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 TRUST THE MAGIC OF
NEW BEGINNINGS
Now is the 󰇴erfe󰈛t time to refle󰈛t on 󰇬ow fa󰇶 󰈠ou’ve 󰈛o󰈩e an󰈧
conside󰇶 what 󰈩ore 󰈂o󰇻 󰇭󰈜ve to offer t󰇬e world. Set intentio󰈡s,
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t󰇬e 󰈡ew 󰈂ear.
 January 2018

The Uplift
6 NEWS
Are we happier after Brexit?

9 THE WELLBEING WRAP

A quick review of this month’s good news

10 THE EXPLAINER

69
What is drunkorexia?

Happiful Hacks
Features
16 ANNA RICHARDSON
The daring TV presenter on her mental health
issues, and bringing therapy to the masses
16 14 WELLBEING CALENDAR
12 ways to tune yourself into 2018’s seasons

22 TOO MUCH DRINKING?

How to talk about worrying drinking habits

24 ACHIEVE YOUR GOALS! 42 ESTHER RANTZEN 32 EMOTIONAL DECLUTTERING

Join the Happiful 90 Day Challenge and make Childline’s founder on the “loneliness epidemic”, Filter your excess energy into positivity
your New Year’s resolutions become reality self-esteem, and the importance of more funding

40 SELF-HYPNOSIS
34 MENTAL HEALTH MYTHS 51 MONEY MATTERS Hypnotise from the comfort of your home
50 common mental health misconceptions, Our mental health is priceless, but what happens
and how to shut them down when we stumble into a cashflow crisis?
48 GYM MOTIVATION
Tips for maintaining a passion for working out

Life Stories
66 56 JAMIE
Sex & Relationships
An autism diagnosis allowed him to
address his eating-disorder and find 60 GEORGINA CAMPBELL
family support Seven minutes with the BAFTA-winning actress

63 NAOMI 69 THE ‘ON POINT’ PODCASTERS

Opening up about anxiety and of Meet the comedy duo reclaiming your sexuality
self-harming helped her on the road to
recovery

72 LOLA
Food & Drink
Trapped with an abusive partner, this
Youth MP now helps other vulnerable 58 FREE-FROM FOOD AWARDS
people The innovative restaurants making the shortlist

76 PHOEBE 66 JASMINE HEMSLEY

Battled with depression for many years The culinary queen fine-tuning the body and mind
before finding the inner strength to
reach out
74 THE WHITE STUFF
Putting plant-based milks to the test
80 SAM

63
Epilepsy and severe anxiety ruled his
life, until he realised the importance of 78 MYTHBUSTER: PEANUT BUTTER
self-care Seriously, what are the health benefits?
 OUR
TEAM
Introducing the professionals behind EDITORIAL
Happiful magazine who help to ensure we Jake Hamilton | Editor
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eg Ind
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) g
(Re

AC
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), B
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cr

ed
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BA

M c
g), CP
(A
(Re MBA
MUKCP
Maurice Richmond, Bonnie Evie Gifford,
FE ROBINSON GRAEME ORR Jesper Mattias, Dani DiPirro, James, Lola, Sam,
Naomi, Phoebe, Kitty Waters
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Ignorance happens to the best of us. I knew a great man
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homeless. But he was sniffy about depression. “Depression
is for the middle classes,” he liked to say. “The rest of us
have an early start in the morning.” He was the local priest.

My point is, if ignorance exists in the most unlikely of places,

it can exist anywhere.

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 Positive news that transforms the world

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 Positive ISSUES

SOCIETY

Are we really happier after Brexit?

Post-referendum England has reported a small but significant rise in
public happiness and wellbeing – but it depends on who you’re asking

Brexit means... happiness? RANKING HAPPINESS

IN THE UK (0-10)

Northern Ireland: 7.64

England: 7.52

Wales: 7.51

Scotland: 7.45

THE HAPPIEST PLACES

Craven, North Yorkshire

Orkney

Mid-Suffolk

THE SADDEST PLACES

Hertsmere, Hertfordshire

Brentwood, Essex

Glasgow

T
he statistics are in – and the Given the public’s all-time low confidence There’s more worry on the horizon.
“Remoaners” aren’t happy. in Brexit negotiations, could this be an The pound is down again, more than
According to the Office for indicator that our current political situation 10% against the dollar, and driving up the
National Statistics (ONS), the has very little influence on our personal cost of living, thanks to the higher cost of
first full year in post-referendum England happiness? Possibly. importing goods.
has reported small, statistically significant While the ONS did not ask individuals Inflation reached 3% in September 2017,
increases in happiness, life satisfaction, to give the reasons behind their scores, with expected further rises and a failure
and feelings that our lives are worthwhile. speculation suggests that strong economic of average wages to keep pace, leading
Not so great news for those in Scotland, figures could be responsible. to six months (and counting) of negative
Wales and Northern Ireland, where results Employment rates are at their highest real earnings.
remained flat. since comparable records began in 1971, The downside doesn’t end there.
The poll, taken between June 2016 and with unemployment at its lowest since Household debt has grown at almost five
July 2017, put average life satisfaction 1975, and net national disposable income times the rate of growth of wages, levels
among those polled at an all-time high per head up. Things sound positive. unseen since the 2008 financial crisis.
since measuring personal wellbeing Unfortunately, real household disposable Somewhat unsurprisingly, anxiety levels
began, back in 2011. Overall the stats look income per head has fallen for the fourth are on the rise again following a record low
promising: life satisfaction was reported at quarter in a row, with consumers reporting in 2015. So, why are we happier? Perhaps
7.7 out of 10, happiness was at 7.5, and a a worse financial situation between April it’s the English ability to always look on the
feeling that “life is worthwhile” at 7.9. to July 2017 for the first time in two years. bright side of life. Bonnie Evie Gifford

January 2018 • happiful • 7

The Uplift | News

Social media: HEALTH

it’s how we use
it that counts

Fishermen offered free

mental health services
Finally, we’re addressing the
mental challenges of working at sea
In 2016, a service provided by Big White Wall – an
TECH anonymous online community that supports people
who are experiencing mental health problems – was
Social media isn’t trailed for merchant navy personnel. A year on, the

linked to poor mental

digital service has been extended to the entire UK
fishing community.

health – study
Speaking of the decision, Peter Coulson, Seafarers
Hospital Society (SHS) secretary, said fishermen
openly talk about the physical challenges of working
Surprising new research shows it’s all at sea, but rarely the mental challenges. “We recognise
about how you’re spending your time [it’s a problem] and we want to do something about it,
which is why we’re extending the service to fishermen,”
This decade, two trends are on the rise: social media and the said Coulson. To date, Big White Wall has helped
number of young people developing mental health problems. It’s more than 40,000 people. The free, anonymous service
too easy to link the two, but new research from the University of can be accessed via the SHS website.
Central Florida, which looked into the way social media affects
young people’s mental health, has yielded surprising results.
The study, led by Chloe Berryman, analysed the responses of 467
young people who were asked about the amount of time they spent COMMUNITY
using social media each day; its importance in their lives; and their
habits online. Volunteer police team
People were then questioned about their mental health,
specifically about the level of social anxiety they experience; their
praised for crisis work
relationship with their parents; and about their support structure. Essex Police’s mental health volunteer team has
The study found few links between social media usage and mental been shortlisted for the Special Constabulary Team
health problems such as loneliness, a decrease in empathy and award. The team’s 14 special constables spend their
social anxiety. “We propose that research focus on the behaviour of spare time staffing two mental health triage cars. In
individuals, rather than assume media is the root cause of all socio- each car, a police officer and a mental health nurse
personal problems,” said Berryman. are available to support those attending incidents
So, are fears about social media misplaced? Perhaps. where an individual may need immediate mental
Considering the findings, Berryman said the results are “generally health support. Last year, from April to June, the team
consistent with other studies which suggests that how people use attended 723 incidents, and through professional
social media is more critical than the actual time they spend online assessment and appropriate handling, were able to
with regards to their mental health”. Kathryn Wheeler prevent 144 people from being sectioned.

8 • happiful • January 2018

 Positive ISSUES

The
wellbeing
Horsing around improves wellbeing!
A new therapy in North Canterbury, New Zealand, is
promoting positive mental health by working with

wrap
horses. Salta Horses therapy retreat uses EAGAL
Weird, wonderful (Equine-assisted Growth and Learning Association)
methods to assist with recovery from trauma.
and welcoming news

TIME TO Cornwall gives DOES SPANKING

RETHINK boost to local
AFFECT OUR
MENTAL HEALTH?
GYM FOR communities
GIRLS A new study in the journal Child
Abuse & Neglect says spanking
Cornish residents are to create a wellbeing housing
can lead adults to feel depressed,
A new study involving 250,000 project aimed at improving local communities.
attempt suicide, or misuse alcohol
secondary school pupils in England The Smartline partnership will install environmental
or drugs. “Placing spanking in
and Northern Ireland found just 8% sensors into 350 homes to measure air quality and
a similar category to physical/
of girls take one hour of physical power usage. Neighbours can “keep in touch with
emotional abuse would increase
exercise each day. The Youth Sport people” through technology and data, with the aim
our understanding of these adult
Trust and Women in Sport survey to improve residential wellbeing and connections.
mental health problems,” the study
said 66% of girls were “less than said. Researchers also raised
keen” on PE lessons, and more than
a third felt insecure, self-conscious 6 Ways to the burning question of whether
spanking should be considered
about their bodies, and disliked
competitive sports.
Improve an adverse childhood experience,

Mental such as abuse, neglect and

household dysfunction.
Croatia celebrates! Health at
Work
A mental health institution in Osijek
has challenged its harsh government Too much CHARITIES
by successfully relocating 172 of texting makes The recent “Thriving JOIN FORCES TO
its 200 “patients” back into the
community, with carers available when
you anxious at Work” study, which
made headlines last
WARN TORIES
needed. Staff also replaced the sign Constantly texting friends year, revealed 300,000
outside (“Home for the Insane”) with may help us deal with people left their
“Centre for People Like Us”. daily problems, but in jobs due to mental
the long run it could health issues. What
increase anxiety, says wasn’t reported are
Dr Danielle Einstein, the report’s six core
clinical psychologist at solutions: implement Twelve mental health bodies have
the University of Sydney. “mental health at sent an open letter to the government
Rather than firing-off work” plans; develop demanding more funding for mental
WhatsApp messages, awareness; encourage health services. The letter accused
we should face our own conversations; provide the PM, Theresa May, of setting
problems, stop relying better work conditions; “unambitious” targets and called
on other people for promote effective for increased budgets. The 12
Toddlers embrace constant reassurance, management; and signatories included the UK Council
wellbeing lessons and learn to live with life’s monitor employee for Psychotherapy, the Mental Health
uncertainties. wellbeing. Yes! Foundation and Young Minds.
Pre-schoolers in North Lanarkshire
could be leading the way in our

The beach is best for beating stress

understanding of wellbeing with
a new learning kit called The
Wellbeing Wood. With cuddly
toys, games, books and a handy More time spent on the beach, or in the countryside, is better for you than a
rucksack, the project will roll-out trip to your city park, a new five-university study finds. Researchers said
to 300 nursery staff, children and 30 minutes or more spent in rural areas or along the coast can improve your
parents to develop the importance wellbeing. Lead author Dr Kayleigh Wyles added: “Time spent in nature can be
of wellbeing in child development. beneficial to us, but we’re still exploring why.” Err, maybe it’s the fresh air?

January 2018 • happiful • 9

The Uplift | The Explainer

More and more people are skipping meals in favour

of binge-drinking later in the day. This alarming new
trend is now ‘prolific’ in the UK, so it’s time we talked
about why we are practising self-starvation

Writing | Samantha Hearne

Illustration | Russ Tudor

H
ave you ever skipped a Drunkorexia has a two-pronged After work (which never quite ends
meal because you’re just meaning: skipping meals to save when it should), she has things to
too busy? Or stopped our calories for a night out, and do – go to the gym, do a food shop,
yourself eating certain depriving ourselves of vital nutrients pick up the kids from school, wash
foods at certain times of the day to throughout the week so that we can and blow dry her hair for tomorrow’s
prevent bloating? Or cancelled lunch binge on “treats” at the weekend. meeting. “I have no energy to cook
plans because you’re on the town Essentially, it’s working hard and dinner, I’ll just have a quick ready
later that night? playing even harder. meal instead,” she tells herself.

40%
Drunkorexia – a colloquial, non- So many of us live our lives
medical term to describe someone WE ALL DO IT on autopilot – rushing from
restricting food calories in the day Picture this person. place to place, jumping
(or purging their food) in order She wakes up at
of people from to-do list to to-do
to make room for alcoholic drink the crack of dawn, aged 25-34 have list, errand to errand,
calories later in the evening – sounds jumps in the skipped food in deadline to deadline.
much scarier than it needs to be. shower, and then the day to save the We never just... stop.
It’s a word that can be fuelled with rushes to make it to calories for drinking Simple things like eating
judgement and negativity. her morning meeting. later on healthily, or taking time to
We don’t want that. “I’ll skip breakfast and actually unwind and take care
According to studies, drunkorexia just grab a coffee,” she of ourselves, are slipping so far
affects 30% of women aged 18-23. says. Her working day is manic; down our priority list that we forget
In other words, this is something so surrounded by deadlines and endless to do them, which means we spend
many people struggle with – without emails to answer. “I’ll grab a quick the majority of our working week
even knowing it. So it’s time to sandwich and just eat it at my desk,” neglecting our health and nutritional
unpick this worrying new trend. she thinks. needs, and for what? A job deadline?

10 • happiful • January 2018

 Trending UPDATE

Now, let’s talk about the weekend. drinking more, staying out later, burning
Even from waking up on a cold Monday the candle at both ends, and all just to say
morning, it can be so hard not to fantasise we’ve had a “fabulous” weekend when we
about the weekend and wish the days away. go back to work on Monday.
We dream of that Saturday lie-in, that With this in mind, I want to take a
pyjama day, that social moment to think about why and how
event, that birthday we ended up in this worrying cycle of
party, that special time modern day living.
So many of us live our lives on to relax and unwind. When we go out partying (which is what
Yet, when it comes to our Friday or Saturday nights are all about,
autopilot – rushing from place the weekend we get so right?), do we ever stop to think about
to place, errand to errand, fixated on cramming how we truly feel? Ask yourself:
in the fun that we feel 1) Is getting drunk and binge drinking
deadline to deadline we should “make the really making the most of your weekend?
most of it”. After all, 2) Is the headache and the Sunday
we only get one full day before the Sunday hangover in bed worth it?
blues. Who doesn’t say: “If I don’t do 3) Do you feel great afterwards?
something with my weekend, it’s a waste!” 4) Are you left feeling nervous about what
you may have done the night before?
CHANGE THE MINDSET 5) What did you actually achieve by
Our weekend mindset leaves us almost having that extra shot at 3am?
feeling panicked into having more fun than Now, think of a weekend where you
we actually want to have. So now we are can just switch off. Continues >>>

January 2018 • happiful • 11

The Uplift | The Explainer

Seriously, what a heavenly time you This hectic lifestyle not only
could have with a nice relaxing bath damages your health but will start
instead of a quick shower-change- to hinder your mental health too,
and-out-the-door? Might you have a as you are not allowing your mind
delicious dinner and relax, or is there
no time – but just enough time to
Seriously, what and emotions to truly switch off,
refocus, and reflect on how your
swig a third glass of wine to really get
the night started?
a heavenly day or week has been.
Being motivated, driven and
time you could ambitious are priceless attributes.
You should never dilute them.
RELAX & UNWIND
You see, without even realising it, have with a However, everything in moderation!
Because of our new-found push
drunkorexia is far more common
than we first thought. All told, it’s
nice, relaxing for success and acceptance, it has
simply neglecting your health, your bath instead of created a lifestyle that, in the long
term, isn’t sustainable for our
wellbeing and your welfare to ensure
that we can get everything done on swigging a third health and mental wellbeing.
It can be hard to balance
time, meet our daily deadlines and
still manage to see all our friends and glass of wine everything, to get everything done,
to see everyone, to go to every
enjoy the weekend, like we always
event. But that doesn’t make you
think we should.
a failure or any less of a person
for wanting a night in with your
pyjamas. Your mind needs time
to switch off and you need to give

How to make yourself some self-love – this will

give you much more success and

5 positive changes
energy in the long term!
You want to be happy and healthy
in all aspects of your life, and in all
the areas you can’t physically see,
Prepare your lunches on a Sunday evening so you like your digestion, mental health,
have something yummy to eat every day at work. nutritional needs, and your sleep
and brain function.
Go outside for five minutes a day to give your brain Drunkorexia is a way of life, but
some fresh air, and to leave your desk! it’s only a quick fix. Focus on you
and your wellbeing. Think about
Meet your friends 30 minutes later at the weekend, so the long game and ask yourself:
you can have some down time before the night begins. “What can I change today to better
enhance my life?”

Don’t plan anything for Sunday morning.

Just enjoy a few hours of your own time.

If you’re having a big night out, drink water

in-between your rounds to keep hydrated.

12 • happiful • January 2018

 Trending UPDATE
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Happiful Hack

12 2018 Wellbeing
Calender
MONTHLY
GOALS

The new year will fly by more quickly than you anticipate. By planning these
simple monthly tasks, you’ll be able to stay in touch with the seasons
Writing | Dani DiPirro

January Openness February Imagination

Be open to removing old habits Love finds itself in the spotlight. Use
by taking part in Dry January. your imagination to express your love to
Take a week (or the whole someone close. Consider what they love
month!) off from drinking, and doing most and express your feelings
see how it feels. Don’t drink? through that medium.
Identify a habit you’re better
off without and give that up.
Finding new experiences will
feel refreshing.

March Awareness April Gratitude

As spring bursts forth,
International Women’s Day
turn your attention to the gifts
is here! Search online for inspiring
of the earth. Give thanks to
women and follow their work to
our precious planet by visiting
increase your awareness of the
a park, planting a tree,
countless ways women positively
or picking up a potted plant
impact the world.
to bring the outdoors inside.

June Perspective
May Spring Cleaning In honour of International Yoga Day, give
the ancient Indian
By now, spring is in full swing, practice a try – or
making it an ideal time to dive attempt a new position
into cleaning! Choose one area if yoga is already part of
of your home, put on your most
uplifting tunes, and clean out
the old with passion! your life. Yoga helps you
see the world from a new
perspective.

14 • happiful • January 2018

 Life LESSONS

July Friendship August Patience

Autumn will soon be upon us,
Parents’ Day is 23 July, so celebrate your
making it a wonderful time to
friendship by spending time, calling, or
practice patience with deep
taking them out to dinner. If you don’t
breathing. Each day this month,
consider a parent a friend, celebrate the
begin the morning with a big
people in your life who offer friendship and
breath in and a long breath out.
support, much like a parent would.

September Connection October Focus

Connect to the outdoors by embracing the As Halloween draws near, use October to
autumn season the way a child would – focus on the spiritual realm (whatever that
by jumping into a pile means to you!). Even if you don’t consider
of leaves, gathering up yourself a spiritual person, focus your
beautiful foliage, or going attention on an enlightening experience –
apple-picking to celebrate by observing the stars, spending time with
the changing season. dear friends, or walking in nature.

November Compassion
Prepare for the holiday season by
December Transformation
putting compassion into action.
As the year comes to a close, make
Reflect on those who had
and reflect on two lists. Firstly,
difficulties this year and
offer to support them write down everything that’s
by donating your time, changed this year. Secondly,
unneeded goods, make a list of things
or money. you’d like to change in the
year to come.

Competition
We’re giving away FIVE copies of the wonderful, activity-focused
diary Every Day Matters 2018. To win a FREE diary, send your name
and your New Year’s resolution to: editorial@happiful.com
Dani DiPirro is the founder of Positively Present.
Every Day Matters 2018 Diary (Watkins, Desk £12.99/Pocket £6.99).
Terms & conditions apply.

January 2018 • happiful • 15

 THE
NAKED
TRUTH ABOUT
Anna Richardson
TV presenter Anna Richardson is known for her daring
documentaries and risky dating game shows, that tackle sex,
body image, and social taboos. Off camera, however, she has battled
a series of mental health issues, from anxiety and panic disorder to
depression and agoraphobia. Now back in rude health, she’s on
a mission to bring therapy to the masses. ‘It’s really important
to know yourself,’ she tells Happiful. ‘It’s the 21st century!’

INTERVIEW | GEMMA CALVERT

 O
with nakedness and being mentally naked.” Although
her parents were big on community compassion,
Anna explains to Happiful that they lacked emotional
depth. In her teenage years, in the aftermath of her
parents’ divorce, Anna struggled to connect with mum
Janet, who had been profoundly scarred by her own
mother’s suicide when she was 19.
“I think because of that trauma she became
emotionally stuck at 19,” says Anna. “When we
n the Sunday before meeting were children, she was an amazing mother; but as a
Happiful, Anna Richardson was at home with her teenager I couldn’t get to [her]. Once, when I really
partner of four years, former Bake Off host and needed a lot of emotional support, mum turned to me
comedian Sue Perkins, discussing one of the most and very coldly said: ‘I will support you practically, but
remarkable news reports of that weekend – plans for I will not support you emotionally’. I think that was a
drag queens to visit primary schools to read stories combination of ‘I can’t because I don’t know how to’
to children in a bid to boost LGBTQ+ awareness. and ‘I won’t support you because why should you get it
“Sue and I were going, ‘Yep, I’d want my kid to go to when I didn’t?’”
that school!’” says Anna, 47. “I’d teach my children to Last summer, Janet, now 74, had a mental
be tolerant. I’m not a parent, but my gut reaction is breakdown at her Lake District home and was rushed
that if my kid wanted to be Ziggy Stardust one day and to A&E. With no mental health specialist on duty (it
Beyoncé the next, knock yourself out. I’m very open was a bank holiday), Janet was prescribed valium and
and accepting and easy around gender and sexuality. told to go back home. Anna, despairing and frantic,
I don’t tend to label people.” paid for a series of private therapy sessions to ensure
That goes for herself too. Before getting together with her mum received treatment. She knew, from personal
Sue at a Halloween party in Devon in 2013, Anna was experience, there was no time to waste.
in a relationship with film director Charles Martin, Anna believes she is genetically prone to mental
her boyfriend of 18 years. Since going public with her health issues.
love for Sue, she’s never attempted to categorise her As well as her mum’s and her grandmother’s mental
sexuality. health histories, one of her brothers also suffers from
“I’m not gay, I’m not straight, I’m not bi. I’m Anna OCD. She first sought therapy 15 years ago, following
and I happen to have fallen in love with somebody a horrifying incident at a hotel in Cannes where she
called Sue, who happens to be a woman,” she says in was presenting for ITV. In the early hours of the
her gentle Midlands accent. “People think it’s about morning, Anna awoke to find two men in her room,
sex. It’s not about sex. It’s about the person.” rummaging through her suitcases.
Anna, the daughter of retired RE teacher Janet, and “I was terrified,” she recalls. “I just wanted to get
father Jim, a canon in the Church of England, was out of that room.” What happened? “I went for them;
raised in a household where tolerance ruled. The door they went for me. It was a scramble trying to get out
of their family vicarage in the Staffordshire village of of a very small hotel room.”
Abbots Bromley was, she says, “always open” to those A month later, Anna – who also once had her house
needing support, irrespective of class, race or sexuality. burgled while she was naked – began experiencing
Anna has clearly inherited her parents’ open- serious mental health problems.
mindedness. She is deliciously frank when we meet in “I suddenly became utterly overwhelmed by severe
the rooftop bar at London’s Century Club. It’s the same anxiety and panic disorder,” she says, describing the
frankness that makes her Channel 4 programmes physical symptoms as a “thumping, beating heart,
so eminently watchable. In 2008, The Sex Education sweating, shaking and palpitations”. She also found
Show was aimed at improving the nation’s knowledge it difficult to breathe, speak and sleep because of an
of sexual issues and, more recently, she has hosted the overwhelming fear off the dark, and experienced
controversial dating game show Naked Attraction. flashbacks that pointed towards post-traumatic stress
She’s also been willing to act as guinea pig in the name disorder (PTSD).
of journalism. For her Revenge Porn series, Anna “On a couple of occasions, I woke up in the middle
uploaded naked photos of herself to the internet. of the night terrified and shouting: ‘Be careful, watch
She also tried a variety of extreme diets for TV out!’ I was left severely shaken. I was also very fearful
documentary Supersize vs Superskinny. of being in crowded situations. I felt very vulnerable
“I’m not afraid to talk about anything and I want to and found it very difficult to leave the house. Night,
try to dispel any taboo,” she explains. “You shouldn’t the darkness – everything frightened me. I thought I
be ashamed to talk about being vulnerable, so I’m OK was going mad.”

18 • happiful • January 2018

 Anna’s doctor prescribed her antidepressants but when
they made her symptoms worse, he recommended a
course of anti-psychotic drugs, which she pooh-poohed:
“Why the fuck would you give me those for anxiety?”
By the time a friend recommended a “brilliant” private
I’m not gay, I’m not psychotherapist, Anna’s agoraphobia was at a peak. “I
was getting to the point where I couldn’t leave the house
straight, I’m not bi. and couldn’t use the car,” she recalls. “One day, I rang
[my psychotherapist] saying: ‘I can’t make it to see you
I’m Anna and I because I can’t leave the house, I’m too shaky’.”
The therapist told her to leave the house, get in the
car and drive herself to her appointment, because if she
happen to have didn’t her world would “become smaller and smaller”
and she would end up in a psychiatric ward. “She was
fallen in love with being the strict parent that I needed,” says Anna.
As well as advising meditation, her psychotherapist

somebody called Sue, used cognitive analytic therapy (CAT) to help Anna
understand why she was experiencing anxiety and panic.
In addition, she tried cognitive behavioural therapy
who happens to be a (CBT) to teach her how to break the negative cycle of
thinking and behaviour.
woman Anna now swears by CAT.
“Different things work for different people and, without
question, CAT therapy works for me. Sometimes just
talking about an event isn’t going to necessarily help you
deal with it. I personally believe you need a toolkit to
prevent future attacks.”

WHAT IS CAT THERAPY?

Cognitive analytic therapy (CAT) combines ideas from
analytic psychology and cognitive therapy. Through looking
at past events and experiences, CAT aims to understand why
someone thinks, feels or behaves the way that they do; then
helps them develop new ways of coping.

Typically lasting for 16 sessions, CAT relies on the formation

of a trusting relationship between the individual and their
counsellor. Together, they look at learned behaviours or beliefs
from the individual’s past to see whether or not they may be
contributing to any current difficulties, and to help them to focus
on ways to make better choices in the future.

For more information, visit

counselling-directory.org.uk
Main images: Mindbox | Sue Perkins: Shutterstock.com | Featureflash Photo Agency

Above: Anna’s partner Anna no longer experiences panic disorder or

of four years, comedian
agoraphobia, although she still refuses to use the London
Sue Perkins. Right: With her
beloved rescue dog, Tig Underground. She manages her anxiety with ad hoc
therapy sessions and a low dose of daily antidepressants
which helps stabilise her perimenopausal hormonal
fluctuations.
Her first actual anxiety attack happened when she
was a 20-year-old undergraduate, immediately after she
needed an emergency two-hour operation to treat a
life-threatening ectopic pregnancy. Continues >>>

January 2018 • happiful • 19

 “That trauma [of that experience] left me with a very Anna: ‘I would, at some
point, like to have a family’
deep anxiety,” says Anna. “Throughout my 20s and 30s, if
I ever became very stressed, I’d slip into panic attacks.”
What were her anxiety triggers?
“Anywhere I felt threatened,” she says. “Also, flying,
lifts or enclosed spaces. After my second breakdown in
Cannes I was very bad with cars, motorways and driving.
Anywhere where I couldn’t get out.”
Anna says her ectopic pregnancy generated a deep-
rooted fear of conception which led her to “consciously”
delay trying to have a baby.
At the age of 37, she took a fertility test as part of The
Sex Education Show and the results revealed she had an
ovarian reserve of just 0.01%.
Anna discovered she was completely infertile.
“This was a head-mash for me. I couldn’t believe I’d
missed that window,” she says. “Suddenly I felt out of
control again and it was very difficult to get my head
around. It knocked me for six. I got quite low and anxious.”
When asked if she experienced depression at this time,
Anna nods.
“We know that anxiety and depression go hand in hand,
so for me it’s been more about the anxiety disorder as
opposed to being depressed, but I have had moments
of depression – the ectopic pregnancy; being robbed in
Cannes; being told I couldn’t have kids; splitting up with
my boyfriend. Big life events have resulted in depression.”
Anna is a cocktail of buoyancy and vulnerability. Despite
her mental health troubles, she describes herself as
“emotionally robust”, “extremely comfortable” with herself
and “attuned”, thanks to the years she invested in therapy.
Remarkably, Anna recently became a qualified cognitive
hypnotherapist.
Her curiosity about the subconscious was sparked
when filming Supersize vs Superskinny, where she was
hypnotised by the celebrity therapist Marisa Peer to help
her lose weight.
“I’ve always overeaten,” says Anna. “Marisa asked me
to take her back to the first scene in my life where food
became a problem for me and my mind went – zip! – all You shouldn’t
the way back to when I was four years old and my mum
was taken into hospital to have my little brother. She had
placenta previa so was gone for weeks and my dad fed me
be ashamed to
to comfort me. I then made the association between loss
and love: food. Whether it’s drinking, smoking fags, taking talk about being
drugs or overeating. There’s always an emotional trigger.”
Anna says she still battles with her relationship with food.
“I still struggle because in times of stress or temptation
vulnerable. I’m OK
– booze, chocolate and food – but I know where it comes
from, so if I need to, I can control it. Your subconscious
with nakedness and
mind is always much stronger.”
Armed with a “library of information”, Anna is now on being mentally naked
a mission to get the public “more conversant” with our
minds. It’s why she started MindBox, a mental health
website offering 24-hour, affordable access to therapists.
She’s passionate about the project, and truly believes in
the normalisation of therapy.

20 • happiful • January 2018

 “We’re happy to pay for our hair, our nails and an Fellow Channel 4 presenter Kirstie Allsopp famously
amazing dinner on a Saturday night, but we [question] (or infamously) urged young women to be more aware
paying £120 to see a psychotherapist. It’s about changing of their biological clock, and to consider having babies
the mindset. This is an investment in your health. It’s before embarking on a career. Does Anna, who tried
really important to know yourself. It’s the 21st century!” and failed to get pregnant using the fertility drug
Her partner Sue, 48, is also aware of Anna’s passion, Clomid after she realised her fertility woes, agree with
and her anxiety triggers. Anna also understands that a the TV property expert?
non-cancerous tumour in Sue’s pituitary gland that was “I’m not sure I’d say: ‘Forget your education, go and
diagnosed nine years ago can make her partner overly knock out some kids’. Knowledge is power. Your job,
emotional. But unlike Anna, Sue is more protective of her your education and your independence are extremely
private life. When conversation turns to the possibility of important. However, you do have a window,” she says.
the couple adopting, Anna prefaces her answer (“I can’t “If you want your family, try to find the time.”
talk for what Sue wants”) before admitting a growing urge For what it’s worth, Happiful reckons Anna would
for motherhood. make an incredible mum. She’s completely loving, full
“Now that I’m careering towards 50, I’m sad that of warmth, and wonderfully accepting of diversity.
I didn’t have my [own] children. It’s something I’m She’s also blissfully in love.
preoccupied with,” she says. “I would, at some point, For Anna, the night she got together with Sue in
like to have a family.” Devon was a “karmic” encounter.
“We stayed up until about 6am, flinging clothes off,
partying. It was a fancy dress party, a crazy, amazing,
hedonistic night where the planets aligned”.
Anna’s decision to leave her boyfriend of 18 years for
a woman shocked some of her friends (“they thought I
HOW TO CHOOSE was taking the piss”). Did she ever question entering
A HYPNOTHERAPIST a same-sex relationship?
“Of course!” she says. “But it really felt like something
Ask around for recommendations I had to do.”
While you shouldn’t solely rely on someone else’s Tellingly, Anna says she’s never encountered negativity
experience, it can be a good method to help you from the British public. “People have been wonderfully
find a reliable hypnotherapist. If you know someone open and accepting. That’s why I love the UK – it is
who has already undergone hypnotherapy, ask incredibly tolerant.”
them about their experience. At their home in north London, Sue’s GBBO
Decide on the important factors credentials are not going to waste. Sue takes charge of
Do you have a budget? Are you looking for kitchen duties and wakes early to walk their rescue dog,
someone who is close to home, or someone based Tig, allowing Anna a lie in. It sounds blissful. “She’s
near where you work? Do you have a specific incredibly nurturing,” says Anna, smiling. “She brings
time frame in mind? Be open and honest – your me a cup of tea in bed. It’s brilliant!”
hypnotherapist can set your expectations about Anna does her fair share of domestic duties too,
what is achievable. namely picking up after “messy as hell” Sue. It’s
impossible not to chuckle when Anna describes the
Look for a specialist hazards of a night visit to the loo. “Sue drops her pants
You have something specific that you’re looking and socks on the floor – it’s like a slalom, I trip up on
for help with, so go with someone who specialises
in that area. If they’ve worked in their field for some the knickers!” she says. “I do all the picking up, all the
time, they’ll have a solid knowledge base of what is laundry and tidying away.”
most likely to help you. As for her most risky TV show, Anna says that “God
willing” Naked Attraction will return for a third series.
Make a connection She’s not quite ready to quit television for a full-time
Trust your initial reaction. Your connection is vital career in hypnotherapy, but she does hope to reach as
– it’s important you feel that your hypnotherapist many people as possible through MindBox.
understands you personally and cares about your Having survived her darkest days, Anna now says
well-being, as well as understanding what you want she’s learned one of life’s greatest lessons.
to achieve through hypnotherapy. Becky Wright Which is?
For more information, visit “That I’m safe,” she says. “My biggest fear, which is
hypnotherapy-directory.org.uk where my anxiety comes from, is that I’m not safe. Now
I know that my emotional safety is down to me.”

To find out more, visit mind-box.co.uk

January 2018 • happiful • 21

Happiful Hack

7
Talk to a friend about
PRACTICAL
PROMPTS

Their Drinking
Approaching someone you love about their drinking habits
can be daunting, but showing your concern sooner rather
than later could make a huge difference
Writing | Jenny Cole

A
ccording to Alcohol Concern, 7% of adults in
England regularly drink more than the Chief
1 DO YOUR RESEARCH
Before you say anything, it’s important to do some research
Medical Officer’s low-risk guidelines suggest, to satisfy yourself that your friend does have a problem.
and 2.5 million people report drinking more Websites like Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon and NHS
than 14 units on their heaviest drinking days. Choices have a wealth of information, so you know what
But when the culture of getting a bit tipsy is acceptable, it signs to look for. Once you have more knowledge about
can be difficult to spot the signs that someone has gone from alcohol misuse, decide whether you feel they might have
enjoying a few drinks to becoming dependent on alcohol. If an issue needing treatment. If in doubt, offer them help –
your friend has problems controlling their drinking habits it’s better to discuss it sooner so that your friend can seek
and it’s beginning to interfere with their career, relationships support and begin recovery.
or their health, these tips can help you start a conversation:

2 Practise what you want to say

Speaking to a loved one about their drinking won’t be
easy. They may become angry, defensive or upset with you
for bringing it up, so you need to feel confident and calm
when you have the discussion. It can be useful to practise
what you want to say with another friend first, and write
down your key points. Gather a few facts together, such
as how excessive drinking can increase the likelihood of
developing cancers of the mouth, throat, stomach and
liver, to back up your concerns.

3 Choose the right moment

Look for the Signs Avoid broaching the subject when your friend is under
the influence of alcohol. Find a time when you’re both
Websites like Alcoholics Anonymous, Al-Anon feeling calm and not too emotional. It might help to go to
and NHS Choices have a wealth of information, a neutral location, such as a café or park. Being somewhere
so you know what signs to look for. Once you relatively peaceful will give you the chance to discuss the
issue in a reasoned and non-threatening way. If you or
have more knowledge about alcohol misuse,
your friend become too emotional, it’s probably best to
decide whether you feel your friend might have leave it for the time being and try again when everyone
an issue needing treatment. is a little calmer.

22 • happiful • January 2018

 Life LESSONS

4 Be honest
As hard as it is, honesty is the best policy. There isn’t going
to be an easy way to tell them you think they have a problem
with drink, so it’s best to be direct but sensitive. Dr Sheri
Jacobson, psychotherapist and counsellor at Harley Therapy,
says: “It can be humiliating to be told they may be drinking
too much and their first response might be to be defensive
and deny they have a problem. Show concern rather than
disapproval and tell them you’re worried about their
wellbeing.” If they can see you’re bringing up the issue out of
genuine concern for their health, they’re more likely to listen.

5 Use positive language

Avoid using negativity, making judgements or placing labels
such as “alcoholic” on them. Emphasise that you understand
addiction is a disease and it can be treated. Using “I” and
“me” can help communicate how their behaviour impacts on
you and others. Encourage them to think about the effects
alcohol is having on their life and how they feel about this.

6 Be patient
There’s only so much you can do – understand that you
cannot make your friend stop drinking; you can only offer
support. They need to want to change their behaviour and
this might take time. You might need to have the same
conversation a number of times, which can be frustrating.
But it’s important not to get angry. Let them know you’re
there if they want to talk.

7 Point them in the right direction

As much as they need your support, it’s important to
remember that you’re not a trained professional. If they’re
receptive to the offer of support, help them to make an
appointment with their GP or show them charities that
offer support. Alcoholics Anonymous hold 4,487 meetings
across the UK and their figures have emphasised that regular
attendance at meetings, as well as having a home support
group, is important to maintain sobriety. A massive 64%
of members state they’ve been sober for two years, which
should offer your friend hope that things can improve with
the right treatment.

If you or your friend need further support, Drinkline

provides a free, confidential helpline: 0300 123 1110.
Alternatively, your friend may benefit from speaking
to a counsellor – visit counselling-directory.org.uk

January 2018 • happiful • 23

90-Day Challenge

24 • happiful • January 2018

 I am so
Action PLAN
ready for

THE
change!

90 DAY
HAPPIFUL
CHALLENGE!
New Year’s resolutions, eh? They barely survive past mid-January.
Well, not this year! We’re going to turn your dreams into reality.
Simply follow our 90 Day Challenge and you will achieve your
personal goal. Still unsure? Happiful will join the challenge too.
We’re in this together now. Let’s make the change!

Writing | Samantha Hearne

Are you ready for a change?

Before we start, let’s remember that setting • Was your goal real? Or was it just words
a goal for yourself will deliver three positives to you spouted on New Year’s Eve?
your life: empowerment through what you can • Did the goal hold genuine and personal
achieve; motivation in how you will get there; meaning for your life?
and determination – because now you’re aware • Were you able to visualise the end
of how much progress is possible. result every day?
So, let’s get cracking. • Overall, how did the goal make you
Goal setting is a way of growing, uplifting and feel – excited or pressured?
developing yourself. It’s not about pressuring • Was it a new goal, or was it something
yourself to get something done, or ticking you always see on your to-do list?
a box, or feeling deflated when you haven’t
reached your destination. Think for a second Think about these questions as we start to dig
about previous goals you’ve set yourself. Be deeper into goal setting. After all, the objective here
honest with yourself. Now answer these five is to create a positive, lasting impact on your life.
questions: Continues >>>

January 2018 • happiful • 25

90-Day Challenge

THE FIRST
30 DAYS
CHOOSING THE RIGHT GOAL
Before we create the right plan for
you, it’s important to understand a
Raring few vital things about mapping your
to go! goal journey. A goal shouldn’t be
something you can barely achieve
in your current situation. Nobody
can say: “I will own a cottage in
the country and work from home”
– because that’s too tall an order.
Instead, ask yourself:

• Is my goal realistic?
• Have I set this goal before
and never achieved it?
• Can I make this goal happen
in my current situation?

Your goal needs to be real and true to

you. Don’t set yourself a goal on what
you think you should be achieving, or
how you think others would regard
you as successful. Make sure your
goal is personal in that it holds real
meaning to your life. And remember,
goal setting is a journey, and
something that progresses over time.
But you’re not alone. Happiful is right
there with you. We will be going on
this journey together.

26 • happiful • January 2018

 Action PLAN

Work out every day

Eat salad for lunch
See friends twice a week
Read a book a month

‘I am going to start to eat healthier and take

care of myself when work gets crazy.’
On 2 January, you do a big healthy food shop and start making fresh soups for your first
week back at work. By February, however, you simply don’t have time to prepare fresh soup,
so you buy them instead. Hey, it’s still soup, right?

NEW HABITS
How do you create a ‘I am going to join the gym and go twice a week.’
In early January you join a local gym while the New Year offers are still available. You tell
new habit, something
that will stick, yourself you’ll go twice a week after work. Yet, by early February your work schedule has
something that will become tiring, and the early dark nights means you’ve stopped going to the gym. You tell
lead you to achieving yourself you’ll pick it up again in March, but you don’t.
your goal? New habits
can form in an instant
– when we have the ‘I am going to keep my car clean this year and
immediate drive and
motivation to do it.
So, do any of these
really look after it.’
On New Year’s Day you give your car a major clean. It looks spotless! However, by February,
new habits resonate you’ve got too many things on your plate and your car looks a mess. You’re back at square one.
with you? Continues >>>

January 2018 • happiful • 27

90-Day Challenge

THE 60
DAY CRUNCH
Woop!

Nailing
FIVE COMMITMENTS YOU MUST KEEP
life!

How do we maintain new habits? That’s where

the real effort comes in. When the going gets
tough, these five realistic commitments will
help you maintain your focus in February:

1 Get yourself an accountability buddy

Determined to get fit?
Having someone to share your journey not only makes it more
fun but also helps to keep you driven. If you book two gym
classes with a friend each week, you are more likely to attend
because you don’t want to let your friend down, nor do you want
them to go and feel great without you!

Want to keep your car tidy?

Tell your neighbour and invite them to join you. When you next
see their shiny clean car in the driveway, it will remind you to
spend 10 minutes at the car wash after work!

Eager to eat healthily?

You and a work colleague can take alternate weeks to make lunch
for each other and share the burden. This lightens the load and
time commitment.

28 • happiful • January 2018

 Action PLAN

4 Celebrate along the way!

Recognition and acknowledgement are important for
achieving goals, so reward yourself in a positive way.
Make a weekly list of the ways you are successfully
working toward your goal. For instance, jot down
things like: gone to the gym twice; made fresh soup;
gone for a 20-minute walk; attended a language
lesson; completed another chapter of my manuscript;
called an extended family member; cleaned the car,
saved £10 on shopping; drank green tea all week.
Remember to celebrate. Trust us, whatever your
end goal is, celebrating the mini-goals is vital to
reaching your final destination. We all enjoy praise
and recognition in different ways, so make sure your
2 Set mini-goals
What can you do every month that will edge you
“treat” is relevant for you – and make yourself feel
good for the progress you have made.
closer to your end goal? If you want to go the gym, set You will start to associate your hard work and
yourself a monthly target of going 10 times a month. commitment with praise and success, and this will
You won’t be filled with guilt if you miss a session on drive you to continue your journey. Also, bear in
a certain week, and if you only went to the gym once mind that maintaining your initial drive is the hard
this week, you can fit in an extra session the following part. Having small rewards for yourself will heighten
week. that drive factor and motivate you to continue doing
By creating mini-goals along the way, it will support what you are doing. Every small goal you reach will
you reaching your final destination. Mini-goals allow ultimately lead you to achieving your big goal.
flexibility and the awareness that life may get in the way
on occasions. But remember: don’t use this flexibility
as a reason to “write off ” the week. Let your mini-goal
fuel your desire. Mini-goals allow you to achieve what
you want to set out to achieve.
5 Visualise the end result
From the very beginning, imagine yourself having
achieved your 90-day goal. Visualise it. Keep the
image fixed in your mind. Then ask yourself:

3 Don’t fool yourself

Creating a new goal comes with its own challenges.
•
•
How does it feel?
What emotions show on my face?
Nobody is perfect. You are going to struggle along • What do my loved ones say?
the way, and your goal will seem harder on some days • How has my daily life changed?
and nearly impossible on others. If that happens ask • What will I be like at work?
yourself: • How will I celebrate?

• Why did I set this goal? These images and emotions should be embedded into
• Why do I want to achieve it? your mind. Every day, spend time focusing on these
• Why now? mental images. Do it while brushing your teeth in the
• Why will it make a difference to my life? morning, on your journey to work, during your lunch
break, in the bath, before bed – visualise as often
Use your answers to lift you up on the hard days when as you can. Project your goal. If you see it in your
you find yourself struggling. Let them be your true mind, you can hold it in your hand. Your thoughts
motivation. The more personal the goal, the bigger will become your reality. Start to visualise the “you
the benefit it will have on your life. The more emotion that you will become”. Feel the surging emotions of
you feel when you visualise the end result, the more achieving your goal. This is your biggest motivator!
determined and focused you will become. Continues >>>

January 2018 • happiful • 29

90-Day Challenge

THE 90
DAY BARRIER
Just keep
going...
NEW HABITS WILL CREATE NEW GOALS

Here’s some wisdom from the

ages: “Nothing changes until we 1 Get up 15 minutes earlier
change.” “Everybody thinks of If you want to prepare fresh lunches, to have time to eat
changing the world, but no one breakfast, to feel less rushed in the mornings, to spend
thinks of changing herself.” “Be 10 minutes meditating, to jot down some creative notes,
the change you wish to see in to make that early morning gym class – do the sensible
the world.” These wise words thing and set your alarm back 15 minutes.
are timeless because they are
true. If you set yourself a new
goal for 2018 but continue doing
2 Set a daily intention
Each day should have purpose and direction. Whatever
what you always do, then how your end goal is, every day should take you that tiny bit
can you reach your goal? closer to achieving success. Make each day count. Don’t
let the days roll into weeks and then months; otherwise
To achieve new things, you must your goal will become a distant January daydream.
be willing to do new things,
and create new habits. This is
how success is formed. Your 3 Create phone alerts
Remind yourself to go the gym, to call a friend, to wash
new habits must be a help, not
the car. Prompt yourself with motivational quotes on
a hindrance, as you approach your phone. Set yourself alert notifications to remind
your goal. If you are starting to you to prepare your lunches. These reminders send a
wobble in March, here are three quick signal to your brain and give you an instant boost
simple habits that will definitely to refocus your needs. The more you listen to your
help you go the distance: “reminders”, the more they’ll become second nature.

30 • happiful • January 2018

 Action PLAN

HAPPIFUL WILL JOIN YOU!

As promised, we are going to be

Yes, I can
your accountability buddy and
take the journey with you. In April,
we will be back to talk about your
achievements, how to keep the
momentum, and how to build
upon your success.
Remember, dear reader, this is
a journey – not a destination.
You will be crawling at first, but
then standing, and then running.
Happiful is with you every single
step of the way. Make you goal
personal, relatable and achievable.
Most of all, make it fun. Let’s make
2018 the best year yet.

HAPPIFUL TEAM GOALS

Samantha: I want to save up for
a surprise holiday as a thank
you to my husband.

Jake: I want to finish the final

chapters of my manuscript.

Lauren: I want to learn how to

cook proper meals, rather than
just baking cakes.

Matt: I want to compete in

a half-marathon in March.

YOU ARE IN CONTROL Ellen: I want to devote

more time to practising my
We want to be honest. Some readers Have you ever noticed that when
will stay the course and achieve their your day starts well, it usually ends calligraphy.
goals, and others will lose their way. well? But when your day starts
Why? Because it’s all in the mind. with lousy traffic, or being late for Amy-Jean: I want to learn
People who achieve their goals keep a big meeting, your day rarely gets Makaton language.
them fixed in their thoughts. Everyone any better? The way you perceive
can do this. Positive or negative a situation is what your brain will Maurice: I want to join a gym
thinking – it’s up to you! Your mind continue to give you in return. and get back to my ideal weight.
is a muscle; the more you flex it, the Focus on how you want to feel, how
better it becomes. you want your day to pan out, and Samantha Hearne is a
When you use your mind for what positives you can notice. contributing writer, and the
positive, engaging, empowering Doing this helps your mind achieve founder of A Happy Mind
thoughts it will want to work with your goals, and allows your thoughts (ahappymind.co.uk). You can
you, not against you. Your mind will to work in your favour. Instead of follow Sam on Instagram at:
support you, give you confidence and bringing you down, your positive a.happy.mind
fuel your success. perceptions will lift you up!

January 2018 • happiful • 31

Happiful Hack

6
EMOTIONAL
MOTIVATING
STEPS

Decluttering

Bottling up your emotions can leave you feeling stuck

in the past. But by addressing these feelings, you can put
that suppressed energy into moving forwards with
a more positive outlook on life
Writing | Kitty Waters

32 • happiful • January 2018

 Life LESSONS

D
ealing with our emotions and regularly getting
rid of the unnecessary worries that trouble our
minds is so important. This is called “emotional
decluttering”, and is a great way to cleanse your
mind. When emotions are suppressed, anxiety
and depression can often follow, so it’s essential to clean up
your thoughts for a fresh start.
Think of issues left unresolved as blocked energy that holds
us back from living a happier, more fulfilled life. The more we
work on ourselves, allow ourselves to feel and then let go of
unwanted emotions, the more energy we have to create the
lives we want. Here are some tips to change your life for the
better, and emotionally declutter:

1 Picture this
Empower yourself by thinking about your ideal
life. Would it involve a career change, embracing a
passion, or doing something positive for society? By When emotions are
imaging where you want to get to, you can start to
think about the steps it takes to get there. suppressed, anxiety
and depression can
2 Write it down often follow
Note down all the aspects of your life now: your
friends, your career, your love life, and any other
areas that matter to you. Pay attention to how you
feel about these aspects when you think about
changing your life. Which areas do you feel you need
5 a new story
Once you’ve addressed emotions that were holding
to pay attention too?
you back, take the time to write the new story of how
For example, if you want to focus on your love life,
you want your life to look. You are your own best
but you know you haven’t got over your ex-partner
friend and advocate, so rely on yourself to define
yet, this is an area you’ll need to release the emotion
your future vision. With a clearer head, you’ll find the
around.
energy you used to use to create negative thoughts
can be put to good use here.
3 list the limits Take simple, daily steps towards the new story to
make it reality – no matter how small they might
From the process above, note down all the situations seem. Working on the story daily will give you
or areas you need to address. These are the things confidence in it. Be nice to yourself along the way. It
that are blocking or limiting you. may take time, but you can get there in the end.
This step is essential to declutter your emotions.
You must dig deep and identify the areas you are
stuck in. Putting them in writing helps you have a
clear vision of the overall picture – and the work that 6 READ IT AGAIN
needs to be done. By reading your new story every day, you can
continue to set goals for yourself in your quest of
4 revisit becoming who you want to be. When you have bad
days, read your diary to remember how far you’ve
Once you’ve understood what might be limiting you come. An uncluttered mind can help you look to the
from moving forwards, go into each scenario and future with optimism and hope.
really feel those emotions. If it’s about an ex-partner
you’re not over, get a cup of tea and think about that
person and how they made you feel. Often, we hold
our feelings in, but for some, speaking to an expert Kitty is the host of the Kitty Talks podcast – visit kittytalks.com
can encourage this process. The trick here is to release to hear more. If you’re looking to declutter your mind, talking to
the locked emotion. a life coach could help. Visit lifecoach-directory.org.uk

January 2018 • happiful • 33

50 Myths Debunked

Common 50
Mental
Misconceptions

Health
Myths
Young People

Depression,
Anxiety &
Panic Attacks
Debunked
You’ve heard them before – ‘People with
mental health problems are weak’. ‘Only
teenage girls self-harm’. ‘Mums with postnatal
depression don’t love their babies’. Even today,
Disorders these completely false claims can be heard
throughout our society, and the negative
effects can be devastating. It’s time to educate
ourselves (and others) about mental health.
So, the next time you hear someone talking
nonsense, you can correct them with facts.
Let’s smash the stigma once and for all
Ignorant Myths
Writing | Jenny Cole & Jake Hamilton

34 • happiful • January 2018

 Smashing STIGMAS

Mental illness is a Addiction is simply People with

a mental illness You
never
sign of weakness a lack of willpower
Addiction is classed as a chronic are violent
disease. It changes a person’s
brain chemistry and therefore
affects willpower, or self-control.
Unfortunately,
it’s often
recover!
It makes it extremely difficult for Hollywood and
A sprained ankle or broken leg a person to resist a substance TV studios that A lot of people can and do
isn’t a sign of weakness, and because pleasure chemicals are lead people recover. There is a huge variety
neither is mental illness. Mental released when to believe of treatments and approaches
health issues can affect people it is used. If this myth. In fact, those with to help those suffering from a
from all walks of life, at any age, they stop using a mental health problem range of mental illnesses. Yes,
regardless of personality or the this substance are much more likely to be a some people will experience
ability to “handle” life’s problems. they experience victim of violence rather than long-lasting conditions, but it’s
Developing a mental health severe cravings a perpetrator. People without possible to learn to manage
problem is not the fault of the and withdrawal a mental illness commit the these and still live a fulfilling life
person with the condition. symptoms. majority of violent crimes. with the correct support.

Bad parenting People with a mental

is to blame illness can’t hold
down a job
Mental illness is seldom
caused by any one factor. If someone has a mental
The latest research suggests illness, then it may stop them
mental health conditions can from working. However,
result from both biological the majority of people with

Common
and environmental causes. mental health problems are
Our genes, and cumulative able to work just as well as
life experience, affect how their colleagues. However,

Misconceptions
predisposed we are to mental there is still
illness, but it’s important discrimination
to know that environment when it comes
can have a huge positive to employing
influence when support and These myths run deep in society people with
nurturing are available, for mental health
children and for adults too. issues.

You can get

People should The mental health
stats are exaggerated better through
Therapy
snap out of it! willpower is for people
Thankfully, people today are able
to talk about their experiences Willpower isn’t a magic bullet. who don’t have
You wouldn’t
expect
more than in the past. Until
very recently, the World Health
You can’t beat cancer simply
by being wilful and you need
good friends
someone Organisation estimated one more than willpower to deal There’s a huge difference
with a in four people will experience with mental health. Accessing between talking to a friend
physical a mental health problem. a range of treatments such and talking to a counsellor.
health However, a 2017 survey by the as therapy, medication, and Counsellors receive specialist
condition to just “snap out Mental Health support groups are the best training to help you work
of it”, and the same goes for Foundation routes to recovery. Researching through your problems in a
people with mental health found two-thirds what helps different conditions suitable way. They also give
problems. However, with of British adults can also be useful – you space to be open about
the correct treatment or had experienced sometimes there is a lot you things that you may not be
medication, a lot of people a mental health can do to help your recovery able to talk about with your
can recover. problem. along while in treatment. loved ones.

January 2018 • happiful • 35

50 Myths Debunked

Dissociative
Autistic Identity Disorder is
children when you have lots
have special of different people
talents! in your head
Families often call this the Rain Incorrectly called “split
Man myth, after the Oscar- personality”, people with DID

Young People
winning film. Not all autistic can demonstrate a number
people will have a special of separate identities (known
ability, just like not all people as alters) but this is just a
with special abilities will be symptom of the root problem.
As usual, we’re not listening autistic. Research suggests
that approximately one in 10
The disorder is caused by
severe or complex trauma
to our younger generation individuals will display this during childhood, and the
characteristic, so it is very much person develops “alters” as
a minority. a way of coping.

Children aren’t Autistic If a parent had

old enough people don’t schizophrenia
to know make eye you’ll have it too!
their gender contact
identity Only boys Genes have been found to play a

By three, most children will

have ADHD Every autistic person is
different. Some individuals
role in schizophrenia – if one of
your parents has the condition,
begin to identify strongly Boys are more than twice as will have no problem with eye you have a 10% chance of
with a particular gender, but likely to be diagnosed with contact. However, others can developing it. However, research
others won’t conform to ADHD than girls, but there is find it an incredibly stressful, shows that stress, trauma and
gender norms – and yet won’t actually no difference between or a highly sensory experience, environmental
necessarily grow-up to identify the two genders in having the which means they will often factors can
as transgender. It’s important to condition. Because of this avoid it. Remember, eye also influence
allow children to express their persistent “boy myth”, girls tend contact alone is not a measure the likelihood
thoughts and feelings about to be overlooked and therefore of comprehension of what is of developing
their gender as they grow. don’t get diagnosed as much. being said. the illness.

Eating disorders Only ADHD Children with

only happen to means you’re psychiatric
young middle teenage hyperactive! disorders are
class females girls damaged
self-harm
Eating disorders can affect
anyone, male or female, young
or old, and across all cultural and
There are three different types of
ADHD: inattentive, hyperactive-
for life
socio-economic backgrounds. impulsive, and combination.
Women, especially those Young people are more likely While some will display
going through transitions like to self-harm than older adults, hyperactivity, others display If a child’s problems are spotted
adolescence and adulthood, but it definitely isn’t limited to inattentiveness – where early, and they receive the right
are at a higher risk of teenage girls. Teenage boys, as individuals appear distracted or support and treatment, there
developing an eating well as older men and women, lack concentration skills. When is every reason they will either
disorder, but they may also turn to self-harm as people have several symptoms recover completely or learn the
are not the only a way of coping with difficult of each type, they have self-management tools to allow
high-risk group. feelings or situations. combined type of ADHD. them to lead a fulfilling life.

36 • happiful • January 2018

 Smashing STIGMAS

Depression is a
character flaw People with Mums with
postnatal
You wouldn’t put diabetes anxiety are depression don’t
feeble love their baby
down to someone’s character,
so why do it with depression?
Some researchers now believe
You can die from PND is very common. At least
depression is caused by an a panic attack! one new mother in 10 goes
imbalance in chemicals in the Panic attacks can be intensely Anxiety may stem from feelings through PND, often when the
brain and can affect anyone, no frightening. You may experience of worry, tension or fear, but baby is between four and six
matter their personality. While heart palpitations, trembling, it does not mean a person is months old. Some new mothers
antidepressants can be very nausea and dizziness. But weak. Boxing champions feel may find it hard to develop a
effective for some, they are not panic attacks cannot kill you. anxiety. Self-made billionaires bond with their baby, and can
the solution for everyone. For However, living with prolonged feel anxiety. Some of the world’s often feel incredibly guilty about
mild to moderate depression, a periods of stress can take its toll most outwardly confident such feelings. Having postnatal
mixture of cognitive behavioural on your mind and body, so it’s people struggle with anxiety, depression does not make
therapy, a good diet, and regular important to get the underlying which just goes to show how it someone a bad mum. There is
exercise can really help. issues treated. can affect anyone at any time. no such thing as a perfect mum.

Panic attacks and

anxiety are the
same thing!
Anxiety affects around one in 20
people, and is when our feelings Alcohol takes the
Depression,
become overwhelming. If left
untreated, anxiety can have a ‘edge’ off anxiety
huge impact on daily life. Panic In the short-term, alcohol may put

Anxiety &
attacks can be a symptom of you at ease in social situations.
anxiety. They can happen when These effects soon wear off, and
our bodies feel under attack over time you could develop a

Panic Attacks
right now. They are sudden and tolerance, meaning you will need
unpredictable, and can last from to drink more to experience the
a few minutes to several hours. same feelings. Self-medicating
If you’re having lots of panic with alcohol fails to address
attacks and there doesn’t appear
to be a cause, you might be given
We keep confusing these conditions underlying anxiety, and in the long
term may lead to dependency
a diagnosis of panic disorder. and addiction.

Depression Antidepressants Talking about

Depression change your depression only
is a choice is brought on personality makes it worse
by traumatic Antidepressants

events work by boosting

or prolonging the
It can be
incredibly
activity of particular isolating to cope
Depression can affect anyone brain chemicals in order to lift with depression
at any time. For some people, your mood. It’s important to on your own,
Nobody chooses to have a sad or traumatic event can have all the facts to make an and keeping
depression, just like no one trigger an episode of depression. informed choice. Sometimes it these thoughts and feelings to
chooses to have a physical For others, the symptoms of can take a while to find the right yourself can often make us feel
illness. Depression is a condition depression can come out of medication, so it’s important so much worse. New scientific
that can affect anyone. We have seemingly nowhere. In both to be honest with your doctor evidence suggests talking to a
no control over this. Asking our instances, if symptoms last for about how you are feeling. If qualified counsellor can help
doctor and/or other qualified a prolonged period of time, a you experience any concerning you make sense of your feelings,
professionals for help can be an doctor is likely to diagnose you side-effects, it is essential to seek and start to deal with them in a
important first step. with depression. medical advice. positive way.

January 2018 • happiful • 37

50 Myths Debunked

Bipolar is when Psychiatric

you have wild People with OCD like Only military
medication
mood swings washing their hands
turns people into
veterans
experience
zombies!
People with bipolar OCD has two main parts:
disorder (formerly
called manic
obsessions and compulsions.
Obsessions are unwelcome
PTSD
depression) may thoughts, images, urges, worries As well as potential benefits,
experience severe mood swings, or doubts that repeatedly appear every psychiatric drug has the While post-traumatic stress
but there are different types in your mind. Compulsions are potential to cause unwanted disorder may affect those who
of the condition with different repetitive activities that you do to side effects. Drugs don’t work have served in the military, it
symptoms and experiences. reduce the anxiety caused by the the same way for everyone, so can actually affect anyone
Depending on the way you obsession. It could be something when your doctor is deciding at any stage in their life.
experience these mood states, like repeatedly checking a door which medication to offer you, Individuals can develop PTSD
and how severely they affect you, is locked or repeating a specific it’s not always possible for them after a range of traumatic
your doctor may diagnose you phrase in your head. These to predict exactly which one events including sexual assault,
with a particular type of bipolar compulsions, which are driven will suit you best. It’s important abuse, burglary, accidents,
disorder and will consider various by the obsessive thoughts, vary to make sure you find a physical assault, difficult
treatment options. from person to person. medication that works for you. childbirth or natural disasters.

Bipolar disorder
Manic makes you
episodes very productive
make people If mania is mild, then it can

very happy result in increased productivity.

But if a mood change is more
severe it can be extremely
A manic episode (feeling dangerous and lead someone
high) is a condition of bipolar to make risky decisions about
disorder. It’s when someone their job, personal life or sex
typically displays a euphoric or
elevated mood but this doesn’t
necessarily mean the person is
Complex Disorders life. When mania becomes
severe, a person may no longer
be in control of their actions or
happy. Manic episodes can also
be distressing, disorientating,
Don’t jump to conclusions thoughts. It’s important that
if you are concerned about
dangerous or incredibly
frightening.
about these conditions yourself, or a loved one, that you
seek help.

People Borderline personality

disorder means you’re Everyone You must be
with Body an attention seeker is a bit OCD thin to
Dysmorphic
Disorder have an
are vain! OCD is not a quirk, nor is it a
punchline. Yes, we all have
eating
Quite the opposite. BDD is a
little idiosyncrasies, but these
thoughts don’t usually interfere
disorder
serious disorder that shares BPD is where your attitudes, with daily life. OCD is a serious Eating disorders do not have
several traits with obsessive- beliefs and behaviours cause anxiety disorder that gives a specific size. Some people
compulsive disorder and you longstanding problems. It sufferers intrusive, uncontrollable with severe anorexia can be very
anxiety. People with BPD can be a very broad diagnosis or unwanted thoughts. These underweight, but there are plenty
can believe they are ugly, or and includes lots of different force people to carry out of people who are not, or who
defective, and often find it people with very different obsessive and compulsive fluctuate in weight. Individuals
difficult to ask for help because experiences. The most behaviours to try to reduce their suffering from bulimia, binge
they are scared that people will important thing is finding a anxiety. OCD creates vicious eating disorder, or orthorexia
think they are vain. treatment that works for you. cycles. It’s no laughing matter. come in all shapes and sizes.

38 • happiful • January 2018

 Smashing STIGMAS

Self-harm
is when you
Only the elderly get People who Phobias
cut yourself dementia kill themselves can’t be cured
Self-harm is when someone didn’t want help
deliberately hurts themselves Dementia is much
as a way of coping with more common in the
overwhelming emotions. Cutting elderly population, In some cases, people may
is certainly a highly-reported but it also occurs in feel suicidal but did not want to
method, but there are many younger people. Early- die. Instead, they didn’t want to
other ways people can harm onset dementia affects people continue feeling the way they did. It can feel very difficult to
themselves, such as burning, between around 30-65 years It can be extremely difficult to overcome a phobia, but talking
pinching, poisoning, alcohol or of age, and can be caused by a ask for help when you’re feeling therapies such as CBT (cognitive
drugs, starving themselves or brain injury after a head trauma, hopeless. Remember, if someone behavioural therapy) are known
binge-eating. People who self- stroke, substance abuse, or an feels suicidal, talking to someone to really help people conquer their
harm need understanding, help infection. Sometimes, however, who can listen and be supportive fears. It won’t be an instant cure,
and support, rather than being it can be difficult to find an may be their first step towards but with work and commitment,
stigmatised or blamed. exact cause. getting help. it is possible.

People with Most suicides

SAD isn’t will happen
schizophrenia a serious
Self- are dangerous condition
without warning
esteem Seasonal affective disorder
Research suggests that suicidal
people are often undecided
means you need the Hollywood, unfortunately, (SAD) is a form of depression right up to the last minute. Some
approval of others still depicts people with that people experience at a may have communicated their
schizophrenia as violent and particular time of year. It is intentions; others may not. It
Self-esteem evolves throughout deranged. The overwhelming a recognised mental health can be very distressing if you are
our life. Sometimes, receiving majority of individuals never disorder and can seriously worried about someone who
a compliment from someone display dangerous behaviour impact a person’s life. SAD can feels suicidal. You might feel
can make us feel better about towards others. Violence is not cause individuals to withdraw unsure of what to do, but there
ourselves, but real self-esteem a symptom of schizophrenia. from friends and family, and are lots of things that might help,
comes from the relationship In fact, people with the illness people can struggle to go about such as encouraging them to
and experiences we have with are much more likely to be the their daily lives. It’s important to talk about their feelings or to seek
ourselves. victims of violence. seek help from your doctor. treatment and support.

Psychotic Successful
people don’t have
people snap self-esteem issues
without warning!
Psychosis is when you perceive or
interpret reality in a very different
way from the people around you. It
can take the form of hallucinations
and delusions. Psychosis affects
people in different ways. There
are a lot of misunderstandings
Self-esteem isn’t just based on
status or success. Yes, being
Ignorant Myths
about what it means to experience
psychosis. Lots of people wrongly
successful can help to increase
someone’s self-esteem, but it’s These falsehoods belong in the dustbin
think the word “psychotic” means more important to focus on
“dangerous”. In fact, people basic needs first. A lot of very
Samaritans provides emotional support, 24 hours, on 116 123 (free).
experiencing psychosis are far successful people actually have
Mind mental health charity offers support on 0300 123 3393
more likely to be the victim of very low self-esteem and are SANE mental health charity offers support on 0300 304 7000 (4.30-10.30pm)
violent crime than the perpetrator. sensitive to criticism. Happiful thanks both Mind and our expert advisor Fe Robinson for reviewing this article.

January 2018 • happiful • 39

Happiful Hack

a Guide to Self-Hypnosis
The key to overcoming your fears could be as simple as making the
most of meditation and positive affirmations. Best of all, you can
do it from the comfort of your home
Writing | Becky Wright

5
SUGGESTIVE
1 RELAX
The term hypnosis actually comes from the Greek
word hupnos, meaning “sleep”. While self-hypnosis
isn’t about actually falling asleep, we are more
STEPS
susceptible to suggestion when we’re relaxed.
So, find a calm environment where you aren’t likely

I
to be disturbed and place your phone out of sight.
f you think hypnosis is Sit or lie down in a comfortable position. Slow your
something that happens on breathing and let yourself relax more deeply with
stage, complete with swinging every breath.
pendants and people acting like
chickens, well we’ve got news for
you. While many people make this
assumption, it’s far from reality.
2 Close your eyes?
Hypnosis is less about what Hypnotherapists have different opinions on this.
someone does to you, and more Some think that by keeping your eyes shut, it’s
about how you can facilitate your easier to block out distractions. This can help with
own change. Imagine it as a kind of concentration and imagination, allowing you to relax
meditation – with a dash of personal easily and your unconscious mind to be more open.
development thrown in for good However, if this feels uncomfortable (or you find
measure. yourself falling asleep!), just leave your eyes open.
Whether you’ve always wanted to The choice is yours.
conquer a fear that’s been holding
you back, or you’re looking to try
an alternative form of relaxation,
there are many reasons why hypnosis 3 Focus on the outcome you want
could benefit you. All it takes is an Push away limiting habits from your mind, and
open mind and a readiness to create provide a healthy alternative of how you’d like to
change for yourself. The best bit think or feel. Put firm belief in what it is you want to
about it is that it’s personal to you; achieve. The important thing is to visualise yourself
there’s no wrong or right way to go accomplishing your goals. For example, if you want to
about self-hypnosis. give up smoking, imagine yourself cigarette-free, fit
But, to help you get started, here’s and healthy, and breathing in fresh air.
a five step guide loaded with handy This helps to place you in an “achieving” state of
hints to help you find a method that mind that allows you to believe in yourself, and to
works for you: manifest positivity in your life.

40 • happiful • January 2018

 Life LESSONS

4 Practise affirmations
Use positive, simple statements
to reinforce your thoughts. To
successfully plant these ideas in your
unconscious, these statements need
to be genuine, honest and simple –
the more straightforward the better.
Use “I”, focus on something specific
and always prepare your statements
as present-tense facts. Remember,
this is you telling your own
unconscious that you can do it. To
relieve stress at work, you might say
“I am relaxed at work”. To overcome
public speaking nerves, you might say
“I am a confident speaker”.
Concentrate on one or two
statements and really commit to
them. Repeating this process is key
and will strengthen the connection
you have with this new way of
thinking.

Did You
Know?
Albert Einstein
was known to go into
trances through self-hypnosis
to develop his ideas. His
theory of relativity actually
came to him during one of
these sessions!

5 Develop a routine
As with anything, consistency is
important and so is regular practice.
Find a time in your day that you can
commit to, even if it’s just for a few
minutes. Then stick to it.
Visualise your future and how it
feels to be there. Don’t worry about
the process and actions it will take to
get there, just believe in yourself and
your power to make change.

For more help and advice, or to find a

hypnotherapist near you, visit
hypnotherapy-directory.co.uk

January 2018 • happiful • 41

The charity Childline
Esther Rantzen, Founder
and President of Childline,
November 2017

42 • happiful • January 2018

 Happiful HERO

THE CONVERSATION

The Trailblazer
(who’s just getting started)
For nearly 40 years, Dame Esther Rantzen has been a giant of television.
One of the most successful presenters in BBC history – her signature
show That’s Life! reached 20m viewers – she later founded the 24-hour
counselling service Childline. Today, the free service helps more than
300,000 children each year. But it needs more cash, and more people.
‘There’s an epidemic of loneliness out there,’ she tells Happiful.
‘Children are calling us because there’s no one else to talk to’

Interview | Jake Hamilton

Photography | Jesper Mattias

C
hildline recently asked the public
for money because one in four
children can’t get through to you. Just now I saw a volunteer in the Childline
What’s happening? call-room putting her hand up.
As they say, it’s multi-factorial. We That means she’s got a high-risk caller on the
need half a million pounds to answer those line, and maybe we have to refer that child to
one in four children who can’t get through. another agency, or send an ambulance, or who
We are also looking at our night shifts where, knows what.
at about 11.30pm, there are 30 or 40 contacts
from young people who are waiting in a queue So, it’s a challenge.
for us to help them. But we don’t have enough Yes, because about 73% of our contacts are now
volunteers to help. Obviously, there are money online and it takes twice as long, which means
factors too. If we have more volunteers then a volunteer counsellor can only help half the
we’ll need more staff to supervise them. number of callers in their shift. Continues >>>

January 2018 • happiful • 43

The charity Childline

What happens if children can’t get another £20m for one of the big George Michael, for one.
through – do they log off? disaster appeals – in a week! If you He was a big secret. I’m a loose
Absolutely. And we don’t know give the public good information so cannon. The moment he died I rang
how urgent their need is, but we are they trust you, then they will give – up the press and said: “You need to
desperately concerned that within very often the poorest too. know something about this man”.
that cohort of young people there I wanted the world to know what kind
are suicidal children, children with Really? of human being George Michael was
eating disorders, children who Yes. I once got sent a gold wedding – compassionate and generous.
are self-harming, children being ring from a widow who said it was the
groomed. One child who was recently only thing of value she had, and that How many years did he help you?
being groomed by someone they she wanted to help children. Now, don’t ask me questions with
thought was another child (it wasn’t) numbers attached because I can’t tell
into sending explicit images and That’s incredible. you, but it was a long time.
videos, and now that child is being With children, people understand.
blackmailed. It can drive them to the Every time you read one of these And he gave a lot of money?
brink of suicide. awful stories about a child that dies, A lot. He claims he gave us all his
it’s a combination of huge distress and royalties from ‘Jesus to a Child’.
What did you do? anger – “why didn’t someone save that
We were able to refer the child to kid?” I mean, that’s what was in my What are we talking?
CEOP [The Child Exploitation and heart when we launched Childline. I think it’s £2m, but it could be more.
Online Protection Command] because
Does British Telecom still help?
that’s a crime.
BT has always helped, from the very
If you had a magic wand, what would beginning. They have always been
you wave it at? absolutely terrific.
Cash and people. That’s what we need.
We’ve got 12 bases around the country,
Abusers will do And the Childline number doesn’t
and every base needs to recruit more anything to silence appear anywhere?
That’s right. Our number doesn’t
volunteers. Childline has around
1,500 volunteers. If you look at the a child. They will do show on any phone bills. We’ve got
Samaritans, they have about 20,000 that agreement from all the providers,
volunteers because they’ve got literally anything they can because they understand how crucial
that agreement is. It can put children
hundreds of bases around the country.
We just need to grow. We are hoping
to prevent that child into great danger.
to expand and recruit more volunteers ever talking about it It’s also confidential.
and we hope our campaign can raise
more funds to pay for all for this. It’s confidential to a degree. For
example, if a child calls and says she’s
Traditionally, what is the public Does the government ever offer being abused then we do not trace that
response to your campaigns? you cash, and would you take it? call, or ring the police, or bring in the
[Immediately] Huge. Yes and yes. We did have a grant from social services. That’s because if she
Gordon Brown – £18m over three gets frightened by anything we do, and
Because it’s emotive? years to launch the online service – it retracts anything she told us, then that
When we launched Childline in 1986 was really valuable. In return they said: child is in great danger. Abusers will
we were inundated with donations. “You’ve got to guarantee to answer do anything to silence a child. They
Children have a much more emotional every child.” As far as I’m concerned, will do anything they can to prevent
pull on the public’s compassion. our principle aim is to give children that child ever talking about it again.
what they want and need. It’s their
What about compassion fatigue? choice, and that’s our focus. Right, I see.
We are an extraordinary nation. A We had a child whose leg was broken
while ago people were talking about You’re also funded – how shall I put by a paedophile ring. Some people
fatigue yet we raised something like this – by secret philanthropists? had intervened, and the child was
£23m for Children in Need and then Yes. frightened, and the adults denied it,

44 • happiful • January 2018

 Happiful HERO

Esther with her daughter Childline needs more funds

Rebecca, who adores her mum, to pay for more bases around
but challenged her views the UK, and more volunteers
Featureflash Photo Agency / Shutterstock.com

A brief history of
Childline
1986: Childline launches with British Telecom, who
donated a free phone number, 0800 1111. Apart
from 999, it’s the only UK number to have remained
unchanged in over 30 years.

1994: Childline launches an international freephone

number so that children whose parents are in the armed
forces can now reach them.

1996: Diana, Princess of Wales, helps Childline raise

£7m.

2003: Every mobile network makes calls to Childline and then they broke the child’s leg and Yes, now I understand.
free and confidential. said if he ever spoke about it again to But 90% of the time we don’t intervene
2006: NSPCC and Childline join forces. anyone they would kill him. because our job is to make that child
[feel] safe, and the best way is to
2009: Childline Online provides online support
and counselling to children. My God. move at the child’s pace, to move the
You must not put the child in greater conversation gently forward, until the
2011: Online counselling reaches more than 270,000
sessions in a year. danger. You must make sure children child is confident and has got someone
2012: Online counselling overtakes phone counselling
trust you and talk to you. they can trust, where they can
(59% to 41%). eventually ask us to refer them. Most
And how is Childline’s relationship of our referrals are with the child’s
2013: Zipit app launches, helping
to combat the pressures of sexting. with the police? consent.
It’s very good.
2016: Childline celebrates its 30th anniversary by
launching a new mobile accessible website. In the 1980s and 1990s, the main
What happens when immediate issue was sexual abuse. Was that
intervention is needed? surprising or unsurprising?
How can you help? Then we do it. One volunteer Unsurprising.
Donate counsellor had a long conversation
“Light up Christmas for Children” is the NSPCC’s with a child about nothing, but clearly Why?
December fundraising campaign. To donate £4,
text “Lights” to 70744 (costs include your donation
the child kept going, and after about Because we knew it was much more
of £4, plus your standard network rate. The NSPCC 45 minutes she revealed she had taken common than anyone knew about,
will receive 100% of your donation). an overdose, and told our counsellor and that a lot of the time it was
Raise awareness what she had taken. At this moment, [taking place] in the family. Children
Share Childline’s #LightsOn selfie with your own mum came home and the counsellor were unable to talk about it because
“light up” moment, such as a photo of yourself by
your Christmas tree, or outside your house when said: “I need to talk to your mum they thought nobody would believe
the outdoor Christmas lights are switched on! because you need to go to hospital.” them, or felt they were to blame for it
Get involved
So when a child is in immediate, life- themselves. It was the great taboo area
For more information, visit nspcc.org.uk/christmas threatening danger, then we intervene. – the unspoken crime. Continues >>>

January 2018 • happiful • 45

The charity Childline

Esther with a volunteer Were you surprised by how children

counsellor at Childline’s
London headquarters
expressed themselves on the phone?
[Thoughtful] Well now, was I? My
sister, who is a trained social worker,
was surprised. She said she’d never
heard children describing [the abuse]
in such a liberated way, because given
anonymity on the phone, children will
talk to you.

It still takes great courage.

Absolutely! It’s a huge step. The first
thing our counsellors do is to tell them
how brave they are.

What other issues do you see?

It’s a question of what children are
telling us. You can say, numerically,
it was sexual abuse and then it
was bullying, and now it’s family
relationships and mental health. But
that is a sort of rough guide, because
within that you can look at other
trends. Abuse by adult women, for
instance. That isn’t talked about at all.

I’ve read that bullying is the trait you

deplore most.
With adults, I can’t bear it. It happens
in organisations and I can’t bear it.
With children and young people,
it can lead to suicide. It needs to be
taken very seriously and it requires
adult intervention to stop it. If you
ignore it, it won’t go away. So many
adults want to ignore it, hoping, that it
will go away because you don’t want to
make it worse. And if you do intervene
then sometimes it can lead to
retribution. But what we’ve got now is
cyber bullying, thanks to the internet,
which means children can’t escape it.

What else needs to be talked about?

Well, what hasn’t been talked about
– even by us yet – is the number
of children who hear voices. So we
are talking about serious mental
health issues. And children talk to us
because they don’t feel they can talk to
anybody else about it. They think they
would be written off as mad. This is an
area of stigma.

46 • happiful • January 2018

 Happiful HERO

There’s been a huge rise in self- Loneliness is now a major concern food on the table. Now, I understand
harming among young people. This – it’s enough to break your heart. there is a lot of poverty. I really do
must be a serious issue for you. If you were to ask me what one big understand that. All I am saying is:
Yes, in every shift. This was more or change has created what I describe as “Think about the kids.” Do you know
less unknown in 1986. an epidemic of loneliness, then I think what I really hate?
it’s about the loss of the extended
What’s changed? family, and the loss of community. What?
What the counsellors are telling us My daughter, who is a full-time mum, I hate it when [BBC Radio 4’s]
is social media – the illusion that it took her toddlers to the playground Woman’s Hour, a programme I love
makes everyone feel a failure because the other day and there was no one and respect, brings on a group of
they’re not attractive enough, they’re to talk to! Times gone by, sisters or women and starts a hate-fest about
not beautiful enough, they haven’t friends would have gone with her. children. The other day the creators of
got as many likes as their friends, or that new TV series Motherland were
whether they are talking online about What’s causing this loneliness? merrily laughing about what a pain it
self-harming in a way that it provides More marriages are breaking down is to have children. What? This is not
a relief from pain. I don’t know. I find and more people are on their own and the way we should be discussing our
it incomprehensible myself, because I more people have to be much more own children. As women we shouldn’t,
never came across it as a child. I don’t mobile. The time of living and dying and as people we shouldn’t.
understand it. in the same community is long gone.
But you were the trailblazer!
And yet we long for it. Well, where’s my bleeding trail leading
Of course! That’s what we are! to, I ask! I am just drawing attention
We have to make time. You’ve also talked about the ‘decline
to the most important commodity
we have – time.
And we have to pay of the housewife’ as causing more
loneliness in children.
attention. That’s what [Laughing] I have, but I thought I was
Just being present?
Make time. Have that family meal
the children are telling being quite bland.
where you all sit down together.
us. They are calling No, Esther, I think you were lighting a You just need to be there to listen to
touch paper. children. We have to make time. And
Childline because there’s Yes, so it seems. Let’s be frank with we have to pay attention. I say that to
no one else to talk to each other. myself as well as saying it to everyone
else, because that’s what the children
OK. People said to me: ‘Esther is are telling us.
being hypocritical because she was They are calling

50p
Is self-esteem a growing concern? one of the most independent women Childline
Self-esteem is involved when a child is in the business.’ because there’s
being bullied, or even if the bullying is She bloody was! I think they are no one else
just – I say just – emotional or mental. absolutely right, but I have never said to talk to.
It’s an attack on their self-worth. They “do as I do”. I’ve never said that, and Listening to from every
are attacking the child’s confidence. I also don’t think I’m a role model. children is Happiful sold in an
With that abuse, the child thinks they
are to blame for it. We tell them first of But you did touch a nerve.
something ongoing subscription
we all should goes to Childline
all it’s not their fault. But again, some Everybody struggles with this, and
do.
of it is social media. it’s got worse, not better. Working this month
hours have got longer. Shops are open
We’re obsessed with posting perfect over the weekend now. There’s no
photos of ourselves online. day of rest anymore. One Childline Childline is here to help anyone under
We as a species, as human beings, counsellor asked a child caller to speak 19 in the UK with any issue they’re
didn’t evolve with mirrors and to her mother and the answer was: “I going through. Childline is free,
cameras. If we were to destroy every can’t talk to her; she’s always working confidential and available any time,
camera and mirror in the world, I and always tired.” Both parents are day or night. You can talk to them by
think we would be happier people. expected to be wage earners just to put calling 0800 1111.

January 2018 • happiful • 47

Happiful Hack

6
ENCOURAGING
STEPS

How to Stay Motivated

at the Gym
Working out is something we’d all like to do more often,
but never quite get around to. Exercise has been proven
to benefit both your physical and mental health, so
sticking with it can do wonders for your wellbeing
Writing | Rebecca Thair

48 • happiful • January 2018

 Life LESSONS

1 Develop a routine
While it’s never easy to get into a
new habit, making that conscious
150
minutes of moderate
effort initially will pay off. If you
factor exercise on certain days into aerobic activity every
your weekly plan, and put the effort week is recommended
in to develop that routine initially, for adults aged
it’ll become almost instinctual. While
the old myth says habits form in 21 19–64
days, recent research says it averages at two
months, but don’t be disheartened. The good news
is that study author Phillippa Lally says: “Over time it will start to
happen more easily and require less effort.”

2 Find a gym buddy

Having someone to work out with can make it a more sociable

I
experience. Some people like zoning out into their own bubble
when exercising, but if you’re struggling to find the motivation to
t’s that time of year when we go, having someone to encourage you along the way can help on
think about where we’d like to be days when you’re flagging.
in 12 months’ time – healthier,
more productive, or learning
to cook! We dust off the gym
membership card we’ve not seen since
3 Mix it up
Some people find it incredibly dull to spend 20 minutes on the
March, and wait for a machine to free
treadmill each visit, so shake it up. Research shows that varying your
up in the newly-packed workout room.
workouts not only helps prevent boredom, but it’s more physically
But in a month or two, this room won’t
effective too – working different muscle groups and keeping your
be so busy. We’ll say, “I’m too tired,” “It’s
body on its toes.
too dark outside,” or “I could just binge
watch Breaking Bad again instead.”
But working out doesn’t have to feel
like a chore – it’s not about comparing 4 Try classes
yourself to the people around you, or Having something booked in means you’ll be less likely to skip out
#fitspo images you see online: it’s an act – someone is expecting you to be there. You’ll know you need to
of self-care. leave work at a certain time to make it, and you’ll have an instructor
While we all know that exercise has to give you that energy boost and enthusiasm, even on days when
physical benefits, it also has a wealth you’re not quite feeling it!
of mental health benefits too. In
particular, exercise has been proven
to have a positive effect on our mood, 5 Take your exercise gear to work
with researchers finding that when One excuse I’ve told myself plenty of times is that it’ll be too late to
people were asked to rate their mood go to the gym by the time I’ve gone home and changed. The solution
immediately after periods of activity is simple. Pack your workout clothes the night before and take them
and inactivity, those who had been with you. You can save travel time between places, and there’s less of
more active felt “more content, more a chance you’ll end up back home, distracted by the TV.
awake and calmer”.
And yet, according to a report by
National Statistics and NHS Digital, in 6 Record your stats
2015/16, 26% of adults were classified For some people, knowing there’s direct improvement in their
as inactive – spending fewer than fitness helps keep them enthusiastic. Perhaps take note of how far
30 minutes a week doing physical you can run without stopping, and see how it increases week on
activity. So Happiful has come up with week. You can even have a little competition with yourself to give
a guide to help encourage that new you that mental boost alongside those exercise endorphins. But
year motivation, and most importantly, remember, even if you’re having a day where you don’t make a new
maintain that exercise enthusiasm: PB, the fact that you’re up and trying is always a win.

January 2018 • happiful • 49

 Financial Fears

SHOW YOURSELF KINDNESS

‘If 󰈂o󰇻 󰈟󰈣ul󰈧󰈡’t 󰇷a󰈠 󰇮t 󰇹󰈣 a 󰈆r󰇮󰈥󰇳󰈨, do󰇳’t 󰇷a󰈠 󰇮t 󰇹󰈣 󰈠o󰇻r󰇷󰈥󰇱f.’
- Jan󰇪 󰈓󰇶󰈜󰇾is, co󰇻󰇳󰈤󰈥l󰇰o󰈦

50 • happiful • January 2018

 Money MATTERS

Counting the cost

on our mental
health
Money matters, but our mental health is priceless,
so how is one damaging the other?

Writing | Ellen Hoggard and Rebecca Thair

O
ur finances state of the economy in the UK: the
rising cost of living, stagnant wages,
and mental zero-hour contracts, ever-increasing
health go student debt, and house prices hitting
the roof. Each can affect our mental

30%
hand in health as we struggle with the pressures FROM 2012-2015
of our outgoings, or juggling saving for
hand – when one is a future home with paying extortionate
suffering, the other amounts of rent each month. More
and more people are struggling and
is almost certainly
of all Brits
slipping into debt, with a report from
the Office of National Statistics in
affected. But once we 2017 finding that 4.6 million people
better understand this in the UK have experienced persistent

were at risk
poverty in 2015.
relationship and how Additionally, StepChange Debt

it’s impacting us, we

Charity was contacted by more than
326,000 people looking for debt of poverty
can start to address the support in the first half of 2017 – the
charity got a call every 48 seconds on
problem and support average.
For those battling mental health
both a healthier mind problems, it can mean an even bigger
and bank balance. financial burden. Charities and
campaigners are encouraging greater
The cycle of poor finances causing understanding of mental health in
mental health problems, and mental the workplace, yet some people lack
illness affecting our finances, is support from their employers. Taking
destructive and difficult to break free days off for mental health, or time
from. In fact, there are more than out for doctor’s appointments, can
three million adults in the UK with face scrutiny at work. Organising job
both mental health problems and seeker’s allowance or welfare benefits
financial difficulties. And this number can be stressful and confusing, and
is on the rise. then there’s the overwhelming cost of
It’s all encompassing. Rarely a day professional help if you can’t wait for * Source: Office for
goes by where we don’t hear about the support on the NHS. Continues >>> National Statistics (ONS).

January 2018 • happiful • 51

 Financial Fears

THE IMPACT ON MENTAL HEALTH

A cashflow crisis can bring stress,
anxiety, fear, shame and frustration.
As the problem grows, panic
attacks and sleeping problems
could become commonplace.
Self-esteem is affected and in some
cases, substance misuse, self-harm
and suicidal thoughts may occur.

HAPPIFUL READER CHARLOTTE SHARES HER STORY:

“It was right after graduating from university

and getting my first job that money troubles
began to really impact my mental health. I had
a degree and got an entry-level job in my field
of study; I was ecstatic to start the career
of my dreams. The real truth was that I was
putting on a brave face at work. Hiding my EMPLOYEE
mobile phone in shame as it rang constantly ASSISTANCE
with debt collection calls - I barely had enough
money to cover living expenses, let alone to pay
PROGRAMME
any bills. After bill collectors started contacting
me at work, which put my job in jeopardy, and
therefore, my source of income, I soon became
too scared to answer the phone at all.
At home it was even worse, I was too scared
to answer the door or open the post. I started
putting my post in a bin bag - which I hid in I rang the hotline listed on the poster when
my closet - I couldn’t bear to open those angry I got home, and after explaining how I felt and
letters. The debt filled me with a profound describing my financial situation, they offered me
amount of shame, self-hatred and depression. a few free counselling sessions. Although it wasn’t
I had just ridden out a panic attack in the much, that little bit of extra help was the hand I
bathroom at work when I noticed a flyer for needed to take those first steps out of shame and
the company’s employee assistance programme. find the courage to start slowly digging myself out
It felt like the flyer was put there just for me of the situation I was in. It wasn’t easy, and when
- and maybe it was, as I’m not sure if the brave my bank balance gets low even now, 15 years later,
face I was putting on was convincing anyone I still feel like that same young woman in that
anymore. bathroom stall, full of shame.”

52 • happiful • January 2018

 Money MATTERS

FINANCIAL STRESS
Needing to pay a bill before payday,
forking out for a birthday or event, The London living
most of us will have had that heart- wage is £10.20 an hour,
dropping moment of looking at our
bank balance and seeing less than and £8.75 in the rest of
we’d hoped.
We talk about money often, or
the UK. However, the
at least, other people’s money. But national minimum
when it comes to our own cash,
we stay silent. Guilt, shame and
wage is just £7.05 an
embarrassment keep our lips sealed. hour for those aged
We isolate ourselves, skipping social
occasions due to the cost and our 21-24, and £5.60 for
relationships break down. The stress those aged 18-20
makes us irritable and emotional.

COUNSELLOR COMMENT
Why do you think mental
health and money are so
closely connected?
Counsellor Noel Bell says: FACTS
Our prime psychological drives to survive In a survey of nearly 5,500 people
and to affiliate have been developed from conducted by the Money and
evolution. We can’t survive on our own. Mental Health Policy Institute, 86%
We need others to help us to make our of respondents said their financial
way in the world. Money troubles impact situation had made their mental
Noel Bell, MA, PG Dip
on our sense of social well-being and the Psych, UKCP health problems worse. When asked
ability to provide shelter and food. if anyone had fallen behind on their
When feeling low, we feel more bills, more than half said yes. A
sensitive to the threats posed by further 67% said this was due to their
mounting debt. People with mental mental health and 60% said it was due
health difficulties might start to become to difficulties managing their finances.
What is the most common For someone with mental health
preoccupied and obsessed with the money
troubles, to the exclusion of their own money-related reason problems, financial difficulties are
self-care. why people may seek often only exacerbated. Depression,
Financial difficulties and worries about for example, impairs our ability to
counselling? focus and affects our memory – 95%
future income streams can exacerbate
mental health problems. Financial Studies have consistently shown that money of people with depression report they
pressures and actions from creditors can is the main reason for divorce in the early spend more when unwell.
create a form of lethargy and apathy, that years of marriage, and is a common area of Whether you’re ready to talk to
can see people suffering from poor mental conflict for couples. Invariably, people come loved ones, or you’d rather keep it
health withdraw from social support to the consulting room when they feel they on the down-low, that’s OK. But
structures and activities. This isolation can’t cope anymore on their own, and when it’s important you know that help
can deepen feelings of shame and guilt their money worries have impacted all areas is available. You don’t need to go
and potentially lead to suicide ideation. of their lives. through this alone. Continues >>>

January 2018 • happiful • 53

 Financial Fears

MONEY TROUBLES £124bn. Only around 10% of the NHS’s

annual budget is dedicated to mental

13th
Dealing with money troubles on
your own can be very difficult.
THE UK H AD THE health services.
Talking about the issue is essential for Given the Government’s policy of
improving mental health for the long “ending discrimination in mental
term. Of course, your first port of call health treatment”, perhaps it’s time that
can be your friends and family. But if the people holding the purse-strings

highest
you’re not ready to open up to them, finally put their money where their
consider seeking further help. There mouth is?
are many free helplines available, and
talking can provide a great relief.

5 MONEY-SAVING
poverty rate SEEKING HELP

SUGGESTIONS in the EU If you need help with

Seeking professional help can be
beneficial, the bonus is that a lot of
*Source: ONS (2015) your mental health:
resources provide advice for free. But,
for anyone looking for some tangible Mind
tips that you can take away today, chocolate than Willy Wonka’s factory? Rethink
Happiful has put together suggestions When you’re walking down the aisles, NHS Choices
to help: it’s easy to be drawn into signs offering
brilliant deals and discounts, but
Samaritans (24-hour helpline)
it’s not saving money if you weren’t 116 123
Avoid payday loans: it might not seem going to buy it in the first place. Get
like a big deal, but these loans often into the habit of making a list so you
come with extremely high interest. know exactly what you need, without
If you need help with
What may start as borrowing to pay
one bill can lead you to spiralling debt.
temptation. Alternatively, try doing money:
your weekly shop online – you’ll only
be putting what you need in your
Prepare a budget: a quick run basket, and can see the exact total
Citizen’s Advice
through of your outgoing expenses cost before the tills, meaning you can Stepchange
every month helps to avoid getting ensure you remain within your budget. National Debtline
overdrawn. Often you might splurge Debt Support Trust
on something, forgetting you have a Socialise from the sofa: it may be Debtors Anonymous – a 12-step
car payment coming out before your awkward to tell your friends you can’t
next pay cheque. Doing the maths can fellowship that runs meetings for
afford to attend all the events they have
help you focus more on your spending, planned – cinema trips, dinners out,
people whose use of unsecured
making you aware of places you could the pub or club every weekend – but debt causes problems and
perhaps reel it in. you might not be the only one wanting suffering in their lives and the
to rein things in. If you’re honest lives of others.
Do your research: so often we sign about needing to be careful with your
up with a bank, internet provider, TV spending, they’ll understand if you
package and never change – it’s too can’t make every event – a movie night If you need a more immediate
much hassle. But those introductory round yours means you won’t miss out form of support, private
rates run out and 12 months later on the fun. counselling is also an option.
you’re paying double the initial price. Bear in mind that cost of
Try comparison sites and see what SOCIETY
you could save yourself. Often when sessions will vary, however,
While the Government has promised
you call to cancel, a much better deal some counsellors may also offer
an extra £1bn for mental health
to stay magically appears from your services each year until 2021, many feel reduced payment plans for clients
provider! this falls short in meeting the needs of in financial difficulty.
the 16 million people with a mental
Shop around: who else pops into the health condition in the UK. For more information and to
supermarket to pick up dinner and The economic and social cost of
comes out with a new soap dispenser, mental illness is £105bn – close to the
find a counsellor near you, visit
an expensive candle and more entire annual NHS budget of nearly counselling-directory.org.uk

54 • happiful • January 2018

Real people. Amazing journeys.

Young Adult
Special
 True Life | Jamie’s story

I grew up with zero

desire to eat
Jamie, 24, didn’t recognise he had an eating disorder
until he was diagnosed as being on the autism spectrum.
With support from his doctors and his family, he learned
to reintroduce eating into his daily life

W
hen I was at school, I was It’s only recently that I’ve been diagnosed with
bullied because of how small autism, and the nurses explained that part of my
and undeveloped I was – this autism was having this dissociation with food.
was before I even knew I had I’m glad I know now, but back then I didn’t have a
autism or an eating disorder. When my nan passed clue, which made it harder for me to manage.
away seven years ago, it all started coming to my Eating feels like a chore to me. I started off with
attention. I’d never been a big fan of eating before no desire at all to eat – I couldn’t touch food,
she passed, and the little amounts I was eating I didn’t like the smell of it, I had a complete
felt normal to me. After she died, I just had this dissociation. My stomach would growl and I
sudden need to eat less and less. would feel so hungry, but the battle I had was my

56 • happiful • January 2018

body craving food and my brain just not being interested. It
didn’t matter how loud the growl was, or how bad the pain
in my stomach was, I just couldn’t eat.
Eventually, I became numb to the pain.
Being autistic hasn’t helped me at all. I couldn’t tell you It didn’t matter how bad the
how much weight I’ve lost because I was so underdeveloped
due to my autism. That, added to the fact I wasn’t eating,
pain in my stomach was,
meant I just couldn’t put on any weight at all. I just couldn’t eat
The less I ate, the worse it got. My body started to get used
to working without food, or at least minimal amounts of it.
I am so much more aware of my condition now and
I hate the fact I can’t eat. I wish I could go into a restaurant
I know it’s my brain telling me that I can’t eat, but that
and choose any meal on the menu, and be able to just eat it.
my body still needs it. As an adult, I push myself more.
I could think, “Oh, that looks nice,” but my brain wouldn’t
I know that if I don’t eat I’ll make myself sick. So, I tell
want it. I know I have to eat, but it’s easier said than done.
myself: “I need to eat this to survive. This is what will
It’s almost like I had to get used to food being in my life.
give me energy.”
Food is giving me energy and keeping me alive, but when I
No one wants an eating disorder. It’s never made me
eat the most is when I’m ill. I would be able to pick at food,
feel good, but it’s about accepting it and finding a way to
cereal bars, biscuits, and perhaps bits of fruit. However,
push yourself through it. It’s about inner strength and
when I’m really ill and can’t keep food in my stomach,
feeling like you can do it.
afterwards I could eat five days’
You must believe in
worth of food quite quickly and
yourself. Don’t fear that
then the appeal would wear off
you’re going to throw
again.
up – nine times out of 10,
One of the things I had to do
the food will stay in your
was find a meal I like; it was
stomach. The more you
just a compulsion, I just had to
eat, the easier it becomes.
keep the meal the same. One
The accomplishment of
meal I always go for is a beef
finishing a meal feels so
burger, but I’ve always been
great; my mood picks up,
self-conscious about eating in
my energy gets higher and
restaurants. I get anxious that
Jamie and his family I don’t feel fatigued.
people are watching me eat
on ‘This Morning’ Taking baby steps was
and are judging me. I almost
the best way for me to get
feel like I need to hide, with
back to eating a full meal.
my back turned to everyone, so I can relax and eat my food
I feel so much better now that I’m able to manage my
without worrying.
condition, but every day is still a battle because of the
I keep battling every day to eat something new. I know
passing comments on my weight I receive, but I remind
I have to stretch my stomach; at this point my stomach is
myself it’s because of ignorance. Each day is getting
so small that when I do eat three days’ worth of food, it
easier and I have a positive mindset for the future.
becomes really uncomfortable. My mum buys new things,
like chicken and chorizo, and I have to just eat a handful to
introduce my body to food again. I’ve realised that having
small portions is less painful and not as overwhelming.
At one point, I was being fed through a tube in a hospital,
so being able to eat a small portion is such a big thing to
Our Expert Says
Rachel Coffey, BA MA NLP Mstr
me. I know the amount I eat at the moment is probably
something that won’t massively change, and I may never be Jamie is a brave young man facing his fears. His autism means that he
able to eat three full meals a day, but I now know how I can experiences the world differently – and that includes food. He made the
life-changing decision to seek support, and now he is happier than ever,
cope with food. It’s become easier and it’s better now than it giving him the strength to overcome the challenges ahead!
has ever been.

January 2018 • happiful • 57

Free From Foods

FREE-FROM
Eating Out Awards
A snapshot of restaurants bringing innovation
and excellence to allergen-free cuisines
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler

I
n recent years, greater public
awareness of allergies and
intolerances has led to the rise
in popularity of so-called “free-
from” products. These foods are
made without common allergens such

The Rainbow Vegetarian Café and Restaurant

as dairy, eggs or wheat, and have taken
off at unprecedented rates, largely
because “gluten-free” is no longer an Established in 1979, this Cambridge cafe is named after the classic ballad
unreasonable request. ‘Over the Rainbow’. For the owners, that means a place without cruelty.
Hosted by the FoodsMatter team, The cafe is totally vegetarian and vegan, and specialises in producing food
the allergy resource site, the Free-From that caters for intolerances and allergies.
Eating Out Awards were created to They use sustainable, seasonal, local and largely organic ingredients; they
encourage innovation and celebrate also recycle everything possible. Leftovers are taken home, and even plate
excellence in this rapidly flourishing scrapings are recycled to the owner’s large flock of chickens.
industry. The taste and appearance The Rainbow has been runner-up in the 2014 Observer Food Awards and
of the food is, of course, taken for Best Ethical Restaurant 2015, as well as a finalist in two categories at the
into consideration; but judges also 2015 Free-From Eating Out Awards.
award gold, silver or bronze reports,
depending on how well they can safely Judge’s verdict:
cater for people with allergies. “The service was top-notch throughout the entire meal. I was very impressed.
With nine categories and more than They really understood every kind of allergy – and gluten-free. The food was
90 mouth-watering nominees, here’s a amazing. The lasagne was honestly divine – and oh my – the mint chocolate
look at the shortlist: cheesecake… Very good value – and nothing was too much effort.”

58 • happiful • January 2018

 Taste MAKERS

MOMMI Raw Bar & Grill Indigo at One Aldwych

In creating his menu for Indigo, in
Covent Garden, chef Dominic Teague
bridges a deep respect for British
tradition with gentle invention.
He’s committed to careful sourcing
and his menu includes an array of
foraged foods and forgotten flavours.
In a recent refurbishment of the
Indigo, Teague cut both gluten and
dairy completely from his lunch and
dinner menus, without diners noticing
any difference in the taste, texture
or appearance of the food.
Signature mains are delicate and
bursting with flavour, including
organic Rhug Estate lamb rump with
samphire, smoked aubergine and
capers; and fillet of Brixham brill with
Chantenay carrots, confit king oyster
mushroom and red wine jus.
Desserts feature decadent Valrhona
chocolate mousse and a seasonally-
changing Pavlova.

Judge’s verdict:

e r
“The food is fantastic – each dish

i n n
sampled offered something special.”

W Knife & Fork Pop-up

Owner, Tanya, was diagnosed as
coeliac while living in Singapore,
which means everything she cooks
Drawing on the vibrancy of US foodie capital Miami, the eclecticism must be gluten-free. However,
of LA’s Venice Beach, the upbeat rhythms of South America, and the when setting up Knife & Fork, in
refinement of Japan, MOMMI brings together in Clapham a melting Deddington, she decided not to
pot of potent flavours into one unique destination restaurant. advertise the fact, for fear of putting
Pin-sharp attention to detail has gone into creating a singular dining potential diners off.
experience, from drinks to dinner and even to the dance floor – It didn’t.
because the eatery is not only a restaurant; they also have DJs and live For Tanya, gluten-free cooking is a
music. And they exhibit art – currently showing Ben Watts, brother creative challenge. Rather than trying
of Hollywood A-lister Naomi Watts. The owners recently collaborated to replicate a “normal” diet, she takes
with artist R-O-N-E who created a mural for the restaurant. inspiration from gluten-free dishes.

Judge’s verdict: Judge’s verdict:

“So impressed with their level of staff training and flexibility. They were “So understanding and knowledgeable –
extremely welcoming and already had a record of my needs (coeliac nothing was too much trouble. The food
and nut allergic). All staff were aware and checked back several times. was stunning. The flavours put together
This is a seriously exciting place to eat – the high quality ingredients, for the evening meal were outstanding
the combinations of ingredients, textures and flavours – all were simply – including the most amazing apricot
fantastic. Incredible food in a fabulous environment.” marshmallow which was huge!”

January 2018 • happiful • 59

Sex & Relationships | Personal Values

SEVEN MINUTES WITH...

GEORGINA
CAMPBELL
The BAFTA-winning actress tells Happiful about honesty, hoarding – and hamsters

Interview | Jake Hamilton

What is your current philosophy? Tell me about your earliest childhood memory.
At the moment, I don’t want to waste the opportunities I remember the day my dad’s partner brought a kitten
presented in life. Surround yourself with good people, home, called Douglas. He was a ginger tabby. Me and
follow your passions and give yourself time to really my sister fell in love with him immediately.
enjoy life, because it’s a gift.
What misconception do people have about you?
When were you last utterly honest with someone? I’ve had people start speaking to me in Spanish quite a
Constantly. Honesty is key. few times, because they assume I’m Spanish. If only I
could actually speak Spanish!
What’s your most treasured possession?
My hamster, Nigel. I’m always worrying about him. If If money can’t buy love, what can it buy?
there was a fire in my flat, I’d grab him over anything Food, a place to live, health care. Sadly, the list is endless.
else. He’s a new pet so I’m slightly obsessed with him.
What’s more important – seeing or believing?
How well can you read a room? Believing, because that can sometimes lead to seeing.
Pretty well, I think. Most people can sense if things are It’s important to retain the sense of belief you have as
positive or negative. That’s human intuition. a child, which can be lost in adult cynicism.

If you could change something about your What was the last important decision you made?
personality, what would it be? What to have for breakfast. (I had porridge.)
Anxiety. I get a bit overwhelmed in social situations.
Sometimes I wish I could turn that aspect of me off. If you had the power to end one stigma about
mental health, what would it be?
What phrase do you overuse? That people use mental health problems just to get
I’m hungry. attention – that couldn’t be further from the truth.
Also, that someone with mental health problems is
When did you last lose your cool? automatically unstable. It’s very possible to manage
I’m filming a TV show called Krypton – the fight mental health issues and be a very stable person.
routines are insane! I might have lost my cool for a
moment, but you have to pick yourself up and try again. What’s your idea of earthly happiness?
Being truly content and happy within yourself. Through
What’s better – hoarding or purging? that, you can find happiness in everything in your
Photography | Tom Leishman

Hoarding. I like keeping things of sentimental value. life. It’s a difficult thing to fully achieve, but definitely
something I aspire to.
How well can you hide your feelings?
Not very well. I barely have any control over my facial Georgina appears in a new episode of the brilliant TV
expressions. It’s definitely got me in trouble a few times. series ‘Black Mirror’, which will air on Netflix this month.

60 • happiful • January 2018

 Georgina RULES

I get a bit
overwhelmed in
social situations.
Sometimes I wish
I could turn that
aspect of me off

January 2018 • happiful • 61

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MAGAZINE

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happiful.com
 True Life | Naomi’s story

I experienced severe panic

attacks throughout college
After battling severe anxiety, panic attacks and a period of
self-harming, Naomi, 20, opened up to others and finally
discovered she wasn’t alone

all honesty, it didn’t feel like I had coped at all.

My boyfriend, very sweetly, though rather tiredly,
pointed out that maybe I couldn’t look back at my
journey because I was still in the middle of it.
It’s hard to admit you’re still struggling and there
are still problems – especially when everyone
thinks you’ve come so far. It’s hard to admit you’re
not quite there yet.
When I was growing up, I had this plan for how
my life would pan out. I would do really well
in school and get good GCSEs. I needed good
A-levels to get into a good university, and then get
my PGCE. By 23, I would be a qualified teacher,
with lots of friends, and have moved out of my
parents’ house to be a “proper adult”. I’ve never

I
been a big fan of change, so didn’t factor in any
sat down and thought very hard about how because that was the last thing 11-year-old me
I would describe my journey to Happiful. wanted. I sometimes wish that I could go back
The crazy mountains I had to climb, and and have a chat with that girl – I’m not sure what I
how much better I felt now. How looking would say. I’d probably just give her a massive hug.
back I have so much clarity on life. The advice I My parents separated a couple of months before
would give to others based on how I coped. I started my GCSEs. My grandparents all seemed
I didn’t expect to lie in bed, crying over my to get unwell at once. I remember going to visit one
laptop, not truly being able to convey how I felt grandad who’d just come out of hospital and lived
in words. I didn’t realise how raw the memories 200 miles away, and while being there getting a call
would feel; how hard it would be to verbalise from the other grandad who’d been admitted after
everything I had felt. I didn’t know what advice falling seriously ill back home. My nanny spent
to write down about how I’d coped, because in the entire 2012 London Olympics Continues >>>

January 2018 • happiful • 63

 True Life | Naomi’s story

period in a psychiatric hospital, and my grandad school as well – the only thing I could rely on being
fought cancer. But I managed to exceed expectations good at. It felt like the whole world was falling away
in my GCSEs; I cried with happiness, thinking that from me, like I was yelling in the middle of a burning
if I could take on all this then I could keep fighting. building but no one could hear my screams. I had
But I didn’t realise the doubts had already snuck in. panic attacks in my sleep, waking up gasping for air. I
All I wanted was to make everyone happy and I felt felt like I was dying. I wanted to die.
so guilty that I couldn’t. I began to lose sight of who I My GP diagnosed me with mixed anxiety
was. I didn’t feel like me anymore. and depressive disorder, and started me on
antidepressants, and CBT therapy at the NHS’s Child
and Adolescent Mental Health Services. To relieve
Naomi after a the pressure, I was advised to drop a precious A-level.
school run
My worst nightmare had come true; I felt like a
failure.
By February 2014, the worst day truly did come
and I was put on psychiatric leave by the school after
being caught self-harming. The memories of my
wonderful mum sobbing her heart out over what
had happened that day still upsets me. I felt like I’d
let everyone I loved and cared about down. I was
incapable of doing something that felt like everyone
else was doing easily.
I came back to sixth form pretty quickly. I didn’t
want others to view me as the
failure I felt. It wasn’t until I went
into the girls toilets to cry halfway
through that first day back and
saw another girl doing the same
that I realised I wasn’t alone in
how I felt. So many of us felt
like something had gone wrong.
Every person I spoke to suddenly
revealed they were struggling
too. Everyone was worried about
failing. It was just that no one
wanted to be the one to say it first.
As soon as I realised that
On holiday with everyone else was struggling too,
her boyfriend, Mark it suddenly felt a bit lighter. I got
more involved in student support
and loved helping people. I felt so
“A-levels are much harder than GCSEs,” we were much better being able to talk about what I was going
often told by teachers and other students. through and loved that other people felt better after
But nothing really prepared me for them. I honestly talking to me. One of my greatest achievements was
thought I would breeze through them and stick to my being made the Student Support Ambassador for the
11-year-old self ’s plan. However, within a month, the school. I could take all the bad feelings and unhappy
panic attacks started. memories and use them to help create something
It felt like I couldn’t breathe. Not only was I failing beautiful that helped not only myself, but hundreds
to make my family and friends happy, I was failing at of other students.

64 • happiful • January 2018

 It was a wake-up call to
learn that my biggest fear
wasn’t so bad after all

My A-level exams came days after the death of along for another round, I would cope. Maybe that’s not
my beloved grandad. Despite this, and my own enough for other people, but I know that coping with it
struggles with my panic attacks, I came out with is such a big step from where I have been. You need to
results that I could be proud of. Maybe not what learn to be proud of even the tiniest steps forward you
my 11-year-old self imagined, but something that make, and not be too hard on yourself if you end up
I pushed myself to do and could be happy that I taking one step back.
fought for. I’m still in the middle of my journey, and that may
I went to university, despite my visiting nurses be scary, but I know that I have so much support. I’ve
advising against it, and dropped out quickly for made it this far, and for that I can only be proud.
health reasons. I truly thought that after coming so
far, having dropped off the plan completely would
make me truly feel like a failure.
But it didn’t.
I felt like it didn’t matter so much. It was a wake-up
call to learn my biggest fear wasn’t so bad after all. Our Expert Says
Since then, I’ve spent an interesting couple of years Fe Robinson, MUKCP (reg), MBACP (reg)
pyschotherapist and clinical supervisor, writes:
in different careers. I can honestly say I’ve learned
Naomi’s moving story highlights two important features of
more about myself and have grown up more by
living well with a mental health condition: Being honest with
letting myself live my worst fear. It’s a breath of fresh yourself and facing your fears, and having compassion –
air. I’ve learned to cope better on my own – a new both for yourself and others. Both are great healers; letting
sense of independence. I’m becoming stronger and go of judgement is a key step in recovery.
more resilient. I know if a worst case scenario came

January 2018 • happiful • 65

Food Spotlight

AYURVEDA
Culinary queen
Jasmine Hemsley
is using ancient

Soul Sister
teachings to help
fine-tune the body and
mind. Happiful enjoys
a cup of ‘golden milk’
with the holistic guru

Writing | Gemma Calvert

I
n a bustling cafe near London
Bridge, Jasmine Hemsley,
one half of holistic food and
cooking empire Hemsley +
Hemsley, is clutching a cup of
steaming lemongrass tea. Jasmine,
make-up free and radiant, is the
ultimate advert for going caffeine-
free. She turned her back on coffee
12 years ago while working as a
commercial model after questioning
the effect that umpteen cups daily
was having on her health.
“By 4pm I used to feel a bit green
and I’d crash,” says Jasmine, 37. “I had
to have a word with myself and think
‘as cool and delicious as it is, coffee
doesn’t make me feel very good’.”
Instead, Jasmine began blending
home-made green smoothies, made
from greens, apple, lime and ginger,
which her colleagues labelled “Jas
Juice” before they slowly started
following her example.
“They became interested, started
coming in with their own juices
and stopped the coffees because
they had so much more energy,”
recalls Jasmine, who subsequently
educated herself about different food
philosophies and launched a bespoke
Photography | Nick Hopper

health food delivery service designed

to encourage her clients to eat well
and live more energised lives.

66 • happiful • January 2018

 Soul SISTER

By 2010, with her sister Melissa, 32, connected to your food, you eat one
QUICK RECIPE: GOLDEN MILK on board, H+H was born. Within two and a half times or twice the amount.
years they were writing a recipe blog Slow down when eating and remove
Also called a ‘turmeric latte’ – this distractions like the TV. One of the
for Vogue. Two bestselling cookbooks
classic Ayurvedic recipe can help biggest problems in modern day
followed, The Art of Eating Well and
improve digestion and circulation society is we’re multi-tasking and not
Good + Simple. They opened a cafe
in Selfridges and later starred in their tasting. We expect our food to shout at
own Channel 4 TV show, Eating Well us instead of us tuning into it. The next
with Hemsley + Hemsley. time you have lunch, say: ‘I’m really
Now the duo, who boast more than grateful for my lunch.’ Take a breath
300,000 Instagram followers, are and eat instead of typing away on your
temporarily flying solo. computer while you eat. As soon as
Melissa’s Eat Happy cookbook is you take 25 minutes to eat your food,
out this month, while wellness guru you will find a level of fullness, which
Jasmine recently released East By is satisfaction, and won’t feel inclined
West, an Ayurvedic-inspired cookbook to eat anything else.”
named after her Mayfair pop-up cafe
and centred on 5,000-year-old theories 2: LIGHT AT NIGHT
that promote a 360-degree approach “You take to bed a big heavy meal
to wellness. eaten late in the evening, which
A mind, body and soul one stop creates what I call a ‘food hangover’
shop, if you will. the following morning. The moment I
“5,000 years can’t be wrong,” says brought my evening meal forward an
Jasmine, who came up with the book hour earlier and ate a bit lighter, my
idea on a detox retreat in India last sleep improved tenfold.”
year. As well as meditation, yoga and
sleep, she says food is one “access 3: THE THREE HOUR RULE
point” to daily wellness. “Unless you’re pregnant or doing some
“By eating a meal with friends and extreme sport and need to fuel your
Ingredients: family or even by yourself in a really body all the time, snacking constantly
Whole milk (175ml or 250ml of almond calm environment where you are is like filling a kettle with cold water.
milk, for simmering), 3 cardamom pods connected, it looks after you physically, It never comes to boil; it never gets
(cracked), Ground turmeric (½ tsp), mentally, emotionally and spiritually,” to work efficiently. We’re surrounded
Piece of fresh ginger, grated (around she explains, adding that before her by available food and we tend to
dad, Jack, a former Army officer, use it emotionally. Don’t snack all
½ tsp or 1 tsp ground ginger), Ground
passed away, aged 72, in 2014, food the time. Instead, leave a good three
cinnamon (½ tsp), Freshly ground black
played a pivotal role in helping the hours between each meal to give your
pepper (½ tsp), jaggery (½ tbsp). family cope with their emotions. digestion a rest.”
“During that time, with all the While Jasmine says that emotions
Method:
doctors looking after him, the one can be affected by “what you eat,
1 Place the milk in a small pot or milk thing we could do was make dad a nice how you eat and when you eat,” she
pan. If you are using dairy milk, add meal,” says Jasmine. “It was the one cautiously refuses to list foods with
120ml (½ cup) of water. If you are using thing that dad had left. He wanted to any such benefits.
almond milk, add 60ml (½ cup) emotionally think about where he’d
of water. Add the remaining ingredients, travelled in the world. It was nostalgia.” “For me, it’s [about being] less
apart from the jaggery, and gently For the Ayurveda beginner, Jasmine prescriptive because that goes into the
simmer for 10—15 minutes. suggests these three practices to kick- whole superfood realm and becomes
start mind, body and soul healing: very distorted. I’m not about saying ‘a
2 Add a splash more hot water if needed. certain food will lift you’ because it’s
Stir through the jaggery to taste, strain 1: FOOD FOCUS about everything,” she says. “For me,
and serve immediately. “Scientific experiments have proved it’s about home cooking.”
that if you’re not consciously Continues >>>

January 2018 • happiful • 67

Food Spotlight

The Hemsleys’ “back to basics” style

of cooking centres on the philosophy
that a healthy gut and good digestion
helps lead to a healthy body and their
recipes include things like bone broth
and natural fats, fish, meat, dairy, fruit,
One of the biggest problems vegetables, pulses, nuts and seeds.
in society is that we’re Gluten, grains or refined sugar are,
however, off the menu, which has
multi-tasking and not tasting. attracted criticism. Last year, former
We expect our food to shout at Great British Bake Off star Ruby
Tandoh accused H+H of “wellness
us, instead of us tuning into it evangelism” and the sisters have come
under fire for apparently promoting
clean eating, which has been linked to
orthorexia, an obsession with healthy
food. It’s an association they both deny.
But what are her views on wellness
bloggers – many of whom, like her,
are unqualified?
Jasmine insists we should be
“conscious” of the influence they could
have on youngsters but, overall, she
is thrilled with the effect that Britain’s
wellness boom is having on consumer
choice.
“We’re changing what the
supermarkets stock and what cafes sell
us, we’re creating a demand. All in all,
it’s a really positive change,” she says.
Asked to predict the direction of
wellness in 2018 and Jasmine returns
to the Ayurvedic practise of tuning into
your body to know what it requires.
“It’s about understanding your
individual needs, that change from
moment to moment. When you go
through the book and see the recipes
you can tweak them. Do I need heating
up? Then I’ll put more ginger in. Am I
too stimulated? I won’t put the chilli in.
If I’ve come in and feel really frazzled,
I’ll probably want a bit more fat in my
food because that’s more grounding,”
she explains. “For the first time, it’s
understanding yourself as a whole in
relation to the world around you.”

‘East by West: Simple Recipes for

Ultimate Mind-Body Balance’ is out
now (Bluebird, £25).

68 • happiful • January 2018

Exploring sexuality W
hile working the New
York City stand-up
circuit under the

(one wisecrack at a time)

double-act name
Sorry About Last Night, Corinne
Fisher and Krystyna Hutchinson
gained notoriety for their risqué, yet
With their popular anti-slut shaming podcast, relatable comedy. But it was in 2013,
following a difficult break-up, that
comedians Corinne Fisher and Corinne approached Krystyna with
Krystyna Hutchinson are redefining what it a new venture: a podcast where they
interview the men they’d slept with.
means to be a sexually-empowered woman What began as a jokey concept
soon developed into something
Interview | Kathryn Wheeler extraordinary. Among the butt-plug
gags and the stories of one-night
stands gone wrong, the duo started
taking on the heavier side of sexuality,
addressing everything from consent
to abuse.
Inspired by hundreds of listener-
submitted questions, their latest
endeavour, the book F*CKED:
Being Sexually Explorative and Self-
Confident in a World That’s Screwed,
is a mixture of raw anecdotal chapters
and scrupulous essays.
With an astounding 38.5 million
listeners, sold-out live shows, and
325k subscribers on SoundCloud,
Hutchinson and Fisher are undeniably
the f-bomb-wielding voices of
progression and female liberation.
We caught up with the duo to find out
what makes them do what they do:

Firstly, who is your book for,

and what do you hope they
take from it?

Corinne: Our book is for anyone

who has ever been made to feel bad
about who they are or what they want
sexually. It’s for feminists ready to step
outside the echo chamber, straight
men who want an uncensored look
into the mind of the women they
pursue, members of the LGBTQ+
community who have said “fuck the
status quo”, and parents who want to
raise kids who will love themselves
first and worry about romantic
relationships later.
Continues >>>
Sex & Relationships

Amazing! Do you take your Blair Socci, Alyssa Limperis and Farah What about body
own advice? Brook come to mind. When you can confidence?
make jokes about horrible things, it
Krystyna: I do! It was a difficult can be extremely cathartic. One of my Corinne: Your body is the vessel that’s
adjustment to make from my previous favourite moments of the podcast was holding your soul and your soul is
years of ignoring my own advice. But when we interviewed comedian Jessica the part that really matters, that’s the
you just have to remember to take a Kirson and she told us about the time part you really need to love. It’s not
second and ask yourself: “What would she was date raped in college. After for other people to comment on. And
I tell me to do?” We usually know hearing the story, we asked Jessica: it’s not there to make you feel bad
the solution to our own problem, but “Why do you say ‘date raped’? You about yourself. Start with the inner
getting to a place of accepting that weren’t on a date!” There was a brief confidence and work your way out.
takes practice. pause and then Jessica started cracking
up. “I guess it was just regular rape Krystyna: Don’t beat yourself up. The
Corinne: I have to constantly remind then, huh?” beauty industry is counting on people
real life Corinne to think like “podcast to hate the way they look, but don’t
Corinne”. We’re pretty much the same fall for it. Eat healthy and exercise but
person, but real life Corinne is a little also realise that your body type is your
more of a party animal so she makes body type and that’s not something
worse choices. one can easily change without extreme

Did you learn anything The beauty industry exercise or surgery.

surprising from interviewing is counting on Even so, we all have

all these guys?
people to hate the insecurities – how do you
deal with yours?
Corinne: I was surprised by the
positive things people had to say way they look, but
about me! I think I’m a great person
and a thoughtful girlfriend, but I also
don’t fall for it Corinne: I try to work on myself so
that anything I feel insecure about
know I’m a tough person to be in a becomes “better”. I always love myself,
relationship with because I expect so but I certainly often expect more or
much of my partners emotionally. better from myself. I’m not into just
Unsurprisingly, I like choking people accepting myself as I am. There’s a
in bed. happy medium between pushing
Where do you get your yourself and being proud of yourself.
Krystyna: For me, the biggest surprise confidence from?
was when we interviewed my ex, When we boil it down,
Krystyna: For me, confidence came
Adam. I swore that he dumped me,
with age. Having a comedy partner
is everything just about
but after talking to him on the podcast exploring our curiosity?
he informed me that I was the one who is a genuinely confident woman
who did the dumping. That’s a pretty also helps. Oh, and surrounding
yourself with female friends who are Corinne: Not at all. I think everything
big brain fart. is about self-confidence, loving
supportive, kind and unstoppable
in their chosen career fields! My yourself, and feeling free from shame.
Since starting the podcast, Those things allow you to allow
girlfriends mean the world to me
who has been your favourite and being in their presence is always yourself to explore your curiosities,
guest so far? a confidence-booster because bad- but the exploration of the curiosities
assery is contagious. are not the foundation in my opinion.
Krystyna: Stand-up comedians have
a way of talking about dark subjects Krystyna: I disagree. I think it is!
with a sense of humour, so I’d have And you, Corinne? Jon Ronson told us in an interview
to say those are my favourite kind of we did with him that when you stop
guests. Troy Alan, Wendi Starling, Corinne: Target. being curious about people and ideas,

70 • happiful • January 2018

 Podcast PIONEERS

you stop growing intellectually and Sharp tongues, sharper minds:

emotionally and I couldn’t agree Corinne (left) and Krystyna
more. To me, curiosity means being
open to understanding anything even
if you don’t agree with the ideology.
Curiosity is also what makes Corinne
and I decent interviewers.

What advice would you give

parents who want to talk
to their children about sex?

Krystyna: Using the correct

anatomical names for body parts is a
good start. Kids shouldn’t be forced
to call their vaginas a “butterfly” or
their penises a “wee-wee” because that
sends a confusing message.

Corinne: And start early! Sex

shouldn’t be one anxiety-riddled talk
that happens one time when your kid
is 13. If educational sex talk is always welfare of its performers. The art Krystyna: Whenever I’m feeling
present in the household, both parents of porn, however, I think can be down about the state of the world,
and children will feel much more good, depending on how it’s made. which has been frequent as of late,
comfortable when heavier topics arise. I definitely consume porn, but I do I’ll stop reading the news and start
so responsibly, meaning I don’t do it reading emails from our listeners.
every day and I also don’t expect porn Knowing that we help people to
In these modern times, behaviour from my partners in my overcome a traumatic event is beyond
anyone can access porn. actual sex life. anything I could have ever hoped for.
Do you think porn is a force
for good, or evil? Why did you start reading What advice do you have for
out emails, and then working couples looking to spice up
Krystyna: I don’t feel any extreme way
on your listeners’ problems their sex lives?
about the porn industry because I’ve
been educated on both the positive on the podcast?
Krystyna: Figure out what turns you
and negative aspects of the world of
Krystyna: Listeners started writing on. A lot of people, mainly women,
porn. Interviewing porn actress Asa
us and asking for advice without us don’t allow themselves to explore
Akira made me understand that it’s
prompting them to do so. I think that’s their own body and figure that out. I
possible, albeit uncommon, to have a
because they heard us talk so openly tell women “think from your pussy!”
truly wonderful experience in porn.
about our lives and about how much From there you can entertain role
But as far as how the industry treats
we don’t know, so we unknowingly playing, mutual masturbation or hell,
its performers, watching the Netflix
created a judgement-free zone that even a three-way!
documentary Hot Girls Wanted made
me realise how the porn business takes people felt comfortable lending their
personal stories to. Corinne: Also, kiss more.
advantage of young women.
Subscribe to the Guys We F*cked Podcast
Corinne: Yeah, the porn “industry”, Do you get feedback too? on iTunes and Soundcloud.
like most industries, ain’t good. I’m
‘F*cked: Being Sexually Explorative and
not going to say evil, but the industry Corinne: All the time! The podcast Self-Confident in a World That’s Screwed’ is
itself mostly lacks respect for the helps people to be more confident. out now (Little, Brown, £12.99)

January 2018 • happiful • 71

 True Life | Lola’s story

I suffer with PTSD from

a sexually and physically
abusive relationship
At just 13, Lola was trapped with an abusive partner until a school
nurse intervened and helped her escape. Now 18, this remarkable
young woman helps other vulnerable people as a Youth MP

I
f you ask people to describe me, the overall did they know I thought it was disgusting too. It was a
consensus would be along the lines of a strong- reminder of how I’d been violated.
willed, gutsy, confident, sociable girl who can make Until this point, I’d had a normal childhood with such a
any situation fun. But those people are unaware of loving family, but I couldn’t even begin to think of asking
my past trauma, that causes me to mask my feelings. my parents for help. I was a young girl who desperately
In 2012, when I was just 13, I entered into a relationship needed saving from such an awful situation, but couldn’t
with an older man. As many of these stories go, ask. Instead, I acted up at school and home, making life
everything was fine to begin with and it was a happy, for my mum and dad so difficult without even realising.
healthy relationship – albeit with an age gap. This all The person who ended up saving me was my school
changed a couple of months in, when I was beaten nurse. I wouldn’t have got out of that relationship had it
for the first time. not been for her. I spent a lot of time with her, as we had a
Today, I am still able to recall exactly what that first strong connection and she was the only person I trusted.
punch felt like and how shocked I felt. When he grabbed During the relationship, I was suicidal and she was the
my neck and held me to the wall, I thought he would person who noticed and asked me what was happening.
genuinely kill me. When I left, I was relieved to be alive In the end, I didn’t have to tell her – she guessed.
but knew that this was just the start. It turns out the man responsible for everything had
As time went on, the physical abuse worsened. In been emailing her and telling her how much he loved
addition to this, I was also sexually abused and raped me and couldn’t survive without me. She replied, telling
on a regular basis. Whenever he was assaulting me, I’d him to fuck off. She told me what I needed to do, what
always sing songs in my head to manage the pain and my options were, and for the first time I felt safe and
help speed up the time. Now, I can’t listen to those songs. courageous because I knew she’d be there.
He was very clever and never bruised me in the places The first time I tried to leave was unsuccessful. I left
people would see. My bruises were mostly on my waist, but the guy threatened to come after my older sister, so I
stomach and thighs. In one photo I have, the whole of my went back – and suffered more. The second time I tried
right hip is browny-purple; you can’t see my normal skin. to leave, I succeeded. I got a new phone so he had no
One time I went home with a hickey on my neck (that I way of contacting me and blocked him on everything.
didn’t want but had no option) and I got in such trouble I also made sure to be with people when I was going
with my parents who thought it was disgusting. Little somewhere so he couldn’t get to me. Leaving is not as

72 • happiful • January 2018

straightforward as it seems
though. After more than a
year, I was finally liberated
from a twisted, sick man
whose power complex led
me to being violated. There are good
It should’ve been the
beginning of the rest of days where I feel
my life, but the aftermath
has been so detrimental unstoppable, like a
to me that it seems like it
never finished. I didn’t tell
normal 18-year-old
anyone else about what had
happened until a year or so
girl, which is amazing
after, when I had to go to the
NHS’s Child and Adolescent
Mental Health Services
because my mental health
was deteriorating fast. I had
attempted to take my own
life several times. go for advice and options. I was successfully elected and
Unfortunately, counselling didn’t work for me. When spent my term working on projects that helped victims
your counsellor says, “OK, today we’re going to talk of domestic violence and youth crime. I also spoke at sex
about the first time you were raped,” you’re not exactly and relationships events to raise awareness of abusive
buzzing to be at a session. In the end, I would travel to my relationships.
counselling session, get to the building, turn around and In 2016, I was elected Chair of Westminster’s Safer
go home again. Neighbourhood Board – the youngest Chair to be elected.
I was under the care of a paediatrician in the hospital The board held police accountable and demanded
who diagnosed me with PTSD. For me, PTSD means explanations for increases in certain crimes during specific
severe flashbacks that occur daily; night terrors where I time periods, such as when rape increased by 50%. We then
hallucinate and can see and touch someone trying to kill choose to fund projects that tackle these crimes, and we
me; and anxiety in social situations. I tried to fight against work together to reduce them.
the flashbacks. I’d cry and scream and hurt myself. When I’ve done all this partly out of guilt.
they happen, my eyes are shut and I’m back reliving a It made me feel better trying to help people, because
scenario where he’s hurting me. The common ones are the I never prosecuted the man who had done that to me and I
“first times” – when he hit me and raped me. knew he could be doing it to other girls. While I’ve rebuilt
When I stopped fighting my mental illness, life began to my life, and try to live normally, I hope that one day he
be more manageable because I adapted to fit it. There are comes to terms with his actions. I’m no longer letting him
still days and weeks where I can’t cope – I can’t deal with control my life. I’m not letting him win. I accept my PTSD
people asking me what’s going on and trying to help me. and all the stuff that comes with it, and I won’t let it stop me
All I want to do is lock myself in a room and cry because doing what I want to do in life.
I have no coping mechanisms. But there are good days
where I feel unstoppable, and like a normal 18-year-old
girl, which is amazing.
In 2015, I decided I wanted to help other young people
Our Expert Says
Fe Robinson, MUKCP (reg), MBACP (reg)
in vulnerable circumstances, so I ran to be the Youth pyschotherapist and clinical supervisor, writes:

MP for Westminster. My campaign focused on getting

Lola’s shocking story brings home the terrible cost of abuse for young
young people a curriculum for life, which would include people. It’s humbling to hear how her school nurse was able to help her
better sex education, especially on areas surrounding break free, and to hear how Lola is transcending her trauma and re-building
consent and guidance on healthy relationships, so that her sense of self. I wish her very well in her ongoing recovery.
if they experience what I did they would know where to

January 2018 • happiful • 73

The Happiful Road Test

Alternative HEMP MILK

Milk
The plants challenging the dairy industry
Free Fr
Soya &
om:
Nuts

A cup of hemp milk will set you up with half the calcium you need
a day, and is rich in phosphorus, B vitamins, and magnesium.

RRP: £1.60

TASTE: 5/5 PACKAGING: 2/5

HAVE IT AGAIN?: Yes

Over the past five years, the

sale of alternative milk has
grown by a massive 250%
Writing | Kathryn Wheeler SOYA MILK

I
n recent years, the “clean eating” movement
has more of us questioning the nutritional Soya milk
value of the food and drinks we consume. contains all nine
Whilst cow’s milk has its benefits, including of the essential
high levels of calcium and B vitamins, it isn’t amino acids your
without problems. Allergies, acne and high body needs. It
cholesterol are all part of the risks with dairy. also contains 30%
of daily calcium,
The statistics speak for themselves, with
B vitamins, iron
research from the US showing that people are and protein. I liked it! It was
now drinking 40% less cow’s milk than they very creamy and
were a few decades ago. To replace it, people
are turning to alternatives – milks made from
RRP: £1.40
reminded me of
plants, all of which come with their own unique condensed milk
nutritional qualities. – Ali
To find out if these plant-powered super drinks TASTE: 4/5
stand up to their reputation, the Happiful team PACKAGING: 3/5
put five alternative milks to the test.
HAVE IT AGAIN?: Yes

74 • happiful • January 2018

 Alternative MILK

CONCLUSION
Despite the general rise of
alternative milks, only 33% of
our reviewers had tried these
alternative milks before, and
just 16% were aware of any
nutritional benefits in the
We the
milks. But, despite a rather

ALMOND MILK packaging

design
tentative start, a staggering
83% said they definitely would

OAT MILK
(or would consider) having
Almond milk is high in vitamin E,
these milks again.
phosphorus, potassium and zinc,
On the whole,

82%
and is free of saturated fats and
cholesterol. However, it is also high in Happiful enjoyed
Low in fat and cholesterol free, oat milk
carbohydrates and low in calcium. the milks
contains 10 different minerals and 15 vitamins
with 36% of your recommended daily we tried.
RRP: £1.80 The hemp
said they’d
allowance of calcium in one cup.
milk was a
TASTE: 5/5 RRP: £1.45 surprise hit recommend
PACKAGING: 3/5
the milk to
among our
HAVE IT AGAIN?: Yes reviewers,
although a friend
we wouldn’t be
Actually, not too bad! I tried surprised to see “a soy
it with tea and I would have it latte to-go” becoming a more
again, but I wouldn’t choose it popular order for the office
over normal milk – Ross coffee rounds.

All these milks can be found

TASTE: 3/5 in major supermarkets.
PACKAGING: 5/5
HAVE IT AGAIN?: Maybe

RICE MILK
Rice milk contains niacin, vitamin B-6, iron,
copper and magnesium. However, it is very
high in carbohydrates and sugar, and low in
protein and calcium.

RRP: £1.40

TASTE: 3/5 PACKAGING: 3/5

HAVE IT AGAIN?: Maybe

January 2018 • happiful • 75

 True Life | Phoebe’s story

I’ve self-harmed since I was 11,

but nobody helped me
Phoebe, now nearly 19, struggled with depression for many years –
in silence. Finally, by believing in her own inner strength,
she found the support she desperately needed

The first step to recovery with any mental health

Phoebe (left) has taken part
in a charity parachute jump illness is to admit that something is wrong. It
sounds simple – it isn’t. I hid behind self-harm and
spiralling depression for a number of years until I
truly admitted to myself that there was something
wrong. No one noticed. There was a long period of
time when I wanted help but didn’t know how to
reach out for it. I felt like I was shouting into a void
and no one was listening.
The first time I reached out for help, I went to one
of my favourite teachers – I was 14. I trusted her.
I showed her the scars up my right arm. I saw her
stifle a gasp. She held my hand, looked me in the
eye and promised me that she was going to help
me. She said that someone from the welfare team
was going to come and help.
No one did.
When one of my school friends went to the
welfare team six months later and said they were
worried about my self-harming, the school called
my mother and said it was her who needed to do
something. I so desperately wanted help. I felt

S
alone. No one should be made to feel that their
ometimes, I feel victimised. I want to point a mental health is insignificant.
finger and say: “You did this to me, it’s your When I moved into sixth form, it got a bit better.
fault!” But there’s no one to blame. Is it my fault There was a member of the welfare team I could go
I’m ill? If I had a physical illness, people would to, who I felt I could trust – but she worked part-
say: “Of course not!” However, when I can’t get out of time. A student couldn’t have a panic attack on a
bed I’m asked: “Are you lazy?” I lie there, completely Monday or a Friday because there was nowhere
overwhelmed with the smothering feeling of nothing. for them to go. For teenagers and adults going
My eyes glaze over and I don’t have the energy to focus. through mental health struggles, their illnesses feel

76 • happiful • January 2018

very permanent. Depression envelops every thought, I learned to rely on my close friends more than I
every feeling and every second. Mental health is not should have. I put a lot on their shoulders because
part-time. No teenager should have to fight for the I lacked professional support. These girls were
help they need. I had to fight for therapy that I was incredible. They helped me; we were a team. I am
never offered on the NHS, and so my parents had to extraordinarily lucky to have them, but I should
pay privately. I’m very lucky in that respect; there are have had professional help.
many people who don’t have the luxury of private I was refused medication by the CAMHS team
therapy, and my psychotherapist was amazing. too, and it was only when I turned 18 and went to
the doctor that I received the medication I needed.
I’m not saying medication is always the answer for
mental illness – for lots of people, therapy is what
they need, or a course of mindfulness.
However, I needed the medication.
No one should be made I’m nearly 19 now, and have learned an awful lot
from my experience. There’s not enough support
to feel that their mental for teenagers with mental health issues in the
education system, or in the NHS. I’ve also learned
health is insignificant I am a strong person; when I hit rock bottom I still
managed to find the strength to fight for the help I
needed. And I’ve learned I want to pursue a career
as a paramedic.
I’m slowly coming off my medication. Part of my
In February 2015, when I was 16-years-old, I took recovery has involved raising money and awareness
my first overdose. My second was in August of to help develop the mental health systems that
the same year. Being 16, I was too old to go to the are already in place. I’ve shaved my hair twice and
Paediatric Unit and too young to go to the Psychiatric I’ve done a skydive with a group of friends for the
Ward. I was put in the Clinical Decisions Unit mental health charity Mind, raising over £2,000. I’m
(CDU). It was like a void between two places. CDU currently training to run a marathon as well.
is where patients are put who have nowhere else to Why? Because UK teenagers need help.
go. I was distraught. I had fully intended on dying The exam process is becoming increasingly harder,
and had never considered the alternative. Yet I was and schools are becoming increasingly stricter. Our
alive, and hated it. I wasn’t allowed to leave the teenagers need someone to turn to in moments of
hospital until I had seen the Child and Adolescents stress, and to feel supported. Unfortunately, at the
Mental Health Services (CAMHS) team, which is moment, this is not happening. As a population, we
extremely underfunded. The staff looked horrifically are raising our younger generation to have a whole
stressed and tired, yet all they wanted was to make host of mental health problems. This is not OK. We
sure I didn’t have any plans to take another overdose must do better. Let’s start helping our young.
and then leave. So, I was sent home and that was that.
I was still suicidal, and still depressed. I asked to see
a psychiatrist but the mental health nurse said she
didn’t see the need. I looked at her and thought: “I’ve Our Expert Says
been self-harming since I was 11 and had attempted Fe Robinson, MUKCP (reg), MBACP (reg)
pyschotherapist and clinical supervisor, writes:
to take my life twice.” I was no longer in school full-
time due to my mental health. How much worse did Phoebe’s story highlights the deeply concerning shortfall in
services for children and young people with mental health issues.
she think that my situation could get? I wanted to
We need to be doing far more to help vulnerable young people.
get better, but everywhere I turned I was refused the Her courage in speaking out and in fundraising is inspiring.
support that I needed.

January 2018 • happiful • 77

Food & Drink: Mythbusters

78 • happiful • January 2018

 Peanut BUTTER

Peanut butter me up?

It’s the creamy gloop that sticks to the roof of your mouth,
slathered on toast, or wedged inside America’s favourite sandwich.
But is peanut butter actually good for your health?

Writing | Rebecca Thair

A staple in 89% of American cholesterol, lowering your risk of serving) which is known to
households, peanut butter has heart disease or a stroke. increase the bad cholesterol,
made its way across the pond In 100g of peanut butter, there’s which contributes to a greater risk
and become a cupboard must- also about 25g of protein, which of heart disease.
have in many UK homes too. is more than a lot of other plant Additionally, while peanuts are
In 2015, the UK’s number one foods, as well as considerable
notably a saltier treat, a lot of
peanut butter brand, Whole amounts of vitamins and
brands add considerable amounts
Earth, saw a 16.5% growth in minerals, including 67% of your
year-on-year sales. And while recommended daily amount of sugar and other additives to
the spreadable treat might be (RDA) of Vitamin B3, and 45% of sweeten the deal. In the average
associated with more unhealthy your RDA of Vitamin E. store-bought peanut butter jar,
items – Reese’s Pieces, cupcake for every 100g, you’re looking at
frosting – a survey by Live roughly 9g of sugar.
Lighter found that around THE BAD
72% of nutritionists actually Regardless of nutritious content,
view it as a healthy food item, anyone with a nut allergy can’t THE TAKEAWAY
while only about 43% of the come anywhere near this stuff. While nutritionists see the health
public did. So, is it an utter Food allergies affect about two benefits of peanut butter, it’s often
misconception? what’s added when the food is
million people in the UK,

72%
processed that’s a problem. When
and unfortunately
doing your shop, remember
THE GOOD the number of the more natural the better.
Made from peanuts ground peanut allergies Opt for organic ranges
into a creamy consistency – in children in of nutritionists that specify “no added
view it as a
though some do come with Western countries sugar” or “no added palm
crunchy chunks if you prefer has doubled in oil” to avoid the negative
– there can be significant the last 10 years,
healthy food processed ingredients and
differences in flavour between according to item stick with the pure peanut
brands. Some add sugar Allergy UK. crunch. Or, if you’re not too
to sweeten, others salt and Additionally, although it’s keen on the unsweetened version,
vegetable oils, there is a huge perhaps try other nut butters like
nutritious, peanut butter is
amount of variety out there. hazelnut or cashew.
particularly calorific – just two
But the good news is that While we need healthy fats,
the spread is full of healthy tablespoons contain about 200
and the calorie impact is relative
fat – in two tablespoons of calories, which is 10% of women’s to the amount you burn every
peanut butter, there’s about 8g average RDA. And while it does day, perhaps avoiding eating
of monounsaturated fats and 4g have plenty of healthy fats, it spoonfuls straight from the jar (as
of polyunsaturated fats. These also contains some saturated fat tempting as it is) is the less nutty
help to reduce your LDL (bad) (around 3g in a two-tablespoon option.

January 2018 • happiful • 79

 True Life | Sam’s story

My epilepsy gives me
severe anxiety
Sam, 22, has experienced epileptic fits since childhood, but
an often-unspoken part of epilepsy is the added anxiety.
Sam learned to cope through recognising the
importance of self-care

until I was more aware of myself, at around six.

I never used to be able to feel my fits, until I was
16. You’re conscious you’re having one, but there’s
nothing you can do about it. You can feel your eyes
rolling back, your body shaking, but all signals
to your brain are cut like you’re just in limbo.
It’s a very strange sensation and not nice – very
uncomfortable.
It’s been hard for me living with epilepsy; I was
just turning 17 and my anxiety about having a
fit when I was going out, or being too far from
someone who knows how to look after me, shot

M
through the roof. I wouldn’t leave my dad. I play
any people around the world have for a local football team and wouldn’t play the away
medical conditions that prevent games because travelling was too much. I’d have
them from doing certain things. panic attacks and couldn’t sleep. I can’t put into
Many people have spoken about words the sheer amount of fear I had knowing that
living with a condition, but never really the anxiety any minute I could have a fit and there’s nothing I
that comes with it. could do about it.
I have epilepsy, which is a neurological disorder After having a fit in the shower, I’m now too
triggered by episodes of sensory disturbance, loss anxious to lock the door. I don’t like being home
of consciousness, or convulsions, associated with alone anymore, and even a simple walk to the
abnormal electrical activity in the brain. shops can be scary. I lie in bed trying to sleep, but
I was diagnosed with it when I was just four years worry about what will happen if my dad doesn’t
old, and although it hasn’t stopped me from doing hear me having a fit. What if I fall, bang my head,
a lot – I can still walk, dress myself, go swimming or stumble into the road? There are so many “what
– it has prevented me from doing things like ifs”, but these are all present problems for me.
drinking, driving, and doing things alone. At that I also have the problem of not being able to
age, I was oblivious to it, so it didn’t really affect me drive – what if I never can? I’m 22 and have never

80 • happiful • January 2018

been clubbing because the lights could trigger a fit; drowning and needed aid like a lifebuoy and you
will I ever get to experience that? So many “what ifs” jumped in without one, then there are two drowning
tick over in your brain, making you more stressed people. You have to make sure you’re equipped before
and anxious, making you feel not worthy or that it’s you can help others, and that’s exactly what I did with
pointless to continue. my little girl.
My epilepsy has affected my work massively as well. I’ve never really found a coping method for my
Added to the fact I’m not able to drive to work, and epilepsy other than to sleep a lot. I try to keep my
being away from family and using public transport mind busy but clear. I’ve found its best for me to be
terrifies me, I’m limited in what I can do because I relaxed, close to home, and to get as much rest as
can only work certain hours – the medication I’m on I possibly can.
has side effects including drowsiness, so a day’s work Epilepsy has also brought me some sort of
feels like two for me. I can hold a job down for about depression. I can’t do some things like drive, drink
three to six months and then my seizures become more alcohol, stay up late, enjoy music festivals, or travel
frequent. and it hurts when I see my friends posting pictures
where they’re having such a good time, while I’m
sitting inside my bedroom watching the world go by.
It is tough, and another effect has been memory loss.
I have a terrible memory, to the point I probably won’t
remember writing this article in a few days, despite
I can’t put into words the spending so long doing it. I can’t remember any of
my childhood, which really upsets me. Those friends
fear I had knowing that who I don’t see regularly I completely forget. There are
parts of my daughter’s upbringing I can’t remember
any minute I could have at all. I have found a coping method in photography
a fit and there’s nothing I though, which I love. When I take pictures, I
remember the days much more clearly, so the hobby
could do about it has such a personal meaning to me.
Despite all this, I definitely feel like I’ve managed
my epilepsy really well. I still do a lot of outdoor
activities that are like extreme sports. I don’t let it stop
me from working or going out, I just require some
During school, I used to get bullied when I had more attention or more time to get over these events,
seizures in class, which made me anxious about going but I’m definitely looking at it positively and hoping
to school. It wasn’t just because of the seizure itself, but everything bodes well for the future.
everything that came after it – the name calling, and
the fact it’s hard to make friends when you’re someone
who doesn’t really like doing a lot.
And then I had a daughter, and as all new parents
know, this is a whole different ball game. I was so
anxious; I didn’t know if I’d be able to cope with her, let
Our Expert Says
Fe Robinson, MUKCP (reg), MBACP (reg)
alone with my condition, too. But I took it slow and I pyschotherapist and clinical supervisor, writes:
eased myself into it. My parents helped and taught me
Sam’s experience brings home the importance of finding
a lot, and now she’s three-years-old and I’m more than your own way to look after yourself. We are all unique and
confident to have her on my own. one size doesn’t fit all. Trial and error to work out what
I’ve learnt that you need to take care of yourself helps is important in finding the self-care combinations
first in order to take care of others. Even though that that maximise wellbeing.
sounds selfish, think of it like this: if someone was

January 2018 • happiful • 81

Happiful Hero

The yoga instructor empowering

people to be their best selves
Nominated by her husband, Cory, Lildonia Lawrence is a shining
light in her local London community

L
ildonia Lawrence is a fitness When she isn’t leading fitness and
and yoga instructor, life coach yoga classes, she also runs a sexual
and, in the words of her health service for young people,
husband, Cory, an all-around delivering advice and guidance across
amazing human being. the Camden and Islington boroughs.
She first began teaching fitness With the young people she works
and yoga classes while studying at with, Lildonia manages to take the
university, in 2009. Nearly a decade subject of sex and relationships
later, Lildonia still teaches some of the and define the boundaries of respect
women who have been with her since and understanding, which allows
the start. communication on a level many of
Together, they have been through these youngsters could never even
marriages, divorces, births, deaths, imagine.
and everything in between. Why take all this on?
So what keeps them coming back? Cory says she does it for the sheer
For a start, her classes, which take love of it, and requires nothing more
place at the Uxbridge Community than seeing the progression of her
Centre, not only cover physical clients. He says: “It is these shining
wellbeing, but also address mental beacons within the community who
wellbeing, and aim to empower we often take for granted due to
women to reach their goals. their everlasting dependence and
The women who attend the classes unwavering devotion, which is so
leave each session with higher levels easy to rely on.”
of fitness, but also with a sense of
confidence, which equips them with
the perspective they need to grow in
She possesses a the many other areas of their lives. Do you know an
unique ability to
According to the people who know
her best, she possesses a unique ability
unsung hero?
sincerely ignite a fire to connect with people on a very deep Send your nominations to
hello@happiful.com
level and sincerely ignite a fire within
within people’s souls their soul.

82 • happiful • January 2018

MAKE THIS THE YEAR OF LIGHT
Fin󰈧 󰈟h󰇧󰇹 󰈆󰈥ed󰇷 󰈠󰈢󰇼r i󰇳󰈡󰇪r 󰇰󰇯󰈪h󰇹 a󰈡d 󰈧󰈢 󰈩󰈣re 󰈢󰈇 󰇯󰇺. Thi󰇷 󰈝󰈢󰇼l󰈧 󰇩e w󰇶󰇮󰇺󰇯n󰇫,
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