THE BIG IDEAS

1. EMBRACE VULNERABILITY
“Courage is contagious. To scale daring leadership and build courage in
teams and organizations, we have to cultivate a culture in which brave work,
tough conversations, and whole hearts are the expectation, and armor is not
necessary or rewarded.” —Brené Brown, Dare to Lead

Developing the courage to be vulnerable isn’t about winning or losing. Instead,

Brown tells us, it’s “about the courage to show up when you can’t predict or
control the outcome.”

Effective leadership takes courage and strength; however, courage and

strength go hand in hand with vulnerability. With courage comes honesty, a
deep understanding of opening up to the tribe you are trying to build or lead.

Vulnerability is not a sign of weakness, but a sign of real strength and

courage. Being a courageous leader does not mean that you need to act
fearlessly. It means that you act despite the gut-wrenching feeling of fear, you
take action and move with trembling hands.

In 2014, Brené interviewed a group of American soldiers about leadership and

how it relates to vulnerability. Here’s what her interviews revealed: despite
feeling courageous and robust, these feelings always came with feelings of
vulnerability.

Embracing vulnerability does not mean that you become a weak, powerless
individual, it means that you take risks, you act, you face adversity, you solve
problems, and you do the work despite the uncertainty that goes hand in hand
with being a leader or an innovator.

Vulnerability and courage are inextricably linked, you cannot have one without
the other. Essentially, vulnerability is a crucial ingredient in the recipe for
creativity and innovation. Of course, those who allow themselves to be
vulnerable open themselves up for massive failure. But they’re also often the
ones who dare to dream, act and fail—the ones who become the innovators,
pioneers and history makers.
Actionable insight(s):

– Embrace vulnerability. Open yourself up to the possibility of giving of

yourself FULLY—instead of shying away and holding back. Vulnerability is a
vital component of effective leadership.

2. CHOOSE YOUR TOP TWO VALUES

During times of uncertainty and vulnerability, your values will guide you and
pull you through difficult times. The most thoughtful and effective leaders that
Brown came into contact with during her research were those who had clear,
definitive values.

Daring leaders are certain about what drives them; their values act as a
guiding light through challenging times.

As a leader, knowing what is important to you is crucial.

Brown’s extensive research on effective leadership revealed that leaders who

identified their two most important values exhibited the most courage and
embraced vulnerability more than those who listed ten or more values.

Actionable insight(s):

– Gaining clarity does not have to be complicated. Write down a list of core
values, and then narrow them down to just TWO fundamental values. Use
these values to guide you and propel you through difficult times. Clarity is key.
3. FEEDBACK IS IMPORTANT
“Giving feedback is incredibly vulnerable for this reason: If you’re giving good
feedback, you should not be able to script what’s going to happen when you
sit down with someone. You should be willing to be able to hear.” —Brené
Brown, Dare to Lead

Feedback is an important part of leadership. If your goal is to be an effective

leader, it’s important to understand the art of providing feedback—
honest feedback.

In the book, Brown emphasizes the idea that giving honest feedback is kinder
than bending the truth.

For example, let’s say you’re providing mentorship to someone who wants to
become a bestselling author. Speaking half-truths will give them a false sense
of hope. Instead, provide them with a constructive analysis of their work and
give them honest advice about what they need to do to improve.

Brené talks about leaving “empty space” — giving others the opportunity to
voice their thoughts and feelings. Being able to listen effectively is part of
providing feedback.

Brown illustrates the importance of feedback by recalling a time when she

experienced some cold, hard truths from own her employees. The author’s
employees gave her some constructive criticism regarding her time
management and unrealistic timelines and deadlines—which they often found
challenging to fulfill. The honest feedback she received was a bitter pill to
swallow. However, she was grateful for it nonetheless, because she believes
that clarity equals kindness.

Leadership is not about the stroking of egos, the true essence of leadership
lies in the give and take, the push and pull, the speaking and the listening.

Actionable insight(s):

– The next time you provide feedback to an employee, friend or mentee, try
this: SPEAK, LISTEN and leave enough SPACE for them to
express their thoughts and feelings. When you receive feedback, listen
attentively and remember that feedback is an essential component for growth
and success.
4. BUILD A CULTURE OF TRUST
“It turns out that trust is earned in the smallest of moments. It is earned not
through heroic deeds, or even highly visible actions, but through paying
attention, listening, and gestures of genuine care and connection.” —Brené
Brown, Dare to Lead

As a leader, what does trust mean to you? Brown describes trust as

something that is earned by paying close attention, by compassion and deep
connection. Her extensive research revealed an acronym that describes
seven behavioral patterns that encourage trust…

The acronym is B.R.A.V.I.N.G.

B is for boundaries—This focuses on respecting other’s boundaries and

learning to understand that we all have different boundaries.

R is for reliability—being trustworthy and reliable, doing precisely what you

say you will do at any given time.

A is for accountability—taking responsibility for your own mistakes, and

apologizing when it is necessary.

V is for vault—think of yourself as a vault of knowledge or information that

has been conveyed to you over time. Passing on confidential information will
eradicate trust and hinder progression. Therefore, it is vital that you abstain
from gossip. Maintain your integrity by keeping other’s sensitive information
locked in your vault.

I is for integrity—make courage your ultimate choice, do what is right rather

than what is comfortable. Make sure your actions fall in line with your values.

N is for non-judgment—people should feel comfortable telling you how they

feel without being afraid of judgment.

G is for generosity—you build trust when you are generous, open and you
recognize positive qualities in others rather than the negative attributes.

Actionable insight(s):
Cultivate these behaviors to build a culture of trust:

– Make a conscious effort to respect boundaries.

– Practice reliability daily.

– Take full responsibility for your own mistakes.

– Be mindful of the information you leak to others.

– Make courage your ultimate choice, and practice what you preach.

– Focus on bringing out the best in people rather than harping on about how
terrible they are at this or how incapable they are at that.

5. BEING PREPARED FOR FAILURE MAKES YOU

BRAVE
“We need people to be braver, and we need to create a culture that allows for
bravery.” —Brené Brown, Dare to Lead

Learning how to fail cultivates bravery. Here’s why: when you learn how to fail,
you are prepared for adverse situations. You build resilience, self-awareness,
and courage.

For example, skydivers spend hours jumping off ladders before they even
attempt their first plane jump. They fail several times before they get it right, it
not only strengthens the mind, but it promotes readiness.

Leaders often teach resilience after the initial failure has taken place.
However, if you build that resilience and strength before it happens, you will
be prepared to face any situation or outcome. Resilience training is crucial,
teach your tribe how to fail before any failure takes place.
Brené Brown practices what she preaches in her own company where
resilience training is a compulsory part of the recruitment process.

Actionable insight(s):

– Train your tribe on how to be brave in the face of failure. When you learn
how to fail first, you cultivate bravery and prepare yourself to push forward and
try again.

6. FORGET ABOUT PERFECTIONISM

“Perfectionism is a self-destructive and addictive belief system that fuels this
primary thought: If I look perfect, and do everything perfectly, I can avoid or
minimize the painful feelings of shame, judgment, and blame.” —Brené
Brown, Dare to Lead

Perfectionism is a form of self-protection, it is armor, a facade that protects us

from the real world. To become a bold, daring leader you need to eliminate the
idea of perfectionism. Perfectionism is more about seeking approval than self-
improvement and striving to be the best version of yourself.

Being raised in an environment where excellent achievement is praised and

average performance is scolded, leads to the cultivation of harmful belief
systems and thought patterns. Perfectionists are often people-pleasers,
everything they do is centered around winning approval from others. To be a
daring and effective leader, you need to eradicate this damaging notion of
perfectionism.

Studies have shown that perfectionism is often linked to anxiety, depression,

and addiction. Perfectionism can prevent you from fully connecting and
engaging with the world—instead of thinking outside the box, you focus on
creating the perfect outcome. This can often steer you away from the right
opportunity.

Harboring a fear of judgment and placing too much focus on exceeding

expectations can often prevent perfectionists from stepping into the fold and
experiencing failure. And without a willingness to fail and make mistakes,
perfectionists prevent themselves from living life to the fullest.

Actionable insight(s):

– To be a daring and courageous leader, let go of the idea of perfectionism.

Ask yourself how you can improve and minimize the importance you place on
what others think of you. Self-focus is critical here, instead of looking outside
of yourself and seeking approval, look INWARD and focus on true self-
improvement.

– Brené sums this Big Idea up nicely in the following quote: “Somewhere
along the way,” she says, perfectionists have “adopted this dangerous and
debilitating belief system: I am what I accomplish and how well I accomplish it.
Please. Perform. Perfect. Prove. Healthy striving is self-focused: How can I
improve? Perfectionism is other-focused: What will people think?
Perfectionism is a hustle.”

7. ERADICATE SHAME WITH EMPATHY

“Shame cannot survive with a healthy dose of empathy.” —Brené Brown, Dare
to Lead

Brene illustrates her point using a story from her past. She talks about a time
where she injured herself during a recording session for an upcoming book
tour that she was doing. The injury resulted in her being diagnosed with a
serious concussion. Her initial refusal to rest and allow herself to heal was a
direct response to her feeling of shame. An overwhelming feeling of fear and
shame consumed her. She was combative, frustrated and unwilling to accept
her condition.

Researchers have revealed that unwanted identity is one of the primary

elicitors of shame. They say unwanted identities are characters that
undermine our vision and our ideal versions of ourselves. Shame can be so
enveloping that it can be hard to break free.
She talks about a dear friend of her family expressing tenderness and
empathy when she could no longer, write, do research or think. She was
crippled, and this tender talk she had with her dear friend, gave her some
genuine insight. He talked about letting go of shame and letting go of the need
to please and focusing on self-compassion. She passionately writes about
finally embarking on the book tour after weeks and weeks of shame and fear.
Love, empathy, and tenderness put shame on the back burner.

We are physically, spiritually, mentally and emotionally hard-wired for

connection. Shame is disconnection, shame pulls us away from connectivity
and throws us into isolation and fear.

Definition of shame:

“Shame is the intensely painful feeling or experience of believing that we’re

flawed and therefore unworthy of love, belonging and connection.”

Shame is watching things change rapidly, and not knowing how and where
you can contribute. Shame consumes us sometimes, but when we open up
and let people in with gentle hearts and open arms, shame can no longer
exist.

Where shame lives, empathy is almost always absent.

Brown believes heavily in the notion that shame cannot exist in the presence
of empathy. The following quote from her bestseller, Rising Strong, sums up
the idea of eradicating shame with empathy in a nutshell:

“Shame is much more likely to be the cause of destructive behavior than the
cure. Guilt and empathy are the emotions that lead us to question how our
actions affect other people, and both of these are severely diminished by the
presence of shame.” —Brené Brown, Rising Strong

Actionable insight(s):

– Remember the human experience. Pay attention to feelings. As a leader,

you will experience shame, fear, and feelings of inadequacy. When you
remember your own human experience and pay attention to true human
feelings, you can transform a culture of shame into a culture of empathy and
love. The most important takeaway here is to pay close attention to feelings
and to remember that we are all human. Lean into this advice whenever you
need to.
8. BUILD CONFIDENCE WITH SELF-AWARENESS +
PRACTICE
“The behaviors that people need from their team or group almost always
include listening, staying curious, being honest, and keeping confidence.” —
Brené Brown, Dare to Lead

Brené talks about “grounded confidence.”

She defines this brand of confidence as follows:

“Grounded confidence is the messy process of learning and unlearning,

practicing and failing and surviving a few misses. This brand of confidence is
not blustery arrogance or posturing or built on bullshit, it’s real solid and built
on self-awareness and practice.”

Grounded confidence elevates us and supports our efforts to be

brave. Having the grounded confidence to rely on the skills that you have
developed over time allows you to focus on higher objectives. You must
master the fundamentals in order to focus on the important stuff.

She tells the story of how a professional soccer player practiced her ball
control skills by kicking the ball against a brick wall over and over again for
hours. This is a solid example of how to build grounded confidence.

Leaders need grounded confidence in order to stay connected to their values.

They need to be able to respond without reacting emotionally. They need to
be able to operate effectively from a place of self-awareness rather than a
place of self-protection.

Brown also tells us that learning how to rumble with vulnerability takes work—
it can be taxing and tiring on your brain. But that’s a good thing. Practicing
means that when you are experiencing vulnerability, grounded confidence will
remind you that this is tough, and it might even be scary, but you’ve practiced
enough to get through it with confidence and self-belief.

Grounded confidence = rumble skills + curiosity + practice

– Curiosity is an act of vulnerability and courage

– Curiosity is connected to creativity, intelligence, enhanced learning and
memory and deep problem-solving.

– Curiosity and comfort do not live in the same house; you must step outside
your comfort zone to fully take advantage of your curious mind.

Bad leadership focuses on quickly arriving at the outcome stage, whereas

good leadership encourages curiosity, thought and analysis. Good leadership
is not supposed to be comfortable. Just like mastering a skill and gaining
grounded confidence is not supposed to be an easy walk in the park.

These are some of the curious questions and statements to focus on when
you are problem-solving, team building or merely trying to get things done in
the workplace.

1. The story I make up is…

2. I am curious about…
3. Tell me more…
4. That’s not my experience (instead of, “you’re wrong about this…”)
5. I am wondering
6. Help me understand
7. Walk me through
8. You know what, we are both dug in right now, tell me about your
passion around this topic.
9. Tell me why this doesn’t fit or work for you
10. I am working from these assumptions. What about you?
11. What problem are we actually trying to solve?

To lead effectively, you are responsible for understanding and respecting

different views and opinions. Greatness comes from curiosity and learning.
Curiosity and learning build grounded confidence. Use intriguing information to
encourage curiosity—because the more we know, the more we want to know.

Actionable insight(s):

– Keep listening and keep questioning, keep learning.

– Build grounded confidence by learning, practicing, staying objective and

delving deep.

– Remember the equation: Grounded confidence = rumble skills + curiosity +

practice
CLOSING NOTES
Key takeaway:

Brown closes out her book by offering some words of wisdom from Joseph
Campbell to keep in mind as we think about our own path towards daring
leadership: “The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” Adding
on to that, Brown writes, “Own the fear and the cave and write a new ending
for yourself. For the people, you are meant to serve and support, and for your
culture. Choose courage over comfort. Choose whole hearts over armor. And
choose the great adventure of being brave and afraid. At the exact same
time.”

This powerful closing paragraph of the book is a beautiful way to

summarise Dare to Lead. Be bold, be vulnerable, step into your values, lean
into courage and step outside your comfort zone. Choose whole hearts, be
compassionate to others and compassionate to yourself. Value self-mastery,
look inward and always remain curious and encourage others to do the same.

Actionable insight(s):

– Have tough conversations with yourself, it is necessary. Avoiding them is

another way of building protective armor around yourself to avoid shame and
shy away from the truth.

– Truth is kind, lies are unkind. Telling lies might seem kind over the short-
term, but it often ends up hurting people over the long-run. So, tell the truth—
even when it hurts—because ultimately, it’s the kind thing to do.

– Identify your fundamental values and lean into them. Live them
wholeheartedly and practice them fully.

– Give and receive feedback, practice mastery and eradicate the idea of
perfectionism. Perfectionism is a self-protection mechanism, move away from
it. Lean into true self-improvement. You do not have to aim for perfection to be
valued. Value yourself first.
– Be brave, be vulnerable. Vulnerability lays the foundation for the following
skill sets:

1. Living into your values

2. Braving trust
3. Learning to rise

– Build a strong culture of trust by mindfully respecting boundaries, being

reliable and taking full responsibility for your actions and mistakes. Practice
what you preach.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Dr. Brené Brown is a research professor at the University of Houston. She is

the author of several New York Times best-selling books, including The Gifts
of Imperfection, Daring Greatly, Rising Strong, Braving the
Wilderness and Dare to Lead. Brené has conducted extensive research on
courage and leadership, and her Ted talk, The Power of Vulnerability is one of
the most-watched Ted Talks in history with over 35 million views as of this
writing. Brené lives in Houston, Texas with her husband and two children.

BONUS NOTES + CRUCIAL QUOTES:

“If we want people to fully show up, to bring their whole selves including their
unarmored, whole hearts—so that we can innovate, solve problems, and
serve people—we have to be vigilant about creating a culture in which people
feel safe, seen, heard, and respected.”

“We are not here to fit in, be well balanced, or provide exempla for others. We
are here to be eccentric, different, perhaps strange, perhaps merely to add our
small piece, our little clunky, chunky selves, to the great mosaic of being. As
the gods intended, we are here to become more and more ourselves.”

“If we believe empathy is finite, like pizza, and practicing empathy with
someone leaves fewer slices for others, then perhaps comparing levels of
suffering would be necessary. Luckily, however, empathy is infinite and
renewable. The more you give, the more we all have.”
“It turns out that trust is in fact earned in the smallest of moments. It is earned
not through heroic deeds, or even highly visible actions, but through paying
attention, listening, and gestures of genuine care and connection.”

“Courage is contagious. To scale daring leadership and build courage in

teams and organizations, we have to cultivate a culture in which brave work,
tough conversations, and whole hearts are the expectation, and armor is not
necessary or rewarded.”

“In either case, if you come across an explanation of vulnerability that doesn’t
include setting boundaries or being clear on intentions, proceed with caution.
Vulnerability for vulnerability’s sake is not effective, useful, or smart.”