LIVING IS AN ACT OF COURAGE
She’s a happy girl. You can hear her silly laugh as her friends
tell her a joke. You can see the winter snow melting away as she makes
the street her runway. You can smell her citrus cologne as she passes
you by. She’s gets high grades and her parents supports her. She’s a
happy girl, but is she? Am I? Question that I repeatedly asked to
myself but I always end up with a blank answer.
There a time where I feel lost and I find it suffocating to live.
It was exhausting- my family, friends, even myself. It was this time
when I experienced having a family crisis and everything else was fell
down like a domino. If others could view their environment as a garden
of flowers, mine isn’t, that time it’s just a pitch black room. I
doubted everything that time including God’s plan and no advices seems
to work for me. Everyone has a different way to cope up with what
they’re going through but no matter how hard I try it’s no use since
it just haunts me at night. It was hard getting out of the tide that
was constantly dragging me in.
But the storm I am going through helped me grow stronger. It’s a
storm where I am slowly learning how to sail my boat. I still admire
our family, but not what I used to be anymore. This happened recently
so I am still trying to rebuild myself. As I go on, there are four
things I already learned. One, It’s okay to be vulnerable and weak, no
one judges you for that. Two, it’s okay to rest if you’re tired from
the fight just don’t give up. Three, your feeling is valid and the
most important lesson I ‘ve learned is that “live”. There were days
when I decided to give up and I’m glad I didn’t. At this time, the
phrase ‘Living is an act of courage’ hit harder than before. I admit,
there are still breakdowns from time to time but it’s fine since being
okay is a process. I don’t need to rush myself. I realized that we
were given our own timelines to make. The environment that was used to
be a pitch black room, has a little light shining through it, and I
think that’s an improvement.