Week 9 Picks:
For just the second time in 9-weeks this season the picks are making an appearance. I know
I know…what can I say? I blame Covid-19…we can still do that right?! Last week Rolando
put up an impressive 6-1 total in the pick’em, while I came in at just 4-3. That brings my
season total to 14-7, which is well behind the ever dutiful Rolando’s 38-18...damn dude you
couldn’t even give me the win % lead? For those of you who haven’t ever done the picks but
are interested, they are accessible only through the website in the top right with my ever so
perfectly circle job.
Week 4’s Extra Life goes to Kevin K., grabbing the Philadelphia defense who proceeded to
reward him with an astounding 27.5 points. Unfortunately for Kevin that amounted to more
than 1/4th of his total points in an epic beat down of a loss. Last week’s Your Princess is in
Another Castle moment goes to me for deftly picking up Boston Scott and then, in perfect
Dan fashion, promptly benching him for his 18-point performance.
Will I gain ground on Rolando? Can my Captain Sucktastic ways continue? Will I pick Micah
to win just to irk his reverse-jinx frustrations? Read on to find out!
Once U Go Stash U Neva Go Back vs. King Bomb-omb:
My fantasy team may be 6-2, but don’t be fooled by the soul sucking services of Captain
Sucktastic. He’s a fickle beast that one, and there is a reckoning coming for me when his fat
slobbery self wonders off in search of a cheesesteak or Cheetos somewhere else. When it
comes to describing just how bad my fantasy team has become, let’s go no further than the
fact that rumor has it Calvin Ridley’s mental health leave is directly related to being part of the
trash express that is my fantasy team! Micah’s team may not be a ton better than mine to
date, but he’s at least trending in the right direction, King Bomb-omb will win in a landslide!
Yeah! Waluigi’s the winner! vs. Hamma Jamma:
If my team is the dumpster fire of RvP, Kyle’s is the sad, sopping wet, smoldering ashes that
remain after the fire is put out. Not benefitting from the massive luck that has come my way,
he’s rocking a 1-7 record and is the firm front-runner for The Sacko with just 6 weeks
remaining. This week he face’s off against a Matty-Y led team with SHOCKINGLY few trades
on the season. Usually the player movement master of RvP, Matt’s attempts at moving Derek
Carr to every team in RvP have so far been without success. After Mike White came out hot
for Kyle on TNF he quickly left with injury, and thus goes the story of “Dirty” Kyle’s season.
Hamma Jamma in a close one!
(Mike White faking an injury just to screw Kyle)
Super Murray-o vs. Thwomped:
After a middling debut RvP season in 2020, Pat has come out with a vengeance in 2021 and
faces off this week with a Kenny led team that is feeling the pain of an injury riddled season
coupled with our leagues usual barren wasteland of a waiver wire. With both his starting
backs out again this week and a total lack of depth, I fully expect Thwomped to face plant his
way into an embarrassing, back stomping, demoralizing, Mario just killed you by putting his
ass on you defeat. Supper Murray-o with the W!
Triple Red Shells vs. Goomba Stomps:
Whether it’s through totally perfect drafting, money hoarding or the fact that both these teams
may be checked out on RvP in 2021, they enter week 9 with their $100 fab budgets
ENTIRELY in-tact. By comparison we have 8 teams under $50! Then again, Chris is
apparently so deep he’s carrying two kickers and two defenses through the regular season!
I’m not feeling a lot of deep dark fantasy analysis on this one, so I’ll simply go with the guy
who has the balls to bench Darren Waller. Triple Red Shells with the W!
(A real life photo of Ryan & Chris)
Heavy-Blow Bros. vs. ‘D’oh I missed!:
This may be the single most epic showdown of the RvP regular season, as our #1 and #2
teams, both sporting 7-1 records, face off this week. Rolando got the edge on new-comer AJ
back in 3, handing him his only loss of the season in one of the only two times all year that AJ
has managed to score less than 150 (P.S. I hate you). Both teams have big name players on
bye, but AJ is still rolling two of the top 5 scoring position players and quite honestly, Cooper
Kupp could put up 50 this week! If one thing doing the picks for the last 11 years has taught
me, it’s to never doubt Rolando’s ability to spite me when I pick him to lose. Well hold on
Rolando cause the AJ train is coming to town. ‘D’oh I Missed! with the victory!
Hurts like Bowser vs. Bow Down to the Crown:
Neither of these teams are all that fantastic. That being said, neither is as bad as their
records would lead you to believe. Coming in as the first and second place teams in points
scored against them, they’ve suffered from the head to head bug inversely to myself. Jenna’s
gotten the worse end of it, losing with totals of 136 and 137 in back to back weeks in weeks 4
and 5. Now without Derrick Henry, the man who had led fantasy in scoring going into his
injury, all hope may be lost. I’m not projecting this one to be a high scoring affair and it may
quite well be a race to see who gets to triple digits first. Look for Hurts like Bowser to
squeak by the queen of RvP in a close one.
(At least you have a title Jenna)
Up we go! vs. It’sOnLikeNdamukong :
Obviously in order to properly document the picks, they are recorded in the Pick’em, which
locks at the start of TNF so that I can’t use the stats from it to alter my decisions. So when
Jonathan Taylor drops a 200+ all-purpose yard 2 TD bomb and you root for his team and
picked his fantasy manager to win, well that’s almost as good as owning him (hey I said
almost!). CJ has a +/- of 50 that says he should have a winning record, but that is heavily
skewed by his weeks 4 and 5 where he outscored his opponents 350-200. Outside of a 165-
point week 1 loss, he really hasn’t been unlucky. Obviously based on the intro to this, I don’t
expect things to turn around for him this week. Look for the newest RvP father to grab a win
and move into the top 6! It’sOnLikeNdamukong
Up we go falling down down down
