Teachers and Teaching

theory and practice

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Exploring teacher identity from a holistic

perspective: reconstructing and reconnecting
personal and professional selves

Emese Bukor

To cite this article: Emese Bukor (2015) Exploring teacher identity from a holistic perspective:
reconstructing and reconnecting personal and professional selves, Teachers and Teaching, 21:3,
305-327, DOI: 10.1080/13540602.2014.953818

To link to this article: https://doi.org/10.1080/13540602.2014.953818

Published online: 14 Oct 2014.

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Teachers and Teaching: theory and practice, 2015
Vol. 21, No. 3, 305–327, http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/13540602.2014.953818

Exploring teacher identity from a holistic perspective:

reconstructing and reconnecting personal and professional selves
Emese Bukor*,†

Department of Curriculum, Teaching and Learning, Ontario Institute for Studies in

Education, University of Toronto, Toronto, Canada
(Received 13 October 2012; accepted 18 October 2013)

This article explores the influence of personal and professional experiences on

the development of teacher identity. The holistic perspective in this article refers
to the language teachers’ exploration of their personal and professional
experiences with the use of both conscious/rational and intuitive/tacit thought
processes. Three language teachers explored their beliefs, perceptions, and inter-
pretations originating in their personal, educational, and professional experiences
that also affected their teacher identity. Reflexive autobiographical journaling, a
guided visualization activity, and three in-depth interviews were used as research
methods. The results confirm that teacher identity is deeply embedded in one’s
personal biography. The participants’ beliefs and interpretations rooted in their
family environment made an impact on their school experiences, career choice,
instructional practice, teaching philosophy, and teacher identity. The results sug-
gest that the analysis of teachers’ personal life experiences and their impact on
teaching can lead to a holistic understanding of the dominant influences on the
development of teacher identity. This research suggests that there may be a
broader spectrum of the influences on teacher identity development in profes-
sional development than heretofore acknowledged. This paper argues for the
necessity of designing an integrated personal and professional development
program for language teachers.
Keywords: teacher identity; teacher beliefs; professional development;
autobiographical journaling; language teachers

Researchers have used different methodologies, e.g. autobiography, reflexive inquiry,

life history research, and discourse analysis, to explore the impact of personal life
experiences on teaching practice (among others, Alsup, 2006; Anspal, Eisenschmidt,
& Löfström, 2012; Cole & Knowles, 2000; Kitchen, 2005a, 2005b; Palmer &
Christison, 2007; Simon-Maeda, 2004). One strand of this research focuses on the
construction of teachers’ professional identity by looking at the relationships between
teachers’ perceptions of their professional roles and self-image (e.g. Alsup, 2003;
Atay & Ece, 2009; Beijaard, Meijer, & Verloop, 2004; Ben-Peretz, Mendelson, &
Kron, 2003; Connelly & Clandinin, 1999; Korthagen, 2004; Ronfeldt & Grossman,
2008). Another area of current research investigates the personal and professional

*Email: emese_bukor@carleton.ca
†Present Address: School of Linguistics and Language Studies, Carleton University, Ottawa,
Canada.

© 2014 Taylor & Francis

306 E. Bukor

aspects of teacher identity from diverse viewpoints (e.g. Andrzejewski, 2008; Clarke,
2008; Meijer, Korthagen, & Vasalos, 2009; Søreide, 2006; Watson, 2006). Through-
out, it is argued that there are close relationships among professional identity,
classroom practice, teacher knowledge, beliefs, and attitudes. This makes studying
the origins of ‘teacher identity’ important to discerning ways in which to support
teachers’ professional development.
This article explores teacher identity among three language teachers. In particular,
it employs a holistic perspective to investigate the interplay between these teachers’
personal and professional life experiences by exploring the complex relationships
between beliefs, assumptions, perceptions, and those educational, professional, and
personal experiences that shaped the development of their teacher identity. This
investigation is presented in the context of a larger study (Bukor, 2011). Here, I use
the concept of ‘holistic perspective’ defined as (i) the interconnectedness of personal
and professional experiences and (ii) the use of conscious/rational and intuitive/tacit
thought processes. ‘Personal experiences’ are understood as the participants’ personal
life experiences (e.g. childhood, family, friends, and significant other people), their
schooling, and professional education. ‘Professional experiences’ refer to the
participants’ teaching practice.

Aspects of teacher identity research

In order to establish a holistic understanding of teacher identity, it is important to
define the concept itself and to spell out its components. Identity has often been
described as an elusive, intangible, and highly idiosyncratic abstraction that cannot
be accessed or observed directly. Nonetheless, one’s identity may be expressed in
the form of beliefs, assumptions, values, and actions as well as in the various ways
one perceives and interprets oneself and the world. Put differently, one’s self-
perspective and self-perception may be the most telling forms and modes of
manifesting and expressing one’s identity.

Defining teacher identity: from a single aspect to a whole person

The literature provides numerous definitions of ‘professional identity.’ For example,
it is understood as a useful ‘research frame’ and a ‘pedagogical tool’ for professional
development (Olsen, 2008a) and a ‘lived experience of participation’ (Wenger,
1998). Beijaard, Verloop, and Vermunt (2000) view teacher identity as being a ‘sub-
ject matter, pedagogical and didactical expert.’ Others view it as being ‘multifaceted,
multi-dimensional and multi-layered’ (Cooper & Olson, 1996) and ‘multifaceted and
dynamic’ (Beauchamp & Thomas, 2009), while it is also regarded as being ‘multi-
ple, shifting and in conflict’ (Varghese, Morgan, Johnston, & Johnson, 2005) and a
‘continuing site of struggle’ (Maguire, 2008). These definitions highlight the legiti-
mate professional aspects of teacher identity but overlook those psychological, emo-
tional, and personal aspects that are essential for a holistic definition. Palmer (1998)
put the concept into a larger conceptual framework by interpreting teacher identity
in a holistic fashion:
By identity I mean an evolving nexus where all the forces that constitute my life con-
verge in the mystery of self: my genetic makeup, the nature of the man and woman
who gave me life, the culture in which I was raised, people who have sustained me
and people who have done me harm, the good and ill I have done to others and to
 Teachers and Teaching: theory and practice 307

myself, the experience of love and suffering – and much, much more. In the midst of
that complex field, identity is a moving intersection of the inner and outer forces that
make who I am, converging in the irreducible mystery of being human. (p. 13)
This definition includes one’s personal experiences, family background, sociocultural
contexts, influential people, and the psychological, emotional, and intellectual fea-
tures. Palmer (1998) also highlights the integrity between the intellectual, emotional,
and spiritual aspects of teacher identity that can lead to a new ‘wholeness,’ i.e.
‘becoming more real by acknowledging the whole of who I am’ (p. 13). Due to its
inclusive and holistic nature, Palmer’s definition of identity became the working
definition in my research.

Various components of teacher identity

There is an established body of literature on teacher knowledge and beliefs, profes-
sional development, and the role of emotions that are essential components of pro-
fessional knowledge. These are important aspects that may influence the
development of teacher identity. Thus, I examined the relationships between identity
and each of the above components.

Teacher knowledge and beliefs

Teacher knowledge has been considered an important part of a teacher’s makeup
(e.g. Björklund, 2008; Borg, 2003, 2006; Brookfield, 1995; Clandinin, 2000; Day,
1991; Johnson & Golombek, 2002, Shulman, 1986; Woods, 1996). However, the
relationship between identity and knowledge shows conflicting views. Some
researchers explain knowledge and identity holistically, ‘each is part of the other’
(Olsen, 2003, p. 4). Others, however, view knowledge as ‘external to the individual
and fixed’ (Smith, 2007, p. 379). Johnston, Pawan, and Mahan-Taylor (2005) claim
that ‘teacher knowledge is seen in relation to teachers’ lives and the contexts in
which they work’ (p. 54).
Research on teacher beliefs (e.g. Joram & Gabriele, 1998; Kagan, 1992; Munby,
1982; Nespor, 1987; Pajares, 1992; Richardson, 1996; Woods, 1996, 2003) can be
viewed as one of the precursors of teacher identity research. Richards and Lockhart
(1994) argue that teachers’ belief systems are rooted in various sources, such as their
own experiences as language learners, their experience of what works best, estab-
lished practice, personality factors, educationally based or research-based principles,
and principles derived from an instructional approach or method.

Professional development
A number of authors (e.g. Borko, 2004; Clarke & Hollingsworth, 2002; Crasborn,
Hennissen, Brouwer, Korthagen, & Bergen, 2010; Freeman & Johnson, 2005; Gao,
2012; Lunenberg & Korthagen, 2009; Tarone & Allwright, 2005) have emphasized
the importance of the exploration of teachers’ professional selves as an integral part
of ongoing professional development. Kincheloe (2003) argues that the way one tea-
ches ‘is tied to the ways teachers see themselves’ (p. 47). Teachers are actively
engaged in the process of creating themselves as teachers during their entire careers
(Coldron & Smith, 1999). According to Williams (2007), researching the concepts
308 E. Bukor

of teacher identity can lead researchers to gain a deeper understanding of the factors
that influence a teacher’s decisions and attitude in teaching.
In second language education, the relationship between professional development
and teacher identity has been scrutinized by exploring teachers’ personal experiences
(e.g. Bailey, Curtis, & Nunan, 2001; Palmer & Christison, 2007). The emphasis in
this research is on the importance of using personal experiences as a source of
continuing professional development, and self-awareness, self-observation, and
reflective teaching are viewed as important cornerstones of professional
development.

Teacher emotions
An emerging field of research investigates the role of emotions in teaching and tea-
cher identity (e.g. Day & Kington, 2008; Day & Leitch, 2001; Hargreaves, 1998,
2000, 2001; Kelchtermans, 2005; O’Connor, 2008; Sutton & Wheatley, 2003;
Zembylas, 2003, 2005, 2010). It is important to define what we mean by ‘emotions’
before discussing the role they play in teaching and the development of teacher
identity. Damasio (1994, 2003) argues that emotions are indispensable to rational
decision-making and that emotion and cognition are inextricably intertwined and
affected by personal biography, social context, and external factors. Goleman (2005)
claims that ‘we have two minds, one that thinks and one that feels’ (p. 8). The emo-
tional mind is far quicker than the rational mind; it takes its beliefs to be absolutely
true and discounts any evidence to the contrary. On the other hand, the rational mind
takes its beliefs tentatively; new evidence can disconfirm one belief and replace it
with a new one. Hence, emotional intelligence is at the heart of good professional
practice (Goleman, 2005). These interpretations of emotions supported my rationale
for the inclusion of both conscious/rational and intuitive/tacit thought processes for
the participants to explore their life experiences.
Sutton and Wheatley’s (2003) empirical research shows that emotions may influ-
ence teacher cognition, motivation, memory, categorization, and problem-solving
abilities. Their findings suggest that students are aware of and influenced by teach-
ers’ emotions: teachers’ negative emotions (e.g. anger) result in lower student moti-
vation, whereas teachers’ positive emotions (e.g. caring) seem to have positive
effects on students by raising the level of student motivation and engagement. Nias
(1996) holds that teaching has an emotional dimension because teachers invest their
‘selves’ in it. Hargreaves, Earl, Moore, and Manning (2001) state that teachers
become who they are ‘by the emotional experiences they have developed within
their culture, through their upbringing, and in their relationships’ (p. 137). Day and
Leitch (2001) argue that emotion and cognition are inextricably intertwined. They
maintain that (i) emotional intelligence is vital for good professional practice; (ii)
emotions are essential for rational decision-making; and (iii) emotional and cognitive
health are affected by personal biography, social context, and external (policy)
factors.
In summary, the research literature seems to emphasize that identity is a complex
notion made up of several interconnected parts – knowledge, beliefs, emotions, or
professional development – each affecting in various ways the overall understanding
of teacher identity. I argue that all the above-described components should be con-
sidered together through the individual teacher’s meaning-making process in order
 Teachers and Teaching: theory and practice 309

to understand identity from a holistic perspective. Thus, my research broadens

understandings of the repertoire of the influences on teacher identity development.

Research purpose and research questions

I explored teacher identity holistically by (i) integrating personal and professional
experiences and (ii) applying conscious/rational and intuitive/tacit thought processes
viewed as complementary and interconnected. The participants examined their
understanding of the relationships between their personal and professional experi-
ences and the beliefs, assumptions, perceptions, and interpretations inherent in them,
with regard to teacher identity. My research purpose was to depict these understand-
ings both from the viewpoint of each participant and from the perspective of the
researcher.
My research questions were the following:

(1) How do language teachers experience and interpret the influence of impor-
tant personal, educational, and professional experiences on their perceptions,
assumptions, and beliefs about their teacher identity?
(2) How do language teachers experience and interpret the changes in their per-
ceptions and understandings of their teacher identity as they reinterpret and
integrate the relationships between their experiences and their teacher iden-
tity?

My theoretical orientation to researching teacher identity

I employed a multidisciplinary theoretical approach grounded in theories and con-
cepts from psychology and educational research, e.g. Personal Construct Theory
(Kelly, 1955, 1963), the complementary nature of reason and intuition (Jung, 1958,
1959; Polanyi, 1969a, 1969b), and the concept of perspective transformation
(Mezirow, 1978, 2000). All three pillars of my theoretical orientation provided an
interconnected conceptual basis for understanding my participants’ interpretive pro-
cesses and justification for utilizing both rational and intuitive research methods.

Personal construct theory

Kelly’s (1955) theory claims that individuals are actively engaged in making sense
of their experience based on their interconnected construct systems. Kelly (1963)
states that ‘man creates his own ways of seeing the world in which he lives; the
world does not create them for him. […] [However,] man can enslave himself with
his own ideas and then win his freedom again by reconstructing his life’ (p. 12, 21,
emphasis added). Put differently, what an individual perceives may not exist, but his
perception does, and for an individual, his perception is real. Kelly’s theory pro-
vided a key insight in my understanding of the power and influence of their own
perceptions and beliefs about themselves that the participants held regardless of
others’ perception of them.
Kelly suggests that construct systems are constantly confirmed or challenged.
Consequently, they influence our expectations and perceptions. Some constructs are
more important than others; thus, some are easy to change while others are more
310 E. Bukor

resistant to change (Kelly, 1955). A person’s construct system represents the truth as
they understand and experience it, therefore construct systems are idiosyncratic.
This point reminded me of the importance of respecting my participants’
idiosyncratic interpretative processes.
Kelly’s view of the universe helped me to explore and understand my partici-
pants’ ‘universes’: (i) the universe is real; (ii) everything is interlocked; and (iii)
everything is measured along the dimension of time. An individual’s life can make
(more) sense if put in a larger perspective of time (i.e. life span). Sequencing one’s
life events chronologically allows us to seek connections among them and doing this
facilitates reflection and interpretation. In this light, time is an important factor in
reconstructing one’s life and identity. Kelly’s view of the universe offered an
important conceptual basis for my research design.
According to Kelly (1963), the notion of ‘psychological re-construction of life’
refers to the assumption that ‘all of our present interpretations of the universe are
subject to revision or replacement’ (p. 15); such revision can result in personal
growth, provided an individual can replace a dysfunctional, conflicting aspect of his
construct system through the successive reconstruction of what happens. This theory
provided me with a conceptual foundation for understanding how my participants
make sense of their experiences.

Two complementary and interconnected modes of thought: reason and intuition

The two complementary modes of thought – reason and intuition – formed the
second pillar of my theoretical orientation. Reason is called intellect (Arnheim,
1985), consciousness (Jung, 1959), and reason (Bastick, 1982). It is described as
deliberate (Hogarth, 2001), paradigmatic, rational, logical (Bruner, 1986), explicit
(Polanyi, 1969b), and directed (Jung, 1959). Intuition is referred to as intuition
(Arnheim, 1985), tacit knowing (Polanyi, 1969b), and the unconscious (Jung, 1959).
It is characterized as narrative (Bruner, 1986), implicit, tacit, pre-verbal (Polanyi,
1969b), imaginative, spontaneous, non-verbal, non-logical, and non-directed
(Jung, 1959).
According to Jung (1959), consciousness is understood as being cognizant of the
contents of one’s mind that are created through thinking in words and logical pat-
terns. Conscious behavior rests upon the personal unconscious, which stores all for-
gotten impressions, reactions, and partially realized or wholly repressed emotions,
critically rejected thoughts and feelings. The unconscious is the product of an indi-
vidual’s personal existence and biography. Jung (1958) approached the unconscious
on its own terms, i.e. with an empathic rather than an analytical approach. He
claimed that techniques of association can help bring the forgotten aspects into con-
sciousness and, in this way, supports the intuitive process that I aimed to facilitate
with a guided visualization technique. The theoretical reasoning about the comple-
mentary and interconnected nature of these two modes of thought convinced me to
incorporate both ways of knowing – through journaling and the guided visualization
activity – in my research, in accordance with my holistic approach. Using the two
ways of thinking was an innovative methodological aspect of my research that is
discussed in more detail elsewhere (Bukor, 2011).
 Teachers and Teaching: theory and practice 311

Perspective transformation
The last concept of my theoretical orientation was ‘perspective transformation’
developed by Mezirow (1978, 1981). A ‘meaning perspective’ is a personal para-
digm for understanding ourselves and our relationships. A transformation of this
perspective occurs when an old perspective can no longer successfully cope with
problems and issues in a new situation (Mezirow, 1978), hence the term ‘perspective
transformation.’
The maturation process in adulthood is viewed as a ‘trans-formative’ process
‘involving alienation from those roles [in childhood], reframing new perspectives,
and rearranging life with a greater degree of self-determination’ (Mezirow, 2000).
Thus, the first vital step in transforming our meaning perspectives about ourselves is
‘that we become critically aware of the fact that we are caught in our own history
and are reliving it’ (Mezirow, 1978, p. 109, emphasis added). Gaining awareness of
our life history is, then, an important first step in personal and professional develop-
ment. Furthermore, ‘time’ also plays a central role in perspective transformation in
two ways. First, time provides an overall interpretive framework and continuity
within which one’s life experiences can be viewed. Second, time is also necessary
for in-depth introspection and reflection to happen and for the re-construction and
emergence of a new perspective of oneself to occur. One of my research purposes
was to facilitate the emergence of a re-constructed teacher identity that could lead to
the participants’ personal and professional growth.

Methodology
My methodology was ‘heuristic research’ (Moustakas, 1990, 1994) – a form of phe-
nomenological inquiry – defined as ‘a search for the discovery of meaning and
essence in significant human experience’ (Douglass & Moustakas, 1985, p. 40, ital-
ics added). There is in this research method a strong emphasis on self-discovery and
self-search of both the researcher and the participants. Put differently, heuristic
research focuses on the person having an experience (i.e. ‘How do you make sense
of your experience?’) and it is about self-understanding through the study of rela-
tionships, connections, and influences on the person’s way of thinking. This method-
ology focuses, then, exclusively on the participants’ sense-making of their life
experiences. However, it is acknowledged that external factors, social contexts, and
social interactions with others do play a crucial role in how individuals make sense
of the world around them. Yet, they are considered through the individual’s interpre-
tive framework. An important criterion of using this methodology is that the
researcher must have a concrete personal experience with the topic of investigation.
Thus, my prior professional autobiography and ongoing self-discovery process satis-
fied this criterion.
The heuristic research process entails several important concepts and processes,
such as identifying with the focus of inquiry, self-dialog (of the researcher), tacit
knowing (Polanyi, 1969a), intuition, indwelling (i.e. focused inward attention to
seek deeper understanding of human experience), focusing (i.e. sustained attention
to seeing something as is), and the internal frame of reference (of the person who
has had the experience), that help illuminate the meaning of experience (Moustakas,
1990).
312 E. Bukor

Participants and methods

Three experienced language teachers participated in this study that spanned six
months. All of them are female teachers. One is a mature and seasoned language
teacher with extensive experience with teaching credit ESLA1 courses at the
university level. The two others are teachers, in their mid-30s, who have taught
community-based ESL to immigrants and refugees. For the sake of anonymity, all
names in this article are pseudonyms.
The methods used in this research included reflexive autobiographical journaling,
guided visualization, and three in-depth interviews, which were all interconnected. I
tried to establish a close and respectful rapport with my participants so that the
research relationship could evolve in a trusting, honest, and mutually supportive
manner. My role as a researcher during the entire data collection period was that of
a facilitator and observer who asked questions, probed into issues, and facilitated the
reflective process for the participants.
The teachers worked with three sets of ‘homework assignments’ (journaling on
a specific theme and a guided visualization technique) in preparation for each inter-
view. The guided visualization, an innovative technique, was intended to expose par-
ticipants to a less rigorous and cognitive, and more intuitive and imaginative type of
activity than is usual in such research so as to allow them to experience their intui-
tive/tacit side. The method aimed to assist the participants in exploring connections
between their personal and professional lives in a less constrained setting than an
interview could provide. This consideration was based on Jung’s (1959) argument
for the importance of allowing an experience with the more intuitive realm of our
psyche before jumping to conclusions about its meaning and relevance to our con-
scious life experiences. Hence, the guided visualization was a short exercise of about
20 min provided on an audio CD for each participant’s use. The exercise was com-
pleted individually once a week during the six-month data-collection period. The
scope of this article does not allow for a detailed elaboration of the use and the
impact of the visualization activity. For details, see Bukor (2011).

Data analysis
Data analysis and interpretation occurred in three phases (description, analysis, and
interpretation) and at three distinct levels (the participants’, the researcher’s, and the
group’s perspective). The first phase (i.e. description) involved creating each partici-
pant’s narrative portrayal based on her interview transcripts and journal entries
(Moustakas, 1990). Using ‘content analysis’ (Patton, 2002), I reduced the data and
identified emerging themes and patterns (e.g. beliefs, assumptions, insights, signs of
perspective transformation) by reading one interview transcript several times (see
Table 1). Each narrative portrayal was intended to represent ‘thick description’
(Geertz, 1983): in each, I tried to retain the participants’ voice as I presented the par-
ticipants’ professional, personal, and intuitive selves, their re-constructed teacher
identity, and drew on their final comments on their overall experience. During this
lengthy process, it was essential to keep the participant’s perspective in the portray-
als so as to capture their sense-making of the connections between their life experi-
ences and the changes in their perspectives over time. Then, the portrayals were
returned to the participants to validate accuracy and comprehensiveness; based on
their feedback, minor revisions were made. I also had short corroboration interviews
 Teachers and Teaching: theory and practice 313

Table 1. Emerging themes and patterns in the participants’ portrayals.

Cassie Karen Mary
! My Mom passed away ! I was quiet, shy and ! I was just one of many
! I was insecure sick ! I have no significant
! I used to play teacher ! I had kidney problems recollections from the
and school as a kid ! I hated school … very early years
! I had behavior ! I felt like a big failure ! I was always a good
problems in school because I was student
! I hate being the centre supposed to be so ! I and the rest of us
of attention smart would really rather not
! I’m not good on the ! I started to believe in be home
spot myself ! We were all smart
! I was always the top ! I became anorexic – ! I read a lot and I think
student ↔ I’m not the it’s about control; food this was an escape for
smartest but I would was the only thing I me
always bring home the could control ! We didn’t get praised
best grades ! My personal life was ! There was no
! I’m average, I am even out of control opportunity for the
below average ↔ but ! There was a lot of development of a sense
I work hard anger, a lot of of self
! I’ve never had a lot of helplessness ! I got to university as a
confidence ! I felt special … I went mature student
! I spend a lot of my to the school of the ! I was very much aware
time planning arts. I was part of a of discovering myself,
! I’m so organized dance drama and we maybe, much more
! My biggest fear is went to provincial because of the non-
being dumb finals existence of myself
! Intelligence is so ! There was a lot of ! I can’t tell you how
important to me tension between my much it meant to me
! It’s perception that mother and myself when I was writing the
scares me ! When I was involved final exam
! But what if your self- with that play my ! It was a joy. I loved it,
perception is not marks were better I was so excited
accurate of yourself? ! It changed my ! For the first time in my
! Teaching is something perspective. I think a life I was having
I fell into … It’s not good course changes someone acknowledge
something I chose … you my thoughts, my ideas,
! I want to be perceived ! ‘don’t judge a book by and my effort in a
as a GOOD teacher the cover’ tangible way, with a
! I’m more confident in ! I’ve struggled for my grade
myself – I’m not mother’s love ! My mother was not
scared anymore ! Success is more than one to praise. My
! My fear has become a just marks … husband was not one to
strength ! My sister was a huge praise either
! I definitely care about motivating factor ! Praise and positive
what others think ! Learning is acknowledgment were
! I understand myself a negotiation, the alien to me
lot more … struggle, you have to ! If I work hard at
! I have to control come to terms with it something, regardless
stress. Anxiety kills ! Going to Germany of the result, it has
me was about running value
! Planning, planning, away from home … ! I’ve been teaching for
planning … I am ! I had to rely on myself 30 years almost
overly organized ! I’ve learned a lot of ! I’m not trying to be the
! Self-acceptance is hard strength boss. I’m quite human

(Continued)
314 E. Bukor

Table 1. (Continued).
Cassie Karen Mary
! It’s hard to change the ! The best teachers ! I think warmth and
way you think, it’s believe in you normalness are just my
really hard to do ! I never wanted to be a strengths
! The problem is teacher. I don’t know ! I think consciousness-
definitely here in my how I got to ESL raising and awareness-
head, I know that ! The first time I had to raising is very
! I’m definitely more teach it was horrible important
open to following up ! Strengths and ! My late awakening is
on suggestions weaknesses change very much what I try to
! I’m more open now to ! Teaching in the have happen in my
listening to my own military was life- classroom
intuition changing to me. It ! It’s a matter of self-
! I want to deal with my taught me thick skin discovery. If you
self-perception ! The acting background recognize yourself,
! I’m questioning the helped me then you want to do
basis of my thoughts ! When you act, you well
! It’s a tough thing to be become somebody ! I teach really with all
honest completely different my heart
! It’s important to ! Teaching is successful ! My mother was like the
understand yourself when there is a enemy, although we
! I don’t want to feel connection never thought of her
this void for the rest of ! You need to have that that way. She was
my life trust factor never really a friend.
She was certainly never
a confidante

with all participants so that we had a face-to-face opportunity to discuss their feed-
back regarding the portrayals.
The second phase included the thorough and time-consuming analysis of each
portrayal separately by completing a rigorous data analysis from the researcher’s
perspective (Moustakas, 1990). I used additional qualitative research principles and
procedures that put an emphasis on data analysis and interpretation (Patton, 2002;
Wolcott, 1994) to supplement my methodology, which focused on descriptive repre-
sentation of data (Moustakas, 1990). As a result, an ‘analytical summary’ written
from the researcher’s perspective was added to each portrayal (see a synopsis in
Tables 2 and 3). This phase involved the following steps:

(1) several readings of each participant’s portrayal;

(2) highlighting again the participant’s significant experiences from my perspec-
tive as a researcher;
(3) identifying and listing each participant’s beliefs, assumptions, desires,
insights;
(4) matching up the beliefs with the ‘first’ instances as they occurred in the por-
trayals and finding an instance of the impact of that particular belief on the
participant’s professional life and teacher identity;
(5) identifying instances in the portrayals that revealed signs of perspective
transformation;
(6) preparing several drafts of each participant’s analytical summary.
Table 2. Important personal, educational, and professional experiences that made an impact on teacher identity.
Cassie Karen Mary
(1) Mother’s death (1) Negative school experiences (1) Living in a big family
(2) Behavior problems at school (2) Artistic experiences at high school (2) University studies as a mature student
(3) Insecurity and lack of confidence (3) Language learning and travel (3) Important lessons learned
(4) Emphasis on grades, success and experiences (4) An influential professor
intelligence (4) Influential people (5) Language learning experiences
(5) Others’ perceptions (5) Path to becoming a language teacher (6) Teaching experience and teaching
(6) Language learning experience (6) Relationship with mother philosophy
(7) Influential people (7) Health problems (kidney disease and (7) Regulated life in childhood
(8) Path to becoming a teacher eating disorders) (8) Contradictory parental influence
(9) Compassion and empathy for others (8) Looking for love (9) Lack of trust, religious upbringing and
(10) Self-image issues (eating disorder) (9) Searching for identity stubbornness
(11) Insecurity, anxiety, perfectionism (10) Self-acceptance. Positive self-perception
(12) Compensating strategies: planning and
being organized
Teachers and Teaching: theory and practice
315
 316
E. Bukor

Table 3. Emerging themes showing signs of perspective transformation.

Cassie Karen Mary
(1) Thoughts, feelings, and (1) Self-perceptions (1) Confirmatory, assuring, and clarifying experience
actions (2) Following intuition (2) Important prior experiences as precursors: group therapy and research project
(2) Following intuition (3) Self-acceptance (3) Parental traits reflected in her teaching
(3) Self-perception (4) Impact of research (4) Self-pride, self-respect, and self-acceptance
(4) Self-understanding participation
(5) Self-awareness
(6) Impact of research
participation
 Teachers and Teaching: theory and practice 317

The third, final phase included the interpretation of the results representative of
the whole group. It entailed (i) an in-depth group analysis of all participants’ por-
trayals and (ii) the interpretation of the emerging influences on the development of
teacher identity from each individual’s ‘analytical summary.’ My rationale for
including an analytical and an interpretative phase rested on my preference for a
healthy balance between description, analysis, and interpretation as opposed to rely-
ing heavily on description, as would be expected in heuristic research (Moustakas,
1990).

Relationships between personal experiences and teacher identity

Educational research has primarily examined the impact of teachers’ prior schooling
experiences on the development of teacher knowledge and beliefs in teacher educa-
tion, e.g. the ‘apprenticeship of observation’ (Lortie, 1975). Calderhead and Robson
(1991) emphasize that student teachers ‘hold particular images of teaching, mostly
derived from their experiences in schools as pupils,’ and they add, ‘we have little
understanding of the nature of the integrated body of knowledge that teachers use
[and] how it originates’ (p. 1). Acknowledging that the impact of the family envi-
ronment on the development of beliefs and teacher identity has become a focus in
recent educational research (e.g. Malderez, Hobson, Tracey, & Kerr, 2007; Olsen,
2008b, 2010; Trent, 2011), I believe my research adds further aspects to the exami-
nation of this connection.
In this section, I present the impact of three teachers’ personal and professional
experiences on the development of teacher identity; these results are part of the
results of a larger study (Bukor, 2011). First, drawing on ideas from Bergner and
Holmes (2000), Kelly (1955, 1963) and Roberts (1994), I show evidence for the
impact of the family environment on the development of my participants’ beliefs.
Then, I present some findings on the influence of beliefs derived from the family
regarding career choice, instructional practice, and teaching philosophy. The excerpts
present the participants’ verbalizations.

Impact of the family environment on the development of beliefs

My participants’ often critical and judgmental relationship with their mothers influ-
enced unfavorably their school accomplishments and academic success. The death
of Cassie’s mother affected her school experiences:
I had some behaviour problems in primary school. I didn’t like taking orders and direc-
tions. Public speaking in primary school was a big deal for me, I felt always nervous. I
hate being the centre of attention. I’m not good on the spot. I’d always come in second
place. I was first in everything else. I used to be an honour roll student but I feel I’m
below average. I’ve never had a lot of confidence but I work really hard. I spend a lot
of time planning. I’m so organized.
Due to her perceived lack of self-confidence, Cassie developed compensating
strategies, e.g. planning, working hard, and being organized. She put a great empha-
sis on grades, success, and intelligence throughout her education. She yearned for
success at school but was unable to acknowledge it for herself despite her excellence
at school. Her university studies brought her approval and acknowledgment, which
boosted her self-esteem. Intelligence and others’ perception of her were important
318 E. Bukor

for Cassie at university. This is an expression of her unconscious desire for accep-
tance and appreciation by the external world because she was unable to see this in
herself, which supports Jung’s views (1959).
I was brought up to believe that grades and success are very important. My biggest fear
is being dumb. I excel in the school system. Getting good marks doesn’t mean that I’m
smart. It means that I’m a hard worker. Intelligence is so important to me. Being per-
ceived as not intelligent scares the hell out of me. It’s perception that scares me more
than actually not being intelligent. But, what if your self-perception is not accurate of
yourself?
Karen’s relationship with her mother influenced her experiences of school and
learning. She hated going to school. This resulted in poor academic achievement
and her inhibition to show her abilities at school. The lack of love and caring at
home made an impact on her school behavior. Karen’s school experiences reveal
insecurity, inability to establish contact with people and to speak in front of others,
and reluctance to acknowledge her identity.
As a child, I was quiet, shy, and sick. I hated grade 6 with passion. I felt like a big fail-
ure because I was supposed to be so smart and I wasn’t getting the grades. Grade 6
teacher was horrible, he was mean. I was so shy and we had to do book reports in front
of so many people. I could not do it. I stood up and I could not say a word. I got zero.
Karen gained confidence as a result of her teacher’s acknowledgment, positive
reinforcement, and appraisal of her good work. This suggests that she needed exter-
nal validation and acknowledgment of her accomplishments because of her insecu-
rity. In response to the challenging family situation, she developed eating disorders.
However, her participation in acting at high school compensated for the lack of love
and caring at home and helped her improve her academic standing. The expression
of her artistic side brought her greater peace of mind, better grades at school, and
improved communication skills with others.
I wrote a dialogue all by myself. When I performed it, the class loved it. I felt good
and strong. I was competent. I discovered I could act. It was much easier to act than to
be myself in front of other people. I think they saw a side of me that they’d never seen
before. Not just the quiet girl there, but something of substance.
I started to believe in myself, and my marks improved. I got rewarded on an assign-
ment and I realized that I should respond naturally, honestly.
That was the year when I became anorexic. My brother was in an explosion, my Mom
got cancer, my Dad had surgery, and my sister moved away. My life was out of control
and food was the only thing I could control. I felt like a loser; smart but unable to
achieve. I hated going home. There was a lot of tension between my Mom and myself.
Mary grew up in a big family that made an impact on her sense of self, ‘I was
just one of many.’ Conformity was encouraged and as a result she learned to keep a
low profile. She did not like being at home; thus, school was a place of refuge.
Doing well at school was expected. We didn’t get praised. We weren’t allowed to fail.
I remember winning a piano competition when I was in grade 5. It just wasn’t a big
deal. It was expected. There was no opportunity for the development of a sense of self
at home.
Mary’s university studies were the first opportunity for her to develop a sense of
identify after having been deprived of it in childhood. All forms of self-expression
(playing the piano, reading books, university studies) were disapproved by her
 Teachers and Teaching: theory and practice 319

husband – however, they tested her own self-determination and commitment to stand
up for herself. At university, she learned to value herself and be proud of her
accomplishments.
When I was writing the final exam, I loved it. For the first time in my life I was having
someone acknowledge my thoughts, my ideas, and my effort in a tangible way, with a
grade. I was experiencing the potential acknowledgment for nothing more than ME.
Not someone’s eldest daughter, not someone’s wife or not even someone’s mother.
THIS was just ME. That was a profound experience for me. One of my lessons was
that if I work hard at something, regardless of the result, it has value. These experi-
ences influenced my views on teaching and learning profoundly.

Impact of personal experiences on career choice, instructional practice, and

teaching philosophy
The participants’ beliefs, personality traits, and their relationship with the mother2
made a strong impact on their career choice, instructional practice, and teaching phi-
losophy.
Cassie admitted that ‘Teaching is something I fell into; it’s not something I
chose.’ Her traveling and teaching experiences abroad influenced her decision about
going to graduate school for professional education in language teaching. Finally,
she found her ideal job. She now loves teaching and it has become her passion, ‘I’m
in the right profession; now education is my passion.’ Cassie articulated that lifelong
learning is an important characteristic of a teacher. Education is a top priority for her
and this is reflected in her daily life, ‘I structure my whole life round the school
year. I buy planners that are structured from September.’
Cassie’s loss of her mother showed a strong connection with the following issues
identified in the analysis, e.g. anxiety, insecurity, perfectionism and planning, and
being organized. These issues are also reflected in her teacher identity and profes-
sional life, ‘Things should be done right away. I mark tests within a day. I need to
be organized, in my head especially. Teaching is the perfect career if you’re orga-
nized.’ I have associated Cassie’s compassion and empathy for others with her
unconscious need for love that could directly be connected to her career choice,
‘I’m a very empathic teacher. Empathy is the biggest thing I’ve gained from the neg-
ative experiences in my life.’
Karen admitted that several ‘little things’ led her to choose teaching: good pre-
sentation and explanation skills at school, theatrical background, and a book being a
major turning point in her becoming a teacher. Karen explained that her teaching
has been influenced both by the workplace environment, ‘it changes your identity’
and by her theatrical background, ‘you are performing.’ The drama background
helped her overcome her shyness and stage fright. She got used to improvising or
responding on her feet. For Karen, teaching means having a ‘different role’ because
she believes that as a teacher ‘you act like a nice person.’ Due to her lack of
self-confidence, she questioned herself as a teacher in the classroom. The research
process made her reflect on the reasons for her becoming a language teacher.
Am I so insecure if I worked with English speakers, they might see how bad I am?
Maybe the immigrants can’t? I can’t understand why I went into this field. Am I trying
to gain LOVE from them? Is that why I chose a certain profession because I know they
desperately need me?
320 E. Bukor

Karen realized that (i) her career choice might be connected to her looking for
love from students, which was also evident in her family relationships, ‘I’ve
always been looking for my Mom’s love’; (ii) that it was important to develop her
own teaching style and not to follow other people’s paths; and (iii) that teaching is
a lot more than she expected it to be, ‘You are a lot more than an instructor. You
have more than just one role as a language teacher.’ Looking for love due to the
perceived lack thereof in her family affected her self-esteem negatively and that, in
turn, also influenced her professional life by her constantly questioning her own
expertise.
Mary’s decision was made quite late in her life as a result of her graduate stud-
ies, after having established a family and raising three kids and later becoming a sin-
gle mom. Mary’s first language teaching experience was volunteering in English
conversation classes, which suggests a close connection with her childhood experi-
ences at home (i.e. giving herself freely, helping out, and caring for others). Her stu-
dents’ acknowledgment and appreciation for her efforts touched her deeply because
this compensated for the lack of appreciation and affirmation in her family as she
was growing up. For Mary, self-discovery and awareness-raising are important traits
that she tries to pass on to her students. Mary’s case is an excellent example of the
impact of personal experiences on professional matters.
Mary’s relationship with her mother and her perceptions of family life are
reflected in the following issues: non-existent self in childhood; caring for others in
the family; lack of explicit praise and love received from the mother; fear-based atti-
tude toward everything; and striving to fulfill her mother’s needs. For several dec-
ades, Mary struggled with self-acceptance. The fear-based attitude stemming from
the home environment appeared in the lack of trust and confidence in herself and
others at school. Mary strove to fulfill her mother’s needs in order to gain her love
and acknowledgment. As a result of her late awakening and personal transformation,
Mary was able to turn the negative childhood experiences into positive ones as a
mature adult. These positive traits are observable in her teaching philosophy and her
instructional practice.
The most important thing for me in teaching is getting to know what it is about each
individual person, how I can – as a teacher – inspire them to do their best whatever
they’re learning. It’s a matter of self-discovery. If you recognize yourself, then you
want to do well. I teach with all my heart.
The implicit or indirect driving force for each participant to become a teacher
clearly originated in their family relationships, e.g. in Cassie’s case, the lack of hav-
ing a mother; in Karen’s case, the insufficient expression of love and caring
expressed by the mother; and in Mary’s case, the lack of praise and acknowledgment
from her mother.
The participants concluded that the research experience was ‘insightful,’ ‘eye-
opening,’ and ‘confirmatory, assuring, and clarifying.’ They found that all in all it
was a ‘healing experience’ even though it was a ‘struggle’ at times. Cassie claimed
that ‘I have become more reflective in my professional role.’ Karen acknowledged,
‘I’m stronger than I thought I was. There is more to me. I’m surprised at the connec-
tions.’ Mary added, ‘this experience was like putting on a pair of glasses and things
came better into focus.’
 Teachers and Teaching: theory and practice 321

Figure 1. The relationship between family, schooling, and career choice.

Discussion
The analysis of the participants’ portrayals (Bukor, 2011) and the selected findings
above suggest an intricate relationship between family, schooling, and career choice
(see Figure 1). The findings reveal an overarching structure that extends over each
participant’s life span to the date of the research. My participants developed some
personality traits as a result of (i) their beliefs and perceptions of their relationship
with the mother, and (ii) their perceived deprivation of love, praise, acknowledg-
ment, and acceptance by the mother, or (iii) by the loss of the mother. These traits,
in turn, strongly influenced both the participants’ perceptions of the family relation-
ships and their school experiences; they demonstrate interplay between belief sys-
tems and perceptions (Kelly, 1955, 1963). Roberts (1994) claims that the accepted
beliefs from parents serve as a framework within which a child grows and ‘this pro-
vides a leeway until the conscious mind is able to reason for itself and provide its
own value judgments’ (p. 57). Roberts (1994) argues that ‘you create your experi-
ence through your beliefs about yourself and the nature of reality’ (p. 11) adding
that ‘your beliefs can be like fences that surround you’ (p. 20, emphasis in the origi-
nal). Lipton (2008) refers to this relationship as the belief effect ‘to stress that our
perceptions, whether they are accurate or inaccurate, equally impact our behavior
and our bodies’ (p. 107).
The school environment seems to have provided the participants with a possibil-
ity to make up for the perceived lacking or insufficient emotional and psychological
support in the family environment. The participants developed various compensating
strategies to offset the missing love, praise, and acknowledgment at home, e.g. focus
on grades, academic success, and intelligence; and the importance of getting
acknowledgment and praise from teachers. In my interpretation, schooling was a
period of compensating, reclaiming, and developing one’s sense of self that had been
wounded in the family due to unreflectively accepted beliefs and perceptions that
had been influenced or ‘assigned by important others’ (Bergner & Holmes, 2000).
These results shed light on the role of the school environment in the participants’
life from a fresh viewpoint – in addition to the frequently mentioned academic one
(Borko, 2004; Connelly & Clandinin, 1999; Lortie, 1975; Smith, 2007). Others (e.g.
322 E. Bukor

Malderez et al., 2007; Olsen, 2008b, 2010; Trent, 2011) have also highlighted the
importance of the relationship between teacher identity and prior personal experi-
ences in pre-service teacher education.
The role of the school, uncovered in this research, shows ‘personal,’
‘emotional,’ and ‘psychological’ aspects that are rooted in beliefs, perceptions,
assumptions, and interpretations nurtured in the family environment prior to
schooling. The school experiences are viewed here through the lenses of the
participants’ ‘internal frame of reference’ (Moustakas, 1990) or their ‘personal
interpretive framework’ (Kelchtermans, 2009) that facilitated the process of
‘teachers’ self-understanding’ (Kelchtermans, 2009), as well as the process of
‘perspective transformation’ (Mezirow, 1978, 1981).
These interpretations, perceptions, and beliefs of schooling experiences also
influenced my participants’ career choice, instructional practice, teaching philosophy,
and the development of teacher identity. Thus, the choice in adulthood of teaching
as a profession allowed for the potential enactment of one’s reconstructed identity in
terms of providing a place for the self-acceptance, self-expression, enhanced self-
love, and self-confidence that they were all deprived of in their family environments
as they were growing up. Put simply, teaching offered them a possibility for
self-development and self-growth.
The analysis highlighted the impact of the participants’ perceptions, assumptions,
beliefs, and interpretations on their personal, educational, and professional experi-
ences, and the complex interplay among them. The family environment – the first
fundamental socializing milieu – stands out as the cradle of an individual’s personal-
ity traits, core beliefs, perceptions, and interpretations, which make a lasting impact
on self-development. Since my research approached teacher identity from a holistic
perspective3 with an emphasis on the participants’ beliefs, assumptions, perceptions,
and interpretations, the internal personal frame of interpretations is prioritized over
social factors or external interpretive viewpoints. The ‘individual’s internal frame of
reference’ (Moustakas, 1990) played an important role in the analysis in explaining
the relationships between the internal and external world. In concert with my theo-
retical orientation (Jung, 1959; Kelly, 1955, 1963; Mezirow, 1978, 1981), everything
– that is, all external and internal things – is interpreted through an individual’s
belief system. Therefore, this personal angle, I suggest, can provide a broader inter-
pretive framework than the strictly professional one derived from an outsider per-
spective (e.g. Beijaard et al., 2004; Ben-Peretz et al., 2003; Coldron & Smith, 1999;
Ronfeldt & Grossman, 2008). It may help to shed light on the intricate interconnec-
tedness between life events and teacher identity. I argue that the impact of schooling
experiences on teacher development may be better understood when embedded in
the context of teachers’ lives and examined from an individual’s internal frame of
reference rather than from a conventional observer/researcher perspective.
In conclusion, the overall impact of the research process can be summed up in
the following propositions:

! childhood experiences made a considerable impact on future instructional

practice and the development of teacher identity; and
! the integrated autobiographical reflective process uncovered a substantial inter-
connectedness between personal and professional lives.
 Teachers and Teaching: theory and practice 323

Conclusion and implications

Teacher identity is an intricate and tangled web of influences and imprints rooted in
personal and professional life experiences. Much of the literature describes teacher
identity from a professional aspect and less has been explored from a holistic
research perspective as described in this article. I argue that teacher identity reflects
not only the professional, educational, and pedagogical aspects of being a teacher
but – more importantly – the imprints of the complex interconnectedness of one’s
cumulative life experiences as a human being. My research provides explanation for
some of the intricate influences of personal experiences on teacher identity from
one’s internal interpretive framework that has not been fully explored from this par-
ticular viewpoint in the literature. I acknowledge, however, that work has already
begun in this area (see Malderez et al., 2007; Olsen, 2008b, 2010; Trent, 2011). I
present a strong argument in favor of the exploration of teachers’ personal and pro-
fessional experiences in an integrated fashion that goes beyond the current stand-
point about drawing ‘a line between students’ private lives and their professional
development as teachers’ (Korthagen & Vasalos, 2005, p. 67). I concur with
Beauchamp and Thomas’ (2009) statement that ‘identity development needs more
overt attention’ (p. 185), adding that it needs to be considered in both pre-service
and in-service teacher education. Because this is a small study, I recommend further
research to explore the development of teacher identity with a larger group of partic-
ipants; ideally a larger group would include both male and female teachers who are
both native and non-native speakers of English. Another recommendation is to
extend the scope of the research on teachers of other modern languages.
The results highlight the need for an integrated approach to examining both per-
sonal and professional life experiences in order to gain a holistic understanding of
the dominant influences on teacher identity and instructional practice. Therefore, the
research has clear implications for language teachers’ professional development. It
would be useful to develop a special type of professional development program for
in-service teachers with the purpose of addressing the interconnectedness of both the
professional and the personal aspects of being a teacher. In so doing, teachers would
enhance their understanding of themselves that would also help them to develop a
more empathic stance towards their students and colleagues.

Notes
1. ESLA = English as a Second Language for Academic Purposes.
2. The source of several personality traits as discussed in the previous section.
3. Holistic perspective refers to (i) the interconnectedness of personal and professional
experiences and (ii) the use of conscious/rational and intuitive/tacit thought processes.

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