You have itin YOU Master your body's natural anxiety defence system MAKE etAS3 HEARD) What to do if you've been emotionally stifled of work-life balance Taare rool yourself flourish -» STOP Nea THERE Block unwanted diet adviceThe true secret of happiness lies in taking a genuine interest in all details of daily life WILLIAM MORRIS, THE AIMS OF ARTThe things that unite u In my time doing this ob, I've sat down with a lot of different people. I've chatted with global superstars, actors, singers, and models. But also, artists, activists, authors, campaigners, community leaders, volunteers, people going through incredibly tough times, ordinary people doing extraordinary things ~ and, one time, a troupe of burlesque dancers. You've probably noticed this in your own life, but two things I've learnt are: 1. The experiences we've had, the people we've mixed with, the causes we care about, and the ways we live our ives come together to create very unique people with very unique thoughts, feelings, and ideas. And, 2. There is so much that unites us. People talk about a ‘universal language’ - something that con be understood by every human being, no matter their background, or what language they speak. Some may point fo music as an example of this. Dance is another one, and football might edge its way in there, foo. But something that the era of silent films shows uss that so much can be conveyed by tapping into the very basics of the human experience: our emotions, our passion - our actions, and our reactions, In this issue, we look at how the pursuit of wellbeing connects us all We assess the importance of queer spaces on p28, and highlight the need to bring Traveller mental health conversations into the mainstream on p§7. On pl6, we explore how the Victorian tradition of a ‘change of air’ could reset our minds and help us find sense of peace. And, on p32, we meet an 85-year-old and a 31-year- old who moved in together as part of aninnovative scheme that addresses some of the UK's most pressing issues. From the six pillars of work-life balance (p36) to mastering the ‘physiological sigh’ (p39), this issue is also overflowing with fips and ideas that you can take with you to make an immediate difference in your lf. Other people are endlessly fascinating We can gain so much from their knowledge, their interests, and their purpose, and we can give so much back by listening. few ‘At Hoppifu, inclusivity, representation, and creating a happier, healthier society aro at the forefront of our mission, To find out more about our social and environmental pledges, Visit happifulicom/pledges W | happifulcom F | hoppifulha T | @happifulhg 1 @hoppitulA fresh perspective 16 Retro rituals Could a Victorian wellness tradition support us in 2023? 28 A place to feel safe ‘Alook at the ways queer spaces became a feline in the community 32 What makes a home? Meet the 85-year-old and 31-year-old who made the move to live together 57 Talking about Travellers 83 What's new with you? Explore your mind with our exclusive journaling pages Wellbeing 22 Learning to accept help ‘Our columnist explores the benefits cf leaning on others 36 6 pillars of work-life balance 62 Seeing the whole person How can ‘trauma-informed! practice protect us on our healing journey? 67 Living with tinnitus Buzzing, ringing, and fizzing: can this hearing condition affect our mood? Positive pointers 20 Information overload? Here's how to cope 80 What is pure OCD? Culture 30 Productive distractions 8 Good news 40 Understanding others 13 The wellbeing wrap Our expert offers valuable tips for keeping an open mind 31 This month's good reads 64 Reading to the room 70 Try something new Discover the joy of reading aloudFood & health 45 Yoga for desk workers Try this exclusively-created routine ‘48 Food for thought Recipes that boost your brain power 54 Unwanted diet advice? How to stop it in its tracks 75 Serving up success What to eat before a job interview Relationships 14 Parasocial relationships {Are our relationships with celebrities, helping or hindering us? 25 Craft through hard times Exploring the healing relationship between craft and grief 42 Are your feelings dismissed? What to do when you've been ‘emotionally invalidated 51 Prevent the past repeating How to break the cycle of intergenerational trauma 72 Healthy gaming for kids Help them create good habits Try this at home 39 Learn the physiological sigh 60 Build eco tech habits 79 4 free mindful websites 82 Spot energy vampires Expert review Every issue of Happiful is reviewed by an accredited counsellor, to ensure we deliver the highest quality content while handling topics sensitively. The relationships we develop in ife have the potential to bring great happiness and Joy. But fo enable this, we must communicate effectively This includes connecting on an emotional level and being available to relate to a greater depth, Head to p42 for help with reaching out fo the people that you care about. It may require careful attention at first, but will be worth the investment, as it will lead fo amore enriched life and a deeper connection for you both, RAV SEKHON, BAMAMEAC co) Raviea counsellor ‘ond paychetherepiet with mare than 10 years! experiance. eAHappiful Community Meet the team of experts providing information, guidance, and insight throughout this issue ‘CLAUDINE THORNHILL Cloudine isa ond heath con GERALDINE JOAQUIM Garedine isa hyprotherapiet, poychotheropist one wellness co0ch (MELANIE KIRK kot) Op APTMBACE Melanie. relationship therapist currently Undertaking an MSe. KAYAN HOUSSEIN Kayon isan integrative relational counsellor DR KIRSTIE FLEETWOOD MEADE Kirstin paychologit coach, and yoga and ‘ovement fcr DR NICK WAKEFIELD Nickisocnial psychologist specaliing in frauma and adltions, DR VENITA PATEL ‘Mec opi Haan ARac> ane cnc Venita isan NHS doctor, paediatrician and Putrfonal therapist Join the Happiful Expert Panel Are you a wellbeing expert with valuable insight to share? Happiful professional membership includes ‘opportunities fo be featured in our ‘award-winning magazine. Discover how to join by emailing us at professionals @happitulcom Our team Rebecca Thair| Editor Lauren Bromloy-Bird| EeitoralAsitant Bonnie Evie Gifford, Kat Nichol | Senior Witers Becky Banhom | Content & Marketing Officer Michele Elman, Claudine Thornhil | Columniste Ley Donoughve | Head of Multimedia Elen Leos| Head of Content Keith Howit | Sub-Eltor Rev Seknon | Expert Advisor ART DESIGN ‘Amy-Jeon Burns| Head of Product CChetiotte Reyrll| Creative Lead san Mager|Hkastator ‘COMMUNICATIONS ‘ice Groeds| PR Manager ‘CONTRIBUTORS Eleanar Noyes, Kate Scan Hur, Emme Hrrison-Wes, Alssondravesci Vora Soles, Habe Rehardson, Kate Orson {le Evelyn Orel Jonna Former, Shaun Fees ‘SPECIALTHANKS Geraldine aqui, Dkr Reehwood Macde, Kayan Hours, Dr Venta Ptal Meloni Ktk, Dr Nick Woke MANAGEMENT ‘Ari Mounders| Drector& Co-Founder Emme Hurey | Director & Co-Founder Paul Moundere| Director & Co-Founder ‘SUBSCRIPTIONS For new orders and back orders vist shophappifulcom, or call Newsstand on +44 (0)227 277 248 or email subenquiries@newsslondcouk contact Hoppifl c/o Memiah, Bulding 3 Riverside Woy, Comberey, Surrey, GUIS 3¥L Emal us at hule@happiulzom HAPPIFUL FAMILY Helping you fin the help you need Counseling Drecory,tife Coach Directory, Hypnetherapy D Therapy Directory WORLD LAND. TRUST™Find help Ifyou are in crisis and are concerned for your ov safety, call 999 or go to ABE Call Samaritans on 116 123 oF email them at jo@samaritans.org EEE eens SANEline SANEline offers support and information from “4pm-10pm: 0300 304 7000 Mind Mind offers advice Mon-Fri am-Gpm, except bank holidays: 0300 123 3393. Or email: info@mind.org.uk ‘Switchboard Switchboard ie a line for LGBT+ support. Open from Tdam-TOpm (0300 330 0630. You can email: chris@switehboard ight CONNECT WITH ALIFE COACH Learn more about life coaching and connect with a professional sing ifecoach-directory.org.uk GRIEF AND BEREAVEMENT SUPPORT To find support for grief and bereavement, head fo cruse.org.uk or call their helpline on 0808 808 1677 INFORMATION ON OcD ‘Tolearn more about OCD, and to find help and suppor, visit ‘ecduk.org or call their helpline on 01332 588112 Cartwoeonetee comminetirade tho pate Ft we sour ol paper tom FSO cfd oc ‘The FSC lab uote at hres havesederrepoed cr alowed agua nally Sci ll eee nada nei loo or ochane nb mating ale donation afer Hopping ‘ordot Meri ne Th opine rn nde sprenndn Hoppflee ne th erst here ondJorotnceteanyreprvrtcuropnir vino vos Ning nthe mapa cones ioc a Seldroy tipodetee uar arti upon ny nt hers aching pin ‘onda howeverfyouwaudlbale pa on our feedback chav carp abat Hoppa poo alu trfeedbckhopptcam We det cca aby for roc ore ave ofr by rspaes Merch Utes aprai conga eds and reitrdin Egondond ise wih cmean ruber 4818 nd arr #200867 Orie ie Bun 3 ina Carer rey, SST. JUST cxafet pa INDEPENDENT ONE AWARDS TREE. Sono Winner £5.99 Per month Monthly dose of positivity Includes UK delivery Cancel or pause anytime Ree happiful One undeniable truth is that finding the right help for each individual is a journey ~ what works for one of us will be different for someone else. But don't feel disheartened if you haven't found your path yet. Our Happiful family can help you on your way. Bringing together various arms of support, each of our sister sites focuses on a different method of nourishing your wellbeing - from counselling, fo hypnotherapy, nutrition, coaching, and holistic therapy. Download our free Hoppiful app for more, Prices and benefits ae correct the tinal iting Fr ful tre and conden, plese vs happtulcomArtist’s childhood toy rides again Whether it’s hand-knitted blanket or an old toy, most of us will have something lying around that brings back fond childhood memories, and a sense of comfort in our times of need. For contemporary artist Paul Robinson ~ better known as LUAP this was a pink bear, and its an mage that has become central in his artwork today. During a challenging time in his life, Paul sought therapy to help him overcome loneliness. “Tve always tried mixing with people, but felt awkward whilst being around people,” he tells Happifil. “The exception is when I'm working or exploring the outdoors. Then everything becomes easier and makes sense.” Itwas during his time in therapy that Paul reconnected with a happy childhood memory, which resulted in his recollection of a pink bear. From there, he became inspired to create the bold pieces 8 Issue 71) happifulcom of art for which he has become well-known, For Paul, the pink bear represented a guiding light, which helped him navigate a difficult part of his life, ‘Wanting to provide others with the same sense of comfort and security, he uses a mix of painting and photography to feature the whimsical bear in real-life settings from around the world. In doing so, he sets out to demonstrate the stark contrast between reality and make-believe, with the pink bear standing as a symbol of personal growth and self-exploration, Paul says: “The Pink Bear melts away fear and darkness with the ‘warmth and joy of innocence.” Visit luapstudios.co.uk to find out avnrlasusyENVIRONMENT The future is... terracotta? ‘The 3.5 million tourists who ‘These invisible solar panels are which allow the sun's rays to filter visit the Pompeii ruins each year made by small family business_through. have alot to marvel at, but some __Dyaqua. The idea forthe tiles ‘Currently, Dyaqua mainly things that might have gone came from father and visionary _ supplies historic buildings, where unnoticed are the roof tiles of Giovanni Batista, who wanted to _retaining the external historical the House of Cerere building. create a solar panel that blended features, while finding new ways And there’ really no reason to in with its environment, without _to be sustainable, is of the utmost suspect them. The terracotta affecting the historical features importance. But their work opens tiles look exactly like the ones of buildings. The result: tiles the door to new opportunities, that would have been used witha polymer compound that challenging others to think by the Romans, with one key can be made to look like stone, _ differently about sustainable differenc : they're solar panels. wood, concrete, o brick - and solutions. SLEEP Do you still dream about taking tests at school? If so, you're not alone. A unresolved conflicts, unmet recent global study, by needs, and past life events that dream interpretation website cause frustration,” Dr Nereida ‘ThePleasantDream, found Gonzalez- Berrios, MD, reviewer that 71.8% of participants had and certified psychiatrist at recurring dreams about taking _—-‘ThePleasantDream, says, also atest in school, closely followed _ pointing out that troubling by-visions of being chased, and _ dreams can sometimes be linked nightmares about falling. to mental health problems. Further questioning found Ifyou have trouble with that many of the parti recurring dreams, it’s worth started having these dreamsin __considering whether there childhood or adolescence and, are any patterns to them. Make a note each time you even though many years, ffnot For example, do you tend to experience a dream like this, decades, had passed since they dream about being in an exam and create a record that you can last faced a school exam, the during periods of high stress reflect on. You might soon find theme continued. So, why do and anxiety? Pethaps before that your night-time wanderings these dreams keep cropping up? _big meetings at work, or when could be trying to tell you “Some of the key reasons approaching situations you're something. for recurring dreams are worried about failing in? happifuleom [Issue 7 | 9work Work-life balance is an all-round win, study says Anew study from the International Labour Organization has confirmed what many might have suspected: flexible hours and shorter work weeks can lead to more productive, healthy, and loyal employees. ‘The report took a lookat two main aspects of work, hours worked and work schedules, and assessed how they affected both the business performance and the workers’ wellbeing, Considering a range of working arrangements, such as compressed hours and hout- averaging schemes, it found that flexibility and an overall reduction in hours were linked to a healthier and happier workforce ~ conversely, restricting flexibility could increase staff tumover, and cost employers. Considering the adjustments that came into place at the height of the Covid-19 pandemic, which allowed for more scope for employee autonomy, the report calls on public policymakers around the world to promote better balance. “The so-called ‘Great Resignation’ phenomenon has placed work-life balance at the forefront of social and labour market issues,” said Jon Messenger, lead author of the report. “This report shows that if we apply some of the lessons of the Covid-19 crisis, and look very carefully at the way working hours are structured, as well as their overall length, we can create a win-win.” OY happifulicom |esue 71 | 11Take 5 It's time for a breather from the stress of the world, as you unwind and enjoy a few precious moments of puzzling fun Wordsearch Get your ‘blue mind’ in gear as you scour the grid below for 17 water-related words hidden within. Want an extra challenge? Try to find the five additional words not included in the list. Set sail and good luck! COAST ‘WAVES L;A;|W/P/B/}B/D/R 1 Vi E/R RIVER RIPPLE T/s/A;lo;/c|M/1/T/R|S|H]O BROOK STREAM STREAN LIE;}|vj/H/o|P|B|s/E;E/D|v SAND ara A|/D/E/C|P|/O|R|A/S|A/N|D DUCKLING SHORELINE N/K/S;|LJA|W/O|}U/V/iW/]AVTL ISLAND STORM A;/D;/E|T/;/B;]L)/O/C]H|E/]L|P LOCH PERLE C|N/B/E/S/H/|K/L/A/E/D/E HEADLAND: ucHTHOUSE ~/mM/ale|R/T|S/eE|c|Fl\p|alB R|/|L/S|/H/O|R/E|]LJIt|N|E]B vis/G/LIR| Vi S|W/A;|N]HIL B/1/R|/D/|M|S/H|S/IT|FIJH/E L/R}/AJE/G|N/]1|/L/K|c]ulbwellbeing ABOLD & BRILLIANT BREAKTHROUGH ‘Anew drug developed to tackle Alzheimer’s is being hailed the ‘peginning of the end’ in the search for effective treatments. Clinical trials have found that Lecanemab, which forgets a protein that builds up in the brains of those with Alzheimer’s, can slow down memory decline by as much as 27%. While there's still a way to go, it’s a positive sign that scientists are ‘on the right path, and life-changing treatments could be on the horizon. ‘APIZZAKINDNESS Ina true act of generosity, a tokeaway owner in Edinburgh offered everyone in the city free pizza in January, to help with the cost ofliving crisis, Mare Wilkinson, who owns Pure Pizza, noted it was a win for all - enabling him to offer more work to his part-time employees, ‘and help the “SS wrap Cea! eens Te ey Re rey ea as eee a Ere Sees Cen) Cee ad Gary achieved his goal, and raised an astounding £1 million for Macmillan Cancer een ree ey Pee eee ee CATGOT YOUR... HEARTSTRINGS? Inamoving story, a lost eat from West Sacramento was reunited with her owner attersix years apart! Jessica Kinsey adopted Lily as a kitten, but she disappeared and hadn't been seen since 2017, until call from shelter who found the now 13-year-old feline, and seanned her microchip, changed everything. And the best news? Lily recognised her human straight away. public, os well 3 suppliers. New guidance has revealed that the NHS will util digital technologies fo treat children and adolescents struggling with anxiety. Professionals can prescribe video games, from a range of five based on cognitive behavioural therapies, which can be accessed ‘mobile apps, to better understand their anxiety and learn techniques to manage their symptoms. Following o Taliban ruling in December, banning women from attending universities inAfghanistan, 20 top British universities have pledged to offer them free courses via digital learning platforms. The institutions have partnered with FutureLearn to deliver the content, but i's important to recognise that while this isa valuable educational support, itis not a solution given the implications of poor signal, language barriers, ‘and not all having access to computers or internet. Fast forward to green Fast food chains in Franco recently faced a massive shake up, in what's being called a ‘revolution’ by ‘environmentalist. From’ January 2023, new rules mean that any resteurant with more than 20 seats must provide reusable lshes, cups, and cutlery for ‘customers, in a move set to save around 100,000 tonnes of waste. WRITE ON TIME “Two transatlantic pen pals, who have been messaging since 1938, celebrated their 100th birthdays with thei fs video col The rmilestone moment saw theifelong fiends, Geoff from Devon and Celesta from Texas, ‘embrace modem technology. Bt their story spans netjust en ocean, but the Second ‘World War the Ci Rights Movernent, ‘and economicsruggies Through it ‘al they kept in touch - and plan {continue doing so!What are parasocial relationships? Could the relationships we share with celebrities and fictional characters help us deal with everyday challenges? La "ve always been a dreamer. When I was little, I sought out comfort in fictional worlds; devouring pages and pages of Jacqueline Wilson, I developed what fet like close friendships with her characters. Tracy Beaker vwas my fictional best friend, her story spoke to me, and I was so 14 ls2ue71| happifuleom compelled by her world that I forgot she didnt actually exist in my own, Asan adult, my favourite programmes are a nurturing presence for me, and whenever I feel down, Iswitch on my TV and seek comfort in what feels like a close circle of friends. These feelings aren't just limited to me, either. Termed ‘parasocial relationships; this phenomenon is defined as‘a one-sided relationship, typically between a fan and celebrity figure, whether that be the actual person or in some cases a character they play on a show or movie’, Parasocial relationships might sound typically 2023, but the philosophy behind them predates the 21st century. The term ‘parasocial interaction! was first coined by sociologists Donald Horton and Richard Wohl in 1956, referring to a psychological relationship thats experienced by an audience member towards the person or character they are encoutering, particularly on television and with celebrities. Horton and Wohl’ thesis dictated that, as everyday people, we are encouraged to feel a personal connection with TV personalities. Inthe UK specifically, television presenters like Graham Norton and Alan Cart, or fictionalcharacters like Phoebe Waller- Bridge's Fleabag are notable, modern-day examples. As consumers, we don't know these TV personalities in real life; physically, they're little more tous than pixels on a screen. But these relationships hold real meaning to us. The setup of a TV chat show, in particular, encourages feelings of warmth and security. Direct addresses anda living-room-type set - sofa and all - trigger a psychological feeling of connection. We feel that we're a part oftheir lives ~ that, in enjoying a chat amongst the stars with a drink, they might as well be in our own homes, sitting on our own sofas. Evidently, there's alot of joy tobe found in parasocial relationships. Natalie Pennington, PhD, is an assistant professor in communication studies at the University of Nevada, Las Vegas. ‘Teaching atthe intersection of interpersonal communication and communication technology, she focuses on social influence and impression management, She believes that, as humans, we seek to find a connection in a variety of ways - one of those avenues ismedia, “We want to feel close to others. Media can sometimes, create an intimacy about someone that can make you feel close, even when you're not; she explains. And in the modem age, celebrities, famous for appearing ‘on our screens - whether in TV shows or films ~ often double up on this, extending their influence via social media, “Celebrities can disclose and share information, images, and videos that are insights into their day-to-day life, which can create, for some, a feeling of closeness, even though the posts are public for anyone Dr Pennington 6G When I feel down, I switch on my TV and seek comfort in what feels like a continues. “Influencers are an example of micro-celebrity, and the same thing plays out with newer social media like TikTok, where you can actually geta response from someone.” Inessence, social media provides another space to fill our natural, human need for connection. However, it’s important - as with anything - to exercise caution, Boundaries are fandamental, as Dr Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of ‘The Chelsea Psychology Clinic, believes. “Parasocial relationships are defined by the fact that they are one-sided, which is where the problem lies,” Dr Touroni states, “Healthy relationships are reciprocal - you both put energy and time into building the connection. They become dangerous when they are taken tothe extreme, either coming at the cost of forming real- life connections or becoming. obsessional.” But how can we tell when our own parasocial relationships are unhealthy? And how can we practise self-care when things become alittle off balance? ‘When it comes to engaging with influencers, in particular, self comparison can creep in, From a mental health perspective, seeing endless posts on Instagram depicting immaculately close circle of friends designed homes, constant social engagements, and seemingly perfect relationships, can become detrimental, Witnessing other people share their joy online ‘can skew how we see our own lives, feeding into jealousy, and encouraging us to set unrealistically high expectations. Centralise self-care during these moments of selfcomparison. ‘Seek joy in the little, mundane things -lighta candle or read book, spend time watering the plants, or go for a walk. For every essence of engagement in a parasocial relationship, make sure ‘you pair that by interacting with a tangible, in-person relationship. And if you're seeking to secure more ofthose, why not join a book club? Or a running club? Ora knitting group? Theres always a connection to be found; sometimes, you just need to look. So, if you're looking to seek comfort in parasocial relationships, remember this: there so much joy to experience, but place boundaries at the centre, ‘The world is a busy, exhausting climate, and parasocial relationships - when executed properly and with caution ~ might jst be able to provide that escapism we all need. 1 happifulcom | Issue 715A change of air Could a wellbeing ritual favoured by the Victorians be the answer to our 2ist-century ‘nervous ailments"? daydream, sometimes, why we needed it at that time. [- the sea. It’s not far As my friend said: “I wanted to from my house, but always ’be witness to something that feels like its somewhere foreign _ was bigger than me - the sea and exhilarating whenever I act _~ and to gain perspective after on the urge to hear the waves an overwhelming period of our crashing, Just being able to see lives.” the horizon, and take in the The restorative virtues of the shifting shades of blue, grey, and _seaside have been praised for green, brings meacalmness.It years, even before the mid- restores me, even if for justa few 1800s when the first trains moments before the children’s trundled from smoky London to demands for ice cream, chips, the open horizons and pebbly or atoilet visit bringme back to _beaches at Brighton. It was a reality. whole century before this that Acdlose friend and donned the concept of moving from one every layer we owned and place to another for your health wrapped our youngdaughters up had started gaining traction tocollect pebbles on the beach all in Europe, where a ‘change through last winter. We couldn't —_of air’ was prescribed for feel our noses or toes in the patients suffering from ‘nervous bitter, salty air, but we breathed ailments. itin and came back to our cars By the Victorian era, the with burning cheeks, tired idea was widely accepted, babies, and soaring souls. School __and different locations gained and work have kicked in now, favour for the treatment of and so our trips are sporadic. different illnesses. These were But we reminisce and talk about both physical and mental 16 | Isue71| happifulcommaladies, including the illnesses collectively called consumption, of which tuberculosis was one of the most deadly. Trips to the Alps, though, for its clean, crisp air would only have been possible for the wealthy few. There were, however, people trying to open up green spaces for everyone, as understanding deepened about the spread of diseases. Helen Antrobus is the assistant national curator for cultural landscapes at the National Trust. She explains: “It was generally understood that coal and smoke-filled air could ‘be damaging to the lungs, and in the mid-19th century the belief that water-borne diseases, like cholera, were air-borne still prevailed, You can understand, then, why accessing clean air was so important. For the rich, accessing new climates abroad for health benefits was easily attainable, but not so much for those working and living in dire conditions.” ‘The Public Parks movement - which regulated holidays for workers and cheap railways - as well as the work of Octavia Hill and the other co-founders of the National Trust, gave people access to green spaces, both. nearby and beyond. Helen adds that Octavia Hill advocated for pockets of green space, 18|lsu671| happifulcom playgrounds for her tenants, and outdoor ‘living rooms’ for the urban poor, ‘This was a time when factories belched pollution above cramped, cobbled streets, and so a ‘change of air’ for the majority ‘meant seeking out a change of air quality. While I am lucky to live in a house surrounded by fields, the sea air still feels different, and my body reacts to it, For those escaping pollution and disease, though, a ‘change of air’ a day paddling in the sea ~ could offer physical respite. They could breathe easier if only just for one day. The health benefits of some locations remain, even today. ‘change of air’ isnt likely to be something a doctor would prescribe today in the same way, but we talk about it all the time, just with different words: “4 break from our routine”, “Getting some fresh air’, oA change of scenery”. We book holidays and weekends away; a lucky few travel for months if not years, but even opening the back door and wandering into the garden has an impact on our brains. This is widely supported by scientific research, and shows how complex we each are. Geraldine Joaquim is aclinical hypnotherapist, psychotherapist, and wellness coach, She explains that we are hardwired to seek out routine and familiarity. This is an evolutionary throwback to atime when doing something exactly the same way as you hhad the day before might have meant survival. Straying into the unknown - whether places or actions ~ could prove fatal, But there is a downside. She says: “When you're stuck in those routines, you're not realy living in the moment.” We become tunnel-visioned, distracted, and bored. It always amazes me how much I yearn to mindlessly scroll through rubbish on Facebook if Thave been sitting at my desk at home for hours by myself. This is because, although we seek routine, we yearn for novelty. Seeing new things fires our brains, It sets off reactions that result in the release of dopamine - the ‘feel good hormone’ It also exercises our brain's neuroplasticity. But ‘we don't need to pack up and fly hundreds of miles to find this, As author and journalist Oliver Burkeman wrote in TheGuardian: “Making even tiny, seemingly irrelevant changes to your daily patterns - taking a different route to work or rearranging furniture ~ can stimulate nerve cells and boost production of neurotrophins, which help brain cells thrive.” He adds: “There's some suggestion this might even slow the onset of Alzhei Geraldine says you can see the impact of the two contrasting needs of the brain play out in a two-week holiday. The first week will go incredibly quickly as everything is new, but familiarity will Settle in by the second week as we learn our environment and put routines in place. What we need is to balance the two. Some routines can be reassuring, stabilising, and productive; but we should analyse our habits and weed out those routines that have become stale. It can be as small a change as taking your lunch outside into your garden, not least because of the well- documented calming impact of nature on the brain, Michaela Thomas is a clinical psychologist and the host of the ‘Pause Purpose Play’ podcast. She says that even a brief immersion in nature can reset the brain and re-energise. Over longer periods, the impacts can include greater clarity of thought and a better ability to retain information. She runs retreat days and sees a tangible difference in her clients when they work together in a natural setting, She explains: “You form a connection between the experience of a new place and how you felt while there, so that the novelty combined with the emotion makes the experience more memorable. Your new learning is more likely to stick and serve you for longer. You remember the smell of the woods while you were reflecting on how you live your life, or you remember the warmth of the sun on your face while you made a commitment to change something” Life, for the majority of us, has become quite sedentary Life, for the majority of us, has become quite sedentary and habit driven and habit driven. Monumental changes - seeking out a ‘change of air’ in foreign climates as the ‘wealthy Victorians did ~ aren't possible for many of us, and certainly aren't something we can achieve each and every day. However, little changes in routine and small explorations can be so beneficial to both our physical and mental health. Perhaps, instead of daydreaming of the sea, I should just go. happifuicom |esue 71/195 tips for dealing with information overload e've never been more connected, but the ever-present onslaught of information can be difficult to deal with — here’s how to cope Ty ometim that’s before we even get to the Ifyou often find yourself fee! like our entire day hurried texts and emails from this way, you're not alone. A 2 made up of social media _—_our jobs, family, and friends. Pew Research Center survey DAV notifications, breaking ‘Especially inthe aftermath ofthe found that 66% of adults felt worn news alerts, and streams of work draining Covid-19 pandemic, such__out by the amount of news th and personal messages. Ifit'snot an onslaughtof information can _—_were consuming, And it's having updates on conflicts around the leave our brains feelingscattered, areal impacton our mental orld, its news of political unrest _ making ita struggle to kno wellbeing. Psychologist Ella or troubling social issues ~ and where to turn our attention, MeCrystal says: “This informationadults felt %= worn out by the amount _ ofnews 3% they were © ~ ~ consuming ee 4 we Sa is coming in faster than we can fully digest and understand it. This overload can make us vulnerable to lowered mood, information fatigue, and increasing symptoms of depression and anxiety. “and the impact of attention fragmentation is that we become less productive, less creative, and less able to make good decisions.” Disconnecting from technology entirely isnt all that practical ~ so how do we combat the issue of information overload, while grappling with the need to stay up to date? Turn off notifications and alerts One easy change you can make to set boundaries with the outside world is to turn off all of your notifications, be itemail, ‘WhatsApp, or Instagram. “We need to give up the fictitious narrative that we need to be on top of everything,” Ella explains, The reality is that very few things need our attention so urgently ~so denying these outside influences’ constant access to you isa helpful way to protect your wellbeing. If the thought of turning off all notifications makes you feel anxious though, schedule in five minutes every hour or two to check your necessary platforms. Schedule in chunks of time to disconnect “Giving our brains downtime to process new information input is critical element of leaning and thinking,” Ella explains. In order to do this, its helpful to disconnect at regular intervals during your day. Not only will this help you to process what you've read and seen, itl also help you to calm any feelings of anxiety it may have sparked, Try meditation, or simply sitting quietly, looking out of a window for five to 10 minutes at points during your day. Therapist and author Marisa Peer says: “While these ‘mindless moments’ might feel like a time waster, it actually gives your mind the time to reboot.” If this doesn't work for you, you could try getting outside fora 10-minute walk without any digital devices, or practising some relaxing yoga poses. Doabrain dump One of the main problems with {information overload is that it can leave us unable to prioritise ~ hhow can we plan out our family’s weekly schedule when our mind {s fll of the world’ political turmoil? An effective solution isto doa brain dump. Positive pointers “Atthe start of the week, write down everything that comes to mind that you want to achieve in the week ahead,’ Marisa suggests. You could also journal about any worries or wider issues in your life that yout like to address. This will help you to get all of those jumbled thoughts out of your brain, so you can tackle each of them ina more considered way. Make bigger decisions in the morning Before your brain has a chance to become overloaded, Marisa advises making any important decisions that need addressing in the morning. This will allow you to think clearly about your priorities before any distractions pop up, be it work messages, breaking news, or texts from friends. Reserving that time ~not every day, but as and when the need ‘comes up isa great way to honour what is actually important in your life, rather than what might be grappling for your attention daily. Look for the positive ‘The negativity of our media consumption is usually what weighs on us so heavily. To balance this feeling, intentionally seek out stories and connections that make you feel good. Ask your friends about their favourite ‘moment of the day, read positive news sites, offer praise to someone at work, or practise gratitude. Often, itis these small ‘things that will lift you out of any bleak and overwhelming feelings you may be experiencing, happifulcom |lesue 71|24Learning how to ask for help Why do we feel so much pressure to be self-reliant, and how come it is so hard to accept a helping hand? Columnist Michelle Elman delves into our curious obsession with independence, and the life-changing realisation that allowed her to welcome support clive ina culture that encourages us, tobe strong and independent, but sit possible that we have gone too far? When there isso much pressure to do everything yourself, is it any wonder that we associate weakness with relying on other people? Alongside the ‘trong independent woman’ trope that has been sold asan aspirational goal, believe part of what has caused this isthe fearmongering around being ‘codependent. Codependency was defined by Melody Beattie, in her book Godependent No More, a5 “one who has let another persons behaviour affect [them] and who is obsessed with controlling that person's behaviour” Of course, codependency brings its own set of problems, but hhave we run so far away from codependency that we are now on the opposite end of the spectrum: hyper independence? Hyper independence is the belief that you are the only person you 22| Iesue 7 | hoppiuleorn Dern can rely on, Itis often born out of a trauma where you have relied on someone in the past and been let down, so, as a result, you have a “if you want something done, you have todo it yourself” ‘mentality. Consequently, instead of understanding that relying on others is not only normal, but necessary, you feel shame for not being strong enough to go italone, used to be the same. The thinking behind my behaviour was that if relied on someone, asked them for help or even just a favour, that made me vulnerable, and when you are vulnerable ‘you are exposing yourself to being hurt. What ignored was that the immense pressure I put on myself to do everything alone was incredibly isolating and, in fact, blocking me from forming genuine and intimate connections, because in order to ask for help, you need to allow yourself to trust others and let them in, And yes, that's scary! But it's worth it. [tell the story in which I learned this myself in my new book, The Selfish Romantic. Ihad just come back from a funeral ‘when the guy I had been on three dates with checked up on me to see how I was. Being so used to being single, and very hyper independent at that point, I shut down the conversation and said he didnt need to worry, to go out with his friends, and Id speak to him the next day. Hours later, he turned up at my door simply saying: “I thought you might want a hug,” and he was right. I really did. Later that night, [said to him that it was really kind of him, but hhe didn’t have to come over and that I would have been fine. His response? “I know you would have been fine, but just because you can do it alone doesn't mean you have to.” Ittaught me a valuable lesson to not only ask for what ‘you need, but it was actually OK to askif you didn't need it, but you simply wanted it.I didnt need ahhug, I would have survived without one, but I sure did want one! Letting someone in is terrifying. was right, letting people in gives them potential to hurt you and use your vulnerability against you. But living a life where you Gon't give anyone a chance to be there for you is incredibly lonely, and not the solution, Humans are sociable creatures. With our communities getting smaller and smaller, and our reliance on primary partners becoming greater, itcan be really easy to feel alone, The way we counter this is by reaching out anyway. When you feel like no one cares, text someone who you love. Remind yourself that if they sent the same text to you, you'd be there for them, and even if you feel like no one loves you, they do, and if you are hurting or just want some company, they would want to know. They can't help you if they don't know you need help. The more you give them a roadmap on how to help you, the more they can, so feel free to get Hyper independence is the belief that you are the only person you can rely on as specific as possible. Tell them ifyou need a hug. Tell them if you need to hear a specific sentence that always makes you feel better Tell people how to help you, and you'll be shocked by how many people turn up. When we ask for help, we risk rejection, but the rejection isstill better than building a wall around usso that no one can access us at all. Itis often the harder, braver and more vulnerable thing to ask someone for support, and itis so worth it. Author, TEDx speoker, and five-board ‘accredited life coach Michelle Elman is Hoppiful’s new columnist. Follow heron Instagram @michellelelman hopeifuicom | Issue 71/23= ee The best advice is found on the pillow ENGLISH SAYINGThe "Texeliibmepanu relationships ef craft Throughout history, humans have turned to craft in times of sorrow. But what is it that makes working with our hands such a force for healing? ine of my earliest /memories is sitting on my gran's knee, with two colourful plastic needles in my hands, learning to knit. I remember watching the agonisingly slow growth of a tiny square we were forming together until, suddenly, it became the size of a coaster, and I was allowed to give up. Td been desperately ‘impatient, but she had remained serene, calmly continuing to ‘encourage me as though she was passing along the most important skill could possibly acquire, which, as it turned out, she was. ‘Throughout history, people have turned to creativit moments of grief, Victorian ‘women hand-stitched brooches in their bereavement; Americans embroidered weeping willows in silk following the death of their inaugural President Washington; Missouri Pettway (1900-1981) of Gee's Bend, made a pieced cotton quilt in mourning for her husband from his work clothes; and today nearly 50,000 panels compose the Aids Memorial Quilt, each handmade in memory of loved ones lost. ‘Though she had taught me to knit as a four-year-old, I would only really pick up a pair of knitting needles again after my gran had died, when 1d find ‘myself using the leftover wool from her knitting basket to form asseries of wobbly scarves. The wools were all different weights and the scarves dipped in and fattened out ina strange uneven Journey towards my casting off. Yet the repetitive action of pulling each loop of wool through another seemed the only thing capable of momentarily distracting my mind from the raw edge of loss. 1 realised then, that she had in fact been passing along an invaluable gift, one of both survival and care, which would rescue me in the deepest periods of grief following her death, and later that of my grandad. Craft can allow us to memorialise loved ones, but it can also provide a kind of comfort in times of grief. There is something in the act of making that can temporarily subdue life's happifulcom | Issue 71] 2826 esue 7 | hopeifulcornsorrows, helping to carry us from ‘one moment to the next despite the weight we may be carrying. Creativity, whether it takes the form of a homemade loaf, a poem, ora slowly growing piece of knitwear, is a healing force. Like meditation, it can decelerate the noise of daily life by inviting us to take a moment to focus on something small, something intimate. ‘The meditative quality of repetitive creative acts such as weaving, knitting, sewing, or dyeing lies in the fact that they require a certain level of focus. ‘This focus keeps our minds anchored to the present task. and can temporarily provide a distraction from whatever is troubling us. Because of this, craft courses have been prescribed to patients since the very beginnings of ‘occupational therapy, and basket. ‘making workshops were offered to soldiers in the First World ‘War to relieve anxiety. Creativity encourages what psychologists refer to as flow’: astate in which the complete absorption in. what you're doing results in the transformation of a sense of time. While knitting, [lose track of the ‘minutes for just long enough that I find a sense of peace on my return tothem. Each stitch, whether knitted or purled, or some more complicated variation, captures ‘my attention. This level of focus activates parts of the brain’ cortex involved in regulating emotions and reduces activity in the region of our brain responsible for processing negative emotions and fear. Completion of a project also brings with ita dopamine boost, and because of this, making can become a remedial act through which we can practise self-care. I am not a perfectionist; I don't count the stitches at the end of each row, and they often oscillate as the piece grows. I create meandering scarves and tank tops with wonky ribbing, butthe completion of each brings a sense of quiet triumph: I made this. There is Eola Bae} (or Mi tos) kere baie a subdue life’s The physical act of making helps me to feel useful, to occupy my hands and mind in times when I feel powerless. When Tm anxious about something fleeting, a looming deadline or aheft of unread emails, [bake. It feels good to concentrate on the simple practicality of mixing flour, sugar, butter, and eggs with ‘whatever I have in the cupboard or fruit bowl. But, when the path torecovery is alittle longer, 1 begin to knit. Knitting lacks the immediacy of baking, its suited to slower journeys of healing. There is a sense of hope that once the project is finished, I may feel capable of returning to some semblance of a daly routine. ‘There is no absolute cure for arief. I've found its presence to be tidal; sometimes allowing relationships meto drift along the surface, and other times swallowing me whole. However, making can alleviate the ‘weight of loss and has helped me to stay afloat in difficult times. I witnessed these same effects of, creativity on my mother, as she ‘came to terms with the loss of hur father through learning to indigo dye; dipping and re-dipping lengths of pale fabric into the dark green depths of a dye vat then watching each oxidise a gentle blue to soothe the immediacy of loss. Yesterday I pulled a moss- coloured tank top from my freezer. Ithad been there for two weeks, encased in ice, asa precautionary measure followinga moth scare. donated a good portion of my ‘woollens to local charity shops, but [found mysetf unable to part with anything hand knitted. It seemed crucial to preserve these items, even if they werent the most frequently worn in my wardrobe, because each had been produced ina time of need, They symbolise something far greater than the ‘winter warmth they physically provide; they remind me of difficult times overcome through craft and creativity. Elie Evelyn Orrell isthe author of An Indigo Summer’ (Colon, £14.99) hoppifulicom| Issue 71/27Queer spaces are vital hubs for LGBTQIA+ people, combatting loneliness and deepening connections, so what's behind the decline in their numbers? Alessandra Vescio takes a closer look hen talking about the experience of queer people, it isvery common for the word ‘community’ to come up. LGBIQUA+ people themselves often recognise that they are part ofa community, a large group made up of different lives, stories, backgrounds, who share the identity of being queer, and what this means and brings with it. ‘The long journey of figuring out who we are is something unique tothe queer community, and although every life is different, there are some very common patterns for LGBTQIA* people, such as the importance of ‘coming out’ and living our true selves. All ofthis can be very isolating, especially atthe intersection of identities such as race and disability, According to a 2022 government report, queer people are more likely to feel lonely than their non- ‘queer peers. In particular, gay or lesbian and bisexual participants were 1.4 and 2.5 times more likely to experience loneliness, respectively. Furthermore, transgender people, and trans 28|esue 71 |hoppifulcorn women in particular, experience high levels of social loneliness. Also, older LGBTQIA+ people are more likely to live alone and to not see their biological family compared to non-queer people, and LGBTQIA* pupils are more likely to have fewer friends and a smaller group of friends than non- LGBTQIA+ pupils. “Isolation and loneliness ‘amongst adolescents are on the rise, and the pandemic has taken its toll on young LGBT* persons’ ‘mental health,” says Lukasz, Konieczka, executive director at ‘Mosaic LGBT+ Young Persons’ Trust. “A young, queer person can attend a school of 2,000 students and feel like they are the only one who is queer at the best of times, but often also face hostility aimed at them directly or at someone else within the school of broader society?” Nevertheless, being queer doesrit mean being alone, There are thousands of people out there who share simitar experiences, and who long for meaningful and trusting connections. And this is why queer spaces are so absolutely vital, Over the years, they have played an essential role in raising awareness, fighting for LGBTQIA+ rights, and helping queer people make new connections and find a new family, especially for those who were rejected by their biological cones. A queer space can be a café, a bookshop, a bar, a club, restaurant, a community centre that organises meetings, ‘workshops, events, and parties - or that simply welcomes queer people who want to have fun with others who understand them. But, despite their importance, queer spaces are on the verge of disappearing, and although the pandemic has made the situation ‘worse, these venues have been at risk for a long time. For example, 58% of LGBTQLA+ venues in London closed their doors between 2006 and 2017, while in the US there are fewer than 25 lesbian bars compared to the 200 that were open in the 1980s. ‘There are many reasons behind this decline. For instance, dating apps now play an important role in the process of meeting and getting to know anew person, so‘much so that most same-gender couples have met online. The cost of living crisis could also make the situation worse in the near future, both because LGBTQIA+ people are already more likely to earn less, be unemployed, or be in poverty, than non-queer people, and because businesses will be hit by rising costs and high inflation, But the increasing acceptance of LGBTQIA* people may also have contributed to the decline in queer spaces, both from within and outside the community. As Noah Powers, an urban design and engagement professional, says: “Of course, the raising acceptance {in urban areas, and in the Global North more generally, isa great thing,” but “The positive of raising acceptance has a negative when it comes to queer spaces.” First of all, many queer spaces are now considered trendy and cool, and this has led most of them to become a destination for heterosexual and cisgender people. Additionally, a part of the queer community composed mainly of those with privilege may feel that their queer identity is no longer important, and are more interested in assimilating into society. Itis also important to mention that some LGBTQIA+ people prefer not to frequent queer spaces as these places have often been the target of attacks in recent years, they fear for their safety. a fresh perspective | Queer people are more likely to feel == lonely than their non-queer peers But these spaces are worth saving. As Research Fellow at UCL Urban Laboratory Lo Marshall puts it, queer spaces “have created joy and belonging, while providing ccare that isnt always available” To be in an environment where you can express yourself without the fear of being judged or harassed, where you can ask for help and receive all the answers you need, where you can find love and not have to explain who you are, where you feel you belong, is liberating, As Lukasz Konieczka says “Queer spaces can be a lifeline” And they absolutely are. happifulcom | Issue 7129When done right, distractions can help us regulate ‘our emotions — and, with the perfect activity, you could be introducing another layer of joy into your life iting | Kat Nichols Go for a mindful walk Going for a walkisa recommendation we've all heard before, right? Being ‘mindful on your walk, however, can take things up a notch. Allow yourself to be fully present during your walk; what are you seeing? What are you hearing? What are you smelling? Engaging with your senses has a grounding effect, and can distract you from swirling thoughts, all while reaping the benefits of being out in nature. Write a letter toa loved one Connecting with others has a host of benefits, and, thanks to technology, there are more ways to connect than ever before. ‘When you need a distraction though, why not slow things down and write a letter? ‘Taking time to hand-write your conversation can help to slow our thinking and take a beat. And, let’ be honest - who doesnt love receiving post? 30] Issue 71 | hppifulcorn Organise something etre all different, but for some of us, a cluttered space can make our ‘minds feel cluttered, too. Having amoment to tidy and organise a space gives us something physical todo (grounding us in the here and now) while taking our mind off of whatever we're worried about. Pick a shelf, cupboard, or even a room, pop on a playlist, and get organising, Read a couple of pages Sometimes we need beautiful words as a palate cleanser for difficult times. Pick up a poetry book, a book of essays, or a short story, and read a few pages when ‘you need it, Focusing on short- form writing can take away the overwhelm that can come with longer reads, and makes it easier todip in and out. Create something Tapping into our creativity hasa wonderful way of reducing stress and lifting our mood. Next time ‘you need a distraction, create something, Try out a new recipe, play an instrument, work on a puzzle, or write a story. This, reminds us of our capabilities, and gives us a great confidence boost. Learn something new Learning something new engages our minds and shifts our perspective, giving us permission to be messy beginners. Why not Tear a language, and distract, ‘yourself with Duolingo lessons? Or sign up to a learning platform like Skillshare and work through a class? You'll not only be distracted, but you'll also be working on ‘your personal development, and, hopefully, finding a whole heap of fulfilment along the way. Playa game ‘Whether you prefer board games or video games, all forms of gaming offer a sense of escapism and accomplishment that can be positive. Bring out your favourite ‘when you need a break, and allow yourself to be immersed in a new world, even if only for a while.Happiful reads. From a comforting poetry book to a handy guidebook helping you create a clutter-free mind and home, here are four books you won't want to miss this month eo hen a loved one is diagnosed with a life changing illness, it can be an incredibly emotional and challenging time. And, often, it comes with uncertainty. So, how can we make the transition easier for ourselves and our loved ones in need? Pulling Through is here to help. Must reads byTemple Grandin ‘On a mission to educate and inspire, visual thinker Dr Temple Grandin draws on her own ‘experiences, and uses fascinating research, to help revolutionise ‘approaches in the workplace, ‘educational settings, and even parental styles, to help assist visual learners. Catherine's life changed forever when her husband fell il on Boxing Day 2016, resulting in «@ devastating brain injury. For Catherine, caring for her husband became a top priority, but this new role came with scenarios that she was unprepared for. You'll Never Walk by Rachel Kelly You'll Never Walk Aloneis the perfect collection for those ‘who enjoy a weekly serving of uplifting poetry. Inspirational and soothing, each poem provides the reader with o little bit of comfort and hope needed to navigate life's highs and lows, 90 that you, too, will never walk alone. 7, Pulling Through: Help for Families ‘Navigating Life- Changing Ilness by Catherine Jessop (Out now) Wanting to provide others with the clarity and answers that she wished she had on her own journey, she wrote Pulling Through, ‘guide that brings others hope and reassurance. There are books tohelp you declutter, and then there's Dilly Carter’s book for decluttering, Professional orgoniser and founder of Declutter Dollies, she is here to show you how to turn your home into a space for serenity, Packed with expert tips and tricks, the wonderful guidebook will help you find a clutter-free mind and home in no time. happifulcom |lesue71|34Life’s rich tapestry: At home with Mary and Alex In aworld where loneliness and isolation seep into the lives of many, an innovative scheme is bringing together older people with those seeking accommodation. Here, Kathryn Wheeler meets a household who made 2a the move, to find out why it works for them es ee nan extraordinati aconcert at the school former cold Thursday evening, Alex’ sister works at. music teacher, tells Tpark my car outsidea Mary and Alex are ‘me later, when the two home on the outskirts one of the 50 matches of us sit down together. And, of Oxford. I'm here to meet between ‘Householders’ and she explains, she heard about with Mary, 85, and Alex, 31, ‘Sharers'that Age UK Oxfordshire Homeshare some time before ‘two people taking part in Age has supported in the past three she took steps to take part UK Oxfordshire’s Homeshare ‘years. To be part of the scheme, herself. “Someone told me about = ascheme that matches older the Householder pays from Homeshare, and then Marian people who are looking for £150 per month, and the Sharer _came along. It was a couple of help or companionship in th pays £200, the split in bills is years after wel first met that homes, with another person then worked out between the I decided to join the scheme. who can lend a hand, and household. Bach arrangement After my husband died, and his who isin need of affordable comes with a minimum nine- carer left- I didn't mind being by accommodation. month commitment, but many myself in the house during the Ym led into the sitting room by _last much longer - the longest day, but I didn't like it at night. Maria, Mary's daughter, where in the county now approaching That's when I decided. 'm very I meet Marian from Age UK the five-year mark. It'saforward- glad, its been very reassuring” Oxfordshire, as well as Mary thinking arrangement, but the ‘As you would expect, a rigorous and Alex themselves. The five setup of sharing a home isn't vetting and prepping process. ofussit around a warming fire, completely new to Mary. pre-dates any match, all overseen ‘Max the dog delighted by the “used to have a lot of students by a team of two: Marian and her company, while Alex and Mary _livingwith me, thisiswhen my _ colleague Vicki. Applications, relay yesterday evenings outing; husband was alive,” Mary, a interviews, DBS checks, 32 esue 71 | hoppifuleorna fresh perspective (Meena ito) youre older, to take things as they come references, home visits, meetings felt there was a mutuality to it,” _ feels like I've gained a fami introductions between Sharers, he says. Something that struck me was, Householders, and theirfamilies From there, Alex got in touch, within two days of living here, I = and ongoing support, are all with Marian, and wasinvitedtoa _couldsit in the kitchen and read vital pillars for the success and Homeshare Oxfordshire lunchtime a book, and Mary could sit n the safety of the scheme. social. Here, he met Mary and kitchen and read a book, and “Tame to Homeshare at a point Maria forthe firsttime and, after there was no atmosphere, it was when I was really struggling with a second meeting in Mary’shome, _very ordinary. I remember Mary ‘my mental health,” Alex shares. the match was made. Four weeks having her newspaper on her lap, “It instantly appealed to me. I later, Alex moved in with Mary for reading me funny stories; and, really liked the possibility of atrial period, equally, we were very happy to sit providing support to someone, “rvebeen here alittle over eight quietly. That meant the world to but also, perhaps, being the weeks now, butit feels like Pve me, because it was very homely. recipient of some support as well. been here very much longer—it __ We just clicked.” happifulicom| sue 71|33‘Though precisely how it looks will vary from household to household, Sharers commit to 10 hours of help around the home, an important guideline for sustaining one of the key purposes of the scheme, to provide support to the Householder. While that may sound a little regimented, the reality is entirely more natural, “Ltend to cook maybe three or four timesa week, and if'm not doing the main course I might prepare salad or a pudding. Tm in most evenings, with some exceptions, but we normally have 34] Issue 71 | hopeifulcorn a meal together five or six times out of seven, And then I quite like going to the shops with her, because she quite a meticulous shopping list writer. And things like helping with the driving, or just carrying the bags to the car, are things that Mary would struggle with, and are things that are quite effortless for me. “Llove that I'm able to make her cup of tea, or boil the kettle to give her a hot water bottle in the evening, because I know little things make a difference, and they cost me nothing. Equally, there have been times when. Mary has made me a cup of tea, and I've really valued that.” ‘To me, the whole arrangement sounds very easy. “Well, itis easy!” Mary says, when I put this to her. “You learn, when you're older, to take things asthey come. I've had a fall life, and he is a remarkably nice young then, what the most surprising thing about Alex has been? She takes a long pause to think, and then she leans in. “He likes doing embroidery. “Ive lent him a book on different stitches. He's found thattent stitch is one of the nicer stitches, so versatile, Ifit wasn't for the fact I have bad arthritis, 1 would do a lot more. It'sa btgger getting old, it really is” ‘To my delight, Mary then shows ‘me some of her work. Above the stairs, she points to a wall hanging she created. Its based on the design of German weaver Gunta Stdlzl, who wove it as.a carpet. “Itwas one of the few things that survived, because she had to escape to Switzerland,” Mary tells me. “And I looked at it, and 1 thought, I'm going to sew that.” Her home really isa handcrafter’s dream. She shows me piece after piece of framed embroidery, each with its own personality ~ some with juicy- coloured metallic threads and delicate beads, the wall hanging ‘made with wool. Alex then shows me his own embroidery, including his current project, which is being worked on to canvas. “The embroidery is a lovely thread that runs through our ” Alex says. “Mary hhas never made me feel funny as aman doing embroidery. I think there are some people who would find that funny, but I've found it's been great for my mental health, Tknow that Mary and I can be sitting at the table, and Il be ‘working on something, and there are some stitches that I can't do without her help, and they just come to her instinctively because she's had a lifetime of practice.” GG The embroidery isa lovely thread that runs through our relationship Ina country like the UK, with an ageing population - and in cities like Oxford, where average wages and average house prices just dontt match up -and, need itbe said, with waves of people struggling with loneliness, doesn't a homely arrangement like this just make sense? “Without wanting to get on a soap box, I would love to see more investment by both local and national government, to enable more people like Mary and me to come together.” Alex says. “I would love to see a Homeshare in every county, rather than a patchwork of brilliance in a sea of lonely people.” Mary and Aley’s dinner - carbonara, with treacle tart for pudding — is calling, But, before Igo, as I did before, I put to Alex: ‘What's been the most surprising thing about Mary? a fresh perspective “I think Mary is wonderfully witty” he says. “And I think Mary is endlessly funny. I think she hhas lived the most incredible life, and experienced really difficult ‘things and borne them really well. I think she's a wonderful storyteller, [think shea remarkable cook. And there are moments when Mary will laugh and smile, and it’s just the most. incredible thing to be a part of.” With one final reminder from Mary to experiment with my own handcrafting, I leave the household, and begin the drive home. Asa final reflection, its only right that I turn my favourite question on myself: What was the most surprising thing about Mary and Alex? Well, as adults, it’s not often that we have the opportunity to make new connections, connections that thrive in life's quiet moments, just as much as they do for its main events. By doing something that has come so naturally to all of them, Mary and Alex, and the whole of the Homeshare Oxfordshire team, are proving that, when you bring down, barriers, and decide to do things differently, wonderful things can happen. And when it’ right, it couldnt be easier. 1 Doreen oui Tan eet oe eee ere) ease es ons eae tea ea greatly helped by donations, and you eRe eek Cee Moat ee ice Lng happifulcom |lesue 71/38,The six pillars of healthy work-life balance Good work-life balance can sometimes feel elusive and unattainable, so we're breaking it down into its six key pillars ‘or worklife balance can snatch life's joyous ‘moments away from us, and be detrimental to ‘our mental health and wellbeing. But levellingit out isn'tusually straightforward. Here, with the help of Dr Kirstie Fleetwood Meade, we've identified six key pillars of worlctife balance on which to lay your new foundation. YOUR ‘WHY’ Its pretty impossible to set off ‘on any journey if you don't know where you're heading, which is why working out what youre seeking should be your first step. “Spend some time visualising what an ‘deat workslife balance would look like to you,” Dr Fleetwood Meade says. “It may be that this visualisation seems really out of reach right now. Ifit currently fels ike it a three out of 10 in terms of how aligned you are with this ideal, how could you nudge it up to a four? Focusingon the little steps can make this seem more achievable, “Next, ask yourself why it important to you. IFitto feel less stressed, why? Does it allow you to bbe more present with your family? 36 esue 7 | hopeifulcorn \Wrting | Kathryn Wheslor ‘The clearer you are in your ‘why’, the easier it will be to say yes’ to the things that lead you closer to it and ‘no’ to the things that don'.” YOUR VALUES AND. PRIORITIES Once you've explored your “why, Dr Fleetwood Meade recommends shifting your focus to your key values. These are the beliefs that help guide us to live a life that is meaningful to us, she explains. “Being crystal clear on your values makes decision-making around work-life balance easier,” she continues. “Some example values are: adventure, curiosity, power, fitness, freedom, fun, compassion, self-development, connection, love, equality ~ but there are many, many more.” ‘What role do your values currently play in your life, and what would a better work-life balance do for your values? YOUR BARRIERS OR DERAILERS “Changing habits, making decisions, and saying no can all be emotionally draining,” Dr Fleetwood Meade says. “Which makes itall the more important to be able to pre-empt your likely ‘derailers’-the things that will throw your work-life balance off track, or get in the way” Spend some time thinking about what exactly these might be for you. and consider how you can address them, plan for them, and get support with them, ‘YOUR WORTH AND YOUR INFALLIBILITY “itso important to look after ourselves just as well as we lookafter others, but if that’s challenging for you, [often reference the classic ‘you cant pour from an empty cup,” Dr Fleetwood Meade says. “In my therapy work, 'm also a big fan of the idea of the ‘both/and’- the idea that two things that may seem opposing can actually be ‘true at the same time. Often we get sucked into black-and-white thinking - e.g. if am the best colleague Ican be, that means I ‘need to be always‘on’” Instead, Dr Fleetwood Meade suggests reframing to something like thi + You are important and you cantt do itall.+ You are doing your best at work and the world wont fall apart if you dont check your emails in the evening. + Yourre caring for others and you need time to recharge. “NO! It’s probably one of the first things you think of when considering how to improve your work-life balance, but that doesn't make it easy. “Firstly try challenging your perspective on the word ‘no,” Fleetwood Meade suggests. “We often grow up with stories around being likeable, helpful, and kind, and saying no can make us feel like we're not these things. But it is possible to say no and still be a kind person.” Dr Fleetwood Meade suggests having some helpful phrases ready. For example, offer an alternative: 've got too much on iy plate right now, but Ican get back to you in X days/weeks. You can also try being polite but firm: wellbeing ~t > Or Kirstie Fleetwood Meade is 2 counseling psychologist, coach, ‘and yoga and movement facitator. Discover more con the Counselling Directory. (thank you for your offer, but am already committed to something else’. Or, if you tend to people-please under pressure, give yourself some time: ‘Can I get back to you on that?” YOUR GUT FEELING “Lastly, an embodiment practice (awareness of what is happening in your body and mind) can be very helpful for guiding your work-life balance,’ Dr Fleetwood Meade says. “Think of situations where you definitely knew you wanted, or didn’t want, to do something - do ‘you know what a full body ‘yes’ feels like, and, a full body ‘no? “We say we know something from ‘gut feeling’ or ‘in our bones. The more we know how out bodies feel in any given situation, the more we can respond from a place that feels authentically us, rather than acting automatically?” You may need to spend time tuning.in to these sensations, especially if you're used to pushing past them. But, its worth it when our bodies could hold the key to our true feelings. happifuleom | ssue 71/37ee A little magic can take you a long way ROALD DAHL, JAMES AND THE GIANT PEACH PoThe physiological try this at home igh Try the quick-octing breathing technique that blocks anxiety It the ultimate breathing technique favoured by Stanford professor and neuroscientist, Andrew Huberman, heralded for being fast-acting and effective. That said, the physiological sigh is actually something we do unconsciously in our day-to-day lives, when we're about to fall asleep, during sleep, and when we cry heavily ‘The perfect tool for speedy serenity (think right before walking into a big meeting, at the height of hectic family life, or for taking a moment when things are going wrong), next time you need quick relief, try the physiological sigh: 1. Take two, quick inhales. 2. Let out a long, slow exhale. 3. Repeat up to three times. happifulcom | Issue 71/39Ask the experts How can | be more open-minded? I've been brought up with quite a closed-minded way of thinking, but I'm ready to break that pattern. Where do I start? OK, s0 you want fo become: more open-minded, this is a positive thing, right? Yes, but like everything, it’s complicated Ifyou have grown up in a farnily Q I'd love to work on my listening and empathy skills, but I’m not sure where to start. What would you suggest? Firstly, we need to acknowledge what a gift this is, that you are willing to listen to and understand others. | would Learn more on the Counselling Directory. or culture that is quite closed- minded, you may have inherited a set of patterns, thoughts, or beliefs about the world, Changing in any fashion is tinged with loss and grief, as we shed these old thoughts or ways of being. We become different, and this can impact relationships in both positive and negative ways, That's why, throughout this process suggest that we become curious about ourselves first. Take the time to check in with yourself regularly, perhaps by journaling, or find « mindfulness practice or meditation that works for you. But why would you start with yourself first? Well, by doing this, you create a sense of spaciousness within yourself to be able to listen to others and Integrative-relational counsellor Kayan Houssein answers your questions on being open-minded and developing empathy skills of change, we need to be compassionate to ourselves. Find what makes you feel safe in life. This could be family, friends, relationships, group membership, pets, your home, whatever it might be. This is your secure base. From this point, start to take tentative steps into the unknown, secure in the knowledge that you can return to your safe place. ‘absorb their experiences. Doing this inner work also allows you to see that your ideas about lfe are just that, ideas, helping to create a sense of distance or objectivity about them. Stories and knowledge are a really powerful thing, and reading about someone's lfe or experience can be transformational, and increase our empathy. Counselling Directory is part of the Happiful Family | Helping you find the help you needQ want to be more active in my community and in supporting others. Do you have any tips on how to start? Most religious and spiritual traditions throughout the ages have helping one another, and building @ sense of community, at their heart for a reason, because it also makes Us feel amazing and connected to each other. If we can combine this with something that we are interested in or want to learn more about, then it becomes magic, and a double gain for the people we are helping and ourselves. Ifnegative thoughts, your inner critic, or anxiety are holding you back, then remember to be kind to yourself and take it slowly. Start small and build up, increase your zone of tolerance and remember to use your safe base to come back to. Don't forget, everyone was new at something once, and you don’t have to be perfect, ust give ita go and see what happens. Kayan’s top three tips for being more open-minded and compassionate towards others: Being curious about, and compassionate to, ourselves is my first tip. We are our own worst erifies and say the most horrible things to ourselves. If ‘we can be compassionate to ourselves and, dare | say, love ourselves expansively, we will be more able to do that for others. My second tip is fo see every person as @ teacher, « unique person, with life experiences we can learn from. Viewing others from this vantage point slows us down and helps us take in what they are saying, rather than just Waiting for our turn to speak. ‘And my final tip is to just go for it life is short, Be brave and pull at the thread that is never ending, seeing where it takes you, the more you open up to life, life opens up to you. Get into debates and push yourself outside of your comfort zone, to where growth hhappifulcom | Issue 7 41Signs that you're being emotionally invalidated Have you ever opened up, only to be met with dismissal? This one’s for you tough time, so you decide to turn toa friend. You lay out all your emotions over a cuppa, explaining how totally deflated, frustrated, and overwhelmed you feel, hoping your pal will relate. ‘You wait for some soothing words of encouragement or an affirmative - “I know exactly how you feel.” Instead, your friend ‘minimises and dismisses your emotions, telling you you're being oversensitive, insisting that you shouldn't feel the way you do, or informing you that your problems are too small and insignificant to even worry about. To add insult to injury, they ight even offer up unsolicited advice that seems to suggest you're the one at fault. Their ‘comments dont make you feel soothed, heard, and understood, | magine you're having a really 42||esu2 71 |happitulcorn Wing | Victoria Stokes butstifled, frustrated, and silenced. In fact, you feel worse than you did before, and silly for even bringing the problem up. ‘Thisis emotional invalidation in action: the process of, ignoring, denying or minimising another person's feelings. Ithappens when we turn to other people for support and understanding and instead find our feelings arent taken seriously. And, ina society that always encourages us to speak up about our mental health, i can be incredibly damaging. “When someone invalidates ‘your experiences, they dismiss, deny, or reject your thoughts and feelings, and often, this can leave you feeling undervalued, and ignored,” says Rachel Vora, psychotherapist and founder of CYP Wellbeing. So, why do they do it? Ever wondered why friends and family react in this way? Ashurtful as having your experiences invalidated may be, it may be helpful to know that it’s not always intentional. “People can unintentionally minimise or make light of our emotions for several reasons,” Rachel points out. “It often people who are uncomfortable dealing with their own emotions that unintentionally invalidate the emotions of others. “For example, people who find sitting with their emotions difficult often adopt unhealthy strategies such as distraction, denial, and avoidance.” Rachel says these people are then likely to employ the same strategies with you.66 We all have a human need to feel heard and understood Other times, your friend really _arentttaken seriously. We does want to make you feel all have a human need to better, and so their immediate feel heard and understood, reaction istotryand make your _particularly if we're going problem seem smaller. Have you _through something tough. ever desperately wanted to help “Emotional invalidation can a friend in need and scrambled leave you feeling as though your toffind the right thingto say, and __emotions are unimportant,’ says instead of saying you understand Rachel, “In some cases, you can how they're feeling, youtoldthem _ feel confused, start to question not to worry? It that. your own emotions, and No one likes to see the people criticise yourself for feelinga they love in pain and most of us. _certain way?” will do anything to make that pain go away. Often, that means What can you dismissing itor trying to make do aboutit? it appear smaller. But, even if First things first, remain your loved ones have your best true to your feelings, interests at heart, having your advises Rachel. “Use emotions invalidated can really the phrase ‘Tfeel'to sting, Speaking up isntt always keep the focus on easy, and so you might feel what you are feeling,” disappointed, discouraged, and she suggests. “When even embarrassed if your feelings listening to G@elationshipssomeone else's problems, people can often focus on their own feelings, but by using’ feel” statements they are less likely to ignore or undermine your emotions” If it's appropriate, you can explain atthe start of the conversation what you need from your friend as well. Do you really just wantaa listening ear or are ‘you looking for solutions? Do you ‘want someone to relate to your problems or are you crying out for some reassurance? Figure this out before you broach the subject, and. let the listener know. Finally? Know when to stop trying, Not everyone will be equipped to deal with your emotions, Rachel notes, “People 44454871 | happitulcom can often lack the insight or time to understand others. Itcan take great courage to hear and see someone else's emotions and not everyone feels able to do this” she points out With this in mind, itean be helpful to remember their reaction says more about them than it does about you. It doesn't ‘mean your experiences arentt valid, just thatthe person listening to them doesntt necessarily have the tools to offer you the right support. aa avenues The good news? If you need to get something of your chest and feel ‘you aren't being listened to, you can find that support elsewhere. “Seeking professional help, such as therapy, can be useful to create a space where you do feel heard and accepted,” says Rachel. “Likewise, physical activity, such as yoga or gym classes, can be a healthy way of releasing built-up emotions - and expressing your feelings creatively can be very powerful through art, journaling, ormusic.” Often, we turn to others to reassure us that our thoughts and feelings are reasonable and acceptable. But you can give yourself that feeling of validation, ‘00, by listening to your emotions. Knowing, simply, that your experiences are valid, and that its OK to feel the way you do, can be transformative. [1Yoga for desk workers Break up the day and say goodbye to aches and pains, with this exclusive yoga routine designed especially for desk workers ackache, shoulder ache, neck ache, wrist ache ~ sometimes, working at a desk can be, well, abit ofaheadache. A survey conducted by Censuswide found that 81% of UK office workers spend between four and nine hours each day sitting at their desks, which adds up to an average of 67 sedentary days per person each year-a lifestyle that can land you with a range of health issues. And while workplace health and safety guidelines will encourage staff to regularly get up and move, deadlines, workload, and ‘workplace culture can make that difficult, in practice. “Despite being a yoga teacher, Tmalso very guilty of being a desk dweller when I'm not teaching, so know the feeling all too well,” Iain Ross says. “I have chronically tight shoulders and upper back issues, niggles in the lower back and hips, knee pain... The list could go on?” Accordingto the Labour Force Survey, 477,000 workers suffer from work-related musculoskeletal disorders, so youre not alone, And while support from your workplace in the form of ergonomic equipment can go a long way, yoga makes for an effective way to manage aches, pains, soreness, and your mood. “When it comes to the upper back and shoulders, much of the issue comes from overstretched back muscles and over-contracted chest muscles, usually caused by long periods of time spent hunched over,” Iain explains. “Moving downward through the body, a hunched spine (too much spinal flexion) isa recipe for all kinds of back issues, while underactive and overstretched glutes, plus constant flexion in the hip flexors (the front of the hip and thigh) will definitely cause discomfort and injuries over time “So, the key isto open the chest and heart space while strengthening the back, and to activate the glutes while happifuleem |esue 71 45lengthening the hip flexors?” Iain says. “This is somewhat oversimplifying things of course, but stick to this as a guideline and you wontt go far wrong,” Over to you ‘When working at a desk, try this five-minute sequence, created for you by Iain Ross: 46 | 5u071| hoppifulcom 1, Seated breathing (pranayama) One super effective yet extremely simple way to open up space around the chest and the ribs is through deep breathing. Theres ‘more to this than simply taking a couple of breaths, though! Breathe consciously and with awareness for atleast one minute. Start by sitting up straight in your chair, without leaning back or bunching over. Imagine trying to align your head at the very top of your spine while someone pulls a long thread out through the crown of your head. Ever so slightly tuck your chin towards your chest to lengthen the back of the neck. From here focus solely on your breath, allowing each inhale to become deeper. Imagine youre trying to fill the lungs from the bottom to the top, front to back, and side to side. Itcan help to place one hand on the heart space and one on the belly, so you can physically feel your hands move away from you as your breath deepens. 2. Heart chakra kriya Kriya roughly translates as ‘cleansing, and this is gorgeous, traditional yoga practice that is used to clear chakras around the body. This one is for anahata chakra, or the heart chakra, Whether you're into chakra theory or not, this is a great practice to strengthen the back muscles and open the heart space. Td recommend three to five rounds of this (or more, ifyou hhave the timel):1 Start seated with the hands resting in the lap, stacked on top of one another with the palms facing upwards. 2. INHALE. Draw the hands upwards so they align with the heart. 3. EXHALE, Interlace the fingers and push the palms forward as you round the back and tuck the chin, 4.INHALE. Make tight fists and pull the hands back towards the body, hugging the elbows in and really squeezing the shoulder blades together as you look up. 5. EXHALE. Place one hand on top of the other backat the heart space and ‘push back downwards towards where you started. Flip the palms back over and repeat. 3. Utkatasana (chair pose or fierce position) There's a reason this translates to ‘fierce position’ - its a fantastic asana to switch on the glutes and strengthen the back. Its super easy to do from your desk, too! From your seat, simply place the feet firmly on the ground, either hip distance apart or with the big toes touching. Drive down into the heels to lift your bum away from. ‘your chair, sitting the weight back into the heels enough so you can still see your toes in front of your knees if you look down, ‘Asan added extra you can also raise the arms up and overhead. IF you're taking this option, be mindful of the lumbar spine, and try notto let it curve too much. Keep some awareness in the lutes so you can tuck the tailbone ever so slightly. 4. Tadasana, or upward salute into uttanasana From your utkatasana, come up to stand and find tadasana, or ‘mountain pose. There's more to this than simply standing up, though! Think about drawing everything up through the feet, pulling the kneecaps up into the thighs to switch on the front ofthe legs, squeeze the bum, hug the belly button towards the spine, and stand as tall as, you can, while still letting the shoulders be soft so they don't hunch up by the ears. ‘You can stay here with the arms beside the body, palms facing forward, or take it into an upward salute, This asana brings a back bend into the practice, which will open the front of the body while food & health 66 477,000 workers suffer from work-related musculoskeletal disorders strengthening the back, a perfect ‘counter for long days slumped at adesk. Either with the hands up and overhead or the hands at lower back, focus on pushing the hips forward as you lift the heart space up and out. Avoid throwing the head back and maintain a sense of engagement throughout. Think less about bending the spine and more about pushing forward using the glutes while lifting the heart by drawing the shoulder blades together. From here take an optional uttanasana (forward fold), softly bend the knees as you hinge at the hips to fold forward. Hang out here for as longs you need and feel free to repeat if needed. 0 For more from Tain Ross, follow him on Instagram @proud.yoga, or} hhim for classes at Yoga Hero, Leeds. happifulcom |Issue 71/47Brain-boosting rownies Surprise the whole family with this delicious, brain-boosting snack iz hese fudgy brownies are perfect for The addition of kidney beans increases the fibre and children of any age, from toddlers to protein content, so while the brownies taste sweet, they teenagers, and make a great nutrient- will not give ‘sugar highs’ and instead allow a steady packed snack or addition to a lunchbox. release of blood sugar or glucose. As glucose is the ‘They are free of refined sugar, gluten, and dairy, and primary fuel used by the brain, this is especially helpful if the nuts are omitted, they can also be nut-free. for kids who need to focus while studying! HEALTHY CHOCOLATE BROWNIES (SERVES 12) Ingredients Method + 2'flax eggs’ (2 thsp flaxseeds + Preheat your oven to 180°C. + Fold in the chocolate chips mixed into 6 thsp water) ‘Then grease a 20cm square and chopped nuts, then + Lcan of kidney beans, well baking pan. transfer the mixture to your rinsed and drained + Add the flax egg, beans, prepared pan. Use a spatula + Lripe avocado avocado, vanilla extract, and to spread it evenly to the + tsp vanilla extract date syrup or coconut sugar sides. + 1/3 cup date syrup (or 2/3 cup intoa food processor. Process + Bake for 25-30 minutes or coconut sugar) until it becomes a smooth untila skewer comes out + 1/3 cup unsweetened cocoa or batter, almost clean, The top of the cacao powder + Addin the cocoa or cacao batter should be completely + 1 thsp olive oil poviler, oil, sodium. set. + 1/4tsp sodium bicarbonate bicarbonate, and baking + Allow to cool completely, + 1/Atsp baking powder powder and process again until__then cut into 12 squares. + 1/2 cup dark chocolate chips or smooth. The batter will be + Serve at room temperature chunks of chocolate fairly thick. Ifit is too thick to along with a handful of + 1/3 cup crushed walnuts or process, add a tablespoon or blueberries or raspberries pecans (optional) ‘two of almond milk (or other and an optional dollop of + Topping berries (optional) preferred milk) to loosen it. yoghurt! 48) Isu07| hoppifulcomfood & health The healthy bit Children’s brains go through rapid growth, If we can supply them vwith all the right brain-supporting nutrition, we are giving them a head start (pardon the pun). “Many of these essential nutrients are included in the recipe, including complex carbohydrates, ‘omega-3 fats, and magnesium. Complex carbohydrates help to avoid any swings in blood sugar levels, which can affect concentration and behaviour. well as whole grains, legumes like beans are all complex carbohydrates. ‘Omega-3 polyunsaturated fatty acids are vital for healt cells, and research shovrs that they may improve brain function, mood, and learning in children. Flaxseeds contain the omega-3 fat ALA (alpha- linolenic acid) which is converted in the body to brain-ready DHA psahexaenoic acid) and EPA ssapentaenoic acid), beneficial for the brain and also eye health. chocolate isan excellent source of magnesium, a mineral important for energy production, nerve and muscle function, and blood sugar metabolism. It also regulates some neurotransmitter affecting memory and learning. And, the portion of berries gives an extra dose of polyphenols for even more brain-boosting benefits, so it's well worth adding on the side of these brownies. IM Dr Venita Patel isan NHS a paediatrician and nutritional ‘therapist, with special intr inci health and development. Find out more on her prof ‘the Nutritionist Resource. oppiful@@ Life is an adventure to be embraced with an open mind and loving heart BERNARDINE EVARISTO, GIRL, WOMAN, OTHERrelationships Break the cycle Intergenerational trauma can feel like an unrelenting trap, but its time to break free Ihe generations who raised us invariably have a huge impact onourlives, and the people that we become. As adults, we may find alot of oy in noticing that we have adopted, for example, our mother’s sense of humour, our grandfather's agreeableness, or our aunt's passion, But there's another side tothis coin, ‘There's a saying you might have heard of: Hurt people hurt people’ I's very simplistic way of talking about the way that one person's pain can, often completely unintentionally, affect others. And when it comes to the way this manifests in family relationships, it turns into a well-documented psychological phenomenon. “Intergenerational trauma is defined as trauma thatis transferred from one generation of trauma survivors on to the second, and further generations, ‘Whiting | Kathryn Wheeler through genetics and experiences; counsellor Melanie Kirk says. “This means that even though the original trauma may not have been experienced first-hand, the feelings, symptoms, and behaviours can live on.” ‘The trauma can be personal, for example, the parent might have experienced abuse, been the victim ofa serious crime, or have suffered loss or bereavement. Oy, the trauma could be shared ~ Melanie points to the example of Holocaust survivors. “In 2015, a psychiatry and neuroscience professor called Dr Rachel Yehuda directed a team of researchers, and conducted a study on the descendants of Holocaust survivors,” she explains. “It was discovered that the descendants had low levels of cortisol (the hormone that is released during times of stress, which helps to bring down the high levels of adrenaline released when a fight or fight’ response is triggered). “It was concluded that if one parent has experienced PTSD then future generations may be more likely to inherit the gene adaptation caused by a traumatic event. This in turn could result in the descendant being more susceptible to conditions such as depression and anxiety. Comparable studies were also carried out on the survivors and descendants of 9/11, which revealed similar results.” What does intergenerational trauma look like? Inthe same way that trauma will present differently from person to person, intergenerational trauma does, too. I's a complex experience, and one that is best explored with the help of a mental health professional. That said, there are common themes. Besides the genetic impact that Melanie previously explained, if the parent has experienced the trauma, it may affect the way that hhappifulcom | Issue 71 51they interact with their child ~ they may find it more difficult to regulate their emotions, or to model appropriate coping behaviours to their children. In practice, this may look like areduced tolerance to stress ~ perhaps finding they become overwhelmed or angry quickly ~ or they may find it more challenging to express love and affection, All this may then affect their children's behaviour and coping mechanisms, and the way they go on to parent, or treat the people around them. What's more, ifthe parent's trauma has resulted in the: developing specific fears, t anxiety may be passed down, For example, if their trauma stems from an accident, they ‘may then be overcautious around similar activities, or even ban them completely, continuing that fear and affecting how their children navigate the world themselves. “Ifyou think or feel something that doesnt fit within the context of your life, itis possible that this thought or feeling isan inherited one,” Melanie explains. “Working with a therapist can be a good way of exploring this and supporting the excavation of information needed to attach new meanings to your stories, and create deeper understanding, Itcan also help to improve your insight and awareness around your unconscious processes, Sensitivities, and trigger points” '52| esue 71 | hppifulcornrelationships How can | break the cycle’ ‘Whether you are the child of someone who has experienced trauma, or you are the parent, there are many ways that you can begin to address what is in front of you, and to stop patterns of trauma and distress from continuing. Melanie suggests working through the following touchpoint questions: Invest some time into considering some of the ‘elements of yourself you would like to be different. Why is this important to you? What difference would this make if they were improved upon? Aro there certain skills that you don’t feel you were able to learn or develop fully? if so, what are they? How could you support yourself to learn them now? Who could help you with this? Where do your sensitivities lie? What themes do you notice around what upsets you, or makes you ‘angry? Why do you think that is? What value or boundary is being crossed in those moments? ‘What do you think your children would/have inherited from you? How do you feel about this? How have your own experiences of being parented impacted on the way that you would/de parent now? How do you think your children would describe you and your relationship? Isit similar or different to the relationship you have/had with your own parents? Trauma may also lead to the formation of new strengths ~ which is important to acknowledge. Take time to reflect on the helpful characteristics that may have also been witnessed or inherited by your family of origin. The rat and the cherry blossom “Studies at the Emory School of ‘Medicine, in Atlanta, were conducted to test the idea that memories can be passed down through DNA,” Melanie explains. “The experiment exposed rats to the scent of cherry blossom, while they received a small electric shock. It isn't surprising fo find that the rats then demonstrated an ‘version fo the scent, which caused them to become visibly agitated when exposed. rat's pups were observed to have the same reaction, even though they had never previously been exposed to the scent. Itwas suggested that instilling fear in the rat did trigger changes in gene function, which were then transmitted to the offspring” Starting down a new path ‘Managing trauma that has built up over multiple lifetimes is not easy. But, addressing it can lead to personal growth and happiness, and it can pave the way for healthier and happier generations tocome. 0 MEET THE EXPERT ‘Melanie Kirkis © relationship theropist currently undertaking on MSc. Find out ‘more on the Counselling Directory. happifulcom |lesue 71/835 ways to navigate unwanted diet and nutrition advice Unwanted, and unhelpful, advice can range from irritating to triggering, so we've gathered together some tips to help you handle it ave you ever noticed how often people offer unsolicited diet and nutrition advice? At work, celebrating a birthday with cake? Someone chimes in with their thoughts on the matter. Let someone know youre feeling tired? Before you know it, they've given you alistof supplements as ongas your arm. You didnt ask, and yet, here they are, telling you anyway. ‘As a nutrition counsellor, exploring these situations is a regular occurrence for me in the clinic. I work predominantly with individuals restoring their relationship to food, their body, and themselves. Navigating these kinds of situations can be a minefield, especially when you are moving away from diet culture, and restoring your relationship with food. There’s no perfect way to respond, but the following are a few tips on how to navigate it... $4] Isu07 | happitulcom Silence is powerful Responding, or even engaging in conversations about food and nutrition, can feel draining at times ~ especially if you are navigating your own relationship with food. Even if you want to respond, sometimes, silence can be the most powerful tool you can use. For some people, diet culture is so deeply entrenched, that regardless of what you say, it not going to change their mind. Opting for silence can indicate your disinterest in them, allowing you to save your energy for more important things in your life, Them: I've heard we should all be ‘making sandwiches out of lettuce leaves! You: *Stares into the distance and thinks about the cute cat you saw on the way to-work this morning:* Make your response a neutral one This isa great tool for situations when your mind is racing, and you dont know what to say. Or when you're trying to think of an apt comeback that youll look back on with reverence, but can't quite find the words. Go for the most neutral thing you can think of, I like a simple ‘OK, or ‘Mmbmm. I think of this like sending the thumbs-up emoji -a very simple way of expressing T've heard ‘you, but this isthe end of this conversation!” Tell them what you really think You may have to pick your audience here, but if you're feeling bold - you can try telling them what you think of their comment. Diet and nutrition advice isso sneaky that there isasilent, buta very present, expectation of how you will respond. Telling someone directly you dont like what they've said can disrupt the flow, and turn that expectation on its head, This can be a very clear way of indicatinger TTT PTUs Bie eR Coe ttos ad you will respond how litte interest you have in any nutrition or diet advice. Try: “Thank you, but wasnit asking for advice? Lay down a boundary Boundaries - an oldie, buta goodie. A boundary is a very clear line drawn in the sand that tells someone what you need. How you set down your boundary ‘may depend on who is saying it, ‘what context yourre in, and how often this topic has come up. It ‘may be something which needs tobe reiterated and repharased to effectively communicate exactly ‘what you want to say. Use'?’ statements to let somebody know exactly how you feel and what you need. Try tobe honest with yourself, but remember, you dont need to go into depth, or offer them an explanation of why you're setting the boundary. ‘You could try phrases such as: ‘Tdontt want to engage with this topic; ‘This kind of chat isn't my cup of tea; find this kind of conversation unhelpful, can we talk about something else?” Recognise that it’s not about you Iva really hard thing to do, but try to acknowledge that what they're saying isnt about you. It's about them, and might be to do with their relationship to food, a food & health need to rescue, entrenched diet culture, or they might genuinely feel like they're being helpful. Sometimes, acknowledging this can be useful to give yourself some distance between yourself and that person's comments. It doesnt take away from the feelings it brings up for you. However, it can give us abit of space, where we can decide how torespond, In moments like this, it might even be helpful to remind yourself Its not about me, it’s about them. I Hebe Richardson isa queer, award- winning, HAES© aligned, registered associate nutritionist, and trainee counsellor and psychotherapist. hoppifuleom | Issue 71 85SUBSCRIBER OFFER! Subscribe today to get your book of positivity delivered each month eee tte eit i) months fer ey RC Leo R23) of Happiful ate eter eyes Peed ae Pleas toutel aac een aten tas T oS WANE Pie ia eay Caya fresh perspective Six times as likely: the Traveller mental health crisis It’s time to take a hard look at the reality faced by many in the community ‘m from the north-west of England, alittle town called Morecambe Bay, not far from the Lake District. My family are Showmen Travellers. My ‘mam, she grew up around the Bolton area and her family all had fairgrounds and travelled around the whole of the UK. My dad, he actually came originally from a circus and fairground background. They met and hit it off - not initially, but they got there. And then they decided to have an amusement arcade, so they settled.” Tm speaking to Xenna Kaser, a counsellor who is also part of the GRT (Gypsy, Roma, Traveller) community. GRT is an umbrella term for those who belong to minority ethnic groups such as Irish and Scottish Travellers, and Romany people, as well as New Travellers, Showpeople, and. Boaters. It's estimated that there are around 300,000 Travellers in the UK, and those in the GRT Ss community share a distinct, diverse, and rich heritage. “We all went through schoo! still going to those fairgrounds, the big ones in particular, throughout the year to meet friends and socialise,” Xenna continues. “Neither I nor my two brothers have gone into the field. We've all gone on to do different things, but are still very much in touch with our background.” Xenna’s vocation asa counsellor working with the GRT community is an incredibly valuable one, Alongside the everyday joy that comes with family and community, Travellers are one of the most persecuted and marginalised groups in our y. In fact, it was only in 2021 that ‘Roma’ was included as an ethnic group, and ‘Showman’ as an occupation and ethnicity, in the England and Wales Census. And while there isa severe lack of legal sites for Travellers, in 2022, the controversial Unauthorised Encampments: Police, Crime, Sentencing and Courts Act made residing with a vehicle on land without permission a criminal rather than a civil - offence, giving police the power to seize vehicles and, consequently, people's homes and way of life. With all that in mind, it goes without saying that living in this, environment can take its toll. The suicide rate for Travellers is six times the general population ‘That's according to a study by All-Ireland Traveller Health, and the figure rises to seven times the general population for men. Another survey found that 82% of the Travellers surveyed had been personally affected by suicide, “rve known people who have taken their own lives, and i really devastating,” Xenna says. “I think there are a number of factors behind it. One, is that its a relatively closed community happifulcom |lesue 71/87IS IT OKTO SAY ‘GYPSY’? The word ‘gypsy’ can absolutely Cee ec nee Ty appropriate, or dismiss ethnic See Romany groups across Europe use the word to describe themselves with pride, and you will find it’s commonly used by individuals and community-led action, advocacy, Beco et een Ugo eee og ee ea Perea tater care end OSes org eee a and it is very misunderstood - so I think people who are having problems, if they were to goto a who hasn't briefed on the community and how th misunderstood and, ther that leads to alot cenna’s insight r January 2019, the t suicide pr work plan. The new national plan feltlike a watershed moment for but anal ellers group (FFT) found that of the 79 local suicide prevention plans, which represent 113 local areas, only five plans mentioned did this, or whatever - Ijuststand there, completely silent,” Xenna shares, “When I was at school, Iprobably had more racist comments said to me then, Itdoesn't really happen now, because I went in on myself about it, and only really told people about my background when I felt like they hadn't already made their pre-judgement.” In findings from the ‘Hate: ‘As Regular As Rain’ pilot study at Buckinghamshire New University, alarge proportion of support workers surveyed said that more than 90% of their Traveller clients who had completed or attempted suicide had previously experienced hate incidents, But racism and prejudice against Travellers continue. The chances are, you may have witnessed it yourself ~ particularly on social media, which the FFT highlighted as an urgent area of concern during National Hate Crime Awareness ‘Week 2020, when it called for better responses from social ‘mediia companies and stronger support from the police. 82% of Travellers have been personally affected by suicide Bringing it to the forefront Iesimportant to recognise the huge amount of work that the Traveller community is doing to reach those at risk of suicide and poor mental health, many of which are mentioned throughout this article. Xena plays.a key role in this herself; she’ involved with the Showmen's Mental Health Awareness charity, which offers funding for private counselling via self-referals, as well as working on education and awareness. In 2019, siblings Mark and Caroline set up One Call Away, a confidential phone line to support those from the community experiencing depression, suicidal thoughts, panic attacks, self-harm, and anxiety. And the Gypsy and Traveller League (GTI) -a new charity set up to tackle mental health - launched in April 2022, @ fresh perspective kicking off its campaign with a seven-aside football and pool ‘competition. That's just a couple of elements in what is now a major movement. But those not in the Traveller ‘community can help, too. Becoming aware of the issue is the first step, the nextis action, Whether that be reporting racism, harassment, ot discrimination when you see it on social media, challenging friends or family (a simple ‘that’s not OK’ is all ittakes), taking time to learn more about Traveller history, and growing your awareness of legislation that may harm the ‘community - if you want it to, change can start now. I Organisations to use, support, and share + The Traveller Movement (UK-wide) + Traveller Pride (LGBTQIA+) + Moving for Change (UK-wide) + Friends Family and Travellers (UK-wide) ‘+ Roma Support Group (UK-wide) + Gypsy Traveller League (UK-wicle) + Leeds GATE Suicide Prevention Service (Leeds) + rsh Community Care (Liverpool/ Merseyside/ Cheshire/Wigan/ Leigh/Hatton) + Traveller Counselling Service (Ireland) + GATE Herts (Hertfordshire) + London Gypsies and Travellers (London) + OneVoicesTravellers (East Anglia) + York Teavellors Trust (Yorkshiro) hopesfuleem | Issue 71| 59e101 -e4se e1iides ted 0:10:00: 000 1 61@ 1 11 @ 1 oa @: oer eB @: oo a reed toe aed Qo. esr iede i ° 6 oe 10 °@Q @e@01 010 @ee01 ered ie 1 oiit oo oo) 11ilie:1eee@ BeBe tech habits bor + PO+O+ =e BO HReRoM = joourt Osco Bee ore eee RH one 1 1 1 @ 1 a I¥s time for the digital age to dial down the CO, production. Here’s how you can do your part and engage in more sustainable behaviours low much time do you spend using tech each day? Whether its working from a screen or calling a client, checking in with a friend on Whatsapp, tracking your walk ona wearable device, playing music via Alexa, chilling out with some TY, or feeling safe with home security, its pretty much impossible to imagine a day without utilising the array of modern technology in our lives. But, how is this affecting our planet? ‘The environmental impact is the true cost of convenience that many ofus overlook in our day-to-day lives. Every email sent, appliance charged, and image loaded contributes to carbon emissions. So how can we be more mindful about our tech habits? Here are nine simple, but effective, changes that you can incorporate into your digital day: Device settings Save power simply by adjusting the automatic settings on your sereens - whether it your phone, 60) Isu27 | hoppifulcom Writing | Rebecca Thai laptop, TY, or tablet. By reducing the brightness of your screen and the volume down to 70%, Harvard University reports that ‘you could save 20% of your energy consumption - costing you less, and meaning your battery should last longer too. Inbox organisation Did you know estimates suggest that every email produces between 0.03 and 26g of carbon ~ the longer messages, with more images or attachments, and recipients copied in, alladding to the total Its something we can easily overlook, but with overflowing inbox and spam folders, and 306 billion emails sent in 2021 alone (according to Statista), it can quickly add up. Rectify the situation by having a clear-out; unsubscribe from the sales emails, historic newsletters, or random junk you've accumulated over the years that ‘you never open, and reserve space only for messages that actually have value to you. Minimise messaging Carrying on the email thread, a place where over-sending is rife is at work, where we automatically ‘reply all'or send that quick ‘OK thanks’ in a message ofits own, But how necessary is that? Choosing to limit how many emails you actually send to only those that are absolutely esser collating all info into one message, and reducing the thank you pleasantries (perhaps by saying “Thank you in advance’), will drastically cut back on waste - and probably save you a lot of time, on top of that. Unplug those sockets Our need to always be available ‘means we're almost conditioned to constantly have things on charge’ ~ and our power sockets are working overtime, even when the devices arentt attached, Save electricity, and probably a few pennies on those bills, by switching off sockets instead of leaving ap standby, and only charging devices when they need it. Ho"Every email sent. appliance charged. and image loaded, contributes to carbon emissions Axe the autoplay ‘When you open a browser or start watching something on YouTube, you might find videos are playing Straight away without the need for you to click on them, and this can be problematic (and annoying) fora few reasons. Not only is, autoplay bad for accessibility, but loading videos produces more CO,, so particularly if pages are autoplaying videos you're not interested in, ita huge waste. You should be able to do this in most browsers by going to settings, then security and privacy, and an option there along the lines of ‘media/videos in order to select autoplay off but not its not currently possible for Chrome users, Bookmark the basics Every time you Google search, you're loading thousands of results and producing additional CO,, when a simple solution to cut down on the carbon would try this at home beto save your favourite sites, as bookmarks, so you can jump straight to them with minimal loading in between, Green browsers Switching toa more environmentally friendly browser to do good while doing your day- to-day online surfing couldnt be easier. Sites like Ecosia have a free extension you can add to Chrome, which enables t to plant trees from the profits of your searches — with 164 million planted so far (and counting). Download your faves ‘Streaming might be the norm, and has helped to reduce plastic waste from CDs, but it produces far more CO, to play the same album over and over again than simply downloading it to your device. It might be that you can't download everything because of storage limitations, but your top playlist, or go-to road trip albums, could be worth saving, Cut down on your digital consumption ‘The simplest way to reduce your digital carbon footprint is by spending less time online. You might want to set limits on certain appsto stop you from mindless scrolling, or devote one evening or day a week to some screen-free serenity. It could be moving away from multitasking, and not having the telly on in the background while you're on a tablet? However you approach things, more awareness of your digital footprint can help your to take stepsin a more eco-friendly direction. (4 happifulcom | Issue 71] 61Trauma-informed nutrition Exploring the complex ways traumatic experiences impact us, and the essential reason why practitioners and clients must be aware of it iscussions concerning trauma tend to centre around the mental, emotional, and physical impacts of traumatic events. Butin recent years, this has expanded to explore the relationship between nutrition, trauma, and physical and mental health. Let’ take a closer look. What is trauma? ‘The charity Mind speaks of ‘emotional or physiological trauma asthe result of very stressful, frightening, or distressing events which cause lasting harm, even ifthe harmful effects are not immediately obvious. Adverse childhood experiences (ACES) are harmful events that can occur from as early as in the ‘womb through to age 17, and do not have to be remembered by the child to be traumatic, Examples include experiencing violence, abuse, neglect, or household dysfunction, and adversity including bullying, poverty, war, natural disaster, discrimination, pandemics, medical trauma, and Hissue 71 | hopeituleorn involvement with child protective services, According to the California Centre for Public Health, up to six in 10 people have experienced at least one ACE, and one in sixhave experienced at least four. Expanding trauma from the individual to the collective experience, Historical Trauma isthat which is experienced by ethnic, racial, or cultural groups over generations - such as slavery, the Holocaust, and colonisation. ‘Then there is Systemic'Trauma, which refers to the environments and institutions that contribute to traumatic experiences. ‘Trauma is multilayered, and has the potential to impact our daily lives, The lasting effects are present irrespective of how or when the trauma occurred. So, the question how can trauma-informed nutrition support. effectively? ‘Trauma and nutrition For some, adverse food-related experiences can bea source of trauma. This includes unreliable CLAUDINE THORNHILL NT ip CNM) mANP Find out more by visiting the Nutritionist Resource. or unpredictable meals, imposed restriction or control of food, body shaming, and reward or punishment using food. Trauma ‘may also impact food habits and resultin eating disorders and disordered eating, food addictions, high fat, salt or sugar diets, an over reliance on convenience food, and poor food budgeting and planning. According to Mind, people who have experienced trauma have an increased risk of chronic and Jongeterm illness, including severe obesity, heart disease, strokes, and diabetes. To effectively support their clients, nutrition practitioners who aim to address root causes of illness understand that trauma isa contributory root cause fr illness and disease.Mk, ‘The gut/brain axis is central to discussions about trauma and nutrition. Through the ‘vagus nerve, there isa two-way communication between the gut and the brain using hormones, such as adrenaline and cortisol, which influence our feelings and ‘mood. It explains why we may feel nervous jitters in our stomach, have looser stools when stressed, or feel ‘nauseous when in distress, Our gut, microbiome directly impacts these hormonal messages, so a healthy gut can support this process. Trauma-informed nutrition ‘This approach acknowledges the role adversity plays in a person's life, recognises symptoms of trauma, and promotes resilience. ‘Asnoted by the California Department for Public Health, trauma-informed nutrition understands that unhealthy food choices, poor health outcomes, and chronic disease may be a result of trauma, rather than individual choice. In this way, some ofthe stigma, shame, and blame associated with discussions around diet and health, can be avoided. Trauma-informed nutrition in practice Trauma-informed nutrition is still an emerging area, as we start to understand more about the mind-body connection, the gut/brain axis, and the gut 2 ROMO microbiome. We're also learning ‘more about how healing the gut can support mental health, such asthe benefits of supporting the gut microbiome for people depression and anxiety. In practice, trauma-informed nutritio + Acknowledges the role of individual, historical, and systemic trauma on health, outcomes and food habits. + Encourages healingand a healthy relationship with food. + Focuses on holistic health and wellbeing, rather than BMI and obesity. + Reduces the emphasis on individual behaviour change, and focuses on the individual's ability and willingness to take on new behaviours. + Recognises that nutrition interventions may be triggering tosome, eg. asking clients for their weight or measurements. + Acknowledges clients’ skills and strengths, while aiming toreduce shame, anxiety, confusion, and tension. + Practices cultural humility, while addressing conscious and unconscious bias. Dr Gabor Maté, whose work centres around childhood development and the impacts of trauma on the body, sums up the far reaching impacts of trauma: “Trauma is not what happens to you. It’s what happens inside you ‘asa result of what happened to you.” Trauma-informed nutrition isa sure way of treating trauma from the inside out. M1 happifulcom | Issue 71| 63The joy of reading aloud to each other Join us on a fascinating adventure through the rich history of reading aloud, and meet us in the present day, when we've never needed the wellbeing benefits more eading aloud is an activity we might assume is just for ‘young children who cant read themselves. However, when my 10-year-old daughter recently asked me to read a book to her one evening, I realised that there is something more to it. She has an Audible library packed with books to choose from, and a bookshelf ull of her ‘own books. But, that night, she chose me. She likes the way I do the voices, and we both enjoyed the time bonding and connecting together. Inaworld where we have ‘access to an infinite amount of audiobooks at the click of a button, the idea of reading to each other might seem incredibly old- fashioned, and itis! In fact, it has avery rich history. In philosopher St Augustine’ Confessions, written around 400 AD, he reflects on the reading habits of Ambrose, the Bishop of Milan, 64 54071 | hoppifulcom TEE “When Ambrose used to read, his eyes were drawn through the pages, while his heart searched for its meaning; however, his voice and tongue were quiet. Often when we were present - for anyone could approach him and twas not his habit that visitors be announced to him - we saw him reading in this fashion, silently and never otherwise.” ‘The Bishop’ silent habits were considered an unusual anomaly. In Saint Augustine’ era, reading aloud was the way to do it. While silent reading gradually caught on as time went by, reading aloud was still common. Prior to a world of television, radio, and internet, reading aloud ‘was a source of entertainment, particularly when not everyone vwas literate. It was part of daily life, in people's homes, or at the local pub. In the diary of Samuel Pepys, written in the 1660s, Pepys recalls his domestic life, reading aloud to his wife in the evenings, and laughing together about a book that was sillly writ. On one occasion, he befriends a woman ina carriage and persuades her to read to him. When his wife was upset with him, talking, listening, and reading aloud were how they made up. Today, in an age of distraction, ‘we might put on an audiobook while loading the dishwasher, or A to pass the time while driving, . In these moments our attention { is split, the clatter of dirty dishes interrupting the voices, or the honking of horns, a red light, and the frustration we feel during drives. There's a whole cornucopia of sensory input demanding our attention. But when we listen to a loved one, it’s not just that we get to hear their voice. We see their mannerisms and facial expressions as they read the story. Itis a multi-sensory experience that involves sight, sound, and even touch if wepositive pointers <__ @6 4 Tt is a multi- sensory snuggle close together. This adult loved ones. They reported experience that allows us to truly restin the enjoying spendingtime together, involves sight, ‘moment, our attention on a sharing what they are reading single point of focus rather each other, andthatitwas SOWA, cand than being called in dozens of ‘more intimate activity than even louch if'we

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