ART DIRECTION BY FABIEN BARON

EDITED BY GLENN O'BRIEN

PRODUCED BY CALLAWAY
PUBLISHED BY WARNER BOOKS

THIS BOOK IS ABOUT SEX. SEX IS NOT LOVE. LOVE IS NOT SEX. BUT THE BEST OF BOTH W
ORLDS IS CREATED WHEN THEY COME TOGETHER. YOU CAN LOVE GOD, YOU CAN LOVE THE PLA
NET, YOU CAN LOVE THE HUMAN RACE AND YOU CAN LOVE ALL THINGS, BUT THE BEST WAY F
OR HUMAN BEINGS TO SHOW LOVE IS TO LOVE ONE ANOTHER. IT'S THE WAY WE SPREAD LOVE
THROUGHOUT THE UNIVERSE: ONE TO ONE. LOVE IS SOMETHING WE MAKE. PASS IT ON · THIS
BOOK DOES NOT CONDONE UNSAFE SEX. THESE ARE FANTASIES I HAVE DREAMED UP. LIKE M
OST HUMAN BEINGS, WHEN I LET MY MIND WANDER, WHEN I LET MYSELF GO, I RARELY THIN
K OF CONDOMS. MY FANTASIES TAKE PLACE IN A PERFECT WORLD, A PLACE WITHOUT AIDS.
UNFORTUNATELY THE WORLD IS NOT PERFECT AND I KNOW THAT CONDOMS ARE NOT ONLY NECE
SSARY BUT MANDATORY. EVERYTHING YOU ARE ABOUT TO READ IS A FANTASY, A DREAM, PRE
TEND. BUT IF I WERE TO MAKE MY DREAMS REAL, I WOULD CERTAINLY USE CONDOMS. SAFE
SEX SAVES LIVES. PASS IT ON · AND BY THE WAY, ANY SIMILARITY BETWEEN CHARACTERS AN
D EVENTS DEPICTED IN THIS BOOK IS NOT ONLY PURELY COINCIDENTAL, IT'S RIDICULOUS.
NOTHING IN THIS BOOK IS TRUE, I MADE IT ALL UP.

My name is Dita.
I'll be your mistress tonight.
I'll be your loved one darling.
Turn out the light.
I'll be your sorceress,
your hearts magician.
I'm not a witch.
I'm a love technician.
I'll be your guiding light
in your darkest hour.
I'm gonna change your life.
I'm like a poison flower.
Give it up.
Do as I say.
Give it up and let me have my way.
I'll give you love.
I'll hit you like a truck.
I'll give you love......

I'LL
TEACH
YOU
HOW
TO
FUCK.

I don't see how a guy looking at a naked girl in a magazine is degrading to wome
n. Everyone has their sexuality. It's how you treat people in everyday life that
counts, not what turns you on in your fantasy. If all a person ever did was get
off on porno movies I would say they are probably dysfunctional sexually, but I
don't think it's unhealthy to be interested in that or get off on that. I'm not
interested in porno movies because everybody is ugly and faking it and it's jus
t silly. They make me laugh, they don't turn me on. A movie like In the realm of
the Senses turns me on because it's real. I've been told there are some good Tr
aci Lords movies but I've never seen them. I wouldn't want to watch a snuff movi
e. I wouldn't want to watch anyone get really hurt, male or female. But generall
y I don't think pornography degrades women. The women who are doing it want to d
o it. No one is holding a gun to their head. I don't get that whole thing. I lov
e looking at Playboy magazine because women look great naked.

We could use the cage.

I've got allot of rope.
I'm not full of rage - I'm full of hope.
I'll light the candles, burn them till they're nice and soft
and when they start to drip I'm gonna get you off.
This is not a crime and you're not on trial.
Bend over, baby, I'm gonna make you smile.

Doctor: Do you feel that it is possible to experience pleasure and pain at the s
ame time?
Dita: Sure! that's what ass fucking is all about. It's the most pleasurable way
to get fucked and it hurts the most too. All your nerve endings are in your ass,
but if you're not exited, or if you're not doing it right things can really go
wrong.

There is something comforting about being tied up. Like when you were a baby and
your mother strapped you in the car seat.
She wanted you to be safe. It was an act of love

Some people want to be punished. Some women want to be slapped around. Some men
do too. I think for the most part if women are in an abusive relationship and th
ey know it and they stay in it, they must be digging it. I suppose some people m
ight think that's an irresponsible statement. I'm sure there are allot of women
who are trapped economically; they have all the kids and they have to deal with
it. But I have friends ho have money and are educated and they stay in abusive r
elationships, so they must be getting something out of it. The difference betwee
n abuse and S & M is the issue of responsibility.
I talked to a dominatrix once and she said the definition of S & M was that you
let someone hurt you who you know would never hurt you. It's always a mutual cho
ice. You have an unstated agreement between you that this is the dialogue you ha
ve, an unconscious agreement. I don't even think S & M is about sex. I think it'
s about power, the struggle for power. S & M can involve sex, but it doesn't hav
e to. it's a head trip.

Only the one who hurts you can comfort you

Only the one who inflicts the pain can take it away

Ritz Carlton Hotel,

Cannes
Hi Johnny
Me and Ingrid are laying naked on the sundeck, rubbing suntan lotion on each oth
er. I'm feeling very relaxed cause Ingrid just ate my pussy, so you'll forgive m
e if this note is sloppy and short as I am feeling very hot and slippery squishy
inside.
now Ingrid is calling down to the sailors below while straddling the railing. yo
u'll be flattered to know she calls them all Johnny.
I hope she's careful and doesn't slip and fall cause her pussy is so wet right n
ow it's dripping and she's kind of leaning over too far. Of course I don't mind
cause I get a perfect view of her ass,
which is pretty fucking righteous!
I wish I could stop plying with myself and thinking about sex. I'm gonna have to
go now cause I have to finger fuck Ingrid or she's gonna freak. It's the only w
ay to get her away from the edge. Really! Hurry and come over here with some oth
er forms of fun entertainment for me and the lovely Ingrid.
Yours truly
XX DITA XX
P.S. are you hard yet?

I don't think you know what pain is. I don't think you've gone that way. I could
bring you so much pleasure I'll come to you when you say. I'm not gonna hurt yo
u. Just close your eyes.

Sex with the young can be fun if you're in the mood. If you're feeling impatient
or you feel like you want someone else to take charge, do not have sex with som
eone inexperienced. But it can be really arousing. One of the best experiences I
ever had was with a teenage boy. I think he was a virgin. He hardly had any pub
ic hair. He was Puerto Rican. He was uncircumcised. he lived in my building and
he used to come over to my apartment all the time and just watch me put on my ma
keup and get ready to go out. He hung around me all the time. He never went to s
chool, so I started giving him reading assignments. I'd have him read out aloud.
Like Henry Millers' The Tropic of Cancer or something really arousing. Whenever
he got ready to leave he'd kiss me goodbye, but the kisses got more and more da
ring on his part and I just went with it. Then one day his parents kicked him ou
t of his apartment and he wanted to know if he could spend the night at my house
. I told him he could but I only had one bed. So we both got in it and I couldn'
t sleep, so I had sex with him and it was really awesome because he was so young
and in wonderment of it all. He was fearless. He would do anything. He wasn't v
ery big. He was just a baby. See, I'm not a size queen. But it was excellent. He
went down on me and I think I had an orgasm in two seconds. I was so turned on;
it was probably the most erotic sex I ever had. But he gave me the crabs. That'
s what you get. So you win some and you lose some.

I wouldn't want a penis. It would be like having a third leg. it seems like a co
ntraption that would get in the way. I think I have a dick in my brain.
I don't need to have one between my legs.

The best way to seduce someone is by making yourself unavailable. You just have
to be busy all the time and they'll be craving to see you. Then you don't fuck t
hem for the first five dates. Let them get closer and closer but definitely don'
t fuck them. Be disinterested. Not too disinterested, they'll think they're bark
ing up the wrong tree. But it's always good to play a little hard to get. Good p
erfume is really important too. Everyone is a sucker for garter belts. You wear
a dress and stockings and garter belts. You don't let them have you but at some
point you have to make them see that you have a garter belt on. No underpants is
also a big turn-on. Sucking on your finger every once in a while doesn't hurt,
like in the middle of dinner. Telling jokes is good. And on every date you have
to say one really disarming thing.

There's no better way to wake up in the morning than with my lovers cock inside
of me. Usually he takes me from behind. This is my favorite position because I c
an lie there pretending I'm sleeping while he slides himself in and out of me. I
let him think he's being so clever, getting off without me knowing it. Fat chan
ce! But I let him think he's getting away with something anyway. After he's work
ed himself up a but, I put my finger in my mouth for a little lubrication, then
I sneak it down between my legs and rub my clit until I'm so excited that I have
to pretend that I have just woken up. my pussy is getting too juicy and my body
is starting to move with his, so I stir and stretch and yawn and give a little
hint of surprise and annoyance, just so he doesn't take me for granted. I tell h
im to stop and let me sleep. Believing he can change my mind he continues to gri
nd me, but I don't want to come yet, so I pull away from him and he lies there p
outing like a sullen child, frustrated and hard. I turn around and kiss him swee
tly and say, "maybe later," and pretend to drift off to sleep. When I'm sure he
thinks I'm a rotten girlfriend I climb on top of him and slide his dick, which i
s always hard (thank God), inside of me. I don't mind continuing this scenario i
n the drivers seat. This is the best way for a girl to get fucked without any di
gital manipulation, 'cause you can move your pussy any way you want. You can tak
e his cock deep or shallow and you can be sure your clit is getting worked good
'cause you're guiding your own weight on top of him. It's so easy for me to come
this way and it's only a matter of seconds before I do. I watch my come gush ou
t of me and I wet my fingers in it and rub his nipples that are so hard I could
break them. He tells me he wants to come and I say, "wait for me, baby." So he s
laps my breasts which I love almost as much as when he slaps my ass. Not too har
d but hard enough to sting. Like a cat in heat I drag my clit on that beautiful
piece of flesh just above his dick. I am painting him with my pussy, mastering t
he art of fucking. He grabs on to my ass like he's working a jack hammer. Diggin
g his fingers into my flesh, moving my pussy on his cock faster and faster. He s
ays, "I'm gonna come, baby. I can't hold it any longer!" I love that helpless so
und in his voice. I tell him not to close his eyes when he comes. I want to look
in them. I want to see the moment of surrender when he loses control. When he g
ives in to me. Finally I'm ready. I let his train go riding through me. Tearing
up the inside of my pussy, fucking me good and hard. We come together waking up
the neighborhood. I fall on top of him drained and drift back into sleep, and I
dream that my lover's cock is inside of me, and he's taking me from behind slidi
ng himself in and out of me. (continued on page 154)

Pillow Talk? Some people do it really well. Some people do it so badly that you
break up laughing and you just can't go through with it. I had a boyfriend who l
aughed every time he came. Some people know how to talk and some people don't. W
ith some people it's an affectation and they think that's what you want, that yo
u need that. Other people know how to do it and it just clicks. It's like phone
sex. Some people know how to do it and some don't. Phone sex can be excellent. I
t's an absolute necessity if you're separated from someone you love. Thank God f
or Ma Bell. Screaming and loud noise making really annoys me. I hate it when guy
s come an don't make any noise and you can't tell if they came or not. But one t
ime I was fucking this guy and every time he came he was so loud I finally had t
o smack him. I was sure the whole neighborhood could hear us.

New York
Dear Johnny,
Things have not been the same since you left. I hardly ever think about my pussy
. I get the same way with chocolate. First I can't get enough and then if you so
much as mention the word truffle I get queasy.
It's not that I get sick thinking of my pussy, it's just that it needs a rest. I
guess worse things could happen to a girl. Did you have fun with Ingrid and me?
I suppose we can get to be annoyingly demanding but we are both sooooo horny an
d we had a week alone to torment each other till you arrived. After seven days w
e dying for your cock. thank god we found those Trojans in my cosmetics case cau
se we were gonna break down and use zip lock bags.
By the way I don't mind sharing you with Ingrid cause I love you both and I'd ra
ther have you eating the same pussy I do at home than eating out. See you on the
weekend!
Love XX
DITA

When I was a child I used to sit on the toilet seat backward and wait for the bu
rning sensation between my legs to go away. I did not understand that if only my
finger had found it's way to my pussy the aching would have subsided. That all
the twisting and pulling and rubbing and scratching of my arms and my legs would
not satisfy my hunger. That the wetness in my underpants had nothing to d with
my mother overdressing me. But as a child I did not have the words to ask, so I
stayed on fire and burning, tormented and yearning until that glorious day when
finger found flesh and with legs spread open and back arched, honey poured from
my 14-year-old gash and I wept.

Doctor: Tell me about your dreams.

Dita: I never know when I'm going to have a sex dream. They just come out of the
blue. I usually have lesbian sex dreams with people I know. Once in a while a s
tranger steps in, but generally it's with people I would be just horrified to ha
ve sex with. Like my maid.
Doctor: You had a sex dram about your maid? Is she cute?
Dita: She's not cute. In fact I just fired her.
Doctor: Did you fire her because of the dream?
Dita: No. I fired her because she can't clean. Maybe that's why I had a sex drea
m about her. Because I tend to get involved with lazy, irresponsible people and
maybe that was a gross exaggeration of it. Me having sex with my maid who can't
clean.
Doctor: I am the doctor here. Tell me how did this dream begin?
Dita: It started off with me being arrested in Paris. What's wrong? Why do you h
ave a dirty look on your face? Should I go on?
Doctor: Yes, go ahead please.
Dita: I can't talk when you have that look on your face.
Doctor: It will be gone in a few moments.
Dita: Okay, I was in Paris and I was getting ready to get on a plane. I'm standi
ng on a street and all of a sudden I'm surrounded by French police and they are
saying: "We are sorry madame, but we are going to have to arrest you." I said to
my manager, "They've got to be kidding. I didn't do anything. What are they goi
ng to arrest me for? It must be a joke." He said, "Well, you have to go but don'
t worry, we'll get you out. It's a mix-up." So they took me in to the police sta
tion, they strip searched me and took me into the showers and scrubbed me. I'm t
otally freaking out. I'm screaming, "I haven't done anything! This is a really m
ean joke!"
Then they throw me in a cell and slam the door. I'm sitting there really upset t
rying to figure out ways to escape and they come in and say, "We're going to let
you hang out with some of the other prisoners now." So they take me into this r
oom with row after row of beds like in a orphanage and I walk down the rows and
each bed has the last name of the person who occupies it on the end. I get to th
is bed that has my boyfriend's name on it. And I see that he's fucking somebody
and I'm horrified. It's this little blonde chick. So I pull him off her and I no
tice that it's Cyndi Lauper.
Doctor: Very interesting.
Dita: So I pull him off her and I said, "You disgusting pig! How could you fuck
somebody? And most of all how could you fuck Cyndi Lauper?" All of a sudden we w
ere in another room and I was beating up on him, saying, "How could you do that
to me? How could you do that to me?" He says, "Oh, man! She's not the only perso
n I fucked. I fucked your maid." I said, "You fucked my maid? You disgusting pig
! How could you fuck my maid?"
He said, "Not only that but I fucked Stephanie Seymour"
So I started beating up on him and then he started doing all these weird gymnast
ic routines...this doesn't sound like a sex dream, I know...
Doctor: Please go on.
Dita: So he's doing handstands and one handed handstands and then he lowered him
self to the floor and started humping the floor. I said, "What are you doing?" H
e said, "I'm free-jacking, man. I'm free-jacking." He said, "Yeah, you know me.
I was free-jacking before you met me and I'm doing it now." And he just humped t
he floor.
I got really, really upset and I ran into this other room and I saw a payphone a
nd I called up my manager and I said, "You've get to get me out of here! Don't y
ou realize this is a publicity stunt? It's only so the French can have something
to write about in the newspapers for the next couple of months. I haven't done
anything. Get me out of here!"
He said, "We'll be there. We'll do what we can. There's a lot of bureaucracy..."
So I got really mad and I hung up the phone and I sat down in this chair and I s
tarted crying. Pretty soon somebody was rubbing me on the back and patting me an
d massaging the back of my neck and saying, "It's going to be all right." It was
kind of sexual and I was kind of responding to it and I looked up and it was my
maid. She was doing this to me. And then I woke up. But I was attracted to my m
aid. And that's the last sex dream I remember.
Doctor: How long was this before you fired her?
Dita: Actually, I think I fired her that day.

When I first moved to New York I thought about working in a topless bar. I was r
eally naive and I read the Village Voice and it said "Dancers Wanted" and I was
a dancer at the time, I was studying at the Alvin Ailey School and thought, "God
, a hundred bucks a night! That's good money." So I'd go to these agencies and t
hese big fat disgusting bald men would be in these offices and they'd say, "Okay
, take your clothes off. Let me see you in your underpants. We'll put some music
on and you can dance around." I'd go, "Oh it's that kind of dancing." But I stu
ck around anyway. I was kind of scared but I thought "What could they do to me?"
So I'd get down to my underpants and dance for them, but I'd never take the job
s. They were always in New Jersey. Besides I got a job nude modeling for art sch
ools. It was easier. But I kind of like the atmosphere in topless bars. I mean t
here are good bars and bad bars. But I always have a good time when I go. I also
like gay male strip places. Straight male strip places are disgusting. Those gu
ys can never dance. Only the guys at the gay clubs can dance and they always hav
e really good bodies, not real beefy stupid bodies, more slim and beautiful. The
guys at the Gaiety have the best bodies and they are really great dancers. But
I love topless bars too. I like all the guys in the front row in the baseball ca
ps. They are usually truckers or Japanese men. It's always interesting to scope
the crowd.

The big lies

"I love you". Everybody loves you when they are about to come. Then there's I wo
n't come in you - That's the biggest lie. Believe that one and you'll buy the Br
ooklyn Bridge. Then there are the guys who say "I have never fantasized about be
ing with a man." They are lying. And the least offensive men I've been with in t
erms of their sexual politics and how they view me as a woman have been men who
have either slept with men or at least kissed or held a man once. It opens up yo
ur thinking. You don't think that women are less than you are. And of course the
re's "This won't hurt a bit"

My pussy has nine lives

New York
Dear Johnny,
Ingrids Bday is coming up and I wanted to plan a party. I can't decide between a
big huge to-do or something small and intimate. What do you think? Ingrid's bee
n kind of tense lately and I want to cheer her up.
Since we've been home she hasn't been herself. My kisses used to make her smile.
Now she always wants to be alone. She doesn't even want me to lick her pussy! S
he must be in love. I told you not to introduce her to Ben; everyone falls in lo
ve with him and he belongs to no one. He never calls her and she just sits aroun
d sulking and eating hot tamales. What a bore! I'm glad I never slept with him,
even though I make myself come all the time thinking about it .
Anyways help me decide about the party and whatever you do, don't invite Ben. Ju
st bring lots of silly gorgeous men for us to torture. By the way, what kind of
cake should we have for the beautiful heartbroken one? Angel food? Devils food?
Spice cake? or cream filled?
Miss having you inside me,
Love
LaDita XX

I like my pussy. Sometimes I stare at it in the mirror when I'm undressing and w
onder what it would look like without any hair like when I was a baby. Sometimes
I sit at the edge of the bed and spread my legs. And stare into the mirror and
wonder what others see. Sometimes I stick my finger in my pussy and wiggle it ar
ound the dark wetness and feel what a cock or a tongue must feel when I'm sittin
g on it. I pull my finger out and I always taste it and smell it. It's hard to d
escribe it smells like a baby to me fresh and full of life. I love my pussy, it
is the complete summation of my life. It's the place where all the most painful
things have happened. But it has given me indescribable pleasure. My pussy is th
e temple of learning.

New York
Dear Johnny,
Came back from dinner early this evening. I didn't even feel like going out. Can
you believe it? I guess I'm a little frustrated. Ingrid and I made plans to mee
t in our favorite restaurant tonight, and she showed up with some hairdresser. A
t first he seemed all right, But then he started saying things like "I love wome
n. They make me feel like I'm gonna live forever" I thought I was gonna be sick.
He spent the whole evening talking about celebrities and motorcycles. I felt li
ke I was in the movie "Shampoo" and I only had a small part.
You would have hated him. He had a tattoo of Yosamite Sam holding a boulder. And
he kept ordering Long Island Ice Teas. Loser. I don't know what she sees in him
. But she's still hung up on Ben, so I guess this is a distraction for her. Aren
't I enough? He doesn't even look like he's into giving head.
She'll go home with him, he'll eat her pussy like it's an obligation, then he'll
come before he even gets inside her and she'll run home to cry on my shoulder.
I can read him like a book but I can't say anything to her. She never listens. I
guess that's why I'm frustrated. If you were here I wouldn't even care, cause y
ou'd eat my pussy like it's an obligation you don't mind having!
Do you think I'm jealous? I don't mind sharing Ingrid with you or Ben. I just ha
te the idea of sharing even an inch of her beautiful flesh with this Segio Valen
ti character. I'm I guess I'm selectively jealous.
So here I am, lonely and bored, waiting for you to come back from your fishing t
rip. Waiting for Ingrid to come back from her fishing trip. I hope she doesn't c
ome back with crabs.
Only five more days till her birthday.
Can't wit to see you!
DITA

I had sex with someone who wasn't grossly obese but he was pretty overweight. It
was the first and last time. I really liked this guy a lot.
He was handsome but he was overweight. I wanted to be unbiased because I really
liked him, but the only way I could fuck him was on top because he crushed me.
I had to sit on him because his stomach was in the way. That must be what it's l
ike to fuck a pregnant woman.
They always say that women aren't into appearance as much as men are, but it's n
ot true.
I think women are just as moved by appearance, but they are willing to accept a
situation where the man is less attractive
because of the who earns the bread situation.
There are so many women with the ugliest guys. I swear to God, if they didn't ha
ve money, forget it.
Two hundred fifty pounds, five seven, bald, disgusting misogynist pigs.
Deep down inside these women know, but they ain't gonna tell nobody.
If I see someone who's not necessarily conventionally beautiful, I can still be
attracted based on their intellect or
But fat is a big problem for me. It sets off something in my head that says "ove
rindulgent pig."

I will raise you from the ground and without a sound you'll appear and surrender
yourself to me, to love.

I have often dreamed of lying on a beach, completely naked. It's late in the aft
ernoon and the sun is still blazing but it's less cruel now. I'm slightly drunk
and a fly is buzzing around my body, tickling my arms and face. My skin is warm
from the sun and there is so much heat coming off my body that I must lie close
to the water so the waves can lap at me and cool my limbs. The roar of the ocean
is in my ears and the sand is shifting beneath me. Sometimes the water comes up
to my knees and sometimes up to my cunt, rushing in and assaulting me, then run
ning away mischievously. My pubic hair glistens like a wet spider web.
I am open. I am on display to the sea and suddenly I smell heliotrope and jasmin
e and a shadow looms over me and there stands the most beautiful girl, skin glis
tening with oil. Long hair and a shy smile. She has come to see if I'm okay. She
kneels down beside me but I pretend I'm sleeping and I don't move. She puts her
ear on my breast and listens. Satisfied with my heartbeat she starts to rise, b
ut her eye is caught by my ruby earrings glistening in the sun and she reaches t
o touch one sitting on my ear like a drop of blood.
I quickly grab her hand. At first she's startled but when I smile she laughs, re
alizing I've been pretending. She doesn't move away. She moves closer and I can
feel her soft breath on my skin. The flies are buzzing and the sky is golden and
her smell is intoxicating. She doesn't take her eyes away from mine.
She asks me if I'm all right and I tell her I'm thirsty so she playfully grabs a
hand full of the sea and splashes it on my face. I pull her down on the sand wi
th me and I tickle her until she's in a fit of laughter, and before I can even b
link she has leaned up and kissed me-like a naughty schoolgirl with her soft pin
k lips. A warm sensation starts expanding in my belly. I stare into her eyes and
she is fearless.
I'm on all fours now and the sun is beating down on my back and the waves are te
asing our legs. She doesn't move so I shift my weight and I'm straddling her, di
rectly above her, and small beads of sweat trickle off my neck. One lands on her
neck so I lean down and lick it off. Again I am met by a penetrating stare, inv
iting me to do as I please. So I lean down to kiss her lips, already parted, and
we eat each other hungrily, taking turns to explore one another's mouth with ou
r tongues. Her teeth are like miniature pieces of china that I am feasting from.
She bites my lip a little too hard and I punish her by pulling away.
After what seems like an eternity of staring I move up over her, brushing my bre
asts against her face. She grabs the with her hands, gripping the firmly and gui
ding my nipples into her mouth one at a time. Sucking on them, licking them, bit
ing them.
Suddenly the wetness between my legs has nothing to do with the waves that are b
athing us. My pussy is soaked from within and I want her to touch me and feel my
aching. I move back to kiss her and yank up the long T-shirt she wears as a dre
ss. I discover she's wearing no underwear. Suddenly her finger finds my pussy an
d she is finger fucking me and playing with my clit and giggling.
I tell her she'll make me come in a second if she doesn't stop and she replies,
"Good, 'cause I'm dying of thirst and I want to drink your pussy juice!" She sta
rts to rub faster and faster plunging her finger in and out of me, sometimes tic
kling my asshole. I devour her mouth, and I play with the nipples of her small b
oyish breasts.
I'm just about to come and she tells me she want's to taste me, so I crawl up to
her mouth and lower my pussy on to her lips and her tongue touches my clit and
she begins to suck and I am destroyed.
Her hands hold my ass as I rock back and forth on her face. Strange sounds come
out of my throat like a baby crying as I pour the purest part of myself into her
. I fall back on the sand exhausted from the heat and the alcohol and the excite
ment. She tells me how sweet my pussy tastes and I tell her to take off her T-sh
irt and lie on her stomach.
I pull myself up and stand over her, staring at her beautiful tanned ass and lon
g legs. I part her legs with my feet and marvel at the pink wetness of her pussy
. Falling to my knees I wet my finger and start licking her asshole, making litt
le circles and occasionally biting her ass. She asks me what I'm doing and I say
, "What you want me to do."
The sun is starting to set and circling seagulls have become voyeurs. My finger
finds her clit and I rub it and she begins to moan and purr like a little dove.
"Put your finger inside me," she begs, but I tease her and say "No, first I have
to make an offering to the sea." I continue to spread her legs out so her assho
le and pussy are open wide, ready to be fucked by nature. Her back is arching an
d the muscles in her ass are straining and she begs me to make her come, so I te
ll her to turn over and keep her legs spread. She does and I sit there staring a
t her beautiful cunt, trembling in the rosy light. I crawl toward her until my n
ose is almost touching her and I smell deeply-the sea, the heliotrope, her anima
l scent that reminds me of musk and vanilla.
First I kiss her inner thighs and lick her outer lips tasting the salt of the se
a. Then I kiss her clit but very gently because it's engorged with blood and ere
ct as any cock I've ever seen.
"Suck my pussy, baby," she says to me like a prayer, and I do. I plunge my tongu
e into her soft wetness. Her pelvis starts gyrating and she starts to groan and
my tongue goes back to her clit licking faster and faster. I take my fingers, fi
rst one then two because she is so open and I finger fuck her tight little gash
while sucking on her clit faster and harder until she grabs the back of my head
and pulls it into my pussy.
When she comes she cries out like the seagulls circling above us. Her body shudd
ers again and again and I drink in every drop of her sweet nectar. Then I crawl
up next to her and kiss her gently, letting her taste her own pussy. She smiles
and I notice she has a space in her teeth like mine. I fall onto my back and I l
ook into the fantastic sky, red now but turning pink and violet.
The sky is the color of pussy.
I am content.
I find her hand and squeeze it.
"What's your name?" I ask.

I don't think you have to have a language in common with someone to have sexual
rapport. But it helps if the language you don't understand is Italian. I practic
ally come listening to people speak Italian and I don't understand it that well.
When they say, "Are you hungry? Let's go get some spaghetti," it sounds like th
ey are coming on to you. It's really arousing. Sex can overcome the language bar
rier because it's all body language anyway. But it you're talking about having a
long, meaningful relationship, forget it. I was really into this Italian guy an
d I had this fantasy about him. He lived in Rome with his mother. I sat there wi
th a dictionary piecing together sentences and I finally realized that he was ma
dly in love with me in three days and wanted me to stay in Italy and marry him a
nd have a baby right away. That wasn't to appealing, but the sex was good. Somet
imes when you can't speak it kind of frees you up. They're whispering all this s
hit in your ear and they could be talking about the theory of relativity for all
you know. They could be calling you a cunt bitch whore from hell. They could be
saying, "As soon as you come home I'm going to kill you," and you're yelling, "
Yes! Yes!"

East Hampton
Dear Johnny
You were here for such a short time and now you're gone again. I hope you don't
stay in L.A. for too long. I hear the smog is really bad and all that sun rots y
our brain. But you have Ben to keep you from going Hollywood on us, so I'm not w
orried. Wasn't Ingrid's party a blast? Those margaritas tasted sooooo good. I lo
st track of how many I had, but the next day my liver reminded me.
When you and your friend rode up on your Harley's I wet my pants. I watched you
ride up from my window and I wanted to run downstairs, straddle your bike and le
t you eat my pussy while all your friends watched. Why do motorcycles, tattoos a
nd dirty hands always send me to my knees? Proof that I am nothing but white tra
sh. Do you think it's bad that I'm attracted to all your friends? Do you think i
t's bad that I'm attracted to all your friends? It makes me want to fuck you mor
e, knowing you have such fuckable friends.
The girls were pretty fuckable too. By the time everybody arrived I had to do a
woody check. People seemed to be in such a good mood. I think the margaritas had
something to do with it. I tried to be a good hostess and make sure everyones n
eeds were met but after a few drinks I decided everyone could meet their own nee
ds.
The D.J. you found played the best stuff. My $900.00 Gucci shirt was soaked from
dancing so I took it off and nobody seemed to mind. So did Ingrid and nobody se
emed to mind. We were wearing matching Christian Dior demi-cup bras and that mad
e me feel even closer to her. When the D.J. played a slow song we got glued toge
ther and just to show how much I love her I let her french kiss me and smear my
lipstick.
You weren't jealous were you? I noticed you had your hand halfway down Juliettes
pants. Were you helping her tuck her skirt in? I don't blame you. She looks lik
e she just stepped out of a Zeffirelli movie.
Did your friends have fun? Todd spent the whole night taking to a gorgeous Lesbi
an and Ben sneaked out halfway through the evening. Who's heart was breaking thi
s time?
All in all I'd say the party was a great success but I was glad when everyone le
ft and we were finally alone. You fucked me so good we cracked the toilet seat.
I saw a movie the other day where a girl sticks a rag up her lovers butt and pul
ls it out when he comes. Should we try this?
Miss you something awful, hurry back!
your devoted nympho DITA XX

Sex was like a game to her

Like Jeopardy! or Hollywood Squares.
Like monopoly
or Trivial Pursuit.
Her body was a weapon,
not a fatal weapon,
more like a stun gun.
more like a fun gun.
She did it to remind everybody
that she could bring happiness
or she could bring danger,
kind of like the lone ranger
only the horse she rode in on was high.
She was an avenger of the libido dead,
a sister of mercy,
our lady of head.

How do you give a good blowjob?

Drink a lot of beer first

Trying on clothes in the dressing room of Ralph Lauren, Ivo took off his slacks.
Looking in the 3-way mirror he realized he was hard. Could it be the lovely Cub
an salesgirl who brushed up against him in the sales aisle? Could it be the hot
balmy afternoon that made his clothes heavy and the back of his neck moist? Can'
t Ralph Lauren afford an air conditioner? Or maybe it was the theme song from Dr
. Zhivago filling the store. The thought of Julie Christie never failed to arous
e him. In any case he stood helpless and hard, his boxer shorts protruding like
a pup tent. He felt like buying a new pair of chinos but for some reason he ende
d up in the dressing room with everything but. Linen jackets, denim shirts and a
wonderful leather belt. he took his time unbuttoning his shirt. Staring into th
e mirror he caught himself smiling. Suddenly, the Cuban salesgirl was near the d
ressing room, calling to him. "Do you need any help?" it seemed like a trick que
stion. Her voice was deep and throaty like something was caught in it. "Oh dear,
" Ivo said to himself. He was tempted to answer the question in a most lasciviou
s manner, but instead he said, "The shirts are awfully big. I'd like to try a si
ze 38." Off she went on a hunt, leaving a trail of Giorgio behind her. Cheap per
fume always aroused him. He believed that cheap cologne smelled luxurious on peo
ple with dark skin. Ivo had lost all interest in trying on clothes. Standing in
his boxer shorts, he found himself dizzy from the humidity and the lurid scent.
So he sat down and considered masturbating while watching himself in the mirror.
maybe he could do it before the salesgirl came back. She didn't seem to be in a
hurry. The idea of her walking in as he ejaculated made him even harder. He sta
red at the belt he had chosen, lying on the floor. He liked it but he didn't wan
t to buy it. Belts reminded him of his father. Suddenly her voice was at the doo
r again. "I have your size 38. Are you decent?" "Oh if only you knew," he said t
o himself. Without thinking he told her to come in. She opened the door nervousl
y and, seeing him sitting there flushed and dreamy, she tried to avoid looking i
n his eyes or below his waist. "It's very hot in here, I wish they'd fix the air
conditioner." Her words hung in the air. He didn't respond. He just sat there s
taring at her. She didn't move but clutched the size 38 to her breast. Ivo could
hear her breathing. He noticed she was wearing an ankle bracelet with little re
d stones that must have been glass. Her perfect brown toes peeked out of her san
dals. He wanted to lick them. "Aren't you feeling well?" she asked. "I think the
heat is getting to me," he lied. "Put your hand on my forehead and tell me if I
have a fever." She stepped forward, balling the crisp shirt up in one hand, and
reaching out to his forehead with the other. She touched his skin slightly and
felt a definite heat but couldn't tell who it belonged to. Her hand moved withou
t instruction, first to cheek. Then his neck, to report on the temperature there
. "It's hard to tell, 'cause it's so hot in this place but I think you're normal
." "Oh..." He sounded disappointed. "I hope not," he prayed to himself. He stare
d at her fly for a long time. Then slowly he reached out and touched the Y forme
d by her legs and crotch. She didn't flinch but stood there crushing the shirt i
nto a tight ball. He pushed his finger in and out of the Y and felt moisture the
re. Without warning she dropped to her knees, letting the shirt fall from her ha
nds. Her face came to rest on his lap and he stroked her cheek. she wore no make
up and her head was beautifully shaped. She had the most magnificent mouth and i
t's proximity to his erection tormented him. As if she were reading his mind, he
r hand went into the leg of his shorts, found his cock, and slid it through his
open fly into her mouth. He watched her suck. Her nostrils flared as her lips pu
lled on him, sending him far away. Shopping never felt so good. He noticed the d
oor was open a crack but he made no move to close it. He was transfixed by this
dark haired Loita, who worked on him effortlessly, so innocently; he had no reas
on to mistrust her. Looking up at him with her lazy brown eyes, she made him fee
l drunk. She held the base of his cock with one hand and his balls with the othe
r, and through the strains of "Lara's Theme" he heard little sucking sounds. Som
etimes he played with her hair and sometimes he used his hands to guide her mout
h on him. Her mouth . . . her mouth was genius. She knew what she was doing and
she did it. Ivo caught himself in the mirror and noticed how his face glistened
with sweat. "You're beautiful," he said out loud, not quite sure how he was talk
ing to. Suddenly he felt as if he would explode. He threw his head back and moan
ed "Oh yes, you are so beautiful," as his blood rushed to the base of his spine.
He heard his own heart pounding in his ears. His hands massaged the back of her
neck as she sucked faster and faster and faster. The dam broke. And his come sh
ot out of him in spasms, in beautiful wrenching spasms. She did not swallow it,
but, half smiling, she let it run out of her mouth like a child spilling milk. "
Lourdes, where are you? I need you to help some customers." A stern matronly voi
ce came out of nowhere. She jumped up and wiped her mouth with the size 38. "You
'll have to buy the shirt now. I have to get back to work." "Is your name Lourde
s?" he asked. "Yes, but my friends call me Luli." She straightened herself and c
hecked her face in the mirror, perfectly content with what she saw. He saw she w
as simple and envied her. He wanted to know her. He wanted to buy her a hot dog
or a big soft pretzel. "Can I take you to lunch?" he asked. "Oh, you don't owe m
e anything," she replied. "Besides I have a boyfriend." With that she turned and
was gone, yelling over her shoulder, "You can pay up front."

New York
Dear John
I wasn't going to write this letter but after thinking long and hard, no pun int
ended, I decided it was best that you know that I know.
When you came back from L.A. and I didn't hear from you I got worried, so I went
to your place and when I got to the door I heard strange noises. I thought some
one was being strangled. Feeling protective, I used the key you gave me and let
myself in.
I tiptoed into the bedroom in case there was an intruder, and lo and behold some
one was being strangled but not the way I imagined. Ben was kneeling in front of
you and he wasn't praying. I didn't know if I was turned on or disgusted. I jus
t knew I had to get out of there.
I guess you were in your own little world. Or maybe you knew I was watching and
it got you off. In any case I think we should spend some time apart and think th
is thing through. Now I know why Ben was always so preoccupied. Is that what you
did on those fishing trips? I didn't know Ben was holding your rod for you. Did
you catch anything?
I haven't told Ingrid yet. I'm not sure how she's gonna take it. Maybe she'll fe
el better knowing her competition isn't another woman. As for me, I think I'm go
nna be sick.
Next time you want pussy, just look in the mirror.
Gone fishing
DITA
Doctor: Have you ever been mistaken for a prostitute?
Dita: Every time anyone reviews anything I do I'm mistaken for a prostitute.

A lot of people are afraid to say what they want.

That's why they don't get what they want.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
I WOULD LIKE TO THANK EVERYONE WHO MADE THIS BOOK POSSIBLE, ESPECIALLY THE PEOPL
E WHO TOOK THEIR CLOTHES OFF WHEN I ASKED THEM TOO: ISABELLA ROSSELLINI,
NAOMI CAMPBELL, TATIANA VON FUSTENBURG, INGRID CASARAS, BIG DADDY KANE, VANILLA
ICE, UDO KEIR, DANIEL DE LA FALAISE, TONY WARD, JULIE TOLENTINO, ALLISTAIR FATE,
WALLIS FRANKEN, SAM CONVERSE, THE BOYS AT THE GAIETY, LUCIFER AT THE VAULT, STE
LLA, DAVID, CHICKLET, CAROLINE THE KINKY CATERER, MIKE RAYLE, CARL GEARY AND CRA
IG SPENCER. I WOULD LIKE TO THANK THE CITIZENS OF MIAMI, FLORIDA, FOR NOT RUNNIN
G ME OVER WHEN I RAN NAKED THROUGH THEIR STREETS. THANKS TO JULIE MANNION AT KEE
BLE CAVACO & DUKA FOR BEING A TIGHTWAD WHEN IT CAME TO SPENDING MY MONEY. THANKS
TO LEXINGTON LABS FOR MAXIMUM SECURITY. NOT. THANKS TO GAVIN DE BECKER AND THE
FBI FOR RESCUING PHOTOGRAPHS THAT WOULD MAKE J. EDGAR HOOVER ROLL OVER. THANKS T
O NICK CALLAWAY AND CHARLES MELCHER FOR BRAVERY IN PACKAGING. THANKS TO WARNER B
OOKS FOR BRAVERY PERIOD. THANKS TO PAUL CAVACO FOR DOING RUNWAY AND CHEERING US
UP WHENEVER NECESSARY. THANKS TO ANDREW FOR ENDURING EVERYONE'S ABUSE. THANKS TO
FRANCOIS NARS FOR BRINGING EDITH PIAF TO LIFE FOR US AND FOR GETTING RID OF MY
EYEBROWS ONCE AND FOR ALL. THANKS TO GARREN FOR DOING MY HAIR WHILE BEING COMPLE
TELY NORMAL. THANKS TO MARQUISE FOR THE LAST WORD ON EVERYTHING. THANKS TO DARRE
N FOR KNOWING WHERE IT'S AT. THANKS TO SIUNG FAT TJIA FOR TOTAL GRAPHIC DEVOTION
. THANKS TO MELISSA AND MISSY FOR BEING SHOCKPROOF. THANKS TO THE REAL BIG DADDY
, GLENN O'BRIEN FOR TEACHING ME HOW TO SPELL. THANKS TO FABIEN BARON FOR HIS COM
PLETE DISDAIN FOR ORGANISATION AND UTTER DISREGARD FOR DETAIL. GENIUS! MOST OF A
LL THANKS TO STEVEN MEISEL FOR NOT BEING AFRAID WHEN I WAS. PERFECTION!
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