Definition of the Family 1

In today's day and age family can mean so many things. Some people consider their pets as
their family. Some consider their friends as family. There are blended families and “normal”
families. For me, family are people who take the time to be actively involved in my life. People
who care for me, love me, cheer me on, give a shoulder or listening ear when I need one. The
list is endless. I have my biological family whom which I was born into and my new family whom
I married into. They are my family based on blood and marriage. I have some family members
both biological and by marriage that I don't have any type of relationship with. But by my
definition of family, I would not consider them my family because of the way they have treated
me and they do not play an active role in my life. However, in other circumstances I do have
some friends that have been in my life for 25 plus years that I consider my family. They have
been there for me during the good, the bad and the ugly. We communicate on almost a daily
basis and take the time to see each other on a regular basis. Many times, I've been able to
count on them way more than I have ever been able to count on my biological family. In my
current immediate family situation, I am a grandmother. The look on strangers faces when I say
I'm a grandma always take them by surprise. The reason is because I'm a very young Grandma.
My stepdaughter is 23 years old and she has been in my life since she was five. My husband
had primary custody of her. Therefore I raised her as my own. She was my first child. Not my
first born, but my first child. She made me a grandma. I have never considered her my step
daughter because she is my daughter. They are not related to me by blood so they are not my
biological family however, you would never know it. By all intents and purposes, this is my
definition of family.

Definition of Family 2
Much of my original definition of family remains unchanged. However, I have had some
enlightenments as I progressed through this course. One of the major issues I am currently
dealing with right now is my mother is dating a man who is married. They have been together
for almost two years. The man has been separated for three years. In the beginning, I was
upset about this because I did not consider this person to be a member of my family. He has
taken care of my mom in so many ways and now they live together. He is her family. With time,
he became our family. In our readings, he is not biologically connected to any of us. They are
the definition of a “pure relationship”. (Skolnick, Skolnick, p. 30) In the Mommy War’s, I was able
to change my opinion on how I perceived working Mother’s. I thought the working Mom was
unable to provide full care for her child/children. By this I mean, emotional, physical and all
encompassing mothering attributes. Paid working mothers, for instance, are likely to argue that
there are lots of good reasons for mothers to work in the paid labor force; stay-at-home mothers
are likely to argue that there are lots of good reasons for mothers to stay at home with their
children. These arguments are best understood not at mere rationalizations or absolute truths
but rather as socially necessary “ideological work”. (Skolnick, Skolnick, pg. 37) Another current
situation of mine relates to gay and lesbian families. In the beginning of my adult life, I struggled
personally with accepting different life styles. They were completely against how I was raised
and my religious beliefs. However, as the years passed and I became older and “wiser” I was
able to put my personal beliefs aside and accept these people for who they were, especially,
because they were my sisters. I learned they are the new original family formation. Divorce is
something that is happening with one of my sister’s. She has been with her partner, my sister in
law for sixteen years. They legally married for six of those years. Recently, they decided to end
their relationship and start seeing other people. I struggled with this because, being married
means creating a “family”. It means through marriage, more family is formed. For example, in
laws and Aunt/ niece/ nephew relationships are created. My sister and sister in law have
decided to remain married for legal and financial benefits. They live separate lives with their new
partners. Now that my sister has her new partner, she brings her to family events and
occasions. Our family, especially my children struggle with this because they still have their
Aunt Raquel in their lives. The acceptance of a new person has been reluctant. I currently do
not see her new partner as my family. Until they get divorced, and until she is not actively in our
lives, I will always consider my sister in law family.