Final Paper: Mandala of the Soul 1

Final Paper: Mandala of the Soul

Chloe Espinosa

Southwestern College and New Earth Institute

It is no secret that I am a fish out of water when it comes to the content of this course.

The material was unnatural and often confusing for me. However, it aided me in beginning to

open myself up to parts of the self that were previously rejected, namely my spirituality and

connection to the collective unconscious. Thus, my greatest lessons from this course came in the

form of integrating those broken off pieces, letting go of what I think I know, strengthening my

intuition, and trusting and listening to myself. The mandalas I made throughout this course

reflect that journey and my interactions with the material. The final mandalas I include in the

pictures below synthesize the journey and reflect on the lessons that brought the most meaning to

me. This paper will summarize my experiences within this course and discuss the significance of

my final mandalas.

The reader may notice that out of the multiple reflection papers submitted, most focused

on Mandala of the Soul by Robert Waterman. This literature was the one I felt most triggered

and challenged by, as its content was abstract and pushed back on many of the ideologies I grew

up with. However, it was also this literature that most impacted my journey within this course.

Because the content was so abstract, it forced me to stop thinking about the material and start

listening to what I was reading. Overthinking any of the ideas at hand only confused me further.

Only in listening to the underlying meaning could I sense the life in the words. In other words, I

had to use my intuition to read this text rather than my thinking brain. Reading in this way gave

me insight into how I needed to engage with the protocols.

For instance, at first, I did not trust the images coming to me. I believed they were false

symbols produced by my imagination to show me what I wanted to see. However, Waterman

states “Symbols in our art do more than passively represent our unconscious beliefs. The

symbols and images actually link with the information as it is coded in our consciousness”
Final Paper: Mandala of the Soul 3

(Waterman, 2011, p.115). After reading this, I questioned my previous beliefs that what I was

seeing was forced. Instead, I looked at my mandalas with new eyes and understood that perhaps

some symbols were ones I enjoy drawing and are prominent in my imagination, but there might

be a reason for that. Trees, for instance, appeared multiple times in my mandala processes. I

doubted their significance until I participated in the “Active Imagination” exercise presented in

Inner Work by Robert Johnson. Using this exercise, I decided to interact with the tree, asking

why it shows up in my imagination so often. It disclosed that it is trying to reconnect me. It has

deep, long roots and with its help I can practice being more connected to self, other, and spirit. It

also offered me comfort, stating that I needed to be patient and kind to myself while

reconnecting.

Connection seems to be the theme of my journey within this course. It is what I most

wrote about and longed for. From interacting with the tree, I realized it was a symbol of my

yearning; thus, my unconscious was indeed interacting with me using symbolism that my

conscious mind could comprehend. “Said another way, the environment responds and appears to

us based on our perception. Think about it. When we are making art, we are downloading named

history from our morphogenetic field” (Waterman, 2011, p. 48). I built a greater trust in my

imagination by interacting with symbols and began to understand it as a download of my

morphogenetic field. I saw the rigidity in my views and felt compelled to challenge them from

that point.

It should be noted that I grew up in the Catholic religion, amongst, in what my opinion,

was an especially self-righteous church community. I also went to a Catholic school that

reflected that rigidity in its foundation and teachings. I recall a discussion that took place when I

was in fourth grade where a student asked a teacher “There are so many different religions. How
Final Paper: Mandala of the Soul 4

do we know ours is correct?” and the teacher responded, “It just is”. From that point on I felt

more and more compelled to question my religion. It did not seem right to me that my faith was

grounded on such unstable grounds as “It just is”. Eventually, I turned away from religion and

rejected it in any form, taking on a Western “proof” based mindset, but still knowing and

insisting the supernatural exists. However, my “knowing” is only based on my own experiences;

thus, anything I have not experienced, I sometimes doubt. When I read Waterman’s text, for

instance, I hear myself say “no”. It feels like an echo of being blindly tied to beliefs, so I attempt

to protect myself by rejecting it without listening or trying to understand first.

It is from this rigidity I learned not to trust myself. When I see symbols in my

surroundings, I sometimes doubt that they hold the significance my intuition tells me they hold. I

hear the voice in my head telling me to “prove” that my imagination is actually sending me

important information versus just showing me a meaningless image. I felt blind following the

Catholic faith, so I now insist on “knowing” before subscribing to any belief system. I went from

one extreme to the other, and if I have learned anything about extreme “opposites” from being in

this class, it is that they are often two sides of the same coin, and not actually all that different.

Waterman states “From Jungian perspective, the mystical marriage is the integration of

opposites, the animus and the anima… Turning to the inner marriage actually makes possible

fulfilling deep intimacy with another” (Waterman, 2011, p. 70). In looking at my opposites of

blindness versus knowing, I notice that both seem to yearn for the opposite; blindness wishes to

know while knowing wishes it did not “know” so much. Both seem to want to be comforted.

However, both are afraid to make compromises and accept comfort from the other. If I marry the

two, I envision a ball of light, perhaps symbolizing enlightenment.

From reflections made throughout this course such as the ones portrayed above, I created

my first final mandala. In the first mandala depicted below, I illustrate three sisters all

interlocking their arms in a triangle formation. All sisters face one another, listening to what the

other has to say in order to foster greater understanding. I recognize the sisters as parts of myself.

One sister symbolizes the parts of myself that I reject and turn away from. Another, the parts I

am most willing to accept. And the third is my higher self. I feel this painting is symbolic of my

capacity to integrate my shadowed parts and loosen my grip on rigid definitions of self,

essentially nurturing unconditional positive regard for my true self and becoming a more

complete individual. In class I noticed that times when I felt encouraged to interact with my

shadows, I felt a greater sense of love and appreciation for myself. Thus, exercises like the

“Mystical Marriage” were especially impactful to me (Waterman, 2011). I see this mandala as

another mystical marriage, guiding me towards a greater self-love. It is a symbol of me

extending my arms to my spirituality, the collective unconscious, and other parts of myself that

have been buried.

While Mandala of the Soul challenged me to interact with my shadow and open myself to

the unknown, Inner Work by Robert Johnson helped me engage with my inner symbols. Johnson

gives his reader multiple tools and exercises to assist them in interacting with the unconscious

mind and the collective unconscious. For instance, the associations tool and the “Active

Imagination” exercise were two I added to my own clinical “toolbox”. Both guided me as I

experimented with the course material and helped me to build self-efficacy in dream and symbol

exploration.

As stated, one of my struggles throughout this course was trusting that symbols and

interpretations that showed up for me were real. Johnson states “Your dream will not waste your
Final Paper: Mandala of the Soul 6

time by telling you something you already know and understand; therefore, you should choose

the interpretation that challenges your existing ideas rather than one that merely repeats what you

already think you know” (Johnson, 1986, p. 94). I have tried dream interpretations multiple times

with counselors and always felt frustrated if when asked about the meaning of a symbol I would

come up with an interpretation seemingly out of no-where. Because those meanings did not

match my personal thoughts on the matter, I felt I was being inauthentic. I think my

interpretation may have actually been coming from unconscious processing because I gave

explanations without actually thinking; I was freely associating.

Many of Johnson’s exercises mimic free association. Indeed, the associations tool is

meant to do just that. This tool is a graph, where the individual centers the symbol of interest in a

central bubble then writes down any association that comes to mind in outer bubbles, returning

back to the central symbol after each association made. What I like about this exercise is that it

helped me take away the pressure of trying to understand my central symbols. Meaning came to

me, forming my expansive list. I could then intuitively weed out the words that did not feel

significant in my dream, artwork, or imagination. I still do not quite understand many of the

symbols that I worked with, but I also do not think I have to anymore. Rather, freely associating

helped me realize how complex symbols are. They unfold as I do and the meaning they hold for

me might vary from one day to the next.

In simply calling attention to symbols rather than forcing meaning and knowing, I

develop a new relationship to them. They unveil themselves to me with gusto when I agree to

listen rather than making assumptions. In the panel mandala protocol this occurred. I allowed the

art to come out naturally without any set plan. I had a felt understanding of the piece before a

cognitive one. Once I recognized the feelings, I could place it in the context of my life. I did not
Final Paper: Mandala of the Soul 7

force myself to paint any particular images based on what I thought I knew about the situations.

They came to me on their own accord and likewise, their meaning appeared to me on their own

terms. It felt a natural experience.

As I engage in this way, I notice that I am expanding. I feel I can catch more information

because I am not limiting myself with judgement or the need to know. Thus, the collective

unconscious expands to me, throwing more information my way, seeing if I am prepared to catch

it. “Our egos are not aware that outside the limits of their little islands, outside the narrow

parameters of their vision, there is a whole universe of realities and truths contained in the vast

sea of the unconscious that our egos can’t perceive” (Johnson, 1986, p. 9). As I expand my ego, I

feel that more will come way, but it is a process of patience and practice. I have to continue

interacting with myself and the collective to expand further.

I am appreciative of Johnson’s text because it gave me tools to take baby steps into dream

and symbol work. Initially, I felt unable to open up to the unconscious or collective unconscious

because I believed I did not possess the tools or knowledge to do so. I did not trust that all the

information I required to partake in this work was actually within me. Thus, the association and

“Active Imagination” exercises built my self-trust and self-efficacy by helping me to gather the

information from within. Inner Work is excellent at guiding the reader to reach within the

unconscious and pull from its vastness to expand the self.

My second mandala is an echo of my expansion. I feel my field opening to what I am

learning, rippling outward. I painted my ripple. With each lesson I feel that I discover more

about myself and connect to the world around. Indeed, since I have been practicing being open to

symbols I have noticed an increase in synchronicity to my surroundings. For instance, I recently

felt compelled to read The Testaments by Margaret Atwood. I was surprised to meet one of my

mandalas in the reading. In the book it is stated:

I feared I might lose my faith. If you’ve never had a faith, you will not understand what

that means. You feel as if your best friend is dying. That everything that defined you is

being burned away. That you’ll be left all alone. You feel exiled, as if you are lost in a

dark wood… The world was emptying itself of meaning. Everything was hollow.

Everything was withering.” (Atwood, 2019)

I feel lost in a dark wood. I illustrate that wood in one of my early mandalas. I illustrate a cat

wandering through the woods with only the moon and a small purple aura lighting its way. I am

the cat. Meaning is all around me, but I cannot see it. The world feels dark. However, in

reflecting on that mandala now, I realize my aura is actually a small ripple of enlightenment. It is

a reach towards spirituality and meaning in the darkness.

A few weeks after making that mandala, I made another rippling mandala for my final,

which depicts that purple aura extending outwards, changing color, filling space, and giving me a

greater range of guidance as I wander in the dark forest. I believe this comes from interacting

with unconscious material and challenging my own rigid views. I am nurturing faith, a strength I

once prided me myself on. That faith is something I do not fully trust; however, I feel I have the

capacity to face it again, reintegrating it.

Discussing faith leads me back to my three sisters mandala and their interlocking arms.

The three seem sturdy and balanced. They hold a strong faith in one another, because they are

built out of unconditional love. They accept themselves and each other in their truest form.

Perhaps part of the reason I struggle having faith in forces greater than myself is because I am

only now beginning to practice faith in myself. I hardly trust myself to be spiritual so how can I
Final Paper: Mandala of the Soul 9

trust spirit to actually exist? If my spirituality is exiled for being “naïve”, I am not holding love

for or faith in myself. As I say faith and love together like that, I recall my Catholic virtues: faith,

hope, and love, the three sisters. In addition to not holding faith or love for myself, I realize

hope, in association with my spirituality, has also been exiled. My three sisters mandala, thus,

seems to represent those exiled virtues, the lights I need to guide my way through the forest. I

just realized I unintentionally put a glow between them as well. Thus, I literally painted a

spiritual flashlight.

I have another guide informing me in this journey, Silence. Silence the Mystery of

Wholeness by Robert Sardello outlines the value in being with Silence and letting oneself

become filled in it presence. “Silence is the bountiful source of our sensing our self and all

creation with newfound clarity and intimacy” (Sardello, 2008, p. 19). I struggle being in Silence;

I fight it at every chance. However, this course challenges the student to enter into silence on

multiple occasions, such as during meditations, protocols, and while writing journal entries. In

those moments of flow, I felt it easier to reach within myself and pull the most meaning. There is

greater clarity when I allow myself to be surrounded by it and to let it inform me. As mentioned

previously, many of the protocols and exercises in both Waterman’s and Johnson’s texts have

helped me step into the unconscious. However, I do not think I would have been able to do so

without guidance, that coming in the form of Silence.

When I think about noise, I think of a veil that surrounds the human experience, masking

deeper connection to the world around, including those other dimensions such as the spirit world

and the collective unconscious. Noise can be distracting. It can fill space, so the individual does

not have to be intimate with themselves. It can cloud and fog the individual, essentially

thickening the veil between worlds. When the individual grows silent, however, and feels into
Final Paper: Mandala of the Soul 10

what is present, another phenomenon occurs; the veil thins and the individual can pass between

realms. At least, this is my experience of Silence.

Sardello (2008) suggests that Silence is truthful by nature. It reveals the most authentic

parts of the individual by delving into intimacy. I saw this in my own processes. In mandalas,

meditations, and journals where I allowed myself to be within silence, the most meaning and

understanding flowed through me. I stopped noisily thinking about what I supposedly know and

started paying attention to and being present with any stimuli I noticed. In the processes where I

was most able to do this, it showed because the most meaning came to me in those instances. In

those where I was not, I had more difficulty connecting to the work, perhaps because those

pieces felt less intimate and authentic.

Both my final mandalas were translated to me through Silence. This paper seems to also

be an opportunity for silent introspection as well. The more reflection I do on these mandalas

within the paper, the more meaning flows through me, which I equate to allowing myself to be

within the present moment and feel into Silence. I feel a deep connection and authenticity to

what is being stated; it comes naturally to me rather than be overthought by the thinking mind.

Each mandala seems to be a pool of wonder and meaning; the product of passing through a thin

veil. “Because we are taken to the soul-spirit nature of the world through Silence, when the kind

of meditative practice described is carried out, our bodily presence in the world is immediately

influenced” (Sardello, 2008, p. 43). Indeed, my bodily presence was and is shifted both while

creating the mandala and in this moment as I write. I had and have a felt sense of clarity. I

mentioned that I feel as though I am in a state of flow when I am truly in Silence. There is a

rhythm to Silence. It surrounds the body in deep presence, giving it soul and spiritual

understanding. It is fulfilling.
Final Paper: Mandala of the Soul 11

Not only is there a rhythm I follow as I perform the meditative practices, but I also feel

my body relax. Tension is released as I whole heartedly connect to presence. My roots stretch out

to connect to all that is. My roots. Perhaps, I am the tree. I have the roots to connect to

everything, but I can only do so if I melt into Silence, allowing myself to just be, while focusing

attention on those roots. I think of my cat mandala. The cat wanders through the forest, never

settling down to be present, however continuously looking for presence. If she sits still to

ground, perhaps she can finally find the solace and connection she yearns for. She may find that

when she settles into her roots, a ripple occurs, and her unconscious and spiritual field extend on

their own.

By engaging with Sardello’s text I find more meaning openly hidden within my final

mandalas. The ripple, for instance, is a representation of my rippling presence when I allow

myself to enter into Silence. I grow and expand my fields. I become more than the self, engaging

with all that is Silence. More meaning may also be found in my three sisters mandala. When I

first envisioned this mandala, I actually imagined the sisters under water, which is a place that I

associate with silence. I find it incredibly relaxing to float and give my senses a break from the

bustling world. I do not think most of the time I am floating either. I just feel into the experience

of being in another realm. The sisters’ bonds may be so strong because they live in Silence. They

understand each other so well because Silence is intimacy.

The lessons I learned throughout the year are ones I can also carry into the clinical

setting. Throughout this class I noticed a strong tension in myself to be present with spirit and the

unconscious. There were multiple instances in which I rejected images that came forward. I

could not trust that they were there to deliver a message rather than being meaningless. Thus, a

large part of my journey included building a capacity to sit with symbols and acknowledge their
Final Paper: Mandala of the Soul 12

presence and meaning. Doing this work will likely prepare me to do the same with clients. I

cannot support them spiritually or as they enter the unconscious if I have not done that work

myself. Ultimately, I am limited as a counselor only by myself. When I venture into

uncomfortable, triggering, polarized, and shadowed areas, I learn to do the same with clients.

Likewise, when I venture into those places and build greater acceptance and unconditional

positive regard for the self, I become a change agent as I am transformed through integration.

Dreams offer glimpses into the soul. They are filled with knowledge and meaning. It is

likely I will process dreams with clients, cluing into certain images and discussing their

significance. Thus, it is important I am adept at doing so. Learning to do this for myself has

informed me in doing so with clients. I appreciate the many tools offered in the readings to

explore dreams and symbols, as I feel that they have made the process of doing so more

achievable for myself. I imagine I will use tools like “Active Imagination” and the associations

web with clients, especially if they, like me, struggle to pinpoint messages and meaning.

As the reader may have noticed, I felt deeply touched by this course. Indeed, I was

touched more so than I may have realized at first glance. I am grateful for my experiences

engaging with spirit and the unconscious. Of course, there will always be more work to be done

on myself, but I have the tools to continue interacting with these realms. It should be noted that

this is the first time that I have sincerely believed I have the capacity to heal my spiritual

wounding. I will end by saying that faith, hope, and love are warming my heart in this moment.
Final Paper: Mandala of the Soul 13

Works Cited

Atwood, M. (2019). The Testaments. McClelland & Stewart.

Johnson, Robert A. (1986). Inner Work: Using Dreams and Active Imagination for Personal

Growth. Harper Collins.

Sardello, Robert (2008). Silence: The Mystery of Wholeness. Heaven & Earth Publishing.

Waterman, R. (2009). Mandala of the Soul: A Spiritual Approach to the Art of Archetypal

Psychology. [Unpublished manuscript].