make
 21.

RICHARD
OK. Fine. Then if we “make this happen”?
You’re promoting me to editor.

MARGARET
I’m doing what?
RICHARD
We go to Alaska and lie to my family? I
risk going to jail? Well, you’re making me
editor for that. I mean, did you think I’d
do this out of the kindness of my heart?
MARGARET
You work for me!
RICHARD
You know, during my employee orientation,
the HR rep didn’t mention anything about me
marrying you.
MARGARET
Look, I came to this town alone and with
nothing. I’ve worked my ass off for fifteen
years and this guy wants to ruin me because
he wrote the shittiest book of all time? No
way.

RICHARD
Nice story Little Orphan Annie, but that
sounds like your problem. Not mine.

Margaret is stuck. Richard really does have the upper hand.

MARGARET
Fine. You take me to Alaska this weekend,
and I’ll make you editor. Deal?

Margaret puts out her hand to shake, Richard takes it.

MARGARET (cont'd)
And I’m not sleeping on your parent’s hide-a-
bed, we’re staying in a hotel. Do they even
have hotels in Alaska?

RICHARD
No. But they have huts. Teepees really.
And you have to poop in a bucket. But
otherwise, just like the Four Seasons. But
with bears.
EXT. PLANE TO SEATTLE - DAY
A commercial jet TAKES OFF and leaves New York City behind.
 22.

INT. PLANE TO SEATTLE - DAY

Richard and Margaret sit in First Class and work on their lap
tops. Richard looks up.

RICHARD
Um. Shouldn’t we talk about what we’re
going to say to my parents?
Margaret doesn’t look up, annoyed with the question.

MARGARET
Are you done with the press release?
RICHARD
Almost.

MARGARET
(patronizing)
Well let’s finish big people business before
mommy and daddy talk. Okay?

Dejected, Richard goes back to work.

INT. SEATTLE AIRPORT - DAY

As they change planes in Seattle, Margaret walks quickly and
talks on the phone. Still the assistant, Richard lags behind,
weighed down by both their bags.

Up ahead at the gate, a GATE ATTENDANT (Female, 50’s) ANNOUNCES

final boarding to Sitka. Margaret gets off her phone.
MARGARET
So what do I need to know up there? Bullet
points.

RICHARD
I told ‘em we’ve been dating for six months.
We’ve kept it a secret from everyone...
(under his breath)
...and that you’re a naughty minx in the
sack.

Richard and Margaret make it to the attendant at the gate.

Margaret is not amused by Richard’s attempt at humor.

MARGARET
(venomous)
Don’t make me hate you.
Margaret hands her boarding pass to the attendant and breezes
through. The attendant gives Richard a look.
RICHARD
Bringing her home to meet my folks. She’s
 23.

Tangled in the bags, Richard struggles to find his boarding pass.

The impatient attendant is getting frustrated.
RICHARD (cont'd)
I’ve got it here. Sorry. Guess I’m a
little flustered too. Haven’t been home for
awhile, hope they like her!
The gate attendant smiles.

GATE ATTENDANT
(heard it all)
I don’t care, sir.
Richard finds his boarding pass and hands it over.
RICHARD
OK then. You’re a sweet lady. Thanks.
Richard hustles to the plane as they shut the doors.
INT. PLANE TO ALASKA - DAY

Margaret takes her seat and sits next to a well dressed HANDSOME
MAN who is READING A BOOK. She notices the title and he catches
her stare. Margaret explains.
MARGARET
I’m sorry, I hate it when people stare at
what I’m reading. It’s just... I worked on
that book.

HANDSOME MAN
You wrote it?

MARGARET
Edited it. It was one of my favorites.

HANDSOME MAN
Well you did a good job. It’s great.
MARGARET
You don’t see many guys with that book.
You, uh, read a lot of love stories about
Roman concubines?
HANDSOME MAN
My ex-girlfriend gave it to me. I travel a
lot for work. I’ll read anything...
MARGARET
(suspicious)
Ex-girlfriend, huh?
 24.

HANDSOME MAN
(smiling, embarrassed)
OK, you got me. I’m a closet romantic. But
let’s keep that between us.

Margaret smiles and makes the “my lips are sealed” motion. Just
then, Richard lumbers onto the plane with the bags.
MARGARET
There you are. Give me my lap top.

Richard untangles the bags and gives Margaret her computer bag.
RICHARD
(re: book)
Hey, he’s reading...

MARGARET
I know, Richard.
Richard turns around and puts the bags in the overhead
compartment. The Handsome Man turns to Margaret.

HANDSOME MAN
Did you two want to sit together?
MARGARET
Sit together with who?

The Handsome man nods at Richard.

HANDSOME MAN
Your boyfriend?

Margaret points to Richard indignantly.

MARGARET
You mean him?
The Handsome man nods. Margaret tries to set the record
straight.
MARGARET (cont'd)
No. No. No. He’s my assistant.

HANDSOME MAN
You’re bringing your assistant all the way
to Alaska?

Richard smiles, happy that Margaret has to answer.

RICHARD
Oh, you can tell him the truth.
MARGARET
Well, he’s... indispensable.
 25.

The Handsome man isn’t buying it.

MARGARET (cont'd)
And gay. Takes care of me everywhere I go.
Call him my queen mother. Aren’t you my
indispensable gay queen mother?
Margaret shoots Richard a nasty look. He has to go along.
RICHARD
That’s me.
Richard turns to close the overhead compartment.
HANDSOME MAN
You’re awfully nice to fly him first class.

Margaret nods her head and agrees. It sucks to be Richard.

EXT. AERIAL OF SITKA - DAY
We see the natural beauty of South Eastern Alaska. Sitka is an
island the size of Maui. Only an eight mile stretch of coast is
inhabited, the rest is complete wilderness. At the center of the
island is a mountain with smaller hills around it. The coast is
dotted with fishing boats. Gorgeous.
INT. JETWAY - DAY

Margaret and the Handsome Man chat like old friends while they
walk off the plane. Richard follows with all the bags. As they
all walk out of the jetway they see...
INT. AIRPORT - DAY - CONTINUOUS

A big banner that reads: CONGRATULATIONS RICHARD AND MARGARET!!!

with wedding bells and a graphic showing the journey from New
York to Sitka. The banner is being held up by a group of 30
PEOPLE with excited looks on their faces.
Richard’s mom DEBBIE (60) is front and center. She’s a sweet
lady who cooked Richard a hot breakfast every morning until he
left the house.

GRANDMA ANNIE (89) also waits. She’s lived a long time and
doesn’t have a lot of time to screw around.
When they see Richard, they SCREAM. Margaret’s face drops.

ALL
There he is!!! Where’s Margaret?
Richard blanches white. Margaret looks back with eyes that say
“What the hell is going on?”
 26.

HANDSOME MAN
(noting banner)
That’s sweet.

Richard goes over to the group. Margaret keeps walking.

RICHARD
What are you guys doing here? What’s with
the sign?

DEBBIE
So you’re “just dating,” huh? I can’t
believe you didn’t tell us!
RICHARD
Didn’t tell you what?

ANNIE
We’re not saying anything until you let us
meet Margaret. Now, where’s our girl?
Richard looks around. Margaret keeps her head down and tries to
avoid eye contact.

RICHARD
Uh. Margaret? You need to come over here.
Like now. Honey.

The Handsome Man sees Richard with the banner people, calling for
Margaret to come over. Margaret winces.

MARGARET
I have to go now.

HANDSOME MAN
(putting it together)
What kind of sick shit is this?

Margaret nods. This would be a tough one to explain.

MARGARET
Have a great life.
Margaret walks toward the group. Richard puts out his hand and
silently pleads for Margaret to hold it. At the last second, she
takes it.
RICHARD
Everyone, this is Margaret.
GRANDMA ANNIE
It’s nice to meet you. Now, do you prefer
being called Margaret, or the Dragon Lady?
We’ve heard it both ways.

Everyone laughs.
 27.

DEBBIE
Annnie!
GRANDMA ANNIE
It’s not like he hasn’t told her that he
used to call her the Dragon Lady. They’re
getting married.
RICHARD
(real “casual”)
Now, ah, where did you hear that? The whole
“getting married” thing?
DEBBIE
Oh, that man from the government. Gilber-
something. Said he was checking up on you
two. Said it was technicality, because
Margaret was from Canada.
RICHARD
What, ah, did you tell him?

DEBBIE
Well for one thing, that you were in a lot
of trouble for not telling us that you two
were getting married!
RICHARD
No. Really. What did you say?
DEBBIE
Just that you were coming up here this
weekend. That we hadn’t seen you in a
while, and that we’d heard about Margaret
for years, but that we’d never met her.
Debbie turns to Margaret and takes both of her hands.

DEBBIE (CONT'D (cont'd)

The way that Richard talked about you? I’ll
admit, I didn’t see this coming.
MARGARET
Me neither.

Debbie picks up some of the bags and starts walking toward the
exit. Everyone else follows her lead.

ON THE MOVE
DEBBIE
So why all the silly secrecy?
RICHARD
It wasn’t a secret. We didn’t tell anyone.
 28.

DEBBIE
Well, is your family just anyone?
RICHARD
No, I didn’t mean...
DEBBIE
I should be mad at you two. But, but... I’m
just so excited!

MARGARET
(re: group)
Uh, is everyone coming to our hotel?
GRANDMA ANNIE
Oh, we cancelled your reservation. You’re
part of the family now. Family doesn’t
stay at a hotel. Also, we’ve got another
little surprise for you two.
MARGARET
Surprise? Another surprise?

RICHARD
She’s not good with surprises.
MARGARET
I’m really not good with surprises.

EXT. SITKA AIRPORT - DAY - CONTINUOUS

Debbie stops. Sitka Airport is very small, so they are already
outside by all the cars parked in the loading zone.

Debbie and Annie excitedly look at each other.

DEBBIE
Well you two...
GRANDMA ANNIE
...you’re getting married this weekend!
MARGARET RICHARD
What? What?
GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)
The whole kit and caboodle.

Margaret gives both these women a look that says “what are you
talking about?”
DEBBIE
When Gilber-something told us you were
getting married...
GRANDMA ANNIE
 29.

DEBBIE
...God rest their souls...
GRANDMA ANNIE
...or friends...
DEBBIE
...we decided to give you a wedding.
GRANDMA ANNIE
Engagement party tonight...
DEBBIE
...and the wedding tomorrow at midnight.
Debbie and Annie wait to see what Margaret thinks.

MARGARET
Are you witches?
GRANDMA ANNIE
Just quaint. During the solstice it’s good
luck. It’s an Alaskan thing.

DEBBIE
We’ve planned everything.
Margaret isn’t sold, so Grandma Annie goes for the clincher.

GRANDMA ANNIE
I’m old, Margaret. I don’t have much time
left. Richard lives so far away, and I
never see him. Now I find out he’s getting
married, and I have a chance to see my one
grandchild’s wedding day. It’s a dream come
true for me. A dream come true. Please let
me see Richard get married before I die.
Please.
Long beat. Richard doesn’t know what Margaret is going to say.
Margaret doesn’t know what Margaret is going to say. Finally,
she goes to speak, but can only get out... two big thumbs up.
The crowd cheers.

EXT. SITKA - DAY

A procession of cars makes its way through town.

INT. PICKUP - DAY

Debbie and Grandma sit in the front of the truck, all smiles.
Margaret and Richard sit as far away from each other as possible
in the backseat of the extended cab.
 30.

Margaret tries to get Richard’s attention, but he’s looking out

the window. Finally she pinches him and Richard jumps. He gives
Margaret a “what did you do that for” look.

MARGARET
(mouthing)
The Dragon Lady!?
Richard shrugs.

GRANDMA ANNIE
To tell you the truth, we had a lot of the
plans made already for my birthday. Just a
few changes here and there, and we made this
weekend a wedding.
Margaret stares at Richard.

MARGARET
I’m a lucky woman.
Margaret does her best to smile.

EXT. DOCK - DAY

The cars park in a lot in the middle of nowhere, near a small

dock. Everyone gets out of the cars and starts walking to the
ocean. Margaret is confused.

MARGARET
I’m not getting out of this car until you
tell me where we’re going.
RICHARD
Come on, it’ll be OK. I promise.
Richard points to a small island about a mile away.

EXT. YACHT - DAY

Everyone rides on a 75 foot yacht. Lots of polished wood and
chrome. Someone passes out beers on board, and the mood is
festive. Margaret takes a look around at the surreal scene.

MARGARET
Who are you people?
Richard lets Margaret wonder.

EXT. PAXTON DOCK - DAY

The ship docks and we get our first glimpse of the Paxton Estate.
It sits above the rest of the wooded island and is as tasteful as
a 15 bedroom Alaskan mansion can be.

Richard’s father, GEOFFREY (60) waits on the dock. He is a bear

 31.

GEOFFREY
So you must be Margaret. We’ve heard a lot
about you. All of it bad.

Margaret tentatively walks off the yacht in her none to practical

sling backs.
GEOFFREY (cont'd)
I mean, I almost shit myself when I heard he
was marrying the devil woman.

MARGARET
I thought it was the dragon lady?
GEOFFREY
Either way.

RICHARD
Hey dad.
Richard shakes his father’s hand. It’s a little stiff.

GEOFFREY
Welcome home. Good to see ‘ya.

RICHARD
You too.

GEOFFREY
Been a while.

RICHARD
Yeah. You’d think you could make it to the
airport to mark the occasion.

Grandma Annie interrupts.

GRANDMA ANNIE
Help him with the bags Geoffrey.
(to Richard and Margaret)
Let’s get you two settled.
As Richard and Margaret move towards the house, Annie shoots
Geoffrey a look that says “be nice”.

INT. PAXTON ESTATE - DAY

The house is decked out in sheik Alaskan decor. Somehow, it
makes bear heads and deer antlers look good. Everything is first
class. Margaret is a little awe struck.
DEBBIE
We’ll show you around later.
MARGARET
Uh huh.
 32.

Out of nowhere, a small HUSKY PUPPY startles Margaret and jumps

on her.
DEBBIE
Balzac! Down! No!
Debbie pulls the dog off of Margaret and pushes him toward the
kitchen. Margaret tries to take it in stride and make small
talk.

MARGARET
What a great name. Balzac’s “Lost
Illusions” is one of my favorite novels.
DEBBIE
Oh. Well, this Balzac’s got epididymitis.

Debbie makes two big circles with her pointer fingers to

illustrate how Balzac really got his name.
Not understanding, Margaret looks over at Balzac as he walks
away. Off her shocked reaction, we understand right away that
this puppy Husky is an anatomic marvel.

DEBBIE (cont'd)
No one on the island wanted him when he was
born. We figured he deserved a home.

GEOFFREY
And don’t let him outside, or the eagles
will snatch him.

RICHARD
C’mon dad...

GEOFFREY
I mean it. They come out of that
rehabilitation center mean. And hungry.
RICHARD
Don’t listen to him, Margaret.
INT. PAXTON ESTATE UPSTAIRS - DAY

Debbie opens a door for Richard and Margaret.

DEBBIE
You’ll be sleeping here.

INT. MARGARET’S ROOM - DAY - CONTINUOUS

The room is beautiful, right out of Architectural Digest.
DEBBIE
Bathroom is there, all the towels are in the
armoire by the bed. Just let me know if you
 33.

MARGARET
Thank you. Where’s Richard’s room?
DEBBIE
Oh, we took down his “shrine” years ago.
And don’t worry, I’m under no illusion that
you two haven’t slept in the same bed
before. Richard can sleep here too.
MARGARET
Oh, let’s not upset Grandma Annie.
DEBBIE
It was her idea. Anything to help get her a
great grandchild.
Richard shrugs his shoulders behind his mother.

MARGARET
Great. You know, I’ve gotten used to his
breathing at night.

DEBBIE
I thought so dear.

Debbie leaves and shuts the door. Margaret reverts back to her
old self.

MARGARET
I’m about 15 seconds from bitch.

RICHARD
Calm down.

MARGARET
What is going on here?

RICHARD
Hell if I know.
MARGARET
You had no idea they knew about us getting
married?

RICHARD
You think I’d bring you here if I did?
MARGARET
Well, we just gotta tell ‘em.
RICHARD
Tell ‘em what?
MARGARET
Tell ‘em the truth. About us.
 34.

RICHARD
Wrong answer. No way.
MARGARET
What do you mean no way? This is crazy.
RICHARD
No, crazy was lying to the federal officer.
MARGARET
Well I don’t like this.
RICHARD
Well I’m not making my Gammy an accomplice
to a Class C felony! For one second could
you not be so selfish?

MARGARET
Selfish?
RICHARD
Yeah, you know, that thing you do where you
only worry about yourself every second of
every day?

MARGARET
How is it selfish to tell the truth?

RICHARD
Look. We’re awful, awful people. In the
last forty eight hours, we’ve lied to...
everyone. We need to protect the people
downstairs. We can’t ask these good,
decent, not awful people to lie for us.
Let’s keep the darkside to ourselves.

Margaret takes a second to make up her mind.

MARGARET
Fine. But if we do this, you need to stop
lying to me.
RICHARD
What’ve I lied to you about?

MARGARET
Why did you tell me that you were poor?
RICHARD
I never said that.
MARGARET
Well, you never told me you were rich.
RICHARD
When does that come up?
 35.

MARGARET
I don’t know, how about, “Hi, my name is
Richard, I’m an Alaskan titan of industry.”

RICHARD
Well, maybe I didn’t tell you because you
would have fired me if you knew.
MARGARET
No I wouldn’t.

RICHARD
Come on! You’re always yammering on about
your scrappy childhood, and how you fought
for those soccer scholarships, and how the
rich kids made fun of you in prep school for
working in the kitchen. You’re totally anti-
rich.
MARGARET
I’m not anti-rich.

RICHARD
Oh yes you are! And you know what makes it
worse? You have money!
MARGARET
I earned...

RICHARD
...every penny I have. Blah, blah, blah.
You need new material.
MARGARET
Hey. Watch it. You’re still my assistant.
RICHARD
You were going to promote me anyway.
MARGARET
Sure of that?
RICHARD
Nope. Not at all.

Margaret takes a look at herself in the mirror.

MARGARET
Well, come on. If we’re going to do this,
we might as well put on a show.
INT. PAXTON ESTATE - DAY
Downstairs, the engagement party is in full swing. The starched
wait staff stands out in the crowd, because the raucous party-
goers are all dressed in flannel, T-shirts and baseball hats.
 36.

Ponytails rule for the women, and almost all the men have shaggy
hair and beards. No dress code here.
Like the house, the party is first class. Ice sculptures melt,
champagne is served on silver trays, and the buffet overflows
with salmon and king crab.
Margaret works the crowd like a pro and holds court with some
WELL WISHERS, Richard’s parents, and Balzac.

MARGARET
I went to Union college in upstate New York.
It’s a small liberal arts school that no one
has ever heard of.
Richard comes to the group and hands Margaret a drink.

MARGARET (cont'd)
(looks at glass)
Lime?
RICHARD
Be right back.

Richard leaves to fetch lime wedges. Geoffrey elbows Debbie in

the side, “What was that?”
WELL WISHER #1
How long have you been with your company?
MARGARET
Since I graduated college.
Richard comes back with the lime. Margaret takes it and doesn’t
say thank you.
RICHARD
She’s been there since she was nineteen.
GEOFFREY
Nineteen? Wow. That’s how long?
MARGARET
Oh, who’s counting...

Geoffrey could let it go, but wants to push her.

GEOFFREY
No. How many years is that? Exactly.
Margaret gives Geoffrey the slightest look.
MARGARET
Well, let me see. That would be sixteen or
seventeen years. Exactly.
 37.

GEOFFREY
I was never good with big numbers. That
makes you... thirty six now?

MARGARET
Just turned thirty seven. Born on May 20th.
I’m a Taurus.
Geoffrey and Margaret give each other a smile.

MARGARET (cont'd)
(to Richard)
I need some protein.
RICHARD
There’s some salmon.

Margaret shakes her head no.

RICHARD (cont'd)
Crab?

Margaret nods yes. Richard steps away to find a waiter.

Geoffrey watches his son do Margaret’s bidding.

GEOFFREY
Keep him on a short leash, huh? Does he
roll over when you whistle?

Debbie hits Geoffrey.

DEBBIE
He’s just being a good host.

Richard comes right back with a waiter in tow. For Geoffrey’s

benefit, Margaret makes a point to thank Richard.

MARGARET
Thank you, honey. You’re being so sweet.
Richard is surprised, but remembers they’re a couple.
RICHARD
Uh, sure. Honey.

WELL WISHER #2
So you just got some big promotion?

MARGARET
I’m editor in chief, now.
Richard tenderly puts his arm around Margaret.
RICHARD
(beaming)
I’m so proud of my girl.
 38.

From behind them, a melodic, etherial VOICE interrupts.

VOICE (O.S.)
Editor in chief? You’re marrying up,
Richard.
Everyone turns around to find GERTRUDE THURMAN (26). She is
Grace Kelly in Patagonia and Timberland. Adding insult to
injury, she doesn’t have eyeliner on.

RICHARD
Gert!?
Richard snaps his arm back, hitting Margaret in the head, and
spilling her tonic water on her shirt. He doesn’t notice what
he’s done, and leaves Margaret. She’s peeved.

RICHARD (cont’d)
(flustered)
What are you? What are you doing here?
GERTRUDE
Your dad made me come.

RICHARD
From Chicago?
Gertrude laughs. The group watches these two see each for the
first time in years. There is instant chemistry, and Richard has
forgotten about Margaret completely.

GERTRUDE
No. I live here now.

RICHARD
You what?

GERTRUDE
I moved back about six months ago. I’m
teaching second grade. At Baranof.
RICHARD
Did your husband move up here too?

GERTRUDE
Uh, no. I, ah, got divorced.
RICHARD
Oh my God. I’m sorry.
GERTRUDE
Me too. But hey, we’re being rude, I wanna
meet the bride.
Gertrude leaves Richard and goes to Margaret.
 39.

GERTRUDE (cont'd)
Hi, I’m Gertrude. But call me Gert.
MARGARET
You’re a Gertrude?
GERTRUDE
A family name from hell.
MARGARET
I’m sure it’s been a curse.
GEOFFREY
Gert and Richard were quite the item in high
school.
Gertrude instantly dismisses Geoffrey’s reminiscence.

GERTRUDE
Oh Please. Ancient history.
GEOFFREY
Feels like yesterday to me.

GERTRUDE
(ignoring Geoffrey)
So tell me everything. I hear it wasn’t
exactly love at first sight?

MARGARET
Not exactly...

GRANDMA ANNIE
Now Richard, what I want to know is how you
proposed.
This grabs the group’s full attention. Everyone loves to hear a
story like this.
RICHARD
Well...
Richard hasn’t recovered from seeing Gertrude.

RICHARD (cont'd)
Uh, uh, um, I...
GEOFFREY
Yeah. How did you pop the question?
Richard is a deer in the headlights. This is getting ugly.
Margaret sees that Richard is going to crumble, and steps in.
MARGARET
Can I tell this one, honey?
 40.

RICHARD
Uh. Sure.
MARGARET
I’m an early, early riser and go for a run
everyday. Well, it was our six month
anniversary and I was out for my normal jog
in the park, when who do I see in a horse
drawn carriage, wearing a tux, and waiting
for me halfway through my run? Richard! So
I ran up to the carriage and asked him what
was going on, and he put his finger to his
lips and says, “shhhh.” So there I am in my
jogging clothes, next to the most handsome
mute in the world - have you seen him in a
tux? - riding like a sweaty princess and
smiling ear to ear. Couple minutes later,
we arrive at Tavern on the Green. Best
part, we’re the only people in the place
because Richard got them to open up early.
Well, we go to our table, sit down, and just
as the sun starts to peek above the trees,
this beautiful man gets down on one knee,
and says “I didn’t want one more sunrise to
go by without you knowing that you are the
light of my life, and that I would be the
luckiest man in the world if you would be my
wife. Margaret Mary Mills, will you marry
me?”
The group is silent, waiting for the clincher.

MARGARET (cont’d)
I said yes.

The group gives a collective “ahh”. Grandma Annie takes both

Margaret and Richard by the hand.

GRANDMA ANNIE
You are a good boy Richard, and you make me
very proud. I love you Richy.
RICHARD
I love you too, Grandma.

Grandma hugs the couple. Everyone smiles except Geoffrey and

Gertrude.

GEOFFREY
So did this happen before or after the INS
agent came sniffing around?
DEBBIE
What is wrong with you? I’m sorry Margaret.

Margaret doesn’t miss a beat.

 41.

MARGARET
Oh please. I’d wonder too. Honestly, my
lawyers have been dealing with all of this.
When you told us at the airport it was the
first time I’d heard about it. I’m so
embarrassed.
DEBBIE
Don’t be, dear. Geoffrey’s just an ass.

While Debbie apologizes, Margaret gives Richard a little wink

that says “I’ve got this under control”. The moment is
interrupted when Richard pulls out a RINGING CELL PHONE. He
takes a step back and answers quietly so no one can hear.
RICHARD
Margaret Mill’s phone.
(off answer)
One second please.
Richard comes back to the group and hands Margaret the phone.

RICHARD (cont'd)
It’s our friend, Frank.

Richard’s tone let’s Margaret know there’s a problem.

MARGARET
Excuse me, I’ll just be a second.
Margaret takes the phone and exits out French glass doors that
lead to the backyard. She leaves the door open, and doesn’t
notice Balzac follow her outside.

EXT. PAXTON BACKYARD - DAY - CONTINUOUS

Margaret goes far from the house so no one can hear. Balzac
follows her all the way, but Margaret doesn’t see him.
MARGARET
Don’t be a cliche, Frank. Don’t be the
wishy washy writer who changes his mind
every two seconds.

Margaret notices Balzac, but ignores him. The dog starts YAPPING
to get attention. She walks away, but Balzac continues barking.
Annoyed, she gets down face to face with the puppy and puts the
phone against her chest so Frank doesn’t hear.

MARGARET (cont'd)
(to Balzac)
Sit and be quiet!
Balzac sits and pouts. Margaret walks away and puts the phone
back to her ear.
 42.

MARGARET (cont'd)
I fired Bob because he didn’t have your best
interest in mind. Our job is to help you
succeed. He wasn’t doing that.

Margaret continues to listen to her writer whine, when she

notices an EAGLE soaring in circles above her and Balzac. Not
sure what to think, she looks back at Balzac and sees him
peacefully sit in the grass.

She then looks up and sees that the eagle is gone. Margaret
shakes her head, looks back at Balzac when --
WHOOSH! The eagle snatches Balzac by the scruff of the neck, and
takes off. Margaret jumps.
There is no one to help, so she chases after the dog and eagle.
She stays calm on the phone.

MARGARET (cont'd)
Could you hold on just a second?
With no other option, Margaret throws her cell phone and hits the
eagle suspended 20 feet above her. The eagle drops Balzac and
Margaret catches him. Balzac looks frightened.

Tucking Balzac away like a furry football, she runs to her phone
and picks it up.

MARGARET (cont'd)
(nonchalant)
Sorry, dropped my phone.
Margaret looks up and sees that the eagle has resumed flying in
circles above her. She decides to wrap up the call quick and get
back to the house.

MARGARET (cont'd)
Frank, I don’t want to sell you on anything.
But know this. This book is your legacy...
Margaret looks up and sees the eagle dive towards her and Balzac
again. She runs.

MARGARET (cont'd)
... and-I-think-you-should-be-the-one-to
introduce-your-legacy-to-the-world. Call me-
tomorrow-with-your-decision. My-phone is-
always-on. Talk-to-you-soon.
The eagle bears down on them with talons out. Just as the eagle
is about to strike, Margaret sticks out her hand with the phone
to fend back the eagle. To her surprise, the eagle grabs
Margaret's phone and flies off. Margaret freaks.
MARGARET (cont'd)
 43.

Panicked, she takes Balzac in both hands and puts him up to the
eagle as an offering.
MARGARET (cont'd)
Take the dog! Take the dog!
INT. PAXTON ESTATE
Inside, the elegant party carries on.

DEBBIE
Where’s Margaret? We need to go.
RICHARD
Go where?
DEBBIE
It’s a surprise. Girls are going into town.
And the boys stay here. I told you, we’ve
planned everything.
RICHARD
Um. She’s outside.

Debbie and Richard turn around and look out a picture window.
They see Margaret running with Balzac above her head.
DEBBIE
Oh that’s sweet, she’s playing with my
Balzac.

EXT. PAXTON BACKYARD - DAY

The eagle is long gone, but Margaret is still running with the
dog trying to bait it back.
MARGARET
This is a delicious dog, Mr. Eagle. C’mon,
bring back the phone.
Richard calls out from the house.
RICHARD
What are you doing?

MARGARET
The eagle took my phone!

RICHARD
Are you drunk?
MARGARET
Your dad was right! The eagle tried to take
the dog, so I saved it, then it came back
and took my phone.
 44.

RICHARD
Did the dingo eat your baby, too?
MARGARET
Frank’s going to call me on that phone. I
need it!
RICHARD
Relax. I’ve got your information backed up
on the laptop. I’ll just get you a new
phone and switch the number. No problem.
MARGARET
Oh.
RICHARD
Now come on. You’re going somewhere with my
mom and the girls.
MARGARET
I’m not going anywhere.

RICHARD
You want a new phone? You’re going.

EXT. PIONEER BAR - DAY

The Pioneer bar is a classic Alaskan bar, decorated with pictures
of every fishing vessel that has made Sitka its home.
But tonight estrogen rules, as all the patrons are women CHEERING
for an oiled, toned, and BEARDED MAN in a tiny thong who gyrates
to the beat of Prince’s “Sexy Motherfucker.” On stage with the
dancer, Margaret tries to not look miserable in her NOVELTY
BACHELORETTE PARTY WEDDING VEIL WITH DEVIL HORNS.
DEBBIE
Work it Hank!
GERTRUDE
Is that a salmon down your pants?
The room laughs as Hank works his crotch millimeters away from
Margaret’s face. Margaret remains straight faced.

MARGARET
Definitely not a salmon.

The women encourage Hank on as he moves Margaret’s hands to his

wiggling ass and gives her a feel. She can’t help but give and
embarrassed smile. Finally, the song ends and Hank goes into the
splits. Thrilled, the room gives him a standing ovation.
Margaret plays along and gives Hank a kiss on the cheek. She
begins to get off the stage, but Hank takes her by the hand.
 45.

HANK
Ah, ah, ah. I was just the warm up.
Hank sits Margaret down, and blindfolds her with a scarf.

MARGARET
What’s going on?
GRANDMA ANNIE
Just sit there dear.
MC
Don’t be shy ladies, tip well and often,
show Hank how much you appreciate his
assets! And now... Ramone!
The room goes silent as a middle aged RAMONE comes on to the
stage. He has a pot belly, threadbare thong and a thin mustache.
Ramone’s dance has a Latin theme to it, and he’s very good at it.
Margaret is oblivious.

MARGARET
What’s that smell?
Margaret finally takes off her blindfold, and finds Ramone about
an inch away from her face.

MARGARET (cont'd)
(belly laugh)
Ahhh!!!

Margaret falls out of her chair and her scream frightens Ramone.
After the initial scare he composes himself and wags his finger
at her naughty behavior.

RAMONE
You are a naughty devil.
Ramone goes to work another part of the stage, and when he turns,
Margaret jumps off the stage and joins the ladies.

MARGARET
Good lord.
GRANDMA ANNIE
Ramone was the only male dancer on the
island for years. No one has the heart to
tell him to hang it up.
MARGARET
Want me to do it?
GRANDMA ANNIE
Thank you dear, but let’s keep it our
secret.
 46.

EXT. PAXTON ESTATE - SHORELINE - DAY

Snow capped mountains watch 20 MEN in short sleeves hit golf
balls into the ocean. Green pontoon rafts bob in the water, made
up to look like golf greens. Golf balls are stacked in pyramid
formations at every hitting area.
Richard comes down from the house to join the group. Geoffrey
jokes with MR. MAGUIRE (60’s, good natured) as they hit balls.

GEOFFREY
...yeah, Debbie found these eco-balls that
dissolve in the water.
MAGUIRE
How does she come up with this shit?

GEOFFREY
She just does. I stopped trying to figure
out how.
Geoffrey and Mr. Maguire see Richard coming their way. Mr.
Maguire yells at Richard like the old family friend he is.

MAGUIRE
(joking)
I’m mad at you, son!

RICHARD
Why’s that, Mr. Maguire?

MAGUIRE
You fly up here and don’t call me?

RICHARD
Sorry ‘bout that.

MAGUIRE
What good is me owning an airline if I can’t
give you free tickets?
RICHARD
You’re right. Don’t know what I was
thinking...

MAGUIRE
Damn, straight. Don’t let it happen again!
(hands Richard a golf club)
Here, you take over. This game is for
pussies, I’m getting a drink.
Mr. Maguire leaves, and Richard and Geoffrey are left alone with
one another for the first time. Things are awkward between
father and son, and Richard begins hitting balls to avoid
conversation. Geoffrey finally makes small talk.
 47.

GEOFFREY
Maguire’s stepping down in January. He’s,
uh, handing things over to Matty.

Richard gives his dad a look. He knows where this is going.

RICHARD
That’s great for them.
GEOFFREY
So. How’s work with you?
RICHARD
Good. Busy. You know.
GEOFFREY
I do. I do. Hey, did I tell you that we’re
opening a little office in Japan?
RICHARD
Congratulations.

GEOFFREY
We’re not just a mom and pop operation
anymore. We’re going global.
RICHARD
Uh-huh.

Geoffrey stops hitting golf balls for a second. He’s been

thinking about this moment for a long time.

GEOFFREY
I could really use your help.

RICHARD
Dad. Please. I’m in New York. Margaret’s
in New York. We have jobs.
GEOFFREY
I know. I know. It’s just...
RICHARD
(challenging)
It’s just what?
GEOFFREY
You’re only a secretary.

This pisses Richard off immediately.

RICHARD
Again with the secretary thing! I’ve told
you, I’m an assistant!
 48.

GEOFFREY
Just because you call yourself an
“assistant” doesn’t mean you’re not really
just a secretary.

RICHARD
Well if I’m “just a secretary”, why would
you want me up here anyway? Sounds like
you’re doing great without me.
GEOFFREY
It’s not like that and you know it.

RICHARD
Then how is it? Explain it to me.
Geoffrey looks around to see if anyone is listening.

GEOFFREY
Last week, a man stuck his finger up my
butt...
RICHARD
This man was a doctor?

GEOFFREY
...and it got me thinking about you.
RICHARD
I’m not sure this is coming out right.

GEOFFREY
Just shut up for a second, okay? I want you
to have what I built. But I’m running out
of time to show you things.

RICHARD
Stop being so dramatic.

GEOFFREY
I’m not being...
(takes a hard line)
I need you to stop dicking around down there
and get serious.
RICHARD
So this is all about what you want?
GEOFFREY
That’s not what I said.
RICHARD
And me in New York with Margaret? That
isn’t serious?
 49.

GEOFFREY
One day the woman is the Antichrist, and the
next day she’s the love of your life? How
is that serious?

RICHARD
Things change, dad.
GEOFFREY
(indignant)
Things change?
RICHARD
Things change.
GEOFFREY
Things change?

RICHARD
Yes. Things change.
GEOFFREY
Things change. That’s your explanation?
Know what I think? I think you banged your
boss and fell in love, that’s what I think.
Some sorta mommy complex.
RICHARD
Nice, dad. We gotta have these Cosby
moments more often. This is great.

Richard drops his club and walks back to the house.

EXT. PIONEER BAR - DAY

Margaret steps outside to have a moment to herself. She’s on a

patio overlooking the ocean. It is late, but the sun is hanging
just over the horizon.
GERTRUDE
They can be a little overwhelming, but
they’re great people.
MARGARET
What? I’m just working on my tan.
(off Gertrude’s look)
It’s been a long day.

Margaret looks inside and sees that the party is still raging.
GERTRUDE
Around the solstice they don’t watch the
clock. Pretty much party ‘til they fall
over.

MARGARET
 50.

GERTRUDE
I actually missed it when I was in the
states.

MARGARET
Chicago, right?
GERTRUDE
Yeah. Since college.

MARGARET
And now you’re back?
GERTRUDE
Six months now. Call me crazy, but I love
it. Think I’m back for good.

MARGARET
Really? I don’t know. Don’t you miss...
GERTRUDE
Neimans? Starbucks? Escalators?

Margaret laughs. She likes this woman.

GERTRUDE (cont'd)
Yeah. I miss it. Believe me, growing up I
never thought I’d end up divorced and back
here teaching at my old elementary school.
That was always Richard’s plan.
MARGARET
For you to get divorced?

GERTRUDE
(smiles, remembering)
No. I was going to teach, he was going to
run his dad’s business. He was like a
little old man. Had it all worked out.
MARGARET
Are we talking about the same guy?
GERTRUDE
What do you mean?

MARGARET
Well, Richard’s such a player.
Gertrude looks confused.
MARGARET (cont'd)
I mean he was a total player. Before we
started dating. Six months ago.
GERTRUDE
 51.

MARGARET
That surprises you?
GERTRUDE
Did he ever tell you why we broke up?
MARGARET
We don’t really talk much about stuff like
that.

GERTRUDE
Oh. Well I should shut up...
MARGARET
No, no. Please. I mean, we are getting
married. I want to know these things.

Gertrude looks down a little embarrassed.

GERTRUDE
He proposed to me. When we were seniors.
Margaret laughs.

MARGARET
I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to... He proposed
to you in high school?
GERTRUDE
He bought this sweet little ring, and got
down on his knee. It was so cute.

MARGARET
You must have...
GERTRUDE
... freaked out? Oh you bet. I broke up
with him on the spot.
MARGARET
I would hope so.
GERTRUDE
After getting rejected the first time, I
can’t imagine how hard it was for him to get
up the courage to ask you.
Margaret just smiles, feeling guilty about lying when Gertrude is
being so honest with her.
GERTRUDE (cont'd)
Anyway. The idea that my little old man
could be a player... It’s just not the
Richard I knew. Good thing you’re making an
honest man of him again.
 52.

Gertrude toasts Margaret and knocks back the rest of her beer in
one swig. She has a hard time finishing it off.
GERTRUDE (cont'd)
Well I’m empty. I’m going to go get
another. I think I hear Ramone wrapping up,
let’s get back to the girls.
MARGARET
I’ll be right in.

Margaret smiles and turns to the ocean. Gertrude goes inside.

Then, to herself, Margaret silently whispers.
MARGARET (cont’d)
We are awful people.

EXT. PAXTON ESTATE - DAY

THWACK! An axe slams down and splits a log in two. Hands
quickly place another log down and THWACK! We pull back to find
Richard playing the role of executioner. He’s still mad after
talking to his dad, and is taking it out on the firewood. Rage
Against the Machine plays on his iPod and he’s in his own world.

Behind him, the girls return to the island on the family yacht.
Their mood is light, and they chat amongst themselves. Debbie’s
mood deflates when she sees Richard.
DEBBIE
(shouting)
Richard! Honey! Is everything OK?

With his back to the girls and the iPod on, Richard doesn’t hear
or see the girls.

Annie shakes her head. Something is up.

INT. PAXTON ESTATE FAMILY ROOM - DAY
Geoffrey pets Balzac as he watches SportsCenter on a sixty inch
plasma television. The ladies arrive and Annie and Debbie step
in front of the TV, blocking his view. Margaret watches from the
door, not sure what is going on.
GEOFFREY
Excuse me? I’m watching that.
ANNIE
Why is Richard chopping wood?
DEBBIE
And don’t play dumb. What did you do?
Geoffrey is uncomfortable answering in front of Margaret.
 53.

GEOFFREY
Nothing. I didn’t do anything... will you
please move.

The showdown intensifies. Margaret excuses herself.

MARGARET
I am so tired.

Balzac GROWLS when he hears Margaret’s voice. He’s still mad.

Margaret just smiles.

MARGARET (cont'd)
Think I’m going to take a shower and clean
off Ramone’s bubble gum body oil. Thanks for
a great night.

Annie and Debbie smile graciously and wish her good night. Once
she’s gone, they turn their death stare back to Geoffrey. He
looks genuinely unnerved.
GEOFFREY
Stop looking at me like that!

EXT. PAXTON ESTATE - DAY

Richard continues to listen to his iPod, and has worked up quite
a sweat. He’s stacks the last log, takes off his soaked through
shirt, and gets a whiff of himself. Ew. He stinks.

INT. MARGARET’S ROOM - DAY

Margaret walks into the private bathroom attached to her room and
shuts the door. We hear her turn on the shower.

INT. PAXTON ESTATE FAMILY ROOM - DAY

Geoffrey defends himself to Debbie and Annie with great
conviction. Richard walks right by the fighting trio, but
doesn’t notice anyone. He continues to listen to his iPod and
his attention is focused on the controls, as he looks for the
playlist “Songs I Shouldn’t Like” and Charlene’s hit “I’ve Been
to Paradise, But I Haven’t Been to Me.”

INT. MARGARET’S ROOM - DAY

IN THE BATHROOM

Margaret turns off the shower, pulls back the curtain and reaches
for a towel. All she finds is a miniature unabsorbent decorative
hand towel. Shit.
IN THE BEDROOM
Richard enters the room smiling as Charlene sings “...I’ve been
undressed by kings and I've seen some things that a woman ain't
 54.

IN THE BATHROOM
Margaret’s ears perk up. The bathroom is a disaster because she
has dripped water everywhere looking for a towel.

MARGARET
Richard, is that you?
IN THE BEDROOM

Richard opens the armoire next to the bed and pulls out an
incredibly absorbent Egyptian cotton towel.
IN THE BATHROOM
Margaret cracks the door open to see what the sound was. Richard
isn’t there, but she sees the armoire open and the towels waiting
for her. How did she miss that?
MARGARET
Richard, are you...

Then out of nowhere, Balzac (he followed Richard in) startles

Margaret.

BALZAC
Yap, yap, yap, yap, yap!

Margaret slips on the wet floor and falls on her ass. Her foot
kicks the door open as she retreats from the vengeful puppy.

ON THE BEDROOM’S DECK

Richard is oblivious as he hangs his wet clothes over a rail on
the deck attached to the room. He makes sure that no one is in
the yard, pulls down his shorts, and hangs them up as well.

IN THE BATHROOM
Naked, wet, and starting to get a little pissed off, Margaret
manages to pull herself up by the toilet. She wants a towel
badly, but Balzac guards the doorway. She tries reason.
MARGARET
I’m sorry bout the eagle. But I saved you.
Balzac won’t listen to reason and barks angrily. Margaret grabs
the ceramic top of the toilet tank to protect herself.

ON THE BEDROOM DECK

Richard calmly turns around and sees that the bathroom door is
open. That’s weird.
 55.

IN THE BATHROOM
Margaret holds the top of the toilet tank like a baseball bat,
ready to strike. Balzac will not be intimidated, and continues
to growl and not let her out of the bathroom. Margaret knows
that she can’t hit a dog, and looks for another way out. Then
she spots the bathroom mat.
IN THE BEDROOM

Richard saunters towards the bathroom, wearing only his iPod.

IN THE BATHROOM
Balzac puts a paw onto the bath mat.
Margaret slowly puts back the toilet top.

Balzac gets to the center of the bath mat, and Margaret pulls
hard, sliding the bath mat and Balzac to the back of the
bathroom. With Balzac out of the way, she runs out, closes the
door behind her and...

IN THE BEDROOM

WHAM! Margaret crashes into Richard and they fall to the floor.
It takes a second for them to realize that they are holding each
other buck naked.

MARGARET RICHARD
Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Aaaaahhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The two quickly separate and spastically try to cover up. A

rapid fire back and forth ensues.

MARGARET RICHARD
Why are you naked? Why are you wet?

MARGARET RICHARD
Don’t look at me! You tackled me!
MARGARET RICHARD
It was the dog! You’re blaming the dog again?

MARGARET
Will you just hand me a towel!
Richard looks for a towel, but forgets he’s naked. When he looks
under the bed, Margaret shrieks and covers her eyes..
MARGARET (cont'd)
You’re flashing brain!
Richard quickly changes positions. Out of desperation, he pulls
the entire comforter off the bed. He throws it Margaret’s way,
and she wraps herself in it.
 56.

MARGARET (cont'd)
You can cover up any time!
Richard cups the beans and franks and backs up to his clothes by
the window.
MARGARET (cont'd)
Explain yourself!
RICHARD
I didn’t know you were home! I was outside
chopping wood!
MARGARET
You didn’t hear me?
RICHARD
I had my iPod on!
(confused)
Why did you jump me?
Richard reaches his clothes and pulls on his shorts.

MARGARET
I didn’t jump you.
(off Richard’s look)
I didn’t mean to jump you. I didn’t know
you were here.

RICHARD
You didn’t see me?

MARGARET
I was running from the dog!

Richard looks at Margaret suspiciously.

RICHARD
Wait. Were you tryin’ to seduce me?

MARGARET
Oh please! Don’t flatter yourself.
RICHARD
Mmm-Hmmm.

MARGARET
Go take a shower. You stink.
RICHARD
Fine. But don’t come sneaking in there.
You’re still my boss. That’d be sexual
harassment.
 57.

Richard goes to the bathroom and shuts the door. Margaret takes
a breath, but is startled when the door suddenly opens back up
again. Richard has Balzac cradled in his arms and scratches his
neck. He gently puts him outside their room.

RICHARD (cont'd)
There you go, buddy. Go on and play before
she makes a coat out of you.
Richard shuts the door and goes into the bathroom. Without
looking back, Richard gets the final shot.
RICHARD (cont'd)
Puppy hater.
LATER

Richard grabs all the pillows, cushions and blankets he can find
to create himself makeshift bed on the floor.
Margaret turns out the lights, leaving the room still bright with
the sun still shining outside. She gets into her bed.

MARGARET
I’m never gonna to get to sleep.
Richard pushes a button and motorized metal blinds come down
outside the window. The sunlight is instantly blocked out and
the room is pitch black.
MARGARET (cont'd)
Oh. Well. Thanks.
Richard settles into his pathetic excuse for a bed. The two
silently lie awake and stare at the dark ceiling.
RICHARD
It was kinda weird seeing you naked.
MARGARET
Can we not talk about this?
RICHARD
I’m just saying. It was weird.

MARGARET
It wasn’t weird.

RICHARD
How was that not weird?
MARGARET
Because we’re... like teammates.
RICHARD
We’re like teammates?
 58.

MARGARET
We are teammates. And teammates see each
other naked in the locker room. All the
time. It’s not a big deal.

RICHARD
Well, if we’re teammates can I sleep in the
bed?
MARGARET
Good night, Richard.

The two lay awake in silence for another beat.

RICHARD
Margaret?

MARGARET
Yes?
RICHARD
Don’t take this the wrong way.

MARGARET
Okay...

RICHARD
You’re a very beautiful woman.

Margaret smiles with her head turned away from Richard.

MARGARET
Get some sleep Richard, big day tomorrow.
INT. PAXTON ESTATE - OFFICE - DAY

Not a creature is stirring, except for Geoffrey who creeps into

his office. He shuts the door softly and goes to his gigantic
oak desk. He finds a phone number with a New York City area code
on a piece of paper. He dials.
GEOFFREY
Yes. Mr. Gilbertson? My name is Geoffrey
Paxton...

Only the animal trophies that adorn Geoffrey’s office hear the
rest of the conversation.
INT. MARGARET’S ROOM - DAY

Margaret wakes up. She looks over to Richard asleep on the floor
with a blanket and a pillow. She stares maybe a beat too long,
before there is a KNOCK on the door.
MARGARET
Who is it?
 59.

DEBBIE (O.S.)
It's me dear. I made you two breakfast in
bed. Can I come in?

MARGARET
(stalling)
Uh, sure. Just a second.
Margaret can’t yell at Richard, so she throws a model wooden
sailboat to wake him up. She hits him in the head.

RICHARD
What the...
MARGARET
(mouthing)
Your mother.

Richard jumps up and replaces cushions and hides signs of his

makeshift bed. He finishes quickly, hops in the bed, and puts
his arm around Margaret.

RICHARD
Come on in mom!

Debbie enters with a tray of pastries, fruit and coffee.

RICHARD (cont'd)
Ah mom, you made your cinnamon rolls.
DEBBIE
Well, it's your special day.
Debbie smiles, puts down the tray on a bedside table and sits on
the edge of the bed. She is buzzing with excitement.
DEBBIE (cont’d)
You two need your energy, so eat up. We’ve
got your dress fitting, have to get the
house ready, and then your wedding.
RICHARD
I gotta run into town to get Margaret a new
phone.

DEBBIE
Will you pick up some champagne while you’re
there?

RICHARD
No problem.
DEBBIE
And don’t be gone for too long. Lots of
work to be done!
 60.

MARGARET
You don’t have to go to all this trouble.
Really.

Debbie sweetly looks back at Margaret.

DEBBIE
Don’t be silly. This is the biggest day of
your life. You are coming into this family,
and when it's family, it’s no trouble. If
your parents were with us, they would do the
exact same.
Debbie leaves and Margaret smiles as the door closes. Richard
jumps out of bed and goes to the food.
MARGARET
(touched)
Your mom is just so sweet. I haven’t had
someone make me breakfast in bed since I was
a little kid.

Richard takes a huge bite of cinnamon roll.

RICHARD
(mouth full)
I wish she hadn’t. I mean she almost caught
us. Damn, that was close.

Like a pig in shit, Richard continues to dig in and doesn’t pay

attention to Margaret.

MARGARET
You just take all this for granted? Your
family, this house...
Richard takes another big bite and turns to Margaret.

RICHARD
(mouth full)
I’m sorry, what? You gotta try these.
Margaret looks at Richard with disgust.

MARGARET
Why are you doing this to them?
RICHARD
Huh?
MARGARET
Why am I here? You didn’t have to bring me
here.
RICHARD
You made me bring you here! You told me I
 61.

MARGARET
I didn’t make you do anything. You could of
said no.

RICHARD
And what? Start over at the bottom again?
No way.
MARGARET
I get why a not rich person would do this.
But you’ve got everything. It doesn’t make
any sense.

RICHARD
Know what? This is none of your business.
MARGARET
I wish it wasn’t my business. But
unfortunately, it has become my business,
because I made a deal with someone I thought
I could trust.
Richard stares at Margaret for a beat. He’s exasperated.

RICHARD
You wanna know why you’re here? I’ll show
you why you’re here.
MARGARET
Fine.

RICHARD
We leave in a half hour.
MARGARET
I’ll be ready in 20 minutes.

Margaret angrily takes a bite of a cinnamon roll and slams it

down on the plate. She goes to her suitcase and looks for
clothes. A beat passes, and she comes back to the rolls.
MARGARET (cont'd)
These are really good.
She takes a cinnamon roll and leaves.

EXT. PAXTON DOCK - DAY

Richard and Margaret board the yacht. They wear athletic clothes
and running shoes.
EXT. BOAT - DAY
Richard drives the yacht and Margaret sits by herself.
 62.

EXT. PAXTON SEAFOODS PIER - DAY

Richard docks the boat at the Paxton Seafood pier. Located in
the town’s harbor, the packing plant consists of three large
warehouses, and buzzes with activity. Fishing boats line the
pier, unload their fish, and forklifts take the fish to be
processed. Everything is clean and organized.
Richard and Margaret walk down the pier. He points to the SEALS
that swim everywhere and eat fish scraps. Damn, they’re cute.

Richard waves hello to WORKERS. An elderly Phillipino man, BEK

BEK, yells at them as he walks into a warehouse.
BEK BEK
Hey, Richard! That the lucky lady?

RICHARD
Yes sir, it is!
BEK BEK
(to Margaret)
You look much younger than everyone says.

MARGARET
That’s great to hear.
RICHARD
See ya on the line, Bek Bek.
INT. LOCKER ROOM - DAY

Richard opens a locker and points. We don’t see at what.

RICHARD
Put this on. I’ll meet you outside.

MARGARET
But I don’t...
RICHARD
Ah. Put it on.
EXT. LOCKER ROOM - DAY

Margaret opens the door with a sour look on her face. She’s
wearing large green hip waders with suspenders, rubber fishing
boots, and gloves.

MARGARET
Is this really necessary?
RICHARD
You’ll thank me later.

Richard walks towards the warehouse. Margaret follows in her

 63.

INT. SLIME LINE - DAY

Inside one of the brightly lit warehouses, workers at different
stations process the fish that come off the boats.

At the top of the line, Bek Bek is HANDCUFFED to the head

decapitator machine. He happily feeds whole salmon into a
guillotine, where the heads are chopped off. He awkwardly waves
when he sees Margaret and Richard.

MARGARET
Why is he handcuffed to the machine?
RICHARD
So his hands don’t go too far. So he
doesn’t...

Richard makes a chopping motion. Margaret winces.

MARGARET
Nice.

From the decapitator, fish are fed into the gut puller, where
their bellies are slit and the intestines are pulled out.

MARGARET (cont'd)
You know, I shouldn’t be here. I was a
vegetarian for six months in college.

Richard leads Margaret to the end of slime line, where a long

line of 20 workers give the fish a final cleaning before they are
frozen. With great speed, they take the fish from the gut puller
line and clean out all the left over intestines.

WORKER
There he is! Big city boy come to show us
how its done.

RICHARD
Ah, it’s been a while.
WORKER
C’mon. Show her how we do it.

RICHARD
Okay, okay.
Richard and Margaret go to the end of the line. Richard expertly
demonstrates with a knife.
RICHARD (cont'd)
You grab a fish, but be gentle, cause you
don’t want to bruise it. Open her up, tilt
the knife, and then pull with the grain of
the fish. Two quick stokes to clear the
organs attached to the spine.
 64.

Margaret looks nauseous. Richard enjoys her discomfort.

RICHARD (cont'd)
Then use the tip of the knife to squeeze the
blood out of the vein. Then send her down
the line.
Richard guts another fish with precision and speed before
offering a knife to Margaret.

RICHARD (cont'd)
Wanna try it?
Margaret doesn’t say anything. All the other workers watch.
RICHARD (cont'd)
If it’s too gross for you...

MARGARET
Gimme that.
Up to the challenge, she takes the knife and grabs a fish.
Margaret puts the knife in and keeps as much distance as possible
between her and the salmon.

RICHARD
I did this for five summers. Dad wanted me
to earn my stripes before I took over.

MARGARET
Is that why you’re still pissed at him?

RICHARD
Nah, I loved it here.

MARGARET
(re: fish guts)
You loved this?
RICHARD
The slime line? Hell no. Nobody loves the
slime line. I loved this place. The
people. Growing up, running this place was
all I wanted.

Margaret scrapes a huge glop of guts out of a fish.

MARGARET
(disgusted)
You wanted this?
RICHARD
I wanted to run this place. It was
comfortable here. It was what I knew.
(re: fish)
Don’t forget the spine.
 65.

MARGARET
I wasn’t gonna forget.
Margaret squeezes the blood out of the vein, sends the fish on
its way, and grabs another fish with more confidence.
RICHARD
But then things changed. And it wasn’t so
comfortable anymore.

MARGARET
What kind of things changed?
RICHARD
Stuff.
MARGARET
(as if she didn’t know)
You mean, like, Gertrude?
RICHARD
Yeah...

Richard stops, he can tell Margaret knows something.

RICHARD (cont'd)
Oh my god. She told you didn’t she?

MARGARET
(innocent)
Told me what?

Richard is embarrassed. He turns away.

RICHARD
About the... you know.

MARGARET
The creepy teenage proposal?
RICHARD
Ah, shit!
MARGARET
You were a freak by the way.
RICHARD
OK, get it all out.

MARGARET
And she was right to break up with you.
RICHARD
You done?

Margaret nods yes.

 66.

RICHARD (cont'd)
I know now that it was the right thing, but
it screwed me up for a little while.
MARGARET
For a little while? Don’t sell yourself
short.
RICHARD
When Gert crushed my heart into little
pieces, a life up here didn’t seem so great
anymore.
MARGARET
So you moved to the open arms of New York
City?

RICHARD
At first it was about getting as far away
from this place as possible, but then I fell
in love with it.
MARGARET
With scheduling my pilates?

RICHARD
With editing. See, as an only kid I’d
always read a lot, but until I worked for
you I didn’t love it. I mean, when I
realized that we could find the next
Cuckoo’s Nest, or Catch 22, or...

MARGARET
(with reverence)
...To Kill a Mockingbird. It’s all about To
Kill a Mockingbird.

RICHARD
Exactly! We could find the next To Kill a
Mockingbird. God damn, how great is that?
Margaret smiles. She never knew that Richard had this kind of
passion for the job.
RICHARD (cont'd)
So when I tell my folks that I want to spend
my life finding books? My dad goes ape
shit. “How dare you forsake your family...
you’ll come crawling back to us... you’re
nothing without our help.” I left that
night and we didn’t talk for a year.
Haven’t been back here since.
MARGARET
So we’re “getting married” so you can give
daddy the finger?
 67.

RICHARD
No.
Margaret gives Richard a disbelieving look.

RICHARD (cont'd)
Sorta. OK, Yes. Coming back here with
you... I get the promotion and I get to
show off. You’re editor in chief. You make
a good prop.

MARGARET
(smiling)
I guess that’s a compliment.
RICHARD
So now you know I’m a petty asshole. Am I
trustworthy again?
MARGARET
Oh yeah, we’re good. By the way, you’re
more screwed up than I am, Paxton.

RICHARD
Yeah. Thanks.
MARGARET
One more question...

RICHARD
Yes, everyone at work thinks you’re a
lesbian.
MARGARET
That wasn’t my question.
RICHARD
I know. Just lashing out.
Margaret smiles.
MARGARET
Can we stop gutting fish? I need my phone.

INT. SITKA GENERAL STORE - DAY

Richard and Margaret enter the well appointed general store,
filled with food, booze and electronics. A mini Wal Mart.

RICHARD
Hey Ramone.
RAMONE
Hey Richard. Hola mi amo.

Margaret recognizes Ramone, the male dancer from last night.

 68.

MARGARET
(embarrassed)
Hey.

They walk a few steps, and before Margaret can say a word.
MARGARET (cont'd)
You know him?
RICHARD
He was my shop teacher.
MARGARET
Of course he was. How many people are on
this island?
They start to fill their cart with cases of champagne.

RICHARD
Like eight thousand? Depends on the time of
the year.

MARGARET
Feels smaller.

With the cart full they head to the checkout.

RICHARD
(to Ramone)
You got the phone I called about?

RAMONE
Charged up, ready to go, number changed.

Ramone throws Richard a phone.

RICHARD
Thanks, Ramone.
RAMONE
No problem.
Ramone gives Margaret a flirty wave. She awkwardly waves back.

Richard pushes the cart out the front door and does not pay.
Margaret is confused.
EXT. SITKA GENERAL STORE - DAY - CONTINUOUS

Richard keeps pushing the cart, Margaret catches up.

MARGARET
Why’s Ramone letting you steal his stuff?
RICHARD
It's our stuff.
 69.

Richard points to the “Paxton General Store” sign.

MARGARET
That must have been handy in High School.

RICHARD
You have no idea.
MARGARET
Should you leave the cart?

RICHARD
It's our cart. I didn’t know you were such
a prude.
MARGARET
I’ve come to realize that being my assistant
gave you more access to my life than I ever
imagined, but there are a few things you
don’t know about me.

RICHARD
I doubt it. When I started, you were still
wearing those Ugg boot things.
MARGARET
(deadly serious)
I told you never to talk about that.

RICHARD
I’m just saying it’s been a long time. I
know it all.
Margaret turns on her new phone. It searches for a signal.

MARGARET
(up to the challenge)
Did you know I took disco lessons in the
sixth grade?
RICHARD
Where?

MARGARET
The Y.

RICHARD
Margaret 1, Richard 0.
MARGARET
Uh, my first concert was Kool and the Gang.
RICHARD
At Woodstock?
 70.

MARGARET
I won tickets on the radio and saw them at
the fair.

RICHARD
What’d they sing again?
MARGARET
You know.
(singing)
Cherish the love we have, we should cherish
the life we live...
Richard shakes his head.
MARGARET (cont'd)
Well they were good.

RICHARD
You had a lot of soul there, Canada.
MARGARET
I really like “The O.C.”. Not fake, ha, ha
isn’t it funny I like this trash. I really
like it.
RICHARD
Wow. I’m getting shut out here.

MARGARET
Allergic to pine nuts.

RICHARD
Knew that.

MARGARET
Afraid of penguins.

RICHARD
Huh.
MARGARET
Haven’t slept with a man in a year and a
half.

RICHARD
Holy shit! You are a lesbian!
A MOTHER walking by with her 7 year old gives Richard a nasty
look.
RICHARD (cont'd)
(to mother)
My bad.
The mother walks on. Margaret is mortified and walks faster.
 71.

MARGARET
Kool and the Gang gets nothing, but that
gets a Holy shit? I’ve been busy!

RICHARD
That’s a really long time.
MARGARET
That hurts coming from Mr. Magic Pants.

RICHARD
I knew it had been slow going, but I figured
there was a booty call in there somewhere.
MARGARET
Yeah, well, I’m not good at that.

RICHARD
I find that hard to believe.
MARGARET
No, not that. I’m great at that. Aces.
Top notch.

RICHARD
I’ll have to take your word for it.
MARGARET
Yes. You will.
RICHARD
How, exactly, do you define top notch?
Margaret is smiling as she listens to a message on her phone. In
an instant, she’s all business.
MARGARET
I need a computer and the internet. Now.
INT. FISHERMAN’S NET INTERNET CAFE - DAY
Designed to attract tourists, the Fisherman’s Net is awash in bad
nautical props and fishing gear. A bored TEENAGE CLERK in a
PIRATE OUTFIT greets Margaret and Richard.

PIRATE
Aye lassie, welcome to the cyber seas. Our
T-1 line is faster than a clipper ship in a
hurricane, but for now ye be needing to
scrawl your mark on this sign up sheet.
Margaret looks and sees that all the computers are taken.
 72.

MARGARET
No, no, no. I need on now. I’ve got a
Booker prize winning author demanding I send
him an e-mail in the next forty five minutes
explaining why he should stay with a
publishing house that “makes” him do
publicity.
The Pirate looks at Margaret like she’s speaking Chinese.

PIRATE
Arrgh...
MARGARET
Listen to me asshole...
The Pirate looks around to make sure his boss can’t hear.

PIRATE
Look lady. You gonna put your name down on
the list or not?

Margaret is about to throttle the Pirate, when Richard pulls her

back.

RICHARD
C’mon. I got an idea.

Richard leads Margaret to the door. As they are leaving Margaret

shouts out.

MARGARET
I didn’t know there were a lot of pirates in
Alaska!

INT. BARANOFF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - OFFICE - DAY

Margaret sits at a computer, furiously opening her e-mail.

Richard has brought her to his elementary school, where he and
his old principal, MRS. WHITING, stand over Margaret.
MRS. WHITING
I’m so excited about the wedding!

RICHARD
Thanks for letting us use your computer.
MRS. WHITING
No problem.
(to Margaret)
So what flowers are you going with?
Margaret turns around annoyed, but manages to keep her cool.
MARGARET
I’m sorry, but could I have a minute alone
 73.

MRS. WHITING
Oh. Sure.
RICHARD
Show me around will you Mrs. Whiting? It’s
been years.
INT. BARANOFF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - HALL - DAY
Richard and Mrs. Whiting walk around the elementary school.

MRS. WHITING
Do you think she’ll be long? I’ve got work
to do.
RICHARD
She’ll be out of there in two shakes.

Out of the corner of his eye, Richard catches Gertrude teaching a

class of second graders. He stops transfixed.
MRS. WHITING
(re: Gertrude)
We are so lucky to have her. Mr. Megher
really left us shorthanded when he ran off
in the middle of the school year. He’s
living out in the forest now with his
wolves. Full time.

Richard hasn’t heard anything that Mrs. Whiting has said. He’s
hypnotized by Gertrude. She looks happy teaching these kids, and
they hang on her every word.
MRS. WHITING (cont'd)
Will you excuse me? The bell is about to
ring, I need to get ready for recess.

RICHARD
(not paying attention)
Uh, sure.
Mrs. Whiting leaves. Richard goes to the door and Gertrude sees
him. Good lord can that woman smile. She waves him in.

INSIDE THE CLASSROOM

The kids all turn to see Richard when he opens the door.

GERTRUDE
Class, this is my old friend Richard.
CLASS
(all together)
Hi Richard!
 74.

GERTRUDE
Richard and I used to be in this very same
classroom together. We even had your old
teacher, Mr. Megher.

CHILD #1
Mr. Megher smelled like farty eggs!
The class giggles.

GERTRUDE
That’s not a nice thing to say, Patrick.
The BELL RINGS. One girl gets up. Gertrude eyeballs her.
GERTRUDE (cont'd)
Marcia?

CHILD #2
Sorry.
The child sits back down. Gertrude waits a beat.

GERTRUDE
OK, everyone is excused for recess.
All the kids pop up and head to the door. Mrs. Whiting directs
traffic outside. Richard makes his way to Gertrude.

RICHARD
Patrick’s right. He did smell like eggs.

GERTRUDE
It’s still not a nice thing to say. And
actually, Mr. Megher smelled like wet dog
and...
(makes smoking pot motion)
...Matanuska Thunderfuck. But let’s keep
that between us.
INT. BARANOFF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - OFFICE - DAY
Margaret reads over her e-mail to Frank.

MARGARET
(reading)
I give you my word as an editor and a
friend...

The door opens suddenly, and Margaret SHOUTS.

MARGARET (cont'd)
(stern)
Five more minutes! Please!
 75.

Margaret turns to find a PIG TAILED GIRL in the doorway.

Terrified. She SHRIEKS and runs off. Margaret wants to
apologize, but needs to keep working.

MARGARET (cont'd)
(weakly)
Sorry.
INT. BARANOFF ELEMENTARY SCHOOL - CLASSROOM - DAY

Gertrude and Richard wipe down the chalk boards together. They
are very comfortable together and have an easy rapport.
RICHARD
Remember when Mr. Megher made us do this
after school for a week?

GERTRUDE
That was your fault.
RICHARD
Was not!

GERTRUDE
You tried to kiss me. A girl has to defend
herself.
RICHARD
C’mon!
(Tom Cruise ala Top Gun)
I had the shot. I took it.

Gertrude rolls her eyes. She’s heard this a hundred times.

GERTRUDE
No Top Gun. Please.

RICHARD
What? You loved my Top Gun.
GERTRUDE
No. You loved your Top Gun. I just smiled
and laughed like a good girlfriend.

RICHARD
That’s right. Ice... man. I am dangerous.
Richard clicks his teeth together, trying to mimic Tom Cruise.
Gertrude is not impressed.
GERTRUDE
(laughing)
Really. Stop.
RICHARD
That cuts deep. I’ll have you know that
 76.

Talk of Margaret immediately shuts Gertrude down.

RICHARD (cont'd)
(noticing her change in mood)
Uh, is something wrong?
GERTRUDE
No. Nothing’s wrong.
RICHARD
It’s been awhile, but I can still tell when
something’s wrong with you.
Gertrude doesn’t want to say anything.
RICHARD (cont'd)
What is it? You know I hate it when you get
all quiet.
GERTRUDE
I wish there was a better way to say this.

RICHARD
Better way to say what?

GERTRUDE
I made a huge mistake. With you. Breaking
up with you. I’m sorry.

RICHARD
Are you apologizing for high school?

GERTRUDE
Yes.

RICHARD
Oh, thank God. I thought this was like,
something big.
GERTRUDE
This is something big.
RICHARD
I coulda used this about five years ago, but
I’m all good now, promise. Thank you for
saying that, though.
Gertrude sees that Richard isn’t getting her point. She pulls
herself together.
GERTRUDE
I think...
(looking down)
I want you back.

RICHARD
 77.

GERTRUDE
(more to herself)
Oh God, he’s making me say it again.
(looking at Richard)
I want you back. Like... we should be
together. All the time.
RICHARD
Whoa, whoa, whoa. Rewind.

GERTRUDE
I know this isn’t the best time to bring
this up.
RICHARD
(rhetorical)
My wedding day isn’t the best time for you
to bring up the idea of us dating?
Richard’s reaction stings, and Gertrude begins to well up.
Bringing this up is very hard for her.

GERTRUDE
I’m not talking about dating! You should
move back here. We can have the life you
always talked about in High School. I’m
ready for that now.

RICHARD
Why are you doing this?

GERTRUDE
I know that the timing here sucks. But we
are meant to be together. I know it. I
think you know it too...
RICHARD
No, I don’t. I don’t know it.
Richard begins to pace. Not sure what to say. Every time he
opens his mouth, he can’t find the words.
Then, from the door, an interruption.

MARGARET
Hey guys.
Holy shit. Did Margaret hear anything? Her face gives nothing
away. Gertrude and Richard act like nothing just happened, but
look guilty as hell.
GERTRUDE
Oh. Hey Margaret.
RICHARD
Uh, you all done?
 78.

MARGARET
Yeah. We’ll see what he says.
RICHARD
Great. Great.
MARGARET
You ready to get back to the house?
RICHARD
Uh. Yeah. Uh-huh.
MARGARET
Well let’s go. See you at the wedding,
Gertrude.
Gertrude just smiles.

GERTRUDE
Yeah. See you at the wedding.
EXT. PAXTON DOCK - DAY

Richard and Margaret unload champagne. Richard is still thinking

about Gertrude and wanting to be alone.
MARGARET
So, what did you and Gertrude talk about?

Richard lies.

RICHARD
Nothing. About her school. The kids and
stuff. Apparently my second grade teacher
was a pot head.
MARGARET
That was it? I was gone for awhile...
RICHARD
(cuts her off)
Yeah. That was it. You know, I can do
this. You should really go try on the dress
for my mom.

MARGARET
I was going to go for a run first, it’s been
three days since I got out, I’m feeling
crazy.
RICHARD
(could care less)
Whatever.
Margaret isn’t accustomed to Richard talking to her this way, but
doesn’t push it.
 79.

EXT. PAXTON TRAIL - DAY

Margaret runs at a fast pace deep in the woods. She’s running
hard, muttering to herself, and working out the aggression she’s
accumulated over the last thirty six hours. She’s lost in her
own world, until she sees smoke, and slows to a stop.
MARGARET
What now?

Margaret follows the smoke, and hears a mysterious DRUMBEAT. She

soon discovers a tremendous bonfire by the water, and a SHAMAN
dancing around it. He is dressed in a loin cloth, and wears a
carved bear’s head mask and tribal make up. His belly shakes as
he spastically moves around the fire. The Shaman sings a song
that sounds centuries old.

SHAMAN
Yai...takuju magaluam Ut uksu lingm ik
pifiksailiriju m 1k tuakjuk qangani
takujumagaluam Ut qangalan uarm.

Margaret hides behind a tree and stares at this man in a trance.

He begins to yell at the fire and scream at the top of his lungs.
Exhausted, he stops and catches his breath. He yells out again.
SHAMAN (cont’d)
Margaret, welcome!

She looks around. Maybe another Margaret is in the vicinity.

SHAMAN (cont’d)
Come to me, Margaret of New York.

Nope, that’s her. She carefully steps out into the clearing.
SHAMAN (cont’d)
It is I, father Paxton.
Sure enough, Geoffrey is beneath all the make-up.
MARGARET
What, ah, are you doing?

GEOFFREY
My shaman Kevin told me to get out here and
clear my head. As you know, things have
been a little crazy around here. You should
join me.
MARGARET
Ya know, I’ve got to get back.
GEOFFREY
You closed minded southerners amuse me.
Never willing to leave the nest and try
 80.

MARGARET
I’m a big fan of the nest.
Geoffrey throws sand into the fire and it blazes higher.

GEOFFREY
Dance with me! You besmirch my ways if you
deny my circle.
Worried she’s going to really piss him off, Margaret relents.

MARGARET
OK, OK. I “accept your circle.”
Geoffrey smiles and throws more sand into the fire.
GEOFFREY
Clear your mind and follow me.
Geoffrey begins dancing slowly, contorting his body. Margaret
follows, always a half step behind, and can’t get into it. After
a few moments, Margaret stops.

MARGARET
I’m gonna head back.
GEOFFREY
We’re not done.

MARGARET
I think I am.

Margaret begins to leave. Geoffrey calls after her.

GEOFFREY
Margaret?

Margaret stops and turns around.

GEOFFREY (cont'd)
I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot. But
I’m making an effort here. Don’t leave now.
Much to her chagrin, Margaret stays. Geoffrey is pleased.

GEOFFREY (cont'd)
Thank you.
(switching gears)
Yai...takuju magaluam Ut uksu lingm ik
pifiksailiriju m 1k...
Geoffrey throws more sand on the fire to make it go higher and
speeds up the dance. Margaret is getting better, but it is still
painfully awkward.
 81.

GEOFFREY (cont'd)
...tuakjuk qangani takujumagaluam Ut
qangalan uarm.

Geoffrey speeds up the dance.

GEOFFREY (cont'd)
Now you.
MARGARET
Me what?
GEOFFREY
Chant.
MARGARET
Chant what?

GEOFFREY
Whatever comes out, just chant. It is the
way. You’ll feel better.

MARGARET
I can’t...

GEOFFREY
Close your eyes. Chant.

Margaret and Geoffrey keep dancing. Margaret closes her eyes,

but can’t figure out what to say.

GEOFFREY (cont'd)
Chant!

MARGARET
I don’t know any chants!

GEOFFREY
Chant!
MARGARET
(gutteral)
Toooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...

Looking at Margaret, it’s surprising she can make such a low

noise.
MARGARET (cont’d)
...ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo...
GEOFFREY
Chant!
The drum beat continues.

MARGARET
 82.

They continue to dance, Margaret is getting into it.

MARGARET (cont’d)
...to the wall...

More sand. More fire.

MARGARET (cont’d)
...to sweat drop down my balls...

Geoffrey stops dancing. What did she say?

MARGARET (cont’d)
...to all these bitches crawl...
Margaret’s eyes are closed, she doesn’t realize that she’s broken
out into a ‘Lil John song. She continues to dance.

MARGARET (cont’d)
...To all skee skee motherfucker...
Geoffrey takes the bear head mask off.

MARGARET (cont’d)
...all skee skee got damn...
From the trees, the moment is broken when Debbie shouts out.

DEBBIE
Geoffrey!

Margaret stops chanting ‘Lil John.

GEOFFREY
Oh Debbie, I didn’t do anything.
Margaret sees Debbie and Grandma Annie in the clearing.

GRANDMA ANNIE
Is she singing about balls?
MARGARET
He told me I had to chant!

GRANDMA ANNIE
Oh, you poor dear. Geoffrey, you can’t do
this!
(to Margaret)
He’s an eighth Tlingit, dear.
DEBBIE
He does this to keep in touch with “his
people”.
 83.

GEOFFREY
Don’t make fun of my heritage! And it was
helping. Don’t you feel better? I feel
better.

DEBBIE
Come on sweetie, we need to get you cleaned
up. You’ve got a dress to try on. And
Geoffrey, put that fire out and come in and
help us with this wedding.

Geoffrey turns off the boom box that was hidden in the trees and
the drum beat stops.
GEOFFREY
Fine.

With a fire extinguisher, the bonfire comes to an end.

INT. PAXTON MASTER BEDROOM - DAY
Debbie and Annie wait outside a bathroom door in a massive master
bedroom. They talk to Margaret through the door.

DEBBIE
I am so excited. Aren’t you excited?
GRANDMA ANNIE
This was my dress from 1929. My mother made
it by hand. Amazing how things come back
into style. How does it fit?

Margaret speaks through the door.

MARGARET (O.S.)
Just buttoning up here.

GRANDMA ANNIE
Drum roll!
Grandma and Debbie enthusiastically make drum roll sounds.
Margaret opens the door and smiles. She’s unsure of herself, but
looks fantastic. The dress fits great, except...

GRANDMA ANNIE (cont’d)

Your boobs are bigger than mine ever were.
MARGARET
Yeah, it’s a little snug.
DEBBIE
Come over here.
Debbie leads Margaret to a mirror. Grandma Annie follows.
 84.

MARGARET
(admitting)
It’s a lovely dress.

Debbie looks at Margaret, and spontaneously begins crying.

DEBBIE
(through the tears)
You’re so beautiful, and such a great match
for my Richard. I know I’ve just met you,
but a mother can tell. When he looks at
you, I can tell he’s in love. I’m so happy
I get to share your day.
GRANDMA ANNIE
Debbie, please. We’ve got work to do.

DEBBIE
You’re right.
Debbie collects herself, then starts crying again.

GRANDMA ANNIE
You go work downstairs, I’ll finish this.

Debbie tries to calm down, but can’t.

GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)
Go!
Debbie nods in agreement. Smiling from ear to ear, she leaves in
tears. Margaret and Annie watch her go.
GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)
Had to get rid of her before I gave you
this. Don’t think she woulda recovered.

Grandma Annie comes from behind and puts her arms around
Margaret’s neck. When she is done, a stunning blue necklace lays
on Margaret’s neck.
GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)
You needed something blue. It's silly, but
I didn’t want to take any chances.

MARGARET
It’s beautiful.

GRANDMA ANNIE
It’s hematite. Alaska diamonds. The blue
ones like this are very rare. My great
grandfather gave it to my great grandmother
when they were married. They were quite a
scandal, you know. He was Russian and she
was Tlingit.
(MORE)
 85.

GRANDMA ANNIE (cont’d)

Back then, you had to get approval from
every person in the tribe before you got
married. It almost broke them up.

MARGARET
How’d they stay together?
GRANDMA ANNIE
Don’t know. But I’m sure happy they did,
none of us would be here if they hadn’t.

Grandma and Margaret admire the necklace in the mirror.

GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)
I want you to have it.
This is awful news for Margaret. She might as well be stealing
from Annie.
MARGARET
No, no, no. I can’t. Really.

GRANDMA ANNIE
I don’t want to hear it. It’s yours.
Grandmothers like to give their stuff away
to their grandchildren. Makes us feel like
we’ll always be a part of your life, even
after we’re gone. Take it.

Margaret puts her hand to the necklace, and for the first time
feels like a complete and total fraud.

GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)

Are you feeling all right, dear?

Margaret doesn’t speak. Annie patiently waits for her reply.

MARGARET
Well. Thing is...
Margaret deliberates spilling her guts to Annie, but can’t.
MARGARET (cont'd)
...the dress is just a little tight.

GRANDMA ANNIE
Oh, don’t worry about that. We’ve got these
seams by the arm, this’ll be easy.

Annie marks up the dress with tailor’s chalk.

GRANDMA ANNIE (cont'd)
We can fix this no problem.
Margaret smiles, but knows that Annie couldn’t be more wrong.
 86.

EXT. PAXTON ESTATE - DAY

Richard helps WORKERS build a stage for the band. He’s still in
a foul mood when Margaret interrupts in a panic.

MARGARET
We need to talk.
RICHARD
I’m a little busy.

MARGARET
Well I’m freaking out. I need to get away
from here. From everyone. Now.
RICHARD
Go for another run.

MARGARET
No! I did that. It did not help.

RICHARD
I’m a little tired of you making demands and
me just jumping...

MARGARET
(re: wedding stuff)
We’re not going to need any of this if I
don’t get out of here.

RICHARD
OK, high maintenance. Let’s go.
EXT. PAXTON SPEED BOAT - DAY

Unlike the bulky yacht, this boat is built for speed and
maneuverability. Richard starts her up.
MARGARET
Move over, I’m driving.
Margaret cuts in front of Richard and grabs the wheel.

RICHARD
You don’t know where we’re going.
Margaret opens up the throttle and they are off.

MARGARET
It doesn’t matter.
ON THE OPEN OCEAN
Margaret and Richard leave everyone behind and take off for the
horizon.
 87.

As they jet up the coast away from civilization, the green trees,
blue water and wildlife (bears, puffins, moose) that inhabit the
coastline have a calming effect on both of them. In Alaska, it
doesn’t take long to leave humanity behind.

Eventually, the boat travels through a channel with steep

mountain walls on either side. Although it is still warm out, an
icy beach can be seen straight ahead.
MARGARET (cont'd)
Where are we?
RICHARD
The north pole. Congratulations, we made
it.
(off Margaret’s look)
It’s a glacier. Tracy’s Arm. You better
let me take it from here.
MARGARET
I’m fine.

RICHARD
Oh. OK. So like me, you’ve navigated a lot
of glacier fields? And not died?
Margaret reluctantly moves aside and lets Richard steer.

RICHARD (cont'd)
Lady, you’ve got issues.

MARGARET
Yeah. I’m a control freak. Fine.

RICHARD
It doesn’t stop there.

MARGARET
This coming from the sociopath.
RICHARD
Oh, please.
MARGARET
I’d never bring me here.
RICHARD
You drove!

MARGARET
I mean to Alaska.
RICHARD
Are you kidding me?
Richard pulls next to the glacier and turns off the engine.
 88.

MARGARET
You’re sick. Doing this to them.
RICHARD
I explained to you...
MARGARET
They love you. Do you get that?
RICHARD
Of course.
MARGARET
And you’re still willing to lie to them?
RICHARD
Like you didn’t know.

MARGARET
Didn’t know what?
RICHARD
That we were going to lie to them.

MARGARET
I didn’t know!
RICHARD
Well that makes you either stupid, or
ignorant.

MARGARET
You think I’m stupid?

RICHARD
No, but what’s behind door number two...

MARGARET
(screams)
I forgot! OK? I forgot!
RICHARD
Forgot what?

MARGARET
What it was like!
RICHARD
What what was like?
MARGARET
To have a family! I forgot what it was like
to have a family. I’ve been on my own since
I was thirteen, and I’d forgot what it was
like to have people that love you, and make
you breakfast, and give you necklaces...
 89.

Suddenly, Margaret has a hard time speaking and is short of

breath. She goes to the side of the speed boat.
MARGARET (cont'd)
I’m going to take a walk.
RICHARD
We need to head back...
MARGARET
Alone. I need alone time.
RICHARD
What?
Margaret looks at Richard with a scared and confused look.

MARGARET
I’m, uh, about to lose my shit. Big time.
I need a second.
RICHARD
But...

MARGARET
(panicked)
Stop right there!

Richard puts up his hands in surrender and stays put.

MARGARET (cont'd)
I’m going to be over there. Away from you.
Just sit down, turn around, and act like
you’re not here.

Richard goes to speak, but Margaret motions for him to sit down
and turn around. He does. Margaret gets off the boat and walks
away from him on the glacier.
ON THE GLACIER
Margaret tries diaphragmatic breathing to calm down.
MARGARET (cont'd)
(manic, to herself)
You can do this. Couple more hours, and
then you’ll never see these people again.
Eventually you’ll write a letter.
Apologize. Send the necklace back.
RICHARD
(from the boat)
Margaret!
MARGARET
No talking!
 90.

RICHARD
(from the boat)
Watch your step, OK? It can be dangerous.

MARGARET
Again, you’re not supposed to be...
Margaret doesn’t finish her sentence.
ON THE BOAT

Richard sits with his back turned to Margaret, waiting for her
reply. He doesn’t hear anything. That’s weird.
RICHARD
(back still turned)
Margaret?

Richard turns around and looks for Margaret. He doesn’t see her.
He gets out of the boat and goes onto the glacier, walking in the
direction he last saw Margaret.

RICHARD (cont'd)
Margaret? I know I’m breaking “the rules”
here, but where are you?
He takes one more step before he hears...

MARGARET (O.S.)
(yelling)
Richard!!!!!!!! Help!!!!!!!!

Richard still can’t see her, but runs in the direction of her
voice. He soon rounds a mound of ice and sees that --

Margaret’s been swallowed by the ice. Her upper torso sticks out
of the glacier, held up by her arms. Her eyes are wide, and
she’s almost hyperventilating. It’s a bizarre sight.
MARGARET (cont'd)
Oh, thank God!
Richard tries to control himself, but BURSTS OUT LAUGHING.
Margaret is really scared.
MARGARET (cont'd)
Wh-, wh-, why are you laughing?

RICHARD
I’m sorry. I’m sorry. Just relax. I’ll
get you out of there. You’ve broken through
an ice bridge. It happens all the time. No
biggie.
MARGARET
Don’t do that.
 91.

RICHARD
Don’t do what?
MARGARET
The thing that doctors do in E.R. when they
tell the gunshot victim who is bleeding to
death that they’re going to be OK. Don’t do
that!
RICHARD
It’s not like that. Really. We do need to
be careful here though, I don’t want us both
to fall in. Stay still, OK?
MARGARET
Uh-huh.

Richard is ten feet away from Margaret now. He’s checking the
ice to see if it is stable. He slowly walks her way.
RICHARD
So, I’m going to walk up to you and very
slowly pull you out. OK?

MARGARET
I’m really cold.
RICHARD
Yeah, that’s normal when you’re surrounded
by ice.

MARGARET
(makes sense)
OK.

Richard stands over a stuck Margaret, whose head just comes up to

his knee. He calmly looks down on her.

RICHARD
So I’m going to pull you up by your armpits.
I’m probably going to touch boob. But don’t
freak out.
Margaret shakes her head yes. Richard reaches down and slowly
lifts her out of the ice. Margaret doesn’t say a word.
RICHARD (cont'd)
When I get you all the way out, I need you
to hold onto me. I’m going to carry you
over there.
Margaret nods yes as she puts her arms around Richard. He’s
strong, so it isn’t difficult for him to slowly carry her “over
the threshold” style, away from the hole in the ice. He speaks
once they’re safe.
 92.

RICHARD (cont'd)
I’ve, uh, never done that before.
MARGARET
You said it was “no biggie”.
RICHARD
Yeah. Well. You OK?
MARGARET
Yeah. I’m fine.
Richard smiles. Margaret smiles back.
Richard walks very comfortably with her in his arms. She fits
just right. Margaret looks up to Richard gratefully.

MARGARET (cont'd)
(smiling)
You shouldn’t of laughed at me.
RICHARD
You woulda laughed at me.

MARGARET
Yeah. While I was getting my camera.
The two stare at each other for a beat. There’s a real spark.
They might kiss.
RICHARD
Gertrude wants me back.
Whoah. Not what she was expecting. She looks down.

MARGARET
And?

RICHARD
Well. It seemed like you were having...
second thoughts.
MARGARET
Yeah. I was.

RICHARD
Maybe we should do it. Come clean.

MARGARET
Put me down.
Richard puts Margaret down near the boat. She tries to regain
her composure.
MARGARET (cont'd)
You wanna call it off?
 93.

RICHARD
If you do.
MARGARET
Fine. It’s over. We’ll tell them when we
get back.
ON THE BOAT
Margaret sits hunched over with a blanket wrapped around her.
Richard drives the boat. They don’t talk.
EXT. PAXTON ESTATE - DAY
Richard and Margaret walk towards the house, which looms above
them as they prepare to deliver the news that they aren’t getting
married. The front door opens, and Geoffrey comes outside in a
hurry. He’s clearly been waiting.
GEOFFREY
Come with me.

RICHARD
Where’s mom, dad? We all need to talk.

GEOFFREY
Not now. C’mon.

Richard and Margaret look at each other, not sure what to do.
Geoffrey storms off and they follow.

EXT. PAXTON GUESTHOUSE - DAY

Richard, Margaret and Geoffrey arrive at the door to the
guesthouse. Geoffrey stops before they go in.
GEOFFREY
(to Richard)
I haven’t told your mother about any of
this, and I don’t plan to.
(to Margaret)
I was really beginning to like you. Sorry
about this.

Geoffrey opens the door and goes inside.

INSIDE THE GUESTHOUSE

The guesthouse has been converted into a squash court. In the

middle of the court, a man patiently sits on a metal folding
chair. It’s Gilbertson. He smiles.
MR. GILBERTSON
Hey there kids. Good to see ya!
 94.

RICHARD
(to Dad)
What did you do?

Geoffrey doesn’t answer. He’s not proud of himself.

RICHARD (cont'd)
(getting angry)
What did you do, dad?!

GEOFFREY
I called him yesterday. He told me that you
were lying, and that he was going to catch
you. That he was going to send you to
prison.
MR. GILBERTSON
(to Richard)
We made a deal and dad here flew me up. Now
you tell the truth, and get off scott free.
It’s like it never happened for you.

RICHARD
You made a deal with him? On my behalf?

GEOFFREY
You were making a mistake...

RICHARD
That’s none of your business.

MARGARET
It’s fine.

RICHARD
The hell it is. It is not fine!

MR. GILBERTSON
Oh quack, quack, quack. Just tell me what
really happened, and I’ll be on my way. No
one gets hurt, we all get what we want.
Margaret takes Richard’s hand.

MARGARET
It’s OK. Tell him.
RICHARD
(to Geoffrey)
You do not get to make this decision. This
is my decision.
(to Gilbertson)
The truth is... I’ve been working for
Margaret for three years. Six months ago we
started dating. I recently asked her to
marry me, and she said yes. See you both at
 95.

GEOFFREY
What are you doing, Richard?
RICHARD
(grabs Margaret’s hand)
Come on, we gotta get ready.
Margaret and Richard storm out of the squash court.
EXT. PAXTON ESTATE - DAY - CONTINUOUS

The couple walks briskly to the house.

RICHARD
What was I thinking? They act like they’re
nice, but really, they’re evil.

MARGARET
He’s only doing it because he loves you.
RICHARD
Are you defending him? Are you defending
the king dick?

MARGARET
Just stop. Think about this.
RICHARD
Oh, I’ve thought about it. And know what I
think? I think you saved my life. Thank
you, Margaret. Getting married to you is
the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Without this, I might’ve ended up back here.

Up at the house, Debbie opens the door.

DEBBIE
There you are! You two almost gave me a
heart attack. C’mon, get dressed!
RICHARD
Coming mom!
(to Margaret)
Time to sack up.

Richard winks and goes inside. Margaret follows, not sure.

THE WEDDING MONTAGE

-- Chairs are set up outside.

-- Guests arrive via boat.
-- Richard stands on the deck, wearing his tuxedo. Gertrude
arrives for the wedding, and they lock eyes. Richard waves hello
and mouths “Sorry.” He goes back inside.
 96.

-- Geoffrey sits in his bedroom and watches TV. He’s not dressed
for the wedding yet. Debbie shakes her head at him in the mirror
as she puts on her ear rings.

-- Gilbertson eats every hors d'oeuvre that’s offered to him.

INT. MARGARET’S ROOM - DAY
Grandma knocks on the door and comes inside. We see Margaret
from head to toe. The dress, veil and flowers look amazing.

GRANDMA ANNIE
If I were one to brag, I’d say that dress is
perfect.
MARGARET
Matches the shoes.

Margaret pulls up the dress to reveal running sneakers.

GRANDMA ANNIE
Those’ll be your best friend. Wedding shoes
stink. You ready?

EXT. PAXTON ESTATE - DAY

With the ocean in the background, 200 GUESTS sit in white chairs.
Richard stands under a gazebo, and smiles at his mother in the
front row. He ignores Geoffrey.
Gertrude sits nearby, next to Gilbertson.

From the gazebo, Richard nods at a GROUP OF CELLO PLAYERS, who

begin playing from downloaded sheet music that reads “Kool and
the Gang, Cherish”. Heads turn with the start of the music, to
see Annie walk Margaret down the aisle.

When Margaret recognizes the song, she smiles.

MARGARET
(mouthing to Richard)
Nice song.
Richard shrugs his shoulders.

GRANDMA ANNIE
Is that your song, dear?

MARGARET
I guess so.
Margaret and Annie stop at the end of the aisle. Looking up,
Margaret sees the justice of the peace, Ramone. (Yes, the same
guy from the liquor store and the strip club.)

RAMONE
 97.

GRANDMA ANNIE
It’s me, Ramone.
Margaret gives Annie a kiss, and then turns to Richard. They
whisper while they walk up to Ramone.
RICHARD
You look gorgeous.
MARGARET
(smiling)
You look disgusting.
RICHARD
So, is this what you dreamed of when you
were a little girl?

MARGARET
Oh, you bet.
They make it to the Gazebo, where Ramone awaits.

MARGARET (cont'd)
Ramone.

RAMONE
(quietly)
Mi amo.
(To the crowd)
We are gathered here today to celebrate one
of life's greatest moments. To give
recognition to the beauty, honesty, and
unselfish ways...

Margaret looks at Richard on the word “unselfish,” but he’s

looking straight ahead, determined to get through this.

RAMONE (cont'd)
...of Richard and Margaret’s true love...
“True Love” gets Margaret as well, although no one in the
audience notices.
RAMONE (cont'd)
...before their family and friends.
“Family and Friends” gets a reaction out of Gertrude and
Geoffrey. She purses her lips. He holds on to his chair in
order to keep himself seated.
RAMONE (cont'd)
For it is family and friends who taught
Richard and Margaret to love, so it is only
right that family and friends all celebrate
that love here today.
 98.

RAMONE (cont'd)
And if there is anyone who has cause why
this couple should not be united in marriage
and love, they must speak now or forever
hold their peace.
Gilbertson stays quiet. Geoffrey takes a tug from a flask.
Ramone is about to continue, but something gets his attention.
He’s not sure what to do.

RAMONE (cont'd)
Mi amo, do you have a question?
We reveal that Margaret has her hand halfway up, eyes squinted
shut like the new kid in class not sure of herself.

MARGARET
No.
RAMONE
Then why is your hand up?

MARGARET
I have something to say. It’s not a
question though.
RAMONE
Can it wait ‘til after?
MARGARET
Uh. Um. No.
RICHARD
What are you doing?
Margaret gathers herself and turns around to the crowd. They
stare back, unsure what to make of this foreigner.
MARGARET
Hey there, folks. Thanks for coming out.
I’ve got a little announcement to make about
the “wedding.”

RICHARD
Don’t do this.
Margaret smiles and squeezes Richard’s hand.

MARGARET
Not sure the best way to tell you all this.
But, uh... I made Richard marry me. This is
all a sham.
Gilbertson victoriously pumps his fist in the air.
 99.

MARGARET (cont'd)
I was going to get kicked out of the country
-- so I told Richard that I would destroy
his career if he didn’t marry me.

RICHARD
Now wait...
MARGARET
Richard. Please. Let me finish.
(to the Paxton family)
Richard wanted to stop this when we got off
the plane, but I wouldn’t let him. Don’t
blame him. This is all my fault.
(to Ramone)
Could you get the band started? And give
these people something to drink.
(to Gilbertson)
And you. Meet me at your dingy in ten,
you’re taking me to the airport.
MR. GILBERTSON
You got it!

Margaret nods, hands Richard the bouquet, and confidently walks

back up the aisle with all eyes on her. She stops when she gets
to Gertrude and leans down.

MARGARET
Take care of him.

GERTRUDE
Promise.

Margaret walks back into the house. Alone.

INT. MARGARET’S ROOM - DAY

Margaret’s wedding dress is laid out on the bed. Her bag is

packed. Richard knocks and comes in. Margaret is on the phone.
MARGARET
(unenthusiastically to phone)
Uh-huh. Yeah. That’s great Frank. Good
news. Talk to you on Monday.
Margaret hangs up.

RICHARD
So Frank’s back in?
Margaret nods distractedly. Getting Frank to do the publicity
tour doesn’t mean much right now.
MARGARET
Yup. He’s in. For now.
 100.

RICHARD
Maybe this’ll be your Mockingbird?
MARGARET
Yeah. Right.
Margaret starts collecting her bags.
RICHARD
Great exit back there.

MARGARET
Thanks. Fun weekend.
RICHARD
Same old, same old, around here.

MARGARET
Wasn’t sure if your mom would want me to
strip the sheets, so I just left them.
RICHARD
I’ll let her know.
(beat)
Why did you tell them all that?
MARGARET
It was getting too messy. We weren’t going
to be able to keep it up.
RICHARD
Don’t start lying to me now.

Margaret stops for a moment.

MARGARET
I heard you and Gertrude at the school. I
think she meant what she said. She’s a
great girl, you should stay. It’s the right
thing. You’re perfect for each other.
RICHARD
But... but what about you? What are you
gonna do?
Margaret wants to keep the conversation short.

MARGARET
Don’t worry about me. I’ll survive.
RICHARD
So what? This is it?
MARGARET
Yup. This is it.
 101.

Margaret walks to the door, but stops. She turns to Richard.

Despite her best effort to act cold, she can’t help herself.
MARGARET (cont'd)
(sincere)
Have an amazing life, OK? You’re a good
person. You deserve it.
She puts out her hand, and Richard shakes it. It’s electric, but
Margaret denies it.
MARGARET (cont'd)
Goodbye, Richard.
EXT. PAXTON ESTATE - DAY
Margaret walks down to the dock carrying her suitcase. She can
hear that the party is in full swing and smiles.
EXT. BOAT - DAY
Gilbertson drives his little speedboat and Margaret holds her
suitcase tight. It's choppy, and the outboard motor is loud.
The two have to yell to talk.
MR. GILBERTSON
I want you to say the words.

MARGARET
I’m not doing great in the dignity
department, can we not do this right now?
MR. GILBERTSON
Say it.

Margaret closes her eyes. Hating that it’s come to this.

MARGARET
I’ll publish your book.
Gilbertson smiles.
MR. GILBERTSON
Now was that so hard?
EXT. PAXTON ESTATE - DAY

Richard sits by himself and finishes a beer by the shore.

Gertrude walks up to him, looking fabulous, with two more beers.
GERTRUDE
So here’s the deal. I’m going to have a
million questions for you tomorrow...

Gertrude sits down next to Richard.

 102.

GERTRUDE (cont'd)
...but for now I thought we’d just sit here
and drink beer. OK?

Richard nods. Gertrude hands him a beer.

RICHARD
Thanks.
Richard thanks her with a kiss on the cheek. Then, realizing
where and who he is with, he puts his beer down. He turns to
Gertrude again with a determined look, gives her a kiss on the
lips, then follows it up with an even bigger kiss.
When they finish, Gertrude is grinning, eyes closed.
Richard looks worried. Something is wrong.

GERTRUDE
You have been practicing.

RICHARD
Waddya mean?

GERTRUDE
Well. Margaret told me that you, uh, turned
into bit of a man whore down there.

Richard looks down. A bit ashamed. Gertrude makes light.

GERTRUDE (cont'd)
You’re gonna have to put that in check if
you move back. Cause me and Beth Cable are
the only two real options up here... and
I’ll kick that bitch’s ass.

Richard gives her a polite smile. He’s not really in the mood to
joke. Gertrude notices.
GERTRUDE (cont'd)
So no jokes yet? Too soon?
RICHARD
I’m sorry. I’m just a little... confused.
GERTRUDE
That kiss didn’t seem “confused.”

Richard takes a beat to collect himself.

RICHARD
You’re amazing, Gert. And I’ve thought
about being with you for a long time. A
long time. When you said those things at
the school? I’ve dreamed about hearing you
say those things.

(MORE)
 103.

RICHARD (cont’d)
But as crazy as this seems. I know now...
that we’re just not meant to be.
Gertrude pulls back like she’s been punched.

RICHARD (cont'd)
Thing is... when I said goodbye to Margaret?
I felt sick. For the three years we worked
together, I wanted to be as far away from
her as possible. But now that she’s gone?
I’m just really... sad. I want her with me.
What is that?
The question hangs in the air.
GERTRUDE
I don’t know.

RICHARD
I think I have to find out.
GERTRUDE
Find out what?

RICHARD
If she feels the same way.
Gertrude begins to tear up, but won’t let herself cry.

GERTRUDE
Well. OK then. What’s a girl gonna do?
(voice cracking)
I guess you want who you want.

Gertrude gives a melancholy smile.

RICHARD
I’m so sorry.
(beat)
But, I gotta go.
GERTRUDE
Uh-huh.

Richard gets up.

RICHARD
Are you OK?

GERTRUDE
I’m fine. Really. Go.
Gertrude nods her approval and Richard runs off to the party.
 104.

EXT. PAXTON ESTATE - PARTY - DAY

Debbie, Geoffrey and Annie sit at a table next to the bar,
dumbstruck looks on their faces. Ramone mixes drinks and flips
bottles. Richard runs up to them all, looking excited.
GEOFFREY
What are you so God damn happy about?
RICHARD
What? Oh. Well, I’m, uh, going to see
Margaret.
GEOFFREY
What?!
DEBBIE
She violated you. We should report her.
RICHARD
Who you gonna report her to, mom?

DEBBIE
Oh my God. He’s got the Stockholm syndrome.

RICHARD
I don’t have the Stockholm syndrome. And
she didn’t violate me.

DEBBIE
What is going on, Richard?

Richard slows down and explains to his mom.

RICHARD
I’m sorry I lied to you. That was an awful
thing to do. But it took this weekend for
me to see how funny, and screwed up and
perfect Margaret is for me. I think
she’s... the one.
DEBBIE
But you already thought she was the one.

RICHARD
No, I didn’t. Not until she left.
DEBBIE
Really? Does she think that too?
RICHARD
I don’t know. I’ve got to get to the
airport to find out.
Debbie doesn’t say anything, then breaks into a smile.
 105.

DEBBIE
(so romantic)
He’s going to stop her from leaving! At the
airport!

RICHARD
But I gotta hurry. Her plane leaves any
second. I might not make it.
DEBBIE
(so romantic)
He’s not sure he’s going to make it!
GEOFFREY
Are you buying this horse shit?
DEBBIE
Oh, Geoffrey!
RICHARD
I don’t have time to explain this to you.

GEOFFREY
Well then make some god-damn time. Cause I
won’t let you throw your life away for some
woman.
RICHARD
I don’t care.

GEOFFREY
Excuse me?
RICHARD
I don’t care. I love you and want you to
understand. But I’m not asking your
permission here. I’m doing this.

GEOFFREY
Oh, really?
From behind them, Annie stands up and shouts.
ANNIE
Boys! Stop it! Stop it! Stop it!
But suddenly, a look of panic flashes across Annie’s face. She
grabs the table to steady herself, but pulls the table cloth,
causing a loud crash. Geoffrey and Richard run over.
GEOFFREY
Mom, are you OK?
ANNIE
I’m having a... I need to go to the
hospital. Fast.
 106.

INT. PLANE - DAY

Margaret and Gilbertson board the jet together. Margaret finds
her seat in first class and discovers the Handsome Man from the
flight before sitting nearby.
HANDSOME MAN
(re: Gilbertson)
Is this another gay assistant?

Margaret doesn’t say anything and takes her seat.

EXT. PAXTON ESTATE - DAY
TWO COAST GUARDSMAN carry Annie on a gurney to their waiting
helicopter. Geoffrey, Richard, and Debbie follow behind. They
all pile into a large chopper and fly off.

INT. COAST GUARD HELICOPTER - DAY - CONTINUOUS

An oxygen mask covers Annie’s face. Geoffrey holds her hand.
Annie motions for Geoffrey to come closer and he leans down.
Geoffrey sits up and shouts over the helicopter noise.

GEOFFREY
Richard! She has something she wants to say
to us!

Richard leans down, and joins Geoffrey and Annie. Their three
heads are very close together. Annie speaks to them both through
the oxygen mask.

ANNIE
Listen to me. You two need to stop
fighting. You’ll never see eye to eye, but
you’re family. If this doesn’t stop, one
day you’ll regret it.
(to Geoffrey)
Promise me you’ll stand by Richard, even if
you don’t agree with him.
GEOFFREY
I... I promise.

ANNIE
And Richard. Promise you’ll work harder to
be a part of this family.

RICHARD
I promise, Grandma.
ANNIE
OK, then.
Annie closes her eyes. She looks peaceful. A moment passes.
 107.

Then suddenly Annie takes off her mask, sits up, and yells to th
pilot.
ANNIE (cont'd)
(as if nothing happened)
I’m feeling much better. I don’t need to go
to the hospital. Take us to the airport,
please.
Richard and Geoffrey are confused. Stunned even.

GEOFFREY
What... what is going on?
(so the Coast Guard can’t hear)
Did you fake a heart attack?
ANNIE
We didn’t have time for your squabbling, and
I knew a helicopter would be the quickest
way to the airport. It seemed like the best
way.

RICHARD
The best way?

ANNIE
And remember, you two promised me that
you’re going get along. I wasn’t kidding
about that.
COAST GUARD PILOT
Ma’am, I’m not authorized to take you to the
airport...

ANNIE
(to pilot)
Larry Ferris! Don’t make me call your
mother!
INT. PLANE - DAY
Gilbertson talks non-stop. Margaret is in hell.
MR. GILBERTSON
...I want my book launch to be special. I’m
thinking we throw a soiree at the Nevsky
Monastery. In St. Petersberg?

Margaret stares at him blankly.

MR. GILBERTSON (cont'd)
(as if she should know)
Where Dostoyevsky is buried? Hello? I
thought you were a professional...

Margaret closes her eyes to numb the pain.

 108.

EXT. SITKA AIRPORT - DAY

The helicopter lands, and Richard jumps out. His family follows
as they run to the control tower.

INT. AIRPORT TOWER - DAY

CHUCK has an easy job. Jets fly into Sitka, but there are only
about six flights a day. He is half awake as he radios
Margaret’s flight. Reggae music plays in the background.

CHUCK
Flight 1601, you’re clear for takeoff.
PILOT (O.S.)
Roger that, Chuck.

The PHONE RINGS in the tower. Chuck picks up. Intercut as

necessary, with Richard running on a cell phone.
CHUCK
Tower. Talk to me.

RICHARD
Hey Chuck, it’s Richard.
CHUCK
Hey man. Heard about your lady bailing.
How often does this happen to you?
RICHARD
Need you to do me a solid, brother. I gotta
see my girl and she’s on that flight. Could
you stop it for me?

CHUCK
No can do brohan. Need a good reason for
the FAA holes. Lose my jobby job if I
delivered that favor.
RICHARD
Oh, c’mon Chuck!
INT. PLANE - DAY

The plane rattles as it gains speed for takeoff. Margaret

studies the safety pamphlet, trying to ignore Gilbertson.

MR. GILBERTSON
...so next topic. Celebrities. Let’s
invite the Bill Clinton’s and leave out the
Paris Hilton’s, OK?
Gilbertson smiles as he looks out the window and sees the plane
leave Sitka.
 109.

EXT. TOWER - DAY

Richard and his family stand outside the tower and watch
Margaret’s plane take off.
RICHARD
Well. That’s it. Once she gets back to New
York, it’ll be like this never happened.
Richard looks defeated. Geoffrey sees how sad his son is, and
takes a deep breath.
GEOFFREY
So, you know I think you shouldn’t be with
Margaret, right?
RICHARD
You’ve made that crystal clear.

GEOFFREY
Good.
(looks at Annie)
Well, consider this me keeping my promise.
Geoffrey pulls out his cell phone and hits a button. He waits
for an answer.

GEOFFREY (cont'd)
(to phone)
Hey! Maguire! Yeah, yeah, yeah, her
running out was something. But that’s what
I’m calling about. I’ve got a favor to ask
you, ‘bout one of your planes...

INT. PLANE - DAY

Gilbertson continues to talk. Margaret is in a stupor.
MR. GILBERTSON
...you know those two hundred pages I took
out? I’m going to put them back...
A flight attendant comes to Margaret and interrupts.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT
Ms. Mills? Would you come with me?
Margaret is excited to get away from Gilbertson.
MARGARET
Yes, of course.

She unbuckles her seat belt, about to get out of her seat.
MR. GILBERTSON
What’s this about?
 110.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT
(never done this before)
There’s someone on the radio for you.

The flight attendant points to the Flight Attendant CB located at

the front of the plane, outside the cockpit.
FLIGHT ATTENDANT (cont'd)
Uh, a Richard Paxton?

Margaret shakes her head and re-buckles her seat belt.

MARGARET
Tell him I’m not here.
CUT TO:

INT. TOWER - DAY

Richard and his family are huddled around the radio in the tower.
Chuck sits nearby.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT (O.S.)

(from radio)
I’m sorry. She won’t come talk to you.
RICHARD
Shit! She’s never going to pick up...

CHUCK
(to Richard)
Know what, home slice? Cut this chica
loose. You remember Beth Cable? She’d
totally be into you...

Suddenly, Richard has an idea. He picks up the hand mic.

RICHARD
Excuse me Miss Flight Attendant, could you
ask the captain to do me one more favor...
CUT TO:
INT. PLANE - DAY

DING! The captain comes on over the loudspeaker.

CAPTAIN
(over plane loudspeaker)
Welcome to flight 1601 to Seattle, this is
your captain. We’ve reached our cruising
altitude of 30,000 feet. Flight time’ll be
three hours and thirty minutes. And
Margaret? Richard has something he’d like
to say to you.
 111.

RICHARD (O.S.)
(over loudspeaker)
Uh, hey Margaret. And cause I’m on the
loudspeaker, hey everyone on the plane.

The other passengers look around to try and figure out who’s
Margaret. Meanwhile, Margaret looks down and acts like she
doesn’t know either.
RICHARD (O.S.) (cont'd)
(over loudspeaker)
This certainly isn’t how I wanted to do
this. I mean, I’m not really into the whole
baring your soul in front of strangers
thing, but I figure it’s now or never. So
here goes.

CUT TO:
INT. TOWER - DAY
Richard puts down the hand mic for a second to gain composure.
His family encourages him on.

CHUCK
You’re doing great, man.
Richard pushes the button down on the hand mike.

RICHARD
I know you’re used to being on your own.
And that you’re comfortable with your life
the way it is. And that in a million years
you wouldn’t have thought that we should be
together. I know, because I felt the exact
same way.

CUT TO:
INT. PLANE - DAY
Every passenger is enraptured by the words coming out of the
loudspeaker. The flight attendants, the Handsome Man, everyone.

RICHARD (O.S.)
(over loudspeaker)
And you know what else I know? I know that
I’m tired of being alone. And I think
you’re tired of being alone too. So come
on. Talk to me. Please.
The Handsome Man turns to Margaret.
HANDSOME MAN
(with genuine concern)
Do you really feel like you’re alone?
 112.

MARGARET
Oh, good lord.
CUT TO:

INT. TOWER - DAY

Richard and his family stare at the radio, waiting to see if
there is going to be an answer. Chuck crosses his fingers.

MARGARET (O.S.)
(from radio)
What the hell are you doing?
Everyone in the tower smiles. They’re making progress.
RICHARD
We need to talk.
(Intercut as necessary. Margaret stands at the front of the
plane with the passengers watching.)

MARGARET
About what?

RICHARD
Have you ever thought there might be a
reason we’ve been together for the last
three years?
MARGARET
As boss and assistant.
RICHARD
Things change, Margaret.
MARGARET
(incredulous)
Things change?
RICHARD
Yeah, things change.
MARGARET
Is that the best you got?
Geoffrey hits Richard, as if to say “see, that’s what I said.”
Richard composes himself.

RICHARD
Now, tell me the truth. When you left, were
you relieved or sad that we didn’t have an
excuse to be together anymore?
Geoffrey gives Richard the thumbs up. That was a good one.
 113.

MARGARET
What’s your point?
RICHARD
Because I am sick that you left. And if you
feel sick too, then why shouldn’t we just be
together?
Margaret goes to answer, but stops. Richard is right. She wants
to go back. Even the passengers on the plane can see it.
Gilbertson panics.
MR. GILBERTSON
Are you thinking about going back to him?
Margaret doesn’t answer.

MR. GILBERTSON (cont'd)

We have a deal! You can’t back out now!
The flight attendant steps in, annoyed that Gilbertson is trying
to break up Richard and Margaret.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT
Sir, you need to sit down.
MR. GILBERTSON
I will do no such thing.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT
Sir, I’m ordering you to return to your
seat.
Other passengers yell “sit down asshole” at Gilbertson.

MR. GILBERTSON
Who said that?

FLIGHT ATTENDANT
Sir, this is your third and final warning!
MR. GILBERTSON
Listen sweetheart...
(he pokes the flight attendant)
I’m a federal officer, so why don’t you get
me another cocktail and mind your own...
BUZZ! ZAP! 400,000 Volts of electricity surge through
Gilbertson. He twitches violently and crashes to the floor.
Behind him, The Handsome Man holds a stun gun and a badge.
HANDSOME MAN
Well, I’m a federal Air Marshall. And
you’re under arrest for disobeying a crew
member, assault, and possible intoxication.
 114.

The Handsome Man pulls out flex cuffs, zips them around
Gilbertson’s wrists, and throws him in the bathroom. He then
takes the CB from Margaret and speaks to the passengers.

HANDSOME MAN (cont'd)

Sorry everybody, but protocol says we need
to get this unruly passenger off the plane
ASAP. Sitka’s the closest airport, so if
it’s OK with you, I’m gonna have the captain
turn this bird around.

There are wild cheers from the passengers. Margaret blushes.

HANDSOME MAN (cont'd)
(winks at Margaret)
Told you I was a romantic.

EXT. SITKA AIRPORT RUNWAY - DAY

Flight 1601 glides to a safe landing. Richard and his family
wait on the tarmac, and the plane taxis to them. A truck drives
stairs to the front door of the plane and the door opens.
Margaret steps out. Richard walks up the steps.

MARGARET
This wasn’t supposed to happen.
Richard looks Margaret in the eye.

RICHARD
But it did.

Margaret looks down. A little embarrassed.

MARGARET
I’m not the kind of girl who gets saved.

Richard smiles, and without warning, Margaret grabs him, and

plants a long, deep, and wet kiss on him.
The long kiss is interrupted by the Handsome Man and Gilbertson.
HANDSOME MAN
Uh, sorry, but excuse us.

The Handsome Man leads a handcuffed and still dazed Gilbertson

down the steps.

MARGARET
(to Gilbertson)
Hey! Do you think getting arrested might
affect you at work?
Gilbertson has no retort.
 115.

MARGARET (cont'd)
Oh, and I’m not going to be able to publish
your book after all.

MR. GILBERTSON
So you are getting married this weekend?
MARGARET
(smiling)
Absolutely not. But who knows?
(looking at Richard)
We might by the time you get out of jail.
Gilbertson makes a “go to hell” face and shuffles off.
Margaret turns back to Richard. All smiles.

MARGARET (cont'd)
I’ve got some explaining to do.
Margaret and Richard walk down the steps and stand in front of
Richard’s family.

MARGARET (cont'd)
(to Debbie)
Hi. I’m Margaret. I’ve known your son for
years, but we’ve just recently begun to see
each other romantically.
(to Geoffrey)
I want to get to know you all, and spend
some real time up here in Alaska.
(to Annie)
I’m not sure when you are going to see him
get married, but I promise as long as I’m
with him, he’ll be happy.

Passengers cram up to the plane windows to see what will happen.

GRANDMA ANNIE
That’s all we ever wanted.
Grandma Annie gives Margaret and Richard a big hug. Debbie joins
in. Then Geoffrey. Passengers cheer.
CUT TO:

EXT. PAXTON ISLAND - DANCEFLOOR - DAY

The party is in full swing.
Balzac chases his balls.
Ramone slides onstage and SINGS with the band. He has a
beautiful voice.
Debbie and Geoffrey cut a rug. They’ve done this before.
 116.

Gertrude and Annie chat and laugh at a nearby table. The

Handsome Man brings Gertrude a drink. Grandma Annie winks and
leaves these two alone.

Margaret and Richard dance. All smiles, even though they aren’t
very good.
And as everyone dances, we track up the tallest tree on the
island, to an eagle’s nest at the very top. Inside the nest,
three eaglets chirp along to the music, snuggled up to Margaret’s
phone.
FADE OUT.