Authentic

relationships
STUDENT MANUAL

The Aquarian Teacher™

KRI International Teacher Training
in kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan®

Transformation
Level 2 Practitioner certification course

Kundalini Research Institute

 The Aquarian Teacher ™
KRI International Teacher Training
in Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan®
TRANSFORMATION
Level 2 Practitioner Certification Course

Authentic Relationships
Student Manual
Produced and Published by
Kundalini Research Institute

ISBN 0-9786989-2-4 Student Manual and Study Guide

Copyright © 2006
Kundalini Research Institute.
First Edition, July 2006

All teachings, yoga sets (kriyas), techniques, and meditations courtesy

of YB Teachings, LLC. Reprinted with permission.
Unauthorized duplication is a violation of applicable laws.

ALL RIGHTS RESERVED. No part of these YB Teachings may be reproduced

or transmitted in any form by any means, electronic or mechanical, including
photocopying and recording, or by any information storage and retrieval
system, except as may be expressly permitted in writing by
the Kundalini Research Institute.

To request permission please write to:

KRI
3 Ram Das Guru Place
Española, N.M. 87532 USA
or email kri@3ho.org.

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 Many people served to create the Authentic Relationships Course and manual, one of five modules in the Level 2
Transformation Series of The Aquarian Teacher™, Kundalini Research Institute’s International Teacher Training Program
in Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan®. The teachings represented here are based entirely on the teachings of
Yogi Bhajan, Master of Kundalini Yoga and Doctor of the Psychology of Communication.

We would like to acknowledge the following people for their dedication and service
to the teachings throughout the development of this course.

PRINCIPAL WRITER & COURSE DESIGN

Gurucharan Singh Khalsa, Ph.D.

WRITERS
Gurucharan Singh Khalsa, Ph.D., Nirvair Singh Khalsa, Hari Kaur Khalsa,
Tarn Taran Singh Khalsa, Tarn Taran Kaur Khalsa

SENIOR EDITORS
Guruka Singh Khalsa, Shakti Parwha Kaur Khalsa, Hari Jot Kaur Khalsa,
Gurucharan Kaur Khalsa, Guru Raj Kaur Khalsa

MANAGING EDITOR
Sat Purkh Kaur Khalsa

CONTRIBUTORS
Kirpal Singh Khalsa, Ph.D., Guru Terath Kaur Khalsa, Ek Ong Kaar Kaur Khalsa, Deva Kaur Khalsa,
Satya Kaur Khalsa, Hari Charn Kaur Khalsa, Tej Kaur Khalsa, Dharam Singh Khalsa,
Sarb Jit Kaur Khalsa, Nam Kaur Khalsa, Jaijot Kaur Benjamin

BOOK DESIGN
Guru Raj Kaur Khalsa

PHOTOGRAPHY
Dev Dharam Kaur

MODELS
Siri Om Kaur Khalsa, Lakhmi Chand Singh Khalsa, Har Pal Singh Khalsa, Kirn Kaur Khalsa, Dyal Singh Khalsa,
Panch Nishan Kaur Khalsa, Nirmal Singh Khalsa, Bhajan Kaur Khalsa, Bir Kaur O’Flaherty, Sat Atma Kaur Khalsa,
Amrit Singh Khalsa, Siri Dyal Kaur Khalsa, Hargobind Singh Khalsa

COVER PHOTOGRAPH
Narayan Singh Khalsa

COVER DESIGN
Harbhajan Singh Khalsa

Special thanks to all the members of the KRI Teacher Training Executive Council
who have guided and held the vision for this project.

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • III
 Authentic RelationshipS

THE INFORMATION CONTAINED IN THIS MANUAL comes from ancient yogic

tradition. Nothing in this manual should be construed as medical advice. Any
recipes mentioned herein may contain potent herbs, botanicals and naturally occur-
ring ingredients which have traditionally been used to support the structure and
function of the human body. Always check with your personal physician or licensed
health care practitioner before making any significant modification in your diet or
lifestyle, to insure that the ingredients or lifestyle changes are appropriate for your
personal health condition and consistent with any medication you may be taking.

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 authentic relationships

Contents
Transformation: The Aquarian Teacher Training Level 2 Program ix
Foreword to the Students 2
Introduction to Authentic Relationships 3

Chapter 1: The Experience of Authentic Relationships 9

Meeting and Greeting Each Other 11
Kriya: Kriya for Pelvic Balance 13
Guided Self-Assessment: The Teacher in Relationship15
Small Group Activity 16
Self-Assessment of Authenticity in Relationships 17
The Master’s Touch: Relationships and the Art of Relay 19
Meditation: A Pure Flame of Light 20
Flash Writing and Small Group Discussion 21
Interactive Group Exercise: The Characteristics and Experience of Authentic 22
Relationships Core Concept of Authentic Relationships: Ek Ong Kar 26
Interactive Group Exercise: Giving and Accepting Relays Authentically 38
Kriya: Maha Gyan Agni Pranayam 41
Interactive Group Exercise: Accepting the Choice of Your Soul and Pre-Forgiveness 42
Small Group Activity: Japji Pauris 43
Expressing Your Personal Intention 44

Chapter 2: Love and the Infinite Game of Life 45

The Challenge of Aquarian Relationships 47
Interactive Group Exercise: Relationships, Attractions and Challenges 57
Kriya: Fire Up the Metabolism 58
Meditation: Affirmation using Har Har Mukanday 59
The Master’s Touch: Love Is the Absolute Power of Self-Totality 60
Meditation: Reverse Adi Shakti Kriya 61
Flash Writing and Small Groups: Self-Love 62-63
Triangulating Your Relationships: Dimensions and Dynamics 65
Defining Relationships 67
Interactive Group Exercise: Triangulating: What Do Your Relationships Look Like? 73
Small Groups 76

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 Authentic RelationshipS

The Infinite Game of Life and Our Karmic Web of Relationships 77

Small Groups 84
Elevating All Your Relationships: The Power of Oneness with Your Spirit 87
Kriya: To Become Super Human 91-92
Meditation: Me and God Are One 93
Meditation: Compassion Kriya 94
Exercise: Talk to Your Soul 95
Flash Writing and Group Discussion 96-97

Chapter 3: The Law of Polarity in Relationships 99

Polarities and Love In Relationships: You are the Paradox, the Love, and the Solution 101
Interactive Group Exercise: Relationship Challenges for Teachers 103
The Real Nature of Authentic Love: Sacred Contracts and Earthly Deals 104
Small Groups: The Definitions of Love 105
Align and Experience the Core Nature of Love through Yoga and Meditation 112
Kriya: How Much You Love 113
Kriya: Truth and Oneness 115
Group Discussion 118
Meditation: Love Is Love 119
The Master’s Touch: Principles for Living: The Law of Polarity and Intuition 121
Kriya: Facing the Challenge of Tomorrow 122
Polarity in Relationship and in Life 123
The Science of Polarity 125
Interactive Group Exercise: Discovering Our Polarities 126
Interactive Group Exercise: Naming Your Paradox 132
Meditation: Linking with the Infinite 134
Meditation: Finding Happiness & Peace Within 135
Group Discussion: The Law of Polarity 139
Kriya: Build Yourself to Act, Not React 140
Meditation: Merger of Sun and Moon 141

Chapter 4: Living as Your Authentic Self 143

Once Upon a Time: Story and It’s Impact 145
Changing Our Stories 149
Interactive Group Exercise: Invoking the Authentic Self to Heal 154
Kriya: Polarity Balance 156
Meditation: Hast Kriya 158

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 authentic relationships

The Master’s Touch: Love: Active, Reactive and Ultimate 159

Meditation: To Heal the Wounds of Love 160
Interactive Group Exercise: Prem: One Minute Skits 163
Interactive Group Exercise: Exploring Values 164
Small & Large Group Discussion 166
The Cosmic Play of the Male and Female 167
The Science of the Differences Between Male and Female 170
The Feminine: The Mother, Creative Nurturing, Shifting 171
The Masculine: The Father, Focused, Penetrating, Achieving 176
Small Group Discussion 181
Embodying and Elevating the Polarities 181
Kriya: Solve Communication Problems 182
Small Groups: Changing Life Patterns 183
Kriya: High Tech Yoga 184
Merging the Masculine and Feminine within You 185
Kriya: Healing the Self 186
Kriya: Boundless Strength 186
Group Chanting: Call on the Kundalini Within You 187

Chapter 5: Divine Delight and the Play of Masculine and Feminine 189
The Dance of Our Polarities 191
The Play of Masculine and Feminine 192
Elevating the Polarities 196
Kriya: Advanced Abdominal & Navel Center Strengthening 197
The Master’s Touch: Let Your Identity Come from Your Divinity 200
Gurdev Mata Gurdev Pita 201
The Divine Identity: Living Beyond the Polarities 202
Small Groups: Our Own Experience as Parents & Teachers 203
Cultivating the Spiritual Warrior 204
Interactive Group Exercise: Chanting to Build the Arc Line 205
Meditation: Laya Yoga 206
Meditation: Bhakti Yoga 207
Flash Writing 208
Kriya: Invincible Man Exercises 209
Meditation: Guidance 211
Interactive Group Exercise: Retelling Your Story 212
Group Exercise: Sat Nam Wahe Guru 212

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Chapter 6: Legacy and Lineage: Passing on Grace and Consciousness 213

Legacy and Lineage 215
Kriya: Tattvas, Pranic Rib Cage and Nervous System 220
The Master’s Touch: The Life of a Teacher: Flexibility, Humility & Compassion 222
Meditation: Awaken the Dormant Power Within 223
FlashWriting 224
The Five Teachers 225
Interactive Group Exercise: Learning from Your Lineage 228
Yogi Bhajan’s Legacy 229
The Legacy of Group Consciousness 232
The Path of Legacy 232
Small Group Discussion 234
Interactive Group Exercise: Tantric Recitation of Japji 234
Kriya: Subagh Kriya 235
Group Discussion: Legacy Unto Infinity 237
Self-Assessment of Authenticity in Relationships 238

Student Study Guide

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 Transformation

The aquarian teacher training

level 2 Program

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 TRANSFORMATION OVERVIEW

Welcome to Transformation: The Aquarian Teacher Training, Level 2. This will give you an overview of the purpose,
goals and approach of this second stage of training in Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan.

THE VISION OF THE AQUARIAN TEACHER TRAINING PROGRAMS this stage of training makes you an acknowledged and certi-
is to produce teachers of Kundalini Yoga who demonstrate fied teacher of Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan.
awareness in consciousness, excellence in teaching skills, and Each stage has its own tasks, criteria and inner and outer
serve as an example of depth and maturity of character. The disciplines. When Yogi Bhajan gave the task of completing
purpose of creating our global community of teachers has this course of training to KRI he used the analogy of a B.A.,
three main parts: M.A. and a Ph.D. In the intimacy of your own consciousness
it is similar to youth, adolescence and adulthood. It is a con-
1. Prepare the foundations for the shift of humanity to the tinuous process with distinct stages of growth and develop-
Aquarian Age by applying the legacy of the teachings, the ment followed by accomplishments and service. The Aquarian
Golden Chain and the example of Yogi Bhajan. Academy supports this process by providing the training,
2. Serve and uplift individuals to be healthy, happy and selection and support of trainers for each of the three stages.
holy. I welcome all of you who have taken on the challenges
3. Provide the opportunity for each person to awaken his and opportunities of the Transformation stage of our training
or her capacity, character and sensitivity as a self-sensory program. You are all instructors who have successfully com-
human being who can be effectively intuitive, creative and pleted studying the Foundations of Kundalini Yoga and apply-
compassionate. ing your awareness to cultivating the identity of a teacher
within yourself. To certify as an instructor is quite an arduous
To achieve these goals we have created, with the direct process filled with challenges and insights.
guidance of Yogi Bhajan, a training program whose core In the first stage of study you must master a lot of con-
process has three stages: tent: kriyas, breathing, postures, philosophy, sadhana, medi-
1. Aquarian Teacher: Foundations & Awakening. This tation and the basics of instructing students. Along with this,
stage includes the fundamental understanding and experience many of you had to understand and commit to breaking old
that the basic self is always one with the One (Ek Ong Kar); habits and establishing new ones that support the lifestyle and
understanding of the essential parts and character of a human applied consciousness of these teachings. Kundalini Yoga is all
being; and the fundamental principles and practices of about direct experience and the capacity to apply that experi-
Kundalini Yoga as taught by Yogi Bhajan. Completing this ence to your life. It is not simply a collection of techniques,
stage makes you a certified instructor of Kundalini Yoga. concepts, good ideas and inspiring beliefs. So I congratulate
2. Aquarian Teacher: Transformation. This stage includes you for your efforts, accomplishments and heart.
the projection of identity (Sat Nam); the embodiment of char- The Aquarian Teacher: Transformation is the second stage
acter through word and behavior; and the expansion and of training and personal development. It is fundamentally dif-
deepening of the teacher's state of consciousness. ferent from the first stage in which you established the foun-
Completing this stage makes you a certified practitioner of dations for becoming a teacher and for a lifetime of personal
Kundalini Yoga practice.
3. Aquarian Teacher: Realization. This stage is the experi- The second stage of training is about the transformation
ence of ecstasy (Siri Wahe Guru) in all states of awareness. and deepening of your own core capacities, character and con-
That experience is expressed in the teacher's words, actions, sciousness. In this stage we will share a lot of new content in
accomplishments, character, seva and reputation. Completing terms of information, techniques and themes, but the essence

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 Transformation overview

of this stage is about your establishing the ability to use your The idea is to build the foundation of a new age. “Only
applied mind, applied intelligence and applied awareness. people of experience will be talked to and listened to in the
This is why we require at least two years of teaching expe- Age of Aquarius. For the past five thousand years religion
rience during your mastery of the five modules of study con- has taught you to redeem your soul. But the soul is already
tained in this stage. It will give you the opportunity to apply redeemed! Rather you should redeem your “shallowism,”
the ideas, habits and techniques to yourself, both in your own redeem your “cheapism” and your not being true to your
life, and to a broad range of different classes and students. In own words. Redeem your “pimpism” and your “prostitution-
this stage of training, we are establishing depth: the capacity ism” of your self.
to reflect on your own experience and to analyze your own Sensory humans will be deeply sincere. They will per-
habits, communication, mind, and relationships, and then to ceive and act on the fact that they are factual. We are a
act with consciousness, intuition and compassion. When this fact of life; a fact of existence born in the image of God.
is fully embodied, it shows clearly in your words and actions Understand that there is nothing more beautiful than you.
through your kindness, service, willingness to accept and give The time of self-value has come. It is time “to be, to BE.”
feedback, capacity for effective teamwork and your focus on The time to know that “I am, I AM.” The time has come
uplifting others. Critical to this stage is the practical ability to not to search for God, but to be God. The time has come
step back from your impulses, attachments, fears, and agen- not to trust in God, but to dwell in the working God. You
das and apply your neutral mind to your own inner conflicts, must be aware of how ugly we have made this earth and of
imagined limitations and projections. how beautiful it's supposed to be. Every grain of sand is
Each of the five modules of Transformation focuses on a God but we have to have our subtle body, our sophisticated
crucial facet of your mind and consciousness. Think of all the self, in order to see it. That's why over the last thirty years
modules as parts of a single process. To master the lessons of of teaching I couldn't fit in with your concept of reality.
each module is to cut the facets of your own diamond mind You are a collection of molecules living by the pranic
so that it can scintillate and reflect your spirit. This stage of body. The pranic body and the psychic body in proportion
Transformation will take all that you have learned before and and in conjunction with creation, make you clean and clear.
polish it and let you apply it. It is a time to clear inner con- You stop searching and you begin practicing. Your flow
flicts, along with any mental and emotional blocks that might becomes as vast as the universe—and sometimes beyond the
inhibit your full linkage to the Golden Chain and to the radi- universe.
ance and responsibility that comes with being an adept I don't want anybody—because I want everybody!
teacher. That's a difficult concept. I run with the flow of the psyche
It is not a small thing to know how to zero your ego and of universe. I go as it takes me, moves me and desires me to
allow the Infinite to serve through you. Without the ego con- go. Man will finally stop cutting corners and come to live a
stantly dividing the world into polarities there exists only God. real existence. We must help each other and deal with each
The energy that generates, organizes and delivers all of our other as equals.
existence and experience. The love of existence—of our life and reality—with the
This is a special time in the evolution of human con- flow of the psyche, will give us the flow of Self within the
sciousness. People's sensitivity is changing and the pressure self. Our sensory system will be our archangel, protecting
of the world growing and evolving is provoking us to become and glorifying us. Those who hustle and hassle will die suf-
self-sensory humans. We who go through these courses and fering. Your mind will direct you toward the right channel.
master the consciousness within ourselves are the teachers Our presence is our purity. We won't have to create fan-
and guides of this new age. tasies and imagination of the unreal.
Yogi Bhajan presented his vision of the coming times and
who we are to become as self-sensory human beings:

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 Transformation overview

AQUARIAN TEACHER
TRANSFORMATION

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 transformation overview

We will master ourselves and our service, character and When we learn deeply it requires a real transformation:
commitment along with the most powerful thing, our indi- a transformation of thought, in the neurons, in the dance
vidual grace. Our nobility is our projection. Gracious, kind and intelligence of the trillions of cells in our body and in
and compassionate: these are our central features. Our cre- our capacity for intuition and subtlety. We want to learn,
ativity will be our sensory system. We will be overflowing but it only happens with discipline and with the rhythm and
with energy, touching the hearts of people and filling their regularity of applying that discipline. That change is painful.
empty cavities. Our actions will be great, and our flow will We want it without “deserving it.” We want to build and
fulfill the hearts of others. We will create a new humanity. decorate our spiritual house without having to lay and test
We will have a new sensory system and thus will create the the foundations. Because laying solid foundations means
Age of Aquarius. This is the fundamental character you digging, which often uncovers old assumptions, perspectives
must remember. This is how you will purify yourselves. and beliefs that we don’t want to face or confront.
An important part of this first problem of truly learning
Learning Versus Knowledge is avoidance. When something is painful, our negative mind
The first problem for us is that we must learn. Not just acquire protects us. We limit the feedback, advice and assessment
things or knowledge. We need clear eyes, not simply new that a teacher gives us or that our peers give us. We react
sights to behold. In order to do that, Yogi Bhajan has given us against things that do not agree with our self-image and
an impeccable and grand discipline: a platform of practice on with the strategy and interests to which we have committed
which we can test ourselves, heal ourselves, expand ourselves ourselves. Most of the time, we do not even know that we
and gradually become Aquarian Teachers. That individual and do this. We rationalize it. We slip into a quiet self-decep-
group discipline produces the base of experience that becomes tion. We demonize the other. We form into cliques that
the wisdom within us, which gives strength and reality to our only agree with us for their own reasons. It is normal
consciousness and actions. Our practice and training must go human behavior, but it is not the standard of a good stu-
beyond the mind while also training the mind. dent, or a good teacher. Yogi Bhajan put it this way:
Learning at this stage requires discipline, humility, vitality
and courage. For the change is inside you. He explained this You are lying to yourself as a matter of habit…I know you.
goal: I know you what you think, I know what your base is, I
I am just trying to make you change, because you want know what your projection is. I can understand your psy-
to change but you don't change. I know you. It is very diffi- che. I understand the frequency and I can compute it in a
cult for you to leave your habits. First we create habits and second. If I start telling everybody what I know, anybody
then our habits create us. who sees me coming will cross to the other side of the
Lots of people say, “We want to learn.” Not true! It is road. Because nobody wants to know!
the last thing we want to do. Learning is as painful, as diffi-
For Transformation to fulfill its purpose we must each
cult, and as tragic as tragedy can be. Learning is training
commit to the discipline of regular practice and to the disci-
the subjective to read the objective. Learning is not about
pline of communication that is direct, open and real. We must
the object. Learning is not “Okay, I am going to do business.
never isolate ourselves from each other. Part of the growth that
I am going to reach the goal.” That is objectivity. Learning is
happens during this stage is the dynamic interaction with
no such thing. Learning is first subjectivity and then objectiv-
other students and teachers in authentic conversations from
ity. The problem is that no human has the nerves for it.
the heart.
Forgive me for that. You are wonderful people but you
are bad students. That is just the way the Western mind is.
You want what you want. The first principle of the world is
to deserve what you want, not to desire what you want.

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 transformation overview

Conscious Communication When we learn deeply and we clear our inner capacity to
Conscious communication is the second skill that is critical perceive; when we stay open to listening and correction; when
to master during this stage of learning. We will dedicate an we apply the art of conscious communication as students and
entire module to this key capacity. It is something we culti- teachers, then, we become simply who we are. We share that
vate and improve in every moment of the Transformation with each person so they, too, may become themselves in the
training and, in fact, every day for the rest of our lives. Yogi light and reality of their own spirit.
Bhajan taught volumes on this topic and even completed his
doctoral dissertation on it. It is central to success at this The Core Capacities of a Teacher
stage. Demonstrating this core capacity is one of the para- The third problem Yogi Bhajan identified is the challenge of
mount criteria with which to assess your progress. character and virtues. We might call them the character and
core capacities of a teacher. Having a good time learning
Communication is a gift to know. Communication is a something is not enough. We need to embed the lessons
gift to understand. Communication is a gift to realize. If into our body, mind, habits and life. He forewarned us, “You
you do not use communication for these three things you do not develop in you the inner vitality to grab the virtues.”
had better shut up and not talk. When we have enough vitality, devotion, focus and neutral-
Communication plays the most vital part in anybody's ity to invite virtues into our own character, then we can live
human life. Mostly seventy percent of your talk is uncon- them. He called this the ability to live and act personally, but
scious and about sixty percent of your communication is decide impersonally. We live by certain virtues and charac-
purposeful. In that communication, you have an aim. You ter no matter what our personal characteristics, tendencies
want to achieve something. That is another category. or situation may be. Consciously working on this depth of
Third category is your approach to another person where character is central to Transformation.
you want to impress. You want to control. You want to be From his first class to his last, Yogi Bhajan taught us to
acknowledged. This is eighty percent. These are the three rise to our caliber and character. He spoke about this chal-
main categories of human talking. lenge this way:
Three things are unfortunate. You have never learned
to talk in order to know each other. You do not have a Life was not given to you for play. Life was given to
rapport with the other person at the same frequency. You you for one simple thing: to experience life. Life was given
do not have the strength to acknowledge the other person— to you to experience life. Life was not given to you to expe-
to acknowledge not just the character of that person, but rience traumas. Life is a caliber. It is given to you once,
also the characteristic of that person. and it's not meant to be wasted in games.
That is why you don't talk truthfully; because, truth is •••
simple, straight and with a smile. You don't have to
remember it. You have to say it. You know it and then you You have two options: you can serve the ego or you
have to live it. It is so simple. You make it so complicated can serve the truth. There are three ways to live: live by
and then you mess yourself up in the end. You all die of your spirit, live by your mind, or live by your ego. You
your own entanglements and your life suffers because of cannot live by your mind because your mind is etheric. It
your own entanglement. Communication is one of the best goes back and forth. So you have to either live by your
arts God gave you as human. It can make you the best! spirit, by your soul, or you have to live by your ego. If
Worst of all is that you can't talk to yourself. That is the you live by your ego, then you are going to do funny
worst. Three things you can't do. You can't listen to your- things. Then you are going to do what you want, not
self, you can't talk to yourself and you can't be yourself. what the universe wants.

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 transformation overview

What is the problem? The problem is that we don't you? I give you one simple answer for all. Just to tell you
have depth. We have dimensions. We have so many how refined you are. Maya is a faculty to test your steel.
dimensions that we do not know which direction we have. Can you cut through time and space or can't you?
So we have neither depth nor direction. All we have is Nothing can make you great. Nothing. If money can
dimensions. And we play games with our dimensions. We make you great, there are many billionaires here. Are they
definitely play games with our ego. Heavily. great? No. If a wife can make you great, there are people
We love games. Why? Because we do not know how who have married ten times and divorced twenty times. If
to pass time. We love going outside ourselves because we children can make you great, there are people who have a
do not know how to go inside ourselves. We have to great line of them that goes on forever. Does your own self
create one situation or the other because we do not know make you great? No. Great is when you impossibly make
how to meditate. We have to play games because we do the impossible possible. When you project to make the
not know truth. Why does a man who knows truth have impossible possible that is called?
to play games? Students: Great.
In our caliber of consciousness the purity of our mind Yogi Bhajan: That needs a commitment and character
needs to have a base. Can you build any house where you in your base, because you need a projection into the
don't build a base first? If a human being wants the life, Infinity. In reality, you are trying to stimulate your own self
and the life is without the base of character, do you think into the Infinity. That's a law.
that life will be a life? And do you think without commit-
ment there will be character? How can you know your Assess your own character as you go through the
character? First you know “dos” and “don'ts.” And when it Transformation training. Find your base. Establish your princi-
comes to temptation you conquer it. That means you have ple commitment without any split of personality. You, reality
character. and God are a unity, a non-dual presence in every moment.
All facets of the human body have to be controlled and The exploration of character begins with the dos and don'ts.
characterized by the character of commitment, and that The discovery of your depth and virtues happens with chal-
has to be tested by the principle of commitment. That's lenges and tests. The ecstasy of your character is effortless
the beauty of Dharma. Dharma is nothing, my dear folks, grace and innocence that sees the impossible done by the
but a principle commitment. It is not whether I am reli- Infinite. Character, as understood in Kundalini Yoga, is not
gious or I am not religious. I am a good man or bad man. good or bad, but a property of consciousness.
That's not the test. The test is: Do I have principle com- As a Master and as our teacher, what does Yogi Bhajan
mitment and do I live it? want in us and from us as practitioners of Kundalini Yoga at
Are we crazy that we do not have character and con- this second stage of training? What is the charge we accept
stant strength and we still feel that we are human beings from him to guide us as we open up to learning, to com-
and we can carry our life? No! It won't happen. Treachery municating consciously, to expanding our own conscious-
shall meet treachery, betrayal shall meet betrayal, non- ness and cultivating our character? He gave a lecture after
commitment shall meet non-commitment. What is the twenty-three years and thirty days of teaching us. He evalu-
result? Agony, pain, disease, and death. ated our efforts as students and said exactly what he want-
Who can say whether you have a committed character ed and what we had to deliver at our next stage of growth
or not? Maya. Maya has a very subtle way to test you. and maturity as student-teachers.
Maya has to do just one thing. It splits your personality.
Sometimes you might be worried, “Why do all these things
come to harass me?” Why do all these things come to test

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • XV
 transformation overview

Now I want the result. I want you to grow up. Because as dents and in your life. We do not need you to simply teach
my students you do not understand what will happen to about intuition. You must be intuitive, recognize it, and form
you. The whole world is going to fall apart in such a way an effective realistic relationship to that capacity. Most
that only the few of you will be the hope. The time has capacities are life-long studies. But at this stage you must
changed. It is not the Piscean age. You must go out and demonstrate them, not simply understand them.
uplift people and not worry about yourself. Do not worry References and links to web resources will encourage you
about facade and fads, and what you like and you dislike. to expand your knowledge, practice additional techniques
Have you learned something? You are responsible. and master background materials for each area of study. The
Nothing but responsible! And there is no other way but to courses themselves emphasize carefully chosen meditations,
be responsible. If you can't show a response to me then kriyas, and quotations. All needed information is presented
you have no relationship with me. If I can't respond to in highly interactive learning environments. You will explore
you then I have no relationship with you. That word topics and discuss them with other students in both small
“response” makes the word “responsible.” If I am not able and large groups. You will answer questions, generate ques-
to show you the response then I am no good. If you can't tions, role-play, solve puzzles, and write short and long
respond you are no good. Let's face the truth. essays. You will have the opportunity to practice meditations
We have to learn something today. And that is how to deeply over an extended time. You will test and observe the
talk, how to work, how to live, how to have facets and application of these techniques and attitudes in your life.
facilities and how to have the characteristics and character
to live. I want to live as me. I don't live like you. You Experiencing the Master
don't have to live like me. You have to live like you. Each Pivotal to this path of study is a chance for you to encounter
person must live it to his infinite psyche. Then there will the energy, teaching, and character of Yogi Bhajan as direct-
be harmony. ly and personally as you can. We will see many videos of
him teaching classes. You will study those classes, feel the
In order to deliver an effective response to another per- effects, and explore the edited transcripts, and then write on
son or to a student, we need to be stable, trustworthy, and the key ideas that create a meaningful unity across the great
mature. We need to be able to apply our intuition and ele- diversity of topics.
vate them in consciousness to heal, become clear and live There is also a mentoring process that occurs throughout
in the creative reality of their own soul. We need the caliber the time you are studying in these Transformation classes. It
to do this in each and every circumstance. is designed to catalyze your capacity for self-examination.
Transformation is organized with this challenge and goal Ideally you will have a mentor who will help you reflect on
in mind, so that all five modules are a single process. Each how well you have integrated these teachings into your life,
module has a central theme. That theme is reinforced in all how deeply you have confronted and dealt with your own
the other modules. The links between the different ideas are inner conflicts, and how your actions as a teacher embody
forged through your experiences and by constant exercises grace, character and conscious communication. Questions
and efforts to refine your ability to reflect, to be aware and about the content, philosophy and application of what you
to be consciously conscious of what you are learning. In learn can be shared and explored in student groups, with
addition to the central theme of each module, we have iden- your mentor and with your primary course teachers.
tified core capacities, which you must master. Powerful and For each of the five modules there is a brief overview of
clear intuition, the capacity for shuniya (living at the still the specific goals for the course. The student manual will
center), the mastery of polarity, and the ability for harmo- guide you through the materials, primary exercises and
nious communication are examples of those capacities. Each tasks, and link you to other resources on the web that sup-
module cultivates those capacities and asks you to assess port all the modules.
how well you can use those with yourself, with your stu-

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 transformation overview

As Director of Training for KRI, I welcome you to a new

level of challenge and accomplishment. Many trainers have
contributed to the development of these courses. Those
contributions have been honored and brought to reality by
an excellent development team. Creative ideas and practical
tests of the exercises and processes in the modules have
been an exciting group achievement over several years. The
goal is to give you a course of study that authentically
embodies the intentions and directions of Yogi Bhajan so
that you may all experience the touch of the master. It is
also part of a systematic presentation that can be used
worldwide and in many languages. His vision was to have
unique and vibrant differences all working in unity. Having
been his student since he began teaching in the United
States in 1969 up until his death in 2004, I know that in-
depth training has been paramount in his efforts. He wanted
to give each of us a chance to be a realized, content human
being, capable of happiness, excellence and fulfillment in the
Aquarian Age—to give peace a chance and to give God a
chance in every heart.

Gurucharan Singh Khalsa

KRI Director of Training

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • XVII
 authentic
relationships
 Authentic RelationshipS

FOREWORD TO THE STUDENT

DIVERSITY IN TEACHING THIS COURSE

Wherever this spiral logo appears next to an activity, it indicates

that your trainer may use an equivalent process or activity to
express the core principles and processes vital for the develop-
ment and transformation of the Aquarian Teacher. It is recog-
nized that there are multiple ways of learning, just as there are
vast numbers of modalities and tools, as well as cultural differ-
ences that we cannot begin to address in a single narrative.
Therefore, your trainer may incorporate alternate processes not
found in your Manual. We have retained the original processes
within the Manual so that you can go back and use them to
deepen your experience with Yogi Bhajan's teachings.

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 authentic relationships

Welcome to authentic relationships

WE HAVE GATHERED BY THE URGE OF OUR SOUL and the 4Acquire tools to assess our relationships, honor them and
grace of God to spend some time together, immersing our- assist others in developing authentic, fulfilled relationships.
4To
selves in the teachings of Yogi Bhajan. As instructors and inspire us to investigate, study and apply the wide
teachers of Kundalini Yoga we are given a sacred trust. That range of Yogi Bhajan’s teachings about relationships, mar-
trust is the technology of awareness for the Aquarian Age and riage, family, mastery of polarity, and communication
the energy, experience and spirit that flow through each of us between men and women and the art of a spiritual life.
in the Golden Chain.
4Understand our special opportunities and challenges in
We have a well defined identity and role as teachers. We
have established standards of practice and conduct to help authentic relationships with our students and with other
guide a student on the path of a teacher. teachers.
How we form, sustain and honor relationships is pivotal to 4Understand that our relationship to our soul and higher self
our success as we deliver that sacred trust. is the foundation for authentic relationships in our life.
Yogi Bhajan has given us a perfect example of how to be
a teacher. He showed us how to use applied consciousness to
create and maintain authentic relationships. He showed us To master authentic relationships we need to
that as teachers we must not settle for unconsciously formed address the following questions:
“relationships.” Instead we must consciously create “authen-
4Do we understand what an authentic relationship is and
tic relationships.” He fulfilled his authentic relationship to us
and to all future teachers from his first breath of teaching to how to create one?
his last breath in his physical body. He opened a pathway to 4Do we understand how a deep experience of relationship
an ongoing relationship that supports all future teachers to our soul and to our teacher is essential for authenticity in
through the body of his teachings. He shared the link through all our other relationships?
4Do
Guru Ram Das to the Golden Chain of consciousness to give we relate to our soul not as an idea or as a religious
us the humility, grace and strength to walk the path. concept but as a practice of awareness and authenticity?
Where do we apply that in our relationships with family,
students and other teachers and where do we not?
Our goals for this course are:
4Can we recognize when and how we act from a false
4Transform our consciousness of relationships. Understand emotional core in our relationships and create painful repeat-
with clarity and depth our relationship to our consciousness, ing patterns?
our soul, our teacher and our students.
4Do we understand that the first thing to adjust when rela-
4Recognize and learn to create authentic relationships in tionships are painful, distorted or nonfunctional is our self
each area of our life. and our relationship to our self? When this is clear we can
4Increase our ability to perceive polarities, treat them in a act with full responsibility, commitment and upliftment.
4Do
creative manner and understand their dynamic in relation- we recognize the mind’s tendency to create polariza-
ships. tion, especially under stress or conflict, and can we master
how we direct that polarity?

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 3
 Authentic RelationshipS

4Do we exercise the capacity to deal with polarities and

paradoxes and distinguish between a problem to be solved
and a polarity to be nurtured?

4Do we understand the basic polarity of the masculine and

feminine energies in each of us and know how to create a
successful relationship between them?

4Have we forgiven all the relationships that gave us pain

or doubt and become authentically present and grateful for
them as an essential part of our story, and ultimately our
victory?

4Have we experienced how to use Japji, shabd, mantra and

affirmations to guide the mind into authentic relationships?

4Do we know how to act in order to create legacy? Do we

know how to accept and honor our family lineage?

We are dedicated to create an atmosphere of sharing and car-

ing that blends study, self-assessment, good relationships and
community. We have a global network of dedicated students
and lived wisdom. Let us take the opportunity to share and
expand that as we learn together.

Gurucharan Singh Khalsa, PH.D.

Director of Training

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 authentic relationships

flow of themes for authentic relationships

The Experience of Authentic Relationships Living as Your Authentic Self

4Explore what an authentic relationship is and is not 4Explore how we form a false core in our relationships
4Define the characteristics of authentic relationships when we are not comfortable living within our self
4Practice sending and receiving relays between each other 4Look at the stages of love and the model for
that create good relationships ultimate, active and reactive love
4Explore the relationship to your soul as a foundation for 4Use forgiveness and Naad to heal the wounds of love
authentic relationships 4Contrast the fundamental polarity of masculine and fem-
4Accept the choices of your soul and pre-forgive everyone inine forces in us and the lessons it teaches us in relation-
ship
Love and the Infinite Game of Life 4Practice kriyas that help us strengthen our polarities and
4Understand the special challenges that long-term rela- act from consciousness to honor and use both
tionships and marriage face in the Aquarian Age
4Explore what attracts us to another person Divine Delight and the Play of
4Identify the common ways we make a relationship fail Masculine and Feminine
4Develop our sense of self-love as a key to authentic 4Create a conscious relationship with your own mascu-
relationship line and feminine energies
4Recognize the many types of relationships we form 4Delight in the polarities of the masculine and feminine
based on passion, intimacy and commitment 4Create the balance and integration of male and female
4Accept every relationship as a gift of your soul in the in yourself
Infinite Game of Life through which we transform and 4Explore the function of the mother and the divine
express our self feminine as a teacher and creator
4Re-vision your key relationships through the meditative 4Explore your divine identity as a teacher, as mother,
mind with compassion, tolerance, forgiveness and love father, woman and man
4Heal partnership problems with forgiveness, a strong
The Law of Polarity in Relationships arcline and a clear connection to your masculine and
4Identify our core paradox we repeat in our meaningful feminine parts
relationships and transform it from problem to opportunity
4Develop strategies to handle the play of polarities in our Legacy and Lineage: Passing on Grace and
relationships and our lives and recognize how we typically Consciousness
mishandle them 4Examine the spiritual relationship to our teacher and the
4Learn how we use kriyas to create a balance beyond Golden Chain
polarities that gives us the intuition, range and caliber we 4Explore how we connect to the lineage of our families
need to sustain authentic relationships from grandchildren to grandparents and beyond
4Defining and characterizing True Love and our capacity 4Understand and practice intergenerational sharing of our
for it—following the law of love experience and wisdom as a spiritual, teaching and con-
4Discuss the relationships that challenge you as a teacher templative community
in regard to competition, abandonment, loss or disap- 4Developing Sacred Community
pointment

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 5
 Authentic RelationshipS

course structure

This training will take the equivalent of six days of teaching of the interactive exercises and discussions. All the material
organized around a central thematic structure. Ideally the you need to guide you through the exercises will be provided
course is experienced over multiple weekends, though it can be throughout the course. There is also a Student Study Guide
done in an intensive of no less than six days. It is important that has further sources of information, transcripts of lectures,
to give each participant time to explore their experiences, apply questions for self-study and directions for journaling your expe-
insights to real contexts in their lives and incorporate those riences. These will assist you to more deeply explore these
concepts and their meanings personally and as a teacher. teachings. In addition to all this, there is a website with other
The exact flow of time will vary due to the organic nature links, multi-media materials, and more.

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 authentic relationships

course goals

A CENTRAL GOAL OF THIS COURSE is to provide the expe- I understand that my soul chose my family and I creatively
riences and tools that help us integrate authentic relationships interact, heal, forgive and relate to my lineage as human
into our lives as well as into our classes and teaching. We beings who like me want to be healthy, happy and holy.
want to explore and understand how we form, sustain and
honor relationships. Our success as Kundalini Yoga teachers I act from consciousness, beyond polarity, to honor the mas-
and as conscious human beings depends on our capacity to culine and feminine within me and around me.
be authentic and respond from our heart with full awareness As a teacher I form all my relationships in the grace, honor
with each individual. and integrity of the Golden Chain to fulfill my destiny.
To begin the conversation with yourself, say the following
goals to yourself and assess yourself—which areas have you
accomplished and which areas need improvement? By the end of this course, you will:

4Be able to identify and explain the key concepts and ideas
in authentic relationships.
I have integrated authentic relationships into all areas of
my life. 4Have a mental map of how the skills and ideas in this
course relate to the core capacities of a teacher and a
My relationships are held in a manner that uplifts everyone
sensory human.
and does not let anyone down.
4Have increased experience, understanding and study of
I have befriended my own soul. I recognize myself and I am
Yogi Bhajan through his classes.
in a creative, dynamic relationship with my Infinite Self,
which is God. 4Know how to recognize and create authentic relationships
in each area of your life.
My ability to love myself is the foundation for authentic love
with others. 4Increase your ability to perceive polarities, treat them in a
I understand the dynamic of polarities in relationships and I creative manner and understand their dynamic in relation-
respond to them creatively and authentically. ships.

I act from my true self to project love and wisdom and con- 4Be able to guide students to examine their relationships
quer any fears and defenses that may taint my relationships. and elevate them to authentic relationships.

I cultivate my intuition, scope and caliber and apply them to 4Know how authentic relationships relate to yoga practices
every relationship. and goals. Understand how this subject connects to con-
scious communication, creativity, vitality and stress and to
I have forgiven all hurts and injuries and act with integrity our spiritual disciplines.
to friend and foe.
4Recognize how your personal life is affected by authentic
relationships and by relationships with a false core.

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 7
 Authentic RelationshipS

4Show increased interest in authentic relationships and how understanding that emerges is partly due to engaging in
they impact happiness, prosperity and success. Notice how authentic relationships with everyone who has committed to
this subject applies to all our activities in the world. this transformation process. It is not just a class. It is a cru-
cible in which we mix our shared wisdom and apply the
4Know how to incorporate new experiences concerning steady heat and pressure of the teachings and presence of
relationships and continue to learn and grow in the skills Yogi Bhajan.
of creating and sustaining authentic relationships. Authentic Relationships is a process that acts as a mirror
for you, showing your facets as a teacher, your depth as a
4Cultivate personal practices that develop your capacity human being and your areas for growth. This course is neither
for authentic relationships. a review of Foundations and Awakening—the Level I Kundalini
Yoga Teacher Training—nor simply an expansion of materials
on our teaching topics. It is part of a deep maturation and
Our primary objective is to examine our relationships and consolidation of awareness and experience as teachers. It will
improve our effectiveness, authenticity and awareness. How affect your relationships interpersonally, in groups and univer-
do we demonstrate awareness, integrity and compassion in all sally. While many of the skills you will acquire in relationships
our relationships to the standard of a teacher? Together we will are useful for anyone in the helping fields, training in profes-
explore the basic concepts behind authentic relationships sional counseling has its own requirements and models. This
using discussions, interactive exercises and reading. We will is not a course on professional counseling. However, we do
apply this to our goals, character and identity as Kundalini intend these experiences to enhance your mentoring and
Yoga teachers. We will practice meditations and exercises that coaching skills as you serve students asking for guidance and
increase our sensitivity. as you build communities of consciousness and prosperity
This will require a great deal of self-examination. We around the globe. Kundalini Yoga and the awareness it engen-
encourage you to try everything and to share openly with ders is the crux of our mission as teachers and the service that
others who go through this process. This is a very unique we deliver to everyone.
opportunity to share with your peers. The new depth of

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 chapter one

The experience of
authentic
relationships
 Authentic RelationshipS

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 authentic relationships

Meeting & Greeting each other

Everyone who is here is here for you and you for them. We is how we satisfy the deep longing to belong. When we are
are delivered in this time and space to take the opportunity touched by grace and our kundalini awakens, we experience
to connect with each other, to share, to open our hearts and each person and encounter as darshan, a meeting with our
be honest. These are our colleagues, teachers like yourself, love, a greeting from the Infinite within.
who have made a deep commitment to personal growth and Kundalini Yoga is the “Yoga of Awareness.” The practice
to excellence in their teaching. Let us spend a few minutes of Kundalini Yoga increases our awareness of all the relation-
meeting each other and opening up to each other in a new ships in our life and most particularly our relationship with
way. our self and all its different aspects and facets. As we meet
Yoga is all about relationship. The word itself means each other, let’s take a moment to reflect on and share how
union. It refers to that most elemental of all relationships: Kundalini Yoga has increased your awareness and trans-
the relationship of our small self with our Infinite Self. Yoga formed some of the important relationships in your life.

IN THIS EXERCISE, you will partner with five different When the music stops, pick someone who is nearby and
people and for five minutes reflect together on one of the who you know the least. Introduce yourself. Then immedi-
questions provided. With each consecutive partner, please ately discuss the first question.
go on to the next question. We will all work with the same After sharing with each other for five minutes, the
questions in the order listed below. facilitator will start the music again. Walk and dance all
As the music plays, walk around and chant: Ong Namo around—feel as if you are wandering through lifetimes.
Guru Dev Namo, Guru Dev Namo, Guru Deva. This is the When the music ceases, find your next partner. Discuss the
mantra of personal guidance. As you walk and chant feel next question after you introduce yourselves. Continue until
your soul guide you to encounter exactly who you need to you’ve completed all five questions with five different
at this time. Walk or dance as you move around the room. partners.

QUESTIONS:
How have the practice of Kundalini Yoga and the teachings of Yogi Bhajan impacted your relationship with:
1. Your immediate family (spouse, children, partner…)
2. Your extended family (parents, siblings, aunts and uncles…)
3. Your social connections (friends, clubs, associations)
4. Your professional relations (business, students, teachers)
5. Your own soul and spiritual friends.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Kundalini Yoga WARM-UP

TO PREPARE THE LOWER SPINE
10-15 minutes

Let’s energize ourselves before we continue this exciting and daunting journey together.

We begin with an exercise: Kriya for Pelvic Balance. It is a vigorous set to give you strength,
abdominal balance and a strong metabolism. It will energize you for the day and give you the
ability to walk with grace and handle the stress and challenges of life and relationships.

Your trainer will lead you through a few warm-up exercises to prepare your spine for wheel pose
and the other exercises that need a flexible spine.

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 KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA FOR PELVIC BALANCE

Yogi Bhajan • from Keeping Up with Kundalini Yoga

Date Unavailable

TIME: 10-35 minutes

1a

1. Bridge Pose. Begin in a sitting position with the legs straight out.
(a) Lean back slightly, supporting the upper torso with the arms locked at
the elbows and the palms flat on the floor. Bending the knees, draw the
feet in toward the hips with the soles flat against the floor.
(b) Inhale and raise the hips so that the body—from the knees to the
shoulders—forms a straight line parallel to the ground. Let the head fall
back. The arms and the lower legs should be roughly at right angles to
1b
the body. Apply Mulbandh, hold the posture with normal breathing.
Continue for 1-3 minutes. Inhale. Exhale and relax.
This exercise strengthens the back and aids in metabolism.

2. Wheel Pose. Lie on the back. The legs should be bent with the soles
of the feet pressed against the floor close to the hips. (a) Bending the
elbows, place the palms of the hands on the floor behind the shoulders
2a
with the fingers pointing back toward the shoulders.
(b) Inhale and carefully and comfortably raise the hips so that the body
forms one continuous arch from the heels to the palms of the hands.
Begin Breath of Fire. Continue for 1-3 minutes. Inhale and slowly and
carefully let yourself down and relax.
This exercise strengthens the lower back, facilitates the flow of energy 2b
through the spine and aids in metabolism.

3. Variation of Locust Pose. Lie on your stomach. Clasp the hands in

Venus lock behind the back, interlocking the fingers. Inhale and raise the
legs and arms as high as you can, keeping the knees and elbows straight
and the legs together. Begin Breath of Fire. Continue for 1-3 minutes.
Inhale. Exhale and relax.
This exercise aids in digestion and strengthens the abdominal muscles.

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 13
 KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA FOR PELVIC BALANCE

4a 4b 4. Stand with your feet wide apart. (A) Raise the arms
straight over the head with the palms pressed together.
Inhale in this position, keeping the elbows and knees
straight. (B) Exhale, bending at the waist, and touch the fin-
gertips to the left foot. Inhale up once again and then exhale,
bending at the waist and touching the right foot. Continue
rhythmically with a powerful breath for 1-3 minutes. Inhale
in the upright position. Exhale and relax.
This exercise balances the movement of the pelvis and coor-
dinates the muscle groups on opposite sides of the body.

5. Kundalini Lotus. Begin in a sitting position. Grasp the

5
big toe of each foot with the thumb and the first two fingers
of each hand, wrapping the fingers around the fleshy part of
the toes with the thumbs pressed against the toenails. Raise
the legs to an angle of 60 degrees to the floor, locking the
knees. Spread the legs wide and keep the spine straight.
Begin Breath of Fire. Continue for 1-3 minutes. Inhale.
Exhale and relax.
This exercise helps to channel sexual energy and maintain
potency.

6. Come into Cow Pose, supporting the torso on the hands

6a and knees.
(a) Inhale, lifting the head up and back and raising the
right leg as high as possible keeping the knees straight.
(b) Exhale, bring the chin down to touch the chest and
drawing the right knee toward the chest to touch the head.
Then inhale back up into the original position.
Continue rhythmically with a powerful breath for 1-3
minutes. Then inhale. Exhale and repeat the exercise on
the opposite side. Continue for 1-3 minutes. Then inhale.
6b Exhale and relax.
This exercise balances the leg and abdominal muscles and
helps to maintain sexual potency.

7. Deeply relax.

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 authentic relationships

GUIDED SELF-ASSESSMENT:
THE TEACHER IN RELATIONSHIP

Immediately after the kriya, sit in a meditative pose. Breathe Then imagine another person. Someone you have had prob-
three times a minute or less. Become aware of your energy. lems with or some significant discomfort with. As you bring
Feel your aura and the flow of energy all around you. Locate them closer, as you invite them into your presence, how does
the still center in your consciousness. your energy change? How does your projection change? Can
you be open to all that this person brings to you? What parts
Once you have gathered your mind, let the energy throughout of your strength and character are called on in order to deal
the entire aura become calm. Let it come to equilibrium like consciously with this person?
your slow breath. Become like a quiescent pond able to sense
the slightest movement or change; reflect the entire surround- Let that person go. Become absolutely clear once again. With
ings in the subtle impressions in your field of energy. a slow breath become like the calm pond. Feel you can send
out equal waves in all directions. Become still, without
Now imagine a person you care about comes to you. Sense thoughts and be open.
how you change as they enter your thoughts. Sense how you
change in your energy, feelings, projection, openness, feelings Now imagine that you are teaching. Imagine all the interac-
of need, defensiveness, contentment and begin to sense any tions you have with students during the class and after. How
of their feelings that you can notice. Do not try to change do you energetically hold those interactions? Imagine all the
those feelings. For now simply observe. different relationships you have during a day. How does your
experience with yourself affect them? How does your con-
Every relationship creates an imprint or impression. It changes sciousness as a teacher affect them? Do you stay authentic as
the shape of our lens through which we view ourselves and you enter each relationship? Are there particular feelings
others. Exactly how you change depends on you, the other whose presence suddenly makes you put up shields or stop
person and how you react consciously and subconsciously. As listening to the other person? Can you identify those?
you bring this person close to you, do you receive them? Do
you accept the feelings they bring or do you reject and defend Watch yourself from a distance. Look at yourself through the
yourself? Can you be calm and receive all that they bring to eyes of others who know you and through the eyes of those
you or do your own needs and reactions obscure the reality of who meet you for the first time. How would they describe
their state? their experience of meeting you? Would that meeting give
them an accurate impression of you?
Now let that person go. Come back to a thoughtless calm.
Clear your aura until you can sense everything with equal Now think of an interaction or an activity where you felt
openness in all directions. totally authentic. You expressed yourself as who you are, from
your heart and soul. What was that like? Was that a special
situation or person? Have you experienced that deep authen-
ticity in many other relationships or activities? Is there some
specific condition you need or judgment you have to render
before you can be fully authentic in a relationship?

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Finally, imagine yourself being a teacher—being someone who What is it like when you feel your teacher is present with you
always uplifts others. Compare times when you were com- and within you as you connect and interact with others?
pletely authentic in that role and times when you might have What if you allowed your mind to cultivate the habit to
been slightly less so. What is different? How does that affect always be in the presence and grace of your teacher and your
the other person or group? Now allow yourself to be com- soul? What would that feel like? How would it affect how you
pletely authentic. What is it like to be completely confident engage in your relationships?
that you qualify before your soul as authentic in each relation-
ship? How does that feel? What might you do that is differ- Now raise your arms and do Breath of Fire for two to three
ent from how you establish or maintain relationships now? minutes.
What is the most powerful feeling, thought, belief or practice
that helps you stay alert to the reality, authenticity and con-
sequences of each of your relationships?

Small Group activity

In groups of five or six, share with each other your observations from this exploration of your relationships. And share
with each other your feelings and thoughts about these topics:

What did you experience or discover about yourself and how relationships affect you in this exercise?

Did you change your projection, openness or relation to yourself as you sensed yourself in different relationships?
How did the presence of different relationships change your energy, attention and ways you would interact?

Do you form relationships consciously or do you sometimes react by habit?

Do you ever get into relationships that you realize later you cannot or do not want to maintain? They become too much
of a burden or ask you to act in a way that is not authentic to who you are or your role?

As a teacher, how do you successfully create a link with the Golden Chain and Yogi Bhajan so that you have enough
clarity within yourself to step back from the reactions of your personality to deliver healing and upliftment?

Do you define the relationship or do the relationships you form define you? How much do you act according to the
expectations you believe others have for you rather than the standards and expectations you have for yourself?

Is it possible to be authentic in environments or with people that are not?

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 authentic relationships

Self-Assessment of Authenticity in relationships Date: __________________

Now that you have started your exploration of your relationships and your consciousness of them, look over each item on this
self-assessment scale and mark where you would place yourself on the scale. This assessment is for you. It alerts and primes
your mind to what you have to learn in this module. Repeat this self-assessment after you complete the course and all the exer-
cises in the home study program. It will give you a sense of your progress in authentically relaying yourself in your relationships.

ON A SCALE OF 1-10
1 IS NEVER, 10 IS ALWAYS

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I am authentic in all my relationships.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I am skillful in giving and receiving the “relays of connection” that form good relationships.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I have a strong clear relationship to my soul.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I can converse easily with my higher self.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 The first thing I change in a poor relationship is myself.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I think of the consequences of a relationship before I agree to form it.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I forgive others the pains they cause in relationship.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I know that passion, intimacy and love are separate things.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I recognize that I am full of paradoxes and polarities.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I can distinguish between a paradox or polarity that needs to be managed and

a problem that needs to be solved.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I can recognize my polarized reactions and change opposition into creative strategies for action.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I know true love in my self and bring it to my relationships.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I create and honor relationships in a sacred community.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I look at each relationship as an opportunity to learn, grow or complete a karma.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I have a clear relationship to my own masculine and feminine polarity and nature.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I know how to strengthen the masculine and feminine energy in me and link them creatively.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I have a strong authentic relationship with Yogi Bhajan and the Golden Chain.

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 17
 Authentic RelationshipS

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 authentic relationships

The Master’s Touch:

An Experience with Yogi Bhajan

VIDEO CLASS
Relationships and the Art of Relay
March 16, 1982

Listen carefully as Yogi Bhajan explains a key concept about how we approach relationships. He discusses:

• What is a relationship?
• What things do we need to create an effective relationship?
• What develops depth and authenticity in relationships?
• What does it mean to have a relationship to the teachings as teachers?

He also guides us in a meditation to give us purity, energy and clarity. If a relationship is the extended expe-
rience of yourself, then starting with a purified self is essential. This meditation purifies our mind and emo-
tions so we can enjoy life and be authentic when we connect with other people.

A transcript, edited for reading, is included in your Study Guide.

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 19
a KUNDALINI YOGA MEDITATION • A PURE FLAME OF LIGHT
Yogi Bhajan • March 16, 1982

POSTURE: Sit Straight in Easy Pose. Chest out and chin in. Place your PART 1
hands in Gyan Mudra on your knees, arms are relaxed with elbows
slightly bent; the three fingers are straight.

PART I
Open your mouth and jaw wide and inhale deeply through the
mouth and exhale through the mouth. Continue with a powerful
breath for 3-1/2 minutes, then inhale deeply and continue with
Part II.

PART II
Close the mouth. Begin breathing long and deep through the nose. PART 11
Meditate and purify yourself. Turn yourself into a flame of light.
2 minutes.

TO END: Inhale and exhale powerfully three times. On the third

inhale, stretch up, suspend the breath for 15 seconds, and shake the
spine and the hands vigorously to equalize the energy.

EFFECTS: Breathing through the mouth will relax you very fast. It is
a very vital exercise.

COMMENTS: Relationship is nothing but a totally extended experi-

ence of self.
Note: When teaching this meditation, Yogi Bhajan stated that it
should never be done alone, but only in a class situation with an
experienced teacher.

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 authentic relationships

FlashWriting
Let’s capture and share our experience and thoughts about this lecture and its ideas.
Immediately write your feelings and observations about each of these questions based on your
experience of the class. Write quickly from your heart. Spend 2 minutes on each question.

Reflect on your experience as you relay yourself to another person and as you accept the
relay from another person. How do you know that the relationship is authentic or not?

What makes a relationship authentic?

What sustains relationships through time?

To what degree are your relationships authentic and in what situations do you find
yourself being inauthentic?

Small Group Discussion

25-30 minutes

Get into small groups and spend some time

discussing what you learned and what sig-
nificant points were made in the class.
Include in your discussion the concept of
relay in relationship, what creates or loses
faith in relationships, and how this applies
to your personal approach in relationships.

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 21
 Authentic RelationshipS

Interactive group exercise

The characteristics and experience
of authentic relationships

THE WORLD OF RELATIONSHIPS IS CONSTANTLY CHANGING conflict, is filled with actions that show integrity, kindness,
and can be very complex. It is important as a teacher to hold intelligence and timelessness. You can always express love
a clear guiding attitude that expresses consciousness applied first. You can express the core of yourself over projected fears
to relationships. You will each formulate this in your own and defenses that are provoked in any circumstance. Yogi
heart as you expand your consciousness consciously to all Bhajan expressed this concept in the video class we just
your relationships—major and minor, long-term and fleeting, viewed.
enjoyable and disastrous. We will take a few minutes to heighten our awareness of
As a Teacher there is a responsibility to hold your relation- our feelings and expectations as teachers about our core con-
ships consciously—to not let anyone down, yourself down or cept of an authentic relationship.
your consciousness down. Each relationship, even ones with

Step One Step THREE

LISTEN TO THE GUIDING THEME Whole group discussion
Have three people, one at a time, read to the whole group 10-15 minutes
the quotation from Yogi Bhajan and the short guiding state- Now open a discussion with the entire group on what an
ment about relationships. Listen carefully. authentic relationship is. Most people would say all their rela-
tionships are authentic if they are what they want or if they
Relationship in life is a process of life, meant to enlarge seem to match their feeling. But from a yogi’s view, authentic
your personality and gain your personality. . . . relationships are a hard-earned capacity that most of us
Relationship is nothing but a totally extended accomplish in only some areas of our life. We each have a
experience of self. wide range of relationships that vary from totally inauthentic
to almost completely authentic. Use all of that experience for
Guiding theme and goal: this discussion.
My relationships are held consciously to not let anyone
down, myself down or my consciousness down. Each rela- 4In your experience, how do you recognize an authentic
tionship, even one with conflict, is filled with actions that versus inauthentic relationship?
show integrity, kindness, intelligence and timelessness. I can
4Think of each area of your life: personal, work-related,
express love first over any projected fears and defenses that
are provoked by circumstance and act from my soul. intimate, teaching and familial. With whom are you able
to be most authentic?
Step TWO 4What feelings and qualities accompany an authentic
Discuss Your Personal Reactions
relationship?
10 minutes
Discuss your personal reactions to these ideals and qualities.
In what way does it inspire you, in what way does it challenge
you?

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 authentic relationships

Step FOUR Step FIVE

small group discussion capturing the feeling
30 minutes 20 minutes
After the whole group discussion, break into small groups of Now try to capture your sense of an authentic relationship
4–6 people. Discuss the following questions: and the feeling of being in an authentic relationship in an
4What are the key differences in the feeling and energy of image. Sketch an image, abstract drawing or diagram that illus-
an authentic and an inauthentic relationship? trates how you feel when you have an authentic relationship;
4Have you ever experienced an authentic relationship? do a second that shows how you feel in an inauthentic rela-
4How did you know that it was authentic? tionship. Freely use colors, words and your artistic self. Share
4How do you know when a relationship isn’t authentic? with your group and post it on the wall with your name if
4Did your family try to have authentic relationships? Could possible. Look at the commonality and the uniqueness of all
you hold all of your family in an authentic relationship no the experiences.
matter how well each of them could reciprocate?
4Can a relationship be held authentically at one time and
not at another?
4What kind of feelings and emotions did you experience in
this authentic relationship?
4How are your relays, exchanges and responses to connec-
tion different in authentic relationships compared to less
authentic relationships?

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Capturing the Feeling

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 authentic relationships

Capturing the Feeling

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 Authentic RelationshipS

core concept of authentic relationships:

EK ONG KAR

The first reality of a Kundalini Yoga teacher is Profoundly Connected

EK ONG KAR. Authentic relationships are more than simple connections. It
is not enough for a yogi just to feel connected. We are con-
We are connected to everything in the creation. We are cre- nected. That is our primal reality—Aad Purkh. Authentic rela-
ated by One Creator that is always active and which is in our tionships are based in a deep respect and awareness of how
basic spiritual nature. That means we exist in connection to each action and thought ripples across all our relationships
everyone and everything else. Our greatest illusion is that we and shapes our world, our successes and our destiny. Since
are somehow separated, isolated or hidden from others. That we are in relationship to what we know and also in relation-
sense of separation is a tool well-wielded by our ego for its ship to much that we do not know, we must begin with a pro-
own purposes of defense, control and fear. found relationship to our Self.
Masters who have realized their full humanity include Our existence is crafted and lived in a dynamic intercon-
everyone in their family. The connections they share with all nected matrix of inconceivable extent and subtlety. We share
serve to liberate and free them—not to shackle them. As the every thought with every other mind and being. The sense of
fears of the ego lessen, we become aware of and welcome our our isolated individualism is in fact an illusion. We may be
connection with everyone and everything. Our horizon opens. unique. We may have our own destiny to fulfill that is no one
Every connection is realized as a potential for learning, for ful- else’s. But we are intimately woven into the larger fabric and
fillment, for establishing our highest personality and as a gift flow of the universe in ways that our minds will never grasp.
that brings happiness and prosperity.
This is one reason that Yogi Bhajan treated everyone as a Indra’s Net
family when he taught meditation and the science of kundali- There is an ancient image in the yogic tradition that captures
ni. When he first began his relationship with us as students, this dynamic. It is called Indra’s Net. Indra’s Net is a Hindu
he founded 3HO (Healthy, Happy, Holy Organization). He myth that recounts the grand palace of Indra—God over all the
said it had no boundaries. All are welcome. Each is as valu- gods that rule our earthly activities. Stretched over the palace
able and respected as a family member. All of us have a is a net, like a mysterious and awesome canopy. This net
birthright to be happy. We are each complete and should be holds all the activities and movements in the universe—from
respected and respect our self as part of God. To progress an atom, to a leaf, to the journey of our many lives. At each
spiritually we must form a relationship to our own self, then node of the net, where two or more strands cross, is a pearl—
to our community and group, and then universally to all the pearls of Indra. Each pearl reflects in its translucent depths
beings. We are comfortable being an individual. The chal- of all the other pearls in the entire net. Each pearl contains an
lenge is opening and sharing in a group consciousness with impression, an imprint, of the entire web of life. Imagine that.
an extended family based on the values of our authentic self. If your mind is neutral and your intuition awakened, you can
As we practice meditation, we begin to strip away the bar- read the entire universe from the reflective depth of one pearl—
riers to clear perception. We cultivate a neutral mind, which one person, one consciousness.
awakens our intuition and clears the mental and emotional
noise in our subconscious. This capacity for absolute clarity
and lack of fear is the gateway on the path of authentic rela-
tionships.

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This mythological image represents a profound truth: we lessly through time and space to which we are equally respon-
are created in relationship with all, which is the One in its sible to deal with. This is the vastness of Indra’s net. Later,
many forms. In contemporary terms we express this insight as we will map out all of our relationships so that we can get a
a hologram that contains the whole within each part, or a sense of ourselves within our own web.
fractal pattern that reflects at every scale the same pattern as Relationships can just be a connection. Or they can be a
the whole. deeper reflection of our core process as a human being—to ful-
How do we live in authentic relationship with each other, fill and complete our soul and personality. Experiencing rela-
with our Self and with God? Human beings have, and need to tionships with this sensitivity gives us more perspectives,
choices and awareness of the effect of each of our actions.
This sense of authentic relationship with our self and all oth-
ers requires intuition, depth and caliber. Each relationship is
within us as well as outside of us. Each relationship is time-
less in its impact. We must learn to invite in, reach out and
qualify every action through our consciousness. The aware-
ness that we cultivate as kundalini yoga teachers transforms
every thing from a stone to a gem. Breath is not just breath,
it is prana and the force of our life. Relationship is not just
connection, it is authentically who we are and not just what
we need or want but what our soul has intended for lifetimes
upon lifetimes.
When we think of relationship in this way, it is startling.
If we acknowledge and perceive how connected we are, what
impact does that have on our choices and opportunities?
Without recognizing and accepting all our relationships, we
Indra’s Net
are stuck in a single point in space and time—a single vantage
point. We can see one side of something—say a vase with a
awaken, an innate sensitivity to the relationships and contexts beautiful plant that has broad luxuriant green leaves. But
we find ourselves in. We experience our interactions as spe- unless we looked through the eyes of someone on the other
cific to an individual relationship, or time and place. We can side of the vase, we could not see the flower that is hidden
act radically different according to the relationships or the cir- by the leaves. Our relationships give us the opportunity to
cumstances that confront us. The paradox is that no matter develop and refine new perspectives, choices and knowledge.
how clearly we believe we see our immediate relationship and To do this we need a strong sense of our self, fearlessness to
circumstance, we do not automatically see the vast network let go of our imagined threats and pains, and tolerance to
of all those we are connected with through time and space allow other viewpoints to be real. Normally we just express
who we affect and who affect us. We affect first our self, then ourselves—we try to get what we want, we react rather than
the person we are relating to, and then all those connected to respond, we try to control others for safety or for gain. We
that person and so on. We are intensely, in this one moment, become so afraid; we fight for one viewpoint and attack all
responsible to deal with our immediate relationships; and we others. But in doing that, we reject the richness of God and
are infinitely connected to a vast network stretching bound- the constant flow of reality—an invitation of the present to

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 Authentic RelationshipS

participate in an authentic relationship. How can we think of habits. Experiments have shown increased healing speed after
relationship? What is it really? How might we approach it in injury, higher post-surgical survival rates, and lower suicide
the Aquarian Age? These are the central questions that we rates among those in healthy, long-standing relationships.
will explore throughout this course. Studies also show that we gain a sense of meaning, happi-
ness, self-confidence and a proactive stance toward our lives
Relationship is Relay and goals when we are in positive relationships. Relationships
Yogi Bhajan talks about relationships as a relay. We relay our give us resources, guidance, and a social identity filled with
projection, our words and our aura to the other person, which obligations and commitments. Those same commitments give
in turn creates a reaction within that person. He or she us a freedom to act and to experience the values we hold.
accepts or rejects our relay. If accepted, that person creates our Relationships also give us an opportunity to share—to give
personality in their psyche and in connection to us. In every and to receive. Giving and belonging are fundamental to a
relationship we gain or lose; we fulfill or diminish our person- healthy and happy existence as a human being. Relationships
ality. We create our reputation with every relay—we establish are more than a simple connection. Relationships are about
or diminish our own radiance and reality. How do we succeed exchange, mutuality, and obligation. They are dynamic not
in the art of relay? How do we fail to relay our true self? static. They change, grow and fade with each of our actions
Our relationships help to define us. They challenge us to and thoughts. They soar or tumble on the currents of our
define our self in terms of our associations and more deeply emotions. They leave deep imprints in our life, affect our aura
within our self, identity and values. They give us a sense of and establish much of our approach to the world.
who we are. They communicate to others who we are. Even our
relationship to our thoughts helps to define us and create our Mother: The First Relationship
sense of self. Think very practically. If you bring any thought The first relationship we experience as we enter this earthly
into your mind, it affects you. If you think of chanting a divine realm is with our mother. Her prayer and compassion bring us
mantra, or racing a car, or eating a luscious ripe red fruit, you into this world. Her thoughts, emotions and blood shape our
change. With each thought your breath changes. The flow and temperament. Her genes, environment and actions are the
frequency of your thoughts change. As you come into relation- medium through which we initiate our entrance into this world
ship with a thought, you and it relay qualities and energy to and the lens through which we first assess the world and pre-
each other—it is a reciprocal relationship. The quality of that pare for it. In the teachings of Yogi Bhajan, this relationship is
thought starts to define you, and how you process that thought accorded unbounded respect. There are many techniques and
defines its effects and meaning for you. Similarly, when we lifestyle choices that help create a conscious pregnancy. They
select our friends and colleagues, our relationship with them are designed to optimize this first relationship: to welcome the
begins to influence and shape us. We will be known by our soul, prepare the child, and create unshakeable security and
associations and by the character we demonstrate within them. courage. What happens in those first years of the parental rela-
We do not exist separate and apart from all that we relate to. tionship is a major influence on our sense of self, our happi-
We do not arise independently from our environments; rather, ness and the way we approach our future relationships.
we are formed by them. Our social and personal identity is cre- From the yogic perspective, our first relationship begins
ated by our chosen and inherited relationships. with our own soul’s choice to accept this life, this mother and
Relationships are crucial for our health as well. Having a father. The soul goes through a calculation in consciousness
rich spectrum of uplifting, resourceful and authentic relation- that selects the time, place, condition and set of relationships
ships in our network of connections strengthens the immune that we are born into. That choice is the result of an assess-
system responses, dramatically lowers the onset of depression ment and calculation that occurs between the fate and the
and anxiety disorders, and extends our life expectancy. It destiny of the individual. From the parent’s side, the relation-
could be said that relationships are more effective at extend- ship begins in their thoughts and feelings that lead up to and
ing our lifespan than even dropping some of our unhealthy surround the conception. The frequency and love in that rela-

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tionship creates an attractive vortex that brings a selection of exertive creativity that we are capable of. Under pressure from
specific souls to the potential birth. From that point up to 120 the environmental circumstances, toxic relationships and pain,
days of pregnancy there is a fluid relationship that both selects the 75% who are medium exertive—normal—become only 20%.
the final soul to be embodied and establishes the emotional They exist and enjoy society but at the cost of diminished
matrix that surrounds the child. There is a blend of tempera- scope and awareness. The 20% that exert, create and dominate
ment which is inherently the child’s, regardless of the early the society becomes only 5%. And the 5% that are normally
environments—emotional connections and attitudes in the pri- marginal and non-exertive without a sovereign sense of their
mary relationships, environmental conditions and nutrition. own self becomes 75%. These people suffer, feel afraid, emo-
Ideally, we are nurtured and supported in our challenges tional and become easy targets of manipulation and fear.
by the relationship we have with our mother and father. The deep inner thought—to not exert—starts as early as
Secure in our core sense of self, we can engage life with con- conception in the projected psyches of the mother and father.
fidence. When speaking to psychologists and counselors, Yogi Yogi Bhajan commented on this pivotal moment, “If the con-
Bhajan affirmed that our first relationships were critical. He felt ception is unloving, unprepared, un-meditative, aggressive, or
that much of the pain that we live in was the direct result of under the influence of any alcohol or drug, the child will be
reactions to fears established early on in life and added to as adversely affected. If the masculine projection is just to con-
we grew older. We gain the seeds of fear from our mother and quer during intercourse, the child’s psyche will have a polari-
father no matter how much they care for us. Our external rela- ty reaction and become un-conquering and non-exertive. If the
tionships contribute to them—aggravating or abating our feminine projection is self-serving or self-concerned for its own
fears—as does our relationship to our psyche. He did not advo- emotional or security needs, the child will feel it is non-exis-
cate that talk and analysis alone would get to the root of the tent and will be insecure in receiving and connecting with life
problem. and with others.” This is a basic reaction that affects and
We need to apply our consciousness to recognize and shapes our psyche. This condition is sensed by the soul and
redirect our patterns. We have an innate ability to reflect upon it chooses to accept the challenge of each condition that is
and repair ourselves and make the necessary energetic changes created for its own experience. But we can affect that condi-
in our physical, mental and spiritual bodies. Dialogue with tion and create the best opportunity for an elevated life and
others is extremely useful, but the best dialogue is with your- soul that we can. That is why our yogic approach to having a
self, your soul and your consciousness. child includes so much preparation and constant attention by
If we begin well, through birth and early life, or if we heal the mother and father—even before conception. If this basic
the wounds of our relationships, we can be exertive in life. To reaction does exist, it can be corrected easily later, if the par-
be exertive means to passionately and fully embrace each ents and the child come together in mutual respect and for-
moment—to welcome our circumstances no matter what they giveness, while accepting accountability for their own feelings.
are and to act according to our conscience. To be exertive When our beginnings are ill-prepared, we become non-
means to express your purpose and to realize your intentions. exertive. We let the opportunity of this life pass us by as we
entangle ourselves with internal battles and fears and external
Exertive, Normal, Non-Exertive Personalities needs for security, obscuring all the opportunity surrounding
Both our primary relationships and our later ones can create us, blanketing us in a thick, impenetrable fog. We can pene-
distorted feelings and beliefs about ourselves that disengage us trate that fog by conquering the breath: breathe in a rhythm
from our fulfillment in life. Yogi Bhajan estimated that people of two to four breaths per minute throughout the day. This is
fell into three broad categories: exertive, normal (medium just one of many techniques that can eliminate our mind’s
exertive) and non-exertive.The only difference is in degree. reactions to fears, put us back into healthy connection and
20% of people are exertive, 75% are normal and 5% of people relationship with others, and free ourselves to act with love.
are non-exertive. The stress and challenge of our circumstances To look at all of your relationships and forgive can only serve
shift these percentages. Stress takes its toll and blunts the you and your destiny.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Recognize yourself. Call on the Higher Self. Most of the People lie, the aura doesn’t lie. I said, “Okay, have your
time, we face emotions and commotions that come from mis- love!”
handled or broken relationships and often derail our lives. Yogi Actually it was a control issue. She said, “I got him, now
Bhajan told us to drop the past, stop fantasizing the future, I have to keep him!”
and engage the reality and unlimited resources that are with Yogi Bhajan: “Yes, with passion you can do it.” With .. ?
you in the present. Students: Passion you can do it.
When we are in an authentic relationship with our self,
Yogi Bhajan: When the juice runs out, you are empty.
our soul and others we can intuitively know the impact of our
You have not learned wisdom. Instead, your commotions
actions and our presence. We can act to fulfill our soul. We
come out. And when your commotions come out into
can be in a creative relationship to our Infinite Self—to God.
motion, you are the same dirty pig. Do you think there is
All the pains that result from relationships can be resolved and
integrated to serve our soul’s purpose through the fulcrum of one person here or in the whole world who can be wrong
the neutral mind and our consciousness. and who wants to be wrong? No! Everybody wants to be
Yogi Bhajan said the one thing not to do when you feel good and very good. Everybody wants to be . . . ?
stressed and sad is to isolate. Do just the opposite. Students: Good and very good.
Connecting at those times will restore perspective and heal Yogi Bhajan: But you have not trained yourself. “Good”
you. He challenged us to look at how we isolate and insulate has a discipline. “Not good” has a flirtation. People who do
ourselves from others. He emphasized that this common ego not like discipline at one place, they don’t like discipline
process blocks us from our potential and happiness. Its effect anywhere. For thirty-some years this is my experience.
is both inhuman and ineffective. Instead, learn to be human, Father phobia and mother phobia, father phenomena and
present and in relationship to everyone. That is the essence of mother phenomena have ruined sixty percent of our mar-
a teacher and the beauty of a human. riages. The net result is you don’t have time to teach your
Some of you are so extremely, stinkingly stupid that you child pros and cons, manners and values in which that per-
have no friends, no God, no surrounding, nothing but ego. son can succeed. That’s why children are not with their par-
And then you push yourself to be somebody who you are ents. Parents presume that children know and know it all.
not. You stop everything outside. You are not humble And that’s not a fact. Children are actually beggars at your
enough to let things come in. That’s how you survive. door. They know it all, and they are begging, asking,
Over and above all this religion works like a parade. You requesting, please make us better. Please help us.
want to believe something, and all of you believe something, There was one father who had children that were all
so you all get together. But you do not understand religion is very intelligent. They all went nuts. I sat down face to face
when you have to realize your own reality. with him and I said, “What are you doing?”
How shocking it is when the daughter picks up the atti- He said, “My father never cared for me. They can burn
tude of the mother. The son picks up the attitude of the in the hell.”
father. How horrible it is when the father has an intentional This is a father! Yes, he let them go. It is just like a bird
projection to destroy the children? How black it is when a taken out of the nest and asked to fly. Many don’t make it.
mother takes the children to the grinding wall from which Some make it. And this process of life rubs us until we get
they never recover. Ask me why? so tired that our copper comes out from under our gold plat-
Students: Why? ing that just looked good but isn’t solid. In our intelligence
Yogi Bhajan: It's a control issue. There are two issues they teach us, “Let a person talk, let a person walk, he will
among us: one is a control issue, the other is a human issue dig his own pit and that’s it.”
of denial. One day a girl told me, “I don’t care about any- You see there are a lot of religions. There are?
thing. All I care about is that I am in love.”

30 • KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS © 2006 Kundalini Research Institute
 authentic relationships

Students: Lots of religions. tain yourself by that manner.

Yogi Bhajan: They all teach truth. They all teach? You know when I started teaching and dealing with you
Students: Truth. guys I knew who you were. I knew all along what could
Yogi Bhajan: But they have added circumstantial things happen to me. You have never known me but I have seen
to it. That truth is lost. They become nothing but a kind of you and I have made a good study of you. There are many
dead philosophy with lots of ideas of all sorts and no absolutely new things I have come to learn in America.
improvement. I used to have two students. They were so loyal, so sin-
A couple of years ago, I talked to a gentleman. I said, cere, so serviceful, so kind, so compassionate, they both as
“You are keeping up well. You are good. Just learn one a joint team took care of anything I needed in the world.
thing: we are a congregation and don’t take it for granted But I knew it will not be forever. In the realm of things a
that people will respect you. So you must be in a position to third student joined. He was innocent, he didn’t know any-
communicate and not isolate.” thing. The first two left. They would not tolerate and relate.
My reading was correct. With all the goodness of the Hey listen to me, you liars! You may say anything I don’t
heart, the personality and everything, the isolation killed the care; you just can not tolerate another person. And when
whole dream he had which could have been tomorrow. It you don’t, you lie all the way to prove you are very affec-
doesn’t matter who you are and what your degree is that tionate, you are extremely humble. You want to hug every-
you put on the wall. People care for the forklifts: those who body, love everybody, you are just stupid! Those lies just
raise them up, those who bless them, those who can be with put red chili on the wounds. People know it. They are good
them. It’s very important that you should be very social and at knowing what you are doing. When you start knowing
very kind and very compassionate. You should be kind and that people know, then what do you do? What did I say?
compassionate for those who do not deserve it. Students: When you start knowing that people know.
I have dealt with big “machos”; they were fine when they Yogi Bhajan: Then you create a rift. That is foolish and
started. There was nothing wrong with them. But finally, as not to my standard.
we grew up, they had no way to grow up. They forgot even I know a doctor who has a most prestigious job to clean
this much, this basic reality: their molecule is a molecule, all the wounds. Whenever he comes he goes right to the
their atom is an atom. It dies everyday and lives everyday. bathroom and washes his hands with soap. When he
Every time you meet, it's a new person dealing with new comes, I say, “Hi kid, how many?”
people. That’s why man is a social animal. If you do not He says, “Six bellies.”
serve the society and you put ego into the service of the He is an expert in cutting people’s bellies. Very successful.
society you will have not one thing. What is it? Tell me. But when he started doing this work, he started having a
Students: Respect? reaction. I said, “Stop it, just eat mung beans and rice and
Yogi Bhajan: You shall not gain respect. You create a salad.” Now for about twenty some years, twenty-five years,
rift in the society. And then you create a drift and then you that’s all he eats. He is fine. He is an excellent leader in his
field.
are lost. I am very aware of this: Our whole essence is a
There is a sacrifice to be made to be a leader. Every sena-
discipline and our highest point in discipline is to be in
tor knows that every sixth year he has to reach out to his
love with others and carry them with both our head
people, right? And poor congressmen have a real difficulty
and heart.
because they are elected for two years. They have only one
If you cannot be unfriendly, then you will just be indiffer-
year and then they have to campaign immediately in the sec-
ent. From all I am teaching understand one thing: it doesn’t
ond year to keep going. So it is in business—politics—any-
matter who you are and who supports you, you will not sus-
where.

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 31
 Authentic RelationshipS

When you get uptight and indifferent in a society of peo- ever introduced yourself, “I am very loving and humble and I
ple, you are dead for that society. Actually, do you know love to see you”?
you are criminal against your own self? You commit a crime . . . By showing what we have with ego or fear to others
against your own personality and identity. You do not relate we create jealousy and nonsense. Using what we have to be
and you do not learn humility and grace. kind and compassionate and caring, then we build a society
And do you understand something very positive? You for us, forever.
have no problem. You are in heart okay. You know what the It doesn’t matter how many times I teach you a class
problem is? You don’t give yourself a chance. You do not and how many times you listen to me, you will never
know there is a humongous infinity of the unknown avail- remember you are a molecule. Bunch of?
able all the time and all that you have is not much. So you Students: Molecules.
should reach out. Touch people and don’t start counting Yogi Bhajan: And the life of your cell is?
how wrong they are, start counting how much you can cor- Students: Seventy-two hours?
rect them. . . . Yogi Bhajan: Seventy-two hours. In seventy-two hours a
What is the most important word in life? Name it. person totally changes. And if you sit and meditate and let
Student: Sacrifice your blood flow through any area of discomfort and disease,
Yogi Bhajan: Okay. you can be all right. You can do it until you are begged to
Student: Gratitude leave this earth and to go home. You understand? You can
Yogi Bhajan: Gratitude, what else? solve your problems by provoking your higher self. It is real.
Student: Love —Yogi Bhajan, March 20, 2001
Yogi Bhajan: Love is kind of a fishing rod and with a
hook. Keep going, come on. Social Beings
Student: Compassion We are basically social. In both modern and sacred psycholo-
Yogi Bhajan: No. No. gy our ability to be social is a sign of maturity and health. It
Student: Humility is considered a primary dimension of intelligence. Many
researchers speculate that our larger frontal lobes evolved to
Yogi Bhajan: Everything you are going to say is getting
handle the enormous complexity and subtlety of social rela-
a No. You can’t believe this is the simplest thing in life and
tionships as we began to work in groups and use language
without it there is no life.
skills. Our ability to use language allowed us to build complex
Student: Help?
social relationships and to create culture, to pass on wisdom.
Yogi Bhajan: Help! If you act with a nature to help you The ability to be communicative, social and accurately
will build character, compassion, dignity, divinity, grace, sac- empathic was crucial to who we would become as human
rifice and happiness. . . . beings.
Yogi Bhajan: Hail Guru Ram Das and he’ll . . . ? In this excerpt, Yogi Bhajan touches on many dimensions
Student: Heal the World! of this social intelligence. Note two main points: First, he ele-
Yogi Bhajan: It only takes a moment to say or think. It gantly goes to the core,
breaks your flow. But then you uplift yourself to a height “Our whole essence is a discipline, and our highest point
which nobody else has. Instead, like a first-class stupid of the in discipline is to be in love with others and carry them with
first order, you hang your egomaniac degrees and your our head and heart both.”
wealth and your home and possessions up for everyone to When we are in the right relationship with our elf, with
see. It is okay that you have what you have, but in reality our soul, we naturally create discipline. That discipline is like
a vocabulary of the heart that let’s us experience our Self and
you are totally on the bottom. . . . How many of you have
become open to the selflessness within the self that we call

32 • KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS © 2006 Kundalini Research Institute
 authentic relationships

love. This natural expression of discipline is exertiveness. It is When relationships create pain we begin to act from a false
the sine qua non of success and fulfillment. core. We act on false beliefs about our self that compel us to
Second, we do not realize and accept that this body and find what we need in someone else. We fall prey to polariza-
life are transient. We are molecules and cells that are in con- tion. We make things black and white. We become rigid. We
stant flux. When we experience this as a reality, we under- demonize the other person by seeing only one extreme end of
stand that every relationship is new each moment. We are a polarity that we have attributed to them. We make ourselves
humble, graceful and open to the Infinite Unknown that is right, good or justified and stop using the heart and the eyes
part of our nature. Often, however, we deny what is and what of compassion to understand. But when the law of polarity is
our responsibilities are to ourselves, to others and to life. deeply experienced and mastered, we gain the ability to con-
Instead, we live in fear and insecurity or operate from a need nect two polarities in a creative relationship.
for control or recognition.
During our study of Level 1 Teacher Training—Foundations Integrating Our Own Polarities
and Awakening—we learned that Yamas and Niyamas were This is also true within us—in our relationship to our Self and
the first steps in Pantajali's eight-limbed path. They prescribe our many parts. When we connect our persona and our shad-
a discipline to create a balance between ourselves and others. ow through consciousness, as we do in the Conscious
They promote a balance of individual strengths in the service Communication module, we become expressive, creative and
of and relationship to others, and the duties of the society we graceful. We do this when we channel our fire and anger to
are part of. As teachers, this capability to act in authentic rela- create purification and to counter our own bad habits. We
tionship is not just suggested but required—it is essential. begin to recognize our personal paradoxes as the play of polar-
What happens when we are wounded by inauthentic rela- ity. When we experience our own polarities we no longer need
tionships? Besides withdrawing from the situation, we often to project them and act them out in our relationship with
form a shell that becomes insensitive to what is. Within that another person or group.
shell we form a false core. We harbor a feeling, a reactive pos-
ture that seeks fulfillment through relationship to another per- Seeing All Sides as Constantly Present
son. The more we engage other people from that place, the When this capacity is fully realized, we can see that a per-
emptier we become. It is a pit, a place of disconnection that son is always changing—that they are a saint or a devil, kind
has no bottom. It forms the base of many compulsions, addic- or harsh with each breath. They are a mix of internal states,
tions, and impulsive behaviors. No matter how many people tendencies, and characteristics that are filled with paradoxes
agree to the sham dance we do, in our heart we are not happy, and potential. No longer under the hypnosis of polarity, we
we are not real. are freed from thinking a person is only bad or only good—as
shown by a single act and reified forever! We can communi-
The Law of Polarity cate and create a relationship that is real.
This is where another crucial dynamic of our psyche becomes In every wisdom tradition there are stories of how a thief
important: the dynamic of polarity. The law of polarity is a becomes a saint or how a wise person sometimes acts fool-
fundamental insight in the yogic tradition. The mastery of ishly. The Teacher sees all the sides as constantly present and
polarity defines a yogi, and is the milestone that marks the through the relationship elevates the person and the circum-
transformation of consciousness. Yogis use polarity creatively stance. This is why Yogi Bhajan said we do not tolerate oth-
and live in the unity of the non-dual reality of their true self. ers: We see them according to our list of needs and fears
Without a deep understanding and experience of the nature instead of letting in the reality of that person through compas-
of polarity, it is very difficult to cultivate the non-dual states sion. Great teachers often have around them students of every
achieved only through the neutral mind, the vastness of ana- character, status and personality. Those students frequently
hat and Naad, and the bliss—anand—of merger with the high- fight among themselves and cannot understand why the
er Self. teacher would allow the other students whom they dislike to

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 33
 Authentic RelationshipS

be present. The teacher knows what the student does not—the is a flow between the realm of the formless and the realm of
law of polarity—and applies it consistently to elevate each per- forms. Even our identity is created from our non-identity. Small
son within their own personality. When we get hurt or afraid differences in the blend and expression of the polarities result
that we will not be recognized or have control, most of us in profound differences in the qualities that are manifested.
break our relationship with the people who, in our contracted
self, seem to be against us. We gather our troops and isolate The Polarity of Masculine and Feminine
our communication. We see everything the other person does The most basic and personal of these polarities is found in the
in our own terms. When we do this, we remove possibility. relationship of masculine and feminine. Men want to be men.
We reduce ourselves to a position that has no potential for Women want to be women. Yet each of us is also a mix of
movement or strategy in it. We kill the heart and revel in dual- qualities. In a men’s camp lecture, Yogi Bhajan said most of
ity, with all its commensurate pains and false security. the men are 60% masculine, 40% feminine. Then he said that
The result? We act as if we do not know how to love. We each individual can vary and some may be just the reverse. He
will look closely at love, at the nature of polarity and the then taught us that we need to understand the primal polari-
necessity to love yourself as a foundation for authentic love ty of masculine and feminine, as a pure energy or archetype,
with others. If, as teachers, we love and we serve, then we because each represents qualities that we have within us.
need to recognize the nature of love and master it within our- Knowing those characteristics and our reactions to them will
selves. There are many, many cases where teachers have gone help us master the cosmic dance between those qualities.
over the proper professional and ethical boundaries and roles If we understand the man as man, and the woman as
with a student, causing grief and confusion to both. If your woman, we can establish creative and powerful relationships
relationship to your Self is authentic this can not happen; between the polarities within us. In one talk he said that if you
because you recognize your Self, you recognize the other per- are just one percent more male than female accept your choice
son as someone distinct from you, and you recognize and of incarnation in this polarity and act as if you embrace the
honor the relationship that connects you both. masculine totally. When we enter into a fixed form, a physical
body, we embody more of one branch of that polarity than the
Ultimate Love, Active Love and Reactive Love other. By embracing the reality of our form and developing a
Yogi Bhajan taught about many dimensions of love and rela- relationship to our intrinsic self identity, we can enjoy the play,
tionship. The most fundamental distinction he made is the dif- the cosmic dance of these polarities without judging or reacting
ference between ultimate love, active love and reactive love; to the many differences that they engender.
and its three dimensions: love, passion and intimacy. He We will explore the nature of the feminine and masculine
described in one of his classes the nature of ultimate love and and how to experience the best of both. We will explore how
the stages we go through under the intensity of passion. We the keystone of the bridge between the masculine and femi-
can love someone without being passionate; we can be inti- nine is based on a clear perception of our intrinsic values and
mate and know someone and their personality without love; how we share those in relationships. We will look at how this
we can be inflamed with passion and never create love. These plays out in the communication and the relationship between
three dimensions are independent. In every relationship we men and women as archetypes of masculine and feminine.
must know how these blend and the implications and obliga- There are many, many variations in how men and women are
tions of each. When we can love and love truly, we begin to treated across cultures. We are interested in the fundamental
see the world through the eyes of a Teacher. When we dwell energies and qualities that transcend those societal norms and
in ultimate love, selflessly, within our Infinite Self, we do not that help us master polarity, yoga and relationships.
exist in our fears or our ego. We are in a unique relationship
with God, with our spirit; we are relaxed, active, and sharing The Soul Relationship
and we naturally enjoy discipline. As teachers it is important to cultivate the relationship to our
The law of polarity is real and active throughout Prakirti. Life soul and to our teacher, Yogi Bhajan. He said that “the sole

34 • KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS © 2006 Kundalini Research Institute
 authentic relationships

purpose of life is the soul.” When we relate to our soul, we There is nothing in God except the power of the word. And
experience constant energy and upliftment. We connect to an the word must have a relationship with your soul. Simply
innate energy in our character that we call cherdi kala— we connect. You have to open the faucet to let the water in.
indomitable uplifted spirit. We reject and transform our own You have to have some time to relate to your soul. You
depressions and deficits as we accept the gift of life and relate to the whole world. You want to have a very good
breath, and share, uplift and correct the wrongs we encounter. car. You want to have a very good house. You want to have
We correct them with integrity, kindness and courage in our a very good playmate. You want to have it all. . . . Don't
every word and action. That relationship gives us resilience, misunderstand me. Do what you want to do, it is none of
vitality and caliber. my business today to tell you do this and don't do this. But
Our first relationship is with our soul. Our consciousness one thing you should do, must do, is spare some time to
knows our essence and our heart. Our soul acts from deep befriend your own soul. Those who do not befriend their
stillness that is beyond the polarities of our mind and our own soul shall never have anything to do with Almighty
lives. We have a choice to relate to our soul or not. We can God. I’ll tell you why. If you insult the ambassador of a
choose to define ourselves in many ways. Mostly we react to country you cannot have a relationship with that country. In
circumstances and to our emotions. However, it is possible to this egomaniac body, the soul sits as the ambassador of
create a relationship to our soul and act from our authentic God. It is a relationship.
consciousness and purpose. • • •
[You all talk incessantly and unconsciously.] How can a
I hope you will raise your caliber and consciousness and Yogi stop it? It is your nature to talk. Then talk to your soul
your conscious intuition will guide you to see within you for an hour, twenty minutes, two hours. You want to date.
and you will create a relationship with your soul. That's the You are not committed to a relationship. You don't believe
sole purpose of life, to create a relationship with your soul, in surrender. You don't. I am not asking you to surrender. I
that's the sole purpose of your life. — July 3, 1994 am asking you to date and flirt with your soul for awhile
each day. What I am actually asking you to do is don't for-
get the source of your life. You forget and still think you can
The Struggle Between Fate and Destiny
live. And even worse, you think you can live happily. You
That choice is always with us; on the path of the teacher, it
are the worst God ever could have created. You are neuroti-
is called the struggle between fate and destiny. Fate is the
cally sick. It's not that you need a religion; you don't need
automatic path we take that is shaped by our karmas, emo-
religion for this. You don’t need me for it. You don't need
tions and reactions. Destiny is the conscious path we take that
Bible, Torah, any scripture or anyone for it. Just remember
is rooted in our soul, grows with every challenge and oppor-
that whatever you do with the entire world, for a small
tunity, and blooms in our character, virtues and values.
token of time, do it with your soul. You ignore your soul to
Yogi Bhajan focused on this inner relationship to our soul
the extent that it doesn't exist and then you want to be
in this lecture. Here are several excerpts that guide us as
happy? It is not possible.
teachers: • • •
You talk of love and yet you bring tragedy to the person you So long as you deal with life only on the surface, suffering
love. And you still want to be loved! You love life, you love will not go away. When you go into the depth of life, into
happiness and you bring tragedy to the soul, a part of God. the depth of the soul, suffering cannot come. Here is a little
You never connect inside; all you do is connect outside. Out, story to explain it. There was a person on whom came a
out, out and out you go. This world, this success, this sta- huge bird that grabbed him from the waist and wanted to
tus, this whole thing is out. “Anter Guru aradhana jeva jap fly away with him. But the weight of the person and the wet
guru nao.” You don't go inward at all. So you don't create wings of the bird stopped it. That must have been a time
balance. when there were huge birds! The man thought, “Now I am
• • •

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 35
 Authentic RelationshipS

in the big beak of this bird. It wants to take me away. How We will begin our exploration of relationships by taking a
can I get away from this?” That man thought and decided. little time to contemplate this fundamental relationship and
He took a deep breath and he dived out into the water he how we understand it.
was near. When he dived he took the bird with him, As we explore all these dimensions of authentic relation-
because it would not release him from the strong grip of its ships, we will use many techniques to strengthen our skills,
giant beak. When the bird went under water it could not refine our awareness and understand its essence as teachers.
breathe. It let the man go free. We will model for each other. We have excellent models of
When you take the misery, misfortune and suffering and love, authentic relationships and mastery of polarity in our
you dive into the pocket of the soul, in the light of the soul mantras and the lectures of Yogi Bhajan. We will share our
the pain, depression, misfortune let you go! You understand feelings and explore the personal and familial relationships in
what I am saying? It is very important. You are only alive our life. We will do meditations and kriyas that awaken the
because you have a soul, and you are miserable because virtues and cultivate the strength we need to consciously
you deny the soul. So don't accept God but accept the deliver our Self in all our relationships. And we will work with
soul. Because God is a whole. It may not be possible to each other to create and commit to holding authentic relation-
relate to it. But soul is you and you can relate to you. You ships within our entire community of teachers and students.
within you is the soul and that is what God is for you. That As human beings we are each loaded with refined emo-
is why we can simply say, tions and perceptual skills that help us connect to each other,
Anter guru aradhana jiva jap guru nao evaluate each other and co-create with each other. Because we
netri sat guru pekenah serni su guru nao are social “animals,” in many ways our sense of identity is
Satguru seti rattan dharghai pai tao only completed through others and how we deal with others.
How we deal with others tells us how we deal with our core
These things are very simple. There is an inner world as self. Our core self is unlimited and unknown—it is God, unlim-
well as an outer world. Whatever you do during the day for ited spirit. So the most intimate part of our self is always an
the outer world, do equally for the inner world. That bal- “other” that we connect with through consciousness and
ance will bring you automatic happiness. It is a simple rela- love. Still, we experience most of our troubles through other
tionship which you have to establish. When the outer world people. We create external conflicts because we do not han-
becomes greater, far beyond, very vast, and the inner world dle our internal conflicts. So we begin to believe that relation-
becomes so little, it cracks under the weight of it. And then ships with other people and groups that give us so much pain
everything in your life collapses. are hell. At the same time, all those relationships that fill us
This secret of cherdi kala lies in one thing. “Kala” is curling with love and belonging are heaven. Whether they are heaven
up and when this energy, which is the soul energy, arises, or hell, relationships are a central feature of our lives.
uncurls, and then happiness comes: “Nanak Nam cherdi Creating and sustaining authentic relationships is an art, a
kala.” The purpose of chanting nam, meditating on nam, tak- skill and a discipline. Authentic relationships must first be
ing the name of the Guru, “Japa tapa sanjam dharm” has grounded in a relationship to our own soul, but also in aware-
only one purpose: that your spirit be exalted. I tell you this. ness, character and accurate empathy for others. Without
The purpose of life is to be in cherdi kala. The purpose of life these you experience connections but not relationship; feel-
is enjoying that happiness of cherdi kala. That energy is very ings but not understanding; dependencies but not true love;
evident, as an experience, which you can get in the names of dramas but not aliveness; and growth but not fulfillment. As
God. So when you achieve that, then you can do good to we explore the web of relationships we live in and what makes
all. “Tere banai” for the sake of that you wish good to all and them authentic or false, we will need to look at some com-
all does not mean only to the good. All means the worst and mon dynamics that make a relationship a success or a tragedy.
the good. That strength to do good to all is required and
that strength only can come to you when you have a relation-
ship with your soul. —September 20, 1987

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 authentic relationships

Mastering Authentic Relationships Do we recognize the mind’s tendency to create polariza-

tion, especially under stress or conflict, and can we mas-
Do we understand what an authentic relationship is and ter how we direct that polarity?
how to create one?

Do we understand how a deep experience of relationship Do we exercise the capacity to deal with polarities and
to our soul and to our teacher is essential for authenticity paradoxes and distinguish between a problem to be
in all our other relationships? solved and a polarity to be nurtured?

Do we relate to our soul not as an idea or as a religious Do we understand the basic polarity of the masculine
concept but as a practice of awareness and authentici- and feminine energies in each of us and know how to
ty? Where do we apply that in our relationships with create a successful relationship between them?
family, students and other teachers and where do we
not? Have we forgiven all the relationships that gave us pain
or doubt and become authentically present and grateful
Can we recognize when and how we act from a false for them as essential part of our story, and ultimately our
emotional core in our relationships and create painful victory?
repeating patterns?
Have we experienced how to use Japji, shabd, mantra
Do we understand that the first thing we adjust when and affirmations to guide the mind into authentic rela-
relationships are painful, distorted or non-functional is tionships?
our self and our relationship to our self? When this is
clear we can act with full responsibility, commitment Do we know how to act in order to create legacy? Do we
and upliftment. know how to accept and honor our family lineage?

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 37
 Authentic RelationshipS

Interactive group exericse

Giving and Accepting Relays Authentically
45-50 minutes

A fundamental skill that supports this concept of relation- become blind to the real nature of our relationship.
ship—as an extended experience and development of your per- Yogi Bhajan emphasized the need for manners and man-
sonality that you relay to others—is the ability to effectively nerisms that support the importance of a relationship, the role
give and receive a relay. There is a rhythm, mutuality and res- you play and the scope of that role. Those manners and man-
onance of frequencies in successful relays that build strong, nerisms keep your mind alert to the relays that go on so you
authentic relationships. recognize and respond to them appropriately. Without this
We need to recognize when someone offers to relay them- disciplined alertness, our immediate reactions and emotions
selves—their feelings and energy—to us. We need to be able tend to override the cues we need to pay attention to. He said
to respond in a timely and effective manner so they feel rec- this capacity, this social intelligence, was more important than
ognized and we both feel connected. That is the beginning of status, IQ or affluence for success and trust in relationships.
mutuality and authentic connection. Inattention to this basic He said that noticing and responding to each other is so
skill is the reason for many misunderstandings, failed relation- critical for a relationship that if you pass someone in the street
ships and emotional feuds. or hallway three times and do not acknowledge them, you are
We all long for a sense of connection and belonging. In dead in their mind. Even if you talk later, there is a subcon-
the spiritual world we call it the longing of the soul bride for scious hesitation that blocks an authentic connection. This is
the Infinite. That longing is a positive drive toward fulfillment automatic. It is part of our defensive apparatus. The discon-
and growth. It takes us beyond our limited self and inspires nection could have been prevented by a timely signal while
service, sacrifice and compassion. Sometimes it also serves to passing the other person: a nod, a wink, a wave, a simple
resolve lingering feelings of loss or abandonment from our greeting, a smile, or any small clear signal that served to notice
childhood. the person as they noticed you.
When we give and receive relays well, it feels natural and
it serves both. We feel seen, embraced and heard. Signals
With your partners in a small group make a thorough list of
A relationship is meant to complement and supplement all the ways you signal or offer to connect with another per-
each other. It’s a total service trip. I serve you, you serve me. son. What would you see others do to signal connection if
You serve me, I serve you. It’s a complete relationship. The you watched them from a distance? Have you ever noticed the
relativity of this relationship is the coordination of it. very refined and often subtle signals that a married couple
Man to Man, Part 3, page 3 send to each other? It is said there was a royal court where no
one spoke a word out loud. All the courtiers and attendants
The instinct to reach out to another person is well developed refined the gestures of the lips, hands and eyes. Even a slight
and exercised from our first moments of existence in the blush or swelling of the lips combined with an eye movement
mother’s womb. As Yogi Bhajan pointed out in the lecture, we said everything. If you were a guest unfamiliar with these sig-
gradually surround our natural sensitivity with a shell of defen- nals you could feel very cut off.
siveness. That shell is thickened by anger, fear and a need for Make a list of as many signals of connection as you can
control or recognition. It dulls our attention; by denial and dis- in 3 minutes. Include examples of verbal statements.
traction, we do not notice others reaching out to us and we

38 • KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS © 2006 Kundalini Research Institute
 authentic relationships

Even more important than recognizing the signals that Relaying a Feeling
offer a connection is your skill to accept and encourage the Here are three examples of simple attempts to connect and relay
connection. The best relationships keep reaching out and keep a feeling. In each case we list the three types of responses that
responding. You may miss many cues, but responding well to make or break the relay and the relationship.
the ones you catch is the glue that builds trust, connection
Q: How was your sadhana this morning?
and the willingness to overlook mistakes.
Neutral Mind: My breathing was good and I melted deeply
We tend to respond three ways:
into the mantras. But my legs were too tight to do chair pose
4We attend to the person and respond to the relay with
well. I didn’t see you there. Did you get a chance to do a good
one of our own. (neutral mind)
sadhana as well? How was it?
4We ignore it. (negative mind)
Negative Mind: Did you get a call from John yesterday
4We attack and repel it. (positive mind)
about our project?
This is the neutral, negative and positive mind responses.
Positive Mind: What? Are you checking up on me? Like I
If we accept the reality of the other person—neutral mind—we
don’t get enough guilt!
engage and share. If we deny them—negative mind—we act
busy or respond with our own interest only. If we project our Q: Did you see how beautiful the sunset was today after
own interest—positive mind—we overwhelm or attack the invi- work?
tation to connect. Neutral Mind: (as hand goes to heart center and other touch-
Many of us are unaware of how we create rejection in this es friend’s elbow) It was spectacular. Did it affect you too? Did
manner. To relay well, we must consider not just what we it take away your breath with all the colors? I’m glad you
wish to express but what effect we want to have and who it noticed too and weren’t too preoccupied with work to let in
is that we are connecting with. We try to connect or check the miracles.
the status of a relationship with others thousands of times a Negative Mind: (Silence and keeps walking.) Or, are you
day. Each successful connection builds one more piece of a tracking dirt in the house from your walk?
good relationship. In teaching us conscious communication, Positive Mind: Just shows you haven’t traveled much. The
Yogi Bhajan warned us that one ill spoken word that seems sunset from the volcano in Maui is much more spectacular.
like an attack or a rejection can create catastrophic damage Q: Would you like some of this grapefruit? Great for your
and pain in a relationship. And yet the natural responses to health and tasty too.
ordinary, common statements can work wonders to secure a Neutral Mind: I would like a little. And I have some
relationship. bananas if you like some. They are great for potassium and are
Sometimes a couple attempts to secure the relationship by yummy.
sharing their deepest secrets or by disclosing their most pri- Negative Mind: Keeps looking at the computer screen and
vate experiences. This can either backfire completely or create dismissively waves a hand as if to say “Move on”.
just a temporary sense of closeness. In all studies of great inti- Positive Mind: That’s not even a grapefruit; it’s called an
mate relationships or good marriages, it is repeatedly shown ugly fruit. I’d rather have something good—like lasagna.
that responsiveness, reciprocity and authenticity is more
important than full disclosure. Q (from a student): I tried to put on a head cover to do
The biggest problem in making a connection is when one my sadhana. It slipped off and I felt self-conscious. Do I need
person reaches out in an indirect, guarded or complex way. to wear it?
Simple, straight and clear is the best rule. Foggy relays happen Neutral Mind: Better it slips off and you correct it than let-
because our shell feels threatened or vulnerable, because we ting your self slip in life. I had to learn it, too. There is no
do not recognize our own feelings, and because we make need to do it. It is a matter of consciousness and sensitivity.
statements about our feelings that are overly complex. I can find someone to help if you like.

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 39
 Authentic RelationshipS

Negative Mind: Our next topic is relationships—how we Neutral, Negative and Positive Relays
make and break them with our relays. Break into small groups of 5 or 6 people. Practice the three types
Positive Mind: If you can’t keep a head cover on its amaz- of responses that can be given to a statement or question.
ing you can get up for sadhana in the first place. It takes ded-
ication and discipline. Step One
One person reaches out with a statement. The rest of the
group responds with various attitudes that connect at the
The questions or simple statements that open the connection same frequency—resonate; or ignores the relay—preoccupied,
to relay and relationship are often mundane and without great busy, ignores or self-concerned requests; or that attacks or
fanfare. A conscious response to them is the most powerful expels the relay—superior, insulting or critical. Try this for
way to deepen and honor the relationship. Can you remem- statements you might hear as a teacher—from students.
ber three situations where a relationship became more authen- Then, try this for relays you might get from friends, col-
tic because of the answer you gave to a simple relay? A spec- leagues and intimates. Continue exploring how this feels for
tacular performance as a teacher doesn’t build trust; rather, 10-15 minutes.
your ability to create a relay that allows the person to know
they are seen and that confirms to them that you relay your Step TWO
highest self to uplift them in every situation is what will build Now, sit silently and recall all of your feelings. When you were
trust and authentic relationships in your role as a teacher. the person who offered the relay of a question, statement or
feeling, how did each type of response affect you? How did
each style of response affect the sense of relationship? What
chakras got activated in the different responses? When you are
stressed or emotional, which type of responses do you tend
to use? What effect on the other person do you think that
has? Share your observations and feelings in your small group.
What do you think is the biggest mistake—in their relay to
their students—that yoga instructors tend to make as they
progress and become more experienced and popular? What
are the most effective things we do to create a successful relay
and relationship with our students—actions, beliefs, attitudes,
responses?

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 authentic relationships

Kundalini Kriya
KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
15 minutes
MAHA GYAN AGNI PRANAYAM
One way to adjust our relay capacity is to
open our heart center and project our self Yogi Bhajan • May 20, 1976
into Infinity. As we gain clarity in our rela-
tionship to our self and our soul, we can This is a very powerful kriya.
become clear about our other relation- Maha Gyan means “the great
ships. We cannot have a good relationship knowledge.” Agni means the
with others if we do not have one with our “purity of fire.” Practice this
self. That is why, in yoga, our first steps kriya unto that Infinity of God.
help us to realize self-respect, self-dignity,
self-awareness and self-discipline. From POSTURE: Sit in a comfortable
that foundation we can build a synchro- meditative posture, with your
nized relationship between the polarity of spine straight and your chin in
our finite sense of self and our unlimited and chest out.
Self. Then nothing can stop us from victo-
ry and a creative relationship to our origi- MUDRA: Cup your hands at
nality. heart level with your fingertips
touching. Your hands make a
“little boat.” Make sure that the
outsides of the hands from the
Mercury (pinkie) fingers all the
way to the base of the palms
are touching as much as possi-
ble. Place your thumbs just
inside your hands and bend
them down ninety degrees. The
thumbs touch each other and
your hands. It is a snug position.

EYES: Closed.

CHANT: Inhale deeply and chant in a monotone, eight times in one

breath:

Ek Ong Kaar, Sat Gur Prasad, Sat Gur Prasad, Ek Ong Kar

TIME: Begin by practicing this kriya for 11 minutes and slowly build up
to 31 minutes.

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 41
 Authentic RelationshipS

Interactive Group Exercise

accepting the Choice of your soul
and pre-forgiveness
60 minutes

OUR PRIMARY RELATIONSHIP IS WITH OUR SOUL. We we encounter is part of us. It tells us that we are to act in con-
begin as a soul. Of the ten bodies we recognize in yoga, the sciousness with fearlessness, compassion, intelligence, grati-
soul body is the first. It is the last to leave when we die. It is tude and kindness without blame. We are complete through
composed of the same nature and spirit as God. our relationship with our soul from beginning to end. All that
Our consciousness must instruct our minds on how to comes to us, whether it is health and wealth or sickness and
relate to our soul and how to serve our purpose in life. betrayal, is in the will of God and the path our soul chose to
Without that instruction, our mind wanders away from our grow, pay karma and excel. Our experience serves and
real purpose and becomes entangled in the senses and emo- expresses the love of our soul and consciousness for us.
tions. All of our other relationships are meaningful connec- If we meditate deeply as we do the Mul Mantra and feel
tions that can help us to fulfill our soul. Whether the relation- it as a statement that is personal it gives us a perfect lens to
ship is helpful, harmful or illuminating, elevating or traumatiz- view our relationships and a compass to help us stay true to
ing, we attract it by the desire of the soul and the law of love. our real self in every situation. The qualities and characteris-
tics described by the Mul Mantra are the qualities and char-
JAPJI: Song of the Soul acter of our soul. When we chant it in the first person, it is a
The first practice of the Aquarian morning sadhana is to med- conversation between our Self and our soul, our personality
itate on the Naad of Guru Nanak’s Japji. In that Jappa we and our higher Self, our soul and our Infinite spirit.
meditate and relate to the soul. We sharpen our perspective Let’s chant the Mul Mantra and then use that perspective
and awareness to see this life through the eyes of our soul to pre-forgive all our past, present and future relationships. In
instead of through our reactions to and attempts to control every relationship we are presented with choices and chal-
the unstoppable flow of life. Japji relays to us a quality of con- lenges. By focusing on what we must do: how we act from
sciousness and creates an indestructible relationship with the consciousness and not from our fear, anger and feelings of
soul. reprisal for wrongs we suffer, we remember our soul. We
The first phrase in Japji is the Mul Mantra. The Mul strengthen and expand our relationship to our soul and to our
Mantra is a compass for the soul. As a compass always points ultimate connection with God. Energy spent on judging every-
to magnetic north so we can navigate to our destination, the thing, reacting against others, anger and revenge is energy and
Mul Mantra points to the true self so that we can navigate time wasted. It is not an expression of who we are. It creates
through our web of relationships to our destiny with the One. a false experience and inauthentic relationships.
From the perspective of the soul, we have chosen all that we For yogis, God is found in the relationship—the exchange,
will encounter. Our relationships and circumstances are part the place where we meet. God is in our consciousness when
of the conversations of our soul, mind and ego. we are truly present. In that consciousness, with the awak-
Normally we judge relationships in terms of what we like ened kundalini, we can accept all that is as a gift of life. We
or dislike, what is fair or unfair, what supports us or opposes love all that is. That is called living Sat Nam. There is much
us. We often judge ourselves or some other person harshly to do in life; and there is nothing that is without meaning;
when we are hurt or disappointed by a relationship. But the there is nothing that is without the potential for us to express
Mul Mantra points us to the soul’s perspective that all that and strengthen ourselves.

42 • KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS © 2006 Kundalini Research Institute
 authentic relationships

experiencing the mul mantra What is it like to live a life this way? What is it like to let your
Sit straight in Gyan Mudra. As a group chant the Mul Mantra. life be the Mul Mantra?
As you chant it, feel you are speaking it as a simple truth. 11 minutes
Speak it as your own statement. When you chant Ek Ong Kar
feel “I am one with all,” “I am the energy and creative con- Now chant the Mul Mantra again. Hear your voice and the
sciousness in every action.” When you chant Nirbhao, voices of all who chant with you. Hear the one spirit that
Nirvair, feel “I am fearless and I have no revenge only kind- moves all the tongues together. Become radiant strong and
ness.” Chant it as a personal conversation with your soul and committed. As you chant, feel as though the chant comes
from your soul. Chant the Mul Mantra not to something out- from the whole universe. Imagine walking to the end of this
side yourself but as an expression of your True Self. life. Imagine every relationship that you encounter as a gift to
Let the energy of this chant vibrate in every cell. Feel the experience, to honor, to uplift, to support. Each person is a
qualities in your physical and radiant bodies. Increase the facet of God you have cut and created through your actions
energy and consciousness of the Mul Mantra within you until and karma. Each person is a mirror for your personality and
you are completely clear and know it as your basic reality. your consciousness. No matter how minor and simple or
11 minutes major and complex the relationship. Stay still in your heart. As
you keep chanting slowly be the chant and forget yourself and
your concerns. Rest in the confident embrace of your soul.
After chanting, sit silently. Hear the entire universe pulse the Enjoy each breath, each step, each day, each person.
Naad of this mantra. Use your creative imagination. Go up 11 minutes
onto a mountain so you can see your entire journey in this life.
See all the relationships that are yours to experience. See your Small Group Activity
mother, father, family, lineage, teachers, partners, lovers, col- Japji Pauris
leagues. See all those you have met and those you will meet. 25 minutes
With the energy of the Mul Mantra imagine that each of Break into small groups of about five people. Have each per-
those relationships is your choice. You accept the choice of son select one of the pauris of Japji and read it out loud.
your soul and bring yourself with complete commitment and Listen to each one as a personal communication to and from
consciousness to learn and serve in every one. You accept full your soul. Attune to its frequency. After everyone has read
responsibility to act gracefully, powerfully, and alert with every one, meditate a moment and share your feelings and insights
person known and unknown to you. Go through each rela- about what you understood from the meditation exercise.
tionship, vividly as if the person is directly present and you Share your thoughts about how you relate to your soul. What
called their soul forth to be present with you. is that like? What happens to your relationships, your
Imagine yourself going through your entire life with this approach and reactions to your relationships, when you actu-
attitude. Pre-forgive all the mistakes, the pains and the enemies ally have that conversation between you and your Higher Self?
you encounter. They are all yours. They are part of your drama. What is Guru Nanak saying in these pauris that can deepen
Without them you cannot evoke the depth of your soul and or guide you in your relationships and character as a teacher?
the dimensions of your character. Forgive the many mistakes After sharing in the small groups take five minutes at the end
you made and those of everyone you know. Pre-forgive all the to contribute some of your best insights to the whole group.
future relationships. Accept the flow of life as creative and
beyond the maneuvers of your mind. Be loving and real to all
you encounter. And love yourself at each step along the way.
Create this powerful hypnotic projection with your whole
heart and mind. Be completely sincere before your own soul.

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 43
 Authentic RelationshipS

Ending the day

expressing your Personal Intention
3 minutes

To close this day, become very calm and alert. Close your eyes
and consciously choose to connect with your Highest Self. Let
your consciousness guide you to open your full awareness and
commit to develop more authentic relationships in your life.
Let all the conversations, insights and meditations of this
day enter your heart. Honestly stand before your Higher Self.
Formulate your personal intention for how you will relate to
and use this training and all of the people who have been
given to you as partners here to realize authentic relationships
in your life as a teacher and as a self-sensory human being.
Write that intention down for yourself. Keep it with you.
Look at it each day. Let your relationship with your soul man-
ifest this with every breath, every interaction, every person and
every challenge.

44 • KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS © 2006 Kundalini Research Institute
 authentic relationships

chapter TWO

Love
and the
Infinite
Game of Life
 Authentic RelationshipS

46 • KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS © 2006 Kundalini Research Institute
 authentic relationships

the challenge of aquarian relationships

ON OUR FIRST DAY WE TOOK A DEEP LOOK AT THE NATURE addressed the nature of relationships, the skills we need in
of relationships: what makes them authentic and how to pay them and what our challenges will be as we transition into the
attention to how we give and receive relays. We began a con- Aquarian Age. He took the important institution of marriage
versation with our soul, our elemental self, building a founda- as an example of a relationship that will be hit very hard. But
tion for all of our relationships. the challenges he alerted us to apply to all enduring relation-
Today we will explore a wide range of questions and strive ships.
to embrace all of our relationships from the perspective of our
higher consciousness and soul. We want to take ownership of Marriage: The Highest Yoga
all of our relationships. There are no mistakes. Our soul and Historically, as an earthly contract, marriage was for control-
our actions bring us into every relationship we have ever had ling property, children, inheritance and status. In the best cul-
or will have. In order to explore our fundamental and repeat- tures it also provided some security for women whose mate
ing patterns in relationships, we need to ask ourselves the fol- died or abandoned them. In the worst cultures, it secured
lowing questions: Where are we situated in our web of rela- women’s status as chattel. As a sacred contract, marriage is
tionships? What is the big picture of our wheel of relation- yoga. It is the merger of two bodies through one soul in which
ships? What attracts us into relationships? What are the each person values the other as dearly as themselves. It is a
dynamics of relationships and the many kinds that we form? practice of understanding, tolerance, and the ability to per-
What happens if we re-vision all of our relationships as part ceive and merge in the spirit. If we can accomplish the sacred
of the infinite game of life and accept them? What if we bring marriage and hold it with true love and consciousness it pre-
to them the power of acceptance, tolerance and authenticity? pares us for the divine marriage of our soul and our Infinite
What is the core definition and power of love? Where do we spirit. For that final marriage we must have the capacity to go
go wrong in relationships? Why are they harder now and in beyond form and personality. We must also be able to act
the future? What happens to our consciousness and energy if with absolute acceptance of the form of this particular partner
we choose to elevate all of our relationships through our and our self. A sacred marriage, approached as yoga, as an
higher, authentic Self? ashram in which to learn, is the best way.
Yogi Bhajan said that marriages will be very difficult as we
Sacred Contracts enter this new age; not that they are ever easy. What will be
We long to belong, to experience unity and the bound- different?
less freedom of infinity and love. But we live in a world of Please understand what we are going through is a
polarity. We live in an earthly realm where we must under- change between the Piscean Age and the Age of Aquarius.
stand earthly contracts. How do we form our sacred contracts There will be such a humongous gap in the support system
with our self and express that with others in authentic rela- that people will go crazy and feel empty. Life will not seem
tionships? How do we maintain this authenticity and sacred to mean anything. When you cross these twenty-five years of
contract as teachers with our students, other teachers and transition then it will no longer be a matter of what you are
everyone in our lives? We will begin to explore the laws of being told and asked to believe. Because each individual is
love and the laws of polarity. seeking its own individuality and when anything comes in
When Yogi Bhajan taught about authentic relationships he the way, the individual wants to react.

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 47
 Authentic RelationshipS

You will just be you. There will be a husband, but there create fulfillment in an authentic relationship. And we will
will be no husband. There will be you. There will be a wife, seek the same from others. The power and bliss in an authen-
but no wife. There will be you. There will be a man, but no tic relationship formed on this foundation is in the capacity to
man. Just you! Only the elemental identity shall be practiced, love and serve your soul with another person, with integrity
experienced and enjoyed. No other teaching, philosophy or and selflessness. Your own personality becomes expanded and
religion will be valid for mankind. —Yogi Bhajan
completed by seeing only the One in all. We will see the
entire plus–and–minus of our personality and that of others.
We understand most of our relationships in terms of our And equally, we will be seen and understood in our intention
identity, our identical identity and a system of beliefs. What and as a vibratory frequency by others.
relays we feel are acceptable, allowed, expected and authentic What happens when everyone sees all that we do and are?
depends on our religion, our family beliefs and personal beliefs What happens when holding and promoting a religious value,
from childhood onward. The Aquarian Age shakes all these having wealth or status, or being recognized does not create
foundations of our identity and relationships. With our new, satisfaction or trust in another person? What happens when
enhanced awareness and connectedness, we will question all satisfaction begins and ends with how we express and expe-
the old ways of knowing. We will not agree to institutions rience our higher Self in our relationship? It might be difficult
that bind us to an earthly status or that do not acknowledge to imagine at this point in time. But it is as certain as the
our sacred nature. We will seek knowledge through a new dawn. Three things will increase: the longing to belong; the
level of experience within ourselves. need to recognize our individuality as the only real base; and
our scope and scale of our sensitivity to each other. If we
An Identity of Self-Experience engage this upsurge of individuality from our ego, then we
That new level of experience touches our consciousness, become lonely, fearful and reactive. We exaggerate our differ-
which is by nature beyond the senses. All the finite identities, ences and demand acceptance of our characteristics and
which we used for security and perspective, will no longer habits without recognition or responsibility for our impact on
hold our reality. This is a radical shift from an identity based others. Instead of the ego, we have a choice to engage this
on finite things—emotions, possessions, status, nationality, imperative of our individual being on a higher octave, from our
etc.—to one based on our self-experience. higher Self. Then we become truly unique. We become more
It is that experience of our self that we want to deliver and than different. We become saibhung—complete and self-illu-
engage and exchange in our authentic relationships. This con- mined. Unique. Individuated. We act from the neutral mind,
cept is very unique and requires some time to understand. not from the polarity of the positive and negative minds.
We’ll explore some experiences together to discover its mean- If we identify with the lower form of individuation—just
ing within our self. being different—and encode our individuality based on things
Two things contribute to this profound shift: the increase and status, we are never satisfied. When we attain saibhung,
in individual sensitivity and the increase in the immediate we become content, contained and conscious. We can only
availability of knowledge—scientific, personal and factual. We master the unending battle of our polarities with the con-
can no longer play games. We can no longer act from a sense sciousness that the experience of saibhung gives us.
of security based on narrow perspectives and limited knowl-
edge from which we manipulate ourselves and others for emo- Marriage, Divorce and Circumstance
tional satisfaction. It is easy to observe how reactive we are to circumstances in
A “husband,” “wife,” “friend” and other relationship roles relationships—just look at the divorce rate. Divorce varies by
will be felt, valued and sustained based on a deep sense of country from a current (2004) high of about 54% in Belarus
our own self. Not just the needs of our ego. Instead we will to a low of around 5% in India and Southeast Asia. The
need to have a confirmed sense of self from which we act to United States is near the top in divorce rate at around 50%.

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 authentic relationships

These rates vary as conditions change. Stress, wealth or percent of those marrying in the United States in the 1990s
poverty, social attitudes and religious constraints, age at mar- were second marriages, 14% were third marriages.
riage, length of marriage and physical condition all matter. The effects of divorce and stress carry over into the next
Here is a representative graph of divorce rates in the United generations as well in birth rate. Sixty-two percent of adults
States from 1920 to 2005. from intact families had children compared to 38% of adults
from divorced families. We see this in its extreme form now
in Russia. They have been under extraordinary pressure after
the end of the Cold War as they struggle to re-invent them-
Divorces per 1,000 population
selves. The stress, social dislocation, economic shifts, drug
5
use, very high divorce rates and the aging of the population
4
have led the government to pay the average weekly wage to
3 those women willing to have children! Under pressure, time
2 itself is a significant factor in relationships and exacts its own
1 toll: over 80% of divorces occur by the 9th year of marriage—
0 giving some weight to the seven–year–itch folk theory. Divorce
1920 1930 1940 1950 1960 1970 1980 1990 2000
year begets more divorce. For example, women in their 30s were
Source: National Center for Health Statistics more than 60% likely to divorce if they were from a family of
divorce and only 38% likely if from an intact family. Children’s
coping behavior is severely affected by broken relationships:
drug use before age 14 is 250% higher in children of divorce
The graph reflects the stress and losses after World War II than in children from intact families.
combined with a shift in the working status of women during In addition to all these factors, there is now pressure from
the industrial war efforts of that time. At first, divorce rates the longevity revolution. We live longer than ever before. A
soared. As time went on, with new marriages, growing fami- commitment for life in 1900 meant 25 years. Now it can mean
lies, obligations, work ethic and increasing incomes, the rates as long as 55–60 years! The factors that make a relationship
stayed lower. Then the mid-sixties saw a huge rise in divorces satisfying and constantly renewing for the long run are
propelled by the foment of the Vietnam war, the rise of femi- increasingly important. Some people propose that marriage
nism and the increasing sense of independence for women should be changed to more “realistic” expectations. Make a
and for the average middle class person. The change in our marriage like a property lease. Contract for however many
sense of social identity radically shifted how and why we years you like and it dissolves or renews with property distri-
entered marriage and long-term relationships. Then, in the bution agreed on from the beginning. That is certainly a valid
1980s, laws changed making divorce much easier and without approach when you think of marriage as only an earthly con-
fault. The civil and religious pressures to stay married no tract. But in the light of a spiritual or sacred contract, we can
longer existed. All this changed how and why we sustained or not assume such a “pragmatic” approach.
abandoned relationships. Marriages and relationships have changed more in the past
Many statistics bear witness to the extent of those 40 years than in the past 3,000 years! No wonder it seems like
changes and the pressures they put on relationships. In the such a challenge. Relationship guidelines based on external
Western countries, only about 15% of married women held factors like status, a dominant husband requiring obedience,
jobs in 1890, 25% in 1940 and about 65% now. This new money or religious strictures are insufficient to navigate the
social agreement demands that we change how we cope with amount of change, the power of information and the changes
our time, communication, child rearing, financial arrange- in sexual mores.
ments and expectations of each other in relationships. Fifty Amidst all this change, there are relationships that stay

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 49
 Authentic RelationshipS

steady, happy and strong decade after decade. They do not cises in Kundalini Yoga and especially in White Tantric Yoga
react and falter under changing conditions. In that group there clear the aura of these interlinks and karmas. When two
is an element of the sacred contract. There is an authenticity people connect, they share everything that goes on in them
that draws strength from the spirit that is beyond the vicissi- through the aura. Sadhana and meditating together offer
tudes of life and nature. They are able to tolerate what they opportunities to clear the aura of past impressions, attune
cannot change and to renew what they can to adapt to the to each other and create a shared intention and projection.
often chaotic movement of life and aging. In such couples, When you do that your auras multiply the power and effects
there is a sense of renewal each day with each other, they add many times over. Together you can create miracles. But a
to the length of life and health and host a deeper dimension couple in a relationship who cannot be authentic together
to their merger than anyone can sense. They have sustained and direct from their own consciousness creates a split in
a long-term authentic relationship over decades. their energy and an incongruity in their nonverbal exchanges
that seeds distrust. Then a distance grows and eventually
Positive Exchanges and Relays in Good Relationships creates pain, impulsive behaviors and guarding. Practicing
You might think the secret to these lasting healthy relation- together to connect, clear and expand your radiance will cre-
ships is a mystery—something that is hard to understand or ate a protective and guiding shield based on love that not
even unattainable. But it is actually simple and right in front even God and all the spiritual emissaries of the heavens can
of our eyes. Therapists, researchers, and—yes—yogis have tear apart. For that deep merger is valued in the heart of God
often observed a couple communicating for a short time—a for its simple purity and strength beyond conditions.
few minutes or a few hours—and accurately determined if they
will stay together happily over the years. One researcher Attraction: How We Get Into All This to Begin With
proved to be 90% accurate in predicting which relationships If we look at how we get together to begin with, what attracts
would be successful for at least three years by listening to the us to each other, we can find another key. This topic always
couples having a short conversation focused around issues in provokes animated conversations. We all have our theories
which they had some conflict. about attraction—from the fashion to the passion; from our
The keys to success are a habit of positive communication, soul’s longing to the need to fill our emotional holes. There
an ability to identify and respond to meaningful feelings and is a bit of truth in all our observations. Are we attracted to
ideas of your partner, and a capacity to use differences, para- people similar to ourselves or different? Most people and dat-
doxes and ambiguity in a creative manner to reach common ing services—whether on a website or in a family network—
goals and understanding. The couples that expressed five or look for similarities, for people who do the same things or
more positive feelings (verbal or nonverbal) for every one neg- have similar moods and status in life. But differences can
ative emotion had the best chance of overcoming difficulties make life interesting. Someone different can be intriguing and
and staying together happily. Positive communication that harbor the promise of change or adventure. We often find
was genuine was the strongest factor for longevity. The abili- people attracted to their opposites. Which is it? Similar or dif-
ty to deal with polarities of feelings, opinions and ideas was ferent? Which attracts us most into relationships? Which is
essential for growth and constant renewal in the partners. best for lasting relationships that are fulfilling?
Besides our verbal and nonverbal communication, we also The most powerful attractor of all is neither one! Beyond
communicate through our aura. The aura holds impressions of similarities and differences there is a stronger factor: the feel-
our thoughts and feelings, whether we are conscious of them ing and perception that the other person is secure in them
or not. Yogi Bhajan explained how a single sexual adventure selves; they exhibit the quality of self-love, self-security, and
with someone can leave an imprint in the female aura that a sense of completeness and autonomy which we call saib-
lasts for decades and will continue to reflect the emotional hung. No matter where you may personally lie on the scale
changes of the other person wherever they are. Many exer- of security or insecurity, introversion or extraversion, Aries,

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 authentic relationships

Libra or other astrological types, the person who is most symmetry. Both command our sense of attraction without
attractive is someone who is secure, self-contained and who even a nod to our personality or our soul. Smell is a powerful
is confident within themselves. Their capacity for self-love, attractive factor. We immediately recognize a smell that tells
not narcissism or vain entanglement with the ego, is the us if this is a good potential mate or one we should steer clear
quality that attracts and allows you to authentically connect of. Smell serves our genes, our most fundamental instinct to
with and love another person. mate, procreate and make strong offspring. Genes know that
A robust capacity for self-love establishes a secure center diversity is good; that inbreeding leads to distinct weaknesses
within us. That secure center empowers us to deal with the and illnesses, like hemophilia. Most human cultures protect
many polarities and paradoxes that make up our internal men- against excessive consanguinity. There are well known excep-
tal and emotional life. From that place of stillness within our tions like the royal bloodlines of Europe and the Arab popula-
consciousness we can appreciate and optimize all of our char- tions in the Middle East and Africa. Too much similarity
acteristics and quirks, act with true flexibility and master the means a higher chance of recessive alleles in the genes com-
power of forgiveness for ourselves and others. It opens the bining and leading to the expression of a disease trait. The
way to naturally using the neutral mind and leads to better range of syndromes is great: sickle cell traits, muscular dystro-
decisions that are more creative, effective and subtle. phy, homocystinuria, congenital diarrhea and over 250 other
known genetic diseases or syndromes.
The Flourishing of True Love To avoid this scourge of disorders, the genes are linked to
It is on this foundation of radiant self-love, confident accept- your smell receptors. You can smell if someone is close or dis-
ance of one’s spiritual completeness, and sovereignty, toler- tant from your genetic spectrum. A mother can smell sweaty
ance and kindness that true love and authentic relationships t-shirts and immediately recognize those of her children from
can flourish. It is not the first thing we develop. Most of us all others. This cellular urge for differences is encoded in our
struggle with poor models of relationships, with traumas, chemistry and reflected in our social choices as well. We each
emotional abandonment or engulfment, and with the have a set of genes called the major histo-compatability com-
untrained emotional reactions born from our temperaments plex (MHC) which marks our response to pathogens by the
and family history. The result is that we often begin relation- immune system. We like the smell of those who have differ-
ships on a false basis—a basis that reflects only our earthly ent MHC than us. Women are more sensitive to this than
contract with our ego. This basis satisfies only our emotional men. The interesting exception is that women who take birth
needs planted in our first relationships with our parents or control pills do not show this preference—implying that their
passed on from our choices in past lives. The result is that instinctual selection of mates with a difference is blunted by
there are many dramas that we go through which have no one use of some of our modern medications. A human being, and
to blame. They are founded on false assumptions and emo- even a rat, can smell the difference of a single gene and
tional hungers that cannot be appeased by our careful selec- choose a mate with genes most distinct from their own or at
tion of partners. The art of partnership starts with a deep least avoid ones that are too close. Yogi Bhajan would say that
recognition, identification and acknowledgment of our own if you are not attracted to the smell of your mate, to the smell
intrinsic values as a soul. It develops as we cultivate the expe- of their hair (which holds many bodily smells, secretions and
riences of completeness, satisfaction and love within us. We pheromones) then you are in trouble. Hence we have created
bring our whole self to every situation, already satisfied, a vast perfume industry to create artificial smells. At this level
secure and open to love what and who is in our destiny. This of instinct, we like differences and we like the smells that indi-
perspective defines the Infinite Game of Life which we will cate a lack of fear. Smells also give us cues about the fertility
revisit in more depth later. and readiness of a potential mate to engage in sexual play.
Attraction is complicated by the factors built into our Symmetry is another common attraction factor. We are
instinctual programming as well. For example, take smell and attracted to visual cues that tell us our mate is healthy and

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 51
 Authentic RelationshipS

absent of disease. There are physical cues in the shape of our And, we have the attraction that comes with our soul’s des-
lips, in the geometric symmetry and proportions of our face tiny that brings us to meet specific people in fulfillment of
and body. We seek beauty. And beauty is recognized univer- karma, past vows and future potential. Attraction is glandular,
sally. Even if we do not have the right smell, beauty can make cerebral, social, genetic, karmic and spiritual. The only way to
us attractive. We just change our perfume! We tend to be enjoy this and act with clarity is with applied intelligence
attracted to faces with features that are averages of all features where we use our consciousness and intuition to build and
in a population. Dozens of studies confirm that computer gen- fulfill authentic relationships that are pleasing to our soul and
erated faces that are average in features and size are consid- its values.
ered very attractive cross-culturally. One theory is that such a What about similarity? How important is it in how we
face signals a strong body that does well in stressful environ- enter into relationships as friends, colleagues, intimates and
ments. We are also attracted to symmetry itself. We share this spouses? If no alarms go off because we are too similar bio-
propensity with insects, birds, mammals and people of all logically and we sense that person is “real” about themselves,
kinds. Even female scorpion flies prefer mates with symmetri- then similarity becomes paramount for most people. And
cal wing patterns. Across species, symmetrical features of many of our relationships are either short term (dating, teams
eyes, face, teeth, breasts and body shape signal a strong mate or committees) or test balloons to decide if we should think
capable of fighting disease and responding robustly to a part- more long-term or seriously. We often have strikingly different
ner. In humans, when we look at a person who is symmetri- criteria for agreeing to a relationship based on the degree of
cal or beautiful, we are flooded with dopamine—a neurochem- intimacy and self-exposure involved, on whether we expect it
ical that is highly stimulating and pleasurable, and which to be short- or long-term, and on the roles and social liabili-
underpins the intense feelings of reward that fosters addic- ties of associating with that person and their acquaintances.
tions and strong habits. Similarity is always the strongest conscious attraction to
A third attractant is those features that distinguish men others. How similar are we in our likes, dislikes, behaviors and
and women—sexual dimorphisms. Besides seeking differences beliefs? Do we belong in similar social, economic and religious
that maximize the function of our immune system, we seem strata? Do we share the same goals and values? Do we share
to seek differences in masculine and feminine styles. Women similar lifestyles? For many friends, they share how they eat,
who are near ovulation in their monthly cycle prefer men with worship, play and dress. Men tend to have game buddies,
strong gender characteristics. They seek signals of difference work friends, pizza friends, etc. They often think of friends as
and want to be with a polarity. As the cycle changes they shift sharing an activity. Women do this as well but give more
with an increasing preference for traits that indicate stability. weight to friends with whom they share everything including
This attraction to a polarity is a strong effect even in couples feelings and information about other friends. When it comes
of the same sex. Studies of how well attraction is maintained to selecting a mate, we seek unfamiliar people who are simi-
over time show that differences are important in sustaining lar to us in our social, ethnic, educational, economic and reli-
passion and interest. Differences can be obvious, as in choos- gious background who have a similar amount of physical
ing a heterosexual mate, or subtle in feminine and masculine attractiveness, intelligence, expectations, values, interests, and
traits and attitudes. When two people are very similar they social skills. For a short-term connection we need only one of
tend to differentiate themselves over time or they find ways to these. For increased intimacy we slowly peel back any layers
seek people with more differences. of protection and social formality to try to match more quali-
So attraction is complex. It involves many parts of our self ties more deeply. To choose these wisely we have to know
participating. From protective genes, to stimulating hormone ourselves well. Many of us are internally conflicted or lack
signals, to our intuition and spirit, to our brain’s preferences insight into our own nature. So we choose poorly. Or we are
for symmetry and finally to our ego and personality that cope unaware of our internal polarities and paradoxes; we ignore
by finding someone similar enough to communicate with. the play of our persona and shadow, our conscious and sub-

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 authentic relationships

conscious, and act out that conflict through our partner. these polar needs, one partner will often seek others to supply
All these similarities are important to easing our way to it. In the end we each have a different blend of all these ten-
successful communication and relationship. If things are too dencies. We need to know how much similarity, difference and
different we become afraid. We have a deep seated fear of self-completeness fits our purpose, personality and projection.
“the other.” We need, as children, to have an intense feeling That sense of self-completeness and self-love we call saib-
of security and connection with the mother so that we can hung is actually the most unshakeable and fundamental simi-
take on exploration and be open to the stranger, and the dif- larity. It is self-similarity in our spirit, psyche and values. It rep-
ferent. Secure, we can play. We can enjoy the play of the uni- resents a state of congruity and integration of the many parts
verse. Insecure, we avoid, lie, fantasize, deceive, betray, and of our personality and our existence. We also call that self-
act out of a false core. We each have our own style of cop- consistency. We perceive our self accurately. We love our self.
ing with security, insecurity and our parental attachments. And we see that each action and thought is qualified through
One of the most recognizable similarities in relationships is the consciousness of that self before and as we agree to it. No
that we tend to choose a person who has similar patterns of condition of the environment can shake that security. We
attachment: secure, insecure or withdrawing. We find com- deliver to our self and to others trustworthiness and confi-
fortable emotional territory to settle into. dence. Instead of self-conflict we show self-determination to
So similarity is important. But it is balanced by the protec- be who we are.
tive and exploratory instincts for difference. If we are too sim- To attain saibhung, we need a real experience of our true
ilar there is often a tendency for boredom and adaptation. self and a sustained relationship with it. Yoga creates that
Great friends and couples cultivate a rhythm and play between secure base. Beginning with the yoga between the mother and
what is familiar and what is different in their activities, sexual- child and continuing on as we cultivate a dynamic union of
ity and interests. When this balance is not achieved between our polarities each day—our inhale and exhale, our conscious

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 53
 Authentic RelationshipS

and our subconscious, our finite and infinite parts of our real self, from the heart, and create trust and tolerance
being—we master the swing of opposites and hold to a clear between us.
center of consciousness from which we can sustain authentic Second, we must learn to manage negative feelings and
relationships. consciously use positive feelings to work out any problems.
If our self-love, our capacity for a sense of self-similarity, is The most deadly feelings to a relationship are projection of
weak then our need to find and match similar characteristics superiority over the other, non-responsiveness, defensiveness
in our relationships is increased. In the short-term, we are and constant criticism. A superior position—one that express-
then attracted to people who are very similar, safe and known. es disregard, contempt or belittlement—is like cyanide: it poi-
In the long run, it is the differences and our ability to recog- sons and is fatal and fast. It also signifies how isolated and
nize and tolerate those differences that sustain interest; form fearful at least one partner has become. Non-responsiveness
the basis for pragmatic exchanges of qualities, emotions and is a profound form of withdrawal when you frequently use
skills; and require us to learn the skills to tend to a relation- defensiveness, or deflect input and avoid responsibility to
ship and its many polarities, paradoxes and changes. take actions to improve or correct the situation. It often takes
This quality of saibhung is also essential in order to com- the form of attack or “shooting back,” constant criticism that
mand instead of react to the polarities in ourselves and in life. always finds something negative or wrong. It can take the
What accompanies the development of saibhung is nonat- form of nagging or a seemingly helpful taskmaster that
tachment: we are able to recognize our attachments and always shows the shortfall of your efforts. Any feeling may
urges, and our detachment and fears, and choose to act from arise occasionally—both negative and positive. But the posi-
the impersonally personal essence of our soul. That con- tive needs to be much more common. And you must recog-
sciousness forms relationships that can weather the changes nize that every negative projection has real effects that must
of life. Instead of making everything personal and emotional, be dealt with.
we can recognize through our neutral mind what needs to be We all have instinctual feelings that are defensive and by
done for the relationship and who we are in the relationship. nature negative. But in human relationships we must invoke
Cultivating saibhung adds grace and flexibility to our relation- our distinctly human capacity to be authentic. An animal has
ships and is a key to increasing our authenticity. an impulsive commitment, all hormones, genes and emotions;
and a human has the power of conscious commitment, a
Where Do We Go Wrong? light-year leap beyond the glandular churning of our hor-
We try our best to choose based on our unique blend of mones. If we do not recognize our emotions, read them, then
needs, similarities and differences. Then, even in the best of choose consciousness in our actions, our negative feelings will
scenarios, we run into troubles. We expend more energy and create neurosis, fear and unreality.
experience so much stress in the relationship that we literally
lose years of our life! Life becomes heavy instead of light, bur- Your neuroses are destructive to you. They will destroy you.
densome instead of liberating. What steps took us toward And when you behave neurotically, you also destroy the
that dark corner when all we wanted was an open door to friendship in another's mind because another's mind cannot
feeling we can belong, love, play and be fulfilled? take your neuroses. So you destroy the friendship forever.
First, we think that to have a good relationship we need to Neurotic behavior can be forgotten, forgiven, excused; but
be attractive, perfect, powerful, sexy, interesting, thin or some the mind of another person with whom when you go before
other long list of ways we measure ourselves and others. that person again his radar or sensors come up, “Aaah!
What is more important is that we listen and then share our There comes an idiot!”
identity—our real self. The most powerful attractant is to be —Yogi Bhajan, KWTC, 1981
receptive and interested in our partner and in what is mean-
ingful to them. The most powerful bond is that we share our

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 authentic relationships

Each of those negative impulses comes from aspects of disease, but it holds its own solution.” If you transfer the ego
our natural structure that are not in balance. If you do not from passion to compassion, you will become divine. “Jan
balance the flow of your thoughts through the three minds, kee sangat keejeeay ja aavai haree naam: Be in the company
then the elements, or tattwas, become distorted. The quali- of those where God is remembered.”
ties of energy that were referred to as earth, water, fire etc., —Yogi Bhajan, Khalsa Womens Training Camp, 1976
do not function fluidly with each other. Then you get emo-
tional reactions that seem real because of their intensity and To cultivate the conscious habit to use our intuition over
persistence. Acting those out in the relationship rarely works emotions and impulse is to bring virtue to yourself and your
because your partner does not have the same elemental mix- relationship. Then nothing will break that relationship.
ture and so cannot handle your commotions for long without The third thing we get wrong in relationships is that we
building up a reaction, which in turn generates defensiveness. do not recognize the natural polarities that exist between us.
But each negative feeling can be converted to a positive feel- Whether we were attracted or repelled by those polarities, we
ing if used creatively. start to fight them over time. We act as if our polarities are
problems to be solved. To reduce conflicts, we try to turn our
These destructive patterns of behavior are related to negative partner into us. Or we fail to see how our own shadow side
expressions of the five tattvas: ether, air, water, fire and is reflected and exaggerated in the characteristics of our part-
earth. Earth (lobh) pertains to greed and desires for recogni- ner. We do not recognize the paradoxes that make up our per-
tion and territory; fire (krodh) to anger, rough language and sonality and therefore fail to send a clear, conscious message
neurotic behavior; water (kam) to sensuality and lust; and to our partner. Instead we must begin to apply our conscious-
air (moh) to my-ness, identity and power. The latter is ness to elevate ourselves above the polarities and see them as
because air contains life-giving energy (prana), and it there- they are, utilizing the energy of both.
fore gives you your identity. There are two aspects of identity Fourth, we become distracted by our reactions and imme-
in life: I-ness and my-ness. When I-ness transfers to my-ness diate feelings. Then we do not use the power of ultimate love
there is no shyness and there is no humanity, because a per- that we all have. We do not tend to the boundaries and
son becomes a brute, and to call him an animal is to insult responsibilities of the relationship. We think once we have
the animal. Lastly, the tattva of ether (hunkaar) pertains to formed a relationship—passionate, friendly, committed, or
we (hum), us, pride, false ego, negative id, boasting, and sacred—it will continue without attention or constant nurtur-
lack of humility. ing. This is a kind of relational attention deficit disorder that
The above behaviors reflect the bhavs, or the negative is commonly known as taking-for-granted, and is cured by
side of the tattvas. The tattva bhavs must be channeled to forming a friendship with our soul and directing our mind.
positive expression, prabhu bhavs. If you have pride, be Fifth, and most powerfully, we fail at times to accept the
proud to be holy, righteous, graceful and conscious. If you attempts of our partners to repair mistakes and correct errors.
have attachment and identity, identify yourself with good- This is a critical factor in maintaining long-term relationships.
ness, grace, sweetness and sacrifice. If you have anger, be In relationships that last and grow, each partner consciously
angry at your neuroses; consume your negativities, falsehood forgives the other. When your partner hurts you emotionally
and lower nature. Use your power to be serviceful, graceful, or fails in some duty and they try to make amends, reach out.
and kind against adverse and ungraceful environments. If Open the door of your heart to the apology, the effort and the
you want to create a relationship, create it with your higher renewed relay of positive feelings. Do this even if you are still
consciousness and divinity. hurt from the problem. To do this you must trust. Trust your-
If you are in your negative id or ego, remember that you self. Trust your word. Be trustworthy. And commit to trusting
are a creature who belongs to the Creator. “Haumai vadaa each other.
rog hai, daaroo bhee is maahe: A negative ego is the biggest

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 55
 Authentic RelationshipS

Because what is a relationship? Sex? No. Security? No. Love? will find that creative center in loving ourselves as a gift of
No. No matter what you say, that is not what a relationship god, as a human being and as a finite creature playing an
is. A relationship basically is the commitment of trust in Infinite game of consciousness. Every relationship is part of
each other. Now we are cutting to the nitty–gritty of what our learning, our potential and our path of spirit. It is a goal
marriage is. That commitment of trust in each other comes of the teachings of Yogi Bhajan to give us a mirror of con-
through the intelligence. And to maintain that relationship sciousness and the tools we need to form authentic, prosper-
we need applied intelligence, which comes from the medita- ous relationships as secure, courageous, self-loving people
tive mind. Otherwise the marriage you are all living is just a that demonstrate excellence, royalty and grace in life.
man laying a mother trip on a woman and a woman laying In Transformation, we devote an entire module to devel-
a father trip on a man. I stopped presiding at your mar- oping conscious communication and to being able to choose
riages; you will not find me being the minister at any mar- and project a positive, uplifting message even when we have
riage. You may be shocked, but I don't believe you people conflicts. We call that harmonious communication. That skill
really marry each other. supports the goal we identified on the first day of this course:
—Yogi Bhajan, July 28, 1981 to project effective relays.
We want to extend our capacity to recognize and deal
Couples, friends and partners who practice trust and for- effectively with differences: differences between people in rela-
giveness succeed and appear as masters of relationship. They tionships; differences in the masculine and feminine approach-
do not become trapped in the past or simply repeat old pat- es to communication, feelings and relationships; and differ-
terns. The relationship is constantly renewed and affirmed. ences that appear as paradoxes, polarities and uncertainty
There are many skills to authentic relationships. We will within us and between us.
explore some of these together. We will look at how we han-
dle the natural polarities of the masculine and feminine. We
will investigate the many types of relationships we form and
how to tend them consciously from our heart and spirit. We

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 authentic relationships

Interactive Group Exercise

Relationships, Attractions and Challenges
60 Minutes

Part I Part II
Inquiry: How Do You Approach Guidelines: Creating and Sustaining
Your Authentic Relationships? Authentic Relationships
Break into groups of 6–8 people.
Discuss the following topics: 15 minutes
Make a list of five guidelines you would offer to students
In what ways do you think long-term partnerships, friend- who want to create authentic relationship with a new friend
ships and marriage have become more difficult? or potential partner.
Create an additional five guidelines to help them sustain
What are some advantages of learning the skills to sustain a good relationship with a friend, student, colleague or com-
an authentic relationship through time? How would that petitor.
awareness affect your life and teaching?
15 minutes
What is the most important emotional communication skill Share some of these guidelines and significant insights
that you need in order to improve or consciously sustain about our topic with the whole group.
your authentic relationships under the pressures of the
Aquarian Age?

What is your personal experience of attraction to similarities Warm Ups

and differences? How do you deal with differences and sim- 10 minutes
ilarities in different areas and at different levels of the rela- Do a spinal warm up set of exercises that focus on the navel
tionship—such as hobbies, cognitive styles, values and point, spine and sciatic nerves to prepare for this kriya.
lifestyles? Which level is the most important to you as an
ideal? Do you act on those priorities when you first start a
relationship or do you turn to other priorities? Kundalini Yoga Kriya
Firing Up the metabolism
When a relationship has turned bad or become burdensome The following kriya works on your metabolism and builds
to you, are you able to identify what contributed to the your caliber to uphold the highest status of your soul. This
problem from the many troublemakers we discussed? will energize you for the day and expand your radiance and
sensitivity to better engage in authentic relationships.

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 57
 Authentic RelationshipS
KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
FIRING UP THE METABOLISM
Yogi Bhajan • March 6, 1985

1. Lie down on your back. Raise your legs toward the

1
ceiling and grasp your toes. Keep your legs up while you
open and close them rapidly. Do Breath of Fire, timing
the breath with the opening and closing of the legs.
5-1/2 minutes.

2. Remain in the same position, holding onto your toes

with your legs up. Pull your left foot toward your head.
Let your left leg go back to the starting position as you
pull your right foot toward your head. Continue alter-
nately moving your legs up and down. Breath of Fire
through the nose. 2 minutes.

3. Continue the previous movement chanting Har with

the tip of the tongue as each leg moves. Move quickly;
chanting Har at a pace of two times per second.
12 minutes.

4. Stay in the same position and combine the move-

ments of exercises 1 and 2.
Chant Har as your left leg moves up and down.
Chant Har as your right leg moves up and down. 2,3,4

Chant Mukanday as you open and close your legs.

One repetition of Har Har Mukanday takes 2 seconds.
Move quickly. 1-1/2 minutes.

5. Sit up and relax for 1 minute.

6. Sit in Easy Pose with the elbows ben and the palms
facing forward at the level of the shoulders. The thumb
and Sun Finger touch in Surya Mudra. Close your eyes 6
and chant Har, Har Mukande rhythmically and musi-
cally for 11 minutes. One repetition of the mantra
takes 2 seconds.

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 authentic relationships

An Affirmation
Har Har Mukanday

Begin to chant the Har Har Mukanday mantra that ends with the affirmation:

Let thy soul be awakened.

Let thy soul be awakened.
Let thy soul be awakened.
Let thy soul be awakened.
Let thy soul be awakened.
Let the Guru’s lotus feet be in your heart.
Let the Guru’s lotus feet be in your heart.
Let the Guru’s lotus feet be in your heart.
Let the Guru’s lotus feet be in your heart.
Let the lotus feet of the Guru be in your heart.
Let the lotus feet of the Guru be in your heart.
Let the lotus feet of the Guru be in your heart.
Let the lotus feet of the Guru be in your heart.
Let the lotus feet of the Guru be in your heart.
Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up. Wake up.
Wake up. Wake up.
Heal. Heal. Heal. Heal.
Excel, excel, excel, excel, excel, excel, excel.
Obey, serve.
Obey, serve, love, excel. Obey, serve, love, excel.
Obey, serve, love, excel. Obey, serve, love, excel.

Continue with the mantra Har Har Mukanday for 11 minutes.

Then inhale, hold and relax.

Comments: Just see how powerful a mantra can be. All these stars and all this
universe are very powerful, I am not disagreeing with the powers . . . but, by
chanting a mantra, just see how powerful you can be.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

The Master’s Touch:

An Experience with Yogi Bhajan

VIDEO CLASS
Love is the Absolute Power of Self-Totality
April 5, 1994

We will experience a class with Yogi Bhajan where he guides us to deeply explore the capac-
ity of love within ourselves so that we can recognize love and be loving toward all. It is a pow-
erful example of using the technology of Kundalini Yoga to develop applied consciousness in
healthy relationships.

The meditation he shares is called the Reverse Adi Shakti Kriya. He discusses the change of
the Age, the consciousness of a human being, and the nature of self-discipline and religions.

A transcript, edited for reading, is included in your Study Guide.

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a
KUNDALINI YOGA MEDITATION • REVERSE ADI SHAKTI KRIYA
Yogi Bhajan • April 5, 1994

PART I
POSITION: Bring the right hand above the crown of the head—6 to 9 inches—like you
are blessing yourself. The left hand is by the shoulder, palm facing forward, like a
pledge—like you are blessing the Universe.

BREATH: Breathe long, slow and deep. Build up to a One Minute Breath. Kiss the
breath, with affection and feeling, “a hug kind of feeling.” Breathe consciously. If you
are doing it correctly, the taste in your mouth will change.

EYE POSITION: The eyes are closed. Roll the eyes down and look at the chin. Keep
this eye position throughout the three parts.

COMMENTS: Bless you, bless your ancestors and those who will come after you. This
blessing is not a social phenomenon. You are mentally, hypnotically blessing you. It will
affect the magnetic field and it will hurt you if you are an angry person. Keep breath-
ing consciously. If you cannot bless yourself, nobody can. Better you bless yourself;
PART II
heavens will bless you. After 5 minutes, it should start to hurt and let you know what
you have been eating. When you have pain, the brain will produce natural morphine.
If these ducts are open, endurance will develop, physically, emotionally and spiritually.

TIME: 11 minutes

TO END: Inhale and transition into the second position.

PART II
POSITION: Extend the arms straight out, parallel to the ground, with the palms facing
down. Straighten the arms tight and stretch.
EFFECTS: This will strengthen the heart and open the heart center.

TIME: 3 minutes
PART III
TO END: Inhale deep and raise arms into the third position.

PART III
POSITION: Raise the arms straight up and stretch. Palms are flat and face forward.
Do not bend the elbows.

TIME: 3 minutes

TO END: Inhale deep and hold tight for 15 seconds. Stretch. Lift the spine.
Exhale with Cannon Breath. Repeat 3 times.
COMMENTS: Can you spare seventeen minutes for yourself in twenty-four hours?
This meditation will totally change you from the inside out. It will give you
self-consciousness, self-experience, self-love and then, you can love everybody.
Become total.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

FlashWriting 10 minutes
Write for 2 minutes each on these topics:

1. What were the most significant insights for you in the class experience, especially
regarding self-love?

2. In what ways do you express, act on and cultivate love for yourself now?
In what areas of your life could you improve that experience?

3. What would a discipline of self-love look like for you? What habits would serve that?

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 authentic relationships

Small Group Discussion

20 minutes

Share your thoughts from the Master’s Touch Class and from your FlashWriting exercise. Discuss these topics in
relation to your role as teachers:

4Does self-love mean to love your higher Self and elementary personality? What about the working personality
and fantasy or imaginative personality?

4As a teacher, how do you express love and self-love in your communication and interactions with students?
What is most effective in helping students experience self-love? What does shuniya have to do with it? What
about saibhung?

4What are the working, fantasy and elementary personalities? If a teacher has not balanced these personalities
within themselves, in what ways might it create a distortion of the relationship with their students? How might
you notice this in a teacher’s behavior and energy? If your own balance needs adjustment, what personal signal
inside yourself might alert you so that you can correct yourself?

4How do we ensure against confusing the need for belonging with sexuality in student relationships? We all
have a powerful need to belong. How do you as a teacher recognize those projections from students and guide
them without entangling inappropriately in their emotions or yours? What helps?

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 Authentic RelationshipS

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 authentic relationships

Triangulating Your Relationships:

Dimensions and Dynamics

As we discussed, enduring, authentic relationships are chal- You have not understood one concept. Life is not what you
lenged by many things: circumstances, how we choose a mate think it is. Life is seventy percent free of you. That is one
or friend, and how we communicate and relay ourselves. thing you cannot adjust. I am not against ego. It is a good
There are many other factors, of course. thing to keep you identified. I have my identity. This is my
One of the most common and disastrous problems is car. This is my home. This is my wife. This is my baby. This
when two people understand the relationship differently; is my child. This is my uncle. All that stuff is fine.
often, we hold different, or competing, definitions of what the
relationship is or what love and friendship are. This gap in I am not upset with it. But that is it. Everybody doesn't
understanding can create conflict or a complete misunder- become your uncle. Every baby is not your baby. Every wife
standing by one or both parties. How do we each define love? is not your wife. We are definitely limited by our concept of
Friendship? Partnership? relationship. So we think, “my wife is that which does this,
To have good relationships each person needs a common this, and that.” We precisely put a duty on it. We precisely
notion of what that relationship is and what they need to give put a duty on a relationship. Relationship has a duty, and
in support and care of that relationship. This requires a con- duty has the relationship.
scious effort to be clear and to communicate consciously. It
also requires a basic understanding of the components of a •••
relationship—those feelings and instincts that operate together
to form our relationships. Feelings, emotions and commotions and desire are part of an
Most of us define love and friendship in emotional ways. automatic body system over which you have no control. If
We also have ways of knowing, or intuiting, if the other per- you become a yogi or a saint or a godly person they are still
son honors the relationship in the same way. Each relationship there and you have no control.
has its own rules, roles and reality. We often enter into a rela-
tionship and never clearly communicate our expectations and Simply you are on a boat and you can go over the waves.
our inner model of what relationships are: how we behave, That doesn't mean there are no waves. If anybody is selling
how we expect others to behave, our patterns and history. you the bill of goods that, “once you do this you will
Sometimes when we begin a relationship the circumstances become beyond that,” it is a bunch of lies! No truth in it;
are just right. But then life moves on. Stress, obligations, other absolutely no truth in it. Are you going to tell me Jesus
relationships and personal growth bring out and test the Christ never went to urinate and Guru Nanak never went to
assumptions we brought into the relationship, just like an x- the bathroom? Are you kidding? These things are just there,
ray reveals the underlying bony structures in our body. Under always there. Your biological and mental equilibrium always
all the muscles and their movements are bones and stillness. creates itself and it is there.
Under all the emotions and appearances in a relationship are April 12, 1989
values and basic beliefs about what the relationship is. Yogi
Bhajan said:

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 Authentic RelationshipS

We have two things to be aware of in our relationships: a yogi is a force of character and a force of the universe that
first, there are responsibilities unique to each relationship can be applied to all forms of authentic relationship. It is a
some of which are personal and some of which are imper- point of character that is beyond the polarities—which are
sonal and necessary to deliver that relationship within the used to form most of our emotional relationships and our def-
flow of life; and second, we have biological and mental sys- initions of the emotional entanglements we commonly call
tems that constantly provoke us with desires, motivations, love. Here we will look at the types of love and relationships
feelings and thoughts no matter what we do or what our as they are commonly understood. We will look at True Love,
commitments and values are. as a yogi, later.
These basic realities mean that we can have sexual impuls- See the different types of relationships listed on the oppo-
es and desires for someone even if we “love” our spouse. We site page. Connecting and differentiating all of these types of
can distrust our lover even as we trust a friend. We can intend “love” are three basic drives:
a relationship to be just collegial or just a friendship and find
our impulses pulling us into fantasies of an affair. Keeping 4Attachment: the drive to be close to and secure with a
clear boundaries and roles in a relationship is about working valued person or caregiver;
together in integrity, foresight and awareness. Our impulses do 4Passion: the drive for sexuality and the urge to mate;
not know such clear boundaries, only opportunity and fears. 4Intimacy: the drive for face–to–face exchanges and
They do not know consequences, only the present need or mutual disclosure and recognition.
impulse.
It helps to look at the types of relationships we form and These three can all be stimulated and active in a relation-
some of the basic components that include the influence of ship. They can occur in just about any proportion. And they
those automatic emotional systems. Once we are aware of can operate at the same time in many parallel or separate rela-
those, we can look at each of our relationships and recognize tionships. Even though a relationship might be based on one
what type they are and if we are approaching them authenti- component only, it might progress into another—like friend-
cally and appropriately. We will spend some time defining and ship to lovers, or lovers to platonic. There is no rule that says
expanding our sense of authentic love later in the course. one will always lead to another in a relationship.
However, one thing deserves emphasis here. Ultimate love for

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DEFINING Relationships

Infatuation A great, often temporary, and irrational passion for Affectionate Feelings of fondness or tenderness, sometimes
somebody or something; thoughtless passion where the old as opposed to reason; attachment behaviors expressed in close
brain and mating instincts override the frontal brain and normal proximity to each other.
personality. Erotic/Eros A combination of lust and romantic love; high ener-
Romantic Passion and intimacy; Eros plus fantasy; an imag- gy; focused on a partner for romantic love; sexual fantasies dom-
ined love affair or sexual love, especially when the relationship inate; strong feelings of desire; God of love in Greece; Cupid to
the Romans; the instincts for self-preservation, pleasure, and
is idealized or exciting and intense; often emphasizes the free
procreation considered as a group in psychoanalytic theory.
expression of feelings, impulses, and the exotic.
Lust Strong sexual desire without other commitments or con-
Companion/Partner Intimacy plus commitment; attachment
siderations; sometimes possessive, like lust for power.
and affection; high levels of intimacy and commitment but
lower levels of passion. Mania Obsession, irrational, possessive, dependent; excessive
and intense interest in or enthusiasm for something.
Love Passion plus intimacy plus attachment; mutual attachment
with intimacy and sex; to feel tender affection for somebody, for Ludic Playful, not serious, detached, uncommitted; love as the-
example, a close relative or friend, or for something such as a atre with multiple partners, like chocolates; mild lust plus frivol-
place, an ideal, or an animal where passion engenders intense ity; playful in a way that is spontaneous and without any par-
feelings but not necessarily sexual. ticular purpose.
Storge/ Deep Friendship/ Best Friend Affectionate companion;
Friendship Mutual trust, intimacy and activity; willing to carry
brotherly; deep special friendship; low emotion; talk about inter-
and uplift the person no matter their difficulties.
ests not feelings.
Dutiful Love Attachment or commitment without intimacy,
Philias/ Friendship Friendship, pragmatic love; attributes pos-
direct care-giving without sexual passion; can be strong feelings
itive to the other and expects returns; concrete exchanges and
of devotion or zeal for a cause.
positive regard.
Liking There is intimacy, but without passion or commitment; a
Pragma Sometimes called “shopping list love”; compatibility
feeling of enjoying someone and finding them pleasantly attrac- and common sense; keep score for benefits and liabilities, gains
tive. and losses; guard against excessive sacrifice or emotion.
Platonic Love A pure, spiritual affection, subsisting between Limerance Intense passion and intense feelings of intimacy
persons of opposite sex, unmixed with carnal desires, and but usually in a narrow focus; “wild ride” love
regarding the mind only and its excellences.
Reactive Love Either negative emotions like jealousy or even
Devotion Commitment without intimacy; commitment of time hate that react to love or attachment to others or the reactive
or energy which often takes priority over one’s own discomforts commotion to active love projections; often entangled with
or personal gain. other subconscious agendas.
Attachment An emotional bond or tie to somebody or some- Active Love Positive mental, physical or emotional love; often
thing that provides security, protection, assurance and belong- entangled with subconscious and other emotional agendas.
ing; creates a sense of identity or membership. Ultimate Love/True Love Love that is a merger beyond the finite
Agape Love for the other as a Being so your actions help them games of emotional compensation, fear or need; requires a state
survive and bloom; altruistic, gentle, dutiful, spiritual; willing of saibhung; knows no “no”; it is a force; selflessness within
one’s self; always has the capacity of self-love as its foundation.
even to surrender your love for the other’s good; in Christianity
the mercy, grace, and charity shown by God to humanity. Radioactive Love In the name of love, anger creates rage, hurt,
jealousy, destruction; never satisfied, always demanding; radioactive
because it radiates unpredictably and harms all those in its field.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

“Above all there is a love which is real, the Ultimate Love. We merge not only
physically, but mentally and spiritually, in Arcline, Aura and Subtle Body.
We amalgamate with each other. That is real Love.”

“There is something called Radioactive Love. It kills either way. It is a love

of non-reality based on a subconscious romance which will never be practical.”

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Just think about how many times we get involved in a pas- conscious. As yogis, we do many things to recognize these
sionate sexual relationship and think, If we make love so well factors and create security and confidence for the child, for
and are so compatible sexually, we will fall in love and be with example, the 40 days with the mother after birth. As we med-
each other. Once there was a woman who had sex once a itate, clear the subconscious and cultivate a deeper experience
month with a married man for 15 years. Finally she thought, of our identity and consciousness, we recognize these patterns
Well it is time he leaves her. He enjoys me and complains and choose not to act on them.
about her. She told him a week before their regular tryst. He The more powerful the sexual passion, the more rapid and
never showed up nor returned any calls thereafter. She was intense is the rise of boredom and the seeking for new part-
completely devastated and shocked. “After all that time we ners or methods of excitement. In fact, in studies of brain
knew each other so well and meant so much to each other, chemistry, the chemistry that supports secure attachments
how could he just stop?” Passion does not mean you know (mediated by serotonin and oxytocin) and commitment is
the other person. Nor does it automatically lead to commit- countered by the chemistry of high stimulation (mediated by
ment and deep attachment. dopamine). A long-term couple who suddenly increase their
high stimulation activities sometimes find themselves drifting
Intimacy Built over Time apart and seeking others even though they started the explo-
Intimacy is an entirely different drive. It is built over time rations together.
with many small acts of kindness that support each other in Ideally, we find an intimate relationship that balances
myriad situations and environments. It requires honest feed- these three basic needs. Then we call it love, piaar, earthly
back and constant adjustment of your mental and emotion- love, or consummate love. All three vertices in the triangle are
al models of the other person. If it is a friendship, it is sus- equal.
tained with a clear idea and agreement about what you share
and your obligation to the other person. The same can be The Different Types of Love
said for any form of relationship that is based largely on a Referring back to the table, we can see how each type of rela-
single vertex of the triangle in the diagram. With all the pos- tionship uses combinations of these basic drives. Imagine hav-
sible combinations of primary motivations, as seen in the ing a huge attachment, to the extent that you are committed;
table of relationships, we can see how the different combi- you also have care-giving in the form of mutual exchange of
nations would create bonds of different kinds and qualities. activities or feelings but there is no sexual component. A good
companion or deep friendship is like that. Or imagine a pow-
Reactive and Active Love erful passion and moderate intimacy. This could be a ludic
Look over the diagram on the opposite page. As yogis we rec- form of love where everything is play, or a wild ride of infatu-
ognize all three drives as part of piaar—reactive and active love. ation or limerance. Work through all the combinations for
As we increase attachment in a relationship (actively), we yourself. Realize that relationships can and do occur in all
automatically increase the fear of loss and abandonment reac- combinations.
tively. The closer you get the more anxiety lurks underneath For each of these types of “love,” time is experienced dif-
the surface of consciousness. Every active–positive forms a ferently. Passion is a short tremor that comes in waves.
reactive–negative. This emotional see-saw is the normal back- Intimacy often builds over time. Attachment can begin
ground of dramas we wrestle with in our relationships. How instantly and stay, rise slowly over time, or gradually rise and
violent you swing between these polarities depends on your fall precipitously depending on threats to the security and
upbringing and your temperament. Some of us will be very identity it provides. That is why in a good love relationship
secure and have little anxiety when we are close and attached you must give ongoing attention to passion in order to re-
to someone. For others, the anxiety is overwhelming, even if it invigorate it and monitor how you both are feeling. Passion
is what we want. These childhood patterns populate our sub- changes much more quickly than the other components of the

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 Authentic RelationshipS

relationship, even if you are very devoted to one another. The actions that convey the reality of each of these three
In the diagram on page 68 the shaded area surrounding types of bonds are different. Passion may be shown by hugs,
the central triangle is the subconscious, which holds the emo- kisses, sex, intense expressions of praise or doing exciting
tional agendas, mental models and expectations that arise things together. Intimacy may be shown by attention to con-
from childhood. These entangle with our own present needs, scious communication, or doing something to support the
our expectations and perceptions of the other person. Yogi person without them asking, or just time together where you
Bhajan would say that we make up the other person. They are share an activity or attend to each other. Attachment to each
really part of our extended self and our projected subcon- other will be shown by the priority you give to the relation-
scious. It is rare to expand and clear our subconscious to the ship or by an outer symbol such as a ring in marriage, or spe-
extent that we purify our mind and see only the other (and cial clothing you wear for your work or a family tradition.
not ourselves within them). However, if we reach that state— Without appropriate expressions and actions the relationship
saibhung—then we can merge. We can move to Ultimate is put at risk over time.
Love. Ultimate Love is outside the subconscious circle. It
requires our sense of completeness, nonattachment, ability for Triangle Basics
self-love and willingness to merge with another through the Let’s do an exercise to help us visualize and think about our
aura, arcline and subtle body. This is the kind of love that relationships in terms of these three powerful forces that bring
heals. It is spiritual not in an abstract or idealistic way but us together. We will use a simple triangular shape to reflect
rather a power of consciousness that allows the Infinite to some of the dynamics and to show the differences in the
manifest into the finite; the beloved to appear everywhere. It kinds of relationships we have. Look at the examples of how
conquers time and space. It is tangible, practical, dynamic and to represent the three instinctual qualities of bonding.
ends the play of the finite game of emotions. The infinite Remember that the “passion” dimension refers to sexual, erot-
game of the soul begins with Ultimate Love. ic, mating and sensual attractions not just a high level of emo-
tion. This exists in most relationships even if unexpressed and
Attachment, Intimacy, Passion even if small. Someone said, “I like the candidates qualifica-
Many of the contradictions we puzzle over in relationships tion for office, but they just aren’t sexy enough.” They didn’t
come from the simultaneous and independent functions of mean they had sexual fantasies or a goal of sex, just that they
three powerful bonds: attachment, intimacy and passion. were not “aroused.”
The problem is that how we feel about relationships is
often not how it is perceived by the other person. Or, we feel
a certain way but we do not express or show our feelings
accurately.
A classic example is the man who does not normally buy
flowers and suddenly comes home with two dozen roses. The
wife looks at him and says, “Thank you, they are beautiful.
What have you done now?” One person thinks flowers are
showing special affection. The other person thinks it shows he
is covering up some mischief. So in any relationship there are
ways to express the feelings and obligations that make it real.
Those ways and mannerisms must be shared explicitly or
implicitly by both people.

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 authentic relationships

REPRESENTING THE THREE INSTINCTUAL QUALITIES OF BONDING

This drawing shows more passion, intimacy or attachment as you move the tips
of the triangle farther from the zero point at the graphs origin. If a tip is closer
to the zero, there is less of that quality in the relationship.

Bigger figures show more overall energy and bonding in the relationship. Smaller
total area shows less bonding that comes from all three sources. The shape
shows the blend of qualities in the relationship. We assume there is always a
little bit of each no matter how small to keep the triangles simple.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Two relationships: a parent and an attractive girl or boy friend.

Which triangle shows the parental relationship?

Here are the same triangulated relationships shows on our three

axes of passion, intimacy and attachment. You can see how
much each of these instincts is active in the relationships.

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Interactive Group Exercise

Triangulating: What Do your relationships look Like?

Step one

Using the graph provided, triangulate your rela-

tionship to your best friend. For each component
of your relationship—attachment, intimacy, and
passion—choose a factor from 0-10 (0 = no
intensity, 10 = maximum intensity). Place these
points on the graph. Now connect the dots—this
shape describes your relationship to your friend.

Step TWO

Now, do a second example choosing someone

else in your life, perhaps a relationship that is
unclear or in which there has been misunder-
standing.

In the first graph, map your feeling about the

relationship.

In the second, map how you believe the other

person perceives the relationship. Notice the dif-
ference.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Step THree

Finally, think about an intimate relationship.

Someone you really care about.

In the first graph, map your feelings about the

relationship.

In the second graph, map how you actually

express that feeling in your actions and commu-
nication. Now look at the shapes you’ve formed.
Does your expression match your feeling? Or are
they mirror opposites? Do your feelings inside
relate to what you do and show outside with
others?

Step FOUR
Now look at the diagram (on the opposite page) showing all The final part of this diagram represents different types of
the various triangles and their relationship to one another. relationships by their proportionate triangles. Look at each one
Apply these triangles to the situations you commonly find and imagine how that relationship would feel. What would it
yourself in. Here you can see a normal, good balance of love be like to be in that type of relationship? Study each one, then
at the top. recall relationships you have had in the past or have now that
The problem is that how we feel about a relationship is match them.
often not how it is perceived by the other person. The two tri- Later we will look at the critical function that our story, our
angles are quite different. internal narrative, plays in the success of a relationship, or in
What happens in a relationship when two people experi- the repair of the wounds we receive from them when they go
ence the same relationship in very different ways? What hap- wrong.
pens when you are in a relationship and believe it is one type This simple structure certainly does not capture the rich-
of dynamic and it turns out to be another type? Just talk to ness of real relationships any more than rain, wind and clouds
someone after they have a break-up of a relationship (mar- describe the dynamics of the weather. But it can help us look
riage, lovers, or even membership in a group). The stories of more realistically at the basic components that make up all
each person or party in the separation often differ so much, relationships. It can also help us understand some the sources
you wonder if they are talking about the same relationship. of problems when the vision of the relationship is not shared.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Small Group Discussion

20 minutes

Step ONE
In small groups (4-6) take a sheet of paper and draw triangles to rep-
resent five or six of your important relationships. Choose relation-
ships that represent the myriad combinations of these central com-
ponents: passion, intimacy and attachment. Show the relative impor-
tance of each component in the shape of the triangles.

For each relationship triangle, draw a second triangle that you think
represents the relationship through the eyes of the other person or
group.

Then draw a triangle that expresses the relationship between your

actions and your feeling. We often feel more than we express or that
is understood by others.

Step TWO
Then review your drawings to see what you can observe or learn
from them about your patterns in relationships. Discuss your obser-
vations.
In what ways do the dynamics of these three parts of relationships
create understanding or misunderstanding among students, and
between students and teachers?
What are the most common misunderstandings that develop
between students and teachers in roles and relationships that come
from these dynamics?
What insights and good examples of relationships can you share
in your small group?

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 authentic relationships

The Infinite Game of Life and

Our Karmic Web of Relationships

Now we will shift gears and look at the entire panorama of our relationships. We will locate ourselves consciously in
the web of relationships that is our life. Then we will look at those relationships from the perspective of the game of
life—the perspective of the soul and consciousness—to gain from each strength, wisdom and fulfillment.

The Infinite Game of Life Yogi Bhajan talks about our games and how to win the Infinite
Life, if it is a game, is a serious one. But like a game it has game of life in this way:
rules, consequences and players. Like a game, it has a field of
Life is an experience of a mental game. February 28, 1993
play and it seems to end. When our soul begins to incarnate,
•••
we gain a body, an environment, a time period and a period
Why do you play dramas, and traumas? You play a lot of
of time to live, talents, deficits and an ego. We have our soul,
things! Why not play one thing and become above every-
our consciousness and teachers to help us in our choices.
thing. There is a way to become one with God. Instead of
The field of play is the vast web of relationships we find
playing mental games choose to play just one game.
ourselves in. We do not play alone. We come accompanied by April 5, 1983
supplementary souls who help us and complete our efforts in •••
the journey of life. We also have complementary souls that Why not play one game to become timeless and one with
challenge us and constantly seek to discipline us in order to God? That is the game of how you recognize and love your
correct our limitations. Ultimately, the goal is to become an own deep truth in life. When you can play just one game
elementary soul—a soul that is consciously conscious. When that is boundless in time and space, then all others stop. The
we attain that, our actions become more than limited, finite measure of the game is how near you are to your own truth,
reactions to our circumstance. We express our own will in to the reality in your soul. How much consciousness and
concert with the Infinite Will. We become humble, graceful, control of that truth do you have? You will be happy in your
committed, self-initiating and compassionate. We see things life in proportion to the degree that you have a handle on
through the eyes of compassion first. We use intuition to that truth, and that you are willing to pay for that truth, and
know the effect and consequence of an action before we take that you commit to and love that truth. If you go along with
it or choose not to take it. your mental intrigues, you will not get spiritual and have
This awareness is the seed and bloom of dharma. This is worldly success or happiness. You cannot reach that happi-
what Yogi Bhajan calls the Self-Sensory Human—someone who ness and contentment no matter how many sophisticated
is complete in each moment, seamless in their co-creativity intrigues your mind creates. Only two things will work: your
with the finite and infinite aspects of their Being. It sounds presence and your unlimited projection.
abstract to say it in words, when actually it is very pragmat- You have not learned how to depend on the unseen and
ic—yet boundless. It is in fact the only way that we rise above unlimited within you. Your soul has a fundamental property
circumstance and environment. that when aligned with your mind gives you impact, intelli-
The game of life changes from a finite game dominated by gence, and effectiveness. Its fundamental property is to be
wins and losses to an infinite game of constant victory. In the saibhung—a self-illumined, aware, and radiant identity of
infinite game we are happy not from our circumstance but God. It is not subject to anything. This has been a known
from how we face our circumstance. We are happy not from fact, explored and experienced for centuries. The soul is a
a relationship itself but from how we face and act in each rela- slave to none. In fact, everything else is subject to the soul
tionship. and connected through its projection. So if you call on that
and dwell in that, it works where no logic, reason, or mental
intrigue can. —From The Mind, p. 55

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 Authentic RelationshipS

When we play the game of life as if it were a finite game, we rience. We become emotional and lose our ability to see what
act as if there are moments the game is not being played—we is—to perceive a situation through the heart of another per-
act from a false belief that we can take a time out. There are son.
entire areas of our lives we do not look at; we don’t believe We also need a fearlessness that is based in nonattach-
we need to hold ourselves to the rules. Hence we do not rule ment. Nonattachment comes as our soul flourishes in each
over ourselves. If we play life as an infinite game, we are choice we make. When we remember to synchronize with
always playing. We play with each breath. Each thought is an our infinite Self by meditating and repeating the names of
opportunity to qualify the self in consciousness. Every rela- God and the mantras of infinity, we become radiant, royal and
tionship is a chance to gain our Self, to expand our experi- real. That is the state we call saibhung.
ence, to develop our character and express our virtues as a Students would sometimes ask Yogi Bhajan if, as a Master,
self-sensory human being. he is beyond polarity and what would happen if students tried
(See Comparison of Characteristics chart opposite.) to play their finite games of Maya with him. Of course a yogi
is a master of polarity and does not react to the push and pull
Everywhere-Here-Now! of the polarities of life. And like a good ship’s captain, the yogi
Normally we take the perspective of the ego: finite, reac- may read and use the power of the tide and the pulsations of
tive, judgmental, inflationary, imaginary and catastrophizing the waves to reach a destination. Similarly a Teacher enjoys the
as it goes through its cycles, phases and impulses. When we waves of life and steers a clear course to reach the shore and
can look at each part of our experience through the eyes of go beyond the waves. In this way, the waves become beauti-
the soul and consciousness, there is a lesson, test or ful and express the power and creativity of God. In one class
strength in it. Yogi Bhajan explained that we must be wise in the finite
Every relationship has a meaningful message about how games of Maya and choose to play the Infinite game of the
we hold ourselves in relationship to our Self, our spirit, and soul:
each other. Our past tendencies come to face us in each rela-
tionship. The patterns that we are unwilling to confront in our We try our best to be with God. But we are deeply troubled
own mind and emotions seem to take shape and embody and are not even willing to be with ourselves. It's very
themselves in the people we know and meet. In the infinite amazing if you understand it thoroughly. Any person who is
game of life there is never an “out there” and an “in here.” It not with himself or herself shall not be with God. The first
is always everywhere–here–now! approach to be with God is to be a Self. Self-contentment,
One of our greatest needs is for meaning. We often self-respect, self-sacredness are virtues and qualities in us.
express this need by seeking order and consistency. We make Until this self is pure how can it merge with the greater Self
up a story, create a belief and filter our experiences through which is the purest? We always try to build our relationships
that belief in order to become secure, right and clear about on this earth. Sometimes we are tested through those rela-
what is meaningful and true for us. Yogi Bhajan often coached tionships.
us to understand that there are three truths: Once I was sitting by myself and somebody came to talk
4 Individual truth, which may be true only for me and to me. He asked a direct question, “Do you think that peo-
my neurosis; ple don’t play Maya with you?”
4 Circumstantial truth, which is shared with a group, I said, “They do. I live among Maya. I am played by
country and environment; and Maya. And they play Maya around me and in all our rela-
4 Universal truth, which is true for each of us, like tionships.”
gravity or karma. He asked, “Why?”
To recognize these three levels in each relationship we I laughed and I laughed even today about his honest
need to cultivate our neutral mind. Otherwise we get trapped question. Because those who play Maya with me, they will
in the negative and positive reactions. We polarize our expe- end up in Maya all alone.

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 authentic relationships

Comparison of Characteristics

FINITE GAMES INFINITE GAMES

Perspective of ego Perspective of Soul: Saibhung

We determine when we’re playing or not Always in the flow of the game

Manipulating the rules for our ego’s needs Ruling our self to experience life

Play to Win You Win if it is You who Plays

It begins and ends; It is created in time It never ends. It creates time

You train to control the future and preserve the past You become knowledgeable about yourself to be open to the future
(gains, losses and attachments) in each moment

They hide how they will control the future and so live They play in the open, exposed with values and intention,
inauthentically; not as they are vulnerable to all

We are confirmed and delighted by repetition and the unexpected We are transformed and ecstatic by the unique freshness of what is
triumphs of our past play over the present and future emerging and by the triumph of the future over the past

Want to win the title and have the title remembered in some Have the title (name of the soul and its destiny) and manifest the title;
world of play be to be

Happy when we reach an end and our title extends play Ecstasy by starting something that we can never finish nor stop

Life and each emotion in a relationship is serious Life and each challenge and transformation in a relationship is joyous

We tell our story to repeat the past and conquer the future; We tell our story to welcome the present and conquer the past;
we explain each possible action we chose as a necessity our story awakens insight so that every necessity and condition of life
exists to give birth to the possible

Defined by our boundaries, territory, possessions, and our students Defined by our horizon, our vision, our domain and our teacher

Build a society of membership in which they can have power and Participate in a culture of awareness that serves the power of its
security; with enough power they cease to do anything as a sign vision by action; with increasing joy every action, even stillness,
of accomplishment moves everything

You play to feel alive; you strive for lasting life; eternal life You are alive as you play no matter how you feel;
you exist in eternal birth

Your status needs to be acknowledged and taken seriously; Your status is accepted by you and shown in the lightness,
no humor allowed flexibility and delight of your being: laughter and a smile in
the heart are never absent

One person wins and everyone else is ranked and positioned One person can play and everyone is elevated: apay guru chela
in relationship to them: the essence of lineage

Play is defined by external factors, measures and accomplishment Play is defined by internal or eternal factors, values and transformation

You cannot play an infinite game within a finite game: it is You can play a finite game within an infinite game (Jivan Mukht):
inauthentic and diminishes your power it is authentic and increases your presence

We try to expand our finite to be the Infinite; we pretend to be We bring our Infinite into the finite; we live as humans—
immortals; fight death (social and physical) from others mortal, vulnerable and alive with others

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 Authentic RelationshipS

None of you came here to play Maya with me. All of become untrustworthy because of that fear. We get angry at
you came here to get along with me, to get out of the Maya. others because of our lack of relationship to ourselves.
That is our fundamental relationship. Our relationship is
only one relationship. It is a ship to which you relate to and Self-Love for our Self as Part of God
by playing the game of Maya we will get out of the Maya. As teachers we, like him, must play the finite game well if we
It is sure. That is granted. Because in the jungle you have are to lead others out of that Maya, the jungle of beastly reac-
to play the game of the jungle and still get out of the jungle. tions we all have as part of ourselves. We begin that leader-
If you do not play the game of the jungle when in the jun- ship by establishing a real relationship to our Self. We accept
gle, you will not be secure, you won’t be safe. And if you the relay of sacredness, courage, character, dignity and grace
don’t get out of it, why are you playing any game at all? out of love from our higher Self. We learn to have self-love for
When we do not relate to the power of infinity around our Self as part of God. Our ego, by its own design, would be
us, we have a limited life, and our mental frequencies create trapped in narcissism and self-centeredness if we were unable
depressions for us. First we are children, we are innocent, to establish a firm identity with our real Self, our higher Self.
unaware of this earth, we do not know who is who. Simply Our consciousness is different. It rejects our mind’s
we know there is a woman, she can give us milk when we depressions and feelings of inferiority and insecurity. It breaks
need it. So we liked the milk, we looked to her with a lot of the false core of relationships that we form in order to com-
love. When she does not respond to that love we start cry- pensate for our frustrations and lack of meaning. Instead, it
ing. We create such havoc that she has got to give us the creates a relationship of gratitude within us. The result is a
milk. Then we wet our pants. Then normally either we are love of discipline. And openness to every person as if they are
changed, or we are not and we create a lot of fuss. So we sent by God, earned by your soul, created in concert with your
create tantrums when we are born because we do not know actions and delivered like a gift so that you can awaken, serve
how to communicate. and witness the miracle of this life.
People who create tantrums in your life are not bad. They When you look over all your relationships, you will find
do not know what communication is [in a relationship]. Any that there are many familiar patterns and repetitions of pat-
person who can communicate shall never create a tantrum. terns—patterns of feelings and patterns of actions. Those rela-
It's a basic human situation. But then why don’t we commu- tionships are maps of our karma from this life and others. Our
nicate? Because sometimes when we communicate we are soul’s intention and the patterns it decides to encounter shape
not heard! We are not heard to our satisfaction. We think the flow of our life and determine the choices presented to us.
saying something and not being heard means we don’t mean We do not choose the circumstance now, in this lifetime—that
anything. So we think, “let us create a huge tantrum, mess comes from past choices and from the web of relationships
up the situation, bring a full stop to everything and then per- beyond our immediate personal ones. Our present environ-
haps we will find some way out.” ment and circumstance are formed in the akashic record,
- Yogi Bhajan, May 20, 1976 which holds the footprints of our soul formed with each
breath, each action, and each thought. But we can still choose
We all create tantrums and diversions because we are frustrat- now with each action we take and in that choice is the key to
ed in the relay of our feelings. That pattern can begin very changing the future, the present and the past.
early in life. We get caught up in the Maya and the play of
polarities and try to force our relationships into the service of Acting Consciously Conscious
our needs rather than honoring each relationship authentical- The present is the place where we awaken and have the
ly. We feel we are not heard or felt. We feel we are not rich choice to act consciously conscious; we can choose the finite
and cannot get what we need. We lack trust in our own high- game or the infinite game. We can choose to win something
er Self and intelligence that has given us birth and guides us or to have everything in time and space, giving us constant
with each breath and step. We live without self-trust and victory as we serve our soul. When we choose the infinite

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game, our sense of the present changes. The present contains your life will be nothing but a disaster for you, for your chil-
all of time. The present is a gift from our soul. The present dren, and for your generation to follow.
From The Mind, p. 4
lights up and invites our intuition to know what it needs in
order to guide us. For the first time we begin to see things as
I do not offer this perspective on your mind as a coun-
they are without our mind playing games to control, predict
selor. In the ordinary psychological and psychiatric world
or avoid the past or the future. We gain presence. And in our
you are only responsible to the mind. You must work using
presence we are in relationship to our soul and to the spirit
rapport to form a therapeutic alliance, and you are confined
that connects us all.
by time and space since you charge by the minute to do
That choice in life has two sources—both are relationships.
your job. In the spiritual world we are responsible to take
The first is our conscious relationship to our soul, the ambas-
the person toward Infinity. We are responsible to the whole
sador of our Infinite nature. The second is the relationship to
self and to the destiny in the person. That is why we are
our mind, which helps us direct the first and listen to the
direct. Our guidance may take one minute or many hours.
voice of consciousness and intuition when using our neutral
That is why we poke, provoke, confront, and elevate. We
mind. That is why the question, “Do we have free will or is it
must speak in a way that confronts you with your Self and
all God’s Will?” is a false problem. Both and neither are true.
that adjusts the relationship to your mind based on your
Our will and God’s will are a co-creative polarity that when
reality, identity, and basic nature.
handled with love creates reality. That is why a yogi, in an act
That is why I tell you to meditate, to do sadhana, to
of love, chooses not to choose and hence the whole universe
conquer your mind, and all its facets and projections. As a
chooses to serve her as she simultaneously serves her soul. It
human being, by nature, you have the capacity for a very
is a very subtle, simple and powerful relationship that always
deep understanding and sensitivity. Your mind has the
finds a way through. The fulcrum between your will and
faculty to analyze everything in the shortest possible time,
God’s Will is the relationship with your mind (which we
so short it can't even be measured. This faculty is called
examine in depth in the Tranformation module: Mind and
intuition. Normally, your mind doesn't work that well. You
Meditation).
forget to develop the meditative mind and your awareness.”
From The Mind, p. 7-8
Talk to your mind. Create a relationship to apply and
engage it. Tell your mind, “I am the source of God. I am the
soul within myself. I am living with the light of God; there-
Our relationships display our karma around us. Sometimes we
fore, you must go with me.” Create a partnership with your
are entranced by the drama, the intensity and the promises we
mind. When you talk to your mind assess it. Don't be anx-
find in those relationships. When we do not have these two
ious or afraid. As you start talking to it, it will stop working
primary relationships in place, we tend to repeat those rela-
on its other games. This mind is the biggest game player in
tionships in one form or another. Our relationships seem filled
the world and it's right within you. Once you have a rela-
with repetition.
tionship to it, it listens and it cannot play a game to slip
This is why in the field of psychology we can look for
something past you or to skip over you. It cannot do any-
explanations of our life and our relationships in two ways. The
thing to you. You begin to use it and ultimately to master it.
first looks at the past and describes the future. The second
When you master it you will become master-minded. That
determines the intention of our soul and explains the relation-
marks the beginning of the era of happiness.
ships of the past in terms of the steps toward fulfillment of
From The Mind, p. 54
that intention. Both approaches are useful. One psychologist
(Hillman in The Soul’s Code) compared both approaches in
If there is no relationship between you and your mind, then hundreds of cases for their predictive and clinical usefulness.
there is no guidance between you and your mind. If there is He found that looking at relationships from the soul’s perspec-
no consolidated guidance between you and your mind, then tive was far more accurate and useful.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

The more unconscious or inauthentic our relationships, Gift or Entanglement?

the more our past is our future. The more authentic our rela- Often we do not recognize the gift, reality and beauty of the
tionships the more the future is realized in the present. It is a other being we encounter in a relationship, especially if there
choice. is pain, confusion, fear or a deep need. We close our eyes to
We do have the choice to alter these cycles of relationship. precious moments and fail to embrace an attitude of pure
As we do, we create opportunities for ourselves and those we openness and neutral mind with others. Sometimes we lose
are connected with to adjust the frequency and patterns of our ourselves and bury the potential relationship and become
relationships. We will continue to encounter particular pat- hooked in a game which can entangle us for a moment, years,
terns until we change our own internal patterns and move for- or for life and serve neither person.
ward in “The Game of Life.” This can be so complete, intense and convincing that we
lose connection with our identity. We are surrounded by a
Karma decides at what longitude and latitude you are to be cloud of fantasy and imagination sustained by our ego and sub-
born. Karma decides what physical, mental and earthly conscious colluding and acting in the name of our hidden agen-
facilities you will have. Karma decides what your spiritual das and shadows. In turn, this fantasy dulls our alertness. We
faculties will be. You have only one right. You can decide to begin to form an imagined identity and live out our relationship
excel and then all karmas will be dropped and dharma will from a false core that ultimately disconnects us from our Self
start. Commitment to dharma is giving your self the karma and the other person. There are many films and stories that
to excel. describe this drama. We see it in the archetype of the femme
—Khalsa Women’s Training Camp Lectures, 1983, p. 182 fatale. A woman can create a mask that has an elaborate seduc-
tive and alluring character which is so powerful that she can
entrap men. A man can simply imagine it and project it onto a
Choose Destiny woman willing to receive it. A similar dynamic happens in the
A teacher or student who acts as a self-sensory human looks masculine psyche as well; it is called an homme fatale.
at relationships as a reflection of themselves. The choice is to This same misplaced allure fueled by a deadly entangle-
act according to fate, the momentum of karma; or according ment of projections and needs is a common challenge for
to destiny, the longing of the soul. We either play the infinite teachers. The power and hope vested in a teacher by the stu-
game of life and relationships from our ego and polarity or dents transmogrifies into a sexual interest or an urge for con-
with full awareness and presence of the radiant being we have trol. It is essential for a teacher to be authentic in their rela-
always been and are becoming in each relationship. tionship to their own teacher, themselves and their students.
How you navigate through this web determines if you The student is a gift of your soul where you can extend your-
reach your goal—the fulfillment of your destiny through aware- self through selflessness to elevate them. Or, you can become
ness, merger, service and completion. This little formula cap- entangled, act out your imagined needs and commotions in a
tures the essence of the strategy of authentic relationships in dance of mutual fantasy, which generates a lot of pain.
the game of life:

Authentic Relationships in
“The Game of Life” = (Identity + Commitment) x Awareness + (Compassion x Self-Love)
(Ego/Humility) x Attachment

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As we play “The Game of Life,” we may experience the infinite game and the finite games serve us, as karmas are paid
web of relationships as saturated with troubles and sufferings. and completed. If we play finite reactive games here, time and
Each painful encounter, trauma, disappointment, betrayal or space will play games with us rather than guide and protect us.
abandonment can leave a dark shadow over the future. On the
other hand we have the option to examine each of our chal- One principle of life is that life is a gift of God, and it
lenges to discover our depth, strength, intelligence and com- must not be sold and bought. Trading in a gift is the mean-
passion. That option is the only way for us to live in authen- est of all mean acts. It is the sin of all sins. The body is a
tic relationships. That is one reason Yogi Bhajan often said, “It gift of God. The soul is a gift of God. The mind is a gift of
is not the life that matters, it is the courage you bring to it.” God. Your identity and the id is the gift of God. When ego,
to you, is the gift of God, my friend, why do you trade it all
The Elementary Soul in Relationship the time?
To become an elementary soul in the realm of relationships, You don’t create ego. It is given to you. Do you under-
he said we had to walk on the two legs of faith and belief and stand? If I give you something as a gift, will you trade it
act with the two arms of courage and experience. We must away? That is our most ridiculous weakness as human
be trustworthy and bring trust to all of our relationships. beings.
Otherwise we will live with distrust and ultimately become We always judge others. Alas, we never judge ourselves.
isolated and unreal. Of course people often act out of their Those who judge themselves are not judged by God, because
own karma, ignorance and fears. That is the finite, earthly the Self is the very gift of God. The Self is the very essence
game. So there will be many painful things done for simple, of God, and peace is inside, inside, very inside. It grows
goofy. unreal reasons. Satisfaction in relationships starts with inside, it flourishes inside. It radiates from inside. The total
your self-satisfaction and contentment and how you act nucleus of human peace is in the human, not out.
according to the law of love rather than the law of polarity. Stop searching outside. Outside is a mirage.
When we are authentic, we go through the game of life From Human Caliber, “Peace Flourishes Inside,” Sept 12, 1977, p. 313
free and radiant. That radiant dimension invites people to
share and to heal with us. We act as givers not takers. Our journey creates opportunities so that our soul can become
awakened to experience all of our relationships using the
Because we have a feeling of separation, we search for touchstone of our soul. Each relationship we experience is
oneness in our relationships. We want fulfillment. However both a personal encounter and an impersonal experience. It
there is no one who can fulfill the pain of separation of the forges a timeless Self within the crucible of time and space.
soul. It is a dharmic practice which continues to fill the Through this dynamic of life, we engage our reality and
emptiness and allows one to serve in a relationship, rather progress on the path of applied consciousness and authentic
than need fulfillment from the other person. relationships.
If you walk that way on this path of righteousness,
virtue will come to you and will surround you. There'll be Your highest gift is the fact that you came here scratched
no pain, no separation, and there'll be no hurt. Our life is and now you are going back polished. That’s the gift. You
very simple, but it's very straight. To walk straight is all a came here with hopelessness; you can go now with hope
human can do. and strength of the soul. It doesn’t matter what I taught and
—Khalsa Women’s Training Camp Lectures, 1975, p. 242 what you learned, but we have awakened your soul, and
we have awakened and put in place your golden shield. The
In the infinite game, we are the player as well as the specta- way I see things is very different. We don’t say much. That’s
tor. Even though the game of life is an adventurous journey, for not my job. Because it is you, your soul, and your con-
teachers it is the ultimate sacred journey where we win the sciousness which will speak to you. It’s all right. Being

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 Authentic RelationshipS

human is not about what you can enjoy. Being human is Small Group ACTIVITY
defined by what you can enjoyably face. That is your 20 minutes
strength, and it is unfortunately very selfish. When you
enjoyably face calamity, then God comes in-between, and Break into groups of 4 or move into your Study Groups. Take
you shall not suffer. a few moments to reflect on all your relationships. Spend a
—Khalsa Women’s Training Camp Lectures,, July 10, 1998, p. 3 few minutes within each sphere of your life: work, personal,
sercvice, casual exchanges (barista, regular newspaper ven-
The trajectory of our soul’s journey to fulfill its destiny, to be dor, etc.) reflecting on how you express yourself within each
consciously conscious as we relate to all, is the real purpose of these relationships. In which areas of your life do you
of this process. We gather experience, awareness, action and express yourself most authentically? Where do you find your-
grace through our relationships. Kundalini Yoga, a powerful Raj self guarding or hiding or being less authentic?
Yoga filled with the technology of meditation, pranayam, diet Now think about the three most important relationships
and lifestyle, offers a way to live as a Warrior–Saint within the in your life. Really spend some time meditating on each per-
practical, day-to-day role as a householder. Kundalini Yoga has son. Bring them into your field and feel yourself responding
an explicit goal to enable you to live life as a Warrior–Saint and to their aura. What do you notice about your relationship
remain nonattached in the face of all the polarities and the to your Self and how it has shaped these relationships? How
reactions they provoke. The Warrior–Saint embraces and cele- successful and authentic are your “relays” with this inner
brates life with deep engagement, commitment and joy. The circle of relations? Now compare your relays with these
warrior is the conscious use of whatever we are given in life, three most important relationships with those from your
in our ego and in our awareness to uplift, correct the wrong outer circle of relationships. How much do you open your-
and serve the consciousness in ourselves and in all. This self to share your life and befriend others? How much do
approach to relationships never lacks energy or cherdi kala. It you isolate yourself? What lessons do all your relations
has as much shakti as bhakti which combine to let awareness show you?
rule with compassion for all. Using your creative, expressive self, draw an image that
reflects these various types of relationships. Allow yourself
Ego is the biggest disease; daaroo dee sumaae: The very to freely draw and include in this image as many types of
cure of this disease is in it.” Why? Because if you use your relationships in your life as possible.
ego for positive purposes, you will always be successful. Step back and look at your drawing. Where are you?
Some people teach very wrong things. “Give up your ego.” How often do we overllook our Self in our relationships? If
No, that is not right. If you give up your ego, then you can the Self is the foundation for all our other relationships, how
kill yourself, too. You need your ego. You are required to does your drawing speak to that fundamental, essential rela-
have your ego. And you are required to use your ego to fight tionship?
uncompromising situations. The only thing which can save
you then is the ego. It has a lot of advantages. The people
who tell you, “Give up your ego,” are those teachers who
want you to be vegetables.
Khalsa Women’s Training Camp, 1977, p. 38

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Elevating All Your Relationships:

The Power of Oneness with Your Spirit

Re-Visioning Relationships Infinite Self. We have unlimited resources—call on them. In

When we look at our relationships, we can always find things Oneness we rely completely on ourselves and our Infinite Self.
to improve and to learn from. There are many opportunities to When the other person senses you want something from
use the “forklift principle” to identify the frequency of one of them, they become defensive automatically. Then who you are
your relationships and uplift it. You can uplift yourself through and who they are become obscured. Start with Oneness and
an intentional conversation with and a conscious connection share your virtues.
to your higher Self, your soul. You can uplift others by the cal- Oneness also means that the other person is part of the
iber of your actions and your character in relation to them. No Infinite. You come from the Infinite and you return to the
matter how you have held your relationship in the past, you Infinite. When this insight is applied, you don’t convince the
can change it right now in the present. When you do that, friend or spouse to be different, you convince the One who
you change the present, past and future; your soul is beyond sent them to you. You synchronize your mind to let the ego
these mental limits and can hold all relationships as part of go and work through gratitude with the unlimited resources of
God. your soul and God. In Oneness, we are never left with only
one option—to battle with our ego. We can lean on our
Oneness unseen connection, soul to Infinite and Infinite to soul.
There are three powerful attitudes that give us virtues, create
authentic relationships and can help us to re-vision our rela- Tolerance
tionships. One is the realization of our Oneness with the The second attitude is tolerance. This is a primary virtue in
Infinite. We say it in a mantra: “God and me, me and God are any authentic relationship. It gives us a capacity to see what
One.” We are not here by mistake. We share the same nature is wrong, to see the character and characteristics accurately of
as God—creative, fearless, compassionate, beyond mind and the other person, and overlook all their foibles. We may take
thought, always present, in all things and unlimited in vast- steps to compensate for those foibles or to ensure we do not
ness and resource. Normally we do not connect with that real- suffer under their results, but we do not judge the person as
ity within us. We feel we lack something. We become afraid. bad. We do not stop our relays, our efforts to connect or com-
We are convinced that scarcity is real, or we feel entitled and municate with them. We see the positive potential and qual-
separate from others if, instead, we are fortunate to have great ities of that person and use them to create the best situation.
resources. To “un-see” what we see is not denial. Instead it is a redi-
The best way to approach any relationship is when you are rection of our energy; it is our capacity to activate in ourselves
pre-fulfilled. You have everything you need to encounter your and in the other person the very best of our abilities. We can
soul, complete your karmas, and be happy as you experience even use the ego and the foible for positive outcomes.
your own depth, character and creativity. Begin with Oneness Someone whose anger gets in their way can be supported to
and you can easily create oneness with others. When you use that same fire to correct wrongs that have long been
look at your relationship wheel you can assess where you have ignored. Tolerance opens new channels to solve problems and
acted in scarcity and where you have acted in Oneness. When to redefine what the problem is. The ability to un-see is built
we feel our Oneness, we need get nothing from others. We into our social intelligence. In simple ways we can un-see
do not need to draw lines of division. Whatever we feel we someone changing clothes on a beach or someone crying in
need we get through our prayer and stillness before our a public place. It allows respect and privacy, space to let that

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 Authentic RelationshipS

person be real with what they are doing, even if it does not It is appropriate at this time to tell you that there is one
fit our agenda at the time. sentence in the Sikh Ardas which expresses why I am a Sikh.
The most profound example of this happens in a tradition- It was for that not for anything else. I want to tell you my per-
al Sikh prayer, the Ardas. The Sikh stands before the Guru and sonal attachment to Sikh Dharma. You may have an attach-
their own consciousness, and recalls all the sacrifices of the ment because you are great people and the future lies with you.
past and the virtues a Sikh must have. And then there is a line Had that sentence not been there, I would have been a differ-
that asks to un-see all the errors and foibles of every person. ent person. That sentence is:
It effectively pre-forgives them. Then we are cleared and ready Dekh ke andith keeta, tinhan piarian sa chiarian
to deliver kindness, courage and commitment in an authentic di kamaee da dhian dhar kay, Khalsa ji, bolo ji,
relationship, soul–to–soul. This is a powerful concept and an Sat Nam, Siri Wahe Guru
effective attitude to bring growth and change in relationships. Those who have seen others' shortcomings, and consider it as
Yogi Bhajan, in his Women in Training courses, spoke unseen, for their great service to the entire Khalsa say, Sat Nam.
clearly about the responsibility to use tolerance and to call on
We recite it in every Ardas. That is why I do not say “no”
it for mastery in relationships. He clarified how a woman
and why I do not get mad at people. I only get mad when it
holds the subconscious and foundation of the relationship.
is my duty to do so; otherwise, it is very difficult for me to
She has many ways to take command of a relationship and
get mad. Only sometimes, when I am exposed to extreme
make it strong. He helped us understand tolerance as the sum-
irrational circumstances, do I have to use the power of my
mation of our character. He addressed the use of tolerance and
fire, anger, to produce enough heat to let people understand
its significance through its application in the Ardas:
that what is going on is not safe.
Every day of your life your tolerance should be ready to cope Khalsa Women’s Training Camp, 1976, p. 331–332
with your circumstances. If you don't program your toler-
ance, your marriage will be a non-marriage, your teaching My folks, the simplest lesson of life is to live and to let oth-
will be non-teaching, your students shall be non-students. ers live. Live, let others live, and see that life is peacefully
As a teacher you will fail, as a student you will fail. You will precious.
fail, fail, fail, fail! That's how it will be. When you take the Name of God as your basic virtue
You cannot keep a gauge to see how much you tolerate then you do not see any negative in anybody. Then you see
each day. No, you must produce enough tolerance to face the positive in everybody. I am not saying that people do
each day, every day. Just as the pancreas produces insulin to not have any negative in their personality. But you don’t see
neutralize incoming sugar to balance it out, exactly so, you it. When you see the positive and deal with the positive
can produce tolerance, organize it and reduce a problem. then your sphere of life, of activity, becomes positive. Then
Have you ever tried? Whenever you need tolerance, call there is nothing to lose.
on it. Do this experiment. Close your eyes and call on your If somebody sees positive and negative and negative and
tolerance. You will feel it come to you. Tolerance is a sub- positive then actually he is seeing nothing. When you are
stance, it is an object. The hypothalamus can produce it. seeing positive and negative then you have to make a deci-
Meditation can give it to you, but you have to call on it. “I sion whether you like the positive or the negative, which is
need tolerance, tolerance come on. Tolerance, report!” If you better and which is worse, which is which and what is
can even repeat, “Tolerance, tolerance, tolerance,” tolerance what. In that you can’t have a relationship. And when you
will be with you. If you call on a smile, a smile will be with can’t have a relationship then what do you have?
you. Call on any facet of your life and it will come to you What you call a relationship does not exist, because you
quite naturally. are not the link to the positive of the person. You are linked
Khalsa Women’s Training Camp, 1977, p. 26 to both the positive and the negative of the same person and
you will say “Why not? I want to know what is going on?”
You want to create a relationship and yet there is not

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depth, there is no strength because you are not tuned into tionship. For the relationship is attracted to us through the
the positive and only the positive of that person. The result compassion of our soul.
is the other person is not willing to tune into the positive of The relationship is ours—no one else’s. First, love what is.
you. Every individual has an identity and he or she has an Accept with tolerance because it is out of love and compas-
identical identity. How much the identical identity totally sion our soul has united us. Then embrace full responsibility
draws that person out or takes him in, even that person for the relationship. If it is a friend, act as a friend. A friend
doesn’t know. So how come you know? You can’t know. may have liabilities in their actions. Cover those. A friend does
You can only relate to the real identity of an individual. not judge. Experience in yourself what it is to be a friend.
From Identical Identity, p. 76–77 When we lack compassion we often hold back. We dance on
the edge of the party but never get out on the dance floor. We
Each of us has a spiritual identity. Our mind and emotions cre- constantly vacillate between being in or out. This ambiguity
ate many identical identities, masks and sub-personalities that never allows you to be real and experience your Self, your
can distract, mislead and bewitch us. It is natural, complex depth and true character.
and each person must deal with it. In a relationship you want Opening the heart with compassion loosens the bonds
to relay yourself and share with that person in such a way that that our emotions have cinched tightly around our relation-
it uplifts and draws out the positive virtues of that person. ships. The one who seems to be the greatest enemy can
That uplift is your extended personality co-created with the become the greatest disciple or can give us the greatest expe-
other in mutual relationship. The more you tolerate and relate rience of our highest personality. Without the fire of those
to the positive and illuminating qualities of that person, the challenges how do we temper our character? Compassion is
more light there is to see clearly who they are. You begin to not weak. It is strong. Compassion is not passive it is a pre-
allow the other person to be real. You become very aware of condition of authentic action, engagement and ownership.
all the shortcomings, but you choose to un-see them. You Compassion is not compromise, but rather agreeing to agree
make fire with wet wood. You honor each gem you find in to the relationship and taking responsibility to deliver our-
that person. That is an authentic relationship for a teacher. selves with awareness and kindness. Compassion is not
You can do this equally with an enemy and a friend. defenseless; instead, it triggers the universe to defend you
because of your decision to not be defensive.
Compassion There is a little secret to using compassion effectively. It is
The third attitude we need to re-vision and strengthen our rela- often overlooked or misunderstood. To be real about compas-
tionships is compassion. Compassion is a quality of the heart sion for others, you must have self-compassion. Compassion
center. It is the one of the aspects of character that we expect begins with equality and equanimity. First connect with your
in a mature teacher and a self-sensory human being. We learn own higher Self and have self-compassion. In that experience
to develop this and keep it constantly present as a Kundalini and reality you can be real with another person, not a hyp-
yogi. It is so important that when Yogi Bhajan gave us the five ocrite who seeks recognition or good feelings about yourself
sutras for living in the Aquarian Age one of them is: through others. Self-love and self-compassion create the bal-
“Understand through compassion or you will ance inside so that your relay to the other is true, faithful,
misunderstand the times.” trustworthy and clear. That person will live their life. And you
When we view our relationships, we must use compassion will live yours. Where you come together you can both be real
as our lens or we will not understand them. We will get and offer real help and your real Self. You are not needed by
caught into our own projections and emotional needs and people. God has unlimited resources for all of us. Be compas-
reactions. First we need to let the other person be real. We sionate to yourself and express compassion to others through
need to give them the same honor that we give ourselves. We service, strength and a positive uplift. There is nothing more
must see in that person God and the entire unknown, and valuable or appreciated. Yogi Bhajan put it this way during a
invite its creativity to be part of the circumstance of that rela- lecture on the Fourth Chakra:

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 Authentic RelationshipS

The highest status which a man can enjoy in a human life which the sense of self is strong enough that you can decide
is self-compassion. I am not asking you to be compassionate about and direct your emotions to serve your soul. It is the
to others. I am asking you folks to be compassionate to point of awakening where you can control the emotions and
yourself. This is the last thing a person has ever learned. make them align with your own compassion and awareness.
The key to happiness, gate to happiness, is self-compassion. When your heart is open, many can come in and you can
If you have this misunderstanding that you should be com- share yourself with everyone.
passionate to others you are fooling yourself. Compassion People instinctively apply these three principles: oneness,
does not mean anything to others. That is your trauma and tolerance and compassion. You can see the results in many
your act. And it is meant for you. Be extremely compassion- socially conscious movements that seek peace and reconcilia-
ate to yourself and not indulge in any unnecessary nuisance tion; they seek to free the natural creativity of people as they
and tax your nerves, your mind and your life. work together. We see this in the movement to teach and use
There is no school, class, or college for it. Nobody talks nonviolent communication skills. The principles are applied to
about it. People all say: Have compassion. What are you organizational change in an approach called appreciative
trying to do? It is the most stupid thing to do. If you ever inquiry. These principles are used to seek restorative justice
want to be compassionate, be compassionate to yourself. where victims and perpetrators come together in their common
Others can handle their life. It is your life which you are humanity, sorrow and commitment to create a hopeful future.
supposed to handle and that is called divinity of god. And, of course, in Kundalini Yoga we use them to uplift and
Every religion teaches it. And they openly teach it. Be create authentic relationships and group consciousness.
compassionate to others—a deadly mistake. Definitely be ser-
viceful to others, be kind to others, but always be compas- Oneness, Tolerance, and Compassion
sionate to yourself. Be good to others, be helpful to others, Let’s return to looking at our relationships and apply these
and be friendly to others. All such adjectives are right but attitudes to the three most important relationships that we
never be compassionate to anybody. When you are not com- identified for ourselves. We want to invoke, to call on, each
passionate to yourself you are totally a hypocrite. That of these qualities in our Self. We want to apply these to re-
means when you are not real. And you are pretending to be tune our perceptions so that we can hold those key relation-
real when you are not real. It will happen only when you ships in a new way. We want to use these qualities con-
are not compassionate to yourself. sciously as the lens of our soul to examine our relationships
The fourth center guarantees that you will be either com- and learn. We want to play the game of life as an infinite
passionate to yourself or passionate to yourself. It does not game where victory is constantly present.
allow this for anybody else. Passion and compassion are two We will do some meditations together to call on these atti-
sides of the same coin. They are there for the self. I am pas- tudes and virtues. Then we will look at our relationships again
sionately in love of myself. If I am not passionately in love of with the help of our highest Self and the increased energy we
myself I cannot or shall not truly love anybody else. I will be generate in our aura.
a hypocrite. If I am not compassionate to myself I will under- The first kriya is to give you enormous energy so you can
stand nothing. Period. Your friendship won't last, your rela- overcome challenges, stay positive and feel you have every-
tionship won't last, your marriage, this and that won't last. thing you need. Yogi Bhajan said this set will balance the
Because if you do not have a true passion for life, and real polarities of your brain and nervous system so they work
compassion for the self, you do not know what life is.” together to make your positive projections and wishes mani-
Chakra Series, February 12, 1991, p. 3 fest. It will test your physical strength, your sense of balance
and your mind’s ability to project positively. The meditation,
Compassion for others without a foundation of compas- which is the last exercise in the set, assures you the fulfillment
sion for yourself reduces it to sympathy or some type of emo- of your positive wish as it blends courage, focus, strength,
tional compensation. The fourth center is the first chakra at guidance and intuition.

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KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA TO BECOME SUPERHUMAN

Yogi Bhajan • June 28, 1984

1. This is a 4 part exercise. In a standing position, extend the left arm straight out in front, parallel to the ground. The left
arm will remain parallel to the ground for the entire sequence. Chant Saa Taa Naa Maa to the movements. 4 minutes
(a) Bend forward at the waist on Saa
(b) Bend to the right on Taa
(c) Lean back on Naa
(d) Straighten back out on Maa

Saa Taa Naa Maa

2. Remain standing and extend the right arm out straight in front of you, parallel to the ground.
Sequence is done to Saa Taa Naa Maa holding the extended arm still and maintaining balance. 2 minutes
(a) Lift your left leg up to 90 degrees on Saa
(b) Still holding the leg up, turn your head to the right on Taa
(c) Still holding the leg up, turn your head to the left on Naa
(d) Bring your leg back down and your head to center on Maa

Saa Taa Naa Maa

3. Same exercise as in #2 only the left arm is extended out in front and it is the right leg that gets lifted straight out.
1 minute
Balance this brain, balance this cantaloupe. Below navel point is independent of the sciatica. If that is so, old age will
come, senility will come very early and creativity will be gone fast.

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 Authentic RelationshipS
KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA TO BECOME SUPERHUMAN

4. Still Standing in an upright position, lock your hands

4 behind your neck and rapidly jump the knees up towards
the chest. Legs come up together. Chant Saa Taa Naa
Maa to the beat of the movement. This exercise has to be
done so that your knees touch your chest. 50 times
You must develop your balance so that you land absolutely
“cat-footed.” It is essential for a woman to have cat-footed
balance, otherwise you can be imbalanced in the brain. 108
times will keep you intact.

5. Lie down flat on your back and elevate your legs 2 feet
from the ground and raise your head 2 feet from the
ground. Clasp the hands in an arc over the navel point to
balance the posture. Focus at the third eye. Inhale through
5 the nose, exhale through the mouth like a hammer.
5 minutes
You will be superhuman. 5 minutes of this breath is totally
rejuvenating. No need for caffeine. If you can meditate like
this for 5 minutes it equals meditating in a sitting position
for 5 years. It should not hurt anybody, it is the most inno-
cent exercise. If you straighten out your back it will not hurt.

6. Sit in Virasan (on the left heel, right knee up to chest).

6 Arms extended straight out in front, parallel to the ground
with palms facing down. Sing powerfully:
Chatter chakker vartee, chatter chakker bhugtay
Suyumbhav subhang, sarab daa sarab jugatay
Dukaalang pranasee, dayaalang saroopay
Sada ung sungay, abhangang bubhootay
22 minutes
Do this for 40 days and any positive wish will be fulfilled.

COMMENTS: This is the only thing that can correct you and
bring you to balance. Do it right and you will enjoy it. This
is a set so powerful and effective that it will even enable a
person to stay healthy in weightlessness or without gravity
atmosphere. This self maintains the body.

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NOW TAKE THIS ENERGY AND IMMEDIATELY IMMERSE YOURSELF IN THE QUALITY OF ONENESS.
Focus your mind and merge effortlessly into the vastness we call God. It is your higher Self. Chant with
Yogi Bhajan using the mudra he gave with this special affirmation and projection.

KUNDALINI YOGA MEDITATION

ME AND GOD ARE ONE

POSTURE: Sit in an easy cross-legged position, or sit in a

chair with a straight spine and both feet flat on the floor.

MUDRA: Place your hands in Gyan Mudra, thumb and

index finger touching each other with the other fingers
straight. With the hands in this position, cross the right
hand over the left at the heart center, but not touching the
chest. The right palm is against the back of the left hand.

EYES: Closed.

MANTRA: God and Me, me and God are One. Repeat the
affirmation with Yogi Bhajan using Destiny CD from
Kundalini Research Institute.

TIME: 11-31 Minutes.

After becoming still, quiet and vast, let us now call upon the virtue of tolerance and compas-
sion in this next meditation. The mudra and chant strengthen the heart center and evoke the
strength and fearlessness we need to act with compassion for ourselves and others.

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 Authentic RelationshipS
KUNDALINI YOGA MEDITATION
COMPASSION KRIYA
Yogi Bhajan • July 11, 1986

POSTURE: Sit in Easy Pose with your spine straight.

(a)
MUDRA: Cross the Saturn Fingers (middle fingers) over the Jupiter fingers
(index fingers) of each hand. Place thumbs on mounds of Mercury, which
is just at the base of the pinkie.

EYES: Closed.

MANTRA: Sing with a lyrical version of Rakhay Rakhanahaar.

MOVEMENT:

(a) On first line of the mantra, bring hands up and press them into the
chest, one palm over the other.
(b) On second line of the mantra, lower arms so wrists rest on knees.
Continue alternating in this way, but with the hands at the chest for the
last line that repeats twice. Then briefly lower and raise again for first line.

(a) Rakhay rakhanhaar aap ubaariun

(b)
(b) Gur kee pairee paa-eh kaaj savaariun
(a) Hoaa aap dayaal manho na visaariun
(b) Saadh janaa kai sung bhavjal taariun
(a) Saakat nindak dusht khin maa-eh bidaariun
(b) Tis Saahib kee tayk naanak manai maa-eh
(a) Jis simrat sukh ho-eh saglay dookh jaa-eh
(a) Jis simrat sukh ho-eh saglay dookh jaa-eh

(Briefly lower the hands and then continue.)

TIME: 31 minutes

COMMENTS: The only beautiful thing which makes you human is compassion. Think
about vengeance, lies, truth, God, greatness, think of anything, if you take compassion
out of it, everything becomes bitter. Compassion is a value of life; it is power; it is God
and meditation; it is truth. Compassion gives you the strength to go through suffering
and yet, feel no pain. There is absolutely no grace without compassion.

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Talk to Your Soul

15–20 Minutes Query: What are the important themes that I must attend to
in these key relationships?
Immediately after finishing the meditations and kriya, look
once more at your relationships. You have crystallized your What is my challenge and opportunity in each one?
capacity for Oneness and consciously called on your tolerance
and compassion. Now use this energy as a lens to re-vision What have I not seen or done?
your relationships. Focus on the three significant relationships
that you identified. Stay in this elevated state. Let all the feel- Acting authentically in each relationship what do I need to let
ings, facts and fantasies surrounding those key relationships go of or take action on?
come into your memory and your body. Do not react to them.
Be content and filled with self-compassion and tolerance. What emotion or reactions do you feel challenge your ability
to be consciously conscious and act with excellence and char-
After a few minutes, without talking to others, go out of the acter in each of them?
room or find your own space nearby and have an authentic
conversation and communication between your soul and you. Continue this conversation for 15- 20 minutes. Sincerely invite
Speak out loud or silently, but engage the conversation as a your soul in; dialogue with your Self exactly as you would
reality. with a good friend who is physically sitting with you.

Stay fully present and open to the intuitions and guidance that
emerges.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

FlashWriting
5 Minutes

Return to your place in the group and immediately use flash writing to jot down what was important
to you in that conversation.

What insights did you have?

What did you need to adjust in yourself to act authentically?

If you felt completely authentic, what other things did you realize about your
relationships and the patterns you use within them?

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 authentic relationships

Group Discussion

Share your thoughts, feelings and insights with the whole

group.

What happens to you when you elevate your relationships by

elevating your Self with these key virtues?

What does it feel like to speak to your soul in this manner?

What happens when you take responsibility for a relationship

and ask your soul to assist you?

What surprised you about yourself or your relationships?

How did this exercise change or add insight to the three

relationships you selected?

What was most difficult about this exercise?

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 Authentic RelationshipS

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 authentic relationships

chapter THREE

The law of
polarity
in relationships
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 authentic relationships

Polarities and Love in Relationships

You are the paradox, the love, and the solution

When we love, we believe it is forever. This is a basic instinct. As teachers, we must act with kindness to bring clarity to
But relationships are complicated and as often as not, they situations where life and the interlocks of the subconscious
fail. Some of our greatest challenges come when relationships provide nothing but pain, anxiety and confusion. Our capaci-
break, when what we thought was love or loyalty or friend- ty to be kind is based on the clarity of our self-love and our
ships is torn asunder by emotions, circumstance, needs and awareness of the dynamics of relationships. We know that
ego. there are many forces at work which motivate us to search and
As teachers we must be able to show our students that enter a relationship. Many of those motivations have to do
continuity and contentment is based in our relationship with with security, belonging and desire. An even more fundamen-
our Self. We must be able to not only face the constant shifts tal urge is our soul’s longing for union with our Infinite Self.
in our own relationships but also uplift our students as they This longing is driven by the kundalini as a longing for aware-
go through their life changes and all their associated pains and ness and expansion, expressed as love, that can command
joys. As we grow in our capacity for self-love, we can then even God to manifest in this moment, here and now, in each
express that experience in all our relationships as an extension action. This primary relationship transforms all others. Yet it
of our self-love and a deepening in our relationship to our cannot be captured in a set of rules; it is not bound by roles
highest Self. or religious practices; it is not something you can conquer,
We will look at the nature of real love as we understand win or fantasize into existence. It is fulfilled as we purify our
it. We will ask ourselves: What is love itself? Why is it diffi- mind of conflicts, as we embrace all the polarities within us
cult? What is the spiritual perspective on love? How do men and in our lives, and as we become innocent and humble
and women approach it? before our own Higher Self. Then grace comes to us as gen-
We will look at the nature of contrast, polarity and para- tly and sweetly as a first kiss.
dox. We are paradoxes. We are self-conflicted. We feel incom-
plete and try to find that missing piece in another person or Our Personal Paradoxes
relationship. How do we recognize contrast versus polarity? Relationships are a challenge partly because we challenge our-
How do know if something is a problem to be solved or a par- selves. We are a living paradox. We are kind and brash; com-
adox to be elevated? How do we tap into the power that lies mitted and impulsive; visionary and narrow-minded; inclusive
beneath each and every polarity—as a paradox? and rejecting. We are a bundle of parts, each of which has its
own program and dualities. To center ourselves in our con-
Love Is Longing sciousness and act from our heart—beyond the polarities and
When we begin to access that authentic place in our own paradoxes that stem from the nature of our mind and emo-
heart, we trust that love, ultimate love, already exists within us; tions—is a great attainment. To accept and enjoy our person-
we know that the game of life is not to get love and keep it, ality and use it as an instrument to serve our Divine identity—
but to free up what is already within us and give of it freely in an intuitive, fearless human being—is a revelation. As human
all of our relationships. Love is an infinite game, like conscious- beings our playground is the world of Maya, the core of which
ness and life itself. It is the only game that the soul loves to is polarity, contrast, diversity and complexity. Why should our
play and the only way to truly win is to be who we are. mind and emotions be anything different? The challenge is to

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 Authentic RelationshipS

consciously develop our character and gain a blissful reunion

with our own true Self. When we do that we are happy; we’re
contented; we’re comfortable in our own skin; and we give
others permission to be themselves as well.
We must be able to recognize the nature of real love—
beyond polarity. But in order to move beyond polarity, we
must first know how to handle polarities, for they are ubiq-
uitous and always available to use. Polarities contain immense
amounts of energy, we need only tap that energy to direct
change. We can enjoy contrasts and use what they show us
in the finite games we play as well as acquire wisdom for the
infinite game of life. But we must learn to handle the polari-
ties within us and between us with mastery. There are three
ways to master them: learn to recognize the nature of polari-
ties and no longer consider them problems to be solved but
relationships to be managed; balance the polarities through
prana to create neutrality; and transcend the polarities in med-
itation using Naad, create a cosmic paradox that takes us
beyond the mind and opens the heart. We will work with all
three today.
When relationships get into trouble—either within our-
selves or with others—it simply means that we have mishan-
dled the underlying polarities. Our emotions and ego seize on
the polarities and turn them into conflicts: oppositions, con-
tradictions and impossibilities. The conflict feels like it will go
on forever with no way out except to conquer the other posi-
tion or person. In that battle we lose our sensitivity to love
and kindness and replace it with wounds, anger, resentment,
jealousy, fear and revenge, producing a vicious cycle of
increasing insulation, isolation, disconnect and trouble.
Mastering polarity helps us to be creative. It helps us know
the difference between a problem that needs a solution and a
paradox that we need to recognize, accept and manage. It lets
us stop judging everything as good or bad based on how it
affects our ego and our emotions. It frees us up to use the
neutral mind and to explore new paths of action. The law of
polarity and the law of love are the warp and weft of the fab-
ric of our relationships and our life. Today we focus on the art
of using them both.

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 authentic relationships

Interactive Group Exercise

Relationship Challenges for Teachers
30 Minutes

Let’s begin by looking at the relationships that challenge us Discuss how to act authentically in these situations or ones
as teachers. We are challenged by the emotions and subcon- similar to them. Give examples from your own experience.
scious programs provoked in us when relationships change.
We are confronted by our ego when our expectations about 4 Which ones are most challenging for you?
someone are suddenly proven fallacious. Here are some com-
mon situations that we confront as teachers. Feel free to add 4 Of the feelings provoked by these situations, which are
others to the list if you feel they are important to consider. the most difficult for you to handle? Guilt, anger, fear, aban-
donment, loneliness, loss of control or attachment?
4 A long-term student who you appreciate suddenly fol-
lows another teacher in your group; goes to their classes or 4 What polarity of feelings or actions arises for you? For
begins to seek their help or prefer their style example, the urge to help and feeling helpless; anger and
guilt; holding on to them and running away?
4 A teacher—not from your area—suddenly holds a course
near you without inviting you or involving your team 4 What helped you reconnect to the power of love and
presence under these toxic but common situations?
4 The teacher you learned this discipline from suddenly
leaves the practice of Kundalini Yoga or Sikh Dharma 4 How do the emotions, pain and polarities in these situa-
tions pull you toward playing a finite game in your relation-
4 A spouse of one of your best friends or teaching col- ships? How do you realign with the Infinite game to enjoy
leagues divorces and begins spreading negative and upset- and learn from the challenge?
ting stories about their partner
4 What do you have to learn emotionally or strategically
4 You feel very competitive with another teacher or stu- in order to deal with these relationship challenges with skill,
dent grace and ease?

4 You become jealous of the accomplishment of another

teacher and find yourself rejecting their relays, verbal or
nonverbal

4 Your student reveals that he/she leads a double life: a

good yogi and student as well as a gambler and a thief

4 Your student decides that they could do a better job

than you. All the help they have provided you in the past is
used to nudge you aside so that they can teach or start
their own studio or program

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 Authentic RelationshipS

The Real Nature of Authentic Love:

Sacred Contracts and Earthly Deals

Ultimate, True Love The Authenticity of True, Ultimate Love

A Story We Carry in Our Heart To get to that nothing you do nothing. Your ego moves from
When we form relationships, there are many dynamics at the center. The center becomes nothing at all so everything
work: feelings, expectations, history, otherwise known as is present at once. That is what makes true love authentic and
‘baggage.’ They form the playing field of the finite game of the only real source of authenticity. Without love the ego
relationship. True love, ultimate love, casts new light over all replaces authenticity with certification. You are certified to be
those relationships. True love is a story we carry in our heart; in love because you do certain things. You play the part with
it is not a new story that competes with all the others but desperate seriousness, controlling everything, so that you
rather, true love is a story that rewrites them all. Its presence know you have love and can keep love. When the soul plays,
plays with the boundaries set by all our anxieties, attach- love is never in doubt. With a doubt there is no authentic
ments and impulses. Love is something that can never be love. True love requires your full presence. It is concrete; it
captured in a phrase. Even if we know that intellectually, we deals only in what is. Each thing you do is of consequence
still long to hear the words “I love you” repeated endlessly. because you stand by it forever. Each thing you do is playful
Our souls, in their longing to belong, still hope that in some because you invite the surprise and spontaneity of life in;
moment in space and time, some convergence of action and each moment and person is given by the Infinite, by God, by
intention, those words will be said and lived in such a way the pulse of the creative nonbeing into being. The person you
that we recognize the feeling and realize that it was never relate to with love—a friend, a spouse, a colleague, an oppo-
gone; that has always been with us and ever will be. All the nent—is a perpetual surprise and a source of delight. To the
dynamics, emotions and lessons of early childhood are the ego, that same source of surprise and delight can sometimes
sculpted stories of prana. They are the emotional life force be experienced as shock and terror; insecurity and fear arise
shaped and textured by our personality and environments. at the loss of control and lack of predictability.
They are a part of our karma and they help to set the bound- True love is as natural as a heartbeat. It is a pulse that
aries and rules of play for our ego. responds to the engagement of life and the movement of the
The dynamic of true love is the unending story of the play soul. It is deeply misunderstood because it stands for no
of our kundalini. It is a force that reveals; not a force that understanding. You cannot observe it or copy it. It frees you
compels. It is shaped by the relationship to our soul. Our ego and awakens you. Sometimes the shift of awareness is so
wants to be in the center: be something, experience some- astonishing that it can be confused with the passionate hys-
thing, control something and it tries its best! It longs to be teria of falling “in love.” But its course of action is different.
recognized. Coiled in the heart of the ego’s urge to be is the You are totally secure. You are content; you are saibhung.
quiet pulse of nonbeing. Yogi Bhajan called this nothingness, You are synchronized to the Infinite which allows each action
this thoughtlessness, Infinity. It is the artesian well of true to be weightless and free, expansive, boundless.
love.

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 authentic relationships

YOGI BHAJAN DEMONSTRATED THE NATURE OF TRUE LOVE in Small Group ACTIVITY
his interactions with his students and with everyone he met 10 Minutes
and served. He would provoke a shift in awareness through
stories, examples or by catching us, in the moment, as we Let’s explore your experience of love and your thoughts about
began to lose our authentic presence within a finite game of love using several definitions of love that Yogi Bhajan gave.
control or reaction: Read each of these definitions of love. Write down your feel-
ings, reactions and thoughts. Which one hits your heart as
STUDENT: When we say “project the energy out to Infinity,” true? Which do you like? Which don’t you like? Which pro-
how do you do that? What do you mean? vokes anxiety or questions? Which makes sense and which
do you need to study further?
YOGI BHAJAN: Create a link. When you think, “What will
my husband do?,” think what will the One do who gave
Love is love. That is the best way to say it, I agree but we
you the husband. Have you ever thought of that? Why do
need to define it. Love is an experience of selflessness within
you think of your husband? Why don't you think of the
oneself.
One who gave you the husband? Why do you waste your
time thinking about your husband? Why don't you spend Love is power, which conquers the fear, fear eats up love.
that time thinking about who gave you the husband? Why April 7, 1974
do you get stuck on the gift? Why don't you just go further
ahead to find out the One who gave you the gift? Love is a creative force. When you question, you stop the
—Khalsa Women’s Training Camp, 1978, p. 193 progress and you get wrong progressions in the answer.
Putting conditions with love makes it a negative force and
The Diagonal Energy of True Love shall destroy the doer.
We often get caught in the natural polarities that are the lan- March 31, 1994

guage of the ego. But as yogis and teachers, we do have a

choice. We can engage the conflicts in relationships as if they Do you know what love is? Love is an absolute power of
were a battle of positions and interests or we can engage self-totality. Love is not what you call love. Love is a
those conflicts and challenges with love. When we act with strength, love is goodness—like Godliness, there is no limit
true love we are diagonal to those polarities. Our actions are to it. There is no shortage, no bargaining. Where there is
effortless, uncomplicated, a hidden poetry structured only by love, there is no question, where there is a question, there is
the rhythmic beat of love. Another way of saying this is that no love. Then, it becomes business. So, love is the totality
we ground our action in the shuniya or stillness of our Self. of the self.
April 5, 1994

The definition of love you have is totally hypocritical. It’s an

expression of commotions. But love is the infinite strength
for the Infinity of our existence. It always leaves behind a
legacy, forever. And for love of that, the people who walk
on that legacy, seeing that as a light, guiding light, feel you
are a Godly person; that is love.
March 9, 1994

Love is a force. Love is a creative force within a human which

makes the impossible possible. Infinite as finite.
April 12, 1989

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 105
 Authentic RelationshipS

Love is when you become totally infinite. You don't put a Love Is a Force—Selflessness Within the Self
price on it; you don't put a limit. Hey, Wake up! This All of these definitions, including your own, speak of love as
human body will not come back to you. Wake up and a spiritual force, whose natural expression is selflessness
learn love! Love which does not make you infinite is not within the self. To really be selfless we must be present to
love. Infinite Love is a power within one’s soul which brings and accept ourselves; we must come to deeply love ourselves.
Almighty God here. It's not a prayer. It is a power. Love is It should be one of the easiest things to do because self-love
a purity. Love is infinity. Love is grace. is an inherent quality within our soul and consciousness, but
July 1, 1996 we often find it difficult to cultivate.
What makes self-love difficult for many of us is that we
Love is Seva. It’s offering your Self and helping to increase do not listen to and abide in our own soul or higher con-
the vitality, the surroundings of somebody and giving some- sciousness. Although it is easy to listen to the soul, we are
body grace. In the West there is no such understanding of often distracted. Our mind is fickle and offers no fealty to the
love like that. Here love is sensual, sexual and possessive. soul. We become entangled with our emotions. We are inse-
Khalsa Women’s Training Camp, July 10, 1995 cure. We feel hurt or abandoned by others. We may have had
mild or major traumatic experiences ranging from accidents to
To live positive and to be positive requires a very powerful physical abuse to the tragedies and tortures of war. In coping
spiritual power which is called love. Love is a constant flow with any of these, we often listen to our fears or to the voic-
of that infinite power. Love represents God. Love represents es of those we fear. We dwell on painful events and memo-
you. Love represents a constant flow. ries in a misguided attempt to forego future or additional
November 22, 1977 pain.
Such challenges and distractions have always been part of
Now write your own definition of love: What is its essence life. Yet, we are resilient. We locate ourselves in the midst of
to you? How do you relate to it? What conveys its essence all the feelings and embrace life again, and again. Sometimes
to you? our emotional distractions are from surging passions, com-
pelling promises or intense absorption in a fantasy. The spir-
itual task is always the same: to become still, find our Self
and originate the next action, thought and feeling from our
authentic heart. For this, we need to call on the power of
love.

Love Comes from the Still Point of Our Being

When we raise our vital energy through the body with
Kundalini Yoga we immediately create a window of opportu-
nity to become fully present. For it is in this present moment
that we locate the sensation of our Self. We find and relate
to the still point at the center of our being, where we cannot
only speak to our soul but also elevate our perspective and
actually see through the eyes of the soul. Then we can speak
from the heart. If in that moment we chant, we pulse the
Naad, we attune to the force of love, all our fears are dis-
solved. We become fully alive and present. We can appreci-
ate everything that happens, all our experiences and relation-
ships, as the flow of life as it is. Perhaps realizing ultimate

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 authentic relationships

love as a force is a new concept for you. Mostly we think of With love you can change any habit: a little habit; a con-
love as an earthly contract formed from the elements of pas- scious or subconscious habit; a great, long-established habit;
sion, attachment and intimacy. We expect to give love and an emotional habit; a mental habit; a relationship habit. With
receive love in a golden ratio of exchange that confirms the the energy of ultimate love and a mind trained to merge one-
love is “real” and makes us feel wanted, secure and worth- pointedly with its object, all bonds can be broken. Through
while. Giving and receiving the relays of connection and shar- the eyes of the soul, the blocks and fetters in relationships
ing is a necessary and effective skill to maintain all of our rela- that give us so much pain and anxiety are released and all
tionships, as we saw earlier. To be able to gracefully and con- their energy is used to power the larger game of our soul.
sistently do so is a sign of social intelligence and an expres- Love does not fight problems; it dissolves and incorporates
sion of awareness and compassion. them. It embraces them in such a way that the separation
and insulation that created the problem collapses. The gap is
The “Need” to Feel Loved—Earthly But Not Sacred closed between our heart and our soul, our self and our infi-
The worm in the apple is the condition of need. To need the nite self.
exchange in order to feel loved is earthly but not sacred. To
feel worthwhile based only on the responses we can elicit Timeless Commitments
from others produces a pale and frail version of love. Instead Love as a sacred contract is timeless. In a relationship there
of experiencing love as the gift it is, we belittle it; we make it is a flow of energy. There is merger. And there are roles and
into an exchange, a business—exchanging our needs and sat- responsibilities that create the dance and play in the relation-
isfactions disconnects us both from the unlimited source of ship. This conscious dance honors both dancers. Once the
fulfillment available from within ourselves, our Self. dance is started it never ends.
When we open up our capacity for true love, we open our When I began to study with Yogi Bhajan he did a very
perception to the sacred contract that we made with our self, kind thing. He looked at my wife and said, “You do not have
our soul and the Infinite. We draw on love as a force, our a father. I will be your father.” That was kind. But he spoke
soul’s journey as a reality, our relationships as opportunities from ultimate love. For the next 35 years he honored that
and mirrors, reflecting our mind, our personality and our kar- statement through the respect, guidance and accessibility he
mas. Love becomes a microscope of the soul. Our relation- offered. His word was real: lived, relevant, particular; not tran-
ships become free of blame and pain and open us up to a sient, conditional or simply personal feelings. It was a joyous,
truer reflection of ourselves and others: the I and the Thou. freely given commitment with no return expected. Now imag-
We live to love and to be a blessing to the one we love. In ine that you attend to every interaction and relationship with
turn, we receive the respect, acceptance and encouragement this same ultimate love. Imagine your word coming from your
of that person. It is universal love applied to this actual per- soul, not from the emotional winds of the day or from an
son—here and now. Love is a telescope of the self that agenda of need. Your word as love expressed; God embodied.
expands its vision beyond the horizons and boundaries of the In the following beautiful lecture, he expresses this kind of
ego to the wondrous complexity of life, populated with every love and how to live it. He explains that we need to be con-
manner of person and every walk of life. scious enough to set a direction and a flow in a relationship,
without which there can only be confusion and emotional dis-
The Characteristics and Rules of Ultimate Love tress. We need to know ourselves and from that knowledge
Ultimate love and the consciousness of ultimate love have choose our relationship to the other as beloved or lover, giver
their own characteristics and rules. Love is beyond time and or taker. Ultimate love comes from a consciousness that does
space. It is the force that brings the formless into form. It is not divide the polarities of the world into good and bad.
the pulse that crystallizes the Naad to word. It is the power Instead they are both used to serve the soul and to create har-
that cloaks the soul with the raiment of body and breath. mony. He explains this ultimate love and what happens when
we do not accept the challenge and commit out of love:

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 Authentic RelationshipS

We all have a common problem. The problem is that one If you want to live in a camouflage, live in a camou-
day we are lovers; the next day, we are the beloved. Unfor- flage. If you want to cover things, cover them forever. If you
tunately, it doesn't work that way, and this is the dilemma could honestly cover them once and for all, that would be
we face. We have to decide who is the lover and who is the okay. But normally, you are unable to do that. Instead you
beloved. If you are a giver, you must be a giver for all time cover them when you want, and you open them when you
to come, and if you are a taker, you must be a taker for all want, because you don't know who you are. You have not
time to come. You cannot be a giver one day and a taker the yet found your foundation.
next, and then a giver again the day after that. In your behavior, you have no sincerity of purpose.
If you give your love, you must go on giving your love Sincerity comes from the spirit.
until the end of you, because love is one-pointed. It is Spirit comes from the self.
beyond polarity; it is beyond time and space. Normally, we Self comes from the experience of self.
do not have the right attitude. We believe that if we love The experience of self comes from the knowledge of self.
somebody, then that person should return our love. If we Knowledge of self comes from the infinity of self.
hug somebody, that person should hug us in return. If we
care for somebody, that person should care for us in return. So where does that leave you? Have you understood your
This is a fundamental ignorance of human behavior. The beauty? Have you understood your personality? Have you
law of the cross fiber of human personality tells us that our understood the truth about you? You are the only being on
level shall be determined once and for all. You can't say, the planet Earth that can deny that you are a creature of
“Yesterday this mountain was 20,000 feet high, but today it God. No other species has this capacity for self-delusion.
is seven feet below sea level.” If a man is a lover, he is a Life is a challenge to you. But instead of accepting the
lover throughout. If a man is a beloved, he is a beloved challenge and living within the rules of the game, you are
throughout. It does not have anything to do with sex. It does trying to avoid that challenge. You want somebody else to
not have anything to do with position. It is beyond all envi- accept the challenge of life for you. It is not possible.
ronments and circumstances. This is how your life goes. You build your life through
If you say you are going to do something, then stick to time and space, year in and year out, and then you lose
it. If you can't do that much, what kind of human are you? your foundation and you goof. You work many lifetimes for
If you love, then love and keep on loving until the end of a human body with enough intelligence, enough awareness
you. Don't say that you love today, and then turn around so that you can know the truth. You make a request for it.
and hate tomorrow. You pray for it and then you work for it. Then when it is
Within yourself there is a basic foundation. Have you given to you, you goof. You must determine the flow of your
found that foundation? Without it, everything else that we own life. You must have a determined flow. You must know
are trying to find, know, and feel, has no value. I have never who is the lover and who is the beloved. You must know
seen a single person who doesn't want to be loved. But how who gives and who takes. Whoever enjoys the infinity of
can you be loved when you do not have a foundation? What giving, should give. Whoever enjoys the infinity of taking,
is there to love? A floating personality that is nothing but a should take. It has got nothing to do with sex, position, time
bunch of emotions? In the morning, it says, “Good morning, I and space. If you like to give, give. If you like to take, take.
love you.” In the afternoon, it curses you. In the evening, it But be honest about it. Otherwise, your soul will suffer.
runs away. At night, it disappears. The floating personality Don't play material games. Don't play the dust of the earth
may make a statement, but he does not live to it. If you can- against the ether. If the giver knows who he is, let him
not live to your words, how can you expect anyone to announce his identity and give. If the taker knows he is a
believe you? If you cannot find yourself, and you cannot live taker, let him announce that he is a taker, and let him take.
by your words, then how can you expect peace and happi- If the giver gives and the taker takes, there shall always be
ness? How can you expect to find God? a happy balance. But when the giver gives and the taker

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 authentic relationships

doesn't take, it creates a mess. And that is the mess we are You'll be surprised. The human has a tremendous capac-
faced with on this earth. ity for being hurt. If you are betrayed three times, the
A woman marries a man. They have a happy honey- chances are that the fourth time, you will not experience
moon; they promise each other everything. But the moment betrayal, because you have already been hurt so much. That
she gets pregnant, she goes crazy because she is no longer a hurt doesn't bother you anymore. Eighty percent of all
young married woman. Then she delivers the child, and for- human beings live with a hurt self. Sometimes there are so
gets about the husband. She becomes totally independent; it many wounds that another wound doesn't matter. They call
becomes her and the child, and the husband gets left out. So it a state of numbness.
the poor man starts looking left and right. Why? Because You go on listening to lies for so long that you finally
there's no stability. There is no direct communication come to a state of consciousness where you don't care who
between them. There is no foundation to the relationship. It lies and who speaks the truth. The person who lies has lost
has never been decided who is going to give and who is all credibility with you. He has cried wolf one too many
going to take. times. He has exhausted your patience and your compas-
That's why in all your actions, you try to prove you are sion. Why do your relationships end up this way? Because
great. But sometimes you might have to prove you are weak. you do not establish who is the giver and who is the taker.
It is not essential that you be great in every corner of your At the start of the relationship, one person becomes the giver
life. Live to reality. and the other becomes the taker, but in the middle of the
You would like your woven fiber to be flat. But is this relationship, the taker wants to become the giver and forces
possible? In nature, everything is round. Have you ever seen the giver to become the taker. By the end of the relationship,
anything that is grown naturally shaped square or triangu- neither person knows who is the giver and who is the taker.
lar? Everything has to have an optimum ending point. Every Guru Nanak said it very beautifully: “He who makes a state-
height has to have a low. Everything has to have a flow. ment and he who agrees are both wise.” Without this
Everything has to have a direction. Even magnetic waves rhythm of statement and agreement, you will see people
have a direction. You are the only one who has no direction. arguing neurotically. God has given you a precious life. Do
Today, you give somebody everything; tomorrow you want you want to waste it in argument?
everybody else to give you something. It is impossible. If you Our relationships are based on total nonreality. The guru
have been a taker, and you stop taking, what will happen? gives; the disciple takes. When the guru gives a discipline,
The givers still have to give. If you don't take, somebody the disciple takes. But when the guru gives a hard discipline,
else has to take. If no one takes it will all break down. then the disciple refuses to take. Why? He has not estab-
Instead of drawing the attention of another person by a lished his relationship properly. He does not know who is
tantrum, you could win their heart by a service (seva). the giver and who is the taker. After a while the disciple
Meditation on the name of God (simran) gives the power of starts to instruct the guru. “Let me tell you something,” he
seva. People who do not do simran, cannot do seva: selfless will comment, “now you are old, and the time has changed.”
service. Selfless service is a constant giving. That makes you This is what children do. They think their parents are
a giver, and God's real form is a giver. The personified God insane. But they are not insane; they just want to give every-
is a giver. thing. They don't care whether it is garbage or not. It is
Sometimes in our relationships one person lays the their habit to give. But it is very difficult after a certain age
tantrum—the other pays attention—it becomes a routine. It and time for children to take anything.
becomes a cancer; it becomes a hopeless situation. That's If you are going to refuse a giver, don't start taking from
why most of our relationships are hopeless. They are hope- him. That is where we spoil our relationships. Do you know
less because there is one injury after another until finally the why we refuse? Because we were not aware that we were tak-
cuts become so deep and so sore that further injury doesn't ing in the first place. We did not know why we were taking
matter. and why somebody else was giving.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Life is a direct challenge. Things will never change in your The “Third” Partner in All Relationships
life if you do not try to find the fundamental fiber in yourself Many traditions develop ceremonies to remind us of the con-
and know who is the giver and taker in your relationships. sciousness of love as a freely taken discipline of commitment.
One has to say; the other has to obey. If the obeyer starts say- A committed relationship is not an emotional affair between
ing and the sayer starts obeying, the relationship is finished. two people. It is two partners joined in the light of the third
There can be no flow. The teacher must teach; the student partner: the merged soul that is beyond circumstance. If it is
must learn. Then a relationship can be established. Otherwise just two people in passion, there is no real foundation to the
there will be an argument: back and forth, back and forth. In relationship. They will shift again and again as excitement
reality, you are all sick and tired of this back and forth. So and boredom oscillate and intimacy tries to glue the pair
don't start relationships without establishing who is the giver together. All good relationships are based on the foundation
and who is the taker. of the soul or deep self—the “third” partner that resides
In married life, one must be the male and the other must beyond the natural polarity of the partnership.
be the female. One must be yin and the other must be yang. Ultimate love is not an equal give and take. It is infinite
But nobody takes the time to establish who is going to give giving. This infinite giving is an expression of joy. When we
and who is going to follow. If both want to lead or both want grasp this, we begin to be able to give this ultimate love to
to follow, you will never get anywhere. ourselves:
In a job, if you don't obey what the boss says, you go.
There, you must follow. Why? Because it is required to main- Love is a natural phenomenon. First love your body, then
tain harmony. Do you think the same harmony is not required love your mind, then love your soul, then love your totality
in a home, in a relationship, or among friends? and then love your reality: five simple things to do. When
This unestablished direction creates many, many prob- you start loving your reality, the whole world will love you.
lems, in many, many lives. My theory is very simple. —Yogi Bhajan, June, 4, 1992
You have to understand, it is not a question of ego.
[Editor’s Note: In a relationship between a male and female energy, The capacity to commit your whole being invokes your soul
each must align to each other in their own terms.] If the tempera- and makes your relationship authentic. Consider the longing
ment of a woman is not refined, and her behavior is not we feel between male and female, masculine and feminine.
graceful, she is nothing but a brute. And the male has no These two primal polarities are pieces of a whole. What we
choice but to protect himself with a totally monstrous ego, forget is that the longing we experience for the other is fun-
unless the relationship has been established in a gentle damentally a longing for that wholeness, the infinite whole.
awareness.
With our fiber, we can build a surface, but we must also When you deal with a woman, your ten bodies and her ten
establish a flow, and it must be automatic. It must be bodies in this form, must correspond, for these mental, pro-
straight. And it must be established at the beginning. If you jective, and basic reasons. If you fall in love because the
want to be spiritual, you must establish the flow of the spir- woman is rich, then you have to understand you are poor.
it. That is where the leader comes in. When you fall in love because she's creative, then you
—from “Giver and Taker: Accepting the Challenge want to be complete because of her. When professional
to Give or to Receive.” KRI Quarterly, Fall 1976 men who marry a woman to carry them through their pro-
fessional education, complete their education and just want
to become established, they often divorce their wives. This
is because the focus of the relationship was motivation. In
this case the motivation of both was for the man to become
a professional. Motivation cannot be the focus of a relation-
ship.

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 authentic relationships

Relationship has to be COMMITMENT. Commitment, that Small Group Discussion

is, you must have meant to commit. If a woman ever finds 15 Minutes
out that you didn't mean to commit, she will think you are
mean. Then she will misdirect all her productive intelligence. Look at your definition of love and consider all that we have
We ask you to remember one to Infinity. At that moment discussed. Write one way you might personally help your stu-
we also deliver a thought of Infinity in you, that your com- dents experience the nature and power of ultimate love with-
mitment is like a commitment unto Infinity. The faculty in you in themselves. Identify one simple action that would model
to relate to Infinity is a very progressive thing. or demonstrate this to a student. 5 minutes.
The beginning and end may cross in any way, any form,
any shape, at any velocity, it is all the same. Relating to Reflect on your own relationships: Who is the giver and who
Infinity breeds happiness, confidence, fulfillment, faith, joy, is the taker? Recall an argument that is a “theme” of the rela-
pride, relaxation, incentive, intelligence, and self-experience. tionship—one that repeats itself, over and over again. Does
Ten (aspects). this argument stem from a change in roles? Has the taker
–Yogi Bhajan from Man to Man, Part 4, p. 12-13 stopped taking? Has the giver become the taker? Or the
reverse? 5 minutes.

Share your thoughts and feelings about this topic with your
small group. 5 minutes.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Align and Experience the Core Nature of True Love

through Kundalini Yoga and Meditation

The following exercises strengthen your capacity to love. The second kriya continues the act of blessing and loving
your body and affirming your desire to be a teacher. Then it
The first one uses two postures that are polarities. One is still projects the mind into the beloved of Infinity with an affirma-
and asymmetrical to provoke the integration of the two hemi- tion. The mind is entwined with the soul in a Naad yoga
spheres and to increase the pingala flow of energy for purifi- sequence that balances the gunas, then the elements
cation and strength in the body. It follows Yogi Bhajan’s pre- (tattvas) and then merges with the expressed virtues of the
scription to love the body. The affirmation played with this is Infinite Self. It ends in joyous dance and distributes the ener-
calming and keeps you in your center, your heart. Your mind gy and the love to every cell of the body and fiber of the aura.
is beyond polarity as your body utilizes the polarities to revi-
talize and heal. It ends with a polarity again of relaxing in the
self then relaxing in the will of God.

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 authentic
KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA relationships
HOW MUCH YOU LOVE

Yogi Bhajan • June 4, 1992

PART I: A MALE AND FEMALE BALANCE OF CREATIVITY

POSTURE: Left arm is bent with the palm flat, facing out like a pledge
at the shoulder level (below the eyebrow). The right palm is also flat
and facing out. The bottom of the right wrist should be slightly above
and parallel to the eyebrows; the right forearm angles in toward the
face. The right hand is up and the left hand is low.

EYES: Look at the tip of the nose.

BREATH: Breath slowly.
MUSIC: Every Heartbeat by Nirinjan Kaur.

TIME: 15 minutes. First 2 minutes are done in silence.

TO END: Inhale and suspend the breath for 10 seconds while stretch-
ing the arms straight up. Exhale and relax for 3 minutes.

EFFECTS:A powerful exercise to make you young. This is the best gift
you can give to your physical body.

PART II

POSTURE: Sit Straight. Elbows are wide and bent so the forearms are
parallel to the ground and slightly wider than the hips. Palms are face
down, fingers spread wide, open and tight. Bounce the hands in an
alternate motion, as if you are playing ball. The motion should be very
fast; the body will jerk.
EYES: Eyes are closed. Look up to the center of the skull.

TIME: 8 minutes; the final 2 minutes should be done very fast and
very powerfully.

TO END: Inhale, synchronize your body. Tighten all the muscles of

your body. Exhale. Repeat 2 times. Relax for 3 minutes.

EFFECTS: You can avoid disease. Just remember this exercise.

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 KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
HOW MUCH YOU LOVE

PART III

POSITION: Come into Baby Pose. Sitting on the heels, put the fore-
head to the ground. The arms are resting on the ground behind you
with the palms facing up.

MUSIC: Pretty and relaxing.

TIME: 4 minutes. Use the final minute to slowly, slowly rise back up.

PART IV: THE PRAYER

POSTURE: Sit straight and reach up. Arms are at a 60-degree angle
and slightly in front of the body. Stretch out from the shoulders,
stretch the arms very straight, with no bend in the elbows. Palms are
flat, facing each other.

EYES: Look toward the sky, the heavens, then close the eyes.

TIME: 2 minutes

COMMENTS: Pray. Trust in your prayer. Ask and it shall be fulfilled.

Open your heart. Dwell in God. It will bring all happiness and bliss.

YOGI BHAJAN COMMENTS: Love confronts. Love has no fear. . . .

Love is the ultimate power. It knows no defeat. It doesn’t know
impossible. It’s a strength, it’s not a weakness. There’s a tremen-
dous amount of pain in love. That’s realism. But do the lovers feel
it? No. There’s a joy. In history, you will find people in love of God
tortured in many ways. They smiled. They laughed. Where came
their strength? It was their love. I [would] like to let you know how
much you love. Let’s measure it by a straight balance of frequency.
You will know it.

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 KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
TRUTH AND ONENESS
Yogi Bhajan • July 19, 2001

PART I—AFFIRMATION FOR SELF LOVE

POSTURE: Sit straight in a cross-legged position.

MUDRA & MOVEMENT: Place your right hand on your heart and say, “My heart, I love you.” Place your right hand on
the eyes and say, “My eyes, I love you.” Move to the top of your head and say, “My head, I love you.” At the navel
point say, “I love you.” And placing your hands on both your knees say, “I love you.”

COMMENTS: Mankind is divided by religions, religions are divided by sects, sects are divided by cults, cults are divided
by frictions. . . . We still live in a cave called home, with the fire burning and the meat cooking. We do not live for each
other. We live at each other or against each other. If you pay a little bit of attention to yourself and show love to your-
self you will find yourself to be different. You have been taught to hate everything, and that what you do not hate will
eat you up. This is your most stupid behavior.

PART II—AFFIRMATION OF A TEACHER

POSTURE: Sit straight in a cross-legged position.

MUDRA: Raise the right hand by the shoulder, as if taking an oath, and say: “A teacher
is not a preacher. A preacher is a preacher. A teacher is a teacher. A teacher is not a
preacher. A preacher is not a teacher. A teacher can only be a teacher. A teacher can-
not be a preacher. A preacher will not be a teacher. That I say solemnly.”

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 KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
Authentic RelationshipS
TRUTH AND ONENESS

PART III—MEDITATION ON TRUTH AND ONENESS

POSTURE: Sit straight in a cross-legged position.

EYES: Closed.

1. Hold hands with your neighbors. Chant, God and Me, Me

and God are One. If what you chant is true, press the hands.
If not, do not. The other person will know if you have spoken
the truth or if you are a liar. Continue for 11 to 31 minutes.

2. Adjust your shoulders, raising and stretching out your right

a arm, then the left.

TO END: Deeply inhale and, without disconnecting the hands,

very calmly relax, stretching the spine with one long complete
exhale. Then let go of the hands and stretch your body:
a) raise both arms straight up, twist left and right;
b) bring both knees to your chest, lock them with the hands
and press hard towards yourself;
c) extend the legs straight forward. Feel happy and relax.

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 KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
authentic relationships
TRUTH AND ONENESS

3. Again, sit straight in a cross-legged position. 3a

Position A: Raise both arms straight up over the head and hold
your hands in Sarab Gyan Mudra—fingers interlocked with the
index fingers together pointing up and thumbs crossed. Eyes are
closed. Rhythmically chant in a monotone from the navel:
Wha-hay Hoo, Wha-hay Gu-roo
emphasizing Hoo and roo and extending the second hay longer
than the first.

Position B: Then bring both hands to shoulder level with the

elbows relaxed down, palms facing forward, and rhythmically
chant in a monotone: 3b

Ra Ra Ra Ra Ra, Ma Ma Ma Ma Ma,
La La La La La, Sa Sa Sa Sa Sa

with emphasis on the last …Ra …Ma …La …Sa.

Alternate position A and B three times. Relax.

4. Chant the Ek Aacharee Chand shabd: Ajai, Alai. (The version

by Gurushabd Singh and Sarab Shakti Kaur was used in class).
Continue for 11 minutes. End by singing the Long Time Sun song,
ending with three long Sat Nam’s.

5. Quickly stand up and sit down 4-6 times. Then dance with
Bhangra music for 3 minutes.

TO END: inhale, exhale, sit down and relax.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Large Group Discussion

20 minutes

What limits are we placing on love so that instead of In the first definition of love we quoted from Yogi Bhajan,
being a living, sacred contract, it becomes no more he says “Love is Love.” Is that all you can really say and is
than an earthly deal? that enough? He then gives us many other definitions that
illuminate the aspects of love. This meditation uses that
A fundamental of real love is that it is timeless. affirmation in a simple mudra that creates a cross-magnetic
field over the heart center. This seal releases pains from
Love takes full responsibility and covers for the other. loves and brings you into the reality of the self.
Dwell in the truth of this affirmation and hold compas-
It is never detached but it is nonattached. sion for everyone and all your relationships. “Love is love,”
as a phrase, completes itself. Ultimate love needs no other
How can we help students and other teachers love definition; its action defines it. As you use the affirmation,
authentically, instead of “spiritualizing” and taking there is also a pulse, a play, between the finite and infinite
a stance of detached equanimity? meanings of love; finite and infinite merge into one. It
removes any duality between love in your life and love in
your soul.

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 KUNDALINI YOGA MEDITATION
LOVE IS LOVE

POSTURE: Sit in an easy cross-legged position, or sit in a

chair with a straight spine and both feet flat on the floor.

MUDRA: Place your hands in Gyan Mudra, thumb and

index finger touching each other with the other fingers
straight. With the hands in this position, cross the right
hand over the left at the heart center, but not touching the
chest. The right palm is against the back of the left hand.

EYES: Closed.

MANTRA: Love is Love. Repeat the affirmation with Yogi

Bhajan using Destiny CD from Kundalini Research
Institute.

TIME: 11-31 Minutes.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

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 authentic relationships

The Master’s Touch:

An Experience with Yogi Bhajan

VIDEO CLASS
Principles for Living: The Law of Polarity and Intuition
January 4, 1994

A transcript, edited for reading, is included in your Study Guide.

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 Authentic RelationshipS
KUNDALINI YOGA MEDITATION
FACING THE CHALLENGE OF TOMORROW

Yogi Bhajan • January 4, 1994

1. Sit in Easy Pose with your arms straight out to the sides. The 1
elbows are up at the same level as the shoulders and the palms
face downward. Bend the elbows in so that the forearms and fin-
gertips point straight forward. There will be a stretch felt in the
armpits. Close your eyes and focus the closed eyes at the tip of
the chin. Breathe slowly and deeply. Sit straight with the chin in
and the chest out. 3 minutes.

2. Remain in the same position as the first exercise but turn the
palms facing up toward the ceiling. This will stretch the wrists.
Do the best you can to make the palms turn upwards.
3 minutes.

3. Still in the same position, turn the palms so that they are fac- 2
ing out to the sides. The pinkie side of the hand is up and the
thumb side of the hand is down. Keep the arms up at shoulder
level and still focus the closed eyes at the center of the chin.
3 minutes.
To Finish: Inhale, hold the breath, and squeeze all the muscles of
the body. Exhale and repeat this sequence two more times. Relax.

4. Stand up and dance to the music Bangara drums. 11 minutes.

For the last minute, begin clapping the hands together.

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 authentic relationships

Polarity in Relationship and in Life

“The institution of marriage is two polarities joined together I'm not talking of love in imagination or love of people; I'm
to pull life together through hard and even times. But nowa- talking of love in action, when man feels for another indi-
days we think of relationship as staying together through vidual. It is an attraction of polarities; one polarity seeks to
even times only. How can it be possible that through any merge with another to create a neutral state of mind. It is
relationship you cannot have hard and even times?” very unfortunate that neither men know how to do this nor
Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 121 do women know what it is.
Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 23
When we join together in a marriage or a long-term relation-
ship, we will be faced with ups and downs. It is the nature Prakirti
of life. When two people form a bond, there are natural polar- Yogi Bhajan tells us that the realm of Prakirti (transcendental
ities at work. Masculine and feminine is the most fundamen- nature including the normal sensory realms and the subtle
tal one. There are many other polarities that act upon us as realms of mind) is dominated by a balanced play of action and
well—within our mind and our feelings. reaction. It is and it should be so. If this neutral balance did
We do not have a single mind or personality, one unified not exist in nature, there would be no choice or conscious-
set of attitudes, impulses and values. Our mind has many ness. But because the universe of Prakirti is completely bal-
parts, sub-personalities, tendencies, aspects and projections. anced and symmetric, we can, in polarity to that, act in con-
If our tendency is to be extroverted, there are circumstances sciousness with love and compassion to self-initiate and break
and times when we act more introverted. If we normally give, the symmetry of karma, instead of reacting and continuing the
there are times we take. We act from our persona but we also momentum of karma. We can act with compassion where
have a shadow (which we examine in Transformation: none is warranted; with kindness in the face of cruelty; with
Conscious Communication). We are a mosaic of traits and generosity in times of scarcity and greed.
tendencies that constantly adjust their proportions to match In physics there is action and reaction. So, too, in the
our age, consciousness and circumstance. mind, there are positive and negative reactions. Everywhere
To form an authentic relationship that endures, one that we look in life we find natural laws that bring balance.
embodies our deepest human and spiritual capacities for sen-
sitivity and self-transcendence, we must master how we han- Life is a book of changes. It should be read only to under-
dle the polarities that arise within us, between us and around stand how it works. You can't help the changes in life; they
us. The greatest bliss from a spiritual perspective is when we must come whether they are good or bad because the good
go beyond ourselves and beyond the polarity of the other per- must follow the bad and the bad must follow the good. . . .
son and merge into oneness. That oneness is the realm of All things must be balanced. Each day of life is also anoth-
consciousness. You can be in that state of union (yoga) with er day of death.
another only to the degree that you can be in that state with Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 125-6
your own higher Self.
The state of non-dual awareness and neutral mind is very Even in a single living cell polarity means life. The cell must
practical. You create it with the combination of conscious- ingest nutrients, metabolize them and excrete the waste. If the
ness, which gives you perspective and values through time; input and the output do not balance there is trouble. In
applied intelligence, which gives you strategy and skills; and Ayurvedic medicine, incomplete metabolism and poor elimina-
the neutral mind, which removes impulsive reactivity and tion leads to the accumulation of “ama”—a kind of metabolic
opens your intuition. It is that state of awareness from which sludge that gradually creates illness and aging. Many of the
you can act with integrity and with the greatest authenticity yogic practices were designed to use the body’s polarity mech-
and freedom. anisms of balance to cleanse and rejuvenate our digestive,

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 Authentic RelationshipS

nervous and glandular systems. In Kundalini Yoga we use The Law of Polarity
breath, food, posture, sound and even individual thoughts to The yogi does not believe that the Law of Polarity is the only
adjust the balance and flow in our bodies. law. It neither explains everything nor models the human
personality in its fullness. The Law of Polarity is, however,
It seems that nature presents itself to us as a realm of expe- woven into everything we do and perceive. If we recognize
rience that is most easily defined by polarities and symme- its actions and are skillful in our use of its constant pulsa-
tries. The ancient philosophers saw polarities everywhere. tions, we can make wiser decisions and choose positive
Day gives way to night; birth to death; success to failure. actions that free us from demoting habits. We can also
Many philosophers have tried to construct a calculus of understand one another with more compassion and break
polarities that would let us understand the flow of life. The some of the illusions that hold us in a hypnotic embrace,
first step was to recognize them. The second step was to try dimming the light and love of our soul.
to apprehend the subtle rhythm and dance between them.
Each pole needed the touch or balance of its antipode in The Swings of Our Own Polarity
order to exist or to complete itself. Like the symbol for yin We need to identify how polarities work within us. This is a
and yang, the waxing of one pole gives way to the very personal and essential part of spiritual growth.
waning of the other. They share an intimate interde- Without the knowledge of how we vary between the
pendence in order to exist. extremes of our own polarities, it is very difficult to
maintain an authentic relationship. If we do not rec-
ognize our own swings of polarity, we tend to proj-
Everything that comes has to go. Coming and going ect those swings onto our partners or to deny large
is a law of life that nothing is going to stop. No, parts of ourselves that we don’t care for. Mastering
nothing can stop it and nothing should stop it. polarity is an essential step toward wholeness and the intu-
Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 131 itive clarity it brings. When we recognize our polarities, we
then have the key to knowing how those polarities generate
In fact it is our ability to bridge the polarity between the finite internal paradoxes that are both confounding and creative.
and the infinite, between the many and the One that defines When we can master our internal paradox which runs like a
us as human beings. theme through our relationships, then we become intelligent,
strategic, spontaneous and purposeful.
Of God you are the polarity. God is infinite and you are the
finite.
—Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 138

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 authentic relationships

THE SCIENCE OF Polarity

Even though the ancient philosophers have long given In the realm of physics, the study of particles and the
way to the precise instrumentation and tests of science, basic structure of matter has rested on principles of polar-
polarity and symmetry persist as organizing concepts and ity and symmetry for over 50 years. For every particle
sensibilities at the core of fundamental sciences. there is an anti-particle. For every electron there is a
In the realm of biology, cells of every kind polarize in positron. If they come together at the same time and
shape and in function as they grow. Without that polar- place, tremendous energy is released and their forms
ization we would have neither our diversity nor our com- change.
monality. A recent review of polarity mechanisms in A big puzzle for these scientists was where did all
Nature (April 2003) noted: “Most cells are polarized, the antimatter particles go? As we look around the
including simple single-cell organisms and cells in multi- Cosmos we find almost entirely matter and no antimat-
cellular invertebrates and vertebrates (mammals); even ter. If the Law of Polarity is really true, where are all the
bacteria are polarized. . . . At first glance, this diversity of anti-particles? In 2006, a group of physicists at the Fermi
cell shapes and functions suggests that each cell type National Accelerator Lab claimed to have found how the
must have evolved completely different ways to generate anti-particles play hide and seek.
cell polarity that distinguishes, for example, a budding They found that a particle switches its identity from
yeast from a multi-cell epithelium. But although the final itself to its mirror image “evil twin,” matter to antimatter,
structures appear quite different, the basic toolbox of core three trillion times a second. Its existence is nothing but
mechanisms used to organize the cytoskeleton and deliv- a rhythm of existence and non-existence, matter and anti-
er proteins is common to all eukaryotic cell types.” This matter. The closer we look, the more we find that polari-
rather technical quote tells us that polarization is basic to ties complement each other and become each other in a
biological function and that for all its many manifesta- high velocity dance that creates existence as we know it.
tions in a vast variety of cell types, it is driven by a few
core mechanisms. This is true in our psychology as well
as our biology. Simplicity and universality generate diver-
sity and complexity.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Interactive Group Exercise:

Discovering Our Polarities

Let’s start by recognizing what a polarity is. A polarity is a Identifying a Paradox

pair of qualities that are opposites and yet relate to one Make a quick list of 20 or more pairs of qualities or behaviors
another in such a way that they define each other. They are you are aware of in yourself, in life and in your relationships.
not just contrasts. A contrast could be, for example, a card Write as many as you can in three minutes without stopping
and an elephant. That is quite a contrast but not a polarity. to think too much.
Even a dog and a cat are not polarities. But a hunter and the Then put that list aside. Look at the examples in this list.
hunted are. Relaxation and tension are a polarity. We can also The first four are marked for you. Note which pairs form a
have two things that conflict with out being polarities. For contrast (c), which form a conflict (b), and which form a
example, a person wants to go the beach and another wants polarity (p). Continue to mark the remaining pairs appropri-
to go to the mountains and there is only one car. This is a ately.
conflict of interests but not a polarity. One is not necessary
to define the other. p Day Night
b Eat Do not eat
What is a Paradox?
c Hire Volunteer
What is a paradox? A paradox is “contradictory or seemingly
impossible combinations of ideas, feelings or actions.” The p Hot Cold
dictionary offers a range of meanings. The strongest is that a _ Lake Pond
paradox is when mutually exclusive or contradictory elements _ Sky Earth
are present and operate at the same time. In yoga, we use it
_ Hate Love
with the more inclusive connotation.
_ Forceful Relaxed
For example a seemingly impossible combination, a para-
dox, is to be forcefully relaxed or “relaxed and forceful.” Most _ Working Playing
people think it is a joke to say things like “bureaucratic flexi- _ Focused Wide Open
bility,” “military intelligence,” “original replacement parts” or _ Coming Going
“legal murder.” In fact we have a special word for a paradox
_ Go to movie Go to theatre
in words—an oxymoron.
_ Gain weight Lose weight
A powerful polarity has a dynamic that comes from the
interaction or interrelationship of both. One cannot exist _ Embrace Release
without the other. It is a necessary opposition. That is why _ Jealous (demands loyalty) Trusting (attracts loyalty)
we normally think of good and bad, pain and pleasure, and
day and night as polarities.
After you mark the rest of the practice list, take out the list you
generated. Mark each of your pairs in the same way, noting
accurately the differences between a polarity, a conflict and a
contrast.
When you are done, share your examples and how you
classified them with the group. Get people’s commentary or
vote on each one and discuss any disagreements to explore the
nature of polarities.

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Paradox activity
list your qualities or behaviors

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Managing Polarities Ideally we manage these two qualities: more in one place
Why do we want to know this? Because what we do versus and less in another. In fact they both need each other and we
what we can do with two feelings, ideas, or positions depends need them to be constantly changing to be healthy and effec-
completely on whether they are a contrast or a polarity and tive. A bit of lazy gives rejuvenation so you can be more
whether we perceive them as such. A contrast or a conflict exertive; a bit of exertion releases tension and builds strength
usually needs a decision or choice. You gather information, so you can relax.
evaluate the information according to your goals, resources
and criteria, then choose. You go to the beach or not; you hire Yogic Polarities
someone or not; you commit to a weight loss program or you Think about common polarities that we deal with in yoga.
don’t. There may be dozens of other decisions and many Ego versus consciousness is a constant topic. Neither ego nor
other resources needed in order to successfully implement consciousness disappears. They are part of the dynamic of
your decision: gas for the car, tickets for the movie, money for life. We could long for consciousness and despise ego. But
the tickets; but the conflict is nevertheless answered by a deci- then we gain the ego of anger and pride. And if we seek con-
sion or choice. sciousness exclusively we lose our skillfulness at handling the
But more importantly, in a contrast or a conflict, one part earthy conflicts within and around us. So we need intuition
does not depend on the other in some essential way. One can to sense what is real and manage the reactions of our ego,
exist without the other. and the frequency of our consciousness to act dharmically
In a polarity they are interdependent in some fundamen- and fulfill our destiny.
tal way. And each part of the polarity can be positive or neg- We also ponder sirgun versus nirgun; that which has
ative in and of themselves and each can contribute in some qualities versus that which is beyond qualities. This is a great
creative way to the other under certain conditions. So to conundrum for many religious followers. We know that the
embrace one thing you may have to release something else. nature of reality cannot be contained in a simple idea. That
In order to release one thing you have to decide to embrace is why we say the name of God cannot be spoken; or why
something else. This is a basic polarity. The object may be a some traditions prohibit pictures of its prophets and teachers.
thought, a feeling or nothingness itself. They believe them to be sirgun—with quality—and must inher-
Meditation uses the polarity between the finite and the ently be false because the spirit is beyond finite description.
infinite. It synchronizes each object of the mind into a polar- On the other hand, some practitioners feel you can use any
ity so it can be released or grasped as needed and managed name of god or image you like because what is real is in the
according to your consciousness. Meditation polarizes to go heart of the devotee. Without that quality of love, the
beyond polarity! It creates the neutral mind which is a polar- unseen, the nirgun, cannot take form. With that quality in
ity to the negative and positive minds. the devotee even a rock is divine.
A polarity is managed. It is not conquered, destroyed or Wars and crimes of all kinds have been fought over this
decided. In order to manage a polarity creatively with con- polarity because it has been treated as a problem that must
sciousness, you have to use an awareness that is wider, be solved by choosing one over the other rather than a polar-
greater, and clearer than either end of the polarity. You must ity to be managed. In all wisdom traditions the nirgun and
find a position that can synthesize the two polarities as part sirgun exist together, each necessary for the completion and
of a single, larger process. In your personality you may be expression of the other. Sometimes this is seen as a mystery
forceful and relaxed at different times. In the extreme you may but it is really subject to mastery. The resolution or synthesis
believe that relaxation is lazy and bad and so you are a worka- that holds both sirgun and nirgun is awareness. When we
holic. Or you may feel that being forceful is an aggressive treat the polarity as a problem to be solved, we create tragedy,
insult to everyone and you should flow and enjoy the jour- repeated patterns and deep divisions in people and the world.
ney. Look around and see who is like you—a good workaholic When we behold the polarity and understand that sirgun and
or a good slacker. nirgun are in relationship to one another, then we can open

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the door to tolerance in expression of faith along the contin- Tapping the Power of Polarities
uum of the seen and unseen. An oxymoron, a polarity in yourself, which you elevate and
master, is nothing short of unlimited energy. It taps the
The Nature of Paradox potential in you to do the extraordinary. Try giving yourself a
We need one more idea before we can go deeper into our- nickname, a special moniker, which captures the swing of
selves and confront the polarities that underpin our relation- your polarities. In that oxymoron is the great tension between
ships: We are paradoxes and paradoxes are GOOD! We need the poles of yourself—equal to the power of a nuclear fusion—
a conscious, creative relationship to our capacity for paradox. ready to be used and at your disposal.
As yogis, we use many mantras. Each mantra has a power What does it mean to master an inner paradox or oxy-
that comes from its Naad, its reflexes and its meaning. It also moron? One of the fastest Olympic hurdlers was asked what
has a power that comes from being a paradox. Many of our his secret was when he broke the world record. He said that
most potent mantras are a paradox or an oxymoron. They at first he made the mistake of being too relaxed at the start-
combine a finite and an infinite aspect. If we say Sat Nam, it ing blocks in order to avoid anxiety, and then pushing too
is a paradox that lives in awareness. Sat is infinite. It is exis- hard to compensate. After he missed the mark he regrouped
tence itself that cannot be contained in any one part or by himself. Then without even thinking he became totally
any one description. It can be lived, experienced but only by relaxed and forceful at the same time! He stayed relaxed in
someone who has dropped the ego. Nam is a noun, a thing, some place within himself even as his muscles snapped into
a finite form. It is very specific. Sat Nam brings together an sweat-filled electric motion. He rested his consciousness in
unlimited, unnamed reality with a specific embodied identity. what we might call shuniya—the stillness of the zero point.
This weave of infinite and finite is what makes something a From there he invested every bit of energy into his run. No
sutra—a sewing together of opposite realms of the self and conflict. No judgment. No expectation. There was nothing to
the universe which make up our human reality. blur his focus and nothing to divert his energy. He was fueled
It takes a paradox to break the attachment to form. It by pure intention and by a little oxymoron in his being that
takes an oxymoron of experience to pierce the habits of our was like nuclear energy from his spiritual DNA.
subconscious and open our perception. Mantra is the ulti- Consider one more example from a leader in politics and
mate encounter with the paradox that frees our heart and the civil rights who helped to change the world: Reverend Martin
oxymoron that loosens the bonds of our habitual inner nar- Luther King, Jr. Just before he gave his universally known and
ratives. admired “I Have a Dream” speech, he was immersed in a
A student’s father had a special oxymoron for him. He polarity. He was surrounded by African Americans and by the
called him “my wise idiot.” He always wanted him to be majority of people in the United States who were content to
orderly, sequential and practical like himself. The father was be passive and accept or overlook the extreme conditions and
practical and could make any tool in his immaculate work- restrictions that were applied to black people of his time. He
shop. The son tried to please him by taking on a practical job was also surrounded by those who could stand it no longer
cleaning out ship hulls and working with longshoremen. But and advocated violence and aggression. He advocated neither
the son was best at concepts and theory and excellent at position. He saw them as a polarity.
teaching. In college, the son got the nickname “catastrophic If he had viewed them as a conflict then violence–with-
genius,” echoing that same nature and the high percentage of out–end could have ensued. Instead he went to a higher state
beakers that broke in the lab following his efforts. That oxy- of stillness—shuniya—where both forces then served a higher
moron captured two sides of the personality and in it held a paradox. He studied the movements of another great man,
great energy that could be released in creativity if it was Mahatma Gandhi, and found the seed to what grew to
understood and recognized as an inner polarity and not a become his legacy. He found that place within himself known
characteristic to be changed. as Nonviolent Protest—a paradox that changed the world and

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 Authentic RelationshipS

released a dynamic, diagonal path for all the tension gener- tractions instead of dealing with the polarity. This happens
ated between the two static positions to flow. Something when people spiritualize in order to avoid their inner con-
new arose in the South. And that oxymoron, that paradox, flicts. “What conflicts,” they ask, everything is just heavenly.
became a flag unfurled around the world; it became his
undying legacy. This transformation of consciousness Isolation, Insultation, Separation, Denial
beyond polarity is the source for much of the spontaneous
innocence, insight and creativity of spiritual awareness.
In studies of intelligence, genius, and creativity, a central
factor is the ability to hold two opposite ideas or feelings in
mind at the same time; the more diverse and contrary the
ideas the better. The capacity to have a dialogue which chal-
lenges ideas while accepting them and the capacity to hear 4The second common mistake is to see the poles as a fight.
another person’s ideas while holding your own is a skill essen- We try to destroy one end of the polarity or the other, not rec-
tial in the realm of paradox. By this measure, practicing ognizing that they will both disappear if one of them does. In
Kundalini Yogis should be a very intelligent group with excel- every wise man or woman there is a fool; and in every fool
lence in many areas. Yogi Bhajan called it applied intelligence there lies a taste of wisdom. If there are only fools everyone
when we act on it; intuitive intelligence when we perceive seems wise. If everyone is wise they will be diminished and
with it. foolish by their loss of innocence.
In fact, spontaneous discipline is the fruit of an elevated
oxymoron in your mind. When “my effort” and “Thy Grace” Opposition, Destroy the Other, One Wins
meet in the heart, a joyous discipline results. That is why sad-
hana is not just a dry, forced practice. It is a spontaneous dis-
cipline that owes its steady longevity to tapping the power of
the polarities, managing them well and elevating them with-
in yourself.

When we put our efforts on one end of the polarity, we

Handling Paradoxes: Three Basic Errors tend to attract or create the qualities in the opposing pole. We
When we handle a polarity or paradox poorly we do not free end up creating exactly the opposite of what we intended.
its energy for creativity. Instead we bind its energy up in an You can understand this by considering the autonomic
endless battle for dominance between the two positions that nervous system. If we overstimulate the sympathetic, the
form the polarity. This bound energy is stressful, disease pro- parasympathetic compensates. And visa versa. If we rest too
ducing and a kind of war. We see the paradox as a conflict, much, soon we are filled with dreams, fidgeting and poor rest.
two enemies in a stand-off; instead of as a polarity, like the The sympathetic nerves respond. This is a natural yin-yang of
poles of a magnet that create a field of energy. balance that is true in many of our internal systems. Similarly
When we mishandle a polarity there are three basic errors: all the flows of meridians and prana in the body are linked like
channels of water sharing a single tide. If some increase then
4First we try to reduce the tension between them by simply others compensate and decrease. You can even resolve some
ignoring one. We use denial or we isolate them so they never imbalances by stimulating the associated meridians too much
seem to occur together at the same time or place. We sepa- in order to induce the opposite response. If you seek peace to
rate them so that their natural interaction and regulatory feed- avoid fear, fear finds you in the center of your peace. If you
back to each other is lost. We create artificial fictions and dis- demand peace in order to avoid fear, soon everyone will be

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 authentic relationships

afraid of you. You can think of many more examples. time no one thought they could. They reinvented themselves
4The third error is trying to reach a compromise by averaging and renewed the culture to serve a refocused mission. This
the poles. Just think of a corpse and a living person. If you go company-wide change required the elevation of their paradox-
for the average, you get a half-dead person who satisfies nei- es. It was an example of moving creative tension into a syn-
ther the living nor the dead. It is a bit like death by commit- thesis that used the polarities and reshaped the efforts.
tee where a creative idea is morphed by so many compromis-
es in order to offend no one until all the unusual features that Mastering Paradox
made something extraordinary is filtered out. If you settle for Each of us can do this with our own paradox. Each of us can
the average then nothing will demand the emergence onto the use the energy in our personality and in our finite and infinite
new, higher playing field. Whatever the problem was will self to create a diagonal path and master polarity with con-
return indirectly over time. sciousness.

SYNERGIZE
AVERAGE POINT/COMPROMISE
Elevated Paradox
Movement Between Poles Synchronized Action

The best place to see this averaging effect, or compromise, is

Diagonal Path
in groups and organizations. They are filled with polarities that
get put into committees to be solved as problems. This gen-
erates many small errors and a propensity for bending the
truth in order to win resources, combine this with strategic
misdirection and you get a tragedy like the collapse of the
Enron Corporation. You get a lot of entrepreneurship, but the Paradox

internal competition allows no great leap, no excellence. It is Positive Negative

Pole Pole
the rare company that seeks and embraces their paradoxes to
be come excellent and constantly renew. Average Point
But some big companies can pull it off. IBM did it at a

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Interactive Group Exercise:

Naming Your Paradox

In this exercise, you will find your own personal paradox. You ex-spouse. Your teacher. Your best friend. Your enemy. Your
probably have more than one, but we’ll pick one to work on therapist. Your accountant. Your pedicurist. They will all see
and learn how to embrace it and elevate it. We will pick one different aspects of you. List them all, not just ones you like.
that has to do with your relationships. You can apply this Put down ones that are discomforting but occasionally true.
process to any area of your life you wish once you’ve learned And list things you may not agree with but which are said
the process. repeatedly about you in relationships.
Your list might have 20–50 qualities.
STEP ONE
Imagine Paradoxes STEP THREE
First imagine paradoxical statements or an oxymoron that creating paradoxical descriptions of yourself
might describe qualities of people. Here are some examples. Once you have your list, mark the list according to what you
Lazy Do-it-all Gentle Warrior like and don’t like about yourself in relationship. Give the neg-
Spontaneous Planner Pushy Doormat ative and positive minds a chance to express themselves here.
Hesitant Risk Taker Self-Centered Yogi Use this list as the basis for creating a paradoxical descrip-
Harmony-loving Conflict-seeker Victimized Rescuer tion of yourself in relationship. Simply combine a negative and
a positive from the list. It helps and makes it more fun to use
For each of these descriptors, try to imagine both sides of each
an adjective form combined with a noun. Or combine two
paradox and hold them in your mind at the same time. What
metaphors or phrases. Then change it as you need to make it
sort of person would that describe? Can you think of some-
resonate with yourself. Make several combinations from your
one who it might fit? What are they like? What would a self-
list. Then pick one that seems most real or emotionally rele-
centered yogi be like? Do you know a hesitant risk taker or a
vant to you. If you get it right it will be satisfyingly familiar.
reluctant warrior? We are all filled with these types of combi-
Are you a cut-throat nun, a self-promoting teddy bear, or
nations, especially if you think of how we behave differently
a deadly helper? Make your own.
in different circumstances. That is why it takes a while to
know someone; you get to see more of their aspects when
Kundalini Yoga to Prepare for STEP FOUR
you’re in different circumstances or situations with them.
To prepare lets use a brief sequence of chants with the sound
of Ong. Chant Ong through each nostril as directed in the
STEP TWO
kriya Linking with the Infinite, for 5 minutes on each side.
Identifying Your paradoxes
Follow this by immediately chanting Ong every 2-5 sec-
Now that you are warmed up, make a list of characteristics
onds. It sounds like striking a bell or gong. Continue the puls-
you display in relationships. Include as many characteristics as
ing sound until you need a quick breath. It will be very con-
you can. Start with roles you like to play. Like leader, nurse,
tinuous and powerful. 2 minutes.
learner, swordsman, marathoner, etc. Then add to that role the
See the kriya Finding Happiness & Peace Within.
qualities that you express in that role.
Sit and meditate in the center of your skull. Eyes closed.
You can use metaphors freely like, “gazelle-like Bump-on-
Breathe slowly. Listen to the gong for 5-10 minutes.
a-log,” or “smooth-talking disruptor.” And you can use histor-
After the gong is silenced, sit still for 1-3 minutes. Be
ical people or places. Imagine a Groucho-Marxish General, or
completely still and become vast. Crystallize a state of saib-
a High-Tech Marilyn.
hung. Open your intuition to see the subtle connections
Now use the words of your friends and family. See your-
between all things. Let love, forgiveness and blessings radiate
self in your many relationships through the eyes of others.
through you to every situation, feeling and person in your life.
What would your mother put on the list? Your spouse. Your

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Paradox activity Listing and elevating Your paradoxes

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 KUNDALINI YOGAauthentic
MEDITATIONrelationships
LINKING WITH THE INFINITE

Yogi Bhajan • February 16, 1976

POSTURE: Sit is Easy Pose with your spine straight, chin in and chest out. Block your
right nostril with your fingers and inhale through your left nostril. Chant Ong in the
long form, in such a way that the sound comes out of your left nostril. Your entire exha-
lation is one recitation of Ong (15-20 seconds). The mouth is open but nothing
comes out of the mouth. (You may find you need to sneeze if you are doing it correct-
ly. Do not suppress the sneeze.)
3-11 Minutes.

Switch sides and close off your left nostril. Inhale through your right nostril. Chant Ong
in such a way that the sound comes out of your right nostril. The mouth is open but
nothing comes out of the mouth. 3-11 Minutes.

There are four rules that must be observed in practicing this meditation:
1. Rest afterwards. Do not immediately resume normal activity.
2. The breath should not come out of the mouth.
3. The breath vibrates under the back of the upper palate.
4. Make sure that if you need to blow your nose, you take the time to do it even
if it is in the middle of your chanting. Be sensible and do not do this meditation if
your sinuses are clogged.

EFFECTS: This meditation powerfully activates both sides of the brain. It opens up the
mind and is most powerful depending on which nostril is currently active.
The sages for ages who developed Kundalini Yoga sat and worked it out, from one
person to the other. When they were certain that they have mastered the technique
(what it is, how it is to be done, and what are the results), they had the instructions
carved onto bamboo sheets. It took years and years to perfect the teaching of this technique.
Develop this meditation slowly, gently, and with sophistication. It is not an ego trip. Begin with 3 minutes on each
side and, with practice, work up to the full time of 11 minutes on each side.

COMMENTS: Without breath, the body has no value. Breath is the principle of life. Between God and you, it is the link.
Meditation on breath is the highest meditation. God is known as Praanpathi, the Master of breath, and a person is known
as praanee, one who lives on the breath.
“So your relationship is between the Praanpathi and the praanee. Now, you can color it: Christian breath, Jewish
breath, Hindu breath, Sikh breath, Muslim breath, but that doesn’t make any sense. Breath is breath. Between the
Praanpathi, the holder of the breath, and the breathing self, that is praanee, there is a direct relationship and we can expe-
rience that though this kriya.

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 Authentic RelationshipS
KUNDALINI YOGA MEDITATION
FINDING HAPPINESS & PEACE WITHIN

Yogi Bhajan • September 26, 1974

POSTURE: Sit is Easy Pose with your spine straight, chin and chest
out. Warm up first by chanting Ong in the long form to that it takes
approximately 10 seconds to chant Ong one time. Chant though the
conch, with the mouth slightly open and the breath coming only out
of the nostrils. Chant in this manner 5 times then gradually begin
to chant Ong faster so that you are chanting one Ong every 3-5 sec-
onds. Start with 1 Minute of rapid Ong and gradually work up to
2 Minutes.

COMMENTS:
“Practice it, it will set your brain, if you do it correctly. If you start
to cough, allow it, because it is just your thyroid adjusting to the
pressure. The thyroid is responsible for beauty and for keeping you
young. Chanting this sound correctly gives power, beauty, and youth.
“There is no word ‘Om.’ Neither ‘Aum.’ Actually the sound ‘Om’
is the sound of the conch, which can only be created. It cannot be written and it can not be expressed. It is
the sound of Infinity (in Formlessness). When this starts working, even the loincloth is lost. It frees the man
of all possessions”.
“Ong is never chanted though the mouth, it comes through the central nerve channel, the Shushmana,
which is the tip of the nose. It brings out from you the breath like fire. Ong is the sound (that) man found out
of the conch where he put in the breath of life. Sound of the conch is only expanded Ong. When a disciple
or seeker practices at the center of the nose, his entire brain gets a very specific vibration and then the nectar
starts coming.”
“Through time man started writing about the chanting of Ong and reading about it, but not practicing it.
The result was that he eventually forgot what the sound is and then he became a shopper. He went from one
place to another, to another, to another. He went from one person to another person to another person, ask-
ing, begging for happiness. He went from one religion to another, from one place to another, from one house
to another, just asking for peace. He forgot that what he is asking for is within himself.”

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Elevating Your Paradox continued

Applying the Meditative Mind to Polarity

STEP four the “elevated” polarity uses your fifth chakra and the power
elevating the paradox of your inner words to restate the relationship of the paradox
Now let’s explore the positive and negative in each side of and move it from conflict or conundrum to an empowering
your paradox. We will bring the energy of love, tolerance and packet of energy and possibility. If you let it go on its own and
saibhung to elevate the paradox. We will change the paradox let the subconscious reactions to each pole fight, separate or
so that it reflects the positive that each side brings to the rela- quiver at an unstable average point, you could drift toward the
tionship. nightmarish result and act as if you are a “Hopelessly-Frozen
We will do this by balancing the polar energies in our body Workaholic.”
and brain. Then, in a neutral connected state, we will invoke So you will look at your selected internal paradox—the
our love, prem, and tolerance to embrace both ends of the par- polarity you tend to show in relationships—and elevate it to
adox so that it can function at its highest dynamic form. the positive synergy of the best qualities that come from each
If you let the paradox go untended it can sometimes lock pole.
into one of the errors we looked at before. Yogi Bhajan would
call this neurotic interlock of the polarity a “mental intrigue.” Step FIVE—Look at Your Paradox
It can create great internal tension and become its own behav- Immediately use your energy which is very flexible and
ioral and emotional nightmare, acting independent of your expansive at this moment, with your instinct for attachment
consciousness. You can also be conscious of the paradox and and fixation abated by the exercises, to look at your paradox
see it as a coordinated flow, as a synchronized wave of qual- again. Imagine yourself in both modes of the polarity and feel
ities that varies with the richness and fertile atmosphere of the how each extreme compromises the power of the paradox. As
moon. Look through the eyes of the soul in the Infinite game, you observe it, allow both sides of your nature to come in as
pre-forgive and elevate. you flood yourself with love and neutral grace. Imagine the
Through the eyes of love, the strengths of each pole of the positive contribution and use of each pole of your paradox.
paradox self-doubting over-achiever, becomes restated as a Imagine the value that each brings to you as a lesson or skill
very-prepared goal-exceeder. Self-doubt when too extreme is or contribution to your destiny in the Infinite Game. See how
incapacitating. Used in relation to the drive for achievement, each pole works with the other so that the better it works the
it uses the negative mind to prepare in more detail and to not better the other pole works to serve you. How would you
overlook critical factors. The over-achiever when too extreme capture that positive, synchronized relationship? What name
and unmitigated by the polarity becomes nothing but work; expresses the paradox from this elevated, highly-functional
becomes a workaholic driven by a single value that distorts perspective? How does it feel to support and allow this para-
and reduces other values. But in combination, its positive dox within you?
quality to add focus and goal orientation is very powerful. So

Self-doubting over-achiever = very-prepared goal-exceeder

Negative of doubt: hesitant, withdrawing, confused, frozen
Negative polarity of an overachiever: compulsive, workaholic, overbearing, controlling

Positive polarity of doubt: protective, precise, sees flaws, plans

Positive polarity of an overachiever: disciplined, focused, quick acting, directive

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Step SIX—Rewrite Your Paradox This balance of energy in our universe means that there are
Now rewrite your paradox. Keep it short and descriptive. many polarities that are interdependent. That is, each pole of
Change it so it fits your unique energy as we did in the exam- the polarity needs the other for fulfillment and for definition.
ple above. Imagine that the energy of this elevated paradox, Without heat you cannot understand cold. If you exert your-
which is the expression of your projections in relationships, self physically you must rest. Excellent physical exertion
supports you in all your relationships. How would that change requires rest. Excellent rest comes after regular physical exer-
your approach or experience of yourself and others in a rela- tion. Rest and activity are polarities. If you choose only one
tionship? pole—say all activity and no rest—you will become non-func-
tional. You will get sick. That mono-polar view of life will
Step SEVEN create stress and ultimately end life itself!
Share Your Paradoxes with the group Consciousness itself and our existence as a human being
Now share your paradoxes and the change with the group. rest in polarity. Our duality can serve our non-duality and our
Share the change with the group. Read your original paradox non-duality can serve our polarities. To understand life we
and then your elevated paradox aloud to the group at large or need to perceive this. When we experience both polarities
within your study groups. simultaneously and remain our Self, that is the stage of shu-
niya. This truth underlies much of yoga philosophy and
much of the design of our technical exercises. These quota-
tions capture some of the spirit and application of the Law
of Polarity in the teachings of Yogi Bhajan:
The Law of Polarity
Without the diagonal energy of the meditative mind applied
to each polarity, we mishandle the creative potential within The truth is that a person never dies and the truth is also
the polarities and paradoxes within us and around us. Instead that a person never is alive. This is known as the polarity
of flowing with our life and seeing the next step of dharma of consciousness.
—Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 132
and effective action, we create repetitive patterns and seal off
the present in a casket made of the past and nailed shut with
fears of the future. To manage our paradoxes and release the This life as a whole has a question and an answer. This life
energy in them into positive action we need a neutral mind. as a whole has an existence and a nonexistence. You exist,
but you don't exist. You have some merits and some values
We judge instead of inviting thoughts and feelings into con- and you have no merits and no values. You are effective
sciousness to sense and apprehend: ugliness has its place. and you are ineffective. —Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 135
Ugliness serves us because ugliness is only that which by
comparison promotes beauty. Who are you to condemn it?
Who are you to judge it? Because of a fear complex you see Learn to exist in the state of nonexistence; that is reality.
ugliness around you and you see it in yourself; this brings a —Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 140
fear complex.
—Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 126

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Where there is a light there is always a shade of polarity; What is union with God? It is the same union that we find in
whenever you are very righteous and doing a right job, you our polarity. In that ecstasy, in that enjoyment where there is
will always end up on a cross or in a gas chamber. It is not a complete merger of two polarities, when the female offers
something that is unknown to man in his life, but you must herself and the male accepts, both unite in that ecstasy of
have dignity and you must have realization of your potential infinity. In such a union a soul is born out of the soul of a
up to infinity; that what one cannot imagine to hear and woman, which changes the face of this earth.
think and see, the other one can show, prove, and do. It is not only the child that is born, which is creativity, it
—Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 132 is the merger of the two polarities that is highly important.
When the polarities are not merged, physical intercourse
between a man and a woman is nothing but exploitation.
You think a thief is unholy? He maintains the police, fire In all darkness, there is a light and in all light there is a
maintains the fire brigade. Everything has a polarity and in darkness.
these polarities, whenever you can create a neutral stage, —Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 129
you are very, very happy, very, very healthy, and very, very
holy. If you have the ability to create this stability, that is The Almighty God is very weak before the man of God. It is
all you need. the Law of Polarity. The mightiest must be very weak some-
—Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p.132 where; if that rule applies to us, it applies to Him. He is
omnipresent, omniscient, whatever He is, but He is very
weak before his own image.
—Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 131
Nothing is good and nothing is bad, but thinking makes it so.
Virtuous are those thieves who have stolen the Nam, bounty
of the Name, and have filled themselves so much that they Not having the flexibility to change is a tragedy in itself;
live free from all bondages. and having too much flexibility not to stand for anything
—Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 131 is a tragedy in itself.
—Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 130

When you deny something, actually you are accepting those Being Fully Present as a Teacher
things very deep in your subconscious mind, and sometimes, Applying all these insights to our roles as teachers is an ongo-
when you accept something, you are rejecting it in your sub- ing task. It is a skill that requires flexibility and steadiness. Once
conscious mind so strongly even though you do not know it. we know our own inner polarities we can more easily under-
So it is not by your acts alone that you approve or disap- stand the nature of nonattachment and how to use our teach-
prove things. Your personality, which is a known personality, ing to elevate or triangulate the polarities we must deal with.
can be known by acts; but your unknown personality is also When someone is entangled in a struggle with the vicis-
there. Man is both unknown and known. Unknown is situdes and polarities of life, we often say to not be attached.
divine, known is the individual, however you are denying Often a new student will take this as permission to detach.
God. God is only denied because you say it is unknown. To They want to remove themselves from the pain of life by
know thyself is to know God. God is what? God is a totali- dulling the pain, not caring, or implanting their mind with an
ty, and when one knows the totality of one's personality, elevated thought. What we really mean to say is that non-
one is God. attachment and the use of the neutral mind is the way to free
—Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 136
ourselves from pain. Become fully present to the challenge
rather than fragmented into the negative and positive reac-
tions and judgments we have.
To be nonattached is a call to unity in the self, a commit-
ment to full presence and intuitive management of the polar-

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ities by merger. Nonattachment is the elevated perspective that allows us to Group Discussion
use attachment and detachment in proportions that serve our awareness in the The Law of Polarity
neutral, meditative mind. Take some time in your small groups or in the
whole group to discuss the ideas and applica-
• Detachment is the negative frequency of connection which establishes an tion of the Law of Polarity. Discuss it as a
internal dialogue to function passively in the play of creation. In its extreme teacher and as an individual. What have you
manifestation we run, hide, leave or forget. We can be so detached that we learned about it? How do you recognize when
never experience our self. you are polarized and not elevated? How do
• Attachment is the positive frequency of connection. However, in its extreme your actions in that state affect your relation-
manifestation we can become so attached that we play out our traumas, anger, ships and achieving your goals?
or possessiveness. We can become so attached that we lose our sense of self
in the welter of emotions. Kriya:
• Nonattachment is the neutral frequency of connection whose characteristic Build Yourself to Act not React
is a full, radiant presence of the self. Non-attachment is the path of the Spiritual This kriya builds our capacity to act from the
Warrior. It is only in this nonattached state that we can embody true love. non-attached state. In that state we act with-
out hesitation and without impulse. We come
When the nonattachment, attachment and detachment are in dynamic bal-
from the deep place of stillness, shuniya, and
ance, the state of shuniya, thoughtlessness and nonreactive observation of the
act through the neutral mind.
self is set.
MEDITATION:
The Law of Love
Merger of Sun and Moon
Even the the Law of Polarity has a polarity: the Law of Love. The Law of
This meditation synchronizes and elevates the
Polarity defines how we react and behave in a world of differences. The Law
function of the polarity in your meridians. The
of Love defines how we react and behave in a world that is defined by selfless
sun energy and the moon energy are the polar-
merger and unity. Both of these laws act in each moment and in each individ-
ities of action and passivity; sensing and imag-
ual. Our consciousness, our choices in relationship to these laws of life deter-
ination; feminine and masculine; and left and
mine our life.
right sides of your body. This special breath
Non Attachment takes a little practice to do correctly without
Fully Present using your hands to direct the breath through
alternate nostrils. The result is worth the effort.
It will give you the stability to use your elevat-
ed perspective in the midst of an active life.

closing the day

To close this day, visualize your own quality of
saibhung, where you are fulfilled, complete in
SHUNIYA
Stillness your relationship to yourself and a master of
Zero polarity. By choice, live from awareness and
love. Then join will everyone for singing and
dancing to celebrate the paradoxes, to experi-
ence the merger and to unite, with one anoth-
er and yourself, in bliss.
Attachment Detachment
Enmeshed Removed

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 authentic
KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA relationships
BUILD YOURSELF TO ACT, NOT REACT
Yogi Bhajan • January 30, 1986

1. Stretch your legs straight out in front. Grab your toes and stretch the spine forward. Inhale and tilt the head
up, stretching the back of your neck. Exhale and bring your chin to your chest. Maintain the stretch in the spine.
Continue to move your head with the breath, being careful not to compress the vertebrae of the neck. Breathe
in and out fast and powerfully. 1-1/2 Minutes.

2. Lie down on your back, begin Breath of Fire, and dance your body. Move any way you wish, but don’t raise
any part of your body off the floor. No part should be stable, all parts should move. It’s a physically violent
reaction to get rid of internal violence in a controlled fashion. It’s “you against you.” Take all the pain out, don’t
hold anything in. 3-1/2 Minutes.

3. Relax on your back. Go to sleep. Listen to the tape

of the gong meditation played by Yogi Bhajan. Bring
your strength to your toes and go with the gong. The
three rhythms of the gong will work on the glandular
system. If you give yourself a good chance, it will work
on the pineal gland. 11 Minutes.
(Note: In order to receive the benefits of this set, it is required that you meditate to the gong meditation played
by Yogi Bhajan.)

4. Move feet and hands, wake yourself up.

5. Sit in Easy Pose. Chant, “God and Me, Me and God, Are One”
meditatively going from chakra to chakra. 15 Minutes.

TO END: Inhale and hold your breath 20-30 seconds and stretch your
body. Exhale. Inhale and move your body all around, stimulating your
energy. 30 seconds. Exhale and relax.

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a
KUNDALINI YOGA MEDITATION
MERGER OF THE SUN AND MOON

Yogi Bhajan • April 22, 1977

Original
POSTURE: Sit in a comfortable meditative posture. Chin in and chest out. Position

MUDRA: Bring the elbows in to the sides of the body and bring the
hands palm up, fingers together, with the wrists bent back and the fin-
gertips facing out to each side, parallel with the shoulders. Take care to
maintain the hand position throughout the exercise.

EYES: Tip of the nose; as you continue the meditation, the eyes should
relax and may roll up.

BREATH & MOVEMENT:

Inhale and lift the left hand and shoulder up toward the ear, keeping the
hand bent back and parallel to the floor. As you inhale, you will feel that
the left nostril is more active than the right.
Exhale through the left nostril and lower the hand, returning to the
original position. Repeat on opposite side.
Inhale and lift the right hand and shoulders up. As you inhale you
will feel that the right nostril is more active.
Exhale through the right nostril and lower the hand, returning to the
original position.
Continue to alternate sides and alternate nostrils, with a steady, evenly
paced breath, not quick and not slow.

COMMENTS: This movement serves to open the nostril on the same

side, so that as you move alternate hands, the breath will also alternate
from side to side.

TIME: 11 minutes. Can be increased with practice and experience.

TO END: Inhale and stretch the arms up, looking through the 10th gate.
Exhale and relax.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

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 authentic relationships

chapter FOUR

living
as your
authentic self
 Authentic RelationshipS

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 authentic relationships

once Upon A time: Story and It’s Impact

Today we begin with a powerful energetic process LET’S BEGIN BY THINKING ABOUT STORY: its importance, its strengths
to help us transform our relationships. and its weaknesses. How can we change our stories so that we can con-
tinue to grow in authentic relationship to the self, the soul and each other?
4We are going to balance the physical All the polarities in our feelings and our minds need to be put together,
body first so that we can use our neutral mind blended and transformed by the heat of our awareness. Only story is a
and its healing capacity to re-vision our rela- strong enough crucible in which to mix all those feelings and use them
tionships and forgive not only with our minds with awareness and intelligence.
and hearts, but also at the Our human capacity to create stories and to live them has no match
cellular level. in any other kingdom of life. Stories help us to understand our experience,
share our experience and create that same experience in another person.
4We will balance the aura so that we can Long ago when we were but small tribes, we would hunt and have adven-
open ourselves to what is actually present now tures and then bring those adventures back to the campfire. We would tell
without the entanglement of the past or the elaborate stories. By telling those stories, we shared our feelings, gathered
intrusion of our support, taught others what we had learned, and established our status
fantasies. and worth through our accomplishments. Telling a good story was a
tremendous skill and was highly valued and rewarded. Hunters, teachers,
4Once we are fully present and alert, we will preachers, grandparents, strangers all had a story to tell.
take some time to engage with the Master. Even today, we gather around the fires of our digital projectors and TVs.
In this We gather in the cinemas and watch the stories unfold. We value this so
lecture, he infuses us with a powerful perspec- much that we pay good actors enormous fees if they can induce in us the
tive on love, life and relationships. feelings that we need in order to understand and participate in the story.
Each day our mind tells us a story. We listen to that story either con-
4And then we receive a gift; a gift from Yogi sciously or unconsciously. That story helps us to recognize ourselves, iden-
Bhajan and a legacy of gurmat—the practice of tify our consciousness, contain our fears and find our hopes. Our story can
consciousness in Sikh Dharma. From that tradi- help guide us, or it can create a comfortable prison, insulating us from real-
tion he spotlights a technology of sound, breath ity. All wisdom traditions try to make us aware of our story. They try to
and meditation that guide us in editing our story. They remind us that there’s not just one story.
anyone can use and with a proven history of
impact and results. We will use the subtle Naad Drama and Trauma: Stories from the Ego
of the Mere Man Lochai Shabd to create a We each have to take charge of our story. The stories we live by can be
dynamic magnetic field between us which has created from our ego or from our soul. The stories generated from the ego
the power to release and resolve the wounds of are laced with emotion and drama, fear and anger, reactions and impuls-
love. This Naad is so effective because of its es. Many of those stories are created automatically. We suffer a great loss,
embedded patterns of sound, its a trauma, an extraordinary experience of some kind and our mind and ego
psyche, given by the master practitioners—the combine to give us a story that is so intense and so real that it over-
Gurus of that time—and the meditative interlock whelms the present moment. It is as though time stands still and we live
of the aura that grows from this practice. out those dramatic stories, those wounds of love and life, again and again,
repeating the pattern, projecting the problem, never being awake and alive
to the present.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

A Sense of Courage and Purpose: Stories from the Soul meaning. The ideal spiritual story connects the Infinite game
The stories from the soul are filled with courage, fearlessness, to the finite game. A spiritual story leads us to clarity, authen-
and a sense of purpose. They are grounded in the reality of ticity, compassion and kindness and fills us with wisdom,
each moment. The soul in each of us has accepted this life and humility, and the ability to be present. In authentic relation-
has pre-forgiven everything that will happen from the begin- ships we pay attention to the stories we generate together.
ning. The soul’s perspective says, What comes to us is God’s We understand that often, the stories we live by need con-
will or the karma that we have earned; our real choice lies in stant editing because they’re usually from a single perspec-
the ability to deliver our spirit and consciousness with each tive, often untrue, and rarely created from consciousness. An
breath. We appreciate our enemy as much as our friend, our authentic relationship helps free us from the toxic stories of
challenges as much as our opportunities, and cultivate a core, the ego and form a creative, real relationship.
authentic relationship between our awareness and our soul. Later, we will experience how to transform the wounds of
We each have the ability to recognize our stories and to give love that we all get in our lives so that they no longer hold
attention to those that uplift us to our highest potential and us back or block us from relating authentically to ourselves
union or to the constant dramas and commotions of the ego. and the world. The wounds of love are almost inevitable.
Stories are one of the most powerful things that we have They come from our struggles with the polarities of life. They
to share with each other. Our stories cross generations—from come from relationships that we form out of our search for
father and mother to son and daughter, from the past to the security, encouragement, self-esteem, love, you name it. We
future and from the future to the present. Our stories cross rarely begin relationships with the feeling of completeness,
cultures—a story from the heart awakens in us the power to self-love, self-trust and openness to the other. Each of us
choose and to act as a human being—courageous; and as a exists in that karmic web of relationships that we explored
creature of God—compassionate. A story that is told by our earlier. To live life happily, purposefully, and spiritually, we
consciousness takes us beyond our instincts and uses our must know this art of healing the wounds of love: to forgive
applied intelligence and intuition to see beyond the surface of all, to embrace all, to express and exert the true nature of our
things as we connect with the flow of life. soul, and even to pre-forgive.

Timeless Stories Infinite Love

A powerful example of a timeless story that crosses cultures, Just as the wounds of love are inevitable, Infinite love has the
speaks to the heart, and is an example of true consciousness power to heal them. This is the difference between the realms
is told by a journalist covering the conflict in Rwanda. of finite love and Infinite love—piaar versus prem. Each of us
Toward the end of the Rwandan genocide in 1994, a small is blessed with a brain and that brain has many parts, includ-
girls’ boarding school was attacked. Both Hutu and Tutsi chil- ing ancient, instinctual parts. Most of the time, we act from
dren attended the school. When the interhamwe came and the instinctual brain. We form relationships to satisfy our
asked for the Hutu girls to step forward and be spared, they need for security and attachment, intimacy and support, sex-
all replied in one voice, we are Rwandan. In the face of uality and stimulation. We hope to receive from the other per-
death, they refused to separate themselves from their friends son what we believe is missing within ourselves. This is
and companions. They refused to participate in the artificial called the “false core” of our relationship. An authentic rela-
distinctions of Hutu and Tutsi. Instead, they were one. They tionship is based first on our relationship to our own soul,
all died together that day—one voice, one death and one vic- our Self; and second, on our sense of self-love, self-trust, and
tory. They acted with such fearless authenticity that their self-completeness. Anything else splits our system in two—
story is welcomed into every heart as our story. between our outside and our inside. When we are awakened
to Prem—unlimited love—then we stay alert and aware and we
Connecting the Infinite Game to the Finite Game experience each person with love. We begin to see that we’ve
All of us have many stories about relationships that shape our been sleepwalking through life.
behavior, construct our perspectives and infuse them with

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In our many attempts to defend ourselves against the all the gifts are held equally precious in your heart. Life
pains of the false core in our relationships, we often make becomes gratitude and grace.
things worse. The more wounded that we feel, the more we
tend to view the world in black–and–white. We lose our sub- A Different Story
tlety and react to a tsunami when in reality there is only a Every spiritual practice and every discipline of consciousness
gentle wave. We struggle against our pains, not with love, but has valued stories that are instructive, and repeated without
by gathering the force of our emotions into the two camps of end. Each story has a beginning, middle and an end. Each
our polarities. The struggle between the polarities distracts us story has a central value or lesson. Each story teaches us
from the reality of the present. With our hands so tightly about the way things are. Each story shows us the relation-
gripped around one feeling or another, we cannot open them ship between cause and effect.
to join hands with one who might be able to help, or to cap- As you know, one of our central stories is our ability to
ture the gentle rain of opportunity and grace that constantly merge. Our human capacity to merge with our own self, to
surrounds us. merge with another and even to merge with infinity defines
who we are and who we can be. The word yoga means merg-
Our Many Teachers er, or union. In the realm of relationships, this story takes the
There is no guilt in any of this. As we learned when we form of authenticity, caring, effectiveness, prosperity, and
looked at the infinite game of life, the divine choice of our often fidelity, monogamy, and tolerance.
soul was there from the beginning of our journey. We accept- If you pick up any newspaper, there are many stories that
ed the karmic web of relationships that we are in. We agreed challenge this. People want to feel connected and loved; they
to experience a particular form, or gender. We agreed to have want to feel that they belong to each other. But as we saw
certain oppositions and certain aids. Our task is to act pow- before, with divorce rates rising above 50%, people are inse-
erfully in the present to deliver our soul and experience our cure and often seek other ways to satisfy their basic needs.
unbounded reality in the midst of form. So we are given many They do not know how to merge with their own soul nor do
teachers to help us: they know how to carry that sense of merger into a relation-
4Our first teacher, our divine teacher, is the mother. ship. So they seek alternatives that range from no real relation-
4Our second teacher is the father. ships at all, to many passing relationships to complex group
4Our third teacher is all those relatives who care for us. relationships. A controversial example from contemporary
4Our fourth teacher is all of our peers and our friends. society is polyamory; those who reject the possibility of a sat-
4And if we are very lucky, our fifth teacher is a true spir- isfying monogamous marriage and try to solve the need for
itual guide who gives us the clarity to walk through this world belonging with alternatives like group marriages, The statistics
without faltering. show that the number of these group “marriages” continues
It is often this fifth teacher that helps us to slowly peel to increase. Interestingly enough, these group marriages have
back all the layers of wounds that have made us somewhat a more successful record of longevity than the average monog-
numb or insensitive to our own life. Many of our patterns amous relationship! In many conservative circles, they’re afraid
were planted in the subconscious while we were in the womb that this means marriage is falling apart, so this is really scar-
and in the first years of our life. Clearing these wounds, ing them. Not only are these people doing the wrong thing,
changing the pattern, is just normal maintenance—like putting ignoring the traditional values of the family, but their relation-
oil in your car. But there is one difference. Once you form that ships last longer! Without a deep understanding, and a qual-
deep authentic relationship with your soul, and you clear out ifying experience of how to merge with another and belong,
the wounds in your subconscious, then you can enter into we create new stories, new ways to live that may somehow
the delightful and joyful experience that is your life! You can touch that core need. The new story often challenges the
hold every relationship from a true core. All the wounds and accepted story and creates conflict and fear. People begin to

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 Authentic RelationshipS

think that perhaps marriage is unnatural. Perhaps monogamy Moving Beyond the Triangle of Motives
is against nature. Maybe monogamy is not actually possible. As practitioners of yoga, we experience God as infinite cre-
Both stories try to make sense out of experience. And both ativity expressed in infinite forms. Life has many varieties. The
stories have specific goals. It is not a question of whether each world is full of interesting things. There are many kinds of
story is right or wrong. That is the play of the mind and the relationships between people, animals and things. In that
game of polarity. What is true is that the soul wants us to ful- great complexity, we can make choices. The ability to merge
fill its deepest desire—its longing to belong, its longing to be in an ultimate love and the ability to go beyond the triangle
free, to be liberated, to have honor, to be sovereign and to of motives is what the spiritual relationship is about. Many
merge with itself, something much greater than the bounds of people choose to live this way. And many create wonderful
ego. relationships that last a lifetime. The capacity to do this does
The spiritual story of fidelity that many wisdom traditions not come from religion or from following rules. It comes from
and yoga invite us to join cultivates the capacity to merge ruling the self with the spirit. It comes from guiding the psy-
beyond the particular circumstances and challenges. This che with the self. It comes from qualifying our self within our
story touches our transcendent core and while it acknowl- self to be intuitive and to have a regulatory consciousness
edges our personality, it expresses more than emotional and that is vast and not contracted. The ability to merge is a
commotional reactions. For if we are to merge with our own human capacity that goes way beyond the instincts.
infinite Self, we must be able to go beyond surface appear- If you look at the instincts across the entire realm of
ances and embrace and transform conflict as well as kind- nature, there aren’t that many monogamous creatures out
ness. The fidelity at the core of any committed relationship is there: a couple of swans, a couple of wolves, and a couple of
the gateway to living in the neutral mind, beyond the polari- moles. Of the 531 varieties of moles, there’s one called the
ties, and with the power and insight to enjoy the play. Star-nosed, vole mole, that is hairless, really ugly, disastrous-
From the perspective of the soul, all the challenges we ly ugly from a human perspective, and it has an explosion for
experience in relationships are to be expected. Besides, if we a nose. But that sensitive nose makes it highly skilled in dig-
eliminated all those problems, what damage would we do to ging—along with another ancillary benefit. Vole moles suc-
the music industry that thrives on the ballads and melodies cessfully mate for life and scientists have figured out why.
of the up-and-down emotions of relationships? If you think When that variety of mole digs and that nose moves, the
about relationships in terms of the triangle of instinctual rela- stimulation generates oxytocin, a very powerful hormonal
tionships (attachment, passion, and intimacy), this rise in secretion from the pituitary. The mole is flooded with the
relationships such as polyamory emerges naturally out of the amrit of sexual energy—the Ahhh feeling. “No need for any-
current environments. These alternative lifestyles emerge and thing, man, I’m in bliss. Talk to me later.” When we do cer-
thrive because we are in a fairly secure and rich environment tain things like jappa, meditation, and yoga and stimulate the
at this point; we aren't under the pressure of a global depres- pituitary, we take charge of the instinctual self and generate
sion yet. So, right now—in 2006—you can survive relatively our own oxytocin. Why do we need to wait to be hit from
easily. There’s money to spend here in the United States, the the environment? We can become self-initiating and write our
origin of that story. In our triangle of bonding instincts, the own story. We can create and sustain merger. We can be
attachment to security in our environment is actually lower— secure and flexible and joyful because we base our security
there’s less need for control and more need for care-giving not on our triangle of bonding instincts but instead on our
and intimacy. So some people exploring these types of group Infinite relationship. That is human, very human.
relationships have less instinctual jealousy; in fact they have
just the opposite—what they call ‘flubbery’: the enjoyment of
the other enjoying another.

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Changing Our Stories

Because we are creatures of bija—the seed—we have an ability to maybe, just maybe, generate one original
thought and declare it to infinity and watch it bloom; if we can become still, merge with love into our infinite,
silent self and then plant the seed as an intention, it will manifest.

Why Story? You have to understand how powerful story is to Another source for story is history, the upset of the ego,
us as humans. If we just went off of the triangle of instincts, and the imprints of our senses. An experience either positive
we’d be like those vole moles, purely instinctual. We need to or negative can imprint deeply in the mind. You see a beau-
look at the instincts. We need to understand that we get into tiful dawn and you can’t get it out of your mind because of
many relationships just out of impulse, based on our history. the brilliance of the sun and the surprising vividness of the
But just as the Artist has a signature and you can recognize colors. Your whole life you paint it again and again. The sen-
that artist no matter what, we, as humans, have the ability to sory impact itself can create and organize a story. Pain and
have a signature in our life. Within that capacity for unique- trauma can do the same thing. You experience war and
ness, signature is a possibility. We have the possibility—the there’s lots of trauma. You end up shaping your whole life
human signature capacity—to be able to write one line in the around that most intense experience. In itself that's not good
story of God. Grab the pen of your mind and write with your or bad. You may help other people with that same pain or
soul one line, one unforgettable line, into the ongoing story trauma and do great good. That is the matrix of our karma.
of life that leaves a legacy and becomes a guide to others. Regardless of the particular karma that you must deal with,
Humans can do that. Vole moles can’t. Even though they can you act consciously and always be free?
stay monogamous their entire life, still they can’t write that Can we realize that all those stories, which are very pow-
line. Why? Because we are creatures of bija—the seed—we erful, aren’t really ‘out there.’ Most of the time we believe we
have an ability to maybe, just maybe, generate one original discover the story. But where do we get our stories—really?
thought and declare it to infinity and watch it bloom; if we Stories are generated from within a complex interaction of our
can become still, merge with love into our infinite, silent self consciousness, our impulses, our senses and our decisions
and then plant the seed as an intention, it will manifest. This about them. It’s not that there is a story outside of us; we
is our co-creative Self acting in merger with God. actually change our stories all the time. We live on that story.
Yet most of our thoughts are automatic. You start to med-
itate and what happens? You have thoughts. You think them Siri Guru Granth:
or you notice them. We can now measure scientifically the The Love Story Between the Soul and Infinity
flood of all of these thoughts that arise in the brain automat- Go to the Siri Guru Granth, for example. We use that spiritu-
ically. That’s normal. We have not just streams but torrents al collection of sound and wisdom as a technique, a Naad. It
of thoughts that assail our consciousness with no effort on is a conversation, a relay with our higher consciousness. It’s
our part. A lot of the stories that hold those thoughts togeth- full of story; the whole thing is actually a long love story. You
er are just as instinctual, sometimes archetypal, as the start reading the guru and it says, ‘Oh all night I couldn’t sleep
thoughts themselves. We have two sources for the story. and my limbs were pained and I tossed and turned because I
Suppose we have the relationship to our soul—the infinite missed you my lover.’ It’s an endless love story between the
game—that tells us to go forth and experience ourselves as a soul and infinity, the soul and God. And in that story, we are
Leader. Then all through our life we have to decide about all brides. Some people have a personal story about love. Their
leading. We have many other stories that come from our soul story says love is like an addiction. Others say it is a war, or
and set us up for the game of our life: victim stories, hunter a test, or an adventure. The question is can you check your
stories, business stories, and so on. You can call them life own story consciously rather than letting the story shape your
themes that come from the initial agreement with the soul. life unconsciously. Love can be small and mean. It can be lib-

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 Authentic RelationshipS

erating. If it's a game there must be a winner. If it's a war With prem—we have the opportunity to change our sto-
there must be a victor. If it's an addiction, someone must be ries. Opened up by love, the old stories change: Love is an
a drug. In the yogi’s story, there is a finite and an Infinite and addiction. Love is a business. Love is a fantasy. Love is a hor-
an unending merger that creates uniqueness, freedom and joy. ror story. These stories are alternately stimulating, comforting,
containing, or consuming. These stories can be so strong and
Creating Our Life through the Word consuming that they override the sensations given to us by
As yogis we know that every word we speak can engage the the instinctive triangle. They take us out of the moment and
fifth chakra. It is with that word that we create our life. If we we forsake the present. We forsake the infinite that presides
can use our word, and our consciousness of those words for in every moment. But you create the story. That’s what we
merger, then we can rewrite the stories in our life. That is the must realize. When you can get to the point where you
ultimate function of the mantras that we do. That is the power notice your story and you can edit it—that moment holds
and beauty of using the Naad in our practices. By calling on incredible power to transform your life.
the Infinite through our word, our merger with that takes us
beyond the confines of the ego we often trap ourselves in. Loosen the Bonds of Your Story
You’ve all heard musicians. Let’s assume the skills of each There is a subtlety in Naad which is beyond story itself; the
of them are fantastic. Still you can hear the difference Naad has in it the capacity for you to loosen the bonds of
between one musician and another. They may sing the same your story and to change it if you wish. Give yourself a
song with the same instruments in the same evening. And chance. Enter the state of prem. Allow your own soul to
yet some write those words into our hearts and some simply change the story for you. This is why we will immerse our-
entertain our ears. One musician only tells us a song. In con- selves in the Mere Man Lochai Shabd from Shabd Hazaray to
trast, another musician is the song. Do you know the differ- heal the wounds of love today. When we do the meditation
ence? There was one musician in 3HO, who one day, at one with the Master, this is a gift of gurmat that takes on the
time, forgot himself. His ego completely dissolved and there wounds of love by realigning your internal story. The words,
was nothing but the song. And the song was the song of the the bij, of your story are shifted so that they form an infinite
Guru. As he merged into the boundless Self, everyone who story of love. And in that story you are human, and you are
listened also merged. When we forget ourselves and become real and you are always in connection with the Infinite. In the
selfless within the self—this is called love. He entered into a realm of the Infinite, the currency is love itself. You purchase
state of ultimate love—prem. At that moment of prem, he did it with the truth. Then you live in reality. You enjoy living
something that wrote the signature in the heart of God. He with less. You share your life with compassion and kindness.
became part of the Infinite story. At that moment, the Siri All this can happen with simple words. Words and Naad. If
Singh Sahib was there and he recognized the power of the you let yourself merge into prem; if you just let yourself be
moment and the love that was present. He called the musi- selfless for a moment; if you let yourself feel the energy of
cian to the front and put his hand on him; he blessed this that story, it can heal lifetimes—not just what happened last
musician. From that point on the musician learned a new lan- week—but lifetimes, because it helps you change your story.
guage and music—perfect gurbani—within a month. Otherwise, within each story there are only certain ways that
Amazing! Because he suddenly opened up—out of prem—and things can be resolved. A horror story can only end one way.
what happened? His story changed. He got beyond his per- Every story has its requirements or it’s not that story.
sonal, finite, conflicted story that was full of desire, need for As a culture, we need better stories. If we don’t have good
recognition and competition. He came into the moment and cultural stories, we don’t have people living them out. If we
served the infinite in every heart. He merged with the Infinite want to uplift ourselves and each other in this Aquarian Age,
as he went selflessly into the rhythms of the Naad. That we need to cultivate stories that come from a culture of con-
opening was recognized by his teacher and secured within his sciousness which knows no country, no time and no lineage.
life by the blessing. We have a story to share. Our story is one of ultimate love,

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 authentic relationships

called prem; our story is the story of the yogi, who enjoys compassionate relation to everyone else. You start to reflect.
merger, who takes challenge for breakfast, tragedy for lunch, You start to have an authentic relationship. You start to say,
absolute disaster and calamity for a nice full dinner, and then “Oh my God, I have a self and I love it.”
we sleep well. We transform it all in our sadhana, we are the Yogi Bhajan often spoke about the difference between
spiritual warriors. We do not fall apart. “When things are himself and us, his students. “The only difference between
down and darkest, that’s when we stand tallest.” That’s a me and you is that I accept myself, exactly as I am.” He had
story. And with fealty to that kind of story, your soul will a profound relationship to himself and to his soul. In the fol-
always have loyalty to you. lowing poem he speaks to that relationship—one that we can
all share.
SENSORY CHALLENGE: Match the Thought
There are several other ways in which we can change our Blessed is My Soul
story. One is sensory challenge. Consider the finite game and Blessed is my soul which is free
the instinctual triangles that we discussed. How is it that as Luckily it has no belly,
humans we still get so entangled and trapped by these sim- Neither it is dry nor wet
ple but powerful instincts? Why do we still believe that in Neither it is happy nor it sweats.
order to be human we need to be entangled in all those emo- It has nothing to sell or buy
tions? We are like lions who love to roam the savannas but It has nothing to even try.
who have convinced themselves that cages are comfortable I am lucky I have a soul
and that attention is better than freedom. How do we do It goes everywhere and pays no toll.
that? To get stuck in this finite story and to ignore the call of Sometimes it is low, sometimes it is high,
our soul, the chakras must get involved. For any emotional But it always moves on the turnpike.
distortion to take control of our feelings or actions, it requires It is educated, but it reads no signs
the first three chakras to be stuck or imbalanced. The great What a wonderful soul is mine!
struggle in life is to bring everything up to the Fourth
I am lucky I do have a soul
Chakra—at least! The Fourth Chakra is the first chakra that
Between the white and the black hole.
you have any real sensation of yourself—up to there it’s all
My soul knows the absolute
impulse and vole moles, passion and jealousy. You can
And it is my soul to which I salute.
destroy your whole life with the first three chakras, if they are
I am happy each day,
never tempered by the higher chakras. And yet, the first three
I have a beautiful soul to play,
chakras are very useful when combined with the higher ones.
It is a beautiful little soul of mine
Each has an inherent and useful capacity. “I don’t mind that
It is radiant and has a wonderful shine.
you have ego; these are fine as long as you have the con-
It is my friend and playmate,
sciousness and intuition to preside over all these energies. In
My soul is my best soul-mate.
the infinite game we don’t control the life, we initiate the
I am lucky I do have a soul
embodiment of infinity within the life.”
It is the nucleus of the world as a whole.
Preside Over Your Energies Blessed is my soul which is free.
But to be awake and come from yourself, you have to have a By Siri Singh Sahib Bhai Sahib Harbhajan Singh Khalsa Yogiji
sense of yourself that is not lost in the chaos and emotions. January 21, 1980
The fourth chakra is the first place where you can sense your-
self as a self and take charge of your reactions to your own Compassion for your Self starts in the heart center. Until
emotions. It is there that you start to have a compassionate you feel you amidst all the emotions, you cannot have com-
relation to your own self. And from there, you can have a passion for others. Without an awakened Fourth Chakra, you

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 Authentic RelationshipS

simply manipulate others. You will do it in the name of God; Trikuti Point
you’ll do it as a yogi; you will nail them to the wall. You’ll When we meditate, for example, with the syllables Sa Ta Na
make them part of your story: You are my addiction. You are Ma—we use these sounds very precisely. The sound Na hits
my jealousy. You are my power. You are my “fill-in-the-blank.” the conch (third eye) just a little. It’s called a pranic hook.
God gave you a story called your soul in the infinite game of The small cavity near the top of the nose is the secret of
life. There are a million stories coming creatively from God. using this sound correctly; it’s called a trikuti point, which
Can you find your story and share it? means where the three flows or rivers come together. In this
The Fifth Chakra: The Power of Projection and Penetration case, the three flows symbolize the left, right and central
So we have to struggle to get to the Fourth Chakra. It’s the channels (ida, pingala, and sushmuna). Throughout history,
beginning of a relationship to you, hence the beginning of the places where three rivers come together are seen as transfor-
relationship to others. The Fourth Chakra is not the only mational and sacred. In India, there is a sacred place where
chakra we need. What about the Fifth Chakra? When the Fifth two rivers converge. The third river is unseen and represents
Chakra is open and balanced, then you can tell a story that the descent of the spirit and the manifestation of the subtle.
will write that line in God’s heart—in the Akasha. With the In our bodies, a point at the top of the nose, where sound
Fifth Chakra you have the power of projection and penetra- vibrates as if in a great chamber is such a point. At this neu-
tion. The Fifth Chakra will help you project you. But you need tral point the sounds that you speak reaches its full bloom.
to find you first. With the Fourth Chakra balanced, you can When you chant Na—what is not—and Ma—new birth, you’re
go to zero and drop the emotion. You can open to devotion. going through a cycle using sound which continually creates
And then all the commotions become devotions. The Heart and renews. Suppose you are meditating and you have a
Chakra is a crucible of alchemy where the heavens come thought. You’re mentally chanting Sa Ta Na Ma. Let's say
together with the earth; it’s the star formed from the triangle you have a thought of a day in the past, a sweet romantic
of the heavens meeting the triangle of the earth; it’s the place moment—it’s bright and it’s big; it’s a cinematic event! In that
where the two realms come together. The Heart Chakra makes moment, when the sensory content of the five lower chakras
you human. Superhuman is the Eighth Chakra; human is the seems overwhelming, match it, confront it! Do not just proj-
Fourth Chakra. When you walk from the Fourth Chakra, you ect a steady, even-toned mantra. Use your projective ability to
can walk straight with your eyes looking ahead, not longing match the sensory challenge of the memory. In this case, you
for the heavens nor looking down to control the earth. You're mentally chant very sweetly Sa Ta Na Ma (sing-song style).
just walking in the present moment with an open heart. Come into the senses, invite them in but do not react to
What should we do with these chakras then? Each of the them or get lost in them. Project the mantra and match the
lower five chakras corresponds to a tattva (element) and a sensory proportions and intensities that the chakras use to
sensory channel, like vision or hearing. In order to record a hold this memory in your mind. Be present to yourself. In this
sensory impression and to hold that in your body, some com- same way, if an image from a horror movie appears, again
bination of these chakras must be involved. Every time you match it. This time, project the chant very powerfully. This
have an experience you need a particular proportion of the process of immediately and spontaneously matching the sen-
polarity of ida and pingala and a combination of chakras in sory challenge of the memory clears the subconscious quick-
order to grab that experience to hold it in your mind and your ly. Yogi Bhajan often said that if we really wanted to clear out
feeling body. This is basic yoga, right? So, when you are this mind—match the projection of the sensory components—
expanding your story to the Infinite game, you will find that just grab it and change it as you vibrate from the trikuti point.
some stories are persistent. They come from your Dad or your
trauma, or some other experience. The senses, in trying to
protect you, expand that story and make it very bright and
very close to you, so you can’t miss it. So you won’t acciden-
tally go there again and be hurt.

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 authentic relationships

SENSORY POLARITY: Contain the Thought strong internal story that speaks to their worth, their beauty
Another technique that is useful when you want to edit your and their internal sovereignty, can go through the worst of
story is the use of sensory polarity. Sensory Polarity is using conditions, with little harm. Even when the circumstances are
the polarity of whatever the thought is to move it out and as terrible as war, prison, rapes, and other tragedies, about
look at it. If it’s a colorful fantasy, turn it black and white. If 67% of people come out of these events with no measurable
it’s large and looming, make it small—encapsulate it. If it long-term effects. They come out fine. Strong. Present. About
seems close to you, send it way out there, instantly. Then a third of us will, for whatever reason—past history, or sensi-
vibrate Sa Ta Na Ma. Call up the feeling you want to have tivity, or neurology—have a really hard time moving past these
present. What feeling will you call up? Prem or Saibhung! traumas and our mind will focus on the experience and try to
Become fearless with love for yourself and without any need. defend against it over and over again.
Then rewrite your story: “I am a gift of the infinite and I’m We human beings are amazingly resilient. This is true for
proud of it.” Or “I am content, vast and all that I see I love young people and old, educated and not. What was most
as Thee.” Make the first story you were processing in your powerful in the 67% of survivors who had no measurable
mind a little side story. Not your central narrative. This long-term effects after trauma was their internal story and
process is using Sensory Polarity. This is a very powerful prac- their relationship to the Self. Some resource, some story was
tice and also very simple. This is meditation. Confronting the able to take them through terrible experiences and not let it
thought—gatka—which is a composition of impulses within be held negatively, So no matter how small or large the event
your own flow, from your heart and your sense of self. Create in your life, you are a greater resource and strength. Your
a story from your consciousness. It’s your story. No one else words, energy and mind can awaken your heart and presence
can write it or live it. to live your destiny and to have authentic strong relation-
ships. Find the connection to your heart center, find your
Healing the Wounds of Love— beauty, find your worth, find your strength and rewrite that
Establishing Your Soul’s Story story. When you rewrite your story, your life is changed. If
Now let's prepare to heal the wounds of love and establish you just fight within the old story, it refines and repeats itself.
your new story, your soul’s story: a story of your destiny, a Let’s break the old patterns and let something new in from
story of courage and kindness and life. You may wonder if your heart!
your inner word and story are strong? How much can it pro-
tect you and how much energy can it give you when you
need it? When you speak with your own soul and embed that
consciousness, that new story, deeply in every cell, then that
flow of reality works for you even when you do not have the
strength to work for yourself. Many studies have been done
by psychologists and therapists showing that people with a

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Interactive Group Exercise

Invoking the Authentic Self to Heal
20 minutes

4Ego Eradicator for 3 minutes 4 Meditate

Start with an exercise to boost your energy and alertness: After the 3 minutes, put down your pen or pencil and
Breath of Fire with the arms extended up at 60 degrees, the hold the paper with both hands like an open book in front
fingers curled and the thumb pointing straight up. Become of your heart center. Breathe slowly. Now expand yourself.
present and alert. Be vast and breathe relaxed and consciously.
Create a conscious intention to release any tension or
4Flashwriting for 3 minutes blocks in your own self. Expand the warmth and compas-
Immediately take a blank piece of paper and fold it in half. sion from your heart center and allow all the fulfilling rela-
Draw a line down the middle of the page. Now draw two tionships to be limitless infinite love. Feel all those people
circles, one on each half of the paper. Place the paper down and your experience with them; bring them into that limit-
so you can easily annotate the page. Now breathe slowly less and infinite inclusion. As you relax all tensions within
and meditate. Let in to your awareness all the small and you, you create a ripple effect that changes and transforms
large wounds that come to you during the meditation. Do all the relationships you have recognized in this exercise.
not dwell on any of them. Instead, as they arise, put a dot You allow the story to change and the feelings to align with
in the left circle with an initial, word, phrase, image or name your soul and its unique experience of this life.
for each wound of love. Include your parents, siblings,
lovers, spouses, friends, teachers, partners, or whomever. 4Chant Softly for 5 minutes:
Put down as many things as you can in 3 minutes. Do not Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo,
dwell on any single one, and do not stay with one if it is Guru Dev Namo, Guru Deva
especially upsetting. All you need are some representatives As you continue to chant louder from your heart center,
of the relationships, people and incidents that were not slowly (take 1-2 minutes) fold the paper in half until it
authentic or were upsetting or hurtful at the time. Bring to comes together, folded firmly between your palms in prayer
your awareness your experience of wounds. After 3 minutes, pose. Now chant from your heart for 3 more minutes and
immediately put down your pen or pencil and breathe, heal your past relationships. Turn your hands into a flame of
relaxed and consciously for 2 minutes. Expand yourself, light, a fire of love and strength: Prem and Saibhung. Allow
become vast, give yourself love and appreciation. Do the Sa your reality in this present moment to invite in all lessons,
Ta Na Ma mantra or other mantra of your choice mentally. beautiful and painful, to be loved and to release them to
serve the awakening and fulfillment of your soul’s journey.
4Meditate on Relationships for 3 minutes
Meditate on relationships again. Begin to place in the right Then inhale deeply, press the hands together and exhale
circle all your experiences where love has been fulfilled, heal- powerfully as you put the paper down, still folded. Open
ing or authentic and in alignment with your soul and your eyes and draw on the back of the folded paper a new
Infinity. Again put a name, initial, image or phrase to repre- circle and put a triangle in it. This represents your real
sent that positive authentic experience in relationship. Do authentic self that accepts what is and loves all that is.
not dwell long on any one, fill your circle with these situa- Friends and enemies are all part of the cast of your cosmic
tions and relationships. play. Many are asleep and are acting out their dreams, many
are awake and bring blessings. Allow yourself to bless, for-

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 authentic relationships

give and embrace all parts of the unique story of your The Polarity Balance Kriya
life. Imagine that each experience of each relationship
will help you act with commitment, find your Now let’s change the energy using the sacred language of
strengths, see with intuition, and project yourself with the body and Kundalini Yoga.
your character. Bring the new circle to your heart cen-
ter and say Wahe Guru! We begin with a kriya for balance and energy. This will work
the polarities and the triangles of your physical muscles. It
will balance the pelvis and awaken the energy of your navel.
It will prepare us to prepare for lecture and the very special
meditation that accompanies it.

Hast Kriya Meditation

Immediately following the Polarity Balance Kriya we will do

Hast Kriya. The movement of the hands with the Naad con-
nects the polarity of Ether and Earth, it balances the aura,
and the sound pulses between the infinite and finite aspects
of our experience at the same time. This is a subtle and
powerful, though gentle and mesmerizing practice. Let your
self go into non-self.

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 KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
POLARITY BALANCE
Yogi Bhajan • KWTC July 7, 1993

1. Stand up. Balance on the right foot. Extend and stretch the right
1
arm forward and up parallel to the ground, palm down. Left foot lift-
ed back and up 45 degrees and extended straight. Extend through
the core of the body. Hold steady 2 minutes. Then switch arms and
legs and repeat for 2 minutes. Balance is the basis of health.

2. Stand straight. Spread legs as wide as possible. Extend arms

straight out to the sides, parallel to ground, palms down, wrists
straight. Squat down so legs form 60-degree angle, about 1/4 way
down. Inhale up, exhale down. Continue for 5 minutes.
This exercise will put pressure on the hips, spine and the muscles
along the back.
4
3. Keep standing and begin to march in place. With the palms flat
and facing each other (fingers together and thumbs pointing up),
and the elbows bent, move the arms back and forth with a precise
and controlled movement. The left arm should move forward as the
right knee comes up. Continue alternating sides. For the final
minute, increase the pace, moving powerfully. 5 minutes.

4. Spread the legs as wide as possible. Place hands, fingers inter-

laced, behind the neck. Begin to rotate hips in wide circles. The 5
knees stay straight. Allow the entire body to move and rotate.
Continue for 3 minutes.

5. Place hands on hips. March by lifting heels and bend knees but
keep toes on the ground. Dance on the toes. The hips will move.
The calves will receive a pressure. Continue for 3 Minutes.

6. Begin “Jumping Jacks.” Hands come together over head as legs

spread. Arms down by sides as legs come together. Do it in a rhyth-
mical jump. Continue for 3 minutes.
6 7

7. Stand up. Lift alternate arms and legs. Right arm extends up as
the left heel lifts up to strike the buttocks. Switch arm and leg.
Continue for 3 minutes.

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 KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
POLARITY BALANCE

8. Face a partner. Do same exercise but grasp hands

8
and lift legs together on alternate sides as legs go back.
1-1/2 minutes.

9. Stay with partner. Spread legs. Hold hands facing

each other. Squat in deep knee bend, then come up.
Inhale up, exhale down. Continue for 3 minutes.

10. Stand up. Be in straight lines, extend arms out to

both sides onto the shoulders of partners on each side.
Close your eyes and stand still. After 1-1/2 minutes,
begin chanting with the Bountiful, Blissful and
9 Beautiful recording. Continue for 4 minutes.

11. Sit in easy meditative pose. Fold and hold the

hands at the heart center. Listen to the same tape.
Meditate at the brow point. 5 minutes. Then relax.

12. Turn to person next to you and lock hands and

wrestle. 30 seconds.

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a authentic
KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA relationships
HAST KRIYA: EARTH TO HEAVEN

Yogi Bhajan • January 31, 1996

POSTURE: Sit in Easy Pose. Extend your Jupiter (index) finger on both hands. Lock the other fingers down with your
thumbs.

MUSIC & MOVEMENT: Time your movements with the tape Sat Nam Wahe Guru #2 by Jagjit Singh.

Touch your Jupiter fingers to the floor on either side of you when the ragi chants Sat.
Touch your Jupiter fingers together over the top of your head when the ragi chants Nam.
Touch your Jupiter fingers to the floor on either side of you when the ragi chants Sat.
Touch your Jupiter fingers together over the top of your head when the ragi chants Nam.
Touch your Jupiter fingers to the floor on either side of you when the ragi chants Wah-hay.
Touch your Jupiter fingers together over the top of your head when the ragi chants Guroo.
Touch your Jupiter fingers to the floor on either side of you when the ragi chants Wah-hay.
Touch your Jupiter fingers together over the top of your head when the ragi chants Guroo.

TIME: 22 minutes

BENEFITS: This kriya renews the nervous system and can heal nerve pain and sciatica. If you do this Kriya for 22
minutes a day, you will totally change your personality. Power will descend from above and clean you out. Anger and
obnoxiousness will disappear from your personality.

COMMENTS: [This kriya] is so powerful it can hold the Hand of God; so powerful it can hold the hand of death. Sat
Nam Wahe Guru is a Jupiter mantra. The most graceful power and knowledge comes from Jupiter. Jupiter controls
the medulla oblongata, the neurological center of the brain, and the three rings of the brain stem.

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 authentic relationships

The Master’s Touch:

An Experience with Yogi Bhajan

VIDEO CLASS
Love: Active, Reactive and Ultimate
July 7, 1987

NOW WE HAVE A CLASS WITH THE MASTER. The focus Hazaray as a model of the feelings and the intensity of love
is on the nature of earthly and ultimate love. He describes when expressed selflessly and personally at the same time.
the stages of love and the incredible power that love and This is a gift that comes from the Sikh history. As we exam-
attraction has in our life and in our relationships. After he ine our own relationships to love and heal our wounds, we
explores the nature of love, he guides us in a unique medi- prepare ourselves to go forward with richer relationships and
tation to heal all the wounds of love and to align our con- start them in a new way.
sciousness with our relationships. He uses the Shabd

A transcript, edited for reading, is included in your Study Guide.

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a
KUNDALINI YOGA MEDITATION
TO HEAL THE WOUNDS OF LOVE
Yogi Bhajan • July 7, 1987

POSTURE: Easy Sitting Pose

CHANT: The first four stanzas of Shabd Hazaray, which are the letters written by Guru Arjun Dev to Guru Ram Das.

There are four verses that make up this section of Shabd Hazaray. Let’s call them 1, 2, 3 and 4 in the normal order that
they are read. To that sound current we interweave the mantra:

Aad such, jugaad such, haibhay such, nanak hosee bhay such.
Let’s call that mantra M.

Recite the first four verses of Shabad Hazaray and the mantra in this order:

M + 1st letter
M + 2nd letter
M + 3rd letter
M + 4th letter
M 4 times
For the deepest effect, repeat this sequence 11 times.

EFFECTS: If you want to change your relationships, drop the pain, empower them with clarity, sensitivity and authenticity
do this 11 times once a day for 11 days. Of course you can do it each day for as long as you feel necessary or as long as
you are enthralled with the beauty and space it creates.

COMMENTS: These sounds are mantras—verses—written in the form of letters between Guru Arjan, the fifth Guru, and Guru
Ram Das, his father, the fourth Guru. There was perfect longing, love and fulfillment in the sentiments, feelings and pro-
jection of these letters. Repeating these mantras takes you out of the normal internal chatter and emotional games of the
mind we usually live with. It purifies, aligns and strengthens the heart and soul.

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a
KUNDALINI YOGA MEDITATION
TO HEAL THE WOUNDS OF LOVE

A Gift to Us All—Using Shabd Hazaray with the Technology

of “Reactive Unison Communication”

This meditation can be done alone or recited with a group. There is a very powerful way to do it in a large group, using a
specific geometry. It is a very old secret of gurmat—the way of living given by the Sikh masters. The essence of this is to
use the Naad of this Shabd to reshape the electromagnetic aura to reflect the perfect relationship within one’s Self and with
the Infinite/Soul that is ultimate love.
When Yogi Bhajan gave this class he was radiant and full of the love he spoke about. In that spirit, he shared an ideal
way to chant this in a group to amplify its effect by building a strong aura and psycho-electromagnetic field. This way, each
person’s projection is amplified thousands of times by everyone else’s, powerful enough to heal the wounds of many lifetimes.

GROUP EXPERIENCE: Split the group into two groups (A+ B) facing each other.
No need for lines, but everyone sits straight and faces the other group. Put two
smaller groups (A + C) in front, seated at 60° angles to each other. Ideally they
are musicians who can play the Shabd.
4Begin with A + B (diagonal from each other) chanting the M mantra, then
the first letter of Shabd Hazaray together as the others listen.
4Then, groups C + D chant the M mantra with the second letter.
4Switch again, with A + B chanting the M mantra with the third letter
4Switch again, with C + D chanting the M mantra with the fourth letter
4Then, everyone (A + B + C + D) chants the M mantra 4 times after letter 4.
Continue this pattern through the entire shabd until the cycle has been com-
pleted 11 times.

TO END: After you finish establishing this powerful field of energy, sit perfectly
still and listen to the shabd sung in a very etheric manner for 15-20 minutes.

Sacred Geometry of
Shabd Hazaray Meditation

COMMENTS: It takes some work if you are unfamiliar with this shabd. But reading it along with the sounds or hearing and
repeating as you hear is very effective. Very quickly the rhythm and music will penetrate your cells in the primal language of
sound.
During the group chanting, your mind and subconscious let go of many pains and find the sensitive, aware presence and
confidence of the soul. As you listen in a deep state of shuniya, the element of ether opens the mind and aura to allow new
perceptions and new actions. The root that you placed deep into your soul reaches out to a new relationship and blooms.

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 161
 KUNDALINI YOGA MEDITATION
TO HEAL THE WOUNDS OF LOVE
The Four Letters of Guru Arjun to Guru Ram Das from Shabd Hazaray
Aad such, jugaad such, haibhay such,
nanak hosee bhay such
Mayraa man lochai gur darshan taa-ee My soul longs for the Blessed Vision of the Guru.
Bilap karay chaatrik kee ni-aa-ee It cries out like the pied-cuckoo.
Trikhaa na utarai shaant na aavai My thirst is not quenched, I find no peace,
Bin Darshan Sant pi-aaray jee-o Without the Vision of the Beloved Saint Guru.
Hao gholee jee-o ghol ghumaa-ee I am a sacrifice, my soul is a sacrifice,
Gur darshan sant pi-aaray jee-o (1) Unto the Vision of the Beloved Saint Guru. (1)

Aad such, jugaad such, haibhay such,

nanak hosee bhay such
Tayraa much suhaavaa jee-o sahaj dhun baanee Your face is so beautiful, and the Sound of
Chir ho-aa daykhay saaring paanee Your word imparts Divine Knowledge.
Dhan so days jahaa too(n) vasi-aa It is so long since the sparrow hawk as had a glimpse of water.
Mayray sajan meet muraaray jee-o Blessed is the land where You live,
Hao gholee hao ghol ghumaa-ee O my Friend and Intimate Divine Guru.
Gur sajan meet muraaray jee-o (2) I am a sacrifice, I am ever a sacrifice,
Unto my Friend and Intimate Divine Guru. (2)
Aad such, jugaad such, haibhay such,
nanak hosee bhay such
When for one moment I could not be with You
Ik gharee na milatay taa kalijug hotaa
The dark Age of Kali Yuga dawned for me.
Hun kad milee-ai pri-a tudh bhagavantaa
When shall I meet you, O my Beloved Lord?
Mo-eh rain na vihaavai need na aavai
I can not endure the night, and sleep does not come,
Bin daykhay gur darbaaray jee-o
Without the sight of the Beloved Guru’s Court.
Hao gholee jee-o ghol ghumaa-ee
I am a sacrifice, my soul is a sacrifice,
Tis sachay gur darbaaray jee-o (3)
Unto that True Court of the Beloved Guru. (3)
Aad such, jugaad such, haibhay such,
nanak hosee bhay such
It is by good fortune that I met the Saintly Guru.
Bhaag ho-aa gur sant milaa-i-aa
The Immortal Lord, I have found in my home.
Prabh abinaasee ghar meh paa-i-aa
I will now ever serve You, and not for even a moment
Sayv karee pal chasaa na vichhuraa
Will I ever separate myself from You.
Jan Naanak daas tumaaray jee-o
Servant Nanak is your slave, O Beloved Master.
Hao gholee jee-o ghol ghumaa-ee
I am a sacrifice, my soul is a sacrifice, unto You, O Lord.
Jan Naanak daas tumaaray jee-o (4)
Servant Nanak is your slave, O Lord. (4)
Aad such, jugaad such, haibhay such,
nanak hosee bhay such
Aad such, jugaad such, haibhay such,
nanak hosee bhay such
Aad such, jugaad such, haibhay such,
nanak hosee bhay such
Aad such, jugaad such, haibhay such,
nanak hosee bhay such

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 KUNDALINI YOGA MEDITATION
TO HEAL THE WOUNDS OF LOVE

mwJ mhlw 5 cau p dy Gru 1

Interactive
Awid scu ju g wid scu
hY iB scu nwnk ho s I iB scu
Group Exercise
One-Minute Skits
myrw mn locY gur drsn qweI
blp kry cwiqRk kI inAweI
iqRKw n auqrY sWiq n AwvY
Let’s capture your creativity and inspiration on this

ibnu drsn sMq ipAwry jIau ]1]

topic and share it with everyone in the course.
Break out into your study groups. Using your cre-
hau GolI jIau Goil GumweI ative, dynamic, expressive selves, work together to
gur drsn sMq ipAwry jIau ]1] rhwau ] create a One-Minute Skit that expresses the feeling,
nature or experience of Prem. Convey what it is;
Awid scu ju g wid scu how you live it; the challenges to it; the differences
hY iB scu nwnk ho s I iB scu between the types of love. You can use song, dance,
silence, acting, etc. Then come together and wit-
qyrw muKu suhwvw jIau shj Duin bwxI ness all the variations, expressions, and beauty that
icru hoAw dyKy swirMgpwxI you’ve created as a group—all the infinite dynamics
DMnu su dysu jhw qUM visAw
of prem which run through you and your life.

myry sjx mIq murwry jIau ]2] You have about 20 minutes to create your skit; then

Awid scu ju g wid scu

come back together as a whole to present your skits

hY iB scu nwnk ho s I iB scu

to the entire group.

hau GolI hau Goil GumweI

gur sjx mIq murwry jIau ]1] rhwau ]
iek GVI n imlqy qw kiljugu hoqw
huix kid imlIAY ipRA quDu BgvMqw
moih rYix n ivhwvY nId n AwvY
ibnu dyKy gur drbwry jIau ]3]

Awid scu ju g wid scu

hY iB scu nwnk ho s I iB scu

hau GolI jIau Goil GumweI

iqsu scy gur drbwry jIau ]1] rhwau ]
Bwgu hoAw guir sMqu imlwieAw
pRBu AibnwsI Gr mih pwieAw
syv krI plu csw n ivCuVw
jn nwnk dws qumwry jIau ]4]
hau GolI jIau Goil GumweI
jn nwnk dws qumwry jIau ] rhwau ]1]8]
© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 163
 Authentic RelationshipS

INTERACTIVE GROUP EXERCISE

Exploring Values: The Base of Human Relationships

YOUR VALUES ARE EXPRESSIONS OF YOUR IDENTITY. ues and then projecting them into each action in your life,
Values are what give us a sense of meaning and motivation. whether great or small, is a central quality of consciousness.
Values depend on who we are, who we know our self to be, Meditation, retreats and deep cleansing practices simply pre-
the experiences in ourself, the circumstance and the story we pare you to experience your values.
choose to live. We have many sets of values. The greatest
challenge is when values conflict. When the values that are Flashwriting Exercise
the highest in one situation or relationship do not apply in 30 minutes
another; or when two values fight for which is more impor- Now step back and become aware of your most authentic,
tant even though they are both important. Your authentic and core values. Awareness of your authentic values will free you
intrinsic values are the expression of your true core or shu- of foolish or reoccurring pitfalls in your relationships.
niya state. These authentic values are not reactive or limiting. Authentic values which are honored by you and your relation-
Values that emerge from your qualified experience of yourself ship are the foundations for a fulfilling, lasting commitment.
are what guide you in your infinite games and give you con- For those beginning a family, they form the basis of a posi-
stant victory by being your real self. Authentic values serve tive, loving family culture that can give children a sense of
you to adapt to the various fluctuations of life, allowing you their own values as well.
to effortlessly shift gears, as you live in a deep state of know- Take 15 minutes to focus on what values you hold as
ing. It is important to know your own core values as you most true and meaningful for you in relationships. Don’t think
begin a relationship or fulfill a role. When you have cleared about what you want or don’t want—funny, smart. Instead,
the pains of the past and come into being real in the present, think about values—able to laugh at themself, dedicated to
how do you go forward and form new relationships or learning. Fairness, loyalty, consciousness, love, security, mutu-
reawaken an old one? ality, sharing, independence, health, etc. can all be values.
Not all values are intrinsic to you. There are values which Which are the ones that, when you are still, within yourself
are systemic (rules or laws) and those which are extrinsic and all is said and done, that give you your self-satisfaction,
(externally defined and change with trends). Each has its use. peace and strength? What values live in your heart, emerge
But if you confound the values or act as if an extrinsic or sys- from your soul and give expression to your consciousness?
temic value is an intrinsic one, then you make judgments that Write down a list of 3-8 values. Then write about how
will ultimately challenge your identity and that will emphasize you will apply those as you initiate a relationship. How would
your false core as they entangle you in duality. As we enter you approach a relationship being true to those values? What
the Age of Aquarius, superficial or false values will not stand would a relationship be like based on those values and not
the pressure of time and space. All values based on fears, reac- the typical emotions or feelings of a moment? How would
tions or ignorance will be exposed as useless and a handicap. you learn about your partner’s values and share yours? Write
To begin a relationship that will be authentic—temporary continuously for about 15 minutes. Think of the future and
or lasting—start with knowing your own values. Even a brief how you will incorporate your core values. Be clear what
conscious examination and self-reflection can give you clari- those are. They may have been shared by parents, discovered
ty and guidance through many months or years. Your values through experience, decided by deep thought or have been
are the fulcrum of your life. By them you can be refreshed and with you from the beginning. Whatever they are, acknowl-
bolstered against any challenge; through them your self- edge and own them and imagine how they would play out as
esteem is raised and confidence confirmed. Valuing your val- you begin relationships.

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 authentic relationships

FlashWriting: Exploring Values

FlashWriting entails writing quickly, without editing yourself.

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 165
 Authentic RelationshipS

After writing sit with your group and meditate for 2 min-
utes. With a slow breath, be centered. Notice all the old pat-
terns that do not serve your values and decide to not repeat
Whole Group Discussion ON Values
them. Have they courage and self-love to accept the conse-
10 minutes
quences of your identity and the values that accompany it.
How will this conscious relationship differ from some of your
Now look at your list of values and then close your eyes.
past relationships? What do you need to put in place in order
to live this way? What would you do if your values do not
As a teacher, what values would you suggest to a student ini-
match your partner’s and yet you are strongly attracted emo-
tiating a new relationship? List five.
tionally?
What values would you suggest to a student in order to sus-
Small Group Sharing
tain a committed relationship? List five.
20-30 minutes
Then share in your small groups or triads. Share your values
Now, if you feel moved, share your list with the entire group.
and what happens when you consciously set the intention to
apply those to your relationships.

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 authentic relationships

The Cosmic Play of the Male and Female

YOGI BHAJAN TAUGHT EXTENSIVELY about the power of Yogi Bhajan Teachings for Women & Men
male and female energies. The male and female energies are Because Yogi Bhajan recognized the complex gender differ-
recognized as the most powerful defining energies in the ences between masculine and feminine energies, when he
polarity play of creation. Yogiji often repeated that the goal of gathered with groups of either men or women, he would
yoga is to achieve union with God through embracing, bal- teach them differently. He would speak to each group in their
ancing, and merging the energies of male and female in the language and “translate” the needs, language and behavior of
polarized play of creation. the other group. The vast majority of his classes were open
Our experience and perception of the male or female and richly mixed in gender, ethnicity, religion, race and social
dynamic colors the lens and shapes the framework of our life. status. Yet, in the classes where he addressed only men or
Yogi Bhajan generally spoke about women being 60% female women he shared many insights about how to care for the
and 40% male, whereas men are 60% male and 40% female. physical, mental, emotional, sexual and spiritual needs of
Each individual may vary in the degree of combination and each gender and how to master relationships between them.
play of this polarity; therefore, we need to understand and We encourage you to discover his elevating approach in the
embrace the characteristics of both the male and female ener- vast realm of the teachings for women and for men.
gies within us and in our relationships. Even a slight percent-
Khalsa Women’s Training Camp
age point difference can result in a huge divergence in how
Yogi Bhajan taught women at the Khalsa Women’s Training
the individual feels, acts, and relates.
Camp (KWTC) two or even sometimes three times a day:
As Kundalini yogis. we consciously utilize the male and
physical training, in-depth lectures introducing the science of
female energies within ourselves, enjoying the dynamic play
humanology, extended meditations, and even weekend sur-
of the male and female energies in committed loving relation-
vival activities! He spoke about the power and the grace of
ships. As a yogi, we are challenged to develop a personal dis-
women. “If a man falls, one man falls. If a woman falls, gen-
cipline so we can experience the “ride” without losing the
erations fall.” Yogi Bhajan spoke to the feminine energy, cre-
connection with our true identity. We are also required to see
ating a cozy environment of open communication, humor,
beyond the framework of the opposite sex and appreciate the
and transformation. Today KWTC continues to be held every
gender differences, recognizing the True Core of each, the
summer on the same land where Yogi Bhajan taught women
Soul. The key is honoring and utilizing the powerful polarities
for more than 30 years.
of male and female energies within your own self, and in
authentic relationships with both sexes. Man to Man Courses
In our lives, and especially as a Kundalini Yoga teachers, Yogi Bhajan’s Man to Man courses were brief and direct, most
we can utilize the knowledge that feminine and masculine of them lasting one day or a few days. His message was sim-
energies have particular characteristics, instincts and priori- ple: Man—cultivate within yourself the depth and capacity to
ties. Acknowledging these patterns and developing specific remain steady, and remain steady after the seeding is done;
skills to communicate more clearly and effectively with each do not become involved in insecurities that take you away
polarity gives you sensitivity and insight and an ability to from your essential being. Be royal and recognize your defen-
understand through compassion. sive nature. Today there are regular Man to Man courses held
The next two days we will explore the effervescent play around the globe.
between these two energies in order to experience your dimen- At times he would try to capture the differences and
sions and create more powerful and authentic relationships. rhythms of the masculine and feminine with simple, classical
analogies we could all understand:

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 167
 Authentic RelationshipS

We all have a basic or elementary nature on which we ognize our instincts and reach out with our consciousness. Some
impose our personality. To understand our core we can of our basic instincts help decode our differences and many of
use the sexual analogy of the male nature being like the our common behaviors. These behaviors and feelings are under-
sperm and the female like the ovum. The differences are pinned by preferences and reactions as primal as the cell.
instructive. The consciousness of the male and the female Recently scientists noted that as soon as an ovum is fertil-
is reflected in the characteristics of the sperm and ovum. ized a polarization begins in the cell. One end changes shape
To fight, conquer, penetrate or die is the way of the polar to the other. The subtle internal structures of the cell
sperm. Receive, create, nourish and care for is the way of shift. This begins with a small exchange of a chemical planted
the ovum. by the head of the sperm. Polarity starts with the first cell and
the first contact. To what extent it develops and expresses the
A woman's ovum waits patiently, cool, calm and quiet
polarity depends on the environment of the womb, nutrition,
like the moon. The sun by itself has no expansion.
emotional atmosphere and many other factors.
Without the moon nothing would grow. A seed without
We also know that in the womb the fetus is exposed to a
the moon would remain a seed and die a seed.
flush of androgens (male hormones) at a certain time, for a var-
Everything in between is thanks to the moon energy.
ied length of time and at varying concentrations. This exposure
The sperm does not move in a straight line. The sperm seems to bias the brain development and account for some of
zigzags, first one way and then the other way. This the gender-linked traits we all recognize. There is much debate
zigzag nature limits the male from being nailed down by about the exact mechanism and the extent of this effect. Yogi
time and space. The sperm knows the target but Bhajan called it the “acid bath” long before we had the current
approaches it in an indirect way. When a man speaks, science that can track and investigate its mechanisms. That pro-
usually he begins by talking around the subject, rarely duction of hormones also varies according to the condition,
beginning with the real subject at hand. emotionally and physically, of the mother. The reaction to that
bath is mediated by the first teacher, the mother, because she
When a woman asks her husband what time he will
holds not only the unique bonding of the first 120 days after
return, he will say, “After work.” She wants to know
birth but also the relationship to the child in the first three
what time he will be home. He will answer, “About 5 or
years. The final result of that initial bath is as much social and
5:30.” She wants to know exactly what time but it is
energetic as it is chemical.
very difficult for the man to commit to time because it
It is important to note that these changes can be very small
limits his possible defensive moves which seems to
in a population of men and women, but even a small individ-
weaken his power to direct any challenge and achieve
ual change can lead to enormous differences over time. Not all
victory. To the woman defining time is just a plan, a
traits are gender-related but many are. Even though the differ-
communication, and satisfies her need for security.
ences are distributed over a population of people, and they may
Study the nature of the male and female without judg- seem small, any one difference can create an entirely different
ment. Differences exist and make life interesting and world. Turning left or right can be a matter of only one degree.
challenging. The male and female psyche each function As you keep traveling the difference increases its effect; it takes
in a very unique way that causes each to perceive feel- you to a different street, then town, then country! If the turn
ings, experiences, words, and even life very differently. is 60° you may notice the difference more quickly. Habits form
Together we can balance our energies and assist each to accommodate these sometimes small differences of attitude,
other to create a wholeness of harmony in our homes, feeling, perception, instinct or relationship. Over time habits
community and the world. build upon habits to create a distinct territory with its own lan-
—Yogi Bhajan, Khalsa Women’s Training Camp
guage and culture. This is what we notice in the masculine and
Nature creates a spectrum of variety in our behaviors, genes and
feminine energies: they develop their own gestures, expressions,
predispositions. The intelligence here is that it leads to better sur-
language and nuanced clusters of feelings.
vival and to the need to communicate to each other as we rec-

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 authentic relationships

Distribution of Differences in Groups: Masculine and Feminine Brains

Many characteristics of individuals, like height or gender traits, curve. Some traits tend to occur together in one person, other
vary in their degree from one person to the next. Over a large traits are more independent and not linked together.
group they tend to form a “normal” curve with most people The vertical, x-axis, is the number of people who have a
having that trait near an average level, some people being at trait. Yogi Bhajan was very practical about these differences.
the far ends of the curve—fewer the more removed from the His goal was to have us accept ourselves and to be happy in
average. our relationships. He advised us to accept differences and
When we compare males and females on many traits we understand them so we do not end up in fights over things
find a distinct difference in the average of the two groups, that are very natural and ultimately advantageous to our secu-
though an individual can be anywhere in the range of the rity and survival.

The Difference in the Arcline pen and men more reactive to them when they are occurring.
He also gave the perspective of the subtle bodies of the aura. Men will handle short-term stress better, and women longer-
He always saw these and reported how we felt based on the term stress. Action versus planning; target versus totality. The
colors, forms and projections of those energies. He comment- aura is generally more radiant with a woman when she is cen-
ed that the auras of the male and female are alike in most ways. tered. It can be 16 times more powerful. It can easily penetrate
The main differences are that the woman has an extra arcline a man’s aura and trigger his reactions and instincts through the
in front of the heart center. This gives her more sensitivity to Sixth Chakra.
her own state and to how others affect that state. With prac- These are significant differences. The effect of each depends
tice it can lead to accurate empathy in reading and sensing oth- on the state of the individuals. For some time doctors ignored
ers. Another difference was in the arcline which goes over the these differences in approaches to women’s health. Recently
hairline and forehead from ear to ear. This is actually a disk they have begun formulating a new approach. In global studies
shape that appears like an arc. There are projections, rays or we find higher anxiety, PTSD, anorexia and other syndromes in
fibers that extend out from the body from that arc. In a man women; drug dependency, ADD, and antisocial personalities in
there is an average of 9 projected fibers. In a woman there is men. Also, symptoms of the same disease such as heart trou-
an average of 11. Since the arcline is both a signature of destiny ble present differently and are spoken of differently in men and
and a function of protection of the soul or destiny, this means women. So doctors need to pay attention to how each gender
women will be more sensitive to the dangers before they hap- communicates as well as their symptoms.

© 2006 Kundalini Research Institute KRI INTERNATIONAL TEACHER TRAINING MANUAL LEVEL 2 • AUTHENTIC RELATIONSHIPS • 169
 Authentic RelationshipS

The Science of the Differences between Male and Female

Very recently (2006) it was shown that even though sex- just in structure and size of various brain regions but also
related genes are less than 2% of the total genes, they in how each region responds to stimulation and how it
change the expression of over 40% of all genes in primary coordinates with other regions in performing the same task
body tissues. That is extraordinary. It means a little change as the other gender.
in the expression of sex-related genes changes things from These differences are so pervasive, you can even note it
muscle, to liver to nerves and brain. A small change with in the otoacoustic sounds produced in the ears: women
large implications. The differences that come from gender are making more frequent, louder and varied sounds! In the area
far more pervasive than anyone thought a decade ago. New of mental and physical diseases, there are also wide differ-
imaging capacities and new techniques in molecular biology ences. For example, Alzheimer’s affects in the hypothalamus
and neuroscience have brought to light many of these differ- occur in up to 90% of men affected but only 10% of
ences and their implications. women. Even in cases where a disease is common in both,
When it comes to the brain and biology the differences the presentation is often different. Schizophrenia, for exam-
between the sexes are significant and widespread. It used to ple, results in larger ventricles in men but not women.
be thought that the variation in individuals of the same gen- Dopamine levels and the areas in which they occur differ
der overwhelmed the effects from differences between the greatly in men and women and correlate with addictive ten-
genders, making the gender effects negligible. This has now dencies and behaviors.
been shown to be false. Individual variation is significant. In a recent review of this area, Nature Reviews
The behavioral correlates are less strong but still present. Neuroscience (May 2006) concludes: “Nevertheless, it is
We used to think that all the sex differences came from evident that there are sex influences at all levels of the
circulating sex hormones. We now know it is a vast array nervous system, from genetic to systems to behavioral lev-
of changes in gene expression and other factors. In the brain els. The picture of brain organization that emerges is of
there are global differences, for example the thickness of the two complex mosaics—one male and one female—that are
cortex is greater in women for many areas. So, too, the size similar in many respects but very different in others. The
and function of the hippocampus (memory), amygdale way information is processed through the two mosaics and
(emotion) and neocortex (associative functions) differ. The the behaviors that each produce, could be identical or
hippocampus is larger in women than men and reacts dif- strikingly different, depending on a host of parameters.”
ferently to stress in forming and recalling memories. Chronic So as the scientists map out all the differences and their
stress, for example, causes damage to the hippocampus in implications, we can use our perception, instincts and intel-
males but not in females. Another difference is that the left ligence to apply consciousness to enjoy the differences and
amygdale in women is used much more for storage of emo- use them creatively for good communication and great rela-
tional memories, especially visual images, than in men who tionships.
use, preferentially, the right amygdale. Differences are not

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 authentic relationships

Given all this, what is our task today in The Feminine:

studying and exploring relationships? The Mother, Creative, Nurturing, Shifting

There is obviously much more we can learn Yogi Bhajan frequently compared men to the sun and women to the moon.
in both Yogi Bhajan’s extensive teachings This first comparison represents the fundamental characteristic of feminine
and in the newest scientific findings. Our energy as receptive and reflective, changing and shifting as the moon moves
task is simpler. through the phases while reflecting the sun. A woman’s body changes con-
Let us increase our awareness about the stantly and greatly as she travels through the cycles of her life: puberty, men-
core strengths of the masculine and feminine struation, adulthood, pregnancy, motherhood, menopause and aging. Each
energies within us. Call on your own experi- phase of her cycle transforms her identity, personality and reality. Feminine
ences and ideas; then let us go to the per- energy expresses itself in the role of mother and teacher with a high degree
spective of the Infinite game. of creativity and nurturing. Without that capacity, nothing comes to fruition.
The seeds of thought, emotion and intention lay fallow and unmanifest. This
The question will be: is true in a mother and it is true in the psyche. If you plant a seed, the Adi
Shakti or primal feminine force is the quality that assures development and
Since you soul agreed to enter this Infinite
manifestation. Imagine someone who creates many thoughts but never takes
game of life in a male or female body,
one into the poem, business or relationship that the thought foreshadows.
what are the lessons you learn from that
The feminine communication style is to use both hemispheres of the
experience?
brain (much more than men), with flexibility and openness. This innate
How does this path, this blend of perspec- capacity gifts her with the ability for rapid calculation of the many aspects
tives—both masculine and feminine, chal- of a situation. She can be very practical, managerial and do many things at
lenge you, enlighten you and teach you? once as they fit into a plan and pattern. However, when she has not devel-
oped her neutral meditative mind, her communication can flip into obses-
What is your greatest challenge in this sive worry and blame, manipulation and competition and gossipy sub-
area? terfuge. She may be 95% intuitively accurate; however her timing, delivery
and intensity sabotage her success. Since a woman’s sacred identity is one
What is your greatest strength?
of ultimate creativity through relationships, an imbalance of feminine ener-
gy can cause great pain and sorrow to her and to her surroundings.
Following are a few basic ideas to warm up
your discussion.
Female = Woman and Mother
The feminine energy manifests in two aspects. The first is woman which
is powerful, possessing a clear identity, and can push through all difficul-
ties. She can even manifest the archetype of the Warrior Woman, who is
fearless, defending courageously. The second aspect is the mother which
allows her to nurture with endless compassion, even to the extremes of sus-
taining herself through ongoing stresses and abuse without weakness. Her
cells have the ultimate yearning to create and nurture every seed that she
encounters. She takes every event, encounter, or process and innately longs
to nurture it. The woman manifests the more active or masculine aspect of
the polarity of the female, whereas the mother manifests the more passive
or feminine aspect of the female. The conscious female connected to her
True Core integrates these two aspects, gracing her with invaluable tools

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 Authentic RelationshipS

and abilities. We could elaborate many other aspects of the Because of this sensitivity, a woman who is conscious is
feminine—archetypes, parts, roles—but this is the most basic careful about what she says, what she lets be said to her, what
polarity within the feminine. she creates and what she lets into her mind or body to create:

YOGI BHAJAN SPEAKS TO WOMEN: It is not the criterion of woman to relate to everything
she hears or to speak everything which she feels. She
Now a woman is supposed to be the most delicate instru- should self-communicate what she hears, what she sees and
ment ever created by God. She cannot only perceive the what she knows, and then proceed. In other words, she has
divine, and experience the divinity and dignity, but can cre- to give a buffer time. She should not act with impulse or
ate. Create. That part of a woman nobody can imagine. she can fall into a trap. No woman can afford it. Woman
She can create divinity. She is just as beautiful as God is is a self-contained unit; and that is why God has blessed
because once a woman wants to create the divinity she can this machine to produce another human being and that is
override God's Will. why she can conceive. A woman should hear, see and
Khalsa Women’s Training Camp, 1977 p. 80-81
understand everything before she conceives. Then she
should shell it out, sprout it, feel it, and use it in confirma-
Any woman who wants to seek happiness outside her self tion to her nature. In this way, she will never run into
will always be frustrated. The entire universe, even God, if wrong consequences. When a woman projects and draws
it had to take the shape of a human being would come as attention, she endangers herself. A showy woman, a talka-
woman. Woman is the channel of the creativity of God. She tive woman, and a gossipy woman are all low quality
is the Female. Now, understand the word “fe-male.” Male is women.
included in it. “Wo-man.” Man is included in this word. The Khalsa Women’s Training Camp, 1978, p. 13
idea you are trying to understand is a graceful, dignified
woman is the most priceless angel on this living earth. With this sensitivity, a self-aware discipline is needed that
Now, there are two ways to understand it. When includes self-care and a process to hold yourself to your own
woman leaves her gentle and firm nature, or her dignity highest, subtle self:
and divinity, then Mother Nature does not relate to her. In
other words, Mother Nature will always relate to divine Student: How should a woman communicate with herself?
woman. And all your wishes shall be fulfilled.
Yogi Bhajan: Say to yourself, “I am the grace of God.” And
Khalsa Women’s Training Camp, 1977, p. 49
then find out where the grace is not, and eliminate it. Just
clean your own house, clean your own living room. It
This innate sensitivity of the feminine which comes with cre-
should be your attitude that I am going to live clean, peri-
ativity means a woman actually has more options to act and
od. And every day you have to clean your mental garbage
to fulfill herself than a man. When asked about how a
through meditation.
woman can be liberated or realized he said: Khalsa Women’s Training Camp 1981, p. 151

Woman has four ways to be redeemed:

It also incurs a great responsibility because the feminine pro-
1. By serving a man of God,
jection can easily overwhelm the masculine and because she
2. Being married to a man of God,
can see the blind spots he cannot.
3. Giving birth to a child which can be a human being
of God,
You always think that the man you are dealing with is
4. By herself reaching a state of consciousness to be
perfect. That is not true. If man were so perfect he would
merged with God.
not need to deal with you. It is your priority and your
responsibility to mold the man spiritually. A committed man
But a man has only one way: by merging into the Godhead.
is a committed husband, a committed lover, a committed

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friend and a committed father—committed, committed, com- on the spiritual level it is the trust that we have in each
mitted to the last breath. If you cannot mold him to com- other. If these three things are present, we develop confi-
mit, you are not molding your own destiny, your own digni- dence in each other; two people can then experience love.
ty and your own grace. •••
Khalsa Women’s Training Camp, 1981, p. 25 In communication use the word “God.” Say “It’s God’s Grace
I love you.” That way, in every communicative sense you
When it comes to relationships, both partners contribute to come out as a mystery. This enchants a man.
its success or failure. But it is the feminine qualities and •••
capacities that can influence it the most. For this reason, Yogi Don't confront the man, because when you confront him
Bhajan said this about marriage (though the point holds for you are confronting the ego, the id and then you are invit-
all committed relationships): ing a clash. Never nag!

Marriage is a job which basically is the woman’s responsi- The challenges of the feminine in relationship happen when
bility because she is best equipped to handle it. She’s a the graceful, meditative self is not cultivated. Then impulse
Rolls Royce and he’s only a Ford. Accepting the responsibili- and emotions are all that function. The reference to nag is
ty and actively making it her goal a woman can ask her- accurate. A man who is nagged in order to correct his behav-
self, “How much am I prepared to create a man out of a ior just takes that as an attack. He ducks, and weaves and
banana spine?” All men are totally insecure about a goes for cover. A secure, balanced feminine can sense the
woman. Are you afraid of your own greatness and of his? rhythm of the exchange of communication and adjust her
Are you prepared to commit to understanding and removing projection to secure the relationship and contain the mascu-
your fear, to hard work, to self-sacrifice and to self-under- line. Instead of conflict, use a content, contained and con-
standing? scious approach. In this way, marriages, families and friend-
•••
ships can be salvaged when they seem beyond hope.
Understand yourself, understand that your grace is your sav- He outlines some of the many ways the feminine can act
ing grace. Make yourself a Queen of spirit and righteous- when imbalanced. This can destabilize a relationship that can
ness. Queens don’t fight with servants and staff of the otherwise be handled and made rich and real.
Imperial Palace. Be a Queen of consciousnes, then make
him a King. If you are not a Queen first, you’ll be a door- Now we come to a very difficult topic, the behavior of mar-
mat. riage in relation to becoming parents. It has been discovered
•••
that when the woman becomes the mother she gets more
Remember that man is your project. Decide whether you are attached to the child than to her husband. This is the first
going to make him or break him, as that decides your mar- situation in marriage which creates a subtle jealousy. As
riage. Do it for yourself. One of the ways that a woman can young people or as young married people, you have a cer-
be liberated is through serving an egocentric man gracefully. tain behavior. But when you become parents, sometimes the
God will have to come to you and you won’t have to find woman changes the values of life drastically. It is a very,
Him. very sad situation. And that has been the ruin of many
•••
marriages. Actually speaking, a child should be considered
Man seeks inspiration, recognition and confirmation of his as a trust of both and a gift of God.
personality in a polarity opposite him which is a woman. Secondly, it has been found that during the pregnancy,
Other things that he seeks are expansion on a physical as woman goes through the psychological, physical and
level, on a spiritual level and on a mental level. On a mental changes, she forgets the basic value that it is a
physical level it is the service we do for each other; on a woman who married the man, not the mother of the child.
mental level it is the inspiration that we give to each other; The child is the byproduct of the relationship. The byproduct

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 Authentic RelationshipS

should not be given a preference over the basic relationship. the environment temporarily in her social, emotional and
It is a common fault which has been around in 40% of mar- sentimental aspects. That is a quality of the moon. Because
riages and it is a common complaint which exists in 80% of she represents the moon, woman has a faculty to be
husbands. They feel they are neglected, unloved, and sepa- trapped by a flirtatious mind and must learn to control it.
rated from the love of the woman the moment she becomes We call on all these emotional aspects of the feminine and
a mother. No intelligent woman should allow this to hap- ruin our relationships. It is the nature of the feminine to vary,
pen. cycle, and rhythmically change. The structure of the body and
Another thing in life which always kills marriage is com- her periods show this. It is a source of fascination, adaptabil-
petition between work and attention to the self. This iceberg ity and often frustration if it is not understood and cared for.
of emotional tendencies has caused 80% of marriage
destruction. A man leaves home at 6:30 and he's supposed The moon is the emotional flow of energy, hormones and
to be at work at 8 o'clock. From 8 to 4 he does his job. To imagination. The energy of the moon is interactive within
him, coming back home is a desire to relax, be taken care the micro- and macro-cosmos, our body and the universe.
of, be happy—exactly as a child comes home from school. We recognize how lunar cycles interact with mother earth,
But when that man, in the shape of an adult, but in the ocean tides, plant and hair growth, animal rhythms and
mind of a child, comes back home, you have been waiting woman's hormonal cycle. Lunar energies also influence our
eight hours for that opportunity to grab him. There comes emotional equilibrium. ‘Moon points’ are sensitive physical
the conflict. For example, “Darling, Mrs. X called up at 3:30 areas located on the human body and are sensitive to lunar
today. I was trying to reach you at work, but you were in a energies.
meeting. It is their child’s birthday. I have already bought A male has one moon point, under his chin. Hair grows
the present and I think we should go.” And the husband on his moon point, absorbing solar energy and neutralizing
says, “Just wait a minute.” He goes and opens the back of the lunar effect. By nature, a male is primarily influenced by
his car and brings in a huge bundle of papers and she says, the solar energy.
“What is this? Have you brought a present also?” He says, A woman has eleven moon points which affect her emo-
“No, this is the office work which my boss wants me to tional state. Because a woman fluctuates it can be difficult
complete at home and I'm supposed to give it to him at 10 for a man to understand her. Let us assume a man leaves
o'clock tomorrow.” Now there is a definite clash. the house in the morning. Everything is okay. However,
A wise woman will permit him to work, go herself with when he returns home her energy has moved into a different
the present, apologize for the circumstances, and cover her moon point. He enters the house, his shoes are a little dirty
husband socially, gracefully. There is one tendency of men and she reacts. Yesterday she would have spoken sweetly
which is very strong, but they don't talk about it. Basically and today she is outraged. This fluctuating nature can be
every man desires his mate to cover him socially with confusing to the man.
grace. If a woman is not covering him socially and graceful- There are 11 sites of the moon on a woman, through
ly, he may not complain, but he will never forgive her. which the moon moves in a 28 day cycle, spending 2 1/2
Khalsa Women’s Training Camp, 1976, p. 147 days at each center. The sequence varies with each woman
and it does not coincide with her menstrual or zodiacal
Woman has four main enemies. Her first enemy is her desire moon cycle. It is different with each woman but the
for self-praise, which is called false praise or flattery. Jealousy sequence remains constant in any individual woman except
is her second enemy and the third is mental flirtation, which in the case of an emotional shock which can change it. It
is called mental hallucination. The fourth is when she starts can be predicted and known only by observation. A woman
believing your imagination. can always feel it if she just concentrates with sensitivity. A
Flirtation is the art in a woman of not considering the man can also learn her cycles with sensitive observation.
pros and cons of her radiance and grace, but catering to In terms of sensitivity the most important is the hairline

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and then the cheeks, where they are pink. Third is the lips,
then the sun spot on the ear lobes, the back of the neck,
breasts, belly button area (or the corresponding area on the
spine), the inner thigh, eyebrows, clitoris and the membrane
in the vagina.
To understand a woman's emotional fluctuations, it is
necessary to understand the moon center cycle, as her mood
changes with her moon changes.

But we can always call on our grace, the creative, artistic,

divine teacher is there, too. When that is used it is never for-
gotten by an individual or by God:

The purest thing in the world is the heart of the mother, the
Heart Chakra, the center of the mother. It's the purest thing
in the world. It can move God. It can move the universe. It
can cause an effect beyond any limitation. The heart of the
mother is the greatest power of infinity ever given to any finite
being.
Khalsa Women’s Training Camp, 1977, p. 172

Think of all the ways your feminine expresses itself in your

life, personality and gender. Do you call on its elevated
aspects? Do you nurture and attend to its fluctuations and
creativity?

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 Authentic RelationshipS

The MASCULINE:
The Father, Focus, PenetraTing, Achieving

When relating to men and the masculine, Yogi Bhajan was YOGI BHAJAN SPEAKS TO MEN:
always direct, challenging and brief. He saw man’s basic It is very shocking to me that the very concept of father is so
nature as defensive, protective, competitive and exploratory. hazy, so far-removed from reality. And mostly you hate father
because you think it is a matter of authority. It is not a mat-
Male = Sovereign Warrior + Protective Shelterer ter of authority. Father never is just an authority, never was,
The masculine energy manifests in two basic energies with never will be. It's basic nature is to penetrate. It is to drill
many variations. The first energy is the sovereign warrior through. It is making your way. And every man who walks
which needs its own domain, and definition. This independ- on a path or trail will find a zigzag trail. No human being
ent aspect longs to put on a backpack and hit the road. It can walk straight. So its basic desire is to achieve against
seeks adventure, exploration and action. This aspect loves existence.
packs, teams and membership, even as it strikes out alone for
adventure and advantages. A few hours alone with his bud- Why do we [men, the masculine energy] penetrate? Why do
dies on the slopes or in his den are deeply satisfying. Yogi we go in a snake-like manner? The snake doesn't have a
Bhajan also called this aspect the hunter and the seeder. bone, but it travels very fast. It pulls up its energy by each
The second aspect of the masculine energy longs for a pro- muscle and that's what makes the curl. It is that curl, the
tective shelter, a cushion with deep coziness and trusting inti- father, the Kundalini. It's no different if you understand the
macy. Pillow talk and eye contact nurture this comfortable very science of it. It is that penetration into the Infinity of
energy of the den. The male who is aware of these two destination. It's going in the sun, the very eye of the sun.
aspects can direct his impulses consciously and blend them to We call it ‘third eye,’ the center of the light. That is father.
fulfill his need or goal in any given situation. The polarity
within the masculine can be described as the autonomous And mother [woman, the feminine] is the egg, the circle, the
warrior, the male rough energy and the protective shelterer, completeness, the conception, the reception, the containment.
which reflects the more feminine passive energy within this It is that creative pregnancy, that having, that nurturing. If
polarity. you look at all that, these are two polarities of God. Nothing
If we identify these basic qualities of the masculine ener- is incomplete. So complete mother and complete father
gy then many of our behaviors make sense. It also helps guide means you must achieve but you must be at peace. You
us in the harmonious relationships of masculine and feminine must achieve but you must be in harmony. You must pene-
and how to act with effective and sophisticated social skills in trate, shoot through resistance. Those curls in the walk of
our relationships. What is the feeling of the masculine energy life are when you shoot through resistance. It makes it easy
when it is active and we use it to face life? This attitude for you. It makes it longer, but it makes it easy.
informs how we act as fathers, leaders and problem solvers.
So our concept of life is not that of having authority. Our
concept of life is achievement, fulfillment, anand, bliss. It is
just like a journey when somebody travels and travels and
travels and travels through the desert, through the mountain,
through the snow peaks and through the greens and jungle
and fleshes himself out in the open, then finds a pathway
and reaches the city. He goes into a hotel, checks himself in,
leaves the luggage, closes the door and falls on the bed,

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very relaxed, very achieved, very calm, very happy, extreme- tions to get a commitment. “Will you call me later?” A man
ly tired. He doesn't want to move his muscles because it can then answer yes or no. He doesn’t like to be pinned down
took all his strength to pave the path and come to where about time and space because it limits his responses and
the destination was. It's fatherly. The grit, the strength, the defenses.
penetration and making a way through is fatherly. Calm, Men do not like to admit mistakes. In being wrong a man
containing, nurturing, nursing, sweet, helpful, letting him considers himself a failure because he has not been able to do
grow, protecting, is motherly. These are the basic faculties his job properly. Don't offer a man advice unless he asks for
and polarities on which humanity is based. it. He needs to feel that you have confidence in his ability to
—Yogi Bhajan, June 21, 1987 work things out. A man's ego is fragile. He gets scared that
his ego is going to get hurt. All men are like that with one
As yogis we look at these qualities through the lens of energy exception—a dead man! A woman is like a heavy duty tire but
and how it behaves. Then we have many choices about what with a man, one single needle can flatten him!
we do with it. But you must know if you start with water, When speaking directly to men he emphasized the con-
earth or fire. Each one has energy and potential, but you would cern with potency and the innate power the masculine has to
handle each differently. So the masculine energy has an agen- rejuvenate and rise to a challenge. But it must be cared for by
da, an instinct, a capacity and a tendency. some self-discipline.

Speaking to a Man A man can become invincible and evergreen if he wants

The first rule of talking to a man is to keep it simple. Give him to. Through certain exercises which call upon you to com-
only one thing at a time to think about. Woman however can mand your own self and your environments, you can recu-
juggle many subjects at the same time and can speak and lis- perate yourself. It doesn't matter how difficult your life is.
ten at the same time. God has given us a power of self-recuperation which is
Men usually only interrupt each other if they are becom- much stronger and much better than we expect. It is far
ing competitive and aggressive. If you want harmonious com- greater than we know or feel it to be. It is through this
munication with your husband try not to interrupt him. This power that this delicate man called a human being is com-
is difficult for the woman because her capacity for simultane- petent to be male.
ous talk builds relationships and shows others that she values God never made you weak. You should have nothing to
them and participates. Men on the other hand feel they par- do with weakness. Everywhere we see that, with time, men
ticipate when they act together or all pay attention to some- get weaker. They get mildly impotent earlier, they aren't hon-
thing else with or without talking or direct eye contact. estly impressive, and they die younger than women.
Men like direct talk except when it is aimed at their egos. Temperamentally, every strong man slowly loses ground, and
Then they respond better to suggestive and indirect talk. Men this is true internationally. We get eroded before we even
respond best to being told what you want to talk about, and know that we are gone. When we are very young—from our
when, so their defenses are not raised. For example. “I’d like teens to our late twenties—we perform well sexually, but in
to talk with you about a problem I’m having at my job. Would reality we become very weak sexually. I don't understand it.
after dinner at 7:00 be a good time to talk?” You should be as good as an eighteen-year-old person until
Because the woman has a tendency to talk indirectly she you are ninety. After all, you don't get stretched out or short-
will ask can and could questions such as, “Can you take out ened or anything like that. As a man you have the capacity
the trash?” “Could you stop by the supermarket and pick up to recuperate yourself within seventy-two hours. This is the
some apples?” “Can you fix the back door?” A man hears you real secret of a healthy life.
asking if he has the ability to do so and so thinks “yes.” Your real strength is in your blood chemistry. Is your
However he can feel manipulated into giving a yes answer to blood young or not? That is what decides it. Not you. You
can and could. To motivate a man ask “will” or “would” ques- feel that you are either young or old based on your years. I

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 Authentic RelationshipS

believe that is a total diversion from reality. I believe that The creation is a challenge to you and you have to rise
you are neither young nor old; but rather, if your blood is from the base of your spine into your forehead. Your potency
hot and young, you are young, and if your blood is cold is you. It is your creativity which can excel environments
and weird, then you are old. and circumstances.
Man to Man, Part 2, 1978, p. 16-17
Invincible Man, September 10, 1983, p. 5

A man feels the strongest and most ready to be a fulfilled mas-

culine energy when he draws energy, awareness and action In a course for men, Yogi Bhajan had a direct talk about sex-
from within—without dependency. uality, potency and the inner masculine attitude of the psy-
che. He used the analogy of a spermatozoa and ovum to
You have come to live, not to act. You have come to be explain the proper and improper use of the male ego:
because you are, you are. Everything comes from you. You
think you can get something from the outside. It is not true. Within each of us is a faculty to move our personality. It
Nothing comes from the outside. It has been proven time doesn't matter whether we are children, adults, or old peo-
and again. Getting everything from the inside is what ple; we do move and we do project. As men, we want to
Kundalini Yoga is all about. Uncoil yourself. Let the world go, project and conquer. The inborn feeling is “We want to
know. That is the way to live. go.” The attitude of man is to conquer.
Nothing can happen to you. You have the right to live. It is in the spermatozoa. To conquer is your basic natu-
You can live. If you can't, you can die. The most important ral faculty. But you forget the most beautiful aspect of it.
thing in your life is to live honorably and to die honorably. Those spermatozoa conquered the egg by entering it and
Materially, you can lose everything and you can gain every- becoming a part of it. So, it can never conquer the egg but
thing, but if you lose your reputation, you cannot gain it must penetrate it. The power to penetrate is the basic power
back. Lose the whole world, but not your reputation. You are which makes you male.
a man forever, so be a man to yourself. In the male and female relationship, you do the same
Invincible Man, September 10, 1983, p.11
thing your spermatozoa do. Nature gave you the power to
penetrate and gave her the power to receive you and to
Man is born to walk a diagonal path in relationship to relieve you of the power through which you desire to pene-
woman. And man is born to walk a diagonal path in rela- trate.
tionship to his own mind. Therefore, there is a balance in the male/female relation-
‘Mind, go on giving your situations, pictures, sequences, ship. You are motivated by your power to be hearty, to be
consequences, get them all together and cut through them.’ projective, to be going in and penetrating. Then you move.
That is the power of your own meditative mind to accept Then you are relieved. You call this ejaculation. If you
and to go through a diagonal path. look at that basic human act, you can understand your total
The creative carrier in you is your potent, potential man. personality.
Sensually, sexually, basically, relatively, comparatively, you First it is mental: thought. Then comes the essence:
are what you can create under given circumstances. And heartiness. Projection follows in the movement back and
that is what they call Kundalini, cherdi kala. forth, then ejaculation, then relaxation. Completing.
You are nothing but you. And you have to understand Conquering.
that you cannot be anything but you. Neither there was nor This is your basic, fundamental rhythmic law. Anything
there is nor there shall be anything more important than you you do against this law will be a disaster. It boils down to
and from that you as a base you must rise unto the top as think, concentrate, project, penetrate, move, conquer.
you. Excel. Command the situation and the challenge and Your can understand this fundamental base is the action
excel. That is a man. of the spermatozoa. All action of the spermatozoa is caused

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by movement of the tail. Your ego is your tail. Put your ego nature. You can sweat in life. You can work hard. You can
behind where it can move you. Don't put it up front. work very hard to be successful. You want to be successful:
That's the secret of success. Whoever puts his ego you go out, you hit hard, you hit your head and then you
behind will penetrate. That is the primary lesson you need to faint. You use the same approach sexually and forty percent
learn as a male. of you fade sexually. That's the average.
The spermatozoa are the male seed. It moves forward by To develop your psyche around a person, you must meet
moving its tail. Put your ego behind and go forward. If you him. But meanwhile you forget how to talk and you start
put your ego in front you can never penetrate and it is your wining and dining. The feeling is that if you cannot reach
desire to penetrate. No man can relax without penetrating. the head then you will reach the stomach. Actually you are
But no man can enjoy without conception. When the female very sensitive. You are very sensitive and very penetrating.
conceives, you are very joyful. God gave you the basic, fundamental power to penetrate
Why? Because you have conquered. You have projected through anything. But you don't do it. You go and hit hard.
your subtle super-ego and you have the feeling of immortali- . . . Look at nature and look at your own creativity. . . .
ty. You feel you have conquered the depth. You know that And don't put your ego in front of you.
you have come here through the spermatozoa and through Man to Man, Part 6, p. 12-16
spermatozoa you are going to live again. (excerpts edited by Gurucharan Singh Khalsa)

Do you understand this about your subtle self? You are

moving from one meditative state to another meditative state One final quotation speaks to the relationship of male and
and that is because you love yourself; it is not just because female and what makes it work. From the masculine perspec-
you love children. The child is your subtle projection of your tive, nothing gets completed without the feminine. So the
own creativity and your own love into which you have pro- masculine consciously or subconsciously centers around the
jected yourself. You are the seed. What can you do as a feminine and needs it to be receptive and responsive so the
seed? Study the spermatozoa. It encircles the egg eight times goals are achieved. Without the feminine, ego, conflict and
before penetrating it, before merging with it. So whenever confrontation can actually destroy the goal and the values
you want to conquer anything, go around it. Normally that honored by the masculine. It is like a church or belief that
is not what you do. You go directly into it. forces its perspective on others by conquering rather than by
We call it “male disaster.” It doesn't matter what your example or by spirit and kindness.
faculty is, what intelligence you have, how rich you are,
how poor you are; if you zoom directly in like an arrow, you Man is born of woman and you cannot deny that. However
will be broken in the middle. Is that clear? Is it understand- you get it together in life, you owe it to that woman who
able? What you must learn is called “leaving the ego carried you and made your body for nine months and who
behind.” taught you in the first three years the very basic things of
You can go and conquer anybody by circling around walking on this earth and talking. So, all desires, enterprises
and around and around them. By doing this you totally and goals are focused on woman. You have sprouted from a
stimulate the psyche of the person at the ratio of your own womb and one half of you (left side) is polarized female
proportion and in this ratio and proportion, the other person and you seek fulfillment in sprouting again in a woman. You
becomes willing, becomes very willing to give in. learn about yourself through being hurt by a woman. The
But when you confront them and hit directly, you will thing to do is to respect every woman and try to increase
never be effective. Confrontation is not your basic faculty her grace.
and it never will be your basic faculty. If you want to merge Your business, work, social status, your social relation-
with anything, go around it. You will be saved from destruc- ship, your everything depends on what? What do you do
tion, and you will save the other party from destruction. everything for? For a woman. Every male has one central
It is a principle of life which is unchangeable by its very pivot and that must be a woman.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Do one favor for yourself. Never be ungrateful in a rela- Woman has an infinite ego. No man can match it. If you
tionship to any woman. If you do not respect a symbol, then are born of a woman, how can you match a woman? You
you do not respect your clarity of consciousness and woman are always weak before a woman. When you relate to the
is a symbol of regeneration. We call it the symbol of Adi limited self of a woman she becomes very crazy. Always tell
Shakti. her she is great, unlimited, divine and the giver of every-
Woman is a polarity. The moon reflects. She reflects you. thing. All you have to do to deal with a woman is to inspire
She can never be you. She represents your subconscious. She her spiritually.
will never reflect your conscious. You must share your soul. Share inspiration.
The man and the woman play different roles in the rela- Enthusiastically do spiritual practice together. Be the one to
tionship. She holds the spirituality and depth. She carries the suggest it and set the time. Talk to her about your soul's
relationship through the storms and battles of time and longings and aspirations in Godly language. Encourage her
space. When her conscious and subconscious minds are sta- to share in what your soul loves and enjoys. All this does
ble, a stability for the couple is created. The woman mani- not just happen but requires much practice and keeping up
fests the “We are.” That means when a woman feels: “We're at all costs. Give time to relax and rejoice together.
positive, happy and in harmony,” then the relationship feels
good. But as soon as she feels that something is wrong, The masculine energy in us, in its elevated aspect, is honor-
nothing is right. able, active, penetrating, spiritual, fearless and productive. The
The man, on the other hand, manifests the projection: psyche is defensive, focusing, functional and decisive. The
“Where are we going?” He manifests the movement, projec- physical energy is pulsatory, potent and needs equal action
tion and the direction of the relationship and the family. and relaxation. These quotations and the other ideas shared
She must be able to look to you for inspiration and sta- by your trainer will have stimulated your own feelings and
bility. Otherwise you have nothing to offer. Then it becomes thoughts about your journey in life as man and woman, mas-
a matter of existence and not of relationship. The side of the culine and feminine. Let’s share our experiences with each
moon which shines looks toward the sun. You must be sta- other.
ble as a magnet, which attracts to itself but itself does not
move, while she, being the changeable moon is never sta-
tionary and never secure.
You are to be a source of strength and stability and secu-
rity. Your duty is to make her secure both materially and
spiritually. She must know you provide for her.
How to make a woman secure:
• When she does not see you uplifting yourself con-
sciously and spiritually you have a 40% chance of losing the
relationship. The woman looks to the man as God.
• Do a strong sadhana. Sadhana is self-victory. One
who cannot have self-victory cannot have this earth at all.
Without it you are as useless as a junk car.
• Understand that she is here to sprout and receive,
conceive and she is very insecure. The only thing which
makes her secure is when you tell her that she is Infinite and
that her spiritual spirit is what can give her the experience
of Infinity.

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 authentic relationships

Small Group Discussion Embodying and Elevating

30-45 Minutes the Polarities
Openly discuss what it is like for you to be embodied as male
4The first goal is to be an authentic human being who is
or female. Tell your story from the perspective of your choice
to embody as a male or female and the lessons you’ve learned. intuitive, neutral and present to the game of life you were
given and agreed to.
4The second is to embrace your form as a man or woman
What did you need to learn by embodying the male or
female form in this life? and the balance of the masculine and feminine polarity
within you.
What do you have left to learn? 4The third is to be aware and accept the web of relation-
ships and circumstances that form the realms of action of
In what ways does it challenge your personality and con-
your life and embody the lessons and karmas of your soul;
sciousness in relationships?
these are all your particular circumstances—your family
What quality of your masculine and feminine energies can lineage, birth place, capabilities, etc.
you learn the most from? 4The fourth is to form a conscious self-discipline to act
with awareness, kindness and effectiveness in your life; to
Are their any lessons you repeatedly learn as a man or
link your finite and infinite self in the present moment; to
woman?
use all the chakras to shift gears smoothly as the flow and
If you accepted the lesson from your soul, how would you challenges of life present themselves to you.
apply it to make or keep your relationships authentic?
We have raised our awareness about the cosmic play of male
Have you formed a clear, strong connection to your mascu-
and female energies. You have shared some of your story and
line and feminine energies?
heard others’. Now we want to elevate our perspective so we
Do you recognize and care for yourself as a man or woman can learn, grow and be real in our relationships.
and enjoy the cosmic play of the genders within and with- We will start with a meditation that helps to solve com-
out you? munication problems. At the end of that meditation, sit still
for one minute and look over your entire life. Scan the
relationships you have had. Look for patterns of relationships
where you hit a roadblock, experienced an unanticipated sur-
prise, acted in a manner that you would have changed, and
where you encountered the play of this cosmic polarity in your
attitude, actions or projections.
Identify one pattern that reoccurs in your relationships
life that you need to learn from or bring new energy to elevate
your actions or solve the problem. Identify and hold that pat-
tern in your mind with the intention to be with it in a neutral
way, with love for yourself and clarity about what is needed
to handle appropriately your masculine and feminine energies
in the future.

Now let’s elevate the energy and increase communication

between the polarities.

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 Authentic RelationshipS
KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
SOLVE COMMUNICATION PROBLEMS

Yogi Bhajan • August 22, 1986

POSTURE: Sit in Easy Pose with the spine straight.

MUDRA: Touch the thumb and Mercury (pinkie) finger of one

hand to the thumb and Mercury finger of the other hand. Bend
the Sun (ring) fingers in toward the palms, but do not let them
touch the palms. Leave the Jupiter (index) and Saturn (middle)
fingers pointing straight up, but not touching.

MUSIC: Meditatively listen to Beloved God, the first song on

Singh Kaur’s Peace Lagoon.

TIME: Start with 11 Minutes and work up to 31 Minutes.

This meditation activates the Mercury power of

EFFECTS:
communication.

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 authentic relationships

Interactive group discussion

changing life patterns
30 minutes

Get in your small groups again. Discuss the pattern you iden- It is through our chakras that we gain access and power to
tified for yourself. What is the lesson you need to learn and shift gears and respond at a higher frequency to varied circum-
apply so your repeated pattern will change as you go forward. stances. This is one of the fundamental fruits of practice and
What are you learning to accept in yourself and in others as a true mark of the beginning of mastery of the Self. To be able
a man or woman in the polarity of relationship? How do the to move our energy from the heart to the navel and back again
masculine and feminine polarities inform your relationships? in order to express compassion, or power, or love is the meas-
Now that we have stimulated the polarities and have ure of our neutrality and a sign of our ability to be authentic
brought our patterns before the eye of consciousness, we in each moment.
need to take this energy through all the chakras in order to
carry that awareness into our lives. We will experience this
movement and flow between the chakras in this next kriya:
High Tech Yoga.

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 KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
HIGH TECH YOGA
Yogi Bhajan • July 7, 1986
1 2

POSTURE: Sit straight. Eyes closed.

Mantra: Chant along with Rakhay
Rakhanahaar music and repeat this series of
exercises. This is a series of 8 mudras relat-
ing to the eight charkas. Change at each line
of the mantra.

Rakhay rakhanhaar aap ubaariun Gur kee pairee paa-eh kaaj savaariun TIME: 127 minutes.

3 4
1. Gyan Mudra (thumb to index finger),
wrists resting on knees with palms facing
outward.
2. Gyan Mudra, hands resting in the lap
with palms up.
3. Shuni Mudra (thumb to middle finger),
press fingers at the navel area.
4. Surya Mudra (thumb to ring finger),
Hoaa aap dayaal manho na visaariun Saadh janaa kai sung bhavjal taariun
press fingers at heart center.
5. Buddhi Mudra (thumb to little finger),
5 6 press the fingers of hands below ears with
fingers towards the back of the neck.
6. Both hands over face with fingertips
along hairline. (Don’t be surprised at what
you see.)
7. Interlock fingers on top of your head.
8. Extend arms out straight at 45 degrees
with palms up.

Saakat nindak dusht khin maa-eh bidaariun Tis saahib kee tayk naanak manai maa-eh
Rakhay rakhanhaar aap ubaariun
7
Gur kee pairee paa-eh kaaj savaariun
Hoaa aap dayaal manho na visaariun
8
Saadh janaa kai sung bhavjal taariun
Saakat nindak dusht khin maa-eh bidaariun
Tis saahib kee tayk naanak manai maa-eh
Jis simrat sukh ho-eh saglay dookh jaa-eh
Jis simrat sukh ho-eh saglay dookh jaa-eh

Jis simrat sukh ho-eh saglay dookh jaa-eh Jis simrat sukh ho-eh saglay dookh jaa-eh

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 authentic relationships

Merging the Masculine and Feminine within You:

Applying the Law of Love to Master the Law of Polarity

Part One: Healing the Self

Part Two: Boundless Strength

Gong Relaxation
10 Minutes

Now that we have established a stronger sense of self through

the chakras, let us build the strength to act from our conscious-
ness beyond polarity. We will do two exercises with the Master.
One to embody unity in every cell: the touch of the heavens.
The other, to see the wisdom, the guru, hidden in every move
of Prakirti: the subtle in the gross. For this we need a strong
spine and flow of sushmuna. This is the happiness of life. To
enjoy the polarities within our finite self and experience in each
moment our infinite Self that is beyond form and polarity. To
be and not be in continuous wisdom and innocence.

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 KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
HEALING THE SELF

Yogi Bhajan • Men’s Course 1992

POSTURE: Sit in Easy Pose. Arms are crossed, holding

opposite shoulders. The left arm should be over the right.
The shoulders should carry the weight.

EYES: Closed.

MUSIC: Nirinjan Kaur’s Ang Sang Wahe Guru

Sing with the tip of the tongue.

TIME: 31 Minutes.

KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA

BOUNDLESS STRENGTH

Yogi Bhajan • Men’s Course 1992

POSTURE: Lie on your back. Bring your arms and legs up

to 90°. Arms and legs should be shoulder-width apart and
the palms of the hands are open and facing each other.

MUSIC: Nirinjan Kaur’s Say Saraswati. You may chant

along with the music.

TIME: 31 Minutes.

EFFECTS: Renews the spine.

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 authentic relationships

Call on the kundalini within you

Chant the Kundalini Bhakti Mantra
11 Minutes

You have balanced your two sides with these last exercises. Dwell in this flow and enjoy the
dance of the universe within and without. Our core self-discipline is to raise the kundalini
energy. This gives us the awareness to do all that we have explored today. Each day we are
enmeshed in the polarities and web of karma. Each day we adjust the flow of our awareness
so that we can choose to be who we are, to be authentic, to be happy, and to be prosper-
ous. We do not need anything. We need only to be and to act from that center. Then we
can accurately recognize ourselves and recognize what we should do to synchronize with
our intuitive, infinite Self. Let us chant this mantra to stir the Adi Shakti within us so we
can manifest our intentions.

Aadee shaktee, Aadee shaktee, Aadee shaktee, namo, namo

Sarab shaktee, Sarab shaktee, Sarab shaktee, namo, namo
Pritham bhaagavatee, Pritham bhaagavatee,
Pritham bhaagavatee, namo, namo
Kundalinee, maataa shaktee, Kundalinee, maataa shaktee, namo, namo

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 authentic relationships

chapter five

divine delight
and the
play of masculine
and feminine
 Authentic RelationshipS

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 authentic relationships

THe Dance of our polarities

IN OUR LAST SESSION WE IDENTIFIED THE PLAY OF POLARITY that hint of timelessness; they point to the ineffable through
in life and in gender—both within and without, within our a tangible feeling; and they connect us beyond this moment
own psyche and personality and in our external relationships. by bringing us ever more present in the moment itself.
Observing this dynamic consciously and objectively allows us Ceremonies form a culture, a manner of being together. The
to be creative in using the energy of polarity along with the ceremonies and manners of each culture provide a shared field
clarity of our awareness in our day-to-day life. Understanding of action and understanding. In this way we bring our values
our own internal balance allows us to perceive the play of our into everyday actions, communications and routines. There is
own life as the play of the Infinite with an altitude of con- no one universal culture or for that matter, no one correct cul-
sciousness and an elevated perspective that reveals our choices ture. Each person discovers their values and manifests them in
rather than our reactions—our destiny rather than our fate. We the context of the culture they are in.
will approach this with a largely experiential day. We have gath- In our deep friendships and in our committed love relation-
ered and examined the feelings, memories and intentions of our ships there is a great need for ceremony. When the relation-
relationships as they play upon our conscious and subcon- ship is authentic and polarities are respected and understood,
scious actions and reactions to life. Today we will stir them, let new ceremonies of connection spontaneously emerge that
them simmer and cook. We will bring the energy of these polar- embody the shared values and obligations to each other and
ities into an energetic internal dance that will help each of us to the inner self. Every couple or partnership that has good
to act authentically in the complex worlds we live in. communication forms little rituals: the kiss at the door, the
Yogi Bhajan’s teachings are first and foremost practical. wave from the window, the cup of coffee, the moments of
They give us the capacity to shift gears and create inner bal- quiet meditation together, or the simple request to sign off on
ance even in the midst of the outer changes life brings. From a decision that affects both of you. These are the signs of
this elevated perspective we can relate without judgment. We merger. These are the elements of routines and habits that
can forgive and embrace. We can love our polarities and apply support a way of living that honors each other authentically.
them to the art of merger. When we are beyond our polari- These are the simple ceremonies that form the motif and back-
ties, we can merge without loss of self. ground of our play together. They are the choreography of our
We try to capture these feelings of connection, merger, dance.
through ceremony. Ceremonies are simple acts within time

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 Authentic RelationshipS

The play of masculine and feminine

Our given culture programs us with a multitude of patterns— a picture of the face of a nurse or a mother and measure how
both large and small—as well as deep wisdom. As kundalini long the child will stare at it with curiosity. You can also hang
yogis we constantly evaluate those patterns and programs a mobile made of pieces of the same picture, designed into
through the lens of our awakened consciousness. We estab- small moving parts. Girl children will look at and respond to
lish habits and ceremonies that cultivate a culture of con- the real person or to the intact facial image for a long time but
sciousness in which we are present to each moment, and are not at the mobile. Boy children look at the mobile—the mov-
able to fully express ourselves, our soul and our values. We ing objects—but attend little to the whole face. And somehow
are a culture of consciousness with a human sensitivity that this makes perfect sense! The masculine brain seeks action
knows no boundaries, no country. We are the teachers of the and functionality and has more difficulty attending to a rela-
Aquarian Age. We have to not only understand this love, the tionship. A boy wants to know, “If I push this, does it do
pure love of prem, but deliver it in our actions and in our that?” A girl child wants to know how they relate to the
teaching. Otherwise people will rely only on the popular cul- object—the nurse or the image of the nurse. This is an essen-
ture’s dramas: songs that record the earthly commotions of tial difference between the masculine and the feminine: what
relationship; movies that play only on passion and intrigue. we do versus how we are connected. This difference in atten-
These cultural plays show only how to throw a tantrum tional style shows the seeds of a typical masculine attitude
instead of engage in a tantra; how to run when uncomfort- that we see in some adults, “I want to know the cause and
able instead of being still or communicating; and how to seek the effect. I don’t want to know the meaning of anything.”
every distraction and stimulation from outside ourselves This dance of divine delight in differences begins at the begin-
instead of piercing through the mask and breaking through ning.
the shell that keeps us from the constant upwelling of con- When we look at the mechanism of the acid bath, which
tentment and pleasure that arises from our true Self. changes the morphology of the brain in the womb, we dis-
cover another way that male and female brains differ.
What is the play of the masculine and feminine? Women’s brains have a greater frontal cortex density relative
How shall we examine it and elevate it? to the size of the entire brain. What might this mean?
How do we merge these polarities and produce a happy, Women may be better at associations and figuring out the
prosperous, meaningful and conscious life? meaning behind the symbols. Women have a stronger limbic
system, and a more active left amygdale, which means they
Enjoying the Play of Masculine and Feminine are more alert to the emotional context of any given situation.
We have already begun our examination of the masculine and Women also have a greater hippocampus—which relates to
feminine perspectives. Now we observe it from a different memory—so women are always reminding others, the man,
angle. If we look to what we know about the beginnings of about the anniversary, the birthday, the dinner party; they
this polarity, we can enjoy the ongoing play and gain some hold the entire history of the relationship in their awareness
tolerance and enthusiasm for merger. We can also recognize and consciousness. On the other hand, the male brain has
where many of the ceremonies of gender communication lots of right side amygdale which means they are always alert,
come from and how they can be useful. The polarity is not ready to go, reactive, responsive. Our earliest experience
just learned. It is with us from our first day of birth. We pick shapes the dance shoes we’re given.
up these dimorphic, sexual cognitive perceptions within the
first day of birth, so it isn’t cultural. You can show an infant

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 authentic relationships

Responding to Stress as a Male or a Female The Dance of the Sperm and the Egg
If you zoom in even closer to look at the individual neurons— If we anthropomorphize the dance of the sperm and ovum,
especially the behavior of neurons under stress—the spikes on we can imagine it beginning at the first few notes. The femi-
the neuron, which create connection and communication, nine egg, the ovum, floats and rolls its way down the fallop-
respond differently in men versus women. Women’s dendritic ian tube guided along a narrow, certain path, as relaxed as a
spikes retreat under intense stress while the male neuron’s summer stroll. The sperm is spinning all over and dashing
increase their spikes. When bombs are going off, men are about with an obsessed drive to get the ‘ball’. It wiggles and
often more excited and ready to perform; they’re out on the squirms, madly racing up the vaginal canal. It is surrounded
front line. Women under intense stress may experience more by competing teammates sensing that only one is given the
confusion or internal processing about what to do and the prize. The ovum finds it way and sits composed and waiting
best way to do it. to receive the victor. She can select and by subtle chemical
On the other hand, when under long-term, chronic, day- scenting inspires the final plunge. The sperm as it approaches
to-day stress, the men’s neurons decrease in activity and the the vast ovum must rotate the egg eight times seeking the
women’s increase. Women are far better at handling long-term right moment and place to strike. From the feminine perspec-
chronic stress. Given this, under intense stress what useful tive this amounts to courting; from the masculine it is surveil-
message can a man provide the woman in a relationship? “I lance, pure and simple. The communication difference is
got it! I’ll handle it! Don’t worry!” If a man can get the woman already in play. Even as the sperm rotates the goal, the move-
to relax because she believes in him, she doesn’t lose her neu- ment creates a dialogue and harmonization prior to the egg
rons. She stays at her best. The feminine consciousness which being penetrated and fertilized. Yogi Bhajan speaks about this
is the best organizing and managing force on the planet can rotation of the sperm as absolutely necessary to the process.
act with genius. She can help the masculine mind, which has Divine delight is preceded by a delightful dance of the divine
narrowed and launched into action, by adding context, sup- polarity.
port and clarity to the goal and to the effects of the actions.
The masculine psyche drops the past and memories fade. His Connection to the Mother
hippocampus, which handles memory, retreats under stress— As the consummated union develops into a fetus, the environ-
and it was smaller than hers to begin with. Unless he is well ment of the womb responds and changes with the environ-
trained in the neutral mind to handle stress and threat, the ment and with every thought and emotion of the mother. As
emotional energy of the old brain and amygdale override the the hormone bath engulfs the womb, the two hemispheres of
careful associations and strategizing of the frontal brain. So the developing brain are shaped in the male or female fetus,
even if he remembers everything, he won’t understand any- leaving the male with a dimorphic bias of one hemisphere over
thing except the more focused immediate goal. the other and the female with carefully sculpted differences in
The feminine in you can balance him and take care of the her brain as well. Yogi Bhajan would underline the significance
support and the potential problems before they occur. But, if of this change in the prescient aphorism: “A male has half a
your masculine self doesn’t give the direct assurance and secu- brain. Have compassion.” Being a man is like dancing with
rity, the feminine retreats letting the masculine ride away one foot. We continue our differences in the dance because
entranced by the mission and ignoring any costs. You may we connect so differently to the mother. When the navel cord
win, but you are dead. The positive relationship to the femi- is cut, it is potentially traumatic because the mother and child
nine brings mastery and life to the entire enterprise. There are are connected not only physically, by the umbilicus, but also
ways to move together and ways to conflict; we need to through their shared aura and psyche. The male child senses
understand how our differences work and how to use them a distinct separation. His emotional instinct is mildly blunted
for an elegant coupling. by the hemispheric muting from the fetal hormone bath. He
has yet to develop the creative potential signified by sperm

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 Authentic RelationshipS

and has many feelings arise that are without a place to go. He Her relationship to her self and the infinite sets the pattern
has a natural disconnection and impotency. This early insecu- and overlay for the child. It opens the pathway to a deep con-
rity is compensated for by action, by a bolstering of the male nection to self or blocks the way with detours and emotional
ego and by aggressive acquisition of things in the environ- cul-de-sacs. These first three years are all about the feminine
ment. The male usually becomes more focused on the exter- in each of us. However, it is not the only factor. Genes, envi-
nal and lags behind in developing an inner stable identity. ronment, prayers and other caretakers all have an effect. But
The female child at birth is quite a contrast. She arrives the mother and this bond are the Imperial Theatre School of
with all the eggs and creative potential she’ll ever use for her St. Petersburg amidst all the vaudeville dance halls.
own future children. There is an innate connection to a female
fetus that stretches across generations. If the mother accepts If the mother does not give confidence and love, when the
the daughter, welcomes the daughter, when the navel cord is man grows to adulthood, he becomes revengeful. A saying
cut, it’s not as difficult a separation or transition. There is still in the scriptures goes: ‘The mother can create God, or she
a sense of oneness with the mother because there is an can create a demon. She is the one who writes the destiny
unspoken awareness of the lineage; there is a sense of the on the forehead of the male.’ Whatever character the mother
future embodied in the girl child. These small differences in gives to the child in the first three years becomes his first
the feminine and masculine experience of connection and sep- fundamental, permanent foundation of character.
aration grow greater as time moves on and we begin to com- –Yogi Bhajan, February 10, 1993
pensate for uncomfortable feelings with emotional strategies—
avoidance, manipulation, among myriad others. So the dance Gurdev Pita—
is not just rhythm, shoes and style, but history as well. Father as the Second Teacher
During the first three years, the mother and the child are The mother is not the only dance coach in this divine play. As
intimately linked by their shared aura and by the flow of emo- these first three years pass, their auras gradually become inde-
tions, thoughts and energy in her milk. This bond is the cru- pendent, individual auras, completing the separation between
cible of future sensitivities and the seed of confidence to be the mother and child at the conclusion of the third year of the
and trust who we are. The sense of safety and connection in child’s life. From age three to age seven, the masculine energy
the child is enhanced by the open crown chakra (the fontanel) and the father become critical. The child explores the world
that creates a boundless connection with all the surroundings through a widening set of interactions, relationships and expe-
and slowly closes over time. What and how a child learns and riences. The father is the second teacher, the Gurdev Pita. His
experiences these heavenly and earthly realms is connected to sense of identity in relationship to the world gives the child
and impacted by the condition of the mother. Does the moth- its identity and the strength to encounter the challenges and
er herself feel divine or divided; content or insecure; upset or rules of the world. If a father is a disciplined man, the child
fully set up? This is a stage where the conscious identity of will be disciplined. Yogi Bhajan said: “When a husband and
the mother plays a crucial role. Do we think of the mother as wife live a code of conduct, out of them children will be born
the possessor, the attendant, the mechanism of birth, the pre- that are saintly and graceful. You can’t teach a child to be
occupied wife, the provider of future heirs, or what? What is obedient. A child has to know that his father is a very disci-
the identity and role that can serve both polarities in reaching plined man. That’s all. He must know it. If he knows his father
their potential to be divine cosmic dancers? is not a disciplined man, you can never discipline a child. You
can judge the discipline of the parents from the children.”
Gurdev Mata—Mother as the First Teacher In addition to embodying discipline, the masculine energy
A woman’s divine nature does more than instruct her child or and the father embody the lessons of honorable and success-
give security; to her child she is Gurdev Mata. In her celes- ful living in the world outside of the home. He is the model
tial self, she is a teacher. A teacher is one who closes the gap for the dance with the feminine by demonstrating an authen-
between the self and the consciousness that is in the soul. tic connection with his own True Self, his deep respect for

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women and the feminine, and his conscious steadiness in the ties to serve consciousness and the incredible, delightful,
face of the swings of his internal polarities. spontaneous play of the masculine and feminine in all of us.
The triangle of forces and instincts we explored is still there.
The Divine Dance and the Identity of the Teacher We are animal, earthling, angel and Self. That Self is a Divine
It seems like the play is set, the dance choreographed and Teacher by nature. It accepts itself and elevates others, it
rehearsed. We are what we are from the beginning. But the merges and uplifts; it does not select and separate; it does not
divine dance is not a polite minuet or waltz where we simply denigrate. A Teacher awakens our divine masculine and femi-
accede to the momentum of karma and genes. It is more like nine and calls us to the dance!
a lively tango where each partner admires, challenges, syn-
chronizes and reels in explosive pirouettes. There is unlimited Yogi Bhajan pointed to the relationship between the
energy in polarity. So how do we consciously hold them, con- Teacher and the Divine:
tain them, and elevate them to serve our destiny?
One secret is to agree to agree to our own divine identity Whether I am male or female, I am high or low, I am poor
as teachers: as Gurdev Mata and Gurdev Pita for the child and or rich, I am white or black, I am an existence, and there is
as a yogi for our own mind. It is only this divine neutral con- some cause somewhere for my existence. And my existence,
sciousness that can enjoy all the characteristics of the mascu- which has a cause must have an effect, because cause must
line and feminine within and without and use them to com- have an effect; then why should I subject myself to anyone
plete the destiny of the soul. That divine identity is not a task, except my cause? And my cause is Infinity, and so I must
something to be strived for; it is the practice of presence. It is subject myself to Infinity.
stillness that invites presence—beyond the distractions of ego —Yogi Bhajan, The Teachings of Yogi Bhajan, p. 167
and the 1,000 thoughts per second in the mind. It is timeless-
ness—that piece of our essential existence that gives us the The True Power of a Man
intuition to be timely in our actions. There is another secret to the divine dance and it is under-
As Teachers we take an oath, we participate in a ceremo- stood by the advanced male psyche. The masculine energy is
ny, which puts us in touch with this balancing center. The defense embodied. But the best defense in the world is to
oath takes us beyond polarity, beyond the play of our small have a strong internal feminine. It’s a paradox and in the par-
self. It confirms our primary relationship with Infinity. We say, adox lays the true power of a man. If, as a man, you can
develop your frontal brain, develop the communication
“I am not a woman, between your hemispheres, and sensitize your arcline—the
I am not a man, strongest of all defensive radar for your destiny—you can
I am not a person, invoke and use both hemispheres and the feminine flow with-
I am not myself, in you as a teacher. Every man is a man. A spiritual man is
I am a Teacher.” still a man. But a teacher has cultivated a consciousness
through sadhana, or self-discipline, which embodies nerves of
That’s Divine. A Teacher is neither a saint, nor a perfect per- steel, a radiant aura and the grace, from infinity, to invoke
son. A Teacher is a still point that engenders transformation both sides of the polarity. It is not androgeny, it is awareness;
and that uplifts all. In that identity the polarity still exists: it is not the heavens, it is human; it is not detachment, it is
“I’m not a man, but I am. I am not a woman, but I am.” Yet the full embodiment of your formless presence as a teacher.
the tango goes on in perfect balance. An authentic Teacher So we can learn to dance. We can learn the steps. We can
lives the definition of a Yogi. And the Yogi is she who dwells improvise in our uniqueness. We can flow with the polarities
in the polarity yet rises above it, as a swan swims without get- that we each have, in our own proportion, and delight in the
ting wet. The Teacher is beyond the polarities. The Teacher is differences and be authentic in our relationships.
Divine from the beginning and plays with the earthly identi-

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Elevating the POlarities

Let’s begin an experiential journey to merge these polarities

and create our own dance. After this kriya, we will take a
class with the Master to bring home to our hearts and minds
the nature and importance of our divine identities as first
teachers, as mother and father.

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KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA relationships
ADVANCED ABDOMINAL & NAVEL STRENGTHENING

This kriya will center, strengthen, and balance the energy at the navel point. Strong navel center energy gives you boundless energy and the
ability to transform yourself at will. It is excellent for athletes, as it will help improve any performance in practice and in competition.

1. Alternate Leg Lift. Come lying down flat on your back. Have the 1
arms by the sides with the palms down. Have the hands underneath
the buttocks if needed. Inhale and lift the left leg up to a 90° angle to
the floor with the toe pointed to the ceiling. Exhale as you lower the
leg down. Inhale and lift the right leg up to a 90° angle to the floor
with the toe pointed to the ceiling. Exhale and lower the leg down.
Long Slow Deep Breathing. 3 minutes.

2. Cross Crawl. Remain lying down flat on your back with the arms
by the sides, palms flat against the floor. On the inhale, bring the left 2
knee up to the chest and at the same time bring the right arm onto the
ground down back and behind you in a kind of straight arm backstroke
motion. Exhale yourself flat. Inhale with opposite arm and opposite leg.
Continue, inhaling through the nose and exhaling through the nose
concentrating the breath’s energy at the navel point. 3 minutes.

3. Triangle Pose. Draw the knees up to the chest and rock yourself
up. Slowly come standing up. Bring the feet approximately shoulder 3
width apart, the feet creating a right angle to the plane of the body.
Bend from the waist and place the hands on the floor. Hands are nar-
rower than shoulder width apart. Have the thumb tips touching if pos-
sible. Elbows and knees are straight and the head is in line with the
upper arms. Tilt the pelvis forward and push down through the shoul-
ders, keeping equal weight on the hands and feet. Hold the position.
Long Slow Deep Breathing. 3 minutes.

4.Cobra Pose. Come lying down flat on the stomach. Bring the chin
on the ground with the palms down on the floor underneath and slight-
ly forward of the shoulders. Have the legs together, tops of the feet on
the ground. Now inhale and raise the head up, chest up and now 4
smoothly push yourself up. Make sure the arms are shoulder width
apart, elbows a little bent, fingers pointing forward, shoulders rolled
back and down, chest high and head back. The whole pelvic area is on
the ground. You can be resting on the forearms, if it is more comfort-
able for you. Hold the position. Long Slow Deep Breathing. 2 minutes.

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 Authentic RelationshipS
KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
ADVANCED ABDOMINAL & NAVEL STRENGTHENING

5. Yoga Crunch. Roll back over on the back. Bring knees up

and have your feet flat against the floor. Make the hands into
5 a basket by interlacing them and placing them behind the
head. We are going to doing a six-count movement both up
and down. Lift the head off the ground and remember to just
support the head with the hands; do not pull with the hands
or arms. Tilt the pelvis so that the lower back is flat against
the floor. Keep the lower back flat throughout the exercise. In
this position, inhale slowly, exhale and slowly curl up tighten-
ing the abdominal muscles. One…two… three… four… five…
six. Now inhale and slowly loosen the abdominal as you go
back. One…two…three…four…five…six. Keep the head up in
both positions. This will help you keep the lower back flat
against the floor. Continue, go slow and concentrate your
6 breaths’ energy right at your navel point. Imagine as though
you are breathing in and out through the navel. This will help
you concentrate on this area of the body. 2 minutes.

6. Stretch Pose. Lie flat on the back. Lift the upper back and
shoulders off the ground, keeping the lower back flat against
the surface. Bring the arms up over the trunk of the body with
the hands about shoulder width apart. Lift the legs up with
toes pointed away from the body and level with the eyes. Keep
7
the heels lightly resting on the ground, if needed. Breath of
Fire. 3 minutes.

7. Leg Thrusts. Remain lying on the back. Bring both knees

to the chest. Have the arms by the sides with the palms down.
Place the hands underneath the buttocks if needed. Inhale and
thrust the left leg out so it is about 12” off the ground with
the toe pointed away from the body. Exhale and switch legs.
8
Use Powerful Deep Breaths. 2 minutes.

8. Bow Pose. Roll over on to your stomach. Reach back and

catch the tops of the feet or the ankles with the hands. Push
out with the shins and pull in with the arms keeping the
elbows straight. Lift the chest and thighs off the ground. Head
is up and back. Hold the position steady. Long Slow Deep
Breathing. 2 minutes.

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KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
ADVANCED ABDOMINAL & NAVEL STRENGTHENING

9. Rest On Stomach. Rest with normal breath on the

stomach, arms by the sides with the head turned to the
side. 1 minute.

10. Baby Pose Arms In Front. Push yourself up so that 9

you are on the heels and place the forehead on the ground.
Have the arms stretched out in front of the body on the
ground with the hands shoulder width apart. Relax in this
position with Normal Breath. 1 minute. 10

11. Camel Pose. Rise up out of the position and come up

on to the knees. Reach back and place both hands on the
heels. Arch the pelvis forward; keep the shoulders back and
chest high. Either let the head fall all the way back or keep
the chin on the chest.

12. Baby Pose. Push yourself up so that you are on the

heels and place the forehead on the ground. Have the arms 11
by the ankles with the palms up. Relax in this position with
Normal Breath. 1 minute.

13. Deep Relaxation. Come out of position and rest on

your back. Lie down flat, have the arms by the side palms
up, with the eyes gently closed and the breath soft and
normal. Have the knees up slightly for comfort, if needed.

12

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 Authentic RelationshipS

The Master’s Touch:

An Experience with Yogi Bhajan

VIDEO CLASS
Let Your Identity Come From Your Divinity
July 4, 1996

This lecture was given on Independence Day, a major US holiday that celebrates
our independence from colonial rule. Just like the fireworks that are launched
on that holiday, Yogi Bhajan celebrates the feminine and declares that transfor-
mation is possible through the Divine identity of the Teacher. He explains a
mantra that contains the relationship he talks about. The mantra and the idea
of identity applies unilaterally, to all of us.

A transcript, edited for reading, is included in your Study Guide.

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 authentic relationships

Gauri Baavan Akhree Mahelaa 5 Guru Arjun Dev ji Siri Guru Granth Sahib page 250

Gurdev is the Divine Guru, the angelic, subtle, Transcendent Teacher

gurdyv mwqw gurdyv ipqw gurdyv suAwmI prmysurw

Gurdev maata Gurdev pita. Gurdev swami parmeysura
Gurdev is my Mother, Gurdev is my Father. Gurdev is my Transcendent Lord and Master.

gurdyv sKw AigAwn BMjnu gurdyv bMiDp shodrw

Gurdev sakhaa agiaan bhanjan, Gurdev bandhap sahodraa
Gurdev is a friend and companion who dismisses the darkness of ignorance. Such a relative which comes through every time.

gurdyv dwqw hir nwmu aupdysY gurdyv mMqu inroDrw

Gurdev daataa har naam updeysai, Gurdev mant nirodharaa
Gurdev is the Giver, the Teacher of the Lord’s Name. Gurdev is the Mantra which never fails.

gurdyv sWiq siq buiD mUriq gurdyv pwrs prs prw

Gurdev shaant sat budh moorat, Gurdev paaras paras paraa
Gurdev is the image of peace, truth and wisdom. Gurdev is like the Philosopher’s stone—whatever it touches, changes.

gurdyv qIrQu AMimRq srovru gur igAwn mjnu AprMprw

Gurdev teerath amrit sarovar, Gur giaan majan aparanparaa
Gurdev is like a pilgrimage to a pool of nectar, whose uplifting knowledge is beyond, beyond, beyond.

gurdyv krqw siB pwp hrqw gurdyv piqq pivq krw

Gurdev kartaa sabh paap hartaa, Gurdev patit pavit karaa
Gurudev does everything and removes all sins, is honorable, and stands with purity.

gurdyv Awid jugwid jugu jugu gurdyv mMqu hir jip auDrw
Gurdev aad jugaad jug jug, Gurdev mant har jap udharaa
Gurdev existed in the primal beginning, through all time, always shall be. Gurdev is the mantra of the Naam. Chanting it one is freed.

gurdyv sMgiq pRB myil kir ikrpw hm mUV pwpI ijqu lig qrw
Gurdev sangat prabh mel kar kirpaa. Ham moor paapee jit lag taraa
Gurdev creates the union between the congregation and God. Be merciful to me! That I may be with my Divine Guru.
And though I make mistakes, holding on to you I am carried across.

gurdyv siqguru pwrbRhmu prmysru gurdyv nwnk hir nmskrw ]1]

Gurdev satgur paarbrahm parmeshar, Gurdev naanak har namskaraa
Gurdev is the divinely true Teacher and true guide, the transcendent Lord. Nanak bows in humble reverence to the Creative Guru.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

The Divine Identity:

Living Beyond the Polarities

IN THIS LECTURE WITH YOGI BHAJAN, we study and Our Challenge is Our Grace
invoke the divine feminine. We explore the mother as the first We are a reflection of our first teachers. True, our soul chose
teacher and what that means in terms of responsibility and these teachers (our mother and father) and this experience as
perspective. The father is recognized as the second teacher. we came into this life. So, too, we must accept the challenges
Each role defines a specific polarity of life and a different from them and the grace provided by them whether they ful-
aspect of divine wisdom. Every relationship we have plays on fill their divine identities or not. Our challenge is our grace.
these initial experiences, stirring memories of our own moth- When these teachers do not have a strong foundation in their
er and father. own divine identity, we form distorted beliefs about relation-
The extraordinary role of the mother as the first teacher is ships and the world around us. We become frustrated. It is
responsible for the female developing her authentic identity easy to become angry in childhood and then hold onto that
and embracing her sacred feminine. Once the child is born, anger for the remainder of our lives, becoming lost in deep-
the mother is both teacher and guide, the Gurdev Mata. She seated patterns of frustration instead of enjoying the bless-
is the primary foundation and first influence, providing the ings of this precious human life that even the gods and angels
child with security and love. Her authentic and intimate rela- are said to covet. Yet, as we embrace our personal responsi-
tionships show the child the way to trust. bility for our own life and our reactions to it, we are empow-
When this basic need for security and love is not fulfilled, ered to rewrite our past rather than stay imprisoned by it. We
the child reacts, developing unfounded fears and lashing out can free ourselves from the entanglements of reactions, pat-
with undifferentiated anger. Gradually innocence is lost. We terns, and habits through awareness, forgiveness, and the
forget that we are a royal part of God and stop trusting any- steady, continual practice of authenticity. With Yogi Bhajan’s
thing except ourselves. We begin to manipulate and maneu- lecture as a framework, let’s now discuss our own experi-
ver in an effort to control our lives. We become conservative; ences, reactions and relationships to ourselves as parents, as
we become extreme; we long for predictability; we demand teachers to our students, and to our parents as our first teach-
control. We lose touch with the flow of life, with our authen- ers.
tic nature. As we lose our neutrality, we slowly lose our intu-
itive sensitivity. As we begin to bargain for what we want and
do not want, we lose our sense of unconditional love and our
willingness to commit freely.

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 authentic relationships

Small Group Discussion

Our own experience
as Parents & Teachers

4 What personally inspired you the most from this video? 4 Yogi Bhajan describes the impact of the mother in her
divine identity. What is the impact of a man acting in his
4 What does Yogi Bhajan teach regarding an authentic rela- divine identity as teacher versus exerting himself in duality?
tionship between the mother and child—Gurdev Mata? What feels different when you relate to a man or woman
when they are in duality instead of the divine identity? How
4 When you think of yourself as a child and your relation- is being in that divine identity different than just being good?
ship to your parents, how does this Divine Identity—Gurdev
Mata—speak to you personally? 4 How does the authentic relationship between a mother
and a child impact all future relationships?
4 In this lecture, Yogi Bhajan taught us the difference
between Divinity and duality. “When you put a foot on Earth, 4 We have many sides. We are workers, lovers, friends and
God says ‘Thank you.’ You are a walking identity of God’s parents. We are enemies and colleagues. How does it affect
creativity. You cannot deny that. Why create insanity? Who your other roles when you have a strong identity as a Gurdev
invited you to do that? Don’t feel guilty. Just get awakened. Mata or Pita? What happens if you ignore the divine identity
Just wake up. Start exerting your divinity. It’s your birthright. completely?
Learn this rule: God who created you shall create for you
everything when you exert your divinity. God who created
you will give you nothing when you exert your duality.”
Tell a story from your own life that illustrates what it is like
to try things from duality and to initiate things from your
divinity. What happens when you view your life through this
lens? How is exerting from your divinity different than being
passive and spaced out?

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Cultivating the spiritual warrior

Using the arcline & intuitive Projection

We will do two exercises to balance our arclines and to and unsure of himself. The arcline is his universal defense or
expand our aura to full sensitivity. These two meditations security system. Because the arcline has a direct connection
done together interlace our polarities and create a greater, with the positive, negative and neutral minds, all meditation
stronger center and a dynamic self. This process moves us which expands the radiance of the arcline can be practiced.
from the triangle of reactive forces as a foot soldier in our
own lives to the flowing spiritual warrior that delivers joy, A Woman and Her Arcline
delight and destiny to everyone on our path. We are able to A woman who wants to manifest her full potential also
be and express our truest self, our Divine Self, and enjoy the works on the arcline. As a potential mother, a woman is
polarities that are present in every relationship. born with the sensitivity, intuition and capacity to carry a
There is a difference between our intuitive defense, life. The Third Eye must remain open and intuitively sensi-
organized by the arcline, acting on behalf of our real Self; tive up to twenty miles away in order to know where the
and our reactive nature, acting on behalf of our ego, moti- danger lies. Hence a woman has a double arcline whereas a
vated only by our fears. We do not need to eliminate our man has only one arcline. This difference contributes to the
reactive nature; instead we need to let our intuitive nature feminine nature. A woman has eleven to sixteen times the
fully flower so that all of our responses become more mental and neurological processing power of an undevel-
authentic, balanced, and projective of our Divine nature oped man. Keeping the arcline strong, living in the medita-
which encompasses and embraces the polarities of mascu- tive mind and employing focused prayer is essential for a
line and feminine. woman’s success. The bhakti aspects of the following chant
The arcline engages the self in the play of both mascu- brings out this potential and makes it available to you.
line and feminine energies. The arcline is triggered to be
defensive and it manifests differently in the male and female.
A strong arcline will merge the systematic defending nature
of the male and empathetic perceptive role of the female. It
allows the masculine energy to act, project and initiate and
the feminine energy to lead through sensitivity and prayer.

A Man and His Arcline

A man who wants to develop his full masculine potential,
works on his arcline. The arcline reflects the interaction of
the subtle body and the pranic body, hence the alignment
of the life force and the destiny. When the arcline is strong,
a man experiences that his identity is in harmony with the
universe. He becomes highly intuitive and he attracts oppor-
tunities which he can develop successfully. He can absorb
the challenges of daily life and the intense pressures of his
work or profession while maintaining his higher conscious-
ness. When the arcline is weak, a man identifies with his
ego instead of his Divinity. Often he is defensive, controlling

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interactive group exercise

Chanting to Build the Arcline

Let us notice the play of the reactive male and female and
embrace them with our Divine identity as Yogi Bhajan guid-
ed us in the lecture. We will use two mantras that are polar-
ities of each other: they are Shakti and Bhakti, feminine and
masculine.

We will do 31 minutes of Laya Yoga, a Shakti mantra, fol-

lowed by 31 minutes of Ardas Bhaee, a Bhakti mantra. As
you powerfully chant the Laya Yoga, feel the spiral energy
moving up the spine; ground yourself firmly in that experi-
ence and the sound current.

As you transition to Ardas Bhaee, stay rooted in the experi-

ence you established in the Laya Yoga, the sound current
you generated. Imagine the sounds of Ardas Bhaee dancing
along the spiral, through the locks of the spine and through
your entire aura. Hear it as if you were dipping yourself into
a healing pool and immerse yourself in it as a devotee sits
at the feet of the Master. Use your mind and your connec-
tion to the sound current to experience both at once—merge
the Naad of both Shakti and Bhakti. Feel the upward move-
ment and flow of the Shakti Naad and the immersion of the
Bhakti Naad.

Your presence will increase. The layers fall away. The flow
and power of your divine dance unfold in delightful ways to
surprise and confirm you within you.

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 KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
LAYA YOGA - A SHAKTI MANTRA

Sit in an Easy Pose, with a light Jalandhar Bandh.

EYE POSITION: Focus through the Brow Point.

MUDRA: Put the palms together in Prayer Pose at the center of the chest, or in Gyan Mudra with the wrists on the knees.

MANTRA & VISUALIZATION:

EK ONG KAAR-(UH) One Creator Creation
SAA TAA NAA MAA-(UH) True Identity
SIREE WHAA-(UH) HAY GU-ROO Great Indescribable Wisdom

The chant is very precise. On EK pull in the navel. On each final “UH” lift the diaphragm up firmly. The “UH” sound is more
a result of the powerful movement of the diagphragm than a pronounced purposeful projected sound. Relax the navel and
abdomen on HAY GUROO. The sound has a “spin” to it. It is a 3-1/2 cycle rhythm. As you chant, imagine energy and sound
spiraling up and around the spinal cord in a right-handed helix. Start at the base of the spine as you initiate the energy from
the navel. End with the focus over the head to the Cosmos on HAY GUROO.

TIME: Continue for 31 minutes. Practice for 40-120 days.

COMMENTS
This extraordinary Laya Yoga chant brings the soul and destiny present. It suspends you above conflicts attracted by success
and the activity of the Positive Mind. It lets your activity serve your purpose. It makes you creative and focused on your real
priorities and helps you sacrifice what is needed to accomplish them.
The word Laya refers to suspension from the ordinary world. Laya Yoga fixes your attention and energy on your essence
and higher consciousness without normal distractions and attachments having power over your reactive awareness.
This mantra opens the secret book of Laya Yoga. It enables you to consciously remember and experience the link between
you and the Creator. Practice the mantra for 40-120 days. It will etch into the subconscious the memory and experience of
your true identity.
This mantra was guarded like a secret gem. It is the key to the inner doors of naad, the realm of creative sound. If you lis-
ten to the sound of the mantra and then concentrate on its subtle sounds, you will become absorbed into the unlimited domain
of your higher Self. The mantra has a structure of 3-1/2 cycles in its spin. Each UH sound lifts the diaphragm which commutes
the energy of prana and apana across the heart area. That transformation is one cycle. The 3-1/2 cycle is the pulse rhythm of
the kundalini itself. This is why the kundalini is often represented as coiled 3-1/2 times.
As with all other genuine mantras, it is discovered by the seer who travels in the subtle realms of consciousness. It has
been confirmed by countless practitioners who adopted the discipline of the meditation. The inner sounds can be heard at dif-
ferent levels of subtlety. The vibrations of naad have different octaves of creative impact.
This mantra takes you to the most subtle realm of creativity. It awakens the kundalini force that energizes the whole
Creation. It awakens your awareness and empowers the sense of the Subtle Body of the Aura. The practice of the meditation
gives intuition and the ability to heal.
When you practice this kriya earnestly, be conscious and graceful with each word you speak. Do not listen to negative or
coarse speech from others. Remember that the sins of the past are of the past, and that some of the greatest saints were sin-
ners first. If you have the opportunity to learn and to practice this technology of elevation, you have earned it and you deserve
it. So do not hesitate to use it and to strive for progress and expansion. Feel that the Infinite Will and yours act together.
Strong actions combined with non-attachment make life a dance with much creativity and gratitude.

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 KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA authentic relationships
BHAKTI MANTRA

The dance and delight of polarities is not something

abstract. We face it most directly when we are with oth-
ers. The next set of exercises uses partners. Your mind will
automatically present the old patterns and reactions even
if you are unaware of them.

kundalini yoga kriya:

The Invincible Man
As you go through this series, securities and insecurities,
forceful masculine energy and receptive feminine energy
will all be called forth. The result is an alchemy and a
merger that gives you and your presence center stage in
your relationships. Put your heart in each exercise and let
the flow of the kriya guide you to a renewed strength and
open heart.

Kundalini Yoga meditation:

Sit in an Easy Pose, with a light Jalandhar Bandh. GUIDANCE
The following meditation is a practice in self-nurturing and
EYE POSITION: Focus at the Brow Point.
self-protection. As you rock gently with this mantra, your
MUDRA: Gyan Mudra with the wrists on the knees. past will come forward to be accepted, healed and to be
present with you. Do it with a sense of calmness, compas-
MANTRA & VISUALIZATION: sion and care. Let any situation in your life that made you
feel vulnerable, unprotected or unloved pass through your
ARDAS BHAEE AMAR DAAS GURU mind as you stay strongly present with your radiant aura
The prayer is offered! Oh, Guru Amar Das and protective arcline. Learn each lesson and bless each sit-
uation. Be present as you do this. Do not travel to the past.
AMAR DAAS GURU ARDAAS BHAEE
Stay present and let it parade across your consciousness
Guru Amar Das. The prayer is offered!
through your powerful aura. Let your arcline help you gain
RAM DAAS GURU RAM DAAS GURU strength and wisdom from every situation. Forgive all your
Oh, Guru Ram Das, Guru Ram Das choices whether they brought pain or pleasure, opportuni-
ty or obstacles. Right now, in this present moment feel
RAM DAAS GURU SACHEE SAHEE your presence, your love and your forgiveness. And move
The prayer is guaranteed by Guru Ram Das. gently. Become present, wise, radiant and calm.

TIME: Continue for 31 minutes.

COMMENTS:
Imagine the sounds of Ardas Bhaee dancing along a spiral,
through the locks of the spine and through your entire
aura. Hear it as if you were dipping yourself into a healing
pool and immerse yourself in it as a devotee sits at the feet
of the Master.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

FlashWriting
Immediately after doing these mantras, write
your thoughts and observations on each of these
topics. Write quickly without editing to capture
your thoughts and feelings.

1. As you sat still after both meditations, what

was your experience of yourself with an expand-
ed arcline and aura? How did the mantras affect
you individually—Laya Yoga and Ardas Bhaee—
and as they combined in your aura?

2. What is it like to bring your two polarities

together? If you imagine keeping this energy
present, how would you act in your relationships
with yourself, others and at work?

3. Thinking of all you have experienced in this

course and shared with others, what insight
about your own dance of masculine and femi-
nine can you share?

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KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA relationships
THE INVINCIBLE MAN EXERCISES
Yogi Bhajan • September 10, 1983

1. Find a partner. Sit in Easy Sitting Pose opposite each other and
1a
touch hands—palm to palm. Look at one another straight in the 2a
eyes and repeat this mantra, “I love myself. I forgive you.” a) As
you say, “I love myself,” bring your hands to Prayer Pose at the
heart. b) As you say, “I forgive you,” bring your hands palm-to-
palm with your partner. Continue the movement with each repeti-
tion of the mantra. Experience what it does. Look like a man. 1b
4 minutes 2b

2. Still seated, looking into your partner’s eyes, continue the move-
ment with the mantra, “Peace”. With each repetition of “Peace,”
move from Prayer Pose to palm-to-palm. 2-1/2 minutes

3. Come sitting on your heels facing your partner. Now come up

on your knees. 3a
a) Bring your hands together in Prayer Pose and say, “Love.”
b) Come palm-to-palm with your partner and say, “Peace.”
This exercise is very important because you are relating to your
sciatica. 2-1/2 minutes

4. Continue standing on you knees facing your partner, looking

eye-to-eye. Stretch your arms out to each side, palms down. 3b
a) Move the arms up and down (about 12 inches) to a count
of four.
b) On five, clap hands with your partner and alternately chant
Peace! or Love! Move the arms 1-2-3-4-Peace! (clap); 1-2-3-4-
Love! (clap). Continue for 9-1/2 minutes

5. Camel Pose. Standing on the knees, press the pelvis forward

and lift the heart as your reach back for your heels. Allow the head 4a
to drop back. Chant “I will never bite the bait.” This is the only
way you will remember it. There is no other way. 3 minutes

6. Come standing up and take your partner’s hands. 4b

Slowly sit down and repeat,
“Let us sit in peace.” 5
Slowly rise and say, “Let us rise
in consciousness.”
4 minutes

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 Authentic RelationshipS
KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
THE INVINCIBLE MAN EXERCISES

7
7. Sit on your heels and bend back, putting your weight on your
elbows. Bring your hands into fits near the shoulders. Your head
will automatically fall back. Keep this posture as you sing the
entire Ardas Bhaee mantra. The energy will adjust itself. You
will see how this burnout is going to work out. Sing with it. Hold
the posture and keep the pressure. It will make changes in you.
8a&c It may feel a little painful now, but it will bring fantastic strength.
It is very healing, very good. Make a fist of your hands. This will
break the crystallization in the muscle and the nerves. It will
break obstacles in the energy flow. 5 minutes

TAKE A BREAK. WALK AROUND AND VISIT.

8b 8. Sit in Easy Sitting Pose. Make fists with your hands and bring
I... them in front of the shoulders. Repeat “I am, I am.” Chant loud-
ly and powerfully. Let the God hear you! 8 minutes
a. “I” the hands are at the shoulders
b. “Am” the arms extend out to the sides—straight.
c. “I” the hands are at the shoulders
d. “Am” the arms extend straight up

. . . AM
9. Sit facing your partner, eye to eye. Bring your hands into fists
8d
in front of your face—about eye level. Repeat “I am, I am.”
Communicate your pure “I am” to each other. As you talk, so
your hands should move to explain your expression. Fists tight.
Talk with lips and fists. Talk and fists should indicate the lan-
9 guage. 9 minutes

10. Sit facing your partner, eye to eye. Bring your hands up.
Spread your fingers open and move the arms stiffly forward and
. . . AM back. Try to part the wind. Do it fast, powerfully, and strongly.
The hands must move the heavens, the earth and the stars. No
10 bend. Powerfully and steadily. The whole body will move if you
do it right. Make the whole body a unit. You must move the
whole body, not just the hands. 10 minutes
To end: Inhale and hold the breath for 30 seconds. Mentally
vibrate the mantra God and me, me and God are one. Repeat.
Relax.

These exercises represent a selection of several exercises that were practiced over
the course of two days. For the entire series, please see The Invincible Man
course by Yogi Bhajan (MTM 08-Day 1 and 2, September 10-11, 1983).

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KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA relationships
GUIDANCE

Yogi Bhajan •July 11, 1986

POSTURE: Posture: Sit in Easy Pose with the spine straight.

1

EYES: Closed.

TIME: Meditate to the music of Rakhay Rakhanahaar with

the following movements:

1. Bring arms up and hold opposite forearms near the elbows.

Inhale in 8 parts, gently swinging the arms from side to side in
rhythm with the breath and to the beat of the music (as if rock-
ing a baby).

2. Exhale, lowering arms to Gyan Mudra on knees. Continue

inhaling and exhaling to the music at your own pace.

TIME: 31 Minutes.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

interactive group Exercise

retelling your story

Let us use the energy of this meditation and the clarity of the STEP TWO
arcline and aura to rewrite the story we carry about ourselves retelling your story

and our history. We all have that story but you can tell a story 4Move to the left or the right about four feet, to a new phys-
many different ways. ical position. Leave the old behind. Tell your story a new way,
Usually we tell a story from the past to the future. We in complete forgiveness, present to all your strength, embody-
show how one thing led to another. How we had to be a cer- ing the self you never lost, and with the future and the time-
tain way because of this or that. We include our parents, our less soul bringing each circumstance to you. What role did
upbringing, our loves and our losses, our hopes and our dis- each parent play in each incident?
appointments. Take 3-5 minutes.
These are the stories we pass on for generations. They form 4Be still afterwards and sense how you feel. What is it like

a conscious and subconscious superstructure for our lineage. to have your mind carry this perspective for you? How does
What would it be like to retell your story? What if you told your body feel.
your story of how you grew up and why things happened
from a new viewpoint? What if you looked from the future Now trade with your partner and hear their story as well.
back to the past? What if your soul had a purpose and your
experiences, parents and challenges evoked in you the charac- STEP three
sharing your experience
ter and strength to fulfill who you deeply are? How would you
Finally exchange your observations and share what it is like to
tell that?
change the story and how easy it is as the mind understands
what you want. Consider how this could affect all your future
partner exercise
generations, parenting and friendships.
STEP ONE
Telling your story 10-15 minutes.
Keep the energy of the last meditation in your body and mind
as you look over your story and forgive everything.
Remember that when Guru Gobind Singh initiated the
spiritual warriors of the Khalsa, he told them that He and his
spiritual wife were their new parents, the parents of the Group Exercise
Khalsa. That strength and kindness, fearlessness and compas- Sit and chant together. Break the group into male and female
sion, action and intuition are your parents! He changed the or just half and half, if your numbers are small. Men, or one
story. half of the group, chant Wahe Guru. Women, or the other
Take a few minutes to change your story. Experience what half, chant Sat Nam. Invite in the masculine and feminine to
it feels like to tell your story the old way and a new way. bloom in each of you.
Think about what you will share. Make it a story you have Continue for 5 minutes.
told yourself and others many times about your past, your par-
ents, yourself and how you became what you are. Then join in with everyone to chant Sat Nam Wahe Guru.
Stand up with your partner and tell your story the old way. Sing any wonderful tune you choose. Sing with strength and
Take 3-5 minutes. joy and appreciation in your heart for the Divine Teacher with-
4Say Sat Nam and stay still for a moment. Sense how you in you.
feel and what your mind is like. 22 minutes.

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 authentic relationships

chapter six

legacy and lineage:

passing on grace
and consciousness
 Authentic RelationshipS

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 authentic relationships

Legacy and Lineage:

Passing on grace and consciousness

This is a rich and sometimes difficult topic that can stir up a Aquarian Age. Regarding legacy and lineage, we can turn to
lot of feelings. Let’s bring not only our personal feelings but the example of Guru Nanak. When he was asked, “Who is
also our neutral mind to this topic. Let’s chew on the ques- your lineage?” He replied, “None.” This was a radical propo-
tions related to this for a moment rather than leaping to an sition then—and even now. Authenticity, status and trust were
answer. Lineage and legacy touch on an important part of established through lineage. It was a time of kings and queens
these teachings and on a significant goal of our mission as where the line of your blood determined your fate, your inher-
teachers. Let’s discuss legacy and lineage so that we can make itance and your power. Though he acknowledged studying
these concepts come alive in our hearts and live them. with many teachers and yogis, he did not acknowledge a lin-
Look first at the words themselves and their traditional eage. So, do we imitate Guru Nanak? When asked for a line-
meanings. Suppose we go to the oracle of words—the diction- age do we just say none? Or do we say well, there is Guru
ary. In it we find that lineage means the line of people who Ram Das, Yogi Bhajan and then us? Was he modeling for us?
follow from you. Sometimes it’s used in a way that is more No. He was a realized being speaking directly from conscious-
general than family lineage; that is, it can be used to describe ness. He was egoless.
a spiritual line of teachers. Buddhism, Catholicism and many Many teachers start by saying who they studied with—a
spiritual masters have a strong history of distinct lineages. good teacher who touched their heart. As they continue to
Then there is legacy, which means what you inherit. It is a practice and teach, many come to a stage where they do not
birthright; it’s what you get from your origins and what you want to acknowledge their teachers, or feel they are limited
can pass on. and defined by those they learned from. They have gone
beyond that teacher; or they want to be known for studying
Lineage and Legacy: A Paradox? with someone they perceive as a better teacher, a more known
Should we think of lineage and legacy as a contrast, a con- teacher. In the deep desire for authenticity and accomplish-
flict, a polarity, or a problem? If it’s a problem, we can make ment, lineage and legacy seem to oppose one another. Or per-
decisions and solve it. If it’s a contrast, then each should illu- haps the struggle is in our mind and ego as we seek recogni-
minate different things but not rely on each other or generate tion or control? We teeter on the line between egolessness
a dynamic between them. If it’s a polarity, then in the shad- and egomania. It is a normal spiritual challenge and a major
ow there will always lurk a paradox. How do we know? contributor to our confusion between lineage and legacy.
We don’t necessarily want a quick answer. But we do need Guru Arjan put together the first collection of teachings of
to meditate on it. Let’s begin by examining it as a polarity. If the Guru called the Adi Granth. He was very humble and
they are a polarity then we can bring them in relationship to acknowledged its high frequency by placing it in an honored
each other as a paradox and elevate that relationship in our- position on his bed, while he slept on the floor. Later they
selves as we did when we worked with our own polarities. If placed this sacred text with its living energy in the Golden
that is the case, then lineage and legacy co-exist in a type of Temple. It became a place of pilgrimage. Many people came;
dynamic, creative tension that we need to manage and not many were inspired, guided and healed. As a result, many gave
simply solve or resolve. donations and the priests of the temple began to make a lot of
Let’s use an example within our own spiritual story—Guru money. It is a great virtue and blessing to give, and those gifts
Nanak’s story. The tradition of the Sikhs lays out an incredi- must always be handled with the utmost clarity and conscious-
ble template for human consciousness and behavior in the ness. But it is not unusual for those who handle such matters

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 Authentic RelationshipS

to get caught up by the material considerations and its power. Finite Lineage and Infinite Legacy
So the conflict of legacy and lineage begins: Years pass and the So we must live the paradox knowing that the tensions in that
sixth Master, Guru Hargobind Singh, came to the temple. The paradox of finite lineage and infinite legacy will come out in
caretakers and priests of the Adi Granth wouldn’t let him in! hundreds of different ways to test and to elevate us. When
The priests who were there to guard the legacy of the Adi we use our lineage to gain students or reputation, then we are
Granth wouldn’t allow the one anointed as the living Guru in. already lost. If we just do business as teachers, we will betray
Why? Previously, Guru Hargobind had been held prisoner by our legacy so fast; it cannot even be spoken of and we will be
the Mogul emperor. Now the priests were cautious, fearing that entangled in the finite twists and turns of lineage. Because the
their positions would be jeopardized by supporting Guru way the market works is that you figure out what the market
Hargobind. But more importantly, he was the Guru, a great wants: don’t make anybody uncomfortable, make promises
Teacher, so if he were to come and reside in the temple, funds you may or may not deliver, entertain everyone, coddle them,
for the maintenance of the Adi Granth and for themselves and they love you. One may acquire thousands of students,
would be less. They believed that people would give the but that’s just business. Just like the priests in the temple you
money to him instead. This fear and scarcity consciousness will collect a lot of money and prestige, but lose your real
was unjustified, of course. The Guru always brings prosperity value. What is the price you exchange for this business suc-
and every gift is received in stewardship to serve all. In the cess, for this cult of the personality? What will be your rela-
end, Guru Hargobind created the Akal Takhat, which became tionship to this ‘business’? Finite or Infinite? Material or
a seat of religious authority a few yards away from the temple Divine? It cannot be both.
so that he would have a place from which to carry out his Yogi Bhajan made decisions based on Divine gain and strat-
responsibility, his destiny, as the Guru. egy. His strategies were often not driven by any market force
Fear ruled over love. The priests, operating from a place of or advantage. It seemed at times he even did things that coun-
fear, lost their clarity, reality and openness. Through the grace tered the markets (although he didn’t oppose the market). He
of God and Guru, the priests’ fear, unknown to them, created never chose to teach in a finite way. He never chased the mar-
actions that served the legacy in the end and opened the way ket; he knew and trusted that everything would come to him
for the Guru to establish the Akal Takhat. Fear eats piaar and if he would only dwell in God and serve every soul. We have
spits it out as duality. Prem, authentic love, eats the fear and a legacy; but out of our own insecurity, we tend to reduce the
brings it out in compassion. Ultimate Love transforms and ele- paradox of that legacy to a problem—to lineage. But if we have
vates the paradox making it live to serve both legacy and lin- Ultimate Love, both of these things can and do exist in a
eage. We, too, have this polarity in us as teachers. dynamic. There is a paradoxical, creative and real result which
we call merger. Your will and Thy will become one. There is
What counts is whether you serve your lineage or you serve no conflict. You have a lineage of teachers brought to you by
your legacy. If you serve the legacy you will live forever. If your karma and a legacy delivered by your dharma. You are
you serve the lineage you have not a chance. There is a both! Acknowledge both and live connected to the legacy of
catch–22 in it. When you serve lineage you will always be the Golden Chain that constantly attunes you to the reality in
miserable. When you serve legacy God will come through; you that cannot be contained nor described, except in the love
you will only get credit. And this we call miracle. I am not and compassion of your actions in each moment of your life.
saying that you are mentally prepared for it. No you are not.
You are not trained in that. —Yogi Bhajan, April 1, 1992 Let’s take another example from the Sikh tradition—Guru
Nanak and Guru Angad, the first and second of the ten
Gurus in the Sikh tradition—did they have a lineage? No.
They were from different castes, different families—they broke

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with social conventions. Guru Nanak did not follow the tra- Age. That’s the result of paradox. That is merger and creativ-
dition of family lineage as a way to pass on the conscious- ity. That is the delivery of lineage and legacy through an act
ness and power of the Guruship. After Guru Ram Das, the of awareness and beauty and grace. It wasn’t solving a prob-
fourth Guru, the way of succession changed, they became a lem. It was creating a universe from the heart.
lineage, technically. The Guru did not declare the need for
lineage but instead, honored his word which he gave in a The Legacy of the 3HO Family
simple act of love for the selfless service of a devotee, his When Yogi Bhajan came to the West, he said he had to cre-
daughter, Bibi Bani. Because of a woman’s selfless service, ate a family, the 3HO family. Why? Because he couldn’t
she was granted a boon. She requested that the next guru be teach Kundalini Yoga except to a respectful, service-oriented
her son, and that the Guruship would remain in her family. family. The scriptures demand that the teachings always be
The Guru asked if something else would satisfy her; the given in secret and only shared with people who had a pure
opportunity to ask for something impersonally personal from family. And so we became his family. He lived it. He opened
consciousness was there but she wanted what was inno- his house and his heart to each of us as a family, no matter
cently in her heart and valued in the culture at that time. She what our foibles or virtues. We shared his food, his home,
desired what she knew, the familiar. The Guru honored his all the technology he had mastered, and the ups–and–downs
word. That is a first principle: when something is given in of our lives as we tried to live consciously, ever increasing our
innocence—out of prem and faith—trust God and honor it. virtues and our values. We became a spiritual family, with
After all, the Guru is synchronized with Infinity, so therefore no boundaries of country, race or creed, a dharma to hold
everything is co-creative and in that moment as he was and pass on these precious sacred technologies of the spirit.
speaking to Bibi Bani, she was God. So, in the conscious- He left everything to the Dharma. We are a link in that
ness of God and Me, Me and God are One, he was bound Golden Chain of frequency and consciousness. Does that
by the Word, the co-creative power of God. He lived within mean he didn’t take care of his lineage? No. He provided for
the paradox of that and acted with compassion and flexibil- his family, his wife and children, exquisitely. But his inten-
ity; he held that paradox in a relaxed, co-creative presence tion, from the beginning was to create a legacy—and he did.
with God. He did not try to control the outcome. He could
have—but didn’t. The Golden Chain
The result was a line of fantastic, incredible consciousness At the Golden Temple of Guru Ram Das there is a healing
in the Gurus. Guru Gobind Singh, the 10th Guru, came along pool. There by the waters you might see a beautiful sevadar,
and in a perfect moment of miracle and transformation, met a man who has served the temple every day for the past 40
the requirements of the time and the legacy. He gave the lin- years. He is so inspiring, so beautiful. Why do you go to a
eage to the Khalsa and to the embodied Word itself, the temple or such a sacred place? Is it the beauty of the archi-
Shabd Guru; he merged legacy and lineage to serve the future. tecture? The excitement of seeing the millions of people who
Anyone who wanted the lineage had to raise their conscious- pass through this temple? The inspiration that comes from
ness to the legacy! In order to give it to the Word and to ful- seeing so many people healed? No. What is unique here is
fill the earlier Word that was given about the lineage, who your desire to deposit your ego. Someone is willing to take
was his family? Khalsa. We become part of the lineage, the your ego—whether it is inflated, tattered, balanced or fearful.
family of Khalsa, not by blood or heritage but by our con- What a blessing. It gives you the possibility of merger. You
sciousness, by our character. He put us into direct relationship dip yourself into the pool and in that act of purification, the
to consciousness, experience, and grace. Think about it. In resolution of internal conflict, in that moment where guru
that whole history of consciousness—both legacy and line- prasad can simply come into you, if you become still, you
age—no word was ever broken. And yet, in the play of the cos- will understand with clarity the destiny your soul is already
mos it gave birth to the group consciousness of the Aquarian trying to get you to do. And you’ll be healed.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

On the other hand, instead of being innocent and taking The Merger of the Personal Unto the Impersonal
that opportunity to drop the ego, sometimes we get stuck on Did we not read Mere Man Lochai in our meditation to heal
the person who’s been there 40 years. In the same way you the wounds of love? In this we have another example of the
get stuck on a senior teacher or someone who inspires you humility and love that holds the paradox of lineage and legacy
with their discipline or personality. Some of us have been in consciousness. A personal letter became a sacred scripture
teaching for 35 years; others have been here only one year. and doorway to the soul and to love in each of our lives. There
The beginner brings innocence, enthusiasm, risk taking, and were four letters: first letter—longing of the soul; second—relay
jumps in. The elder brings experience of the Master, disci- of friendship and beauty; third—longing for the soul and see-
pline, and the maturity of time. But each one is ready to ing beyond the play of the Earth; fourth—merger and seva. It
deliver the Self—to deliver you! Does it matter the amount of says, “I will never separate myself from you. Servant Nanak is
time? No. This doesn’t mean we don’t respect and honor your slave.” But who’s writing this? Arjan Mal. Shouldn’t it say
what elders have to offer. Generational transfer is priceless. Arjan Mal is your slave? But he is merged and in that frequen-
But don’t forget it is our blessing that we all come and dip cy and that space and time, you wouldn’t sign your own name.
in the pool. That is legacy. The shakti of spirit is one; it is Today’s culture doesn’t understand this. We sign everything;
not intensified because of a long lineage. It is released ownership—even of the ethers (intellectual property)—is every-
because we touch the Golden Chain and become members thing. There will always be this polarity of the earth; and earth
of a family of consciousness—a family committed to serving has a pull for lineage and possession.
the consciousness of our soul through the discipline of this On a practical level we have to honor, as Yogiji did, our lin-
path. eage, our parents, our grandparents, our children and great
Yogi Bhajan challenged all of our karmas. As a Master he grandchildren and find a way to pass on the incredible lived
would ask, “Who’s going to be the next me, the next Yogi knowledge that we have. At the same time, we have legacy—
Bhajan, the next Siri Singh Sahib?” In doing this he was try- to become that pool, that touch of energy, to continue to hold
ing to say that he was available, like that nectar pool of con- the space: To serve and be open for all, belonging to none.
sciousness, to clear and heal all our insane karmas of lineage Yet, we have our ego. How do we place ourselves? How do
and possession, ego and competition. He said, Come and I we declare our Self? Our life declares us, does it not? Our word
will love you and dissolve them for you. I will carry that karma declares us, does it not? If your presence doesn’t work, noth-
for you. That is a Master. That is compassion. He gave us a ing else will. Ultimately your action and your presence will be
system; we don’t have to make up anything. He gave us a your business card in the land of Infinity.
place in the Golden Chain, in the flow of the kundalini ener-
gy of awareness. Everything is laid out so that we can lay Representing Merger and Grace as Teachers
down the ego. There is no karma in the Golden Chain. That How do we handle this as teachers? What is our correct, con-
was his greatest gift to us. He gave us the Golden Chain as a scious relationship? How shall we represent merger and grace
way to resolve the inevitable conflicts between our personal and consciousness, both in our lineage and the legacy; and
desires and need for lineage, and our destiny that thrives on how do we hold it in our personal relationships, in our iden-
embodying a legacy beyond ourselves. As an individual you tity, when we speak to each other and when we relate with
are free to make up anything you want—but it’s your karma. each other. What is the relationship between teacher and stu-
Instead, why not take the dip into the Golden Chain; get dent?
authentic in that relationship and hold, in a beautiful, creative What does it mean to tune-in to the subtle body?
paradox, lineage and legacy, because you’ve merged; you have Everybody chants Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo, right? But you
become zero and everything can flow though you. can chant it and then proceed in a mode of either lineage or
legacy or merger. Yes, you’ve tuned in and no matter what

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 authentic relationships

happens you are covered in that class, in that space and time, Kundalini Yoga Kriya:
which is a beautiful thing, which is grace. But what do we do? Tattvas, Pranic Rib Cage and Nervous System
What do we usually do? We find something that is person- To prepare for the class we will do this kriya to uplift our
ally interesting—singing, physics, law, whatever—and we use energy and open the rib cage and heart. It will help us to con-
that to hook our identity and our personality to the teach- nect to the legacy of his vibration and find that link in our
ings rather than teaching from the legacy, from merger. cells and aura. It is very healing. On this our sixth day of the
Exploring this dynamic of lineage and legacy in yourself and course it will serve to stir our energy and brace us for a final
in this path is part of becoming authentic as teachers. day of relating, learning and maturing.

The Student-Teacher Relationship

We will have a class with the Master that addresses the stu-
dent–teacher relationship. And we will discuss this topic and
our feelings about it with each other. We will also explore
how to pass on this wisdom through future generations. By
sharing with each other we will be ready to uplift everyone,
serving this Age and opening the way for everyone, of any
status, condition, belief, country or race to claim this lega-
cy and live healthy, happy and holy.

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 authentic
KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA relationships
TATTVAS, PRANIC RIB CAGE, AND NERVOUS SYSTEM
Yogi Bhajan • May 30, 1996

1. Sit in Easy Pose with your spine straight. Keep your chin in 1
and your chest out. Bend your elbows and support them on
your rib cage with your palms facing toward your body. Allow
the wrists to bend so the palms face upward, hands in front of
the shoulders. Close your hands into fists and open them again
rapidly and continuously. Put strength in your movement.
3 Minutes.
This creates an elementary balance, which is one of the most
beautiful and powerful things of the human body. It will stim-
ulate the basic tattvas…your breath will change. The pranic
energy in the combination of your breath will change. You can-
not buy that in the market, you have to produce it.

2. Still in Easy Pose, move your arms and shoulders like a bird 2
in flight. Move fast. This balances both parts of the brain. Be
sure that your shoulders move up and down with the move-
ment of your arms. 3 Minutes.
This adjusts the ribs, is beneficial to the heart, and improves
circulation in the chest area. This will help to adjust the ribs
and balance both sides of the brain. However, if you start to
feel nauseated, stop immediately.

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 Authentic RelationshipS
KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
TATTVAS, PRANIC RIB CAGE, AND NERVOUS SYSTEM

3
3. Sit in Easy Pose and look straight ahead. Alternate arm
stretches. Move so that when the right hand extends for-
ward and the left hand is back, the hands become fists,
palm down. When the left hand is stretching forward and
the right hand is back, the hands are open, relaxed and
palm down. Move quickly and powerfully. The arms extend
fully so that the elbow is straight.
3 Minutes.
Note: In this exercise This is for the nervous system. Move very fast so that the
#3, eyes are meant to breath changes.
be open, looking
straightforward.

4. Bend your elbows with your palms facing forward, fin-

gers slightly spread. Lean back 15 degrees. Close your eyes.
Sit with your chin in and chest out. Balance your body from
the chin, which is the moon center. Sing along with the
tape Meditation by Wahe Guru Kaur and go into deep med-
itation. 15 Minutes.
The angle of the spine is important. If this exercise is done
correctly, the basic psyche will change.

To finish: Inhale, lean back a little farther and stretch your

spine vertebra by vertebra as you hold the breath 10-15 sec-
onds. Repeat this sequence two more times. Exercise one is
for the tattvas, exercise two is for the pranic rib cage, and
exercise three is for the nervous system.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

The Master’s Touch:

An Experience with Yogi Bhajan

VIDEO CLASS
The Life of a Teacher:
Flexibility, Humility, and Compassion
July 24, 1996

Yogi Bhajan discusses the sacred responsibility of the Teacher in applied consciousness, and the
exalted state of belonging that is ascribed in the true relationship of Teacher and student.

A transcript, edited for reading, is included in your Study Guide.

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a
KUNDALINI YOGA MEDITATION
AWAKEN THE DORMANT POWER WITHIN

Yogi Bhajan • July 24, 1996

POSTURE: Sit in Easy Pose with a straight spine. (a) Bend the elbows down a
into the sides. Extend the forearms straight up, so the hands are in front of
each shoulder, the palms facing one another, with about an 18-inch space
in between the two hands. The fingers point towards the ceiling. Bend the
ring and mercury finger into the palm, and hold them down with the
thumb. The index and middle fingers are spread wide to form a V. Make
sure you keep these two fingers spread wide the entire time.

MOVEMENT: (b) Extend bent elbows up and out to the sides, so they are
parallel to the ground. With a forceful motion, bring elbows down and into
the body, to slap against the 7th rib with full force. This movement will
cause the shoulders and body to vibrate. Do it in a rhythmic, dancing
motion, to the beat of the tape. Let head and shoulders move with the
music. Move at a fairly rapid pace, about one time a second.

EYES: Unspecified.
b
BREATH: Should come to a Breath of Fire.

MUSIC: Gobinday Mukanday by Matamandir Singh.

TIME: Done in class for about 23-1/2 minutes.

END: Inhale deeply, stretch your arms up tightly, and lift your body to the
extent you stretch your spine. Hold tightly for 15 seconds. Relax.

COMMENTS:
The sound of the breath must touch the Heavens and it must be hot. It will
become like Breath of Fire. You must awaken the dormant power within you
and penetrate all the cycles of transmission of your magnetic field energy,
which governs your essence to become a greater exalted person, to face
everything with grace. That’s the beauty.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

FlashWriting
Write for 3 minutes on each of these points based on your experience and the class. Write quickly, without editing yourself.
1. What was most significant teaching for you in this class with Yogi Bhajan?
2. What does it mean to you to be flexible, humble and compassionate?
3. Name some situations or people who may act as a trigger for you to fall into an encounter in a ‘conquer or be
conquered’ mentality. How do you feel about yourself after such an encounter? How do you feel about the other
person after the encounter?
4. Yogi Bhajan says that a teacher has one right. What is that right?
5. There are three parts of a student, to which part does the teacher belong?

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 authentic relationships

the five teachers

Spiritual Maturity mark—none whatsoever. They just come, they live, and they
Living authentically, relating to others authentically, and living go. . . . Not only are they forgotten, the majority of people
with the flexible, pragmatic humility of an awakened spirit do not even know the name of their great-grandfather or
takes many years to cultivate and perfect. It is not an idea. It grandmother. —Yogi Bhajan, July 24, 1996
is not the result of one experience. Even if you have a pow-
erful epiphany where you peer clearly through the window of As we develop through the stages of our growth, we
your mind into the heart of Infinity, you may not be mature encounter several types of teachers. Of course, we have many
enough to hold within you that awareness, nor be able to instructors and many teachers in the various arts of living.
integrate it and tend to it. To be awakened and to live that But we have five primary teachers and stages of learning that
consciousness in relationship, through the unexpected con- forge that deep relationship with our Self.
tortions of the finite game of emotions and commotions that
we have, we need maturity. The First Teachers: Mother and Father
Spiritual maturity begins with the seed planted in our des- The first two teachers—mother and father—establish the val-
tiny. It is nurtured by a series of teachers and watered by the ues of life, through their communication with each other,
wisdom each brings to us, a wisdom which is less a philos- with other people, and with the child. Their respect of the
ophy as it is a combination of consciousness and intelligence wonders of the world and the joy of learning inspire the
that lets us face the challenges brought by each stage of our potential in us as a child. They mold our earliest identity.
development. In that challenge and answer of life we come to Yogi Bhajan would often guide our attention to go beyond the
recognize our self, honor our self and deliver our self in rela- immediate moment and reach out to the continuity of the
tionship. past, present and future as it is embodied in our lineage and
families. He was also direct and blunt about how important
Trusting Our Caliber the “teachers” are at each stage and how we acquire patterns
In order to have an authentic relationship, we must first find and fears if we are not consciously taught as a sovereign and
our Self. We need to experience our spirit, gain a concept of equal soul:
it and test our Self so we can trust in our caliber and in our
connection to the Infinite. Without this we rely on every pos- When you are in your mother’s womb, sometimes you are
sible substitute and form a false core in our relationships. given an internal fear. As systematically as you record all
the movements of your development outside the womb, just
The problem is that you can’t handle a relationship, so, all the fearful thoughts of the mother are actually
because to handle a relationship, you have to invest your punched into you like a computer. Whatever the mother can
spirit into it, and you don’t have a concept of your spirit. teach in those nine and a half months, that becomes the
When you do not have a concept of your spirit, then you nucleus and foundation of the child—its character and its
substitute a concept of emotions, feelings, commotions, and development—and determines how it faces the universe.
everything else added to it. Then, the second stage is after you are born. Instead of
When you play the game, then the game plays with teaching you reality and your strength, they start teaching
you. It’s like a shuttle cock, going back and forth. It’s a very you lies: “It is not there,” though it is there. “It’s not right,”
subtle situation. Ninety-five percent of people just live their though it is right. They give you “time out” when actually
lives, for say, eighty years, and do not leave behind any you as a child just have a question. This indifferent behavior

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 Authentic RelationshipS

of self-stimulation and comfort irritates the child’s psyche to The Third Teacher:
the extent that he develops a knot of internal fear. The Extended Family and Caregivers
As you grow up, the worst time for you is when you are The imprint and compass given to us by the first two teach-
a teenager. Then you do not know which way the future ers is an essential foundation for the future. The third teacher
will go. How you want to settle the future. You are like a is the extended family and caregivers.The grandparents, for
person who cannot swim and is thrown into the center of example, can provide depth and enrichment and a perspec-
the pool. You struggle, moving your hands and legs, looking tive that balances the immediate reactions of the child and
left and right. When the guidance and security, which is the parents. Yogi Bhajan often spoke about this bridging rela-
supposed to come from the mother and father is not there, tionship between these two generations. The child and the
you develop a very cold, chronic fear. grandparents relate in a unique way because of their proxim-
After that, you have the rest of your life. You do not ity to the Unknown of aging and beyond and the mirror of
understand why your parents have abandoned you. They polarity between them: the child has recently arrived from
have not abandoned you, but practically they are three- our True Home and the grandparents will soon be departing
fourths dead for you. They see their death, their exit, their to our True Home. The child is stepping forward onto the
life, their security as more prominent than your life. So with path of life and the grandparents have already experienced
this situation as it is, you start seeking comfort. Then with their path.
your friends you become a gang of men, or searching for a Grandparents who act consciously in their lineage can
woman or mate, you seek pleasure. Mind you, it’s all a endow the child with objective wisdom that helps them find
reaction to the father and mother—it has nothing to do with safe harbor as they go through the storms of emotional rela-
you, the original you. Absolutely nothing: N-O-T-H-I-N-G. tionships, sexual awakening, role model challenges and the
Finally, after falling apart with, on average, ten to fifteen insistent push of impulses. They can teach the child how to
relationships, you find a man or mate. You marry, or you stay true to oneself, beyond the culture, the latest trends, or
“live together”—you have so many situations. Finally, with the relentless pressures from their peers. They can provide the
one person you marry. And though in all marriages you security of love, with the distance of time and the insight of
vow, ’Til death do us part’, after one, two, three, four years, experience. When the grandparents live a conscious life
all your juice is gone. With the memory of the past, and based on authentic virtues and values, the child senses that
fear of the future, you start acting very rudely to yourself— this person has walked the path, is experienced and forgiving
not to anybody else. But that rudeness of yours is so effec- and will turn to them for help. Yogi Bhajan had a very spe-
tive and deep that it affects your partner, whether you are a cial relationship with his grandparents whom he revered as
male or female. Do you understand? saintly teachers throughout his life.
Then comes the age and stage when you have children, In addition to grandparents and other family this extend-
you have a wife or husband, you are grown up. You know? ed network of caregivers used to include special teachers or
And then you feel a little light and free, and grateful. You guides. In an old system, a family would decide to give their
think that you should give them at that time outright direct child excellent training to be realized, to be authentic and to
wisdom so their life will be better, but you fail. At that time be successful in the world. If the family was respected and
your capacity to become friends with your own children is conscious in their efforts as the first two teachers, the child
lost because you have never, through the years, established would be presented to a teacher in a school or in an ashram
that path of values, reality and relationship. . . . Then you between ages 9 and 12. The teacher would keep the child at
grow up further you become kind of lonely. You are married a distance from the parents and train the child in self-disci-
and lonely. You are alive and lonely because you have pline, meditation and school subjects. The issues of control
never touched the right path from the beginning, in the mid- and testing limits would act out in this special context. This
dle, and in the end. would only strengthen the link to the parents as it simultane-
—Yogi Bhajan, Khalsa Women’s Training Camp, July 8, 1998 ously increased the independence and self-reliance of the

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child. Along with confidence it increased the capacity for accept this contact grows stronger as we mature. There are of
team skills. course exceptions that are gained through lifetimes of effort
or by grace. Most of us open to this as we pass 18 years of
The Fourth Teacher: Peers age. But the inner readiness can occur anytime after that.
The fourth teacher is the cadre of our peers. We crave to Some people do not meet their Spiritual Teacher until the
belong to something bigger and “better” than just our family. sixth decade of life. When we finally experience the touch of
We need to learn how to belong, compete, establish status a Spiritual Teacher, we feel we have come “home” and all our
and encounter the relentless and profound transformations of experiences become highlighted with new and colorful clari-
our hormones and sexuality. So we copy language, dress, atti- ty. This Teacher teaches us about our ego, our shadows, our
tudes or interests of our peers. These choices can be uplifting real self and how to be humble. It often requires some
or painful, depending on the group that we identify ourselves process that challenges the ego and brings our established
with. We long for fulfillment through these relationships; we patterns of defensiveness to hit bottom or exaggerate until we
use them to fill that often gaping hole within ourselves experience the consequences. This chiseling to release the
because we are not yet relating to our Self authentically. It is inner form of our consciousness is a sacred and thankless
a very special “teenage brain” that has its own language, cre- task. Many do not accept the Teacher and pass by. Many
ativity and tests. The skills we learn at this stage are essential engage the Teacher but in Shakti Pad wander away before the
to our life and to our social and emotional intelligence. maturation is complete. For those who persist, the Teacher
within them is awakened and they engage life as it is, each
The Fifth Teacher: the Spiritual Teacher moment filled with brilliance and eternity. Etheric and practi-
There is one last stage and one final teacher—that is the cal. The polarities of life serve only to enrich relationships as
Spiritual Teacher. We are each granted contact with a Spiritual the authentic relationship with the Self is constant.
Teacher at least once in our life. Our longing and readiness to

THE FIVE TEACHERS

AGE PRIMARY TEACHER
120 days until age 3 Mother
3–7 Father
7 – 11 Relatives, Extended Network of Caregivers
11 – 18 Peers
After 18 Blessing of a Spiritual Teacher

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Interactive Group Exercise

Learning from Your Lineage

Honoring the Elders “There is no better best friend in the world than positive
Consider your relationship with your grandparents or other training.” These are the words told to me by my grandfather,
elders within your family or community. What would you ask that great man. I'll never forget him, I always imagine him
them if they were sitting with you now? Bring to mind how around me, because that old great man, that saintly sage,
their values, their vision, and their wisdom played a key role never spoke anything among our family which was not
in your development. Visualize how you will play that role inspiring and which was not beautiful. Whenever he spoke
with your own grandchildren or other young people as you to me, he never wanted to possess me, he never wanted to
pass along your experience and your wisdom. take me under his shelter, and all that, but he always said
You will be an elder someday, or perhaps you already are. sweet words.
You have had someone who was an elder to you share with Khalsa Women’s Training Camp, 1977, p. 57
you a phrase, a piece of wisdom that was important and
helped you understand yourself or the world better. Imagine When I was four years old, I sat with my grandpa and
how you would pass on what you have learned in a way that asked him to tell me in a few sentences the secret of God. I
shows your listener their true nature, that guides without dic- asked very funny questions. He said, “Grandson, the secret
tating, that re-directs rather than directs. What was it like to of God is very simple. Always think you are like God.
receive guidance? How many ways can you see yourself shar- Whenever you start an action, just think you are like God
ing it? and then do it.” I said, “Well, then I can’t do a lot of
Let’s acknowledge the importance of this shared wisdom things.” He said, “That’s what I am saying to you. You can’t
across generations by sharing examples of that experience in do a lot of things. You should not do those things.” I said,
your life. Read the following quotes from Yogi Bhajan as he “No, no. It’s too big. Be more specific.” He said, “Specifically,
shares special moments of guidance he received. In your when you start an action, just for a moment imagine, does
small groups, read these aloud. Then imagine for a moment it take you to the heavenly ether or does it keep you on the
two or three things that made a big difference for you that earth. The difference between earth and ether is the total
were shared in conversation, feelings or actions by an elder. difference between your head and feet. Does an action keep
Would you pass that on? Then share your stories with each you on your feet and keep your head on your feet, or is
other. your head gone and are your feet trembling? Look at that.
Whatever the net sum is, that will be your grace. No man
It was my great privilege that in my childhood I was able is worth anything if he is not graceful. Graceful means full
to be with my grandmother. If I had to sit down today and of grace. What is full of grace? When adversity comes,
say that I have met a saint, I would say my grandfather when in hardship, when in challenge, your faith does not
and my grandmother were more than living saints. It is that shake.”
impression on me as a child which carried me to be what I Yogi Bhajan, Winter Lectures 1977, January 10, 1977, p. 53
am today. It is very unending. Plus, I got tempered by Guru
Ram Das and I am very grateful to my earthly, saintly
teachers who tried to build me up.
Khalsa Women’s Training Camp, 1983, p. 22

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 authentic relationships

Yogi Bhajan’s legacy

Let us look once more at our legacy—a legacy given to us by You may have other spiritual teachers from other paths,
Yogi Bhajan as the Master of Kundalini Yoga who came to but in the realm of Kundalini Yoga, Yogi Bhajan is the
serve the time of the Aquarian Age. He did not seek this Teacher. He never asked anyone to stop any practice they
position or role. It was given to him by his teacher, Guru did from the innocence or commitment of their hearts.
Ram Das. He came to the West to share what could not be Kundalini Yoga awakens the inner energy of the soul and
shared, to teach those rebel souls that would break the enhances any true effort. He shared Kundalini Yoga with
bonds of convention to reach deep within themselves to every quarter of society, brought it to every country, joined
serve the times as teachers. He came to establish a legacy with practitioners of every religion to work for peace, human-
not a lineage. ity and understanding. His example of universal spirit and
It is our great blessing as teachers of Kundalini Yoga to selfless service showed us the way of the spiritual warrior. He
have the guidance of our Spiritual Teacher, Yogi Bhajan, and brought to us a legacy of teaching that respects the com-
the connection he gave us to Guru Ram Das and the Golden pleteness, the potential and the beauty of being human—a
Chain. Yogi Bhajan transformed the traditional concept of a human being first and last. A human being is fully human
“spiritual lineage” to one of a spiritual legacy. Historically, a when intuition, kindness and compassion guide their way
spiritual master would pass his wisdom and lineage on to on. He described the attitude of this legacy and his hope for
only one disciple, or from the master to his son. Instead, Yogi a universal family of spirit and service in the 3HO
Bhajan passed on the sacred technology of Kundalini Yoga Foundation:
and its legacy to all who would come to the energy of the
Golden Chain as held by Guru Ram Das—the Raj Yogi and We started a healthy, happy, holy way of life, and that
Guru who opened the doors to any seeker who would come. became 3HO. It is a dream–come–true. It is a very pure
path in which every human is worshipped equally.
Bowing to the Shabd Guru Everybody is a potential teacher. There is no 'yes' and
He said that he is known through his teachings and through 'no', rather there is a set discipline to follow.
the experiences we have in our own practice. He shunned We built a foundation called the 3HO Foundation: A
the worship of a person and bowed himself to the Shabd Healthy, Happy, Holy Organization of people. The first
Guru as our Guru. It is our touchstone and compass to song I sang was, “We are the people, the people of love,
guide us past the maze of our ego to the center of our real let us people love today.” Certain little things started hap-
Self. We have received this blessing, to be guided and pening in a very unique way with all of you. All of those
healed, so that we can pass that blessing on to others. This who have left, all who are with me, who shall be with
path is self-existent, Saibhung, and our trust as me, or who shall leave me, all play a very important role
Student–Teachers is to maintain the integrity of the path for in the development of 3HO—a lifestyle of the Age of
future generations. We do not own the sacred technology; Aquarius where humans shall be first and foremost purely
we humbly hold the legacy and pass it on unto Infinity. human, and will do everything graciously.
I came with nothing and I shall leave with nothing. I
It takes a lot of personal sacrifice on the part of some who own everything as though I own nothing. It shall all
bring in and leave for us the legacy for our future so that belong to the generations now and to come. I have just
the mankind tomorrow can enjoy real happiness. played a role as a custodian and a caretaker. I have taken
Yogi Bhajan, February 11, 1990 ownership with a great perfection. My basic idea is very

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 Authentic RelationshipS

simple: don't let anybody down, don't let yourself down, Then I asked many, many wise people, sages, that ques-
and don't participate directly or indirectly in any let down. tion. They said, “It is only for the people who are not the
That shall be the legacy of 3HO. A group of young people Masters. They go empty within that year.” And yes, I prac-
had the will to conquer the times and made a space for ticed that. I saw some people out of their ego, they became
themselves in history. Time could not conquer them. And great, and they thought they are all perfect. I didn't tell
this is not a small thing, in spite of what you may think. them anything, that you are teacher or you are not teacher.
This 3HO shall be the most important legacy on this They became empty. They didn't even pass one year. They
planet for the Age of Aquarius. Sooner or later people will disappeared earlier. There was nothing left. So I understood
experience a tremendous amount of emptiness which what was written was correct. What is, is correct.
always brings a void, a deep void inside. A void brings It is up to you, how you want to excel. With ego, you
unhappiness. Then people will want to find a place where won't last. Minus ego you will never be destroyed. When
they can be healthy, happy, and holy. Who could have a saint dies, people drop flowers. When a man dies or a
dreamt that we would be what we are today? With all the king dies, pigeons drop droppings. You can make a choice.
heaven and hell we have gone through, we have survived This is what I have tried to tell you and it is in the very
with a very unique pride with which we have walked tall oath which you take by yourself as a teacher to guide you:
in the face of the entire Universe. Today anywhere you go “I'm not a woman, I'm not a man, I'm not a person, I'm
you will find that this is a living legacy which is not only not myself. I'm a teacher.” With that concentrated strength
for now, not only for the next one hundred years, but for you work. Otherwise you will be biased. As a woman you
the coming two thousand years of the Age of Aquarius, can be biased, as a man you can be biased, as a person
when mankind will find shelter in the 3HO way of life. you can be biased, as yourself there are many waves
And then, you who are here now, who are just considered going through our brain and mind and ideas. You are to
to be a handful of people, shall be considered as the most be a teacher and act without ego.
Divine. Isn't it amazing? Actually all these teachings are there to tell you to be
This small little thing, which was started to give people yourself and how to be your self. Here it's such a simple
a way of life, with love and dedication, shall prevail in the thing: I'm not myself. Then who are you? You are the vehi-
coming change of the Age. All the energy which poured in cle. That's why the opening mantra of the yoga class is
to build this foundation, to me is a wonderful experience. Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo. We don't say Om Namo.
–Yogi Bhajan, 1994 We say: Ong Namo Guru Dev Namo. Oh Transparent
Guru Dev . . . a transparent made me the transparent.
It's the highest respect and honor bestowed on a human ‘Guru’ means who brings light into darkness. I bow to you.
being when they become a teacher. It's your choice to Ong Namo. Oh creative total self. The difference is “Om”
become real or false. Yes, I did break a few rules, and I'm and “Ong.” “Om” cannot be chanted, cannot be spoken.
not saying I didn't. First rule was, you don't teach openly. It's written in the Puraan, but it can be experienced. That's
I was left with no choice. I taught openly and I knew well why Guru Nanak put before it “Ik.” “Ik Ong Kar. . . .” It's
what was written: 'whosoever shall teach openly shall die total permutation and combination to create that sound.
within the next sun,'—that means one year. I didn't say a There are no two opinions about it.
word. I taught. I even didn't know what will happen to To experience yourself, and all in you, in that unison-
others. But I taught. It worked very well. One year went ness, is the beauty of life. Otherwise you will be a victim
and I was alive. I said, “Hey, it doesn't apply to me. It of your own perpetual, permanent fear. For every success,
shall not apply to anybody. We shall live and all shall for every achievement, for every love and for everything
live.” who wanted newness . . . pleasure comes out of newness.
. . enjoying newness. But there's a pleasure also which is

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everlasting, in which you become anew all the time. . . . Passing the Baton of this Legacy
A teacher of Kundalini Yoga is a forklift. It uplifts the So the baton of this legacy has been given to you and you will
spirit. That's what you have to do. And, I also will say, in turn give it to others. It is a sacred pool of cleansing, heal-
there's no rule. Just sit down and honestly just chant Ong ing and elevation. There is enough room for all. The job is to
Namo Guru Dev Namo and just if you know little alpha- have experience and qualify yourself through self-discipline and
bets, it'll come through. Fake it, you will make it. But you grace. Merge into that flow of heaven, through the heart, to
have to believe it. serve each person and each moment. There will be no securi-
I hope you will carry the tradition with grace and your ty of lineage; we will not be bestowed a place. There will be
utmost dignity wherever you find fit. And don't worry. In only the radiance that comes from accomplishment and the
the West we think yoga is an exercise. And some people recognition of your constant compassion and strength. That is
emphasize that it is totally physical. And it is true that the blessing and the challenge of the Aquarian Age.
glands are the guardian of the health. . . . . Every posture
in Hatha Yoga is for glandular secretion. It's a very
effective way. Every pranayam is for energy and yam and
niyam are to keep going. Dharana, dhyiaana, samadhi are
for elevation. Kundalini Yoga, for experience.
It's not that we don't use those asanas or we don't use
pranayams or we don't use kriyas and we don't use band-
hanas or bandhas. We use all that. So as a Kundalini
Yoga teacher, you have the private responsibility to respect
every other school of teachings and teachers. You have no
conflict. Reaction is for the fool. Achievement is for the
wise. And it takes the same energy to achieve what you
want to achieve, or the same energy to react to what you
want to react.
You want your earthly popularity? Go ahead. You want
your heavenly popularity? Go ahead. Choice for you is
bringing heavens to people. That's how they have come,
by the Will of God. They are here. They're not going to go
away, whether you want it or not.
Yogi Bhajan, March 23, 1990

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 Authentic RelationshipS

The Legacy of the path

group consciousness of legacy

Just as Yogi Bhajan saw God in All and gave opportunity to Yogi Bhajan gave us the techniques, the consciousness and
all, he told us that we must master individual conscious- the cautions we need to manifest the legacy and walk the
ness, group consciousness and universal consciousness. In path of spirit if we so choose. It is always a choice. It is not
group consciousness we need to accept our differences and a belief. It is not about popularity or un-popularity. It is not
use compassion to reach understanding and common action about fame or infamy. It is not about personality or charis-
together. This is very difficult for many in the West who ma. It is as simple as a zero, as subtle as the sky at sunset,
idolize the individual. In the spiritual path both are equally as constant as gravity and as blissful as the contentment of
important. To be in good relationship in a group we must experiencing your Self as true. He described some of the pit-
test our relationship with our self. And few things test us as falls and the guideposts as we negotiate our way between
strongly as working or living in a group. Our ego must con- ego and divinity on the path of being human:
stantly compromise or transcend in consciousness with oth-
ers. It is also the fertile ground for service. As teachers it is There are many ego trips in the spiritual world. And spiri-
our responsibility to provide opportunities for our students tual ego is one of the worst, most intractable of all egos.
to serve, to gather together for meditation, service or work. One trip is to always separate your cash from your pocket,
We encourage dialogue and creative collaboration and shar- as if the dollar was a currency in the heavens. Another is
ing of resources and knowledge to the benefit of all. This indirect buttering. Very few spiritual people speak to you
does not mean creating a commune or a group-only con- straight and blunt. I am not very young now, and I have
sciousness. It means creating a community that is vibrant, seen very, very few. Most speak like this, “Hummm. Yeah,
prosperous and that can offer the individual encouragement I see you are a beautiful and wonderful person. I feel a
and pathways to work, serve and share. We all move from great light around you. You must be a healer and had
Individual Consciousness to Universal Consciousness great past lives.” They inflate your spiritual ego and make
through Group Consciousness. it even harder to see through the window of your mind. It
doesn’t help you with the job of cleaning. It is better to tell
the student what they need to do. Just tell them, “You are
Building Sacred Community an idiot. You are doing a terrible job. You act non-
A teacher of Kundalini Yoga builds sacred community, a sensically. Don’t do this with your life. But if you choose,
community of disciplined ones—a sadh sangat. The practice go ahead and walk your own way to hell. But if you want
of Kundalini Yoga brings like-minded souls together. The to change directions, this is the way to be clear and go
quality we all share, that “longing to belong,” is fulfilled in towards the heavens. Thank you very much.” If they leave
this caring and sharing of the sadh sangat. As one of our ten dollars, fine. If not, that is fine. You did your job and
songs invokes, “In the company of the saints, I am home, I that is it. You engaged them, looked at them clearly with-
am home.” out distortion, classified the problem, computerized the
answer and direction, and shared it. The matter ends. Sat
Nam, Wahe Guru. Gratitude to God and Guru, there is
nothing more. Job is done.
Somebody brought me over eighty volumes of Buddha’s
work. It was a carload of books. I said, “Thank you for
the gift. Am I supposed to read all that?”

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He said, “Yes.” You will be direct, speak the truth, and never need to
I said, “I can already tell you what is written in them.” manufacture anything negative to manipulate or control
He said, “Please, tell me.” anything.
I said, “Buddha said one line. ‘Let your buddhi guide Mostly you train your mind to listen to “inflations.” You
you to the sattva.’ Let your wisdom guide you to truth.” love the pleasing sounds that praise your ego. That is why
He said, “That is true.” Guru Amar Das, the third teacher of the Sikh path, said,
Buddhi means wisdom. Sattva is the purity and truth. “Oh my ears you were meant to hear the Truth.” These
That is all Buddha said, not a word more. While he lived ears listen so much to inflated lies they cannot recognize
people tried to inflate his statements, but he was wise. the truth when it is spoken. If the window of the mind is
They asked him, “Do you believe in God?” dirty, if the mind is shallow and you have not refined it,
He said, “Did I say so?” then you can speak truth to such a mind and it cannot
Then they asked, “Well, is there no God?” hear it or take it in to experience. . . . We habitually spin
He said, “I never denied it either. Leave me alone.” His lies in the name of truth. We have become accustomed to
conception was very simple and true. this as a fact and even admire it like marketing. This is
Mohammed actually said only one thing, “Be humble, how our mental games drop us. We fall from our own
humble, humble before God.” And yet so many things are innocence and descend from our own elevation.
said about him in the service of every spiritual ego. We are very beautiful and creative people. We are
The spiritual world is not calm, quiet, and peaceful. It made in the image of God. We have the fastest and the
is not a special realm that is minus ego and minus the most wonderful power—our own mind. It can take us to
mind. Everybody who wears white robes and has a long God. It can take us to ourselves. It can take us deep into
beard like me is just saintly and godly. That is not true. our self or far out into the universe. The mind is so sensi-
They are still people, and they must still deal with the tive it can go into any bird, take the feelings of the bird,
mind and the ego. You can have ego. That is not the prob- and tell us all those feelings. When clean and open the
lem. It comes with living. It comes with the vibrancy and mind can do anything that we want.
polarities in life. The problem is when you go with the In the spiritual world, the words of a Teacher are very
ego, inflate it, deflate it, and depend on it. precise. The job of the Spiritual Teacher is to be a warn-
Your spirituality is basic and authentic. Its natural ing. A Spiritual Teacher is not your guide and your des-
authenticity does many good things for you. What sup- tiny-maker. The Teacher knows what your destiny is. He
ports and carries you through challenge, temptation, and knows who you are in consciousness, in spirit, and in cir-
pain? It is not my money, not my friends, not my power, cumstance. But the main job is to give you a flashing red
and not my status. It is the light of my soul that can carry light at the proper time to avoid an accident. That way a
me. It is my statement, my depth, and my impact from the potential accident can be turned into a harmless incident,
heart. You think it is your environments and the things in and you can go on your way, by your own grace and con-
those environments. You put a huge amount of energy and sciousness. That is authentically spiritual. It is just like
time to create those environments. But then you become a when your car stalls on the freeway. You put a sign out or
prisoner of them and they will never carry you anywhere. some flashing red lights. Why do you go to that trouble
The security you thought they would provide turns out to and expense? Because you don’t want someone to hit the
be a blind spot. It is called mental duality. With no back of your car. We all have the capacity to keep going
duality, with innocence and genuine spiritual integrity, you mentally, physically, and spiritually. That is the Will of
flow with the flow of your spirit. Then your mind will just God, that is our construction and that is the flow. We
serve you and life will be creative, elevated, beautiful, and only grow corrupt because our mind has started guiding
authentic. And when it is authentic, you will be trusted. us rather than serving us.

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Your soul gives you awareness and the language of Kundalini Yoga Kriya
love. Your mind gives you consciousness to sense all the Subagh Kriya

differences and the lines drawn. The teacher warns you One of the effects of a clear relationship with yourself and
and helps keep your mind clear, so that you can be guided an open and flowing relationship to your intuition is pros-
by the light of awareness and use the power of your con- perity. You can always find the diagonal path between every
sciousness. Your habit in words and concept is to divide dilemma. You can turn each condition into an opportunity
everything. What is yours and what is mine? You never to fulfill your consciousness and to create both with the
remember what is God’s and what is divine. earth and the heavens, equally. Subagh Kriya adjusts your
Yogi Bhajan, The Mind, p. xxx aura to maximize your prosperity and creativity as you serve
and as you fulfill your life.

Small Group Discussion

In groups of four, discuss your relationship with the teach-
ings of Yogi Bhajan, his role for you as a spiritual teacher,
and his role as the giver of our legacy in Kundalini Yoga. Interactive Group Exercise:
Tantric Recitation of Japji
4How do you carry his legacy into your relationships with As a final exercise we will recite Japji. We will do it in tantric
students? form. It is best to do it in a fast recitation with music. We
end where we began this course—in relationship to the fre-
4How do you represent him and the legacy to students? quency of the soul and consciousness. Japji is the most
What are your experiences in group consciousness? complete mantra and technique to walk with the soul,
assess your mind and your gaps to your consciousness. Go
4Many people teach classes but do not create community. deeply into the sound current. Allow the Shabd Guru to
Share with your group ways in which you have succeeded immerse you in the legacy of light that is the dance and flow
in creating community and serving group consciousness. of kundalini rising—the Cherdi Kala of the elevated spirit.
How have such experiences helped you grow as a teacher?

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 KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
authentic relationships
SUBAGH KRIYA
Yogi Bhajan • June 21, 1996

“It’s a complete set. This is all called Subagh Kriya. If God has written with His own hands that you shall live under
misfortune, then by doing Subagh Kriya you can turn your misfortune into prosperity, fortune, and good luck.”

This is a five part kriya. Each part must be practiced for an equal amount of time, either 3 Minutes or 11 Minutes. Do
not exceed 11 Minutes. Only the first exercise of this kriya may be practiced on its own, apart from the other exercises.

1. Sit in Easy Pose with a straight spine. Allow your upper

1
arms to be relaxed, with the elbows bent and the palms in
front of the chest. Strike the outer sides of the hands togeth-
er, forcefully hitting the area from the base of the little finger
(Mercury finger) to the base of the palm. This area is called
the Moon area. Next, turn the palms to face down and strike
the sides of the index fingers (Jupiter fingers) together.
Alternately strike the Moon area and the Jupiter area as you
chant Har with the tip of your tongue, pulling the navel with
each Har. Your eyes are focused at the tip of your nose. This
meditation was taught to the rhythm of Tantric Har by
Simran Kaur.

I’m going to give you a very handy tool, one that you can
use anywhere, and you’ll become rich. To become rich and
prosperous, with wealth and values, is to have the strength
to come through. It means that transmissions from your brain
and the power of your intuition can immediately tell you
what to do.
2
2. Stretch you arms out to the
sides and up at a sixty-degree
angle. Spread your fingers wide,
making them stiff. The palms
face forward. Cross your arms in
front of your face. Alternate the
position of the arms as they
cross: first the left arm crosses in
front of the right and then the
right arm crosses in front of the
left. Continue crossing the arms,
keeping the elbows straight and the fingers open and stiff.
This movement is also done to the rhythm of Tantric Har by
Simran Kaur, but this time you do not chant.

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 KUNDALINI YOGA KRIYA
SUBAGH KRIYA

3. Keep your arms out and up at sixty degrees as in the previous

exercise. With your hands, make a fist around your thumb, squeez-
ing your thumb tightly as if you are trying to squeeze all the blood
out of it. Move your arms in small backward circles as you contin-
3
ue squeezing your thumb. Your arms are stretched and the elbows
stay straight. Chant the mantra “God” powerfully form your navel.
One backward circle of the arms equals one repetition of “God.”
The speed and rhythm of the chanting is the same as in the previ-
ous exercises. Move powerfully so that your entire spine shakes, you
may even be lifted slightly up off the ground by the movement.

4. Bend your arms so that your elbows point to the sides. The fore-
arms are parallel to the floor and the palms face the body around the
level of the diaphragm. The right hand moves up a few inches as the
left hand moves down. The left hand moves up as the right hand
moves down. The hands move alternately up and down between the
heart and navel. As the hands move, chant Har Haray Haree, Wha-
4
hay Guroo in a deep monotone with one repetition of the mantra
approximately every 4 seconds. Chant from your navel.
If you are practicing the exercises for 11 minutes each, then you will
chant the mantra out loud for 6 minutes, whisper it strongly for 3
minutes and then whistle it for 2 minutes.
If you are practicing the exercises for 3 minutes each, then you will
chant the mantra out loud for 1 minute, whisper it strongly for 1
minute, and then whistle it for 1 minute.

5. Bend your elbows and rest your right forearm on your left fore-
arm, with your palms down. The arms are held in front of your body
at shoulder height. Close your eyes, keep your arms steady. Keep
5 your spine straight and your arms parallel to the floor. Breathe slow-
ly and deeply so that one breath takes a full minute. Inhale for 20
seconds, hold for 20 seconds, and exhale for 20 seconds.

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 authentic relationships

Group Discussion: legacy Unto Infinity

Now let us share with the whole group. Take a moment to with the Siri Singh Sahib again. He met with Yogiji and Yogi
contemplate these questions. Then share something from Bhajan kept saying to him, “You are such a wise man. Look
your heart with the group. I cannot even speak to you; these tears are rolling down my
face. You’re such a wise man.” Krishna couldn’t believe
4What was most meaningful to you personally in your what he was saying about her brother.
course experience? My brother tried to become a Sikh. He was given the
name Sopurkh Singh—the pure being of that god. Even
4If you were to share a simple one or two minute story
though he tried to hold onto the discipline, he just couldn’t.
of how your interaction with the teachings guided you,
He would go out late at night and come back stoned for
gave you insight, or deepened your ability to be authentic,
sadhana. He kept saying, Sis, I really am a Sikh in my heart.
what story would you share? What story would you wish
He would live through the last years of his life in that situa-
to have passed on to others beginning to walk this path?
tion.
4What word, phrase or story conveys the challenge, the Through the years I would say, I wish you could get
changes and the transformation that happens as you allow yourself together and help me in the community. You’re so
your relationships to be authentic? funny, you’re so wise. You’ve got so much going on. You
have so much to offer to the community. We could do so
4What do you personally commit to do, practice or
much together. Finally he said to me, How do you know I’m
change?
not doing that? How do you know I’m not doing what I’m
The following story from the first Authentic Relationships supposed to be doing? Who are you to judge?
course illuminates Yogi Bhajan’s relationship to everyone. He Here’s a guy that stood by the freeway with a sign that
accepted you; he inspired and uplifted you; and he was real said Will Work for Food. He slept under bridges. When he
with you. He saw your destiny, not your drama. He related to passed away, he was living in a hotel on skid row. He
your soul, not your scars. Many people have shared their sto- seemed to be more comfortable with those guys than any-
ries of Yogiji over the years but this particular story touched body else. So, the family decided to have a memorial for him
our hearts, illuminated the meaning of legacy, and inspired us down on skid row. We brought pictures and posted them up
to open up just that much more. Krishna Kaur Khalsa from and brought lots of food. Hundreds and hundreds of people
Los Angeles shared this personal story with us and we share came by and said how much he changed their lives. Often
it here with her permission: when he was begging on the street, someone who gave him
“My brother was a person who had a very challenged $20 would come looking for him the next day and say,
life. He was into all kinds of substances. He had been “What you said to me changed my life.” I realized then and
incarcerated a very long time. We talked about what he there that here was a guy who despite what he looked like,
wanted to do; and he said he wanted to change his life. what he was going through, or what his life appeared to me,
So I sent him to the Tantric course outside of Boulder and was really someone who had a deep connection to Guru and
I told him that if he got the chance, he should touch Yogi Spirit and he really was doing his service.
Bhajan’s feet. Later, I met the Siri Singh Sahib in the hall- What is the relationship between a Teacher and the stu-
way and he said, “Krishna, your brother is such a wise dent? It’s one thing to say, See God in All. It’s another to see
man. He’s such a wise man!“ our Teacher walking up to what we see as a problem and
Meanwhile he goes to our Tucson rehabilitation program saying, with tears in his eyes, “You are the wisest man.” Yogi
to detox and I kept getting calls saying he was sneaking Bhajan saw past everything on the surface and went straight
out and buying cigarettes and generally creating problems. to who the man truly was and related to that, to the destiny.
So, I said okay, send him out to LA and I’ll have him sit Sat Nam.”

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 Authentic RelationshipS

Self-Assessment of Authenticity in relationships Date: __________________

Now that you have completed this course, and an exploration of your relationships and your consciousness of them, repeat this
self-assessment. Mark where you would place yourself on the scale. Repeat this self-assessment after you complete all the exer-
cises in the home study program. It will give you a sense of your progress in authentically relaying yourself in your relationships.

ON A SCALE OF 1-10
1 IS NEVER, 10 IS ALWAYS

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I am authentic in all my relationships.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I am skillful in giving and receiving the “relays of connection” that form good relationships.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I have a strong clear relationship to my soul.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I can converse easily with my higher self.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 The first thing I change in a poor relationship is myself.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I think of the consequences of a relationship before I agree to form it.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I forgive others the pains they cause in relationship.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I know that passion, intimacy and love are separate things.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I recognize that I am full of paradoxes and polarities.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I can distinguish between a paradox or polarity that needs to be managed and

a problem that needs to be solved.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I can recognize my polarized reactions and change opposition into creative strategies for action.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I know true love in my self and bring it to my relationships.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I create and honor relationships in a sacred community.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I look at each relationship as an opportunity to learn, grow or complete a karma.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I have a clear relationship to my own masculine and feminine polarity and nature.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I know how to strengthen the masculine and feminine energy in me and link them creatively.

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 I have a strong authentic relationship with Yogi Bhajan and the Golden Chain.

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 authentic relationships

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 Authentic RelationshipS

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