What Is Love
Love is Commitment
“The key to success in a healthy relationship with someone is
actually the terrifying but necessary effort of commitment.
Being there for someone is what a real relationship needs.
When we neglect to put in the effort is when things don’t work
out with someone that could have been perfect for us. If you
put in that extra effort for someone that can reciprocate it,
love can be the greatest feeling one can ever feel.”
– Adam B.
Prom season is upon us and millions of high school students
are thinking about the big night. Some are sweating over
what to wear. Others are figuring out pre- and after-party
plans. But for most everyone, the biggest stressor revolves
around who they are going to prom with.
Teens have long learned about romance (and prom) through
the movies and shows they consume. It’s among the many
reasons evidence-based relationship health and media
literacy education, such as One Love’s free workshops,
should be a requirement for every middle school and high
school student in America. The ability to analyze and unpack
fictional films is essential to effectively navigating real-world
complexities.
To that end, let’s look at three films that feature prom scenes,
and identify what healthy and unhealthy relationship
behaviors look like. The quality of your prom experience will
likely come down to the person or people you go with, so
make good choices, kids!
“Pretty in Pink”
“Pretty in Pink” premiered more than 35 years ago, yet it
remains a classic for all the reasons many coming-of-age
teen films do: most of characters are steaming hot messes.
Andie (played by ‘80s icon Molly Ringwald) is an artsy and
quirky high school senior who begins hanging out with Blane,
a popular boy from a wealthy family. Blane eventually asks
Andie to prom, but then ghosts her after his “richie” friends
deem her garbage. Andie’s family has little money, while
Blane wears sports jackets and button-down shirts on the
weekend. (The wealth gap was an often-used point of conflict
in 1980s teen films. Check out “The Karate Kid,” “Dirty
Dancing,” and “The Breakfast Club.”)
In a wonderful nod to independence and self-confidence,
Andie opts to go to prom alone. So too does her pal Duckie
Dale, who desperately wanted to be with Andie himself, but
couldn’t find his way out of the friend zone. (To be sure, it
wasn’t due to a lack of effort — Duckie wore his heart on his
stylish sleeve! But it’s also OK that Andie felt otherwise. Not
every relationship involves mutual feelings.)
The pair enter the dance together, and everyone is laughing,
talking, and having a great time. Everyone, that is, but Blane,
who looks like someone just ran over his dog. Blane offers
Andie a lame apology, making it more about himself than
what he did to her. He then tells Andie he loves her. “Always,”
he adds after kissing her on the cheek.
This is when Duckie shines. He’s at prom with the girl he has
long yearned for, yet he still cares more about her happiness
than his own. Forever the devoted friend, the Duck-man
oozes kindness and independence — two great healthy
relationship behaviors — and encourages Andie to go after
Blane.
For Couples That Have Been Together For One Year or
More, Love is:
Love is Vulnerability
“Because love is scary, it’s basically giving someone a map of
all your flaws and imperfections and putting faith in them to
not abuse that power. And that can be so beautiful; it makes
you do the hardest thing a human could ever do, be
vulnerable.”
– Alex G.
Love is “Growing Together”
“Things won’t always be great. Your partner may do things
that will make you angry, but if you are willing to not look at it
as obstacles, but rather as opportunities for growth, then you
are truly in love.”
– Jared B.
Love is Knowing Your S.O.’s Love Language
“Loving better comes from knowing what makes the other
person happy. For him its back scratches and hugs. For me,
it’s a verbal “I appreciate you” or “You look pretty.” No matter
what it is, we’ve learned to love each other better because we
know what makes each other happy, and we make the effort
to find new ways to make each other happy.”
– Vanessa S.
Love is Healthy Communication
“When I say communicate, I don’t mean text. I mean calling
and Facetiming. From experience, text creates so many
opportunities for misunderstanding, and ultimately,
unnecessary conflicts and trust issues. So, if I have anything
to say about healthy relationships, it is to trust and
communicate.”
– Vanessa S.
Love is Equality
“A healthy relationship, in my eyes, is when two people are
equal in a relationship. We equally love, we equally respect,
and we equally care.”
– Amber H.
For Couples in Long-Term Relationships, Love is:
Love is Accepting their Flaws
We’re human beings, we’re never going to be the same, but
being patient and accepting each other’s flaws is something
that never stops us from growing with one another.”
– Sasha M.
Love is Patience
We aren’t always going to agree. Testing each other’s
patience and still coming home to love, kindness, and respect
is a feeling I never want to disappear.”
Love is Security
“For me, love is the most secure feeling. Love is having a companion, best friend,
lover, partner, sounding board, cheerleader, advisor, and cuddle buddy through
every avenue in the journey of life.”
– Ash D.
Love is Indescribable
“Love is a sentiment not able to be characterized by words.”
– Kurt S.
Love is About Give-and-Take
“Completely opening up and sharing your feelings and life with them daily, that’s
what constitutes a healthy relationship. But, it must be mutual. If a particular area is
lacking on either side of the relationship, it makes it unideal and unhealthy.”
– Dylan P.
Love is Respect
“To me, a healthy relationship is built on respect for one another. Each person
understands the commitment they are making to the other person.”
Love is a powerful emotion. Throughout history couples in love have caused wars and
controversy, created masterpieces in writing, music, and art, and have captured the
hearts of the public with the power of their bonds. From the allure of Cleopatra to the
magnetism of the Kennedy's, these love affairs have stood as markers in history.
Prepare to swoon over these love stories of the centuries.
For some people, love can be used to describe almost
anything. OMG, I love this iced latte! This sweater is amazing,
I love it. But, what about romantic relationships? For couples
in long-term relationships, love means loyalty and
commitment but for college students in the center of their first
real relationship, love may feel messy and complicated.
It doesn’t matter where you fall on the spectrum, whether
your love life is blissful or nonexistent, it’s clear that everyone
has an opinion on love and what it means in a healthy
relationship.
In the hopes of coming to a more collective understanding of
love, we asked 10 people in different stages of their
relationship to explain what love means to them. Here’s what
they had to say (their answers may surprise you).
Paris and Helen
She was another man's wife, but when Paris, the "handsome, woman-mad" prince of
Troy, saw Helen, the woman whom Aphrodite proclaimed the most beautiful in the
world, he had to have her. Helen and Paris ran off together, setting in motion the
decade-long Trojan War. According to myth, Helen was half-divine, the daughter of
Queen Leda and the God Zeus, who transformed into a swan to seduce the queen.
Whether Helen actually existed, we'll never know, but her romantic part in the
greatest epic of all time can never be forgotten. She will forever be "the face that
launched a thousand ships."
More: 15+ Classic Romantic Movies to Watch On Valentine's Day
GETTY
Cleopatra and Mark Antony
"Brilliant to look upon and to listen to, with the power to subjugate everyone." That
was the description of Cleopatra, queen of Egypt. She could have had anything or
anyone she wanted, but she fell passionately in love with the Roman General Mark
Antony. As Shakespeare depicts it, their relationship was volatile ("Fool! Don't you
see now that I could have poisoned you a hundred times had I been able to live
without you," Cleopatra said) but after they risked all in a war on Rome and lost, they
chose to die together in 30 BC. "I will be a bridegroom in my death, and run into it as
to a lover's bed," said Antony. And Cleopatra followed, by clasping a poisonous asp to
her breast.
Hadrian and Antinous
GETTY
We've heard of the Wall—no, not that one, the 2nd Century AD one stretching across
England—but what about Emperor Hadrian's heart? He lost it to Antinous (far left),
an intelligent and sports-loving Greek student. The emperor displayed "an obsessive
craving for his presence." The two traveled together, pursuing their love of hunting;
Hadrian once saved his lover's life during a lion hunt. The emperor even wrote erotic
poetry. While visiting the Nile, Antinous drowned mysteriously, but some say he was
murdered by those jealous of the emperor's devotion. The devastated Hadrian
proclaimed Antinous a deity, ordered a city be built in his honor, and named a star
after him, between the Eagle and the Zodiac.
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GETTY
Henry II and Rosamund Clifford
The first Plantagenet king of England had a rich, royal wife in Eleanor of Aquitaine
and mistresses galore, but the love of his life was "Fair Rosamund," also called the
"Rose of the World." To conceal their affair, Henry built a love nest in the innermost
recesses of a maze in his park at Woodstock. Nonetheless, the story has it that Queen
Eleanor did not rest until she found the labyrinth and traced it to the center, where
she uncovered her ravishing rival. The queen offered her death by blade or poison.
Rosamund chose the poison. Perhaps not coincidentally, Henry kept Eleanor
confined in prison for 16 years of their marriage.
Dante and Beatrice
GETTY
Rarely has a woman served as such profound inspiration for a writer—and yet he
barely knew her. The Italian poet Dante Alighieri wrote passionately of Beatrice in
the Divine Comedy and other poems, but only met the object of his affection twice.
The first time, he was nine years old and she was eight. The second time, they were
adults, and while walking on the street in Florence, Beatrice, an emerald-eyed
beauty, turned and greeted Dante before continuing on her way. Beatrice died at age
24 in 1290 without Dante ever seeing her again. Nonetheless, she was "the glorious
lady of my mind," he wrote, and "she is my beatitude, the destroyer of all vices and
the queen of virtue, salvation."
GETTY
Anne Boleyn and Henry VIII
When the Tudor king fell for a young lady-in-waiting, Anne Boleyn, who possessed
eyes "black and beautiful," he was long married to a Spanish princess. But Anne
refused to be a royal mistress, and the king rocked the Western world to win his
divorce and make Anne queen. Ambassadors could not believe how enslaved the king
was by his love for Anne. "This accursed Anne has her foot in the stirrup,"
complained the Spanish emissary. To comprehend the king's passion, one need only
read his 16th century love letters, revealing his torment over how elusive she
remained: "I beg to know expressly your intention touching the love between
us…having been more than a year wounded by the dart of love, and not yet sure
whether I shall fail or find a place in your affection." (Their love affair ended when he
had her beheaded.)
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Louis XV of France and Madame de Pompadour
GETTY
In 1730, a Parisian prophetess told a nine-year-old girl she would rule the heart of a
king. Years later, at a masked ball, Jeanne Antoinette Poisson, dressed as a domino,
danced with King Louis XV, dressed as a tree. Within weeks, the delicate beauty
was maîtresse-en-titre, given the title Marquise de Pompadour. "Any man would
have wanted her as his mistress," said another male admirer. The couple indulged in
their love of art, furniture, and porcelain, with Madame de Pompadour arranging for
her jaded royal lover small dinner parties and amateur theatricals in which she would
star (of course). While watching one play, Louis XV declared, "You are the most
delicious woman in France," before sweeping her out of the room.
John and Abigail Adams
GETTY
Abigail Smith married the Founding Father at age 20, gave birth to five children
(including America's fifth president, John Quincy Adams), and was John Adams's
confidante, political advisor, and First Lady. The more than 1,000 letters they wrote
to each other offer a window into John and Abigail's mutual devotion and abiding
friendship. It was more than revolutionary political ideals that kept them so united;
they shared a trust and abiding tenderness. Abigail wrote: "There is a tye more
binding than Humanity, and stronger than Friendship ... and by this chord I am not
ashamed to say that I am bound, nor do I [believe] that you are wholly free from it."
As for John, he wrote: "I want to hear you think, or see your Thoughts. The
Conclusion of your Letter makes my Heart throb, more than a Cannonade would.
You bid me burn your Letters. But I must forget you first."
Mary Godwin Shelley and Percy Shelley
GETTY
When the young Romantic poet Percy Shelley met Mary Godwin, she was the teenage
daughter of a famous trailblazing feminist, the long-dead Mary Wollstonecraft. The
two of them shared a love of the mind—"Soul meets soul on lovers' lips," he wrote—
but physical desire swept them away too, consummated near the grave of Mary's
mother. When they ran away to Europe, it caused a major scandal, but the couple
proclaimed themselves indifferent to judgment. "It was acting in a novel, being an
incarnate romance," she later said. They traveled together to visit the debauched
Lord Byron, and Mary wrote Frankenstein during two weeks in Switzerland. After
Percy died in a boating accident in 1822, Mary never remarried. She said having been
married to a genius, she could not marry a man who wasn't one.
