Skills 360 – Adapting your Communication Style (1)

Discussion Questions

1. How would you describe your usual communication style?

2. Do you like small talk or do you prefer to talk immediately about business during
meetings?
3. Do you speak differently to your colleagues than to your boss? If so, what is the
difference?

Transcript

Hello and welcome back to the Skills 360 podcast. I’m your host, Tim Simmons, and
today I want to talk about adapting your communication style to your audience.

Think about the different conversations you had at work yesterday, with your boss,
with colleagues, with clients, and with your direct reports. Think about how those
people spoke to you. Guaranteed, you will notice that these different people had
different communication styles. One person might have been cheery and chatty
while another was brusque and efficient.

Now, think about how you responded to these people. Was your communication
style consistent in all situations? Probably not. And it shouldn’t be! The best
workplace communicators are adaptable. They change their style to suit the situation
and the audience. And that adaptability is critical for success.

While there isn’t one right way to speak to people, we might say that a broadly
useful style is one that is both empathetic and assertive. That is, you know how to
listen well and relate to people, but at the same time you state your own position
clearly and directly. Think of a sentence like “I can understand how you might feel in
this case, but I strongly believe this is the right move.” If you remove either half of
that sentence, the understanding or the assertion, you’re losing something
important.

But being direct isn’t always appropriate. There’s a sliding scale of directness, in
fact, with very direct at one end and highly diplomatic at the other. A direct
statement might be something like “Option A is clearly the right choice.” A
diplomatic statement might use softening words like “might” or “perhaps” or “could”
and stalling words like “well” and “you know.” For example, you might say “You
know, we might consider Option A.” So being an adaptable communicator means
knowing where on that scale you should be.

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There’s also a difference between relational and functional approaches. Relational
approaches emphasize trust-building and pleasantness. Taking a relational approach
means starting with small talk. A functional approach means focusing on the task at
hand and getting down to business. The approach you use will depend on the
circumstances and who you’re talking to.

This last point is critical. Your style will change with your audience. With clients,
you’ll have to strike the right balance between relational and functional. And the
relational aspects of communication will change depending on how long you’ve
known them and how close you are. You’ll notice differences in how relational
people’s approaches are based on age and industry. You might hear older bankers
and lawyers, for example, talk like old friends with their clients.

With the people you supervise, a high degree of friendliness may feel inappropriate.
But being overly directive or authoritarian is also on the way out, culturally speaking.
A more common approach with employees is likened to “coaching.” So if you want a
direct report to increase his sales figures, you might avoid something like “Listen
Brian, I need to see those numbers increase.” Instead, you might try “I’m looking at
your numbers here… how can I help get these up? What do you see as the obstacles
to increasing your sales?”

Be careful about taking either of these approaches – directive or coaching – into

your relationships with colleagues or co-workers. If someone is of roughly the same
age and position as you, then a friendly professionalism is in order. Many people are
resentful of colleagues who speak to them as though they were speaking to
someone they oversee. Of course, if you have a colleague who’s much younger, or
junior, then you might serve as a mentor and speak as a coach might.

And what about talking to your boss? This is where it’s really important to read and
respond. Follow their lead in terms of style, but understand they can say things you
can’t. If your boss likes small talk, then indulge her. If she gets right down to
business, then don’t start off with “Hey Jan… what did you get up to on the
weekend?”

So, adapting to your audience is important. But you need to be careful. If you are
fawning with your boss, aggressive with your direct reports, and surly with your
colleagues, you might not be too popular. Taking a wildly different approach with
different people might seem two-faced or insincere.

But overall, be flexible! Use a kind but assertive style as a default. But assess who
you’re talking to and slide along the scale of diplomatic to direct, and relational to
functional. Of course, it’s not just who you’re talking to, but also what you’re talking
about in different situations. And that’s what we’ll explore in our next lesson.

That’s all for today. If you’d like to test yourself on what we’ve just covered, have a
look at the BusinessEnglishPod.com website. There you’ll find a quiz about today’s
show as well as a PDF transcript.

So long. And see you again soon.

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Vocabulary

Direct report: someone in a company who reports to someone else above them in
the hierarchy; “Going from regional to district supervisor means I have 15 more
direct reports.”

Guaranteed: certainly; “Guaranteed, Joyce will get this job. She’s clearly the best
candidate.”

Cheery: pleasant, or showing happiness; “It’s always nice to hear Brian’s cheery
voice when I walk into the office every morning!”

Chatty: enjoying talking in a friendly way; “Everyone else was chatty this morning,
but I just wanted to do my work.”

Brusque: speaking quickly and possibly in an unfriendly way; “Daniel, when you’re
busy you get very brusque, and people think you’re angry.”

Consistent: not changing in behavior, performance, or approach; “Other salespeople

have their ups and downs, but Roger is very consistent.”

Adaptable: able to change according to the situation; “The pandemic showed that
we’re actually very adaptable and can learn new ways of working very quickly.”

Audience: listeners; “It’s good to start a presentation with a story, but one that you
know your audience will connect with.”

Empathetic: able to really understand how other people feel; “Instead of trying to
solve Todd’s problem, just listen and be empathetic and give him time to talk.”

Assertive: behaving or speaking in a confident way; “If your supervisor is being

unfair, then you should be assertive and deal with the problem directly.”

To relate to: to be able to understand how someone thinks or feels; “Ian and I are
so different, I can’t really relate to him very well, though I respect his work.”

Sliding scale: a range from one aspect or degree to a different aspect or degree;
“We pay people on a sliding scale based on their experience and performance.”

Diplomatic: speaking or behaving in a sensitive way that doesn’t upset or offend

people; “Try to be diplomatic when you deliver bad news to your employees, rather
than just stating it directly and walking away.”

Softening: making a statement more kind or less severe; “If you’re new to the team,
use softening words like ‘maybe’ to avoid seeming too aggressive.”

Stalling: avoiding answering a question or doing something to gain more time; “Your
stalling tactics during the press conference made people believe you were hiding
something.”

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Relational: concerned with the relationships between people; “Consulting work is
very relational, and consultants spend a lot of time getting to know their clients.”

Functional: concerned with the purpose or function of things; “Tom has a very
functional approach and doesn’t want to waste time at the start of meetings just
chatting.”

Trust-building: activities that increase the level of trust between people; “New leaders
need to invest time in trust-building with their team before making major changes.”

Pleasantness: how friendly or nice someone is; “Maggie’s known for her
pleasantness, but she can be really serious when she needs to be.”

Small talk: informal conversation about unimportant topics; “A bit of small talk in
the lunchroom is okay, but we don’t want people spending the entire afternoon
socializing.”

At hand: in front of you or currently being dealt with; “We can decide on furniture
later; the big issue at hand is the design of the new office.”

To get down to business: to start dealing with the important matters you must deal
with; “All right folks, everyone’s busy, so let’s get right down to business with the
first agenda item.”

To strike the right balance: to avoid extremes and find a correct middle way
between extremes; “As a manager, you need to learn how to strike the right balance
between friendly and serious.”

To supervise: to be in charge of or responsible for someone in a work situation; “The

regional manager supervises the sales staff in California, Oregon, and Washington.”

Directive: giving orders or instructions; “If Ryan isn’t responding to your encouragement,
maybe you need to be more directive and just tell him what to do.”

Authoritarian: very controlling and enforcing strict rules; “Bosses in the 20th century
weren’t afraid to be authoritarian, but young workers today don’t respond well to
that dominant style of leadership.”

Coaching: providing guidance, support, and direction to someone; “I take a coaching

approach to the people who work for me, asking them questions and providing
support for them to succeed.”

Obstacle: something that prevents you from moving or progressing; “Rather than
promoting development, the government seems to be an obstacle to doing business.”

Roughly: approximately; “Sales are up roughly 10% over last quarter. 10.6% to be
more exact.”

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In order: required; “If people really aren’t getting along, then maybe an open and
honest staff meeting is in order.”

Resentful: feeling angry or unhappy because you have been treated unfairly; “After so
many years of hard work and no recognition, I’m really starting to feel resentful.”

To oversee: to be in charge of someone or something or watch that something

happens the way it should; “With such a tight timeline, we need someone really
driven and results-oriented to oversee this project.”

Mentor: an experienced person who helps someone younger or with less experience;
“I’ve retired from the business, but I still serve as a mentor to some of the new
leaders, giving them advice and guidance when needed.”

To follow someone’s lead: to do what someone else has done first; “I’m new at this
negotiation thing Dave, so I’ll follow your lead in there.”

To indulge: to agree to do something that pleases someone else; “I’m not much into
parties, but it’s Donna’s last day so I figure I’ll indulge her and buy a cake.”

To get right down to business: to quickly or immediately start work; “No time to chat
today Hal, I’ve got a packed schedule and need to get right down to business.”

Fawning: acting extremely nice to someone because you want them to like you; “Is
it just me or does Jodi seem fawning with her new boss? It’s really starting to annoy
me.”

Aggressive: acting very competitively, angrily, or rudely; “The slow and soft
approach isn’t working. We need to be more aggressive.”

Surly: in a bad mood or unfriendly; “Charlie is so surly all the time, he really drags
everyone in the office down with his sour face.”

Two-faced: insincere and being pleasant to people but speaking rudely about them;
“Sue is really nice to me, but then she complains about me to other people. I can’t
stand when people are two-faced like that.”

Insincere: not expressing feelings honestly; “Tim apologized to me for his rudeness,
but it was so quick it didn’t really feel sincere.”

Default: an automatic choice, without good alternatives; “Everyone in the office uses
Times New Roman as a default font, but I prefer Arial or Helvetica.”

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Review

1. Your communication style at work should…

A …be adaptable depending on the situation.

B …always be cheery and friendly.
C …be brusque and efficient.
D …be the same as other people’s.

2. What are the two characteristics of the communication style that is broadly
useful in professional situations? Select all that apply:

A Aggressive
B Soft
C Empathetic
D Stalling
E Assertive
F Critical

3. Which of the following statements is clearly “softened” or “diplomatic?”

A There’s no way this will work.

B I really don’t think this is going to work.
C You know… this might not work.
D This won’t work.

4. A relational approach emphasizes _________ while a functional approach

emphasizes _________.

A balance / silence
B trust-building / efficiency
C diplomacy / kindness
D age / transparency

5. Culturally speaking, what kind of communication style is becoming less and

less common?

A Coaching style
B Friendly style
C Authoritarian style
D Avoidant style

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6. In general, which of the following should be avoided? Select all that apply:

A Fawning with your boss

B Coaching with your direct reports
C Directive with your colleagues
D Mentorly with junior colleagues
E Aggressive with your direct reports
F Flexible with different people

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Answers

1. Your communication style at work should…

A …be adaptable depending on the situation.

2. What are the two characteristics of the communication style that is broadly
useful in professional situations? Select all that apply:
C Empathetic
E Assertive

3. Which of the following statements is clearly “softened” or “diplomatic?”

C You know… this might not work.

4. A relational approach emphasizes _________ while a functional approach

emphasizes _________.
B trust-building / efficiency

5. Culturally speaking, what kind of communication style is becoming less and

less common?
C Authoritarian style

6. In general, which of the following should be avoided? Select all that apply:
A Fawning with your boss
C Directive with your colleagues
E Aggressive with your direct reports

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