Well it all started back in 1996.

My mom was a computer programmer for chevron f

or 20 years already and my dad had just retired as a electrician on a naval base
..Both make parents were making over 100k a year, we lived in a two story 5 bed
room house on the biggest lot in our neighborhood. We had everything we could ev
er ask for. One day, I started noticing more and more my parents would lock them
selves in a bedroom and start screaming at each other. I was 8 years old at the
time and had no idea what was going on. After a while, I started to get a crazy
thought that I was the reason they were yelling at each other. One day we came h
ome from school and my dad was gone. He never came home..I had no idea what had
happened. Well after a few days of him not being around I began to wonder what h
appened to him. My mom had come up with story after story and even made us belie
ve he had died. Then a months’ time had passed and eventually he showed back up. M
y brother freaked out and thought he was seeing a ghost and took off running. Wh
at I later found out was my mom had told the cops that my dad had threatened to
kill her; me and my brother and then take his own life. So my dad forcefully got
kicked out of the house and got taken to get a psyche ward.
After he had gotten out he had to move in with his mother because he had no othe
r place to go and had just retired. My mom later told us we too would be moving.€
We had a dog and four cats at the time and when we got home from school one day
they were gone. My mom had given them away My mom then told us we would be movin
g a hour south closer to her work and changing schools. That was a big deal; we
had grown up and were raised in that town/house and now we were moving in the mi
ddle of 4th grade! We eventually moved and I remember going back to our old hous
e one day and my mom saying here’s a bag, grab whatever u want and what u don’t get
in this bag you have to leave here. I later found out my mom and dad couldn’t agre
e on anything and let the house get foreclosed on.
After starting 4th grade in a new school, living in a new house we started makin
g new friends. Tension between my mom and dad got worse. My dad started a new jo
b as a forklift operator and worked late hours sometimes. He now lived about a h
our and 15 minutes north of us. My dad’s visitation hours were every other weekend
and every Wednesday s till 9pm. Well after my dad started work again he told my
mom that he would not be able to make it on Wednesdays because by the time he g
ot to pick us up it would be 830pm and we got out of school at 12 on wed. My mom
made the statement if you love them you will be there. Well obviously my dad di
dn’t get off work so we had to sit on a park bench at school from 12pm-8:30 until
my dad got there and picked us up to drive around and see us for 30 minutes.. Af
ter this had happened a few times child protective services were called and my m
om was told to give up custody to my dad. Well one day my mom packed our bags an
d told us to get in the car. I fell asleep and about halfway to my dad’s house she
woke us up crying and said we have to go live with my dad for a while. She pull
ed up on the corner of my grandmother’s block and told us to go to her house and l
ive with her for a while.
Well my grandmother had no idea we were coming so when she opened the door she w
as surprised to see us. When my dad got off from work and got home he also was s
hocked to see us there. So again in the 4th grade we had to change houses and sw
itch to yet another school .well my grandmother lived in a small house. It had j
ust been her living by herself for 20 years due to her husband dying at an early
age. She had hardwood floors that were covered with carpet but was hard as a ro
ck. For a year and a half we had to sleep on the floor in a sleeping bag. My gra
ndmother lived about a mile and a half from the school we were now going to. My
dad had to leave for work at 630 and school didn’t start till 8. So every day, rai
n, shine, cold, hot we had to walk to and from school which was about a mile and
a half.
€Eventually my dad met a lady and they moved into an apartment together. We slept
on the floor in sleeping bags there for a little while until my dad finally save
d up enough for some beds. When we moved into that apartment is when my dad star
ted turning towards me.€ You see I have a brother that died when he was 12 years o
ld. He was hit by a car and got thrown 75 feet and cracked his skull etc. appare
ntly my twin brother Aaron, looks and acts like him more than I do and apparentl
y I act more like my mother. Well that wasn’t a good thing due to my dad despised
of my mother because of the divorce. I remember one time we were at the dinner t
able. You know how kids get when they get to giggling and can’t stop. Well that’s wh
at was going on. My dad kept telling me and my brother to stop. We couldn’t…eventual
ly he stood up and back handed me so hard I fell out of my chair and hit the flo
or. I started to get up and my dad told me to go to my room I wouldn’t be eating t
hat night and he picked me up and threw me into my bedroom. I didn’t get dinner th
at night.
€After that he just got worse and worse..My brother on the other hand was perfect
little angel no matter what he did. We would go out and my dad would introduce A
aron as his number one son. He would tell me all the time he wanted me to change
my last name because he didn’t want anyone to know I was his kid. He said I was a
fu** up and I would probably be dead by the time I was 18. He was ashamed of me
etc. Stuff no kid should EVER hear. I never did anything to him but try and mak
e him proud. That’s all I ever wanted, was to make him proud.€ He eventually moved i
nto a house three houses down from my grandmother when we started high school. W
ell as high school went on so did all the stuff my dad was doing and my grades r
eflected that.
My mom let her job go at chevron and got on with the school district where I was
enrolled in school at. Freshman year I started with a 3.0 and then ever semeste
r it got worse 2.4,2.0,1.8,1.6 etc.. Then one day my junior year we had a towel
rack on the back of the bathroom door. I had taken a shower before school, got o
ut, dried off with my towel and was in my bedroom getting dressed. My dad came i
n there pissed off because his towel was wet. I told him I didn’t do it and told h
im Aaron did it and that I had my towel right there. He told me Aaron wouldn’t do
something like that and it had to been me. He tried to hit me but I stepped back
. Well after that he didn’t say anything. We got ready to leave and we walked outs
ide at 745am to go to school. My dad said Aaron get in, so my brother got in, sh
ut the door and they took off leaving me there. I had 15min to walk over 2 miles
to the high school. So I found myself crying walking to school trying to figure
out what I did wrong and what I did to deserve that.
When I got to school I called my mom and told me what had happened and she told
me I needed to come live with her. I basically told her I didn’t want to because I
was scared what my dad would do. So after school I walked home to my dad’s and co
ntinued to work with him.€ Well I got grounded one time for 6 weeks. When I say gr
ound I had to walk 2+ miles to and from school, when I got home I had to do my h
omework, then sit straight up on my bed and look at the wall in front of me with
my hands folded in my lap. I couldn’t listen to the radio, couldn’t watch TV, and c
ouldn’t do anything. My dad told me when I could use the bathroom, he told me when
dinner was ready and I had to go make my plate go to my room and eat it and the
n go back and wash my plate and go sit on my bed again. About 930 he would come
tell me I could go to bed. That went on for 6 weeks.
After that middle of my 2nd semester of my junior year he went off on me for no
reason saying I was going to cause him to become an alcoholic and all this other
stuff. It got to the point where I was thinking about suicide. Even wrote a not
e but could never go through with it. So December 28th 2004 I told my brother I
was leaving. It was POURING down rain. 2am in the morning I crawled out of my be
droom window with a duffle bag full of clothes, a backpack of some belongings I
had and I ran away. I ended up calling my mom and she came and picked me up. I w
as so scared as to what my dad was going to do I told her I needed the car and I
drove 3 hours away, drove around and then drove back at 12pm the next day. My d
ad never called, never came looking. Nothing. Didn’t even care.
Well when I started living with my mom we had a conference with my teachers and
asked if there was anything I could do to get my grades up to a passing grade. T
hey basically said no way possible. So I quit going to the 4 classes I was faili
ng and went to the two I was passing. A month later I saw my dad at the mall and
I walked up to him and said “dad!” he ignored me, I went on saying dad a few more t
imes with no acknowledgement. Eventually I walked away. When I got home I emaile
d him about why I ran away, asking him why didn’t he speak to me etc. he wrote me
back a email pretty much saying I was a Bitch and a pussy who ran away like a th
ief in the night and he has no respect for me etc.
well after that I didn’t speak with him for a year. I was motivated to do well and
prove him wrong so that pushed me like crazy. My mom worked for the school dist
rict and I had failed 40 credits by the time I got to my senior year. So we had
a meeting with the principle and other schools. I was going to a school that had
over 2000 kids in it and I transferred to a school that had 500 kids. I also as
ked to be enrolled in adult school and night school. Which nobody had ever gone
to all three at the same time before. They allowed me to do that so I was basica
lly going to school from 8am-3pm, then adult school from 3pm-6pm and then night
school from 6pm-9pm. I did this my senior year along with extra credit projects
and everything else I could do. I had no life my senior year other then school w
ork and home work. Well the first semester was almost over my senior year and th
ey pulled me in the office and said I had done so much work that I had made up a
ll my credits and I could graduate a semester early. Well this was great to hear
!
€I immediately got my college application together and submitted it and submitted
my stuff for financial aid. Well long story short I graduated 12/16/05 and start
ed college 1/02/06. I went to school for two or three months and my mom told me
that she was moving to Alabama. I told her that I would not move with her. I had
been through enough friend making and changing location that I didn’t€want to move
again. My life was there. I asked if she would help me with college (I was alrea
dy paying for everything myself with student loans)€ she said no. so I ended up dr
opping out of college and getting a job painting houses.(was on my own at 17) My
mom asked if I had a place to stay (me being stubborn and mad at her for leavin
g) told her yes don’t worry about it I have somewhere I can go. My mom asked if I
wanted to stay for my birthday and I said yes. Well she didn’t. She left the day b
efore my birthday.
Well I got off work one day and had nowhere to go. I drove around crying my eyes
out till I had no more tears left.. I didn’t know what I was going to do. All I k
new was I did not want to move and leave all my friends. For the first 5 nights
I slept at work in the parking lot with my windshield facing the sun so when the
sun come up it would wake me up and it would be time for work. I cannot remembe
r what happened but I had 600 bucks in the bank and for some reason I couldn’t tou
ch it for three days. My account got froze or some crap. I, having huge pride (I
won’t ask anyone for anything unless I absolutely need to or am going to die) did
n’t ask anyone for any money or food. So for three days I didn’t eat anything except
drank a lot of water. Well after the 5 nights of sleeping in my car I went to m
y friend who was living in a three bedroom house and asked him if I could move i
n with him. When he found out I was sleeping in my car he was mad that I didn’t as
k him before then.
As soon as I moved in I felt bad and wanted to move out because I felt like I wa
s intruding. Well I called my dad and asked him if I can move back in with him.
He straight up said no and hung up. Well after that I tried slowly having a rela
tionship with my dad. After 4 months I finally talked him into letting me move b
ack in with him but I had to pay him 500 bucks a month..He never gave me a key t
o the house and I had a curfew of 10pm if I wasn’t at home at 9:59pm the door was
locked and I was locked out of the house. I slept on the porch swing many of nig
hts and woke up to him telling me to come inside at 6am.
One month I needed new tires and couldn’t afford to pay him 500 and he told me to
get out. I pleaded with him and he told me that I could paint his house as payme
nt. So after getting off work at 5pm or 6pm Id have to go home and paint till 10
pm. Another month went by and I didn’t have 500 to give him and he told me to get
out. I told him that I had nowhere to go and said he didn’t care. Well I told him
if I could not pay him for two or three months I would move to Alabama and be ou
t of his hair.€
A month after that he snapped on me in the kitchen and raised my hand like he wa
s going to hit me. Instead of me stepping back I stepped forward and told him to
hit me. I told him that if he hit me I would beat him with a inch of his life a
nd that he would never hit me again. My dad instantly started crying and went to
his room.. I left the house and didn’t come back till late. He came into my bedro
om when I got home and said he was sorry and he hasn’t been the best father blah b
lah blah. It was sweet and hit me hard but I later found out that was all a lie
as he reverted back to his old ways.
well I finally left California for Alabama and drove straight through. We took t
he long way so it took 41 hours straight. When I got here I did not know a singl
e person, didn’t have a job, and didn’t know what I was going to do. I started out w
orking for Davis glass shop and after realizing 200 a week wasn’t going to cut it
I started doing construction for my aunt. After I didn’t construction for six mont
hs I applied at the fire dept. I didn’t hear from them for a long time and then on
e day. About two days after I shot a nail through my foot the fire dept called a
nd asked if I could come in for an interview. I came into the office limping and
had my written interview. They asked if I could come back the following day and
do my physical agility test and told them its going to hurt but I will be there
. I showed up at 1030am the next day. It was 108 degrees outside with a heat ind
ex of 115. Part of the test was run around the fire station for 10 min. as there
telling me where to run I later found out I was standing in a fire ant bed. The
y told me if I stopped running I failed the test. Well as I’m running the ants kee
p biting me. I’m trying to run and swat them off me but didn’t want to stop because
I didn’t want to fail. I finally get my ten min over with and they tore me up. The
y all laughed and told me I could have stopped and got them off me. Ha-ha anyway
s I do their test and it about kills me because it’s so hot outside. Out of 70 peo
ple 7 of us passed the Demopolis physical agility€test. Then we go to the state te
st which has a 80% fail rate. 6 of us passed that.
Then it was off to the Alabama Fire College. Our class started out with 31 and e
nded with 27. The night before graduation while everyone called their families a
nd told them they made it, I called my dad. I told him I know you thought I was
going to be a f**k up and I wasn’t going to amount to anything but tomorrow I’ll be
graduating from the fire college etc. That was the first time he said he was pro
ud of me…. So while everyone is all excited and celebrating I’m crying because I thi
nk that’s all I ever really wanted was to make him proud and gain his acceptance.
I finally got on with the fire department and bought a house. It’s a two story Vic
torian house that was built in 1902 that I plan on fixing up and flipping.
€ €€€€€€€€€ I’ve been let down so many times in life, more so by my family then anyone. I’v
of opportunities to take the wrong path and do the wrong thing but I’ve always tri
ed to stay optimistic and put everything into motivation. I tried having a relat
ionship with my dad but seem like every time I let him in he lets me down. I tol
d my dad after everything he has done I forgive him but I will never forget it a
ll. I can’t hate that it all happened because it has pushed me harder, made me str
onger, and made me who I am today. I remember going to church when I was little
and hating it, used to sleep through it. Then one day I decided to go buy a bibl
e, start reading it, told myself I needed to build my relationship with god befo
re I could build a relationship with anyone else. Told myself I needed to go to
church but never got the courage to just go. Finally Josh and Angie invited me a
long and I saw that as a hand reaching out and for me to finally do something ab
out it. Now I find myself picking up my bible more often. Really reading scriptu
res and trying to understand, imply and use it in my life. I have been blessed w
ith an awesome pastor who has helped me every chance he gets and is there for me
anytime I need him. People have really opened up and taken me in. Its hard not
having much of a family. I don’t get to participate in normal family gatherings th
at most people take for granted. Holidays are usually the worst and I spend them
in bed watching TV by myself. I don’t get to Have family dinners, Go to lunch tog
ether after church on Sunday, or have anyone to sit and talk/hang out with. My f
ather was the type to get off work, sit in his recliner and watch the news/TV fr
om the moment he got home to the moment he went to bed. I never had anyone to ta
ke me fishing, or to take me hunting, or anyone to play catch. Josh weeks has re
ally been a blessing in my life and been the one whose taken me fishing and hunt
ing and teached me things that a father is supposed to share with their kids. €He
was there when I killed my first deer with a bow. In fact he didn’t hunt that day
just so he could video tape it. I have been through a lot; more than some but no
t as much as others. Even after all that I still feel blessed and feel god has d
one everything to shape me and mold me into the person I am today.
Everyday I struggle with things in my life. I feel like I m getting pulled away
from god. I m loosing faith, I m stressed about money and bills.I m tired of liv
ing paycheck to paycheck and still sometimes come up short. I struggle from dep
ression and loneliness. I don t have much of a relationship with my family. I do
n t have many close friends who I can trust. Most of them are back home. I can t
afford to go back to school where I can get a better job. It s sad that a job s
uch as a firefighter can t pay enough to live comfortable. After four years 9.82
a hour isn t cutting it. Not with the cost of living and cost of insurance goin
g up. I need to pull myself closer to god but even the strong fall down sometime
s.
€