Pastoral Care Manual
Pastoral Care Manual
Training Manual
Congratulations on your interest and desire in Pastoral Care. We pray your
involvement will change your life.
Your experience with the will be a result of both God’s call in your life, and
your own giftedness. As you minister to ordinary people in extraordinary
circumstances, you will never be the same!
Above all, never forget whose power you bring to every visit, the power of
God the Father, His loving Son, and the Holy Spirit.
!1
TABLE OF CONTENTS
SPECIAL SITUATIONS……………………………………………………….….……….…….19
• Special Considerations……………………………………….…………..…………….20
• Convalescent and Nursing Homes…………………………..……..……………21
• Those Hard of Hearing…………………………………………………..……………..21
• Those Who Are Blind or Nearly Blind……………………….……..………….21
• Those Who Have Suffered a Stroke……………………..………………………22
• Those Who Are Depressed………………………………………….………………..22
• Visiting the Terminally Ill Patient……………………………………….……….23
• Visiting Children………………………………………………….…….….………………25
• Visiting Those with Aids………………………………………….….………………..26
!2
AN INTRODUCTION TO
PASTORAL CARE
Why Do We Visit?
Purpose for our ministry:
Love is the primary motivation for the ministry of caring, and Jesus is our example and
teacher. In Matthew 25:34-40, He tells us that whatever we do to minister to others in
need we actually do for Him!
We are representatives of Jesus Christ. We are there to show that as Christians we really
do care for one another and we do love our neighbor. We are there to show this person
that we want to care for, connect with, and have a relationship with them. We will show
them that they can trust us and that they can trust our Lord.
!3
Jesus Cares For the Sick
Jesus is there to comfort and help us. He instructs us to help others in His name. We
are His hands, His feet, His eyes, His ears and His voice. He wants to show His love
through us…through you!
Jesus continues to advance His ministry of love and care for people through His church.
The church is not just a place to give us a good feeling but is the primary motivation for
all Christian care.
Jesus will never waste a hurt. We have seen Jesus carry us through hard times in our
own lives. He wants us to share what He has done in our lives with others by ministering
to them by being there for them—just as He is there for us.
“He comes alongside us when we go through hard times, and before you
know it, He brings us alongside someone else who is going through hard
times so that we can be there for that person just as God was there for us”.
2 Corinthians 1:4 (The Message)
“Stoop down and reach out to those who are oppressed. Share their
burdens, and so complete Christ's law.”
Galatians 6:2 (The Message)
!4
Who are We Really Serving?
We are serving Jesus. He tells us when we serve others we are serving Him.
"The King will reply, 'I tell you the truth, whatever you did for one of the
least of these brothers of mine, you did for Me’.”
Matthew 25:40 (NIV)
!5
The Cost of Caring
There is a cost.
Helping those in need is not an easy task. The cost of caring for others may involve our
personal time, energy, finances and emotions.
Visits never come at a convenient time. God knows what the right time for us to visit is,
and this opportunity to visit is no surprise to Him.
”Those of us who are strong and able in the faith need to step in and lend a
hand to those who falter, and not just do what is most convenient for us.
Strength is for service, not status.”
Romans 15:1 (The Message)
!6
Caring Isn’t Always What It Seems
We who seek to provide Christian care must face a basic issue in the caring relationship.
What I may think is caring behavior may not be experienced by the others as caring.
The other person may not feel cared for or helped by what I do, no matter how strongly I
intend to care for them. In fact, the other person may not be prepared to accept
anything I do as caring. More importantly, some ways of caring I choose to use may not
be helpful at all. Therefore, we want to take time to think through the true nature of
caring and become aware of some of the potential pitfalls of Christian care.
This ministry is not about us, it is about the patient and their family. We must not have
expectations of the patient or their family. They may tell you they will call you to update
you and then not call. Do not take this personally. This is a season where there is so
much on their mind; we do not want to add more. Do not get overly emotional with
them. Emotion is normal but we do not want the patient to feel like they need to care
for us…we want to care for them. Pray for God’s strength! If for any reason this patient
or family hits too close to home, ask to be replaced.
!7
Qualities of a Pastoral Care Provider
• Is genuine (sincere)
• Is respectful (has an attitude of worth and dignity)
• Is warm (able to exude the love of Christ)
• Is full of spiritual integrity (displays deep faith and trust in God)
• Is able to utilize resources (finds help when needed)
• Being open to learning and receiving • Feeling superior to the person I want to help
• Engaging in a mutual search for solutions • Believing I have the important answers and can
solve someone’s problems
• Empathizing: feeling the pain and joy of another • Staying detached; observing
• Confronting another by speaking the truth in love • Passively approving everything the other is doing
when appropriate. without regard for my own values or perceptions
• Respecting the privacy of the other, giving space • Pushing into the private space of another without
when needed permission or invitation
• Being open to the work of God in another’s life • Believing it is all up to me, being unresponsive to
what’s happening in the process
!8
UNDERSTANDING
THE CRISIS OF ILLNESS
“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”
Galatians 6:2
!9
Hospitalization is a Crisis
Hospitalization can affect all phases of a person’s life – relationships with family members,
personal self-esteem, job responsibilities, even faith in God. Hospitalization or illness is a crisis
experience and for many reasons.
What would be the unique concerns and feelings for the following patients?
!10
As with all crises, the crisis of hospitalization represents both concerns and opportunities for
growth.
The concerns are seen not only in the threat to physical health, but in other areas such as loss of
employment, financial stress, depression, strained family relationships, and even a loss in one’s
faith in God.
The opportunities lie in the new possibilities to grow physically, emotionally and spiritually.
Physically – to return to health again, to learn new ways to care for self, etc.
Emotionally – to develop new coping skills, to learn new decision-making skills, etc.
Spiritually – to reevaluate and discover new meaning and purpose in life and faith.
It frequently happens that people who experience a crisis in their lives, like hospitalization,
not only bounce back after the experience, but also grow from the experience.
You can be a significant factor in helping hospitalized people and their families to work through
their concerns about their hospitalization, while helping to make their experience an opportunity
for growth.
It is helpful to distinguish between a social visit and a ministry visit. While friends and family
members make social visits, ministry visits will be different.
A social visit from a friend or family member concentrates on:
• Talking about the weather, people, and events
• Maintaining a friendly atmosphere
• Sharing mutual stories
• Comforting, sometimes by avoiding painful topics
Although your ministry will likely include the elements of a social visit, it should also consist of:
• Exploring the hospitalized person’s thoughts, feelings, reflections and experiences (should
this be a desire of the patient)
• Accepting problems as they now exist
• Comforting through facing and sharing the pain
• Understanding and encouraging the person’s faith in God.
• Never assume they are a believer or a non believer…talk with them about it
!11
Basic Skills
of Pastoral Care
“Each one should use whatever gift he has received to serve others, faithfully
administering God’s grace in its various forms.”
1 Peter 4:10
!12
How Do I Prepare?
As you go to visit, be sure you are in the right place with the Lord. Don’t go until you can go before
the Lord and ask for His guidance. Pray for His direction, His agenda, not yours! Don’t plan what
you are going to say - let the Lord direct you. He knows just what they need to hear!
Ask the Lord to prepare your heart as well as your patient’s heart.
Before you enter the room, say another prayer for guidance and for His love to shine through YOU.
Personal Presentation
The following are some suggestions that may seem obvious to you, other suggestions you may not
have previously considered!
What to Expect
• This person may only have one good hour a day - maybe not even that - and you may not
have come during that time; just be considerate…they may be cranky
• They may be lonely and want to talk a lot
• They may not want to talk at all
!13
The Precious Skills of Active Listening
Some people have an inborn knack for helping others, but our abilities, no matter how slight, can
be enhanced through awareness, education and participation. There is little doubt that the most
important skill in pastoral care ministry is the precious skill of active listening. This skill requires
patience and practice.
It does not take the hospitalized person long to discover whether we are listening or concerned for
our own needs. We must remember that ministry is patient-centered. Remember it is not about
us! Listening patiently and often with a “third ear”, hearing the manner in which something is
being said, not only what is being said is so important.
Allow the patient the right to have his/her opinions, and also the right to express them no matter
how strange or unreasonable they may seem. When you listen keenly, you are saying, “I care about
you, even if we don’t agree, your comments and feelings are important to me. I accept you as you
are.”
You as the visitor have no opinion on the doctor they should see, the meds they should take, what
course of treatment they should consider or the care they have received…no opinion.
Please do not tell them stories about your hospital visits or illnesses. Please do not tell them
experiences of yours or your friends who had the same surgery. This is not the time!
Some examples of questions and statements to help you practice active listening are:
• “I really want to follow what you are saying…”
• “Please tell me more about that…”
• “If I am understanding you correctly, you feel like…”
• “Let me summarize what you have told me…”
• “I’m not certain I understand how you feel about the situation…”
•
As you read the following words from an unknown author, may it remind you that listening does
not include giving advice.
!14
LISTEN!
Author Unknown
!15
The Importance of Confidentiality
As a representative of Jesus Christ and Heritage Church, you will have the privilege in Pastoral
Care ministry of entering another’s private world. With that privilege, you will be the recipient of
their trust. When you visit in the hospital or follow- up on the telephone, you will have the
responsibility to maintain that person’s personal privacy.
When in doubt, ask the patient or family for permission before sharing ANY information
Public knowledge is information that can generally be shared. Examples of public information
would be an individual is in the hospital, the birth of a child, an extended convalescence, or a
death. Be careful, some details of ALL of these situations may be considered private.
If you are caring for a person who has mentioned thoughts or intentions of harming themselves or
others – please notify the nursing staff immediately. It is helpful in these situations to ask direct
questions to access potential danger.
!16
Practical Information
• Do call and get information first.
• Wash your hands before and after the visit.
• Wear your name tag.
• See nurse or caregiver first.
• Knock before entering a patient’s room. Comply with posted signs, such as NO VISITING or
ISOLATION. If the curtain is pulled around the patient’s bed, check with the nurse for further
assistance
• Respect hospital policies, rules, and visiting hours. You should usually leave when a patient’s meal
arrives.
• Be sensitive to the responsibility of the hospital staff to provide confidentiality to the patient.
Excuse yourself if a doctor or nurse comes in the room, unless you are asked to stay
• Talk also with the family and friends in the room visiting
• Don’t be in a hurry; don’t look at your watch.
• Turn off your phone before entering.
• Position yourself so the patient can easily see you.
• Don’t sit on the bed.
• If the TV is on, ask if you may turn it off or down.
• Ask easy questions and then listen.
• Don’t stay too long or too short.
• If you bring flowers, bring a vase (be sure they are not allergic).
• Don’t wear perfume.
• If you bring a gift, make sure it is appropriate (e.g., don’t bring a book if the patient has just had eye
surgery).
• Ask the patient, the family member or caretakers if there is anything you can do for them (e.g., mail
a letter, call someone and get them something to eat).
• If the patient is sleeping, do not wake them up; leave a note.
• If the patient complains about the hospital or the church, just listen and try to redirect the
conversation; don’t agree or debate
DO NOT
• Don’t talk about yourself; this is their time.
• Do not visit if you have a cold or infection of any kind.
• Do not touch, lean, or sit on the patient’s bed.
• Do not defend God, the church, or medical science, even if things are not the way you think they
should be.
!17
Praying for the Patient
Some people think they should pray every time they enter the hospital/home and before
leaving. Prayer should be a response to the patient’s feelings and/or request, not just a means
to end a visit. Always ask the patient if you can pray for them. As you are talking to the patient
and they are sharing their concerns be compiling them in your heard for later prayer.
Your prayers should be short and sincere. Pray with courage, convictions and faith. Try to
choose language that your patient understands and is comfortable with. If you find yourself
stumbling along and groping for words, keep going! Neither God nor others are concerned with
the eloquent words! Many times the best prayer is the one most difficult to express, the prayer
that comes from the heart and reflects genuine concern.
Always pray spontaneous prayers not ritual prayers. Prayers should be from your heart not
from a religious book.
Both you and the patient will benefit if you are clear about the specific needs you will bring to
God before you pray. It is always helpful to ask “How can I pray for you?”
!18
Special Situations
“Let your speech always be with grace, seasoned [as it were] with salt, so that you
may know how you should respond to each person.”
Colossians 4:6
!19
Special Considerations
Families
Each person in the patient’s family has their own particular reaction to their loved one’s
hospitalization. There will be many attitudes and concerns as you help them express the feelings
they have concerning their loved one’s situation. At times there is a greater need to care for the
family members than for the patient. You may want to step out of the room and talk with the
family in the hall or in the cafeteria.
The family may share that the prognosis is far more critical than the patient is aware of. If this
should happen, it is not your place to tell the patient.
If this is a difficult family or for any reason you feel you cannot continue, call us for a replacement.
!20
Convalescent and Nursing Homes
Convalescent and nursing homes require a special commitment. They often demand a longer term
commitment. If you can no longer visit please call for a replacement.
Elderly people are increasingly aware of their limitations. They may be very concerned about their
mortality. The question of death is always present, even when they are thought to be non-terminal.
Additional concerns about the burdens and cost of their ongoing care present additional problems.
!21
Those Who Have Suffered a Stroke
Paralysis often accompanies a stroke, usually leaving one side affected. It may help to stand on
their “good” side. Some have a hard time speaking.
• Be patient when they speak to you. Try not to supply words for them until absolutely
necessary.
• Speak so the patient may give “yes” or “no” answers.
• Give the person choices such as, “do you want me to pray for you today or would you rather
not?”
• Stroke patients may get upset or frustrated with their limitations. BE PATIENT.
• Do not assume that a stroke patient is senile or unintelligent, because they are unable to
speak or function as they did before. Treat them with dignity and loving care!
Depression is prevalent in those who are hospitalized. You can bring hope by simply “being there”
and accepting the patient right where they are.
If you are visiting a psychiatric ward remember to call for visitation hours. They are very limited
there. They will not verify if a patient is in a psychiatric ward.
!22
Visiting the Terminally Ill Patient
We are all terminal. Our days on earth are limited and only God knows the day He will take us
home. We may not be afraid of death itself; however, we may likely be frightened by the process
itself. Death is not something that we enjoy thinking about. This is true for the patient who must
face mortality and impending death.
Each situation is quite different. Some patients experience great discomfort, many are sedated so
they die peacefully, not fully cognizant of their surroundings.
Those who deal with death and dying are in agreement that when a patient is loved, cared for, and
surrounded by loved ones, death is much easier to face.
For some people, facing death is a time to reflect and take an account of what has been
accomplished during their life. For others, they may look back and see wasted years, and may need
to be reminded of the forgiveness of God available to them.
The peace of a dying Christian believer is often evident, particularly if that person is spiritually
prepared to die. Families sometimes see this as giving up.
Even when there is suffering, there may be an underlying peace and acceptance. Other believers
may experience denial or anger towards God. Understanding Dr. Elisabeth Kubler-Ross’s five
stages of dying will greatly help in understanding the terminally ill. Remember that these stages
come and go and may not occur or repeat themselves.
4. Depression: "I can't bear to face going through this, putting my family through this."
How you can help: Reassure the patient. Be there to listen. Provide gentle, quiet understanding,
not false cheerfulness.
!23
Remember that a serious illness in the family may affect all members. Be
present to family and friends who may also be going through these stages.
• Be honest in sharing your feelings, but be considerate
• Don’t be shocked by whatever the dying person may say
• If the person is open, talk about heaven and the Lord, always giving hope
• You may be the only person the patient feels comfortable talking about death with
Questions
• Is your house in order? Do you have a will?
• Is there anyone you would like to see?
• Is there anyone you need to talk to or forgive?
• Are you prepared to meet Jesus?
• Are there any questions I can try to answer?
• Is there any special Scripture I can read to you?
!24
Visiting Children
Be sure to check in with the nurse before visiting a child. As you check in identify yourself.
As you enter the room, introduce yourself to the child first then the family member. Sometimes it
will be more appropriate to speak to the family members first before the child. Talk to the child at
their level.
Young Children
Pre-Adolescence
Teens
!25
Visiting Those With Aids
Don’t ask them how they contracted the disease
!26
Closing Your Visit
Close by letting your patient know you care about them and will be praying for them. If you will
be able to see them again let them know. If you tell them you will see them again be sure to
follow through.
Follow-up care is an important part of the total pastoral care experience. Because most patients
are released early for their full recovery at home, the need for additional contact and support is
very important. If you are not able to come back to see them again but feel another visit would
be beneficial please contact us so we can send someone else. Do not allow them to fall through
the cracks. Remember you are Jesus’ eyes and ears.
Be aware of other ministries that your patient may benefit from; Meals Ministry, Small Groups,
etc. Do not promise the patient any of these services, but let them know you will check them
out for them or tell them how to look into these services themselves.
After your visit, again go to the Lord and thank Him for
the opportunity to serve Him by serving His people.
!27