2012

The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey

Wonder Nass

Movie Transcript
1.1.2012
 [Bilbo:] “My dear Frodo.You asked me one once if I had told you everything there was to know
about my adventures. And while I can honestly say I have told you the truth, I may not have told
you all of it. I am old now , Frodo. I’m not the same Hobbit I once was.I think it is time for you to
know what really happened. It began long ago in a land far away to the east, the like of which you
will not find in the world today. There was the city of Dale. Its markets known far and wide, full of
the bounties of vine and vale. Peaceful, and prosperous. For this city lay before the door s of the
greatest kingdom in Middle-earth: Erebor. Stronghold of Thror, King under the Mountain, mightiest
of the dwarf lords. Thror ruled with utter surety, never doubting that his house would endure, for his
line lay secure in the lives of his son and grandson. Ahhh, Frodo, Erebor; built deep within the
mountain itself, the beauty of this fortress city was legend. Its wealth lay in the earth, in precious
gems hewed from rock, and in great seams of gold, running like rivers through stone. The skill of
1 the dwarves was unequaled, fashioning objects of great beauty out of diamond, emerald, ruby, and
sapphire. Ever they delved deeper, down into the dark. And that is where they found it. The heart of
the mountain. The Arkenstone. Thror named it the King’s Jewel. He took it as a sign, a sign that his
his right to rule was divine. All would pay homage to him, even the great Elven king, Thranduil.
But the years of peace and plenty were not to last. Slowly, the days turned sour, and the watchful
nights closed in. Thror’s love of gold had grown too fierce. A sickness had begun to grow within
him; it was a sickness of the mind. And where sickness thrives, bad things will follow. The first
they heard was a noise like a hurricane coming down from the north. The pines on the mountain
creaked and cracked in the hot, dry wind.”
[Thorin:] “Balin, sound the alarm. Call out the guard. Do it now!” [Balin:] “What is it?”
[Thorin:] “Dragon. Dragon!!!” [Bilbo:] “He was a fire drake from the north. Smaug had come.”
[Bilbo:] “Such wanton death was dealt that day, for this city of men was nothing to Smaug; his eye
was set on another prize. For dragons covet gold, with a dark and fierce desire.” [Thror:] “No!”
[Bilbo:] “Erebor was lost, for a dragon will guard his plunder as long as he lives. Thranduil would
not risk the lives of his kin against the wrath of the dragon. No help came from the elves that day, or
any day since. Robbed of their homeland, the dwarves of Erebor wandered the wilderness, a once
mighty people brought low. The young dwarf prince took work where he could find it, laboring in
the villages of men, but always he remembered the mountain smoke beneath the moon, the trees
like torches blazing bright, for he had seen dragon fire in the sky, and his city turned to ash. He
never forgave, and he never forgot.”
[Bilbo:] “That, my dear Frodo, is where I come in. For quite by chance, and the will of a Wizard,
fate decided I would become part of this tale. It began, well, it began as you might expect. In a hole
in the ground, there lived a Hobbit. Not a nasty, dirty, wet hole, full of worms and oozy smells; this
was a Hobbit-hole, and that means good food, a warm hearth, and all the comforts of home.”
[Bilbo:] “Thank you.” [Frodo:] “What’s this?” [Bilbo:] “That is private. Keep your sticky paws off.
It’s not ready yet.” [Frodo:] “Not ready for what?” [Bilbo:] “Reading.What on earth are these?”
[Frodo:] “Replies to the party invitations.” [Bilbo:] “Good gracious! Is it today?” 
[Frodo:] “They all said they’re coming. Except for the Sackville-Bagginses; they’re demanding you
ask them in person.”[Bilbo:] “Are they, indeed? Over my dead body.”
[Frodo:] “They’d probably find that quite agreeable! They seem to think you have tunnels
overflowing with gold.”
[Bilbo:] “It was one small chest, hardly overflowing. And it still smells of troll.”
[Frodo:] “What on earth are you doing?”
[Bilbo:] “Taking precautions. You know, I caught her making off with the silverware once.”
[Frodo:] “Who?” [Bilbo:] “Lobelia Sackville-Baggins. She had all my spoons stuffed in her
pockets. Hah! Dreadful woman; make sure you keep an eye on her after I’m ... when I’m ... when
I’m...”  [Frodo:] “When you’re...what?” [Bilbo:] “It’s nothing. Nothing.”
[Frodo:] “You know, some people are beginning to wonder about you, Uncle. They think you’re
becoming odd.” [Bilbo:] “Odd? Hmm.” [Frodo:] “Unsociable.”
[Bilbo:] “Unsociable? Me? Nonsense. Be a good lad and put that on the gate.”
“NO ADMITTANCE EXCEPT ON PARTY BUSINESS.”
[Frodo:] “You think he’ll come?” [Bilbo:] “Who?” [Frodo:] “Gandalf.”
 [Bilbo:] “He wouldn’t miss a chance to light up his whiz-poppers! He’ll give us quite a show, you’ll
see.” [Frodo:] “Alright then, I’m off.” [Bilbo:] “Off to where?” [Frodo:] “East Farthing woods.
I’m going to surprise him.” [Bilbo:] “Well, go on then! You don’t want to be late. He doesn’t
approve of being late. Not that I ever was. In those days, I was always on time. I was entirely
respectable. And nothing unexpected ever happened.” 

AN UNEXPECTED JOURNEY 60 years earlier...

[Bilbo:] “Good morning.”
[Gandalf:] “What do you mean? Do you mean to wish me a good morning, or do you mean that it is
a good morning whether I want it or not? Or, perhaps you mean to say that you feel good on this
particular morning. Or are you simply stating that this is a morning to be good on?”
[Bilbo:] “All of them at once, I suppose.Can I help you?”
2 [Gandalf:] “That remains to be seen. I’m looking for someone to share in an adventure.”
[Bilbo:] “An adventure? No, I don’t imagine anyone west of Bree would have much interest in
adventures. Nasty, disturbing, uncomfortable things. Make you late for dinner.”
[Bilbo:] “Good morning.”
[Gandalf:] “To think that I should have lived to be good morning’d by Belladonna Took’s son, as if
I were selling buttons at the door.” [Bilbo:] “Beg your pardon?”
[Gandalf:] “You’ve changed, and not entirely for the better, Bilbo Baggins.”
[Bilbo:] “I’m sorry, do I know you?”
[Gandalf:] “Well, you know my name, although you don’t remember I belong to it. I’m Gandalf!
And Gandalf means … me.”[Bilbo:] “Gandalf...not Gandalf, the wandering Wizard, who made such
excellent fireworks! Old Took used to have them on Midsummer’s Eve. Ha! Hmm, I had no idea
you were still in business.”
[Gandalf:] “And where else should I be?” [Bilbo:] “Ah, hmm...”
[Gandalf:] “Well, I’m pleased to find your remember something about me, even if it’s only my
fireworks. Well that’s decided. It will be very good for you, and most amusing for me. I shall
inform the others.”
[Bilbo:] “Inform the who? What? No. No. No! Wait. We do not want any adventures here, thank
you. Not today, not-. I suggest you try over the Hill or across the Water. Good morning.”
[Dwalin:] “Dwalin, at your service.” 
[Bilbo:] “Bilbo Baggins, at yours. Uh, do we know each other?”
[Dwalin:] “No. Which way, laddie? Is it down here?” [Bilbo:] “Is what down where?”
[Dwalin:] “Supper. He said there’d be food, and lots of it.”
[Bilbo:] “H-He said? Who said?” [Dwalin:] “Very good, this. Any more?”
[Bilbo:] “What? Oh - Y-yes...help yourself.”
[Bilbo:] “It’s just that, um, I wasn’t expecting company.”
[Dwalin:] “That’ll be the door.” [Balin:] “Balin, at your service.” 
[Bilbo:] “Good evening.” [Balin:] “Yes, yes it is, though I think it might rain later. Am I late?”
[Bilbo:] “Late for what?” [Balin:] “Oh, ha ha! Evening, brother.”
[Dwalin:] “By my beard, you are shorter and wider than last we met.’
[Balin:] “Wider, not shorter. Sharp enough for both of us.”
[Bilbo:] “Uh, excuse me; sorry, I hate to interrupt, but the thing is, I’m not entirely sure you’re in
the right house. It’s not that I don’t like visitors; I like visitors as much as the next Hobbit, but I do
like to know them before they come visiting.”

[Dwalin:] “Have you eaten?  [Balin:] “Oh, that looks very nice indeed.”  [Dwalin:] “What is this?”
[Balin:] “I don’t know, it’s supposed to be cheese. It’s gone blue.”
[Dwalin:] “It’s riddled with mold.”
[Bilbo:] “The thing is...um...the thing is, I don’t know either of you, not in the slightest. I don’t
mean to be blunt, but I uh, but I had to speak my mind. I’m sorry.”
[Balin:] “Apology accepted. Now fill it up, brother, don’t stint. I could eat again, if you insist.”
[Fili:] “Fili.” [Kili:] “And Kili.” [Fili and Kili, together:] “At your service.”
[Kili:] “You must be Mr. Boggins.”
 [Bilbo:] “Nope, you can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house.”
[Kili:] “What? Has it been cancelled?” [Fili:] “No one told us.”
[Bilbo:] “Can-? Nothing’s been cancelled.” [Kili:] “Well, that’s a relief.”
[Fili:] “Careful with these, we just had them sharpened.”
[Kili:] “It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?”
[Bilbo:] “No, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do
that?!” [Dwalin:] “Fili, Kili, come on, give us a hand.” [Kili:] “Ha! Mister Dwalin.”
[Balin:] “Let’s shove this into the hall, otherwise we’ll never get everyone in.”
[Bilbo:] “Everyone? How many more are there?”
[Bilbo:] “Oh no. No, no! There’s nobody home. Go away, and bother somebody else. There’s far
too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If- if- If this is some clotterd’s idea of a joke, ha ha, I
can only say, it is in very poor taste.”  [Bilbo:] “Gandalf.”
3 [Bilbo:] “Those are my- Excuse me! Put that back. Put that back! Not the jam, please! ...Excuse me.
Excuse me - A tad excessive, isn’t it? You got a cheese knife?”
[Bofur:] “Cheese knife? He eats it by the block.” 
[Bilbo:] “No, no, that’s Grandpa Mungo's chair! No, I’m sorry, take it back please. Take it
back...It’s antique, not for sitting on! Thank you! That’s a book, not a coaster. Put that map down,
thank you.” [Oin:] “I cannot hear what you’re saying!”
[Dori:] “Excuse me, Mr. Gandalf, can I tempt you with a nice cup of chamomile tea?”
[Gandalf:] “Oh, no thank you, Dori. A little red wine for me, I think.”
[Gandalf:] “Fili, Kili, Oin, Gloin, Dwalin, Balin, Bifur, Bofur, Bombur, Dori, Nori, Ori.”
[Gandalf:] “Yes, you’re quite right, Bifur. Hmm, we appear to be one dwarf short.”
[Dwalin:] “He is late, is all. He travelled North to a meeting of our kin. He will come.”
[Dori:] “Mr. Gandalf? A little glass of red wine, as requested. It’s got a fruity bouquet.”
[Gandalf:] “Cheers.” [Bofur:] “Bombur, catch!”
[Fili:] “Who wants an ale? Here you go.” [Dwalin:] “Let him have another drink!” 
[Bilbo:] “Excuse me, that is a doily, not a dishcloth!” [Bofur:] “But it’s full of holes!”
[Bilbo:] “It’s supposed to be like that, it’s crochet.” 
[Bofur:] “Oh, and a wonderful game it is too, if you’ve got the balls for it.”
[Bilbo:] “Confusticate these dwarves!” [Gandalf:] “My dear Bilbo, what on earth is the matter?”
[Bilbo:] “What’s the matter? I’m surrounded by dwarves. What are they doing here?”
[Gandalf:] “Oh, they’re quite a merry gathering, once you get used to them.”
[Bilbo:] “I don’t want to get used to them. The state of my kitchen - there’s mud trod into the
carpet, they’ve pillaged the pantry; I’m not even going to tell you what they’ve done in the
bathroom. They’ve all but destroyed the plumbing. I don’t understand what they’re doing in my
house!” [Ori:] “Excuse me. I’m sorry to interrupt, but what should I do with my plate?”
[Fili:] “Here you go, Ori, give it to me.”
[Bilbo:] “Excuse me, that’s my mother’s West Farthing crockery, it’s over a hundred years old!”
[Bilbo:] “Can-Can you not do that? You’ll blunt them!”
[Bofur:] “Ooh, you hear that, lads? He says we’ll blunt the knives.”
[The dwarves, singing:]
“Blunt the knives, bend the forks Smash the bottles and burn the corks
Chip the glasses and crack the plates That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates!
Cut the cloth and tread on the fat Leave the bones on the bedroom mat
Pour the milk on the pantry floor Splash the wine on every door
Dump the crocks in a boiling bowl Pound them up with a thumping pole
And when you’ve finished, if they are whole Send them down the hall to roll
That’s what Bilbo Baggins hates!”
[Gandalf:] “He’s here.”
[Thorin:] “Gandalf. I thought you said this place would be easy to find. I lost my way, twice. I
wouldn’t have found it at all had it not been for that mark on the door.”
[Bilbo:] “Mark? There’s no mark on that door. It was painted a week ago.”
[Gandalf:] “There is a mark; I put it there myself. Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader
of our company, Thorin Oakenshield.”
 [Thorin:] “So, this is the Hobbit. Tell me, Mr. Baggins, have you done much fighting?”
[Bilbo:] “Pardon me?” [Thorin:] “Axe or sword? What’s your weapon of choice?”
[Bilbo:] “Well, I have some skill at Conkers, if you must know, but I fail to see why that’s
relevant.” [Thorin:] “Thought as much. He looks more like a grocer than a burglar.”
[Balin:] “What news from the meeting at Ered Luin? Did they all come?”
[Thorin:] “Aye. Envoys of all seven kingdoms.”
[Dwalin:] “What do the dwarves of the Iron Hills say? Is Dain with us?”
[Thorin:] “They will not come. They say this quest is ours, and ours alone.”
[Bilbo:] “You’re going on a quest?”
[Gandalf:] “Bilbo, my dear fellow, let us have a little more light.”
[Gandalf:] “Far to the East, over ranges and rivers, beyond woodlands and wastelands, lies a single
solitary peak.” [Bilbo:] “The Lonely Mountain. ”
4 [Gloin:] “Aye. Oin has read the portents, and the portents say it is time.”
[Oin:] “Ravens have been seen flying back to the mountain as it was foretold: When the birds of old
return to Erebor, the reign of the beast will end.” [Bilbo:] “What beast?”
[Bofur:] “Well that would be a reference to Smaug the Terrible, chiefest and greatest calamity of
our age. Airborne fire-breather, teeth like razors, claws like meathooks, extremely fond of precious
metals.” [Bilbo:] “Yes, I know what a dragon is.”
[Ori:] “I’m not afraid! I’m up for it. I’ll give him a taste of the Dwarvish iron right up his jacksy.”
[Dori:] “Sit down! ”
[Balin:] “The task will be difficult enough with an army behind us. But we number just thirteen.
Not thirteen of the best, nor brightest.”
[Fili:] “We may be few in number, but we’re fighters, all of us, to the last dwarf!”
[Kili:] “And you forget, we have a wizard in our company. Gandalf will have killed hundreds of
dragons in his time.”
[Gandalf:] “Oh, well, now, I wouldn’t say -” [Dori:] “How many, then?” [Gandalf:] “I, uh, what?”
[Dori:] “How many dragons have you killed? Go on, give us a number!”
[Thorin:] “Atkât! [translated: Silence!] If we have read these signs, do you not think that others will
have read them too? Rumors have begun to spread. The dragon Smaug has not been seen for 60
years. Eyes look east to the Mountain, assessing, wondering, weighing the risk. Perhaps the vast
wealth of our people now lies unprotected. Do we sit back while others claim what is rightfully
ours? Or do we seize this chance to take back Erebor? Du Bekâr! Du Bekâr! [translated: To arms!
To arms!]” [Balin:] “You forget: the front door is sealed. There is no way into the mountain.”
[Gandalf:] “That, my dear Balin, is not entirely true.” [Thorin:] “How came you by this?”
[Gandalf:] “It was given to me by your father, by Thrain, for safekeeping. It is yours now.”

[Fili:] “If there is a key, there must be a door.”

[Gandalf:] “These runes speak of a hidden passage to the lower halls.”
[Kili:] “There’s another way in!”
[Gandalf:] “If we can find it. Dwarf doors are invisible when closed. The answer lies hidden
somewhere in this map and I do not have the skill to find it. But there are others in Middle-earth
who can. The task I have in mind will require a great deal of stealth, and no small amount of
courage. But, if we are careful and clever, I believe that it can be done.”
[Ori:] “That’s why we need a burglar.” [Bilbo:] “And a good one, too. An expert, I’d imagine.”
[Gloin:] “And are you?” [Bilbo:] “Am I what?” [Oin:] “He said he’s an expert! Hey hey!”
[Bilbo:] “Me? No, no, no. I’m not a burglar; I’ve never stolen a thing in my life.”
[Balin:] “I’m afraid I have to agree with Mr. Baggins. He’s hardly burglar material.”
[Dwalin:] “Aye, the wild is no place for gentlefolk who can neither fight nor fend for themselves.”
[Gandalf:] “Enough! If I say Bilbo Baggins is a burglar, then a burglar he is.”
[Gandalf:] “Hobbits are remarkably light on their feet. In fact, they can pass unseen by most if they
choose. And while the dragon is accustomed to the smell of dwarf, the scent of hobbit is all but
unknown to him, which gives us a distinct advantage. You asked me to find the fourteenth member
of this company, and I have chosen Mr. Baggins. There’s a lot more to him than appearances
suggest, and he’s got a great deal more to offer than any of you know, including himself. You must
 trust me on this.”
[Thorin:] “Very well. We’ll do it your way. Give him the contract.” [Bofur:] “Alright, we’re off!”
[Balin:] “It’s just the usual summary of out-of-pocket expenses, time required, remuneration,
funeral arrangements, so forth.” [Bilbo:] “Funeral arrangements?”
[Thorin:] “I cannot guarantee his safety.”  [Gandalf:] “Understood.”
[Thorin:] “Nor will I be responsible for his fate.” [Gandalf:] “Agreed.”
[Bilbo:] “‘Cash on delivery, up to but not exceeding one fourteenth of total profit, if any.’ Hmm.
Seems fair. ‘The present company shall not be liable for injuries inflicted by or sustained as a
consequence thereof including but not limited to lacerations ... evisceration … incineration?”
[Bilbo:] “I feel a bit faint.” [Bofur:] “Think furnace with wings.” [Bilbo:] “Air, I need air.”
[Bofur:] “Flash of light, searing pain, then Poof! you’re nothing more than a pile of ash.”
[Bilbo:] “No.” [Gandalf:] “You’re very helpful, Bofur.
5
[Bilbo:] “I’ll be alright, let me just sit quietly for a moment.”
[Gandalf:] “You’ve been sitting quietly for far too long. Tell me; when did doilies and your
mother’s dishes become so important to you? I remember a young Hobbit who always was running
off in search of elves and the woods, who would stay out late, and come home after dark, trailing
mud and twigs and fireflies. A young Hobbit who would have liked nothing better than to find out
what was beyond the borders of the Shire. The world is not in your books and maps; it’s out there.”
[Bilbo:] “I can’t just go running off into the blue. I am a Baggins, of Bag End.”
[Gandalf:] “You are also a Took. Did you know that your great-great-great-great-uncle, Bullroarer
Took, was so large he could ride a real horse?” [Bilbo:] “Yes.”
[Gandalf:] “Well he could. In the Battle of Green Fields, he charged the goblin ranks. He swung his
club so hard it knocked the Goblin King’s head clean off, and it sailed a hundred yards through the
air and went down a rabbit hole. And thus the battle was won, and the game of golf invented at the
same time.”
[Bilbo:] “I do believe you made that up.” 
[Gandalf:] “Well, all good stories deserve embellishment. You’ll have a tale or two to tell of your
own when you come back.” [Bilbo:] “Can you promise that I will come back?”
[Gandalf:] “No. And if you do, you will not be the same.”
[Bilbo:] “That’s what I thought. Sorry, Gandalf, I can’t sign this. You’ve got the wrong Hobbit.”
[Balin:] “It appears we have lost our burglar. Probably for the best. The odds were always against
us. After all, what are we? Merchants, miners, tinkers, toy-makers; hardly the stuff of legend.”
[Thorin:] “There are a few warriors amongst us.” [Balin:] “Old warriors.”
[Thorin:] “I will take each and every one of these dwarves over an army from the Iron Hills. For
when I called upon them, they answered. Loyalty. Honor. A willing heart. I can ask no more than
that.”
[Balin:] “You don’t have to do this. You have a choice. You’ve done honorably by our people. You
have built a new life for us in the Blue Mountains, a life of peace and plenty. A life that is worth
more than all the gold in Erebor.”
[Thorin:] “From my grandfather to my father, this has come to me. They dreamt of the day when
the dwarves of Erebor would reclaim their homeland. There is no choice, Balin. Not for me.”
[Balin:] “Then we are with you, laddie. We will see it done.” 

[The dwarves, singing:]

“Far over the Misty Mountains cold
To dungeons deep and caverns old
We must away ere break of day
To find our long-forgotten gold

The pines were roaring on the height

 "The winds were moaning in the night
The fire was red, it flaming spread
 The trees like torches blazed with light” 

[Bilbo:] “Hello?“ 
[Neighbor:] “You! Mr. Bilbo! Where are you off to?”
[Bilbo:] “Can’t stop, I’m already late!”
[Neighbor:] “Late for what?”
[Bilbo:] “I’m going on an adventure!”
[Bilbo:] “Wait! Wait!”
[Bilbo:] “I signed it!”
[Balin:] “Everything appears to be in order. Welcome, Master Baggins, to the company of Thorin
Oakenshield.”
[Thorin:] “Give him a pony.”
6
[Bilbo:] “No, no, no, that won’t be necessary. I’m sure I can keep up on foot. I- I- I’ve done my fair
share of walking holidays, you know. I even got as far as Frogmorton once - WAGH!”
[Oin:] “Come on, Nori, pay up.”
[Bilbo:] “What’s that about?” 
[Gandalf:] “Oh, they took wagers on whether or not you’d turn up. Most of them bet that you
wouldn’t.”
[Bilbo:] “What did you think?”
[Gandalf:] “My dear fellow, I never doubted you for a second.”
[Bilbo:] “All this horse hair, I’m having a reaction.”
[Bilbo:] “No, wait, wait, stop! Stop! We have to turn around.”
[Gandalf:] “What on earth is the matter?”
[Bilbo:] “I forgot my handkerchief.”
[Bofur:] “Here! Use this.”
[Dwalin:] “Move out.”
[Gandalf:] “You’ll have to manage without pocket-handkerchiefs and a good many other things,
Bilbo Baggins, before we reach our journey’s end. You were born to the rolling hills and little rivers
of the Shire, but home is now behind you; the world is ahead.”
[Bilbo:] “How are you, girl? That’s a good girl. It’s our little secret, Myrtle; you must tell no one.”
[Bilbo:] “What was that?”
[Kili:] “Orcs.” [Bilbo:] “Orcs?”
[Fili:] “Throat-cutters. There’ll be dozens of them out there. The lowlands are crawling with them.”
[Kili:] “They strike in the wee small hours, when everyone’s asleep. Quick and quiet; no screams,
just lots of blood.”
[Thorin:] “You think that’s funny? You think a night raid by orcs is a joke?”
[Kili:] “We didn’t mean anything by it.”
[Thorin:] “No, you didn’t. You know nothing of the world.” 
[Balin:] “Don’t mind him, laddie. Thorin has more cause than most to hate orcs. After the dragon
took the Lonely Mountain, King Thror tried to reclaim the ancient dwarf kingdom of Moria. But our
enemy had got there first.”
[Balin:] “Moria had been taken by legions of Orcs lead by the most vile of all their race: Azog, the
Defiler. The giant Gundobad Orc had sworn to wipe out the line of Durin. He began by beheading
the King.”
[Thorin, in flashback:] “Nooo!”
[Balin:] “Thrain, Thorin’s father, was driven mad by grief. He went missing, taken prisoner or
killed, we did not know. We were leaderless. Defeat and death were upon us.”
[Balin:] “That is when I saw him: a young dwarf prince facing down the Pale Orc.”
[Balin:] “He stood alone against this terrible foe, his armor rent, wielding nothing by an oaken
branch as a shield”
[Balin:] “Azog, the Defiler, learned that day that the line of Durin would not be so easily broken.”
[Balin:] “Our forces rallied and drove the orcs back. Our enemy had been defeated. But there was
no feast, nor song, that night, for our dead were beyond the count of grief. We few had survived.”
 [Balin:] “And I thought to myself then, there is one who I could follow. There is one I could call
King.”
[Bilbo:] “But the pale orc? What happened to him?”
[Thorin:] “He slunk back into the hole whence he came. That filth died of his wounds long ago.”
[Yazneg:] “Send word to the Master. We have found the Dwarf-scum.”
[Dori:] “Mr. Gandalf, can’t you do something about this deluge?”
[Gandalf:] “It is raining, Master Dwarf, and it will continue to rain until the rain is done. If you wish
to change the weather of the world, you should find yourself another wizard.”
[Bilbo:] “Are there any?”
[Gandalf:] “What?”
[Bilbo:] “Other wizards?”
7 [Gandalf:] “There are five of us. The greatest of our order is Saruman, the White. Then there are the
two Blue wizards; you know, I’ve quite forgotten their names.”
[Bilbo:] “And who is the fifth?”
[Gandalf:] “Well, that would be Radagast, the Brown.”
[Bilbo:] “Is he a great Wizard or is he... more like you?”
[Gandalf:] “I think he’s a very great wizard, in his own way. He’s a gentle soul who prefers the
company of animals to others. He keeps a watchful eye over the vast forest lands to the East, and a
good thing too, for always Evil will look to find a foothold in this world.” 
[Radagast:] “Not good; not good at all.” 
[Radagast:] “Oh no! Sebastian! Good gracious.”
[Radagast:] “Move back! Give him some air, for goodness sake!”
[Radagast:] “I don’t understand why it’s not working; it’s not as if it’s witchcraft...”
[Radagast:] “Witchcraft. Oh, but it is. A dark and powerful magic.”
Thorin:] “I did not know that they were yours to keep.”
[Bilbo:] “Everything alright? Gandalf, where are you going?”
[Gandalf:] “To seek the company of the only one around here who’s got any sense.”
[Bilbo:] “Who’s that?”
[Gandalf:] “Myself, Mr. Baggins! I’ve had enough of dwarves for one day.”
[Thorin:] “Come on, Bombur, we’re hungry.”
[Bilbo, to Balin:] “Is he coming back?”
[Bilbo:] “He’s been a long time.” [Bofur:] “Who?” [Bilbo:] “Gandalf.”
[Bofur:] “He’s a wizard! He does as he chooses. Here, do us a favor: take this to the lads.”
[Bofur:] “Stop it, you’ve had plenty.” [Bilbo:] “What’s the matter?”
[Kili:] “We’re supposed to be looking out for the ponies.”
[Fili:] “Only we’ve encountered a slight problem. We had sixteen. Now there’s fourteen.”
[Kili:] “Daisy and Bungo are missing.”
[Bilbo:] “Well, that’s not good. That is not good at all. Shouldn’t we tell Thorin?”
[Fili:] “Uhh, no. Let’s not worry him. As our official burglar, we thought you might like to look into
it.”
[Bilbo:] “Well, uh...look, something big uprooted these trees.”
[Kili:] “That was our thinking.”
[Bilbo:] “Something very big, and possibly quite dangerous.”
[Fili:] “Hey! There’s a light. Over here! Stay down.”
[Bilbo:] “What is it?” [Kili:] “Trolls.”
[Bilbo:] “He’s got Myrtle and Minty! I think they’re going to eat them, we have to do something.”
[Kili:] “Yes; you should. Mountain trolls are slow and stupid, and you’re so small, they’ll never see
you.” [Bilbo:] “No, no, no...”

[Kili:] “It’s perfectly safe! We’ll be right behind you.”

[Fili:] “If you run into trouble, hoot twice like a barn owl, once like a brown owl.”
[Bilbo:] “Twice like a barn owl, once like a brown...? Are you sure this is a good idea?”
[Bert:] “Mutton yesterday, mutton today, and blimey, if it don’t like like mutton again tomorrow.”
 [Tom:] “Quit yer’ griping. These ain’t sheep. These are West Nags”
[William:] “I don’t like horse. I never have. Not enough fat on them.”
[Bert:] “Well, it’s better than the little old farmer. All skin and bone, he was. I’m still picking bits of
him out of me teeth.”
[Bert:] “Well, that’s lovely, it is, a floater.”
[Tom:] “It might improve the flavor!”
[William:] “Ah! There’s more where that came from.”
[Bert:] “Oh no you don’t.”
[Bert:] “Sit down.”
[William:] “I hope you’re going to gut these nags. But I like the stinky parts.”
[Bert:] “I said sit down!”
8
[Tom:] “I’m starving! Are we having horse tonight or what?”
[Bert:] “Shut your cakehole. You’ll eat what I give ya’.”
[Tom:] “How come he’s the cook? Everything tastes the same. Everything tastes like chicken.”
[William:] “Except the chicken.”
[Tom:] “It tastes like fish!”
[Bert:] “I’m just saying, a little appreciation would be nice. ‘Thank you very much, Bert,’ ‘Lovely
stew, Bert’; how hard is that? Hmm, it just needs a sprinkle of squirrel dung.”
[Bert:] “There, that’s my grog!”
[William:] “Uhh, uhh, sorry.”
[Bert:] “Ooh, that is beautifully balanced, that is.”
[Bert:] “Wrap your tongue around that, mate. Good, isn’t it? That’s why I’m the cook.”
[Tom:] “That’s my guts rumbling, I’ve got to snaffle something, flesh or meat, flesh!”
[William:] “Ahh! Blimey! Look! Look! Look what’s come out of me ‘ooter! It’s got arms and legs
and everything.”
[Tom:] “What is it?”
[William:] “I don’t know, but I don’t like the way it wriggles around!”
[Tom:] “What are you? An oversized squibble?”
[Bilbo:] “I’m a burglar-- uhh, Hobbit.”
[William:] “A Burglar-Hobbit?”
[Tom:] “Can we cook ‘im?”
[William:] “We can try!”
[Bert:] “He wouldn’t make more than a mouthful, not when he’s skinned and boned!”
[Tom:] “Perhaps there’s more Burglar-Hobbits around these parts. There might be enough for a
bite.”
[Bert:] “Grab him!”
[William:] “It’s too quick!”
[Tom:] “Come here, you little... Gotcha! Are there any more of you little fellas hiding where you
shouldn’t?”
[Bilbo:] “No.” [William:] “He’s lying.” [Bilbo:] “No I’m not!”
[William:] “Hold his toes over the fire. Make him squeal.”
[Kili:] “Drop him!”
[Tom:] “You what?”
[Kili:] “I said, drop him.”
[Kili:] “Bilbo!”
[Tom:] “Lay down your arms, or we’ll rip his off.”
[William:] “Why bother cooking them? Let’s just sit on them and squash them into jelly.”
[Bert:] “They should be sautéed and grilled with a sprinkle of sage.”
[William:] “Ooh, that does sound quite nice.”
[Tom:] “Never mind the seasoning; we ain’t got all night! Dawn ain’t far away, so let’s get a move
on. I don’t fancy being turned to stone.”
[Bilbo:] “Wait! You are making a terrible mistake.”
 [Dori:] “You can’t reason with them, they’re half-wits!”

[Bofur:] “Half-wits? What does that make us?”

[Bilbo:] “I meant with the, uh, with the seasoning.”
[Bert:] “What about the seasoning?”
[Bilbo:] “Well have you smelt them? You’re going to need something stronger than sage before you
plate this lot up.”
[Tom:] “What do you know about cooking dwarf?”
[Bert:] “Shut up. Let the, uh, flurgaburburrahobbit talk.”
[Bilbo:] “Uh, the secret to cooking dwarf is, um-”
[Bert:] “Yes? Come on, tell us the secret.”
[Bilbo:] “Um, yes, I’m telling you, the secret is … to skin them first!”
9 [Bert:] “Tom, get me the filleting knife.”
[Tom:] “What a load of rubbish! I’ve eaten plenty with their skins on. Scuff them, I say, boots and
all.”
[William:] “He’s right! Nothing wrong with a bit of raw dwarf! Nice and crunchy.”
[Bilbo:] “Not that one, he’s infected!”
[Tom:] “You what?”
[Bilbo:] “He’s got worms in his … tubes.”
[Bilbo:] “In fact they all have it, they’re all infested with parasites. It’s a terrible business; I
wouldn’t risk it, I really wouldn’t.”
[Oin:] “Parasites, did he say parasites?”
[Kili:] “We don’t have parasites! You have parasites!”
[Oin:] “I’ve got parasites as big as my arm.”
[Kili:] “Mine are the biggest parasites, I’ve got huge parasites!”
[Tom:] “What would you have us do, then, let ‘em all go?”
[Bilbo:] “Well...”
[Tom:] “You think I don’t know what you’re up to? This little ferret is taking us for fools!”
[Bilbo:] “Ferret?” [Bert:] “Fools?”
[Gandalf:] “The dawn will take you all!”
[Bert:] “Who’s that?”
[Tom:] “No idea.”
[William:] “Can we eat him too?”
[Dwalin:] “Oh, get your foot out of my back!”
[Thorin, to Gandalf:] “Where did you go to, if I may ask?”
[Gandalf:] “To look ahead.”
[Thorin:] “What brought you back?”
[Gandalf:] “Looking behind. Nasty business. Still, you are all in one piece.”
[Thorin:] “No thanks to your burglar.”
[Gandalf:] “He had the nous to play for time. None of the rest of you thought of that.”
[Gandalf:] “They must have come down from the Ettenmoors.”
[Thorin:] “Since when do mountain trolls venture this far south?”
[Gandalf:] “Not for an age, not since a darker power ruled these lands.”
[Gandalf:] “They could not have moved in daylight.”
[Thorin:] “There must be a cave nearby.”
[Nori:] “What’s that stench?!”
[Gandalf:] “It’s a troll horde. Be careful what you touch.”
[Bofur:] “Seems a shame just to leave it lying around. Anyone could take it.”
[Gloin:] “Agreed. Nori, get a shovel.”
[Thorin:] “These swords were not made by any troll.”
[Gandalf:] “Nor were they made by any smith among men.”
[Gandalf:] “These were forged in Gondolin by the High Elves of the First Age.”
[Gandalf:] “You could not wish for a finer blade.”
[Gloin:] “We’re making a long term deposit.”
 [Thorin:] “Let’s get out of this foul place. Come on, let’s go. Bofur! Gloin! Nori!”
[Gandalf:] “Bilbo, here. This is about your size.”
[Bilbo:] “I can’t take this.”
[Gandalf:] “The blade is of Elvish make which means it will glow blue when orcs or goblins are
nearby.”
[Bilbo:] “I have never used a sword in my life.”
[Gandalf:] “And I hope you never have to. And if you do, remember this: true courage is about
knowing not when to take a life, but when to spare one.”
[Thorin:] “Something’s coming!”
[Bilbo:] “Gandalf-”
[Gandalf:] “Stay together! Hurry now. Arm yourselves.”
10 [Radagast:] “Thieves! Fire! Murder!”
[Gandalf:] “Radagast! Radagast the Brown. What on earth are you doing here?”
[Radagast:] “I was looking for you, Gandalf. Something’s wrong. Something’s terribly wrong.”
[Gandalf:] “Yes?”
[Radagast:] “Just give me a minute. Oh, I had a thought, and now I’ve lost it. It was right there, on
the tip of my tongue.”

[Radagast:] “Oh, it’s not the thought at all; it’s just a little-”
[Radagast:] “-stick insect!”
[Radagast:] “The Greenwood is sick, Gandalf. A darkness has fallen over it. Nothing grows any
more, at least nothing good. The air is foul with decay. But worst are the webs.”
[Gandalf:] “Webs? What do you mean?”
[Radagast:] “Spiders, Gandalf. Giant ones. Some kind of spawn of Ungoliant, or I am not a Wizard.
I followed their trail. They came from Dol Guldur.”
[Gandalf:] “Dol Guldur? But the old fortress is abandoned.”
[Radagast:] “No, Gandalf, it is not.”
[Radagast, narrating:] “A dark power dwells there, such as I have never felt before. It is the shadow
of an ancient horror.”
[Radagast, narrating:] “One that can summon the spirits of the dead.” 
[Radagast, narrating:] “I saw him, Gandalf. From out of the darkness, a Necromancer has come.”
[Radagast:] “Quick! Quickly! Run! Wait for me!”
[Radagast:] “Sorry.”
[Gandalf:] “Try a little Old Toby. It’ll help settle your nerves.”
[Gandalf:] “And out.”
[Gandalf:] “Now, a Necromancer. Are you sure?”
[Radagast:] “That is not from the world of the living.”
[Bilbo:] “Was that a wolf? Are there wolves out there?”
[Bofur:] “Wolves? No, that is not a wolf.”
[Thorin:] “Warg-Scouts! Which means an Orc pack is not far behind.”
[Bilbo:] “Orc pack?”
[Gandalf:] “Who did you tell about your quest, beyond your kin?”
[Thorin:] “No one.”
[Gandalf:] “Who did you tell?”
[Thorin:] “No one, I swear. What in Durin’s name is going on?”
[Gandalf:]“You are being hunted.”
[Dwalin:] “We have to get out of here.”
[Ori:] “We can’t! We have no ponies; they bolted.”
[Radagast:] “I’ll draw them off.”
[Gandalf:] “These are Gundobad Wargs; they will outrun you.”
[Radagast:] “These are Rhosgobel Rabbits; I’d like to see them try.”
[Radagast:] “Come and get me! Ha ha!”
[Gandalf:] “Come on!”
 [Gandalf:] “Stay together.”

[Thorin:] “Move!”
[Thorin:] “Ori, no!”
[Gandalf:] “Come on! Quick!”
[Thorin:] “Where are you leading us?”
[Yazneg:] “The Dwarf-scum are over there! After them!”
[Gandalf:] “Move. Run!” 
[Gloin:] “There they are!”
[Gandalf:] “This way! Quickly!”
[Kili:] “There’s more coming!”
[Thorin:] “Kili! Shoot them!”
11 [Fili:] “We’re surrounded!
[Kili:] “Where is Gandalf?”
[Dwalin:] “He has abandoned us!”
[Thorin:] “Hold your ground!”
[Gandalf:] “This way, you fools!”
[Thorin:] “Come on, move! Quickly, all of you! Go, go go!”
[Thorin:] “Kili! Run!”
[Thorin:] “Elves.”
[Dwalin:] “I cannot see where the pathway leads. Do we follow it or no?”
[Bofur:] “Follow it, of course!”
[Gandalf:] “I think that would be wise.”
[Gandalf:] “The Valley of Imraldis. In the Common Tongue, it’s known by a another name.”
[Bilbo:] “Rivendell.”
[Gandalf:] “Here lies the last Homely House east of the sea.”
[Thorin:] “This was your plan all along, to seek refuge with our enemy.”
[Gandalf:] “You have no enemies here, Thorin Oakenshield. The only ill-will to be found in this
valley is that which you bring yourself.”
[Thorin:] “Do you think the Elves will give our quest their blessing? They will try to stop us.”
[Gandalf:] “Of course they will. But we have questions that need to be answered. If we are to be
successful, this will need to be handled with tact and respect and no small degree of charm. Which
is why you will leave the talking to me.”
[Lindir:] “Mithrandir.”
[Gandalf:] “Ah, Lindir!”
[Lindir]: “Lastannem i athrannedh i Vruinen.” - [translated: We ‘heard you had crossed into the
Valley.’]
[Gandalf:] “I must speak with Lord Elrond.”
[Lindir:] “My lord Elrond is not here.”
[Gandalf:] “Not here? Where is he?”
[Thorin:] “Ifridî bekâr! [translated: Ready weapons!] Hold ranks!”
[Elrond:] “Gandalf.”
[Gandalf:] “Mellonnen! Mo evínedh?” - [translated: ‘My friend! Where have you been?’]
[Elrond:] “Farannem ‘lamhoth i udul o charad. Dagannem rim na Iant Vedui. Nartho i noer, toltho i
viruvor. Boe i annam vann a nethail vin.” - [translated: ‘We’ve been hunting a pack of Orcs that
came up from the South. We slew a number near the Hidden Pass.’].
[Elrond:] “Strange for Orcs to come so close to our borders. Something, or someone, has drawn
them near.”
[Gandalf:] “Ah, that may have been us.”
[Elrond:] “Welcome Thorin, son of Thrain.”
[Thorin:] “I do not believe we have met.”
[Elrond:] “You have your grandfather’s bearing. I knew Thror when he ruled over the Mountain.”
[Thorin:] “Indeed; he made no mention of you.”
[Gloin:] “What is he saying? Does he offer us insult?”
 [Gandalf:] “No, master Gloin, he’s offering you food.”
[Gloin:] “Ah well, in that case, lead on.”
[Dori:] “Try it. Just a mouthful.”
[Ori:] “I don’t like green food.”
[Dwalin:] “Where’s the meat?”
[Ori:] “Have they got any chips?”
[Gandalf:] “Kind of you to invite us. I'm not really dressed for dinner.”
[Elrond:] “Well, you never are.”
[Elrond:] “This is Orcrist, the Goblin Cleaver. A famous blade, forged by the High Elves of the
West, my kin. May it serve you well.”
[Elrond:] “And this is Glamdring, the Foe-hammer, sword of the King of Gondolin. These swords
were made for goblin wars of the First Age...”
12 [Balin:] “I wouldn’t bother, laddie. Swords are named for the great deeds they do in war.”
[Bilbo:] “What are you saying, my sword hasn’t seen battle?”
[Balin:] “I’m not actually sure it is a sword; more of a letter opener, really.”
[Elrond:] “How did you come by these?”
[Gandalf:] “We found them in a troll hoard on the Great East Road, shortly before we were
ambushed by orcs.”
[Elrond:] “And what were you doing on the Great East Road?”
[Thorin:] “Our business is no concern of elves.”
[Gandalf:] “For goodness sake, Thorin, show him the map.”
[Thorin:] “It is the legacy of my people; it is mine to protect, as are its secrets.”
[Gandalf:] “Save me from the stubbornness of Dwarves. Your pride will be your downfall. You
stand here in the presence of one of the few in Middle-earth who can read that map. Show it to Lord
Elrond.”
[Balin:] “Thorin, no!”
[Elrond:] “Erebor. What is your interest in this map?”
[Gandalf:] “It’s mainly academic. As you know, this sort of artifact sometimes contains hidden text.
You still read Ancient Dwarvish, do you not?”
[Elrond:] “Cirth Ithil.”
[Gandalf:] “Moon runes. Of course. An easy thing to miss.”
[Elrond:] “Well in this case, that is true; Moon runes can only be read by the light of a moon with
the same shape and season as the day on which they were written.”
[Thorin:] “Can you read them?”
[Elrond:] “These runes were written on a Midsummer’s Eve by the light of a crescent moon nearly
two hundred years ago. It would seem you were meant to come to Rivendell. Fate is with you,
Thorin Oakenshield; the same moon shines upon us tonight.”
[Elrond:] “Stand by the gray stone when the thrush knocks, and the setting sun with the last light of
Durin’s Day will shine upon the keyhole.”
[Bilbo:] “Durin’s Day?”
[Gandalf:] “It is the dwarves’ new year, when the last moon of autumn and the first sun of winter
appear in the sky together.”
[Thorin:] “This is ill news. Summer is passing. Durin’s Day will soon be upon us.”
[Balin:] “We still have time.”
[Bilbo:] “Time? For what?”
[Balin:] “To find the entrance. We have to be standing at exactly the right spot at exactly the right
time. Then, and only then, can the door be opened.”
[Elrond:] “So this is your purpose, to enter the Mountain.”
[Thorin:] “What of it?”
[Elrond:] “There are some who would not deem it wise.”
[Gandalf:] “Who do you mean?”
[Elrond:] “You are not the only guardian to stand watch over Middle-earth.”
[Yazneg:] “Khozdayin… Dorguz… zuranimid [translated: The Dwarves, Master, we lost them.]
Shugi golgai gelnakhanishim [translated: Ambushed by Elvish filth, we were.]”
 [Azog:] “Sha nargiz ob-hakhtil… [translated: I don’t want excuses]; Nargiz khobdi… Rani
Khozdil! [translated: I want the head of the Dwarf King!]”
[Yazneg:] “Murganish dum… [translated: We were outnumbered.] Turim hag shad [translated:
There was nothing we could do.] Zorzor go-kairaz obguraniz [translated: I barely escaped with my
life.]”
[Azog:] “Ki go-kairag baganig. Ombar bunish! [translated: Far better you had paid with it.]”
[Azog:] “Khozd-shrakhun gud sha kilyash-zag [translated: The Dwarf-scum will show themselves
soon enough. Send out word, there is a price on their heads.]”
[Bofur:] “Bombur!”
[Gandalf:] “With or without our help, these dwarves will march on the mountain. They are
determined to reclaim their homeland. I do not believe Thorin Oakenshield feels that he’s
13 answerable to anyone. Nor for that matter am I.” 
[Elrond:] “It is not me you must answer to.”
[Gandalf:] “Lady Galadriel.”
[Galadriel:] “Mithrandir. It has been a long time.”
[Gandalf:] “Nae nin gwistant infanneth, mal ú-eichia i Chíril Lorien.” - [translated: ‘Age may have
changed me, but not so the Lady of Lorien.’]
[Gandalf:] “I had no idea Lord Elrond had sent for you.”
[Saruman:] “He didn’t. I did.”
[Gandalf:] “Saruman.”
[Saruman:] “You’ve been busy of late, my friend.”
[Saruman:] “Tell me, Gandalf, did you think these plans and schemes of yours would go
unnoticed?”
[Gandalf:] “Unnoticed? No, I’m simply doing what I feel to be right.”
[Galadriel:] “The dragon has long been on your mind.”
[Gandalf:] “This is true, my lady. Smaug owes allegiance to no one. But if he should side with the
enemy, a dragon could be used to terrible effect.”
[Saruman:] “What enemy? Gandalf, the enemy is defeated. Sauron is vanquished. He can never
regain his full strength.”
[Elrond:] “Gandalf, for four hundred years, we have lived in peace. A hard-won, watchful peace.”
[Gandalf:] “Are we? Are we at peace? Trolls have come down from the mountains. They are
raiding villages, destroying farms. Orcs have attacked us on the road.”
[Elrond:] “Hardly a prelude to war.”
[Saruman:] “Always you must meddle, looking for trouble where none exists.”
[Galadriel:] “Let him speak.”
[Gandalf:] “There is something at work beyond the evil of Smaug. Something far more powerful.
We can remain blind, but it will not be ignoring us, that I can promise you. A sickness lies over the
Greenwood. The woodsmen living there now call it ‘Mirkwood’. They say...”
[Saruman:] “Well, don’t stop now. Tell us about the woodsmen’s sayings.”
[Gandalf:] “They speak of a Necromancer living in Dol Guldur, a sorcerer who can summon the
dead.”
[Saruman:] “That’s absurd. No such power exists in the world. This...Necromancer is nothing more
than a mortal man. A conjurer dabbling in black magic.”
[Gandalf:] “And so I thought too. But, Radagast has -”
[Saruman:] “Radagast? Do not speak to me about Radagast the Brown. He is a foolish fellow.”
[Gandalf:] “Well, he’s odd, I grant you. He lives a solitary life.”
[Saruman:] “It’s not that. It’s his excessive consumption of mushrooms. They’ve addled his brains
and yellowed his teeth. I warned him, it is unbecoming of the Istari to be wandering the woods...”
[Galadriel, telepathically:] “You carry something. It came to you from Radagast. He found it in Dol
Guldur.”
[Gandalf, telepathically:] “Yes.”
[Galadriel, telepathically:] “Show me.”
[Elrond:] “What is that?”
 [Galadriel:] “A relic of Mordor.”
[Elrond:] “A Morgul blade.”
[Galadriel:] “Made for the Witch-King of Angmar, and buried with him. When Angmar fell, men of
the North took his body and all that he possessed and sealed in the High-Fells of Rhudaur. Deep
within the rock they buried them, in a tomb so dark it would never come to light.”
[Elrond:] “This is not possible. A powerful spells lies upon those tombs; they cannot be opened.”
[Saruman:] “What proof do we have this weapon came from Angmar’s grave?”
[Gandalf:] “I have none.”
[Saruman:] “Because there is none. Let us examine what we know. A single Orc pack has dared to
cross the Bruinen. A dagger from a bygone age has been found. And a human sorcerer, who calls
himself the Necromancer, has taken up residence in the ruined fortress. Not so very much, after all.
14 The question of this dwarvish company, however, troubles me deeply. I’m not convinced, Gandalf;
I do not feel I can condone such a quest. If they’d come to me, I might have spared them...”
[Galadriel, telepathically:] “They are leaving.”
[Gandalf, telepathically:] “Yes.”
[Galadriel, telepathically:] “You knew.”
[Lindir:] “My Lord Elrond; the dwarves, they’re gone.”
[Thorin:] “Be on your guard; we’re about to step over the edge of the Wild. Balin, you know these
paths; lead on.”
[Thorin:] “Master Baggins, I suggest that you keep up.”
[Galadriel:] “You will follow them?”
[Gandalf:] “Yes.”
[Galadriel:] “You are right to help Thorin Oakenshield. But I fear this quest has set in motion forces
we do not yet understand. The riddle of the Morgul blade must be answered. Something moves in
the shadows, unseen, hidden from our sight. It will not show itself, not yet. But every day it grows
in strength. You must be careful.”
[Gandalf:] “Yes.”
[Galadriel:] “Mithrandir? Why the Halfling?”
[Gandalf:] “I don’t know. Saruman believes that it is only great power that can hold evil in check.
But that is not what I have found. I found it is the small things, everyday deeds of ordinary folks,
that keeps the darkness at bay. Simple acts of kindness and love. Why Bilbo Baggins? Perhaps it is
because I am afraid, and he gives me courage.”
[Galadriel, telepathically:] “Do not be afraid, Mithrandir.”
[Galadriel:] “Ae boe i le eliathon, im tulithon.” - [translated: ‘If you should ever need my help, I
will come.’]
[Thorin:] “Hold on!”
[Thorin:] “We must find shelter!”
[Dwalin:] “Watch out!”
[Balin:] “This is no thunderstorm; it’s a thunder battle! Look!”
[Bofur:] “Well bless me, the legends are true. Giants; Stone Giants!”
[Thorin:] “Take cover you fool!”
[Kili:] “What’s happening?”
[Thorin:] “No! No! Kili!”
[Bofur:] “Where’s Bilbo? Where’s the Hobbit? There!”
[Dwalin:] “Get him!”
[Dwalin:] “I thought we’d lost our burglar.”
[Thorin:] “He’s been lost ever since he left home. He should never have come. He has no place
amongst us. Dwalin!”
[Dwalin:] “Looks safe enough.”
[Thorin:] “Search to the back; caves in mountains are seldom unoccupied.”
[Dwalin:] “There’s nothing here.”
[Gloin:] “Alright then! Let’s get a fire started.”
[Thorin:] “No fires, not in this place. Get some sleep. We start at first light.”
 [Balin:] “We were to wait in the mountains until Gandalf joined us. That was the plan.”

[Thorin:] “Plans change. Bofur, take the first watch.”

[Azog:] “The scent is fresh! They have taken the mountain pass.”
[Bofur:] “Where do you think you’re going?”
[Bilbo:] “Back to Rivendell.”
[Bofur:] “No, no, you can’t turn back now, you’re part of the Company. You’re one of us.”
[Bilbo:] “I’m not though, am I? Thorin said I should never have come, and he was right. I’m not a
Took, I’m a Baggins, I don’t know what I was thinking. I should never have run out my door.”
[Bofur:] “You’re homesick; I understand.”
[Bilbo:] “No no, you don’t, you don’t understand! None of you do - you’re dwarves. You used to -
to this life, to living on the road, never settling in one place, not belonging anywhere.”
15 [Bilbo:] “I am sorry, I don’t...”
[Bofur:] “No, you’re right. We don’t belong anywhere. I wish you all the luck in the world. I really
do.

[Bofur:] “What’s that?”

[Thorin:] “Wake up. Wake up!”
[Great Goblin:] “Who would be so bold as to come armed into my kingdom? Spies? Thieves?
Assassins?”
[Grinnah:] “Dwarves, Your Malevolence.”
[Great Goblin:] “Dwarves?”
[Grinnah:] “We found them on the front porch.”
[Great Goblin:] “Well, don’t just stand there; search them! Every crack, every crevice.”
[Great Goblin:] “What are you doing in these parts? Speak!”
[Great Goblin:] “Well then, if they will not talk, we’ll make them squawk! Bring out the Mangler!
Bring out the Bone Breaker! Start with the youngest.”
[Thorin:] “Wait.”
[Great Goblin:] “Well, well, well, look who it is. Thorin son of Thrain, son of Thror; King under the
Mountain.”
[Great Goblin:] “Oh, but I’m forgetting, you don’t have a mountain. And you’re not a king. Which
makes you nobody, really. I know someone who would pay a pretty price for your head. Just the
head, nothing attached. Perhaps you know of whom I speak, an old enemy of yours. A Pale Orc
astride a White Warg.”
[Thorin:] “Azog the Defiler was destroyed. He was slain in battle long ago.”
[Great Goblin:] “So you think his defiling days are done, do you?”
[Great Goblin:] “Send word to the Pale Orc; tell him I have found his prize.”
[Gollum:] “Yes. Yes. Yes! Yes! Gollum. Gollum.”
[Gollum:] “Nasty goblinses. Better than old bones, Precious; better than nothing.”
[Smeagol:] “Too many boneses, Precious! Nothing of flesh!”
[Gollum:] “Shut up! Get its skin off. Start with its head.”
[Smeagol, singing:] “The cold hard lands, they bites our hands, they gnaws our feet. The rocks and
stones, they’re like old bones, all bare of meat. Cold as death, they have no breath, it’s good to eat!”
[Gollum:] “Blesses and splashes, Precious! That’s a meaty mouthful.”
[Gollum:] “Aaahh. Gollum. Gollum.”
[Bilbo:] “Back. Stay back. I’m warning you, don’t come any closer.”
[Gollum:] “It’s got an elvish blade, but its not an Elfs. Not an Elfs, no; What is it, Precious? What is
it?”
[Bilbo:] “My name is Bilbo Baggins.”
[Gollum:] “Bagginses? What is a Bagginses, Precious?”
[Bilbo:] “I’m a Hobbit from the Shire.”
[Gollum:] “Oh! We like Goblinses, batses, and fishes, but we hasn’t tried Hobbitses before. Is it
soft? Is it juicy?”
[Bilbo:] “Now, now, keep your distance! I’ll use this if I have to!”
 [Bilbo:] “I don’t want any trouble, do you understand? Just show me the way to get out of here, and
I’ll be on my way.”
[Gollum:] “Why, is it lost?”
[Bilbo:] “Yes, yes, and I want to get unlost as soon as possible.”
[Gollum:] “Ooh! We knows! We knows safe paths for Hobbitses. Safe paths in the dark.”
[Gollum:] “Shut up.”
[Bilbo:] “I didn’t say anything.”
[Gollum:] “Wasn’t talking to you.”
[Gollum:] “But yes, we was, Precious, we was.”
[Bilbo:] “Look, I don’t know what your game is, but I -”
[Gollum:] “Games? We loves games, doesn’t we, Precious? Does it like games? Does it? Does it?
Does it like to play?”
16 [Bilbo:] “Maybe?”
[Gollum:] “What has roots as nobody sees, is taller than trees. Up, up, up it goes, and yet, never
grows.”
[Bilbo:] “...The mountain.”
[Gollum:] “Yess, yess, oh, let’s have another one. Yes, come on, do it, do it again. Ask us.”
[Gollum:] “No! No more riddles. Finish him off. Finish him now. Gollum! Gollum!”
[Bilbo:] “No! No, no, I want to play. I do. I want to play. I can see you are very good at this. So
why don’t we have a game of riddles? Yes, just you and me.”
[Gollum:] “Yes! Yes, just - just us.”
[Bilbo:] “Yes. Yes. And if I win, you show me the way out.”
[Gollum:] “Yes. Yes -”
[Gollum:] “And if it loses? What then?”
[Gollum:] “Well, if it loses, Precious, we will eats it!”
[Gollum:] “If Baggins loses, we eats it whole.”
[Bilbo:] “Fair enough.”
[Gollum:] “Well, Baggins first.”
[Bilbo:] “Thirty white horses on a red hill. First they champ, then they stamp, then they stand still.”
[Gollum:] “Teeth?”
[Gollum:] “Teeth!! Yes, my Precious. But we - we only have nine.”
[Gollum:] “Our turn. Voiceless it cries, wingless flutters, toothless bites, mouthless mutters.”
[Bilbo:] “Just a minute.”
[Gollum:] “Oh, oh! We knows. We knows!”
[Gollum:] “Shut up.”
[Bilbo:] “Wind. It’s wind! Of course it is.”
[Gollum:] “Very clever, Hobbitses, very clever.”
[Bilbo:] “A box without hinges, key, or lid; yet golden treasure inside is hid.”
[Gollum:] “A box...and a lid...and then a key....
[Bilbo:] “Well?”
[Gollum:] “It’s nasty.”
[Bilbo:] “Give up?”
[Gollum:] “Give us a chance, Precious, give us a chance!”
[Gollum:] “Eggses! Eggses! What crunchy little eggses, yes. Grandmother taught us to suck them.
Yes.”
[Gollum:] “We have one for you: All things it devours, birds, beasts, trees, flowers. Gnaws iron,
bites steel, grinds hard stone to meal. Answer us.”
[Bilbo:] “Give me a moment, please, I gave you a good long while.”
[Bilbo:] “I don’t know this one.”
[Gollum:] “Is it tasty? Is it scrumptious? Is it crunchable?”
[Bilbo:] “Let me think. Let me think.”
[Gollum:] “It’s stuck. Bagginses is stuck.”
[Gollum:] “Time’s up.”
[Bilbo:] “Time. Time! The answer is time.”
 [Bilbo:] “Actually, it wasn’t that hard.”

[Gollum:] “Last question. Last chance. Ask us. Ask us!!”

[Bilbo:] “Yes, yes, alright.”
[Bilbo:] “What have I got in my pocket?”
[Gollum:] “That’s not fair. It’s not fair! It’s against the rules.”
[Gollum:] “Ask us another one.”
[Bilbo:] “No, no, no. You said ‘Ask me a question.’ Well, that is my question. What have I got in
my pocket?”
[Gollum:] “Three guesses, Precious. It must give us three.”
[Bilbo:] “Three guesses. Very well, then, guess away.”
[Gollum:] “Handses!”
17 [Bilbo:] “Wrong, guess again.”
[Gollum:] “Fish-bones, goblins’ teeth, wet shells, bat’s wings ... Knife!”
[Gollum:] “Oh, shut up.”
[Bilbo:] “Wrong again. Last guess.”
[Gollum:] “String!”
[Gollum:] “Or nothing.”
[Bilbo:] “Two guesses at once; wrong both times.”
[Bilbo:] “I won the game, you promised to show me the way out.”
[Gollum:] “Did we say so, Precious? Did we say so?”
[Gollum:] “What has it got in its pocketses?”
[Bilbo:] “That’s no concern of yours. You lost.”
[Gollum:] “Lost? Lost? Lost?”
[Gollum:] “Where is it? Where is it? No! Where is it? No!”
[Gollum:] “Lost! Curse us and crush us, my precious is lost!”
[Bilbo:] “What have you lost?”
[Gollum:] “Mustn't ask us! Not its business! No! Gollum, Gollum.”
[Gollum:] “What has it got in its nasty little pocketses?”
[Gollum:] “He stole it. He stole it! HE STOLE IT!”
[Great Goblin:] “Bones will be shattered, necks will be rung! You’ll be beaten and battered, from
racks you’ll be hung. You will lie down here and never be found, down in the deep of Goblin
Town.”
[Great Goblin:] “I know that sword! It is the Goblin-Cleaver, the Biter, the blade that sliced a
thousand necks.”
[Great Goblin:] “Slash them! Beat them! Kill them! Kill them all! Cut off his head!”
[Gandalf:] “Take up arms. Fight. Fight!”
[Great Goblin:] “He wields the Foe-Hammer, the Beater, bright as daylight!”
[Some dwarf:] “Nori!”
[Gandalf:] “Follow me. Quick! Run!”
[Gollum:] “Give it to us!”
[Gollum:] “It’s ours. It’s ours!”
[Gollum:] “Thief! Baggins!”
[Gandalf:] “Quickly!”
[Dwalin:] “Charge!”
[Thorin:] “Cut the ropes!”
[Gandalf:] “Quickly!”
[Thorin:] “Jump!”
[Great Goblin:] “You thought you could escape me?”
[Great Goblin:] “What are you going to do now, wizard?”
[Great Goblin:] “Ow, ow, ow!”
[Great Goblin:] “That’ll do it.”
[Bofur:] “Well, that could have been worse.”
[Dwalin:] “You’ve got to be joking!”
 [Kili:] “Gandalf!”
[Dwalin:] “There’s too many! We can’t fight them.”
[Gandalf:] “Only one thing will save us: daylight! Come on! Here, on your feet!”
[Gollum:] “Wait, my Precious! Wait! Gollum, Gollum.”
[Gollum:] “Baggins! Thief! Curse it and crush it, we hates it forever!”
[Gandalf:] “Five, six, seven, eight...Bifur, Bofur...that’s ten...Fili, Kili...that’s twelve...and Bombur -
that makes thirteen. Where’s Bilbo? Where is our Hobbit? WHERE IS OUR HOBBIT?”
[Dwalin:] “Curse the the halfling! Now he’s lost?!”
[Gloin:] “I thought he was with Dori!”
[Dori:] “Don’t blame me!”
[Gandalf:] “But where did you last see him?”
[Nori:] “I think I saw him slip away, when they first collared us.”
18 [Gandalf:] “What happened exactly? Tell me!”
[Thorin:] “I’ tell you what happend...Master Baggins saw his chance and he took it! He’s thought of
nothing but his soft bed and his warm hearth since first he stepped out of his door! We will not be
seeing our Hobbit again. He is long gone.”
[Bilbo:] “No, he isn’t.” 
[Gandalf:] “Bilbo Baggins! I’ve never been so glad to see anyone in my life!”
[Kili:] “Bilbo...we’d given you up!”
[Fili:] “How on earth did you get past the Goblins?!”
[Dwalin:] “How, indeed.”
[Gandalf:] “Well, what does it matter? He’s back!”
[Thorin:] “It matters! I want to know - why did you come back?”
[Bilbo:] “Look, I know you doubt me, I know you always have. And you’re right, I often think of
Bag End. I miss my books. And my armchair. And my garden. See, that’s where I belong. That’s
home. And that’s why I came back, cause you don’t have one. A home. It was taken from you. But I
will help you take it back if I can.”
[Azog:] “Run them down! Tear them to pieces!”
[Thorin:] “Out of the frying pan...” [Gandalf:] “...and into the fire! Run! RUN!”
[Gandalf:] “Up into the trees, all of you! Come on, climb! Bilbo, climb!”
[Thorin:] “They’re coming!” [Thorin:] “Azog?!”
[Azog:] “Nuzdigid? Nuzdi gast [translated: Do you smell it? The scent of fear?] Ganzilig-i unarug
obod nauzdanish [translated: I remember your father reeked of it,] Torin undag Train-ob [translated:
Thorin son of Thrain.]”
[Thorin:] “It can not be.”
[Azog:] “Kod, Toragid biriz [translated: That one is mine.] Worori-da [translated: Kill the others!]”
[Azog:] “Sho gad adol! [translated: Drink their blood!]”
[Gandalf:] “Fili!” [Ori:] “Aahhh! Oh! Oh no!” [Dori:] “Mister Gandalf!” “Hold on, Ori!”
[Ori:] “Help!” [Balin:] “Nooo!” [Dwalin:] “Thorin! Nooo!”
[Azog:] “Biriz torag khobdudol! [translated: Bring me the Dwarf’s head.]”
[Azog:] “Kill him.” [Fili:] “Thorin!” [Gandalf:] “Thorin! Thorin.”
[Thorin:] “The halfling?”
[Gandalf:] “It’s alright. Bilbo is here. He’s quiet safe.”
[Thorin:] “You! What were you doing? You nearly got yourself killed! Did I not say that you would
be a burden? That you would not survive in the wild and that you had no place amongst us?”
[Thorin:] “I’ve never been so wrong in all my life!”
[Thorin:] “I am sorry I doubted you.”
[Bilbo:] “No, I would have doubted me too. I’m not a hero or a warrior...not even a burglar.”
[Bilbo:] “Is that, what I think it is?
[Gandalf:] “Erebor - The Lonely Mountain. The last of the great dwarf kingdoms of Middle-earth.”
[Thorin:] “Our home.” [Oin:] “A raven! The birds are returning to the mountain.”
[Gandalf:] “That, my dear Oin, is a thrush.”
[Thorin:] “But we’ll take it as a sign - a good omen.”
 [Bilbo:] “You’re right. I do believe the worst is behind us.”

19