INCOMP

ETE
FAIRY
TALES

BOY CANDRA

INCOMP
ETE
 BOY CANDRA

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INCOMP
ETE
FAIRY
TALES
 BOY CANDRA
Author: Boy Candra
Editor: Fenisa Zahra
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Some things cannot be described in short stories or
novels. They can only be condensed in poetry

Some things can't be said loud.

They must be conveyed through the poetry

Poetry is here to save many things. Things that may

never be said as quickly as possible, but must be
uttered.

This book is pieces of fairy tales

that must be conveyed through that way

Enjoy the puzzles that exist, congratulations on guessing

the meanings.
FOR THE POETRY

I love you for the sake of enlivening the world of

Indonesian poetry,

so please accept my love

so that apart from busy poetry, my soul too.

I love you for the sake of making my parents sad to see

me alone,

so accept my love so that apart from my happy parents,

I will too.

I love you so that no other love can love you as fast as I

do

so accept my love so that they all get their hearts

broken by you.

1
LONGING

If you miss our atmosphere,

use the hug I once left on your body, feel how strong I
love you.

If you miss our kisses,

imagine that your lips are rained with drizzle mixed with
sugar

then bury me in your head.

let everything that ever happened, that stuck go away,

or who chooses to die, come back to you today,

hug with all the good things you have

kiss as gently as you can.

let everything we have still be happy things.

even though we are forced to let go off the hopes in our

chests.

2
SELDOM

we rarely see each other

but I understand

in your chest longing quietly creeps deeper

into the flow of blood.

we rarely greet each other

but I believe,

in your prayers

repeatly you call us.

3
I HUG YOU

I love your wild eyes break all my frozen

when morning comes-behind the window curtain

I hug you

so that you believe, apart from the sky,

God also created heaven

in your eyes and in my every

insanity about you.

4
SWALLOWED

In the old shop on the outskirts of the city,

you and I used to miss each other
changing my father's words, embroidering my mother's
hopes,
then giving birth to a mute, giving birth to a flirtation
on male seductions and seductive songs
I recognize the ribs of your neck,
the bridge of your nose,
the folds of fat in your navel, and all your wild ambitions
I fill all your burrows dry grass
and damp fields steamed in unspoken languages

we never felt lonely

even in the morning when we were still babies
but now you are no longer the same
as far as stretching the sea in the chest
against all the noise that I created
you are so strange and old
I slowly die swallowed by memories
5
MAKE IT STRAIGHT

I go to you inside me

in the late night full of fear

you are near and far as well

strengthen me when I feel fragile

this longing is a knife

one day it turns into cotton

it can kill me anytime

in any way anywhere

come close to me even though slowly

I'm just a collection of blood cells

surviving in the flesh wrapping the bones

without you I can't find home

6
late at night is lonely peak

longing that I say

to the sky in me

to the earth in me

nothing else to find you

don't go far away keep me

in the dark and wild of the wind

in the murky and splashing water

you are everything of everything

Straighten up the lost steps,

return the lost ones

return your single path from me

7
THE SUN IS NOT THE BRIGHTEST THING

If you believe that

the sun is the brightest object on earth

Maybe you don't

know how dark my life is without you

I became the loneliest night

thrown out of the frenetic

cornered in the chaos of loneliness

half the soul is dead, because you are silent.

if you believe

the sun is the brightest object on earth

maybe you don't know how

to be me who learns to walk with colour blind eyes

without you

8
PART
there is a part of me that can never afford to let you
down for bad things.

that's why I prepared myself after being angry,

I humbled myself to accept the word:

because I call you love.

there's a part of me that curses the past:

hates walking backwards and stopping without courage

- with you I've always wanted to take a step forward.

fall in love and fall in love again.

don't worry, love.

wherever you go I pack with sweat and soul, with tears

and eyes, with brother,

forever.

9
THE ORIGIN OF LOVE

Well, honey, let me tell you

about how love came to earth,

then chose to grow in our chests.

Once upon a time, before there were poems,

a pair of wings fell, swayed, carried away by the wind,

carried away by the water, embraced the ground.

then the pair of wings turned into flowers,

into branches, leaves, stems, and fruit.

the ripe fruit is eaten by time, leaves behind its seeds,

then falls back to the ground,

turning into a goose.

a goose that can't walk at all,

a swan that can only stay still, like a plant.

even though he already has eyes and so on.

then, he chose to break his own wings;

10
split his wings, then let himself die, the wings were
alive, flying by the wind.

do you know what goose wings became?

into two feelings.

one wing, stuck in the back of my right,

at a certain time will be seen

one wing again, stuck in the back of your left,

and at certain times will feel stabbed into the chest.

until finally, it is the wind that brings us to a meeting.

a meeting that has been cursed by the killing swan

then feelings grow in our chest. now people call it love.

11
GROW AGAIN

if one day

that feeling is gone

the vibration is no longer there

the longing is no longer the same

you only need to do one thing

grow again.

either way,

I just want you to stay

in parts of the effort to arrive

at the cold and stormy journey in each of those hugs.

12
UNDERSTAND YOU

Your forehead is the most pleasant land on earth,

a place to return to kisses in the evening and in the

morning

a place to calm restless hearts

Your gaze is a beauty

that is complicated to describe

is an anxiety that I can't calm

I'm happy to learn to understand you

who fall through the rain

that rolls through the morning dew

that blown by the afternoon wind

then sinks into the dark twilight

13
IN THE CORNER OF YOUR EYE

In the corner of your eyes

I'm afraid to find things

that were born because of my mistakes

In the corner of your eyes

i'm afraid to find things

falling because of my unconscious

14
MOST PART IN YOU

Among the many things that are present in your life;

I want to flow with your smile

lean with your tiredness

of falling and love in your world

Among so many people you meet;

I want to be the one that makes you quit,

who wants to make you hold on and settle down.

the days will crush your body and your dreams

the road will fold one by one your age

I am the one who stays strong beside you.

sorrow will change to joy

and love will be mixed with sadness,

longing grows in the chest, in the head, in the books

I remain in the deepest part of you.

15
BLOUSE

Sometimes I feel like clothes in a store

hung up and touched, then left behind

and taken off when you no longer need them

even so,

I want to be a dress that you like

and you never let a touch of iron

that you will continue to wear even though it is dull

and not as good as when you first fell in love

16
BETWEEN

You are between

me and the worries

of longing and the days gone

by hugs and peace

You are the color

of my skin sunburnt,

eye lashes eaten by the age

of the evening sky in the old days

You are the scent of rendang before it dries up,

the expanse of land in a forest of leaves in the rain

17
STORM

on the wrist
between the fingers
also on the edge of the eye

you locked up
the things I hide

you hold me
deeper more than you

I give up
not to give up
even though we're in the middle of a storm
from the distant sky
the pounding of the chest and the air
attack each other saying
who is the fastest to be gone

between me and you

between you and my fear
between me and your fear
to release each other
to keep insisting on binding memories

18
HEAVY

I know it's hard

to relieve the restlessness in the chest,
calm the anxious whack

You and I were swept away,

we were tied to memory after memory

I know it's hard

to cut down the sadness in the eyes
to chase away the loneliness
to hug the soul

where are you

Who are you talking to

Don't you want to give the news

so that everything I think is mine will no longer taste
bland

I know it's hard

waiting for your news which is not the same
as the people of the past

19
BOOK BODY

book is a home
for wild thoughts
or for deep sorrows.

for the longings that are alone,

the poems that rebel against the heart,
which save you and make me cancel my suicide
attempt.
every time I want to run as far as possible
I just need to let the words grow in my head, getting
denser, full of you

20
REPEAT

I want you to love me over and over again

like rain every season,

sad like twilight that falls every evening, like a mother's

love for children

I want you to love me over and over again

many times over without having time to fade,

insist on sticking without ever ending

there is no heat and cold that destroys everything I

want for you

I want you to love me over and over again

to those who fall and who rise

to health even the pain in the past that we are

reluctant to bring up

I want you to wait for me to come home

every time a step goes nowhere

in all my choices wasting life on a goal that we believe in

21
CREATE A MISSING HOME

we have ended the old days of growing into weeds

between anxiety and a favourite hiding behind words

I see you who used to be innocent,

now you have become a shoulder-length friend

who sometimes shares the longing to share all the

things I'm waiting for

that's the way the universe works

complicated but sometimes it surprises us

you that no one is now so close in head width in chest

depth

22
we live among complicated people,

feel comfortable in the timeline

but dry real work in the corner of the city

villages are abandoned for the sake of cities

people believe happiness is the capital's highway and

barista's expensive coffee

I want you to still believe in me

who would rather you be a child lug

believe in fairy tales that make you happy

think that the villages need more young people

keep surviving without a region grow into a flower in my

chest

in our village we plant bamboo to create a home for

longing

23
CLOSE

on a quieter night, in the drizzle,

we're both in the house, you hug me. very close.

Your eyes take me on a journey to the past.

we don't regret anything that happened. steps have

brought us this far.

We have gone through a complicated day. days you cry

to be able to hate me, many times I cry so that I can
forget you. we lose. we give up.

you hugged me again this time closer. then whispered

so that I never intended to leave again. You want us to
always be together. no matter how complicated the
path of love.

I hug you back this time closer. I know, you're the only
one who will stick with me. the world has given way,
whatever form it takes, call it love.

24
REMEMBER ONE NIGHT

The night in the city that refuses to let you go,

the rain falls per thousand behind the attic of the room,

counting the crowded days without you.

the wind gets colder and cuts my bones

washing away the blood and things that are buried in

anger.

one day last night

all night I held you

in the morning you left without saying goodbye to the

grave, the tears you dug for me.

remnants of hope named

people lost straight winding your way

away from which forest where now you live

in whose chest you hide.

25
CARE FOR FLOWERS AND VEGETABLES

when we are old

God is pleased to give age
I want to be twice three times many times to
accompany you
to spend the evening

we spend an afternoon of age

cuddling with the energy remains
the kids may already be in distant region
you and I grow vegetables to break sweat

Hopefully we have enough sustenance

to buy a large area around the house
to see flowers and vegetables growing passionately

you will fall in love like an evening vegetable

I love you like flowers
we both garden spread for the morning

26
MORE EVENING

people are happy at night

but restless when they get older,

sleep at night is still alone

the fan spins the air

brings back memories of us

increasing the birth numbers

but failing to fight fate

I learned to recognize myself

after being lost and left behind in the past

the roads we used to take are now covered in intact

bush

the sun will soon come

age it's getting late

when are you ready to be proposed?

or this room will always be empty

27
I AM YOUR LONESOME

I am your loneliness. When your lover can't be an

umbrella when it rains,

can't be a body when you hug.

I will never be able to escape from your memory,

no matter how hard you try to run.

from one hug to another, from head to head.

You forget, my hugs and longing you will never be able

to match with any new lover.

because we once wanted to be cold feeling. Once hug

as tight as possible. once hunted for each other's breath
in a kiss that didn't want to loose. Then how could you
just forget about it while on my lips still the kiss of your
spoiled lips

28
WHY DOES LOVE NEED
A REASON?

if one day you ask about:

Why does love need a reason?

because the earth needs forests.

Why does love need a reason?

because forests need rain.

Why does love need a reason?

because the chest needs a hug.

29
ALLOW ME LOOK AT YOUR EYE BROWS

I want to make peace with your eyebrows

so I can look back at the thick hair that grows there.

I let the night close your eyes,

let me read a poem to lull you.

My voice may not be as melodious as the voice of your

idol singer,

or your favourite poet, but I read poetry with all my

sincerity.

Say a good prayer to keep your sleep.

I hate this kind of atmosphere.

we become a pair of feelings of indifference as if

everything is nothing.

while at certain times the pounding of my chest almost

killed my soul.

Longing and death often work together to twist my

heart.
30
I want to make peace with your eyebrows.

stay good for some things that force memories to be

bad.

let me still have time to look into your eyebrows.

even though you may no longer be able to provide your

life for me.

31
MORE NIGHTS

I need more nights to spend with you

wherever it is as long as you want

I'm willing to care for longing

Don't ever be afraid of the dark

because I am your bright eyes like last morning

that hugged you when you were afraid of being sad

I need more nights

that give birth early in the morning beside you

cook the air before noon

then we together sew memories after memories

32
ORIGINAL

we are a collection of father and mother agreements

who fell in love at that time.

when the rain races moaning,

the night is removed from sadness.

Mother's eyes are moonlight,

father's eyes are the scent of the forest.

the roots that grow on mother's body

shivering touched by the wind from nowhere

return prayer

we are born on the desired day.

33
PIERCE

in every shard of air

there is a struggling longing

sent from towns,

villages and words

in your eyes I melted rubber nails

almost broken piercing slowly more and more in

consuming

you sulk many times I seduce endlessly

bed and city parks are no longer different all drunk are
seduced by words

34
REQUEST

I always love to imagine being alone with you

until my head grows gray hair one by one

Slow down

Time will destroy the cells in my body,

disperse concentration,

slow down memory, steal dense skin

young to change wrinkles

and some jobs will feel more and more difficult

however,

may i ask you one thing? still have me age of time.

35
HOW TO READ YOUR TEARS

Teach me to read your tears

so I know what kind of sadness is whacking your chest

because not everything I understand your silence only

makes you feel far away.

I”ve been through vast lands and rivers,

I can’t interpret the sadness you assemble

without you telling me which knife stabbed you in chest,

because words often accidently fall into your stomach.

Teach me to read your eye movements

so I know what meaning you want to capture from my

body

because the road is getting more and more winding we

can’t keep silent

36
BUKIT

At the base of my neck

Hold the sound
longing to call
beheading thousands of kilometers shivering

in the blinding morning wind in the former rain

yesterday
between the pillow and the bed
you are deeper in the chest

new day just begins

The ceremony isn't over yet,
I've already sent the distant news
about wars that have fallen
or fairy tales that are no longer complete

a city with love hidden in the hills not too high

loneliness becomes a bargain things.

37
YOU ALWAYS SIT ON MY BROW

I ran faster than usual

faster than my heart beat

the first time I kissed your lips.

I wish I could be further away from you but I failed.

in fact you have been in me before we met.

You are one with everything that makes me sad and

happy.

you existed even before other lovers came and then

disappeared as a memory.

loving you in fact is an attempt to fight to kill loss.

I have won since I first forgot myself in your addicting

arms.

38
I never really lost you.

you still stay with me even when the wind and blades
separate us

time and time again.

I want to run faster and hope I don't find you.

I forgot, before there were us, you were already part of

the soul.

now, wherever I go, you always sit on my eyebrows.

39
ONLY NIGHT WE HAVE

the best hours of the night

have come let's sit on my left and lean your head on
that shoulder
and on longing for the good days of the past

we won't go through this night

without a sense of belonging to each other
even though many things in the seas and cities
we can no longer have as part of our possessions

The first lady's breasts have been pawned,

they share their milk with strangers,
the children at the end of the village are emaciated and
eat rice and salted water poorly boiled.

some who were helped by the television show

that the poverty scene that was given a cake tin was re-
aired many times
so that people in small towns who had televisions were
so easily fooled
40
while the rest were lying sadly waiting to die,
the father of the country was so busy that he didn’t
have time to read
the letters for the price increase and pretended to ask :
who did that?
I want to say maybe a tuyul act
you sit quietly rest your head happily
we will reminisce every night as the best time in life
only night we can have the rest we have to buy.

41
NIGHT PRAYER IN MARCH

You who are held captive by the coldest cold night

wind pierce your bones.
Prayers secretly demand you to go home, don't run
further alone
danger comes unexpectedly
prepare bulletproof chest, tear proof
if one day bad luck slashes me
I want to die beside your body

this world is getting smaller

full of sly people who are getting more and more eager
to cut down anything that gets in the way

poetry is only the needs of the poor

rich people need cars and petrol
you who are held captive by the night wind
that wanders at the very end of the night,
go home calming the fear between words that turn into
prayer

42
in every hug that has ever calmed pain

FAVORITE MUSTACHES AND BEARDS

goodbye beloved mustache and beard

today I let your body be cut into pieces

because I love you-sorry for hurting

goodbye beloved mustache and beard

tomorrow start growing new shoots with more lush

the soil will still be yours

Don't be like those in campus classes

who are afraid of not graduating and then ignoring

themselves,

it's a wasted trip if life is just a name

Goodbye beloved mustache and beard,

keep on living even be cut when it gets longger,

break the ground in the layers of bones,

you must understand that life

43
is an adventure with layers of struggle.

IN THE HEART OF THE MORNING

I have not slept

while reading your heart,

sheets of doubt are scattered in your chest

about the unseen tomorrow

for your feelings

that are increasingly vanishing

you sleep early

as if bringing regret

to immerse yourself

deeper inside yourself

you look at me

in the corner of your doubts

44
time and two finger kisses

above the meeting of the eyebrows

never really conquered you

midnight passes

morning heart grows in my chest

you still have no news

with whom

you are now swapping?

until this poem is finished,

the questions

in the head are

not over yet

45
SHORT NOTE FOR LONG LOVE

on your chest

I write love

beyond words

so that it will eternally

curse us

46
WHEN NIGHT CAN”T SLEEP

When you can't sleep

I'm a restless night

remembering you from afar.

can do nothing

but hug you with prayer.

When you can't sleep,

I'm the night breeze that slowly blows.

Blows fall uncontrollably,

and choose to grieve in your chest.

if only you knew, sweetheart.

fallen leaves are sad here,

because of your gloomy smile there.

47
WHEN I WAS INVITED TO GO

one day death will pick up my nose

a pair of ears and eyes

a body that is getting older

a voice that no longer resonates the same.

he snatched me from you.

you were snatched from my body.

the soul will be carried away,

somewhere, perhaps to the sky

or further from the world.

I don't know when we'll meet after that.

but believe me, not even death will be able to separate

my essence from you.

Don't worry if I get picked up.

remember the good things we agreed upon

48
pray for me with all your heart.

BECAUSE THAT TIME

because at that time I didn't have the money

to invite you to eat meatballs

so I just wrote a poem for you

hoping you were full of my love

because at that time I didn't have the money

to take you for long walks

so I just read my poetry so that you have wings to fly

because at that time I had nothing

so I risked myself to be owned by you

so have me as long as your heart beats

49
BACKUP

I look for you

in the yard of the house early morning

in the navel of the fan

in every desire to embrace

in the cold longing,

the shivering longing.

anxiety often kills sleep hours

measuring happiness

guessing the day after tomorrow

the future is created by fears

50
I hide tiredness

behind a wide smile

at a coffee shop in the corner of the city

so that all you know is happiness

because sharing sorrow

sometimes adds to the wound

what does it mean for me to share stories

if you only want to know

happy stories

while my soul needs a shore that you are not aware of.

51
FAINT

Your tired eyes

are the sadness that I hide.

The reason why I want to work harder

is because I want you to be happy.

Those tired eyes of yours

are the reason I still feel at home living strangers

because getting used to it

won't get you anywhere.

52
EACH OTHER

at the end of the last day

You are an unfinished evening
you transform into a hard game
into a foreign and bitter one

we are no longer the colour of the sky

you fly away and I fall down
your days are the folds of a book
while for me a group of longings

You choose to be a kite,

I am a tree with thorns, thousands of snakes nest,
we are separated by the wind, thousands of kilos,
just looking at each other
remembering each other, throwing each other

The evening sun is the colour of fire,

I'm drowning in my own darkness,
you're the rain that keeps away
as soon as night returns
53
MUD AND RICE

in the layers of my yellow skin

I hide the secrets
of a bitter childhood journey
or the gaze of a determined father

people are just television screens

mud and rice turned into veins
a plate of coconut sticky rice
runs through my spinal cord

I once cut my index finger

almost broke but it didn't cut off,
God is good, sent a knife
that doesn't erase my fingers

54
Mom looks at the rice fields spread out
like watching dad's eyes in the dim lights
with anxiety mixed with longing

You come to me

who is ready to take you anywhere,

kill the doubt in your eyes, deep in your chest, buried

there

drop yourself to me in my life

on every rice field in my eyes

on every mud in my veins

on the knife that failed to eat my finger

55
SLEEP TIGHT

Before you fall asleep,

I leave sheets of longing to cover your cold body

so that you are strong enough to love me

the cold born of the night

is the reason God created you and me to be a pair

so that the universe is not empty

Come closer,

don't put distance in the chest

that is separated from me,

stabs deep in your soul

56
EVERYONE MONDAY

people feel more and more alien. all day long the words
grow denser. cover all the pleasures I've ever had in the
universe. everyone is monday. busy with their own
heads and ambitions. I'm a sad Saturday. Tired of being
hit by a storm of work all week long. I want to save
myself by the sea. sleeping on the sand and not wanting
to be bothered by anyone until late at night.

57
HAPPY BIRTHDAY

I would never really know myself

if you had never come into my life at that time.

I might have wasted half of my life in vain if I hadn't

found you as love.

thank you for holding on to the difficult years

for all the longing and efforts to calm anger.

You are the person I trust to know myself completely.

the universe that always supports me in the right way.

no matter what happens later,

never give up, my lover,

the woman I love with all my body and blood.

still love me wholeheartedly, because without you

you know I'm just a fragile man. let us strengthen one

another
58
in the far and near, in the happy and the weary.

age is just numbers

while my feelings for you are the universe.

Today and for more years to come

I want to remain the man you waited for to come home

which becomes prayer and the things you fear to lose

Happy birthday, my dear beloved

keep holding on for all the goals that sincerely

encourage us to fight together

59
SOMEBODY

someone finally

pulled away from the crowd

choosing a lonely path

into the forest

letting himself be lost.

for him it is happy.

someone who chooses

to be a seabird

curses himself

to fly away from human work

and, to him, that's how life really is

is your life the life you want?

60
maybe it's just trying to please other people who aren't
you.

the bamboo tree is happy

to be a bamboo tree

grows on the ground he likes

and then feels tormented after being assembled into a

chair and a rice cistern

one chooses to be the rainwater

dropping into the river

and drifted as far as possible,

for him that is the journey.

61
THE FIRST CHILD

I will split myself into a child that hangs on your chest.

over your neck, when you're busy and I don't want to

accept excuses.

I became a spoiled child,

than spoiled the man who wrote this poem.

and you will not be able to refuse or dodge.

at certain times

I will cry indicating hunger, also if I want to unpack.

you will be bothered.

62
but I know, you will love to do anything,

that's what makes me even more believe you are a

defilement evacuated from heaven

where secrets are hidden.

I can be two, three whatever.

whereas you will only be one

steadfastly accompanying and arranging my bed when

you fall asleep

you will sing songs the lyrics of which you take from
poetry.

then you start reading stories at full moon

written by the same man

63
IN A PAIR OF EYES

your pair of eyes

drop the frozen rain
the shade in the heat,
the sedative wild longing
also dispels the anxiety.

your pair of eyes

the whirlwind of the storm
where the fear of losing it grows.

look at my gaze
stay frozen for years.

memory and falling in love

is a puzzle that can not always be guessed.
64
In that pair of your eyes
I always find the world
where I write stories.

NARROW

You are a narrow city

that I have not had time to visit

even though I have fallen in love

for hundreds of years.

longing to sink behind the asphalt of the road.

trapped in a war that has not yet subsided.

while in the corner of your eye

I find the words burning me.

65
LOOKING AT OLD PHOTOS

I love it when it sinks.

in old photos with you
you are not as beautiful as today
my moustache and beard haven't been this long

I see you in the age range

of the journeys we take
until we reach the near destination
at the farthest views

You and I can of course grow old

like moustaches and beards that grow
and then turn grey and fall like leaves

My love for you is still a strong tree root

gripping the earth within you attached
and united in all your loneliness

at the end of our years

You and I will remember again
66
like today and yesterday
a long drought hit the human soul

we may agree
or may not agree at all
because you are stubborn in everything
including loving me

I love looking at these photos

even though I have to calm down a few times
the photos always keep the news
about the human atmosphere one day

seeing your photos that are not as beautiful as today

is a time machine from small longings
that grow in the pot of my heart and bloom slowly
the rain and the streets have given energy

we who are ordinary keep trying to organize ourselves

crushed by a sadness that we can't avoid
you love me who once hated myself so much

67
A NUT EATING WHALE

I am a whale who likes to eat peanuts,

has wings and has a lover,

lives in the sea or in the sky.

in the rainy season I want to hug you

like a whale in love and cold

In summer I want to accompany you

to stare at the autumn leaves or eat ice cream

or fly kites above the clouds

all whales can fall in love with you

68
but the one who can own and hug you is of course only
me

You must have difficulty hugging my body,

it's okay because apart from my big body,

I miss you big too

our hugs will be represented by rain

or sea water or clouds or a flock of birds flying in the

afternoon or morning air

I'm happy to be a whale

who likes to eat nuts and I love you too

because my size represents

all my feelings for you

69
ROCK

you hear the sound of trees

or maybe a pair of sea fish

in the air a cloud

are hiding things that we should know

but choose not to know

on the streets with so many intersections

you force me to arrive

but you don't care whose feet I use

you mumble the sound of the rain

70
on your back your hair thick and hard to pull out getting
whiter

You asked me to be the water of the river

in the shade session you were chaining

You know best about how

rocks can pile up in your chest

GIVE UP THE NIGHT

I gave up the night hugging your body

when the longing you sent couldn't bring me home

who was shivering lonely

in every falling wind

in the chest cavity your name is the most dangerous

flow of blood

thrashing the whole soul

the night that dissolves in my body is a witness

which drowns longing many times over

give up after so many falls and don't die

71
I let the night hug your body

after all kinds of things around me

turn into anything about you

SEATS AT A COFFEE SHOP

I still often find chairs

in fast-food coffee shops
looking for you in the void
the air in this room still feels the same

the things that had been left behind here

were clearly recorded in the head
clinging hard to the chest

I still see you

with the same colour of coffee cup
talking with the same tone voice
as yesterday even if only in my head

The story still hasn't changed

even though many foreigners have occupied it

72
those chairs hold a lot of anxiety
compose a lot of anxiety you never conveyed in the past
day,
before leaving me.

FOR SAD LOVE

if in the end my heartbeat

is not part of your bloodstream

let absence deprive us. let the body mold with the
wounds,

twisting is an effort to fight for you

if your eyes never truly accept my body,

pray for happiness for him.

let my chest be slashed with gall by your disbelief.

73
let me carry full love in the chest. Let me tell you how to
kill the feelings that I have

even though to be honest I'm sad because the love I

fought for never ended.

You are too quick to choose to give up.

MISSING DOESN'T HAVE TO BE SPREAD, IT MUST BE

PAID

there is no wide sea

a deep cliff and things don't make sense

if you miss it

Missing doesn't create a reason

to miss a hug potion

he can become the body of the wind,

water flow and rain in all seasons

74
from Makassar to Padang

through pent-up thoughts:

the hidden words

the burning cold temperature

and all forms of travel are only meant to reach you

Longing do not make a joke

it works with body and bones

it plants trees that make boats

it mines iron potions machines

it is every step that leads to you

unrelenting even if stopped

not backing down even if attacked

longing is something deep, in the soul

that pulls and throws the air from me and you

75
THE MOST BEAUTIFUL ISLAND

You are the most beautiful island

that makes me not want to move.

your chest is a field.

there I want to plant love trees.

Next will be a place the birds to nest.

your lips are earth

where the rains kiss wet.

76
your eyes are

leaves.

home to the dew.

let me stay,

until I can no longer see.

WITHOUT PLAN

I fold the night slowly,

we arrange it in the morning,

in overseas, longing never falls,

you know the furthest distance

early in the morning,

we are feeling lonely,

you are traveling,

I have gone home without a plan

77
every time the clock moves

I call your name without a sound

which journey you plan

at which intersection you provide meet up?

FATHER'S FOREST

mom and dad like to fight at night,

when it's raining and cold in our village.

mother and father quarrel gave birth to various types of

trees, grass, weeds, and shrubs as well as rain water.

the villagers once celebrated the result of a mother and

father's quarrel;

they saw a tree with a pair of arms, ears and eyes.

the tree is me. three hundred years after mother's

death, father gave my body a potion. then choose to
follow mother.

78
my body began to be overgrown with moss, weeds,
roots and the remains of my mother and father's voice
when they fought. inside me; wild forest when it finds
you.

rain and sun agreed to change days, months, and years,

also memories that can no longer be warmed. in parts
of me began to grow tree branches.

above the head, behind the ears, arms and groin.

occasionally a pair of deer hid there:

flirting in the blind morning.

Now, I bequeath my body to you. before death,

mother came from three hundred years ago to pick me

up.

take care of your age, the trees and thickets,

also the forest that grows around my lips, where you

mislead your longing.

79
PRAYER FOR SOMEONE WHO IS SICK

I don't know how effective

words can cure you

in worshiping the owner of the sky.

the universe of good verses I meditate in the depths of

the soul

scatter the aroma dissolves

in the corner night

in a sigh I release slowly

80
hopefully the veins in your body

sort themselves to heal

tomorrow morning will come again

I still feel at home waiting for you

to bring good news

I share a part of myself

to the wind

to the water to the eyes

to the water and the eyes to the tears

wipe his forehead

exhale my longing

keep the pain away from the hills of his skin

from the belly of his earth birth

if the years can grow old

universe take care of the fragility of his body

he must stand up walk run and fall in love

I keep it deep silent chest unravelling words

81
IN THE EYES OF THE FISH

we are all the same in the eyes of fish

we are all the same in the eyes of caterpillars,
insects, bean and pigeons
the fish don't know you're the writer
the fish don't know you're the reader
in the eyes of the fish we're all in danger
the fish don't care if you're a celebgram
or a youtuber or a singer
or a soap opera player or a heart player
or a long time single

for the fish you and I are the same

we are just different from the way of thinking

82
and the way of hugging and kissing

in the eyes of the fish

you're nothing more than a human
so don't be too much to be a human

GOSSIP ACCOUNT

You're like a gossip account on Instagram,

living from looking for the persons’ mistakes,

living from taking care of other people's lives

then it burns the emotions of mothers who lack love,

happy to see mothers fighting each other, voices, looks

at each other

and some online shops you help sell

to get a pack of your baby's milk later

83
RAW MATERIALS TO MAKE CITY

after years

of being celebrated in the form of

ages and street names

I miss sending myself

a plate of mother's cooking rice

or a stick of lamang grandma baked all day

I miss the sound of durian falling

like the sound of a tiny bomb

that is harmless and doesn't kill

84
but overseas and higher education

turned my body into a machine

among colored irons and unscheduled rain

the raw material of the city is the ambition

the people is ammunition

I missed the celebration ceremony

of cooking dragonflies in used milk cans

behind the house under the mangosteen tree

I had caught with some girls

i like to make friends with anyone

in the most forested village in the deepest forest

in the midst of ghosts, objects and spies

85
I miss myself who was trapped in the durian season,

who is not afraid of ghosts nor the future

I'M IN YOUR HEAD

I am your head

that you secretly beheaded.

then you put it in your chest

for eternity there.

I am your thoughts

that you bind with hugs

that you attach with kisses

so that we can have enough.

86
Later, if my earth no longer rotates,

the forests in my chest will be barren

but we will never be scorched.

PRINTING PHOTOS

I rarely print photos,

nor do I really like taking pictures of myself.
except on certain days, in certain circumstances,
with certain people.

but this morning I don't know what wind entered my

body.
Finally this photo was printed.
there was another one - a photograph of a person –
that wanted to be printed. but not so.
no reason.
Today I hope to be in front of a rented house. Stand
alone.
Then read the writing on the front of the house.
This house is rented out without a past.
There is a line f cell phone numbers underneath that I
can call.
87
I think it’s time to move
To display photos that I print today.
My own photos.
Just alone

ONE DAY WITHOUT SOCIAL MEDIA

I want to spend time without social media

just hugging and looking into your eyes all day

enjoying the air and the things we love.

I will tell you a story; about why it rains,

about why the twilight is short, and

the secrets of God that I've learned so far.

You will be the one who owns my world.

I will not hide a single story from you.

88
I leave everything to you crazily

that day there was no social media between us you

have me completely.

CITY HISTORY

I live in the midst of reality and mutual desire.

people who are busy hugging themselves
the streets are houses that are sold then
the money is bought for the forest and burned.

people worked all day

as if they would never die.
cutting grass cutting down trees and burning memories.
the birds forgot how to lay their eggs
and went extinct before night came to bring the
mattress.

I saw you from afar.

a pair of knives you hold in both hands
89
I prepare a liter of gasoline and tears
you look for the woodcutter,
I found you burned with me
three hundred years after that day
our story became the history of this city.

EVERY NIGHT

some time, time will stop spinning

when you fall asleep; so you can sleep longer.
that's how God never counts with you.

every night-some moment-

God stops the rotation of the earth, calms the universe.
nothing else so that you can recover your tired longer.
when all the loops come to a halt, God chooses a
worthy pile of prayers to fill.

90
MASTER

ma'am that I'm afraid of

being exchanged for nothing by this bachelor's degree
the years I never really filled

the farms you mortgaged

I turned your borrowed rice into poison
burning my own body careless will promise careless will
dream

there are too many smart people

who feel smarter more and more

I chose the path of writing poetry

I thought this could buy rice and an island
as well as a worry -free shaker

Mom, if I don't work at the news agency,

pray for me to avoid spreading the dilemma

91
so that the rice I eat. this scholar I hold
doesn't really make me like
people who are alive but meaningless
pray for me not to bite the skin on my own body.

ONCE UPON A TIME

Once upon a time since you left,

my body is just a banana trunk covered with lots of

water and

a pair of eyes. sometimes it turns into a coconut frond

carried wherever the wind blew,

hit by bad weather. carried away like a shadow.

Once upon a time I found an empty space within myself.

nothing but air and dusty floors. memories killed by

time.

92
I didn't find you. in another room, I know you're wailing
in pain.

FOR WOMEN
IN THE NORTH CAMPUS CAREER

You are still beautiful, honey,

your body looks good,
your skin looks smooth.
You study at a famous campus
in the provincial capital on the island of Sumatra

you are still beautiful, dear

eighth semester or ninth or eleventh or twelfth
every two days a week
meet lecturers who are quite disturbing in your head

You're still beautiful, honey,

you're still young and you don't have children,
but somehow in your eyelids
I see traces of the baby's missing pieces,
one by one, calling mom, missing
93
but somehow in your eyelids

You're still beautiful, honey,

I don't know how many semesters in college you can
still survive
to enjoy your lifestyle and live through the flesh of your
parents' breasts

SHADOW

I'm no longer walking with your steps,

I'm pulled over alone, calming the tears and eyes

on the river and sky that once washed us away.

the wind and the sea had thrown me into a stormy

wave,

hit my steadfast body so that it seemed as if I lost

I was forced to surrender. I bow to the lesson of letting

go

because I know you never truly loved me with all faith.

but love and memories are a package of silence in loss.

94
I'm being chased by the shadows.

you hover in my head, before going to sleep, a moment

to wake up,

this is really more torturous than anything else.

are you there, are you happy? Or are you just insisting
on looking happy.

your heart is the same. there is not a shred of life there,

is your soul dead with the shadows you send me every

day?

95
THERE IS HEAVEN IN YOUR BODY

You are far and near at once

to burn my cold body from a city
full of warehouses and high-rise buildings.

I've lived in the wild for too long

and am afraid of the glitter and the crowds.
do not dare to be at a height
avoid to get on an airplane.

You introduced me to a lot of vocabulary

about the names of state robbers,
prayer sellers

96
and angels who were cast out by God in an unhappy
way
because they devoured all forms of sin.

you also introduced me to a secret

that you told no one else;
that there is heaven in your body.

DESTINY ON ANOTHER DAY

miss being chased raindrops

fell beside my house last night

I know you are sad alone on the other side waiting

You want to admit the pounding in your chest

that is slow but piercing, torturous

but arrogant, too high there

concocting all things for you to languish

have you ever been happy?

when I'm not happy

97
the roads are longer

the nights are drowning in the abyss

I'm looking for you

I miss both of us in the universe

but fate on another day chooses you alone

LOSS

I want to be a stranger to myself

and walk down the railroad tracks
hoping to find your body.

I don't like Sundays because people

will flock to the streets and create traffic jams
police on Sundays sometimes lose memory
and become pollution for me who is looking for
freedom

I deliberately did not shave my moustache and beard

for days,
then took public transport hoping no one would
recognize me.

98
I really want to lose myself.
I don't want to see you again if you're not alone.
I don't expect to fall in love with you again if you already
love someone else.

I want to hug the pieces of your body that remain in

mine,
which you can never take away again
since that lonely night sleeping with us.

I want to buy some raindrops to resell

to people who pretend to be happy
so they understand that crying is more relaxing.

I walked further, further, and never expected to meet

you
if in the end all I got was the body of someone else's
lover.

99
I HATE PEOPLE IN ME

1
every morning after seven o'clock,
I always stay home alone.
I chose to go into page after page of the book, then
disappeared and did not appear.
you won't look for me, or if you wanted to, maybe you
wouldn't find anything.

I have lost myself

ever since I lost you.
I sink with the highway,
fall with the rain,
disappear at the end of the twilight.
100
and you never actually looked for me

2.
are you happy?
I'm not happy at all.
even so I understand
Many things I can only worry about,
but I don't have the power to pack it up.
I hate that helplessness,
I hate your efforts to stay away from me more

Lately I've been looking for you a lot,

in front of your sister's boarding house, on the beach, in
the cinema,
in my room, in the bookstore, in my eyes,
on my lips, in my arms, in my arms and in everything.
I found nothing but myself that was getting lost.

sometimes I want to go further than the dreams we

once prayed for
and hope no one recognizes me.
nor is there any question of where you are now.
101
3.
do we still love each other?
I hate people who always ask me about you.
but never asked if my heart was okay with that
question.

GROW

one day perhaps a storm

will hit our steps;
You still hold tightly to my fingers,
make sure that in the depths of yourself,
nothing can paralyze me to stay with you.

as you said,
"we are like two drops of water that meet in the middle
of the sea of life,
sometimes the rain almost separates us, but in love we
hold on.
now you are incarnated in my body. the air that is
breathed in,
lives in every wild longing.

one day there may be a hurricane that wants to take

one of us.
or a wave that intends to blow the wound;

102
you still hug my body, there is nothing I will let ruin my
life
that penetrates in the depths of your soul.

because, without saying anything;

in my chest, love for you grows.

TEACH YOU HOW TO KNOW YOU AGAIN

are you still the same?

love different leaves
or are you hiding in the rain
that falls in the early morning

are you still the same?

span the long way or actually
for the legs or actually
you hide in the arms
strong muscular copper

how do I do

103
to get to know you again?
You're too foreign today you're so different for sounds

what are you hiding?

why hit so hard why not neatly set aside
not like it used to be like in memory

ENDS BROKEN

-because the loss is orphaned

and the orphan misses

if you're not happy

why are you still holding on?
is pity reluctant to make you go?
then you falsify your heart.

if you are not loyal

why hope to be the only one.
Are you the type of person who wants to always win?
then pretend to be kind.

many fates that you turn into flowing wounds

then you still hope to be loved with all your heart.
isn't that a mistake of asking?
104
-I think our goal is the same.
It turns out you disappeared after dusk.

I gave you a hug that night,

the next day you cut my heart with a bamboo
you cut the veins of longing.

that all loss is your negligence

why do you blame others and ask to love yourself
so, that is, love in your head?

Remember. I am a warm hug

that you turn into wet cheeks
then
ends broken

105
THAT DAY MY TASK IS DONE

in the pages of stories that I wrote,

there are long nights that are overtime
telling about your efforts to stop crying.

You will understand, some of the paths you choose are

daggers.
but regret is useless, because I no longer have love.

your days will be filled with spies and flowing waters;

because what you embrace is a happiness that never
melts.

you will eventually realize; leaving me

106
is the saddest thing you will have for the rest of your
life.
but, missing you is meaningless.
there is no universe that refuses your prayer
that day; I'm sorry I cursed you, but loss and sadness
has become your choice
even the rain that I once worshiped,
is something that makes you no longer feel happy in the
end.

I, on that day no longer remember anything about you.

while you stab your heart many times haunted by
longing that hunts.

You can't stand all the loneliness

that comes with empty hugs,
which become your night full of crowds and countless
painful wounds.

there was nothing I could do that day;

I never even expected,
the sadness that befell you

107
would be as deep and horrible as that.

My job of calming you down is over,

since the story you chose is over.
however, the sadness that you can't unravel,
becomes your unsolved killer.

STAY OFF

just be quiet, sis,

no need to be noisy
sharpen the knife
learn how to row a boat
understand sea maps and weather phenomena
don't forget the dates of the dark moon and bright
moon
just be quiet, sis
wine steps slowly

108
the calm sea is soothing
understand the symptoms of waves, forget how to
survive a storm
in sea trench
and sharp rocks
that kept the fear

just be quiet, sis

outside the hijackers are on the loose
wild and deceitful
group fighting over rice
don't let him know
maybe your boat will be the fuel they go to

just be quiet, sis

speed your boat
hug that deep sea
meet foreign islands
you have to learn from a whale

109
Whales don't fight against the currents of the rivers
Whales fight against the tides of the ocean.

BE HAPPY DEAR, LET ME CALM SADNESS

Be happy, darling, let me soothe the sad.

You must know, my love for you surpasses anything you
call longing.

let the world sink your soul in my chest,

let your love be eternally cursed there.

knives and wind will not be able to kill us,

grow lush all the seeds of love. You will never be able to
escape,
even if separated and crashed.

110
Come home to my soul, for everything in your bosom is
restless without me.
You and I are a pair of destiny planned to die, but the
world can't beat the heart.

your body could be caged, your soul in my soul coiled.

you could be tied up, they forgot your heart in my chest
attached.

Be happy, darling, let me soothe the sad.

in worn-out sheets in the news after.

IN MY MEMORIES

I'm still happy to linger with you,

even if only to meet in memory.

111
in my head you are deeper than the bed on which gray
hair grows,

deeper than thoughts of mere food and necessities

NASI PADANG

I eat the cooked rice

and then it becomes layers of myself
the spices flow in the blood
it tastes like the smell of poetry

there is no lie on the deliciousness

there is no doubt for it

During your working day

in your break time,
what other nasi padang can you avoid?

112
he incarnated from the essence of the earth, Sumatra,
his home all the words
in the city that grew full of sweet love
like the longing of a pair teenagers
the regions he blocks, the rice fields are the adventures
of the islands he travels, even though it's far away

Nasi Padang is the reason

why hunger doesn't have to be held back.
Nasi Padang is the destination for all journeys

UNDERSTANDING TREES

your body is a pile of dust

for the All -Knowing,

be kind to the knowledge

that refuses to throw you down

your body is a puddle

for the owner of destiny,

keep your lips from moving

113
for things you are not good at

your body just a gust of wind

hovering smaller than dust

why do you feel the universe?

Those who fail to understand trees

will say they are bad

but still make houses from wood for wood

JUSTICE

you support me being killed but refuse when you are

killed

You talk about justice

Which fair justice are you talking about?

which is good for you only?

114
you make me not trust anyone

you only fight for yourself

but laugh at the cheating that killed me

LOOKING FOR A THOR FROM THE PAST

when it turns out to be alive

with your lover it's normal. flat and meaningless.
You will miss the feeling of being broken by me.

you will look for thorns from the branches of trees.

you prick your own skin. until the longing is getting
worse day by day.

your life is just a kite.

115
the thread and the wind direction is me
who didn't say hello in the corner the other day.

the afternoon had gone too far.

window glass leaving one by one scene.

You are picked up by a fierce wind.
like it or not, you only have one choice:
stick with someone who can never satisfy you.
hover.

BECOME A KITE

at the end of the day

you were an unfinished evening
you transformed into hard game
into a stranger and bitter

we are no longer the color of the sky

you fly away and I fall down

days for you are folds of books

while for me a collection of longing

You choose to be a kite,

116
 I am a tree with thorns, thousands of snakes nest, we
are separated by the wind
thousands of kilos
just looking at each other reminiscing throwing each
other

the evening sun was the colour of fire

I sank in my own darkness
You're the rain that distances itself
just after the night returns

SEASON

1.

in a strange season

longing for you tastes salty.

Hugs forgot the name

Kiss forgot the feeling

you died on another farmer's land.

117
2.

now the sea that you have

has been crossed by other fishermen.

let me pull the nets and move to the cold rivers.

THE FORGOTTEN PEOPLE

where you are now

a lump of frustration

once you saved

deeply

we are the missing people

of an original deal

118
the disease that attacked you is a forgotten past

You've asked me to be together before didn't know the

jungle

on your neck, the traces of that day

are not recorded in the book

CURRENT PEOPLE

sometimes I feel like a human being hundreds of years

old;

stranger to contemporary humans and want to be alone

and forget the tiring days.

alone or with you, in the loneliest place

devoid of artificial life.

Television and technology have changed many dreams.

119
Cosmetics entrepreneurs dictate body size,

and skin colour for what they call beautiful.

modern humans are hunting for who they are.

people who want to be known but hide their true

selves; behind makeup, expensive makeup, camera
apps, lipstick, clothes, and words.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU

Don't come when you are in need while disappearing

when I want to talk
Don't look for me only on lonely times
while running away when I need a voice

I'm just like you one time

not happy when you want it for your needs
while when I fall you disappear somewhere
even when I call out loud

I don't hold a grudge against you at all,

it's just that I want you to learn to accept
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how it feels when you're not accepted,
feeling not received when you're looking for it

you and I swing each other's steps

but don't accept each other's goals in the same
direction
you are strangers and I'm different then don't find each
other
maybe it's better to take care of ourselves

what you don't know is that in the past

I have often come across people like you
who just want to pick fruit but are reluctant
to learn how to plant and weed weeds.
WHEN THE DAY COME YOU LOOK FOR ME

one day you'll feel lonely

lonely you've been through
my name is your prayer all day
and late at night,
as quiet as silence, you no longer want anyone but me
there.

the house you live in is hell.

longing to twist your veins, messing up your memories,

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piercing your heart, tightness in your chest.

you have no other choice, but to look for me

in the early morning, in the dim twilight, in the late
night,
at any time, you are beaten with feelings.

you will leave all snares, a knot.

You only want me, more than the wills that ever killed
me.

BULLET NEST

the lights growing on branches?

Where are you?

The night has come

the ceremony of the voices must begin

I can't do anything by myself

without you every piece of my body

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is an inanimate object

Your countenance is a wick

of peace burning frozen blood in your head

I knit the grass above your lips

God knows the night is a den of bullets.

LONG YEARS

we are conversations that

I repeat myself when I can't put my eyes to sleep.

the night has hidden you behind my restless chest.

You're immersed in the thoughts that plague my head
all day long.

steps have taken me so far to seek you;

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find you in the thing you traded all coal for.

the fires slowly warmed;

may you not forget, may the winds remind you;
that anything can be scorched.

you are the long years in me.

God created because He knows that without you,
I am just a memory waiting to be swallowed up by time.

LIMITED THAN

in your eyes
he incarnates the future.
in his eyes
You paddle a canoe;
find another island,
the field he really wants.

You spend a chunk of your day dividing yourself up for

him.
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he is busy guessing
with whom he ended his old age.

You learned to cook rendang

so that he would remember to go home.
fast -food fried chicken thighs and breasts
make it comfortable in other stores until morning.

he didn't come home,

because to him you were just a pan.

RHYMES FOR GRANDMA

I miss you who are taken by intercity buses within the

province.
through the rain and potholes of the past
mixed with vehicle fumes and the sweat of canned drink
sellers

I miss you, who came from a faraway village

with a sack of durian harvested in your garden.
You said, my grandson should not be short of durian,
or the durian for my grandson should not be sold.

You defend that bear once -a -year –fruit.

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now nine years have passed, the durians are falling one
by one.

Once you are elected nothing, no one guards the old

farm.
the trees are sold by your other grandchildren.
now everything is a jungle, while I have wandered
farther and farther.

I miss seeing you who are still strong

at hoeing the fields even though you are old, you say
being a farmer is the only job that make people happy
until your skin burnt by the sun, you never care

You once told me, don't look for a woman who is afraid
of the sun,
because she will not be able to teach your child to learn
from nature.
Meanwhile, nature develops into a teacher.

don't let your child be taught on walls,

on televisions, and on cupboards. unless you want your
child to be a wall:
foolish and heartless, you say,

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I didn't understand the meaning before.

after a long time you were chosen to be lost

and I never came home, I understand,
longing to be this deep, it's just, what am I going to look
for in my hometown,
if the durian trees have fallen,
the memories are auctioned one by one?

KEEP BECOME A WHALE

keep on being a whale

beat the calm and wild ocean currents

go home with good news

life is too short to be wasted with petty thinking

keep on being a whale

adventuring into the ocean

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don't be afraid to grow up

stay away from small, cheating thoughts and afraid to

compete

stay a whale

not afraid to face the waves

not the anchovies busy scrambling for worm pieces

at the edge of the bush river

POETRY

I don't write poetry

to please friends

who claim to be poets

I write poetry

because I write poetry

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I don't write poetry

to satisfy a selfish friend's appetite

I write poetry to exist

Even for nothing

I don't care

I write poetry because

a lump of flesh in the chest wants it

FIND YOURSELF

every time I visit

I don't find myself
in the people in the coffee shop
nor in the people in the capital

I find myself as a farmer in you

In you a storm-proof fisherman
in salty and sweet sea fish
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in the streets of motorcyclists and chili traders

I found myself at an old barbershop

in the parking lot of a shopping mall
but can never bring myself into the clothes shop

there's nothing in me but the roar of warplanes

in the war season when grandma was a girl and grandpa
a single
I found myself left behind

in the midst of your sadness and anxiety

see the children of poor families who are not smart

they are enslaved by knowledgeable people

I find myself among the good things

treated badly I find myself in your broken heart

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between hope and despair every day

I found myself looking for myself

INVITATION

this poem was written at one o'clock

in the morning for the same purpose;

waiting for you to fulfill the sound

of chanting a prayer and we attach our bodies

to each other before learning to calm the beats in the

chest.

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I waited and allowed myself to float in the air

of the dark room and I turned off the light

and longed to burn more and more.

in your absence you are always there

I see you but I don't see you

I hug you but I don't hug you

you are real and not real

I love you between sleep and wakefulness.

on the sides of the night, in the abyss of the sky,

the sound of the fan is also my breath.

Come on, this rhyme is meaningless

if all I get is a dark night. Just blind

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because I need you to animate the words.

IN MY HEAD, FATHER'S RICE FIELD

I often imagine the rain that falls

is thousands of rice seeds, some of which fall on my

head,

grow into blonde hair, the rest are black rice.

When I was little some rice that failed to fill

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turned into dandruff, while the pests that attacked the
rice fields on my head were lice.

Dad said lice were a reminder that the head must be

cleaned carefully.

The older I get, the more I understand

that good rice fields must be fertilized

some friends choose to buy shampoo,

but my father is poor and can't afford shampoo.

To please my father, father bought a story book

and an old newspaper with news,

he said, this is a different kind of fertilizer

(later, I found out this was just his way of tricking me

into not having money to buy shampoo).

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Now, the rice fields in my head are getting wider.

I need a lot of used books and newspapers, so that the

crops don't fail and wither.

WHEN WILL YOU BE FREE?

when will you be free?

if your days pass, longing for yourself

to raise hopes that are killed again

hold on to feelings that are not reciprocated

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all year long endure sadness

as long as your body plant pain

what you really keep in your unhappy soul

why do you let yourself be colonized

by people you trust why do you give yourself the same

opportunity

to hurt yourself

Isn't it long enough for you to accept the rain spill on

your sad face

as if you let yourself be shackled

what exactly do you want to go to?

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when will you be free

in the days of traitors reigning

in the days of thieves feeling a king

when will you free yourself

from untrustworthy people

from people who like to sell their faith

from the slaves of the rulers

from you that you keep imprisoned

A VOICE THAT IS NOT IN FAVOR OF THE

LAND

what you don't know, honey.

the sobs of a small child behind the stove,
mothers mining the rock,
father who is a porter carrying port

what you don't know, dear;

rice cart traders at three in the morning
night walkers looking for the rest of the day

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young people who are no longer ambitious

are the parts of me that

you won't understand without opening
your eyes in your heart

is the one who is wronged

because the voices that don't favor the land
don't favor the sea, and the village on the edge of dumping
garbage from luxury homes

what you don't understand, dear;

your head is empty, your chest is scorched
because you are reluctant to research a collection of words,
reluctant to wait dawn
you only know one thing
big stomach due to meat ball or rice
whether from selling iron or stolen tie

YOU LOVE HIM WASTE

you love him in vain

stalling for time to be happy
endure years in hurt f
feelings as tough as what you have?

you love him in vain

procrastinating on living life
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surviving in a frantic
whose heart are you taking care of?

you love him in vain,

reluctant to make peace with yourself,
forcing yourself to have it until later
while it's clear that he is no longer passionate

want to shut yourself up in the shadows,

plant so much loneliness in your chest,
you know what you're holding on to isn't there,
you're just sowing raindrops of wounds

You love him in vain

throughout the year, the taste doesn't change
as many the steps you get sadness,
but you feel at home drowning for long

SENDING A LETTER TO PARADISE

dad sends me out for walks

to learn to read from a coffee cup
or a plate of fried banana jungle

or a compote and a few requests I can't refuse.

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father forbade me to write letters
to mother but I was naughty
and still did it quietly.

Dad knew and hid

His cried in anger. he is angry to
me and then feel guilty.

dad doesn't like me sending letters

to mom and he feels like a failure when I get to know
the words.

for in heaven the letters are unreadable.

the letter I sent to mother burned in the air fall as rain.
burn the eyeballs then.

MY DARLING

all the songs in the world

were created because God created you
singers and songwriters
are just a bridge to the imagination

there is no other woman deeper than you

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there is no other river longer than the river within you

all writers could never write

if only God didn't create you
painters are just office workers
if only you were never born

I told you, don't be afraid to smile,

all the smiles in the world
will never be sweet if you're not around

You are the joy of the forest,

you are the calm current in the sea,
you are the hurricane of the storm in the sky.
You were not created to destroy

CHAPTER OF LIFE

1. ONE

fourteen years old

he wandered into the jungle
through the thickets
cutting down fear

life must be dealt

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he was man left dead
man he loved
love who loved it

he is my father your future father-in-law

anxiety and fear have made him love my mother
your future mother-in-law

twenty years old

he chose to release a virgin
in the body of a steadfast mother
without long acquaintance t
hey were married

2. TWO

coffee beans have been cooked

in the fields after harvesting
he moved to another city
at a young age his mother walked around
studying the bowels of the earth

coffee flour flying

bitter air like life

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I grew from the far side

dad exchanged papers

from sweat details
in a foreign city he wandered
the city is more cruel than the jungle

3. THREE

coffee beans are smashed up,

dimples of restlessness hang on to each other,
we meet in another season

the city has trapped me

airships and iron horses,
lonely killer friends

twenty-six years of fear

still haunts young people without the jungle
is the scariest dwarf in the world

4. FOUR

One late night

you and I enjoyed coffee
in the same room.
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leave a little bit on your lips
for a different roar.

let the night run

we just set the spirit
and body alternately exchanging
fatigue and loneliness

so that you are happy

and I don't suffer

FIGHTING WATER

we watched the water fight each other

criss-crossing between the old colours at the end of the
night
you are still as sweet as the first time
the palm saka melted in the cauldron

you slashed many times the small waves

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in my broad chest for you to lean
on where you store the sounds
where you memorize the words you like

You gave me a job I don't understand:

combing through the forest, planting seeds,
packing anxiety and indescribable feelings

you said you always liked the atmosphere like tonight;

fear is afraid to show itself
small bubbles on the chest wavy joy
water pours down from the bottom of the world

SKY

You were once captured by night,

torn down by rain, taken away by foreign objects,

and the rivers in my head

became dry space

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You asked me not to be sad

when you created sadness

in the form of flowers, light,

a stretch of sea that is difficult to recede

You said I could be anything

to survive to be your sky

You didn't ask the capital to dominate

You only care I care about you

you prefer reading letters

than venting to your friends

before they leave you one by one

you're lonely and burn me to warm up

the fields have been barren,

foreign cities continue to hunt

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your days are red blue

You'll never find anyone but me

who can spark a fire in your chest

NARRATING MOTHER

what can a four-year-old child remember

other than things that are forgotten all the time
I don't understand mother's narrative at all like the
scene full of love in those movies

mother to me is a collection of questions

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is mother like a banana tree? young, fruitful, and fallen?
Is mother like a durian tree?
give seasonal fruit?

the only thing I remember is it rained that afternoon

and I was rolling in the yard because my mother had no
money
and the ice cream parlor peddled
the memory that survived was unforgettable poverty

Mother is like a banana tree that falls when she is

young,
Mother is like a durian tree that bears fruit all the time,
Mother is an ice cream maker who distributes her
merchandise for free

but my mother is a tear that never subsides

even though I don't know her form

my mother is not like the mother of ordinary people

who cook breakfast before going to school
who picks up after class hours over
my mother is a whisper about life is hard
about if you want to eat you have to work
if you want to go home walk alone
may not be spoiled and have to know yourself
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Don't hurt other people's feelings,
especially the poor who are suffering.
Don't underestimate the poor,
because if they are smart, they will rule the world

my mother is a cold curfew

fear in the dark and a hurricane
mosquito coils that almost eats up my mattress
the whisper in my head keeps me alive even though I'm
hungry

my mother is the answer to all sufferings

MY BACK

I can't stop the rain

I always provide an umbrella

I can't cool the sun

My body is your place to shelter

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I have eaten all the failures

for you that I want so much

glass plates, glass pans, and leftover clothes

and letters that were once neatly stored

never disappear in silence

I have prepared my back to be your stage,

even with sadness, even joy,

you can play there, wherever you are,

you are free to act

as long as I am the goal

Fireworks and whatever

tied and remembered on the head of a butterfly that's

wild

and little I have from the outside

are all the opportunities we trade

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we exchange with gazes

we exchange with agreement

you later will not wait

you who tomorrow will not turn

the straight road is us

road even though it is not smooth we will go on

ENJOY YOU

The space at the bottom of your chest

is a home for my mute

I don't need to explain anything,

it's really full of everything,

you're the reason I'm looking for

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the end of the bridge where I return

to the end of all promises

Your gaze in any form

is a form of irresistible call

the air will leave no sound

if we don't immediately agree on a face-to-face room

others see you as an ordinary woman

to me you are an eagle, sometimes like a whale,

or at other times, like a house cat,

although I more often see you

as an irreplaceable lover

I like the way you're an eagle,

a whale, a house cat,

or whatever else you're having fun with

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I just don't like it when you like things you're not.

YOUNG PEOPLE TO THE CITY

young people go to the city

conquers the ferocious traffic jams, vehicle fumes,
strangers and noise along the way
they believe too much in dreams
then build buildings with sweat
without realizing old age comes eating memory

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they surrender to the pressure of working
on other people's targets, on the dreams of strangers
on a regular schedule and the same activities
on irresistible boredom
they surrender to the possibility
short possibilities and tight schedule

they eat up their hometown,

sell their memories for titles
which are then mortgaged on fear to return
to being farmers like their parents,
they are reluctant to learn to sail like grandfathers
or are ashamed to be traders like uncles

young people go to the city

forgetting the tough history of their ancestors

OTHER ROOM

I'm trying to find another space in me

place to keep bits of foreign matter

or secret nests of seabirds the ruler of the coast

burrows where you'll stay even if you don't look

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you taught me how to fly

among my own shadows

an old tree grew on me

its leaves scattered around my neck

My voice is muffled every time I want to whisper to you

about how your eyes shatter the silence

and the span of the past that has almost finished the
rest of my life

BEFORE WE SLEEP

I close the sky and the stars

I let the night sparkle in your eyes

I stop all the devices that bind

you are beautiful in the light or in the late darkness

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your body is a great ancestral language

I understand and respect with all due respect

let me sow the seeds in the ground in you,

grow a sense of joy and love all the time

later if we get old and start to get tired

remembering all the time as a way of worship

FISH NOT YOUR EX

fish is not your ex,

you don't need to be afraid, or even miss

Fish only swim,

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they don't create pools of memories,

let alone go home

fish just busy in the water

don't smile seeing your tears flowing

the fish is not your ex

who quietly approaches

when loneliness comes in the sad night

AT THE BEACH I THINK

how do the trees marry?

how much is the dowry and who is the priest?

is there a family gathering first?

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do trees have to love each other before marriage?

Are there trees married without feelings of falling in

love with each other?

or marry without parental consent?

Then how does the tree pregnant?

what are the names of their babies?

on the beach I wonder

what colour of the marriage book of the trees are?

YOUR MATCH IS IN THIS POETRY

maybe your soul mate is still in the form of words

that his future mother reads

maybe your soul mate is still in the form of rainwater

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that has not been cooked

by the place where his mother-to-be buys food

maybe your soul mate is still in the form of a political

debate

between his two prospective parents

might also

still in the form of leaves,

hoax news in newspapers, ordered online media, or in

hidden arms

maybe your soul mate is still

in the form of the state budget

and the expenditure of state officials

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maybe your soul mate is still

in the form of television broadcasts of setting gossip

shows,

dramas of talentless artists

broadcasted in the form of news of people being

silenced

and eliminated

maybe your soul mate is still in mourning for the people

affected by the disaster

who are afflicted with images of hopeful voices for their

stage

PREDICTING THE WEATHER

sung by Rizal Putera

Life is a collection of prayers,

make plans, prepare energy,

study maps and weather predictions,

understand culture and language

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youth is too short

if you stay at home and don't go explore the city,

sail the ocean, jungle find friends

with different atmosphere

get rid of all your laziness pack your backpack

love this country with all your heart

find human beings and humanity

help each other

ABOUT THE POET

BOY CANDRA, born in Parit small village in Malalak,

Agam Regency, West Sumatra, November 21, 1989.
Graduated from the Department of Educational
Administration, Padang State University and currently
pursuing a postgraduate program in the same
department and campus. Since 2013, he has published
14 titles of various genres and has been distributed in
Nusantara bookstores. His first poetry book, Boy Candra
I Kuajak Kau Ke Hutan (I Take You ToThe Forest) and
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Tersesat berdua (Get Lost Together) (2016). This second
book of poetry, Dongeng-dongeng yang tidak utuh
(Incomplete Fairy Tales), contains a collection of poems
written during 2014-2018. Now, two of his novels are
being adapted into feature films.

In addition to writing, Boy Candra also filled out

invitations for creative writing events to various
campuses and schools in Indonesia. Beside that, he also
attended and spoke at several book and literature
festivals: Minang Book Fair 2016, Islamic Book Fair
2017, Makassar International Writers Festival 2018,
Payokumbuah Literacy Festival 2018, and others. Social
media with name: boy candra

ABOUT

ILLUSTRATOR

CHICHI WIDYA BERLIANTI, born in West Sumatra on

August 25, 1998. She is currently an active student at
Padang State University majoring in Fine Arts.
Interested in the world of drawing since 2016. The
works in the poetry book Incomplete Fairy Tales
(Dongeng Dongeng Yang Tak Utuh) are her first works in
collaboration with a great writer. Friends can get to

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know Chichi better through Instagram @cocowidiob
and E-mail cocowidiob@gmail. com.

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